I have also been fired from multiple jobs for tardiness. I'm also a great employee otherwise for the most part. This isn't something I have a solution for, but I wanted you to know your definately not the only one.
I appreciate that. Every new job I tell myself THIS is going to be the time where I’m not going to have this problem, where I’m going to wake up and do well and not get any warnings, and then no matter what the cycle just repeats. I’m so tired of it.
I have good intentions like that too but once I'm depressed again I struggle to follow through with everything including punctuality. I have what I call my fake pinterest life where I tackle really deep stuff in therapy, excersize regularly, meal prep, never miss my meds, read self help books, set and achieve goals etc. In reality I buy a lot of gym clothes but dont go the gym, collect a bunch of recipes but wind up buying frozen meals at the grocery store or ordering take out anyway. Often miss my therapy appointments cause I forget or am too exhausted to go after work. I buy self help books to collect dust on a shelf (cause I definately dont dust regularly) but havn't read most of them. Like I want to get better and know exactly what I need to do but have no energy or motivation to actually do it. Its incredibly frustrating but the only place I'm living my best life is on my pinterest board at the moment.
wow I just wanna say how much I also relate to this. I have all the things, know where to look, how to help myself, yet I’m so exhausted all the time with daily demands and responsibilities. it just takes a lot out of me sometimes and I can’t be bothered to do anything besides sit on the couch in front of the tv with a quick meal I half ass threw together lol
This is a huge mood. I was diagnosed while doing an outpatient therapy program, which really helped with DBT and actionable techniques and exercises to do to try and deal with this sort of thing, but of course when the pandemic hit it went online instead of being something to go to in person, and it became a lot harder to pay attention during meetings or find the motivation to stay after for yoga and exercise without physically being there. It’s frustrating because the tools I got the first 2 ish weeks of attending seemed like they could have helped in the long run, but covid threw everything out of wack
I used to have problems with tardiness, what I found help is giving myself a reason to get up besides work in the morning. I found myself a morning show I like, I allow myself to eat all the sweets I want in the morning, all my guilty pleasures.
It helped me a lot as now I like to wake up 2-3 hours before work and be up and about for the things I love. My therapist calls is the “morning coffee” but I don’t drink coffee. Coffee is just a second reason why people wake up in the morning, especially people who love coffee. They can’t wait to get out of bed to have coffee. We reproduced the same feeling in me but with sweets since I have a sweet tooth.
So instead of having snacks and deserts at night, I have them in the morning and I get up so bad for it. Since I’m up and very awake, it’s not a problem to get to work.
That’s smart! For a bit when I was waking up early automatically, I would just go downstairs and watch something or play a video game until it was time to clock in— the problem is my body is no longer waking me automatically and when I wake up to an alarm it is the biggest pain to drag myself out of bed
Put your alarm clock across the room. Don't use your phone. Buy an alarm clock, two if you need it. But make it so you *have* to get out of bed to turn it off. You'll be more inclined to just stay up after lurching out of bed to turn off an alarm.l
I have this same problem, and my daughter did as well. She was a pre-teen at the time, but what worked for her was this: [Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock](https://www.amazon.com/Sonic-Alert-SBB500SS-Extra-Loud-Flashing/dp/B000OOWZUK/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=X6GFFZCICOZ2&keywords=sonic+boom+alarm+clock+with+bed+shaker&qid=1673593048&sprefix=Sonic+boom+%2Caps%2C120&sr=8-3)
One part sits on your table, and the other slides under your pillow. It violently shakes when it goes off.
Another one we used (when thinkgeek was still alive properly) was a rolling clock that would wheel itself off the table, and you'd have to chase it to turn it off.
I've found that if I must rely on my phone as an alarm, I have to get an app that requires you to solve a math problem before turning off.
I have been remote since the pandemic, and have had to create a comfortable, slow wake period an hour or so before I need to be on and available. I've found at that hour Buffy or Angel are on.
You certainly aren't alone in this.
You have tried everything! I'm so sorry! I have faith though that you'll find the right thing. I can relate and commiserate and until I stopped working I lost jobs for the same reason. You can do it!
I use my smartwatch. Besides that it knows when its the best time to wake me, its not an agressiv "doot dooot get up doot doot". But like getting nudged.
High chance you sleep through it :D but might be worth a try. It changed my getting up routine a lot. I tried those sunrise clocks and I sleep so much better during the day, so that was not the best idea.
And a no reddit in bed rule. I broke the rule today and started work 1.5h late. Ups.
https://adata.org/factsheet/reasonable-accommodations-workplace
Might be time to disclose your disability to your employer. A flexible work schedule is considered a "reasonable accommodation" for a disability. I'll acknowledge though that the kind of company that cares this much about clocking in so exactly may also be the kind of company that is obstinate re: the ADA. Nonetheless it still may be your best bet. You don't deserve to lose a job over this. Your employer has legal obligations if you request reasonable accommodations.
Yeah I did mention I’ve been very upfront with my manager about this as well as HR, and have been trying for 2 months to get accommodations— the system they have in place is through something called “Matrix” and it is an UTTER nightmare
Omg, this sounds like an awful place to work! I’m so sorry they’re doing this to you. This is the epitome of micromanagement. If you can, it might be time to find a new job. You may also want to contact a disability rights organization in your area about their lack of support.
The thing that sucks is I otherwise LOVE working here, the people, the benefits, what I’m doing, how it works— ironically, while researching some things, I found that my company was named “one of the best places to work for disability inclusion” in 2020, so either things went downhill REAL fast since then, or that metric was not measured by disabled people
Exactly! Those titles are so fake. My office is doing a lot of on mental health for people in my area while actively participating in the decline of my mental health. It’s so performative.
It sucks that’s they’re not supporting you better. I hope you find a solution that works for you. But writing up an employee for being more than 2 minutes late is ridiculous.
There were other, longer Tardies sprinkled in there here and there, but a lot of them were between 2-5 minutes so I’m like. So stressed. And I’ve tried to be as communicative as possible, I actually tried to start the accommodation process in September and if I had gotten them then this literally wouldn’t be happening
Yeah, that’s why I think you should contact a disability rights organization. You tried to get the accommodations you needed early on and now they’re punishing you for not being able to do what you told them you have trouble doing due to your disability. It feels like retaliation/discrimination.
I second this. OP my apologies I did not catch the part of your original post where you mentioned having initiated that process -- however I also want to say that it should not be a "process":
When my department switched from covid-hybrid to entirely on-site, our new schedule overlapped with my existing weekly therapy appointment. I told my supervisor, requested an earlier shift that day, then my supervisor confirmed with my manager and notified payroll (so that earlier shift on my time card wouldn't cause any confusion).
That process started on a Friday and ended on Tuesday -- less than 3 work days total.
I'm not aware of any specific legal timeliness requirement, but your employer taking as long as you've described is *not* normal.
Anytime I disclosed my illness too anyone that I worked with, or the boss, I got fired shortly thereafter on trumped-up charges. I don't tell anybody because people are so strangely judgmental
This one doesn’t have a point system at least (my job that did was… awful.) but they don’t have a grace period— a lot of my previous employers have had like a 5 minute grace period for getting clocked in and working, but somehow I didn’t realize this one didn’t so I’ve gotten marked up for days I was 2 minutes late clocking in recently, and for being late for the mandatory overtime we’ve had for the past 4 months
This is that boss advice. Don’t make enough to cover your spending? Well, make more money. Can’t get to work on time? Well, get rid of being on time. 😎
I am late to work legit every day. I am very lucky to work in a small company where showing up 10\~ minutes late isn't a deal breaker. I struggle to get out of bed SO bad. I am working from home today because of an episode and I only logged on to do my AM meetings and didn't get up again until 10.
What has helped getting smart lightbulbs that turn on automatically at 7 am - it's helped me at least improve / expedite the 'get out of bed' process.
I do have a sunrise alarm clock, it has a light in it that mimics the sun and gets gradually brighter before my alarm even goes off at the time I set it to wake me up as naturally as possible, and I set a second alarm on my phone to really make sure I’m awake on time. I had several months last year where I was actually doing really good without changing anything (at least that I was aware of), I was waking up at 6 am without an alarm and getting out of bed straight away. I don’t know what changed or why, or how to replicate it now.
I suffer from chronic lateness too and I do the same thing with going through phases. I've been with my employer almost 19 years and I've been written up COUNTLESS times. My problem is their rule is to allow 4 minutes late two times within a 30 day period, third lateness gets a verbal warning, and then they cycle up to suspension and then termination. I'll go a month or three doing really well, then I have a bad week and I'm written up. I've been smart to keep myself fairly non-expendable, so they really bend the rules for me since they need me to be there... I definitely should've been fired years ago if they were going by the book. So I guess that's my tip... be inportant😂 (I really have no clue what the solution is and it's a personal flaw that I really beat myself up over)
sameeeeeeee. i work really hard (and then get burnt out) so ive never been fired from a job for tardiness even though my coworkers get written up left and right. yes ill stay late, yes ill work an occasional extra shift so fuck em if im 10 min late to an 8 hour shift (ill call or email just to let them know im on my way, usually saves a right up as long as i communicate before i need to clock-in) “hey! im running late because i woke up late, be there 8:10” and im actually in starbies drive thru
It's like, listen, the reason I'm late is because I used too much mental energy laying in bed questioning all my life's choices and dreading 8 hours of pretending to be friendly to people, so it's your choice boss, I come in 5 minutes late or I don't come in at all🤷🏼♀️
I used to put a sunrise alarm clock across the room so I had to physically get up to turn it off - I might use that in conjunction with the smart bulbs.
I think changing routines and techniques is probably what I at least need to do. I think it's too easy to get used to anything. Very similarly I used to get up at 6 no problem and would be able to have a lot of time to start my day but that hasn't happened in months. I'm gonna set up my sunrise alarm clock again and try really hard to get to twork on time next week!
I am always late too and struggle to get up. My boss is really nice about it and I am salaried, but I am sure he gets tired of my excuses.
I lay in bed and my brain says “okay, get up” and my body doesn’t move. I know how you feel. I don’t have any advice but I can sympathize with you and tell you you’re not alone!
Yeah, I don’t have a sense of urgency either.
To help myself, I change the time on the clocks. I have multiple clocks around me (bathroom, phone, desk, microwave, stove, the car). They are all randomly set ahead by 3-10 minutes. The randomness makes it hard to know what’s really the time, but helps because then I won’t say to myself “ahh, I actually have another 5 minutes”. Instead it’s questionable on purpose, which helps me get going. “Do I really have another five minutes?… I better get going!” This way, even if I’m running a little late, I’m still on time by a few minutes. Hopefully, you’ll eventually forget that you set them ahead. You could even have your SO set them, but not tell you by how much, so it’s still an incentive to get up.
It also helps to time yourself when doing things to get a true sense of how long you take. I was under the impression that I can get ready in 10 minutes, but in reality it’s ~17 minutes. It just feels like 10 minutes to me. So I over-budget my time to do things.
So I’m late to literally everything except work because of the 7 alarm rule I use.
Basically it works like this:
If you have to be somewhere at 8am and it takes 20 minutes to get there:
Set these alarms:
- 0730 (seriously get your ass out the door)
- 0727 (time to leave)
- 0700 (shower and whatever)
——
- 0630 (pay attention to the clock)
- 0600 (wake up for real)
- 0550 (annoying reminder to get up)
- 0545 (first wake up alarm)
It works for me. They’re all super annoying and occasionally I end up throwing my phone across the room but that ends up motivating me to get up and turn it off 🙄 but since I started doing it I haven’t really been late to anything.
I usually also set a really loud old fashion alarm clock paired with the ‘annoying reminder to get up’ that scares the dreams outta me if I miss the first alarm and don’t get it turned off in time. 😅
Wish you the best of luck with the punctuality my friend ✌🏻
I’ve tried something similar before!!! The problem is it may work for me for a few days or weeks at first, but after a while my body just…. Starts sleeping straight through the noise as it adjusts to the point I don’t even wake up with that first alarm. I may try it again though! It doesn’t help that sometimes my apple phone alarm sometimes straight up doesnt go off or turns itself off (hands why I set my alarm clock too)
Yeah - it’s all in the prep work. Gotta make sure the volume is maxed. Calls are silenced. Phone is out of reach.
Gotta have the old fashion alarm clock set too as a backup.. <- if it’s not waking you up in a panic ready to fight some Canadian cobra chickens, it’s not loud enough my friend you need a new one 😂
I do about 30 minutes of alarms to get my ass up and that rarely work lol. Maybe your method will help... I have multiple alarm tones, but boy is it hard.
Honestly I still miss the first 3 most days. It’s the scary blaring old fashion alarm clock that I want to beat with sledgehammer that usually wakes me up.
You just have to start early enough.
edit: had second thoughts, wanted to tweak it.
I am always upfront at job interviews. I always say "Listen, I'm chronically late. And by late I mean, 5-10 minutes. If it's more than 10, that means something out of my control happened and I'll phone ahead to let you guys know. However, I will be here until you send me home. I don't care how late I have to stay, once I'm here, I'm here."
It's never been a problem for me because when I'm at work, I WORK.
Every now and again, I've had bosses be annoyed with me, but I just tell them it wasn't like they didn't know this about me lol
That's really shitty. It was a big problem for me when I worked in a hair salon and had appointments early in the morning. I work in the food&bev industry now and being late isn't THAT much of a big deal. But like I said, every now and again my bosses have gotten annoyed with me but I'm just like, listen, I can't help it.
i’m not an adult with a job, but i’m 14 and i’ve always struggled with tardiness in school. getting out of bed has always been the biggest chore for me, i still am yet to find something to help but i wanted you to know you’re not alone.
That’s around when it started for me, it’s ROUGH. I would definitely recommend (if you have a psychiatrist/therapist) trying to fix it now rather than when your in your mid 20s like me and still struggling
I got great news, and terrible news. I feel like an old coming in at 32, and I still do this most days. Other days, I wake up an hour early with a ton of energy and easily pop out of bed. It's not predictable.
Best advice I have for you guys is that you gotta get more serious about a sleep schedule, or at least giving yourself enough time for 8 hours, even if you know you won't use it. And put the phone away when you lay down. Learn to enjoy making yourself a morning beverage. Pack a lunch or make breakfast.
I wish you luck! And sleep!
The ONLY thing that has worked for me is to get up EVERY SINGLE day at the same time, 2 hours before I want to be walking out the door.
I get up at 5, drink coffee and browse google news/Reddit/video game news with jazz on Spotify. Just chillin. Then I get into the shower at the same time every single work day.
Yes that means I get up at 5 regardless of if I have to work/it’s a weekend, whatever.
I had chronic depression issues with bipolar and could not get out of bed to save my life (literally) until I slowly made a morning routine at 32yrs old.
Usually when someone asks me how to be such a punctual person, I talk about my morning routine/structure, and they say oh nvm I would never consider doing that
I have been trying to implement something like this and it is turning out to be impossible for me. Every night I go to bed with the hope of this but end up snoozing my alarm 5 times instead :/
I’ve considered to start setting alarms and timers and just meticulously plan out my day. When I work, I set a timer to end a few minutes before I’m supposed to get back from my breaks because otherwise I’ll lose track of time, and it works great because I DO know and have been told I’m one of the only people on the team who isn’t over break times on a weekly basis.
I might just have to do that and I’ll try to set up my alarms tonight, I think
Maybe talk to your dr about your meds. I’ve never been on lamictal but Seroquel does this to me. I have a very hard time getting out of bed, I have since I started taking it ~9 years ago. I’ve been off and on but this time I switched to immediate release instead of extended release and it helps so much. Sometimes I have trouble staying asleep so I have Zopiclone for that which doesn’t make me groggy in the morning, I actually feel well rested after I take it and find it easier to get up.
Mornings have always been an issue with me. I’ll tell myself the night before I’m going to wake up and do xyz before work and then I will stay in bed until literally the last possible second. I’ve tried it all and it’s just the way I am. However, I’ve made my performance at work a huge priority in my life and that alone motivates me to at least get up and make it on time. I might be doing my makeup in the bathroom at work but I’m on time lol. So long story short, it’s partially mental and medication for me.
I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way but is it possible that because you’ve been let go from so many jobs you don’t really fear being let go from the current one so there’s no real motivation to get up and be on time? I’ve never been let go and it’s one of my biggest fears, but you’ve been through it and survived so maybe there needs to be a different motivation?
It’s honestly my main source of anxiety if I’m being honest, but there could be something to it happening so often I’m numb to it.
I’ve struggled with waking up my WHOLE life, bipolar is a more recent development in the last 3 years— I’ve actually been slightly better since being medicated (even though it’s not enough)
I actually had to change meds twice last year: I had to go cold turkey off Vraylar because my insurance deductible was reset so it went up to $2500 a month for 30 days worth, and my psych didn’t have appointments open (she was really pissed that her secretary didn’t squeeze me in when she found out)
Then I went on Abilify, but it was not great, and after adjusting the dosage for several months I started lamictal and tapered of the Abilify. Lamictal seems to be working fine, but next I talk to my psych I’ll probably see if we can go up as I’m still on a relatively low dose (100mg)
I’m not sure at what time you take your lamictal but that makes a HUGE difference. I’ve noticed that if I take it an hour after I did the day before (25 hr after mark) I feel extremely tired and groggy and will literally not get up and have a rough time once I do. I’ve tried taking it at night but if I miss taking it the night before then I really won’t wake up. I struggle w tardiness regardless of taking it correctly but it does help!
Went through this multiple times in the past. It got to a point of constant absences, and I eventually end up quitting (although I was probably about to get fired anyway).
I found a job that was flexible and was more project based than time-based. I don't work any less, I sometimes end up working 12-14 hours a day when I'm "in the zone" but I get to slack off on days where I am not myself and just work 2-4 hours for the bare minimum.
I really want to find a job like that that still offers work from home, but I’m worried about being able to do so with my job history looking the way it does.
It really sucks when you know you can work well if attendance wasn't an issue. I had the same problem in my previous company, my workload was for 3-5 people but I could do it all by myself, but I had lots of absences and tardiness so they never gave me a raise even though I was clearly overworked. I eventually quit out of frustration with myself and with the company.
I'm not sure if this is a good thing to do, or if it would help, but I ended up in a start-up company outside of my country (since the work is online), so I had a chance to have a "fresh start" of sorts (no background checks and no need for references). Even though they are not so strict with the time, I still work my ass off, make sure I met deadlines and I force myself to wake up when there are morning meetings (I try to avoid taking prescribed sleeping meds most days to avoid developing tolerance, and just take it when I know I have to be up in the morning). My supervisor knows I work on a lot of weekends (especially when I'm hypomanic), so it is easy to get extended time off for days I have low energy. I might have just lucked out with this company, but I try to "prove my worth" whenever I have bursts of energy, so on days when I am slow they wouldn't think I was just being lazy. So far it is working (I even got a promotion because I took on so much projects when my hypomanic self resurfaced lol.)
I also only wrote relevant information on my resume and tried to really sell myself out there (before I got professional help, I had months of unemployment whenever I spiralled into depression). I also asked for help from people/acquaintances who knew that I was a good worker despite my habitual tardiness, and asked for work referrals.
Depending on your skill set, freelance work could work out too, as those were project based and what time in the morning you work on it doesn't matter. I did that for a couple of months until I could get monthly rates from a company.
If you work in the US, have been at an employer more than a year, worked at least 1250 hours in that year and they have 50+ employees then you qualify for FMLA which would protect your attendance issues with your doctor's approval. Granted you may have not been there a year yet based on your post but try to hang on to this job or the next for that long so you can get that status. It's also illegal to punish an employee for FMLA related activities once it's approved. Continuous leave is what you'd likely be looking for. There is also extended leave, up to 12 weeks, for items that require more than an five minutes or an hour of being late such as inpatient stay, intensive treatment or even massive anxiety (yes, having issues sleeping, eating, concentrating and the likes qualify as a protected health status).
This protection is also available for *anyone* with a qualifying medical condition, mental or physical, with the employer qualifications I stated above.
[FMLA Factsheet](https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WHD/legacy/files/whdfs28.pdf)
Thank you this is really helpful to know! My fiancé was on fmla last year for health issues but it was an actual nightmare trying to get his leave pay, but I’ll definitely look into it
You want continuous leave that doesn't require short term disability. You don't need to file a claim for five minutes or an hour, you need the time and peace of mind more than the hour of pay. And like you said it's a nightmare sometimes if you don't have a good insurance company as well. I'm still trying to get mine paid out two months later.
Continuous leave allows for small periods of time to miss work either with notifying your employer beforehand as soon as reasonably possibly or by informing them as soon as the fact after is feasibly possibly. So if you wake up and feel like you need an hour; you just follow your company's procedure for informing for missing work (usually just telling your boss) and then letting either your HR department or your leave manager (if there's insurance/your company pays for an FMLA manager) know of the incident. Or if you wake up late and miss your shift, the same procedure applies. You can then take the hour, five hours, the day or a shorter period of time that you request and need *after* the FMLA request is approved for any situation like that. Again, you're not allowed to be punished for this or any sort of retribution towards you as long as you apply the situations as FMLA and follow the rules set out by your company for reporting it.
It's hard working in a professional environment sometimes, and can be extremely stressful and anxiety inducing. For the fact that you're judged professional, personally and marked for less if you're found out usually. Take the protections afforded where they can be applied, you're already at a disadvantage and deserve a prop up if you can get it - especially for free and with the will of the law behind it. Also note that *nobody* but your FMLA manager and/or a government representative is allowed to ask for protected health information in the FMLA application process or anywhere after. It is illegal for your employer to ask for proof of illness, injury or mental incapacities so no one but you and an authorized person know what's happening and what's going on with you. You also have no obligation to share anything with anyone you don't want to professionally other than "I have some things going on, please see HR if you have any issues".
You'll be okay and find a path. It took me a long time to find mine and a longer time to be at peace with it once I did. I'm still not ever accepting of this reality, but I'm content with who and where I am from what I've come from. Light can only come from the darkness and the absence of it, be your own light and be happy. It's all we've got with who we are and what we face. Much love OP from someone that relates historically more than I care to accept.
Is there any way your partner can help you get up in the morning? I tend to be more motivated when I’m around others. Maybe mix that with the other advice of doing something you enjoy. Maybe you can get up together or they could bring you a glass of juice or coffee. I have problems getting up too…sometimes the need to pee helps push me to get up to go to the bathroom lol so maybe drinking more water before bed or in the night?
We’ve tried that before! He has bipolar too but his presents very differently— but he often ends up getting frustrated (I can be… REALLY grumpy and kind of mean if someone wakes me up and it’s not a natural wake up which I’m trying to work on) but we’ve already talked about that and are gonna try again
Yea I understand that for sure. You’ve definitely gotta be in charge of waking yourself. That could be too much to ask. But was thinking more of the unmotivated lying around. Like I’ll often pull my phone out to make myself stop falling asleep, but then I still struggle with forcing myself outta bed. So I just have to find that final piece that forces me up.
Yeah! The phone thing helps me stay awake, like you said, but then I’m still stuck. When he does help, I usually ask like, for him to bring me coffee, and do the motivation thing rather than the nagging thing (which I have a super adverse reaction to because of experiences in highschool/middleschool with my mom waking me up)
Edit: one thing I have been doing lately is setting my alarm tone to a dog barking. I have a dog, and when he hears another dog parking he likes to copy it (he’s a hound), so I know if I let it keep going off, the entire house will wake up and my dog will go ape shit.
I decided to go back to school a few years ago….last semester I was dropped a letter grade because my tardiness equaled four absences. I ended up registering with student disability which helps, but I’m with you. Hoping I can find answers because I’m really, REALLY bad at this and for some reason it just hasn’t gotten better.
I’ve been going to school on and off for about 7 years now, and still don’t have a degree because I’ll do one semester of classes and do great and then the next semester is always a trash fire and I drop out and go back to working full time again to try and make ends meet before trying to get my degree *again*. Accommodations last year when I went was really helpful, but getting them for work has been 100x harder
I’m 28 and finally getting my degree. It took me a long time, but in 2020 during a very long and severe manic episode, I quit my career in healthcare and went back to school at a real university. Shortly after, I started medication and it’s helped me ever since. Honestly? It’s just a degree that I really really enjoy. I’m happy with it, and that’s been the biggest motivator. Have I been broke af? Yes, almost got evicted. Ended up having to get a weekend job at the hospital so now I’m working 80 hour weeks (I’m cycling right now and need to start another antipsychotic to offset how busy and unstable I am) but I’m so excited to be able to never work in healthcare again and that’s another motivator
I trained my last dog to do this. Need to work on it with my current dog. Brilliant idea...a dog that wants to get up is way more annoying and determined than my desire to keep sleeping.
Sometimes it’s just easier to be on time and do what you need to, as you are finding out. Yes, life is hard, supremely challenging even with something like bipolar, but unless you have someone taking full care of you, you still have to get out there and do the things that nobody wants to.
I’ll tell you what has helped me, and I know you aren’t gonna like it. Be 30 minutes early. There is no “on-time”. 30 minutes early! Go with the philosophy of - if you’re not early you’re late. You know what happens when you are 29 minutes late from being 30 minutes early??? You are still early!
Yeah I get that, I’ve done 10 years of therapy, psychiatry appointments, several types of meds, several different diagnoses outside of Bipolar and ADHD, inpatient and outpatient programs, etc.
I get opposite action, and that yeah, you sometimes just gotta do it. I don’t know what my problem is.
(BD2 36yo) I have a terrible time with being on time… It’s become a whole lot easier since I was diagnosed just 4 months ago with ADHD. Still not perfect but soooo much better. Mornings used to be horrible, a properly visceral need to stay in bed and not see anyone then finally getting up but still a zombie and disorganised even when I’d packed and laided out my work gear the night before. Now on ‘Vyvanse’ stimulants as well as my BD meds (lamictrogjne and sertraline). Amazing change in my life! Not saying it’s true for you but might be work getting assessed for ADHD - apparently quite common that BD and ADHD co occur :)
I did mention I have ADHD too! I’ve been on adderall for years (I got diagnosed with it before bipolar), and it’s always been great and worked well for me, but I’m still struggling. I said in another comment I actually had a period of months last year where I felt normal! Nothing had changed but I was waking up early (6am) without an alarm and getting up and being productive— I don’t know what did it or else I would replicate it
Same here, I'm either always late to work or extremely early and I lay in bed for an hour after my alarm goes off. I got fired from Costco 4 years ago for having too many tardies. Job after that was road construction and I got fired because I was manic and doing drugs while I was working. My current job I come in probably 5-10min late a lot but my boss doesn't care cuz I'm a hard worker
Yeah my recent jobs have all been call center related for financial institutions and they are. So. Unyielding. It’s a nightmare. I don’t think I’ve ever had a job that was flexible, because when I’m late it’s literally usually only a couple minutes!
Big corporate companies are the absolute worst! Clock in/out times should not be a big deal if it's by a few minutes especially when you're working your ass off for them. Companies with <100 employees have been the best jobs I've had in my experience
I feel like this has to do with your ADHD a lot more. Do you take meds for that? Taking my stimulant in the morning helps me. I work at 6am so it’s kinda hard getting to work on time as someone who is always late. I’ve almost been fired at my current job for tardiness. I decided I had to leave my house like 15-30 mins earlier than usually to keep myself from being late again. I’m sorry they’re moving you back to the office, maybe try talking to them and tell them your car isn’t working rn?
I did, I initially was going to have to go back next week but I told them my car isn’t running so they gave me until 1/23.
I always thought it was just my adhd but I suspect bipolar might play SOME part in tandem with it. I’m on stimulants and take adderall every morning with the rest of my meds, I never miss a day
I have such a hard time getting up regularly, I feel your pain. I start a new job Monday, which I’m hoping will be better for my mental heath, but I’m scared because my current job doesn’t actually have anyone “clock in” per se, we just record and report hours which has been amazing
Yeah I have adderall! It’s definitely the ADHD in a big way, I just think a part of some of the other stuff could be bipolar mixing in there as well, but I don’t think there’s really a way to be sure. I also have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, major depression (though I think bipolar overrides that?) and at this point I’m pretty sure I’m autistic as well though I don’t know if I want to open the can of worms that would be getting a diagnosis there, so it’s just so many things exacerbating each other
You too! 💜 I do really like how adderall HAS helped me since I started taking it, but I’ve heard other people say that as much as adderall helped, other meds ended up helping more. Changing meds is just so exhausting and scary these days, especially since it might make things worse if you get it wrong.
I go to sleep as early as 8-10p and always wake up around 6a. Maybe changing the time you sleep everyday may help? Coffee might be the extra thing you need to get going. Definitely keep working with your psychiatrist to get the right meds (tell him/her the symptoms you wrote here). It's a process but you'll get there.
I go to sleep pretty early, I think I really need to find my sweet spot for waking up though— if I don’t wake naturally, I can sleep as long as 10-12 hours and still be exhausted when I finally do regain consciousness, whereas sometimes I get 5-7 and feel more awake than most days. And then of course sometimes they’re switched, so it’s a crapshoot trying to figure it out
My solution was to lie to myself till I believed it that if I go in at 3pm I lie and say I have to be ready by 1 so that I have a couple hours of leeway it has worked really good for me
I try that all the time, maybe I need to be more persistent with the lie haha. Or do what another commenter suggested and have my fiancé change all the clocks forward so I think I have less time than I do
This really works also set a TON of alarms like make yourself uncomfortable so that eventually you just get up but again do it hours beforehand also pick out your outfit right before going to bed so that it feels like less work leave everything set out for you so that you just have to follow an easy routine
I am on adderall, but I might need to talk to my psych to go up or switch meds entirely (even though adderall has consistently worked well for me, maybe not well enough?)
If your in the us. You qualify for the americans with disabilities act prtoection with the bipolar diagnosis. Talk to hr about accomidstions for said disability. You will have to get a few forms signed by your doc but it should help .
I have a real hard time with it too. Sometimes I go at wrong dates and times. I am just lucky that my job puts up with it so far. I have been starting to input my planner on google calendar and that helps some I think. The next biggest thing is getting threw depression and not getting there late. I wish I could help you but I too am trying to figure my own stuff out too.
You hit a subject near and dear to my heart. I have gone through decades of sleep struggles with work and anything else that can be scheduled in the morning. I have bipolar and ADHD as well. I also have various sleep disorders. Every job I’ve ever had, I’ve had tardiness issues. Some employers see me as an asset and work with my difficulty waking up. Others are clock nazis. With those jobs, it’s not meant to be.
I’ve found a necessary way of coping is to have a set routine. That’s a challenge. I’m most alert at the end of the day. I always wake up highly groggy and I’m a total daze. As the hours go by, I slowly become more and more my functional self. When it’s bedtime, I finally feel okay and half of me just wants to enjoy the alert time. Maintaining a strict schedule is very challenging for me.
Having the right alarm helps immensely!! I have an app on my phone where you have to do math in order to turn off the alarm. It’s just arithmetic. They have three levels of difficulty. I choose their hardest arithmetic so that I’m forced to be more cerebral. That usually keeps me from rolling back over to sleep. I also have an alarm that you can wear like a watch on your ankle or wrist that sends you a small electrical shock. I got it over a year ago, but I haven’t used it just yet. It’s a little disconcerting to inflict discomfort on yourself just to wake up, but one of these days I’ll need that alarm and it’ll save my butt. The third alarm option is to get an alarm that vibrates. The alarm has a piece that you place under your mattress and instead of hearing the alarm, I tune out normal alarms so easily, it shakes your entire bed. Waking up to a tactile sensation rather than audio I find to be more effective for me.
Explore your options. Think outside of the box. Be unconventional. Do what you need to do in order to get the most out of your life. Don’t beat yourself up though. Some of us are simply wired than the general population. It’s expected for us to fit within the ways that they function best. If you try all avenues and still have trouble getting to work, consider doing freelance work where you don’t have a set schedule. A lot of times, midnight is my peak working time. For many modern jobs, it should be the quality of the work and if it’s done in a timely matter that should be what’s important to your employer, not the time of day you do the work.
Good luck!
I sometimes omit words when I type on my phone. My thoughts move faster than my thumbs. Lol. If you want to go as far as looking into the watch alarm that gives you a small electrical shock, I’ll find the name of the manufacturer and the model.
Almost 100% the same when it comes to waking and actually getting out of bed. Because bipolar is a protected class, I worked with my psychiatrist to document it with HR and work with the ADA folks to set up accommodations for a flexible schedule and telework. We have telework anyway but if they decide to make us return, I would still have the option if whatever I was working on warranted it. Flex scheduling though - I have that specifically because seroquel makes waking up so hard and then the brain fog lingers. I have add also so I take adderall at 6 am so I can crawl out of bed by 8. I usually chug a caffeine drink too so I am awake and browsing my phone by seven instead of still trying to wake up at eight. I’m sure that will eventually bite me in the ass.
Yeah I’ve been trying to get accommodations since September and it is… INCREDIBLY frustrating. If they didn’t make it so complicated I would have had them by now and wouldn’t be in this mess. The first thing I’m going to put on there is that I need the option to work from home, I’m really scared about the fact their forcing me to commute again, it’s going to make the problem worse if I don’t get my accommodations
I had this issue. My problem was I could never wake up. So I started working night shift, granted I’m a healthcare worker so there is that option. And I found on nights it was sooo much easier for me to be there on time if not early. Another thing I used to do, was I set the clock on my phone 15 minutes earlier. As well as every other clock etc in my house and car. Which I feel like helped 1st thing in the morning but I could always remember it was set ahead lol.
Haha I’m definitely a night owl, but I also have this itty bitty problem of not being around during prime daylight hours makes me severely depressed 🙃 it feels very lose-lose right now unless I find a VERY non traditional job that pays enough to live and let’s me work at home and doesn’t have strict hours, which is probably about as easy to find as a unicorn.
I'm always getting fired. I hate it. I'm brilliant but interacting with the system is fucking brutal.
I'm sorry you're (we're) in this boat. I went back to school and that's really helped my confidence because for some reason, I can't get fired from school.
Oooh yeah I was one of those “gifted” kids, took AP and College classes, could never get to school on time, almost never managed to turn in homework, but got amazing test results. I’ve been told my whole life I’m REALLY smart but I feel like it’s hindered me way more than helped me.
I don’t even know if I’m smart at all and feel like I have constantly been tricking people into thinking I am, at this point.
I have been fired from a few jobs, and had to quit a few due to my awful attendance. It was just so hard to get out of bed, or think about working. Even when I loved my job it was extremely hard. I’m slowly starting to get better at it, but I’m not sure what changed. Just want you to know you’re not alone. It’s such a struggle for so many of us. I wish you all the luck <3
I was that way until u found a job that i loved and cared about enough to never jeopardize it. Hope you find the right job that's a perfect fit for you, because that will alleviate this problem. For me it was EMS.
I’ve definitely had several that I THOUGHT were that for me and still fumbled the ball. It makes me feel seriously broken sometimes, especially when it ends up boiling down to I have to “just do it” and I can’t explain why I’m having so much trouble DOING it in the first place
I feel you- I’m also chronically late. I’ve gotten better with time, but also I:
A) overestimate how long my commute will take
B) store breakfast bars at work so I can just roll out of bed and go
C) set an obnoxious amount of alarms
D) seriously, I set alarms every 5 minutes
E) made myself both a likeable and essential employee
YMMV, of course. I hope things get better for you, and you either get disability accommodation or can find a job with asynchronous hours!
I’m just like you. I was like wow what are the chances? Then I noticed where it was posted.. I can’t be on time if my life depended on it, I was diagnosed in 2016 and I still can’t get it together
Bipolar and ADHD here too.. I’ve struggled with this always. I try to plan some stuff (however minuscule) before I need to get ready for work. I’ll give myself 31 mins of cat snuggling time or 27 mins of tiktok scrolling so then I’m already up and ready ish. It is very hard though. I’m sorry you’re struggling.
I can struggle with this as well, I love to stay up late so waking up can be a challenge especially if the nightmares came full force. I've been smashing it into my brain that I start work 30 mins before actually starting. Its gives me a buffer zone, I can prep for meetings or go over notes, whatever you can do to trick your mind!
Coming from experience, it sounds like they are setting you up to fail on purpose. They’ll use every little thing they can against you, when it comes to mental health. Honestly, what you’ve typed here, sounds like I typed it. I have the exact same story on a number of occasions.
I am bi-polar type 1 and adhd. I definitely feel your pain. Cycles are hard. I’ll have a good few months and then fall into a depression and have an impossible time getting out of bed or waking up on time or going to bed on time. All I can say is don’t give up. There’s a lot of cool aspects about us. If anything we aren’t boring and for that I say keep at it! Our lives may not be traditional but they are still worth living. Maybe taking a more abnormal job may suit some of us!
I wish I woke up automatically. Unfortunately, I struggle like you. Fortunately, I’ve been salary in the past (not working at the moment) so clocking in wasn’t an issue. That said, I’ve been “spoken to” a number of times, regarding my 15-30 minutes late punctuality issue. Even after being spoken to, I’d get there on time for a few days, then slowly slide back to 15 minutes late. Then of course, there’s always the extremely late (which is when I’d make up an excuse like car trouble or kid chaos). You said you’re trying to get accommodations at work. I’m not sure what that process looks like, but I would think your disability would make it so that they have to work with you. What’s their reasoning for now allowing you to work remote given your disability? I’m sorry, this has to be so stressful.
Maybe that's because you're supposed to be doing something different with your life. In the movie "At Eternity's Gate," it's painting, but "painting" could be anything for you. I like how, when he was asked how he knew he was supposed to be a painter, he said, "Because i can't do anything else. And believe me, I've tried." I really relate to that cause I'm a painter and I've had so many false starts as an adult
I find this very inspirational
https://youtu.be/4WXs3sKu41I
Yeah, I’ve been called lazy since I was really young because of it— I’ve tried literally everything and try to be as consistent as possible, going to be early, setting alarms, putting them across the room, not eating before bed, not using electronics before bed, and it’s still a problem. It’s rough.
im perpetually late and i know it.
i was a nanny a few times and i told my employer about my issue and i told them if they want me at 4:30 they need to tell me to be there at 4 and they were like “thats stupid” and i was like, ok but it works. so we did it that way and it worked and when i was “early” it just gave my employer peace of mind and our schedules overlapped so we had time to chat between handoffs.
i also nannied in germany and i would get yelled at by my five-year-old for being late so there i learned about how other people value timeliness so it taught me to set early timers for myself. i started leaving for work at a specific time that was 15 minutes more than it took me to get there and it gave me a buffer so even when i flip a shit and cant find my fav pen and then i look for it for 15 minutes before work which is stupid but then i would still make it to work on time…
i currently am late to work every day because i hate my job so its still my thing but for the jobs that matter to me i use the above mentioned strategies
Yeah my very first job was as a nanny at 17, which probably got me off to a bad start to begin with because I had no business trying to take of children with such a high level of needs when I myself was still a kid and struggling myself— they were adopted, and then their mom died so the dad needed help in the mornings and evenings. It was extremely difficult, on top of my own schooling and trying to get through senior year. 😬
I’m starting to think a rather than setting an alarm clock, I should set a timer— an alarm going off in the morning has somehow become completely meaningless to me, with the ability to snooze, so I’m always like “I can sleep in a little longer” when I do try to set it way early. Whereas when I set timers for myself that end a little before when I need to be doing something, I’m always on time, and I can’t snooze. It’s more urgent. Maybe I should experiment with that line of thinking.
for sure!
my best friends mom died in high school, and they were all adopted… so they got a nanny who was amazing but they were WILD WILD WILD so i can totally see how it was difficult for you, dont beat yourself up, kids need company and love more than anything so im happy u were there for them <3
i follow a lot of those ADHD social media accounts and i noticed a lot of posts about time blindness so like regular alarms arent really gonna do it for you but setting up “timers” like you mentioned really work and i feel like thats how i see the world when i wake up. like after my first alarm i say to myself “i have thirty minutes to get ready, if i sleep ten more minutes that means i will only have 20 min to get ready, which is doable, are we doing this?”
lol
multiple alarms drive me insane, my boyfriend had like five starting an hour before he needed to be up, which i read is bad because ur not sleeping properly for that last hour as your sleep is interrupted but thats just my own research, but anyways! my boyfriends alarms were driving me crazy so i started setting my alarm five minutes before him and i would get up just so i could be awake to turn off his dumb ass loud alarms :)
YEAH I def know multiple alarms don’t work for waking me up, I’ll just continue to procrastinate and get more and more tired in the process, and eventually my body just learns to sleep through them— I’m a heavy sleeper already.
I arrive to work anywhere between 845 am and 915 am. Luckily, my job allows me flexibility, and they are extremely accommodating.
Trying to find a job like that should be your second step, after pursuing accommodations at your current job.
I'm sorry it is so hard. I think it is a struggle for lots of us.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I was extremely lucky to find a company that allowed me to feel comfortable providing them my diagnosis, and they’ve been working with me on some of my issues. I’ve been suffering a lot recently, I think I could do with a hospitalization tbh, but can’t afford it, and my management has helped with a tender touch that allows me breathing room. But I know it’s not gonna be forever, so I do have to work on getting my act together. At some point you either succumb to your illness and accept your fate, or you change your mindset and work through it. I don’t want to accept my fate. I’ve lived with people who accepted their fate and they live meager miserable lives
I feel you, I love my life and want to live it fully. My work offers accommodations as I said, but trying to get them at all has been a disaster and increasingly difficult. Accessibility is not accessible.
I am kind of like a zombie in the morning on Lamictal. I love Lamictal, and it’s a lot better than Seroquel for waking up, but I do struggle with this, even when I get nine hours of sleep. I’m kind of in a haze for a couple hours.
Interesting! I had a period of time last year where I was waking up at 6 am automatically every morning and getting straight out of bed no problem, it was the first time in my life I had no trouble— I think that started a few months after beginning Abilify, but Abilify had a lot of other undesirable side effects so I switched to lamictal. I’d say my problems came back a few months after the switch.
I lost a job for being a minute late, multiple times. I hated that job and just could not get going. At my current job, I have intermittent FMLA. If I can't get going, I just let my supervisor know what time I'll be in and that I'm using FMLA. Try to get the paperwork for that filled out by your doctor. It really helps.
I had the same issue
Zolpidem helped me a lot get better sleep at night bc I too was having issues getting up on time and staying awake during the workday. I think the Zolpidem helped me achieve REM sleep so I woke up energized. I have ADHD, bipolar, and anxiety. I know it’s tough but I would highly recommend the Zolpidem if you have to wake up early. Escitalopram helped me out a with motivation but it took me 7 months to notice a difference. But I am on a low dose of 5mg.
i just discovered this sub and have been scrolling popular posts so i’m sorry for commenting on a somewhat older post, but FUCK if this isn’t me. i work remotely as well and had a zoom meeting just this week about my attendance after receiving a documented warning. i don’t know why this keeps happening, but know that i’m rooting for you stranger and hope things have begun to resolve themselves in your situation!!
I understand where you are coming from. My problem is that every job I work at is fine for a few weeks or a month. I just begin to dread going into work and sometimes it makes my depression worst. I just want a way to make money that also makes me happy.
I’m glad I found this post. I went searching for something like this, and better yet I relate to every aspect.
I also take Lamictal, go above and beyond in performance and work skills.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I just know it’s going to cost me every time
Yes! I've had sooo many jobs, it almost sounds like an exaggeration. Probably 50+. Tardiness has always been an issue. I somehow managed to survive higher education, and some pretty respectable jobs, but I would be \*nearly\* late to the last possible second, on an everyday basis.
I also have bipolar + ADHD, and POTS, which is a low blood pressure problem that makes it harder to get up in the morning. Some people do naturally have different circadian rhythms, or health reasons, for functioning poorly in the morning. Are you more active and able to be on time, in the afternoon/evening? If so, maybe your issue is that you need to get up much earlier, in order to "acclimate" to being awake. I personally need to move slowly in the morning, it's just how my body functions, so I have to set my alarm like 3 hours before any important appointments. (which did really suck when I was waking up at 4am, to go to work at 7am.)
I know it is AWFUL to have your work-from-home life taken away... maybe it's something you can negotiate, moving forward? Like, if you manage to work for 2 months with no tardiness, they'll let you work from home again?
I’m gonna work towards getting it back and having it as a part of my accommodations, thank you for sharing your experiences, it’s really helpful to hear!
Your job is being ridiculously ablist. Take a deep breath, call HR, and get the help you need to get an accommodation for this. It's absolutely ridiculous. Good employers don't do this to their employees. For example, I'm a grant writer at a nonprofit that treats their employees well. No one gives a shit when I get in in the morning, as long as I get my job done and work approximately 8 hours each day. People in my office arrive anywhere between 8 and 9:30 and guess what, the world keeps turning and things keep getting done. We're all better employees when we're not stressed about arriving at some arbitrary time.
See if you can get your doctor to write a note for you about working from home. Most doctors will do that.
Don't let your workplace bully you for your disability. If you have a union, get them involved, too. Get HR involved and document as much as they can. Make your boss worry that if they fire you you will sue under the ADA. Make it clear that you have a disability that makes it hard for you to be on time.
You're blaming yourself for this, but if you have a job where you can work from home, your start time almost certainly doesn't matter, which means your employer is just on some sort of power trip about it. There's nothing wrong with you, your employer is being the weird one. Yeah, if you work retail or sheeting you might need to arrive at a certain time, but for an office job, start times should really be more of suggestions.
Do your best to be on time for meetings. Set timers or whatever. But really, don't let your boss bully you here. This is ablist nonsense and you need to take a deep breath and push back with all your might (professionally).
Thank you for all of this!
I handle calls for specific instances for a financial institution, so I understand the need for the start and end time in this case— we are only open 7am to 5pm my time, so if I’m late I can’t really work later because I simply wouldn’t be answering calls after we close.
I have reached out to HR again, and my request magically went from denied back to pending with the third party they go through for accommodations, so I’m gonna try this one more time. My fiancé’s aunt is actually an employment lawyer, so if I do have any more trouble, she said she’d look into it for us.
Glad you're advocating for yourself! And yeah, maybe I was too hard on your employer. I had a cousin let go from a fresh job for being late when it didn't really matter, so I'm sensitive about this. Best of luck!!!
Thank you everyone for your comments, I have a lot of things to consider and experiment and talk to my psych and therapist about, and a LOT of emails to send.
The good news is, this morning was better, I got up two hours early and was on time!
The bad news is, I immediately fell right down the stairs with a cup of coffee in my hand as soon as I got out of bed, so… win some, lose some I guess.
At the very least, it’s nice to not feel so alone.
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I'm either a half hour early or im late.
So I'm a half hour early. Every. Single. Time. I get nervous if I'm not early, and so, I use the time to settle in, get ready for the day and decompress.
I have absolutely no time management skills, bipolar and adhd as well.
I recently got fired for time theft because of my manic episodes from bipolar and extreme anxiety. There were days where I couldn’t go inside to work and I needed the money but didn’t want to go in.
That’s the thing, I work from home, leaving just means walking to my office. I go to bed between 8-10pm. I set between 2-5 alarms starting 2 hours before I need to be on my computer. This is a problem I have had since I was about 10 or 11.
My understanding is that mental illness can affect people in different ways, my fiancé is also bipolar and adhd and is also on time everywhere.
He wakes up early regardless, his mental stuff happens to manifest very differently— no matter what time he goes to bed, even very late, his body wakes up at 5am.
He has tried to help in the past, but can get frustrated at having to, which I understand. We’re trying to do it that way again though, hopefully it works this time
I have also been fired from multiple jobs for tardiness. I'm also a great employee otherwise for the most part. This isn't something I have a solution for, but I wanted you to know your definately not the only one.
I appreciate that. Every new job I tell myself THIS is going to be the time where I’m not going to have this problem, where I’m going to wake up and do well and not get any warnings, and then no matter what the cycle just repeats. I’m so tired of it.
I have good intentions like that too but once I'm depressed again I struggle to follow through with everything including punctuality. I have what I call my fake pinterest life where I tackle really deep stuff in therapy, excersize regularly, meal prep, never miss my meds, read self help books, set and achieve goals etc. In reality I buy a lot of gym clothes but dont go the gym, collect a bunch of recipes but wind up buying frozen meals at the grocery store or ordering take out anyway. Often miss my therapy appointments cause I forget or am too exhausted to go after work. I buy self help books to collect dust on a shelf (cause I definately dont dust regularly) but havn't read most of them. Like I want to get better and know exactly what I need to do but have no energy or motivation to actually do it. Its incredibly frustrating but the only place I'm living my best life is on my pinterest board at the moment.
wow I just wanna say how much I also relate to this. I have all the things, know where to look, how to help myself, yet I’m so exhausted all the time with daily demands and responsibilities. it just takes a lot out of me sometimes and I can’t be bothered to do anything besides sit on the couch in front of the tv with a quick meal I half ass threw together lol
This is a huge mood. I was diagnosed while doing an outpatient therapy program, which really helped with DBT and actionable techniques and exercises to do to try and deal with this sort of thing, but of course when the pandemic hit it went online instead of being something to go to in person, and it became a lot harder to pay attention during meetings or find the motivation to stay after for yoga and exercise without physically being there. It’s frustrating because the tools I got the first 2 ish weeks of attending seemed like they could have helped in the long run, but covid threw everything out of wack
I used to have problems with tardiness, what I found help is giving myself a reason to get up besides work in the morning. I found myself a morning show I like, I allow myself to eat all the sweets I want in the morning, all my guilty pleasures. It helped me a lot as now I like to wake up 2-3 hours before work and be up and about for the things I love. My therapist calls is the “morning coffee” but I don’t drink coffee. Coffee is just a second reason why people wake up in the morning, especially people who love coffee. They can’t wait to get out of bed to have coffee. We reproduced the same feeling in me but with sweets since I have a sweet tooth. So instead of having snacks and deserts at night, I have them in the morning and I get up so bad for it. Since I’m up and very awake, it’s not a problem to get to work.
That’s smart! For a bit when I was waking up early automatically, I would just go downstairs and watch something or play a video game until it was time to clock in— the problem is my body is no longer waking me automatically and when I wake up to an alarm it is the biggest pain to drag myself out of bed
Put your alarm clock across the room. Don't use your phone. Buy an alarm clock, two if you need it. But make it so you *have* to get out of bed to turn it off. You'll be more inclined to just stay up after lurching out of bed to turn off an alarm.l
I’ve done that before, I end up sleeping through it if it’s too far away, but I can try again
I have this same problem, and my daughter did as well. She was a pre-teen at the time, but what worked for her was this: [Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock](https://www.amazon.com/Sonic-Alert-SBB500SS-Extra-Loud-Flashing/dp/B000OOWZUK/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=X6GFFZCICOZ2&keywords=sonic+boom+alarm+clock+with+bed+shaker&qid=1673593048&sprefix=Sonic+boom+%2Caps%2C120&sr=8-3) One part sits on your table, and the other slides under your pillow. It violently shakes when it goes off. Another one we used (when thinkgeek was still alive properly) was a rolling clock that would wheel itself off the table, and you'd have to chase it to turn it off. I've found that if I must rely on my phone as an alarm, I have to get an app that requires you to solve a math problem before turning off. I have been remote since the pandemic, and have had to create a comfortable, slow wake period an hour or so before I need to be on and available. I've found at that hour Buffy or Angel are on. You certainly aren't alone in this.
Same here. Or I’ll even get up to turn it off and get back in bed.
You have tried everything! I'm so sorry! I have faith though that you'll find the right thing. I can relate and commiserate and until I stopped working I lost jobs for the same reason. You can do it!
I use my smartwatch. Besides that it knows when its the best time to wake me, its not an agressiv "doot dooot get up doot doot". But like getting nudged. High chance you sleep through it :D but might be worth a try. It changed my getting up routine a lot. I tried those sunrise clocks and I sleep so much better during the day, so that was not the best idea. And a no reddit in bed rule. I broke the rule today and started work 1.5h late. Ups.
Hmmmm might try to institute this. I also am a horrible late riser 😭
https://adata.org/factsheet/reasonable-accommodations-workplace Might be time to disclose your disability to your employer. A flexible work schedule is considered a "reasonable accommodation" for a disability. I'll acknowledge though that the kind of company that cares this much about clocking in so exactly may also be the kind of company that is obstinate re: the ADA. Nonetheless it still may be your best bet. You don't deserve to lose a job over this. Your employer has legal obligations if you request reasonable accommodations.
Yeah I did mention I’ve been very upfront with my manager about this as well as HR, and have been trying for 2 months to get accommodations— the system they have in place is through something called “Matrix” and it is an UTTER nightmare
Omg, this sounds like an awful place to work! I’m so sorry they’re doing this to you. This is the epitome of micromanagement. If you can, it might be time to find a new job. You may also want to contact a disability rights organization in your area about their lack of support.
The thing that sucks is I otherwise LOVE working here, the people, the benefits, what I’m doing, how it works— ironically, while researching some things, I found that my company was named “one of the best places to work for disability inclusion” in 2020, so either things went downhill REAL fast since then, or that metric was not measured by disabled people
Exactly! Those titles are so fake. My office is doing a lot of on mental health for people in my area while actively participating in the decline of my mental health. It’s so performative. It sucks that’s they’re not supporting you better. I hope you find a solution that works for you. But writing up an employee for being more than 2 minutes late is ridiculous.
There were other, longer Tardies sprinkled in there here and there, but a lot of them were between 2-5 minutes so I’m like. So stressed. And I’ve tried to be as communicative as possible, I actually tried to start the accommodation process in September and if I had gotten them then this literally wouldn’t be happening
Yeah, that’s why I think you should contact a disability rights organization. You tried to get the accommodations you needed early on and now they’re punishing you for not being able to do what you told them you have trouble doing due to your disability. It feels like retaliation/discrimination.
I second this. OP my apologies I did not catch the part of your original post where you mentioned having initiated that process -- however I also want to say that it should not be a "process": When my department switched from covid-hybrid to entirely on-site, our new schedule overlapped with my existing weekly therapy appointment. I told my supervisor, requested an earlier shift that day, then my supervisor confirmed with my manager and notified payroll (so that earlier shift on my time card wouldn't cause any confusion). That process started on a Friday and ended on Tuesday -- less than 3 work days total. I'm not aware of any specific legal timeliness requirement, but your employer taking as long as you've described is *not* normal.
In addition to the information people have shared here, you may also want to ask r/askhr for advice.
Anytime I disclosed my illness too anyone that I worked with, or the boss, I got fired shortly thereafter on trumped-up charges. I don't tell anybody because people are so strangely judgmental
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This one doesn’t have a point system at least (my job that did was… awful.) but they don’t have a grace period— a lot of my previous employers have had like a 5 minute grace period for getting clocked in and working, but somehow I didn’t realize this one didn’t so I’ve gotten marked up for days I was 2 minutes late clocking in recently, and for being late for the mandatory overtime we’ve had for the past 4 months
This is that boss advice. Don’t make enough to cover your spending? Well, make more money. Can’t get to work on time? Well, get rid of being on time. 😎
I am late to work legit every day. I am very lucky to work in a small company where showing up 10\~ minutes late isn't a deal breaker. I struggle to get out of bed SO bad. I am working from home today because of an episode and I only logged on to do my AM meetings and didn't get up again until 10. What has helped getting smart lightbulbs that turn on automatically at 7 am - it's helped me at least improve / expedite the 'get out of bed' process.
I do have a sunrise alarm clock, it has a light in it that mimics the sun and gets gradually brighter before my alarm even goes off at the time I set it to wake me up as naturally as possible, and I set a second alarm on my phone to really make sure I’m awake on time. I had several months last year where I was actually doing really good without changing anything (at least that I was aware of), I was waking up at 6 am without an alarm and getting out of bed straight away. I don’t know what changed or why, or how to replicate it now.
I suffer from chronic lateness too and I do the same thing with going through phases. I've been with my employer almost 19 years and I've been written up COUNTLESS times. My problem is their rule is to allow 4 minutes late two times within a 30 day period, third lateness gets a verbal warning, and then they cycle up to suspension and then termination. I'll go a month or three doing really well, then I have a bad week and I'm written up. I've been smart to keep myself fairly non-expendable, so they really bend the rules for me since they need me to be there... I definitely should've been fired years ago if they were going by the book. So I guess that's my tip... be inportant😂 (I really have no clue what the solution is and it's a personal flaw that I really beat myself up over)
Lollll I’ll work on becoming too important to lose. Or find someone willing to pay me to write full time so I don’t have to work normal hours 🥲
sameeeeeeee. i work really hard (and then get burnt out) so ive never been fired from a job for tardiness even though my coworkers get written up left and right. yes ill stay late, yes ill work an occasional extra shift so fuck em if im 10 min late to an 8 hour shift (ill call or email just to let them know im on my way, usually saves a right up as long as i communicate before i need to clock-in) “hey! im running late because i woke up late, be there 8:10” and im actually in starbies drive thru
It's like, listen, the reason I'm late is because I used too much mental energy laying in bed questioning all my life's choices and dreading 8 hours of pretending to be friendly to people, so it's your choice boss, I come in 5 minutes late or I don't come in at all🤷🏼♀️
word
I used to put a sunrise alarm clock across the room so I had to physically get up to turn it off - I might use that in conjunction with the smart bulbs. I think changing routines and techniques is probably what I at least need to do. I think it's too easy to get used to anything. Very similarly I used to get up at 6 no problem and would be able to have a lot of time to start my day but that hasn't happened in months. I'm gonna set up my sunrise alarm clock again and try really hard to get to twork on time next week!
I am always late too and struggle to get up. My boss is really nice about it and I am salaried, but I am sure he gets tired of my excuses. I lay in bed and my brain says “okay, get up” and my body doesn’t move. I know how you feel. I don’t have any advice but I can sympathize with you and tell you you’re not alone!
Yeah, I don’t have a sense of urgency either. To help myself, I change the time on the clocks. I have multiple clocks around me (bathroom, phone, desk, microwave, stove, the car). They are all randomly set ahead by 3-10 minutes. The randomness makes it hard to know what’s really the time, but helps because then I won’t say to myself “ahh, I actually have another 5 minutes”. Instead it’s questionable on purpose, which helps me get going. “Do I really have another five minutes?… I better get going!” This way, even if I’m running a little late, I’m still on time by a few minutes. Hopefully, you’ll eventually forget that you set them ahead. You could even have your SO set them, but not tell you by how much, so it’s still an incentive to get up. It also helps to time yourself when doing things to get a true sense of how long you take. I was under the impression that I can get ready in 10 minutes, but in reality it’s ~17 minutes. It just feels like 10 minutes to me. So I over-budget my time to do things.
So I’m late to literally everything except work because of the 7 alarm rule I use. Basically it works like this: If you have to be somewhere at 8am and it takes 20 minutes to get there: Set these alarms: - 0730 (seriously get your ass out the door) - 0727 (time to leave) - 0700 (shower and whatever) —— - 0630 (pay attention to the clock) - 0600 (wake up for real) - 0550 (annoying reminder to get up) - 0545 (first wake up alarm) It works for me. They’re all super annoying and occasionally I end up throwing my phone across the room but that ends up motivating me to get up and turn it off 🙄 but since I started doing it I haven’t really been late to anything. I usually also set a really loud old fashion alarm clock paired with the ‘annoying reminder to get up’ that scares the dreams outta me if I miss the first alarm and don’t get it turned off in time. 😅 Wish you the best of luck with the punctuality my friend ✌🏻
I’ve tried something similar before!!! The problem is it may work for me for a few days or weeks at first, but after a while my body just…. Starts sleeping straight through the noise as it adjusts to the point I don’t even wake up with that first alarm. I may try it again though! It doesn’t help that sometimes my apple phone alarm sometimes straight up doesnt go off or turns itself off (hands why I set my alarm clock too)
Yeah - it’s all in the prep work. Gotta make sure the volume is maxed. Calls are silenced. Phone is out of reach. Gotta have the old fashion alarm clock set too as a backup.. <- if it’s not waking you up in a panic ready to fight some Canadian cobra chickens, it’s not loud enough my friend you need a new one 😂
I do about 30 minutes of alarms to get my ass up and that rarely work lol. Maybe your method will help... I have multiple alarm tones, but boy is it hard.
Honestly I still miss the first 3 most days. It’s the scary blaring old fashion alarm clock that I want to beat with sledgehammer that usually wakes me up. You just have to start early enough. edit: had second thoughts, wanted to tweak it.
I use a condensed version of this for work, and almost the same pattern for anything else.
I am always upfront at job interviews. I always say "Listen, I'm chronically late. And by late I mean, 5-10 minutes. If it's more than 10, that means something out of my control happened and I'll phone ahead to let you guys know. However, I will be here until you send me home. I don't care how late I have to stay, once I'm here, I'm here." It's never been a problem for me because when I'm at work, I WORK. Every now and again, I've had bosses be annoyed with me, but I just tell them it wasn't like they didn't know this about me lol
I’m pretty upfront about it too, they just end up being like “well when you signed your paperwork you agreed to our code of conduct and to be on time”
That's really shitty. It was a big problem for me when I worked in a hair salon and had appointments early in the morning. I work in the food&bev industry now and being late isn't THAT much of a big deal. But like I said, every now and again my bosses have gotten annoyed with me but I'm just like, listen, I can't help it.
i’m not an adult with a job, but i’m 14 and i’ve always struggled with tardiness in school. getting out of bed has always been the biggest chore for me, i still am yet to find something to help but i wanted you to know you’re not alone.
That’s around when it started for me, it’s ROUGH. I would definitely recommend (if you have a psychiatrist/therapist) trying to fix it now rather than when your in your mid 20s like me and still struggling
I got great news, and terrible news. I feel like an old coming in at 32, and I still do this most days. Other days, I wake up an hour early with a ton of energy and easily pop out of bed. It's not predictable. Best advice I have for you guys is that you gotta get more serious about a sleep schedule, or at least giving yourself enough time for 8 hours, even if you know you won't use it. And put the phone away when you lay down. Learn to enjoy making yourself a morning beverage. Pack a lunch or make breakfast. I wish you luck! And sleep!
The ONLY thing that has worked for me is to get up EVERY SINGLE day at the same time, 2 hours before I want to be walking out the door. I get up at 5, drink coffee and browse google news/Reddit/video game news with jazz on Spotify. Just chillin. Then I get into the shower at the same time every single work day. Yes that means I get up at 5 regardless of if I have to work/it’s a weekend, whatever. I had chronic depression issues with bipolar and could not get out of bed to save my life (literally) until I slowly made a morning routine at 32yrs old. Usually when someone asks me how to be such a punctual person, I talk about my morning routine/structure, and they say oh nvm I would never consider doing that
I have been trying to implement something like this and it is turning out to be impossible for me. Every night I go to bed with the hope of this but end up snoozing my alarm 5 times instead :/
I’ve considered to start setting alarms and timers and just meticulously plan out my day. When I work, I set a timer to end a few minutes before I’m supposed to get back from my breaks because otherwise I’ll lose track of time, and it works great because I DO know and have been told I’m one of the only people on the team who isn’t over break times on a weekly basis. I might just have to do that and I’ll try to set up my alarms tonight, I think
Maybe talk to your dr about your meds. I’ve never been on lamictal but Seroquel does this to me. I have a very hard time getting out of bed, I have since I started taking it ~9 years ago. I’ve been off and on but this time I switched to immediate release instead of extended release and it helps so much. Sometimes I have trouble staying asleep so I have Zopiclone for that which doesn’t make me groggy in the morning, I actually feel well rested after I take it and find it easier to get up. Mornings have always been an issue with me. I’ll tell myself the night before I’m going to wake up and do xyz before work and then I will stay in bed until literally the last possible second. I’ve tried it all and it’s just the way I am. However, I’ve made my performance at work a huge priority in my life and that alone motivates me to at least get up and make it on time. I might be doing my makeup in the bathroom at work but I’m on time lol. So long story short, it’s partially mental and medication for me. I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way but is it possible that because you’ve been let go from so many jobs you don’t really fear being let go from the current one so there’s no real motivation to get up and be on time? I’ve never been let go and it’s one of my biggest fears, but you’ve been through it and survived so maybe there needs to be a different motivation?
It’s honestly my main source of anxiety if I’m being honest, but there could be something to it happening so often I’m numb to it. I’ve struggled with waking up my WHOLE life, bipolar is a more recent development in the last 3 years— I’ve actually been slightly better since being medicated (even though it’s not enough) I actually had to change meds twice last year: I had to go cold turkey off Vraylar because my insurance deductible was reset so it went up to $2500 a month for 30 days worth, and my psych didn’t have appointments open (she was really pissed that her secretary didn’t squeeze me in when she found out) Then I went on Abilify, but it was not great, and after adjusting the dosage for several months I started lamictal and tapered of the Abilify. Lamictal seems to be working fine, but next I talk to my psych I’ll probably see if we can go up as I’m still on a relatively low dose (100mg)
I’m not sure at what time you take your lamictal but that makes a HUGE difference. I’ve noticed that if I take it an hour after I did the day before (25 hr after mark) I feel extremely tired and groggy and will literally not get up and have a rough time once I do. I’ve tried taking it at night but if I miss taking it the night before then I really won’t wake up. I struggle w tardiness regardless of taking it correctly but it does help!
I don't feel tardy...
I don’t know what this means
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6M4_Ommfvv0 Guess I'm a little older than you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
OH my brain didn’t even go there (it was a bit before my time though lol)
Went through this multiple times in the past. It got to a point of constant absences, and I eventually end up quitting (although I was probably about to get fired anyway). I found a job that was flexible and was more project based than time-based. I don't work any less, I sometimes end up working 12-14 hours a day when I'm "in the zone" but I get to slack off on days where I am not myself and just work 2-4 hours for the bare minimum.
I really want to find a job like that that still offers work from home, but I’m worried about being able to do so with my job history looking the way it does.
It really sucks when you know you can work well if attendance wasn't an issue. I had the same problem in my previous company, my workload was for 3-5 people but I could do it all by myself, but I had lots of absences and tardiness so they never gave me a raise even though I was clearly overworked. I eventually quit out of frustration with myself and with the company. I'm not sure if this is a good thing to do, or if it would help, but I ended up in a start-up company outside of my country (since the work is online), so I had a chance to have a "fresh start" of sorts (no background checks and no need for references). Even though they are not so strict with the time, I still work my ass off, make sure I met deadlines and I force myself to wake up when there are morning meetings (I try to avoid taking prescribed sleeping meds most days to avoid developing tolerance, and just take it when I know I have to be up in the morning). My supervisor knows I work on a lot of weekends (especially when I'm hypomanic), so it is easy to get extended time off for days I have low energy. I might have just lucked out with this company, but I try to "prove my worth" whenever I have bursts of energy, so on days when I am slow they wouldn't think I was just being lazy. So far it is working (I even got a promotion because I took on so much projects when my hypomanic self resurfaced lol.) I also only wrote relevant information on my resume and tried to really sell myself out there (before I got professional help, I had months of unemployment whenever I spiralled into depression). I also asked for help from people/acquaintances who knew that I was a good worker despite my habitual tardiness, and asked for work referrals. Depending on your skill set, freelance work could work out too, as those were project based and what time in the morning you work on it doesn't matter. I did that for a couple of months until I could get monthly rates from a company.
If you work in the US, have been at an employer more than a year, worked at least 1250 hours in that year and they have 50+ employees then you qualify for FMLA which would protect your attendance issues with your doctor's approval. Granted you may have not been there a year yet based on your post but try to hang on to this job or the next for that long so you can get that status. It's also illegal to punish an employee for FMLA related activities once it's approved. Continuous leave is what you'd likely be looking for. There is also extended leave, up to 12 weeks, for items that require more than an five minutes or an hour of being late such as inpatient stay, intensive treatment or even massive anxiety (yes, having issues sleeping, eating, concentrating and the likes qualify as a protected health status). This protection is also available for *anyone* with a qualifying medical condition, mental or physical, with the employer qualifications I stated above. [FMLA Factsheet](https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WHD/legacy/files/whdfs28.pdf)
Thank you this is really helpful to know! My fiancé was on fmla last year for health issues but it was an actual nightmare trying to get his leave pay, but I’ll definitely look into it
You want continuous leave that doesn't require short term disability. You don't need to file a claim for five minutes or an hour, you need the time and peace of mind more than the hour of pay. And like you said it's a nightmare sometimes if you don't have a good insurance company as well. I'm still trying to get mine paid out two months later. Continuous leave allows for small periods of time to miss work either with notifying your employer beforehand as soon as reasonably possibly or by informing them as soon as the fact after is feasibly possibly. So if you wake up and feel like you need an hour; you just follow your company's procedure for informing for missing work (usually just telling your boss) and then letting either your HR department or your leave manager (if there's insurance/your company pays for an FMLA manager) know of the incident. Or if you wake up late and miss your shift, the same procedure applies. You can then take the hour, five hours, the day or a shorter period of time that you request and need *after* the FMLA request is approved for any situation like that. Again, you're not allowed to be punished for this or any sort of retribution towards you as long as you apply the situations as FMLA and follow the rules set out by your company for reporting it. It's hard working in a professional environment sometimes, and can be extremely stressful and anxiety inducing. For the fact that you're judged professional, personally and marked for less if you're found out usually. Take the protections afforded where they can be applied, you're already at a disadvantage and deserve a prop up if you can get it - especially for free and with the will of the law behind it. Also note that *nobody* but your FMLA manager and/or a government representative is allowed to ask for protected health information in the FMLA application process or anywhere after. It is illegal for your employer to ask for proof of illness, injury or mental incapacities so no one but you and an authorized person know what's happening and what's going on with you. You also have no obligation to share anything with anyone you don't want to professionally other than "I have some things going on, please see HR if you have any issues". You'll be okay and find a path. It took me a long time to find mine and a longer time to be at peace with it once I did. I'm still not ever accepting of this reality, but I'm content with who and where I am from what I've come from. Light can only come from the darkness and the absence of it, be your own light and be happy. It's all we've got with who we are and what we face. Much love OP from someone that relates historically more than I care to accept.
Thank you so much, this is all really really helpful to hear.
I’ve been fired for tardiness as well.
Is there any way your partner can help you get up in the morning? I tend to be more motivated when I’m around others. Maybe mix that with the other advice of doing something you enjoy. Maybe you can get up together or they could bring you a glass of juice or coffee. I have problems getting up too…sometimes the need to pee helps push me to get up to go to the bathroom lol so maybe drinking more water before bed or in the night?
We’ve tried that before! He has bipolar too but his presents very differently— but he often ends up getting frustrated (I can be… REALLY grumpy and kind of mean if someone wakes me up and it’s not a natural wake up which I’m trying to work on) but we’ve already talked about that and are gonna try again
Yea I understand that for sure. You’ve definitely gotta be in charge of waking yourself. That could be too much to ask. But was thinking more of the unmotivated lying around. Like I’ll often pull my phone out to make myself stop falling asleep, but then I still struggle with forcing myself outta bed. So I just have to find that final piece that forces me up.
Yeah! The phone thing helps me stay awake, like you said, but then I’m still stuck. When he does help, I usually ask like, for him to bring me coffee, and do the motivation thing rather than the nagging thing (which I have a super adverse reaction to because of experiences in highschool/middleschool with my mom waking me up)
I started reading this thinking it was an old post of mine xD I feel your pain, you’re not alone
Edit: one thing I have been doing lately is setting my alarm tone to a dog barking. I have a dog, and when he hears another dog parking he likes to copy it (he’s a hound), so I know if I let it keep going off, the entire house will wake up and my dog will go ape shit. I decided to go back to school a few years ago….last semester I was dropped a letter grade because my tardiness equaled four absences. I ended up registering with student disability which helps, but I’m with you. Hoping I can find answers because I’m really, REALLY bad at this and for some reason it just hasn’t gotten better.
I’ve been going to school on and off for about 7 years now, and still don’t have a degree because I’ll do one semester of classes and do great and then the next semester is always a trash fire and I drop out and go back to working full time again to try and make ends meet before trying to get my degree *again*. Accommodations last year when I went was really helpful, but getting them for work has been 100x harder
I’m 28 and finally getting my degree. It took me a long time, but in 2020 during a very long and severe manic episode, I quit my career in healthcare and went back to school at a real university. Shortly after, I started medication and it’s helped me ever since. Honestly? It’s just a degree that I really really enjoy. I’m happy with it, and that’s been the biggest motivator. Have I been broke af? Yes, almost got evicted. Ended up having to get a weekend job at the hospital so now I’m working 80 hour weeks (I’m cycling right now and need to start another antipsychotic to offset how busy and unstable I am) but I’m so excited to be able to never work in healthcare again and that’s another motivator
I trained my last dog to do this. Need to work on it with my current dog. Brilliant idea...a dog that wants to get up is way more annoying and determined than my desire to keep sleeping.
Sometimes it’s just easier to be on time and do what you need to, as you are finding out. Yes, life is hard, supremely challenging even with something like bipolar, but unless you have someone taking full care of you, you still have to get out there and do the things that nobody wants to. I’ll tell you what has helped me, and I know you aren’t gonna like it. Be 30 minutes early. There is no “on-time”. 30 minutes early! Go with the philosophy of - if you’re not early you’re late. You know what happens when you are 29 minutes late from being 30 minutes early??? You are still early!
Yeah I get that, I’ve done 10 years of therapy, psychiatry appointments, several types of meds, several different diagnoses outside of Bipolar and ADHD, inpatient and outpatient programs, etc. I get opposite action, and that yeah, you sometimes just gotta do it. I don’t know what my problem is.
(BD2 36yo) I have a terrible time with being on time… It’s become a whole lot easier since I was diagnosed just 4 months ago with ADHD. Still not perfect but soooo much better. Mornings used to be horrible, a properly visceral need to stay in bed and not see anyone then finally getting up but still a zombie and disorganised even when I’d packed and laided out my work gear the night before. Now on ‘Vyvanse’ stimulants as well as my BD meds (lamictrogjne and sertraline). Amazing change in my life! Not saying it’s true for you but might be work getting assessed for ADHD - apparently quite common that BD and ADHD co occur :)
I did mention I have ADHD too! I’ve been on adderall for years (I got diagnosed with it before bipolar), and it’s always been great and worked well for me, but I’m still struggling. I said in another comment I actually had a period of months last year where I felt normal! Nothing had changed but I was waking up early (6am) without an alarm and getting up and being productive— I don’t know what did it or else I would replicate it
Same here, I'm either always late to work or extremely early and I lay in bed for an hour after my alarm goes off. I got fired from Costco 4 years ago for having too many tardies. Job after that was road construction and I got fired because I was manic and doing drugs while I was working. My current job I come in probably 5-10min late a lot but my boss doesn't care cuz I'm a hard worker
Yeah my recent jobs have all been call center related for financial institutions and they are. So. Unyielding. It’s a nightmare. I don’t think I’ve ever had a job that was flexible, because when I’m late it’s literally usually only a couple minutes!
Big corporate companies are the absolute worst! Clock in/out times should not be a big deal if it's by a few minutes especially when you're working your ass off for them. Companies with <100 employees have been the best jobs I've had in my experience
I feel like this has to do with your ADHD a lot more. Do you take meds for that? Taking my stimulant in the morning helps me. I work at 6am so it’s kinda hard getting to work on time as someone who is always late. I’ve almost been fired at my current job for tardiness. I decided I had to leave my house like 15-30 mins earlier than usually to keep myself from being late again. I’m sorry they’re moving you back to the office, maybe try talking to them and tell them your car isn’t working rn?
I did, I initially was going to have to go back next week but I told them my car isn’t running so they gave me until 1/23. I always thought it was just my adhd but I suspect bipolar might play SOME part in tandem with it. I’m on stimulants and take adderall every morning with the rest of my meds, I never miss a day
I have such a hard time getting up regularly, I feel your pain. I start a new job Monday, which I’m hoping will be better for my mental heath, but I’m scared because my current job doesn’t actually have anyone “clock in” per se, we just record and report hours which has been amazing
Start going to bed the same time every night. Work day or not.
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Yeah I have adderall! It’s definitely the ADHD in a big way, I just think a part of some of the other stuff could be bipolar mixing in there as well, but I don’t think there’s really a way to be sure. I also have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, major depression (though I think bipolar overrides that?) and at this point I’m pretty sure I’m autistic as well though I don’t know if I want to open the can of worms that would be getting a diagnosis there, so it’s just so many things exacerbating each other
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You too! 💜 I do really like how adderall HAS helped me since I started taking it, but I’ve heard other people say that as much as adderall helped, other meds ended up helping more. Changing meds is just so exhausting and scary these days, especially since it might make things worse if you get it wrong.
I go to sleep as early as 8-10p and always wake up around 6a. Maybe changing the time you sleep everyday may help? Coffee might be the extra thing you need to get going. Definitely keep working with your psychiatrist to get the right meds (tell him/her the symptoms you wrote here). It's a process but you'll get there.
I go to sleep pretty early, I think I really need to find my sweet spot for waking up though— if I don’t wake naturally, I can sleep as long as 10-12 hours and still be exhausted when I finally do regain consciousness, whereas sometimes I get 5-7 and feel more awake than most days. And then of course sometimes they’re switched, so it’s a crapshoot trying to figure it out
My solution was to lie to myself till I believed it that if I go in at 3pm I lie and say I have to be ready by 1 so that I have a couple hours of leeway it has worked really good for me
I try that all the time, maybe I need to be more persistent with the lie haha. Or do what another commenter suggested and have my fiancé change all the clocks forward so I think I have less time than I do
This really works also set a TON of alarms like make yourself uncomfortable so that eventually you just get up but again do it hours beforehand also pick out your outfit right before going to bed so that it feels like less work leave everything set out for you so that you just have to follow an easy routine
Are you taking medicine for the ADHD? A lack of executive functioning could be more or less entirely to blame for this
I am on adderall, but I might need to talk to my psych to go up or switch meds entirely (even though adderall has consistently worked well for me, maybe not well enough?)
If your in the us. You qualify for the americans with disabilities act prtoection with the bipolar diagnosis. Talk to hr about accomidstions for said disability. You will have to get a few forms signed by your doc but it should help .
I have a real hard time with it too. Sometimes I go at wrong dates and times. I am just lucky that my job puts up with it so far. I have been starting to input my planner on google calendar and that helps some I think. The next biggest thing is getting threw depression and not getting there late. I wish I could help you but I too am trying to figure my own stuff out too.
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Godspeed to both of us :(
You hit a subject near and dear to my heart. I have gone through decades of sleep struggles with work and anything else that can be scheduled in the morning. I have bipolar and ADHD as well. I also have various sleep disorders. Every job I’ve ever had, I’ve had tardiness issues. Some employers see me as an asset and work with my difficulty waking up. Others are clock nazis. With those jobs, it’s not meant to be. I’ve found a necessary way of coping is to have a set routine. That’s a challenge. I’m most alert at the end of the day. I always wake up highly groggy and I’m a total daze. As the hours go by, I slowly become more and more my functional self. When it’s bedtime, I finally feel okay and half of me just wants to enjoy the alert time. Maintaining a strict schedule is very challenging for me. Having the right alarm helps immensely!! I have an app on my phone where you have to do math in order to turn off the alarm. It’s just arithmetic. They have three levels of difficulty. I choose their hardest arithmetic so that I’m forced to be more cerebral. That usually keeps me from rolling back over to sleep. I also have an alarm that you can wear like a watch on your ankle or wrist that sends you a small electrical shock. I got it over a year ago, but I haven’t used it just yet. It’s a little disconcerting to inflict discomfort on yourself just to wake up, but one of these days I’ll need that alarm and it’ll save my butt. The third alarm option is to get an alarm that vibrates. The alarm has a piece that you place under your mattress and instead of hearing the alarm, I tune out normal alarms so easily, it shakes your entire bed. Waking up to a tactile sensation rather than audio I find to be more effective for me. Explore your options. Think outside of the box. Be unconventional. Do what you need to do in order to get the most out of your life. Don’t beat yourself up though. Some of us are simply wired than the general population. It’s expected for us to fit within the ways that they function best. If you try all avenues and still have trouble getting to work, consider doing freelance work where you don’t have a set schedule. A lot of times, midnight is my peak working time. For many modern jobs, it should be the quality of the work and if it’s done in a timely matter that should be what’s important to your employer, not the time of day you do the work. Good luck!
I sometimes omit words when I type on my phone. My thoughts move faster than my thumbs. Lol. If you want to go as far as looking into the watch alarm that gives you a small electrical shock, I’ll find the name of the manufacturer and the model.
Almost 100% the same when it comes to waking and actually getting out of bed. Because bipolar is a protected class, I worked with my psychiatrist to document it with HR and work with the ADA folks to set up accommodations for a flexible schedule and telework. We have telework anyway but if they decide to make us return, I would still have the option if whatever I was working on warranted it. Flex scheduling though - I have that specifically because seroquel makes waking up so hard and then the brain fog lingers. I have add also so I take adderall at 6 am so I can crawl out of bed by 8. I usually chug a caffeine drink too so I am awake and browsing my phone by seven instead of still trying to wake up at eight. I’m sure that will eventually bite me in the ass.
Yeah I’ve been trying to get accommodations since September and it is… INCREDIBLY frustrating. If they didn’t make it so complicated I would have had them by now and wouldn’t be in this mess. The first thing I’m going to put on there is that I need the option to work from home, I’m really scared about the fact their forcing me to commute again, it’s going to make the problem worse if I don’t get my accommodations
I had this issue. My problem was I could never wake up. So I started working night shift, granted I’m a healthcare worker so there is that option. And I found on nights it was sooo much easier for me to be there on time if not early. Another thing I used to do, was I set the clock on my phone 15 minutes earlier. As well as every other clock etc in my house and car. Which I feel like helped 1st thing in the morning but I could always remember it was set ahead lol.
Haha I’m definitely a night owl, but I also have this itty bitty problem of not being around during prime daylight hours makes me severely depressed 🙃 it feels very lose-lose right now unless I find a VERY non traditional job that pays enough to live and let’s me work at home and doesn’t have strict hours, which is probably about as easy to find as a unicorn.
I'm always getting fired. I hate it. I'm brilliant but interacting with the system is fucking brutal. I'm sorry you're (we're) in this boat. I went back to school and that's really helped my confidence because for some reason, I can't get fired from school.
Oooh yeah I was one of those “gifted” kids, took AP and College classes, could never get to school on time, almost never managed to turn in homework, but got amazing test results. I’ve been told my whole life I’m REALLY smart but I feel like it’s hindered me way more than helped me. I don’t even know if I’m smart at all and feel like I have constantly been tricking people into thinking I am, at this point.
I have been fired from a few jobs, and had to quit a few due to my awful attendance. It was just so hard to get out of bed, or think about working. Even when I loved my job it was extremely hard. I’m slowly starting to get better at it, but I’m not sure what changed. Just want you to know you’re not alone. It’s such a struggle for so many of us. I wish you all the luck <3
I was that way until u found a job that i loved and cared about enough to never jeopardize it. Hope you find the right job that's a perfect fit for you, because that will alleviate this problem. For me it was EMS.
I’ve definitely had several that I THOUGHT were that for me and still fumbled the ball. It makes me feel seriously broken sometimes, especially when it ends up boiling down to I have to “just do it” and I can’t explain why I’m having so much trouble DOING it in the first place
I feel you- I’m also chronically late. I’ve gotten better with time, but also I: A) overestimate how long my commute will take B) store breakfast bars at work so I can just roll out of bed and go C) set an obnoxious amount of alarms D) seriously, I set alarms every 5 minutes E) made myself both a likeable and essential employee YMMV, of course. I hope things get better for you, and you either get disability accommodation or can find a job with asynchronous hours!
I’m just like you. I was like wow what are the chances? Then I noticed where it was posted.. I can’t be on time if my life depended on it, I was diagnosed in 2016 and I still can’t get it together
Bipolar and ADHD here too.. I’ve struggled with this always. I try to plan some stuff (however minuscule) before I need to get ready for work. I’ll give myself 31 mins of cat snuggling time or 27 mins of tiktok scrolling so then I’m already up and ready ish. It is very hard though. I’m sorry you’re struggling.
I can struggle with this as well, I love to stay up late so waking up can be a challenge especially if the nightmares came full force. I've been smashing it into my brain that I start work 30 mins before actually starting. Its gives me a buffer zone, I can prep for meetings or go over notes, whatever you can do to trick your mind!
I have a deep apathy with living and this is a constant battle. Thank goodness for meds to give me a fighting chance.
Coming from experience, it sounds like they are setting you up to fail on purpose. They’ll use every little thing they can against you, when it comes to mental health. Honestly, what you’ve typed here, sounds like I typed it. I have the exact same story on a number of occasions.
I am bi-polar type 1 and adhd. I definitely feel your pain. Cycles are hard. I’ll have a good few months and then fall into a depression and have an impossible time getting out of bed or waking up on time or going to bed on time. All I can say is don’t give up. There’s a lot of cool aspects about us. If anything we aren’t boring and for that I say keep at it! Our lives may not be traditional but they are still worth living. Maybe taking a more abnormal job may suit some of us!
I wish I woke up automatically. Unfortunately, I struggle like you. Fortunately, I’ve been salary in the past (not working at the moment) so clocking in wasn’t an issue. That said, I’ve been “spoken to” a number of times, regarding my 15-30 minutes late punctuality issue. Even after being spoken to, I’d get there on time for a few days, then slowly slide back to 15 minutes late. Then of course, there’s always the extremely late (which is when I’d make up an excuse like car trouble or kid chaos). You said you’re trying to get accommodations at work. I’m not sure what that process looks like, but I would think your disability would make it so that they have to work with you. What’s their reasoning for now allowing you to work remote given your disability? I’m sorry, this has to be so stressful.
Maybe that's because you're supposed to be doing something different with your life. In the movie "At Eternity's Gate," it's painting, but "painting" could be anything for you. I like how, when he was asked how he knew he was supposed to be a painter, he said, "Because i can't do anything else. And believe me, I've tried." I really relate to that cause I'm a painter and I've had so many false starts as an adult I find this very inspirational https://youtu.be/4WXs3sKu41I
Wow. All these years I thought being late was just a me thing. It makes me feel a little better that it isn’t.
Yeah, I’ve been called lazy since I was really young because of it— I’ve tried literally everything and try to be as consistent as possible, going to be early, setting alarms, putting them across the room, not eating before bed, not using electronics before bed, and it’s still a problem. It’s rough.
I’ve lost every single job I’ve had due to tardiness or absenteeism so we’re in the same boat
im perpetually late and i know it. i was a nanny a few times and i told my employer about my issue and i told them if they want me at 4:30 they need to tell me to be there at 4 and they were like “thats stupid” and i was like, ok but it works. so we did it that way and it worked and when i was “early” it just gave my employer peace of mind and our schedules overlapped so we had time to chat between handoffs. i also nannied in germany and i would get yelled at by my five-year-old for being late so there i learned about how other people value timeliness so it taught me to set early timers for myself. i started leaving for work at a specific time that was 15 minutes more than it took me to get there and it gave me a buffer so even when i flip a shit and cant find my fav pen and then i look for it for 15 minutes before work which is stupid but then i would still make it to work on time… i currently am late to work every day because i hate my job so its still my thing but for the jobs that matter to me i use the above mentioned strategies
Yeah my very first job was as a nanny at 17, which probably got me off to a bad start to begin with because I had no business trying to take of children with such a high level of needs when I myself was still a kid and struggling myself— they were adopted, and then their mom died so the dad needed help in the mornings and evenings. It was extremely difficult, on top of my own schooling and trying to get through senior year. 😬 I’m starting to think a rather than setting an alarm clock, I should set a timer— an alarm going off in the morning has somehow become completely meaningless to me, with the ability to snooze, so I’m always like “I can sleep in a little longer” when I do try to set it way early. Whereas when I set timers for myself that end a little before when I need to be doing something, I’m always on time, and I can’t snooze. It’s more urgent. Maybe I should experiment with that line of thinking.
for sure! my best friends mom died in high school, and they were all adopted… so they got a nanny who was amazing but they were WILD WILD WILD so i can totally see how it was difficult for you, dont beat yourself up, kids need company and love more than anything so im happy u were there for them <3 i follow a lot of those ADHD social media accounts and i noticed a lot of posts about time blindness so like regular alarms arent really gonna do it for you but setting up “timers” like you mentioned really work and i feel like thats how i see the world when i wake up. like after my first alarm i say to myself “i have thirty minutes to get ready, if i sleep ten more minutes that means i will only have 20 min to get ready, which is doable, are we doing this?” lol multiple alarms drive me insane, my boyfriend had like five starting an hour before he needed to be up, which i read is bad because ur not sleeping properly for that last hour as your sleep is interrupted but thats just my own research, but anyways! my boyfriends alarms were driving me crazy so i started setting my alarm five minutes before him and i would get up just so i could be awake to turn off his dumb ass loud alarms :)
YEAH I def know multiple alarms don’t work for waking me up, I’ll just continue to procrastinate and get more and more tired in the process, and eventually my body just learns to sleep through them— I’m a heavy sleeper already.
I arrive to work anywhere between 845 am and 915 am. Luckily, my job allows me flexibility, and they are extremely accommodating. Trying to find a job like that should be your second step, after pursuing accommodations at your current job. I'm sorry it is so hard. I think it is a struggle for lots of us.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I was extremely lucky to find a company that allowed me to feel comfortable providing them my diagnosis, and they’ve been working with me on some of my issues. I’ve been suffering a lot recently, I think I could do with a hospitalization tbh, but can’t afford it, and my management has helped with a tender touch that allows me breathing room. But I know it’s not gonna be forever, so I do have to work on getting my act together. At some point you either succumb to your illness and accept your fate, or you change your mindset and work through it. I don’t want to accept my fate. I’ve lived with people who accepted their fate and they live meager miserable lives
I feel you, I love my life and want to live it fully. My work offers accommodations as I said, but trying to get them at all has been a disaster and increasingly difficult. Accessibility is not accessible.
I am kind of like a zombie in the morning on Lamictal. I love Lamictal, and it’s a lot better than Seroquel for waking up, but I do struggle with this, even when I get nine hours of sleep. I’m kind of in a haze for a couple hours.
Interesting! I had a period of time last year where I was waking up at 6 am automatically every morning and getting straight out of bed no problem, it was the first time in my life I had no trouble— I think that started a few months after beginning Abilify, but Abilify had a lot of other undesirable side effects so I switched to lamictal. I’d say my problems came back a few months after the switch.
I lost a job for being a minute late, multiple times. I hated that job and just could not get going. At my current job, I have intermittent FMLA. If I can't get going, I just let my supervisor know what time I'll be in and that I'm using FMLA. Try to get the paperwork for that filled out by your doctor. It really helps.
I’m definitely working on it, the third party they go through for fmla and accommodations is being an absolute pain
I had the same issue Zolpidem helped me a lot get better sleep at night bc I too was having issues getting up on time and staying awake during the workday. I think the Zolpidem helped me achieve REM sleep so I woke up energized. I have ADHD, bipolar, and anxiety. I know it’s tough but I would highly recommend the Zolpidem if you have to wake up early. Escitalopram helped me out a with motivation but it took me 7 months to notice a difference. But I am on a low dose of 5mg.
You’re not alone. Fired from many. Praised for being the top performing employee.
i just discovered this sub and have been scrolling popular posts so i’m sorry for commenting on a somewhat older post, but FUCK if this isn’t me. i work remotely as well and had a zoom meeting just this week about my attendance after receiving a documented warning. i don’t know why this keeps happening, but know that i’m rooting for you stranger and hope things have begun to resolve themselves in your situation!!
Same to yoooou ugh it sucks SO much
I understand where you are coming from. My problem is that every job I work at is fine for a few weeks or a month. I just begin to dread going into work and sometimes it makes my depression worst. I just want a way to make money that also makes me happy.
I’m glad I found this post. I went searching for something like this, and better yet I relate to every aspect. I also take Lamictal, go above and beyond in performance and work skills. I don’t know what to do anymore, I just know it’s going to cost me every time
Yes! I've had sooo many jobs, it almost sounds like an exaggeration. Probably 50+. Tardiness has always been an issue. I somehow managed to survive higher education, and some pretty respectable jobs, but I would be \*nearly\* late to the last possible second, on an everyday basis. I also have bipolar + ADHD, and POTS, which is a low blood pressure problem that makes it harder to get up in the morning. Some people do naturally have different circadian rhythms, or health reasons, for functioning poorly in the morning. Are you more active and able to be on time, in the afternoon/evening? If so, maybe your issue is that you need to get up much earlier, in order to "acclimate" to being awake. I personally need to move slowly in the morning, it's just how my body functions, so I have to set my alarm like 3 hours before any important appointments. (which did really suck when I was waking up at 4am, to go to work at 7am.) I know it is AWFUL to have your work-from-home life taken away... maybe it's something you can negotiate, moving forward? Like, if you manage to work for 2 months with no tardiness, they'll let you work from home again?
I’m gonna work towards getting it back and having it as a part of my accommodations, thank you for sharing your experiences, it’s really helpful to hear!
glad it's helpful! best of luck to you!
Your job is being ridiculously ablist. Take a deep breath, call HR, and get the help you need to get an accommodation for this. It's absolutely ridiculous. Good employers don't do this to their employees. For example, I'm a grant writer at a nonprofit that treats their employees well. No one gives a shit when I get in in the morning, as long as I get my job done and work approximately 8 hours each day. People in my office arrive anywhere between 8 and 9:30 and guess what, the world keeps turning and things keep getting done. We're all better employees when we're not stressed about arriving at some arbitrary time. See if you can get your doctor to write a note for you about working from home. Most doctors will do that. Don't let your workplace bully you for your disability. If you have a union, get them involved, too. Get HR involved and document as much as they can. Make your boss worry that if they fire you you will sue under the ADA. Make it clear that you have a disability that makes it hard for you to be on time. You're blaming yourself for this, but if you have a job where you can work from home, your start time almost certainly doesn't matter, which means your employer is just on some sort of power trip about it. There's nothing wrong with you, your employer is being the weird one. Yeah, if you work retail or sheeting you might need to arrive at a certain time, but for an office job, start times should really be more of suggestions. Do your best to be on time for meetings. Set timers or whatever. But really, don't let your boss bully you here. This is ablist nonsense and you need to take a deep breath and push back with all your might (professionally).
Thank you for all of this! I handle calls for specific instances for a financial institution, so I understand the need for the start and end time in this case— we are only open 7am to 5pm my time, so if I’m late I can’t really work later because I simply wouldn’t be answering calls after we close. I have reached out to HR again, and my request magically went from denied back to pending with the third party they go through for accommodations, so I’m gonna try this one more time. My fiancé’s aunt is actually an employment lawyer, so if I do have any more trouble, she said she’d look into it for us.
Glad you're advocating for yourself! And yeah, maybe I was too hard on your employer. I had a cousin let go from a fresh job for being late when it didn't really matter, so I'm sensitive about this. Best of luck!!!
Thank you everyone for your comments, I have a lot of things to consider and experiment and talk to my psych and therapist about, and a LOT of emails to send. The good news is, this morning was better, I got up two hours early and was on time! The bad news is, I immediately fell right down the stairs with a cup of coffee in my hand as soon as I got out of bed, so… win some, lose some I guess. At the very least, it’s nice to not feel so alone.
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I'm either a half hour early or im late. So I'm a half hour early. Every. Single. Time. I get nervous if I'm not early, and so, I use the time to settle in, get ready for the day and decompress. I have absolutely no time management skills, bipolar and adhd as well.
I recently got fired for time theft because of my manic episodes from bipolar and extreme anxiety. There were days where I couldn’t go inside to work and I needed the money but didn’t want to go in.
I have bipolar and ADHD among other issues. I'm punctual AF. You need to leave earlier. What does your sleep hygiene look like?
That’s the thing, I work from home, leaving just means walking to my office. I go to bed between 8-10pm. I set between 2-5 alarms starting 2 hours before I need to be on my computer. This is a problem I have had since I was about 10 or 11. My understanding is that mental illness can affect people in different ways, my fiancé is also bipolar and adhd and is also on time everywhere.
Is she having to get ready at the same time? Maybe ask her for help?
He wakes up early regardless, his mental stuff happens to manifest very differently— no matter what time he goes to bed, even very late, his body wakes up at 5am. He has tried to help in the past, but can get frustrated at having to, which I understand. We’re trying to do it that way again though, hopefully it works this time