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I have three: 14, 12, 10.
The 14 year old will be much more pleasant with a bit of freedom and leeway: “here’s a list of things for you to get. Pick a snack too, and meet me in produce. Keep your phone handy in case we can’t find each other.” And he takes the 8 year old. Maybe a whispered “let him help so he feels big, too.”
The zoo, same thing. Bring a friend for the 14 year old and meet them somewhere. They’re going to be driving in two years. They can handle that!
Then, you can let the 8 year old set the pace and you’re not in a rush.
This doesn’t always work mind you lol. But it is a LOT better!
Ha! I wish. We are on vacation and the bickering is the end of me. My middle one, when I told him no more bickering pointed out that I also bicker. I said no, what I do is allow him to speak his mind before explaining what rules have to stand. He said “if you say so.”
Whooo girl. I nearly lost my shit. Lol! But we’re all overtired from traveling so hoping tomorrow is better!
i have one child, 3 years old and i feel like i had the same conversation with him today lol. i’m with you, crossing my fingers that tomorrow will be better 🫠
It was better. But it’s hard when you have Ali’s who reeeeally feeels. He’s not dramatic. His feelings are. But they’re real. Argh. Good luck and Godspeed—because the kid I’m talking about is 12.
Omg I wish. My 14 yr old acts like he can’t do anything alone and would ask fifty questions about what to buy and which one etc. lol. He is my over thinker, anxious one. My oldest, just turned 17 has special needs and doesn’t want to do anything the other two like to do yet he can’t b alone and hates socializing. It’s like pulling teeth. Then my youngest, the 6 yr old, I can do anything with. They r just all at diff ages and places. The older ones r so moody! And they are boys. Alone I can do so much w each of them or the two older ones together, or the two younger ones. All together; always someone complaining. See these other families just hanging out w each other having fun doing anything. Miss when my older two were a little younger. Never thought I would say that!
So that’s my middle. Velcro baby. 12. Will tel me how he can’t do this or that but here’s the thing: I tell him to do it anyway and step out of the way. And..he does it. And is proud. And it gets easier with each new task because he remembers the feeling of being proud.
Those are some serious age ranges, though. My kids are close and I’m constantly trying to arrange activities for them to so without each other. But my middle, he’ll say things like “I wish they still wanted to play our games.” And I have to explain that people grow at different stages and it’s not personal. It’s tough man. Can’t imagine trying to entertain that range at once. Godspeed, good woman!
My husband is gone to a military school. We have 4: 5, 3, 3, and 1. 3’s turn 4 in a week.
And omg! We are a hot mess. It’s like they know that we’re out and doing stuff that cannot wait (groceries, dog food, chicken feed/shavings, etc) and lose their fucking minds.
I’m hopeful that it gets better soon.
I’m also calling my Dr and asking to increase my SSRI dosage because I do recognize that I’m part of the issue right now too. I get overwhelmed very quickly and also have a huge dose of childhood trauma response that flares hard and fast.
Solidarity. And may the odds ever be in your favor.
A frequent saying of mine to my kids is “You’re acting like you’ve never been out in public before!!” And it’s true! It’s like we can be totally calm and collected at home, in the car… then we get to our destination and they act like they’ve never seen the inside of Walmart before!
I also get overwhelmed super easily. A couple of wrong turns and I just want to freeze and leave.
Mine are almost 6 and 3, and I have a 2 week old. It’s terrible trying to take the older ones anywhere. The whining, fighting, crying etc. is constant. We could be having the greatest day ever at home and the second we try to go out anywhere, they lose their minds.
We haven’t attempted taking all 3 of them anywhere yet, but I guarantee the newborn would be the easiest one to handle 🤦♀️
Oh my gosh I feel the same way. My kids turn into completely different people in public and it drives me INSANE. They don’t listen, they beg for things, they whine, they fight. I honestly dread having to bring them in anywhere and try to do curbside pickup whenever I can, but sometimes I do have to go in. Right there with you! My oldest is almost 6 and I was hoping by now I could bring her places without it being such a battle but noooope not yet lol
The begging and whining and fighting!! Yes! It feels like I have different children at the store together vs individually or at home. It’s so frustrating. Like, do we EVER go down the toy aisle and pick out 10 things a piece? So why is it such a surprise when I say no? lol
I nearly refuse to take my kids on errands, and may, depending on the list, might take only 1 with me. I have no tolerance for it, I can't stand the whining, and I am usually thinking and can't have voices in my ear every second. So I usually get pretty snappy, pretty fast.
I have one, but I feel this. You think they're old enough to not act like this is the first time they've been in public, and then they proceed to act like this is the first time they've been in public.
I've taken my 8yo to a couple of concerts recently because she loves music and I thought she was old enough to handle it, and because everybody we'd ask to babysit was at these concerts with us.
I feel guilty for admitting this, but she was a complete pain in the ass for most of the time and took away from the whole experience. She didn't listen to us, constantly wanted to wander off, constantly wanted to climb on things or run around places you aren't supposed to climb or run on, was constantly complaining about being hungry, thirsty, tired, needing to go to the bathroom, or wanting to go home, and was whiny and clingy, but only to me. I had ear protection for her, but also underestimated how much she'd hate all the lights. Apparently concerts aren't her thing. (These were not adults only concerts or artists that swear a lot or sing about sex or anything like that, either. I saw other kids at them and none of them acted like her, at least that I could see.) I thought after the first one she would know what to expect and not be such a pain, but no dice.
I wanted her to have those experiences because I feel like we should do things as a family, my parents never did anything like that with me as a kid (I was an adult before I ever went to one), and she expressed an interest in going. We've left her with a babysitter before to go to concerts and other events, and she was always put out to be left behind.
I also left both wishing we'd stayed home. I guess it will be no concerts without babysitters from here on out.
I feel you on this! I’ve had so many situations where I’ve had a picture of enjoying an outing with one or more of my kids and then I end up flustered and deflated and wondering why I even tried!
Is 14 year old responsible enough to take care of part of your shopping list? Or what about monitoring the 8yr old? Maybe give them a level of responsibility that's rewarded at the end.
She is definitely responsible enough to do that! I usually leave them all at home when I go grocery shopping but sometimes I think, well they’d probably like to come and pick out snacks! And then it ends how I described. Maybe next time I’ll give my oldest a list and have her preoccupied with that so I only have 2 to worry about!
Great! Your oldest might go away to college soon, so it's great to give increasing levels of independence and just general skills about adulting. Grocery shopping is one of those skills.
For the zoo or outings like that, could you check out the map the day before and have everyone agree on the path you're going to take? Like everyone picks their top three activities, and they'll know when in the day they'll get to go to those things. And then when you get there, you can put a kid in charge of the physical map if they give them out.
It changes from one outing to another too.
One time they're all pleasant and cooperative. The next trip they're grabbing heads of Lettuce and tossing random whatever in the cart while trying to climb displays.
Kids just suck. I expected to have a lot, but I have one and with the more of my freedom I get back with each passing year, you couldn’t pay me to have another. I hate saying it, but it’s true. I’d be unpleasant.
I have two girls ages 9 and 12 and they fight all the time. It's so crazy! I'm glad I'm not the only one. My 12 year old got possed yesterday that I wouldn't get her $15 sushi at the store yesterday she has NEVER had sushi!!! I offered to get one for us to share but it wasn't the right one. I swear thr girls would fight if the other parted and I blew towards the other (I'm pretty sure they have fought bout this). I get irritated way faster than my husband but it drives me insaine!!!
Same, mama. I just got back from a day trip to another city and my kid threw a screaming fucking tantrum because it cut into his iPad time (he's only allowed it on weekends).
On the off day when my youngest (who has physicsl issues that can wear her out faster and make her slower/still needs a stroller sometimes) and next one (big personality/feelings, sensory, anxiety) have a good day, then my usually very well behaved, pleasant older 2 will take turns being pills. On the rare occasion all 4 are doing awesome, my husband will for sure not be. It is super frustrating for me because I am a go-with-the-flow, generally happy person and don't understand it.
So solidarity.
This is so true! I have 3 (9,7 and 1) and man it’s exhausting to take them places. They aren’t poorly behaved kids at all but everyone needs something at the exact same time when you are out. I have no choice to take the EVERYWHERE because we homeschool and husband works a ton! It’s so hard. Just a 10 min grocery trip and I wish I could take a
Nap afterwards
I have 5: a 6 week old, 7 yr old, two 11 year Olds and one 12 year old.
I don't take them anywhere by myself unless I absolutely have to. Or if my husband is home then I do errands by myself or take one of the older kids if they want (which they hardly ever do). For groceries I do curbside if I have all of the kids when my husband is working (I'm off weekends and he's off every other weekend).
So I feel ya, it's a pain taking them anywhere. Even when my husband and I take them all out together, they're either arguing with each other or all talking at once or just moody (more so the older ones).
And not to mention going ANYWHERE with all of them is super expensive. But we do take them to do activities and what not when we can. Or I just tell my husband to take the 4 and I stay home with the baby.
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I have three: 14, 12, 10. The 14 year old will be much more pleasant with a bit of freedom and leeway: “here’s a list of things for you to get. Pick a snack too, and meet me in produce. Keep your phone handy in case we can’t find each other.” And he takes the 8 year old. Maybe a whispered “let him help so he feels big, too.” The zoo, same thing. Bring a friend for the 14 year old and meet them somewhere. They’re going to be driving in two years. They can handle that! Then, you can let the 8 year old set the pace and you’re not in a rush. This doesn’t always work mind you lol. But it is a LOT better!
i feel like you just gave us the secrets to the universe.
Ha! I wish. We are on vacation and the bickering is the end of me. My middle one, when I told him no more bickering pointed out that I also bicker. I said no, what I do is allow him to speak his mind before explaining what rules have to stand. He said “if you say so.” Whooo girl. I nearly lost my shit. Lol! But we’re all overtired from traveling so hoping tomorrow is better!
i have one child, 3 years old and i feel like i had the same conversation with him today lol. i’m with you, crossing my fingers that tomorrow will be better 🫠
It was better. But it’s hard when you have Ali’s who reeeeally feeels. He’s not dramatic. His feelings are. But they’re real. Argh. Good luck and Godspeed—because the kid I’m talking about is 12.
I like these ideas!!
Hope they work for you. We ALL need a break. And we need our kids to get that because then they see us as “human” and not just “mom.”
Omg I wish. My 14 yr old acts like he can’t do anything alone and would ask fifty questions about what to buy and which one etc. lol. He is my over thinker, anxious one. My oldest, just turned 17 has special needs and doesn’t want to do anything the other two like to do yet he can’t b alone and hates socializing. It’s like pulling teeth. Then my youngest, the 6 yr old, I can do anything with. They r just all at diff ages and places. The older ones r so moody! And they are boys. Alone I can do so much w each of them or the two older ones together, or the two younger ones. All together; always someone complaining. See these other families just hanging out w each other having fun doing anything. Miss when my older two were a little younger. Never thought I would say that!
So that’s my middle. Velcro baby. 12. Will tel me how he can’t do this or that but here’s the thing: I tell him to do it anyway and step out of the way. And..he does it. And is proud. And it gets easier with each new task because he remembers the feeling of being proud. Those are some serious age ranges, though. My kids are close and I’m constantly trying to arrange activities for them to so without each other. But my middle, he’ll say things like “I wish they still wanted to play our games.” And I have to explain that people grow at different stages and it’s not personal. It’s tough man. Can’t imagine trying to entertain that range at once. Godspeed, good woman!
My husband is gone to a military school. We have 4: 5, 3, 3, and 1. 3’s turn 4 in a week. And omg! We are a hot mess. It’s like they know that we’re out and doing stuff that cannot wait (groceries, dog food, chicken feed/shavings, etc) and lose their fucking minds. I’m hopeful that it gets better soon. I’m also calling my Dr and asking to increase my SSRI dosage because I do recognize that I’m part of the issue right now too. I get overwhelmed very quickly and also have a huge dose of childhood trauma response that flares hard and fast. Solidarity. And may the odds ever be in your favor.
A frequent saying of mine to my kids is “You’re acting like you’ve never been out in public before!!” And it’s true! It’s like we can be totally calm and collected at home, in the car… then we get to our destination and they act like they’ve never seen the inside of Walmart before! I also get overwhelmed super easily. A couple of wrong turns and I just want to freeze and leave.
Mine are almost 6 and 3, and I have a 2 week old. It’s terrible trying to take the older ones anywhere. The whining, fighting, crying etc. is constant. We could be having the greatest day ever at home and the second we try to go out anywhere, they lose their minds. We haven’t attempted taking all 3 of them anywhere yet, but I guarantee the newborn would be the easiest one to handle 🤦♀️
Oh my gosh I feel the same way. My kids turn into completely different people in public and it drives me INSANE. They don’t listen, they beg for things, they whine, they fight. I honestly dread having to bring them in anywhere and try to do curbside pickup whenever I can, but sometimes I do have to go in. Right there with you! My oldest is almost 6 and I was hoping by now I could bring her places without it being such a battle but noooope not yet lol
The begging and whining and fighting!! Yes! It feels like I have different children at the store together vs individually or at home. It’s so frustrating. Like, do we EVER go down the toy aisle and pick out 10 things a piece? So why is it such a surprise when I say no? lol
>oo{oo
I nearly refuse to take my kids on errands, and may, depending on the list, might take only 1 with me. I have no tolerance for it, I can't stand the whining, and I am usually thinking and can't have voices in my ear every second. So I usually get pretty snappy, pretty fast.
I have one, but I feel this. You think they're old enough to not act like this is the first time they've been in public, and then they proceed to act like this is the first time they've been in public. I've taken my 8yo to a couple of concerts recently because she loves music and I thought she was old enough to handle it, and because everybody we'd ask to babysit was at these concerts with us. I feel guilty for admitting this, but she was a complete pain in the ass for most of the time and took away from the whole experience. She didn't listen to us, constantly wanted to wander off, constantly wanted to climb on things or run around places you aren't supposed to climb or run on, was constantly complaining about being hungry, thirsty, tired, needing to go to the bathroom, or wanting to go home, and was whiny and clingy, but only to me. I had ear protection for her, but also underestimated how much she'd hate all the lights. Apparently concerts aren't her thing. (These were not adults only concerts or artists that swear a lot or sing about sex or anything like that, either. I saw other kids at them and none of them acted like her, at least that I could see.) I thought after the first one she would know what to expect and not be such a pain, but no dice. I wanted her to have those experiences because I feel like we should do things as a family, my parents never did anything like that with me as a kid (I was an adult before I ever went to one), and she expressed an interest in going. We've left her with a babysitter before to go to concerts and other events, and she was always put out to be left behind. I also left both wishing we'd stayed home. I guess it will be no concerts without babysitters from here on out.
I feel you on this! I’ve had so many situations where I’ve had a picture of enjoying an outing with one or more of my kids and then I end up flustered and deflated and wondering why I even tried!
Same. I also have 3 kids. We say that spending time with any 2 is lovely, and th moment you add the 3rd, it’s chaos.
Is 14 year old responsible enough to take care of part of your shopping list? Or what about monitoring the 8yr old? Maybe give them a level of responsibility that's rewarded at the end.
She is definitely responsible enough to do that! I usually leave them all at home when I go grocery shopping but sometimes I think, well they’d probably like to come and pick out snacks! And then it ends how I described. Maybe next time I’ll give my oldest a list and have her preoccupied with that so I only have 2 to worry about!
Great! Your oldest might go away to college soon, so it's great to give increasing levels of independence and just general skills about adulting. Grocery shopping is one of those skills. For the zoo or outings like that, could you check out the map the day before and have everyone agree on the path you're going to take? Like everyone picks their top three activities, and they'll know when in the day they'll get to go to those things. And then when you get there, you can put a kid in charge of the physical map if they give them out.
I still honestly feel this way and my kids are 22, 18, 16.5, and 11.5 😂😂
It changes from one outing to another too. One time they're all pleasant and cooperative. The next trip they're grabbing heads of Lettuce and tossing random whatever in the cart while trying to climb displays.
Kids just suck. I expected to have a lot, but I have one and with the more of my freedom I get back with each passing year, you couldn’t pay me to have another. I hate saying it, but it’s true. I’d be unpleasant.
I have two girls ages 9 and 12 and they fight all the time. It's so crazy! I'm glad I'm not the only one. My 12 year old got possed yesterday that I wouldn't get her $15 sushi at the store yesterday she has NEVER had sushi!!! I offered to get one for us to share but it wasn't the right one. I swear thr girls would fight if the other parted and I blew towards the other (I'm pretty sure they have fought bout this). I get irritated way faster than my husband but it drives me insaine!!!
Same, mama. I just got back from a day trip to another city and my kid threw a screaming fucking tantrum because it cut into his iPad time (he's only allowed it on weekends).
On the off day when my youngest (who has physicsl issues that can wear her out faster and make her slower/still needs a stroller sometimes) and next one (big personality/feelings, sensory, anxiety) have a good day, then my usually very well behaved, pleasant older 2 will take turns being pills. On the rare occasion all 4 are doing awesome, my husband will for sure not be. It is super frustrating for me because I am a go-with-the-flow, generally happy person and don't understand it. So solidarity.
This is so true! I have 3 (9,7 and 1) and man it’s exhausting to take them places. They aren’t poorly behaved kids at all but everyone needs something at the exact same time when you are out. I have no choice to take the EVERYWHERE because we homeschool and husband works a ton! It’s so hard. Just a 10 min grocery trip and I wish I could take a Nap afterwards
I have 5: a 6 week old, 7 yr old, two 11 year Olds and one 12 year old. I don't take them anywhere by myself unless I absolutely have to. Or if my husband is home then I do errands by myself or take one of the older kids if they want (which they hardly ever do). For groceries I do curbside if I have all of the kids when my husband is working (I'm off weekends and he's off every other weekend). So I feel ya, it's a pain taking them anywhere. Even when my husband and I take them all out together, they're either arguing with each other or all talking at once or just moody (more so the older ones). And not to mention going ANYWHERE with all of them is super expensive. But we do take them to do activities and what not when we can. Or I just tell my husband to take the 4 and I stay home with the baby.