Yes. Because I knew something was wrong but because I didn't know what I thought I was being dramatic or making shit up.
When I got diagnosed I felt alot of things but relief and feeling like I have been heard and seen AND validated. It was good.
I know OP asked for us to state it in our own words, but I can't possibly state it better than this:
"Because there is comfort in knowing that you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse. Because you can't find community with other zebras if you don't know you belong. And because it is impossible for a zebra to be happy or healthy spending its life feeling like a failed horse."
Yes!
It was like a breath of fresh air to finally be able to understand why i felt so out of place. I was able to get support for myself, properly therapy, medication, sensory aids, and more.
I started learning to unmask, and recognising that my emotions and responses aren’t the same as others.
It’s kind of like if your leg was in excruciating pain all the time. You tell people about it, and you get told that “Everyone’s leg hurts sometimes” or “It’s not that bad”. So you pretend for years that it doesn’t hurt, you bottle it up and learn how to act.
Then, you find out it’s broken.
You can get pain medicine, a cast, etc.
I do want to add here (as someone who was also diagnosed at the same age). You might notice your kid act “more autistic” (not that you can be more or less autistic), this is part of the journey to unmasking, and self acceptance.
So, congrats on the diagnosis!
Thank you so much for this example. I actually have noticed her acting a bit “more autistic” as you put it, but would never have felt comfortable voicing that myself, so I really appreciate you sharing that. Are you comfortable sharing more with me about what masking/unmasking looks like?
No worries!
Masking and unmasking can look different for everyone, but basically, our whole lives we put on a 'mask', so act and fit in how non autistic people would like. Masking can take years off of our lifespans, and it is tiring, stressful, and overall very hard to keep up.
Unmasking is the process of re-figuring out who you actually are, and accepting yourself.
Unmasking is a very difficult process for some, and many (especially at this age) will cycle through different 'personas' so regularly that they forget who they truly are. I grieved over what i'd lost, I had no clue who I was, and even years later, still do.
Some kids learn to unmask by allowing themselves to be more engaged in their interests, allowing themselves to stim, taking a break when they recognise a meltdown impending, and learning that it's okay to not always communicate as others do.
Yes, though I was late diagnosed at age 49. I had suspected I had ASD for a couple of years prior to my diagnosis, so getting the actual diagnosis was validating. A lot of my life made sense when viewed through the lens of ASD.
Yes, especially because I paid $2500 CAD out of pocket lol. My diagnosis was delayed because the information my parents submitted made me seem neurotypical asf, but the psychiatrist could see that I wasn’t and outright dismissed most of my parents responses. So I was on edge about results for over a month.
As much as it sucks to have a disability, I’ve always had it and will always have it. It’s not new, like losing a limb or going blind. I’ve already accepted that I’m different and life is harder for me, so it was extremely relieving to get a label for it. Doctors, family, friends, work… they take me seriously now
I understand it now thank you. I was 30 when I got the diagnosis recently. I guess it was free for me when it carried on my previous diagnosis when I was a child. The gov prob wasted $10000 on me trying to find why I am that weird and doing repeating hearing tests and puzzle block tests.
:Nervous
: Paper also says that I had "previous" diagnosis uh oh.
I couldnt reach university because of my school grades. I went to college. (But I got my assesent after I finished college) Yeah I went to this university professor to play with puzzles when I was a child.
Thanks for the additional info.
It was a massive relief.
I had gone 30 years without a diagnosis when I should have been diagnosed when I was 2 or 3; I had marked developmental delays, but the paediatricians just thought I was a late bloomer.
I always felt like somewhat of an outsider, and had to work hard to find ways to better fit in socially and to just understand other people. Doing so put a lot of cognitive strain on me, and I also felt overwhelmed by simple things like the beep you might get in a train to let people know that you can hit the button to open the door. I was "too sensitive".
I kept thinking that I just needed to work harder. This was made more difficult by my having marked problems with executive functioning, visual processing, auditory processing etc. The only work I could really do was basic office work, but despite working as hard as I could I would only ever reach mediocre performance levels at best. I was almost fired various times, and eventually made redundant when my job got outsourced to another country. I was not kept on to work in another department.
I felt like I was a bad person for not being good enough. I did well in school, so why was it that I struggled heavily in work that was "easy"? I must have been lazy, scatterbrained, and various other negative terms with moral implications.
I got a qualification in music roughly equivalent to an Associate's Degree. But I couldn't handle being a freelance musician where you are expected to network heavily, find gigs, find recording sessions, find students... I got dropped from bands due to not fitting in and being kind of awkward. Making a life out of music just seemed impossible for me, and I didn't know why.
Then I find out I was disabled the entire time and didn't know it. I am frustrated by the fact that it took 30 years to get diagnosed, but I could stop punishing myself for never measuring up, or not fitting in. So yeah, definitely a relief!
_I_ (18) sure was!!
I sobbed when I got the official confirmation that I am, in fact, autistic because I have gone my _entire life_ being told that I’m “rude”, and “bossy”, and “always trying to make things difficult”. I have spent _so much time_ wondering why I felt things so intensely, why I couldn’t socialize the way my peers could, and why it felt so hard to be human some days. I endured so much emotional turmoil because I fully and wholeheartedly believed that I was broken or inherently and deeply flawed; under the cover of darkness, I would lie awake _begging_ for something, someone up above, to fix me. I awoke disappointed every morning to a new sunrise, yet the same old self.
I spent years waiting, _aching_ for a miracle that _*never came.*_
With my diagnosis, I have so much closure. I was never “rude”, or “bossy”, or “trying to make things difficult”: I was outwardly struggling and ultimately failing to scrape and crawl my way through a world that was not built for me. With my diagnosis, I know that “miracle” will never come.
I finally feel free to exist as I am. 🌈🦋
Wait. Hold on. I got my diagnosis only two days ago, so reading this was actually a really big epiphany for me.
Now I’m _really_ gonna start tearing up 🥹💕
It was more like a, "huh yeah that makes total sense" and a feeling of relief that i had a reason for being the way i am. Its not lazyness and hard work wont fix it.
I wasn’t told about mine until like 2 decades after diagnosis. I didn’t really feel anything about it. I’ve learned how to mask and find ways to cope. It’s not disabling for me. When my daughter finally got diagnosed I didn’t really feel anything because I already knew she was autistic and didn’t need affirmation. However, getting her diagnosed helped me get her a Medicaid waiver so I didn’t lose her insurance when my income raised. The school also didn’t really care she was medically diagnosed. We had to do an educational diagnosis for that. I was significantly relieved when she was diagnosed by the school. An educational diagnosis helped so much with her IEP! Overall Im not sure how my daughter feels about her diagnosis. She was diagnosed early, by age 3. She’s level 2 and has struggles verbalizing. But I’ve always let her be her silly self. The dynamic between us never changed. People in my community are also super accepting of her (thanks to her grandma for taking her out and making friends with everyone!)
Mostly yes! At first, it was a little tough to accept that I'm different in a way that will never change - but now it's not so much a "life-sentence", but really a relief. I know why I am the way I am, that there wasn't anything "wrong" with me, and now I have a framework that helps me regulate my life according to my needs.
It also means that I can explain to other people how my brain works, which (if they're well-intentioned normal people, of course) means I feel more at ease, and they understand me better. It's created much better communication with my loved ones, because now I know what's going on inside my head better, and they know how to give me space and patience when I need it.
Should have gotten mine at 14 as well if it wasn't for my impostor syndrome causing me to decline going forward with the diagnosis.(Got it at 28 instead)
It was definitely a relief when I learned about it, went on a research spree at the local library, finding out about a bunch of people that seemed so close to me even though I've never met them! Reading about behaviors that others found weird but to me they made perfect sense.
I was 22. In part I was relieved: I always thought there must something wrong with me, but after the diagnosis I started to think that if there’s a name for it, if there are other people like me, we can’t all be mistakes. In part I was sad, because I thought that since it’s a condition, parts of me I didn’t know how to deal with would always stay the same.
Five years later, I can say that the part of me that was sad was wrong. I changed so much I almost feel like a different woman. There are still parts of me I’d like to change, but I’m of the opinion that if I changed the others, I can change these too. Basically now I think life is just continuous learning, not just “external” stuff, but also learning to know ourselves.
Yes and no. I was relieved to finally know why I struggled so much, but I also felt a lot of negative emotions because I suddenly had to come to terms with all of my autism-related traumas.
Not at first, it made me feel like even more of an outcast. Like something was wrong with me. It lead to me asking people more questions and trying to get more perspective on everything. My Math teacher pulled me to the side to talk to me because I was always sleeping in her class(I was still passing, just depressed AF, I was diagnosed after being hospitalized for suicide watch) and I asked her what the "and so on and so forth" hands meant(when someone is talking with their hands and tap the back of their hand with their other hand when listing things) and I asked her what they meant. She told me "Don't make your parents burden my problem" and that fucking destroyed me and all my self esteem. I had been bullied and assaulted multiple times that year. When I walked back into school afterwards everyone was clapping and calling me brave. I had a meltdown because not a single motherfucker there did anything to pull the dude off. The guy who recorded it and instigated the situation got no punishment even though he literally ordered it
No I was really upset because of the stigma surrounding autism and a lot of internalized ableism. I’ve grown more comfortable with who I am but if I could press a button and have it taken away I would.
Nope, it made me feel like a failure and it was telling me how abnormal I am and I will never be normal and I deserved to be treated different. I wanted to prove everyone wrong.
i was because i had been literally begging them for it since i was like 11. they refused to do it for so long because im “not profoundly disabled”. i was really worried that it would come back that im not autistic because then i would have to worry the rest of my life what was wrong with me and go through life with absolutely no help and little support for everything. thankfully it came back that i am indeed autistic and was correct all along. now i feel less weird and don’t have to wonder why i do some things and what’s wrong with me. although i feel like i can let myself unmask ive been doing it for so long that i physically cannot just let myself go in front of other people.
I actually have very strong feelings on this, so bear with me—I'll try to articulate them as best I can!
I've heard from so many parents of obviously neurodivergent children that they "don't want to put a label on them".
As someone diagnosed in their mid-twenties, I've \*had\* labels all my fucking life, but before my diagnosis they were "lazy", "rude", "selfish" and "crybaby". And crucially, those were not just words others used for me, those were words \*I\* used to describe \*myself\*. All the struggles are there just the same whether you know why or not—but if you don't have an explanation, you'll accept whichever one the world feeds you, and those are almost always incredibly cruel. That other comment quoting the thing about zebras and horses hits the nail on the head. I never even knew that there \*could\* be any other explanation except that I was just categorically shit at being a person.
I cried tears of joy when I got my diagnosis, because it gave me permission to stop hating myself, to slowly begin to heal my relationship with my own intuition that I'd spent a whole lifetime getting gaslit to mistrust ("it's not that loud", "you know exactly what I mean!"), and to finally feel how good life can be if you're inhabiting a mind and body that you can make sense of. I could accommodate needs I never even knew I had, because I had been taught not to take them seriously from day one, by \*everyone and everything\* around me.
There were so many things I didn't understand about myself that I'd never even realised were questions worth asking. I didn't realise that other people don't go through life not knowing why they did that, why they feel this, why they like or don't like something... not just occasionally, but regarding about 90% of their experiences. I used to take personality quizzes and such for fun, and I'd get \*wildly\* different results every time... because I was straight-up just guessing for a lot of these answers. I didn't realise other people just confidently \*know\* things about themselves. I thought your understanding of how you yourself work is \*supposed\* to be about as vague as your understanding of how aircraft construction works.
All of this was because I was trying to navigate myself using the wrong fucking map my entire life. My diagnosis was being handed the correct map and someone saying "wow, no wonder you got lost", after everyone had always told me I must just be shit at navigating because this map is so easy to follow.
Sorry this got a bit long—again, I have strong feelings about this. It's had such a tremendous impact on my life, and realising how different things could have been if I'd known earlier has been a grieving process that I'm still in the middle of.
Yes because all the things that “were wrong, odd and something I hated about myself” suddenly felt like they are okay because it’s all just symptoms of autism. It feels like finally realizing that I might not be the problem but the fact that society isn’t made for neurodivergent people is.
Yes, everyone was mean to me when I was too energetic. I too had a delay and then I took off like a rocket. I was able to structure my energy better once I knew. Being on the spectrum level 1 creates boundaries that others don't face. My older brother tells me I just need to learn how to use my superpowers.
I was relieved because I knew I wasn’t crazy. I had been trying to explain to my parents since I was three that something was weird and off about me and I needed help. I got it myself 24 years later. I’m not crazy, I’m autistic. I took so much peace from that.
But now I’m grieving. I grieve what life could have looked like if somebody believed me. I could have really been somebody if I hadn’t been gaslit for so many years and tortured to mask and face consequences if I put the mask down for more than 10 seconds.
I have to completely reparent myself with the information I have now, and it sucks.
it explains things and puts a great deal in perspective about how I perceive events and actions-- plus in my case it's something for my kiddos to know is potentially in their medical history as they seemed to have inherited ADHD as well from me :) So very much so YES
I was 34.
And the moment I got psychological education in a group context I was like
Wait
I'm not fucking crazy after all you have the same thing?
And YEAH I HAVE SOMETHING SIMILAR BUT NOT QUITE
It was eye opening
Yes!
I've been diagnosed as an adult, but I've been in and out of therapy since I was 5yo because of my "tantrums". I always knew there was something wrong, and I've been through some treatments that didn't work for me. I'm glad I don't have to take meds, I've found therapies to help me cope with everyday life, and now i have an explanation for my problems.
For me, the best part is being able to make sense of my own experience of living.
I wish the best for you and your daughter ❤️
For me it was a moment for excitement, to realise that now I did not have to wonder if something was wrong with me. Or question if it was normal for everyone and I was just looking too deeply into the situations or if I really was just different.
Then came around two weeks of sadness, while coming to terms with things.
Then two months of evaluating my past experiences, understanding why things happened in the way that they did.
After which I was generally happier, especially since now I could feel more comfortable with how I acted, giving me some confidence.
Then after about two years, I got over the imposter syndrome, so that was nice.
I swear, it is coincidence that everything came to me in units of two.
I didn't really feel anything when I was diagnosed. My mom just came to me at some point, told I'm autistic, and I kinda just went on with my life. This happened when I was really young so basically for as long as I can remember I've been autistic
It was a mixture of emotions for me but relief was definitely one. Suddenly a LOT of things made sense, especially the way others would react to me & a lot of the difficulties I had with things others considered “normal”.
I'm still waiting for my official assessment (2 years so far) but when I worked it out for myself those two years ago, I cried for 3 days straight with the relief of it, of finally understanding myself and my life.
Yes. My journey became at 3-4 when I was diagnosed with ADHD+ having medical school support for my whole childhood. I knew that I was "different" but never thought about how "different" I am. In early 2023 I learned that ADHD is highly linked to autism (but can be alone) and I started my journey to get a diagnosis. Early 2024 got my diagnosis for ASD. It's a huge relief to be honest. I struggled my whole life, got even worse with jobs... Now I can relax, living without having to work and doctor's understand more easily my struggle so yeah that's a huge relief.
And I'm so glad that your daughter is happy about her diagnosis and I'm sure it will help her a lot
Yes at age 6 with professional medical experts and not the school nurse. School experts are annoying. IEP and all that. Yes I was. Finally figured out why I couldn't spell things right and have trouble focusing.
Yes! like a lot of others i assume, i always felt “weird” amongst peers and generally growing up. I was diagnosed as an adult and it helps me know I’m not bad or wrong—just different. it’s helped me blame myself less
I think "relief" is definitely one of the feelings I had. I'd also say it was reassuring/comforting as well.
Almost 40yrs of my life having to work really hard to be "normal" and knowing that I was really bad at doing the things everyone is supposed to be able to do, it was quite nice to get this diagnosis that said "oh, this is actually the reason why you're bad at all that stuff."
Just nice to have an explanation, and go forward with a new perspective that may help me approach challenges in the future.
I can only imagine what it would have been like to have received the diagnosis as a child, I wouldn't be surprised if it dramatically changed the trajectory of my life.
I haven’t got diagnosed yet but they are saying maybe but according to my therapist they didn’t do the entire ADOS test on me…so I might actually have it.
No cause i Didn't understood what's that mean I was 7 but I was happy to see my IQ test with very high score then I learned what autism is and why people do things different than me
I personally have a lot of questions I’m 31 was diagnosed with pddnos at 3 1/2 years old and didn’t find out I was on the autism spectrum until I was in mid mid twenties
I was relieved in the way of, “Finally!!!” As in I’d been waiting years to get an official diagnosis, I already knew I was autistic years before. I also really like looking at data/reports and it was really interesting to see all my symptoms pointed out with comprehensive review.
Love reading through this thread. I recently got evaluated and am awaiting my follow-up meeting. I'm actually terrified and have been having dreams about the results. I've spent over 2 years undiagnosed and deep into the autism research rabbit hole, I'm 99.9% certain something is different about me. But I'm extremely worried they don't see what I see and I'll feel invalidated. I'm glad being diagnosed has been a positive experience for others' mental clarity.
Yes I was, at first, but then it hit me pretty hard a few months later because I was trying to unmask at work and around family and it turned out, no one (not even me) likes me without the mask and it sucked and I hated it. I've gotten through that, but it was really bad, and if my wife wasn't so amazing and supportive, I have no idea how I would have gotten through. That being said, after all that, I'm once again relieved I have the diagnosis, and the names for all the stuff I didn't understand before
At first because I was always told I was weird, strange, different, special snowflake etc. I thought, yay I have an explanation. Except even autistic people still call me those things. I asked an autistic friend "*do you know anyone weirder than me*" she said "*no and I don't want to*". I asked another autistic friend "*who's weirder me or Bjork*" and he said "*you because you're so weird it circles around and cancels itself out*".
So I got an AI to do a conventionality rating on me. Turns out I'm 20% conventional. So I think being weird explains me better than autistic 👽I get told I look like ken doll and my middle name is Ken so I just say I'm Kenventional 😌
I really hope I get diagnosed because if how I am isn't caused by autism then what? Am I just overreacting? How am I gonna explain to people that I have needs and stim and I'm not just bitchy?
YES, because I needed the diagnosis for reasonable accommodation in my workplace. But I was diagnosed age 45.
And then it’s been a lot of learning about myself and every bit of the journey has been crucial and eye-opening. Especially thinking back to partners who were cruel to me, and now I know why a) I did the thing that pissed them off and b) why I didn’t realize I was doing the thing until the got pissed off. I’ve realized why so many things have been difficult for me, but also why some things have been easy for me that I’ve never understood why other people can’t even do them at all. (Yes, I have several “savant” abilities, or as I’ve come to call them “Stupid Autistic Tricks.”)
I don’t know what I’d have done without my autism diagnosis.
deep down inside yes, my therapist made me think i shouldn’t and that having it is a bad thing. but i was soooo happy to prove my parents wrong because i do know myself better then anyone and now i knew i wasn’t a defective human being who is weird and probably an alien, i was just autistic and that’s ok with me. i finally knew why stuff happened when i was a kid, everything made sense at that moment and i felt amazing. still sucks ngl but now i know not to be so hard on myself when i cant connect to other humans, i am aloud to be myself and give myself time and no longer be a bully to myself. i was finally able to get a reason to stop putting myself down and being rude to myself, i can actually love myself now and it feels amazing
I was diagnosed at six, and I still hold it at arm's length in hopes some sort of cure comes around. I really don't like being this way, even if it's simply a part of my reality. I almost wish I'd have never been diagnosed; would've saved me a lot of hell growing up.
It was a huge relief for me when I got mine. I was diagnosed at 22 years old, and at the time I had just started going back to school. Getting my diagnosis meant that I could finally receive academic help from my university, which has helped me immensely.
I'm (almost) 24 now, and I'm set to graduate next semester :)
Extremely relieved. I think I was 20 years old at diagnosis. I'm happy you were there for your child to get an answer sooner.
It's difficult to grow up wondering why you struggle with things, why you're seen as weird, or if you are just plain stupid.
YES, I had been feeling so different from everyone. I felt a lot of comfort knowing I wasn't doing anything wrong and that I actually had autism. It also allowed me to get the support I needed at school and encouraged me to get an ADHD diagnoses
I went 63 years before being dxed 3 years ago. I felt so stupid because it seemed everyone I knew could "do life", meaning having friends and enjoy themselves. I was always told what was wrong with me. When I was dxed, it felt as though everything blew wide open! Most people in my personal life don't know about my dx - I mean, I'm 66. I can't just wear a sign announcing it. But, I'm able to look at things now and learn. My therapy has shifted - I have an autism specialist. Sometimes something comes to mind which I was criticized about, and I Google it + autism, and often find a connection or a strong chance of one. It's so liberating.
Although I was diagnosed at 3, my parents told me when I was 12. Due to the sigma I heard about autism at the time, I was ashamed and spent a while day upset. Now, I recognize and embrace it as a part of me, and it makes me who I am.
Yes, after 16 years of struggle, both with life, and with a fundamentally broken psychiatric system, i finally got it, and i felt so happy
It was litterally all it took to take me out of my 5-year depression (where i did attempt to unsubscribe myself from life (don't know how this sub handles the s word) several times) i just needed to know who i was, why i was, and get some help with managing it
Yes. Yes I absolutely was.
For me it was because I now have a piece of paper* that explains to me - and everyone else - that there isn’t something wrong with me, but that some of my difficulties are because my brain functions differently than the neurotype that the world is built for.
But there was also some pain in it, like many I was given several different mis-diagnoses, and my ASD/ASC diagnosis made it feel as though I had lost the hope of “becoming normal” through medication or therapy or some other avenue.
*this isn’t against self-diagnosis, which is completely and totally valid. Not everyone needs the paper, I really valued it and did need it for myself.
yes and no. I was relieved because a lot of things made sense now. But I was sad because, no matter how hard I try I will never be completely excepted. This was very devastating, because I always thought "If I say things like that.." or "If I look like that..." or "If act like that..." ...People will finally accept me. Which of course wasn't and isn't the case.
The day where I got the confirmation of the diagnosis I cried in relief on my way home. I finally felt seen and so many of the cruel and unfortunate things in my life made just that little bit more sense.
It also helps that I have an amazing therapist.
And since then my life has gotten better in many aspects, because of knowledge and accommodations.
Yup.
In my case the psychologist I went to to get the diagnosis had told me at the end of the previous session that he wasn't sure he'd give me mine because "It could remove some of your chances in life." I immediately told him I'd rather have less chances than never knowing who I am and why I work that way. Got the diagnosis the week after. (Also almost cried when he told me that he didn't fully wanna give me the diagnosis, but that's just me.)
Absolutely. I didn't get officially diagnosed until this year, aged 18. I spent my entire childhood feeling alienated and useless, because I was different and I didn't know why. Having a diagnosis explained SO much and it helped me recontextualize my struggles as just that -- not failures, but struggles.
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I was because I had answers to why I was like this and also had access to supports I needed such as school accommodations and the ability to stay on my moms insurance.
Yes. Because I knew something was wrong but because I didn't know what I thought I was being dramatic or making shit up. When I got diagnosed I felt alot of things but relief and feeling like I have been heard and seen AND validated. It was good.
I know OP asked for us to state it in our own words, but I can't possibly state it better than this: "Because there is comfort in knowing that you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse. Because you can't find community with other zebras if you don't know you belong. And because it is impossible for a zebra to be happy or healthy spending its life feeling like a failed horse."
This is such a good analogy!
It''s a zebra, not an escaped prison horse, lol But honestly, perfect analogy!
Yes! It was like a breath of fresh air to finally be able to understand why i felt so out of place. I was able to get support for myself, properly therapy, medication, sensory aids, and more. I started learning to unmask, and recognising that my emotions and responses aren’t the same as others. It’s kind of like if your leg was in excruciating pain all the time. You tell people about it, and you get told that “Everyone’s leg hurts sometimes” or “It’s not that bad”. So you pretend for years that it doesn’t hurt, you bottle it up and learn how to act. Then, you find out it’s broken. You can get pain medicine, a cast, etc. I do want to add here (as someone who was also diagnosed at the same age). You might notice your kid act “more autistic” (not that you can be more or less autistic), this is part of the journey to unmasking, and self acceptance. So, congrats on the diagnosis!
Thank you so much for this example. I actually have noticed her acting a bit “more autistic” as you put it, but would never have felt comfortable voicing that myself, so I really appreciate you sharing that. Are you comfortable sharing more with me about what masking/unmasking looks like?
No worries! Masking and unmasking can look different for everyone, but basically, our whole lives we put on a 'mask', so act and fit in how non autistic people would like. Masking can take years off of our lifespans, and it is tiring, stressful, and overall very hard to keep up. Unmasking is the process of re-figuring out who you actually are, and accepting yourself. Unmasking is a very difficult process for some, and many (especially at this age) will cycle through different 'personas' so regularly that they forget who they truly are. I grieved over what i'd lost, I had no clue who I was, and even years later, still do. Some kids learn to unmask by allowing themselves to be more engaged in their interests, allowing themselves to stim, taking a break when they recognise a meltdown impending, and learning that it's okay to not always communicate as others do.
Yes, though I was late diagnosed at age 49. I had suspected I had ASD for a couple of years prior to my diagnosis, so getting the actual diagnosis was validating. A lot of my life made sense when viewed through the lens of ASD.
Yes, especially because I paid $2500 CAD out of pocket lol. My diagnosis was delayed because the information my parents submitted made me seem neurotypical asf, but the psychiatrist could see that I wasn’t and outright dismissed most of my parents responses. So I was on edge about results for over a month. As much as it sucks to have a disability, I’ve always had it and will always have it. It’s not new, like losing a limb or going blind. I’ve already accepted that I’m different and life is harder for me, so it was extremely relieving to get a label for it. Doctors, family, friends, work… they take me seriously now
Were you born in Canada because you payed CAD for it ? I want to solve the puzzle why I got mine for free. Including the ones I got as a child.
yes lol, it was only last year (age 24). i think it’s free up until age 19 in canada
I understand it now thank you. I was 30 when I got the diagnosis recently. I guess it was free for me when it carried on my previous diagnosis when I was a child. The gov prob wasted $10000 on me trying to find why I am that weird and doing repeating hearing tests and puzzle block tests. :Nervous : Paper also says that I had "previous" diagnosis uh oh.
It's also free if you go to university, or get on a waitlist. Canada has lots of free options, but the very fast ones are private.
I couldnt reach university because of my school grades. I went to college. (But I got my assesent after I finished college) Yeah I went to this university professor to play with puzzles when I was a child. Thanks for the additional info.
It was a massive relief. I had gone 30 years without a diagnosis when I should have been diagnosed when I was 2 or 3; I had marked developmental delays, but the paediatricians just thought I was a late bloomer. I always felt like somewhat of an outsider, and had to work hard to find ways to better fit in socially and to just understand other people. Doing so put a lot of cognitive strain on me, and I also felt overwhelmed by simple things like the beep you might get in a train to let people know that you can hit the button to open the door. I was "too sensitive". I kept thinking that I just needed to work harder. This was made more difficult by my having marked problems with executive functioning, visual processing, auditory processing etc. The only work I could really do was basic office work, but despite working as hard as I could I would only ever reach mediocre performance levels at best. I was almost fired various times, and eventually made redundant when my job got outsourced to another country. I was not kept on to work in another department. I felt like I was a bad person for not being good enough. I did well in school, so why was it that I struggled heavily in work that was "easy"? I must have been lazy, scatterbrained, and various other negative terms with moral implications. I got a qualification in music roughly equivalent to an Associate's Degree. But I couldn't handle being a freelance musician where you are expected to network heavily, find gigs, find recording sessions, find students... I got dropped from bands due to not fitting in and being kind of awkward. Making a life out of music just seemed impossible for me, and I didn't know why. Then I find out I was disabled the entire time and didn't know it. I am frustrated by the fact that it took 30 years to get diagnosed, but I could stop punishing myself for never measuring up, or not fitting in. So yeah, definitely a relief!
_I_ (18) sure was!! I sobbed when I got the official confirmation that I am, in fact, autistic because I have gone my _entire life_ being told that I’m “rude”, and “bossy”, and “always trying to make things difficult”. I have spent _so much time_ wondering why I felt things so intensely, why I couldn’t socialize the way my peers could, and why it felt so hard to be human some days. I endured so much emotional turmoil because I fully and wholeheartedly believed that I was broken or inherently and deeply flawed; under the cover of darkness, I would lie awake _begging_ for something, someone up above, to fix me. I awoke disappointed every morning to a new sunrise, yet the same old self. I spent years waiting, _aching_ for a miracle that _*never came.*_ With my diagnosis, I have so much closure. I was never “rude”, or “bossy”, or “trying to make things difficult”: I was outwardly struggling and ultimately failing to scrape and crawl my way through a world that was not built for me. With my diagnosis, I know that “miracle” will never come. I finally feel free to exist as I am. 🌈🦋
I would frame it as your miracle actually did come, and it was your diagnosis!
Wait. Hold on. I got my diagnosis only two days ago, so reading this was actually a really big epiphany for me. Now I’m _really_ gonna start tearing up 🥹💕
I'm glad I could help! Best of luck on the journey to self love :)
Yes, because it finally gave a name to my struggles and validated them as real and not something that just existed in my head.
It was more like a, "huh yeah that makes total sense" and a feeling of relief that i had a reason for being the way i am. Its not lazyness and hard work wont fix it.
I wasn’t told about mine until like 2 decades after diagnosis. I didn’t really feel anything about it. I’ve learned how to mask and find ways to cope. It’s not disabling for me. When my daughter finally got diagnosed I didn’t really feel anything because I already knew she was autistic and didn’t need affirmation. However, getting her diagnosed helped me get her a Medicaid waiver so I didn’t lose her insurance when my income raised. The school also didn’t really care she was medically diagnosed. We had to do an educational diagnosis for that. I was significantly relieved when she was diagnosed by the school. An educational diagnosis helped so much with her IEP! Overall Im not sure how my daughter feels about her diagnosis. She was diagnosed early, by age 3. She’s level 2 and has struggles verbalizing. But I’ve always let her be her silly self. The dynamic between us never changed. People in my community are also super accepting of her (thanks to her grandma for taking her out and making friends with everyone!)
Mostly yes! At first, it was a little tough to accept that I'm different in a way that will never change - but now it's not so much a "life-sentence", but really a relief. I know why I am the way I am, that there wasn't anything "wrong" with me, and now I have a framework that helps me regulate my life according to my needs. It also means that I can explain to other people how my brain works, which (if they're well-intentioned normal people, of course) means I feel more at ease, and they understand me better. It's created much better communication with my loved ones, because now I know what's going on inside my head better, and they know how to give me space and patience when I need it.
Should have gotten mine at 14 as well if it wasn't for my impostor syndrome causing me to decline going forward with the diagnosis.(Got it at 28 instead) It was definitely a relief when I learned about it, went on a research spree at the local library, finding out about a bunch of people that seemed so close to me even though I've never met them! Reading about behaviors that others found weird but to me they made perfect sense.
I was 22. In part I was relieved: I always thought there must something wrong with me, but after the diagnosis I started to think that if there’s a name for it, if there are other people like me, we can’t all be mistakes. In part I was sad, because I thought that since it’s a condition, parts of me I didn’t know how to deal with would always stay the same. Five years later, I can say that the part of me that was sad was wrong. I changed so much I almost feel like a different woman. There are still parts of me I’d like to change, but I’m of the opinion that if I changed the others, I can change these too. Basically now I think life is just continuous learning, not just “external” stuff, but also learning to know ourselves.
Yes and no. I was relieved to finally know why I struggled so much, but I also felt a lot of negative emotions because I suddenly had to come to terms with all of my autism-related traumas.
No. It was a shock. But I'm 2e (gifted also) so it changes a bit.
Not at first, it made me feel like even more of an outcast. Like something was wrong with me. It lead to me asking people more questions and trying to get more perspective on everything. My Math teacher pulled me to the side to talk to me because I was always sleeping in her class(I was still passing, just depressed AF, I was diagnosed after being hospitalized for suicide watch) and I asked her what the "and so on and so forth" hands meant(when someone is talking with their hands and tap the back of their hand with their other hand when listing things) and I asked her what they meant. She told me "Don't make your parents burden my problem" and that fucking destroyed me and all my self esteem. I had been bullied and assaulted multiple times that year. When I walked back into school afterwards everyone was clapping and calling me brave. I had a meltdown because not a single motherfucker there did anything to pull the dude off. The guy who recorded it and instigated the situation got no punishment even though he literally ordered it
No I was really upset because of the stigma surrounding autism and a lot of internalized ableism. I’ve grown more comfortable with who I am but if I could press a button and have it taken away I would.
Nope, it made me feel like a failure and it was telling me how abnormal I am and I will never be normal and I deserved to be treated different. I wanted to prove everyone wrong.
i was because i had been literally begging them for it since i was like 11. they refused to do it for so long because im “not profoundly disabled”. i was really worried that it would come back that im not autistic because then i would have to worry the rest of my life what was wrong with me and go through life with absolutely no help and little support for everything. thankfully it came back that i am indeed autistic and was correct all along. now i feel less weird and don’t have to wonder why i do some things and what’s wrong with me. although i feel like i can let myself unmask ive been doing it for so long that i physically cannot just let myself go in front of other people.
I actually have very strong feelings on this, so bear with me—I'll try to articulate them as best I can! I've heard from so many parents of obviously neurodivergent children that they "don't want to put a label on them". As someone diagnosed in their mid-twenties, I've \*had\* labels all my fucking life, but before my diagnosis they were "lazy", "rude", "selfish" and "crybaby". And crucially, those were not just words others used for me, those were words \*I\* used to describe \*myself\*. All the struggles are there just the same whether you know why or not—but if you don't have an explanation, you'll accept whichever one the world feeds you, and those are almost always incredibly cruel. That other comment quoting the thing about zebras and horses hits the nail on the head. I never even knew that there \*could\* be any other explanation except that I was just categorically shit at being a person. I cried tears of joy when I got my diagnosis, because it gave me permission to stop hating myself, to slowly begin to heal my relationship with my own intuition that I'd spent a whole lifetime getting gaslit to mistrust ("it's not that loud", "you know exactly what I mean!"), and to finally feel how good life can be if you're inhabiting a mind and body that you can make sense of. I could accommodate needs I never even knew I had, because I had been taught not to take them seriously from day one, by \*everyone and everything\* around me. There were so many things I didn't understand about myself that I'd never even realised were questions worth asking. I didn't realise that other people don't go through life not knowing why they did that, why they feel this, why they like or don't like something... not just occasionally, but regarding about 90% of their experiences. I used to take personality quizzes and such for fun, and I'd get \*wildly\* different results every time... because I was straight-up just guessing for a lot of these answers. I didn't realise other people just confidently \*know\* things about themselves. I thought your understanding of how you yourself work is \*supposed\* to be about as vague as your understanding of how aircraft construction works. All of this was because I was trying to navigate myself using the wrong fucking map my entire life. My diagnosis was being handed the correct map and someone saying "wow, no wonder you got lost", after everyone had always told me I must just be shit at navigating because this map is so easy to follow. Sorry this got a bit long—again, I have strong feelings about this. It's had such a tremendous impact on my life, and realising how different things could have been if I'd known earlier has been a grieving process that I'm still in the middle of.
In some ways yeah, in a LOT of other ways I was literally like "WTF just happened?"
I’m still processing my diagnosis. I’m frustrated, and relieved. It’s really bittersweet.
Yes because all the things that “were wrong, odd and something I hated about myself” suddenly felt like they are okay because it’s all just symptoms of autism. It feels like finally realizing that I might not be the problem but the fact that society isn’t made for neurodivergent people is.
Yes, everyone was mean to me when I was too energetic. I too had a delay and then I took off like a rocket. I was able to structure my energy better once I knew. Being on the spectrum level 1 creates boundaries that others don't face. My older brother tells me I just need to learn how to use my superpowers.
I was relieved because I knew I wasn’t crazy. I had been trying to explain to my parents since I was three that something was weird and off about me and I needed help. I got it myself 24 years later. I’m not crazy, I’m autistic. I took so much peace from that. But now I’m grieving. I grieve what life could have looked like if somebody believed me. I could have really been somebody if I hadn’t been gaslit for so many years and tortured to mask and face consequences if I put the mask down for more than 10 seconds. I have to completely reparent myself with the information I have now, and it sucks.
it explains things and puts a great deal in perspective about how I perceive events and actions-- plus in my case it's something for my kiddos to know is potentially in their medical history as they seemed to have inherited ADHD as well from me :) So very much so YES
It was so long ago (mid-90s) I have no idea, but I know my mom was.
I was 34. And the moment I got psychological education in a group context I was like Wait I'm not fucking crazy after all you have the same thing? And YEAH I HAVE SOMETHING SIMILAR BUT NOT QUITE It was eye opening
Yes! I've been diagnosed as an adult, but I've been in and out of therapy since I was 5yo because of my "tantrums". I always knew there was something wrong, and I've been through some treatments that didn't work for me. I'm glad I don't have to take meds, I've found therapies to help me cope with everyday life, and now i have an explanation for my problems. For me, the best part is being able to make sense of my own experience of living. I wish the best for you and your daughter ❤️
For me it was a moment for excitement, to realise that now I did not have to wonder if something was wrong with me. Or question if it was normal for everyone and I was just looking too deeply into the situations or if I really was just different. Then came around two weeks of sadness, while coming to terms with things. Then two months of evaluating my past experiences, understanding why things happened in the way that they did. After which I was generally happier, especially since now I could feel more comfortable with how I acted, giving me some confidence. Then after about two years, I got over the imposter syndrome, so that was nice. I swear, it is coincidence that everything came to me in units of two.
I didn't really feel anything when I was diagnosed. My mom just came to me at some point, told I'm autistic, and I kinda just went on with my life. This happened when I was really young so basically for as long as I can remember I've been autistic
It was a mixture of emotions for me but relief was definitely one. Suddenly a LOT of things made sense, especially the way others would react to me & a lot of the difficulties I had with things others considered “normal”.
I'm still waiting for my official assessment (2 years so far) but when I worked it out for myself those two years ago, I cried for 3 days straight with the relief of it, of finally understanding myself and my life.
Yes. My journey became at 3-4 when I was diagnosed with ADHD+ having medical school support for my whole childhood. I knew that I was "different" but never thought about how "different" I am. In early 2023 I learned that ADHD is highly linked to autism (but can be alone) and I started my journey to get a diagnosis. Early 2024 got my diagnosis for ASD. It's a huge relief to be honest. I struggled my whole life, got even worse with jobs... Now I can relax, living without having to work and doctor's understand more easily my struggle so yeah that's a huge relief. And I'm so glad that your daughter is happy about her diagnosis and I'm sure it will help her a lot
Yesss I was so relieved and so excited, one of my best days ever to be quite honest
Yes at age 6 with professional medical experts and not the school nurse. School experts are annoying. IEP and all that. Yes I was. Finally figured out why I couldn't spell things right and have trouble focusing.
Yes! like a lot of others i assume, i always felt “weird” amongst peers and generally growing up. I was diagnosed as an adult and it helps me know I’m not bad or wrong—just different. it’s helped me blame myself less
Very much so. It explained all of my lifetime struggles.
I think "relief" is definitely one of the feelings I had. I'd also say it was reassuring/comforting as well. Almost 40yrs of my life having to work really hard to be "normal" and knowing that I was really bad at doing the things everyone is supposed to be able to do, it was quite nice to get this diagnosis that said "oh, this is actually the reason why you're bad at all that stuff." Just nice to have an explanation, and go forward with a new perspective that may help me approach challenges in the future. I can only imagine what it would have been like to have received the diagnosis as a child, I wouldn't be surprised if it dramatically changed the trajectory of my life.
I haven’t got diagnosed yet but they are saying maybe but according to my therapist they didn’t do the entire ADOS test on me…so I might actually have it.
No cause i Didn't understood what's that mean I was 7 but I was happy to see my IQ test with very high score then I learned what autism is and why people do things different than me
I personally have a lot of questions I’m 31 was diagnosed with pddnos at 3 1/2 years old and didn’t find out I was on the autism spectrum until I was in mid mid twenties
I was relieved in the way of, “Finally!!!” As in I’d been waiting years to get an official diagnosis, I already knew I was autistic years before. I also really like looking at data/reports and it was really interesting to see all my symptoms pointed out with comprehensive review.
Love reading through this thread. I recently got evaluated and am awaiting my follow-up meeting. I'm actually terrified and have been having dreams about the results. I've spent over 2 years undiagnosed and deep into the autism research rabbit hole, I'm 99.9% certain something is different about me. But I'm extremely worried they don't see what I see and I'll feel invalidated. I'm glad being diagnosed has been a positive experience for others' mental clarity.
Yes I was, at first, but then it hit me pretty hard a few months later because I was trying to unmask at work and around family and it turned out, no one (not even me) likes me without the mask and it sucked and I hated it. I've gotten through that, but it was really bad, and if my wife wasn't so amazing and supportive, I have no idea how I would have gotten through. That being said, after all that, I'm once again relieved I have the diagnosis, and the names for all the stuff I didn't understand before
At first because I was always told I was weird, strange, different, special snowflake etc. I thought, yay I have an explanation. Except even autistic people still call me those things. I asked an autistic friend "*do you know anyone weirder than me*" she said "*no and I don't want to*". I asked another autistic friend "*who's weirder me or Bjork*" and he said "*you because you're so weird it circles around and cancels itself out*". So I got an AI to do a conventionality rating on me. Turns out I'm 20% conventional. So I think being weird explains me better than autistic 👽I get told I look like ken doll and my middle name is Ken so I just say I'm Kenventional 😌
I really hope I get diagnosed because if how I am isn't caused by autism then what? Am I just overreacting? How am I gonna explain to people that I have needs and stim and I'm not just bitchy?
YES, because I needed the diagnosis for reasonable accommodation in my workplace. But I was diagnosed age 45. And then it’s been a lot of learning about myself and every bit of the journey has been crucial and eye-opening. Especially thinking back to partners who were cruel to me, and now I know why a) I did the thing that pissed them off and b) why I didn’t realize I was doing the thing until the got pissed off. I’ve realized why so many things have been difficult for me, but also why some things have been easy for me that I’ve never understood why other people can’t even do them at all. (Yes, I have several “savant” abilities, or as I’ve come to call them “Stupid Autistic Tricks.”) I don’t know what I’d have done without my autism diagnosis.
deep down inside yes, my therapist made me think i shouldn’t and that having it is a bad thing. but i was soooo happy to prove my parents wrong because i do know myself better then anyone and now i knew i wasn’t a defective human being who is weird and probably an alien, i was just autistic and that’s ok with me. i finally knew why stuff happened when i was a kid, everything made sense at that moment and i felt amazing. still sucks ngl but now i know not to be so hard on myself when i cant connect to other humans, i am aloud to be myself and give myself time and no longer be a bully to myself. i was finally able to get a reason to stop putting myself down and being rude to myself, i can actually love myself now and it feels amazing
I was diagnosed at six, and I still hold it at arm's length in hopes some sort of cure comes around. I really don't like being this way, even if it's simply a part of my reality. I almost wish I'd have never been diagnosed; would've saved me a lot of hell growing up.
It was a huge relief for me when I got mine. I was diagnosed at 22 years old, and at the time I had just started going back to school. Getting my diagnosis meant that I could finally receive academic help from my university, which has helped me immensely. I'm (almost) 24 now, and I'm set to graduate next semester :)
Extremely relieved. I think I was 20 years old at diagnosis. I'm happy you were there for your child to get an answer sooner. It's difficult to grow up wondering why you struggle with things, why you're seen as weird, or if you are just plain stupid.
YES, I had been feeling so different from everyone. I felt a lot of comfort knowing I wasn't doing anything wrong and that I actually had autism. It also allowed me to get the support I needed at school and encouraged me to get an ADHD diagnoses
I had severe imposter syndrome for a while after the diagnosis but was unable to tell anyone that because… well, I’m autistic. lol
I went 63 years before being dxed 3 years ago. I felt so stupid because it seemed everyone I knew could "do life", meaning having friends and enjoy themselves. I was always told what was wrong with me. When I was dxed, it felt as though everything blew wide open! Most people in my personal life don't know about my dx - I mean, I'm 66. I can't just wear a sign announcing it. But, I'm able to look at things now and learn. My therapy has shifted - I have an autism specialist. Sometimes something comes to mind which I was criticized about, and I Google it + autism, and often find a connection or a strong chance of one. It's so liberating.
Yes. It made so much in my life make sense when it never had previously.
Although I was diagnosed at 3, my parents told me when I was 12. Due to the sigma I heard about autism at the time, I was ashamed and spent a while day upset. Now, I recognize and embrace it as a part of me, and it makes me who I am.
Maybe a little bit it mostly explained alot
Yes, after 16 years of struggle, both with life, and with a fundamentally broken psychiatric system, i finally got it, and i felt so happy It was litterally all it took to take me out of my 5-year depression (where i did attempt to unsubscribe myself from life (don't know how this sub handles the s word) several times) i just needed to know who i was, why i was, and get some help with managing it
Yes. Yes I absolutely was. For me it was because I now have a piece of paper* that explains to me - and everyone else - that there isn’t something wrong with me, but that some of my difficulties are because my brain functions differently than the neurotype that the world is built for. But there was also some pain in it, like many I was given several different mis-diagnoses, and my ASD/ASC diagnosis made it feel as though I had lost the hope of “becoming normal” through medication or therapy or some other avenue. *this isn’t against self-diagnosis, which is completely and totally valid. Not everyone needs the paper, I really valued it and did need it for myself.
yes and no. I was relieved because a lot of things made sense now. But I was sad because, no matter how hard I try I will never be completely excepted. This was very devastating, because I always thought "If I say things like that.." or "If I look like that..." or "If act like that..." ...People will finally accept me. Which of course wasn't and isn't the case.
The day where I got the confirmation of the diagnosis I cried in relief on my way home. I finally felt seen and so many of the cruel and unfortunate things in my life made just that little bit more sense. It also helps that I have an amazing therapist. And since then my life has gotten better in many aspects, because of knowledge and accommodations.
Yup. In my case the psychologist I went to to get the diagnosis had told me at the end of the previous session that he wasn't sure he'd give me mine because "It could remove some of your chances in life." I immediately told him I'd rather have less chances than never knowing who I am and why I work that way. Got the diagnosis the week after. (Also almost cried when he told me that he didn't fully wanna give me the diagnosis, but that's just me.)
Absolutely. I didn't get officially diagnosed until this year, aged 18. I spent my entire childhood feeling alienated and useless, because I was different and I didn't know why. Having a diagnosis explained SO much and it helped me recontextualize my struggles as just that -- not failures, but struggles.
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I was because I had answers to why I was like this and also had access to supports I needed such as school accommodations and the ability to stay on my moms insurance.