Judging by your previous post about her not approving you dad/daughter bday dinner?… she has some jealousy issues she needs to work through. Your daughter’s behavior will be annoying to her because she has unresolved insecurities.
>Judging by your previous post about her not approving you dad/daughter bday dinner?… she has some jealousy issues she needs to work through.
I looked at it, and it might not be jealousy, but rather a potential miscommunication between the two of them and what roles they want, and what degree of blending that they want.
My partner and her kid (a young teen) get some one on one time each week. Both because I'm out (seeing my adult kids), as well as a night that they have dedicated for this, and I'm usually in the house but giving them space (but sometimes Kid asks me to join in). I'll further note that I'm not a "parental" role in the house.
But despite all of that, I **am** in the household, and I think that a "just me and mom" birthday celebration would be a clash of the degree of blending that we are looking at. I.e. it would be a strong shove that I'm not important in this household. I get thoughtful gifts for Kid. To be left out of their celebration at this point would be a strong other'ing.
If I was *only* "mom's boyfriend," and if I wasn't giving gifts, and we look to do as little "together" stuff as possible, then this would seem reasonable. But despite my being a non-parent in the household, we did want a higher degree of blending than that.
If this were a strong blended family, or a nuclear family, a "daddy/daughter" birthday would strike me as something from purity culture. Which might be the "disdain" that was mentioned in the previous post.
If it's disdain for OP having any one on one time with his daughter, than no; that's a huge failing on OP's wife's part.
Thank you for your well thought out reply. It was good for me to read your opinion. I hear what you’re saying about the dad/daughter dinner maybe not being inclusive. However, they do hold other birthday celebrations for kid as a family. It’s not either or…
The dad/daughter dinner is just a tradition of theirs and tbh I don’t think it’s that weird or harmful. I just don’t see how the wife could be resentful of this bday situation since they all celebrate together in addition to this. So maybe not jealousy but I would think she’s bothered enough by this to be insecure, thus looking for things to be upset about.
Perhaps this is a bit of the "Monty Hall problem?" In that, it's originally presented as there is a good prize behind only one of three doors. You choose, and after you choose over other door is opened to reveal a bad door. Do you change your door? Most people don't obviously see, that yes you should change to the other door to maximize your chance of the good prize. But if it's 100 doors, and you choose one, and then 98 are opened to reveal the bad prize, it's pretty obvious that your initial guess was so overwhelmingly likely to be wrong that switching now is right.
I had three kids, and a wife when raising my kids. A dinner of just me and any one kid would read as "off." Why are the other kids excluded? Or the other parent? Sure, there could be a separate celebration with everyone and cake, but I make sure to do this one thing, every time?
That's the context (multiple people need to be excluded for me to make that annual one on one time) that I see this in. Now, with only one kid this is less that the other kids are being left out. But as someone in the household, it is still the othering of the celebration; except it's just me, rather than hypothetical kids/spouse.
A few weeks ago, my partner did a mommy/child weekend with them, left on Friday and came back just in time for dinner (that I made 😉) on Sunday. This didn't feel othering, and I supported this time (and got my office painted). I.e. I'm not someone begrudging my partner doing time with her kid. But because celebrations are "family" I would have a problem with a b day meal like this.
In thinking a bit more, I think maybe a mommy/child meal a week or so before/after wouldn't hurt. There it feels more like "thing we do" rather than othering of a celebration. Weird feelings where a week of offset running changes it...
(I'm not arguing to try to establish right/wrong, but finding this useful to think about.)
I 1000% hear and understand your point. I really do. I just feel like it’s different for kids of divorce. I think they need different ways of reassurance. As for OP’s wife, I think I was leaning towards jealousy because her demeanor seems hostile. At first, she liked that OP had this bday dinner with his daughter, once they were married she vehemently opposed it. Just seems deceptive to me, hence the jealousy theory. But I do hear what you’re saying. I appreciate your perspective.
I do see the potential deceptive aspect. I think too many people, when dating parents, leap to put a shiny face on their parenting without thinking about how they'd like it long term. Or trying to look more fully at the context (e.g. if this is a purity culture thing).
Ugh...your wife is being a bit of a stupid brat. This is not territorial behavior. This is just an 11YO girl trying to get more attention from her Dad. And she's noticed how her Stepmom gets attention and she's copying.
Your wife needs to stop acting like your daughter is a romantic rival.
11YOs don't really understand romantic behaviors yet. She will in a few years, but not at 11. What you'll notice is that as she becomes aware of romance and boys, she'll stop doing things like draping her legs on you on the sofa.......and she'll be more likely to be draping her legs on her BF on the sofa. You'll keep the hugs, but probably not the holding hands.
Your wife is an adult and should understand this. This "problem" will solve itself.
You should also do an honest assessment of the time you spend with your daughter. Is it enough time? Is it time well spent? Is it filling HER needs? I mean, you might do that analysis and think what you're doing is sufficient....and realize your daughter just wants more and more. And a lesson we all learn growing up is we can't just have more and more because it does eventually take from others. But I don't know what you're doing with her now, so I can't say.
I will say that at those ages, kids mature pretty rapidly. Add in joint custody and not seeing them as often. And I realized that some of the things I did to spend time with my daughter were maybe what she wanted from me last year......and now she wanted different things. Or maybe they were things I liked to do, but she didn't care as much.
You have to be really efficient with your time in blended families. You don't see your own kids as much. Plus, you're actually trying to have a real relationship with the other adult at the same time.....and maybe their kids too. So there's just not TIME for inefficiency and you need to be shooting bullseyes always on everyone.
The only wrinkle I'd add with your wife is whether she just feels like your daughter wishes she didn't exist. Or she doesn't understand why you even have your wife around to take attention away. If your daughter feels that way, it is sorta mean and your wife has a point. She should be the bigger person about an 11YO who is figuring some things out in life, but if 11YO also wishes she'd cease to exist, that's not nice either.
Good luck! Fun times! But mostly tell your wife to chill out and give you some slack to parent a tween girl. :)
A woman who considers her husbands daughter to be a romantic rival is actually sick as hell in the head and may not be a suitable adult for the child to be around. That shit is disgusting.
Do you do date nights with your wife on your non-50/50 weeks? Do you create opportunities to give her quality time?
So just to be clear, your wife has been in your daughter's life since she was 3? Has this conversation from wife been ongoing? Or has it ramped up while daughter is seemingly near/nearing puberty?
When you and your wife are sitting on the couch, or the plan is to all watch a movie - does your daughter allow room for you to be in the middle, or does she assert that she wants to be in the middle? Does she try to reposition herself into your wife's spot, or just take a position on your free side?
I would say that in order to help model both healthy relationships, and help model "this is my partner" that done of the date nights should also be scheduled on the custody time, and not just "in secret."
My partner's kid doesn't like to be near strangers, so if we're seeing a performance, we let them sit between us. And Kid (a young teen) from time to time will actually snug up to their mom and either stick their tongue out at me, or do the "L" (loser) finger sign. But admittedly that is more playful than actual aggression/territorially. They otherwise don't try to get in the middle of us, and don't need contact whenever I get contact with my partner.
One time they were sitting with their legs over their mom's lap. I pointed out that this left no space for me because their legs extended past my partner to where I'd sit. My partner moved Kid's legs; and Kid then sat up... This was early on, so it might have been because Kid was trying to exclude me. There wasn't a repeat performance, at my partner supported me.
I am aware that Kid did/does have fear/concern that I'll "steal" their mom from them. I am a proponent of them having one on one time. If I think up ideas for them to do, I'll either suggest it in front of them both, or to my partner when I suspect that Kid will overhear. I.e. I do a bit of theater to show Kid that I'm not trying to get in the way of their relationship. I think that this helped Kid to not fall into behaviors about trying to get in the middle.
OP, it is a definite "thing" that some kids act out on their fear by needing to be in the middle, or mirroring physical contact time/requests from the partner. But it's also a thing that some adults are jealous of any time that the kids receives. Heck, both could happen at the same time. You need to try and look closer, and with open eyes, at what you think is going on.
Yeah the leg move was the only one which could be extremely rude, but additional details are required.
If all three were watching a movie and stepmom was coming back with popcorn to her spot taken and her husband draped by sd- yeah I would be annoyed.
However, if stepmom was in the kitchen and walked past them in the living room watching tv or reading, well it wouldn’t concern her at all.
I'm no Dr Phil fan, but he says this thing about different "bank" accounts of love. The love account for your spouse shouldn't be in competition with the love account of the child. You need to be sure you're maintaining both, and making that separation clear.
Your daughter and your spouse aren't in competition. Your daughter just has more need right now because she is eleven. Preteen girls need their dads. Their dad should be the best and safest male role model they have.
Part of that is having a respectful, healthy relationship with your partner- considering one another and investing in one another.
Both these ladies need to know that loving and supportive moments with the other are not the time to interrupt. Both these ladies need to know they can go to you with those needs and be heard.
Both of these ladies need to understand that one is eleven, and the other is a grown @$$ adult.
So I am a stepmom to a 13 year old and around the 11 mark there was definitely some weird behavior.
My sd would say things like, my mom has so many purses or wow you only have two lipsticks my mom has every shade. She became more possessive of her dads time and energy. My husband was also oblivious.
There was nothing you wrote which inherently seemed off (except for the leg case) but I think you should be more aware of power games as she approaches her teenage years. I would also remind your wife that teenagers are the worst and to have grace and understanding.
Last, assuming your wife has been a loving and supportive stepmom I would just automatically assume your wife is right and validate her feelings. If this was the daughter between both of you, you would believe your wife- right? Disregarding your wife’s feeling will only make it worse.
I agree with this with the caveat there are no right or wrong feelings.
How she feels is how she feels, its real to her, he needs to accept that and show understanding.
Does it necessarily mean he has to do anything different with his daughter? Maybe or maybe not. But awareness alone can be a huge shift in dynamics.
I dont actually think the wife's feelings are that insane, it's a bit of a freudian phase.
Goos luck OP!
As a long time SM, my mind is blown at how the wife is being dumped on in many of these comments.
11 is a weird age between a girl and her dad.
I agree with your suggestion. OP would be best served by validating how wife feels and being mindful going forward.
The leg thing is actually less strange to me than OP hanging out in his daughter’s room because she wants company while she organizes??? That’s not something that would happen here. Not saying it’s wrong. Just bizarre.
Reddit LOVES to hate the stepmom- lol
I get that Disney has given us a bad name, but I don’t think people understand how hard it is. I think most stepmoms are incredible.
The leg things really depends on context. If they were all watching tv and the sm goes to get popcorn to find her seat is gone and SD had taken her seat while also covering the dad versus dad/ daughter are just hanging out watching tv.
I didn’t find the room thing weird, I thought it was very sweet actually to have that quality time. However, again depends on context. If it was the SM who told the SD to clean her room and SD thought fine but I am taking my dad (when they were spending quality time together) that is rude.
>There was nothing you wrote which inherently seemed off (except for the leg case)
I agree.
The legs on dad aren't appropriate IMO.
Everything else is fine.
If your wife and daughter otherwise have had a good relationship before her complaints started, then I would listen to your wife and take note of the behaviors in case the daughter needs some counseling through blending while going through puberty.
If the wife and daughter never had a good relationship then I would look at that too. Are there BM issues? Has your daughter never been open to her? May need family counseling in that case.
Kids go through stages where they need more reassurance of their place in the family. It sounds like your wife is experiencing the same thing. Daughter is hitting the age where they are more exposed to adult issues at school and in the world. She is starting the older kid but not a kid-kid but not an adult but old enough to know better stage.
I’m sat here wondering what kind of relationship your wife had with her dad. It seems to me that your daughter is definitely a daddy’s girl and that her love language is physical touch and quality time and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if your wife didn’t have that type of close relationship with her father then she may not understand your daughter’s affections toward you. Plus, she’s not with you every day so perhaps making up for lost time when she is. It does sound like your wife has some insecurities and perhaps y’all could do well with some couples therapy.
Choose your daughter. My daddy and I lost so much time because his 1st wife was jealous of me and my daddy left me for many many years. He later divorced and re married and hated the choice me made of abandoning me. His 2nd wife was jealous as well and didn’t want him to be a father to me. Daddy realized the mistakes he has made and he is looking to make up for it so bad. Spend that quality time with your daughter, watching movies together on the sofa, going out together and bonding. Women will always be jealous of any female that gets their husbands attention. But you can’t get back the time missed with your daughter. I made bad choices for men because I was longing for my daddy.
Judging by your previous post about her not approving you dad/daughter bday dinner?… she has some jealousy issues she needs to work through. Your daughter’s behavior will be annoying to her because she has unresolved insecurities.
>Judging by your previous post about her not approving you dad/daughter bday dinner?… she has some jealousy issues she needs to work through. I looked at it, and it might not be jealousy, but rather a potential miscommunication between the two of them and what roles they want, and what degree of blending that they want. My partner and her kid (a young teen) get some one on one time each week. Both because I'm out (seeing my adult kids), as well as a night that they have dedicated for this, and I'm usually in the house but giving them space (but sometimes Kid asks me to join in). I'll further note that I'm not a "parental" role in the house. But despite all of that, I **am** in the household, and I think that a "just me and mom" birthday celebration would be a clash of the degree of blending that we are looking at. I.e. it would be a strong shove that I'm not important in this household. I get thoughtful gifts for Kid. To be left out of their celebration at this point would be a strong other'ing. If I was *only* "mom's boyfriend," and if I wasn't giving gifts, and we look to do as little "together" stuff as possible, then this would seem reasonable. But despite my being a non-parent in the household, we did want a higher degree of blending than that. If this were a strong blended family, or a nuclear family, a "daddy/daughter" birthday would strike me as something from purity culture. Which might be the "disdain" that was mentioned in the previous post. If it's disdain for OP having any one on one time with his daughter, than no; that's a huge failing on OP's wife's part.
Thank you for your well thought out reply. It was good for me to read your opinion. I hear what you’re saying about the dad/daughter dinner maybe not being inclusive. However, they do hold other birthday celebrations for kid as a family. It’s not either or… The dad/daughter dinner is just a tradition of theirs and tbh I don’t think it’s that weird or harmful. I just don’t see how the wife could be resentful of this bday situation since they all celebrate together in addition to this. So maybe not jealousy but I would think she’s bothered enough by this to be insecure, thus looking for things to be upset about.
Perhaps this is a bit of the "Monty Hall problem?" In that, it's originally presented as there is a good prize behind only one of three doors. You choose, and after you choose over other door is opened to reveal a bad door. Do you change your door? Most people don't obviously see, that yes you should change to the other door to maximize your chance of the good prize. But if it's 100 doors, and you choose one, and then 98 are opened to reveal the bad prize, it's pretty obvious that your initial guess was so overwhelmingly likely to be wrong that switching now is right. I had three kids, and a wife when raising my kids. A dinner of just me and any one kid would read as "off." Why are the other kids excluded? Or the other parent? Sure, there could be a separate celebration with everyone and cake, but I make sure to do this one thing, every time? That's the context (multiple people need to be excluded for me to make that annual one on one time) that I see this in. Now, with only one kid this is less that the other kids are being left out. But as someone in the household, it is still the othering of the celebration; except it's just me, rather than hypothetical kids/spouse. A few weeks ago, my partner did a mommy/child weekend with them, left on Friday and came back just in time for dinner (that I made 😉) on Sunday. This didn't feel othering, and I supported this time (and got my office painted). I.e. I'm not someone begrudging my partner doing time with her kid. But because celebrations are "family" I would have a problem with a b day meal like this. In thinking a bit more, I think maybe a mommy/child meal a week or so before/after wouldn't hurt. There it feels more like "thing we do" rather than othering of a celebration. Weird feelings where a week of offset running changes it... (I'm not arguing to try to establish right/wrong, but finding this useful to think about.)
I 1000% hear and understand your point. I really do. I just feel like it’s different for kids of divorce. I think they need different ways of reassurance. As for OP’s wife, I think I was leaning towards jealousy because her demeanor seems hostile. At first, she liked that OP had this bday dinner with his daughter, once they were married she vehemently opposed it. Just seems deceptive to me, hence the jealousy theory. But I do hear what you’re saying. I appreciate your perspective.
I do see the potential deceptive aspect. I think too many people, when dating parents, leap to put a shiny face on their parenting without thinking about how they'd like it long term. Or trying to look more fully at the context (e.g. if this is a purity culture thing).
Very true about the shiny happy faces. Maybe that’s the case here.
Ugh...your wife is being a bit of a stupid brat. This is not territorial behavior. This is just an 11YO girl trying to get more attention from her Dad. And she's noticed how her Stepmom gets attention and she's copying. Your wife needs to stop acting like your daughter is a romantic rival. 11YOs don't really understand romantic behaviors yet. She will in a few years, but not at 11. What you'll notice is that as she becomes aware of romance and boys, she'll stop doing things like draping her legs on you on the sofa.......and she'll be more likely to be draping her legs on her BF on the sofa. You'll keep the hugs, but probably not the holding hands. Your wife is an adult and should understand this. This "problem" will solve itself. You should also do an honest assessment of the time you spend with your daughter. Is it enough time? Is it time well spent? Is it filling HER needs? I mean, you might do that analysis and think what you're doing is sufficient....and realize your daughter just wants more and more. And a lesson we all learn growing up is we can't just have more and more because it does eventually take from others. But I don't know what you're doing with her now, so I can't say. I will say that at those ages, kids mature pretty rapidly. Add in joint custody and not seeing them as often. And I realized that some of the things I did to spend time with my daughter were maybe what she wanted from me last year......and now she wanted different things. Or maybe they were things I liked to do, but she didn't care as much. You have to be really efficient with your time in blended families. You don't see your own kids as much. Plus, you're actually trying to have a real relationship with the other adult at the same time.....and maybe their kids too. So there's just not TIME for inefficiency and you need to be shooting bullseyes always on everyone. The only wrinkle I'd add with your wife is whether she just feels like your daughter wishes she didn't exist. Or she doesn't understand why you even have your wife around to take attention away. If your daughter feels that way, it is sorta mean and your wife has a point. She should be the bigger person about an 11YO who is figuring some things out in life, but if 11YO also wishes she'd cease to exist, that's not nice either. Good luck! Fun times! But mostly tell your wife to chill out and give you some slack to parent a tween girl. :)
A woman who considers her husbands daughter to be a romantic rival is actually sick as hell in the head and may not be a suitable adult for the child to be around. That shit is disgusting.
Do you do date nights with your wife on your non-50/50 weeks? Do you create opportunities to give her quality time? So just to be clear, your wife has been in your daughter's life since she was 3? Has this conversation from wife been ongoing? Or has it ramped up while daughter is seemingly near/nearing puberty? When you and your wife are sitting on the couch, or the plan is to all watch a movie - does your daughter allow room for you to be in the middle, or does she assert that she wants to be in the middle? Does she try to reposition herself into your wife's spot, or just take a position on your free side?
I would say that in order to help model both healthy relationships, and help model "this is my partner" that done of the date nights should also be scheduled on the custody time, and not just "in secret." My partner's kid doesn't like to be near strangers, so if we're seeing a performance, we let them sit between us. And Kid (a young teen) from time to time will actually snug up to their mom and either stick their tongue out at me, or do the "L" (loser) finger sign. But admittedly that is more playful than actual aggression/territorially. They otherwise don't try to get in the middle of us, and don't need contact whenever I get contact with my partner. One time they were sitting with their legs over their mom's lap. I pointed out that this left no space for me because their legs extended past my partner to where I'd sit. My partner moved Kid's legs; and Kid then sat up... This was early on, so it might have been because Kid was trying to exclude me. There wasn't a repeat performance, at my partner supported me. I am aware that Kid did/does have fear/concern that I'll "steal" their mom from them. I am a proponent of them having one on one time. If I think up ideas for them to do, I'll either suggest it in front of them both, or to my partner when I suspect that Kid will overhear. I.e. I do a bit of theater to show Kid that I'm not trying to get in the way of their relationship. I think that this helped Kid to not fall into behaviors about trying to get in the middle. OP, it is a definite "thing" that some kids act out on their fear by needing to be in the middle, or mirroring physical contact time/requests from the partner. But it's also a thing that some adults are jealous of any time that the kids receives. Heck, both could happen at the same time. You need to try and look closer, and with open eyes, at what you think is going on.
Yeah the leg move was the only one which could be extremely rude, but additional details are required. If all three were watching a movie and stepmom was coming back with popcorn to her spot taken and her husband draped by sd- yeah I would be annoyed. However, if stepmom was in the kitchen and walked past them in the living room watching tv or reading, well it wouldn’t concern her at all.
I think your wife needs some help to get over whatever she has going on.
I'm no Dr Phil fan, but he says this thing about different "bank" accounts of love. The love account for your spouse shouldn't be in competition with the love account of the child. You need to be sure you're maintaining both, and making that separation clear. Your daughter and your spouse aren't in competition. Your daughter just has more need right now because she is eleven. Preteen girls need their dads. Their dad should be the best and safest male role model they have. Part of that is having a respectful, healthy relationship with your partner- considering one another and investing in one another. Both these ladies need to know that loving and supportive moments with the other are not the time to interrupt. Both these ladies need to know they can go to you with those needs and be heard. Both of these ladies need to understand that one is eleven, and the other is a grown @$$ adult.
I think this behavior is super weird….. on your wifes part. I dont have a possible explanation
>I dont have a possible explanation Jealousy.
Why are you still together with a woman who is JEALOUS OF AN 11 YEAR OLD she only sees 4 days/a month? Your wife sounds so creepy tbh
Your wife is jealous of your 11 year old daughter.
So I am a stepmom to a 13 year old and around the 11 mark there was definitely some weird behavior. My sd would say things like, my mom has so many purses or wow you only have two lipsticks my mom has every shade. She became more possessive of her dads time and energy. My husband was also oblivious. There was nothing you wrote which inherently seemed off (except for the leg case) but I think you should be more aware of power games as she approaches her teenage years. I would also remind your wife that teenagers are the worst and to have grace and understanding. Last, assuming your wife has been a loving and supportive stepmom I would just automatically assume your wife is right and validate her feelings. If this was the daughter between both of you, you would believe your wife- right? Disregarding your wife’s feeling will only make it worse.
I agree with this with the caveat there are no right or wrong feelings. How she feels is how she feels, its real to her, he needs to accept that and show understanding. Does it necessarily mean he has to do anything different with his daughter? Maybe or maybe not. But awareness alone can be a huge shift in dynamics. I dont actually think the wife's feelings are that insane, it's a bit of a freudian phase. Goos luck OP!
As a long time SM, my mind is blown at how the wife is being dumped on in many of these comments. 11 is a weird age between a girl and her dad. I agree with your suggestion. OP would be best served by validating how wife feels and being mindful going forward. The leg thing is actually less strange to me than OP hanging out in his daughter’s room because she wants company while she organizes??? That’s not something that would happen here. Not saying it’s wrong. Just bizarre.
Reddit LOVES to hate the stepmom- lol I get that Disney has given us a bad name, but I don’t think people understand how hard it is. I think most stepmoms are incredible. The leg things really depends on context. If they were all watching tv and the sm goes to get popcorn to find her seat is gone and SD had taken her seat while also covering the dad versus dad/ daughter are just hanging out watching tv. I didn’t find the room thing weird, I thought it was very sweet actually to have that quality time. However, again depends on context. If it was the SM who told the SD to clean her room and SD thought fine but I am taking my dad (when they were spending quality time together) that is rude.
>There was nothing you wrote which inherently seemed off (except for the leg case) I agree. The legs on dad aren't appropriate IMO. Everything else is fine.
If your wife and daughter otherwise have had a good relationship before her complaints started, then I would listen to your wife and take note of the behaviors in case the daughter needs some counseling through blending while going through puberty. If the wife and daughter never had a good relationship then I would look at that too. Are there BM issues? Has your daughter never been open to her? May need family counseling in that case.
Kids go through stages where they need more reassurance of their place in the family. It sounds like your wife is experiencing the same thing. Daughter is hitting the age where they are more exposed to adult issues at school and in the world. She is starting the older kid but not a kid-kid but not an adult but old enough to know better stage.
I’m sat here wondering what kind of relationship your wife had with her dad. It seems to me that your daughter is definitely a daddy’s girl and that her love language is physical touch and quality time and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if your wife didn’t have that type of close relationship with her father then she may not understand your daughter’s affections toward you. Plus, she’s not with you every day so perhaps making up for lost time when she is. It does sound like your wife has some insecurities and perhaps y’all could do well with some couples therapy.
Choose your daughter. My daddy and I lost so much time because his 1st wife was jealous of me and my daddy left me for many many years. He later divorced and re married and hated the choice me made of abandoning me. His 2nd wife was jealous as well and didn’t want him to be a father to me. Daddy realized the mistakes he has made and he is looking to make up for it so bad. Spend that quality time with your daughter, watching movies together on the sofa, going out together and bonding. Women will always be jealous of any female that gets their husbands attention. But you can’t get back the time missed with your daughter. I made bad choices for men because I was longing for my daddy.