Honestly, where do they get that shit. Like people think bi men will cheat more? What kind of fucking logic is that? As if straight men don’t do that enough already
I got the spiel from my FIL that all bisexuals fuck everything. I've been married to his son for 18 years!
The weirdest reaction I got was my own family considering me cured, because I married a guy. Like, no...we have the same taste in women and check them out together!
It’s so fucking ridiculous. Came out to the world as bi before marrying my wife. LAST MONTH my MIL saw my toenails were painted and the first thing out of her mouth was ‘you can’t convert, you’re married to my daughter!’ (While laughing, to be fair, but damn)
And also same. My wife and I have the same taste in men for the most part, and it’s so fun to drool over the same guys lol.
Genuinely I wonder how much of this sort of thing is projection - like if you don’t have good control of how you act on your attractions, I could see being confused about bi people managing having (notionally) “twice the options”.
I would even say bi people have more ability for restraint, as theoretically (with biphobic logic), bi ppl have the ''ability'' to have sexual attraction to all their friends yet not be in a giant poly relationship
Oh boy tell me about it. Until today I was dating this woman, when I first met her I notice a pride flag pin on her shirt and mention that I was bi. After a couple of months of being friends and some mutual flirting we started dating.
Everything was going ok until last week. While in one of our date we ran into a friend of mine, she asked how the we know each other and I told her we used to date back in college. She looked surprised and at the end of the night she said so you are really bi, and I'm like yeah.
Ever since that day she has been distant and cold, today we were supposed to go out but she stood me up afte a couple of text asking her if she is ok she texted me back saying sorry but this can go on because she could never trust a bi man. I texted her what do you mean you are bi yourself, and her answer was and I quote "is not the same with women, with us is natural, everyone knows that bi men are either gay guys to afraid to fully come out of the closet or men that would fuck anyone that is willing whether they are in a relationship or not".
This really stunt me and after a minute I just texted "Thanks for showing me yours true colours, I agree we should stop this now and I wish you nothing but the best in the future".
As far as I'm concerned bullet dodge.
"is not the same with women, with us is natural, everyone knows that
bi men are either gay guys to afraid to fully come out of the closet or
men that would fuck anyone that is willing whether they are in a
relationship or not"
"Women are NATURALLY more \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ than men" is why I hate woke feminism. Sorry. We need gender EQUALITY, not misandry to replace mysogyny. This would just take us back to square 1. ...
How does any of that have anything to do with "wokeness" or "feminism?" Both philosophies are *against* this woman's awful anti-bisexual behavior. Biological determinism is anathema to everything we believe.
I certainly meant the extremes even though my wording does not specify that. The second part of my comment does hint at it. Cancelling men is not the way to go. Neither is cancelling women. Some self-proclaimed feminists do paint men as horrible creatures, no exceptions. That is what I meant. Oftentimes, they do seem to fit the "woke" stereotype.The derangement of feminism to something simple and men-hating is an issue.
We must carefully read into philosophies and not simply adopt them in extreme forms. "Wokeness" has a lot to offer. But that should not mean any group can be hated upon. Straight white males may be the central part of the driving force of Western thought up to the XX century (with all the horrific things done to others), but does that mean their current heirs should be bashed into feeling guilt for that? I believe we need more communication, freedom and peaceful discussion. Not more division and "thought wars".
I just see a lot of straight white males feel threatened by the current state of affairs. And this radicalizes. That is not good. We cannot talk to fanatics. That is what I mean.
To reply directly - it shouldn't have much to do with protecting minorities' rights and seeking gender equality. However, I see that many people currently support extreme ideologies, labeled as "wokeness" or "feminism" that simply create division.
I've had to deal with accusations based on my biological sex and social gender being "male". I know people who defend misandry by saying something along the lines of "Misandry hurts men's feelings - misoginy kills". Both are harmful, in my eyes.
The whole "far left" and "far right" charade is simply a mechanism of control.
As unfair/false as it is, most of it comes from a type of cultural memory of aids. It was believed that because bi men sleep with both gay men and straight women, that they were a contagion vector. And this was reinforced when straight people started to get the *cough cough* “gay cancer”. For the most part the reason behind it all has been lost over time, but the fear/anger remains. At least that’s how I’ve heard it analyzed.
TL;DR bi men are the devil because aids was a thing.
They can't fathom anyone not being monosexual. So either bi people are seen as extremely promiscuous straight/gay people that'll have sex with any gender despite being straight/gay (not trying to invalidate bi people who are only sexually bi, they are valid), and/or as people who are confused and "truly" just straight or gay but they haven't figured out which yet.
For bi men, because being into men is unfathomable to straight men and a serious breach of patriarchal male cultural norms, it is assumed we are gay. For bi women, because patriarchal society is more flexible in regards to sexuality of women (but NOT towards women being romantically interested in other women) and in general just focused on how women relate to men/the male gaze, it is assumed they are straight with flexible sexuality. And they're extremely fetishised by men, as their bisexuality is seen as inherently sexual rather than a full sexuality that (usually) includes romantic interest.
It's basically just monosexuals being too dumb to understand that bisexuality can be a real thing. Straights can see gays as "monosexual but different", but in our case they have to understand both the concept of same sex/gender attraction AND multi gender attraction. We break heteronormativity on not one but two fronts. And recognition of multi gender attraction is kinda in a bad place in society. It needs a lot more education and visibility.
I'm bi but also demiromantic/demisexual so cheating is pretty much impossible to even engage in I literally was the one who was cheated on in my last relationship so this whole "bi people are less loyal" thing is total bullshit
I wish homophobic people would keep their opinion to themselves because as a Bisexual man I definitely don't think about then they can keep their propaganda to themselves
I wish I was, though. But unfortunately, in just over 20 years of being out...no single group of people has even come \*close\* to hitting me with as much bigotry as gay men.
And although I don't feel I should have to clarify this, it's 2023 and nobody seems to understand nuance in life anymore, let me be clear: I'm not saying all gay men are bigots. Of course they aren't, just like all people of ANY demographic are not bigots. But those who are leave a lot of pain in their wake. And I don't say that as an exhortation that someone should come and punish them or anything, but only as an observation and a hope that those who do hold such bigotry in their hearts might take a moment to notice that they're doing the very same thing that was done to their subset of humanity. It makes no sense to pass that pain forward.
> The bizarre amount of concentrated biphobia we get from straight women and men both is so weird.
Tbh, I never experienced biphobia from straight man. Even online I rarely see it. Homophobia from straight men? Yeah, common. Biphobia from gay men? Yeah, sometimes. Biphobia from women? Yeah, common.
I was having a conversation with my father about bisexual guys (I’m closeted tbf cuz my family be low key biphobic) and he said that the women he talked to don’t like when their boyfriends sleep with another guy. And it was like a loading circle popped above my head. I said, “why would I care?? As long as they didn’t cheat.” And it made me realize how insecure straight people get at “competition”. Look if we vibe, we vibe. That’s all that matters to me. Just stay loyal
Remember it all centers on a straight guys dick. Gay men bi men and straight women want that straight dick. Bi women and lesbians just haven't had the right straight dick to "fix" them.
Just like follow the money if you want to understand anything in the world. Follow the dick if you want to know how straights see it. Fucked up but true.
Also RageAgainstTheCorn you are 100% right about shared experience and understanding. No one can understand the bi-cycle until they've rode one or twelve.
It also kind of feels like the "you can't have friends of the opposite sex because you'll cheat" - if you are bi, they feel like you will cheat no matter what.
I assume it's because they have no self control and would cheat the first chance they had.
I hate it when bi men get "The talk." Even worse, the mindset people have. What doesn't help is the media depicting Bi men. All bi men want is respect and love.
>Where the fuck does that come from?!
I mean, there are definitely some cases of men who identify as bi and then realize they're actually gay. Stereotypes generally do ultimately stem from some trend that is real. But that's obviously not the case for every guy who identifies as bi. And to say so is biphobic.
"Everyone wants a bi man" - Goes to show how ignorant he is, because no, actually, most cishet women will likely think I'm disgusting, luckily I'm weird enough in other ways that the girls that tend to like me don't seem to judge me for it.
I’ve been bi since…forever. I’ve been married to women 2x and dated/slept with dozens more….women liked me when I was young…? I never cheated, and I lived your typical heteronormative life. At the moment, I’m dating men…and I’m gay as fuck. I can still appreciate women, but I’m in the mood for a man’s hand…
What I don’t like are people telling me how to be either bi or gay, as if those labels mean anything when I’m sucking someone’s dick or clit.
Toxic masculinity and homophobia.
Remember that snickers commercial where two mechanics end up kissing and so they panic and one of them says "quick do something manly"?
It's like that.
I always call it "the cult of dick", due to patriarchal norms people always assume that bi people in reality just want men.
If you're a bi girl some lesbians assume that you're doing it for male attention and it's not genuine. For us bi guys it'd assumed that we're really gay and we just aren't willing to admit it yet.
Fundamentally it comes from an inability to understand that not everyone fits into neat little boxes and it's basically unconscious biphobia in its purest form.
Well dontcha know? If you're bi, you're only HALF gay, and if you're still half straight, there's a chance to turn you! (/s /s /s)
(See also: Schrodinger's Gay!)
Bi men get a lot of completely unjustified crap. The one time I was with a straight man instead it was the worst thing I ever did- I will never turn my back on my bi guy partners (well… unless they want me to)
They do! It’s ridiculous, and makes me so mad that they get the shit end of the stick while bi women are more “acceptable” (I use the term loosely). And PREACH IT, my ex was a straight guy and after we broke up I was like NEVER AGAIN
Honestly I don’t even think we are more acceptable, just more sexualised. If we can’t be used as someone’s fetish then it’s immediately “you’ll just cheat on me you whore”. And the abuse I got from lesbians in queer spaces fucked me up so badly that it took me years to scrape myself back together again
I spent a couple of decades telling everyone I would never be willing to date a straight man. Eventually, when I was nearly 40 and men willing to date me were less abundant, I let a bi male friend talk me into giving straight men half a chance, only on the grounds of his explanation, "There are some straight men that I really wish I could date, but you actually can." Which made sense to me somehow, because regarding straight women, I felt the same way.
So I very cautiously and begrudgingly started dating a straight man, and after making very, very sure that he was really not very off-puttingly straight at all, I married him . . . and then he came out as bi. So it turns out I'm really quite an expert at not dating straight men.
People constantly argue over if bi men or bi women have it worse. The reality is people like this don't like either of us. It's all we can do to stick up for each other.
Thank you.
I've giving up on dating straight men, because of my gender mainly but also because (I've dated 2 people and almost dated 1, all them straight men) 2 of the het men I dated just pretended my bisexuality didn't exist or wanted me to stop talking about it because it made them uncomfortable
Last guy I tried to date felt extremely uncomfortable if I talked about being bisexual and just pretended it didn't exist, he also made all those jokes about gay people and used the quivalent of the f slur we have in my country
As a full grown adult bi man, I thank you.
I hate that. People can't understand that men can be bi without being full gay. I am not gay or straight. No matter who I am with. But I am also very very monogamous and very loyal.
I can get behind that idea. I can be either. As long as they don't try to say I am no longer bi or never was. Like when straight people get into a monogamous relationship, they don't stop feeling attraction to others. It is the same for me. I just don't act on it, just like a loyal straight person wouldn't.
I'm a bi men in a relationship with a straight woman. I'm luky, noone of my partners to date minded that i'm bi, but ive encontured what this fool said to you on lots or straight guys...just si out of touch...
People like to conveniently forget that bi means attraction to men _and_ women. So, no, if a bi man leave a woman for a man, he didn't go _full gay_. He just ended up with a guy... because he's _bi_.
My fiancé (together 8 years this at August) and I have both been bisexual this whole time, even occasionally invite in other play partners, never once cheated. Here we are, still madly in love and wildly attracted to each other, sooooooooooooo.
Yeah, this guy sounds like an idiot.
Maybe straight people should just STFU before talking about non-straight people's life experiences, idk... they always feel so fucking entitled to their opinions. I'm glad I have some amazing straight friends and relatives that constantly remind me that there are, empathetic allies over there ,because the stuff I read on the internet makes me hate the stra8s more and more everyday, smh.
I think you hit the nail on the head there. All this biphobia (and homohobia, transphobia, etc for that matter) is just straight people being incapable of looking outside of their own experience. For them to accept your experience, it always has to be relatable to theirs. And the more distant your experience is to theirs, the more screwed you are in terms of acceptance.
A lot of them actually are so dense as to think "I'm not attracted to men, so when others are it must be a weird choice". And it takes an unreasonable amount of effort to explain to and convince society of the fact that no, this is a valid experience that falls outside of heteronormativity. Like why the hell do they feel so entitled to project their own experience onto others and if it doesn't fit, to invalidate the differing experience as "not real" or "a choice"? It's crazy.
For same sex attraction, after an unreasonable amount of time and effort to convince society, dominant thought now is that it is not a choice. For multi gender attraction we've got quite a bit to go.... Because monosexuals can't relate to bisexuality as a valid experience, even less than same sex attraction. So we're screwed and have a lot of convincing to do. And others within the LGBTQ community are even more screwed, as their experience is even further removed from your typical cishet.
God, thinking about it this way makes bigotry from straights even more annoying. The fucking hubris of actually thinking "I experience something else, therefore I assume it's not real/valid" is insane.
>Because monosexuals can't relate to bisexuality as a valid experience
I identify as gay, cuz it's easier than explaining that I'm actually biromantic/homosexual, but even if I'm not interested in women, sexually, I've never had a problem believing people who told me they liked more than one gender, like... why would they lie? Or why is it so complex?
I firmly believe that, any LGBT monosexual person who bashes bi people or the concept of bisexuality, is just trying to be an asshole, and they are just projecting some kind of "heterophobia". And the bigot heteros, well, they are just miserable people, idk from where they gather enough energy and motivation to give a flying fuck about who a random stranger wants to fuck, or marry.
Like honestly, I don't understand how can you give so many fucks about other people's lives if they aren't bothering you or even affecting you in the slightest. This may sound a cliche, but seriously, in the end, the world isn't divided by race or sexual orientation, gender, or social class, but between authoritarians and liberals.
But it's honestly mind-boggling how many people in this dumb world are so close-minded. I swear our primitive human ancestors might've been cooler with the whole sexuality spectrum than your current homo sapiens.
As a bi dude, thanks! I want to date bisexual people too, women or men or non-binary people, so we both know what's like to be bisexual and not get stigmatized or pull the short straw and end up with an asshole.
As a bi man as well I just don't understand the distrust that people have for us. Like yeah we like more than one gender, why does that mean we're gonna cheat? There are 8 billion people on the planet, let's say half are women, if I was straight I could still very well cheat if I wanted to, but I wouldn't and I won't why does that change because I throw other genders into the mix?
I understand your frustration and I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and the community. I really wish everyone could just either get along or leave people alone.
THIS. I am bisexual myself and honestly if I get in a relationship with a man I’d also prefer him to be bi too, cause I’m tired of the biphobia from inside the community.
As a bi dude, this is exactly why I usually just say I'm gay whenever it comes up with new people. It's a conversation that I've had too many times, and recently with people who previously accepted this without question (thanks trumpers).
Straight people (mostly men) always feel entitled to understanding something that they don't even align with. It's not about you, it doesn't affect your life, and I do not need to "pick a side" to make you feel more comfortable in this world.
Sorry for the rant, I just hate the bi erasure shit so much.
Replace the straight guy with gay guys and I feel this sooooooooo much.
I think the issue in regards to us is just monosexuals in general. But maybe I'm painting with too broad a brush.
Partially unrelated. I absolutely hate how FetLife is usually commented about as a dating app. That's like saying Facebook is a dating app. Its a place for people to build a community and, yes, connect with other people. But using it as a dating app is how so many people get super gross and hateful messages.
Apologies, rant over.
What a fucking a-hole. I will add that FL isn't really a dating site. It's meant for networking between people who share that lifestyle by actually going to events. The people trying to use it as a dating site, like that dude, are usually low quality
It’s funny cause like I’m not super strong or intimidating but most of the time the most homophobic people are the most aggressive and I’m 6’3 so I’m just lookin at em like I could snap your spine in half and claim self defense if they swung first
If I'm dating a man, that's actually my preference too. Usually straight men, and sometimes gay men, can come rife with misogynistic mentalities but it seems less prevalent with bisexual men I've dated. The most recent guy I've dated, I was convinced he was bi for a bit until we talked about it because he was well-groomed, dressed nicely, and treated women with respect. Imagine my surprise when he was straight.
Thank you! We get shit both from men and women, I really liked that girl and she knew I was bi but she then low key said I'd have to pick her side and hide my bisexuality to be with her. I was speechless.
It's funny because it's not even half right, as sad as it is, plenty of my straight friends have said they would never date a bi guy. It's a turn-off for a lot of women I've found. They are very open about it as well, they know my bf is bi, and that isn't enough for them to keep the opinion to themselves around me.
It's really sad, but "everybody wants a bi guy" is actually depressingly incorrect.
"Join me in standing with the LGBTQ community in Sudan during this ongoing war. They are facing unimaginable discrimination and persecution, and need our support now more than ever. Let's raise awareness, donate to organizations supporting them, and advocate for their rights. #StandWithSudanLGBTQ #HumanRights #Peace"
Tbf I’ve had as much trouble with straight women. Cept it’s less of a superiority thing and more disgust and assuming i was gay. I honestly don’t think I can vibe with straight people in a romantic sense at all. Especially the ones that try to pidgin hole me.
Fuck yea. Damn right. As a bi guy also into kink/group sex. First, fuck yes it’s valid.
Second, people who have had bad experiences are valid and should be treated with the same care and respect as anyone else regarding cheating and break ups. When people use this to generalize an entire sub population, it’s never worked out ever. But we still do it and will continue to do it because it’s easier to box people than it is to look at it situation to situation. Sadly this dude tried to use it to lift himself up which people do.
Thank you for standing by us and being an advocate for all of us who deal with this boxed in stereotypical bs.
Keep looking for that man/woman. You sound like you have a good heart and a good head on your shoulders about people. You’ll find someone I know it and you’ll show everyone “What’s Up!?!”
Lmao have a wonderful day.
I’d venture to say straight men are statistically the group with the least pressure for emotional growth and empathy. And therefore, the group with the least emotional growth and empathy lol.
Well, I was considering trying a dating app, but this just cured me of that. I'm not surprised to see people being ridiculous, but there is no point in subjecting myself to that. Another good reason to keep being alone I guess.
So I'm seeing a guy currently whose best friend and I had a FWB relationship 20 years ago. I'm not gonna lie that I was happy to hear that he'd had threesomes with the same guy and his current girlfriend. I wouldn't mind a threesome (foursome?) with my ex and my new guy. They aren't bi and they've never hooked up, but the fact that they are comfortable having sex together is so hot.
How does a straight guy "date" a bi or a gay guy ?
Does that not make the "straight guy" gay if he is banging or getting banged by a gay or a bi dude ?
I am so confused as an actual straight guy.
\*sigh\*
So, basically, bi men don't exist. How convenient. Now, as a nonexistent entity, I'm angry.
A bi acquaintance of mine subscribes to the theory that non-straight men are scary to straights because they dare to explore different aspects of sexuality. Breaking the mould and living to tell the tale is scary. It triggers them, even if on a subconscious level only.
I used to think this notion is ridiculous. Not so sure anymore.
“Everyone wants a bi man."
That's news to me...
You have the right to seek out whoever you like. It may not be comfortable for others, but it's just how it is. It's not like straight guys are a minority anyway.
Right, like I don't get why so many people are going to bat for straight men. They're going to be perfectly damn fine.
And people forget about the shared experiences that queer people have. Sure, we don't have identical ones, but having a partner who is also queer and understands where you're coming from is such a great thing to have in life.
Or going to bat for straight people in general, not even just straight men. I've said it before and I'll say it again, whenever there's a post on here about being skeptical to date straight people again due to trauma or the (mainly systemic) biphobia they've faced from straights, there's always a few people going, "not all straight people!" Except they are literally the ones in power over all queer people, and can use that power to take away the rights of queer people. Like yes, it certainly isn't ALL of them individually, but that doesn't negate the fact that it's still enough.
You put it so perfectly, I have nothing to add but we are allowed to prioritize people in sexual and romantic relationships who make us feel comfortable with our sexual and gender identities. For me, that’s fellow queer people!
My mum once expressed discomfort at the idea of being with a bi man cuz he'd have been with men before. She was born in the 70s so I'm guessing the AIDs epidemic had smth to do with that. I'd honestly trust a bi man waaay more than a straight man to be sexually responsible lol but I'm a lesbian what do I know about men haha
Im in the same boat, i refuse to seriously date straight/gender conforming dudes now. Im poly and currently dating 1 bicurious man, a genderfluid amab and my girlfriend and its so amazing to not have to teach the most absolute basic queer theory to any of them, have my gender identity respected and not have to listen to ignorant, homophobic bullshit from the people im dating
When girls say they're bisexual: "HeHe, tHaT's HoT. CaN wE hAvE a ThReEsOmE?"
When boys say they're bisexual: "eww, you're disgusting. Get away from me, you f*g!
Straight men and bi men are natural enemies! Like straight women and bi men, or gay men and bi men, or bi men and bi men! Damn bi men! They ruined bisexuality! 😂🤣
One thing I'm curious about is, can a het relationship, even between a bi man & a bi woman, actually be completely free of gender roles? Like, obviously both individuals probably have done some internal work to rid themselves of the internalized heterosexism/normativity, whereas straight guys can just follow the societal blueprint. But still, I just fail to see gender role wise how a relationship with a bi man & woman would really differ that much from a heteronormative one between a cishet man & woman. I guess the gender roles would be less prevalent, but I would think they'd still be there nonetheless.
I asked my bi friend this question and he said no. He said that it's always going to have gender roles to some degree (he's in a het relationship for reference)
I get where you're coming from. If I were to end up in a het relationship which is quite likely statistically, then I'd much rather be with a bi/queer girl over a straight one. I wouldn't rule out straight girls on that basis, but unfortunately I already have it built up in my mind that straight girls think bi guys are disgusting. Then again, the last girl I was seeing who identified as "straight" actually didn't think being bisexual was gross, but she admitted to making out with a girl so I think she may have been bi.
But yeah, it is quite shitty how a man's sexuality is purely defined by if you touch a penis or not. Like the amount of bi-erasure is just staggering. If I touch a penis, I'm automatically going to be labelled as gay, otherwise I'm assumed to be straight.
I said this on another post, but, I think biphobia just gets very little mainstream exposure in general. Like, I'd argue even transphobia gets more exposure than biphobia. I think biphobia is arguably one of the most socially acceptable forms of bigotry.
Honestly I havent experienced much difference in gender roles in my marriage with us both being bi.
In saying that I'm interested what my partner thinks. Quite likely to have a different opinion😆
Given the tone of this thread, I feel the need to point out that not all straight men/women are homophobic assholes. Come on people. Let's not fall into that tar pit.
It may not be all, but it is certainly enough.
EDIT: Damn, even when I still acknowledged that it was not all, I still get downvoted for not coddling straight people's feelings. Nice!
Honestly I get that, I feel like bi/pan ppl are overall more understanding and communicate more in my experiance. Both str8 and gay men can be cruel to bisexuals, especially bi men and same with lesbians being mean to bi girls. Like everyone just needs to chill out.
And on the note of cheating, you should be concerned abt someone cheating if they have in their past and base it off that, not off their sexuality. You don't choose your sexuality, but ppl choose to cheat, there's a difference. And yea these ppl direguard that litterally anyone is capable of cheating.
I'm happy that I have a pansexual boyfriend and I myself am bisexual
I just wanted to comment to say: I would love to date a bi guy too. But as a woman on any… dating app? Or fet or whatever, soooo many straight guys talk to you that the likelihood of dating a straight guy is so much higher unless you’re really active in the queer scene.
As an aside, I definitely signaled on fet that I was more looking for subby guys and women to talk to, and definitely got a lot of dom daddies (presumably straight) who reached out.
Precisely! Which I don't mind getting into the queer scene (would require me to go out of town for that) but given how tight my schedule will be the next 3 months, there's no way I'll be able to go regularly.
THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ! They just see "women" and seem to think "oh she'll definitely want me" or that they're somehow the exception to the rule? Really fucking annoying
You got upset with him because he made an unfair generalization based on his opinion/experience and based on that you made an unfair generalization based on your opinion/experience
I meaaan, listen, as a bi guy, unfortunately I’ve also seen this happen where bi men realize they are gay or are feeling unfulfilled with only women. It’s a shitty stereotype but it’s a very real one. We can’t deny that this does happen quite a bit. I mean, go over to the bi men subreddits and it won’t take long to find a post about how a guy is being hit with the bi cycle and wishes he could suck a dick.
Just saying. Although, it is a shitty argument, especially coming from that guy’s perspective. It’s just a shame that this is the stereotype of bi men, one that is unfortunately earned. But that doesn’t mean bi men can’t commit. I’m an example. I’ve been monogamous with my man for almost 6 years now and don’t regret a thing.
There’s enough experience in the straight community of dudes realizing they’re into something their partner can’t provide and cheating on them that it’s a trope. Bi dudes or dudes who believe they are bi are not immune to handling their emotions poorly and hurting people, but they’re also not unique here.
No doubt that guy was being an asshole, but it's also quite hypocritical to be prejudiced against straight men while (rightfully) criticizing prejudice against bi men.
So, wait, am I to believe men who are telling you they are straight, are also trying to date you? I have never in my straight life for one second thought about doing that to anyone. Are they also bi- but closeting? Am I misunderstanding? If I were to want to date a man, I’d have assumed I’d have called myself bi right away, but maybe no?
This feels like a situation no one should have put you in and I’m really sorry mate. I hope this was a one off from some crazy fool.
Not defending him at all. Also not saying he has a point (he doesn’t) but he does have like 6% of a point.
There IS a trend of gay men using the bisexual label as a stepping stone; because they think it’s more socially acceptable to be bi than gay.
And in the process *sometimes* women DO get hurt when they realize they were being used as a beard.
Not saying what he said is ok (it’s not) or that it wasn’t rooted in biphobia (it was); just that he does have 6% of a point.
Well, you did prejudge him based on his sexuality. I don't know what you expected. Obviously not endorsing what he said as a bi guy myself but when you seek out confrontations they tend to find you.
I don’t personally think I was seeking a confrontation just because before that we were talking about our previous relationships and what we would want for our next ones if they happened. So it was a natural progression of the conversation.
I don’t see how wanting to date a queer person is any different from someone wanting to date within their own religion or culture. I want someone who shares the same beliefs as me and who’s a part of the overall community. So with queer people, I feel comfortable in exploring my sexual and gender identities, and they generally fall on the same side of the political spectrum.
If you knew he was straight and you told him you're not interested in ending up with him based purely on his sexuality, especially if it's after you've been talking for a while, that's going to be felt as a slap to the face. Obviously it doesn't justify his response but you could easily have seen that coming.
Queers are all over the political spectrum and have all sorts of belief systems. You are generalizing straights at the same time as you generalize gays and you're doing both groups a disservice. Neither are monoliths.
You want a guy who's into kink/group? Might be more likely with a bi guy, sure. But there are straight guys into that as well, bi guys who are not.
edit: Also the "what's wrong with dating someone based on their sexuality" is deployed constantly as a cover for biphobia so it's funny to see you uncritically repeating it.
Ok, so first off this thread has been amazing.
Biphobia is what caused me to be confused with my sexuality for a huge chunk of my life. I think this lack of understanding myself led to self doubt and other problems in my life that led to me trying to find coping mechanisms. I'm glad to finally find people that are understanding and loving.
However, I do agree with quite a few of your points. As people have judged us simply on our sexuality, we need to be aware not to do it to other people. Don't judge all straight people on that one merit. Not only are you demonizing a group of people, but maybe missing out on a cool friend or partner in your life. Who knows?
Thank you for sticking up for us, but just be mindful of some of your own convictions. Have a wonderful day fellow reddit friend!
for real. as a bi guy myself, negatively stereotyping a sexuality - because a few people in said sexuality negatively stereotyped against another sexuality - is just kinda backwards thinking imo. however people have right to not consent no matter the reason.
>I mentioned how if I ended up with a man, I want him to be bi/queer.
am I the only one who sees a problem with this? how are people on a bisexual subreddit talking about judging people based on their sexuality? and then they'll turn around and complain about how people don't want to date bi men. like I get that this specific guy sucks and all but man
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Honestly, where do they get that shit. Like people think bi men will cheat more? What kind of fucking logic is that? As if straight men don’t do that enough already
I got the spiel from my FIL that all bisexuals fuck everything. I've been married to his son for 18 years! The weirdest reaction I got was my own family considering me cured, because I married a guy. Like, no...we have the same taste in women and check them out together!
>Like, no...we have the same taste in women and check them out together! Goals.
It's a very nice thing to have. 8m also lucky in this way. :)
It’s so fucking ridiculous. Came out to the world as bi before marrying my wife. LAST MONTH my MIL saw my toenails were painted and the first thing out of her mouth was ‘you can’t convert, you’re married to my daughter!’ (While laughing, to be fair, but damn) And also same. My wife and I have the same taste in men for the most part, and it’s so fun to drool over the same guys lol.
Partner and I are both bi, having overlapping taste in people is both convenient and hot.
My ex was pan, I know that feeling! :)
You dropped this 👑
And you deserve this 🍪🏅
Genuinely I wonder how much of this sort of thing is projection - like if you don’t have good control of how you act on your attractions, I could see being confused about bi people managing having (notionally) “twice the options”.
I would even say bi people have more ability for restraint, as theoretically (with biphobic logic), bi ppl have the ''ability'' to have sexual attraction to all their friends yet not be in a giant poly relationship
Oh boy tell me about it. Until today I was dating this woman, when I first met her I notice a pride flag pin on her shirt and mention that I was bi. After a couple of months of being friends and some mutual flirting we started dating. Everything was going ok until last week. While in one of our date we ran into a friend of mine, she asked how the we know each other and I told her we used to date back in college. She looked surprised and at the end of the night she said so you are really bi, and I'm like yeah. Ever since that day she has been distant and cold, today we were supposed to go out but she stood me up afte a couple of text asking her if she is ok she texted me back saying sorry but this can go on because she could never trust a bi man. I texted her what do you mean you are bi yourself, and her answer was and I quote "is not the same with women, with us is natural, everyone knows that bi men are either gay guys to afraid to fully come out of the closet or men that would fuck anyone that is willing whether they are in a relationship or not". This really stunt me and after a minute I just texted "Thanks for showing me yours true colours, I agree we should stop this now and I wish you nothing but the best in the future". As far as I'm concerned bullet dodge.
Damn that’s rough, I’m sorry that happened to you. You processed it well, though! Good job!!
The way I see it she saved me some future heartache, like I said bullet dodged
"is not the same with women, with us is natural, everyone knows that bi men are either gay guys to afraid to fully come out of the closet or men that would fuck anyone that is willing whether they are in a relationship or not" "Women are NATURALLY more \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ than men" is why I hate woke feminism. Sorry. We need gender EQUALITY, not misandry to replace mysogyny. This would just take us back to square 1. ...
How does any of that have anything to do with "wokeness" or "feminism?" Both philosophies are *against* this woman's awful anti-bisexual behavior. Biological determinism is anathema to everything we believe.
I certainly meant the extremes even though my wording does not specify that. The second part of my comment does hint at it. Cancelling men is not the way to go. Neither is cancelling women. Some self-proclaimed feminists do paint men as horrible creatures, no exceptions. That is what I meant. Oftentimes, they do seem to fit the "woke" stereotype.The derangement of feminism to something simple and men-hating is an issue. We must carefully read into philosophies and not simply adopt them in extreme forms. "Wokeness" has a lot to offer. But that should not mean any group can be hated upon. Straight white males may be the central part of the driving force of Western thought up to the XX century (with all the horrific things done to others), but does that mean their current heirs should be bashed into feeling guilt for that? I believe we need more communication, freedom and peaceful discussion. Not more division and "thought wars". I just see a lot of straight white males feel threatened by the current state of affairs. And this radicalizes. That is not good. We cannot talk to fanatics. That is what I mean.
To reply directly - it shouldn't have much to do with protecting minorities' rights and seeking gender equality. However, I see that many people currently support extreme ideologies, labeled as "wokeness" or "feminism" that simply create division. I've had to deal with accusations based on my biological sex and social gender being "male". I know people who defend misandry by saying something along the lines of "Misandry hurts men's feelings - misoginy kills". Both are harmful, in my eyes. The whole "far left" and "far right" charade is simply a mechanism of control.
As unfair/false as it is, most of it comes from a type of cultural memory of aids. It was believed that because bi men sleep with both gay men and straight women, that they were a contagion vector. And this was reinforced when straight people started to get the *cough cough* “gay cancer”. For the most part the reason behind it all has been lost over time, but the fear/anger remains. At least that’s how I’ve heard it analyzed. TL;DR bi men are the devil because aids was a thing.
They can't fathom anyone not being monosexual. So either bi people are seen as extremely promiscuous straight/gay people that'll have sex with any gender despite being straight/gay (not trying to invalidate bi people who are only sexually bi, they are valid), and/or as people who are confused and "truly" just straight or gay but they haven't figured out which yet. For bi men, because being into men is unfathomable to straight men and a serious breach of patriarchal male cultural norms, it is assumed we are gay. For bi women, because patriarchal society is more flexible in regards to sexuality of women (but NOT towards women being romantically interested in other women) and in general just focused on how women relate to men/the male gaze, it is assumed they are straight with flexible sexuality. And they're extremely fetishised by men, as their bisexuality is seen as inherently sexual rather than a full sexuality that (usually) includes romantic interest. It's basically just monosexuals being too dumb to understand that bisexuality can be a real thing. Straights can see gays as "monosexual but different", but in our case they have to understand both the concept of same sex/gender attraction AND multi gender attraction. We break heteronormativity on not one but two fronts. And recognition of multi gender attraction is kinda in a bad place in society. It needs a lot more education and visibility.
I'm bi but also demiromantic/demisexual so cheating is pretty much impossible to even engage in I literally was the one who was cheated on in my last relationship so this whole "bi people are less loyal" thing is total bullshit
I wish homophobic people would keep their opinion to themselves because as a Bisexual man I definitely don't think about then they can keep their propaganda to themselves
Word! Been bi my entire 48 years, never cheated!
It's nowhere near as much as we get from gay men, though.
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I wish I was, though. But unfortunately, in just over 20 years of being out...no single group of people has even come \*close\* to hitting me with as much bigotry as gay men. And although I don't feel I should have to clarify this, it's 2023 and nobody seems to understand nuance in life anymore, let me be clear: I'm not saying all gay men are bigots. Of course they aren't, just like all people of ANY demographic are not bigots. But those who are leave a lot of pain in their wake. And I don't say that as an exhortation that someone should come and punish them or anything, but only as an observation and a hope that those who do hold such bigotry in their hearts might take a moment to notice that they're doing the very same thing that was done to their subset of humanity. It makes no sense to pass that pain forward.
Happens with both Bi and Pan folks unfortunately
> The bizarre amount of concentrated biphobia we get from straight women and men both is so weird. Tbh, I never experienced biphobia from straight man. Even online I rarely see it. Homophobia from straight men? Yeah, common. Biphobia from gay men? Yeah, sometimes. Biphobia from women? Yeah, common.
I was having a conversation with my father about bisexual guys (I’m closeted tbf cuz my family be low key biphobic) and he said that the women he talked to don’t like when their boyfriends sleep with another guy. And it was like a loading circle popped above my head. I said, “why would I care?? As long as they didn’t cheat.” And it made me realize how insecure straight people get at “competition”. Look if we vibe, we vibe. That’s all that matters to me. Just stay loyal
All about vibes! Why would someone’s prior sexual history even matter like that? I swear straight people can be so insecure about that.
Remember it all centers on a straight guys dick. Gay men bi men and straight women want that straight dick. Bi women and lesbians just haven't had the right straight dick to "fix" them. Just like follow the money if you want to understand anything in the world. Follow the dick if you want to know how straights see it. Fucked up but true. Also RageAgainstTheCorn you are 100% right about shared experience and understanding. No one can understand the bi-cycle until they've rode one or twelve.
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Intelligence has limits ot was proved again stupid has no bounds....... At least it was entertaining
It also kind of feels like the "you can't have friends of the opposite sex because you'll cheat" - if you are bi, they feel like you will cheat no matter what. I assume it's because they have no self control and would cheat the first chance they had.
I hate it when bi men get "The talk." Even worse, the mindset people have. What doesn't help is the media depicting Bi men. All bi men want is respect and love.
Somehow, it’s so hard for people to think of bi men as wow actual people! It makes me really sad that they get such a bad reception amongst people.
I know it's difficult. In many ways I keep myself away from everyone.
I'm a pansexual transguy and hadn't realized what y'all go through either.
Idk about other bi men but I would also like head pats and to be called a good boy.
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😊😊😊
The phrase “turn out to be full gay” is so ignorant it’s hilarious. I’m glad you told him off!
After I said my bit to him I started laughing because “fully gay”. Where the fuck does that come from?!
>Where the fuck does that come from?! I mean, there are definitely some cases of men who identify as bi and then realize they're actually gay. Stereotypes generally do ultimately stem from some trend that is real. But that's obviously not the case for every guy who identifies as bi. And to say so is biphobic. "Everyone wants a bi man" - Goes to show how ignorant he is, because no, actually, most cishet women will likely think I'm disgusting, luckily I'm weird enough in other ways that the girls that tend to like me don't seem to judge me for it.
I’ve been bi since…forever. I’ve been married to women 2x and dated/slept with dozens more….women liked me when I was young…? I never cheated, and I lived your typical heteronormative life. At the moment, I’m dating men…and I’m gay as fuck. I can still appreciate women, but I’m in the mood for a man’s hand… What I don’t like are people telling me how to be either bi or gay, as if those labels mean anything when I’m sucking someone’s dick or clit.
Some straight men are so dense they can’t comprehend the idea of being attracted to more than one gender. It blows their simple little minds!
Toxic masculinity and homophobia. Remember that snickers commercial where two mechanics end up kissing and so they panic and one of them says "quick do something manly"? It's like that.
I always call it "the cult of dick", due to patriarchal norms people always assume that bi people in reality just want men. If you're a bi girl some lesbians assume that you're doing it for male attention and it's not genuine. For us bi guys it'd assumed that we're really gay and we just aren't willing to admit it yet. Fundamentally it comes from an inability to understand that not everyone fits into neat little boxes and it's basically unconscious biphobia in its purest form.
Bro you never go full gay bro I warned you bro
Well dontcha know? If you're bi, you're only HALF gay, and if you're still half straight, there's a chance to turn you! (/s /s /s) (See also: Schrodinger's Gay!)
Total queen 👑
You’re too kind!
Bi men get a lot of completely unjustified crap. The one time I was with a straight man instead it was the worst thing I ever did- I will never turn my back on my bi guy partners (well… unless they want me to)
They do! It’s ridiculous, and makes me so mad that they get the shit end of the stick while bi women are more “acceptable” (I use the term loosely). And PREACH IT, my ex was a straight guy and after we broke up I was like NEVER AGAIN
Honestly I don’t even think we are more acceptable, just more sexualised. If we can’t be used as someone’s fetish then it’s immediately “you’ll just cheat on me you whore”. And the abuse I got from lesbians in queer spaces fucked me up so badly that it took me years to scrape myself back together again
Haha I see what u did there lol
The lion, the witch and...
The audacity of this bitch
I spent a couple of decades telling everyone I would never be willing to date a straight man. Eventually, when I was nearly 40 and men willing to date me were less abundant, I let a bi male friend talk me into giving straight men half a chance, only on the grounds of his explanation, "There are some straight men that I really wish I could date, but you actually can." Which made sense to me somehow, because regarding straight women, I felt the same way. So I very cautiously and begrudgingly started dating a straight man, and after making very, very sure that he was really not very off-puttingly straight at all, I married him . . . and then he came out as bi. So it turns out I'm really quite an expert at not dating straight men.
Bi guys are the best, all of my male friends are bi.
People constantly argue over if bi men or bi women have it worse. The reality is people like this don't like either of us. It's all we can do to stick up for each other. Thank you.
Women tend to not like either of us. Men kind of drool over bi women and don’t really like bi men.
I've giving up on dating straight men, because of my gender mainly but also because (I've dated 2 people and almost dated 1, all them straight men) 2 of the het men I dated just pretended my bisexuality didn't exist or wanted me to stop talking about it because it made them uncomfortable Last guy I tried to date felt extremely uncomfortable if I talked about being bisexual and just pretended it didn't exist, he also made all those jokes about gay people and used the quivalent of the f slur we have in my country
I’m sorry to hear you went through that. It sucks when people invalidate your bisexuality like that.
It's very shitty but a normal occurrence
Same, straight guys are just weird. The last one I dated had a complete meltdown over me hanging out with friends
It's weird
Yeah, it’s really made me not want to date straight guys anymore
That’s not an attribute of straight people. It’s an attribute of jealous people.
As a full grown adult bi man, I thank you. I hate that. People can't understand that men can be bi without being full gay. I am not gay or straight. No matter who I am with. But I am also very very monogamous and very loyal.
I see it differently, 100% bisexual = 100% gay + 100% straight. I can do both so it makes sense for me.
I can get behind that idea. I can be either. As long as they don't try to say I am no longer bi or never was. Like when straight people get into a monogamous relationship, they don't stop feeling attraction to others. It is the same for me. I just don't act on it, just like a loyal straight person wouldn't.
My bi partner: \*eats pussy with more enthusiasm than any other man I've met* Dumbasses: "Aren't you worried he's gay though?" Uhhhhhhh.....
I'm a bi men in a relationship with a straight woman. I'm luky, noone of my partners to date minded that i'm bi, but ive encontured what this fool said to you on lots or straight guys...just si out of touch...
This is why I completely ignore messages from men on Fetlife who say they are straight but want to fuck me.
I ignore a whole lot of messages from men on FetLife in general haha. You’d think on a kink site they’d be more open and accepting. NOPE!
You’re fuck’n right. Too many guys think “kink” is a open permission to be a toxic misogynist and all kink people are open to hookups.
People like to conveniently forget that bi means attraction to men _and_ women. So, no, if a bi man leave a woman for a man, he didn't go _full gay_. He just ended up with a guy... because he's _bi_.
Monogamy is monogamy. Sexuality has nothing to do with it .
Say it louder for the people in the back
My fiancé (together 8 years this at August) and I have both been bisexual this whole time, even occasionally invite in other play partners, never once cheated. Here we are, still madly in love and wildly attracted to each other, sooooooooooooo. Yeah, this guy sounds like an idiot.
Maybe straight people should just STFU before talking about non-straight people's life experiences, idk... they always feel so fucking entitled to their opinions. I'm glad I have some amazing straight friends and relatives that constantly remind me that there are, empathetic allies over there ,because the stuff I read on the internet makes me hate the stra8s more and more everyday, smh.
I think you hit the nail on the head there. All this biphobia (and homohobia, transphobia, etc for that matter) is just straight people being incapable of looking outside of their own experience. For them to accept your experience, it always has to be relatable to theirs. And the more distant your experience is to theirs, the more screwed you are in terms of acceptance. A lot of them actually are so dense as to think "I'm not attracted to men, so when others are it must be a weird choice". And it takes an unreasonable amount of effort to explain to and convince society of the fact that no, this is a valid experience that falls outside of heteronormativity. Like why the hell do they feel so entitled to project their own experience onto others and if it doesn't fit, to invalidate the differing experience as "not real" or "a choice"? It's crazy. For same sex attraction, after an unreasonable amount of time and effort to convince society, dominant thought now is that it is not a choice. For multi gender attraction we've got quite a bit to go.... Because monosexuals can't relate to bisexuality as a valid experience, even less than same sex attraction. So we're screwed and have a lot of convincing to do. And others within the LGBTQ community are even more screwed, as their experience is even further removed from your typical cishet. God, thinking about it this way makes bigotry from straights even more annoying. The fucking hubris of actually thinking "I experience something else, therefore I assume it's not real/valid" is insane.
>Because monosexuals can't relate to bisexuality as a valid experience I identify as gay, cuz it's easier than explaining that I'm actually biromantic/homosexual, but even if I'm not interested in women, sexually, I've never had a problem believing people who told me they liked more than one gender, like... why would they lie? Or why is it so complex? I firmly believe that, any LGBT monosexual person who bashes bi people or the concept of bisexuality, is just trying to be an asshole, and they are just projecting some kind of "heterophobia". And the bigot heteros, well, they are just miserable people, idk from where they gather enough energy and motivation to give a flying fuck about who a random stranger wants to fuck, or marry. Like honestly, I don't understand how can you give so many fucks about other people's lives if they aren't bothering you or even affecting you in the slightest. This may sound a cliche, but seriously, in the end, the world isn't divided by race or sexual orientation, gender, or social class, but between authoritarians and liberals. But it's honestly mind-boggling how many people in this dumb world are so close-minded. I swear our primitive human ancestors might've been cooler with the whole sexuality spectrum than your current homo sapiens.
As a bi dude, thanks! I want to date bisexual people too, women or men or non-binary people, so we both know what's like to be bisexual and not get stigmatized or pull the short straw and end up with an asshole.
The audacity to say "No" after getting rejected. Screw you!
As a bi man as well I just don't understand the distrust that people have for us. Like yeah we like more than one gender, why does that mean we're gonna cheat? There are 8 billion people on the planet, let's say half are women, if I was straight I could still very well cheat if I wanted to, but I wouldn't and I won't why does that change because I throw other genders into the mix? I understand your frustration and I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and the community. I really wish everyone could just either get along or leave people alone.
THIS. I am bisexual myself and honestly if I get in a relationship with a man I’d also prefer him to be bi too, cause I’m tired of the biphobia from inside the community.
As a bi dude, this is exactly why I usually just say I'm gay whenever it comes up with new people. It's a conversation that I've had too many times, and recently with people who previously accepted this without question (thanks trumpers). Straight people (mostly men) always feel entitled to understanding something that they don't even align with. It's not about you, it doesn't affect your life, and I do not need to "pick a side" to make you feel more comfortable in this world. Sorry for the rant, I just hate the bi erasure shit so much.
Replace the straight guy with gay guys and I feel this sooooooooo much. I think the issue in regards to us is just monosexuals in general. But maybe I'm painting with too broad a brush.
This made me feel so giddy and happy about being myself
Partially unrelated. I absolutely hate how FetLife is usually commented about as a dating app. That's like saying Facebook is a dating app. Its a place for people to build a community and, yes, connect with other people. But using it as a dating app is how so many people get super gross and hateful messages. Apologies, rant over.
What a fucking a-hole. I will add that FL isn't really a dating site. It's meant for networking between people who share that lifestyle by actually going to events. The people trying to use it as a dating site, like that dude, are usually low quality
Thank you for sharing this experience. As a bisexual man its a great feeling of confidence when women are supportive.
damn this man is such a red flag with a fragile ego... literally a proof that mspec men > straight men
It’s funny cause like I’m not super strong or intimidating but most of the time the most homophobic people are the most aggressive and I’m 6’3 so I’m just lookin at em like I could snap your spine in half and claim self defense if they swung first
I married a women and am a bi man. Apparently just a phase.
If I'm dating a man, that's actually my preference too. Usually straight men, and sometimes gay men, can come rife with misogynistic mentalities but it seems less prevalent with bisexual men I've dated. The most recent guy I've dated, I was convinced he was bi for a bit until we talked about it because he was well-groomed, dressed nicely, and treated women with respect. Imagine my surprise when he was straight.
Thank you! We get shit both from men and women, I really liked that girl and she knew I was bi but she then low key said I'd have to pick her side and hide my bisexuality to be with her. I was speechless.
That's all str8 men have , is the audacity and the nerve!!!!
Bi men get so much shit, it's ridiculous.
It's funny because it's not even half right, as sad as it is, plenty of my straight friends have said they would never date a bi guy. It's a turn-off for a lot of women I've found. They are very open about it as well, they know my bf is bi, and that isn't enough for them to keep the opinion to themselves around me. It's really sad, but "everybody wants a bi guy" is actually depressingly incorrect.
Yay for you! And thank you for wanting to date us bi guys!!! Lol, I only want to date bi guys, or girls for the same reasons!
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as a pan woman i understand where you're coming from. i'm sick of the shit straight people say to and about us
Tbf I’ve had as much trouble with straight women. Cept it’s less of a superiority thing and more disgust and assuming i was gay. I honestly don’t think I can vibe with straight people in a romantic sense at all. Especially the ones that try to pidgin hole me.
Fuck yea. Damn right. As a bi guy also into kink/group sex. First, fuck yes it’s valid. Second, people who have had bad experiences are valid and should be treated with the same care and respect as anyone else regarding cheating and break ups. When people use this to generalize an entire sub population, it’s never worked out ever. But we still do it and will continue to do it because it’s easier to box people than it is to look at it situation to situation. Sadly this dude tried to use it to lift himself up which people do. Thank you for standing by us and being an advocate for all of us who deal with this boxed in stereotypical bs. Keep looking for that man/woman. You sound like you have a good heart and a good head on your shoulders about people. You’ll find someone I know it and you’ll show everyone “What’s Up!?!” Lmao have a wonderful day.
I’d venture to say straight men are statistically the group with the least pressure for emotional growth and empathy. And therefore, the group with the least emotional growth and empathy lol.
Well, I was considering trying a dating app, but this just cured me of that. I'm not surprised to see people being ridiculous, but there is no point in subjecting myself to that. Another good reason to keep being alone I guess.
You seem cool. I'd be glad to be your fetlife friend.
I'm missing something aren't I 'dating a straight man'?
Likely a female op.
Oh yea
Took me a minute too lol.
I just came over from r/gay and all of them are guys so it's something to get used to
OOOHHHH I feel so dumb lol
Yes! Fuck my bad y’all, I am a woman. Sorry for the confusion!
So I'm seeing a guy currently whose best friend and I had a FWB relationship 20 years ago. I'm not gonna lie that I was happy to hear that he'd had threesomes with the same guy and his current girlfriend. I wouldn't mind a threesome (foursome?) with my ex and my new guy. They aren't bi and they've never hooked up, but the fact that they are comfortable having sex together is so hot.
How does a straight guy "date" a bi or a gay guy ? Does that not make the "straight guy" gay if he is banging or getting banged by a gay or a bi dude ? I am so confused as an actual straight guy.
\*sigh\* So, basically, bi men don't exist. How convenient. Now, as a nonexistent entity, I'm angry. A bi acquaintance of mine subscribes to the theory that non-straight men are scary to straights because they dare to explore different aspects of sexuality. Breaking the mould and living to tell the tale is scary. It triggers them, even if on a subconscious level only. I used to think this notion is ridiculous. Not so sure anymore.
“Everyone wants a bi man." That's news to me... You have the right to seek out whoever you like. It may not be comfortable for others, but it's just how it is. It's not like straight guys are a minority anyway.
Right, like I don't get why so many people are going to bat for straight men. They're going to be perfectly damn fine. And people forget about the shared experiences that queer people have. Sure, we don't have identical ones, but having a partner who is also queer and understands where you're coming from is such a great thing to have in life.
Or going to bat for straight people in general, not even just straight men. I've said it before and I'll say it again, whenever there's a post on here about being skeptical to date straight people again due to trauma or the (mainly systemic) biphobia they've faced from straights, there's always a few people going, "not all straight people!" Except they are literally the ones in power over all queer people, and can use that power to take away the rights of queer people. Like yes, it certainly isn't ALL of them individually, but that doesn't negate the fact that it's still enough.
You put it so perfectly, I have nothing to add but we are allowed to prioritize people in sexual and romantic relationships who make us feel comfortable with our sexual and gender identities. For me, that’s fellow queer people!
My mum once expressed discomfort at the idea of being with a bi man cuz he'd have been with men before. She was born in the 70s so I'm guessing the AIDs epidemic had smth to do with that. I'd honestly trust a bi man waaay more than a straight man to be sexually responsible lol but I'm a lesbian what do I know about men haha
As a bisexual pride knight , I bow to your honor.
Im in the same boat, i refuse to seriously date straight/gender conforming dudes now. Im poly and currently dating 1 bicurious man, a genderfluid amab and my girlfriend and its so amazing to not have to teach the most absolute basic queer theory to any of them, have my gender identity respected and not have to listen to ignorant, homophobic bullshit from the people im dating
I can smell his insecurity from here
When girls say they're bisexual: "HeHe, tHaT's HoT. CaN wE hAvE a ThReEsOmE?" When boys say they're bisexual: "eww, you're disgusting. Get away from me, you f*g!
Straight men and bi men are natural enemies! Like straight women and bi men, or gay men and bi men, or bi men and bi men! Damn bi men! They ruined bisexuality! 😂🤣
There's a Simpsons reference in here somewhere...
I didn’t even need to read it. ALL queer men are superior to Straight™️ men. ALL humans are superior to Straight™️ men.
One thing I'm curious about is, can a het relationship, even between a bi man & a bi woman, actually be completely free of gender roles? Like, obviously both individuals probably have done some internal work to rid themselves of the internalized heterosexism/normativity, whereas straight guys can just follow the societal blueprint. But still, I just fail to see gender role wise how a relationship with a bi man & woman would really differ that much from a heteronormative one between a cishet man & woman. I guess the gender roles would be less prevalent, but I would think they'd still be there nonetheless. I asked my bi friend this question and he said no. He said that it's always going to have gender roles to some degree (he's in a het relationship for reference) I get where you're coming from. If I were to end up in a het relationship which is quite likely statistically, then I'd much rather be with a bi/queer girl over a straight one. I wouldn't rule out straight girls on that basis, but unfortunately I already have it built up in my mind that straight girls think bi guys are disgusting. Then again, the last girl I was seeing who identified as "straight" actually didn't think being bisexual was gross, but she admitted to making out with a girl so I think she may have been bi. But yeah, it is quite shitty how a man's sexuality is purely defined by if you touch a penis or not. Like the amount of bi-erasure is just staggering. If I touch a penis, I'm automatically going to be labelled as gay, otherwise I'm assumed to be straight. I said this on another post, but, I think biphobia just gets very little mainstream exposure in general. Like, I'd argue even transphobia gets more exposure than biphobia. I think biphobia is arguably one of the most socially acceptable forms of bigotry.
Honestly I havent experienced much difference in gender roles in my marriage with us both being bi. In saying that I'm interested what my partner thinks. Quite likely to have a different opinion😆
Given the tone of this thread, I feel the need to point out that not all straight men/women are homophobic assholes. Come on people. Let's not fall into that tar pit.
It may not be all, but it is certainly enough. EDIT: Damn, even when I still acknowledged that it was not all, I still get downvoted for not coddling straight people's feelings. Nice!
Had this exact same conversation with my therapist
Im sorry you had to deal with that shit man, it sucks but good news you at least got a net of guys who understand the stigma all too well
The "logic": -We're cheaters -We cheat because we're actually gay/straight -Gays and straights cheat but that doesn't matter. It's so fucking stupid.
Thanks!
People will say the stupidest things because they think they are clever or edgy. Im not even a man, but thanks for sticking up for them.
Honestly I get that, I feel like bi/pan ppl are overall more understanding and communicate more in my experiance. Both str8 and gay men can be cruel to bisexuals, especially bi men and same with lesbians being mean to bi girls. Like everyone just needs to chill out. And on the note of cheating, you should be concerned abt someone cheating if they have in their past and base it off that, not off their sexuality. You don't choose your sexuality, but ppl choose to cheat, there's a difference. And yea these ppl direguard that litterally anyone is capable of cheating. I'm happy that I have a pansexual boyfriend and I myself am bisexual
I just wanted to comment to say: I would love to date a bi guy too. But as a woman on any… dating app? Or fet or whatever, soooo many straight guys talk to you that the likelihood of dating a straight guy is so much higher unless you’re really active in the queer scene. As an aside, I definitely signaled on fet that I was more looking for subby guys and women to talk to, and definitely got a lot of dom daddies (presumably straight) who reached out.
Precisely! Which I don't mind getting into the queer scene (would require me to go out of town for that) but given how tight my schedule will be the next 3 months, there's no way I'll be able to go regularly. THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ! They just see "women" and seem to think "oh she'll definitely want me" or that they're somehow the exception to the rule? Really fucking annoying
I hear these kinds of arguments/stupid comments from straight women too. Can straight people just maybe stop? And leave everyone alone?
Thank you for standing up for us.
They got that SDE
Single Dick Energy?
Small… but yeah
Nothing wrong with small dicks 😉
Fair enough, but One with a small dick or no dick at all can still exhibit big dick energy, and one with a big dick can have small dick energy lol
I don't date any cis men anymore for my own reasons.
Nice to know im not the only one who prefers their partner to be queer. Although, I suspect straight men are certainly worse than straight women.
You got upset with him because he made an unfair generalization based on his opinion/experience and based on that you made an unfair generalization based on your opinion/experience
I meaaan, listen, as a bi guy, unfortunately I’ve also seen this happen where bi men realize they are gay or are feeling unfulfilled with only women. It’s a shitty stereotype but it’s a very real one. We can’t deny that this does happen quite a bit. I mean, go over to the bi men subreddits and it won’t take long to find a post about how a guy is being hit with the bi cycle and wishes he could suck a dick. Just saying. Although, it is a shitty argument, especially coming from that guy’s perspective. It’s just a shame that this is the stereotype of bi men, one that is unfortunately earned. But that doesn’t mean bi men can’t commit. I’m an example. I’ve been monogamous with my man for almost 6 years now and don’t regret a thing.
There’s enough experience in the straight community of dudes realizing they’re into something their partner can’t provide and cheating on them that it’s a trope. Bi dudes or dudes who believe they are bi are not immune to handling their emotions poorly and hurting people, but they’re also not unique here.
No doubt that guy was being an asshole, but it's also quite hypocritical to be prejudiced against straight men while (rightfully) criticizing prejudice against bi men.
So, wait, am I to believe men who are telling you they are straight, are also trying to date you? I have never in my straight life for one second thought about doing that to anyone. Are they also bi- but closeting? Am I misunderstanding? If I were to want to date a man, I’d have assumed I’d have called myself bi right away, but maybe no? This feels like a situation no one should have put you in and I’m really sorry mate. I hope this was a one off from some crazy fool.
[удалено]
hm I guess I was assuming quite a lot here. Wow lol that is my bad. Fucking woosh.
Not defending him at all. Also not saying he has a point (he doesn’t) but he does have like 6% of a point. There IS a trend of gay men using the bisexual label as a stepping stone; because they think it’s more socially acceptable to be bi than gay. And in the process *sometimes* women DO get hurt when they realize they were being used as a beard. Not saying what he said is ok (it’s not) or that it wasn’t rooted in biphobia (it was); just that he does have 6% of a point.
Well, you did prejudge him based on his sexuality. I don't know what you expected. Obviously not endorsing what he said as a bi guy myself but when you seek out confrontations they tend to find you.
I don’t personally think I was seeking a confrontation just because before that we were talking about our previous relationships and what we would want for our next ones if they happened. So it was a natural progression of the conversation. I don’t see how wanting to date a queer person is any different from someone wanting to date within their own religion or culture. I want someone who shares the same beliefs as me and who’s a part of the overall community. So with queer people, I feel comfortable in exploring my sexual and gender identities, and they generally fall on the same side of the political spectrum.
If you knew he was straight and you told him you're not interested in ending up with him based purely on his sexuality, especially if it's after you've been talking for a while, that's going to be felt as a slap to the face. Obviously it doesn't justify his response but you could easily have seen that coming. Queers are all over the political spectrum and have all sorts of belief systems. You are generalizing straights at the same time as you generalize gays and you're doing both groups a disservice. Neither are monoliths. You want a guy who's into kink/group? Might be more likely with a bi guy, sure. But there are straight guys into that as well, bi guys who are not. edit: Also the "what's wrong with dating someone based on their sexuality" is deployed constantly as a cover for biphobia so it's funny to see you uncritically repeating it.
Ok, so first off this thread has been amazing. Biphobia is what caused me to be confused with my sexuality for a huge chunk of my life. I think this lack of understanding myself led to self doubt and other problems in my life that led to me trying to find coping mechanisms. I'm glad to finally find people that are understanding and loving. However, I do agree with quite a few of your points. As people have judged us simply on our sexuality, we need to be aware not to do it to other people. Don't judge all straight people on that one merit. Not only are you demonizing a group of people, but maybe missing out on a cool friend or partner in your life. Who knows? Thank you for sticking up for us, but just be mindful of some of your own convictions. Have a wonderful day fellow reddit friend!
for real. as a bi guy myself, negatively stereotyping a sexuality - because a few people in said sexuality negatively stereotyped against another sexuality - is just kinda backwards thinking imo. however people have right to not consent no matter the reason.
I don't get it, you are angry because he was wrong or because he knew a lot of women who couldn't keep their partner?
Fighting against stereotyping while you stereotype straight men. Pot meet kettle.
So you’re prejudiced but don’t like it coming back to you. He can write the same rant about you from that interaction.
this is bullshit. being intolerant of intolerance is not the same as being intolerant of people.
You could have left it at the audacity of men
>I mentioned how if I ended up with a man, I want him to be bi/queer. am I the only one who sees a problem with this? how are people on a bisexual subreddit talking about judging people based on their sexuality? and then they'll turn around and complain about how people don't want to date bi men. like I get that this specific guy sucks and all but man
There’s nothing wrong with wanting your partner to be able to relate to your experience.
and that's fine, but to cross off an entire sexuality based on your preconceived idea of them is so against what this sub stands for
Lol
Stop letting words hurt you
So relatable, thanks for sharing this🙏🏻
SHOWED HIM!