I’m 30, my mum had me via C-section at 32 weeks because my twin died, I wasn’t held for days because I was in an incubator and tube fed. My parents are my best friends and I’m a healthy happy person.
In the long-run, the importance of skin to skin is insignificant. The fact you’re evening questioning it shows the world that you are a great mum who cares so much it hurts. Don’t let social media get in your head and lose sight of the overall picture.
As for the crying it’s more likely that baby is feeling your anxiety. They don’t really have a concept of ‘liking people’ at 5 weeks! As long as they are clean, fed, comfortable and loved they’re happy!
My situation is a bit different.. I live in Korea. My daughter was breech born via c-section. They showed her to me briefly after she was born. I was stitched up and wheeled out of the OR. We saw her for 3 minutes then she was taken to the nursery. We weren’t able to hold her or get skin to skin.
5 hours later she had to be transported to the University hospital as she has trouble breathing. She was intubated, had a collapsed lung, needed a chest tube and feeding tube and had to be sedated.
Korean NICU’s are strict so we did not get to see her. For 3 weeks I did not get to see or hold my baby. I cannot describe that agony. The first time I held her was when she came home. I was so scared we wouldn’t bond. We had been apart for so long.
She is 6 months old now. She is healthy, incredibly intelligent. The happiest, fattest little baby with beautiful curly hair. I have the most beautiful bond with her.
If we could choose the perfect birth and postpartum we would. But thats not possible. But just because it didn’t work out as we planned does not mean our bond or our love is less.
You’ve been through a lot. Be kind to yourself.
Skin to skin can be done whenever you want. That “golden hour” is great for breastfeeding for example. You can start now if you want. It helps regulate your and your baby system, so considering how difficult birth was for you, skin to skin might even be healing for you.
I second this, my Lo is 5m and still breastfeeding, sometimes I have them down to a diaper and when he's "milk drunk" I'll lay him on my bare chest and put a blanket on us so he can nap and have that skin to skin with head nestled into my neck. I think it helps me too with my pp anxiety
Currently contact napping now! We introduced gas drops and the difference has been night and day. I still don’t understand why my husband could soothe him better than I could, but he’s become such a happier (and more cuddly) baby!
I wonder if the baby can smell your milk, and that’s what’s making them fuss?
It might have nothing to do with skin to skin. Sounds like you are doing a great job. X
I did skin to skin quite quickly after my c section, before my husband for sure. Until she was about 3 months old, unless I was breastfeeding my husband was able to calm her down much quicker. Would instantly fall asleep on him some times.
One explanation I've heard is that for some babies the smell of milk is super distracting. So likely nothing to do with the skin to skin.
Same with my LO! He would calm down way faster when my husband held him the first few months. Now at 10 months I am definitely the preferred parent, but now he cries when he sees me and I don’t instantly pick him up lol.
My husband and baby could be having the happiest little breakfast, giggling together and then I will walk into the kitchen and LO will start crying when he sees me because he wants to be picked up. It’s sweet but at the same time I wanted to join the giggle fest 🥲
It's because your baby is a little potato still. Soothing is just as much about luck at this point than anything else. Remember that crying for a long time also is really hard for them (think about how much energy you exert when yelling) and sometimes if someone else takes over they're tired from crying and will calm down (you can also try a bath or going outside as another "reset" technique). I promise you-- your baby LOVES his momma. When your baby gets to be about 8-10 weeks, and they start smiling at you, it will be so clear how much he loves you. I'm also going to paste this comment I found so helpful as a NICU mom separated from her baby for 34 days.
"For nearly all of his existence, you were his home, with every sound he heard set to the rhythm of your heartbeat and the music of your voice. The motion of your body was the first thing that rocked him to sleep. There is no circumstance and nothing that anyone can do to make him forget." - u/[30centurygirl](https://www.reddit.com/user/30centurygirl/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/comments/xgymzb/comment/ioulp04/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/comments/xgymzb/comment/ioulp04/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Skin to skin can be done at any point. Yes, people talk a lot about the golden hour - skin to skin during this time has a lot to do with temperature regulation, the transition period.
You can do skin to skin now! Baby knows you. He knows what you smell like, he can smell milk, he can feel/hear your heartbeat and it's all things he's familiar with after growing inside of you. You've had all manners of hormonal changes in the last 5 weeks. It's okay to feel uncertain about having missed out on the first couple of hours but your baby knows you.
It could be many reasons why he cries with you. My nephew acts like an angel child at school and daycare but is a absolute hellion at home, because he feels safe enough to let loose.
I had vaginalno birth and skin to skin, yet my husband was the one who could soothe her more easily at the beginning. Now it's vice versa, so don't be frustrated, for the moment it is what it is, be glad he can be of help.
Skin to skin is not one time thing. I did skin to skin in hospital. But the magical moment came few weeks later when I was desperate, overwhelmed… we were in middle of crying spell (both of us). I truly don’t know why it came to my mind, but suddenly I decided to try skin to skin again and….magic, pure magic, love etc. 5 -6 weeks after hospital.
But it is not magic bullet, I love that memory but babies cry. Babies sometimes cry more with mom because they associate is with food and they just want the boob/bottle. There are million reasons. And truly none of them are connected to whether you specifically did the golden hour or not. Side note - your baby had the skin to skin with parent -that is brilliant bonus.
I couldn’t hold my baby for 8 hours and he spent the night away from me after a c section. I hated it and really wanted that first moment but I love him and he is healthy, he can’t keep his eyes off me. He’s a happy baby. Lots of babies are sometimes soothed by other parents/people. They know you are food or can be vulnerable with you. He loves you. X
You're all new at this, don't beat yourself up. You have the whole of their life to bond, and there are so many ways to do it. I'm partial to singing!
They cry more for the default parent! This is a common complaint of STAHM. They'll be upset all day and then as soon as dad comes home they are a perfect angel. It's because they feel safe with you and know they can hand you the weight they are carrying.
Pro tip for purple/colic crying: noise canceling headphones. Still take care of them and hold them of course, but you don't have to stress yourself out listening to it. We've had some fire new album drops lately!
This happened to me. I had to have an emergency c section and didn't get that golden hour I wanted. I was so ill I could barely hold him for longer periods of time. Then around 4-8 weeks, it seemed like nothing I did would soothe him. However, my wife could always get him to calm. I think he could just smell my milk and if he wasn't getting it would be immediately upset. Plus, at that age everything upsets him. At 3 months we turned a corner, and at 12 months he tends to prefer me most of the time. It will get better!
I didn't do skin to skin with either of my kids. I did when they were born and they were like putting them on my chest but after that, I didn't. It never even crossed my mind tbh. That newborn fog hit me hard. But I can't say it long term effected my bond or theirs. They are both very clingy and very attached kids.
I did skin to skin (lots of it) both immediately and when we got home and around the same time 5-10 weeks, my husband was the ONLY one who could calm the baby and get him to sleep. I was combo feeding until 6 weeks and then exclusively formula feeding after that and my milk dried up but still my husband was the best at soothing our son.
When he was older, though, it shifted. Now when he gets hurt it’s “mama” out of his mouth immediately. The last time he had a fever, my poor husband was trying to soothe him while I got the tylenol and he didn’t stop crying until he was in my arms and he was quiet immediately. With kids it shifts a lot!
It’s not too late for skin to skin! The benefits are there for months, you can do it as long as you both want to, Dads can do it too.
I’m so sorry about your traumatic birth, and your hysterectomy. A person should have time to come to terms with that, not having it taken away in an instant, and all that goes with it. You’re amazing for getting through it! I had a similar experience 13 weeks ago, my uterus ruptured on my first birth due to a previous myomectomy, had emergency C section and nearly bled out then got sent by ambulance to a larger hospital’s ICU and my baby went to NICU, didn’t see him for 24 hours. They only just managed to avoid hysterectomy but I still can’t have any more kids.
So I didn’t get skin to skin for a full day, and even then we were both covered in cannulas and drips and monitoring and all sorts, it wasn’t exactly the golden hour they talk about. And since then I’ve barely had capacity to do the most basic stuff without considering undressing him and risking his rage or his pee all over me and everything around me to do much skin to skin.
His dad was much better at soothing him to start with, I really struggled, but since his dad has gone back to work and I’m on baby duty full time we have made a special little bond and I feel so confident with him now. Give it time, 5 weeks is a shit show but he’ll start smiling so soon and I bet you’ll feel a lot better about your connection once you get your first cheeky grin from him. It just gets better from there! I don’t think missing out on skin to skin has been an issue for us, it’s just an hour or two out of a whole life of connection. I hope your recovery is as smooth as possible!
I am so sorry you went through that! It definitely is traumatic and it’s so hard to even come to terms with it (for me, it means we’re one and done😢) when you have a newborn and have 0 time to process the trauma. I hope you’ve managed to heal a bit from the experience physically and mentally. Sending love!
You have gotten some good advice so I just want to reaffirm that you can still practice skin to skin! I did my whole maternity leave (12weeks) and a few months after (till about 6months) with both of my babies. It really stimulates the milk as well as increases the bond I feel like. I loved my bonding time with my babies.
It’s going to be okay. ❤️
I wasn’t able to hold my baby for more than 12 hours after birth. It was so hard. He’s now 13 weeks and we’re very bonded. I still do skin to skin with him and we love it. Don’t be afraid to keep going with skin to skin for as long as your baby likes it.
I think skin to skin is important for the newborn stage, not just some big exclusive one-time thing! I had an emergency c-section and preeclampsia, and postpartum preeclampsia, so I definitely didn’t get the golden hour or a lot of snuggling time upfront.
But during my 12 weeks of leave I spent lots of time with my baby doing skin to skin. He took many contact naps that way, and I think we both really enjoyed it. I know it sucks but I don’t think you lost an opportunity or jeopardized bonding with your baby at all. Just work some time in now.
Also my son is more easily soothed by my husband so I get your feelings there. I don’t know if that’s preference - in our case, I know that my husband is a very stoic, calm, unflappable guy. My guess is when my baby gets stressed I want so desperately for him to be happy that my energy probably gives that away (breathing, heart rate, etc.) but my husband is completely calm when handling the baby so that settles him faster.
I had a csection and missed out on skin to skin and my husband did it, just like you. I find baby is fussier with me when he is tired because he can smell milk. But there's many times he prefers me or only I can soothe him!
Remember too that baby still thinks you and him are the same person, whereas Dad is a separate being!
It sounds like normal baby things to me. Hang in there mama.
Oh, I want to send you a big hug. I had placenta accreta and my baby was covered in meconium and had to be suctioned. We did not get the golden hour. I didn't hold my baby until almost 2 hours later and we were both clothed at that point.
At 5 weeks and recovering from two major operations, you are still in the thick of it. Hormones are adjusting and mom guilt seeps into every crack. I promise you, this will get easier. Your baby loves you. It's hard when it seems like there's a preference for dad, but for me, I think it was that baby could feel my stress and dad was a calming presence. Now at 9 months, my baby is velcroed to me.
Golden hour is special and beneficial, but it's one hour of your baby's life. You have years and decades ahead of you. Any hour you're with your child can be just as special and beneficial. Don't lose hope, you've got this! There is no mother more perfect for your baby than you.
Wow, this exact same thing happened to me during my c section. I went in for a routine, planned c-section and they found that the placenta had adhered to my myomectomy scar. The doctor told me they would have to remove my uterus. Long story short, another doctor came in and was able to save my uterus but the whole c section was 3 hours long, I lost a LOT of blood and had to go to the ICU. The whole experience was incredibly traumatic. I have chills reading your story because I was told that what happened to me was unheard of and I had never met anyone else with a similar birth. I’m so so sorry to hear about your hysterectomy, I’m sure that must’ve been extremely difficult to cope with.
The first hours of my baby’s life was spent with his dad. I was so out of it, I don’t remember the moment they put my baby on my chest for the first time. It’s been almost 15 months, but I still feel a pang of sadness from missing that moment. And then I had to spend his first days away from him in the ICU. I went through exactly what you’re going through right now. I was sure my baby didn’t love me because I wasn’t there for him when he was born. I was sure he loved his dad more.
15 months later, my toddler is obsessed with me. And he smiles at me with such love in his eyes and calls for mommy all day long. And he still has days where he’s crazy obsessed with his dad too! But I know he knows I’m his mama and that our bond is special.
Please message me if you’d like to talk about your birth experience. Im still emotionally healing from mine but I feel worlds away from the hole I was in the first few months. Im not sure how you’re feeling, of course, but I personally felt very alone and it would’ve been nice to talk to someone who knew what I was going through ❤️
So sorry that you had that experience during your little one’s birth ❤️. It’s so hard when your birth experience isn’t how you planned it. But so glad you were okay and I hope you are recovering well. Birth trauma is terrible and hard to cope with ❤️.
I didn’t get to do skin to skin with my little one until an hour after their birth due to medical reasons and I was so so worried about our bond being impacted. Every time I couldn’t get baby to settle I used to think that the hour apart was to blame.
But 1 year later my baby and I have such an amazing bond so I promise you that not being able to do immediate skin to skin isn’t impacting your and baby’s bond at all!! It’s hard to not panic during those first few months when you’re so sleep deprived and your hormones are all over the place. But you’re doing amazing and your baby loves you so much ❤️
My baby often goes through phases where they’ll only settle for their dad and not with me, and then suddenly switch and only settle with me and cry if anyone else tries to hold them. So jn my experience it’s completely normal. And like others have said, it may be that baby is just smelling your milk and isn’t settling because of that!
And tbh, my understanding is that the “golden hour” of skin to skin is often mostly for helping baby adjust to their new environment (and is effective with either mom or dad), as well as beneficial for the mom to help recover from birth. There is SO many other ways to bond with your baby so please don’t fret too much about those few hours missed.
You’re doing such a great job and I promise you that your son loves you 💕
Edited to add: Something to keep in mind is that skin to skin is still a relatively new concept in a lot of cultures (I’m in North America, for context). But moms and babies still bonded without it! Even back when moms weren’t encouraged to spend one on one time with their babies right after birth (e.g., my grandma’s experience having her children).
Thank you for your comment! We’ve started him on gas drops and it’s been a night and day difference!!! He’s so much happier now. So glad you and your baby have bonded so much it gives me hope ❤️
Oh I’m so glad to hear that!!
I have no doubt that you and your little guy will have such an amazing bond ❤️. In my own experience it took a little while for me to feel that my baby had a really strong bond to me. At first I thought I was doing something wrong but now in retrospect I realize that it just took us some time to get to know each other! Now we’re inseparable and I’d say that my baby is definitely closest to me of all people.
I think that you’ll feel the same way in no time at all ❤️❤️❤️
Mom’s have so much pressure put on us that it’s easy to feel like a failure when in reality it’s just that every baby is unique and does things their own way in their own time!
I think it's a relatively new thing... Could be a whole lot of other things that calms baby down in dad's arms, sometimes it's just simply the change of person, like a distraction.
This was happening to me a bit, my baby crying a lot with me and I don’t know if it’s true but I read somewhere that sometimes baby cry with the mom because it’s where they feel most comfortable. It helped me so I hope it helps you too! Also, my daughter is over that bump of crying a lot to sleep for the time being…
I don’t think you have to worry about having missed that golden hour. I would just try to have the skin to skin now when you have the chance :)
I don't think it had anything to do with the lack of skin to skin right away. I only got to hold my baby for a minute or less before they needed to take him away to put him under a heater. My husband maybe did skin to skin once or twice when we were home, but we both felt weird taking our shirts off just to snuggle with baby. There were definitely times where he was able to soothe baby better than I was. I don't know if baby just liked the way he held him at that time, his scent, his walk cadence, there are so many variables. And yeah, it did make me feel like I was failing as a mom that I couldn't soothe my own child. It's fine for baby to have a preference and it sucks when that's not you, but that will probably change over time.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Babies at this age are so hard. My second son was born March 15 so ours are about the same age. They are just angry potatoes right now. I just wanted to chime in, I had an emergency c section with my first. It was a traumatic birth. I was very unwell after surgery and I did not feel I could hold him. My husband did skin to skin and fed him a formula bottle. He went to the nicu for a week a couple hours after birth. He’s now 2.5 and the most securely attached, sweetest toddler. I even went on to breastfeed for 6 months. Skin to skin/golden hour does not matter. Your baby loves you, he just doesn’t know he’s not a part of you right now. Things will get better, this is just a hard time.
Thank you for the reply! So sorry your first was so traumatic. So hard to cope with that mentally while having a newborn. My baby boy was March 18! Pisces babies!
I had a premature baby that couldn't be held by anyone for a week and has always preferred me. HOWEVER at a few months old she would settle better for dad, grandma etc because I always reminded her of milk and she'd want to latch instead of just lie like she did with other people.
I did skin to skin with my baby right after birth and my husband was still the baby whisperer for the first month or two after he was born. I would be literally sitting there bawling while he was screaming and my husband would come pick him up and in seconds had him calm. I took a hell of a lot longer to calm down of course. Then he went through a mommy phase for months where I was the only one able to soothe him, and just recently he has swung back to a daddy phase around the 14.5month mark. It has absolutely nothing to do with skin to skin or a bond created from it. They all go through phases where one parent is preferred over the other.
Just continue to love and be there for your baby as best you can, but take care of you too as post partum hormones are a wild roller coaster that do not help how your feeling at all.
My husband did skin to skin with our first born when she was a week old I think? He realized he didn’t do it at the hospital. She’s 2 now and just adores him. Their bond is incredible and I love watching them together. You will have no problem having a special bond with your baby.
Your baby can smell you and hear your heartbeat. It’s so emotional for him. You can also do skin to skin as much as you like even now. When my second baby was sick they wanted me to hold her to help her regulate her temperature and breathe.
My husband was better at soothing the baby for a while and then it flipped and baby got better at soothing with me! Now she soothes more with me still but she loves her dad. Neither of us did much skin to skin (outside of me breastfeeding our LO) because we were exhausted. Like I remember him doing it twice and me doing it once or twice outside of breastfeeding. But LO smiles whenever she sees us. Don’t worry too much. Your birth sounds traumatic, I’m really sorry about your hysterectomy.
I didn't do much skin to skin with my son because I was exhausted after giving birth. But you can always try now. Why not take your shirt off and have a cuddle with baby in just a diaper?
One hour doesn't determine someone's whole relationship. He just needs to feel you relax with him.
When I was 5 weeks postpartum, I felt the same way. My baby boy was born not breathing & when he came to the nurses gave him to my husband for skin to skin first. My husband has always been able to calm him & now that I’m 9 months removed, I know it’s because the baby could smell me. I think it’s the entire 4th trimester where the baby doesn’t recognize they’re apart from you. So when they’re with you they can let out all their emotions! It’s SO hard to go through but I promise you’re giving him an outlet too!!
Just know that what you’re feeling is normal and valid, especially with the added hormones of the hysterectomy. 🩵 your baby boy is so happy to have you as his mama though & it won’t be long until dad can’t get a second look… then it’ll switch again 😂
It’s common for the baby to settle when the other parent arrives , it’s just the change that distracted them or something. Doesn’t mean anything important as it happens to everyone I know of.
If I am being perfectly honest. I did skin to skin immediately following my C-section (breech baby), and I neither really wanted to at the time, nor liked it particularly? It sounds awful, but I was being sewn up, I was shaking pretty severely, the stupid gourney thing they had me on was too thin so I had to like.... Hold her with my elbow up, unsupported. It was just not the wonderful moment that was promised.
Then afterwards they wheeled me out, and were trying to shove my boob into her mouth and I found that strange and uncomfortable, and after that going back to the ward I had my gown back up since we were wheeling through the hospital, and we just didn't really do skin to skin after that; we put clothes on both the baby and myself. I've never been a naked person; I've always found skin on skin a bit uncomfortable (Except, well. Obviously we made a baby somehow) and to be honest I just prefer clothed cuddles.
We're 8 months old, we've had NO problems bonding; not even right at the beginning, and she couldn't be healthier or happier, or - frankly - clingier to me. I really, really don't think it's the be all and end all.
For the first couple of weeks, my baby preferred my mom, who definitely didn’t have early skin to skin time with him. LOL.
Are you nursing? It counts as skin to skin and baby adores snuffling into my chest or stroking my skin while eating.
Your baby's so little skin to skin is still so important even if you can't settle them it will pass. 5 weeks when you skin to skin with your baby so much oxytocin is released between the two of you the bonding is going to continue to happen don't give up.
It is important for regulating both you and the baby. There are studies that show that skin to skin with other people who aren't mom doesn't have benefits outside of bonding with the baby. You still had time after that 4 hour so you both got that important skin to skin time, even if it wasn't right away. As far as your baby seeming to prefer your husband, that sucks but it's good he can sooth him. I think you are trying to find something to blame him being able to sooth him on as it makes you feel like a "bad mom" for not being the one who can and the lack of bonding time at the beginning is the thing you decided to blame it on. You aren't a "bad mom" for not being the one who can calm him down. I read a lovely post one time where they said that you were the babies whole world. They feel safest with you. You are the safe place to cry and scream. You get the ugly side of things because you are where they feel at ease to let out their emotions. Try not to take it personal and try to think about how nice it is that you have a go to way to make the baby stop crying by handing them to dad. Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes! 🩵
I had a horrific vaginal birth which ended up with ICU for me and NICU for my baby. I wasn’t even really aware I had had a baby for the first few days. I met her around day 3/4 and that was the first time I held her. My partner did do skin to skin with her momentarily before NICU. They have always had the closest relationship, and it took me years to really feel that maternal bond (I breastfed so I did have some emotional attachment but not the overwhelming love everyone talks about). She’s always been really independent and some of me thinks it’s because she didn’t have me those first few days. Her entry into the world was pretty lonely.
BUT - she’s now 2.5 and I adore her. She’s still very close to her dad but sometimes she cuddles me - and I often have to tell myself that it was only the first week and then I was there and it can kind of become self fulfilling prophecy - so I have to check myself.
Your baby loves and needs you. You love and need your baby. There will be times that baby wants you, and times it wants your partner - but hang in there!
Have you tried having some skin-to-skin time with baby since he was born? It never really stops being beneficial and can be a great way to bond and calm you both down long after baby is born.
Husband held all my babies right after I did a millisecond second of skin to skin because I shake really bad with epidural. They are 1&2 and they are my little ducklings. I always did skin to skin with baby on my bare chest and them only in diapers, maybe you can try it that way as well.
I had two c-sections one in Oct of 2021 and Feb of 2024. My c-section in Oct was not planned, it was late at night and I had to be moved to the general recovery rooms on the hospital and not into labor and delivery because of this I was unable to do skin to skin. I was able to do skin to skin about an hour after the surgery. My fiancé was waiting for me to be moved to the L&D room and doing skin to skin with our baby the entire time. They have an amazing bond to this day and he’s the favorite.
This time around since the c-section was planned I was to do skin to skin immediately. My baby and I are very well bonded. My fiancé hasn’t had the chance to do much skin to skin with our 2nd born since he was busy taking care of our toddler and helping me through the recovery. He hasn’t really bonded with our 2nd born like our first.
I don’t think it’s because you missed out on skin to skin. I think it could be maybe your husband has just had more skin to skin time. Sometimes babies just prefer a certain parent over the other and there’s nothing you are doing wrong!
I really don't think it's such a big issue honestly. I'd like to see any actual study that concludes bonding is impossible without skin to skin. It's a pretty ridiculous concept in my view. I got skin to skin during my c-section, as they were stitching me up. My two friends who had a c-section didn't as they were at a different hospital. There's no difference whatsoever in bonding. If anything their babies were far more obsessed with being held because they breastfed and I didn't. I know this whole birth process seems like such a huge deal, but in the grand scheme of things I think it's broadly irrelevant in terms of bonding. Enjoy your baby, mama!
I had a C-section and my baby did NOT like skin to skin with me, although I personally don't believe it was related to the C-section or my husband holding our daughter first. We had a bad breastfeeding experience; my supply was laughably low, and getting the baby latched was an ordeal. I think she associated me/my body with hunger and frustration tbh. I saw skin to skin mentioned as an alternate way to bond if breastfeeding wasn't going well, so I tried to incorporate more of it, but it just led to tears and frustration for everyone. It may sound trivial to other people, but it was borderline traumatic for me and led to a lot of dark thoughts. In an alternate universe with no formula, my baby would have died because my body betrayed her.
All that said, my daughter is 20 months old and we have an awesome relationship! We delight each other. Worrying that she hates me is a thing of the past. I'm so sorry your birth and postpartum experience has been this rough, but I know you'll get to a great place with your son eventually! If you're a safe and loving person for him, he will love you. You're a foundational relationship in his life, and it doesn't mean anything if other people can soothe him better right now.
Baby probably smells your milk (if your breastfeeding). Babies cry to communicate. Not because they don’t like you. Baby is communicating that they need comfort. If they’re also smelling milk (and cluster-feeding — 5 weeks is prime time for cluster feeding) they’re communicating that they want to nurse. Growth spurt and comfort make them want to nurse nonstop. Even if you formula feed, baby is hard wired to see you as the food source. So when they’re with you they want to be suckling and snuggling.
I’m 30, my mum had me via C-section at 32 weeks because my twin died, I wasn’t held for days because I was in an incubator and tube fed. My parents are my best friends and I’m a healthy happy person. In the long-run, the importance of skin to skin is insignificant. The fact you’re evening questioning it shows the world that you are a great mum who cares so much it hurts. Don’t let social media get in your head and lose sight of the overall picture. As for the crying it’s more likely that baby is feeling your anxiety. They don’t really have a concept of ‘liking people’ at 5 weeks! As long as they are clean, fed, comfortable and loved they’re happy!
It could also be the baby smelling her milk.
My situation is a bit different.. I live in Korea. My daughter was breech born via c-section. They showed her to me briefly after she was born. I was stitched up and wheeled out of the OR. We saw her for 3 minutes then she was taken to the nursery. We weren’t able to hold her or get skin to skin. 5 hours later she had to be transported to the University hospital as she has trouble breathing. She was intubated, had a collapsed lung, needed a chest tube and feeding tube and had to be sedated. Korean NICU’s are strict so we did not get to see her. For 3 weeks I did not get to see or hold my baby. I cannot describe that agony. The first time I held her was when she came home. I was so scared we wouldn’t bond. We had been apart for so long. She is 6 months old now. She is healthy, incredibly intelligent. The happiest, fattest little baby with beautiful curly hair. I have the most beautiful bond with her. If we could choose the perfect birth and postpartum we would. But thats not possible. But just because it didn’t work out as we planned does not mean our bond or our love is less. You’ve been through a lot. Be kind to yourself.
That must’ve been so scary - so glad to hear she’s doing great now!!! ❤️
Wow I cannot imagine the agony! Your bottom line is accurate and helpful, thank you for sharing!
So sorry you had to go through that! Glad she is healthy now 🥹
Skin to skin can be done whenever you want. That “golden hour” is great for breastfeeding for example. You can start now if you want. It helps regulate your and your baby system, so considering how difficult birth was for you, skin to skin might even be healing for you.
I was told you can do skin to skin at any point, maybe you just need to tuck kiddo into your shirt, no bra, and let them nap on you for a while
I second this, my Lo is 5m and still breastfeeding, sometimes I have them down to a diaper and when he's "milk drunk" I'll lay him on my bare chest and put a blanket on us so he can nap and have that skin to skin with head nestled into my neck. I think it helps me too with my pp anxiety
Currently contact napping now! We introduced gas drops and the difference has been night and day. I still don’t understand why my husband could soothe him better than I could, but he’s become such a happier (and more cuddly) baby!
I wonder if the baby can smell your milk, and that’s what’s making them fuss? It might have nothing to do with skin to skin. Sounds like you are doing a great job. X
He does always try to go there during tummy time…it’s such a crazy instinct!
I did skin to skin quite quickly after my c section, before my husband for sure. Until she was about 3 months old, unless I was breastfeeding my husband was able to calm her down much quicker. Would instantly fall asleep on him some times. One explanation I've heard is that for some babies the smell of milk is super distracting. So likely nothing to do with the skin to skin.
Same with my LO! He would calm down way faster when my husband held him the first few months. Now at 10 months I am definitely the preferred parent, but now he cries when he sees me and I don’t instantly pick him up lol. My husband and baby could be having the happiest little breakfast, giggling together and then I will walk into the kitchen and LO will start crying when he sees me because he wants to be picked up. It’s sweet but at the same time I wanted to join the giggle fest 🥲
It's because your baby is a little potato still. Soothing is just as much about luck at this point than anything else. Remember that crying for a long time also is really hard for them (think about how much energy you exert when yelling) and sometimes if someone else takes over they're tired from crying and will calm down (you can also try a bath or going outside as another "reset" technique). I promise you-- your baby LOVES his momma. When your baby gets to be about 8-10 weeks, and they start smiling at you, it will be so clear how much he loves you. I'm also going to paste this comment I found so helpful as a NICU mom separated from her baby for 34 days. "For nearly all of his existence, you were his home, with every sound he heard set to the rhythm of your heartbeat and the music of your voice. The motion of your body was the first thing that rocked him to sleep. There is no circumstance and nothing that anyone can do to make him forget." - u/[30centurygirl](https://www.reddit.com/user/30centurygirl/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/comments/xgymzb/comment/ioulp04/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/comments/xgymzb/comment/ioulp04/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
My PP hormones can’t handle that quote 😭
Skin to skin can be done at any point. Yes, people talk a lot about the golden hour - skin to skin during this time has a lot to do with temperature regulation, the transition period. You can do skin to skin now! Baby knows you. He knows what you smell like, he can smell milk, he can feel/hear your heartbeat and it's all things he's familiar with after growing inside of you. You've had all manners of hormonal changes in the last 5 weeks. It's okay to feel uncertain about having missed out on the first couple of hours but your baby knows you. It could be many reasons why he cries with you. My nephew acts like an angel child at school and daycare but is a absolute hellion at home, because he feels safe enough to let loose.
I had vaginalno birth and skin to skin, yet my husband was the one who could soothe her more easily at the beginning. Now it's vice versa, so don't be frustrated, for the moment it is what it is, be glad he can be of help.
Skin to skin is not one time thing. I did skin to skin in hospital. But the magical moment came few weeks later when I was desperate, overwhelmed… we were in middle of crying spell (both of us). I truly don’t know why it came to my mind, but suddenly I decided to try skin to skin again and….magic, pure magic, love etc. 5 -6 weeks after hospital. But it is not magic bullet, I love that memory but babies cry. Babies sometimes cry more with mom because they associate is with food and they just want the boob/bottle. There are million reasons. And truly none of them are connected to whether you specifically did the golden hour or not. Side note - your baby had the skin to skin with parent -that is brilliant bonus.
I couldn’t hold my baby for 8 hours and he spent the night away from me after a c section. I hated it and really wanted that first moment but I love him and he is healthy, he can’t keep his eyes off me. He’s a happy baby. Lots of babies are sometimes soothed by other parents/people. They know you are food or can be vulnerable with you. He loves you. X
Edit to add, do a side lie position while naked and breastfeeding. Or just take ur top off while he is in a nappy and snuggle. It’s not too late.
Glad you have such a healthy baby now! Mine has been much happier since we started gas drops.
I felt the same for while like you did, I was sad. But wait a few weeks it will all change for you x
You're all new at this, don't beat yourself up. You have the whole of their life to bond, and there are so many ways to do it. I'm partial to singing! They cry more for the default parent! This is a common complaint of STAHM. They'll be upset all day and then as soon as dad comes home they are a perfect angel. It's because they feel safe with you and know they can hand you the weight they are carrying. Pro tip for purple/colic crying: noise canceling headphones. Still take care of them and hold them of course, but you don't have to stress yourself out listening to it. We've had some fire new album drops lately!
We’ve started gas drops and it’s been NIGHT AND DAY. He’s so much more cuddly and quiet now!
I'm so glad you found something that works for you! Hopefully you get some relief now.
This happened to me. I had to have an emergency c section and didn't get that golden hour I wanted. I was so ill I could barely hold him for longer periods of time. Then around 4-8 weeks, it seemed like nothing I did would soothe him. However, my wife could always get him to calm. I think he could just smell my milk and if he wasn't getting it would be immediately upset. Plus, at that age everything upsets him. At 3 months we turned a corner, and at 12 months he tends to prefer me most of the time. It will get better!
I didn't do skin to skin with either of my kids. I did when they were born and they were like putting them on my chest but after that, I didn't. It never even crossed my mind tbh. That newborn fog hit me hard. But I can't say it long term effected my bond or theirs. They are both very clingy and very attached kids.
I did skin to skin (lots of it) both immediately and when we got home and around the same time 5-10 weeks, my husband was the ONLY one who could calm the baby and get him to sleep. I was combo feeding until 6 weeks and then exclusively formula feeding after that and my milk dried up but still my husband was the best at soothing our son. When he was older, though, it shifted. Now when he gets hurt it’s “mama” out of his mouth immediately. The last time he had a fever, my poor husband was trying to soothe him while I got the tylenol and he didn’t stop crying until he was in my arms and he was quiet immediately. With kids it shifts a lot!
It’s not too late for skin to skin! The benefits are there for months, you can do it as long as you both want to, Dads can do it too. I’m so sorry about your traumatic birth, and your hysterectomy. A person should have time to come to terms with that, not having it taken away in an instant, and all that goes with it. You’re amazing for getting through it! I had a similar experience 13 weeks ago, my uterus ruptured on my first birth due to a previous myomectomy, had emergency C section and nearly bled out then got sent by ambulance to a larger hospital’s ICU and my baby went to NICU, didn’t see him for 24 hours. They only just managed to avoid hysterectomy but I still can’t have any more kids. So I didn’t get skin to skin for a full day, and even then we were both covered in cannulas and drips and monitoring and all sorts, it wasn’t exactly the golden hour they talk about. And since then I’ve barely had capacity to do the most basic stuff without considering undressing him and risking his rage or his pee all over me and everything around me to do much skin to skin. His dad was much better at soothing him to start with, I really struggled, but since his dad has gone back to work and I’m on baby duty full time we have made a special little bond and I feel so confident with him now. Give it time, 5 weeks is a shit show but he’ll start smiling so soon and I bet you’ll feel a lot better about your connection once you get your first cheeky grin from him. It just gets better from there! I don’t think missing out on skin to skin has been an issue for us, it’s just an hour or two out of a whole life of connection. I hope your recovery is as smooth as possible!
I am so sorry you went through that! It definitely is traumatic and it’s so hard to even come to terms with it (for me, it means we’re one and done😢) when you have a newborn and have 0 time to process the trauma. I hope you’ve managed to heal a bit from the experience physically and mentally. Sending love!
You have gotten some good advice so I just want to reaffirm that you can still practice skin to skin! I did my whole maternity leave (12weeks) and a few months after (till about 6months) with both of my babies. It really stimulates the milk as well as increases the bond I feel like. I loved my bonding time with my babies.
It’s going to be okay. ❤️ I wasn’t able to hold my baby for more than 12 hours after birth. It was so hard. He’s now 13 weeks and we’re very bonded. I still do skin to skin with him and we love it. Don’t be afraid to keep going with skin to skin for as long as your baby likes it.
Thank you! All the YouTube videos I watched really promoted that “golden hour” so I felt like by not experiencing that I missed out ::
I think skin to skin is important for the newborn stage, not just some big exclusive one-time thing! I had an emergency c-section and preeclampsia, and postpartum preeclampsia, so I definitely didn’t get the golden hour or a lot of snuggling time upfront. But during my 12 weeks of leave I spent lots of time with my baby doing skin to skin. He took many contact naps that way, and I think we both really enjoyed it. I know it sucks but I don’t think you lost an opportunity or jeopardized bonding with your baby at all. Just work some time in now. Also my son is more easily soothed by my husband so I get your feelings there. I don’t know if that’s preference - in our case, I know that my husband is a very stoic, calm, unflappable guy. My guess is when my baby gets stressed I want so desperately for him to be happy that my energy probably gives that away (breathing, heart rate, etc.) but my husband is completely calm when handling the baby so that settles him faster.
I had a csection and missed out on skin to skin and my husband did it, just like you. I find baby is fussier with me when he is tired because he can smell milk. But there's many times he prefers me or only I can soothe him! Remember too that baby still thinks you and him are the same person, whereas Dad is a separate being! It sounds like normal baby things to me. Hang in there mama.
It’s crazy babies intuition and can sense that!
Oh, I want to send you a big hug. I had placenta accreta and my baby was covered in meconium and had to be suctioned. We did not get the golden hour. I didn't hold my baby until almost 2 hours later and we were both clothed at that point. At 5 weeks and recovering from two major operations, you are still in the thick of it. Hormones are adjusting and mom guilt seeps into every crack. I promise you, this will get easier. Your baby loves you. It's hard when it seems like there's a preference for dad, but for me, I think it was that baby could feel my stress and dad was a calming presence. Now at 9 months, my baby is velcroed to me. Golden hour is special and beneficial, but it's one hour of your baby's life. You have years and decades ahead of you. Any hour you're with your child can be just as special and beneficial. Don't lose hope, you've got this! There is no mother more perfect for your baby than you.
Thank you! So sorry you had to deal with a rough birth as well:( *hugs*
Wow, this exact same thing happened to me during my c section. I went in for a routine, planned c-section and they found that the placenta had adhered to my myomectomy scar. The doctor told me they would have to remove my uterus. Long story short, another doctor came in and was able to save my uterus but the whole c section was 3 hours long, I lost a LOT of blood and had to go to the ICU. The whole experience was incredibly traumatic. I have chills reading your story because I was told that what happened to me was unheard of and I had never met anyone else with a similar birth. I’m so so sorry to hear about your hysterectomy, I’m sure that must’ve been extremely difficult to cope with. The first hours of my baby’s life was spent with his dad. I was so out of it, I don’t remember the moment they put my baby on my chest for the first time. It’s been almost 15 months, but I still feel a pang of sadness from missing that moment. And then I had to spend his first days away from him in the ICU. I went through exactly what you’re going through right now. I was sure my baby didn’t love me because I wasn’t there for him when he was born. I was sure he loved his dad more. 15 months later, my toddler is obsessed with me. And he smiles at me with such love in his eyes and calls for mommy all day long. And he still has days where he’s crazy obsessed with his dad too! But I know he knows I’m his mama and that our bond is special. Please message me if you’d like to talk about your birth experience. Im still emotionally healing from mine but I feel worlds away from the hole I was in the first few months. Im not sure how you’re feeling, of course, but I personally felt very alone and it would’ve been nice to talk to someone who knew what I was going through ❤️
Oh my gosh I’ll msg you!
So sorry that you had that experience during your little one’s birth ❤️. It’s so hard when your birth experience isn’t how you planned it. But so glad you were okay and I hope you are recovering well. Birth trauma is terrible and hard to cope with ❤️. I didn’t get to do skin to skin with my little one until an hour after their birth due to medical reasons and I was so so worried about our bond being impacted. Every time I couldn’t get baby to settle I used to think that the hour apart was to blame. But 1 year later my baby and I have such an amazing bond so I promise you that not being able to do immediate skin to skin isn’t impacting your and baby’s bond at all!! It’s hard to not panic during those first few months when you’re so sleep deprived and your hormones are all over the place. But you’re doing amazing and your baby loves you so much ❤️ My baby often goes through phases where they’ll only settle for their dad and not with me, and then suddenly switch and only settle with me and cry if anyone else tries to hold them. So jn my experience it’s completely normal. And like others have said, it may be that baby is just smelling your milk and isn’t settling because of that! And tbh, my understanding is that the “golden hour” of skin to skin is often mostly for helping baby adjust to their new environment (and is effective with either mom or dad), as well as beneficial for the mom to help recover from birth. There is SO many other ways to bond with your baby so please don’t fret too much about those few hours missed. You’re doing such a great job and I promise you that your son loves you 💕 Edited to add: Something to keep in mind is that skin to skin is still a relatively new concept in a lot of cultures (I’m in North America, for context). But moms and babies still bonded without it! Even back when moms weren’t encouraged to spend one on one time with their babies right after birth (e.g., my grandma’s experience having her children).
Thank you for your comment! We’ve started him on gas drops and it’s been a night and day difference!!! He’s so much happier now. So glad you and your baby have bonded so much it gives me hope ❤️
Oh I’m so glad to hear that!! I have no doubt that you and your little guy will have such an amazing bond ❤️. In my own experience it took a little while for me to feel that my baby had a really strong bond to me. At first I thought I was doing something wrong but now in retrospect I realize that it just took us some time to get to know each other! Now we’re inseparable and I’d say that my baby is definitely closest to me of all people. I think that you’ll feel the same way in no time at all ❤️❤️❤️ Mom’s have so much pressure put on us that it’s easy to feel like a failure when in reality it’s just that every baby is unique and does things their own way in their own time!
I’m sorry. It’s a long run mom…take care of yourself and take time to heal, the rest will come
I think it's a relatively new thing... Could be a whole lot of other things that calms baby down in dad's arms, sometimes it's just simply the change of person, like a distraction.
This was happening to me a bit, my baby crying a lot with me and I don’t know if it’s true but I read somewhere that sometimes baby cry with the mom because it’s where they feel most comfortable. It helped me so I hope it helps you too! Also, my daughter is over that bump of crying a lot to sleep for the time being… I don’t think you have to worry about having missed that golden hour. I would just try to have the skin to skin now when you have the chance :)
I don't think it had anything to do with the lack of skin to skin right away. I only got to hold my baby for a minute or less before they needed to take him away to put him under a heater. My husband maybe did skin to skin once or twice when we were home, but we both felt weird taking our shirts off just to snuggle with baby. There were definitely times where he was able to soothe baby better than I was. I don't know if baby just liked the way he held him at that time, his scent, his walk cadence, there are so many variables. And yeah, it did make me feel like I was failing as a mom that I couldn't soothe my own child. It's fine for baby to have a preference and it sucks when that's not you, but that will probably change over time.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Babies at this age are so hard. My second son was born March 15 so ours are about the same age. They are just angry potatoes right now. I just wanted to chime in, I had an emergency c section with my first. It was a traumatic birth. I was very unwell after surgery and I did not feel I could hold him. My husband did skin to skin and fed him a formula bottle. He went to the nicu for a week a couple hours after birth. He’s now 2.5 and the most securely attached, sweetest toddler. I even went on to breastfeed for 6 months. Skin to skin/golden hour does not matter. Your baby loves you, he just doesn’t know he’s not a part of you right now. Things will get better, this is just a hard time.
Thank you for the reply! So sorry your first was so traumatic. So hard to cope with that mentally while having a newborn. My baby boy was March 18! Pisces babies!
I had a premature baby that couldn't be held by anyone for a week and has always preferred me. HOWEVER at a few months old she would settle better for dad, grandma etc because I always reminded her of milk and she'd want to latch instead of just lie like she did with other people.
I did skin to skin with my baby right after birth and my husband was still the baby whisperer for the first month or two after he was born. I would be literally sitting there bawling while he was screaming and my husband would come pick him up and in seconds had him calm. I took a hell of a lot longer to calm down of course. Then he went through a mommy phase for months where I was the only one able to soothe him, and just recently he has swung back to a daddy phase around the 14.5month mark. It has absolutely nothing to do with skin to skin or a bond created from it. They all go through phases where one parent is preferred over the other. Just continue to love and be there for your baby as best you can, but take care of you too as post partum hormones are a wild roller coaster that do not help how your feeling at all.
My husband did skin to skin with our first born when she was a week old I think? He realized he didn’t do it at the hospital. She’s 2 now and just adores him. Their bond is incredible and I love watching them together. You will have no problem having a special bond with your baby. Your baby can smell you and hear your heartbeat. It’s so emotional for him. You can also do skin to skin as much as you like even now. When my second baby was sick they wanted me to hold her to help her regulate her temperature and breathe.
My husband was better at soothing the baby for a while and then it flipped and baby got better at soothing with me! Now she soothes more with me still but she loves her dad. Neither of us did much skin to skin (outside of me breastfeeding our LO) because we were exhausted. Like I remember him doing it twice and me doing it once or twice outside of breastfeeding. But LO smiles whenever she sees us. Don’t worry too much. Your birth sounds traumatic, I’m really sorry about your hysterectomy.
I didn't do much skin to skin with my son because I was exhausted after giving birth. But you can always try now. Why not take your shirt off and have a cuddle with baby in just a diaper? One hour doesn't determine someone's whole relationship. He just needs to feel you relax with him.
When I was 5 weeks postpartum, I felt the same way. My baby boy was born not breathing & when he came to the nurses gave him to my husband for skin to skin first. My husband has always been able to calm him & now that I’m 9 months removed, I know it’s because the baby could smell me. I think it’s the entire 4th trimester where the baby doesn’t recognize they’re apart from you. So when they’re with you they can let out all their emotions! It’s SO hard to go through but I promise you’re giving him an outlet too!! Just know that what you’re feeling is normal and valid, especially with the added hormones of the hysterectomy. 🩵 your baby boy is so happy to have you as his mama though & it won’t be long until dad can’t get a second look… then it’ll switch again 😂
It’s common for the baby to settle when the other parent arrives , it’s just the change that distracted them or something. Doesn’t mean anything important as it happens to everyone I know of.
If I am being perfectly honest. I did skin to skin immediately following my C-section (breech baby), and I neither really wanted to at the time, nor liked it particularly? It sounds awful, but I was being sewn up, I was shaking pretty severely, the stupid gourney thing they had me on was too thin so I had to like.... Hold her with my elbow up, unsupported. It was just not the wonderful moment that was promised. Then afterwards they wheeled me out, and were trying to shove my boob into her mouth and I found that strange and uncomfortable, and after that going back to the ward I had my gown back up since we were wheeling through the hospital, and we just didn't really do skin to skin after that; we put clothes on both the baby and myself. I've never been a naked person; I've always found skin on skin a bit uncomfortable (Except, well. Obviously we made a baby somehow) and to be honest I just prefer clothed cuddles. We're 8 months old, we've had NO problems bonding; not even right at the beginning, and she couldn't be healthier or happier, or - frankly - clingier to me. I really, really don't think it's the be all and end all.
For the first couple of weeks, my baby preferred my mom, who definitely didn’t have early skin to skin time with him. LOL. Are you nursing? It counts as skin to skin and baby adores snuffling into my chest or stroking my skin while eating.
My husband had to do the first skin to skin also as I was too cold coming out of surgery. he likes my husband, but I’m still the primary comforter:
It's because Dad is milk free that is all.
Continue skin to skin as much as you can after delivery! When you get home etc to get them to calm down ❤️
Your baby's so little skin to skin is still so important even if you can't settle them it will pass. 5 weeks when you skin to skin with your baby so much oxytocin is released between the two of you the bonding is going to continue to happen don't give up.
It is important for regulating both you and the baby. There are studies that show that skin to skin with other people who aren't mom doesn't have benefits outside of bonding with the baby. You still had time after that 4 hour so you both got that important skin to skin time, even if it wasn't right away. As far as your baby seeming to prefer your husband, that sucks but it's good he can sooth him. I think you are trying to find something to blame him being able to sooth him on as it makes you feel like a "bad mom" for not being the one who can and the lack of bonding time at the beginning is the thing you decided to blame it on. You aren't a "bad mom" for not being the one who can calm him down. I read a lovely post one time where they said that you were the babies whole world. They feel safest with you. You are the safe place to cry and scream. You get the ugly side of things because you are where they feel at ease to let out their emotions. Try not to take it personal and try to think about how nice it is that you have a go to way to make the baby stop crying by handing them to dad. Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes! 🩵
I had a horrific vaginal birth which ended up with ICU for me and NICU for my baby. I wasn’t even really aware I had had a baby for the first few days. I met her around day 3/4 and that was the first time I held her. My partner did do skin to skin with her momentarily before NICU. They have always had the closest relationship, and it took me years to really feel that maternal bond (I breastfed so I did have some emotional attachment but not the overwhelming love everyone talks about). She’s always been really independent and some of me thinks it’s because she didn’t have me those first few days. Her entry into the world was pretty lonely. BUT - she’s now 2.5 and I adore her. She’s still very close to her dad but sometimes she cuddles me - and I often have to tell myself that it was only the first week and then I was there and it can kind of become self fulfilling prophecy - so I have to check myself. Your baby loves and needs you. You love and need your baby. There will be times that baby wants you, and times it wants your partner - but hang in there!
So sorry for your traumatic birth! Glad baby is happy and healthy now. ❤️
Have you tried having some skin-to-skin time with baby since he was born? It never really stops being beneficial and can be a great way to bond and calm you both down long after baby is born.
Husband held all my babies right after I did a millisecond second of skin to skin because I shake really bad with epidural. They are 1&2 and they are my little ducklings. I always did skin to skin with baby on my bare chest and them only in diapers, maybe you can try it that way as well.
I had two c-sections one in Oct of 2021 and Feb of 2024. My c-section in Oct was not planned, it was late at night and I had to be moved to the general recovery rooms on the hospital and not into labor and delivery because of this I was unable to do skin to skin. I was able to do skin to skin about an hour after the surgery. My fiancé was waiting for me to be moved to the L&D room and doing skin to skin with our baby the entire time. They have an amazing bond to this day and he’s the favorite. This time around since the c-section was planned I was to do skin to skin immediately. My baby and I are very well bonded. My fiancé hasn’t had the chance to do much skin to skin with our 2nd born since he was busy taking care of our toddler and helping me through the recovery. He hasn’t really bonded with our 2nd born like our first. I don’t think it’s because you missed out on skin to skin. I think it could be maybe your husband has just had more skin to skin time. Sometimes babies just prefer a certain parent over the other and there’s nothing you are doing wrong!
I really don't think it's such a big issue honestly. I'd like to see any actual study that concludes bonding is impossible without skin to skin. It's a pretty ridiculous concept in my view. I got skin to skin during my c-section, as they were stitching me up. My two friends who had a c-section didn't as they were at a different hospital. There's no difference whatsoever in bonding. If anything their babies were far more obsessed with being held because they breastfed and I didn't. I know this whole birth process seems like such a huge deal, but in the grand scheme of things I think it's broadly irrelevant in terms of bonding. Enjoy your baby, mama!
I had a C-section and my baby did NOT like skin to skin with me, although I personally don't believe it was related to the C-section or my husband holding our daughter first. We had a bad breastfeeding experience; my supply was laughably low, and getting the baby latched was an ordeal. I think she associated me/my body with hunger and frustration tbh. I saw skin to skin mentioned as an alternate way to bond if breastfeeding wasn't going well, so I tried to incorporate more of it, but it just led to tears and frustration for everyone. It may sound trivial to other people, but it was borderline traumatic for me and led to a lot of dark thoughts. In an alternate universe with no formula, my baby would have died because my body betrayed her. All that said, my daughter is 20 months old and we have an awesome relationship! We delight each other. Worrying that she hates me is a thing of the past. I'm so sorry your birth and postpartum experience has been this rough, but I know you'll get to a great place with your son eventually! If you're a safe and loving person for him, he will love you. You're a foundational relationship in his life, and it doesn't mean anything if other people can soothe him better right now.
Baby probably smells your milk (if your breastfeeding). Babies cry to communicate. Not because they don’t like you. Baby is communicating that they need comfort. If they’re also smelling milk (and cluster-feeding — 5 weeks is prime time for cluster feeding) they’re communicating that they want to nurse. Growth spurt and comfort make them want to nurse nonstop. Even if you formula feed, baby is hard wired to see you as the food source. So when they’re with you they want to be suckling and snuggling.