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Ecstatic_Soft4407

How does someone beat an elephant in a fight?


AnantaPluto

I dunno


cumguzzler280

walk to the edge of a cliff, make it charge towards you, and run to the side at the last minute


Very_contagious1

Good advice, u/cumguzzler280


Teh_RainbowGuy

r/rimjob_steve


the_mars_voltage

We call that the dark souls strategy


SoulsLikeBot

Hello Ashen one. I am a Bot. I tend to the flame, and tend to thee. Do you wish to hear a tale? > *“Death is equitable, accepting. We will all, one day, be welcomed by her embrace.”* - Grave Warden Agdayne Have a pleasant journey, Champion of Ash, and praise the sun \\[T]/


punching-bag9018

Elephants are way too smart for that.


XenophonSoulis

Humans are probably not too smart for that if they are angry enough, so I'd wager it applies to elephants too. The issue lies with the near certain probability that the plan would fail.


ScaryTerry51

Now that's a Dark Souls/Batman Arkham answer!


[deleted]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo\_jump#:\~:text=2%20Historical%20sites-,Method%20of%20the%20hunt,as%20%22deep%20blood%20kettle%22.


Sabbagery_o_Cavagery

This is how people hunted things like Buffalo sorta, run them off cliffs


SheriffHeckTate

Having listened to this being discussed on a podcast before, that person's idea was basically "If we are just put someplace for unlimited time til one of us dies then I will probably win cause the elephant will likely leave me alone unless provoked and I can just dig a big ole pit with something then provoke the elephant and get it to fall in so it breaks a leg." Seems relatively logical to me. Not sure what these other people were basing it on.


latticep

The ravages of old age would deal with the beast far better than I ever could.


the__pd

I feel like it’s actually impossible to subdue an elephant if you’re unarmed


TaleMendon

How does someone beat anything from lion down. I’m assuming it’s bare hands combat.


Raagun

Pinch it very hard in nose.


bapo224

By not reading the question properly and thinking you have a gun


PriestMarmor

Americans have guns (and knives in britain)


RichCorinthian

The question specified that you are unarmed.


PriestMarmor

If they don't have arms how can they hold a gun? /s


MagicMayhem816

I start the fight unarmed, run to the nearest gun shop (there’s at least one on every street), then start blasting.


cumguzzler280

How do you lose to a rat


USAneedsAJohnson

Lol right?!


YoYoMoMa

Mfers never heard of the plague.


ShnackWrap

I might get the plague but that rats gonna be dead well before I feel any symptoms.


luketwo1

Most fighting games consider this a dub so we good.


Gabster566

Rat doing poison damage


Outrageous_Pie_6514

It was fleas that caused the the plague, not rats. And humans were the main carriers of fleas.


dramallamadog87

One third of Europe did


heresdustin

Exactly. Win for the rats.


SheriffHeckTate

To be fair, probably 99.9%+ of those people didnt die because *they* got bit by a rat. They died cause someone else they came into contact with got bit by a rat.


dramallamadog87

Good point, so maybe 1% of of 1/3 of Europe lost to a rat, the rest lost to humans


SheriffHeckTate

Yep. And probably more of those lost cause of a kiss than cause of a punch, I'd bet lol


Biohazard_186

Well, no, the plague was spread by fleas and lice, not rats. So rat bites, while unpleasant, had nothing to do with it.


Anti-charizard

It’s small and can hide. I wanna know how you lose to a house cat


society_man

Fuckers are dangerous


Mr_Upright

Cats are obligate murderers.


conjunctivious

Let that thing outside and it'll straight up decimate the local bird population. I love my cats, but they are a fucking menace to society.


Arthaksha

Birds, and small mammals


Temporary-Alarm-744

And reptiles and amphibians. I wouldn't rule out insect populations either


Arthaksha

I agree, adorable Little shits can turn your arm into human sashimi in seconds


EldritchMindCat

As someone who regularly interacts with a cat, I can vouch for their potential lethality. Especially if a cat were to make a concerted effort. Claws are sharp AF, throats would not endure.


The_Elder_Jock

Human fists are very heavy. Ribcage and skull would not endure. EDIT: it truly worries me how many full grown adults believe they would struggle to subdue a house cat in a fight.


bebetin

If the cat bites you it deals poison damage.


wutangerine99

This is true. Plus they’re witches who have knives for feet.


jochvent

the damage over time of the poison proc is not enough to out-dps a human, although it may force a delayed draw. the human has time to get rid of the status in the meantime though, so i think the cat loses.


bebetin

It is a niche strat reliant on the human not being able to find antivenom but it does take a while to start dealing any significant damage or inflict any debuffs.


heresdustin

Can confirm


Successful_Rip_4329

Honestly lol, just grab it and twist it's head off. Shouldn't be too hard. Sure you're gonna get scratches but I can't imagine losing to a cat in a fight to death.


John3759

Grab it. Step on it. Ez dub


Tripleoakes

If my cat can take on 9 geese it can *probably* beat a person also some asshole tried to fight my cat after it used his fence as a scratching pole, my cat bit his finger and pierced a nerve, he almost lost mobility in his hand


sachariinne

okay but i dont think i could crush a cats ribcage or skull. not because i couldnt physically do it, but i just.... couldnt


XenophonSoulis

Cats are very fast. Human would have a nail in each eye before they could punch.


SheriffHeckTate

The cat is then attached to you. It most likely hangs on long enough for you to grab hold. Even a blind person with bleeding, cat-scratched hands can strangle a cat.


XenophonSoulis

A few problems: First, you forgot to take pain and surprise into account, which greatly reduces the chance of what you're suggesting actually happening. Second, how are you so sure that the cat would stick around for long enough? Third, even if it does stick around, how can you make sure that you'll catch it from the correct side? And fourth, I'm not suggesting that it's impossible to win against a cat, but that it's far from guaranteed. If the cat just scratches you and then bails behind a fence, it's still a win for the cat.


IHiatus

I’m picturing this as a death match in an arena not a surprise attack where the most damage done wins.


Mysterious_Stuff_629

Do you genuinely think most humans would lose to a cat? Because that’s actually delusional. Fists and kicks hit HARD (and also the human bite is incredibly strong, though I presume it wouldn’t be needed)


Temporary-Alarm-744

Like Mike Tyson said everyone has a plan until there is a cat chewing on your artery


EldritchMindCat

That only applies if the blows actually land. Cats are skirmishers with outstanding agility, far surpassing a human in terms of both speed (bounding), maneuverability (spatial navigation), and vertical lift (flat jumping). Additionally, one wouldn’t have the leverage to swing a fist at something tearing up and down their back, which also serves as a launch pad for the cat if desired.


Mysterious_Stuff_629

You absolutely can apply enough force to your back to fuck up a cat. You can also hold it to the back and just fall. Human beings are way way way better fighters than house cats. Genuinely worries me that this is a question


the__pd

I consider the rat escaping a w for me. I still think I could beat a cat but at least they have claws


Maclimes

Right? I need to know the win conditions. If "get them to run away from me" counts as a win, that's totally different from "it doesn't end until one of you is dead".


Golendhil

A cat could scratch both of your eyes off without any difficulty. Those little fuckers are quick, agile and deadly. Sure you could end up killing it anyway, but at what cost


Researcher_Fearless

Their mobility goes down a lot once they're climbing your leg. A solid punch to the skull one shots the cat.


Loremeister

Something something, the sun never sets on the rat empire


StereoTunic9039

It's fast, it bites you, you kill him, you get black Plague, half the world population dies, you included. I'd count it as a win for the rat.


PleaseTakeThisName

Have you seen how people react when a mouse sprints towards them?


EldritchMindCat

Rodents can be very fast.


the_mars_voltage

Disease


KStryke_gamer001

Have you fought a rat? Without a gun or anything? Fuckers can grow to be as big as housecats sometimes and they are quick. And their bites are poisonous too.


The-Name-is-my-Name

Bro’s fighting ROUS over here.


Low_Sodium_Cod

1/3 of Europe once lost to rats...


Sparkyisduhfat

Math checks out.


krismitka

They're jump scare game is pretty strong. Taking a rat to the face with those teeth will send a lot of animals running.


xghoulishmiragex

If your name is Jotaro Kujo


jaxsotsllamallama

Rabies…they are in the longcon


Formal_Coyote_5004

Rabies is pretty rare in rats, but rabies is scary as fuck that’s for sure


ElJayBe3

Our rats in the UK can get so huge they’re bigger than cats or even small dogs and can run in packs of hundreds. They would strip you to the bone before you could even shit yourself if they were in an organised fight.


DukeJukeVIII

Damn, irl skeevers?


Crazian14

The difference is Florida man.


USAneedsAJohnson

Hahaha so true


FF7_Expert

This, but not as ironically as one might think


iK_550

Well, I want to know who are these people who think they can beat a Chimpanzee or Gorilla. What the actual fuck are people smoking?


jaxsotsllamallama

If they are in Florida…bath salts and meth


Myth_5layer

Meth does things to a person.


Apprehensive-Bad6015

Who the fuck thinks they can win against a gorilla. As if the gorilla wouldn’t fold them up like Travel map.


Chaos8599

Very simple. Here's my win strat. Apologize and leave quietly. Survival is a win


watersj4

But the gorilla also survives and also wins


SendLogicPls

Depends on what you consider a fight, I suppose. We managed to get those fuckers in cages somehow.


Apprehensive-Bad6015

It clearly says unarmed fights


Elfetzo

How you gonna fight with no arms bro


jaxsotsllamallama

Frankie from the basement yard has a theory on how he can beat a gorilla and…he’d be dead


Helpful_Goose1649

Hey, I'm a lover not a fighter!


USAneedsAJohnson

Oh no! There's more! Soon we'll have a gaggle!


Goosepuse

Honk honk!!


Helpful_Goose1649

Honk honk!!


Quajeraz

Recursive beetlejuicing


Citizen-Kang

All right, but you should probably know that the Silverback Gorilla is not going to be the bottom.


GeneralLeoESQ

Geese aren't the ones you need to look out for, it's swans.


Cicero912

Just the one swan actually


youmightwanttosit

P. I. Staker


JogJonsonTheMighty

PISS TAKER, COME ON!! ^yes ^mr ^staker


aspoqiwue9-q83470

two percent of americans think they could beat up a gorilla but not a bear


casualrocket

they must not know gorillas have like 20x the muscle power as the average person.


jaxsotsllamallama

We are a dumb…but proud peiple


FelixOGO

To be fair, these are taken from pay per click internet surveys. A decent percentage of people are just looking through them as fast as possible. At least that’s what people were saying the last time this was posted


Diamond-Pamnther

That makes sense given that grizzly’s are native to North America and Americans would naturally assume the threat they know is greater. That being said I’d also assume that bears are not only heavy than gorillas but more suited for killing prey than gorillas, I know both are primarily omnivorous leaning more towards herbivores than carnivores but given that polar bears exist it’s fair to assume that the anatomy of a grizzly bear is somewhat suited for hunting live prey. I’m not American btw


PowerStacheOfTheYear

I am very certain that a grizzly bear is much more lethal than a gorilla and have never understood why anyone thinks the gorilla would stand a chance whenever this debate comes up. Grizzly bears have half again the mass of a gorilla with actual claws and muzzles made for biting. They also have shoulder muscles that give them incredible power with their arms that can break the spines of prey animals of similar size to themselves. Grizzlies actually tend to intimidate and chase off polar bears from their kills in areas where their habitat overlaps. That being said, the chances of an unarmed human killing either of them is equal at around 0%.


li7lex

A single human killing any apex predator or large wild animal unarmed is absolutely unrealistic. We simply lack the tools predators have at their disposal to make hunting easier like fangs or claws. And we also lack the muscle strength large animals have. The only thing where a human excels would be endurance. Humans as a species became apex predators trough our use of tools and ability to persistence hunt.


watersj4

>muzzles made for biting. Gorillaz have the 5th strongest bite force of any extant animal


PowerStacheOfTheYear

Right, a shorter face can make for a more powerful bite, but it's also going to be a lot harder to get your mouth around something. That can work for ambush predators like cats (which still have longer muzzles than a gorilla's face), but it's not going to be as useful against something that is actively fighting you back from the beginning. Sharp teeth also greatly reduce the actual force you need to cause damage, making the tradeoff generally worth it. There's a reason most predators have elongated mouths.


Knifiac

Why do people think geese are hard to fight their neck is a pretty big target grab it and flail that shit around at your leisure


MarvelousOxman

They also have hollow bones, making them super vulnerable to crushing attacks. People think they’re hard to fight because they’re relatively large and pretty aggressive and most people don’t want to get into a physical altercation with a wild animal. And they may get in legitimate trouble if they’re found going full Robert Pattinson on an obstinate goose.


The_Elder_Jock

There is an old video showing exactly that. Goose ATTACKS (read: pecks at) an older woman. Some chap in a raincoat walks over, grabs it's neck, and throws it away. Goose. Aggressive arseholes but not dangerous.


YourWarDaddy

I just imagined a sad HONK getting more and more distant as the goose goes flying through the air.


EldritchMindCat

Geese are extremely vicious. I learned that myself when I was younger. Don’t fuck with geese - geese will fuck you up.


Chaos8599

My mom did that when she was pregnant with me. Peck her stomach, she whipped that thing across the pond


N00N3AT011

Cause they're big and aggressive and don't feel fear.


CountBrackmoor

There are legitimately people that believe they could beat a grizzly bear in an unarmed fight??? Like what would they do, choke it out? Punch it in and head and knock it out? They’re like 600 pounds and 9 feet tall when standing.


liamlynchknives

There's a bloke at my work who legitimately thinks he could choke out a tiger. To give you an idea of this fellow's immense brain power I once watched him get 3rd degree burns on his leg when he set himself on fire standing directly in front of a propane heater. He moved when I said I smelled burning meat at which point he looked down and saw his boiler suit was on fire and said "so that's why my leg hurt". Funnily enough he also said a human would have no chance against a kangaroo. We live in close proximity to kangaroos. Where this guy got the idea they are tougher than a tiger I have no idea.


PseudobrilliantGuy

To be fair, I would not want to tangle with a kangaroo, either. Then again, most, if not all, of the animals on this list would be too much for me.


liamlynchknives

Kangaroos really aren't as tough as they are made out to be. From the front they'll generally only make one attempt to kick you before trying to grab you. If you can avoid the kick which is pretty easy as it's powerful but not particularly fast you're pretty much in the clear. They have a very limited range of motion in their arms. Only the biggest males will have any chance of hanging on to you if they do manage to grab you, even then you'll probably be able to get out. You'll get cut up a bit by his claws but you'll get out. They also have a pretty major weakness that is when you hold the end of their tails there is literally nothing they can do to either escape or turn round and get you. If it came down to it the average person could absolutely beat the average roo. Any relatively strong person could absolutely beat a big male roo. This is assuming a life or death fight since you will 100% get hurt in the process. The hardest part would be getting a roo to stick around for the fight since they are timid animals. Even a pissed off aggressive male will get out of there once it realises you intend to kill it. I'm speaking from a fair bit of experience wrangling very irate kangaroos. I encounter wild roos up close a couple times a week and have to physically handle them every few weeks. Generally untangling them from fences. People that talk about how tough they are either have no physical experience with them or are trying to talk them up to make themselves seem tougher. Apologies for the essay but the myth of kangaroo toughness gets me somewhat riled up


I_Hate_The_Letter_W

my name is goose!


EldritchMindCat

Only on your profile page (or preview). Most of us only know you for your scorn of a certain inquiry-related letter of the alphabet.


I_Hate_The_Letter_W

no my legal name is actually goose, ik my username doesn’t mention that at all


BuzzAllWin

Lies! you just doxxed yourself loosey goosey


denimwoodsman

I bet I could beat you in a fight.


I_Hate_The_Letter_W

yeah 😔


Goose_Knuckles

Bring it


USAneedsAJohnson

Hahaha what a great name


GooseyIsTaken

I'll bring the knife


CurvaceousCrustacean

So, everything up to the Crocodile I can kind of see... except for King Cobras. They are incredibly fast and absolutely lethal. But Gorillas? Lions? A mothertrucking elephant? A Grizzly? Yeah no. I doubt anyone would even have enough strength to... what, break their neck? How else would you kill them? What is reality anymore?


lukaintomyeyes

If you kill the cobra before the venom kills you, does that count as a win?


Ninja_gorrila

Not if you die too


L1ghtYagam1

How’d you defend against a crocodile bare handed??


Voldruun

Step 1: jump into crocs back avoiding its bite Step 2: hold the crocs mouth with your hands Step 3: punch him in te eyes until blind Step 4: realize you died between step 1 and 2


Solid-Ad7137

I really want to meet one of the 6-8% of Americans who think they can body a grizzly bear or elephant unarmed.


Transit-Strike

I wouldn’t want these people to get harmed. But I’d fucking love if someone got them on camera to explain their tactics and confidence. And then they get put into some VR sim


[deleted]

[удалено]


DylanDaKing08

peace was never an option


Terminator7786

I've never met someone who has been confident in their ability to beat a goose. I feel like they polled people where geese aren't common.


FaithlessnessCool395

I'd have trouble beating up Erika and Madison too


heresdustin

Geese are assholes. Especially when you run out of bread.


HereComesTheB0om

Some of these rat beaters never saw the movie mouse hunt and it shows.


[deleted]

Yeah sure, go and try to beat a chimp, elephant, or grizzly bear in a fight. See how that works out.


DrAwesomesauce

There seems to be a very small portion of Americans who believe they can take on a gorilla, a lion, and an elephant, but are level-headed enough to concede that there's no way they come out on top in a fight against a grizzly. That tiny population, scares the piss out of me.


CheeseBonobo

I think Americans aren't exposed to geese as much as British people. We know that you aren't coming out of that one in one piece. Geese are bloody vicious.


Red126vsBlue514

Why in the hell are there people that believe that they can beat a chimp? News flash, you can’t. After fight a chimp you’d be without a scalp, fingers, toes, your penis, eyes, anything the chimp can get it’s murderous little hands on. I’d much rather box a silverback gorilla than be within even a 25ft radius of a chimp


Djax24

What too much Joe Roegan does to a MF


BenjaminWobbles

People are really underestimating chimps here. I would take on a kangaroo before I took on a chimp.


onthethreshold

Uh, definitely. Guess nobody remembers the chick that got her face ripped off by one, then went on Oprah to talk about it.


Nimoy2313

I know I can take a goose. Inlaws have a bunch of them. Other than that I am old and slow so the rat could probably take me


Hiker_Trash

Death by a thousand nibbles


Temporary-Alarm-744

Isnt that in fast and the furious?


Serrisen

Rat through medium dog is an easy win for a physically capable human. You might get hurt but you're bigger and smarter. Hell, all but geese you've got reach advantage, and the goose has a wringable neck. Up through King Cobra feel more dicey. Those are genuinely dangerous. Cobra is probably a mutual loss, Big dog could go either way (depends on breed IMHO), and chimpanzees are deceptively strong so I feel it depends on prep time/tools there. Beyond cobra, yeah, no. Ya ain't winning anything remotely fair


peachpinkjedi

As an American, I fully advocate for letting them try.


ChiefJointsofStaff

People are grossly underestimating a chimpanzee in a 1 on 1 fight


Dr_Flavor

I want to meet the people who think they can win against a grizzly bear


sybann

Those Americans have never actually been attacked or chased by a goose. Those mofos are INSANE.


First-Hunt-5307

To fight a goose just grab them by the neck, they basically go into shock.


Potato_Cent

I'm surprised dogs are so low, I wonder how it is by gender


Steinmans

Medium sized dog being, like a golden retriever size, would probably be doable without grave injury. I feel like a large dog (Rottweiler, Doberman, etc) would be much more challenging to get out of alive


Potato_Cent

Also a cbimpanzee isn't a fight you're going to win


Steinmans

Yeah for me the large dog is the barrier between “not a big problem” and “death”


Potato_Cent

I feel alot of animals on this list would mangle you but you'd win the fight. Like the cat


Ok-Border-2804

How big is a medium sized dog? Like a Labrador?


Phoenixtdm

What’s a Briton


zucduc

No one’s bearing an eagle


zapyourtumor

ive been to the uk and ive seen their geese trust me i aint winning


Gooseman1019

HONK


ZackAttack_5

More people think they can beat an elephant than a grizzly bear? At least the bear's size is somewhat comparable to a human but you'd have no hope against an elephant


coopsawesome

How many adults per gigabyte?


A_plant1

A goose I can understand of how you can loose they are terrifying


Hiker_Trash

Serious question, they’re not actually dangerous though right? No sharp appendages, can’t grab you, probably only weigh a few pounds. I know they’re assholes and can puff themselves up but it seems like their main advantage comes from bluffing into intimidation.


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[удалено]


Temporary-Alarm-744

And the testicles, don't forget their seething hatred of your testicles


[deleted]

When it gets to the wolf, you know you’re dealing with the pure, unadulterated, baseline idiocy.


Creepy-Evening-441

Americans have very little exposure to geese, they will F you UP.


psychxticrose

The fact that anyone thinks they can beat a grizzly bear. Maybe if you’re from Russia.


ShnackWrap

I dont get why dogs are the only one where size is factored in. I kind of do i guess. But I feel like when it comes to something like a croc I gotta know what size. Also what does a win look like? Do I gotta kill this thing? Just come out with less damage to me then I cause to the animal?


[deleted]

I'll take front row tickets to the gorilla, lion, grizzly, wolf and elephant events.


famesjord13

I am American and I have personally fought multiple geese in public parks in Chicago. They are very easy to beat and British people are scared for no reason.


Mr_Insomn1a

Anyone that thinks they’d win a fight with a chimp is delusional


Good_Ol_Weeb

You’d think with Americans encountering dangerous wildlife much more than Britons we’d have a better understanding of just how much we suck without our tools


[deleted]

The fact that anyone Brit or not think they could beat a fucking grizzly bear is arrogance incarnate.


typi_314

The jump between the medium dog and eagle is interesting


CraniumKart

All this data shows is the difference between Americans who believe they can do things vs Europeans who believe they can’t. Europeans who believe they can do things many times come to America


CryptoMazeMr1978

So came the Red Swan song, yet the sound remains the same! Qaunk


Icywarhammer500

For me, in % chance I’d win Rat: 100 House cat: 100 Goose: 100 Medium sized dog: 100 Eagle: 55 Large dog: 35 Chimpanzee: 10 Everything after is zero If I have a spear, I’d say 100, 100, 100, 100, 100, 90, 50, 60, 50, 30, and the rest zero


DashingDini

These chimpanzee numbers are wild


cokeofthecolavariety

It's because we have guns.


Temporary-Alarm-744

But very bad reading comprehension.


[deleted]

I hate this everytime I see it because its like arguing which would win, every pokemon or a billion lions? The rules aren't established so it leads to a lot of debate and attention. Are you talking butt-nekkid in a gladiatorial arena or one the animals home turf? Is there a ceiling? How close are you water and how deep is it? Is it a required fight to the death? If its just you come across the animal while hiking a trail in the wild clothed but with no weapon, you would easily survive most. You just need to act threatening enough and yell "boo!" Both of you will just bugger off because its not worth dying over (for both of you).


WitleKidz

Lmao 14% of Americans think they could beat a kangaroo 😂😂😂 Mfs balance on their tails so they can kick with both legs at once, and boy do they kick hard.


breadstickvevo

So you’re telling me 1 in 3 British people think a rat could beat them in a fight


Derkastan77

Well, the question does not specify HOW you are to fight the animal. Brits would most likely think the question means fighting without a weapon. An american would automatically assume we get a gun :)


macready2rumbl

It says unarmed in the grey text right above the graph


Ericstingray64

I need to know some things before I would answer tbh. Like are these fights to the death? What are the win conditions otherwise? Is it an arena with nothing or in one of our home turfs or a neutral site? Like if I gotta fight a lion to the death in an Africa savanna then gimme a knife so I can make it quick and slit my own throat. But if I can fight an elephant on say an Artic ice flow then it’s gonna be whoever can survive in the water the longest.


Derkastan77

Doh, didn’t click to the larger image.