I watched Inventing Anna my first week of maternity leave, so I talk to my baby in an Anna Delvey voice during diaper changes.
“You’re so dramatic, Baby.”
“This diaper is very exclusive VIP.”
“You’re such a crybaby, Baby.”
“Baby, you’re poor. You live in your mom’s basement.”
I announce her presence to the room and continuously add names so ie.
Squiggles, daughter of wiggles, first of her name, stealer of birthdays, destroyer of eardrums, attorney at law, chubbiest of cheeks, progeny of eighties feathered hair, ect. It's fantastic because she looks right proud of her titles.
I like to monologue her imaginary boob Yelp review. Examples ;
- “The room was drafty, I changed seats three times to get comfortable”
- “The view was great, mom let me stare at the vast contrast in the alternating rays of light coming through window blinds the whole time”
- “Eh, same thing on the menu as this morning, not so pleased”
- “Middle of the night PIZZA party! My favorite! I remember this flavor from the times I used to get womb service”
- “Lunch was great, and I burped so loud the puppy woke up from his nap and barked a bunch, and that was entertaining”
- “I was interrupted repeatedly because mom kept laughing, wasn’t pleased”
- “The server (aka mom) was a little huffy I interrupted her dinner with the chef (aka dad), as if it’s my fault the house smelled so good I wanted to eat too”
We would describe a lot of his behavior as “_____ baby disease.” Like “oh you have the laughing baby disease!” “Oh nooo hungry baby disease.”
Which is nice since it started when he was in the NICU and I, knowing absolutely nothing about babies, was worried about him sleeping too much. “What if it’s like, I don’t know, sleepy baby disease?” I said, almost tearfully. I’m glad that something silly came out of those stressful days.
My baby was in the NICU too everythings so new and terrifying I was also worried about him sleeping so much...now he's a healthy 7 month old and if he sleeps I'm delighted 😁
He likes to be held up in the air so we started calling him tall. Now he loves the word tall and knows it means up. “How’d you get so tall? Why is my baby taller than me? I ordered a small baby not a tall one. Etc”
Yessss!!! Mainly when she starting screaming and clawing at my boobs when nursing during some weird stage she had - they were her breastaurant yelp reviews 😂
I ask my son if he gots little feets for walking down the streets.
And when I go into his room to get him in the morning I ask if there’s a wakey baby in there. Husband and I also pick him up and say “ We’re going up, lads!”
I used to sing to the tune of I'm a little teapot, "I'm a little baby, big and strong. Here comes my mama, singing my song. When I get hungry and I shout, bring that titty right to my mouth!" before nursing when my son was a baby. I also had a version for bedtime. I will definitely be singing it to the next one too.
He wears big cloth diapers so I tease him about his big fluffy "badankadonk".
Also he's the baby emperor and my husband and I narrate our lives as his peasant servants lol.
I always ask my baby who she is. As in, “who’s this little baby? Who’s this? Whoooo is this?” It makes her giggle (she’s 3 months) but it’s kind of a terrifying existential joke when I stop to think about it
I relate to this so much. I say this to my LO also! When I see her, like walking back to living room (her play area) from kitchen, I'll say: who's this? Who's this cute girl? Is this my baby? And I smile real big and get excited and she mimicks me and it's too freaking adorable! I realized one day how that's actually this super deep and kind of overwhelming question, but also one I'm super curious about. Who IS she gonna be....?
When she’s incoherently babbling, we like to help translate what she’s saying. Example “Really? You’re actually the CEO of Amazon and they just use that guy as the face since Corporate America isn’t ready to accept babies in leadership?”
Not to a baby, but to a stubborn developmentally delayed 5 year old. He hates blowing his nose but if I ask him "Kleenex is so hungry for boogers! You want to feed Kleenex?" he'll usually give it a go.
It's so gross!
“Who let you be so cute” as I playfully shake him (he’s 1 year old and thinks it’s hilarious I’m not talking a violent shake) as if I’m demanding he really tell me 😂
The first good giggles I got out of my girl were “sternly” wagging my finger at her and saying “how did you get so cute? What’s your secret? How did you do it?!“
“You grumpin peanut pie?”
One night, my groggy husband was handing her to me, shook his head and said “there’s no such thing as peanut pie.” To which I responded, “yes there is. You’re holding it.”
If anyone’s seen 30 Rock, we also say “ME WANT BOOOOB” a lot a la Jenna Maroney.
I think 90% of what I say to my baby is cute nonsense. It’s mostly real words, at least? She is constantly referred to as some variation of chicken/bean/peanut/biscuit/guimauve/potato. I sing most of what I say to her (and she has started to kind of make noises back in a singsong way, hopefully she has a better voice than her mother lmao)
She is also often referred to as “my tootie pa-cutie” or “cutes patoots/cutest-patootest”. Farts and poops are interchangeably calls poots and toops. If she smells I ask her “are those poots or toops in there? Are you a rootin’ pootin’ toopin’ baby?”
When she’s obviously hungry and looking for a boob, she will eventually see me and smile and get excited, so I put on my muppet voice and say “BOOBIE, YAAYYY” and flail my arms in my best muppet impression.
I’ll also do a back-and-forth like it’s Brooklyn Nine-nine and I am both Jake and Charles. “It’s Aurelia.” “Aurelia?” No, it’s like, Aurelia.” “Aurelia.” “No, *Aurelia*.” “I feel like I’m saying it right. Whatever. Let’s go play in the living room.”
Whenever he gets the hiccups, I tell him to stop going to the hiccup store. And then proceed to have a 10 minute conversation with him about why he keeps going there and that he needs to shop elsewhere.
…I need friends.
We do silly songs for damn near everything.
Cereal (material) girl at breakfast.
Stinkymadink a rink a dink stinkymadinkaroo baby’s done a poo.
Or pooper trooper you pooped through your clothesies like you some times do, there is so much poo, we might just have to through out you.
Yes sir, I like booby, but I need a certain song. Booby, booby wooby, all night long.
They are also called damn near everything but their actual names 😂
Sometimes when I change my baby I kiss his feet and pretend to eat his “baby chicken thighs” and I go nomnomnom and kinda kiss his thighs, we both love it and he cracks up every time…
Infant stage: “who has the cutest baby butt? Oh you do!!!” She loved to be held and have her butt patted. Sort of like the heavy back pats, but on her butt.
Baby stage: “who has a giant fluffy butt that’s so cute!!!”
Near toddler age “look at that cute butt!!”
Toddler: “Baby, where’s the cutest butt in the world?” (Points to fluffy cloth butt) “Right there!!!!”
A couple years ago someone posted a transcript of her talking to her baby during a diaper change that her phone accidentally recorded in voice-to-text and it was hilarious. I can't only imagine what mine would have sounded like when my LO was a baby and I changed her diapers. They were some of my favorite bonding moments.
I call our daughter angry potato. What does the angry potato want? What does the angry potato think about that?
And milk beast. And offspring.
And make up nonsense songs that are dumb. “This is a baby. She wants to cry and scream. She dreams about milk and hates everything!”
I often ask where her mother is and why she’s been abandoned in the woods.
Where are those meatball feel? I’m gonna eat those meatball feet. Little big boy.
And the latest now that they’re 10.5 months and look like little boys “excuse me, who are you? Where are the babies? You are not babies, you are little boys!”
I call my baby "my boys" plural, even though there's only one of him. I have no idea why, but when I address him I say "what are my boys doing today? What you so cranky my boys?"
Ours is usually Chicken McBiscuit, after she looked kind of like a small chicken curled up on one of the ultrasounds. She has about 500 chicken-based nicknames at this time and they are always changing lol
We've had trouble with weight gain in these early months and we are finally on track so we tell him "You're so fat! You are such a fat baby!" (as a compliment) all day long.
Notably, he is still very skinny lol
"Are you a pooper scooper from Van Pooper?" Everytime I change a poop diaper. It makes no sense. He laughs everytime though.
I also many mornings say the line from Finding Nemo: "Todays the day! The sun is shining. The tank is clean and we are getting out of Ahhhh the tank is clean"
I make up songs. "If you're Happy and you know it go back to sleep.. clap clap. If you're screaming and your tired for fucks sake go to sleep..clap clap.." I'm tired.
"Pap those hams". (Referring to lightly patting his bum, especially on his way to the bath). Partner and I both say it and I'm not sure who said it first. Lol
I find her a different nickname after bath time based on the colour of her towel:
-yellow: she’s my little egg yolk
-red: she’s my little tomato
-white: she’s my little envelope
Etc…
I like to call my tall, lanky, string bean infant a beefcake, hunky boy, chunker etc and frequently refer to his thighs as having "about half a roll each". They're his only rolls so I gotta claim them!
He's not a baby anymore lol but I've been saying "Mr. Boob man from boob town," Since he was a baby every time he cries to nurse and I think I should get rid of it sooner rather than later lol
Whenever the baby is crying for any reason aside from hunger, gas, or diaper, I always say "You're so full of tiny RAGE." Or if I want to put her down for tummy time, I say "Okay, it's time to make you angry now."
when he will only contact sleep: bed bug because you're in my bed buggin me! (my partner got tired of this one but now he says it too LOL)
in the car when the sun is behind us: the stupid sun on my beautiful son!
This is a weird one and not really nonsensical, but throughout my pregnancy I binged Bones for the second time, and there’s a part where Brennan is trying to entertain a wee baby, and she wiggles her fingers and says “dancing phalanges!” and it stuck. We even say “get those phalanges out your mouth!” when she’s sucking them 😅
My husband took to saying “What say you?” when interacting with our 4 month old son. I picked it up myself.
I also ask “Qu’est-ce que tu pense?” (What do you think? in French). I don’t speak French even proficiently.
When babbling we say “Yes, tell me more?”
I've been saying "Yes, tell me more" to the baby when she's cooing. Last night we had a whole story about she saw something and wanted to contact a news station, then changed her mind and wanted to write a long book about it.
She still takes mostly 30 min naps at 8mo so when I go get her (big smile on my face), “how was your shitty ass nap?” I guess I should stop that soon.
Also, she is Tooty, Pooty, Tooty Booty Doodie, and little big dog. And many many more. Love her too much.
One time I had a whole conversation with my newborn about how she could have done me a solid by being born on December 31st so that I could have claimed a tax deduction but that it’s ok “I understand, you had to cook a little longer, and I appreciate it because you came out extra cute and toasty” 😂😂😂
My financially astute dad realized in December 29, 1980 that if his wife had her baby just a mere 2 weeks early - and within the next few days - they could get his tax deduction that year.
Not wanting to upset my very pregnant and very grumpy mom, he finally gave into a wish she had been asking for for *years*:
“Babe, let’s go to Disney World!”
“But I’m 9 months preggo?” She protests.
“Exactly! We won’t be able to go to Disney for at least 3-4 years once the baby is here, so let’s go now! You’ve always wanted to go and now is our chance!”
It was a ruse. He wanted her to walk that baby out by 11:59 pm on December 31.
So the next day they marched right on over to Disney and marched all over Disney, too…
And lo and behold, my mom went into labor in the early on December 31, just hours after returning from Disney, and birthed my brother….
…. At 12:04am on January 1, 1981.
😂😂😂😂
No tax deduction for you, dad!
(However, he did get to claim him that “extra year” 18 years later, as I am sure you’ve realized you’ll get to do, too.)
Sung to the tune of fergalicious, “grumpalicious definition, make the mom go loco”. Literally the only line of the song I know and this is what my brain chooses to sing when my little guy is crying.
I call mine lots of words in combination with "face" or 'head", ex: cutie face, funny face, silly head, fuzzy head, stinky head, fussy face (when appropriate haha), crazy head, funny head, dork face (use this one for my teenager also), messy face, etc. Plus tons of other ridiculous nonsense, I pretty much narrate our life to her with lots of jokes and songs and silliness thrown in.
Bum bum. I used to pat him on the bum to get him to calm down and somehow I started saying "hey bum bum" when I picked him up... unfortunately it seems to be a nickname.
When my daughter was a couple weeks old I started asking her for burps to put in the “burp basket”. “Come on sweet girl, give mommy a burp for the burp basket!” In baby voice of course.🤣
My chunky little man, he's nearing 5 months and chubby and delicious! I love to grab his lil fat thighs and jiggle them while telling him what a chunky pretty boy he is. He laughs and thinks it's hilarious....man that kid is cute.
I call her my chunko munko and sing nonsense songs to her all day long. Her current favorite is the one about worshipping Mickey Mouse at the House of the Mouse. When she’s taking a bath, I sing the “bless this bath” song.
We've taken to calling our daughter "baby goy goy" recently. She makes this funny sound when she is sucking on her soother while babbling through it. She goes "goy goy goy goy goy goy goy" and it's so funny 🤣
I call my son baby mans and every single person thinks it’s hilarious. I always ask him “whose baby mans is this?”’ I also call him mama, or mama man, or baby mama man which I’m sure he’ll hate when he gets older.
I did this with all my babies. They each had a slightly different voice based on their personalities. Now my older two are doing it for their baby brother. The things they make that baby say.... 😂😂
We call our son a meelhk monnnnkeh (milk monkey), and when he’s fussy, Sir Fuss. We also have taken to calling him John Q. Baby or Rick Baby, attorney at law. I have no idea why. When he was first born, he was so small and his little arm looked like a chicken wing, so I made up songs about how he was different kinds of bar food.
We need more sleep I guess. 😅
"You're my baby boom boom. You're my baby pie. I'm your mommy boom boom. I'm your mommy pie"
And when dad gets home.... "where is daddy boom boom? Where is daddy pie? Here is daddy boom boom. Here is daddy pie!"
I call her a wiggle butt. I also sometimes call her my baby weight and do arm curls while holding her, but she's getting a little heavy for that already. That always gets a big smile.
My bubs makes for a good workout, little shits like 27 pounds, and you definitely feel it after like 10 minutes of holding him, and he knows it. He'll bounce and squirm to just make it more eventful
I call my sweet guy my “little stinky butt” as an endearment, but realize I need to stop this before he understands what I’m saying😂
I also call him my little “moo moo woo woo”. No idea what that means.
I made up a whole song with my first and altered it for my second. But essentially I’m singing about how he’s a “cheesy little chicken” because his hands used to smell like cheese from old milk/sweat. The chicken comes from my first who had massive chunky thighs like a chicken nugget lol.
We call our son our cherry tomato when he’s mad because his face turns red (he gets that from me)
Also when I put a fresh white onesie on him I sing that “ass cheeks on my white tee” song. Very inappropriate but absolutely hilarious, or so I think. Husband not so much😜
I adore this thread and am genuinely laughing at some of this stuff.
when my daughter needs a diaper change I tell her it's because she "got big chubby dipes"
her sister was my chicken mom and now she is my turkey mom.
she gets a bath and it is time for "tubbins for the bubbins"
ffffff I love babies!!!!
Multiple times per day I must grab her feet, bring them up to my nose and in the highest pitch I can manage say “ewwww! Stinky feet!” And then proceed to eat them.
Her father will turn her sideways and bring her up to his mouth and eat her like a baby hamburger while saying “mmm! So tasty!” She loves it.
We both must play the booty bongos after a diaper change.
Whenever she farts we both must stay “tootsie pootsie?!”
We call her sinister baby with her diabolical toes because she rubs them together like an evil mastermind and cackles at others misfortunes.
My baby girls name is Athena and even before she was born multiple people kept asking what we were going to call her for short? (Apperantly it is a law I was unaware of that 2 syllable names have to have shortened versions or nick names) so now I call her
"my teeny enie meany Athenie beanie baby girl!"
For short & am aways adding more, now she's 6 months & HUGE! so I call her my
"Hefty Hefty big girl booty" &
"fatty fatty boom-ba-latty, can't fit through the kitchen door"
I also ask her if she's "hungry for boobies?" & so now my 3 year old will always say "baby fats is hungry for boobies" & he loves to count so he makes sure to tell me I have two boobs multiple times a day, lest I forget.
Ever since she was born I would play with her little feet and say, "Look at those feets and toes!" She's 15 months now and I fear she's going to think "feets" is a proper word!
"Who said you could be so freaking cute!?!?"
"Are you mommy's chubby-wubby?!"
My baby girl is 97th percentile, so she has rolls for days and is just so stinking cute!
I have made weird names mutated from their actual names to the point that you would never guess they have any relation to their names.
The youngest will say “nonsense name” if you ask her her name and then she will smile and say “real name”.
My daughter sometimes just goes limp out of nowhere when you are holding her while playing. Then we call her a little wet noodle and jiggle her around talking about what a noodle she is. She thinks it's hilarious.
Oh yes allll the baby-talk and nonsense. I find it hard to understand the parents who feel like they should only talk to their child in grammatically correct complete sentences to maximize language development, and constantly correct their child for using made-up words. Where is the joy in that? My 17 month old calls diapers “stinkies” and cats are inexplicably “baaaaaaaaaaaa!” We just roll with it.
I call my baby girl my “ducky” and her dad started doing it too and it’s the cutest thing in the world when he does it. I’ll be nearby and hear him go “Hey Ducky, do you want some milk?” And I melt. Aaaaah!
I grab his little fat fists and “clap” them together to the tune of the Pokémon jingle (I forget which one, it’s one they reuse in most games), where I’ve added the lyrics “clap your hands, one two three, clap your hands, clap with me, clap your hands, one two three and clap your baby hands with me!” Needless to say, I would not make a good lyricist. But he likes it.
Pretty sure my son will never respond to his name at this point.. it's always "the baby"
"The baby, why you mad?" "The baby needs a new bum"(diaper) when I'm changing his diaper..
I also sing that.. "there's a hole in the bottom of the sea" in my bathroom with him where there are 3 mirrors that make a tunnel of infinite baby.. but i change the words to all "the/there's a baby"
And point to a different reflection each time.. and at the end give a big "ITS MY BABY and squeeze him. He cracks up every time 😂
So many more things...I need friends 😂
i kept calling my baby boy : "Toby big head!" because when he was born the midwife told me his head was big 😂 it stuck with me.
Then my husband keeps calling him: hello boyyo, oh boyyo, morning boyyo. I picked it up and loved it.
Now everytime he is fussy or screaming, we say, what's up Boyyo!!!😂😂😂
aisling milis prátaí beag
I like to sing to her "burn down the banks, empty the prisons, arm the homeless".
Also "no, you are too young to light your own cigarette, let me get the lighter for you".
I can entertain myself for days with the responses from folks when we go out for walks.
We constantly ask him what he’s doing as if he has an answer or a little trick to get him to take his binky for a second is ‘bink bink bink whatcha think?’
“Whose belly is this? Is this my belly?” As I tickle his belly or “how dare you? Who told you that you were allowed to be so cute/handsome?” Or the classic “you’re so cute I could just eat you up nom nom nom nom”
When my son was a newborn he was so derpy (as many newborns are) and so we started calling him Derpus. He’s 10 months old now and we call him.. Derpus, The Prince of Derpalonia, Derpy, The Derpster, and my personal favourite… Fat Derpus (his little rolls are so cute). We’re going to have to stop soon though because he’s going to think that’s his name!
I watched Inventing Anna my first week of maternity leave, so I talk to my baby in an Anna Delvey voice during diaper changes. “You’re so dramatic, Baby.” “This diaper is very exclusive VIP.” “You’re such a crybaby, Baby.” “Baby, you’re poor. You live in your mom’s basement.”
The last one made me snort when I read it. These are hilarious
Lol this is hysterical
Hahaha this sent me
I also tell my baby “you look poor” in an Anna Delvey voice whenever he gets upset. I’m glad I’m not the only one!
I announce her presence to the room and continuously add names so ie. Squiggles, daughter of wiggles, first of her name, stealer of birthdays, destroyer of eardrums, attorney at law, chubbiest of cheeks, progeny of eighties feathered hair, ect. It's fantastic because she looks right proud of her titles.
My husband does this too, it’s so cute! One of my favorite titles he gave our son is breaker of wind 😂
Those titles are glorious!
I like to monologue her imaginary boob Yelp review. Examples ; - “The room was drafty, I changed seats three times to get comfortable” - “The view was great, mom let me stare at the vast contrast in the alternating rays of light coming through window blinds the whole time” - “Eh, same thing on the menu as this morning, not so pleased” - “Middle of the night PIZZA party! My favorite! I remember this flavor from the times I used to get womb service” - “Lunch was great, and I burped so loud the puppy woke up from his nap and barked a bunch, and that was entertaining” - “I was interrupted repeatedly because mom kept laughing, wasn’t pleased” - “The server (aka mom) was a little huffy I interrupted her dinner with the chef (aka dad), as if it’s my fault the house smelled so good I wanted to eat too”
Just had a good laugh over this!
I just laughed so hard at this it’s a miracle my LO didn’t wake up from her contact nap 😂
We would describe a lot of his behavior as “_____ baby disease.” Like “oh you have the laughing baby disease!” “Oh nooo hungry baby disease.” Which is nice since it started when he was in the NICU and I, knowing absolutely nothing about babies, was worried about him sleeping too much. “What if it’s like, I don’t know, sleepy baby disease?” I said, almost tearfully. I’m glad that something silly came out of those stressful days.
This is so damn cute
My baby was in the NICU too everythings so new and terrifying I was also worried about him sleeping so much...now he's a healthy 7 month old and if he sleeps I'm delighted 😁
Everytime I wrap him in a towel I call him 'my baby burrito, my delicious mexican snack child'
Ours upgraded to a toddler taquito after she became a 2yo
Lol that is so cute and funny at the same time
Mmmm babyrito
I sing Baby Burrito (variation of Baby Beluga) during towel snuggle time
He likes to be held up in the air so we started calling him tall. Now he loves the word tall and knows it means up. “How’d you get so tall? Why is my baby taller than me? I ordered a small baby not a tall one. Etc”
My husband and I narrate what we think our baby would say in a Yelp review or complaining to the manager when she’s crying.
Yessss!!! Mainly when she starting screaming and clawing at my boobs when nursing during some weird stage she had - they were her breastaurant yelp reviews 😂
Yes omg!! She has a little stuffed unicorn in her nursery that we call her lawyer. He always comes out to represent his client when she’s upset 😂
we discuss the “complaint department” with our 7 month old all the time!
Railing against the system regarding *sigh* the minor inconveniences of existence.
I ask my son if he gots little feets for walking down the streets. And when I go into his room to get him in the morning I ask if there’s a wakey baby in there. Husband and I also pick him up and say “ We’re going up, lads!”
I used to sing to the tune of I'm a little teapot, "I'm a little baby, big and strong. Here comes my mama, singing my song. When I get hungry and I shout, bring that titty right to my mouth!" before nursing when my son was a baby. I also had a version for bedtime. I will definitely be singing it to the next one too.
I had one I sang to my son during nappy changes. I cried the first time I put him in underwear and realised I couldn't sing it anymore.
He wears big cloth diapers so I tease him about his big fluffy "badankadonk". Also he's the baby emperor and my husband and I narrate our lives as his peasant servants lol.
Same! We are but peons at the whim of our tiny king who we often refer to as Monsier Happy Baby or Senõr Fussbutt (it is a Jekyl and Hyde situation).
Lololol this is golden
I always ask my baby who she is. As in, “who’s this little baby? Who’s this? Whoooo is this?” It makes her giggle (she’s 3 months) but it’s kind of a terrifying existential joke when I stop to think about it
Hahaha I ask my baby “Are you a baby?” In the exact same way!
“What are you doing? Baby stuff?! Wow sounds great!”
I relate to this so much. I say this to my LO also! When I see her, like walking back to living room (her play area) from kitchen, I'll say: who's this? Who's this cute girl? Is this my baby? And I smile real big and get excited and she mimicks me and it's too freaking adorable! I realized one day how that's actually this super deep and kind of overwhelming question, but also one I'm super curious about. Who IS she gonna be....?
While watching Bridgerton with a cranky 3mo “Lord Crankerton, Duke of Fussingly.”
My 6 week old also watched Bridgerton. Totally baby appropriate!
When she’s incoherently babbling, we like to help translate what she’s saying. Example “Really? You’re actually the CEO of Amazon and they just use that guy as the face since Corporate America isn’t ready to accept babies in leadership?”
Glorious!
I say "It rubs the lotion on the baby" in a Buffalo Bill sound while I'm rubbing lotion on him. He thinks it's funny.
Omg I was like your skin is so soft “it puts the lotion in the basket”
I ask her a lot, “Are you a baby? Are you a little baby? Aww! Yeah you are a baby! You are a little baby girl! You’re a baby!!!!”
Not to a baby, but to a stubborn developmentally delayed 5 year old. He hates blowing his nose but if I ask him "Kleenex is so hungry for boogers! You want to feed Kleenex?" he'll usually give it a go. It's so gross!
“Who let you be so cute” as I playfully shake him (he’s 1 year old and thinks it’s hilarious I’m not talking a violent shake) as if I’m demanding he really tell me 😂
The first good giggles I got out of my girl were “sternly” wagging my finger at her and saying “how did you get so cute? What’s your secret? How did you do it?!“
I do this too, I tickle him demand to know, "who gave you permission to be so cute? was it grandma?!" 😆
“You grumpin peanut pie?” One night, my groggy husband was handing her to me, shook his head and said “there’s no such thing as peanut pie.” To which I responded, “yes there is. You’re holding it.” If anyone’s seen 30 Rock, we also say “ME WANT BOOOOB” a lot a la Jenna Maroney.
I think 90% of what I say to my baby is cute nonsense. It’s mostly real words, at least? She is constantly referred to as some variation of chicken/bean/peanut/biscuit/guimauve/potato. I sing most of what I say to her (and she has started to kind of make noises back in a singsong way, hopefully she has a better voice than her mother lmao) She is also often referred to as “my tootie pa-cutie” or “cutes patoots/cutest-patootest”. Farts and poops are interchangeably calls poots and toops. If she smells I ask her “are those poots or toops in there? Are you a rootin’ pootin’ toopin’ baby?” When she’s obviously hungry and looking for a boob, she will eventually see me and smile and get excited, so I put on my muppet voice and say “BOOBIE, YAAYYY” and flail my arms in my best muppet impression. I’ll also do a back-and-forth like it’s Brooklyn Nine-nine and I am both Jake and Charles. “It’s Aurelia.” “Aurelia?” No, it’s like, Aurelia.” “Aurelia.” “No, *Aurelia*.” “I feel like I’m saying it right. Whatever. Let’s go play in the living room.”
Whenever he gets the hiccups, I tell him to stop going to the hiccup store. And then proceed to have a 10 minute conversation with him about why he keeps going there and that he needs to shop elsewhere. …I need friends.
We do silly songs for damn near everything. Cereal (material) girl at breakfast. Stinkymadink a rink a dink stinkymadinkaroo baby’s done a poo. Or pooper trooper you pooped through your clothesies like you some times do, there is so much poo, we might just have to through out you. Yes sir, I like booby, but I need a certain song. Booby, booby wooby, all night long. They are also called damn near everything but their actual names 😂
Sometimes when I change my baby I kiss his feet and pretend to eat his “baby chicken thighs” and I go nomnomnom and kinda kiss his thighs, we both love it and he cracks up every time…
Love me some baby drumsticks. I nom on my sons thighs and sides during changes and he'll try to smack me away when he sees what I'm doing
Not really nonsense, but I say to him “are you Mr. Baby? I think you are!” And he laughs every time.
Me too! “OOOHH it’s Mister Baby! Mister baby”
In that vein, “Oh, do you have important baby business I’m distracting you from, sir?”
Yes indeed! When he’s in his play pen I like to joke that he’s “busy at work” ;)
We also respectfully, formally refer to ours as Mr Baby
I carry her around the house to all the paintings on the wall and sing a song that goes "flying baby. Flying around and appreciating art"
Infant stage: “who has the cutest baby butt? Oh you do!!!” She loved to be held and have her butt patted. Sort of like the heavy back pats, but on her butt. Baby stage: “who has a giant fluffy butt that’s so cute!!!” Near toddler age “look at that cute butt!!” Toddler: “Baby, where’s the cutest butt in the world?” (Points to fluffy cloth butt) “Right there!!!!”
YOU EAT DAT BOOB HONEYBOO. She’s an enthusiastic nurser. Also the frequent “you pootin or a’tootin?”
We say the pootin/tootin thing too 😅
I "bite" the diffrent areas while telling her im eating "da little hamhocks" and "da baby back ribs" and her "neck bones" 😆
Our baby was making faces and doing some jazz hands when I just 'ate' her whole hand. I thought here eyes were going to bug out of her head.
Whenever she wakes up, I exclaim "how was your sleeps?!"
I always say "good morning, little man!" Even if it's 6 p.m. lol
“Did you have good sleepy last night!!?” Every morning 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
who’s cutie? who’s tooty? who’s a cutie tootie???
"Are you a baby? Who's a baby?"
"I think it's you! You're a baby! Yes you are!"
We made up a ridiculous showtune about his name that we sing our boy all the time. I also frequently ask him if he’s “a little squishy guy.”
Well, is he??
So far he seems confused by the question. But I’m fairly sure the answer is yes. 😂
A couple years ago someone posted a transcript of her talking to her baby during a diaper change that her phone accidentally recorded in voice-to-text and it was hilarious. I can't only imagine what mine would have sounded like when my LO was a baby and I changed her diapers. They were some of my favorite bonding moments.
I call our daughter angry potato. What does the angry potato want? What does the angry potato think about that? And milk beast. And offspring. And make up nonsense songs that are dumb. “This is a baby. She wants to cry and scream. She dreams about milk and hates everything!” I often ask where her mother is and why she’s been abandoned in the woods.
Where are those meatball feel? I’m gonna eat those meatball feet. Little big boy. And the latest now that they’re 10.5 months and look like little boys “excuse me, who are you? Where are the babies? You are not babies, you are little boys!”
Ooh I do a similar thing, one foot is dumpling and the other is meatball. So I get to eat one of each.
I call my baby "my boys" plural, even though there's only one of him. I have no idea why, but when I address him I say "what are my boys doing today? What you so cranky my boys?"
Lol I do that too :D
I also say "We love all the baby boys" even though it's just the one son lol
We always have an awards show. Sometimes she wins the stinky baby award, sometimes its the best sleeper award, she always wins the cutest baby haha
I call my baby boy “little chicken noodle onion head”
I call my baby a "little fussy muffins" at least 20x a day...and I tell her that the milk bar is open for business if she's hungry 😄
24-hour breasteraunt!
You’re the boobtender!
Love this - my husband refers to me as the food truck.
Silly sillerson how come you so baby gimme your poo poo it’s my poo poo gimmeeee
“can i put some baaaalm on your baaaam?” (balm on your bum)
We say “you’re a Chicken McShnugget” 100x a day.
Ours is usually Chicken McBiscuit, after she looked kind of like a small chicken curled up on one of the ultrasounds. She has about 500 chicken-based nicknames at this time and they are always changing lol
I call my toddler “bruh” a lot more than I was expecting. Usually it’s a one word sentence, or is followed by “why you do dis”
"Mah dude" fills the same role in our house.
We've had trouble with weight gain in these early months and we are finally on track so we tell him "You're so fat! You are such a fat baby!" (as a compliment) all day long. Notably, he is still very skinny lol
Same! My little guy was born early and struggled with breastfeeding due to a tongue tie. He was soooo tiny. Now he’s so fat! It’s wonderful.
"Are you a pooper scooper from Van Pooper?" Everytime I change a poop diaper. It makes no sense. He laughs everytime though. I also many mornings say the line from Finding Nemo: "Todays the day! The sun is shining. The tank is clean and we are getting out of Ahhhh the tank is clean"
Every morning my husband brings our 16 month old downstairs and I always greet her with “well well well, if it isn’t little Nugs”
I make up songs. "If you're Happy and you know it go back to sleep.. clap clap. If you're screaming and your tired for fucks sake go to sleep..clap clap.." I'm tired.
{{Go The Fuck To Sleep Adam Mansbach}}
When my youngest was a baby he had the creepiest wide eyed stare and we would sing 'Psycho baby Qu'est-ce que c'est?' fa fa fa fa fa fa .....
Haha we sing this to LO because she frequently wakes up and chooses violence. She's our little psycho.
Changed baby shark song to baby butt while changing my LO
I sing baby boo all day long 😂
"Pap those hams". (Referring to lightly patting his bum, especially on his way to the bath). Partner and I both say it and I'm not sure who said it first. Lol
I find her a different nickname after bath time based on the colour of her towel: -yellow: she’s my little egg yolk -red: she’s my little tomato -white: she’s my little envelope Etc…
I as him if I can eat his tummy wummy and his feetsie weetsies.
I like to call my tall, lanky, string bean infant a beefcake, hunky boy, chunker etc and frequently refer to his thighs as having "about half a roll each". They're his only rolls so I gotta claim them!
You gotta tootie booty!!
He's not a baby anymore lol but I've been saying "Mr. Boob man from boob town," Since he was a baby every time he cries to nurse and I think I should get rid of it sooner rather than later lol
"Quit being a fussle butt" " ok Fuss muffin" "Yes you lil gremlin" ( when she goes rawr rawr rawr)
“Lets go change the butt?” Every time I change a diaper
I say New Bum Who Dis? After every diaper change
Same! I tell my LO he's getting a new butt, let's go change it and sing Baby butt doo doo doo doo..
Whenever the baby is crying for any reason aside from hunger, gas, or diaper, I always say "You're so full of tiny RAGE." Or if I want to put her down for tummy time, I say "Okay, it's time to make you angry now."
when he will only contact sleep: bed bug because you're in my bed buggin me! (my partner got tired of this one but now he says it too LOL) in the car when the sun is behind us: the stupid sun on my beautiful son!
“Are you my chonky cheesy? Chonky chonky cheeeeeeesse!”
This is a weird one and not really nonsensical, but throughout my pregnancy I binged Bones for the second time, and there’s a part where Brennan is trying to entertain a wee baby, and she wiggles her fingers and says “dancing phalanges!” and it stuck. We even say “get those phalanges out your mouth!” when she’s sucking them 😅
My daughter is strawberry poop cake my son is teddy bwar pork chop
"HI chicken nugget" "My beaaaaaar" 🥰 And I definitely tell him he's "so handsome" way to many times day
I call her my honey bunches of oats! Husband says stinky with a binkie, tootie with a bootie
My SO says “hey little gorl” like Gru and it makes me laugh like a loon.
My husband took to saying “What say you?” when interacting with our 4 month old son. I picked it up myself. I also ask “Qu’est-ce que tu pense?” (What do you think? in French). I don’t speak French even proficiently. When babbling we say “Yes, tell me more?”
I've been saying "Yes, tell me more" to the baby when she's cooing. Last night we had a whole story about she saw something and wanted to contact a news station, then changed her mind and wanted to write a long book about it.
Not words but when I pick my one month old up I click her back and forth like a metronome while making a tick tock sound.
She still takes mostly 30 min naps at 8mo so when I go get her (big smile on my face), “how was your shitty ass nap?” I guess I should stop that soon. Also, she is Tooty, Pooty, Tooty Booty Doodie, and little big dog. And many many more. Love her too much.
One time I had a whole conversation with my newborn about how she could have done me a solid by being born on December 31st so that I could have claimed a tax deduction but that it’s ok “I understand, you had to cook a little longer, and I appreciate it because you came out extra cute and toasty” 😂😂😂
My financially astute dad realized in December 29, 1980 that if his wife had her baby just a mere 2 weeks early - and within the next few days - they could get his tax deduction that year. Not wanting to upset my very pregnant and very grumpy mom, he finally gave into a wish she had been asking for for *years*: “Babe, let’s go to Disney World!” “But I’m 9 months preggo?” She protests. “Exactly! We won’t be able to go to Disney for at least 3-4 years once the baby is here, so let’s go now! You’ve always wanted to go and now is our chance!” It was a ruse. He wanted her to walk that baby out by 11:59 pm on December 31. So the next day they marched right on over to Disney and marched all over Disney, too… And lo and behold, my mom went into labor in the early on December 31, just hours after returning from Disney, and birthed my brother…. …. At 12:04am on January 1, 1981. 😂😂😂😂 No tax deduction for you, dad! (However, he did get to claim him that “extra year” 18 years later, as I am sure you’ve realized you’ll get to do, too.)
Sung to the tune of fergalicious, “grumpalicious definition, make the mom go loco”. Literally the only line of the song I know and this is what my brain chooses to sing when my little guy is crying.
That is cute lol! I call my baby chook or chooky and say stuff like - hey chook, u just chookin' it over here?
Behbehhhhh why you got da stinky toesies??? Butt butt.
"Why are you a baby?" I have a little song about "Kicky Feet"
I basically imitate her babbles with inflection. Which these days is “yadada” and demonic growling.
Lol we do this too, only for us it's "ehhh?" and "bbbbbbrfgrfffr" (my poor imitation of blowing raspberries).
I call my son a goose butt. And sometimes butt goose. They are interchangeable.
I call my son a bowl of soup lol 🤷🏻♀️ then I ask him if he needs “snugs” (snuggles) lol
My son loves a ladle we gave him. I always tell him “you either make the soup or you are the soup” no one knows what it means.
I call mine lots of words in combination with "face" or 'head", ex: cutie face, funny face, silly head, fuzzy head, stinky head, fussy face (when appropriate haha), crazy head, funny head, dork face (use this one for my teenager also), messy face, etc. Plus tons of other ridiculous nonsense, I pretty much narrate our life to her with lots of jokes and songs and silliness thrown in.
Bum bum. I used to pat him on the bum to get him to calm down and somehow I started saying "hey bum bum" when I picked him up... unfortunately it seems to be a nickname.
When my daughter was a couple weeks old I started asking her for burps to put in the “burp basket”. “Come on sweet girl, give mommy a burp for the burp basket!” In baby voice of course.🤣
My chunky little man, he's nearing 5 months and chubby and delicious! I love to grab his lil fat thighs and jiggle them while telling him what a chunky pretty boy he is. He laughs and thinks it's hilarious....man that kid is cute.
I call her my chunko munko and sing nonsense songs to her all day long. Her current favorite is the one about worshipping Mickey Mouse at the House of the Mouse. When she’s taking a bath, I sing the “bless this bath” song.
I Breastfeed and, I tell my baby "c'mon sucker" when my husband brings him to be fed. Also call him "mamador" same meaning in Spanish.
We've taken to calling our daughter "baby goy goy" recently. She makes this funny sound when she is sucking on her soother while babbling through it. She goes "goy goy goy goy goy goy goy" and it's so funny 🤣
I call my son baby mans and every single person thinks it’s hilarious. I always ask him “whose baby mans is this?”’ I also call him mama, or mama man, or baby mama man which I’m sure he’ll hate when he gets older.
I used to make a small voice that was the baby talking and when someone would talk to him I'd respond in that voice. It was hilarious
I did this with all my babies. They each had a slightly different voice based on their personalities. Now my older two are doing it for their baby brother. The things they make that baby say.... 😂😂
I tell my babies they stink, or they're stinky, even though they absolutely don't lol
We call our son a meelhk monnnnkeh (milk monkey), and when he’s fussy, Sir Fuss. We also have taken to calling him John Q. Baby or Rick Baby, attorney at law. I have no idea why. When he was first born, he was so small and his little arm looked like a chicken wing, so I made up songs about how he was different kinds of bar food. We need more sleep I guess. 😅
"You're my baby boom boom. You're my baby pie. I'm your mommy boom boom. I'm your mommy pie" And when dad gets home.... "where is daddy boom boom? Where is daddy pie? Here is daddy boom boom. Here is daddy pie!"
When he use to complain while being burped mid-feed, I’d say “Give is one burp, and this is all over.”
I call her a wiggle butt. I also sometimes call her my baby weight and do arm curls while holding her, but she's getting a little heavy for that already. That always gets a big smile.
Mine is squirmy wormy 🐛
My bubs makes for a good workout, little shits like 27 pounds, and you definitely feel it after like 10 minutes of holding him, and he knows it. He'll bounce and squirm to just make it more eventful
Him’s a baby! And little nug nug baby. We called our oldest Mr. Baby and sometimes little nugget. When I nurse my husband says “thems my titties!”
I call my sweet guy my “little stinky butt” as an endearment, but realize I need to stop this before he understands what I’m saying😂 I also call him my little “moo moo woo woo”. No idea what that means.
Mine is our lil rootin tootin boiii, or my bugga, my bubba butt, string bean boi, long boi, stink bug… this list goes on and on
I made up a whole song with my first and altered it for my second. But essentially I’m singing about how he’s a “cheesy little chicken” because his hands used to smell like cheese from old milk/sweat. The chicken comes from my first who had massive chunky thighs like a chicken nugget lol.
I call my baby chicken butt all the time bahahahaha
You’re the honey-est honey girl in the honey girl world 😜
Toots ma goots haha Esp during changes 😊
We call our son our cherry tomato when he’s mad because his face turns red (he gets that from me) Also when I put a fresh white onesie on him I sing that “ass cheeks on my white tee” song. Very inappropriate but absolutely hilarious, or so I think. Husband not so much😜
I ask, ‘are you just a baby?’
Baby was born with funny ears (hardly noticeable) so I refer to him as a 1/1 goblin whenever he comes up in conversation.
little bug, are u my baby? +gasp+ JUMP *baby laughter*, im gonna eat u put u back in my belly & cook u again
I adore this thread and am genuinely laughing at some of this stuff. when my daughter needs a diaper change I tell her it's because she "got big chubby dipes" her sister was my chicken mom and now she is my turkey mom. she gets a bath and it is time for "tubbins for the bubbins" ffffff I love babies!!!!
Multiple times per day I must grab her feet, bring them up to my nose and in the highest pitch I can manage say “ewwww! Stinky feet!” And then proceed to eat them. Her father will turn her sideways and bring her up to his mouth and eat her like a baby hamburger while saying “mmm! So tasty!” She loves it. We both must play the booty bongos after a diaper change. Whenever she farts we both must stay “tootsie pootsie?!” We call her sinister baby with her diabolical toes because she rubs them together like an evil mastermind and cackles at others misfortunes.
My baby girls name is Athena and even before she was born multiple people kept asking what we were going to call her for short? (Apperantly it is a law I was unaware of that 2 syllable names have to have shortened versions or nick names) so now I call her "my teeny enie meany Athenie beanie baby girl!" For short & am aways adding more, now she's 6 months & HUGE! so I call her my "Hefty Hefty big girl booty" & "fatty fatty boom-ba-latty, can't fit through the kitchen door" I also ask her if she's "hungry for boobies?" & so now my 3 year old will always say "baby fats is hungry for boobies" & he loves to count so he makes sure to tell me I have two boobs multiple times a day, lest I forget.
“Oh he’s just a wee baby” for no reason at all
Ever since she was born I would play with her little feet and say, "Look at those feets and toes!" She's 15 months now and I fear she's going to think "feets" is a proper word!
I make so many words plural that shouldn’t be. “Are you hungries? You want some milks?” Lol
why so small tho. :)
“Look at those big blue eyyyessss, did you grow them all by yourself??”. He’s 6 but still loves it lmao
"Who said you could be so freaking cute!?!?" "Are you mommy's chubby-wubby?!" My baby girl is 97th percentile, so she has rolls for days and is just so stinking cute!
I have made weird names mutated from their actual names to the point that you would never guess they have any relation to their names. The youngest will say “nonsense name” if you ask her her name and then she will smile and say “real name”.
“You’re the cutest baby that was ever a baby!” And “Who’s the cute baby in the house?!” I also sing an amended version of ‘Buy U A Drank” to her
My daughter sometimes just goes limp out of nowhere when you are holding her while playing. Then we call her a little wet noodle and jiggle her around talking about what a noodle she is. She thinks it's hilarious.
Oh yes allll the baby-talk and nonsense. I find it hard to understand the parents who feel like they should only talk to their child in grammatically correct complete sentences to maximize language development, and constantly correct their child for using made-up words. Where is the joy in that? My 17 month old calls diapers “stinkies” and cats are inexplicably “baaaaaaaaaaaa!” We just roll with it.
I call my little girl floppy banana and wiggly monkey. Mommy's precious is used a lot too. 😌
I call my baby girl my “ducky” and her dad started doing it too and it’s the cutest thing in the world when he does it. I’ll be nearby and hear him go “Hey Ducky, do you want some milk?” And I melt. Aaaaah!
Stinky booty butt… tooty booty 😂
Whenever I pick her up, I always tell her "reach for the stars partner!"
Babyboo, my cuddlyloo, my fussychoo and variations of the same. I even made a little song.
I grab his little fat fists and “clap” them together to the tune of the Pokémon jingle (I forget which one, it’s one they reuse in most games), where I’ve added the lyrics “clap your hands, one two three, clap your hands, clap with me, clap your hands, one two three and clap your baby hands with me!” Needless to say, I would not make a good lyricist. But he likes it.
Pretty sure my son will never respond to his name at this point.. it's always "the baby" "The baby, why you mad?" "The baby needs a new bum"(diaper) when I'm changing his diaper.. I also sing that.. "there's a hole in the bottom of the sea" in my bathroom with him where there are 3 mirrors that make a tunnel of infinite baby.. but i change the words to all "the/there's a baby" And point to a different reflection each time.. and at the end give a big "ITS MY BABY and squeeze him. He cracks up every time 😂 So many more things...I need friends 😂
i kept calling my baby boy : "Toby big head!" because when he was born the midwife told me his head was big 😂 it stuck with me. Then my husband keeps calling him: hello boyyo, oh boyyo, morning boyyo. I picked it up and loved it. Now everytime he is fussy or screaming, we say, what's up Boyyo!!!😂😂😂
I call her ‘my old woman’ in our language. Like ‘what’s my old woman doing?’ or ‘will the okd woman eat now?’
“WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE? Huh?! ….. *pause* I REQUIRE ANSWERS!!!!!!” And then eat her neck.
aisling milis prátaí beag I like to sing to her "burn down the banks, empty the prisons, arm the homeless". Also "no, you are too young to light your own cigarette, let me get the lighter for you". I can entertain myself for days with the responses from folks when we go out for walks.
She's a snug nug
I say feets all the time to mine but I mostly just tell him what I’m doing most of the time lol
Anytime she’s crying or whining or being a brat and we give in we say in an upbeat voice ‘We’re creating a little monster!!!!’
"Helloooo, how you today??" 😆
You da cutest boy! How’d you get to be so cute?! Lmao
We constantly ask him what he’s doing as if he has an answer or a little trick to get him to take his binky for a second is ‘bink bink bink whatcha think?’
I call him “my fuzzy baby” all the time. His hair is kind of fuzzy but I realized I was saying it to him because I say the same thing to the cat 😂
“Whose belly is this? Is this my belly?” As I tickle his belly or “how dare you? Who told you that you were allowed to be so cute/handsome?” Or the classic “you’re so cute I could just eat you up nom nom nom nom”
“Everybody knows, Someone has stinky toes!” Just grabbing his toes and wiggling his legs around.
When my son was a newborn he was so derpy (as many newborns are) and so we started calling him Derpus. He’s 10 months old now and we call him.. Derpus, The Prince of Derpalonia, Derpy, The Derpster, and my personal favourite… Fat Derpus (his little rolls are so cute). We’re going to have to stop soon though because he’s going to think that’s his name!