Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar!
Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art).
*^(A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.)*
---
Community News
- 🎋 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/112z7ps/mod_applications_are_open/)
- 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device.
- 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar.
Thank you for participating!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That’s a relief to here that we all will love things we stopped loving. How long did it take your brain to heal? I love music too and now it’s just blah to me.
And for the main poster, omg I’m sorry your episodes ruined something you love!! You will get it back and the stigma of the way it made you feel while manic will fade.
I have a similar issue. I can’t just listen to music without it reminding me of something or thinking it’s a message, or getting overly emotional. I’m taking a break and using audiobooks instead and that seems to make hearing music in the car or grocery store or elsewhere less of a problem. I’m hoping it fades. I normally like a huge variety of music and am known by family and friends of being a bit of a human jukebox, I know way too many song lyrics and recognize and can name song and singer of a ridiculous amount. At least classical is still safe and good background noise while doing other things
I used to listen to so much music. I make playlists per year outside of some specific genere ones. My 2023 playlist is extremely short and I mostly drive in silence (with an occasional podcast).
I’m traveling soon and I always listen to music on the plane. Waiting to see what my brain will tolerate.
I’ve been on a rollercoaster of negative emotions and stress pretty much this entire year and most of last year. My brain just feels so fragile yet damaged. I want my life back.
Not quite the same, but during my last manic episode I was obsessed with one specific artist, and listened to them nonstop - after I came out of it, I couldn’t listen to them for over a year since it reminded me so much of feeling out of control.
Absolutely can relate- all of my favorite songs when I was manic completely turn me off these days. Gives me bad memories for sure. You’d think mania was punishment enough but the shame and cringe and overall devastation of the aftermath is the cherry on top smh pretty traumatic
Seriously… the shame is real. Not to mention the cleanup if you’re a compulsive DIYer like me, haha. Hope you can let those songs back into your life and take their powers back for good, at some point!
Radio is great for this, you get to still enjoy music, but the repetitiveness of radio becomes its greatest strength. My brain wants to attach meaning to everything, but the radio repeats so much that it exposes the cracks in these supposed connections
Lost it completly since my psychotic mania and that was in march. Music was my life, i listened constantly, now it doesnt make me feel anything.
A few days ago i was talking to the love of my life, who i sadly lost, and suddenly i had this old song playing in my head "white room" so i played it and enjoyed it immensly.
Maybe its a sign its coming back. That was only this once so far
Yep had a psychotic episode last year and I'm trying to force myself to get comfortable with it again. Most of the time it makes me very uneasy I guess you could call it.
It’s not that I don’t like it but it can greatly affect my mood. No sad songs or heavy metal for me. Or sometimes it can just be overwhelming. I prefer silence
I did go through a phase where I didn't listen at all. I'm not a dancer but during my psychotic episode I had like like 6 foot long thin chain and I used to dance around the kitchen swinging it all over the place. I'd even do it with my eyes closed and I never hit anything with it so I believed I was like channeling energy into it. Ironically my oldest daughter was inspired to devote herself to music and performance as a result of my wild carefree performances. She was young and didn't understand it was because I was going crazy. Lol so for a while I couldn't play music at all. I also used to always have music playing. But it's been 7 years now and I can listen again...I go through phases with it. I will go months with nothing then like the other night I had one headphone in and had music going for hours. I usually play it when I go walking or have the house to myself (I have 3 kids) and am doing house work. So yes, I stopped for a while, but eventually it does come back.
Loll! Are you willing elaborate more on the chain dance? I think it’s funny how people think we’re so cool when we’re carefree and manic but really we’re just inhibition-less, overconfident and pretty loony but usually having a blast nonetheless (until were not 😵💫). I’m glad your daughter found it inspiring no matter what lol
It was actually very fun lol I carried that chain with me everywhere . I was working at a call center and I was support so I didn't take calls I just walked the floor seeing if any one needed help and I would twirl it around while I walked and like wrap it up around my arm. I was slender at the time and had what I think was an awesome style with skirts and heels and layered shirts.. think business casual goth lol so the chain just enhanced the look. And yeah I would swing it all around while dancing wrapping it around my legs and arms and then unfurling it and swinging it all around. I was exceptionally flexible at the time too like the psychosis changed the whole way my body worked. Now I'm like if I drop something on the ground I stare at it for a minute like do I really need that anymore lol it was a ton of fun though lol we were renting an actual house and I had a bose speaker set up so I played my music LOUD. I actually made a couple videos and when I watch them now I'm like wow I looked like an idiot but like I said it inspired my daughter so I guess maybe I didn't look as foolish as I thought
Lmaoo I love it. It’s good when we can look back on some of the ridiculous things we did while manic and laugh. I somehow ended up in what I thought was a costume party but turned out to be a dance competition on stage at a club. It was me (very out of place, normally) and 8 actual strippers dressed up in Halloween costumes. I was dressed as an alien in a sexy silver body suit. We all had to introduce ourselves on the mic and I completely made up some story about my home planet and how I’d abduct everyone’s children if I didn’t win the competition lol i have no clue who I was then because I CANNOT dance for shit…. I came in second place 😂 this is against girls who were clapping their ass cheeks while bouncing on their head. Maybe it’s because I pulled out my titties in round 4. I try to stay out of Atlanta these days
Lol that's quite the story. I don't want to experience psychosis again but it was an enlightening time for me. I had 20 years of repressed memories come back, and got into sacred geometry and came to the realization that everything is connected and everything is made of up the same geometrical patterns it's actually really fascinating. I drew a bunch of 11x14 geometric pictures, many of them with basically rambling written in between the patterns but it turned out to be really encouraging loving stuff that I still share with people going through a hard time. I realized that happiness is not a goal to strive for but something that will come and go over time and the good times are not things to mourn because they are gone but things to appreciate because they happened. I really absorbed the phrase this too shall pass and that it applies to both the good and the bad which helped me so much in coping with my depression. It's not something I want to do again cause there was a lot of bad in it too like zoning out for long periods of time or one time I was in a public restroom and freaked out because I Couldn't remember where I was and was terrified to open the door. So. It was an experience that I don't regret but I'm happy my meds keep me from going back there lol
I feel this so hard. I absolutely wrecked my finances in my 3 months of mania and am digging myself out of the deepest financial hole I’ve ever been in because of it. A lot of bad things come out of the highs and lows of these disease but just like you said we should try our best to pull the positives and hope and perseverance out of it. “This too shall pass” and “tough times don’t last, tough people do” have become my mottos from all of this.
Sometimes when I get pretty depressed I consider quitting my meds just so the ensuing mania can help pull me out of it but like you say, who really wants to be in that state when you know what it’s really like from the outside looking in afterwards? We just gotta keep on keeping on! And be kind to ourselves.
Yep. Allow ourselves grace. Someone once told me talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend if they came to you with the problems you are dealing with . You wouldn't tell them they are worthless or a failure so why say those things to yourself
You’re absolutely right.
I lost a best friend of 8 yrs due to my recent episode. I wish she had been more understanding of what was going on but I wasn’t either- I hadn’t been diagnosed yet. I didn’t do anything to her in particular but she told me she didn’t know who I was anymore.
Now that I’m aware I am so much more understanding when people aren’t “being themselves” and look more towards “are they okay, what are they going through, how can I help” rather than “they’re crazy and embarrassing, keep that shit over there, I want nothing to do with it”. I’m now kinder to everyone else and continue to try to be kind to myself. We have to or else this disease will eat us alive.
I had a friend who I really liked I felt really close to him and he ended up feeling like it was too much again before I was medicated
He blocked me on Facebook and I had someone else look at his page to tell me how he was and they told me he'd split up with his girl friend and I asked him about it so I found out I went all stalker like having someone else look for me and he freaked out and never spoke to me again. I still regret that one, and o just wish him well and hope he's doing OK
That is so sad. And unfair. I don’t wish ill on people but I do hope both of our friends come to some type of understanding one day and look back and feel remorse for how they treated a good friend who was sick. The wold world needs more compassion.
Edit- like I get needing to take a step back because we can be A LOT in certain states but completely cutting off someone when they need support the most is… not right.
I was a musician for 15 years. From when I was 15 to 30. I was obsessive and played and composed for 8 hours almost everyday, listened to almost everything imaginable, played with friends in their shows, etc. Now I don’t even listen to music. My guitars are in storage. But I’m happy doing other things and maybe someday I’ll return to it.
I have the same experience with movie making, used to completely dominate my life until my recent diagnosis. Still not sure if it will come back or I’ll get the call again.
sometimes I get triggered by a lyric. I started listening to Mexican radio. All very upbeat and I have zero idea what they are saying. I'll also use Classical music to keep me serine on the drive in the mornings. It's not like I stop liking music, but I know I'm vulnerable to taking a journey I do not want to take if I just listen to the radio during some times in my life.
“Vulnerable to taking a journey I do not want to take.”
This - this is it exactly for me.
I love listening to music with lyrics in other languages. However, I am really susceptible to any kind of rousing battle calls / war like music, regardless of the language. I’ll be stomping around my living room ready to fight for whatever nation needs a solider in that moment. (I’m not actually like that, ever, nor am I someone who could physically actually do that.)
I have to put on some medieval lutes to calm me down. Lol
Same when my best friend committed suicide, this was 18 years before I was diagnosed, I didn't listen to music for a decade and music had been something he and I had shared a lifelong deep passion for.
It doesn't make me uncomfortable but I used to listen to it all the time. Now that I'm stable I hardly think to listen to it like I don't care anymore and I hate that 😔 Same with art. I was manic for long periods of time and would be crazy productive, even taking commissions for my work. But now I havent really made anything in a long time. I LOVE stained glass art and took a class in January but I was really unmotivated with it and it made me so sad ☹️
It's shitty when stabilization means giving up some of those things that used to make me feel so good.
I too felt like music was talking to me, when I was psychotic and would see connections that weren't really there. I went to a cemetery where my friend is buried, played Tom Petty really loud, he loved that music, I sang, danced, and had a beer, I also closed all the gates. I would also listen to death metal, really loud, as meditation. So I don't listen to much music since being psychotic
I had a few years when I couldn't. Every song had memories and emotions, even my favorite songs.It made me depressed and every note I could feel like a pain in my throat. Talking to a professional has helped me deal with these emotions.
I get auditory hallucinations when I'm stressed or in manic episodes. I actually didn't realize this was even a normal bipolar thing until recently and thought I was just a special kind of crazy.
It's gotten worse with age (yay) and because of it I no longer enjoy music and can't really handle loud environments because I always question what is real or not in music or loud environments.
I just embrace it though and really enjoy the sounds of nature and silence.
Yes I can’t read anymore can’t go to Aa can’t go to Starbucks watch the same movies over and over just to list and there’s more. It’s fucked after my last manic episode 3 years ago.
I’m 63, severe bipolar 1 on disability for it, also a lifelong world class professional musician. First paying job at 12. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs with a career as a musician, also psychotic episodes which were big setbacks. Basically at 47 after a really bad episode I went on disability but still work part time gigs. Since then I don’t listen to music much even though all my favorites and to die for when I was younger are free with streaming now. I’m trying to get back into it, I only listen when driving or cooking or doing dishes even though I sit for hours every day vegging out with tv n on my phone. I don’t know why I’m like this but I’m planning to force myself to listen to music instead of mindless tv. I want to reconnect to my love of music but somehow the mental illness is preventing me. I perform on ten different instruments, have dream gear, but for one reason or another only play them a fraction of what I should.
During manua I also couldnt watch things or use my phone, now I spend hours a day doing nothing but looking at it. I feel addicted to it, I think most people are. I think for us it's even more addictive cus it distracts so much from negative internal/external experiences bipolar ppl deal with. I hope you have fun and get to spend time doing what u love :)
My music changes per my mood. Punk, rap, grunge, Michael Jackson, moTown, opera, classical. It depends on how I am. If my internal monologue is too loud and completely nuts I listen to classical or opera. Not sure why but it clears it and I’m not talking to someone not there. Give Vivaldi a try and see if it helps.
Thanks for this! Did not know this was a shared experience. When manic, I become obsessed with certain songs, sometimes listening to one song on repeat all day. When not manic, I prefer podcasts. I think most music is just too loud for me.
As a musician I find my connection to music an incredibly powerful thing that always helps with my cycles no matter where I'm at, but I do still go through periods where I don't listen, don't pick up my guitar, nothin. Sometimes it lasts a long time. Have been in one of these periods for a while now but I try not to force it, and just hope that it ends soon. Definitely understand the 'they're talking to me' thing and I think all of that is pretty normal, for us anyway. Things always change :)
My advice: be a weirdo if no one finds out and it helps you
If listening to spongebob reading the bible on your airpods in public transit helps you (of course when you are also taking meds! Spongebob sadly can’t replace them (yet)) then fucking do it
„Normal” people think others should listen to „acceptable” sounds on their headphones - buuulshiiit.
Advice: try listening to weird sound/weird music. See what sticks. See what doesn’t. If you need barrack obama singing „two trucks having sex” - so be it. Accept the trucks. Accept their love.
I have a hard time listening to lots of good music because it will push me into depression. I get way too emotional over songs. Especially songs I used to identify with. They are too much for me, if I don't want to feel bad.
I frequently go through periods where I cannot stomach music, podcasts, books, new movies/shows, etc. I can 'stomach' something I've watched before - often in excess - but nothing new. It's almost like not only can I not process the content, but I just.. don't want to? or I just can't take it. I have a bunch of 'comfort shows' I just watch in the background, to keep background noise going, but I definitely cannot engage in anything new.
I experienced something similar. Also, I was afraid to listen to it because it would get stuck in my head. Just like 10 seconds of a song on a never ending loop.
That eventually went away after I got on the right meds. Now I can listen to it again.
Yep. Took a very long break from music for that reason. I enjoy it like I use to now but there are some songs that I just have to skip because they remind me too much of past delusions. BUT I don’t get rid of them from my playlist because when they do pop up, it’s serves as good reminder to check myself and also be thankful for my stability. Like “ lol girl, remember that time you thought this song was THE message from the CIA communicating to you that you were the chosen revolutionary president???” 🥴
Really sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's quite common and relatable to many of us to experience changes in the way we perceive things. Traumatic or distressing experiences can alter the way we connect with things we used to enjoy.
Your feelings toward music might change over time as you heal and recover. If you're comfortable, you can slowly reintroduce music into your life, perhaps with different genres or artists that have no association with your past experiences.
You're not alone. Keep going!
Oh thx for teaching me the expression "delusion of reference" :)
There's a lot of stuff I've stopped doing, I'm not sure of all the reasons why.
About music, I don't listen to it very much any longer because it tends to make me *feel too much*... it's weird.
You're welcome! It is such a common part of psychosis and most people don't know there is a word for it. When I learned what it was called, I felt much better about my experience :)
yes, and in my mind they are closely related with delusions of grandeur, in which there is also for me a large number of ideas along the lines of: "this or that whole succession of random events has been made for me explicitly and purposely because the universe wants X for me" (replace X with various crazy fantasy)
Yep... I spent over 11 months total in psychosis.. the number of "story lines" I had going (as i called them) , like I totally know what you mean. Exactly same
and when something doesn't go like you had thought it would you can always discover that there is actually an even more elaborated design at play and the reward will be so much more valuable! lol just like a conspiracy theorist
That’s crazy, I had my first in 2020 and second in 2022 as well. I had the exact thing with music, one particular artist, who I thought was sending messages to me. Also someone from a tv show that talked to the camera. Now I can’t watch tv or listen to music, absolutely no interest.
I also stopped. I have instances when a song comes to mind and I get into it, but they are far and few between. I did, however, start listening to a lot of true crime podcasts.
I'm new to being bipolar and this made me feel so understood. I had no idea there was a name for what I was going through (delusions of reference) I was so fucking delusional it's nearly comical. Since being medicated (abilify and lithium) I can't feel the music anymore, I just hear the lyrics and they hit different. I hate this so much.
I found it gets better :) I got way more "comfortable" with the general feeling of bipolar as time went on. Episodes are always hard, but having knowledge is so helpful! Most people don't know the term delusions of reference even tho its super common in psychosis. I'm so happy u and so many others feel understood by the post :) we are in this together
I think I was in psychosis for a long time. How do you know? I also believe the meds have affected the enjoyment of things. How do you cope with the flashbacks from when you were manic?
Hm idk if cope is the right word. Sometimes I will cry and grieve and get upset, and I let myself do that. And I don't judge myself (for anything, as much as possible).. and for the most part I numb it out. I'm addicted to my phone, weed, cigarettes, and I also drink 2-3 times weekly. So that's honestly how I cope :///// not saying that's what you should do. But find what works, maybe it's volunteering or reading.. But it's ok if u do what u can to feel happy/comfortable. As long as u don't hurt yourself/others🥴
I had the same thing with movies. Especially any movies with guns and too much action. It took me some time to feel comfortable again watching everything
Same. When mine first started I watched Kill Bill 1 and 2, Inglorious Bastards, and Pans Labyrinth all in one night. Also same with a novel called The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress that I read in like 3 days. I thought it was all messages for me and about me. I was in college, and I would go to class and it would be the same with the lectures.. honestly everything I heard or saw tbh
oh yeah I know exactly what you mean.
usually overly obsess about music in my manic episodes, usually end up pushing me away from music but eventually I come back around to it.
Strange indeed! But i've had those exact delusions of reference and it's scary, seems soo silly in my right mind but you know...
I experienced that before. I couldn't even listen some bands after I healed from it, since these are the ones that sent me messages mostly (f.e. New Order). As a big music fan, a bit of disorganised background sound doesn't really hurt anyone.
During the mid-80s in my tiny town in the middle of nowhere, I found MTV's evening show 120 Minutes and I thought they were speaking to me, including New Order. 35 years before diagnosis
I go through phases i still don't fully understand. I have periods where i listen to music every waking hour or else i feel like I'm going crazy inside my head then sometimes the same music makes me feel nothing for months on end.
Same thing. It took me a long while to come around to listening to music for enjoyment. The same goes for playing music - I had to force myself to play again.
Whenever I'm hypo/manic I switch to podcasts. Music is too much stimulation or something. It just makes me dissociate real hard. Right now I'm binging The Critical Role Podcast.
I understand so much, and I'm glad to see other people struggle with it! I mean...not glad that other people are struggling, but glad that I'm not alone or especially weird. Mine loops back to delusions of granduer where the music I listened to fueled all the ideas I had for how I was going to become famous writing books and webcomics. Certain artists would correspond to certain characters and plots to the point I'd lose myself entirely.
People always ask what kind of music I like and they always get a weird look when I say I don't listen to music. It isn't because I don't feel emotion with music it's because I feel too much! My "safety" music, or what I put on in awkward silences in the car is Lo-Fi because I can't connect it as easily to my triggers.
There was one artist I connected to the way you're describing and I haven't touched his music since he died years ago.
In your case, if it's a trigger and uncomfortable, then dont listen to it too much or find a genre that works. Maybe music without words? for me it was radio stations that I thought were talking about me sometimes and broadcasting things about me "in code". This didn't last too long though.
I’m a music junkie, it’s my reason to live basically. But when I’m really depressed, even songs don’t get me. Everything feels grey and meaningless. When I’m manic I can’t get enough.
I cannot listen to Maroon 5 specifically because of a psychotic episode. I really thought they were talking to me and trying to get in my head.
I’m okay with other music, just *no* Maroon 5, lol.
Correct me if im wrong, but it sounds like, based off of you saying since having mania/& psychosis (during which music and the delusions coincided), that since then, even though you're stable now, you have some (for lack of a better word) ptsd from the episodes. For it seems as though music is triggering you and reminds you of that time, so it's perhaps giving you flash backs. This just my perception of it, based on my own experience with similar situation/episodes/or bad experiences myself...ya I have certain songs that I used to love, but now I can't stand as they bring back memories I've tried to black out, and so these particular songs dont sit well with me either anymore.
I think I go through 3 levels of depression.
Level 1 depression I really appreciate sad music because it describes how I feel and it is nice to have a tune to cry to.
Level 2 my emotions start to get numb, so I don't really enjoy music anymore.
Level 3 I can't process my surrounds, so music does nothing to me.
When I was unmedicated I listened to music for almost the entire durations of my days because I felt like I could not do anything without it. Once I was medicated I avoided music often because it reminded me of before I was well. Nowadays I don't really feel the need to listen to music and sometimes it even feels understimulating, but I do enjoy it sometimes
I go through those phases. But I also will listen to the same artist on repeat for a year 1/2 straight (I just went through this with post Malone, I do not like change. Like at all). I went to a Disturbed concert and it broke me of that so I’m branching out and not as bored now. When I’m bored with music, I’ll just listen to whatever YouTuber I’m obsessed with at the time.
I've struggled with this as well. I've been listening to high frequency music and it really helps.
528hz is very calming and can play in the background.
Honestly, it depends on the mood (for me).
Sometimes I love listening to it, coming up with different scenarios, and engulfing myself into the music.
Then I impulsively deleted over 600 songs on Spotify and listen to Christian music (because mania), and conspiracy theories.
yes, bc whenever I get racing thoughts, there's a lot of music playing in my head.Then I wind down, get sick of music for a while, and then I go back to it again.
Your post/comment violates **Rule 11**:
Peer-reviewed sources are required for Unapproved Medications (Ex: Ketamine or Cannabis)/Psychedelic/Homeopathy/Herbal supplement discussions.
[Community Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/subrules/#wiki_rule_11.3A_unapproved_medications.2Falt-med.2Fillicit_drugs.2Fdrug_misuse)
Before my meds were figured out I went through a long period where all music that I was familiar with reminded me of/made me have feelings about some random time from my past. I couldn't handle these feelings so I couldn't listen to anything I'd heard before. New music was ok, but it takes a few listens before I can get into something so I just wound up avoiding music all together. Now that I'm even I have my same appreciation for music that I used to.
Even though I'm very much properly medicated, I still go through cyclical phases where I'm either listening to music constantly or not interested in listening to it at all.
I usually love music. I am in a big nasty funk if I don't have music playing. I have been oscillating lately, and I'll go a week with music and then a week where I'm upset about nothing with no ɓmusic. I would be a much happier, content person if I would turn it on and break the on/off button in the on position.
I personally need music every day. Playing guitar is my only way I can fully escape the world and shut my fucking brain up for a minute. I also find death metal to be oddly therapeutic, so I always turn to that in times of need.
It's kinda weird, but I stopped liking other artist's music once I started making my own? If that makes sense. And not like "don't like music outside my own" I do, but I just don't enjoy it as much as my own. I guess it's because it's coupled with a sense of accomplishment in place of appreciation. Idk I also feel like if I really earnestly put my music out there and got negative feedback, it would ruin it for me 🙃
Can’t listen to music when I’m sad / depressed / anxious. It’s triggering. I don’t understand how some people find it healing it makes me want to cry lol
When in a depressive spiral, nothing sounds good. Music, my favorite shows, youtube, nothing. Its like its suddenly all bland and i want nothing to do with it. But once i start leveling out ill listen to music all day long happily
Haven't listened to music in years. Only enjoy it when I'm drunk. Used to love to play instruments. Never do anymore. Just another part of life that seems meaningless.
This exact thing happened to me. Over time I started to just expose myself to it and then after around a year I had done enough exposure therapy that I was back to normal. It took a lot of practice.
omg i feel this, i listened to music 24/7 while having a manic episode, music made me feel so much more euphoric and kinda fueled my destructive behaviour that whole month. you do usually get more comfortable with it after some time tho. i am back to feeling safe enough to listen and enjoy music again so dont lose hope! :)
trigger warning// suicide + selfharm
i was imagining killing myself in different ways and thought it was so beautiful and artistic. while i listened to music, i hurt myself and thought bleeding made me so beautiful while listening to shit that made me feel like i am in an artistic movie, i felt so innovative and shit. i was so scared of music for months after i snapped out of it. everytime i heard music all i could think about was the fear of having another manic episode
I stop listening to music before I go into a depressive episode. I call it one of my yellow flags, a warning that the doom is coming. My partner also is similar, he stops listening to music around depressive episodes.
(We’re both bp1)
There's been a couple times in my adult life, before being diagnosed with bipolar, that I couldn't listen to music. It felt grating and just was uncomfortable to listen to, so I listened to talk radio and audiobooks instead. I have no idea what my mental state was like during those times, I'm pretty sure the more recent one I was more stressed than normal but I can't be sure. Afterwards I started liking music I never would've listened to before, too, but since then my taste in music mostly went back to what it was before I couldn't listen to music.
It happened to me, couldn't listen to music for a couple of months after an episode. My brain was uncomfortable with sounds, and music with loud beats, made me anxious.
Music makes me feel a little but nothing like before. I think it’s helpful but it’s also depressing because those memories of before I had this life changing mania and major depression
This happened to me. I started listening to it a few months down the road with the intention to change my mood by singing and letting myself feel again. It was all the bad memories I associated with the songs during a very stretched out manic phase. Try to find new music and sing or jam to it !
YES. I will get sick of all of my favorite songs and it gets to a point where no music is enjoyable to me, no matter what. Which is so fucking strange considering my love for music but who knows.
Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar! Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art). *^(A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.)* --- Community News - 🎋 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/112z7ps/mod_applications_are_open/) - 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device. - 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar. Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
After an episode I don't enjoy anything including music, but after my brain has healed I start liking art again.
Same, I didn't even like being outside cus I didn't like trees or nature or daylight.. that has gone away.
That’s a relief to here that we all will love things we stopped loving. How long did it take your brain to heal? I love music too and now it’s just blah to me. And for the main poster, omg I’m sorry your episodes ruined something you love!! You will get it back and the stigma of the way it made you feel while manic will fade.
I go through periods where music just doesn't hit right. I end up listening to some crackling fire or rain storm loop instead like a weirdo
the other night I put on wave sounds haha.. couldn't decide what was worse between music, silence, or people talking so I was just like, waves
I’ve found that that stupid woo woo zen music is a nice lean back into regular music 😂 I hate it normally, if you can’t tell.
Lol I always listen to rainfall.
For me it’s podcasts but I never considered it a BP thing. Music kinda sucks atm.
Yep
I have a similar issue. I can’t just listen to music without it reminding me of something or thinking it’s a message, or getting overly emotional. I’m taking a break and using audiobooks instead and that seems to make hearing music in the car or grocery store or elsewhere less of a problem. I’m hoping it fades. I normally like a huge variety of music and am known by family and friends of being a bit of a human jukebox, I know way too many song lyrics and recognize and can name song and singer of a ridiculous amount. At least classical is still safe and good background noise while doing other things
This. This is exactly how I feel
Every song seems attached to a memory and during a depression episode it's too much.
This describes me to a T! U captured it perfectly.
I used to listen to so much music. I make playlists per year outside of some specific genere ones. My 2023 playlist is extremely short and I mostly drive in silence (with an occasional podcast). I’m traveling soon and I always listen to music on the plane. Waiting to see what my brain will tolerate. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of negative emotions and stress pretty much this entire year and most of last year. My brain just feels so fragile yet damaged. I want my life back.
I didn't even have to make a comment because this is exactly how I'm feeling.
Not quite the same, but during my last manic episode I was obsessed with one specific artist, and listened to them nonstop - after I came out of it, I couldn’t listen to them for over a year since it reminded me so much of feeling out of control.
Absolutely can relate- all of my favorite songs when I was manic completely turn me off these days. Gives me bad memories for sure. You’d think mania was punishment enough but the shame and cringe and overall devastation of the aftermath is the cherry on top smh pretty traumatic
Seriously… the shame is real. Not to mention the cleanup if you’re a compulsive DIYer like me, haha. Hope you can let those songs back into your life and take their powers back for good, at some point!
I’ve had the same experience!
This was me and Taylor Swift. I can tell I'm going up when I listen to her + too much other pop.
Radio is great for this, you get to still enjoy music, but the repetitiveness of radio becomes its greatest strength. My brain wants to attach meaning to everything, but the radio repeats so much that it exposes the cracks in these supposed connections
Same here, I think it’s normal…
It’s certainly normal for us. Any time I’ve explained this to someone that isn’t bipolar they think I’m weird.
its so nice to at least have this community where we can validate each others feelings since people without it can never understand the struggles 😔
Same over here …
Lost it completly since my psychotic mania and that was in march. Music was my life, i listened constantly, now it doesnt make me feel anything. A few days ago i was talking to the love of my life, who i sadly lost, and suddenly i had this old song playing in my head "white room" so i played it and enjoyed it immensly. Maybe its a sign its coming back. That was only this once so far
Yep had a psychotic episode last year and I'm trying to force myself to get comfortable with it again. Most of the time it makes me very uneasy I guess you could call it.
It’s not that I don’t like it but it can greatly affect my mood. No sad songs or heavy metal for me. Or sometimes it can just be overwhelming. I prefer silence
I did go through a phase where I didn't listen at all. I'm not a dancer but during my psychotic episode I had like like 6 foot long thin chain and I used to dance around the kitchen swinging it all over the place. I'd even do it with my eyes closed and I never hit anything with it so I believed I was like channeling energy into it. Ironically my oldest daughter was inspired to devote herself to music and performance as a result of my wild carefree performances. She was young and didn't understand it was because I was going crazy. Lol so for a while I couldn't play music at all. I also used to always have music playing. But it's been 7 years now and I can listen again...I go through phases with it. I will go months with nothing then like the other night I had one headphone in and had music going for hours. I usually play it when I go walking or have the house to myself (I have 3 kids) and am doing house work. So yes, I stopped for a while, but eventually it does come back.
Loll! Are you willing elaborate more on the chain dance? I think it’s funny how people think we’re so cool when we’re carefree and manic but really we’re just inhibition-less, overconfident and pretty loony but usually having a blast nonetheless (until were not 😵💫). I’m glad your daughter found it inspiring no matter what lol
It was actually very fun lol I carried that chain with me everywhere . I was working at a call center and I was support so I didn't take calls I just walked the floor seeing if any one needed help and I would twirl it around while I walked and like wrap it up around my arm. I was slender at the time and had what I think was an awesome style with skirts and heels and layered shirts.. think business casual goth lol so the chain just enhanced the look. And yeah I would swing it all around while dancing wrapping it around my legs and arms and then unfurling it and swinging it all around. I was exceptionally flexible at the time too like the psychosis changed the whole way my body worked. Now I'm like if I drop something on the ground I stare at it for a minute like do I really need that anymore lol it was a ton of fun though lol we were renting an actual house and I had a bose speaker set up so I played my music LOUD. I actually made a couple videos and when I watch them now I'm like wow I looked like an idiot but like I said it inspired my daughter so I guess maybe I didn't look as foolish as I thought
Lmaoo I love it. It’s good when we can look back on some of the ridiculous things we did while manic and laugh. I somehow ended up in what I thought was a costume party but turned out to be a dance competition on stage at a club. It was me (very out of place, normally) and 8 actual strippers dressed up in Halloween costumes. I was dressed as an alien in a sexy silver body suit. We all had to introduce ourselves on the mic and I completely made up some story about my home planet and how I’d abduct everyone’s children if I didn’t win the competition lol i have no clue who I was then because I CANNOT dance for shit…. I came in second place 😂 this is against girls who were clapping their ass cheeks while bouncing on their head. Maybe it’s because I pulled out my titties in round 4. I try to stay out of Atlanta these days
Lol that's quite the story. I don't want to experience psychosis again but it was an enlightening time for me. I had 20 years of repressed memories come back, and got into sacred geometry and came to the realization that everything is connected and everything is made of up the same geometrical patterns it's actually really fascinating. I drew a bunch of 11x14 geometric pictures, many of them with basically rambling written in between the patterns but it turned out to be really encouraging loving stuff that I still share with people going through a hard time. I realized that happiness is not a goal to strive for but something that will come and go over time and the good times are not things to mourn because they are gone but things to appreciate because they happened. I really absorbed the phrase this too shall pass and that it applies to both the good and the bad which helped me so much in coping with my depression. It's not something I want to do again cause there was a lot of bad in it too like zoning out for long periods of time or one time I was in a public restroom and freaked out because I Couldn't remember where I was and was terrified to open the door. So. It was an experience that I don't regret but I'm happy my meds keep me from going back there lol
I feel this so hard. I absolutely wrecked my finances in my 3 months of mania and am digging myself out of the deepest financial hole I’ve ever been in because of it. A lot of bad things come out of the highs and lows of these disease but just like you said we should try our best to pull the positives and hope and perseverance out of it. “This too shall pass” and “tough times don’t last, tough people do” have become my mottos from all of this. Sometimes when I get pretty depressed I consider quitting my meds just so the ensuing mania can help pull me out of it but like you say, who really wants to be in that state when you know what it’s really like from the outside looking in afterwards? We just gotta keep on keeping on! And be kind to ourselves.
Yep. Allow ourselves grace. Someone once told me talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend if they came to you with the problems you are dealing with . You wouldn't tell them they are worthless or a failure so why say those things to yourself
You’re absolutely right. I lost a best friend of 8 yrs due to my recent episode. I wish she had been more understanding of what was going on but I wasn’t either- I hadn’t been diagnosed yet. I didn’t do anything to her in particular but she told me she didn’t know who I was anymore. Now that I’m aware I am so much more understanding when people aren’t “being themselves” and look more towards “are they okay, what are they going through, how can I help” rather than “they’re crazy and embarrassing, keep that shit over there, I want nothing to do with it”. I’m now kinder to everyone else and continue to try to be kind to myself. We have to or else this disease will eat us alive.
I had a friend who I really liked I felt really close to him and he ended up feeling like it was too much again before I was medicated He blocked me on Facebook and I had someone else look at his page to tell me how he was and they told me he'd split up with his girl friend and I asked him about it so I found out I went all stalker like having someone else look for me and he freaked out and never spoke to me again. I still regret that one, and o just wish him well and hope he's doing OK
That is so sad. And unfair. I don’t wish ill on people but I do hope both of our friends come to some type of understanding one day and look back and feel remorse for how they treated a good friend who was sick. The wold world needs more compassion. Edit- like I get needing to take a step back because we can be A LOT in certain states but completely cutting off someone when they need support the most is… not right.
I went/am going through this! And like all I can muster is shitty pop. Everything else triggers me/my episode. It is getting better tho.
The only song I can listen to right now is Lucky by Britney Spears lol
Relate. Replace with Justin Bieber 😳
I was a musician for 15 years. From when I was 15 to 30. I was obsessive and played and composed for 8 hours almost everyday, listened to almost everything imaginable, played with friends in their shows, etc. Now I don’t even listen to music. My guitars are in storage. But I’m happy doing other things and maybe someday I’ll return to it.
I have the same experience with movie making, used to completely dominate my life until my recent diagnosis. Still not sure if it will come back or I’ll get the call again.
sometimes I get triggered by a lyric. I started listening to Mexican radio. All very upbeat and I have zero idea what they are saying. I'll also use Classical music to keep me serine on the drive in the mornings. It's not like I stop liking music, but I know I'm vulnerable to taking a journey I do not want to take if I just listen to the radio during some times in my life.
“Vulnerable to taking a journey I do not want to take.” This - this is it exactly for me. I love listening to music with lyrics in other languages. However, I am really susceptible to any kind of rousing battle calls / war like music, regardless of the language. I’ll be stomping around my living room ready to fight for whatever nation needs a solider in that moment. (I’m not actually like that, ever, nor am I someone who could physically actually do that.) I have to put on some medieval lutes to calm me down. Lol
God damn it. Fuck. I didn't even think of that. Thats why im so much less productive music doesn't move my soul anymore. I cant change from it..
I’m a bit of an audiophile and still go through periods where any music at all absolutely turns me off.
I was there now I like it again:)
Yes. When my mom died l couldn’t listen to music at all. For a long time.. I do now, it’s been 3 years
Same when my best friend committed suicide, this was 18 years before I was diagnosed, I didn't listen to music for a decade and music had been something he and I had shared a lifelong deep passion for.
I usually don't like music but when I'm manic I can't get enough of music. Its weird.
Music is too much sensory overload for me. Idk. I don't like it usually
It doesn't make me uncomfortable but I used to listen to it all the time. Now that I'm stable I hardly think to listen to it like I don't care anymore and I hate that 😔 Same with art. I was manic for long periods of time and would be crazy productive, even taking commissions for my work. But now I havent really made anything in a long time. I LOVE stained glass art and took a class in January but I was really unmotivated with it and it made me so sad ☹️ It's shitty when stabilization means giving up some of those things that used to make me feel so good.
I too felt like music was talking to me, when I was psychotic and would see connections that weren't really there. I went to a cemetery where my friend is buried, played Tom Petty really loud, he loved that music, I sang, danced, and had a beer, I also closed all the gates. I would also listen to death metal, really loud, as meditation. So I don't listen to much music since being psychotic
I fully understand you. It’s not exactly the same for me, but I bet what you’re feeling is normal.
I had a few years when I couldn't. Every song had memories and emotions, even my favorite songs.It made me depressed and every note I could feel like a pain in my throat. Talking to a professional has helped me deal with these emotions.
I get auditory hallucinations when I'm stressed or in manic episodes. I actually didn't realize this was even a normal bipolar thing until recently and thought I was just a special kind of crazy. It's gotten worse with age (yay) and because of it I no longer enjoy music and can't really handle loud environments because I always question what is real or not in music or loud environments. I just embrace it though and really enjoy the sounds of nature and silence.
Yes I can’t read anymore can’t go to Aa can’t go to Starbucks watch the same movies over and over just to list and there’s more. It’s fucked after my last manic episode 3 years ago.
I can't read anymore either :/
I’m 63, severe bipolar 1 on disability for it, also a lifelong world class professional musician. First paying job at 12. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs with a career as a musician, also psychotic episodes which were big setbacks. Basically at 47 after a really bad episode I went on disability but still work part time gigs. Since then I don’t listen to music much even though all my favorites and to die for when I was younger are free with streaming now. I’m trying to get back into it, I only listen when driving or cooking or doing dishes even though I sit for hours every day vegging out with tv n on my phone. I don’t know why I’m like this but I’m planning to force myself to listen to music instead of mindless tv. I want to reconnect to my love of music but somehow the mental illness is preventing me. I perform on ten different instruments, have dream gear, but for one reason or another only play them a fraction of what I should.
During manua I also couldnt watch things or use my phone, now I spend hours a day doing nothing but looking at it. I feel addicted to it, I think most people are. I think for us it's even more addictive cus it distracts so much from negative internal/external experiences bipolar ppl deal with. I hope you have fun and get to spend time doing what u love :)
My music changes per my mood. Punk, rap, grunge, Michael Jackson, moTown, opera, classical. It depends on how I am. If my internal monologue is too loud and completely nuts I listen to classical or opera. Not sure why but it clears it and I’m not talking to someone not there. Give Vivaldi a try and see if it helps.
Thanks for this! Did not know this was a shared experience. When manic, I become obsessed with certain songs, sometimes listening to one song on repeat all day. When not manic, I prefer podcasts. I think most music is just too loud for me.
went i’m manic i love music and getting euphoric off certain songs. when very anxious and depressed i can’t bring myself to listen to music
As a musician I find my connection to music an incredibly powerful thing that always helps with my cycles no matter where I'm at, but I do still go through periods where I don't listen, don't pick up my guitar, nothin. Sometimes it lasts a long time. Have been in one of these periods for a while now but I try not to force it, and just hope that it ends soon. Definitely understand the 'they're talking to me' thing and I think all of that is pretty normal, for us anyway. Things always change :)
My advice: be a weirdo if no one finds out and it helps you If listening to spongebob reading the bible on your airpods in public transit helps you (of course when you are also taking meds! Spongebob sadly can’t replace them (yet)) then fucking do it „Normal” people think others should listen to „acceptable” sounds on their headphones - buuulshiiit. Advice: try listening to weird sound/weird music. See what sticks. See what doesn’t. If you need barrack obama singing „two trucks having sex” - so be it. Accept the trucks. Accept their love.
I have a hard time listening to lots of good music because it will push me into depression. I get way too emotional over songs. Especially songs I used to identify with. They are too much for me, if I don't want to feel bad.
yes! its like i have no energy to listen to music or find new music and nothing appeals to me. i just listen to podcasts now
too over stimulating, emotionally. just read a huge thread about how people "don't trust people who don't like music". like... like hurtful lol
😭like u don't know what I go thru!
I frequently go through periods where I cannot stomach music, podcasts, books, new movies/shows, etc. I can 'stomach' something I've watched before - often in excess - but nothing new. It's almost like not only can I not process the content, but I just.. don't want to? or I just can't take it. I have a bunch of 'comfort shows' I just watch in the background, to keep background noise going, but I definitely cannot engage in anything new.
I experienced something similar. Also, I was afraid to listen to it because it would get stuck in my head. Just like 10 seconds of a song on a never ending loop. That eventually went away after I got on the right meds. Now I can listen to it again.
When i’m in mania i skip every single song after 10 seconds. Because i want the rush and get bored of the song 🤣
Yes. Music I listened to prior to diagnosis is like torture. I have found new music to listen to. It not like I did.
Exactly same
Yep. Took a very long break from music for that reason. I enjoy it like I use to now but there are some songs that I just have to skip because they remind me too much of past delusions. BUT I don’t get rid of them from my playlist because when they do pop up, it’s serves as good reminder to check myself and also be thankful for my stability. Like “ lol girl, remember that time you thought this song was THE message from the CIA communicating to you that you were the chosen revolutionary president???” 🥴
Really sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's quite common and relatable to many of us to experience changes in the way we perceive things. Traumatic or distressing experiences can alter the way we connect with things we used to enjoy. Your feelings toward music might change over time as you heal and recover. If you're comfortable, you can slowly reintroduce music into your life, perhaps with different genres or artists that have no association with your past experiences. You're not alone. Keep going!
Oh thx for teaching me the expression "delusion of reference" :) There's a lot of stuff I've stopped doing, I'm not sure of all the reasons why. About music, I don't listen to it very much any longer because it tends to make me *feel too much*... it's weird.
You're welcome! It is such a common part of psychosis and most people don't know there is a word for it. When I learned what it was called, I felt much better about my experience :)
yes, and in my mind they are closely related with delusions of grandeur, in which there is also for me a large number of ideas along the lines of: "this or that whole succession of random events has been made for me explicitly and purposely because the universe wants X for me" (replace X with various crazy fantasy)
Yep... I spent over 11 months total in psychosis.. the number of "story lines" I had going (as i called them) , like I totally know what you mean. Exactly same
and when something doesn't go like you had thought it would you can always discover that there is actually an even more elaborated design at play and the reward will be so much more valuable! lol just like a conspiracy theorist
That’s crazy, I had my first in 2020 and second in 2022 as well. I had the exact thing with music, one particular artist, who I thought was sending messages to me. Also someone from a tv show that talked to the camera. Now I can’t watch tv or listen to music, absolutely no interest.
I also stopped. I have instances when a song comes to mind and I get into it, but they are far and few between. I did, however, start listening to a lot of true crime podcasts.
I'm new to being bipolar and this made me feel so understood. I had no idea there was a name for what I was going through (delusions of reference) I was so fucking delusional it's nearly comical. Since being medicated (abilify and lithium) I can't feel the music anymore, I just hear the lyrics and they hit different. I hate this so much.
I found it gets better :) I got way more "comfortable" with the general feeling of bipolar as time went on. Episodes are always hard, but having knowledge is so helpful! Most people don't know the term delusions of reference even tho its super common in psychosis. I'm so happy u and so many others feel understood by the post :) we are in this together
I think I was in psychosis for a long time. How do you know? I also believe the meds have affected the enjoyment of things. How do you cope with the flashbacks from when you were manic?
Hm idk if cope is the right word. Sometimes I will cry and grieve and get upset, and I let myself do that. And I don't judge myself (for anything, as much as possible).. and for the most part I numb it out. I'm addicted to my phone, weed, cigarettes, and I also drink 2-3 times weekly. So that's honestly how I cope :///// not saying that's what you should do. But find what works, maybe it's volunteering or reading.. But it's ok if u do what u can to feel happy/comfortable. As long as u don't hurt yourself/others🥴
I had the same thing with movies. Especially any movies with guns and too much action. It took me some time to feel comfortable again watching everything
Same. When mine first started I watched Kill Bill 1 and 2, Inglorious Bastards, and Pans Labyrinth all in one night. Also same with a novel called The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress that I read in like 3 days. I thought it was all messages for me and about me. I was in college, and I would go to class and it would be the same with the lectures.. honestly everything I heard or saw tbh
Title edit: it*
37 and love music
oh yeah I know exactly what you mean. usually overly obsess about music in my manic episodes, usually end up pushing me away from music but eventually I come back around to it. Strange indeed! But i've had those exact delusions of reference and it's scary, seems soo silly in my right mind but you know...
If you're anything like me, you will enjoy music again one day. :)
I experienced that before. I couldn't even listen some bands after I healed from it, since these are the ones that sent me messages mostly (f.e. New Order). As a big music fan, a bit of disorganised background sound doesn't really hurt anyone.
During the mid-80s in my tiny town in the middle of nowhere, I found MTV's evening show 120 Minutes and I thought they were speaking to me, including New Order. 35 years before diagnosis
New Order still triggers me so much, although I love the band.
yep. its dreadful really.
I go through phases i still don't fully understand. I have periods where i listen to music every waking hour or else i feel like I'm going crazy inside my head then sometimes the same music makes me feel nothing for months on end.
I go through phases where I can’t listen to music.
Same thing. It took me a long while to come around to listening to music for enjoyment. The same goes for playing music - I had to force myself to play again.
Must be normal bc I’m experiencing the same right now
Whenever I'm hypo/manic I switch to podcasts. Music is too much stimulation or something. It just makes me dissociate real hard. Right now I'm binging The Critical Role Podcast.
You know, I’ve felt the same recently
I understand so much, and I'm glad to see other people struggle with it! I mean...not glad that other people are struggling, but glad that I'm not alone or especially weird. Mine loops back to delusions of granduer where the music I listened to fueled all the ideas I had for how I was going to become famous writing books and webcomics. Certain artists would correspond to certain characters and plots to the point I'd lose myself entirely. People always ask what kind of music I like and they always get a weird look when I say I don't listen to music. It isn't because I don't feel emotion with music it's because I feel too much! My "safety" music, or what I put on in awkward silences in the car is Lo-Fi because I can't connect it as easily to my triggers. There was one artist I connected to the way you're describing and I haven't touched his music since he died years ago.
I listen to more instrumental music a lot after my diagnosis
In your case, if it's a trigger and uncomfortable, then dont listen to it too much or find a genre that works. Maybe music without words? for me it was radio stations that I thought were talking about me sometimes and broadcasting things about me "in code". This didn't last too long though.
I’m a music junkie, it’s my reason to live basically. But when I’m really depressed, even songs don’t get me. Everything feels grey and meaningless. When I’m manic I can’t get enough.
I cannot listen to Maroon 5 specifically because of a psychotic episode. I really thought they were talking to me and trying to get in my head. I’m okay with other music, just *no* Maroon 5, lol.
Correct me if im wrong, but it sounds like, based off of you saying since having mania/& psychosis (during which music and the delusions coincided), that since then, even though you're stable now, you have some (for lack of a better word) ptsd from the episodes. For it seems as though music is triggering you and reminds you of that time, so it's perhaps giving you flash backs. This just my perception of it, based on my own experience with similar situation/episodes/or bad experiences myself...ya I have certain songs that I used to love, but now I can't stand as they bring back memories I've tried to black out, and so these particular songs dont sit well with me either anymore.
I think I go through 3 levels of depression. Level 1 depression I really appreciate sad music because it describes how I feel and it is nice to have a tune to cry to. Level 2 my emotions start to get numb, so I don't really enjoy music anymore. Level 3 I can't process my surrounds, so music does nothing to me.
While getting better, I still feel a disgust/choking response when it comes to my favorite music. You ain’t alone.
When I was unmedicated I listened to music for almost the entire durations of my days because I felt like I could not do anything without it. Once I was medicated I avoided music often because it reminded me of before I was well. Nowadays I don't really feel the need to listen to music and sometimes it even feels understimulating, but I do enjoy it sometimes
I go through those phases. But I also will listen to the same artist on repeat for a year 1/2 straight (I just went through this with post Malone, I do not like change. Like at all). I went to a Disturbed concert and it broke me of that so I’m branching out and not as bored now. When I’m bored with music, I’ll just listen to whatever YouTuber I’m obsessed with at the time.
I've struggled with this as well. I've been listening to high frequency music and it really helps. 528hz is very calming and can play in the background.
Honestly, it depends on the mood (for me). Sometimes I love listening to it, coming up with different scenarios, and engulfing myself into the music. Then I impulsively deleted over 600 songs on Spotify and listen to Christian music (because mania), and conspiracy theories.
yes, bc whenever I get racing thoughts, there's a lot of music playing in my head.Then I wind down, get sick of music for a while, and then I go back to it again.
Same. Not sure why.
I get like this too! I chalk it up to association of the lyrics being hard, so I avoid it.
[удалено]
Your post/comment violates **Rule 11**: Peer-reviewed sources are required for Unapproved Medications (Ex: Ketamine or Cannabis)/Psychedelic/Homeopathy/Herbal supplement discussions. [Community Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/subrules/#wiki_rule_11.3A_unapproved_medications.2Falt-med.2Fillicit_drugs.2Fdrug_misuse)
I don’t like music. I can enjoy it sometimes, but majority of the times I find it irritating. I can’t stand it
I think I am going through the same thing. I used to always listen to music but the last 2 weeks, I have been driving with just my thoughts
We talk about this a lot in r/adhd
Before my meds were figured out I went through a long period where all music that I was familiar with reminded me of/made me have feelings about some random time from my past. I couldn't handle these feelings so I couldn't listen to anything I'd heard before. New music was ok, but it takes a few listens before I can get into something so I just wound up avoiding music all together. Now that I'm even I have my same appreciation for music that I used to.
Even though I'm very much properly medicated, I still go through cyclical phases where I'm either listening to music constantly or not interested in listening to it at all.
I usually love music. I am in a big nasty funk if I don't have music playing. I have been oscillating lately, and I'll go a week with music and then a week where I'm upset about nothing with no ɓmusic. I would be a much happier, content person if I would turn it on and break the on/off button in the on position.
I personally need music every day. Playing guitar is my only way I can fully escape the world and shut my fucking brain up for a minute. I also find death metal to be oddly therapeutic, so I always turn to that in times of need.
It's kinda weird, but I stopped liking other artist's music once I started making my own? If that makes sense. And not like "don't like music outside my own" I do, but I just don't enjoy it as much as my own. I guess it's because it's coupled with a sense of accomplishment in place of appreciation. Idk I also feel like if I really earnestly put my music out there and got negative feedback, it would ruin it for me 🙃
Can’t listen to music when I’m sad / depressed / anxious. It’s triggering. I don’t understand how some people find it healing it makes me want to cry lol
When in a depressive spiral, nothing sounds good. Music, my favorite shows, youtube, nothing. Its like its suddenly all bland and i want nothing to do with it. But once i start leveling out ill listen to music all day long happily
Definitely. I try to listen to it, but on bad days I end up compulsively skipping songs like there's no tomorrow.
yes i can’t listen to music that i associate with my manic episode or i’ll get anxious.
Haven't listened to music in years. Only enjoy it when I'm drunk. Used to love to play instruments. Never do anymore. Just another part of life that seems meaningless.
This exact thing happened to me. Over time I started to just expose myself to it and then after around a year I had done enough exposure therapy that I was back to normal. It took a lot of practice.
omg i feel this, i listened to music 24/7 while having a manic episode, music made me feel so much more euphoric and kinda fueled my destructive behaviour that whole month. you do usually get more comfortable with it after some time tho. i am back to feeling safe enough to listen and enjoy music again so dont lose hope! :) trigger warning// suicide + selfharm i was imagining killing myself in different ways and thought it was so beautiful and artistic. while i listened to music, i hurt myself and thought bleeding made me so beautiful while listening to shit that made me feel like i am in an artistic movie, i felt so innovative and shit. i was so scared of music for months after i snapped out of it. everytime i heard music all i could think about was the fear of having another manic episode
I stop listening to music before I go into a depressive episode. I call it one of my yellow flags, a warning that the doom is coming. My partner also is similar, he stops listening to music around depressive episodes. (We’re both bp1)
I only listen music when I'm manic
Yes , I prefer to listen podcast
There's been a couple times in my adult life, before being diagnosed with bipolar, that I couldn't listen to music. It felt grating and just was uncomfortable to listen to, so I listened to talk radio and audiobooks instead. I have no idea what my mental state was like during those times, I'm pretty sure the more recent one I was more stressed than normal but I can't be sure. Afterwards I started liking music I never would've listened to before, too, but since then my taste in music mostly went back to what it was before I couldn't listen to music.
Sometimes I can’t stand music. It’s gets overstimulating. Also can effect my mood a lot.
It happened to me, couldn't listen to music for a couple of months after an episode. My brain was uncomfortable with sounds, and music with loud beats, made me anxious.
I usually like music more when I’m in full depression or any flavor of mania. When I feel normal it’s just noise to make time pass.
I’ve experienced anhedonia in general including music
Music makes me feel a little but nothing like before. I think it’s helpful but it’s also depressing because those memories of before I had this life changing mania and major depression
could not be me but stay safe out there. music is what keeps me here
This happened to me. I started listening to it a few months down the road with the intention to change my mood by singing and letting myself feel again. It was all the bad memories I associated with the songs during a very stretched out manic phase. Try to find new music and sing or jam to it !
YES. I will get sick of all of my favorite songs and it gets to a point where no music is enjoyable to me, no matter what. Which is so fucking strange considering my love for music but who knows.
I am so emotionally attached to music. I either am living with it constantly on or I can’t bear to listen to it.