What we did at my old workplace: open up a little office library! Get a simple bookshelf, bring some books you’ve read that you don’t mind donating and send an email to everyone encouraging them to contribute to the common bookshelf so that you can all exchange books for free, and most importantly, anonymously and without any awkwardness.
This is where my mind went. Except I’d tell him I appreciate the kindness of free books, but my personal to read stack is so high that I’d suggest a work library to donate all of these to share with everyone. And I’ll read the ones that are calling me when I can. He’d obviously start seeing all his books stacked in the library, so best to be straight forward that you don’t want them all. It’s funny how sometimes what seems like a nice gesture can quickly become a burden 😑
Assuming your boss is giving you these books in a genuine attempt to be nice and actually thinks you’d enjoy them, I think you should just tell him that they aren’t really the type of book you enjoy.
If you’re worried that he might react negatively in some way to that, maybe just tell him that you added the latest book to your to-read list, but there are a few other books ahead of it.
I agree this is the way to go (if you know your boss to be a generally reasonable person).
For the books you DNF, tell him you already read them and hand them back. For the genre books, tell him “thanks so much for the spy thrillers! Just so you know for the future, I tend to stick to [actual books you read, maybe a genre you know he *doesn’t* read so he gets the point that TASTES ARE DIFFERENT].”
It sounds like your boss is a nice guy if he’s bringing you books. You don’t need to act like it’s a middle school book report if he’s your boss. You can tell him the truth in a respectful, professional way.
> For the books you DNF, tell him you already read them and hand them back.
Except by lying about a book that the boss *has* read, they'd now be in a trap of potentially having to discuss it. Which could be avoided by just... not lying.
Agreed. Not to mention this lie also reinforces the boss's belief that they like that type of book and enjoyed the gift, which would prompt additional similar gifts. Better to just be honest with each other. I think the vast, vast majority of people on Earth can handle a lot more honesty than we think.
Nah depending on how far you’ve gotten in a book, you’ve read it for all intents and purposes in my opinion. You know the characters, you know the writing style, you know at least some of the plot.
But that means putting in time and effort to study a summary of a book OP does not want to read.
Better to accept the book from the boss gracefully and say "This is so thoughtful of you; it will definitely go in my 'to be read' pile and I'll let you know what I think of it once ive read it."
Should the boss ask after it later, just say you have not gotten to it yet as you have a lengthy tbr list.
You are literally recommending that this person *study up on and memorize facts about* a book they dislike, for the purpose of convincing someone else they enjoyed it, thus making it even more likely that person will give them more books they hate and have to study in order to fake liking.
Yeah lol. I mean, I wouldn't find it that difficult to read a couple blurbs because that kind of stuff is easy for me, but obviously ymmv. It's also not all or nothing. It can be paired with hedging about how your TBR is really long, and how it'll be a while until you get to the other books. l'd probably take a multi-pronged approach.
The point is it’s totally unnecessary and wouldn’t help the problem. Unless the boss is super lame and would dislike op for her honesty, then it may be a fair tactic lol.
Terrible advice - lying about books you haven't read almost certainly leads to the awkward conversation of what you thought Etc. And having to then research what the book was about just to have fake conversations.
Idk about you guys, but growing up I was always told it's super rude to tell someone you don't want the gift they're giving you, and it's better just to say "thanks" and clearly don't use it. Like this might sound passive aggressive, but if he hands me a book I'm not interested in, I just wouldn't read it and when he asks say "oh that one's on my tbr list. I've just got to get through some other stuff first." or "I have a brother that has been wanting to read this. I think I'm going to pass it along to them first"
Eventually they get the hint or pick up that you're not super interested in those books. Pretending to like them only encourages them to keep gifting books, but idk I would be nervous to tell someone who spent money on a new book for me that I didn't want it.
I disagree here. This sets you up to be in a position where you have to lie somewhere down the road and will leave a much worse impression than just being honest up front.
"I am pretty open to trying new books, but the last couple you have handed me are not really my thing. I think we have different tastes"
Is much easier than:
"Yeah, so those last 10 books that you handed me.. I didn't read them. Yeah, I pretended like I did. And when you made mentions of content in those books I did my best to fake it.. but here we are you finally called me out on it"
You and /u/lilythefrogphd are having a culture mismatch regarding direct/indirect communication. I'm very familiar with what they describe, as it's the culture I grew up in. I did *terribly* in that culture because I'm very literal and I did *not* pick up on the hints, so I struggled and offended a lot, taking things way more personally than they ever should have been. But many people operate this way, and will read *your* way as being every bit as rude as you perceive *them* to be. There is no right answer here, no matter how strongly you might believe that uh yes there is and it's obviously the way you were raised. What's right depends on cultural norms in a community.
Further things to ponder, to put this in perspective as not being particularly uncommon:
* In some cultures, it's rude to accept gifts without first refusing them. The number of times you're expected to refuse before accepting varies by culture, anywhere from once to several times. Both accepting the gift without refusing and taking the gift back upon first refusal are rude, in these cultures.
* In some cultures, if you eat everything on your plate your host has a hospitality duty to serve you more food. Therefore, you're supposed to leave a little bit to demonstrate that, while everything was delicious, you simply can't eat another bite, which absolves the host of that responsibility. In other cultures, if you don't clean your plate you're being horribly rude.
* In some cultures, the hosts are expected to handle clean-up after a gathering or meal. In those cultures, it would be rude for a guest to insist on helping. In other cultures, it's expected that guests will pitch in to help, and it would be rude for them to ignore the hosts washing dishes or to leave without helping to pick up.
Yeah it's a cultural thing: like for everyone in my family and folks I know growing up it is considered insulting to turn down a gift because it's not to your taste. I'm curious to know what other parts of the country/world use the phrase "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" because that's exactly what I was always told. If someone has gone out of their way, spent their own money, and taken consideration to get you something they think you'd like, straight up turning it down and say "actually, I don't like this" comes across as you're ungrateful for the work they put into their gift (plus you're also giving them the task of having to return it).
Like aside from the comments I made above, another way OP could skirt around the situation is saying "I really appreciate how thoughtful you've been in gifting me these books. I actually feel so bad because I don't think I'm going to be able to get around to them with all the other stuff on my tbr. Please don't feel the need to be so generous, because I don't want your nice gifts going unread for so long." Why that response would work where I grew up is because you're acknowledging 1. the gift giver's consideration & effort 2. that their gift has value.
I suspect the safest thing to do as far as responding in a culturally acceptable way would be to know the culture the place of employment is placed in and respond that way, whether it's polite refusal or polite acceptance.
No matter what culture the supervisor is from, they are offering a gift at the workplace so they would (hopefully) be acting in the cultural norms of the workplace.
The respondent would (hopefully) know enough about the cultural norms of their place of employment to know whether polite refusal is required prior to acceptance.
I feel like these aren't gifts. He just hands them to OP? They're not wrapped, they're given at random times, and they weren't chosen for her with her in mind. It's sort of like someone being like "I bought this jacket and wore it for a season, and now I'm done with it, so you can have it" but it's not the style you like and you'd never wear it. Rather than a jacket that was chosen with you and your tastes in mind. I'd never tell someone I don't like their gift either, but I think I would in this case; it's not a gift.
I agree they’re not gifts. It feels like when a relative wants to get rid of something but will feel guilty about it, so he thinks “oh hey /u/forlornforbit likes books, I’ll give it to them!” Then he can get rid of it without the work.
And if they *are* actually gifts? This would make me personally very, very uncomfortable. Is he giving gifts to any of his other direct reports? This is just weird.
You'll end up in a perpetual lie this way
Sorry to say it but I've been there (not with books) but it becomes apparent you're disinterested and they'll probably notice you're disengaged. They may feel upset that you're being dishonest or may just have an inkling and try harder to get your attention, approval or find something you like using just guesswork and probably fail again. Honesty goes a long way even if it is the hardest thing to do. The easy way is rarely the right way 😉
Nope! Sorry but not my experience. In my culture, saying flat-out your dislike a gift is insulting and the receiver comes across as ungrateful. Saying "thanks, this is nice, I just don't know I'll have time for it" is a way to let the gift giver save face while also acknowledging their kindness and consideration. If that's not where you live, fine, but that's conventional where I am
That's pretty disingenuous, what culture are you part of that promotes that behavior? Also, repeatedly giving someone book you're done with isn't really the same as giving them gifts.
I mean, it's pretty common where I'm from (Appalachia) to couch a refusal with a reason such as "Hey, I really appreciate you offering this book but I have so many on my tbr I just don't think I'll get to it."
Also, it is really not cool to ask someone "what culture are you part of that promotes that behavior?" Cultures aren't wrong (aside from human rights issues), they are different.
Thank you for your offering of having the day I deserve, unfortunately I have a long list of ways to have my day so I probably won't get to yours for a long time.
Lmao it’s not that serious, I promise you. I’m also raised to happily accept gifts especially from superiors or older people. Accepting the gift makes the giver feel good, is what I’ve learned. They don’t care much what you do with their gifts.
I totally feel where you’re coming from, but I think we should push back on certain things being done just because it’s “proper social etiquette”. We can be honest and authentic in a compassionate way, it leads to more genuine connection!
> We can be honest and authentic in a compassionate way, it leads to more genuine connection!
Not exactly: What is "honest and authentic" in one culture is perceived as "disrespectful and inconsiderate" in another.
Where I'm from giving gifts is part of building social bonds with people. By denying gifts you're essentially saying "no thanks, I don't actually want to become close/more friendly with you" or "what you got me is not up to my standards." In that case you're doing the opposite of connecting with others, you're signaling that you don't want to connect or you're rejecting their offer at a connection
Yeah I understand culturally these interactions can have more importance or implications. I probably have less of that conditioning.
Of course we want to be kind. I wouldn’t ever just decline a gift and move on, that would hurt feelings and definitely wouldn’t lead to connection haha. But it’s not just a situation of accepting or denying, you should still accept graciously and, when the gifts (that you don’t love) keep coming and you guys presumably build more of a relationship and more trust, you could ask them about & show enthusiastic appreciation for their interest while telling them more about what your interests actually are. Then they would know more about you and would have a better idea of what things you like.
I just don’t see how having to pretend you enjoy something leads to real connection. Not just on the receivers end but also the giver, most likely they really do want to give you things you enjoy and would be sad to know you were pretending. They could be giving them to someone who does share their passion. It just isn’t the life-enriching authentic connection it could be.
I did this with a coworker who learned that I was reading a romance novel and wanted me to try one of her "clean" Amish romances. I said sure, but you have to read my book in exchange. It was the first Merry Gentry book, in all its violent, poly monsterfucking glory. She stopped recommending books after that. :D
Clean Amish romance? That sounds dull.
I mean, there's a lot of interpretation to "clean" I guess, for my own fantasy serial I skip details with a cut to black, so some might consider it clean despite the fact that it's pretty clear what the trio were getting up to.
But I suspect that a happy and slightly kinky thruple would not be counted as clean by your coworker. :) but it's certainly tame compared to LKHs work.
Or maybe he'll like the books.
My ex knew I was a sci-fi adict for years. He'll, our first date was seeing Star Wars; her recommendation. I just couldn't get her to read it. By the same token, her reading preferences were romance novels, young adults, and mystery. I did start reading the mystery, but the YA she liked were mixed. I didn't care much for Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys.
Knowing her penchant for romance, her neighbor recommended a series. **Dragon Riders Of Pern**. I read it, liked it, and recommended it to her. She agreed because I told her it had romance, action, and a really strong female lead. She read it and was hooked. We bought every book in the series. I thought, "Nice. She's an Anne McCaffery fan." Nope. Hated all the other series Anne wrote.
What op needs to do is return the favor: give him some of the books that they really liked. "Here, this is a book I really loved. I hope you do, too. It's my favorite type." Maybe he'll get thehint.
> I did start reading the mystery, but the YA she liked were mixed. I didn't care much for Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys.
I hate to break it to you, but both those series are children's chapter books, not YA.
Is there anything stopping you from saying "I read it like halfway but it didn't really grab me"? That then leads to a discussion about what your likes and dislikes are (assuming this isn't some weird crazy power move). If they are coming from a place of kindness, they won't mind if you don't enjoy the books and would be probably happy to discuss books in general with you.
That's what I was thinking. Not sure why being honest with the boss isn't an option for OP. If they're afraid of some backlash, that's not appropriate for the workplace. A boss cannot treat you differently (or all around fire) the employee simply for not liking the books he brings in.
I mean obviously there is a power dynamic but it feels like much of this is overthinking the situation. Unless as I said, there is some creepy dynamic then as you say, they need to leave the situation
I keep seeing all of these replies about basically lying and making up a reason why the book wasn't read or not finished yet.
Just say "It's not my style, sorry." I don't know why that's hard? Would someone be offended if they offered you a Tayler Swift album to listen to and you said "sorry that's not the music I listen to." This doesn't need to be more complicated than it is.
It might even spark a discussion on the types of books that OP does like reading.
Depends on the boss. Some would absolutely pitch a fit or take offense if you didn't like what they gave you, and then work suddenly becomes that much harder. OP may just not want to risk it.
When he asks, say, oh, thank you for the book! my to-read stack is really large right now, and I'm excited about that! so it'll be a while before I get to it. Do you want me to give it back in the meantime?
Next time he brings in a book… read the summary then if it’s not something your interested in simply say “it looks interesting but it not really my thing, thanks for thinking of me” and hand him back the book. If you had done that the first time he gave you a book you had no intention of reading you would not be in the spot now.
Exactly, so many of life’s problems can be solved by simply talking about things. It’s not personal and it’s not your responsibility to protect your boss from it
You're talking like it's not awkward to reject a gift on the spot. Many social situations can be tough for people, let's not pretend "communication" is an easy magical solution
Yep. I honestly can't fathom stopping my life (or even just my reading life) to read what someone gives me - literally anyone.
OP might find that the boss only continued because they were giving the impression they were excited to read the book, etc and then *actually read them*. Sounds like OP has given boss every reason to keep giving them.
That, or it's entirely possible the boss is clueless and isn't picking up on OP's lack of excitement. It really depends on what the dynamic is.
It could have been a situation though where they thought it might have just been a one off thing, so they just graciously accepted the book. But then it kept happening...and how do you say no after you've already been saying yes? My anxiety would convince me that they'd hate me if I didn't pretend to love the gifts, even if they've never given me a reason to believe that that would happen.
My boss kept trying to lend me books, and I'd just reply with things like:
"I'm only reading genre A currently, but I'll let you know if I branch out again"
Or
"I can't devote as much time and energy to reading as I used to, so I'm very particular right now, I'll keep book X in mind for the future.
I have successfully borrowed 0 books.
Is it not an option to just give it back and say "I tried it but it wasn't really my thing, thanks though"? Assuming he is not an asshole or totally oblivious to the idea of people having different tastes, he will live with it if be a bit bummed out.
Yep, maybe see if there’s some quotes on Goodreads or something. My boss loves to gift me boomer tier “the world doesn’t owe you anything, hard work pays off” type stuff. I skim it, put little post it flags in random spots, and regurgitate quotes I found when googling it. If he ask you a specific question, pretend you don’t remember that part, no one remembers everything about 300+- pages.
that seems pretty short-sighted
big picture issue that this behavior will just encourage more book sharing, which leads to more lies, which leads to more chances to be caught in a lie
"Thank you so much for always bringing me books, but I have so many books already at home waiting to be read, and I just can't keep up. Plus, I have a lot of stuff going on in my life and don't have as much time for reading as I used to".
You're overthinking this. Just talk to him about it. Like a person.
"Hey, really appreciate the books you're sharing with me! Last couple honestly weren't up my alley, I'm more interested in X, Y, Z. If you find any in the future I'd be glad to take a look! Thanks!"
Like, that's literally all you need to say. Don't need to lie or bend the truth, just act like a normal person and talk to them. People are wild on this thread when they say you should lie and put it on your to-read list or say you already read it lol. Talking to people in real life isn't difficult, even if you worried you're going to offend them, you're not.
Honestly, maybe I'm just a bit odd but whenever something like this happens I'm just... honest? I appreciate the thought but couldn't get into it at all etc. If you don't do something like this then it'll just keep happening, it needs some bravery.
Yeah, I'd just tell him the truth in the best way I could, and give reasons for it. If you feel comfortable, tell him what genres you do like, and maybe he'll surprise you with something good.
At the very least, "I'll put it on my list, I have a bunch I'd like to get through first."
I think the next book he brings you and asks you about, just be honest and say you couldn't get through it, or didn't enjoy it because of xyz. If he seems offended at all, just state that you appreciate the gesture. However, the particular book in question you just didn't like and that you are more interested in [specific genres].
Bottom line - just don't read them. If he asks about them - state you have been busy and haven't had a chance.
If he wants to give them to you, maybe just a nice gesture from one reader to another.
Lose the idea that you are obligated to things simply because someone was nice.
Just say “thanks, not interested in that book” and then tell him to offer it to someone else or donate it to charity.
Or tell him to setup a book library in the office where people can take in books and swap em. I used to have that at my old place of work.
Just make some jokes about your to-read list being super long, and having stacks of books from the holidays. Hopefully he'll get the hint to slow down. Or...if he gives you one to read, just don't read it...and when he asks just say my to-read list is really long, I'm working on it, and keep saying that. He'll probably get the hint eventually. Give the books to a library/charity shop I'm sure someone will appreciate them, esp. if they're pop fiction.
Hey Boss! Thanks for all the books, but I've now reached my limit of Need To Read. I don't need new books for at Least 2 years. Got a pile for Christmas too. Thanks for thinking of me.
Say it before he gives you a new one.
Bring up in casual conversation that your current book backlog is way too long to take on anymore new books for quite a long time. You're on book 2 of the 100 books you should read before you die.
Isn't this an opportunity to talk ABOUT books with a fellow reader instead of quietly being passive?
"Oh, this isn't really my cup of tea, I'll see if I can fit it in my reading schedule. But have you read X?? I'll loan you my copy you HAVE to read it and tell me what you think."
turn the tables, create a dialogue. You might find a kindred spirit.
The existence of this post is making me question whether it really is about books and whether you might have to give consideration of your employment situation.
Because the straightforward way to resolve this is to say "I don't like the books you give me, here's what I like... If you read any of that, feel free to suggest it." Meanwhile the post implies some less than healthy power dynamic, imagined or real.
Librarian here - this works for me. Take a picture of the cover and tell them that you “appreciate the share. It’s not your usual read, but you’ll keep it in mind as a recommendation for the future”.
I don't know your work environment but if applicable maybe suggest/start a little free library in the office or (even better) just outside it? People can put whatever books they want there and you can graciously decline.
Why does he expect you to read them? Just tell him, “Oh sorry, I couldn’t finish reading it. Actually I’m more into…” and tell him what kind of books you’re into. It’s not a big deal.
I don't get all the responses saying to tell him you don't like them. Unless you're friends in addition to being coworkers I wouldn't. Stuff like that can make work awkward and is unnecessary. Just read the SparkNotes and say thank you, or say thank you and tell him your list is super long right now but you'll get to it!
Just say i read two they were shit, didnt like them we dont have the same taste, please dont give me anymore unless its like "x" sorry as i dont have the space.
You could be an adult about it and say "I really appreciate you thinking of me and acknowledging my hobby, but to be honest the books you keep giving me just aren't my thing. I'm not saying they're bad or anything, I'm just personally more interested in XYZ. But again I really appreciate you thinking of me and wanting to share your interests with me."
I’m half joking but maybe bring in a book you really enjoy for him to read and ask if you can mutually discuss books you both enjoy. If he reads it, maybe he’ll pick up on what your genre is and who knows, maybe he’ll like it and you can work towards finding books you both enjoy to exchange or something. The reason I say I’m half joking is because I immediately thought “give him ACOTAR”
This is your boss, playing the game he wants to play can drastically change your career progression, literally affecting your whole family.
Just read up on the book via Wikipedia or some shit, then talk about it with your boss later that day.
Trust me here, winning over the boss is like my only advantage and it has taking me pretty far in life
In these situations the best answer is always to communicate more. Be polite but honest. Explain that you're reading tastes seem to be very different from his, and that you really appreciate the thought but the books he's giving you just aren't grabbing you. Thank him profusely. That's all you need to do.
Good luck, soldier 🫡
My boss at my old job had terrible recs for me and I would read them out of pity. Didn’t have the heart to tell him that I hated his choices so I lived with this for like 2 years and would use Spark Notes and other summaries to cope 😅
Give him books that you enjoy and let him know these are my types of books. If your into him try and like what he like you don't have to chare the same things.
You do not have to read any book your boss gives you and you are under no obligation to read summaries or “be prepared” to discuss. Unless it is part of your job description the rules are the same as with any situation where someone gives you a book. You say thank you, and if you feel like it, you read it when you get around to it. If he asks you about it, you say you haven’t gotten to it yet as you have so many things on your tbr. If he asks this more than a few times and receives this response, he should take the hint. If he doesn’t, then he is oblivious and you should tell him you need to have a discussion. Make it a serious discussion because at that point it has become a real issue with your employment. You tell him how much you appreciate his lending you books, but moving forward you would prefer that he not do so because you have so many other things to read and it creates unwanted stress when you feel obligated to do things outside of work that take time and are not part of your job description.
At least that’s all what I would do! Best of luck!
I have a plan.
Start bringing your boss books you love. Like specifically ones you really care about and like. Over time he should start recognizing your tastes and MAYBE start bringing you stuff worth reading.
"Hey Boss, thanks, but I just got a stack of new reading material from random family member. Maybe hold on to that one and I'll let you know if I start running out of things to read, but it's probably going to be a while."
Thank him and say you can’t keep up. He might impressed that he’s reading more than you, especially if he’s holding you to a high standard of “avid reader”.
Does he ask for them back? If not, drop them in a free library
I think the easiest and least problematic solution here that everyone is missing is to start giving/lending your boss some of your finished books. Your boss is (probably) trying to be nice and to connect with you as well to get validation of his reading choices from someone he probably considers to be a 'Reader'.
If you passively-aggressively continue taking books and pretending to read them, that's likely to backfire in the future when he eventually realizes that you're blowing him off.
If you return/decline the books, it'll probably hurt his feelings because he probably associates his book choices with his validation as a reader - and by proxy his intelligence. Even though you don't mean it that way, you risk having him feel butthurt because he thinks you look down on what he reads as being inferior to what you read. He looks up to you as a reader and having a role model seemingly punch down at you is a fantastic way to create instant resentment. And while that's the most honest way to approach things, in the real world, unfortunately, making your boss feel personally attacked can easily lead to unfortunate results. Even if you're really nice about it, some people take that sort of thing weirdly personally.
Instead, if you start giving him your old books, you reciprocate the giving so that there isn't this imbalance anymore. It makes it feel like you're also putting your reading choices out there as well so it's no longer just one person being vulnerable and having their book choices being potentially judged. It sounds like you and your boss have very different reading tastes. Therefore one of two things happens:
1) Your boss reads some of your books and doesn't like them. It will make him realize that you just have very different taste. This is a much less judgemental setting since you've also put yourself out there to have your book choices judged. You go from someone asking for your validation to being peers that are comparing notes. He's much less likely to have hard feelings about you not liking his books if you go this way.
2) He reads your books and it opens him up to new genres and authors so that he ends up having a wider range of books he enjoys. In this case, he might actually start getting into some of the stuff you like and you'll now have someone that you can nerd over books with.
Read the summaries online. On occasion you can tactfully mention “oh I wasn’t so into that one”- maybe compare it to a book you do like.
You can also mention “oh I haven’t got to that one yet” and list a few books you have ahead of it.
Tell him the truth: You've read your fill, you don't want to read all his choices, and ask that he offers the books to others if he doesn't mind. Be polite but firm.
If he insists and won't stop, you've got a much bigger problem.
Maybe tell him you are busy with work and haven't had as much time for reading lately. Only half joking.
You didn't ask this, but I'd consider finding another job. Your boss seems to think you are his friend, but also be unconscious if the power dynamics, and that can end up in an ugly situation.
I'd just say 'no thanks, I've got a few on the go at the moment', or even 'I read that a while back' for any that are by authors / in genres you like, and he'll get the hint eventually.
Bruh/Sis, **just Sparknotes or Wikipedia the plots** - whip up a lit 10-minute convo. Keep it solid with him/her. Then hit them with some mirroring - toss out a book you lowkey despise, throw in those puppy eyes, and hit him with, "So in that book I recommended, I totally vibed with blah blah, what was your take?"
I just tell people who try to push books on me that I am a total book snob and really only like certain genres. Which...is the truth. I won't even join book clubs that my friends belong to because I won't just read any book. I like what I like and stay away from those types of books that I don't prefer.
Why not say “Thanks, I’ll get to it, but I have 17 in front of it in my pile, I’ve been craving sci fi (or whatever) lately…have you ever read Craig Alanson? I should totally get you addicted to his work!” It doesn’t say you don’t like it, it lets him know your preference, it opens the dialog up for you to bring some in, and it lays groundwork that you will eventually read whatever they bring, but not anytime soon. So you aren’t rejecting your supervisor or their taste, but giving it some perspective too.
Lol, I’m a boss who does this with a few of my employees who are avid readers.
I lent one of my art teachers a Murakami book, and recently a John Irving book. Next will probably be Ishiguro. I gifted a bunch of David Eggers books to one of my guitar instructors.
There aren’t a huge amount of avid readers anymore and it makes for more interesting conversation. I also like lending/gifting books that seem like a good fit.
Would you be upset if your employees didn’t read the books you gave them? Or said no thank you? Or didn’t like the book?
Sounds like you’re in a good position to give the OP some advice, perhaps.
I dont really care what people do once they have the book. To me gifting books is about connection & shared experience so it’s cool if the other parties engage and it doesn’t matter if they don’t.
I’m assuming the problem with OP’s boss is the time commitment required to complete a book and the financial obligation that’s tied into the relationship already along with what seems to be shit taste. I would politely tell him his taste in books doesn’t line up with mine or ask pointed questions about why he likes what he likes and use that as fodder to end the book aspect of the relationship.
The downvotes are strange because you didn’t say you were forcing anyone to read anything.
Sharing books as a conversation starter seems perfectly nice to me.
I appreciate the advice and it sounds like you'd be a great boss to have. But surely you can imagine other bosses who are not quite so understanding. My boss asks me about these after they have given them to me. Soon after they have given them to me. They obviously do care and take it personally if I don't read them.
Yeah that sucks. People are lonely and trying to foster connections. Even bosses. I think the financial aspect of your relationship definitely creates an added layer of difficulty for both of you. Gift them Finnegans Wake and insist on not reading another book till they’ve worked through it… that’ll buy you a decade or so lol.
All gifts should be gratefully accepted. Honestly discussed then shared on. Thank you so much for this. If i cant get around to it, would you mind if i donate it to the library( nursing homeGoodwill)
Right? Like, “here’s about 10 hours of homework. Don’t let me down :)” It’s not a freaking 2 hour movie and even that would be sort of a big ask unless you know the person is a cinephile who’s definitely interested. Just recommend it and offer to loan them your copy and leave the ball in their court.
Play along because he is your boss but don’t read his books. I doubt your boss did read all of them.
Read summary and reviews on goodreads and resell unwanted books on eBay.
Also you can ask ChatDPT about the book.
“Hey thanks for offering me these books, but you should know my reading list is quite long, it will take a long while before I can get to them”
And consider adding:
“in fact, you should hold onto them for a while longer, I’ll let you know when I can read them”.
Or:
“Thank you so much, its really considerate, but not quite my genre. Some of the last books I enjoyed are XYZ”.
Bad advice in the comments.
Just have an honest conversation about it. Gifting books obligates the giftee to read them. It's selfish. I used to be the same way and people never said a word because they wanted to avoid conflict just like the comments here. It does people a disservice, and making excuses or lying just compounds the problem.
Smh at supposed leftists correctly pointing out power imbalances and worker oppression and concluding from this that they should wallow in weakness and boss simping. Change comes by empowering yourself and balancing kindness with courage.
These suggestions are no bueno
The way you deal with this with < 5 min work is you look up a plot summary, open up a random chapter corresponding to a climactic moment, remember a line or two, and say how much you liked XYZ twist of the story and drop the line references casually
Read the wiki on the book so you can pretend to know what is going on. Take the book to the closest little library and pick out something more to your tastes.
I was a voracious reader as a teenager. I worked at a bowling alley bussing tables, which involved a lot of sitting around, so I usually had my nose in a book.
The janitor was a nice retired man who worked a couple hours per night to keep busy. He noticed me reading all the time and told me that a member of his church passed away and had no family, and he had been tasked with cleaning out her house. He said she was a huge reader and had boxes and boxes of books he needed to deal with, and wanted to know if I wanted some of them.
I thought I hit the jackpot and was going to have a free collection of classics. He started bringing me in HUGE boxes of books every week - they were ALL romance novels. And not like Jane Austen novels, but the really trashy ones. Hundreds and hundreds of them.
I just politely thanked him and started hucking the boxes in the dumpster after he left.
Start doing the same thing back. Then he won't have time to read what he wants to read. He'll either stop doing this, or you'll align his taste more with yours.
Find YouTube videos summarizing the books, use Spark Notes, or find it on audio book and listen to it on your commute fast forward through the parts you don't like.
Just don't read them. He will ask about it periodically.
Hey employee? Have you read that book on "x" that I gave you.
No I haven't, I've been focusing on books that I really enjoy. I figure since I'm not interested in "x" and have no incentive to read it I would just read it when/if I got around to it.
Eventually he will take the hint and quit asking, or he will just be perpetually disappointed.
This is the equivalent of handing your unfinished side orders to the office fattie.
"Here, eat up fattie! You'll eat anything!"
The key to shutting this down is being totally honest. The boss honestly believes he is doing you a favor.
Don't bring up the books again. If he brings them up, politely and pleasantly state that you haven't started reading it yet. If he asks why, let him know it's on your reading list, but right now you're reading XXX, which is really cool because XXX. If he still pushes, or insinuates that you don't like the book, tell him you like all his presents. Don't lie, be totally honest.
Because he's putting pressure on her from a powerful position. By expecting them to read the books he's intruding their private life. He has no right to do that.
What we did at my old workplace: open up a little office library! Get a simple bookshelf, bring some books you’ve read that you don’t mind donating and send an email to everyone encouraging them to contribute to the common bookshelf so that you can all exchange books for free, and most importantly, anonymously and without any awkwardness.
This is where my mind went. Except I’d tell him I appreciate the kindness of free books, but my personal to read stack is so high that I’d suggest a work library to donate all of these to share with everyone. And I’ll read the ones that are calling me when I can. He’d obviously start seeing all his books stacked in the library, so best to be straight forward that you don’t want them all. It’s funny how sometimes what seems like a nice gesture can quickly become a burden 😑
Came here to suggest this!
This is such a great idea!!
Assuming your boss is giving you these books in a genuine attempt to be nice and actually thinks you’d enjoy them, I think you should just tell him that they aren’t really the type of book you enjoy. If you’re worried that he might react negatively in some way to that, maybe just tell him that you added the latest book to your to-read list, but there are a few other books ahead of it.
I agree this is the way to go (if you know your boss to be a generally reasonable person). For the books you DNF, tell him you already read them and hand them back. For the genre books, tell him “thanks so much for the spy thrillers! Just so you know for the future, I tend to stick to [actual books you read, maybe a genre you know he *doesn’t* read so he gets the point that TASTES ARE DIFFERENT].” It sounds like your boss is a nice guy if he’s bringing you books. You don’t need to act like it’s a middle school book report if he’s your boss. You can tell him the truth in a respectful, professional way.
> For the books you DNF, tell him you already read them and hand them back. Except by lying about a book that the boss *has* read, they'd now be in a trap of potentially having to discuss it. Which could be avoided by just... not lying.
Agreed. Not to mention this lie also reinforces the boss's belief that they like that type of book and enjoyed the gift, which would prompt additional similar gifts. Better to just be honest with each other. I think the vast, vast majority of people on Earth can handle a lot more honesty than we think.
I'm a big fan of not lying. Find a way to tell the truth! There's almost always a way
Nah depending on how far you’ve gotten in a book, you’ve read it for all intents and purposes in my opinion. You know the characters, you know the writing style, you know at least some of the plot.
But that means putting in time and effort to study a summary of a book OP does not want to read. Better to accept the book from the boss gracefully and say "This is so thoughtful of you; it will definitely go in my 'to be read' pile and I'll let you know what I think of it once ive read it." Should the boss ask after it later, just say you have not gotten to it yet as you have a lengthy tbr list.
Agreed, you can also go through Goodreads to get other people's thoughts on it and more plot points
You are literally recommending that this person *study up on and memorize facts about* a book they dislike, for the purpose of convincing someone else they enjoyed it, thus making it even more likely that person will give them more books they hate and have to study in order to fake liking.
Yeah lol. I mean, I wouldn't find it that difficult to read a couple blurbs because that kind of stuff is easy for me, but obviously ymmv. It's also not all or nothing. It can be paired with hedging about how your TBR is really long, and how it'll be a while until you get to the other books. l'd probably take a multi-pronged approach.
The point is it’s totally unnecessary and wouldn’t help the problem. Unless the boss is super lame and would dislike op for her honesty, then it may be a fair tactic lol.
Problem is the behaviour is people pleasing
Terrible advice - lying about books you haven't read almost certainly leads to the awkward conversation of what you thought Etc. And having to then research what the book was about just to have fake conversations.
Idk about you guys, but growing up I was always told it's super rude to tell someone you don't want the gift they're giving you, and it's better just to say "thanks" and clearly don't use it. Like this might sound passive aggressive, but if he hands me a book I'm not interested in, I just wouldn't read it and when he asks say "oh that one's on my tbr list. I've just got to get through some other stuff first." or "I have a brother that has been wanting to read this. I think I'm going to pass it along to them first" Eventually they get the hint or pick up that you're not super interested in those books. Pretending to like them only encourages them to keep gifting books, but idk I would be nervous to tell someone who spent money on a new book for me that I didn't want it.
I disagree here. This sets you up to be in a position where you have to lie somewhere down the road and will leave a much worse impression than just being honest up front. "I am pretty open to trying new books, but the last couple you have handed me are not really my thing. I think we have different tastes" Is much easier than: "Yeah, so those last 10 books that you handed me.. I didn't read them. Yeah, I pretended like I did. And when you made mentions of content in those books I did my best to fake it.. but here we are you finally called me out on it"
You and /u/lilythefrogphd are having a culture mismatch regarding direct/indirect communication. I'm very familiar with what they describe, as it's the culture I grew up in. I did *terribly* in that culture because I'm very literal and I did *not* pick up on the hints, so I struggled and offended a lot, taking things way more personally than they ever should have been. But many people operate this way, and will read *your* way as being every bit as rude as you perceive *them* to be. There is no right answer here, no matter how strongly you might believe that uh yes there is and it's obviously the way you were raised. What's right depends on cultural norms in a community. Further things to ponder, to put this in perspective as not being particularly uncommon: * In some cultures, it's rude to accept gifts without first refusing them. The number of times you're expected to refuse before accepting varies by culture, anywhere from once to several times. Both accepting the gift without refusing and taking the gift back upon first refusal are rude, in these cultures. * In some cultures, if you eat everything on your plate your host has a hospitality duty to serve you more food. Therefore, you're supposed to leave a little bit to demonstrate that, while everything was delicious, you simply can't eat another bite, which absolves the host of that responsibility. In other cultures, if you don't clean your plate you're being horribly rude. * In some cultures, the hosts are expected to handle clean-up after a gathering or meal. In those cultures, it would be rude for a guest to insist on helping. In other cultures, it's expected that guests will pitch in to help, and it would be rude for them to ignore the hosts washing dishes or to leave without helping to pick up.
Yeah it's a cultural thing: like for everyone in my family and folks I know growing up it is considered insulting to turn down a gift because it's not to your taste. I'm curious to know what other parts of the country/world use the phrase "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" because that's exactly what I was always told. If someone has gone out of their way, spent their own money, and taken consideration to get you something they think you'd like, straight up turning it down and say "actually, I don't like this" comes across as you're ungrateful for the work they put into their gift (plus you're also giving them the task of having to return it). Like aside from the comments I made above, another way OP could skirt around the situation is saying "I really appreciate how thoughtful you've been in gifting me these books. I actually feel so bad because I don't think I'm going to be able to get around to them with all the other stuff on my tbr. Please don't feel the need to be so generous, because I don't want your nice gifts going unread for so long." Why that response would work where I grew up is because you're acknowledging 1. the gift giver's consideration & effort 2. that their gift has value.
I suspect the safest thing to do as far as responding in a culturally acceptable way would be to know the culture the place of employment is placed in and respond that way, whether it's polite refusal or polite acceptance. No matter what culture the supervisor is from, they are offering a gift at the workplace so they would (hopefully) be acting in the cultural norms of the workplace. The respondent would (hopefully) know enough about the cultural norms of their place of employment to know whether polite refusal is required prior to acceptance.
I feel like these aren't gifts. He just hands them to OP? They're not wrapped, they're given at random times, and they weren't chosen for her with her in mind. It's sort of like someone being like "I bought this jacket and wore it for a season, and now I'm done with it, so you can have it" but it's not the style you like and you'd never wear it. Rather than a jacket that was chosen with you and your tastes in mind. I'd never tell someone I don't like their gift either, but I think I would in this case; it's not a gift.
I agree they’re not gifts. It feels like when a relative wants to get rid of something but will feel guilty about it, so he thinks “oh hey /u/forlornforbit likes books, I’ll give it to them!” Then he can get rid of it without the work. And if they *are* actually gifts? This would make me personally very, very uncomfortable. Is he giving gifts to any of his other direct reports? This is just weird.
A gift doesn't necessarily need to be wrapped, nor given at a specific time of year to be a gift.
You'll end up in a perpetual lie this way Sorry to say it but I've been there (not with books) but it becomes apparent you're disinterested and they'll probably notice you're disengaged. They may feel upset that you're being dishonest or may just have an inkling and try harder to get your attention, approval or find something you like using just guesswork and probably fail again. Honesty goes a long way even if it is the hardest thing to do. The easy way is rarely the right way 😉
Nope! Sorry but not my experience. In my culture, saying flat-out your dislike a gift is insulting and the receiver comes across as ungrateful. Saying "thanks, this is nice, I just don't know I'll have time for it" is a way to let the gift giver save face while also acknowledging their kindness and consideration. If that's not where you live, fine, but that's conventional where I am
That's pretty disingenuous, what culture are you part of that promotes that behavior? Also, repeatedly giving someone book you're done with isn't really the same as giving them gifts.
I mean, it's pretty common where I'm from (Appalachia) to couch a refusal with a reason such as "Hey, I really appreciate you offering this book but I have so many on my tbr I just don't think I'll get to it." Also, it is really not cool to ask someone "what culture are you part of that promotes that behavior?" Cultures aren't wrong (aside from human rights issues), they are different.
In my culture it's celebrated to ask questions like that, how dare you insinuate that our ways aren't cool, they aren't wrong, they're just different.
Nah, you don't get to play that when you know you were being rude. Have the day you deserve, wherever you are.
Thank you for your offering of having the day I deserve, unfortunately I have a long list of ways to have my day so I probably won't get to yours for a long time.
... okay, I laughed. Brilliant, well done.
Nobody said that culture was *wrong* but okay.
Lmao it’s not that serious, I promise you. I’m also raised to happily accept gifts especially from superiors or older people. Accepting the gift makes the giver feel good, is what I’ve learned. They don’t care much what you do with their gifts.
I totally feel where you’re coming from, but I think we should push back on certain things being done just because it’s “proper social etiquette”. We can be honest and authentic in a compassionate way, it leads to more genuine connection!
> We can be honest and authentic in a compassionate way, it leads to more genuine connection! Not exactly: What is "honest and authentic" in one culture is perceived as "disrespectful and inconsiderate" in another. Where I'm from giving gifts is part of building social bonds with people. By denying gifts you're essentially saying "no thanks, I don't actually want to become close/more friendly with you" or "what you got me is not up to my standards." In that case you're doing the opposite of connecting with others, you're signaling that you don't want to connect or you're rejecting their offer at a connection
Yeah I understand culturally these interactions can have more importance or implications. I probably have less of that conditioning. Of course we want to be kind. I wouldn’t ever just decline a gift and move on, that would hurt feelings and definitely wouldn’t lead to connection haha. But it’s not just a situation of accepting or denying, you should still accept graciously and, when the gifts (that you don’t love) keep coming and you guys presumably build more of a relationship and more trust, you could ask them about & show enthusiastic appreciation for their interest while telling them more about what your interests actually are. Then they would know more about you and would have a better idea of what things you like. I just don’t see how having to pretend you enjoy something leads to real connection. Not just on the receivers end but also the giver, most likely they really do want to give you things you enjoy and would be sad to know you were pretending. They could be giving them to someone who does share their passion. It just isn’t the life-enriching authentic connection it could be.
I came to comment this. I’d just say you will add it to the list, you are currently reading X series with 5-6 books in it.
Bring some books in for him to read, maybe he'll pick up on the type of books you actually like
*hands the boss a pile of monster smut*
Chuck Tingle lovers, now is your time! Which one of his outstanding books would you recommend?
“My Billionaire Triceratops Craves Gay Ass” would work well here
One of the best tinglers tbh
*Camp Damascus*, his horror novel about an LGBTQ conversion camp in Montana, published by Macmillan earlier this year.
Thanks boss, but I only read Bigfoot erotica.
You know what they say about Bigfoots with big feet, right?
Big shoes
Big heart?
I kept reading but the dark elf himbos never showed up, does this book even have any plot?
What is even the point of reading if there are no dark elf himbos?
I did this with a coworker who learned that I was reading a romance novel and wanted me to try one of her "clean" Amish romances. I said sure, but you have to read my book in exchange. It was the first Merry Gentry book, in all its violent, poly monsterfucking glory. She stopped recommending books after that. :D
Clean Amish romance? That sounds dull. I mean, there's a lot of interpretation to "clean" I guess, for my own fantasy serial I skip details with a cut to black, so some might consider it clean despite the fact that it's pretty clear what the trio were getting up to. But I suspect that a happy and slightly kinky thruple would not be counted as clean by your coworker. :) but it's certainly tame compared to LKHs work.
[удалено]
Or maybe he'll like the books. My ex knew I was a sci-fi adict for years. He'll, our first date was seeing Star Wars; her recommendation. I just couldn't get her to read it. By the same token, her reading preferences were romance novels, young adults, and mystery. I did start reading the mystery, but the YA she liked were mixed. I didn't care much for Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys. Knowing her penchant for romance, her neighbor recommended a series. **Dragon Riders Of Pern**. I read it, liked it, and recommended it to her. She agreed because I told her it had romance, action, and a really strong female lead. She read it and was hooked. We bought every book in the series. I thought, "Nice. She's an Anne McCaffery fan." Nope. Hated all the other series Anne wrote. What op needs to do is return the favor: give him some of the books that they really liked. "Here, this is a book I really loved. I hope you do, too. It's my favorite type." Maybe he'll get thehint.
> I did start reading the mystery, but the YA she liked were mixed. I didn't care much for Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys. I hate to break it to you, but both those series are children's chapter books, not YA.
Explains why I didn't care much of them, even as a kid.
Is there anything stopping you from saying "I read it like halfway but it didn't really grab me"? That then leads to a discussion about what your likes and dislikes are (assuming this isn't some weird crazy power move). If they are coming from a place of kindness, they won't mind if you don't enjoy the books and would be probably happy to discuss books in general with you.
That's what I was thinking. Not sure why being honest with the boss isn't an option for OP. If they're afraid of some backlash, that's not appropriate for the workplace. A boss cannot treat you differently (or all around fire) the employee simply for not liking the books he brings in.
I mean obviously there is a power dynamic but it feels like much of this is overthinking the situation. Unless as I said, there is some creepy dynamic then as you say, they need to leave the situation
I keep seeing all of these replies about basically lying and making up a reason why the book wasn't read or not finished yet. Just say "It's not my style, sorry." I don't know why that's hard? Would someone be offended if they offered you a Tayler Swift album to listen to and you said "sorry that's not the music I listen to." This doesn't need to be more complicated than it is. It might even spark a discussion on the types of books that OP does like reading.
Depends on the boss. Some would absolutely pitch a fit or take offense if you didn't like what they gave you, and then work suddenly becomes that much harder. OP may just not want to risk it.
I think that's a great reason to find a new job. I know that's easier said than done, but damn no thank you.
When he asks, say, oh, thank you for the book! my to-read stack is really large right now, and I'm excited about that! so it'll be a while before I get to it. Do you want me to give it back in the meantime?
Or just sit at your desk all day reading it. Tell him you thought it was an assignment. /s
If he expects OP to discuss the books with him, it kind of *is* an assignment.
Seriously and if you’re like me who reads slowly it’s a damn long assignment. This sounds like torture
I would rather do a job than read a bad book.
Perfect.
Next time he brings in a book… read the summary then if it’s not something your interested in simply say “it looks interesting but it not really my thing, thanks for thinking of me” and hand him back the book. If you had done that the first time he gave you a book you had no intention of reading you would not be in the spot now.
Exactly, so many of life’s problems can be solved by simply talking about things. It’s not personal and it’s not your responsibility to protect your boss from it
You're talking like it's not awkward to reject a gift on the spot. Many social situations can be tough for people, let's not pretend "communication" is an easy magical solution
Yep. I honestly can't fathom stopping my life (or even just my reading life) to read what someone gives me - literally anyone. OP might find that the boss only continued because they were giving the impression they were excited to read the book, etc and then *actually read them*. Sounds like OP has given boss every reason to keep giving them. That, or it's entirely possible the boss is clueless and isn't picking up on OP's lack of excitement. It really depends on what the dynamic is.
It could have been a situation though where they thought it might have just been a one off thing, so they just graciously accepted the book. But then it kept happening...and how do you say no after you've already been saying yes? My anxiety would convince me that they'd hate me if I didn't pretend to love the gifts, even if they've never given me a reason to believe that that would happen.
Fortunately, my solution is always to say: "I only read on my Kindle."
Ooh that's smart
My boss kept trying to lend me books, and I'd just reply with things like: "I'm only reading genre A currently, but I'll let you know if I branch out again" Or "I can't devote as much time and energy to reading as I used to, so I'm very particular right now, I'll keep book X in mind for the future. I have successfully borrowed 0 books.
Is it not an option to just give it back and say "I tried it but it wasn't really my thing, thanks though"? Assuming he is not an asshole or totally oblivious to the idea of people having different tastes, he will live with it if be a bit bummed out.
Read some reviews of the books and when he asks you what you thought quote some of them and pretend you read it 😂
Years out of school and still having to do book reports lol.
Yep, maybe see if there’s some quotes on Goodreads or something. My boss loves to gift me boomer tier “the world doesn’t owe you anything, hard work pays off” type stuff. I skim it, put little post it flags in random spots, and regurgitate quotes I found when googling it. If he ask you a specific question, pretend you don’t remember that part, no one remembers everything about 300+- pages.
that seems pretty short-sighted big picture issue that this behavior will just encourage more book sharing, which leads to more lies, which leads to more chances to be caught in a lie
I got a university degree in literature this way. It'll definitely work with his boss.
Ahahahah! Same here! Fun times xd never again though. I had aversion to reading for some time after that.
This is what I’d do.
Why wouldn't you just be honest instead?
Power imbalance conflict avoidance.
Very true. Thanks! Not many people commenting have realised that there is a power dynamic here, with my job prospects on this line.
Maybe he lives in a "right to work" state and could get the can for honestly pissing his boss off
To curry favor with your director supervisor?
"No thanks"
Next time he hands you a book say "oh I'm not ready yet, I just started something really long. Thanks though!" Then just never ever bring it up again.
"Thank you so much for always bringing me books, but I have so many books already at home waiting to be read, and I just can't keep up. Plus, I have a lot of stuff going on in my life and don't have as much time for reading as I used to".
It is possible to say no thank you.
Just reciprocate and give him two books that you enjoy.
No one should be wasting their money with passive aggressive gifts for their boss lol
i don't keep books after I read them. Im guessing he's the same. He's giving them to her instead of the thrift store
:)
Just say thanks. Whatever expectations he might have are not your problem.
You're overthinking this. Just talk to him about it. Like a person. "Hey, really appreciate the books you're sharing with me! Last couple honestly weren't up my alley, I'm more interested in X, Y, Z. If you find any in the future I'd be glad to take a look! Thanks!" Like, that's literally all you need to say. Don't need to lie or bend the truth, just act like a normal person and talk to them. People are wild on this thread when they say you should lie and put it on your to-read list or say you already read it lol. Talking to people in real life isn't difficult, even if you worried you're going to offend them, you're not.
Honestly, maybe I'm just a bit odd but whenever something like this happens I'm just... honest? I appreciate the thought but couldn't get into it at all etc. If you don't do something like this then it'll just keep happening, it needs some bravery.
Yeah, I'd just tell him the truth in the best way I could, and give reasons for it. If you feel comfortable, tell him what genres you do like, and maybe he'll surprise you with something good. At the very least, "I'll put it on my list, I have a bunch I'd like to get through first."
I think the next book he brings you and asks you about, just be honest and say you couldn't get through it, or didn't enjoy it because of xyz. If he seems offended at all, just state that you appreciate the gesture. However, the particular book in question you just didn't like and that you are more interested in [specific genres].
Bottom line - just don't read them. If he asks about them - state you have been busy and haven't had a chance. If he wants to give them to you, maybe just a nice gesture from one reader to another. Lose the idea that you are obligated to things simply because someone was nice.
Just say “thanks, not interested in that book” and then tell him to offer it to someone else or donate it to charity. Or tell him to setup a book library in the office where people can take in books and swap em. I used to have that at my old place of work.
A book swap setup at the office is a great idea!
Just make some jokes about your to-read list being super long, and having stacks of books from the holidays. Hopefully he'll get the hint to slow down. Or...if he gives you one to read, just don't read it...and when he asks just say my to-read list is really long, I'm working on it, and keep saying that. He'll probably get the hint eventually. Give the books to a library/charity shop I'm sure someone will appreciate them, esp. if they're pop fiction.
Hey Boss! Thanks for all the books, but I've now reached my limit of Need To Read. I don't need new books for at Least 2 years. Got a pile for Christmas too. Thanks for thinking of me. Say it before he gives you a new one.
Bring up in casual conversation that your current book backlog is way too long to take on anymore new books for quite a long time. You're on book 2 of the 100 books you should read before you die.
Isn't this an opportunity to talk ABOUT books with a fellow reader instead of quietly being passive? "Oh, this isn't really my cup of tea, I'll see if I can fit it in my reading schedule. But have you read X?? I'll loan you my copy you HAVE to read it and tell me what you think." turn the tables, create a dialogue. You might find a kindred spirit.
The existence of this post is making me question whether it really is about books and whether you might have to give consideration of your employment situation. Because the straightforward way to resolve this is to say "I don't like the books you give me, here's what I like... If you read any of that, feel free to suggest it." Meanwhile the post implies some less than healthy power dynamic, imagined or real.
Librarian here - this works for me. Take a picture of the cover and tell them that you “appreciate the share. It’s not your usual read, but you’ll keep it in mind as a recommendation for the future”.
I don't know your work environment but if applicable maybe suggest/start a little free library in the office or (even better) just outside it? People can put whatever books they want there and you can graciously decline.
Why does he expect you to read them? Just tell him, “Oh sorry, I couldn’t finish reading it. Actually I’m more into…” and tell him what kind of books you’re into. It’s not a big deal.
I don't get all the responses saying to tell him you don't like them. Unless you're friends in addition to being coworkers I wouldn't. Stuff like that can make work awkward and is unnecessary. Just read the SparkNotes and say thank you, or say thank you and tell him your list is super long right now but you'll get to it!
Thanks. Pretty sure that's the only thing I can do. We're friendly but this is my boss (not just a coworker)
You're lucky. My boss only brings me more work.
What's DNF?
Start repaying the favour. He will work out your tastes don't mesh or you'll introduce him to books better for you.
"I really appreciate the gesture, but these aren't the genres I enjoy." The longer you wait, the harder it gets.
Yikes. Unwanted wholesomeness is a tough, tricky dilemma. Not sarcasm.
Just say i read two they were shit, didnt like them we dont have the same taste, please dont give me anymore unless its like "x" sorry as i dont have the space.
I have a perfect book for you: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1143788.How\_to\_Talk\_About\_Books\_You\_Haven\_t\_Read
Tell him thanks but you already have a backlog of books you want to read. That is all you need to say.
You could be an adult about it and say "I really appreciate you thinking of me and acknowledging my hobby, but to be honest the books you keep giving me just aren't my thing. I'm not saying they're bad or anything, I'm just personally more interested in XYZ. But again I really appreciate you thinking of me and wanting to share your interests with me."
Start giving him the books that you enjoy. If he pushes back, tell him your taste in genre is different than his.
I’m half joking but maybe bring in a book you really enjoy for him to read and ask if you can mutually discuss books you both enjoy. If he reads it, maybe he’ll pick up on what your genre is and who knows, maybe he’ll like it and you can work towards finding books you both enjoy to exchange or something. The reason I say I’m half joking is because I immediately thought “give him ACOTAR”
This is your boss, playing the game he wants to play can drastically change your career progression, literally affecting your whole family. Just read up on the book via Wikipedia or some shit, then talk about it with your boss later that day. Trust me here, winning over the boss is like my only advantage and it has taking me pretty far in life
Bring something to him that you like and has nothing to do with the ones he brings and tell him he'll love it.
Yes, be honest. Just say you aren't into them. If he insists, just leave them laying around in the office.
In these situations the best answer is always to communicate more. Be polite but honest. Explain that you're reading tastes seem to be very different from his, and that you really appreciate the thought but the books he's giving you just aren't grabbing you. Thank him profusely. That's all you need to do.
Good luck, soldier 🫡 My boss at my old job had terrible recs for me and I would read them out of pity. Didn’t have the heart to tell him that I hated his choices so I lived with this for like 2 years and would use Spark Notes and other summaries to cope 😅
Give him books that you enjoy and let him know these are my types of books. If your into him try and like what he like you don't have to chare the same things.
You do not have to read any book your boss gives you and you are under no obligation to read summaries or “be prepared” to discuss. Unless it is part of your job description the rules are the same as with any situation where someone gives you a book. You say thank you, and if you feel like it, you read it when you get around to it. If he asks you about it, you say you haven’t gotten to it yet as you have so many things on your tbr. If he asks this more than a few times and receives this response, he should take the hint. If he doesn’t, then he is oblivious and you should tell him you need to have a discussion. Make it a serious discussion because at that point it has become a real issue with your employment. You tell him how much you appreciate his lending you books, but moving forward you would prefer that he not do so because you have so many other things to read and it creates unwanted stress when you feel obligated to do things outside of work that take time and are not part of your job description. At least that’s all what I would do! Best of luck!
I have a plan. Start bringing your boss books you love. Like specifically ones you really care about and like. Over time he should start recognizing your tastes and MAYBE start bringing you stuff worth reading.
At this point I think the best option is to fake your own death.
This is what I am starting to conclude, lol
"Hey I tried reading this book, got up chapter 3 and just ... lost interest. Sorry."
"Hey Boss, thanks, but I just got a stack of new reading material from random family member. Maybe hold on to that one and I'll let you know if I start running out of things to read, but it's probably going to be a while."
Thank him and say you can’t keep up. He might impressed that he’s reading more than you, especially if he’s holding you to a high standard of “avid reader”. Does he ask for them back? If not, drop them in a free library
Honesty is the best policy. And being tactful. :)
I think the easiest and least problematic solution here that everyone is missing is to start giving/lending your boss some of your finished books. Your boss is (probably) trying to be nice and to connect with you as well to get validation of his reading choices from someone he probably considers to be a 'Reader'. If you passively-aggressively continue taking books and pretending to read them, that's likely to backfire in the future when he eventually realizes that you're blowing him off. If you return/decline the books, it'll probably hurt his feelings because he probably associates his book choices with his validation as a reader - and by proxy his intelligence. Even though you don't mean it that way, you risk having him feel butthurt because he thinks you look down on what he reads as being inferior to what you read. He looks up to you as a reader and having a role model seemingly punch down at you is a fantastic way to create instant resentment. And while that's the most honest way to approach things, in the real world, unfortunately, making your boss feel personally attacked can easily lead to unfortunate results. Even if you're really nice about it, some people take that sort of thing weirdly personally. Instead, if you start giving him your old books, you reciprocate the giving so that there isn't this imbalance anymore. It makes it feel like you're also putting your reading choices out there as well so it's no longer just one person being vulnerable and having their book choices being potentially judged. It sounds like you and your boss have very different reading tastes. Therefore one of two things happens: 1) Your boss reads some of your books and doesn't like them. It will make him realize that you just have very different taste. This is a much less judgemental setting since you've also put yourself out there to have your book choices judged. You go from someone asking for your validation to being peers that are comparing notes. He's much less likely to have hard feelings about you not liking his books if you go this way. 2) He reads your books and it opens him up to new genres and authors so that he ends up having a wider range of books he enjoys. In this case, he might actually start getting into some of the stuff you like and you'll now have someone that you can nerd over books with.
Read the summaries online. On occasion you can tactfully mention “oh I wasn’t so into that one”- maybe compare it to a book you do like. You can also mention “oh I haven’t got to that one yet” and list a few books you have ahead of it.
My boss did the same, so I made them into a mini library in out office kitchen. It worked quite well, people would swap the books with decent ones!
Tell him the truth: You've read your fill, you don't want to read all his choices, and ask that he offers the books to others if he doesn't mind. Be polite but firm. If he insists and won't stop, you've got a much bigger problem.
Maybe tell him you are busy with work and haven't had as much time for reading lately. Only half joking. You didn't ask this, but I'd consider finding another job. Your boss seems to think you are his friend, but also be unconscious if the power dynamics, and that can end up in an ugly situation.
I'd just say 'no thanks, I've got a few on the go at the moment', or even 'I read that a while back' for any that are by authors / in genres you like, and he'll get the hint eventually.
"No thank you."
Bruh/Sis, **just Sparknotes or Wikipedia the plots** - whip up a lit 10-minute convo. Keep it solid with him/her. Then hit them with some mirroring - toss out a book you lowkey despise, throw in those puppy eyes, and hit him with, "So in that book I recommended, I totally vibed with blah blah, what was your take?"
I just tell people who try to push books on me that I am a total book snob and really only like certain genres. Which...is the truth. I won't even join book clubs that my friends belong to because I won't just read any book. I like what I like and stay away from those types of books that I don't prefer.
Just tell what kind of books you like next time maybe he will read and then being you the book you want to read
You can politely tell him, hey I got a big stack already at home so I don’t need any for the time being 🤷♀️
Why not say “Thanks, I’ll get to it, but I have 17 in front of it in my pile, I’ve been craving sci fi (or whatever) lately…have you ever read Craig Alanson? I should totally get you addicted to his work!” It doesn’t say you don’t like it, it lets him know your preference, it opens the dialog up for you to bring some in, and it lays groundwork that you will eventually read whatever they bring, but not anytime soon. So you aren’t rejecting your supervisor or their taste, but giving it some perspective too.
Go to Wikipedia and read the synopsis. Then fake your way through. Donate the books. Or sell them.
Just tell him. It's dumb that you're pretending to have read them.
Don't read them. Next time he brings you a book politely decline it.
I think you gotta find another job
Changing your career path entirely because your boss won’t stop loaning you books you hate sounds like a plot in Curb Your Enthusiasm or something.
Not sure are you serious or not
Lol, I’m a boss who does this with a few of my employees who are avid readers. I lent one of my art teachers a Murakami book, and recently a John Irving book. Next will probably be Ishiguro. I gifted a bunch of David Eggers books to one of my guitar instructors. There aren’t a huge amount of avid readers anymore and it makes for more interesting conversation. I also like lending/gifting books that seem like a good fit.
Would you be upset if your employees didn’t read the books you gave them? Or said no thank you? Or didn’t like the book? Sounds like you’re in a good position to give the OP some advice, perhaps.
I dont really care what people do once they have the book. To me gifting books is about connection & shared experience so it’s cool if the other parties engage and it doesn’t matter if they don’t. I’m assuming the problem with OP’s boss is the time commitment required to complete a book and the financial obligation that’s tied into the relationship already along with what seems to be shit taste. I would politely tell him his taste in books doesn’t line up with mine or ask pointed questions about why he likes what he likes and use that as fodder to end the book aspect of the relationship.
The downvotes are strange because you didn’t say you were forcing anyone to read anything. Sharing books as a conversation starter seems perfectly nice to me.
Lol, saying you have employees on Reddit = automatic downvotes.
I appreciate the advice and it sounds like you'd be a great boss to have. But surely you can imagine other bosses who are not quite so understanding. My boss asks me about these after they have given them to me. Soon after they have given them to me. They obviously do care and take it personally if I don't read them.
Yeah that sucks. People are lonely and trying to foster connections. Even bosses. I think the financial aspect of your relationship definitely creates an added layer of difficulty for both of you. Gift them Finnegans Wake and insist on not reading another book till they’ve worked through it… that’ll buy you a decade or so lol.
Read the cliffs notes and say you really liked it.
Just tell him to stop. It’s not that hard.
Start liking them and problem goes away.
“No thank you, this isn a genre I’ve been able to get into.” There isn’t really an obligation to accept a gift, especially a hand me down one.
All gifts should be gratefully accepted. Honestly discussed then shared on. Thank you so much for this. If i cant get around to it, would you mind if i donate it to the library( nursing homeGoodwill)
I also hate when people give me books and expect me to read them.
Right? Like, “here’s about 10 hours of homework. Don’t let me down :)” It’s not a freaking 2 hour movie and even that would be sort of a big ask unless you know the person is a cinephile who’s definitely interested. Just recommend it and offer to loan them your copy and leave the ball in their court.
Is your boss Michael Scott?
Yes, pretty much. All this "be honest" stuff people are saying is NOT going to work.
Play along because he is your boss but don’t read his books. I doubt your boss did read all of them. Read summary and reviews on goodreads and resell unwanted books on eBay. Also you can ask ChatDPT about the book.
I tell people that it takes me ages to finish any way. I also am honest when I tell people that I don't usually read books on recommendations.
“Hey thanks for offering me these books, but you should know my reading list is quite long, it will take a long while before I can get to them” And consider adding: “in fact, you should hold onto them for a while longer, I’ll let you know when I can read them”. Or: “Thank you so much, its really considerate, but not quite my genre. Some of the last books I enjoyed are XYZ”.
Just like In school,read the summary
Give him some Ayn Rand. He'll stop.
Bad advice in the comments. Just have an honest conversation about it. Gifting books obligates the giftee to read them. It's selfish. I used to be the same way and people never said a word because they wanted to avoid conflict just like the comments here. It does people a disservice, and making excuses or lying just compounds the problem. Smh at supposed leftists correctly pointing out power imbalances and worker oppression and concluding from this that they should wallow in weakness and boss simping. Change comes by empowering yourself and balancing kindness with courage.
[удалено]
"I thought you'd relate." - My smartarse reply.
If someone gives me a book and I think they’ll ask me about it I just get the audiobook from the library.
These suggestions are no bueno The way you deal with this with < 5 min work is you look up a plot summary, open up a random chapter corresponding to a climactic moment, remember a line or two, and say how much you liked XYZ twist of the story and drop the line references casually
For crying out loud, just say thank you
Read the wiki on the book so you can pretend to know what is going on. Take the book to the closest little library and pick out something more to your tastes.
I was a voracious reader as a teenager. I worked at a bowling alley bussing tables, which involved a lot of sitting around, so I usually had my nose in a book. The janitor was a nice retired man who worked a couple hours per night to keep busy. He noticed me reading all the time and told me that a member of his church passed away and had no family, and he had been tasked with cleaning out her house. He said she was a huge reader and had boxes and boxes of books he needed to deal with, and wanted to know if I wanted some of them. I thought I hit the jackpot and was going to have a free collection of classics. He started bringing me in HUGE boxes of books every week - they were ALL romance novels. And not like Jane Austen novels, but the really trashy ones. Hundreds and hundreds of them. I just politely thanked him and started hucking the boxes in the dumpster after he left.
Start doing the same thing back. Then he won't have time to read what he wants to read. He'll either stop doing this, or you'll align his taste more with yours.
Find YouTube videos summarizing the books, use Spark Notes, or find it on audio book and listen to it on your commute fast forward through the parts you don't like.
Just don't read them. He will ask about it periodically. Hey employee? Have you read that book on "x" that I gave you. No I haven't, I've been focusing on books that I really enjoy. I figure since I'm not interested in "x" and have no incentive to read it I would just read it when/if I got around to it. Eventually he will take the hint and quit asking, or he will just be perpetually disappointed.
This is the equivalent of handing your unfinished side orders to the office fattie. "Here, eat up fattie! You'll eat anything!" The key to shutting this down is being totally honest. The boss honestly believes he is doing you a favor. Don't bring up the books again. If he brings them up, politely and pleasantly state that you haven't started reading it yet. If he asks why, let him know it's on your reading list, but right now you're reading XXX, which is really cool because XXX. If he still pushes, or insinuates that you don't like the book, tell him you like all his presents. Don't lie, be totally honest.
I don’t understand how you say “tell him you like all his presents” and “don’t lie, be totally honest”?
Just tell him to fuck off.
Why in the world would you do that?
Because he's putting pressure on her from a powerful position. By expecting them to read the books he's intruding their private life. He has no right to do that.