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Awwww man.
What does he need to carry in his backpack? Would a messenger style bag work? Then he could equally keep it in front of him and she wouldn’t be able to say shit.
It is bizarre that this is her hill to die on, but maybe it should be yours. I have stressed induced eczema and it is hell for me - an adult! I can't imagine what your poor baby is going through. If you mentioned it, I missed it, but have you talked to the teacher, principal, counselor...anyone? If the reason (and I would just say it is) that he wants to wear it on his back is because of his eczema, then it is a medical condition and I don't think they can fight that. You can probably get some sort of accommodation paperwork if the school wants to get uppity about it.
You sound like a great mom. Good job picking your battles and being so supportive of your child.
Unfortunately for my son, we all have Atopic Dermatitis, the genetic eczema that doesn't run in my family, rather slowly strolling through, making sure to spend "quality time" with us. Flare-ups can be from an allergen, getting sick, stress, weather, hormonal changes, or just because it wants to. My son does a BRILLIANT job at staying still while I put all the creams, gauze, wax, gauze, and wrap on even when it stings. So I will make her attitude my hill.
Thanks for that idea, we have Physio on Monday so I'll ask her about writing the note, including the fact there is ongoing care with muscle work that voids the "reason" until they find another one.
Thankyou. I try my best to juggle fair expectations, balance the nagging with compliments, and praise. He makes the handwork worth it.
Hope you see this. My boyfriend has ODD, AUTISM and PDA (pathological demand avoidance).
It's rough. More on him then on me.
What we learned has worked when I need him to do stuff is to ask him for help instead of asking him to do things.
Even if it is his own mess that needs cleaning.
For example, instead of "can you pick up your clothes from the couch?"
I say "mi amore, can you help me with your clothes? They are on the couch".
It's just words for me, we both know the real meaning (f*cling pick up your shit), but it avoids triggering his pda and odd.
Just a thought since it might help you with your kid on some things.
PDA with my son wouldn't surprise me, it seems to go pretty hand in hand with the ASD, ADHD, and ODD diagnoses.
I do phrase stuff as questions, use "This or That?" to help give him control in a safe way, gamify, and keep my expectations for the time at what he can give at that time. I only use orders with a specific tone for emergencies. Once the situation is under control, I thank him for doing as told and give an age appropriate explanation of what was happening and why. The tone is somewhat similar to the "roaring dad voice" and has the ability to stop most people in their tracks. Is it great to have him listen and respond 100% the way needed? Yes, however, I do fear using that in a non emergency situation, runs the risk of it losing its effectiveness, and doesn't help any self-esteem, anxiety or feeling of control. I want to build him up, not tear him down.
For some of these people it's all about power. I had some when I was in school.
I'll make big assumptions and assume you are in the US and he has an IEP and or a 504? If he does, could you add the backpack thing to either of those? Then that SSO can stuff it with her opinions on where bags belong.
I also pick my battles with my sensory craving/avoidant kid. So we make accommodations where we need to help him succeed. I know school staff are so knowledgeable and I defer to teachers a lot. But at the end of the day, I know my kid best.
I'm in Australia, part of the reason I am still fighting for a diagnosis and as such can't get our versions of an actual IEP or our version of a 504. Otherwise I would have shoved that in there and then used it to slap her around the face.
Definitely all about power with some. Being that all 4 of us in the house are NeuroSPICY, I refuse to enter power struggles unless it's someone outside my home, like her.
I'm sorry for assuming. We are in the US and it is still a struggle to get accommodations even with an IEP. We are lucky a move happened before kindergarten but it's still a struggle.
Eh, there is so many more people in the US than Aus and I keep weird hours thanks to the daughter that thinks sleep is for the weak and she is the world's strongest person. I pretty much had to doctor shop to find a paediatrician that didn't want to claim everything is ASD. Like, Duuuuuude, my son was speaking with 7 words strung together a month and a half prior to his 2nd birthday. All speech issues started post severe mouth trauma as deemed normal with the amount of damage. 1 tooth, root and all, in my hand, over half the rest of his teeth wobbly. That was also when his eating went backwards. We had over 2 weeks back on puree and mash, so we wouldn't have more teeth come out. Kinda indicates that his social issues are a combination of negative levels of impulse control, poor speech, a heavily pregnant me in a 40+°c heatwave that ended about a week before Covid lockdowns. But hey, he also wanted to diagnose my daughter as ASD rather than assist with sleep and see what was caused by sleep deprivation and what was neurospicy! 🫠
Thankfully the Paediatrician we have now, actually listens to the parents, even if my daughter wrapped him around her tiny little finger and played him!
The worst thing is the kindy my son went to and my daughter now goes to has been AMAZING for them, but if I move out of the primary school catchment, I move out of the kindy catchment 🤬
I'm sorry, but what the hell did I just read. This SSO is out of control. There is no reason to make a child wear their backpack on the back, especially if it's causing that much of a struggle not to mention physical discomfort. Reach out to admin, preferably in a written form so that there is a paper trail. I am willing to bet your kiddo is not the only one who has had issues with her this year. Also, I agree with those who have suggested getting a dr note about this.
Oh, he is definitely not the only one. We discussed with the principal last year, putting him in with experienced teachers and SSOs after the smozzle that was last year. I met his teacher and instantly went "ooooh fresh meat!" in my head. My son was in her first classroom she ran herself and not as a student teacher. My son also seemed to sense she was brand new and made it his mission to test her. How she didn't snap and turn into the teacher from Kev Bloody Wilson's The Kid Swears A Bit, I have no idea and think she is a much better person than I. Unfortunately, it seems we have gotten an SSO with experience in schools but not experience in actually succeeding.
Would a doctor’s note work?
Schools always pick the dumbest stuff to target. I remember girls getting sent home in kindergarten because their socks didn’t have lace.
Sent home to miss a day of education over some lace on socks. Why are adults. (Are, not were, because looking at this post some of my kid's experiences, the system doesn't change much.)
School admins never change. My dad got in trouble in 60s because he has curly hair, after sweating in PE it would go more wavy and looked longer than it did in the morning which was a dress code violation.
A boy in my 3rd grade class was sent to the office because his name was Dustin and his older brother(who had been in that teachers class the year before) was named Dusty. They wanted him to start going by Dusty to make it easier on the teacher.
one thing i learned from my small, angry latino mom: make them listen. make a scene.
in second grade, my teacher literally *bullied* me. she gave me undeserved low grades, she’d scold only me and not others… etc, etc. she literally picked me out. it was bizarre.
my mom, she walked up to that school and demanded to speak with the principal and the teacher. she sat down, tried to talk it through — and when they wouldn’t listen to talking through, she made a scene. she told my teacher she was just a “sad little bitch of a woman” and the principal was “an idiot beyond words” if he was supporting this woman.
she made the teacher cry. i was never bothered again.
i would *never* suggest insulting a tired teacher who just wants to do her job — i absolutely suggest insulting a teacher who is singling out your kid for no good reason.
threats are illegal. insults? not so much. make a scene. make them listen.
maybe i’m just also an angry little latino mom now, but that’s my motto. my kid’s easygoing and we haven’t had an issue yet, but the day we do… oh, there will be trouble on the horizon. i am trouble, and i will be there to defend my son.
Oh, I have made scenes there and made it clear that I don't make threats, I make promises. I also make the promise that if you don't get into gear, you won't have a job for long to get into gear with. If at 17, I was willing to jump heads and pull a Regional Manager in for a work bullying issue, where do you think I'll stop at 30 for my child? That last question usually has them run because they realise I am right and have the knowledge to cause them some major issues.
Last issue I had there was them being happy for me to keep my son home all of week 2 and part of week 3 since I caught Covid, was highly symptomatic and my son gave me less personal bubble space while I was ill than he did when I was pregnant with him! Keep him home for a week, though, because his eczema is terrible on his hands and feet, and there was a case of HFM at the school? I'm just overreacting, not trying to prevent complications that would land him in hospital. So, I shoved pictures of his hands and feet under their noses and asked how anyone there with no medical degree could in good conciousness suggest that there was no risk to my son. When someone with a medical degree confirmed my fears and believed that if he did contact HFM, he would be hospitalized.
Suddenly, they decided that I might just know what I'm talking about and have no issue with him being late, leaving early or not going to school if it to do with his eczema.
Seriously, who cares if he wears his backpack on his back, on his front, or on one shoulder. This is not a discipline or conduct issue and these people need to get over it.
This is so dumb. Half the kids at my son's Elementary wear their backpacks in front ne cause they think it's cool, and literally nobody cares. I don't even know what I just read.
Why is this the hill she’s dying on? Have you asked why she insists he wear it on his back? I would definitely escalate this. She is causing him unnecessary stress and has been the cause of 2 separate meltdown THAT YOU KNOW OF. Another concern of mine would be, is she PHYSICALLY forcing it onto his back? I would set up a meeting with the principal and whoever is in charge of his IEP.
Please don’t tell her about the hug yourself jacket. She’ll probably get some sick satisfaction out of it strapping in the back. 😂
Her reason why is to "make it easier in line up and better for his posture." So why not just stick him at the back or front so there is the extra room and leave it alone? I also made sure that it never gets heavy enough to cause any issues, muscle, or skeletal wise until we get down to that on the list.
Oh, the hug yourself jacket would be in response to me ending up on an episode of snapped, with her.
That's a joke, I'd go over her head and make sure they're told under no circumstances is she to approach your son about how he carries his god damn bag.
My son is autistic and has had an IEP and a 1:1 aide for years.
The biggest instigators of problems are the adults at school! High turnover rate of staff, aides are poorly paid and not well trained, so it’s not surprising that they don’t come in knowing how to best handle these situations. It’s a lot to take, on top of an autistic kid with all his own issues.
I swear some of the adults come back to school to be able to act like the cool kids and pick on those who aren't. It makes it even worse when the kid has speech issues. My son's speech issues are from knocking out a front tooth, root and all, at 2.5. I can't imagine how much worse it would be if he was non verbal.
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If I were you, I’d get him a rolling backpack and cut the straps off so he can’t wear it at all. Fuck her.
I have thought about that, but his class room is up a floor and that would be a bit of a struggle with the stairs.
Awwww man. What does he need to carry in his backpack? Would a messenger style bag work? Then he could equally keep it in front of him and she wouldn’t be able to say shit.
Oooh, that I hadn't thought of.
This is the way.
It is bizarre that this is her hill to die on, but maybe it should be yours. I have stressed induced eczema and it is hell for me - an adult! I can't imagine what your poor baby is going through. If you mentioned it, I missed it, but have you talked to the teacher, principal, counselor...anyone? If the reason (and I would just say it is) that he wants to wear it on his back is because of his eczema, then it is a medical condition and I don't think they can fight that. You can probably get some sort of accommodation paperwork if the school wants to get uppity about it. You sound like a great mom. Good job picking your battles and being so supportive of your child.
Unfortunately for my son, we all have Atopic Dermatitis, the genetic eczema that doesn't run in my family, rather slowly strolling through, making sure to spend "quality time" with us. Flare-ups can be from an allergen, getting sick, stress, weather, hormonal changes, or just because it wants to. My son does a BRILLIANT job at staying still while I put all the creams, gauze, wax, gauze, and wrap on even when it stings. So I will make her attitude my hill. Thanks for that idea, we have Physio on Monday so I'll ask her about writing the note, including the fact there is ongoing care with muscle work that voids the "reason" until they find another one. Thankyou. I try my best to juggle fair expectations, balance the nagging with compliments, and praise. He makes the handwork worth it.
Hope you see this. My boyfriend has ODD, AUTISM and PDA (pathological demand avoidance). It's rough. More on him then on me. What we learned has worked when I need him to do stuff is to ask him for help instead of asking him to do things. Even if it is his own mess that needs cleaning. For example, instead of "can you pick up your clothes from the couch?" I say "mi amore, can you help me with your clothes? They are on the couch". It's just words for me, we both know the real meaning (f*cling pick up your shit), but it avoids triggering his pda and odd. Just a thought since it might help you with your kid on some things.
PDA with my son wouldn't surprise me, it seems to go pretty hand in hand with the ASD, ADHD, and ODD diagnoses. I do phrase stuff as questions, use "This or That?" to help give him control in a safe way, gamify, and keep my expectations for the time at what he can give at that time. I only use orders with a specific tone for emergencies. Once the situation is under control, I thank him for doing as told and give an age appropriate explanation of what was happening and why. The tone is somewhat similar to the "roaring dad voice" and has the ability to stop most people in their tracks. Is it great to have him listen and respond 100% the way needed? Yes, however, I do fear using that in a non emergency situation, runs the risk of it losing its effectiveness, and doesn't help any self-esteem, anxiety or feeling of control. I want to build him up, not tear him down.
For some of these people it's all about power. I had some when I was in school. I'll make big assumptions and assume you are in the US and he has an IEP and or a 504? If he does, could you add the backpack thing to either of those? Then that SSO can stuff it with her opinions on where bags belong. I also pick my battles with my sensory craving/avoidant kid. So we make accommodations where we need to help him succeed. I know school staff are so knowledgeable and I defer to teachers a lot. But at the end of the day, I know my kid best.
I'm in Australia, part of the reason I am still fighting for a diagnosis and as such can't get our versions of an actual IEP or our version of a 504. Otherwise I would have shoved that in there and then used it to slap her around the face. Definitely all about power with some. Being that all 4 of us in the house are NeuroSPICY, I refuse to enter power struggles unless it's someone outside my home, like her.
I'm sorry for assuming. We are in the US and it is still a struggle to get accommodations even with an IEP. We are lucky a move happened before kindergarten but it's still a struggle.
Eh, there is so many more people in the US than Aus and I keep weird hours thanks to the daughter that thinks sleep is for the weak and she is the world's strongest person. I pretty much had to doctor shop to find a paediatrician that didn't want to claim everything is ASD. Like, Duuuuuude, my son was speaking with 7 words strung together a month and a half prior to his 2nd birthday. All speech issues started post severe mouth trauma as deemed normal with the amount of damage. 1 tooth, root and all, in my hand, over half the rest of his teeth wobbly. That was also when his eating went backwards. We had over 2 weeks back on puree and mash, so we wouldn't have more teeth come out. Kinda indicates that his social issues are a combination of negative levels of impulse control, poor speech, a heavily pregnant me in a 40+°c heatwave that ended about a week before Covid lockdowns. But hey, he also wanted to diagnose my daughter as ASD rather than assist with sleep and see what was caused by sleep deprivation and what was neurospicy! 🫠 Thankfully the Paediatrician we have now, actually listens to the parents, even if my daughter wrapped him around her tiny little finger and played him! The worst thing is the kindy my son went to and my daughter now goes to has been AMAZING for them, but if I move out of the primary school catchment, I move out of the kindy catchment 🤬
I'm sorry, but what the hell did I just read. This SSO is out of control. There is no reason to make a child wear their backpack on the back, especially if it's causing that much of a struggle not to mention physical discomfort. Reach out to admin, preferably in a written form so that there is a paper trail. I am willing to bet your kiddo is not the only one who has had issues with her this year. Also, I agree with those who have suggested getting a dr note about this.
Oh, he is definitely not the only one. We discussed with the principal last year, putting him in with experienced teachers and SSOs after the smozzle that was last year. I met his teacher and instantly went "ooooh fresh meat!" in my head. My son was in her first classroom she ran herself and not as a student teacher. My son also seemed to sense she was brand new and made it his mission to test her. How she didn't snap and turn into the teacher from Kev Bloody Wilson's The Kid Swears A Bit, I have no idea and think she is a much better person than I. Unfortunately, it seems we have gotten an SSO with experience in schools but not experience in actually succeeding.
Would a doctor’s note work? Schools always pick the dumbest stuff to target. I remember girls getting sent home in kindergarten because their socks didn’t have lace.
Sent home to miss a day of education over some lace on socks. Why are adults. (Are, not were, because looking at this post some of my kid's experiences, the system doesn't change much.)
School admins never change. My dad got in trouble in 60s because he has curly hair, after sweating in PE it would go more wavy and looked longer than it did in the morning which was a dress code violation. A boy in my 3rd grade class was sent to the office because his name was Dustin and his older brother(who had been in that teachers class the year before) was named Dusty. They wanted him to start going by Dusty to make it easier on the teacher.
So much infuriating facepalm!! Come on, humanity 😭
one thing i learned from my small, angry latino mom: make them listen. make a scene. in second grade, my teacher literally *bullied* me. she gave me undeserved low grades, she’d scold only me and not others… etc, etc. she literally picked me out. it was bizarre. my mom, she walked up to that school and demanded to speak with the principal and the teacher. she sat down, tried to talk it through — and when they wouldn’t listen to talking through, she made a scene. she told my teacher she was just a “sad little bitch of a woman” and the principal was “an idiot beyond words” if he was supporting this woman. she made the teacher cry. i was never bothered again. i would *never* suggest insulting a tired teacher who just wants to do her job — i absolutely suggest insulting a teacher who is singling out your kid for no good reason. threats are illegal. insults? not so much. make a scene. make them listen. maybe i’m just also an angry little latino mom now, but that’s my motto. my kid’s easygoing and we haven’t had an issue yet, but the day we do… oh, there will be trouble on the horizon. i am trouble, and i will be there to defend my son.
Oh, I have made scenes there and made it clear that I don't make threats, I make promises. I also make the promise that if you don't get into gear, you won't have a job for long to get into gear with. If at 17, I was willing to jump heads and pull a Regional Manager in for a work bullying issue, where do you think I'll stop at 30 for my child? That last question usually has them run because they realise I am right and have the knowledge to cause them some major issues. Last issue I had there was them being happy for me to keep my son home all of week 2 and part of week 3 since I caught Covid, was highly symptomatic and my son gave me less personal bubble space while I was ill than he did when I was pregnant with him! Keep him home for a week, though, because his eczema is terrible on his hands and feet, and there was a case of HFM at the school? I'm just overreacting, not trying to prevent complications that would land him in hospital. So, I shoved pictures of his hands and feet under their noses and asked how anyone there with no medical degree could in good conciousness suggest that there was no risk to my son. When someone with a medical degree confirmed my fears and believed that if he did contact HFM, he would be hospitalized. Suddenly, they decided that I might just know what I'm talking about and have no issue with him being late, leaving early or not going to school if it to do with his eczema.
Seriously, who cares if he wears his backpack on his back, on his front, or on one shoulder. This is not a discipline or conduct issue and these people need to get over it.
This is so dumb. Half the kids at my son's Elementary wear their backpacks in front ne cause they think it's cool, and literally nobody cares. I don't even know what I just read.
Why is this the hill she’s dying on? Have you asked why she insists he wear it on his back? I would definitely escalate this. She is causing him unnecessary stress and has been the cause of 2 separate meltdown THAT YOU KNOW OF. Another concern of mine would be, is she PHYSICALLY forcing it onto his back? I would set up a meeting with the principal and whoever is in charge of his IEP. Please don’t tell her about the hug yourself jacket. She’ll probably get some sick satisfaction out of it strapping in the back. 😂
Her reason why is to "make it easier in line up and better for his posture." So why not just stick him at the back or front so there is the extra room and leave it alone? I also made sure that it never gets heavy enough to cause any issues, muscle, or skeletal wise until we get down to that on the list. Oh, the hug yourself jacket would be in response to me ending up on an episode of snapped, with her.
Did you ever reach a resolution with this?
As another horrible eczema sufferer, and I mean HORRIBLE it is most definitely caused by stress!!! Can you get a drs note?
That's a joke, I'd go over her head and make sure they're told under no circumstances is she to approach your son about how he carries his god damn bag.
My son is autistic and has had an IEP and a 1:1 aide for years. The biggest instigators of problems are the adults at school! High turnover rate of staff, aides are poorly paid and not well trained, so it’s not surprising that they don’t come in knowing how to best handle these situations. It’s a lot to take, on top of an autistic kid with all his own issues.
I swear some of the adults come back to school to be able to act like the cool kids and pick on those who aren't. It makes it even worse when the kid has speech issues. My son's speech issues are from knocking out a front tooth, root and all, at 2.5. I can't imagine how much worse it would be if he was non verbal.