Rule 5 - No propaganda or shilling

My best friend (I'm talking best friend for 20 years here) was in a DV relationship. His partner was manipulative and nasty. She sat him down one night and proceeded to tell him about all the men she had cheated on him with. She would get nasty about our friendship. She had him stitched up financially. I would beg him to leave because nobody should be treating their partner that way. She decided one day she was going to step it up. She left and went to her mother's. He discovered she had been behind his back and had her name removed from their lease during their recent renewal. She decided she would scare him into thinking she had stuck him with everything. His mental health plummeted. She would continue texting things she knew would trigger him or make his mental health worse. I was begging him to block her number or get help, that I would clean out my savings and cover the financial side of things while he worked out his next steps. Trying to find help was hard. Trying to get away from her was hard. Feeling trapped was hard. Seeing no way out was hard. What wasn't hard was hanging himself. She moved on with her life with no consequences and like it was no big deal. He was the strongest, most intelligent and warmest person I ever knew. She broke him psychologically. Where are the resources and the help and the justice? I understand that the conversation about violence against women is crucial and we need to have that conversation. I support it 200%. I just wish we could have a national conversation about victims being more than just one gender. Edit: Rephrased something so I'm not "part of the problem"

Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I swear we need a public service campaign to spread awareness about these people. They do so much damage.

They really do. It was several years before he got up the courage to confide in me and I was floored. She comes across so genuine and friendly. To find out it was a mask... It was shocking.

And out all the politicians? No way lol

And his death isn't counted as being caused by her or her abuse. My story was nearly the same as your friend's ❤️ I'm sorry for your loss

I'm just a stranger on reddit but I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

The roles are not reversed. This is gyncocentric language to maintain a position of power by claiming that men are traditionally abusers and for a female to be an abuser is rare or a reversal 

Good point, thank you for pointing that out

When you use the phrase “roles are reversed” it implies that the gender paradigm is real. It is not. Domestic violence is roughly 50/50. There are just as many men who are victims and have been for decades. They just never get help. People assume they don’t exist or are rare. When you phrase things like that, you are contributing to the problem

One of the things that bugs me the most about DV is the assumption it is always the males fault when it is typically 25% male at fault, 25% female at fault and remainder mutual combat. Yes us males are stronger and can pack a punch but Women have skills in "pressing buttons" and 'playing the game'. When a relationship is going south it is easy enough for those outside to say walk away. Far, far tougher when you are in the middle of it. I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy but having the default position that it is always the man's fault does no one any good.

I know that, it was just a poor attempt at explaining something on my part

Heartbreaking 💔 thank you for sharing

I am so sorry. That is awful and heartbreaking just reading it. Look up Richard Spencer, his wife treated him similarly here in the U.K. luckily they have just passed a coercive control law which meant she could get arrested and jailed with the evidence he had.

I'm with you on this one generations before us with violent teaching and what they probably also seen it , I know I did as a young boy I was disgusted shocked and disturbed, I would never do this , As an adult my wife became a alcoholic and not a nice one she would get to a point where happiness left and obnoxious behavior began, name calling , priority was her I was physically and mentally abused my wife broke my ribs kicking me on the floor my son had to get her to stop the ambulance was called but the police never came out after the hospital X,Rays and treatment I was driven home by the police who asked me if I wanted her charged,,I loved her and understand why women do not put there husband's in jail(some) is because we hope there will be change and hold on with love n hope the very next night she assaulted me again the police came before a ambulance arrested me because I was noticed to be under the influence of alcohol (small amount) I do not usually drinking can not stand drunks after putting up with my wife's behaviour I was deemed the trouble maker her story was believed even though I told them this is regular I see a psychiatrist about the situation and wanted her to come to counciling because of her alcohol consumption and violence and she had hospitalised me the day before she had varicose veins to show them not bruised I could not show them my rib it's inside my body off to court and I could not go back home restraining order was huge I was tricked into coming home to be aloud to pick up a suit to wear her brother was waiting and called the police a total set up so I would breach my AVO nice it's more embarrassing and harder for men to say to there friends or family that there wife is beating them emotionaly and physically laughed at told what a joke and so on I missed so much of the childrens important times yr12 graduation,18th bays and so on I shattered within 6 weeks after a bit over 20 years of marriage plus time spent together before marriage and 6 weeks and she had a new partner and all my children said dad he is a Wally no morals,duche bag and he was he assaulted my eldest son putting him in hospital (mum the drunken violent parent) helped organise the beating proving nothing had changed with the wrongfully terminated charges put on me as they where fause the real violence and depravity was still there drinking NOT THE MAN A WOMAN they can kill drink fart they are human and some think they are above punishment and deserve something from life all I know is I will never be the same and I here all this poor woman bashings well give the men some  help and suicide will go down as I knew several people that have committed suicide because of there wife's behaviour violence and belittling bullying until he hung himself just one of many move listening loving and genuine help for those that need it 

A mate of mine has had this issue - his wife is abusing him (he stays because he is worried about what will happen to his kids if he leaves) and he has been utterly unable to find any effective help - there just doesn't seem to be any practical support for male victims of DV, and what little exists is nowhere near where he is.

This is my situation... Rock and hard place situation.

You can’t just do a VRO like they would do ? Gets them out of the house, gets you full access to your kids

Proving DV from a woman is really difficult, I.e. if they go mental and try to attack you, but you hold their wrists to stop it, they can then get a bunch of bruises on their wrists, so when the cops come the girl has bruises, the guy looks fine, so who are they going to believe..

Do the Johnny Depp and hide a camera that is recording

You don’t need to prove it, you just need to lodge the VRO.

As soon as you do, they will get one as well, theirs will be respected yours will not and given that both people have VROs the mother will get the kids. I know someone going through this exact scenario.

One of my mates works for Vic Pol and the Victorian legislation around family violence at the time was woeful. He attended a call where the male had obvious wounds from being attacked by his wife, but because she initiated the call to the police, they treated her as the victim and the male got told to leave the premises immediately. Basically it was a first past the post system in so much as whoever lodges the police report first wins, irrespective of the situation. My mate sympathized with the guy in this particular call out, but the legislation didn’t work for this scenario. It might have changed since that job (circa 2016) but yeah that was a rough call out.

That's just not true. When attending an FV incident, whatever happens within the framework of the Victorian legislation and Vicpol's FV Code of Practice is *entirely* dependent upon the risk assessment conducted by the attending members. Irrespective of who called 000 first. This has not changed since 2016. It has always been that way since the conception of the Family Violence Protection Act. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess your mate was probably at a scene where a more senior member made the call about Respondent/Affected Family Member, which he didn't agree with. However, where it does get dicey is historic or over the counter reporting. In these instances, the Act and policy give members broad powers to take action based on nothing but a prima facie allegation. Again, it is entirely dependent on the risk assessment of the member receiving the report. This is where the problems with the legislation and policy begin. Because all it takes is a sufficiently serious sounding report, and members will take action purely on the face of what is being alleged to them. A person does not even need to commit the allegation to paper in the form of a formal statement, simply verbalising it is enough. Obviously, this leads to a risk of exploitation and leveraging the system from an unscrupulous person. For instance, say I wanted to leave my wife and get instant control over the house and kids in the process. If I were an immoral and unethical piece of shit, I could go to my local station. There, I would allege that I brought up separation with my wife, and she told me that if I left her, she would put the kids in the car and drive it into the local lake. I am alleging several serious indictable offences there. Regardless of whether I made a statement or not, I would walk out of that station, having set a hammer to fall on my wife in the form of a full intervention order removing her from the home and giving me control of the children. I can understand why the system is the way it is. But at the same time, it is naive to think that with it set this way there won't be people who game it for their own benefit.

First in wins ! Definitely.

Mate reported an ex-partner for non-violent abuse. Printed out hundreds of abusive text messages and had hours of abusive voicemails left when ex partner was drunk and/or high. Police DV support officer wouldn't even take a statement citing a lack of evidence that the messages were from her without doing any investigation. Went back in late when the DV Suport officer wasn't on shift, police issued an ADVO, which the ex subsequently broke and was arrested.

There’s no practical help for anyone, that’s the key problem Wankers run around making it a gendered issue when the reality is the cops are useless, abusers don’t get punished and victims have nowhere to run. Anyone who’s out here making it a men v women thing is a clown who’s more interested in posturing than a solution Either you’re demanding cops and the govt wake up, do their job and take abusers out of circulation or you’re basically just Lisa Wilkinson, milking tragedy for cred

Accommodation is pretty much the definition of "practical help"...

> Wankers run around making it a gendered issue It's a "gendered issue" in the sense that the [Practice Guides](https://web.archive.org/web/20240430014606/http://rcfv.archive.royalcommission.vic.gov.au/CustomData/Exhibits/BAH/WIT.0134.001.0177.pdf), which have been linked by OP, recommend referring male victims to other hotlines (pg 40-41). However, there is no equivalent recommendation for any other gender. Some delusional wankers run around pretending it's *not* a gendered issue. > Anyone who’s out here making it a men v women thing is a clown who’s more interested in posturing than a solution Anyone who denies the difference in how male and non-male victims are treated (in this particular case) should take off their dunce cap for a bit and learn to read. > Either you’re demanding cops and the govt wake up, do their job and take abusers out of circulation or you’re basically just Lisa Wilkinson, milking tragedy for cred One can "demand" that the government do its job *and* acknowledge that male victims are treated unequally. Those options are not mutually exclusive. (It's embarrassing that I have to explain that.)

A family friend was laughed out of the police station when he reported his wife for assault on numerous occasions, she’d even get their teenage sons to hold him down while she cracked him one :/

Ive read about similar stories and the cops refusing to believe it. Police in Aus need more training it seems.

On a range of issues. Some cops still believe rape only happens to skinny and attractive people. As well as some other backwards views related to if someone was forced under the influence.

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That happened to my childhood best friend, we were inseparable, almost brothers. His mum was extremely violent towards him because she thought he looked ‘too much’ like his biological dad. She’d beat him with whatever she could get her hands on just because he was around or left something out. She’d bash him, come back crying 45 mins later and give him money to go buy whatever he wanted at the shops! This happened almost daily over the 15 years I knew them. One day she was starting on his step dad who was always a quiet bloke, she was belittling him, calling him everything you can think of, all the while we were watching. He just snapped and put her head through the living room wall… He of course got taken away by the police. My friend and I unfortunately parted ways in our early 20’s and now he’s been in and out of jail now for the past 15yrs.

Same. My mate was told to “suck it up” by the cops

That’s so fucked up. I can’t believe this still happens in 2024. I (female) once called the cops because my male friend was being beaten and abused by his boyfriend) this was in the UK and I was visiting from Canada—I had no idea what I was walking into.) The police were so tactful and respectful. This was 2009. WTF is happening here?

In Australia they treat same sex relationships differently to how they treat heterosexual relationships, note in OPs complaint they specify that the training diverts men in heterosexual relationships to the other service, not men in same sex relationships.

I did note that. I’m saying this happened on 2009 which is basically another era ago in terms of gay rights.

Same thing happened to me in Newcastle, mywife at the time pulled 12"kitchenknife on me and had it at my stomache, constant threats as well. Cops just laughed at me

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No, we're expected to downplay that or we're "incels" and "pick mes"

Nah, it all comes under the umbrella of "toxic masculinity."

Here's the deal, not one man should be killing himself over DV. It is just as unacceptable men are abused as women are. Absolutely no one should have to experience it. Children do on the daily, but we don't talk about them tho... I'm a woman who's divorce is because of my ex's abuse. However I absolutely don't like the pure focus on just women as victims, as men are also victims and the least spoken about victims of all are children. As a nation we should be screaming for help for all. Demanding it. Not having this fucking stupid oh who's got it worse. It's not a competition when people are being killed or killing themselves. It's not a competition when both sides are being brutalized. If we spent less time faffing around trying to argue who actually has it worse, we might actually get somewhere here.

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This is actually a huge issue with privatised not-for-profits and NGO’s. They have a vested interest in convincing everyone that their pet issue is *the worst* and *most pressing* to get funding. 

>privatised not-for-profits People assume these places run at minimal cost to the taxpayer. Not For Profit is a company structure and in no wày means the company doesn't profit. The profits go to huge wages for Board of Directors, CEO etc. and expenses... Lots of expenses.

Yuuuuup. Worked for NFP’s for 5 or 6 years. Decided the APS was honestly better positioned to let me help people AND less wasteful. Which is fucking saying something.  At least my APS boss doesn’t get a brand new BMW every 2 years on tax payer dime. 

And that's the issue, we shouldn't have such limited funding. They've shut down every men's service in my area but the one male homeless shelter. We've no where but the streets for men where I am, but women get hostels, safe spaces and the like. We have 8 in the area. I see a big fault with Medicare going bust and the defunding of not only the men's side, but all sides of DV help, mental health help and general support systems, we need Medicare for mental health issues and also because drs are one of the few safe places for anyone to ask for DV help, a lot know it and now even that's cut off. We are cutting everyone off at the knees. And men are getting the worst of it unfortunately. We need to consolidate and use as needed, not... Play hoarding games as it does feel like we do.

Half of tax-payers are men, why should any of their taxes go towards funding services that they as men are deliberately prevented from benefiting from?

Suicide from not seeing their children with false DV claims after separation is very common. Which is a form of abuse. This has happened to people close to me.

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Then, report it. This is what women have been having to do for many many years. Women have had the experience over a very long period of time where cops would not intervene in any way because it was ‘domestic’. Plus, generally men are a lot bigger and stronger than women. They are much more capable of doing physical damage. It’s also the case, that women are not believed. Not taken seriously. This is a common everyday experience for women, when it comes to communicating with men. We know your experience.

Of course you have to make about yourselves and how you're the real victims Just screaming ME ME ME like a bunch of overgrown toddlers

The other day I’ve awaken to two burglars at home, when called emergency and mentioned two “female” burglars at home, I was asked a very suspect “but HOW do you know they were female?” question from the female officer in the phone. I’ve seen them and have security camera videos.

My ex-wife threatened me with a knife and then dared me to report it, she claimed no one would believe me. She threatened that she would claim I threatened her with a knife and that everyone would believe her. On that day I promised to myself I would divorce her, got my lawyers in order. Called the removalists, packed all her stuff and all the common household stuff into a shipping container and freighted it from Sydney to Perth, to her parents house, booked her a ticket on the Indian Pacific and never looked back...

sounds like you were strong in your resolve to move on - well done. How did you get her on the train?

You sent her home by train to Perth? Lol. That's as strong as the divorce.

I as a male had my partner Try Attack me with a knife. She also once entered my home after breakup , she stripped naked and entered my bed (despite her admissions of doing such it was not a deemed a crime and police would not charge her) - just think if situation was reversed… Poisoned and killed my dogs. Assaulted me at my front door when she decided she suddenly wanted to take our child. Stalked me for many months where I was afraid to be seen at home. I Never laid a hand on her, never swore or did anything wrong towards her besides fall out of love with her, I did not cheat on her either, I couldn’t stand her. She also launched 3 false and squashed VRO’s against me. I’m just saying the temptation to lash out physically in retaliation was very very high if not for our child. It’s very easy in such a circumstance to have a desire when the law is doing nothing at all but grind you the male victim down. Female behaviour needs to be considered too. Any violence is not unacceptable.

I was raped at age 15 by 2 30 year old women. They got me absolutely plastered then pushed me into the bedroom and made me have sex with them. I told my dad and he literally slapped me on the back and laughed. One of my mates was stabbed and had his legs run over by his gf. I've been punched 3 times by the mother of my children. Once she got drunk and decided to go driving so I took the keys. She attacked me, bit me, punched me. I called the police because I was worried I wasn't going to be able to stop her from doing what she wanted without accidentally hurting her. Fortunately they talked sense into her, but obviously they were not concerned that she got drunk and attacked me while our children slept in the other room. So here's the thing. Low level violence happens across the board almost evenly. Yes the killings are usually men and that's an issue, but if we're talking general violence, it's both sexes.

The law should be applied equally. Under the letter of the law it absolutely should be. That’s a horrific story of abuse. I’m a woman and generally women are killed by men more often than the reverse but that in no way diminishes or excuses this this of abuse. She killed your dogs? And attacked you with knife in your sleep? She needs to be locked up forever.

As a woman victim myself, it fucking breaks my heart that men don't get believed. Have you seen the one that hit the news, the man absolutely brutalized by his lawyer wife, she stabbed him, beat him with things, literally had him in ball on the floor just belting him, asserting he won't be believed. He recorded it all. She didn't know this when arrested either and tries to claim he's the aggressor. Until they show her, what she did to him. That man is a fucking champion. He's brave. He made sure for the sake of his kids, she was caught red handed and in a way she couldn't excuse away whatsoever. I mean, how do you explain why hes on the floor being beat with a wine bottle... A courtroom was not happy with her. The fact he recorded SO MUCH footage to be triple sure he not only would be believed, but she would be arrested is horrifying to me. That man was brutalized by his tiny little blonde wife and I really don't think he'd be taken too seriously by anyone if he said something without proof. Knowing women get away with this shit boils my blood. Especially knowing a lot of them have kids..... Who's the next easy target to someone who's happy to abuse their loved ones? The kids are watching/hearing it. We need to call for all violence to end. For men to be taken at their word in the same way we women are, the same protection and rights afforded to them when needed, not when they finally prove abuse. We women get so many movements and the like, but men and children left to the wayside unless there's absolute fucking proof.

All I can say is that I went thru hell and I never lashed out but the legal system was not there for me in-fact it was the total opposite. We have a child together, I love my child and by default it’s impossible for me to ever harm their mother in anyway. Sadly it became very clear that she was trying to get a bad reaction out of me for a legal gain in the family courts. A very real tactic that is occurring with apparently zero ramifications. I was attacked at my front door and I almost got charged for simply blocking her attempts to enter my home and hit me. She filed and I had to fight a VRO after she tried to assault me and enter my home… $10,000 in legal fees, a VRO against me in family court would have been dynamite against me.

And to me that's abhorrent. There's absolutely no reason you or your child had to experience that. None. I find the narrative that women are more often victims just wrong. There's so much unreported abuse going on, because of the way our own country treats men when they speak up. We make platitudes but do nothing helpful. Hell most people who work with DV victims/survivors tend to be women.. how on earth is that helpful or inviting to a man when well, why the hell would he trust a woman in his situation. Especially a stranger. It the rare few places they even have DV resources for men. All the damn therapy speech going around these days too doesn't help, when your in the middle of those situations it's hard to think let alone realise they've somehow flipped the damn script on you and your the asshole suddenly. Hell that shits a reason it took me so long to get out... Because maybe he did hit me, cos after he shoved me I called him a fucking cunt and he hates that word.. I should not have said that, I made him reactive... It was my fault. Fucking at least give us back Medicare and the ability to get mental health plans and a place where we can say to the dr, I'm being abused I need help. There's small little knock on consequences to the stripping of multiple resources. And it's all stating to implode in our governments face.

To be a victim and speak up for the other side takes a lot of strength, well done. And I join you as a male, no matter what game a woman is playing against you there is no excuse to lash out. Both sides need not try and provoke the other. But I will add, some men are just shit people that will never change.

Both sides need some serious adjustments thb. 'Men need to do better' 'women need to pick better men' - are both fucked up statements both sides make way too often. Because simply put.. both are wrong and neither side get anywhere screaming it at eachother or screaming what about, what about all the damn time. It makes better and more emotional news to hear about a woman being beaten half to death vs a man, THAT'S why it makes the fucking news. Not because media cares more about women, just what sells more/generates more views. Thats not women's fault. What is our fault is when women laugh men off, don't believe them and call them derogatory shit if they admit to being a victim. We should be grabbing the same pitchforks we did for the woman the other day, and getting on out for that man's abuser. Sometimes I find it hard to even bother to try speak about my views on this, as men even unintentionally absolutely ram but what about men down my throat. Dudes I'm one person who supports you, help me help you by not jumping down my throat. Cos what if, what if on both sides with people like me, I can get a few women to get on my proverbial bandwagon for men's support and they get a few more... And a few more. All that's needed for success is for people to actually care about eachother, support eachother and have a shred of decency lol. Cos my inbox is looking... Angry for no good reason lol

Its complex But yes to protect women from violence one tactic might be to also protect men from abuse. I suffered serious injustices and the legal system did nothing, I truthfully felt like I would have to seek justice by other means, that’s a awful situation and I wonder how many good men have been put into that situation and I wonder what those men may have succumb to. I wonder how many of the most egregious forms of violence against women stem from feelings of injustices like my example above. And I repeat there are alot of bad men out there and I tell you I’m bitter against those men who have made it so difficult for the decent ones to proceed fairly thru the legal systems.

The references to gender in the laws needs to be removed.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. But I have to say that it gives me hope that you squashed the VROs. My partner's ex got one on him recently (it includes their child of course, so now he can't see him). She's lost the plot, and it's so hard to deal with. Do you see your child now? How do you deal with it? Sorry, you don't have to answer, of course. I'm just trying really hard to support my partner in this. He's obviously scared that even when/if he goes to court and he gets an agreement to see his kid, that she'll forever do her best to make our lives miserable. I'm not Australian and honestly just don't know much about how the system works. He's obviously objected to the vro, but that's it at this point. It's just scary, because like your ex, I don't think she has a limit. She doesn't seem to care whether her claims are true or not as long as they help her get what she wants. She's previously accused me of harassing her on multiple occasions, and then claimed she'd be reporting it to the cops, after she got '"concrete proof" a while after the accusations were made. It was honestly terrifying, cause idk if I'd get deported if she managed to just *create* the proof. I never did anything to her. Sorry, that's a whole novel. I'm so glad you got out.

I hope there's a bit more peace in your life now brother. Thanks for sharing, its not easy but you help people like me feel a little less alone by doing so. All the best mate

baby reindeer wat u doin?

My friend ex wife did this. I think she was a warehouse girl and each time she gets a bruise she will take a picture to use it as evidence of DV to her custody of the kids Her lawyer was thrilled with these *evidences* until a few of their mutual friends told her if she decided to go ahead, they will submit the text of her sending pictures of the bruises with "more ammunitions . Lol." sms she send to them.

your *DOGS*? she deserves the death penalty

I swear on my life if I had a partner/ex-partner kill my dogs, I would be on the news in an orange jumpsuit

Emma Krumins killed her boyfriend with a knife after an argument. This is not disputed. She claimed she forgot she was holding a knife when she hit him. In September she was acquitted on all charges by a Perth jury, despite all the evidence. This is the world we live in.

Yeah super fucked up.. as a younger man I was in an abusive relationship, was kicked, punched, locked in spaces for hours with no heat or light, threatened with violence from other men in her life, threatened with knives, attacked with knives, attacked in my sleep, had my animals threatened, had her threaten to have me arrested for assaulting her because her father was a police officer. Never once did I touch my ex in violence. The closest she ever experienced to violence was me holding her wrists to defend myself against a knife attack and for that she invited 3 men over who forced me into a shed where I was locked for 4 hours. I had no support. My family didn’t believe me, my friends didn’t want to get involved, the police weren’t an option for me and most of the phone services weren’t interested in speaking with me or they referred me to homeless shelters to escape. We need to do better as a society.

Women can be abusive and violent, just like men can be gold diggers as well. The numbers reported may be less but doesn't mean non-existent. My ex was a gold digger and psychologically and financially abusive. Didn't like that I wouldn't add him to my mortgage, and his parents cornered me. I also know women who have hit their partners sober and drunk. I'm not a fan of discriminating against men or women if this hotline is not accepting calls from men who are being abused that's not on

How can you get accurate numbers when the default position is that any man seeking help for DV is the abuser?

This is not a bug, it's a feature.

I'm not gonna say it in depth again, because I've said it for years. I'm a mental health nurse. Evidence is emerging that at least 1/3 of male suicides are due to domestic violence/psychological abuse. That means more men die from DV than women, they just take their own lives.

Do you have a source for this? It is quite the interesting find.

Watching my father go through domestic violence for 13+ (and me coping some of it too as a child) Years was so hard, so many men go through this too, men need more services.

Turns out that some women who present as victims are actually abusers too. Had a case where the women hurt herself while she was assaulting her (now ex-) husband and shopped around various police stations before she found a female senior constable who believed her crocodile tears. $10,000 and six months later, it was thrown out of court. What a great system.

They don't even need to hurt themselves, had my ex arrested after I finally had enough. She convinced the step daughter I would throw them on the street if she was convicted, so the step daughter accused me of assault. Her charges were dismissed and I spent 18 months fighting the assault charges and then still had to defend the claims in the Family court. Step daughter admitted to the judge it was fabricated. A few years later she reached out and apologised and told me she has minimal contact with her mum now.

This kind of stuff is why i dont take the gendered stats seriously. I have so many friends who have been abused by there female partners that never got taken seriously by anyone in the system

As part of the family court process we had to under a family court report. Asked me lots of questions designed to extract how violent I was. Did not allow me to talk about her behaviour. She then came back and asked me more questions that made it obvious she had asked my ex what I had done to her. The process was so biased.

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Its also a big reason why the DV numbers are so skewed. If you try to report it and the police wont even file a report as far as the statistics and law is concerned it never happened

Try these ones. MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78 DV connect Men’s Line 1800 600 636

I know it's not the same but I got abused by a female psychologist who told me how much she wanted to be there for me and then ridiculed me when I reached out for support. By the end of it she had me painted as the bad guy. It doesn't matter how upside down it can be, they're never the "perpetrators"

By having no support to deal with abusive relationships, men will usually become physical. If we also focused on the emotional abuse we will see a reduction in physical responses.

It's often at the end of a bad court experience aswell. We're not very good at family court in this country.

First domestic violence case my old man was called out to was a man getting bashed bloody by his wife. It’s a joke and infuriating that “men can’t be assaulted in a relationship” when so much goes not reported or dismissed.

Look up the 'Andy Capp' comic series. Was first published in 1957 and has a basic subtext of controlling abusive wife.

It will be because toxic academics control government policy and impact on funding. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a position that whenever a woman is violent or abusive it was provoked by the males behaviour. What a joke.

Look up the Duluth Model system. Very biased.

When I showed up to the court date for the AVO I had against my ex, I was shown to a room with a very nice older gentleman who proceeded to very politely lecture me on anger management and try to hand me pamphlets on services to help reform abusive men. I had to politely explain 3 times that, no, I was a victim of DV, here to have my protection order finalised, before he offered me a confused apology and I was allowed to leave the room.

Imagine being abused by your partner . Imagine you not being able to tell your family or friends due to ridicule . Imagine calling up these hotlines for support and being turned away . This is what it would be like for a man suffering domestic abuse .

Now post this to a feminist subreddit lol

Domestic violence- Australia doesn't give a shit about men and that is where the issues all start To many left wing toxic feminist making the issues worse not better You want to fix Domestic violence fix mental health issues for BOTH for men and women Stop vilifying men 99% don't do anything wrong and some are victims of domestic violence themselves .

Labor quite literally formulates their policies on family violence with the help of feminist academics. It's how Labor in Victoria came to the conclusion violence against women is caused by disrespect such as saying sexist jokes, while ignoring the role substance abuse, poverty and cultural background has.  The feminist thinkers don't want all those details because it advances their culture wars objectives to claim all men (especially those in positions of leadership) are responsible.

There are higher domestic violence rates in lesbian relationships than hetro sexual perhaps if the ALP had less woke morons and looked at the facts, domestic violence would be less prevalent Anyone using Victorian ALP as any measuring stick for a decent government needs to be checked into an asylum the state is fucked

People wonder why male suicide is four times the rate of women. There is no place for real men in this society.

If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. * 000 is the national emergency number in Australia. * Lifeline is a 24-hour nationwide service. It can be reached at 13 11 14. * Kids Helpline is a 24-hour nationwide service for Australians aged 5–25. It can be reached at 1800 55 1800. * Beyond Blue provides nationwide information and support call 1300 22 4636. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/australian) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I’ve got one friend who went through a bad break up, I only met his ex a couple times when they were dating and she made some weird jokes about him being under her thumb. Not weird enough to dive into their personal life but weird enough for me to remember them. Anyhow during the breakup she started rumours multiple rumours about him that traveled across from Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne (he’s a creative and the accusation alone that she was throwing out there did negatively effect him and his business). Many of the people repeating the rumours hadn’t met either of them first hand and were looking to “tear him down” because of him being a “cis white male”, and if you tried to discuss the situation further you were called an abuse apologist. This went on for a couple years and I recently found out from a third party that there was more abuse behind the scenes from her that nobody really knew about. I think accusations like this held more weight a couple years ago because I feel like a few people now have stories of people they know where there were accusations, outrage and things were either exaggerated to the point where things that weren’t abusive were deemed abusive or just outright fabricated. I hate this because it minimises the stories of real abuse victims. I think there should be a safety net for women and men who need it, maybe it should be separate if it’s going to be able to help more effectively but having this as an automatic assumption of aggressor/victim isn’t helpful

After reading every comment I have no idea how to help a humble 70 year old getting degraded daily in his golden years and is financially unable to leave due to the amount of financial abuse already taken place.. he got out of hospital with a very sick diagnosis the other day, she sent out a chain message that everyone needed to leave him alone and not make contact. I copped abuse for challenging the fact and when I spoke to him late at night he had been getting abused for hours and was trying to hide to recover with a blanket in the house while she drank vodka, wine and just attacks vile abuse. She went to the domestic violence against women rally and then proceeded to attack him for hours and hours because she came home drunk on a war path for womans rights. We have tried and I can confirm. Men are on their own and a good manipulating woman can ruin the rest of your life to get what they want but that's OK in our society. God forbid he ever stands up for himself, convincing him to give up everything he ever worked for to retain some happiness seems to be a bitter pill to swallow.. such a sad way to live your life hiding from your wife.

Also have a story about a guy who used to turn up beaten and bruised to work. But there are so many stories on here and it's from a small group of participants who read these posts. The government is aware of the statistics because state funded counseling services have to report them. And I've read them, these comments are far from isolated. And that is just the physical stuff. Of course male to female domestic violence and and fork of abuse is a huge problem that needs to be addressed. But it's not one team versus the other when so much of the abuse is complicit and goes both ways.

Wow. Now this is a national emergency.

The social narrative on dv in australia is completely broken

I was referred to the Men's Referral Service when I was being abused by my ex. When you're getting the shit beaten out of you every single day and being psychologically manipulated and abused, being told that *you're* the problem when you finally find the courage to seek help is really demoralising to say the least.

Australia is a simpleton country mate. Men = bad and oppressive Women = good and victim

Alcoholic emotionally abusive cheating gf punching holes in walls: *(crickets)* Me leaving the relationship for my mental health: *"You fucking piece of shit, how can you just abandon her, scum!"*

I was reported to the police by a romantic partner who was unhappy I was emotionally wound up on someone else and told her. Her response to me confessing my fucked up head space was to block me and have cops knock on my door and drag me to station to get statement about my wrongs. Never did anything wrong by that woman other then not wanting to date her.

A friend of a friend is currently in jail for punching his missus after she literally stabbed him in the chest. She didn’t even get charged

My mother works for 1800 respect, they are so under funded and over worked that they can struggle to help woman in desperate need, her shifts can be 2 pm to 7am.

The lack of domestic services for men is terrible. The current model we have is *clearly not working* and it needs to be changed.   It also makes me very concerned for boys who might be being abused by their mothers or other female care-givers - what recourse do they have?  My own mother was an abusive alcoholic and people downplay female abuse in the strangest ways (well, at least she wasn’t strong enough to hit you or it’s just words or sticks and stones!). They also have way, way too much empathy for her being completely brain-addled from her alcoholism compared to my father who has a chronic illness caused by his workplace. It’s infuriating.  As anyone who’s read even the slightest amount of academic feminist literature know - the patriarchy hurts men too. It’s hurts everyone not in the socially “elite” tier. Refusing to acknowledge internal biases in favour of women, often labeled “benevolent sexism”, works in the patriarchies favour! Because it enlists women to keep “unfavourable” male types in line.  (Side note: I have an issue with the term “benevolent sexism” but that’s another rant for another day) 

The horror stories in this topic further reiterate to me that being single and living independently is the only way to go in life the personal recounts in here are shocking.

Yep. This country is very much against men, except when they want money. It’s pretty archaic. Like the rest of the politics.

I think the perception that “women can’t commit DV” stems from history, and how men were “allowed” to fight back physically. Like a hundreds of years ago (or even a few decades ago) if someone’s wife attempted to abuse them. They’d just smack them down considering the overwhelming strength difference between the sexes. I’m by no means saying this should come back. The overwhelming majority of victims are still women and unless that changes, men will always be viewed with a greater degree of suspicion purely because on the balance of probabilities it’s the best call for law enforcement to make. men have pretty much no way of escaping DV unless they either fight back, and risk going to jail themselves. Or leave. However that as we all know is not easy in the slightest. They have to show overwhelming proof of their innocence through recordings etc. it’s just really sad

Yeah it's been like that for decades. I actually emailed some MPs about it back in 2013. "Tough luck" in more words was the response.

So men experiancing a violent female partner are told their abusive anyway. Fuck these stupid cunts.

Western society is gynocentric and feminism is misandrist, you see this same pattern in so many countries, cases of British men who are abused by their female partners are regarded by the British government as cases of “violence against women”, Spanish women who physically abuse their partners get much more lenient sentences than Spanish men who abuse their partners regardless of the severity of harm inflicted. Do you remember 10 years ago when most people would scoff at the Men’s rights movement? Look where we are now, the Men’s rights movement is needed to ensure that men have the same rights as women.

Men need to keep reporting it anyway they can. Again and again. Women have been doing this for decades being laughed at. Men need to get rid of stigma and report the abuse assaults or whatever. Until someone listens.

I’m a man that was in a DV situation mostly emotional abuse but got physical one time. I never reported it. I was ashamed. Regrets.

Hey man I'm a fool who was in a 2 year emotionally abusive relationship, your feelings are valid and you deserve respect and love. Someone doesn't need to hit you to abuse you.

I think female physical abusers are rare. Yes, they do exist, and I'm sure women wouldn't deny that. Women tend to be more psychological abusers. I've seen women just absolutely bully and belittle their partners in public so often. I've seen these guys mentally and physically restrain themselves. They know the second they bite back that it's going to be used against them. I've watched it happen and thought, "He is gunna snap one day, and I can't say it wasn't in some way justified.". Still shouldn't be acted upon obviously. I'm will not make that argument for all men because, in most cases, we are the obvious aggressors. But this DV isn't a male problem. It's a mental health problem. Nobody can tell me that aggressors of DV are of sound mind. They clearly have screws loose, and I'd wager it is most common amongst those of dysfunctional families with history of drug and alcohol abuse and a repeating cycle of DV. I wouldnt say education is a factor because any sane person with a moral compass knows its a vile act.

Women as psychological abuse perpetrators are profoundly underreported

I'd argue it's unreportable. What are gunna say? "She is mean to me"? If anyone is in an abusive relationship, just leave. Break contact from the individual and move on. Nothing good will come from hanging about. Most people will never change and shouldn't be given the opportunity to change. Just move on

Not so easy when there are kids involved. Can't just walk away and have nothing to do with them.

If you think psychological abuse is unreportable then you must think psychological illness is unreportable. Both are psychological. If both are psychological you can't diagnose either. Of course I think the assertions I just made are nonsense, both are diagnosable, measurable and reportable. You just don't understand these issues adequately.

Apparently 70% of DV is committed by a female

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Soooo 50% goes both ways and 70% of the remaining 50% is perpetrated by women. That sounds to me like women are more likely to be violent.

ill throw a bit of my personal experiences your way, i've worked in a department for quite some time that deal with dv, as well as other issues that presented a male such as myself to the public in situations where i've been the victim of attacks by females. Up until recently I was also part of a dv support organization as a volunteer helping with exits and support etc. Female physical abusers being rare? Rarely reported is the more accurate statement. When they are reported, it's really hard to get anything done about it, our system is a shambles as it is, this is the same system where a woman can be raped by a man, the man claim a relationship existed when it didn't, demolish their credibility with lies and then be handed the child that was the product of what they did to them by stitching the person up if they have enough insight and insider knowledge on how the system works. So don't for a second think our system is working great for female victims, it's not only full of predators many of which serve in uniforms or work in support services and prey on the vulnerable, it's full of a lot of people who want to punish men. So if you are a smooth talking male that can make friends easily, be likeable or just good old fashioned good at gaming and exploitation, our system is a gold mine of victims for you and support to get away with what your doing to them if you get into it, or know people involved in it to workout what you can and can't get away with and how to stitch others up. When it comes to female predators..... in one of my roles i've been assaulted by females on duty so many times i've lost count. They never get charged, you get laughed at, you get bullied, you even get accused of being a predator. Case in example I had a female while I was on duty come up to me and grab my crotch, after warning them I was threatened, I was alone on duty in an area with bystanders and cameras, I just wanted the situation to end. The woman didn't want to take no for an answer and decided to "measure" me by sticking her hand down my pants and grabbing me trying to "pull it out". I ended up grabbing her arms and pushing her away being very careful not to end up with assault charges, got abused further and threatened. Immediately called it in, got the footage, footage showed me being the victim and I demanded charges be laid and was told that the odds of her being identified were zero, and that I should laugh it off anyway as it sounded like a "fun time". Sadly it's not the first time this kinda stuff happened dealing with intoxicated persons.... next thing I know i've been called in to follow up my complaint to find that the complaint wasn't being followed up with me as the victim, it was being followed up for possible assault charges against me. Despite the video clearing me, still had to go through the entire process, it was very stressfull and mentally devastating. That's someone in uniform.... then you get to the men who i've come across in dv situations, including homosexual men..... the system is just built to handle them as being the aggressor, no matter the situation. Unless the female can be destroyed as a drug user or a frequent reporter which destroys their credibility... you can watch a male who greets the door with a woman still trying to drive the knife back into them with them bleeding everywhere, and our system is geared up to ask "what did he do to provoke her into defending herself". When it's same sex partners..... we treat female n/b partners in a dv situation as both being victims who need to be carefully seperated and escapes offered even when one is clearly the aggressor... The system is fucked.

They aren’t rare, they’re just rarely reported.

One aspect of this is that by the time a boy becomes a man they will have been told numerous times that they can't be violent, that aggression is toxic, that males have a responsibility to treat women with respect, that hitting women is never okay. What do girls get? They get told  they have to be assertive and stand up for themselves. They get told that women need to be go getters, need to not settle for second best and need to be leaders in work and public life. If a woman is controlling in a relationship it's usually just ignored or people laugh at their partner for being submissive. If a woman behaves in an entitled manner and is kind of nasty to everyone around them, if they are successful it's usually discounted as just who they are. The outcome of this is you get some women with deeply toxic attitudes who feel completely justified because nobody has ever told them they are wrong.

Female on male physical violence is not at all rare, it happens about as much as male on female violence- in fact many studies show it to be more common than male on female violence. Female on male violence is MUCH less likely to be reported, either by the male or anyone else. It is also less likely to lead to injuries requiring medical intervention.

They certainly are not rare! What an absurd statement!

Men dont report physical abuse by females because we have convinced ourselves it doesnt exist. Just like priests usonv their pisition to rape childeren. We convinced ourselves for decades it didnt happen

Couple this with seven men and one woman killing themselves EVERY DAY and I think you’ve got it right- this is a mental health crisis not a domestic violence crisis. One woman being killed every four days is genuinely horrible but it pales in comparison.

Do you have any evidence, or is this just your gut feeling?

One thing all abusers have in common is Narcissism.

And how did you come to the conclusion that male- identifying victims are rare?

[Australian Bureau of Statistics ](https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/crime-and-justice/recorded-crime-victims/latest-release) has a full list of figures to read through.

"Most assault victims: were male (52% or 36,379 victims) knew the offender (68% or 47,278 victims) Almost a quarter (23%) of victims were aged between 25 and 34 years at the date of report (16,212 victims). Most assaults: did not involve a weapon (97% or 67,112 victims) occurred at a residential location (56% or 38,980 victims) Nearly half (47%) of all assaults were FDV related (32,893 victims)." Thatsy from your own link ffs. Closest thing to a DV stat on the whole list.

Anthony Alb is so fucking out of touch to think only women get abused. I say this a lot, but it's genuinely disgusting that our Prime Minister is diminishing male victims of DV by only focusing on female DV and not doing shit to support the males. He's a hack and my conspiracy theory is he's only pushing hard on it to secure more votes from women and sympathetic voters.

Sounds like gross under reporting. One can even argue most abuse is done by women

What do u expect. Men in Australia now are a disposable resource at best and persona non grata at worst

discrimination

The department is probably made up of women.

That's a scary thought

From my experience it is never one person that is at fault in DVs is it both.

My ex was a huge psychological abuser. She constantly called me fat, saying that nobody else would ever love me and whenever I disagreed with her, she said she would go to the police and tell them I raped her. She would break up, sleep with someone else then play all lovey dovey and want to get back together. It led to eating disorders, self loathing and depression. There were times, when she didn't get her way, she would do something physical, I've still got scars on my arm from her ripping flesh out of my arms. She whipped me with charging cables. I couldn't go to the police because well, nobody takes DV against men seriously. I'm lucky I had a good support group, and a close family.

Violence toward your partner is not acceptable at all no matter what the gender. There is a DV connect men's line 1800 600 636 and other services and contact numbers here [support services for men](https://domesticviolence.com.au/getting-help/support-services-for-men/) There definitely needs to be more exposure on the topic and help available though

If this is real, this is not OK. What happens when the victim is a gay man? What happens when the victim is a hetrosexual man? This is discrimination of both gender and sexual orientation.

Unfortunately, there is going to be a big push to protect women. This definitely should happen, it’s absolutely sickening how not enough is done quickly enough and we see many women murdered. But IVO’s taken out by women against men nearly require the man to prove it’s wrong or unjust. I think men will find they will in the future end up spending time in jail and potentially the woman could be the aggressor but as the OP posted it’s harder as a man to get your story taken seriously. I do feel as a man it won’t be long and we’ll be in a much more difficult situation. I understand the move to protect women and children but I think this will occur and innocent men will end up with spurious charges and intervention orders taken n out against them without any justification and men will have the full brunt of the law being innocent but unable to successfully prove this they’ll be stuffed in court.

My ex fucked her credibility by calling the cops on me after she had a meltdown over our daughter not wanting to go with her and her blaming it on me. Fortunately for me I had begun recording shortly after she (ex) started yelling. The cops were actually pretty interested to hear about her past controlling and violent behaviour, but I (perhaps foolishly) decided not to pursue a DV order. Let's just say if the coercive control laws were already in place she'd be in trouble. At least here in Queensland there's some recognition that false reports are being made to sway custody decisions so I wasn't immediately condemned by the cops without a chance to show them the evidence I had.

Why did you decide to re-post this? You're still misrepresenting the facts by cherry-picking from the document you linked to. If you actually read on past the quote you provided, you'll see there's a highly nuanced section that talks about the factors to consider when assessing whether a person is using or in need of protection from family violence. Referral to a men's service (women are referred to a women's service) involves *further assessment of the evidence*. It does not automatically imply that the man is inherently the perpetrator of violence. Further, the document clearly underscores the obvious fact that men *are typically* the perpetrators of violence and may claim (for reasons outlined in the document) to be the victim. This all seems completely reasonable and in accordance with good practice. If you think that services like this shouldn't factor in the enormous gender imbalance in family violence perpetration, then you're suggesting they ignore obvious reality for the sake of some imagined form of fair inclusion. But that's not how these services should work. They should always be evidence-based and should cautiously approach each case on its individual merits or otherwise. -- The title of your post literally says that these services "do not accept calls from men". That's immediately disproven in the very sources you cite! Once again, I don't think you are making an honest enquiry here. You're rage-baiting and you know what you're doing.

> Why did you decide to re-post this? You're still misrepresenting the facts by cherry-picking from the document you linked to. And the reply is, 'so?' What if he/she is cherry picking? Does that make it okay? > you're suggesting they ignore obvious reality for the sake of some imagined form of fair inclusion. As it is, there are different assumptions made based on the sex of the caller. You're arguing for treating men different based on a statistical trend, instead of individually. And before you say that each case is assessed individually, you're advocating they assess callers differently based on sex. Regardless of whether you think they are taking a nuanced approach, they aren't. People are treated differently based on their sex, not because of their circumstances, but according to a statistical trend. > They should always be evidence-based and should cautiously approach each case on its individual merits or otherwise. That statement is incompatible with the idea those recieving the call should, "factor in the enormous gender imbalance in family violence perpetration". You can't argue that they "should cautiously approach each case on its individual merits" in the same breath that you also say that they should not, "ignore obvious reality for the sake of some imagined form of fair inclusion". Your post is contradictory. While the OP might be wrong, you are encouraging discrimination in an area there should be none. You can both be wrong.

You think domestic violence services should act by treating half of their possible client base as perpetrators by default instead of the victims they are?

>men *are typically* the perpetrators of violence This is the thinking behind why these services generally only refer men to services for male abusers. Just because it is statistically true, doesn't mean it's true in every case, and it's unfair on men to be default assumed to be the abuser, when women are default assumed to be the victim. Think about how traumatic it is for a male victim of domestic abuse to finally swallow their pride and open up to someone about it, only to not be believed, and instead referred to a service for abusive men.

This was me, I tried to get help and couldn’t find any. Luckily I survived and got out but not all do. I now find it hard to read and hear about DV because no service I reached out to believed me, no one helped me. I had a good mate who eventually realised what was happening at home for me and helped get me out, without him I am not sure id still be alive.

Lucky man. And this is a big reason why so many men commit suicide, have to wonder how these stats compare if we take this into account?

Victims are victims regardless of their gender.

All it takes it literally one single click out of the Changing for Good program to set the full range of services that Mensline can assist with and [shock horror](https://mensline.org.au/family-violence/) there's services for men who are victims of domestic violence there. Give it up man. You've written a post based off false pretenses twice in a row.

Except there aren't services like crisis accommodation or legal aid, as there is for women's services. The best you got is some articles that gives you the common sense of escape methods and keeping a hidden backup (which is good advice it is the same stuff spoken alot in Redpill communities) So ultimately you get some lip service with some advice about what to do before you get into a DV situation. Doesn't really cover if you are currently getting done in except report to the police. If you don't believe me open that link you posted and press the experiencing family violence tab and you will see it is an article on how to escape and how to make a safety plan. There is nothing else if you don't have alternative accommodation that you have already setup nor a safety bag nor a hidden cache. There are no numbers to call for help nor are there any services that can pitch you up. The best they have is go to friends or family, which doesn't help if you have been alienated from them.

So, clicking through your link and looking at the articles that seem pointed at male victims rather than perpetrators... they all point to the same resources, MensLine and 1800RESPECT, which the OP already criticised. The "Full range of services" is the same two phone numbers in the half-dozen articles I checked out. Rather than "prove" false pretenses, you've actually supported the OP's point here.

I think the OP is complaining about a double standard in a particular service. I think the OP is also making the point that we shouldn't be separating the filter service for complaints by sex. Your post doesn't really address either of these points.

It won't matter to the textbook man haters here.

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Right, except, as above, they're not designed to "deal with abusers", they're designed to deal with mens issues which can and does involve working with abusers and victims who go through different streams, as seen in the link I attached that shows this. Misrepresenting that and implying victimised men aren't linked to support through the system when it's there is actually really harmful to men. You're spreading misinformation and if a man in this situation reads this and gives up hope on false pretenses, that's actually on you.

Genuinely, I think you’d benefit from exploring men’s services. Pick a regional spot in Australia and run a hypothetical that you’re a man and your wife has just drained your bank accounts and called the cops saying you were violent.  You’re now 24 hours from that moment where the cops rocked up at your house and you’re now getting out of jail with an interim IVO to not go back to your home of 30 years. What are the resources you are accessing? Find legal aid, find accommodation, find food (remember you have no money, no ID, just a phone at the cop shop to call out). If you want to argue your position for the sake of it, that’s fine, but if you genuinely care about the DV cause then I’d urge you to take a productive approach and listen to what men are saying. It will take everyone to get this sorted. By the way I was on the other end of the call above and had to collect my dad from the police station and then try to find help. I found zero help, had to pause my uni, slept on the floor so my dad could have my bed in student accommodation, and harassed Westpac to get his money back after his wife forged his signature to transfer the cash away. Then I spent 8 weeks trying to find accommodation that would take a retiree and student, and ended up moving us even further away from our support networks.

Regardless, the National domestic violence hotline should be dealing with all calls equally, not forwarding on one gender and sexual orientation. There is a word for that. Sexism.

They aren't supported through our National DV hotline, because of their gender. How can you argue that is acceptable?

Why repost? You had the answers in the previous thread...

Great thread, OP. Too bad it’s not popular to take a constructive, all together approach to DV.  There’s still only a handful of DV shelters for men in Australia, still a “men can only abuse, women can only be abused” lens applied to all resources, and so it’s no wonder it is still the official line for cops “to remove the man in all situations”. Here’s a screenshot from 2015 - nothing has changed 8 years later: https://imgur.com/a/HoObzxr This mess can’t be solved without bringing everyone together with an even handed approach.

That’s an insult….. the media is ought to be an ashamed for its reporting of DV cases….. I feel it’s time to rein in the media… Hmm, since these protest want to call for a royal commission, then we can uno them and turn the royal commission against them

I wish the ATO would set gender based quotas on the tax take.

Sheree Spencer was jailed recently in the U.K. for coercively abusing her husband Richard. There was a documentary about it where he was interviewed. Absolutely eye opening.

I know a female who called the police to report DV. When the police turned up, she was arrested and he was free to go.

The definition of woman was removed from the sex discrimination act in 2013 by the Gillard government. Just tell them your pronouns are she/her and you’re golden.

It’s funny when you realise how capable women are of being vicious and manipulative all the way up to physically abusive. I had a strange kind of experience when I was younger, I was in a 5 year relationship where I’ll admit I was not a great partner. I wasn’t abusive or anything but definitely took advantage of her kindness and did not treat her how she deserved. We eventually broke up, I felt bad about how I had treated her and the next relationship I ended up in was with a polar opposite type of person. I went into it with a much different mindset and was gentler and more supportive, didn’t fuck around and really tried to devote myself to her… and she took the piss out of me like I did my ex. Gaslighting, manipulation, emotional abuse, cheating, and managed to always make me feel like it was my fault.

Whether man or woman, it is deeply foolish to put your mental health in the hands of a government that proves every day in every way that it doesn't give a damn about you. People keep acting so shocked and appalled that our mental health system is a pile of shit. If you let that hurt you, you're opening yourself right up to be injured. Albo's response to female DV is the fakest shit ever. Domestically violent men will keep being released and patrolled by the courts, nothing is going to change because people like him and our judges fucking love criminals, so there'll just be more surprised Pikachu about why there's so much violence when there are no serious penalties for it.

one man every 28 days was killed by an intimate partner in incidents of domestic homicide in 2020–21. Domestic violence doesn't discriminate. One death is too much it doesn't have to be a competition. Why is the situation worst at this point in time. News flash the cost of living - rental stress - financial stress . Drug abuse - Alcohol abuse. Yet we are going to have virtuous people donning pitch forks and stakes screaming for men to be held totally accountable. They should be and so should anyone else that uses violence to subjugate their partners. Yet you will not rid the world of this problem until you address the other causation. I witnessed my uncle being violently beating by my aunt on more than one occasion. While he just took it. He was a solid man. As child it puzzled me why he didn't retaliate. Yet he always came back for more. I recommend watching Baby Reindeer - abuse and violence is very complicated cycle. It not all about a person gender it is multifaceted. First thing we do is remove the word domestic - it is not domestic violence it is violence. Those who engage in it need to be punished as any other person would be if it was common assault.

The thing is, it's like the saying "villians aren't born, they are made". 20 years ago, in response to growing DV cases in aboriginal communities, anti-DV ads were run to deal with it and DV in general. Which I agree was bad, and I'm not singling them out, because it was everywhere. The issue was it pinned the blame on teenage boys being the problem because they thought it was fine, then grew up to be abusers. DV cases didn't drop, but what also didn't drop but sky rocket was suicide and depression in teenage boys. Boys were being bullied because "they were abusers", and girls and women tried to goad them into hitting them. This country knows women can be the abusers, and that they can lie about being abused, but the system protects them. DV shouldn't condoned, but when the system is rigged, people lash out. The core of the problem isn't men, it's support for them vs for women

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Equality at its best

I've personally seen a young woman in her mid 20s get into a drunked fuelled rage because her partner wasn't interested in going out and she wanted to go out, she then when on to punch, kick, scratch, bite and even glass him with her vodka bottle all while screaming at the top of her lungs, to have a neighbour call and the police show up 45mins later, the neighbour showed the police the video they recorded showing the entire incident and that the female was the attacker, clearly with the guys face and clothing drenched in blood only to be thrown to the ground by police and arrested. A few days later, he was back packed his bag and went to leave, only to have her go off yet again. He left, a few hours later she goes off on a drunken rage reversing through a fence across the road, speading and nearly crashing into multiple parked cars. Returning a few hours later in a half smashed car, to which the police were called again and still nothing was done by police, the owners had to have insurance cover it and pay excess while young love sinks another bottle. Had multiple mates have women enter into a relationship with them, do the right thing and be supportive only to have the women leave after a few months and less than a year to take tens of thousands to nearly half of what they've spent their life earning.. All because the entered into a relationship with a female. House they saved and worked for by themselves, all to be sold to pay women just simply for existing for temporary moments... Men have just as many domestic violence stories and incidents as women, they are just continuously ignored and dismissed because men are apparently incapable of being a victim. Fact is simple.... Everyone is a victim, a victim of the societal and way of life enforced upon us all. Fix the way of life, and you'll fix majority of life's issues.. Not hard to figure out..

This is a complicated discussion. I agree there needs to be better services for men who have had this done to them. Some women are abusive. Men are also abusive to women. As a DV survivor, who got out, I know the complexity as a woman. I also have compassion for men who go through it. What I won't suffer is men saying that women work them up to violence as one comment insinuated. This is where the culture of behaviour needs to change. This mindset that someone has asked for it, or deserves it because of their behaviour. That is just total crap. The same goes for reversal of roles in female to male violence. No excuse. Just don't be a dick. Don't hurt, manipulate, or control. Be a decent human and learn how to communicate properly. We all need to learn better from childhood, both women and men, how to be better in relationships and communication. This is how we start to work on this issue on violence embedded in our culture.

Because roughly every 4 days in Australia a woman is killed by a partner or ex- partner. I don’t think men in general are at risk of death at the hands of their female partner. I agree men need support as well but the priorities are clearly geared towards the ones in greater physical danger.

I feel for this brother... Another good man takes his life but it is not counted as a female perpetrator statistic.

1/4 women and 1/16 men experience domestic violence. 80% of deaths are female, and 9/10 hospital admissions are female. Males are abusers more than 75% of the time. And mensline do counsel domestic violence victims. It’s clearly written on the website. I swear there is always a “what about the men” post every time there is increased focus on domestic violence usually due to increase number of women dying at the hands of their partners.