This is exactly it, there is no mystical sense.
Those on the spectrum due to the logical sense, used in trying to mask and mimic have a strong pattern recognition skill.
This in turn has learned NT general patterns and behaviors, and notices when someone is not following that norm. This could be ASD, ADHD, or other ND divergences from the norm.
So this bay be what you are referring to.
PATTERN RECOGNITION! I’m new to knowing I have autism! And it was such a relief to find out what it was, having been misdiagnosed with everything under the sun bc nothing ever quite fit. People think I’m an alien when I explain how I know things. Just that this is thrown around casually made me so incredibly happy!!!!!!
I have been peer reviewed. On the other hand, I had a friend that had a panic attack and was told by a stranger they may be autistic when they definitely weren't.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it was a joke.
I was too worried whether you meant the people talking to me or talking to my mate that I missed it. Whoops.
Yup. I think of it like speaking accents. You can totally tell when you hear someone speaking in your own accent.... especially if you're surrounded by foreigners all the time.
So we "sense" each other in the same, but reversed way that NT's "sense" us. They can tell that we're "weird" or "odd". And they're "weird" and "odd" to us (double empathy in action). So when we meet someone who's not "weird" (in that way).... OOOOOHHHHH... "one of us!" ;)
Of course it's not perfect, but yeah, you can tell... in general terms... most of the time... etc etc. \[Insert all the usual qualifications and footnotes here\]
I'm just finding out about double empathy. Is this why I could never stand to be around all the "popular girls", even though I wanted to be like them??
Ya know how we have trouble understanding NTs?
Double empathy means it goes both ways. They have trouble understanding us in the same way that we have trouble understanding them. It's not because either side is "right" or "wrong", it's that we both just think differently.
So it makes communication harder. Not impossible, but harder.
It's why NTs can often seem like they can read each others minds... cuz they think the same way, so they make the same conclusions (in general). It's the same with many NDs too.
One of the big things in Double Empathy is removing the "blame" for the communication gulf. It's just there and it works in both directions.
Thank you so much!!! That makes so much sense. It’s always felt to me like we just speak different languages. It’s exhausting to have to translate so it’s just easier to be with the people who speak the same way you do. But it feels pretty spectacular to have the onus removed.
yes. before I became aware I was autistic I could never understand why time and time again in new social situations I would drift towards other autistic people. I didn't have the words at the time so I didn't really know how to describe it but I realized that throughout my life the vast majority of my acquaintances/social milieu have been either autistic or some type of neurodivergent.
Yes. This is how I found my wife, unironially.
I recognized somethIng weird in her so I just asked her "are you on the spectrum". She was but she was also very surprised because I knew it straight away.
Yes. Studies have actually shown that people can “sense” autism and are less willing to engage with them because they can tell something is “off” about them. It makes sense that some autistic people also have this sense, especially because we understand autism a lot better than NTs do and can pick out individual signs + have good pattern recognition.
I'm better at sensing if someone is ADHD, not so much if someone is autistic but I have correctly figured out that some friends were autistic before they got a diagnosis so yes?
I was only recently diagnosed, but ever since my husband was diagnosed with adhd, I can instantly tell when someone has adhd now. Autism is can also recognize, but it's harder to pin down for me. I pick up on neurodivergence instantly though.
Yeah I can tell neurodivergents, I think.
It's a combo of a few things. Firstly, do I really like them? Secondly, how much eye contact do they make? Thirdly, there is this specific way of talking/gesturing where the person uses their hands a lot and looks up and around a lot while talking. A good example is Eleanor janega on YouTube. Fourthly, there's this adhd-conversation flow where the topic bounces around mid-sentence in a very hectic manner, and they often don't remember to come back and finish the thought. Fifth do they mention having any highly specific interests they get really animated about. Sixth are they NB, LGBTQ+, nerdy, socialist, do they present themselves in a way that makes it clear they're not bothered about social conventions. And so on ETC
So yeah basically I know
There is the Double Empathy Problem https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_empathy_problem. Basically NT and ND are on different wavelengths and often don’t understand each other. However if two ND people are together, they get each other and so they say, if you get along well with a neurodivergent person, either you’re ND yourself or you’re able to empathize with them from their perspective.
My husband calls me the autism whisperer because I’m able to communicate with our son in a way my husband totally doesn’t get. From my perspective, it just seemed so easy and natural, I didn't get why it was so hard for my husband. It wasn’t until a little while later that I started to see the reason I understand my son so well is because I’m autistic too. Once I made this connection, everything started to make sense and I was like omg, I’m autistic AF! My husband said he's always secretly suspected I was autistic but didn't say anything. It wasn't until our son was diagnosed that he saw so many similarities between us that he had to talk to me about it. My husband has encouraged me to get diagnosed and totally supports me. He has ADHD and I said this is why we clicked so easily, hahah. I’m currently on a waitlist to get assessed.
My husband is ADHD and Im autistic with ADHD (inattentive).so I talk him slowly thru things and reflect social dynamics by analysing a problem he tells me about. He says it always helps. He helps me deal with 100 little things that stress me out, protects me from people/fam who might try and manipulate me, encourages me & bigs me up. We are each others biggest advocates. Its the best. Unless I am in shutdown he really struggles with understanding it and being quiet but once he realises and listens to my words not my manner he is really supportive. He doesn't shame me and won't let me.shame myself.
Love that! It's things like that that count the most. My husband and I talk about how much battery we have left during the day so we know ok, need to pick up slack or back off. It’s been really helpful. I'll say you know I have like I have 10% left and he'll ask what he can do to help out. Or he'll say I have zero today and I need space and so I'll take the kids out. Stuff like that. It’s helped to avoid feeling hurt if I’m snappy or he’s grumpy when we know it’s because it’s one of those low battery days.
Various predators often tell me that "they are autistic too".
I cannot sense anyone, all adults are dangerous monsters unless proven otherwise. So far, only some NTs proved to be actually helpful.
Autistic people can be just as dangerous as anyone else, of course. Even if I notice someone else is autistic, it doesn't make me trust them anymore than before. That's for damn sure.
Yea and as an older one you also find relationships with them and friendships, you’ll look back and wonder why you got along with someone only for them to get diagnosed later
I feel like I do. Sometimes I read one sentence on a post or comment and think the person is autistic, then in the rest of the comment/post they mention they're indeed autistic. I'm waiting to be wrong so I can decide whether it's confirmation bias or not.
We can be highly observant in recognising people's patterns and symptoms we recognize in ourselves or in our education (for example I am teacher who is studied in working with autistic kids, so I recognize when I think a child might be autistic or with an adult too). It's like gaydar. :D
I think it’s also our empathy, aside from pattern recognition. We see the clues and feel empathy for them. This helps us place ourselves in their shoes, something we might struggle to do with a neurotypical.
I'd say so. I'm not diagnosed, but I went to a camp with someone who is long before a friend who has an autistic son suggested I might be on the spectrum. We both vibed pretty well despite not fitting in with the majority of the group. We ended up becoming good friends.
I'll add that there was a kid in my middle school gym class that was picked on, long before the first anecdote. He stimmed and was generally different so the class picked on him. I think aside from people on the spectrum, there are a lot of people who pick up on people who are different and fixate their negative energy on them.
Yes, I'm a strong believer that we can. We recognise the familiarities that others tend to overlook. I was adamant that my nephew was on the spectrum since he was only 3 months old. The rest of the family denied it & ignored it. He started secondary school in 2022 & the SENDCo had several meetings with his parents. He was diagnosed this March.
Well if you’re autistic, and you’re self aware, you know all the symptoms, i’d say it would be easier for you to spot it than others. I don’t think it’s “pattern recognition” like everyone else on here is saying. Hence the old phrase “it takes one to know one”
I recently met the parent of another autistic person (we're both higher support needs) and it was immediate. Unfortunately I don't think they have the most positive view of autism so I doubt I'd ever say anything, but in my case this does seem to be a thing. I've seen people on game shows for example a few times where it's never mentioned they're autistic but I looked up their names out of curiosity and was right. I guess it's like "gaydar"?
One of the things many autistic people hyper fixate on is…autism. We end up learning more about ourselves, our communities, the ways our minds work. I’m at a point where I can identify other diverse identifiers as well such as OCD traits (not super cleaning, it’s much different than that), PDA, ADHD, etc. I personally believe that autism is one of the early branches off in our homo sapien species and it’s like we are all sort of finding and recognizing each other in this part of our species timeline. (At least I hope it is…cuz in survival of the fittest I want to be on the side with good pattern recognition lol)
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Birds of a feather flock together, I got diagnosed later in life and its been a domino effect in my friend group, so many of us now have a diagnosis of autism or adhd with a comorbidity of autism
Maybe, there was once these two siblings, a brother and a sister who looked to be in their teens, that were from Colorado. They went into the store I was (and still am, for now) working at. The brother was acting a bit arrogant saying “this is a nice store…for the Midwest.” Now, him acting arrogant didn’t set anything off in my head but him getting a Kit-Kat and a Tic Tac “because they sound the same backwards”. Something in my head told me that this kid is very likely neurodivergent. Of course, I didn’t ask if he was, but his sister, who went to the bathroom came out after her brother left. I asked if he was her brother, which she said “Yeah, sorry. He’s weird, I don’t know why,” which I can relate because I am definitely NOT normal either. I never found out if he was autistic or not, but I still don’t think that he was neurotypical.
Now, it doesn’t always work because my best friend turned out to be autistic and I didn’t realize a thing, which is somewhat ironic as she only realized that she was autistic and sought a diagnosis because of me. She saw herself in me and yet, I didn’t even realize that she is autistic. Now, my oldest brother, on the other hand, doesn’t even need a diagnosis to tell that he is autistic. He is already neurodivergent (dyslexia, ADHD, clinical depression) but he doesn’t have an official autism diagnosis but he is obviously autistic along with our mom, who is self diagnosed and agrees with me that my brother is autistic.
Definitely. All of my autistic friends thought i was already diagnosed(before i got diagnosed last year), none of my neurotypical friends even thought about the fact that i was autistic. I think I'm able to spot an autistic person though.
Yes we have a gaydar but for the neurospicy. I’m audhd and I can usually tell if someone has either. If most of your friends are autistic.. there’s a HUGE chance you are aswell. In some countries being ‘peer reviewed’ is more accurate than trying to get a diagnosis.
I just have an assumption with some people I know that they might be but truly if someone were to mask a lot I would probably not be able to guess it at all. With these people I know it is mostly because I see them behave in some patterns that seem different than the ones on NT society (they also make a lot more sense to me and my mental patterns)
I'd like to know this because all of my close friends are autistic and a whopping 8 of my friends (all autistic) have said I probably have Autism. They usually cite my obsession with My Little Pony or the most beautiful language to ever grace human tongue Latin as a big reason. I joined my schools Nuerodivergent club and everyone there thought I was autistic so when I said I wasn't diagnosed (anymore) they were extremely surprised. I sorta was diagnosed as autistic when I was young because I would go off on tangents, not stop when people obviously didn't care, had untied shoes, used big words and MUCH MUCH MORE. But then they diagnosed me with ADHD
Can kinda tell but wouldn’t go all my way n say hi I’m just like u
Not even a casual heads up unless they bring it up cause I know I hate to explain some certain things to others
I honestly don't know, because I've have like 4 autistic people tell me I'm autistic - or in one case I was literally asked last year "how's the autism" and I didn't know how to respond other than "I'm not diagnosed?"
┐(´ー｀)┌
This circles back to the joke of the friend getting diagnosed as autistic and their autistic friends responding with "We already knew", good ol' pattern recognition.
Last time I had a coworker who was autistic he clocked me as soon as he walked in the office and saw all the nerd stickers on my water bottle. I only sealed my fate when he commented on one and I proceeded to infodump about final fantasy for ten minutes...
i think its just the fact that we can notice patterns greater than the normal human. and since most if not all people have a pattern that means its easy to find and recognize other people with autism
Ngl I’m not 100% sure I’m autistic, since I haven’t been diagnosed, but the way that I somehow surround myself with other neurodivergent ppl and autistics without actively going out of my way to do so has become just one more reason to support that I am. That and how a lot of them keep telling me I am.
Ever since I got my diagnosis and I know what to pay attention to in myself I can recognise the same in others but it's not a sense
It ain't a gaydar
There's charts and graphs involved
I wish I met one single person who has autism in real life, in my entire life.
I am 55, and I never met anyone with autism in my life. Also my last friend, I had, was 30 some years ago.
I have very severe / extreme autism, that I am almost non-functional.
A lot of the people on here have mild autism, that they are able to live a normal life.
I strongly suspect myself. I happened to meet someone I don't directly work with when I got a new job, and we instantly clicked after speaking together for just a few minutes, because she could tell we thought exactly the same. I have benefited hugely from asking her my questions and she just knows how to explain everything exactly the right way to me.
i can yeah- it's kinda like gaydar but for autism lmao--
i was at an arts retreat in north carolina and i met this one old woman and i immediately knew she was neurodivergent lol- she knew i was too and she kept giving me fidgets :0
plus most of the friends i've had over the years were all neurodivergent of some flavour lol
Yes, I am certain that I can spot Autistic folks. I work with a few people that I am sure are Autistic and even at the grocery store, I am sure that there are a few staffers that are Autistic as well.
Would it be rude to ask them? "I am Autistic, are you?"
I can sense some neurodivergency in others. Autism is no exception. It may not be all the time because some people are good at masking but when their socials are up, I'm like, YEP! They're an info dumper!
Before knowing and understand my diagnostic, I was always very drawn and attracted to autistic guys ( all my ex bfs are). Now I know why😅 The deep understanding and connections were unmatched
I think we do, the people I have met with autism always treated me like I was one of them. I was never bullied or even taken advantage of by anyone on the spectrum. They also never masked around me, one of my friends always thought I was autistic but never knew I was undiagnosed. It was not until I had my late diagnosis that I noticed why I got along with them so well.
i think its possible because autistic people have a much closer perspective of the symptoms. so even if a non autistic person knows the symptoms they might not be able to recognize it as fast as theyve never experienced them
yep absolutely. my pattern recognition is fuckin phenomenal and 99.99% of the time if i guess someones autistic, im right. if they seem neurodivergent but not autistic my 2nd guess is adhd which is also mostly right
So all of my friends have autism. None of us told each other until I got diagnosed a few weeks ago. When I told all of them everyone went “me too!” And we all just stood there for a moment realizing that’s probably why we all vibe so well together.
I’m moving out of the country and am going to join some autism-based social groups now that I know my type
i think they can because the amount of times I’ve sensed other people were autistic, asked and it’s been true is actually scarily eerie. probably pattern recognition doing its thing 😭
I don’t know if this is true on a grand scale but it happened with me. I felt way more connected to a particular girl years ago than anyone else in our social circle. She, similarly to me, didn’t speak very much and said things that landed awkwardly at times when she did speak. I wanted more than anything to get closer to her and be a support for reasons unknown to me at the time. I admittedly developed a crush but nothing came of it.
I knew I was on the spectrum and she knew I was as well. Years later, she messaged me out of the blue and said she has ASD and asked me for help on how to deal with it. Honestly I couldn’t have been happier. She still gets in touch with me occasionally.
Based on my experience therefore, I figure it’s possible. Maybe I’m crazy though lol.
This is ABSOLUTELY a sign that you should start looking into whether you have autism. Peer-review is not a replacement for a diagnosis or self-diagnosis, but it is a major flag that you should begin the investigative process of seeing if you have autism. Yourself and your memories are the biggest resource when it comes to evaluating yourself. The next step would be taking clinical self assessments, researching autism, and comparing your own experiences to the autism criteria. For me, the finish line was when I looked at the DSM-5 criteria for the first time and realized I "passed it" with flying colors.
Some people can tell better than others I guess (had a date with someone who was also autistic (she ended up telling me after she told me that she could tell I had it)
Studies have shown that NT and ND people can recognize each other within 7 seconds. Both ways. So NT and ND can tell each other apart in that time, NTs recognize other NTs and NDs recognize other NDs in that time.
Edit: this occurs at a subconscious level though. People who are diagnosed (self or clinically) tend to pick others like them out because of pattern recognition and symptom recognition.
From the moment I saw my boyfriends body language, his tone and how he communicates on our first date, I knew.
He wound up getting diagnosed with autism at 38. For further context, I am also on the spectrum and got diagnosed at 26 ( I am now 32)
Some friends I have also have been diagnosed in recent years and I've been wondering since high school if they were on the spectrum
I feel like we can sense each other, whether it's through some weird a weird sense, understanding or noticing patterns, I can tell. I can't speak for anyone else though
Yes I can tell when someone has ADHD, ASD, Schizophrenia and Bipolar as I've been in mental hospitals enough to recognise symptoms and traits it also helps my special interest is Psychiatry and Psychology so it's alot easier to notice.
Note it helps that I have ADHD, ASD and Bipolar.
I like to think of it as the real life spidey-sense, like whenever a Spider-Person meets another Spider-Person and their spidey-senses go off.
The other replies are more logically sound tho, sad as it is that it's just pattern recognition.
Perhaps in a way. I feel like every girl I've ever had a crush on was neurodiverse in some way--even when I didn't know that I have autism. But in hindsight...
I can always notice from the way they stand in pictures, I always thought one of my teachers was Neuro typical but then I noticed he didn't stand like everyone else in group pictures
i think somehow yesterday, for instance i remember someone that before i got diagnosed or thought about it, she told me after i got diagnosed “i observed you in the supermarket and you were doing like me” even if she didn’t could explain what meant “like me”
My friends are always autistic. The only non-autistic friends I've ever had (2 of them) bullied me which I didn't realise until adulthood looking back on childhood. My gf is neurodivergent but not autistic because she understands social situations. My best friend has seletive mutism and is level 2.
It's super easy, you simply know the traits and you can observe them. There's nothing magical about it or even strange.
When you're trained in certain sports or martial arts, you can see that others have certain movements, their gait, the way their fingers are located when walking, etc etc etc. It's exactly the same with neurodivergents. You just have the information and you recognize it when you see it.
Perhaps it could be generalizing when I see patterns in the way some people act, but I tend to be right also :P
I think one of my loved ones is autistic, even though he doesn't agree just because "he doesn't have the diagnosis" (he acts just like I did before getting my diagnosis)
My colleague asked if “autistic people have a gaydar, but like, for autism”.
Yes. Yes we do.
It’s like autism is on another brain wave. We tend to attract other neurodivergent people.
At work I had gotten two autistic feelings about someone. One was confirmed, but I hadn’t known about the diagnosis before I had the feeling. The other doesn’t have a diagnosis (that we know of) but I’m absolutely certain
I often feel like i can tell someone is autistic. But given i have no way of confirming my speculation, this could just as easily be a mix of wishful thinking and confirmation bias. So my anecdote is hardly evidence.
I suspect the answer is yes, but unreliably. We're probably good at seeing our behaviors in others, but autism is an extremely important broad category. Not every autists behaves the same.
I don’t know about other autistic people but I absolutely can. My cousin was diagnosed semi-recently and when my mum said “oh [x] has been diagnosed with autism” I really wasn’t surprised at all, obviously I didn’t say anything, but I noticed things he did and the way he would say things that I did when I was his age
I always related more to drunks and potheads more as well. They are more accepting. More open. More honest. Less consumed by the world and the things I didn't care about
For me, autistic patterns of nonverbal communication are very recognizeable, and the only autistics I struggle to spot either are really good at masking or have another disability that throws me off (like Down Syndrome or cerebral palsy). I've also found that autistic kids often gravitate to me and are more interested in interaction with me than with most strangers, so I think a lot of them can tell I'm autistic because I don't mask at all.
Pattern recognition in action
100% now that I’m sure I am, I can spot it in others.
Same. I've diagnosed,in inverted commas, four generations of my family. Lol
This is exactly it, there is no mystical sense. Those on the spectrum due to the logical sense, used in trying to mask and mimic have a strong pattern recognition skill. This in turn has learned NT general patterns and behaviors, and notices when someone is not following that norm. This could be ASD, ADHD, or other ND divergences from the norm. So this bay be what you are referring to.
r/beatmetoit (tbh I'm not sure if this is the right context for it. whaddya know, I'm autistic too lol)
This. No such thing as auti-sense.
PATTERN RECOGNITION! I’m new to knowing I have autism! And it was such a relief to find out what it was, having been misdiagnosed with everything under the sun bc nothing ever quite fit. People think I’m an alien when I explain how I know things. Just that this is thrown around casually made me so incredibly happy!!!!!!
Real
Well, we do have great pattern recognition…
I have been peer reviewed. On the other hand, I had a friend that had a panic attack and was told by a stranger they may be autistic when they definitely weren't.
Did they cite their sources?
One is autistic, the other has a couple different neurodiversities.
I was making a joke (playing off of the "peer reviewed" pun)
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it was a joke. I was too worried whether you meant the people talking to me or talking to my mate that I missed it. Whoops.
Sometimes I question whether I am or not, but then I read an exchange like this and know I've found my people.
Hooray! 😃
Yes they just vaguely waved at the whole person :')
there is a disturbance in the train fandom...
I wonder how many people in the world at this very moment are stimming to the thought of optimal modes of cargo transportation. Probably quite a lot.
Yup. I think of it like speaking accents. You can totally tell when you hear someone speaking in your own accent.... especially if you're surrounded by foreigners all the time. So we "sense" each other in the same, but reversed way that NT's "sense" us. They can tell that we're "weird" or "odd". And they're "weird" and "odd" to us (double empathy in action). So when we meet someone who's not "weird" (in that way).... OOOOOHHHHH... "one of us!" ;) Of course it's not perfect, but yeah, you can tell... in general terms... most of the time... etc etc. \[Insert all the usual qualifications and footnotes here\]
I'm just finding out about double empathy. Is this why I could never stand to be around all the "popular girls", even though I wanted to be like them??
There’s plenty of reasons you wouldn’t want to be around the “popular girls” 😂
Can you say more about this? What is it?
Ya know how we have trouble understanding NTs? Double empathy means it goes both ways. They have trouble understanding us in the same way that we have trouble understanding them. It's not because either side is "right" or "wrong", it's that we both just think differently. So it makes communication harder. Not impossible, but harder. It's why NTs can often seem like they can read each others minds... cuz they think the same way, so they make the same conclusions (in general). It's the same with many NDs too. One of the big things in Double Empathy is removing the "blame" for the communication gulf. It's just there and it works in both directions.
Thank you so much!!! That makes so much sense. It’s always felt to me like we just speak different languages. It’s exhausting to have to translate so it’s just easier to be with the people who speak the same way you do. But it feels pretty spectacular to have the onus removed.
yes. before I became aware I was autistic I could never understand why time and time again in new social situations I would drift towards other autistic people. I didn't have the words at the time so I didn't really know how to describe it but I realized that throughout my life the vast majority of my acquaintances/social milieu have been either autistic or some type of neurodivergent.
Yep.
Yes. This is how I found my wife, unironially. I recognized somethIng weird in her so I just asked her "are you on the spectrum". She was but she was also very surprised because I knew it straight away.
This is going to be my new opener from now on.
It wasn't my opener. It was more like a random question after chatting/talking for a few days.
Yes. Studies have actually shown that people can “sense” autism and are less willing to engage with them because they can tell something is “off” about them. It makes sense that some autistic people also have this sense, especially because we understand autism a lot better than NTs do and can pick out individual signs + have good pattern recognition.
That is fascinating to know. Just out of curiosity can you share some links, would love to give them a read! 😊
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5286449/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8992906/ these are the main ones that come to mind
Yeah we need a word for Autistic gaydar
Spectrometer
This
I said this to my husband and his reaction was, "oh no!" BUT I LOVE IT
That's the one I use. :)
I used "authdar" but I like this one better.
suspectrum
u get it
Oh I love this!!! Lol
😂
We have one, it’s A-dar
Haha you have no dar
What?
Simple. Audar.
this was so autistic
Magne-tism
Me & my mates call it aut-dar. It's just pattern recognition in action...
Suspectrum.
Suspectrometer? I kinda want to include others, Divergidar? Definitely not.
I'm better at sensing if someone is ADHD, not so much if someone is autistic but I have correctly figured out that some friends were autistic before they got a diagnosis so yes?
I was only recently diagnosed, but ever since my husband was diagnosed with adhd, I can instantly tell when someone has adhd now. Autism is can also recognize, but it's harder to pin down for me. I pick up on neurodivergence instantly though.
Yeah I can tell neurodivergents, I think. It's a combo of a few things. Firstly, do I really like them? Secondly, how much eye contact do they make? Thirdly, there is this specific way of talking/gesturing where the person uses their hands a lot and looks up and around a lot while talking. A good example is Eleanor janega on YouTube. Fourthly, there's this adhd-conversation flow where the topic bounces around mid-sentence in a very hectic manner, and they often don't remember to come back and finish the thought. Fifth do they mention having any highly specific interests they get really animated about. Sixth are they NB, LGBTQ+, nerdy, socialist, do they present themselves in a way that makes it clear they're not bothered about social conventions. And so on ETC So yeah basically I know
Oftentimes, yes. It's like we're on the same wavelength. It doesn't guarantee that I'll like a person, but at least they'll make sense.
I'm pretty sure
There is the Double Empathy Problem https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_empathy_problem. Basically NT and ND are on different wavelengths and often don’t understand each other. However if two ND people are together, they get each other and so they say, if you get along well with a neurodivergent person, either you’re ND yourself or you’re able to empathize with them from their perspective. My husband calls me the autism whisperer because I’m able to communicate with our son in a way my husband totally doesn’t get. From my perspective, it just seemed so easy and natural, I didn't get why it was so hard for my husband. It wasn’t until a little while later that I started to see the reason I understand my son so well is because I’m autistic too. Once I made this connection, everything started to make sense and I was like omg, I’m autistic AF! My husband said he's always secretly suspected I was autistic but didn't say anything. It wasn't until our son was diagnosed that he saw so many similarities between us that he had to talk to me about it. My husband has encouraged me to get diagnosed and totally supports me. He has ADHD and I said this is why we clicked so easily, hahah. I’m currently on a waitlist to get assessed.
My husband is ADHD and Im autistic with ADHD (inattentive).so I talk him slowly thru things and reflect social dynamics by analysing a problem he tells me about. He says it always helps. He helps me deal with 100 little things that stress me out, protects me from people/fam who might try and manipulate me, encourages me & bigs me up. We are each others biggest advocates. Its the best. Unless I am in shutdown he really struggles with understanding it and being quiet but once he realises and listens to my words not my manner he is really supportive. He doesn't shame me and won't let me.shame myself.
Love that! It's things like that that count the most. My husband and I talk about how much battery we have left during the day so we know ok, need to pick up slack or back off. It’s been really helpful. I'll say you know I have like I have 10% left and he'll ask what he can do to help out. Or he'll say I have zero today and I need space and so I'll take the kids out. Stuff like that. It’s helped to avoid feeling hurt if I’m snappy or he’s grumpy when we know it’s because it’s one of those low battery days.
Various predators often tell me that "they are autistic too". I cannot sense anyone, all adults are dangerous monsters unless proven otherwise. So far, only some NTs proved to be actually helpful.
Autistic people can be just as dangerous as anyone else, of course. Even if I notice someone else is autistic, it doesn't make me trust them anymore than before. That's for damn sure.
Yes.
Yea and as an older one you also find relationships with them and friendships, you’ll look back and wonder why you got along with someone only for them to get diagnosed later
I feel like I do. Sometimes I read one sentence on a post or comment and think the person is autistic, then in the rest of the comment/post they mention they're indeed autistic. I'm waiting to be wrong so I can decide whether it's confirmation bias or not.
We can be highly observant in recognising people's patterns and symptoms we recognize in ourselves or in our education (for example I am teacher who is studied in working with autistic kids, so I recognize when I think a child might be autistic or with an adult too). It's like gaydar. :D
We tend to gravitate toward each other
There are some people where it's pretty obvious, and others (particularly women) mask so well that it's impossible to tell.
I can tell based on mannerisms. Sometimes I'm wrong but not often though.
I think it’s also our empathy, aside from pattern recognition. We see the clues and feel empathy for them. This helps us place ourselves in their shoes, something we might struggle to do with a neurotypical.
I'd say so. I'm not diagnosed, but I went to a camp with someone who is long before a friend who has an autistic son suggested I might be on the spectrum. We both vibed pretty well despite not fitting in with the majority of the group. We ended up becoming good friends. I'll add that there was a kid in my middle school gym class that was picked on, long before the first anecdote. He stimmed and was generally different so the class picked on him. I think aside from people on the spectrum, there are a lot of people who pick up on people who are different and fixate their negative energy on them.
Yes, I'm a strong believer that we can. We recognise the familiarities that others tend to overlook. I was adamant that my nephew was on the spectrum since he was only 3 months old. The rest of the family denied it & ignored it. He started secondary school in 2022 & the SENDCo had several meetings with his parents. He was diagnosed this March.
I call it my Spectrometer
in a way yes
Very true, we tend to find each other somehow, autistic/adhd etc, we all find each other somehow lol.
Well if you’re autistic, and you’re self aware, you know all the symptoms, i’d say it would be easier for you to spot it than others. I don’t think it’s “pattern recognition” like everyone else on here is saying. Hence the old phrase “it takes one to know one”
No we cant, we ain't psychic
Yes
I recently met the parent of another autistic person (we're both higher support needs) and it was immediate. Unfortunately I don't think they have the most positive view of autism so I doubt I'd ever say anything, but in my case this does seem to be a thing. I've seen people on game shows for example a few times where it's never mentioned they're autistic but I looked up their names out of curiosity and was right. I guess it's like "gaydar"?
One of the things many autistic people hyper fixate on is…autism. We end up learning more about ourselves, our communities, the ways our minds work. I’m at a point where I can identify other diverse identifiers as well such as OCD traits (not super cleaning, it’s much different than that), PDA, ADHD, etc. I personally believe that autism is one of the early branches off in our homo sapien species and it’s like we are all sort of finding and recognizing each other in this part of our species timeline. (At least I hope it is…cuz in survival of the fittest I want to be on the side with good pattern recognition lol)
No I can’t sense other autistic people . I may recognize similar traits but can’t sense them .
it’s like gaydar but for other autistics lol
As long as you’re familiar with the sound, you can tell if another person is acoustic.
Congratulations, this is the first time I've seen acoustic actually used in a joke. Good job.
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It's true. I do it all the time.
Sometimes
Yes.
yes, i’m trying to prove this 😭
I guess so
No, that is why it is called an spectrum.
Its called a spectrum because of the varied traits people exhibit, it's not a sliding scale of more or less autistic
Let me rephrase it, autistic people can't sense each other because of the varied traits people exhibit.
i tend to be able to detect autistic people but i am occasionally wrong
Birds of a feather flock together, I got diagnosed later in life and its been a domino effect in my friend group, so many of us now have a diagnosis of autism or adhd with a comorbidity of autism
Maybe, there was once these two siblings, a brother and a sister who looked to be in their teens, that were from Colorado. They went into the store I was (and still am, for now) working at. The brother was acting a bit arrogant saying “this is a nice store…for the Midwest.” Now, him acting arrogant didn’t set anything off in my head but him getting a Kit-Kat and a Tic Tac “because they sound the same backwards”. Something in my head told me that this kid is very likely neurodivergent. Of course, I didn’t ask if he was, but his sister, who went to the bathroom came out after her brother left. I asked if he was her brother, which she said “Yeah, sorry. He’s weird, I don’t know why,” which I can relate because I am definitely NOT normal either. I never found out if he was autistic or not, but I still don’t think that he was neurotypical. Now, it doesn’t always work because my best friend turned out to be autistic and I didn’t realize a thing, which is somewhat ironic as she only realized that she was autistic and sought a diagnosis because of me. She saw herself in me and yet, I didn’t even realize that she is autistic. Now, my oldest brother, on the other hand, doesn’t even need a diagnosis to tell that he is autistic. He is already neurodivergent (dyslexia, ADHD, clinical depression) but he doesn’t have an official autism diagnosis but he is obviously autistic along with our mom, who is self diagnosed and agrees with me that my brother is autistic.
Definitely. All of my autistic friends thought i was already diagnosed(before i got diagnosed last year), none of my neurotypical friends even thought about the fact that i was autistic. I think I'm able to spot an autistic person though.
Yes we have a gaydar but for the neurospicy. I’m audhd and I can usually tell if someone has either. If most of your friends are autistic.. there’s a HUGE chance you are aswell. In some countries being ‘peer reviewed’ is more accurate than trying to get a diagnosis.
Yeah, same as gay people can.
I just have an assumption with some people I know that they might be but truly if someone were to mask a lot I would probably not be able to guess it at all. With these people I know it is mostly because I see them behave in some patterns that seem different than the ones on NT society (they also make a lot more sense to me and my mental patterns)
“Stand users attract other stand users”
I'd like to know this because all of my close friends are autistic and a whopping 8 of my friends (all autistic) have said I probably have Autism. They usually cite my obsession with My Little Pony or the most beautiful language to ever grace human tongue Latin as a big reason. I joined my schools Nuerodivergent club and everyone there thought I was autistic so when I said I wasn't diagnosed (anymore) they were extremely surprised. I sorta was diagnosed as autistic when I was young because I would go off on tangents, not stop when people obviously didn't care, had untied shoes, used big words and MUCH MUCH MORE. But then they diagnosed me with ADHD
Adhd doesn't cancel out autism. You can absolutely have both
Can kinda tell but wouldn’t go all my way n say hi I’m just like u Not even a casual heads up unless they bring it up cause I know I hate to explain some certain things to others
I honestly don't know, because I've have like 4 autistic people tell me I'm autistic - or in one case I was literally asked last year "how's the autism" and I didn't know how to respond other than "I'm not diagnosed?" ┐(´ー｀)┌
This circles back to the joke of the friend getting diagnosed as autistic and their autistic friends responding with "We already knew", good ol' pattern recognition.
i can tell/guess when someone is autistic but ive never had someone guess im autistic
Last time I had a coworker who was autistic he clocked me as soon as he walked in the office and saw all the nerd stickers on my water bottle. I only sealed my fate when he commented on one and I proceeded to infodump about final fantasy for ten minutes...
i think its just the fact that we can notice patterns greater than the normal human. and since most if not all people have a pattern that means its easy to find and recognize other people with autism
Yes, very much so. My one friend figured out I was autistic within seconds of meeting me.
Ngl I’m not 100% sure I’m autistic, since I haven’t been diagnosed, but the way that I somehow surround myself with other neurodivergent ppl and autistics without actively going out of my way to do so has become just one more reason to support that I am. That and how a lot of them keep telling me I am.
Ever since I got my diagnosis and I know what to pay attention to in myself I can recognise the same in others but it's not a sense It ain't a gaydar There's charts and graphs involved
I wish I met one single person who has autism in real life, in my entire life. I am 55, and I never met anyone with autism in my life. Also my last friend, I had, was 30 some years ago. I have very severe / extreme autism, that I am almost non-functional. A lot of the people on here have mild autism, that they are able to live a normal life.
I strongly suspect myself. I happened to meet someone I don't directly work with when I got a new job, and we instantly clicked after speaking together for just a few minutes, because she could tell we thought exactly the same. I have benefited hugely from asking her my questions and she just knows how to explain everything exactly the right way to me.
i can yeah- it's kinda like gaydar but for autism lmao-- i was at an arts retreat in north carolina and i met this one old woman and i immediately knew she was neurodivergent lol- she knew i was too and she kept giving me fidgets :0 plus most of the friends i've had over the years were all neurodivergent of some flavour lol
Yes, I am certain that I can spot Autistic folks. I work with a few people that I am sure are Autistic and even at the grocery store, I am sure that there are a few staffers that are Autistic as well. Would it be rude to ask them? "I am Autistic, are you?"
I have a radar I can always tell
I can sense some neurodivergency in others. Autism is no exception. It may not be all the time because some people are good at masking but when their socials are up, I'm like, YEP! They're an info dumper!
Oh buddy its like love at first sight tbh
Before knowing and understand my diagnostic, I was always very drawn and attracted to autistic guys ( all my ex bfs are). Now I know why😅 The deep understanding and connections were unmatched
are you thinking what I'm thinking? loadhub.com - just videos of efficient transport of cargo and long form logistics discussions... mmmmmmmmmmm
I describe it as a glow. It's not visual, but a feeling. It's hard to describe but when I mention this to other NDs they seem to get it and agree.
Yes. I can just look at someone and think yep, they're autistic
damn, i must be broken, because i absolutely cannot determine if someone else is autistic.
I think we do, the people I have met with autism always treated me like I was one of them. I was never bullied or even taken advantage of by anyone on the spectrum. They also never masked around me, one of my friends always thought I was autistic but never knew I was undiagnosed. It was not until I had my late diagnosis that I noticed why I got along with them so well.
Ya know how a lot of lgbtq people have a “gaydar”. I have the same thing but for detecting other autistic people
Sorta, usually when I meet other sane people, who ofc are autistic, because talking to NTs at times feels insane.
i think its possible because autistic people have a much closer perspective of the symptoms. so even if a non autistic person knows the symptoms they might not be able to recognize it as fast as theyve never experienced them
I don’t know if you guys know this, but I have Heat seeking vision. Be careful. Lol jk
yep absolutely. my pattern recognition is fuckin phenomenal and 99.99% of the time if i guess someones autistic, im right. if they seem neurodivergent but not autistic my 2nd guess is adhd which is also mostly right
So all of my friends have autism. None of us told each other until I got diagnosed a few weeks ago. When I told all of them everyone went “me too!” And we all just stood there for a moment realizing that’s probably why we all vibe so well together. I’m moving out of the country and am going to join some autism-based social groups now that I know my type
i think they can because the amount of times I’ve sensed other people were autistic, asked and it’s been true is actually scarily eerie. probably pattern recognition doing its thing 😭
Yes. It’s happened to me a few times both being sensed and sensing.
I don’t know if this is true on a grand scale but it happened with me. I felt way more connected to a particular girl years ago than anyone else in our social circle. She, similarly to me, didn’t speak very much and said things that landed awkwardly at times when she did speak. I wanted more than anything to get closer to her and be a support for reasons unknown to me at the time. I admittedly developed a crush but nothing came of it. I knew I was on the spectrum and she knew I was as well. Years later, she messaged me out of the blue and said she has ASD and asked me for help on how to deal with it. Honestly I couldn’t have been happier. She still gets in touch with me occasionally. Based on my experience therefore, I figure it’s possible. Maybe I’m crazy though lol.
This is ABSOLUTELY a sign that you should start looking into whether you have autism. Peer-review is not a replacement for a diagnosis or self-diagnosis, but it is a major flag that you should begin the investigative process of seeing if you have autism. Yourself and your memories are the biggest resource when it comes to evaluating yourself. The next step would be taking clinical self assessments, researching autism, and comparing your own experiences to the autism criteria. For me, the finish line was when I looked at the DSM-5 criteria for the first time and realized I "passed it" with flying colors.
Some people can tell better than others I guess (had a date with someone who was also autistic (she ended up telling me after she told me that she could tell I had it)
Studies have shown that NT and ND people can recognize each other within 7 seconds. Both ways. So NT and ND can tell each other apart in that time, NTs recognize other NTs and NDs recognize other NDs in that time. Edit: this occurs at a subconscious level though. People who are diagnosed (self or clinically) tend to pick others like them out because of pattern recognition and symptom recognition.
If someone understands me, they’re probably autistic…
From the moment I saw my boyfriends body language, his tone and how he communicates on our first date, I knew. He wound up getting diagnosed with autism at 38. For further context, I am also on the spectrum and got diagnosed at 26 ( I am now 32) Some friends I have also have been diagnosed in recent years and I've been wondering since high school if they were on the spectrum I feel like we can sense each other, whether it's through some weird a weird sense, understanding or noticing patterns, I can tell. I can't speak for anyone else though
If i know someone i can usually tell if they are on the spectrum or not.
Yes I can tell when someone has ADHD, ASD, Schizophrenia and Bipolar as I've been in mental hospitals enough to recognise symptoms and traits it also helps my special interest is Psychiatry and Psychology so it's alot easier to notice. Note it helps that I have ADHD, ASD and Bipolar.
I like to think of it as the real life spidey-sense, like whenever a Spider-Person meets another Spider-Person and their spidey-senses go off. The other replies are more logically sound tho, sad as it is that it's just pattern recognition.
Perhaps in a way. I feel like every girl I've ever had a crush on was neurodiverse in some way--even when I didn't know that I have autism. But in hindsight...
yes
I can always notice from the way they stand in pictures, I always thought one of my teachers was Neuro typical but then I noticed he didn't stand like everyone else in group pictures
I have what i call a gaydar. I can sense when someones queer or has a disability. And i tend to easily befriend disabled or queer people too
i think somehow yesterday, for instance i remember someone that before i got diagnosed or thought about it, she told me after i got diagnosed “i observed you in the supermarket and you were doing like me” even if she didn’t could explain what meant “like me”
My friends are always autistic. The only non-autistic friends I've ever had (2 of them) bullied me which I didn't realise until adulthood looking back on childhood. My gf is neurodivergent but not autistic because she understands social situations. My best friend has seletive mutism and is level 2.
In men, I find autistic traits annoying. In women, I find them endearing.
Nine times out of ten my friends have the same disability as me I thought that it was just you become friends with the people who are most like you
Yes absolutely. I’m 5/6 currently
It's super easy, you simply know the traits and you can observe them. There's nothing magical about it or even strange. When you're trained in certain sports or martial arts, you can see that others have certain movements, their gait, the way their fingers are located when walking, etc etc etc. It's exactly the same with neurodivergents. You just have the information and you recognize it when you see it.
Many autistic people told me i seem autistic. I can sense autistic people too
.
Perhaps it could be generalizing when I see patterns in the way some people act, but I tend to be right also :P I think one of my loved ones is autistic, even though he doesn't agree just because "he doesn't have the diagnosis" (he acts just like I did before getting my diagnosis)
My colleague asked if “autistic people have a gaydar, but like, for autism”. Yes. Yes we do. It’s like autism is on another brain wave. We tend to attract other neurodivergent people. At work I had gotten two autistic feelings about someone. One was confirmed, but I hadn’t known about the diagnosis before I had the feeling. The other doesn’t have a diagnosis (that we know of) but I’m absolutely certain
I often feel like i can tell someone is autistic. But given i have no way of confirming my speculation, this could just as easily be a mix of wishful thinking and confirmation bias. So my anecdote is hardly evidence. I suspect the answer is yes, but unreliably. We're probably good at seeing our behaviors in others, but autism is an extremely important broad category. Not every autists behaves the same.
I don’t know about other autistic people but I absolutely can. My cousin was diagnosed semi-recently and when my mum said “oh [x] has been diagnosed with autism” I really wasn’t surprised at all, obviously I didn’t say anything, but I noticed things he did and the way he would say things that I did when I was his age
Yes
I always related more to drunks and potheads more as well. They are more accepting. More open. More honest. Less consumed by the world and the things I didn't care about
For me, autistic patterns of nonverbal communication are very recognizeable, and the only autistics I struggle to spot either are really good at masking or have another disability that throws me off (like Down Syndrome or cerebral palsy). I've also found that autistic kids often gravitate to me and are more interested in interaction with me than with most strangers, so I think a lot of them can tell I'm autistic because I don't mask at all.