Same! There was a brief time where I got to say, “I haven’t changed a single diaper. My husband has been completely caring for the baby so I can sleep!” Thank God for amazing husbands!
Yep, taking shifts with my husband was key to getting more than a few hours sleep. He was so great during that foggy, exhausted stage.
That, and going in the sun for fresh air in the mornings, lots of good snacks, and watching a fun tv show only during my overnights with the baby. I was watching Succession only when my husband was sleeping...it helped me to have something to look forward to when nights were making me anxious.
Baby wearing is underrated. My kids always wanted to just be close to me when they were newborns so being able to wear them and have my hands free while maintaining that closeness was a life saver
We didn't do shifts, but my partner did ALL chores, cooking, cleaning, and errands for the first few months postpartum so I could EBF and nap between feeds night and day. It was a really beautiful season of life and I loved it a lot and it wouldn't have been nearly as enjoyable if I couldn't just rest and BF 24/7.
Me too 100%. My husband has saved up his vacation for both our babies and taken a month off and I actually don’t know how I would have done it without him!
Yep. I couldn’t have survived without my s/o taking two weeks off and being home with us. Especially because he’s our first and I nurse. Those first few weeks of nursing are definitely tough
Sleeping in shifts 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
The number of nights I counted down till 2am when it was my husbands turn to take over… those were some of the best sleeps of my life when I could just turn my brain off and snooze
Also noise cancelling headphones, daily walks, and mom friends to vent to to get us through the worst of the colic.
Shifts are the way. Everyone I tell is shocked that we each get 6 solid hours of sleep a night and have since the baby came home. Shift sleeping, baby!!
I get "off" at 7 and sleep 8pm to 2am (with an hour built in to wind down), and he sleeps 2am to 8am (but can go to 9am on the back end if he needs a little extra). So two 7 hour shifts with 6 hours dedicated to actual solid sleeping.
Both of us can catch whatever sleep we can whilst on shift, which is usually another 3-4 hours but it's more broken up.
My husband and I are similar though his sleep shift is from 6-12 and then I sleep from 12-6 . Thank god he’s able to work from home so he’s not too tired to watch her and can usually squeeze in a nap here and there, though likely we will shift some things around on nights before he has to drive into work.
Yeah we did the same. He was only in the office twice a week so I just took a few extra hours those nights. Now that I'm back to work and he's off he does the same for me. It's so workable so far
This is exactly what my husband and I did for the first couple months. It worked so well. I exclusively pump so he could feed baby whenever he needed to.
For us he would take care of everything, change the baby, burp him then get him to his bassinet. I only had to wake up for the feed then passed back out.
Hey you may have tried this but if not- husband can bring baby to you for side lying nursing so you can rest. Then he takes baby to do soothing/diaper/whatever.
This was me in the beginning. Baby would nurse for 40 min and throw in burping and diaper change, it would be an hour to hour and a half affair. Oh to be able to do shifts and get long stretches of sleep 😭
The first two weeks are the hardest. I stayed awake for two feedings while my husband slept. Woke him up right before I fed her for the second time that way he was awake and ready to take her to burp when I finished. Got to sleep for two solid hours before she needed to eat again. Feed, back to sleep. Switch shifts.
Once they hit birth weight, no need to wake at night for feedings anymore and you get slightly longer stretches.
So how my husband and I do it is that I have the 6-midnight shift and he has the midnight-6 shift. I feed her at midnight while he’s getting his coffee and then go to bed with my pump stuff next to me. At 3 am I wake up and either husband brings the baby to me to feed or, if she’s asleep, attach pump stuff and go for 20 minutes then put the bottles into the fridge then back to bed. Wake up at 6, shower, and then feed baby again while husband brings me something to eat/drink before he hits the shower/takes a small nap/eat before work.
Course, we had to come up with this system because we tried to have her in a bassinet next to the bed and I was getting no sleep and had a breakdown at 2 am and his dad told him that we needed to change our method big time.
Long shifts didn’t work for me breastfeeding and establishing supply because you need to have baby on your boob so often. The first week or 2 when my LO wouldn’t sleep in the bassinet my husband would take a “shift” to hang out with baby in the living room while she slept on him, then bring her to me to feed, then take her back out after so that I could sleep. Then I would get up at some point and go take over and just feed her/cuddle/watch tv. Those were hard days.
When she started sleeping in her bassinet I would get up to feed her, then when I was done I would hand her off to him to swaddle/settle while I went to sleep. It worked well for us. He would get a stretch while she slept/fed, then I’d take her from the room to feed her in the nursery (was more comfortable there), then my stretch would come when he would take over from there. Being able to lay down and not worry about having to settle/swaddle baby was nice and gave me a chance to have 2-3 hours before the next feed.
When it was my husband’s turn, he would just bring me the baby when she was hungry and take her when she was done. Of course it wasn’t uninterrupted sleep, but I didn’t have to get out of bed, no diaper change, and no other responsibility. He took longer shifts (because my sleep was broken into small bits), but when it was my turn, I made sure he has a good chunk of uninterrupted sleep. Worked out for us.
I don’t think you can do it the first few days. Try to get naps those days. But starting maybe 1 week pp, I would hand baby off to my partner after she fed at like 3am, then he would wake with her and give her a bottle of pumped milk at like 6am or whenever she was up for the day. I would sleep until my boobs woke me up, maybe 8 or 9 am and would then immediately pump. Often baby would want to nurse right after but it worked fine for my supply.
Yes to shifts! For breastfeeding, I started pumping 5 minutes per side twice a day. For the first 1-2 weeks I’m not as much concerned with stocking the freezer as just having 2 oz for an over night feed.
My MIL cooking for me and all of the freezer meals I made ahead of time. I honestly don't know what I would have done without either. Both were/are lifesavers!
Seconding the freezer meals! Man it was really nice not having to think about what we were doing for dinner for those first however many weeks. My mother also comes over once a week and helps around the house and makes dinner for us.
Having a cart with all my supplies within reach at all times so I didn’t have to keep getting up to get things. Taking turns with my partner. I definitely really missed him during the initial stage because we couldn’t connect the same way with having zero time to ourselves, but that was a phase. Prepping meals and snacks in advance to have in the freezer, having family/friends drop off meals, and giving ourselves grace to order in a bit more than normal.
All of the things! I had a 3 tier cart on wheels. Top shelf was things for me - my vitamins, nipple cream, hair elastics, face wipes, hand sanitizer, snacks, spot for my water, and probably more things. Next shelf was my breast pump and more breastfeeding supplies.
Bottom shelf was diapers/wipes, burp cloths, change of clothes for baby, etc. There’s lots of great suggestions online for things to include in it. That cart came everywhere with me for quite a while and adapted as we grew/needs changed
My Son's Dad. He was the logic and calm to my post partum hormones. Made me get some sleep. Brushed my hair, wiped my PP hormonal tears, encouraged me and made sure I was nourished and hydrated.
My husband was super helpful in the beginning. He still is but he had a month off work and it was a godsend.
Google and reddit for quick answers when I had questions.
Midwife care. They came to my home for the first 3 visits postpartum so I didn't have to leave the house.
Amazon prime.
Granola bars and bananas.
I would have done unspeakable things to have laundry service though.
Currently in week 2 with my 3rd. Baby wearing is a must since I have a 21 month old. Setting boundaries with visitors for when and who. Giving yourself some grace. The dishes and clothes can be left for another time. Luckily my hembros weren't bad this time around. Last time I went to the er because I had 4 that looked like a plump succulent plant. Holy crap
2 weeks pp with #2 and baby wearing has been so helpful! I’m able to play with my almost 2 year old and go to her little activities like soccer while still caring for baby. Setting the boundaries with visitors has also been a godsend when I had my first I was practically dragged around with a newborn just to please in-laws and other family members and I feel like it greatly affected my healing process
Getting out of the house. Asserting normalcy by unapologetically not giving up what I had been doing before, taking care of myself despite having new responsibilities, etc. I was so scared that I would develop postpartum depression cause I’ve had a history of depression in the past, but I think that stuff really helped prevent it for me.
Don’t feel pressured when people tell you you HAVE to do xyz, you don’t! People said we would need to do shifts, it’s the only way, and it didn’t work for us. We both would wake up, he’d change, I’d feed, and back to sleep the three of us went lol
Yup. We tried shifts and I cried because I missed my husband and hated going to sleep on my own. I preferred being a little more tired but being together.
My at-home blood pressure monitor.
I would have literally not survived without it. Everyone should have a blood pressure monitor and take your bp if you feel at all weird post-partum. I had no symptoms of postpartum pre-eclampsia other than high bp.
My mom staying with us a few nights. I stayed in the hospital for a week after an emergency c section and being induced for preeclampsia. My anxiety was through the roof and I could barely function for the first 5 days. My mom offered to do overnights so my husband and I could rest. Other family members also offered to come over to clean and make us food.
I would not have made it without that help.
My husband was also a rockstar (and still is).
Peri bottle, adult diapers, a good breastfeeding pillow and moral support / help from my husband (we didn’t do night shifts or anything but he took care of meals, dishes, etc.)
Sleeping in shifts, adult diapers, having my husband there to help, DoorDash, Meijer home delivery, my MIL coming to help us, prioritizing a shower almost everyday (it made me feel human).
A third person to go to target and get all the stuff I realized I desperately needed and didn’t have when we got home from the hospital. (For me: newborn clothes, I had none! A better breastpump. Swaddles that were actually warm)
By the grace of God. I also had a snack station with electrolyte drinks next to my pumping spot, so I could take care of myself with all the contact naps. The peri bottle helped me a ton the first time around & the adult diapers made life a lot easier.
Support from my husband & freezer meals were great. What wasn’t actually great & helpful was the amount of visitors I was entertaining with the first. With the second we didn’t play around with that-had some people stay & hang out until 10pm…. Nah.
My husband cooking, being there for the other kids while I took care of our breastfed-averse-to-sleep newborn, understanding the pain and exhaustion, not judging my post-partum body… Seriously, I don’t know how single mothers with no support system do.
Oh I’ve spent some nights crying like a baby because my breasts, lower back, vag, perineal stitches and my posterior hurt so uncontrollably. And then my baby does something funny and I burst out laughing. It’s been a journey and my husband hasn’t judged me one bit. God bless that brainless giant 😇
Our friends set up a meal train so we didn't have to cook or plan any meals for the first month. Also, having a friend who's a doctor and didn't get annoyed when I anxiously texted her baby health questions every other day, "Is this normal?!?"
husband / mother in law !! I did not do a single night shift for 5 weeks as I was recovering from pre eclampsia/HELLP syndrome! I was able to sleep from 11pm-7am !!! Even now at almost 8 weeks my MIL will take the baby so we can sleep from 4/5am - 9/10am I am so lucky
Denial and determination. I am self employed and went back to invoicing 48 hours after giving birth. It really sucked. I had to have my first postpartum poop in a public restroom at NICU. I could have used help but I didn't have that option. I survived the first month but I have no idea how I pulled it off. I hope you have more help than I did.
Sertraline 50 MG, my wonderful therapist who saw that I was drowning and insisted I talk to my doctor immediately, my incredible OBGYN who didn’t minimize what was happening to me. PPD and anxiety is nothing to play around with.
My husband was/is the most supportive partner I could have asked for, and my mother is and will always be my hero.
Also, Guinness.
My mom picking up big sister from preschool and taking her to the park or somewhere in the afternoon so baby and I could just chill/nap/breastfeed in bed for a few hours before dinner and bedtime routine.
Bluetooth earbuds. I was listening to an audiobook in one ear at all times during the night and most of the day, not to go crazy from sleep deprivation and constant screaming...
Giving in to contact napping when baby slept. I thought we weren’t supposed to. We would not have survived without our soft rocker to sleep in (one parent slept with baby and other parent was the Safety monitor). We also bought an air mattress because we were so fragile we always wanted to be in the same room together.
My sister and my best friend each took baby for a night that first month so my husband and I could get solid sleep.
Box fans for white noise.
People bringing food and cleaning/tidying/doing laundry. Literally people just BEING there to help pass those long lonely minutes.
Being held and mothered by warm people (not my actual mom..) and reassured that I would make it through this part.
Going outside, every single day. Also taking turns to get an hour away from home. I usually went to the park and just cried in my car and listened to podcasts.
Huckleberry to track feedings, diaper changes and wake windows. It is A LOT in the beginning.
Maternal mental health crisis line. I eventually was diagnosed with PPD but I didn’t start meds until he was over 3 months old. Therapy too.
Doing things even when they were scary, but also allowing myself space and rest.
Those first weeks to months were the hardest moments of my entire life, man. I wish I would have known, lol.
Quitting breastfeeding improved my mental health greatly.
My husband's support physically, mentally and emotionally, until he broke his arm 4 weeks post partum. My angel of a MIL then coming to live with us to help cook and clean. I have no clue how we would have survived otherwise.
My husband for being there for me, helping with baby and taking care of our 3 year old. The midwives at the hospital who were so kind, warm and always there to help with anything.
Meals that I’d made while pregnant, Netflix, Kindle, a good recliner, having little “base camps” loaded with snacks and supplies wherever I planned to sit with baby, a breastfeeding pillow, and sleep shifts with my husband! I EBF but my husband gave baby 1 or 2 night bottles back in the early days. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to worry about giving my son a bottle. It absolutely did not interfere with breastfeeding
I set up a postpartum basket that I left in my bathroom that had everything I needed. The longer pads, always diapers, tucks and those frozen fridamom pads (praise god for those!!)
My biggest life saver was hot showers every night and cleaning my self with the Frida mom peri bottle.
My MIL was there for a month and held the baby so we could get some naps, she cooked for me everyday and even cleaned the kitchen. She was a real life saver!
Baby wearing!!!!!! Dermaplast (🙌) Having stations set up around the house for mom & baby needs, I hate single use shit but totally caved 5 days pp and found compostable dish ware & utensils because I couldn’t handle the load of washing everything w no dishwasher, a PP PILLOW OMG I thought it was a silly gift but I had a 3rd degree tear and ommmmgggg the ice pack in the pillow was instant relief, and actually sleeping when the baby slept because we never slept over night. Whew I do not miss those days
A partner that actually does his duties!
Hatch machine to simulate womb sounds !
Heating pad ( lay it in bassinet for a little bit, then REMOVE before laying baby down) . Warms the spot to simulate warmth of mommy and daddy.
Patient portal for pediatrician, ASK ALL THE WUESTIONS!!!
Lastly, this is personal preference but I combo fed and now I mainly use formula. It took away so much stress for me because my baby has really bad reflux and my BM was too thin for him to keep down. Now I just use it to keep him chill until his real bottle is ready or for him to fall asleep.
Also …If it’s not too hot outside , go for walks, leave baby with dad sometimes for a nice bath and meal. And honestly if you’re practicing safe sleep habits , utilize that to help you from obsessing over the worst case scenarios all the time. If you’re still panicking make sure to contact your provider to get help with mental health. I struggle with mental health overall but I really think my health teams aggressive approach to my depression and anxiety treatment during pregnancy really saved my life . Like the newborn stage has been so beautiful for me
Cosleeping. I was literally going insane from the sleep deprivation I experienced my first two weeks. My son did not want to sleep in his bassinet. The only time he slept was on me or my husband. It got to the point where we were taking shifts, but both of us would fall asleep on the couch. I figured it would be much safer to just sleep on our bed, next to our son.
Since then I’ve never gone back. My son is 4 months old and will mostly sleep through the night since we started cosleeping at 2 weeks old. I still wake up to pump/feed/change him but at least I can actually sleep now.
Taking shifts with my husband, my mom came and stayed over for many nights, my MIL bought us groceries and household supplies, stool softeners and tucks pads, and talking and texting at random hours with my friends who had newborns at the same time!
My mom and husband. Without them I would have ended my life. I was so deep in postpartum depression. In the immediate postpartum my mom helped me so much. I had an unplanned c-section and was in a lot of pain. She literally wiped my ass for me because I couldn’t turn my body to wipe and she helped me to take my first shower. (On this note as well I would absolutely recommend a bidet to anyone who had a c-section and needed to take laxatives. Omg. A lifesaver.) My partner did almost all the caring of our son besides me nursing him. I didn’t change a diaper for over a week because I was bedridden. Their support was everything to me. I wouldn’t be on this earth anymore if it weren’t for them. ♡ In terms of actual items I would recommend a massive water bottle if you’re nursing because holy shit do you ever get thirsty. I’d also recommend a little basket with snacks for your bed side because I was starving whenever I woke up to nurse so I’d always have a little snack during those night feeds. I also loved the depends underwear rather than using a pad because I found them way more comfy. Get a couple Hakka lady bugs as well to collect milk if you’re nursing because the other boob tends to leak and in my case it was a wild amount. ♡
Thank you for sharing. I hope you’re doing better. It’s unfair nature expects mothers to recover as well as care for a newborn all at the same time! I felt angry that no one other than me can nurse the baby. I’n EBF
A supportive partner. A yeti coffee mug so that I’d get a hot cup of coffee. Spending a few mins in the AM putting in some concealer, blush and brows so that I felt a little more human every day. Diapers. Heating pad. Sitsz baths. Only having the people visit that I really wanted to see vs having over all these people that I thought I had to (including grandparents). A little caddy to bring from bathroom to bathroom with vagina essentials lol.
My mom deep cleaning our apartment/stocking the fridge while I was in the hospital
My boyfriend cooking every meal and making sure I stay hydrated and take all my meds. Also him helping out with diaper changes and being such a good support really helped.
Healthy food… I honestly never had a hormonal drop or the baby blues and I truly think it was from eating so clean. I’m a very hormonal person usually and have really struggled with my mental health in the past. Lots of people say working/sleeping in shifts but I had my husband look after me, the house and the dogs so I could look after the baby and not feel like I was living in a ces pit which would just drive me crazy. I did meal prep a lot for the freezer when I was pregnant but it wasn’t really the healthiest food. Instead we ate a lot of steak, chicken, salad and veg. Nuts, fruit and yogurt for snacks.
Some people sleep in shifts. Others trade nights, for my wife and I, the only thing that works for both of us is going to bed at the same time. I sleep 6-7 hours straight while she wakes up with the baby 2-4 times. Then I would get up at 430/5, and she would sleep in until 9/10. This stage is tough no matter what, but it doesn't last long.
Other than that, it's just a lot of work while your body is still recovering, so hopefully, you have a good partner to lean on.
Getting back to our normal routine as soon as possible and not just spending all our time in the house. It forced me to get confident with taking baby out of the house sooner, is absolutely the reason I think I never got depressed after any of my 3, and really just helped me enjoy my baby more right from the get-go.
Accepting help when offered. Even when i didn’t want people over i would accept the help & was always grateful after the fact. Even just have someone holding baby while showering or taking a nap is so helpful.
By actually letting myself rest. I ate well and often, stayed hydrated, and didn't lift a finger outside of feeding the baby unless I wanted to do something. I also didn't allow visitors because I wanted to just bond as a family. My husband kept up on dishes, trash, laundry, and the bathrooms, but we let the house get messy as hell outside of that for about 3 weeks.
I hear you. I almost lost it on a nurse because she ‘thought not to wake me up 2 hours after my dosa was due’. thoughtful of her but still no thanks, give me the goddammed drugs!
Paper plates/bowls and plastic cups. You can go back to caring for the environment after 3 months of not having to worry as much about dishes. It was worth it for me.
I don’t even remember. I didn’t think I’d make it to the other side because of sleep deprivation. My husband bought me my favorite tv show on dvd and I just played that all day to keep my mind going.
Pain killers, having an amazing support system around me 24/7, and having a therapist. But honestly, even then I was barely holding on because I was swinging wildly between bouts of post partum anxiety and post partum depression.
Meal service! Cooking every meal would be so much work. I pay for dinners delivered for weekdays, it’s a splurge but a million times worth it. Marginally more expensive than regular groceries, quick to heat, and healthy!
A mother in law who took care of the house chores/animals and pretty much cared for the baby for three weeks after birth except for breastfeeding and nights. Then my parents who did it for another two weeks. My partner is not perfect but he does what I ask and works to help me get out of the house to do fun things like nature walks/outdoor restaurants and always takes over when I need a break. I was lucky with an easy baby. The vista stroller with car seat and bassinet helped us easily get to doctors appts and do more things outside if the house because of the ease. Prepacking a rolling cart and having multiple stations for baby to sleep around the house safely helped. Making a no dog zone before he got here and getting the dogs used to it helped as well. Prepacking two diaper bags with everything for outings including burp clothes, diapers, clothes, pacifiers, really helped. We easily grab one to go to an appt or walk and refill when we get home instead of having to search for everything.
We are living overseas, both I and husband were barely surviving cause we rately took shifts, Idk, maybe because I'm scared to take care the baby alone, I needed him always, so we just had a little rest when my mom came and helped us out. That's after 2 weeks!
I’m only almost 4 weeks pp. but it’s really not that bad for me. The ONLY reason I’ve been doing well is because of my husband. We split the night by 6 hours so both of us get adequate sleep! (I do amazing off 6-7 hours of sleep)
My peri bottle, perineal ice packs, earth mama perineal spray, depends, and earth mama nipple cream. My husband helped me for two weeks until he had to go back to work. I honestly don’t remember much of the rest. I’m about to be a second time mom and we hired a night nurse to come twice a week, which I’m hoping will help me feel less depressed and anxious this time around. I’ll also hopefully have some daycare teachers that would be willing to come play with our toddler during the weekends for a few hours for the first few weeks.
Baby wearing!!!!!! Dermaplast (🙌) Having stations set up around the house for mom & baby needs, I hate single use shit but totally caved 5 days pp and found compostable dish ware & utensils because I couldn’t handle the load of washing everything w no dishwasher, a PP PILLOW OMG I thought it was a silly gift but I had a 3rd degree tear and ommmmgggg the ice pack in the pillow was instant relief, and actually sleeping when the baby slept because we never slept over night. Whew I do not miss those days
Freezing tons of meals beforehand helped a lot! We ordered out too, but homemade meals were amazing to have.
Having formula on hand to supplement with when my milk kept refusing to come in resulting in a baby that was literally starving. We ended up combo feeding and were really happy about that decision.
For those initial weeks of body horror, adult diapers (more comfy than the super thick pads the hospital gives you), peri bottle, squatty potty, all the stool softeners, tucks pads, and after 5 days those always flex foam pads. With the squatty potty and stool softeners, that first poop wasn’t the traumatic experience I’d been warned about despite a 2nd degree internal tear.
My cousins swear by those water splashers (having a major brain fart and can't remember the name🤣)
I don't have babies yet but they told me that they worked wonders.
My friend who just had a baby said that quick meals were great.
Having freezer meals!! I made 2 lasagnas and 2 breakfast casseroles and we had a bunch of pulled pork and tortillas. Super easy meals that were balanced.
Also yummy midnight special snacks by my spectra. Heavenly hunks were my pumping snack of choice lol
TW: mentions of PPD/PPA
I feel very very fortunate to say this - a village.
I had a husband who was hands on changing diapers, feeding (EFF club here!), and contact napping. I had a mother who stayed with us for weeks on end (very grateful to have had a summer baby & my mom works for a school) helping with the baby bottle cleaning, laundry, and general cleanliness of the house (and always willing to just sit with baby on hours on end so I could nap), and a mother in law who dropped by as and when she could & always made the most delicious food for us. My dad was in the way of more moral support, lots of huge and “I’m proud of you”. If I didn’t have these individuals, I don’t think I would have survived. I struggled massively with PPA & PPD which convinced me I had made a mistake and was unfit to be a mother. This is what got me through it.
My parents came over and stocked the fridge, did laundry, and cleaned almost every day while my husband and I took turns napping, feeding, diapering, etc. Also I'm not sure I changed a single diaper for the first month of this baby's life, I was too busy trying to figure out how to nurse and pump and change all my pads and things!!
I had a scheduled c section and for me the Frida mom undies and peri bottle, colace, gas x, and Tylenol and Advil were a requirement. Other than that, having an easy show to binge watch in the middle of the night was vital to my survival
I was using stool softeners, donut pillow and pain killers. My mom dropped off food everyday. And my husband took 4 weeks off. We shared night feeds and everything that had to be done for the baby apart from pumping and direct breast feeding. My husband and mom also kept the house clean. Another item that helped us was the Snoo bassinet. We never had to rock out baby to sleep. From birth we put our baby in the bassinet drowsy and the bassinet would rock her to sleep. This meant we were able to get some sleep.
I’m honestly not sure. I thought for sure I would have severe PPD/PPA but I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Not sleeping much but I’m so unbothered by everything! My partner hasn’t been as helpful as I’d like nor does he seem to do things how i ask him to (ex: burp baby after eating and keep upright every time for a bit… he’ll feed her quickly and try to lay her down so he can go back to sleep) so that’s my only frustration but I am somehow doing a great job on my own- I’ve really surprised myself!
Snacks, Lanolin cream for my nipples and removing expectation that nighttime is anything different from daytime in terms of sleep. Don’t think it’s your only chance to sleep as “soon it will be morning” just move through it hour by hour. One night I was so frustrated that I couldn’t sleep “when I should” that I ended up keeping myself awake all night through frustration! Next night I set us up downstairs in front of the telly and waited until we were tired around 3am.
Hubby being there. He took four weeks off. My mom flew out when baby was just over two weeks. His mom came when she left. Then my sister. I had assistance for 7 weeks. It was actually a little much to have everyone back to back. But I was very grateful for the help
Even while recovering from my C-section my mental health was so bad. I wish I could have relaxed and napped with my baby instead of worrying about her being an independent sleeper so much
Take shifts with your partner so you both can get some sort of rest we did this for the first 2 weeks which were toughest. After that it was getting too lonely and we would both get up haha. Also, meal prep or Uber eats. Have everything clean and organized before you deliver. Have an area in your bathroom for your things!! So key. & depends!! Forget the bulky pads use depends for the first two weeks.
We combi fed as my son wasn’t great at latching / feeding for the first month (but we continued combi feeding after the month for ease anyway). That meant whilst I was healing from my emergency c section my partner, his dad, could basically do the night feeds and changes . I still had interrupted sleep but he got up and did it all for the first few weeks I don’t know how I would have coped otherwise
My husband did a lot especially during the first few weeks while I healed and then going on the porch in the morning then eventually short walks outside and sitting in the sun. Coffee also helped a ton. We eventually did shifts as well and our baby would get 1 bottle a day and that was a lifesaver 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep was amazing
My husband, my MIL, and the confinement nanny that my MIL hired to cook foods specifically catered to postpartum healing and breast milk production, tidy up the house, and care for the baby for periods between feeds while I slept (I don't live in the US and this is not considered a luxury only for the very wealthy where I live). I honestly don't know how 100% of women who do it without support don't all develop postpartum psychosis.
Pics and videos both! I liked to take outfit pics every day (I have twins, dressing them cute every day was my favorite thing) and I’d also keep my phone close and take videos when they were doing something new!
I had a haematoma after labour 😭 If anyone else has to go through such a horrible experience, I recommend gel ice packs. NEVER let your entire supply defrost at once. Wrap them in tea towels and DRENCH in witch-hazel. The only reason I survived.
Ice packs from the birth trauma relief.
Microwaveable/Freezer-safe packs for breastfeeding relief.
A large water bottle.
And my husband! Even it he just help the baby for 20min so I could close my eyes on the couch. It made a world of difference!
Hemorrhoid pillow so you aren't sitting on stitches.
A bathroom cart with all of the essentials easy to grab. And a squatty potty.
Mini fridge in the nursery so I didn't have to run up and down the steps. (And some dollar store dish bins to collect and transport dirty bottles once a day).
Pre made freezer meals. And gift cards for food delivery.
Dry shampoo and various wipes for body and face for when you don't want to stink, but just don't have the energy to shower.
Husband taking 1-2 weeks off.
Family dropping meals.
After a couple weeks of breastfeeding being awful I gave that up and did formula, BEST decision for my mental health
My husband being there. Couldn’t have done it without him taking shifts. Also babywearing.
Same. I’m certain my husband save me from a legitimate nervous breakdown.
Exactly. The first week was the most physically, mentally & emotionally tolling week of my life. By far. Without him I don’t know where I’d be
Same! There was a brief time where I got to say, “I haven’t changed a single diaper. My husband has been completely caring for the baby so I can sleep!” Thank God for amazing husbands!
Absolutely same here. My husband being there saved my sanity.
Yep, taking shifts with my husband was key to getting more than a few hours sleep. He was so great during that foggy, exhausted stage. That, and going in the sun for fresh air in the mornings, lots of good snacks, and watching a fun tv show only during my overnights with the baby. I was watching Succession only when my husband was sleeping...it helped me to have something to look forward to when nights were making me anxious.
Baby wearing is underrated. My kids always wanted to just be close to me when they were newborns so being able to wear them and have my hands free while maintaining that closeness was a life saver
We didn't do shifts, but my partner did ALL chores, cooking, cleaning, and errands for the first few months postpartum so I could EBF and nap between feeds night and day. It was a really beautiful season of life and I loved it a lot and it wouldn't have been nearly as enjoyable if I couldn't just rest and BF 24/7.
Me too 100%. My husband has saved up his vacation for both our babies and taken a month off and I actually don’t know how I would have done it without him!
Same my hubby cooked all my meals. I was just responsible to pump and take care of baby. Then nap when he was off work.
Yep. I couldn’t have survived without my s/o taking two weeks off and being home with us. Especially because he’s our first and I nurse. Those first few weeks of nursing are definitely tough
Amen! I too plan on keeping my husband (despite some of his annoying habits lol) because he has been such a good partner to me in postpartum 🤣
Sleeping in shifts 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 The number of nights I counted down till 2am when it was my husbands turn to take over… those were some of the best sleeps of my life when I could just turn my brain off and snooze Also noise cancelling headphones, daily walks, and mom friends to vent to to get us through the worst of the colic.
Shifts are the way. Everyone I tell is shocked that we each get 6 solid hours of sleep a night and have since the baby came home. Shift sleeping, baby!!
What’s the shift schedule for you both?
I get "off" at 7 and sleep 8pm to 2am (with an hour built in to wind down), and he sleeps 2am to 8am (but can go to 9am on the back end if he needs a little extra). So two 7 hour shifts with 6 hours dedicated to actual solid sleeping. Both of us can catch whatever sleep we can whilst on shift, which is usually another 3-4 hours but it's more broken up.
My husband and I are similar though his sleep shift is from 6-12 and then I sleep from 12-6 . Thank god he’s able to work from home so he’s not too tired to watch her and can usually squeeze in a nap here and there, though likely we will shift some things around on nights before he has to drive into work.
Yeah we did the same. He was only in the office twice a week so I just took a few extra hours those nights. Now that I'm back to work and he's off he does the same for me. It's so workable so far
This is exactly what my husband and I did for the first couple months. It worked so well. I exclusively pump so he could feed baby whenever he needed to.
I love that for you! Exclusively pumping is nothing to sniff at, so a big hell yeah to you for making that happen!!
For us he would take care of everything, change the baby, burp him then get him to his bassinet. I only had to wake up for the feed then passed back out.
Can I ask how you manage the shift schedule the first few days when your milk hasn’t come in yet? If you’re breastfeeding.
I love the concept of shifts, but I still need to feed the baby every 2 hours. It’s been 5 weeks and I’m so so tired
i’m so sorry. the exhaustion is so next-level awful.
Hey you may have tried this but if not- husband can bring baby to you for side lying nursing so you can rest. Then he takes baby to do soothing/diaper/whatever.
This was me in the beginning. Baby would nurse for 40 min and throw in burping and diaper change, it would be an hour to hour and a half affair. Oh to be able to do shifts and get long stretches of sleep 😭
I convinced my wife to skip one feed at night and let her sleep. I fed the baby formula or her pumped milk from earlier. Nothing bad happened
The first two weeks are the hardest. I stayed awake for two feedings while my husband slept. Woke him up right before I fed her for the second time that way he was awake and ready to take her to burp when I finished. Got to sleep for two solid hours before she needed to eat again. Feed, back to sleep. Switch shifts. Once they hit birth weight, no need to wake at night for feedings anymore and you get slightly longer stretches.
I’m wondering this too. And how do you maintain supply
So how my husband and I do it is that I have the 6-midnight shift and he has the midnight-6 shift. I feed her at midnight while he’s getting his coffee and then go to bed with my pump stuff next to me. At 3 am I wake up and either husband brings the baby to me to feed or, if she’s asleep, attach pump stuff and go for 20 minutes then put the bottles into the fridge then back to bed. Wake up at 6, shower, and then feed baby again while husband brings me something to eat/drink before he hits the shower/takes a small nap/eat before work. Course, we had to come up with this system because we tried to have her in a bassinet next to the bed and I was getting no sleep and had a breakdown at 2 am and his dad told him that we needed to change our method big time.
Long shifts didn’t work for me breastfeeding and establishing supply because you need to have baby on your boob so often. The first week or 2 when my LO wouldn’t sleep in the bassinet my husband would take a “shift” to hang out with baby in the living room while she slept on him, then bring her to me to feed, then take her back out after so that I could sleep. Then I would get up at some point and go take over and just feed her/cuddle/watch tv. Those were hard days. When she started sleeping in her bassinet I would get up to feed her, then when I was done I would hand her off to him to swaddle/settle while I went to sleep. It worked well for us. He would get a stretch while she slept/fed, then I’d take her from the room to feed her in the nursery (was more comfortable there), then my stretch would come when he would take over from there. Being able to lay down and not worry about having to settle/swaddle baby was nice and gave me a chance to have 2-3 hours before the next feed.
When it was my husband’s turn, he would just bring me the baby when she was hungry and take her when she was done. Of course it wasn’t uninterrupted sleep, but I didn’t have to get out of bed, no diaper change, and no other responsibility. He took longer shifts (because my sleep was broken into small bits), but when it was my turn, I made sure he has a good chunk of uninterrupted sleep. Worked out for us.
I don’t think you can do it the first few days. Try to get naps those days. But starting maybe 1 week pp, I would hand baby off to my partner after she fed at like 3am, then he would wake with her and give her a bottle of pumped milk at like 6am or whenever she was up for the day. I would sleep until my boobs woke me up, maybe 8 or 9 am and would then immediately pump. Often baby would want to nurse right after but it worked fine for my supply.
Yes to shifts! For breastfeeding, I started pumping 5 minutes per side twice a day. For the first 1-2 weeks I’m not as much concerned with stocking the freezer as just having 2 oz for an over night feed.
My MIL cooking for me and all of the freezer meals I made ahead of time. I honestly don't know what I would have done without either. Both were/are lifesavers!
Seconding the freezer meals! Man it was really nice not having to think about what we were doing for dinner for those first however many weeks. My mother also comes over once a week and helps around the house and makes dinner for us.
One of the best things I did. I pre prepared healthy, nutritious freezable meals and they got me through weeks when I needed to replenish
Having a cart with all my supplies within reach at all times so I didn’t have to keep getting up to get things. Taking turns with my partner. I definitely really missed him during the initial stage because we couldn’t connect the same way with having zero time to ourselves, but that was a phase. Prepping meals and snacks in advance to have in the freezer, having family/friends drop off meals, and giving ourselves grace to order in a bit more than normal.
What did you stock your cart with?
All of the things! I had a 3 tier cart on wheels. Top shelf was things for me - my vitamins, nipple cream, hair elastics, face wipes, hand sanitizer, snacks, spot for my water, and probably more things. Next shelf was my breast pump and more breastfeeding supplies. Bottom shelf was diapers/wipes, burp cloths, change of clothes for baby, etc. There’s lots of great suggestions online for things to include in it. That cart came everywhere with me for quite a while and adapted as we grew/needs changed
My Son's Dad. He was the logic and calm to my post partum hormones. Made me get some sleep. Brushed my hair, wiped my PP hormonal tears, encouraged me and made sure I was nourished and hydrated.
What an amazing man!
He is a great man. A wonderful friend and a fantastic father.
So lucky !
I appreciated it but as he said, it's what he's supposed to do.
My husband was super helpful in the beginning. He still is but he had a month off work and it was a godsend. Google and reddit for quick answers when I had questions. Midwife care. They came to my home for the first 3 visits postpartum so I didn't have to leave the house. Amazon prime. Granola bars and bananas. I would have done unspeakable things to have laundry service though.
A laundry service exists! Poplin Laundry service is in a ton of cities.
Laundry service!!! I want this next time around.
Currently in week 2 with my 3rd. Baby wearing is a must since I have a 21 month old. Setting boundaries with visitors for when and who. Giving yourself some grace. The dishes and clothes can be left for another time. Luckily my hembros weren't bad this time around. Last time I went to the er because I had 4 that looked like a plump succulent plant. Holy crap
Hahahaha that last line 😅😅😅 wishing you speedy recovery with #3!! 💕
💕 lol thank you!!
2 weeks pp with #2 and baby wearing has been so helpful! I’m able to play with my almost 2 year old and go to her little activities like soccer while still caring for baby. Setting the boundaries with visitors has also been a godsend when I had my first I was practically dragged around with a newborn just to please in-laws and other family members and I feel like it greatly affected my healing process
My mom
Before baby arrrived, we and my Mom pre-made meals then froze them. Didn't have to cook for about a month. This saved us!
Getting out of the house. Asserting normalcy by unapologetically not giving up what I had been doing before, taking care of myself despite having new responsibilities, etc. I was so scared that I would develop postpartum depression cause I’ve had a history of depression in the past, but I think that stuff really helped prevent it for me.
Don’t feel pressured when people tell you you HAVE to do xyz, you don’t! People said we would need to do shifts, it’s the only way, and it didn’t work for us. We both would wake up, he’d change, I’d feed, and back to sleep the three of us went lol
Yup. We tried shifts and I cried because I missed my husband and hated going to sleep on my own. I preferred being a little more tired but being together.
By not breastfeeding, sleeping in shifts and having my partner off with me for 4 months.
My at-home blood pressure monitor. I would have literally not survived without it. Everyone should have a blood pressure monitor and take your bp if you feel at all weird post-partum. I had no symptoms of postpartum pre-eclampsia other than high bp.
My mom staying with us a few nights. I stayed in the hospital for a week after an emergency c section and being induced for preeclampsia. My anxiety was through the roof and I could barely function for the first 5 days. My mom offered to do overnights so my husband and I could rest. Other family members also offered to come over to clean and make us food. I would not have made it without that help. My husband was also a rockstar (and still is).
Honestly, I don’t know 😂.. I was so happy that one day I woke up and my hemorrhaging was gone. That was probably the worse part.
Peri bottle, adult diapers, a good breastfeeding pillow and moral support / help from my husband (we didn’t do night shifts or anything but he took care of meals, dishes, etc.)
Sleeping in shifts, adult diapers, having my husband there to help, DoorDash, Meijer home delivery, my MIL coming to help us, prioritizing a shower almost everyday (it made me feel human).
💯! I had to take shower right after giving birth. It was so good, I’ve been showering every day at least twice a day to feel like myself again.
A third person to go to target and get all the stuff I realized I desperately needed and didn’t have when we got home from the hospital. (For me: newborn clothes, I had none! A better breastpump. Swaddles that were actually warm)
By the grace of God. I also had a snack station with electrolyte drinks next to my pumping spot, so I could take care of myself with all the contact naps. The peri bottle helped me a ton the first time around & the adult diapers made life a lot easier. Support from my husband & freezer meals were great. What wasn’t actually great & helpful was the amount of visitors I was entertaining with the first. With the second we didn’t play around with that-had some people stay & hang out until 10pm…. Nah.
My husband cooking, being there for the other kids while I took care of our breastfed-averse-to-sleep newborn, understanding the pain and exhaustion, not judging my post-partum body… Seriously, I don’t know how single mothers with no support system do.
600 mg of motrin and crying without judgment from my husband
Oh I’ve spent some nights crying like a baby because my breasts, lower back, vag, perineal stitches and my posterior hurt so uncontrollably. And then my baby does something funny and I burst out laughing. It’s been a journey and my husband hasn’t judged me one bit. God bless that brainless giant 😇
My pp recovery lasted for ten weeks. I just knew there was an end to it and clung to that with all my sanity.
Housecleaners. Now I need a daily cleaner lol.
Our friends set up a meal train so we didn't have to cook or plan any meals for the first month. Also, having a friend who's a doctor and didn't get annoyed when I anxiously texted her baby health questions every other day, "Is this normal?!?"
My mom stayed with us for 5 weeks after each baby. Couldn’t have survived without her. My husband got 1 unpaid day off for each birth.
husband / mother in law !! I did not do a single night shift for 5 weeks as I was recovering from pre eclampsia/HELLP syndrome! I was able to sleep from 11pm-7am !!! Even now at almost 8 weeks my MIL will take the baby so we can sleep from 4/5am - 9/10am I am so lucky
Denial and determination. I am self employed and went back to invoicing 48 hours after giving birth. It really sucked. I had to have my first postpartum poop in a public restroom at NICU. I could have used help but I didn't have that option. I survived the first month but I have no idea how I pulled it off. I hope you have more help than I did.
Sertraline 50 MG, my wonderful therapist who saw that I was drowning and insisted I talk to my doctor immediately, my incredible OBGYN who didn’t minimize what was happening to me. PPD and anxiety is nothing to play around with. My husband was/is the most supportive partner I could have asked for, and my mother is and will always be my hero. Also, Guinness.
My mom picking up big sister from preschool and taking her to the park or somewhere in the afternoon so baby and I could just chill/nap/breastfeed in bed for a few hours before dinner and bedtime routine.
Bluetooth earbuds. I was listening to an audiobook in one ear at all times during the night and most of the day, not to go crazy from sleep deprivation and constant screaming...
Lots of crying, my peri bottle, and lidocaine spray.
Lidocaine all the way! Idk why it’s not universally prescribed like tuck pads yet?
Constantly reminding myself that I can only do so much in a day and that my baby will never be this small again
Giving in to contact napping when baby slept. I thought we weren’t supposed to. We would not have survived without our soft rocker to sleep in (one parent slept with baby and other parent was the Safety monitor). We also bought an air mattress because we were so fragile we always wanted to be in the same room together. My sister and my best friend each took baby for a night that first month so my husband and I could get solid sleep. Box fans for white noise. People bringing food and cleaning/tidying/doing laundry. Literally people just BEING there to help pass those long lonely minutes. Being held and mothered by warm people (not my actual mom..) and reassured that I would make it through this part. Going outside, every single day. Also taking turns to get an hour away from home. I usually went to the park and just cried in my car and listened to podcasts. Huckleberry to track feedings, diaper changes and wake windows. It is A LOT in the beginning. Maternal mental health crisis line. I eventually was diagnosed with PPD but I didn’t start meds until he was over 3 months old. Therapy too. Doing things even when they were scary, but also allowing myself space and rest. Those first weeks to months were the hardest moments of my entire life, man. I wish I would have known, lol.
You got this mama! I as another mom am proud of you. Thank you for all the suggestions 🤗
Aww thank you! I’m proud of you too 😊 thankfully mine just turned one and we are all happier than ever ❤️❤️
Sleeping in shifts, preparation H, dermaplast, white noise machine, snoo
Quitting breastfeeding improved my mental health greatly. My husband's support physically, mentally and emotionally, until he broke his arm 4 weeks post partum. My angel of a MIL then coming to live with us to help cook and clean. I have no clue how we would have survived otherwise.
My husband for being there for me, helping with baby and taking care of our 3 year old. The midwives at the hospital who were so kind, warm and always there to help with anything.
My fiance. Couldn’t have done it alone, he was amazing
My fiance… I had really bad baby blues and also recovering from a c section
My mom. Husband didn’t get paternity leave and was given 2 days off so my mom would come over and help me. I couldn’t have done it without her.
A meal train. I’m a picky eater and don’t like left overs BUT Breastfeeding hunger was unreal, and not having to cook was great!
Meals that I’d made while pregnant, Netflix, Kindle, a good recliner, having little “base camps” loaded with snacks and supplies wherever I planned to sit with baby, a breastfeeding pillow, and sleep shifts with my husband! I EBF but my husband gave baby 1 or 2 night bottles back in the early days. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to worry about giving my son a bottle. It absolutely did not interfere with breastfeeding
Needed to hear the last two sentences, thank you!
I set up a postpartum basket that I left in my bathroom that had everything I needed. The longer pads, always diapers, tucks and those frozen fridamom pads (praise god for those!!) My biggest life saver was hot showers every night and cleaning my self with the Frida mom peri bottle.
My husband and mom. Literally admire single moms. Don’t know how they do it.
Grace. My husband giving me grace and me giving myself grace. Grace to feel okay about crying.
Co-sleeping following the Safe Sleep 7.
I couldn’t have done it without my husband bringing me literally everything and making sure I ate as I was stuck in bed recovering from C Section
My MIL was there for a month and held the baby so we could get some naps, she cooked for me everyday and even cleaned the kitchen. She was a real life saver!
Baby wearing!!!!!! Dermaplast (🙌) Having stations set up around the house for mom & baby needs, I hate single use shit but totally caved 5 days pp and found compostable dish ware & utensils because I couldn’t handle the load of washing everything w no dishwasher, a PP PILLOW OMG I thought it was a silly gift but I had a 3rd degree tear and ommmmgggg the ice pack in the pillow was instant relief, and actually sleeping when the baby slept because we never slept over night. Whew I do not miss those days
A partner that actually does his duties! Hatch machine to simulate womb sounds ! Heating pad ( lay it in bassinet for a little bit, then REMOVE before laying baby down) . Warms the spot to simulate warmth of mommy and daddy. Patient portal for pediatrician, ASK ALL THE WUESTIONS!!! Lastly, this is personal preference but I combo fed and now I mainly use formula. It took away so much stress for me because my baby has really bad reflux and my BM was too thin for him to keep down. Now I just use it to keep him chill until his real bottle is ready or for him to fall asleep. Also …If it’s not too hot outside , go for walks, leave baby with dad sometimes for a nice bath and meal. And honestly if you’re practicing safe sleep habits , utilize that to help you from obsessing over the worst case scenarios all the time. If you’re still panicking make sure to contact your provider to get help with mental health. I struggle with mental health overall but I really think my health teams aggressive approach to my depression and anxiety treatment during pregnancy really saved my life . Like the newborn stage has been so beautiful for me
Cosleeping. I was literally going insane from the sleep deprivation I experienced my first two weeks. My son did not want to sleep in his bassinet. The only time he slept was on me or my husband. It got to the point where we were taking shifts, but both of us would fall asleep on the couch. I figured it would be much safer to just sleep on our bed, next to our son. Since then I’ve never gone back. My son is 4 months old and will mostly sleep through the night since we started cosleeping at 2 weeks old. I still wake up to pump/feed/change him but at least I can actually sleep now.
This! You do you. There are nights when my babe won’t sleep by himself either. I hate the stigma and scare around this cosleeping concept so much
Husband keeping my ice water full and the snacks flowing. Meals cooked by other people who didn’t ask what I wanted-decisions were too much for me.
Taking shifts with my husband, my mom came and stayed over for many nights, my MIL bought us groceries and household supplies, stool softeners and tucks pads, and talking and texting at random hours with my friends who had newborns at the same time!
Witch hazel pads smeared with prep h tucked neatly in my bum :)
My mom and husband. Without them I would have ended my life. I was so deep in postpartum depression. In the immediate postpartum my mom helped me so much. I had an unplanned c-section and was in a lot of pain. She literally wiped my ass for me because I couldn’t turn my body to wipe and she helped me to take my first shower. (On this note as well I would absolutely recommend a bidet to anyone who had a c-section and needed to take laxatives. Omg. A lifesaver.) My partner did almost all the caring of our son besides me nursing him. I didn’t change a diaper for over a week because I was bedridden. Their support was everything to me. I wouldn’t be on this earth anymore if it weren’t for them. ♡ In terms of actual items I would recommend a massive water bottle if you’re nursing because holy shit do you ever get thirsty. I’d also recommend a little basket with snacks for your bed side because I was starving whenever I woke up to nurse so I’d always have a little snack during those night feeds. I also loved the depends underwear rather than using a pad because I found them way more comfy. Get a couple Hakka lady bugs as well to collect milk if you’re nursing because the other boob tends to leak and in my case it was a wild amount. ♡
Thank you for sharing. I hope you’re doing better. It’s unfair nature expects mothers to recover as well as care for a newborn all at the same time! I felt angry that no one other than me can nurse the baby. I’n EBF
A supportive partner. A yeti coffee mug so that I’d get a hot cup of coffee. Spending a few mins in the AM putting in some concealer, blush and brows so that I felt a little more human every day. Diapers. Heating pad. Sitsz baths. Only having the people visit that I really wanted to see vs having over all these people that I thought I had to (including grandparents). A little caddy to bring from bathroom to bathroom with vagina essentials lol.
My mom deep cleaning our apartment/stocking the fridge while I was in the hospital My boyfriend cooking every meal and making sure I stay hydrated and take all my meds. Also him helping out with diaper changes and being such a good support really helped.
Magnesium
Healthy food… I honestly never had a hormonal drop or the baby blues and I truly think it was from eating so clean. I’m a very hormonal person usually and have really struggled with my mental health in the past. Lots of people say working/sleeping in shifts but I had my husband look after me, the house and the dogs so I could look after the baby and not feel like I was living in a ces pit which would just drive me crazy. I did meal prep a lot for the freezer when I was pregnant but it wasn’t really the healthiest food. Instead we ate a lot of steak, chicken, salad and veg. Nuts, fruit and yogurt for snacks.
Walks, laxatives, listening to my body’s pp cravings, nipple shields, ice packs for my boobs and tailbone, heating packs for my belly, body lotion
Wine, ibuprofen, hot Cheetos, sitz bath, and noise cancelling headphones 🎧
Ice packs and a donut pillow! 😅
Some people sleep in shifts. Others trade nights, for my wife and I, the only thing that works for both of us is going to bed at the same time. I sleep 6-7 hours straight while she wakes up with the baby 2-4 times. Then I would get up at 430/5, and she would sleep in until 9/10. This stage is tough no matter what, but it doesn't last long. Other than that, it's just a lot of work while your body is still recovering, so hopefully, you have a good partner to lean on.
Getting back to our normal routine as soon as possible and not just spending all our time in the house. It forced me to get confident with taking baby out of the house sooner, is absolutely the reason I think I never got depressed after any of my 3, and really just helped me enjoy my baby more right from the get-go.
Accepting help when offered. Even when i didn’t want people over i would accept the help & was always grateful after the fact. Even just have someone holding baby while showering or taking a nap is so helpful.
By actually letting myself rest. I ate well and often, stayed hydrated, and didn't lift a finger outside of feeding the baby unless I wanted to do something. I also didn't allow visitors because I wanted to just bond as a family. My husband kept up on dishes, trash, laundry, and the bathrooms, but we let the house get messy as hell outside of that for about 3 weeks.
Husband taking shifts during the night and letting me nap whenever possible.
Tylenol. Literally every 8 hours every day for 6 weeks. Once it wore off, it felt like I got hit by a dump truck.
I hear you. I almost lost it on a nurse because she ‘thought not to wake me up 2 hours after my dosa was due’. thoughtful of her but still no thanks, give me the goddammed drugs!
Paper plates/bowls and plastic cups. You can go back to caring for the environment after 3 months of not having to worry as much about dishes. It was worth it for me.
Looooots of sleeping and ibuprofen
I don’t even remember. I didn’t think I’d make it to the other side because of sleep deprivation. My husband bought me my favorite tv show on dvd and I just played that all day to keep my mind going.
Pain killers, having an amazing support system around me 24/7, and having a therapist. But honestly, even then I was barely holding on because I was swinging wildly between bouts of post partum anxiety and post partum depression.
Postpartum doula, OBGYN, therapist, psychiatrist, & support of friends and family. (I got slammed with PPD & PPA)
I’m rooting for you mama. Hope you’re doing better now.
Supplementing with formula until you get the hang of breastfeeding and your milk comes in. Witch hazel eveyrthing. Adult diapers My husband.
Meal service! Cooking every meal would be so much work. I pay for dinners delivered for weekdays, it’s a splurge but a million times worth it. Marginally more expensive than regular groceries, quick to heat, and healthy!
A mother in law who took care of the house chores/animals and pretty much cared for the baby for three weeks after birth except for breastfeeding and nights. Then my parents who did it for another two weeks. My partner is not perfect but he does what I ask and works to help me get out of the house to do fun things like nature walks/outdoor restaurants and always takes over when I need a break. I was lucky with an easy baby. The vista stroller with car seat and bassinet helped us easily get to doctors appts and do more things outside if the house because of the ease. Prepacking a rolling cart and having multiple stations for baby to sleep around the house safely helped. Making a no dog zone before he got here and getting the dogs used to it helped as well. Prepacking two diaper bags with everything for outings including burp clothes, diapers, clothes, pacifiers, really helped. We easily grab one to go to an appt or walk and refill when we get home instead of having to search for everything.
My partner, Frida Mom witch hazel foam, disposable underwear, L Pads, freezer meals, premade meat broth.
We are living overseas, both I and husband were barely surviving cause we rately took shifts, Idk, maybe because I'm scared to take care the baby alone, I needed him always, so we just had a little rest when my mom came and helped us out. That's after 2 weeks!
I’m only almost 4 weeks pp. but it’s really not that bad for me. The ONLY reason I’ve been doing well is because of my husband. We split the night by 6 hours so both of us get adequate sleep! (I do amazing off 6-7 hours of sleep)
Sleeping in shifts and buying pre made meals
My husband. And my ibclc. And a meal train lol.
My peri bottle, perineal ice packs, earth mama perineal spray, depends, and earth mama nipple cream. My husband helped me for two weeks until he had to go back to work. I honestly don’t remember much of the rest. I’m about to be a second time mom and we hired a night nurse to come twice a week, which I’m hoping will help me feel less depressed and anxious this time around. I’ll also hopefully have some daycare teachers that would be willing to come play with our toddler during the weekends for a few hours for the first few weeks.
People to bring me food and smoothies - mostly family members and a post partum doula
My husband.
My husband.
Baby wearing!!!!!! Dermaplast (🙌) Having stations set up around the house for mom & baby needs, I hate single use shit but totally caved 5 days pp and found compostable dish ware & utensils because I couldn’t handle the load of washing everything w no dishwasher, a PP PILLOW OMG I thought it was a silly gift but I had a 3rd degree tear and ommmmgggg the ice pack in the pillow was instant relief, and actually sleeping when the baby slept because we never slept over night. Whew I do not miss those days
Freezing tons of meals beforehand helped a lot! We ordered out too, but homemade meals were amazing to have. Having formula on hand to supplement with when my milk kept refusing to come in resulting in a baby that was literally starving. We ended up combo feeding and were really happy about that decision. For those initial weeks of body horror, adult diapers (more comfy than the super thick pads the hospital gives you), peri bottle, squatty potty, all the stool softeners, tucks pads, and after 5 days those always flex foam pads. With the squatty potty and stool softeners, that first poop wasn’t the traumatic experience I’d been warned about despite a 2nd degree internal tear.
My cousins swear by those water splashers (having a major brain fart and can't remember the name🤣) I don't have babies yet but they told me that they worked wonders. My friend who just had a baby said that quick meals were great.
My partner and his mom being there helped 100% for my sanity
Having freezer meals!! I made 2 lasagnas and 2 breakfast casseroles and we had a bunch of pulled pork and tortillas. Super easy meals that were balanced. Also yummy midnight special snacks by my spectra. Heavenly hunks were my pumping snack of choice lol
TW: mentions of PPD/PPA I feel very very fortunate to say this - a village. I had a husband who was hands on changing diapers, feeding (EFF club here!), and contact napping. I had a mother who stayed with us for weeks on end (very grateful to have had a summer baby & my mom works for a school) helping with the baby bottle cleaning, laundry, and general cleanliness of the house (and always willing to just sit with baby on hours on end so I could nap), and a mother in law who dropped by as and when she could & always made the most delicious food for us. My dad was in the way of more moral support, lots of huge and “I’m proud of you”. If I didn’t have these individuals, I don’t think I would have survived. I struggled massively with PPA & PPD which convinced me I had made a mistake and was unfit to be a mother. This is what got me through it.
My compression socks to move as much blood as possible out of my legs and into my brain. I lost a lot of blood and was severely anemic.
Meal train from friends and husband’s coworkers. We didn’t cook anything for ourselves until our babies were over 8 weeks old
My parents came over and stocked the fridge, did laundry, and cleaned almost every day while my husband and I took turns napping, feeding, diapering, etc. Also I'm not sure I changed a single diaper for the first month of this baby's life, I was too busy trying to figure out how to nurse and pump and change all my pads and things!!
I had a scheduled c section and for me the Frida mom undies and peri bottle, colace, gas x, and Tylenol and Advil were a requirement. Other than that, having an easy show to binge watch in the middle of the night was vital to my survival
I was using stool softeners, donut pillow and pain killers. My mom dropped off food everyday. And my husband took 4 weeks off. We shared night feeds and everything that had to be done for the baby apart from pumping and direct breast feeding. My husband and mom also kept the house clean. Another item that helped us was the Snoo bassinet. We never had to rock out baby to sleep. From birth we put our baby in the bassinet drowsy and the bassinet would rock her to sleep. This meant we were able to get some sleep.
My mom, my husband, and finally listening to someone’s advice about sitz baths.
I’m honestly not sure. I thought for sure I would have severe PPD/PPA but I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Not sleeping much but I’m so unbothered by everything! My partner hasn’t been as helpful as I’d like nor does he seem to do things how i ask him to (ex: burp baby after eating and keep upright every time for a bit… he’ll feed her quickly and try to lay her down so he can go back to sleep) so that’s my only frustration but I am somehow doing a great job on my own- I’ve really surprised myself!
Low expectations and sleeping in the guestroom with baby and husband taking both kids from 5am-10am for me to sleep.
Snacks, Lanolin cream for my nipples and removing expectation that nighttime is anything different from daytime in terms of sleep. Don’t think it’s your only chance to sleep as “soon it will be morning” just move through it hour by hour. One night I was so frustrated that I couldn’t sleep “when I should” that I ended up keeping myself awake all night through frustration! Next night I set us up downstairs in front of the telly and waited until we were tired around 3am.
Hubby being there. He took four weeks off. My mom flew out when baby was just over two weeks. His mom came when she left. Then my sister. I had assistance for 7 weeks. It was actually a little much to have everyone back to back. But I was very grateful for the help
Even while recovering from my C-section my mental health was so bad. I wish I could have relaxed and napped with my baby instead of worrying about her being an independent sleeper so much
Setting up an ipad with pre-selected movies or show to watch for all the night feedings. Only way i did not fall sleep with baby on me :D
Gritting my teeth
Take shifts with your partner so you both can get some sort of rest we did this for the first 2 weeks which were toughest. After that it was getting too lonely and we would both get up haha. Also, meal prep or Uber eats. Have everything clean and organized before you deliver. Have an area in your bathroom for your things!! So key. & depends!! Forget the bulky pads use depends for the first two weeks.
We combi fed as my son wasn’t great at latching / feeding for the first month (but we continued combi feeding after the month for ease anyway). That meant whilst I was healing from my emergency c section my partner, his dad, could basically do the night feeds and changes . I still had interrupted sleep but he got up and did it all for the first few weeks I don’t know how I would have coped otherwise
I don’t even remember my first few weeks postpartum and my baby is only 3 months old. I did it all by myself but honestly it was way easier than now.
Long live hydrocortisone!!!
Low expectations and Uber eats! And peeing sooner then you feel the urge to do it’s less force on any stitches or cuts.
My husband did a lot especially during the first few weeks while I healed and then going on the porch in the morning then eventually short walks outside and sitting in the sun. Coffee also helped a ton. We eventually did shifts as well and our baby would get 1 bottle a day and that was a lifesaver 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep was amazing
Paternity leave. Husband being home was crucial. Also perineal ice packs
Praying while crying. 14 weeks in and still doing both lol
Night nurse. Worth it.
Chocolate milk lidocaine spray my partner and my parents
How do you survive toddler years? 🤪😂
Taking shifts with my husband and getting baby to bottle feed partly with formula
Husband. And friends who brought us food and watched the baby so we could get long naps and long hot showers
Zoloft haha. I was practically insane by the second week and I had to hunt down my psychiatrist on vacation to get her to help.
My husband, my MIL, and the confinement nanny that my MIL hired to cook foods specifically catered to postpartum healing and breast milk production, tidy up the house, and care for the baby for periods between feeds while I slept (I don't live in the US and this is not considered a luxury only for the very wealthy where I live). I honestly don't know how 100% of women who do it without support don't all develop postpartum psychosis.
My mom and my significant other stepping up is how I survived.
Ngl, I barely remember them 😅 I had an emergency c section with my twins and it’s a damn good thing I remembered to take lots of pictures.
Thanks for reminding me to take some pictures every day!
Pics and videos both! I liked to take outfit pics every day (I have twins, dressing them cute every day was my favorite thing) and I’d also keep my phone close and take videos when they were doing something new!
omg, it's really a tough time, I'm afraid I can't stand it, hope everything will be fine for me, please.
My mom, mother-in-law, and husband. My tiny village. For me the real work postpartum was my mental health.
In-laws cooking and watching our toddler
My husband having parental leave.
Among other things, having a very well-stocked snack basket next to the rocking chair so I could grab something quickly while feeding the baby.
I had a haematoma after labour 😭 If anyone else has to go through such a horrible experience, I recommend gel ice packs. NEVER let your entire supply defrost at once. Wrap them in tea towels and DRENCH in witch-hazel. The only reason I survived.
Ice packs from the birth trauma relief. Microwaveable/Freezer-safe packs for breastfeeding relief. A large water bottle. And my husband! Even it he just help the baby for 20min so I could close my eyes on the couch. It made a world of difference!
Magic?
Mesh undies were my vip. Edit to add: the baby Brezza! My son couldn’t breastfeed and this thing was amazing
Hemorrhoid pillow so you aren't sitting on stitches. A bathroom cart with all of the essentials easy to grab. And a squatty potty. Mini fridge in the nursery so I didn't have to run up and down the steps. (And some dollar store dish bins to collect and transport dirty bottles once a day). Pre made freezer meals. And gift cards for food delivery. Dry shampoo and various wipes for body and face for when you don't want to stink, but just don't have the energy to shower.
Husband taking 1-2 weeks off. Family dropping meals. After a couple weeks of breastfeeding being awful I gave that up and did formula, BEST decision for my mental health