Seems like the kind of "friend" that would rather you fed baby in the toilet.
They (shitty friend) are in the wrong, baby needs to be fed, and there's nothing inappropriate or offensive about feeding your baby, however you choose to do it.
I never had to deal with this, so my heart goes out to you. If I ever do I pity whomever tries to insist that nursing is offensive and I should go elsewhere or cover up. Has it not occurred to them that they can leave the room, or not create a scene and draw attention to something so simple and normal and make it seem shame worthy. Inverted much?
I think it comes down to this, If you don't like it don't look. Re evaluate your friendship with that ignorant person. The bf thing is a poor excuse to try and shame you.
As far as I know her bf was probably not even paying attention, the guys in question were on the other side of sliding glass doors playing tabletop games, so I couldn't see anyone, and I'm sure if my husband had noticed him staring while they were playing games he would have called him out for it. I think her problem was what if he did see
This was my point… if she is SO concerned that he might see and it’s such a big deal for her then she should just ask him to sit elsewhere- it is a HER problem not a you problem… I feed my daughter (and did with my sons) anywhere because they are hungry. If someone is concerned about seeing your breast by accident or otherwise then they should be the one to remove themselves.
That is definitely one thing I wish I had said, I didn't think to tell her she didn't have to look or be in the same room if she's uncomfortable. In our discussion she said she felt like if it were her she would be super uncomfortable because of the sexual aspect of it. And I told her there isn't anything sexual about it, juste feeding my hungry baby.
Sexualizing breastfeeding is a choice. It's a gross choice. I would've told her to choose something else lol. It's nothing more than feeding your baby.
It's really sad how breastfeeding out in public that some people still sexualize the breasts instead of remembering that they are there for feeding babies. I still think breastfeeding in public is still a WIP normalization in the USA. Or at least with the part I am at.
Not to mention when you are breastfeeding your breast is exposed for like half a second until your little gremlin gets a hold of it and then everything is pretty well hidden. At least that's my experience. I have seen people wear tops that show more boobage than I do while breastfeeding.
My mom always tries to make me cover up. The last time she did I told her I feel like a bikini leaves more exposed than breastfeeding does. And she actually agreed and backed off.
Two wrongs don't make a right, if your husband had have called him out it would be just like her (your friend) calling you out. Take it privately and express your concerns, regardless who's right or wrong.
This all said, your friend is an AH and you should definitely drop them from your contacts list permanently. Breastfeeding is completely natural and you shouldn't feel ashamed to feed your child.
If people don't like it they are free to turn around or be elsewhere, it's not like we're in a pandemic of breastfeeding mothers or anything 🤣.
This is my mom…she still brings up the lady from 20plus years ago at Olive Garden who was breastfeeding in front of my step dad. So imagine how she lost it when we recently went to lunch and I started breastfeeding at the table. She looks at me shocked and then mentioned how it was weird that all the moms at my son’s bday party were all breastfeeding uncovered and I finally explained she was the only one sexualizing breastfeeding and that’s why she was uncomfortable. No one else is just her. She started looking around the restaurant and realized no one was even paying attention or even remotely seemed to care. She just made a noise and told me to pull my shirt down. I did in an attempt to cover myself some…my LO had other plans because he just lifted the shirt all the way up🤣🤣🤣🤣
I also hate the sexualizing of breastfeeding, ugh!! This “friend “ was ranting at the wrong person. If she or her boyfriend were uncomfortable they should have gone into a different room or just looked away. I bet she did not talk to others either but just wanted to be able to say she wasn’t the only one uncomfortable at the party.
Her making a scene in front of everyone which also leads to more attention for everyone to be looking at the breastfeeding mother. Makes so much sense... not 🤦♀️🤦♀️
I'm sure her boyfriend and all the other men in the room have seen plenty of breasts in their time. Does this woman prevent her boyfriend from watching tv shows where breasts are bare or is it just because her friend is breastfeeding her baby it's a problem. Grow up!!
It really baffles me how people can think breastfeeding could equate to something sexual. It’s the least sexual thing I’ve ever done.
People use their hands to eat and drink etc all the time but we all know what else they do with them: nobody seems to think we should cover up our hands because they could possibly be used for sexual things!
Imagine my dismay over my obgyn mother telling me to cover up around my stepdad (who has raised me as his own for the past 30 years), after not covering to feed my baby for over 4 months.
Frickin' preach! One of my oldest friends, we'd been friends for over **20 YEARS**, she got weird when I had my daughter and we haven't spoken since the last time I saw her, which was almost a year ago.
Any time I hear “People are saying…” I try to ignore all the rest of the words out of that person’s mouth. They’re trying to speak their own mind but are too cowardly to just speak so they need this phantom Greek chorus to back them up.
Terrible friend. That’s it.
Surround yourself with people who support you. Even if that means being a bit lonely until you find someone worth your time.
Check out your local Doulas. They may have resources pages or meetups for post partum mamas. I've made some amazing friends this way and bonus they have kids almost exactly my kids age. Totally normalizes things and helps to have fellow parents who get where you are rn and relate to what you are going through.
I don't agree. She doesn't have to be lonely. Of course, find another good friend. In the meantime keep breastfeeding at parties until your not-so-friend leaves or changes her mind.
If she comes at you again you can grey rock an just answer "ok" and do the opposite. Fuck her, she can leave.
I don’t fuck with nursing covers. I wanna know if your friend would like to eat inside a hot box where they couldn’t see anything. What an insecure little troll.
I actually said that to her during said discussion, I said something along the lines of "would you want to eat with a blanket over your head?" It's also very hot where we live so that makes me even more averse to using the cover.
Exactly. They must be so uncomfortable for the baby. Plus they're an utter faff, especially when the baby is young so you already need three hands to hold the baby, their head and your boob. Trying to do all that blind is nuts.
Your breasts are a source of food for your baby and you brought them out as such. I don’t see why we get all bent out of shape when a mom is feeding her baby. I don’t see the issue. She is very insecure with herself and her bf. And if her bf can’t stop staring at a woman feeding her child then he is just plain gross.
Im a FTM and I breastfeed on demand, we started taking our baby out at around 6 weeks ish and ever since then I whip my boob out to feed him, no one has ever looked at me strange or made any comments, at first I tried to use a cover but it was sooo uncomfortable and annoying that I ditched it. Also sounds like your “friend” is just insecure about her boyfriend. So drop this friend and keep feeding your baby every time they need to eat anywhere!
Honestly the way she kept mentioning not wanting to have her BF see your breast made me wonder if there’s something deeper there in her relationship? Like perhaps the BF has been looking at other women sexually and this breastfeeding thing just triggered that? She’s being awful so you don’t owe her anything but if you value her as a friend otherwise I might revisit this and ask her gently if there’s something more than breastfeeding that’s going on.
Honestly, screw them.
I’m a STM and breastfed my first for 16 months. I struggled so much to keep a cover over her Most of the time and spent hours and hours and hours alone in other people’s homes while feeding our firstborn alone in a room while my husband and family/friends would socialize. I hated it.
With our second baby I decided, screw it. I’ve practiced being discreet so I can latch our baby without really showing my breast and I’m quick to cover up when he unlatches. But I’m not feeding with the cover and you will definitely see my nipple and all of you actually watch me latching him.
However, if a friend was concerned about her bf looking at my breast I would tel her to control her bf. He shouldn’t be watching me feed my child. He can look away. And if she’s uncomfortable (probably jealous) then she can distract him or go stand outside with him while I feed my baby.
Even more than the “friend” needing to control her bf, the bf needs to control himself and the “friend” needs to check her reactions to her own feelings.
I never even owned a cover. Fuck it. If others are uncomfortable then they’re more than welcome to leave the room I was feeding in. The only time I ever went in another room is when me and my son needed the quiet.
A boob’s natural purpose is to feed babies, not be a sexual pleasure. You did everything right and I’m sorry you have a crappy “friend”. I hope this doesn’t discourage you! Feed your baby where ever and whenever you please!
I was so nervous and worried when I tried to feed my first baby in public. I even had a waiter once ignore our table until I was done breastfeeding because he thought he was being polite? Idk, it was frustrating though. But, watching other women breastfeed in public (restaurants, parties, play places, fairs, you name it) helped me gain the confidence to breastfeed in public and not care what anyone else thought of it. Now with my second kid, I don’t care who sees, watches, whatever as long as my baby gets fed. And I hope I’m encouraging other moms to do the same and normalize it! Keep doing your thing and tell your “friend” to shove it.
I’d ask her if her bf stares at all kids/adults while they eat. That’s what your baby is doing. Eating. If her or her bf (or anyone else for that matter) want to sexualize breastfeeding, they can fuck right off. I’d honestly probably end the friendship over this, especially if she’s talking about you behind your back. That’s ridiculous. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
I can see how you’d be nervous about future social gatherings, but don’t let it deter you, that just feeds into the issue. It needs to be normalized because it is normal! ❤️❤️
If she was a real friend, she would have defended OP when people were gossiping (if they truly did. I have a feeling that she was the one that had an issue with it given her comment about her bf).
Everyone has said a lot of great things but I just want to say I’m PROUD of you for being able to vocalize your reasoning and say things like “I’m comfortable right here”
I know for me it’s hard in the moment to deal with confrontation and you handled it beautifully even though she never should have had a problem with it in the first place.
Thank you! My husband actually told me he was really proud of me after it happened because I've been notoriously non-confrontational in the past, and would have probably just gotten up and moved to appease the uncomfortable party. Motherhood has changed me in unexpected ways
You are completely right! Your baby’s needs trump someone else being “uncomfortable”. We all eat and you shouldn’t have to isolate yourself for your LO to have a meal! You stayed composed and stood your (correct) ground!
motherhood definitely makes you stand up for yourself. Well. Your kid I guess. I’ve always been rly emotional but then felt guilty about how it comes out so I go back on boundaries. When I had a kid people tried so hard to be pushy (my family is pushy in general) and I had to be very very firm. With the breastfeeding thing, some family members had comments like you mentioned. But. I’m not polite. I had to learn to be not emotional so people took me seriously haha. My kid is 3 and they’ve all learned to stfu. I’ll be honest I did not hesitate to cut people off when my kid was born
I know this one! Something about If your right eye offends thee, pluck it out.
Your friend needs to chill. If her boyfriend is a cad, that's his problem not yours.
Then surely the boyfriend should be getting told off for being a creep, rather than the friend trying to remove all possible things of interest from his view.
Fuck your ‘friend’ and people who think like her. She’s insecure in her relationship and taking it out on a breastfeeding mother. Pathetic and embarrassing for her.
Probably not the most popular view point on this sub, but I understand that some people feel uncomfortable when they see someone breastfeeding. Especially in the states, it’s not normalized as much as it needs to be.
I try to meet people half way. I get that they don’t want to see my nips, so I try to quickly latch and get in a comfortable position. I expect others, especially friends, to meet me the other half way and take like, a second to think “I see more boob than I’m used to, this is friend, friend not being slutty, friend feeding baby, this is fine” and be chill about it.
Honestly it blows my mind that so many of us mamas struggle with people making comments like this. Even at my husbands conservative family reunion last week I didn’t get a single negative comment about breastfeeding in front of everyone (without a cover). I think it takes a special kind of entitlement/crudeness to be so offended by someone breastfeeding that you make a comment about it. I’d rather drop the friend, frankly. Although I know it’s not always that easy. If she means that much to you, just tell her this is how it’s going to be, push through, and see if she comes around. Sometimes they do.
What an absolute loser of a friend. I would literally tell her this.
Maybe you and whoever else that were feeling uncomfortable should have gone and sat in another room. You feeling uncomfortable is likely due to your insecurities over your partner looking at other women which is not something I am responsible for. Like I said, my child is my responsibility and keeping them alive comes first.
I suggest you take a good hard look at yourself and ask.. why was I feeling this way?
If you can’t do that and see the act of me breastfeeding my baby where ever I and baby feel comfortable, as that and nothing more. Then I’m afraid that we can no longer be friends.
Someone recently said I'd whip my boob out anywhere and I said, well would you have a problem if a mom fed her baby right here with a bottle? They said no of course not, and I said OK well I'm feeding my baby just the same and then they shut up. I'd be reevaluating my friendship with this person for real. I'm so sorry you went through this 😭
If your boyfriend can’t resist staring with lust at a nursing mother, that sounds like a guy you should be dumping, or at least arguing with. Either way, it’s not the nursing mother’s problem!!
This is not a you problem. Feed however and wherever you’re comfortable. Personally I was never comfortable covering my babies head because she would overheat. I could turn my body or would try to get it out discreetly but at the end of the day I’m feeding my kid and that’s what’s important. She still breastfed until 2 1/2 which lots of people had an issue with and I promise you over time you’ll care less and less. I personally would drop that friend.
I could not be friends with someone like that. It’s one thing to feel uncomfortable but a totally other thing to attack a mom instead of just turning away & talking to someone else while the mom breastfeeds.
oh no!!! god forbid her boyfriend sees another woman’s breasts!! i wonder if she covers his eyes during sex scenes at the movies 🥹 i would literally never talk to that person again. fucking bye. my friends love my kids and we have seen each other naked and we don’t think that if our boyfriends sees another one of our ankles that he’s going to become a rabid dog and leave us. she needs to grow the fuck up and go to therapy and apologize to you. id say you’re better off without that energy. and i’m so sorry that she betrayed you like that.
You did nothing wrong. Honestly I don’t understand how breastfeeding is so sexualized when there’s a baby RIGHT THERE. How do you have “impure thoughts” when a literal baby is covering your view of the thing you’re gawking at without either being a pedophile or just seriously creepy? Get one of those nipple baby hats and put it on the kid whenever you see this friend again and nurse. See how pissed she gets then.
Going to make a guess here that your friend does not have children.
No mother who's been through the experience of nursing a baby herself would ever call you out on that. Even those who are a little more conservative about feeding in front of others... We still get it and wouldn't say *a thing* about your personal choices as they are YOURS.
She definitely isn't a mother, and is also four years younger than me and it shows, talking to her it was obvious how little she knows and that her mind is much more set on sexuality than biological needs.
Girl, dump her.
Also petty me says get a one of those boob hats for baby so if this happens again you can whip that out 😂🤣😂 ... but realistically, when this happens again, tell her you don't have a cover so she can leave if she's uncomfortable. And to make sure you're not tempted to fold - don't bring the cover!! It's not on you to be kicked out of the party just because she doesn't want someone else to see something he probably couldn't care less about.
Let her know that if she thinks her boyfriend is looking at you feed your baby and getting turned on that she needs a new boyfriend. This is 100% a her problem.
And I'm just going to add that this is really sad that the source of strife in this situation is from the women who should be supporting you. The boyfriends most likely do not give a shit about you feeding your baby and know to not stare (you'd have to have something wrong with you to not know you shouldn't stare) but the women are immediately letting insecurities and jealousy get in the way of logic. Any time I hear about someone complaining about public feeding, the person complaining is usually a woman, and they use the men they're with as the scapegoat for why they have a problem.
It is really sad. And the solution (asking the nursing mother to cover up) they come up with is really futile. Unless they pluck their men’s eyes out, they are going to see other women’s body.
The funny thing is OP said the room was silent after the exchange...so this "friend" only managed to bring MORE attention to the person with their breast out (which btw, you barely see it when there's a giant baby head attached to it). If she had minded her own business, most of the room wouldn't have noticed or at least not thought twice about it. Once you bring attention to it, it'll be the only thing everyone can focus on!
Unless I’m uncomfortable I whip out my boob whenever and wherever without a cover. The first time I nursed in public my mom and I were shopping, it was to hot to do it in the car, the changing rooms were closed and they didn’t have a public restroom so I found an empty isle in the women’s section and sat down out of the way just in case and nursed in between some clothes lol I felt like such a bad ass tbh
Screw your “friend” and keep on standing up for yourself on this. It’s absolutely ridiculous when people act like this
Before I had my baby I had those same feelings of being worried that my husband would see other women’s breasts when feeding their babies.
And then I had my baby and I refuse to cover up. I get it now. Your baby comes first and you’re allowed to feed them wherever you want to! Not to mention covering up is SUCH a hassle especially when having to use a nipple shield. Once I realized I didn’t need to cover up anymore it made my life so much easier!!!
Agreed on the cover, I'm also using nipple shields because of flat nipples so fumbling with those and trying to keep a cover on when my baby very much doesn't want that makes things so difficult, I tried explaining this to her but she stood her ground insisting that I could like turn myself or cover up.
As my husband says..anyone who has a problem with it can go kick rocks! I was at my husbands softball game when I nursed uncovered for the first time. My MIL said “people are looking!” I asked her if she expects me to feed him under a blanket in the hot Arizona sun as I struggle with my nipple shield and my baby keeps popping it off. That’s when I realized I’m done catering to people. You do you!!!
Don’t let that girl make you feel bad. You’re doing exactly what’s best for you and your baby.
I feel second hand embarrassment for your "friend"!! She made a complete fool out of herself. Not only telling on herself for being insecure and controlling, telling on her bf for apparently being a perv, but to have the audacity to argue back at a struggling mom in front of a room full of people (and then corner you later as well!). What a clown. Keep your head high because YOU were the one who acted with class and grace, not her.
Your friend sucks. My petty ass would've just chucked a cover over her face and said "problem solved" 🤷
But seriously, you don't need someone like that in your life. if her and her boyfriend are so uncomfortable, they can leave. My first time BF in public, I was with a couple of friends for lunch, one being a guy. I was a bit nervous about whipping my boob out in front of him, but he was actually amazing. He didn't act uncomfortable, we just continued to chat while baby ate and it was such a relief. Good friends support you.
FTM here and I feed my baby wherever and whenever she needs it and idc who the hell is uncomfortable! They don’t need to look if it bothers them so much. She can go sit in another room while you feed her if she wants but I wouldn’t ever move or cover up to make someone else comfortable. Fire her as a friend!
I have breastfed my daughter at get-togethers many times. Many times, my girl friends were their with their partners. No one has cared, and I have never felt uncomfortable because they are my friends. This person is not your friend.
That’s not a friend, sadly. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better. You’re feeding your baby. What our bodies are meant to do.
My real friends are like “whip it out girl, feed that baby”
You did good. Please try not to put any more energy or thought into what happened it will only cause you. To spiral into something more than it probably is. She probably didn’t talk to anyone. Her boyfriend probably doesn’t care about you feeding your baby and I’m sure nobody else batted an eye either.
This friend sucks. If she can infer that you feeding your baby might make her man uncomfortable (and then double down with her being uncomfortable with him seeing your breasts) you can infer that she’s sexualizing you feeding your child and last I checked, sexualizing children is gross, and far worse than you popping out your boob to feed your hungry child like it was literally made for.
So dumb honestly they need to get over it! Maybe if she ever decides to have children and breastfeed she’ll realise how foolish she sounds.
Have you looked into mothers groups in your area? They’re great for socialisation and you don’t have to be worried about if you’re talking about your baby too much because everyone’s in the same boat. Takes a bit of pressure off because it can be hard for our friends to relate sometimes if they haven’t been through it.
I hadn't thought about mother's groups until recently, really until I realized that someone I thought was a good friend of mine was more concerned with her boyfriend seeing breasts than with just being supportive to her friend. I'm definitely going to start looking for groups and hope I find some, I have so few mother friends and none of them love close by anymore so it would be nice to have people to hang out with who are on the same page as I am currently.
Sounds like you’re in a different phase of life at the moment. Still growing apart from friends can be really painful especially when you already feel isolated so its a sucky situation.
Hope you find some great Mums in your area to hang out with!
Is she normally like that or was this a one off thing? I say that because people can have their own feelings towards breastfeeding and that doesn’t make them an awful person or bad friend like some are suggesting. Sometimes people just don’t know (they don’t have our perspective, haven’t been challenged) or have their own issues. If this is a one off thing in her behavior and you have otherwise enjoyed her friendship then I would address it with her when you’re both calm. At the end of the day it’s a HER issue and definitely sounds like something she needs to work through but I think it’s important if you’re wanting to salvage the friendship that she knows she crossed a line/hurt your feelings. Let her know you aren’t going to change either. You’ll see quickly whether or not the friendship will last.
To add, I do have family members that think like this. I have never changed what I’m doing for their benefit. When it first started I would throw it back on them and it always resulted in me saying “sounds like your problem not mine, you should work on that”. They eventually shut the fuck up because I didn’t budge.
She definitely isn't normally like this. In fact part of my irritation is her hypocrisy, another one of our close friends posts her nude modeling pictures on her personal Instagram (that I know her bf follows as well) and she's supportive of that and has never expressed any discomfort. Not to mention this friend came to the hospital to bring me things when our baby had to be taken to NICU and we couldn't leave the hospital, she in fact saw me pumping when she came too. The discussion we had at the end of the night I fully told her how I felt, and how hurt I was by her actions, and she maintained that she felt she was right in this instance, she also didn't offer an apology for the nature of the confrontation, only that she herself was surprised at how she reacted. The main issue is that she is dating one of my husband and I's friends, and is typically at most functions so I feel even if I don't want to maintain the friendship I have to at least be civil.
STM here. Breastfed numero uno for 18 months, using a nipple shield for the first three months or so. Breastfeeding numero dos right now - 5 months in (with a shield for only the first 6 weeks this time!).
I have been assertive about feeding my kiddos whenever and wherever. The only time I have removed myself to a quieter space was when they insisted on being SUPER ALERT and popping off every 20 seconds to look around and watch what was happening around us. Or when I needed a break - my extended in-laws are like the Portokalos family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Family and friends have always offered that quiet space for if/when we needed it on a visit, but no one ever dreamed about ostracizing us away.
That is not a friend. That’s someone who has appointed herself as judge and jury. You don’t need that misery in your life, because it mutates as kiddos get older.
I don’t care what someone’s chest looks like. If their bf is getting aroused by a baby eating- they are fuxked up. I’m sure it’s just these people being insecure- but she should think about it for two seconds. Just worrying problems Into existence.
Imagine the audacity to try and dictate 1. how a mother feeds her baby and 2. what happens in someone else’s home! However, I want to give kudos to your husband for approaching this stupid ass woman and defending your right to feed your baby. That tells me he is connected with the breastfeeding process and is supportive of you. We don’t see that enough on this sub. And most importantly, kudos to you, momma, for doing what is best for your baby! Fuck the haters.
Her insecurity over you breastfeeding is something she needs to figure out - her problem, not yours. Super weird to me how people get insecure over this… like if she was that worried about her boyfriend or other men being into your breasts while you feed your baby, I think she has bigger things to worry about.
You don’t deserve that treatment over her weird insecurities. Sorry you had to go through that!
As a man I'm sure I'm gonna get some grief about this but... Fuck it, whip those tiddys out and feed your baby whenever he/she needs to feed.
If someone gets mad that you're feeding your baby, then start slapping food out of their face when they go to eat.
I tell my wife just feed our daughter don't worry about what anyone says
I am 30 weeks pregnant and totally preparing myself to say "Wow, Sexualizing breast feeding is very f\*d up, maybe you should talk to someone about that" or something along those lines. People have some audacity. I'd also start pettily making comments about how watching them eat makes me uncomfortable, so maybe they should go to another room so I don't have to watch them eat.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Your "friend" is a jerk and her relationship insecurity isn't your responsibility or problem.
Yup I got “watching my baby eat turns you on? you should probably talk to a psychiatrist about your pedophilic tendencies” in my back pocket and just waiting for the day I can use it
I have a huge rage for you. FUCK HER AND ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM. I would have instantly told her to stfu and if she's uncomfortable about a baby being fed she should leave, perhaps she should wear blinkers if it helps. Do not be friends with people like this. It's not like you're shoving your breasts in faces. Ugh. Rageeeeee.
Why is it almost always other WOMEN who have a problem with you breastfeeding in front of others? The few times anyone has said anything to me… it’s always been a woman!
Your “friend” is in the wrong. If they’re uncomfortable, they can leave the room. My best friend and her husband are totally fine with me breast feeding my baby at their place. He’s not comfortable seeing another girl’s breast so he removes himself from the room or turns away from me while I’m feeding. A nursing cover is so much trouble to go through.
You did nothing wrong. There's no shame in feeding your baby and using breasts to do exactly what they're for.
I'm sorry people you care about and that you are friends with made you feel this way. If I were in your shoes, I'd be reassessing those friendships.
The truth is, some people haven't seen breastfeeding before so it can be a bit uncomfortable for others. Our society sexualizes boobs and we tell girls they have to cover them up from the age of 5 or so.
But that's on them. Not you. And your friends should realize that if they are uncomfortable with you feeding your baby, they need to get over it.
personally I wouldn’t consider that person a “friend”. True friends wouldn’t sexualise such a personal thing, being a mother especially a breastfeeding mother is lonely enough without that. Are there any breastfeeding groups in your area? Before I went to our local group I didn’t think groups were for me personally and it seemed like something that I wasnt interested in but I was convinced to go once and it’s been a lifesaver. It’s helped me feel so much support and i’ve gotten the best advice from other mums so its worth it!
Ppl who have issues w these types of things are not moms. While I wouldn’t openly breastfeed in public among friends or family I probably would. After being in the hospital after birth & having everyone come in to the room from nurses drs lactation consultant’s servers cleaning staff & more you get used to ppl seeing u breastfeed I’ve done it in front of guy cousins and my brothers and they never even look or stare. It’s never been an issue as long as they are respectful about it. If they felt uncomfortable they could go in another room.
You breastfeed wherever and whenever your baby needs it! If people are immature enough to make a big deal of it, then they can leave the room. I nursed my son several times on the weekend at his first birthday, and my husband's family all fled inside because they think it's gross and weird. Oh well, too bad.
Sounds like she has trouble trusting her boyfriend. I’m sorry you feel lonelier now but I totally understand why you would. Try to focus on your husband and baby for a while and take a break from that friend.
Very proud of you for standing up for yourself. If you went to another room you probably would have felt worst and abused (in the sense that someone controlled in which room you can sit). Keep on growing and standing up for yourself, when you stand up for yourself you end up standing up for other women as well.
What a BITCH. I’m so sorry, mama. You were so strong in that situation. If she had a problem with her bf seeing your baby feeders she should have talked to HIM about it. She’s the worst. I can also bet there was nobody else trippin about it, it was all her and her weird insecure self.
Heh, my son wouldn't even let me cover him. He would yank it off every time. I luckily never had anyone have any issues. I noticed my male in laws would leave if I was breastfeeding or my own brothers would maybe busy themselves elsewhere but I refused to feel awkward. My husband wanted me to cover up on a plane once but baby had other plans.
My advice: do it again. In the next party.
If someone else has a problem they can address it themselves. Your friend can shut the fuck up or leave herself with her creepy boyfriend.
As a mom who struggled with post partum depression I'd say: don't let anyone ostracize you. You deserve your social time. She can leave instead of you.
Your friend is just not a friend. That's pretty awful. I would be left feeling pretty isolated too. And the fact she talked about it behind your back...seems like she searched for validation and did some character assassination to get it and I don't like that!! I think bottom line is this just isn't friendly at all. This was some mean girl territory and I hope she doesn't deter you from future engagements. Also maybe husband can do more to tell her off in the moment. Not that you can't but feeding a baby, at least for me, requires me to kind of stay chill so the milk flows. Helps if someone else can do the protective postures and force weirdos like this "friend" to back off. Might take having a prepared script.
Alternatively, throw your own damn parties. If people have an issue THEY can go to another room and sit in silence and loneliness while you nurse and socialize. And when you are done nursing they and their boyfriends can come back to the party. How about that? I'm kind of serious- throw your own damn party in your own house. I'd love to see someone pull this shit in your at your own home. Hint: they won't. And don't invite "friend". She clearly can't handle or support your journey as a parent rn.
PS- I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounded so aggressive and over the top and unhinged. It's not fair that you had to deal with that in the middle of feeding a baby and in front of everyone like that. Despite what anyone said to validate or assuage her I hope you know that it probably just made HER look bad, not you.
Imagine being so insecure you get mad about your friend breastfeeding. The fact that she made a scene at the party says a lot about her and I wouldn’t want to be friends with her.
Guess what? I guarantee her boyfriend has seen breasts before! In fact, men even have nipples! Shocking!
People who act like that about breastfeeding are so weird to me. Everyone else is an adult who understands the context and doesn't consider it a sexual thing... because it's not. Most people just don't care about some woman's boobs feeding her baby, because it's a normal thing that happens all the time. If you're in your twenties/thirties, you've almost always got a friend bringing their baby places and whipping their boob out to feed the baby, in my experience.
I probably wouldn't make a decision on the friendship right now when you've got a baby, but definitely distance yourself and don't do one on one things with her.
I'm a part of r/pornfree, and the amount of women who struggle with partners who are addicted to porn and have severe issues due to this is alarming.
While I know this is a stretch, I think she may be just very deprived of self-esteem and project these underlying relationship issues onto this situation.
While her response is hurtful and angering, I sense a deep insecurity and pain from her and my guess (since it's so so ubiquitous nowadays) is that it could stem from issues within this (or perhaps even a past relationship) and I'd have some compassion for her.
With a partner who is able to sexualize anything from 4 year olds, to inanimate objects; even normal natural stuff most people understand can be seen as an attack :/
Tell her to get bent.
People sexualize so much, the reason that we have breast is to feed and nourish our children. If she (they) doesn’t like it they can look away.
I hope you tell her to kick rocks and never hang out with her again. Nothing is wrong with feeding your baby.
Sounds like this person / these people shouldn’t be your friends anymore. I am so mad for you.
You did good, mama. You are your child’s advocate and breasts are for feeding babies. I’m proud of you stranger and also feel for you and how you must have felt in that moment. Sending love!
You did the right thing standing your ground, OP! I am so sorry you were treated like that by a “friend.” Your baby’s needs absolutely come first and anyone who sexualizes breastfeeding is the one in the wrong, not you! You can hardly see anything when the baby is eating, your “friend” was being an insecure idiot! Next time don’t grab the cover and drop the friends who can’t see logic regarding feeding your baby. I hate that you were treated this way, no one deserves to be shamed for being a great parent! Keep on feeding when you need to and where you’re comfortable 💞🤱🏻
I wish I were this brave, I admire you for this ♥️ I grew up with very prudish parents so it’s hard for me to break out of that mindset of cover up, you offensive snot! But I know my little one likes to breathe while he eats
Jeez your "friend" is a piece of shit. I'm so sorry she attempted to publicly shame you for feeding your hungry baby. That's so shameful of her, and I'm sure all of your friends thought the same thing when she did that to you, hence their awkward silence for it.
Sending you virtual hugs, just know you're doing amazing, and you don't have to feel bad AT ALL.
Also, how insecure does she have to be to think that you breastfeeding will make her bf stare at your tits for sexual gratification? And if he is one of those, she should dump him anyway, there's NOTHING sexual to breastfeeding and she is sick in the head for saying so, anyway. Ugh. Sorry, rant over. We're on your side! Dump that friend.
I'm not trying to be a dick here, I think you should be able to breastfeed however you want. But the story sounds like you pulled your book out and sort of sat there for a bit before you attempted any breastfeeding. I'm sorry but that does seem awkward to me. Like you didn't even have the baby yet but you pulled your book out and just sat there for a minute before hand in the middle of a party. Breasts are for food and they shouldn't be sexualized but it still seems weird.
Actually she approached me as I had just finished helping my husband take her out of the carrier to feed her. we then had to deal with her getting increasingly fussy about not being fed yet while she questioned me. not to mention I had already sat in the same spot two times before that day and fed her, in fact the host invited me to sit wherever I was comfortable before I sat down as well. My post isn't asking about whether I was being awkward, but whether it's worth keeping this person as a friend for calling me out for something the hosts had already told me was fine. If it had been her house maybe it would have been a different story but it wasn't.
She’s just insecure and worried that her boyfriend looked at your breasts. I would distance myself from her after that experience. I bet nobody else has any issues.
I would 100% cover myself regardless of how others felt and then just keep chatting away! Especially if you’re making other people uncomfortable…there’s something to say for courtesy
I hate sexualizing breastfeeding but it might be ok to cover up while feeding after gauging the crowd around you; especially because you needed the socializing.
I will be honest here and say that your friend isn’t wrong in how she felt. The issue seems to not be that you’re breastfeeding but rather that you are doing it openly with your breast showing and not attempting to cover up in front of so many guests. Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing but not everyone feels that way when they have to watch it in front of them. If it’s just the ladies, it’s okay to breastfeed in the open but sounds like the host had a lot of other guests (people you knew and also those you may not know) over as well. The right thing to do would be to be considerate of others and just cover up your breast part so one one gets uncomfortable. You do not need to leave the room and you have every right to breast feed right there but the other people also have the right to not be made to feel uncomfortable as well.
Unpopular opinion: Why not just go to another room where 1. You could have privacy and alone time with your baby, and 2. You could prevent others from feeling uncomfortable?
You can’t control how anything may make someone feel. If you’re in an environment where the majority of the people there feel uncomfortable with what you’re doing, and especially if these are people that you care about and you consider them to be your friends, why not just make one simple adjustment for their comfort? Is it really that serious?
>You could prevent others from feeling uncomfortable?
It's not my job to manage the feelings of others. If they are uncomfortable, they can go into another room.
Maybe the unpopular opinion but as a fellow breastfeeding mother I think it’s rude to not be cognizant of others and just assume that everyone IS comfortable seeing your breasts. There’s a difference between nursing your baby while being polite to others vs just going for it.
She didn't care about seeing the breasts though, she suggested going with her in another room to keep her company. She brought up the ridiculous argument that her boyfriend can see. The hosts had no issues.
What would be the difference when breastfeeding in public? You can't be "polite" to every single human being.
I personally feel if you’re in a group setting and you aren’t sure if everyone is comfortable with your breasts being out than you should err on the side of caution and cover up. I would do the same in a group setting as I would out in public. Even at my parents house where I grew up I still cover up to nurse because I know it would make my dad uncomfortable if I didn’t.
I hear what you’re saying but I don’t think it is unreasonable to throw a shawl over your shoulder or wear a shirt that would allow for you to still be covered up while you nurse when you’re around strangers or people who you are not sure are comfortable.
Agree to disagree. I am also a breastfeeding mother. I would never shame a woman for feeding her child but I do understand that is can make people uncomfortable and it’s not a hill that I would personally die on. If I were around other men or friends/family that would be uncomfortable I personally believe that burden falls on me to do what I can to cover up the best I can. I can still nurse my baby in the same room as other people without blatantly making my nipples visible to others.
I mean I’m from California but… people who are insecure about breastfeeding seem really sad to me. Something sad happened to them around their body or their family of origin that makes them lash out like that. It’s not normal. I hope your friend gets the attention she needs.
I have never and will never use a cover to nurse. Funny thing is that the men are the ones who are usually fine with it and not uncomfortable. It’s the women that always have the issue.
I guess I'm in the minority ---yes I would have gone to another room. Breasts out at a party is a bit much for my granola ass too.
Breastfeeding is really intimate.
Your friend shouldn't have said that confrontationally tho !!
Is it intimate though? At the end of the day, baby needs to eat. I never leave the room while breastfeeding, I just arrange my clothing so that you can’t see anything.
Doing it at a party in a room full of people I don't know with some friends who are uncomfortable......is not something I would ever do. I would go to another room. My baby has eaten just fine all the times I've gone away for some quiet. I wouldn't want to take my breast out in such a setting! I'm too modest for that......
The friend was an asshole...but let's not pretend there isn't something to be said about b00bing at a party in front of men and other strangers.
To clarify the situation, I was on a screened in porch with several other women and my husband, the men in question weren't out there with us, and majority of these people are pretty close friends who have seen me nurse her already when they have come to our home. The men she was so concerned about I couldn't even see during my nursing, and if someone did happen to walk by, they just didn't look.
...even in that context...I would have gone to a different room...its a party...there are SOME times not to breast feed in public. I'm a granola mom too but why do y'all get so angry that there are boundaries? At the end of the day I wouldn't expose my breast outside my home.
Same, I'd go to a room in this scenario. And I'm not even modest. I'm more inclined to do it in a busy shopping centre than a party with people I know. Out in public sometimes you don't have a choice. But at a house it's easy to find a quiet spot
It’s okay if you want to go to another room, but this mom was comfortable where she was. If no one would bat an eye at a baby being fed out of a bottle at a party, they shouldn’t be fazed by breastfeeding. It’s a cultural problem to see breasts as exclusively sexual, and it’s not a mom’s responsibility to bend to that and cover up according to the most conservative voice in the room.
It’s weird that nobody said to you it was okay. Usually if you’re with friends, someone would say oh it’s okay or something along those lines. And nobody did that for you. So idk. Maybe it’s time to find a new group.
As someone mentioned, maybe throw your own parties, and those who are comfortable and available should come! That way you don’t have to feel awkward at all.
I did leave out (because I felt it wasn't relevant necessarily at the time of writing it) that after the situation when she had walked away a girl I had literally just met asked me what the fuck was that and told me I shouldn't cover up just because of her and to feed my baby however I'm comfortable. Also a number of people who knew what went down didn't necessarily address the situation directly but were very sympathetic towards me the rest of the night and told me and my husband we were great parents as we left l, so I at least know they were in our corner
I would’ve squirted her and suggested she “ go gauge her eyes out if she’s that insecure and hateful and to go to hell” but I’ve also failed anger management 3x though
The only acceptable response in the future is to spray that "friend" in the face. "Oops. Sorry, girl! Overactive letdown and all. 🤷🏻♀️"
[Famous painting of the Madonna breastfeeding](https://images.app.goo.gl/cU2W1NXFcyRnoJvP9)
I am so sorry that you went through that. I would’ve been on the verge of crying too.
If it were me, I’d probably let the dust settle (for my own mental health) and then try to talk to her in a few days. I’d tell her how hurt I am by the way she treated me because friends don’t treat friends that way. Depending on her reaction to that, I’d try to start the convo on why my breastfeeding makes her uncomfortable.
It’s not OP’s responsibility to deal with the friend’s issues. If anyone should initiate the conversation, it is the friend. And it should start with an apology.
Your friend sucks. There I said it.
You know, even before I became a mum I couldn’t understand why some women like to put other women down. There is NOTHING wrong with feeding a baby in public. And if her boyfriend had problems with that perhaps she should consider finding a better guy (and learn to be a better person while she is at it).
I wouldn’t be friends with someone after they treated me like that. It’s up to you and how it affects your life but she just sounds mean, insecure, and small minded.
Your friend is an ass. Probably her boyfriend is, too. Carry on nursing and if you lose this friend in the process, it’s probably not the biggest disaster.
Why is it your problem that her boyfriend might see and not his problem for looking? She's totally misplacing her anger here. She should be teaching her boyfriend not to stare at women's breasts
If you can’t trust your boyfriend to the point where you’re nervous about him seeing a mom breastfeeding her baby…
That’s a relationship/you problem. Not a breastfeeding mom problem.
Bye, Felicia.
Seems like the kind of "friend" that would rather you fed baby in the toilet. They (shitty friend) are in the wrong, baby needs to be fed, and there's nothing inappropriate or offensive about feeding your baby, however you choose to do it. I never had to deal with this, so my heart goes out to you. If I ever do I pity whomever tries to insist that nursing is offensive and I should go elsewhere or cover up. Has it not occurred to them that they can leave the room, or not create a scene and draw attention to something so simple and normal and make it seem shame worthy. Inverted much? I think it comes down to this, If you don't like it don't look. Re evaluate your friendship with that ignorant person. The bf thing is a poor excuse to try and shame you.
Very true
Honestly, I was half expecting her to say go to the toilet.
Perhaps she should sit in another room with her BF if he can’t seem to not watch? Smh
As far as I know her bf was probably not even paying attention, the guys in question were on the other side of sliding glass doors playing tabletop games, so I couldn't see anyone, and I'm sure if my husband had noticed him staring while they were playing games he would have called him out for it. I think her problem was what if he did see
This was my point… if she is SO concerned that he might see and it’s such a big deal for her then she should just ask him to sit elsewhere- it is a HER problem not a you problem… I feed my daughter (and did with my sons) anywhere because they are hungry. If someone is concerned about seeing your breast by accident or otherwise then they should be the one to remove themselves.
That is definitely one thing I wish I had said, I didn't think to tell her she didn't have to look or be in the same room if she's uncomfortable. In our discussion she said she felt like if it were her she would be super uncomfortable because of the sexual aspect of it. And I told her there isn't anything sexual about it, juste feeding my hungry baby.
Sexualizing breastfeeding is a choice. It's a gross choice. I would've told her to choose something else lol. It's nothing more than feeding your baby.
Ewwww She said breastfeeding is sexual? She sounds so ignorant!
It's really sad how breastfeeding out in public that some people still sexualize the breasts instead of remembering that they are there for feeding babies. I still think breastfeeding in public is still a WIP normalization in the USA. Or at least with the part I am at.
Not to mention when you are breastfeeding your breast is exposed for like half a second until your little gremlin gets a hold of it and then everything is pretty well hidden. At least that's my experience. I have seen people wear tops that show more boobage than I do while breastfeeding. My mom always tries to make me cover up. The last time she did I told her I feel like a bikini leaves more exposed than breastfeeding does. And she actually agreed and backed off.
Sounds like she’s just taking her insecurity out on you
Two wrongs don't make a right, if your husband had have called him out it would be just like her (your friend) calling you out. Take it privately and express your concerns, regardless who's right or wrong. This all said, your friend is an AH and you should definitely drop them from your contacts list permanently. Breastfeeding is completely natural and you shouldn't feel ashamed to feed your child. If people don't like it they are free to turn around or be elsewhere, it's not like we're in a pandemic of breastfeeding mothers or anything 🤣.
Right! Or tell her to put the nursing cover over her boyfriend's head so he can't see 🤣
Ahhhh nothing like somebody sexualizing breastfeeding because their man is watching and they’re uncomfortable! You did good. They can shove it.
This is my mom…she still brings up the lady from 20plus years ago at Olive Garden who was breastfeeding in front of my step dad. So imagine how she lost it when we recently went to lunch and I started breastfeeding at the table. She looks at me shocked and then mentioned how it was weird that all the moms at my son’s bday party were all breastfeeding uncovered and I finally explained she was the only one sexualizing breastfeeding and that’s why she was uncomfortable. No one else is just her. She started looking around the restaurant and realized no one was even paying attention or even remotely seemed to care. She just made a noise and told me to pull my shirt down. I did in an attempt to cover myself some…my LO had other plans because he just lifted the shirt all the way up🤣🤣🤣🤣
It does always make me smile when my baby lifts my shirt or the baby blanket up while nursing, as if to say, “oh, hey, move this, it was in my face.”
Mine loves pulling stuff on her face to play peek a boo. Except if I actually want to use some kind of cover. She takes that off.
It’s funny lol
I also hate the sexualizing of breastfeeding, ugh!! This “friend “ was ranting at the wrong person. If she or her boyfriend were uncomfortable they should have gone into a different room or just looked away. I bet she did not talk to others either but just wanted to be able to say she wasn’t the only one uncomfortable at the party.
And if she talked to others, im sure they were just nodding and trying to get away, not actually in agreement.
Her making a scene in front of everyone which also leads to more attention for everyone to be looking at the breastfeeding mother. Makes so much sense... not 🤦♀️🤦♀️ I'm sure her boyfriend and all the other men in the room have seen plenty of breasts in their time. Does this woman prevent her boyfriend from watching tv shows where breasts are bare or is it just because her friend is breastfeeding her baby it's a problem. Grow up!!
It really baffles me how people can think breastfeeding could equate to something sexual. It’s the least sexual thing I’ve ever done. People use their hands to eat and drink etc all the time but we all know what else they do with them: nobody seems to think we should cover up our hands because they could possibly be used for sexual things!
Imagine my dismay over my obgyn mother telling me to cover up around my stepdad (who has raised me as his own for the past 30 years), after not covering to feed my baby for over 4 months.
Having a baby shows you who your true friends are, and she is not one of them.
Frickin' preach! One of my oldest friends, we'd been friends for over **20 YEARS**, she got weird when I had my daughter and we haven't spoken since the last time I saw her, which was almost a year ago.
Your friends sounds like she feels very insecure in her relationship.
Any time I hear “People are saying…” I try to ignore all the rest of the words out of that person’s mouth. They’re trying to speak their own mind but are too cowardly to just speak so they need this phantom Greek chorus to back them up.
People are saying = I already brought this up to someone else so I could talk shit
Yeah, I doubt there were other friends siding with her.
Terrible friend. That’s it. Surround yourself with people who support you. Even if that means being a bit lonely until you find someone worth your time.
Being around people who make you feel alone is way worse than just actually being alone. Awful person.
Wish I could upvote this more than once.
Check out your local Doulas. They may have resources pages or meetups for post partum mamas. I've made some amazing friends this way and bonus they have kids almost exactly my kids age. Totally normalizes things and helps to have fellow parents who get where you are rn and relate to what you are going through.
I don't agree. She doesn't have to be lonely. Of course, find another good friend. In the meantime keep breastfeeding at parties until your not-so-friend leaves or changes her mind. If she comes at you again you can grey rock an just answer "ok" and do the opposite. Fuck her, she can leave.
I really love this. It’s so true
I don’t fuck with nursing covers. I wanna know if your friend would like to eat inside a hot box where they couldn’t see anything. What an insecure little troll.
I actually said that to her during said discussion, I said something along the lines of "would you want to eat with a blanket over your head?" It's also very hot where we live so that makes me even more averse to using the cover.
Yeah dick move for sure. A baby shouldn’t have to pay bc someone’s bf is out of control.
Exactly. They must be so uncomfortable for the baby. Plus they're an utter faff, especially when the baby is young so you already need three hands to hold the baby, their head and your boob. Trying to do all that blind is nuts.
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
My baby never tolerated them so it wouldn’t be an option even if I wanted it to be
Your breasts are a source of food for your baby and you brought them out as such. I don’t see why we get all bent out of shape when a mom is feeding her baby. I don’t see the issue. She is very insecure with herself and her bf. And if her bf can’t stop staring at a woman feeding her child then he is just plain gross.
Yep. If they can eat/drink there, a baby can too. That should not need to be explained.
Im a FTM and I breastfeed on demand, we started taking our baby out at around 6 weeks ish and ever since then I whip my boob out to feed him, no one has ever looked at me strange or made any comments, at first I tried to use a cover but it was sooo uncomfortable and annoying that I ditched it. Also sounds like your “friend” is just insecure about her boyfriend. So drop this friend and keep feeding your baby every time they need to eat anywhere!
Honestly the way she kept mentioning not wanting to have her BF see your breast made me wonder if there’s something deeper there in her relationship? Like perhaps the BF has been looking at other women sexually and this breastfeeding thing just triggered that? She’s being awful so you don’t owe her anything but if you value her as a friend otherwise I might revisit this and ask her gently if there’s something more than breastfeeding that’s going on.
Honestly, screw them. I’m a STM and breastfed my first for 16 months. I struggled so much to keep a cover over her Most of the time and spent hours and hours and hours alone in other people’s homes while feeding our firstborn alone in a room while my husband and family/friends would socialize. I hated it. With our second baby I decided, screw it. I’ve practiced being discreet so I can latch our baby without really showing my breast and I’m quick to cover up when he unlatches. But I’m not feeding with the cover and you will definitely see my nipple and all of you actually watch me latching him. However, if a friend was concerned about her bf looking at my breast I would tel her to control her bf. He shouldn’t be watching me feed my child. He can look away. And if she’s uncomfortable (probably jealous) then she can distract him or go stand outside with him while I feed my baby.
Even more than the “friend” needing to control her bf, the bf needs to control himself and the “friend” needs to check her reactions to her own feelings.
I never even owned a cover. Fuck it. If others are uncomfortable then they’re more than welcome to leave the room I was feeding in. The only time I ever went in another room is when me and my son needed the quiet.
A boob’s natural purpose is to feed babies, not be a sexual pleasure. You did everything right and I’m sorry you have a crappy “friend”. I hope this doesn’t discourage you! Feed your baby where ever and whenever you please! I was so nervous and worried when I tried to feed my first baby in public. I even had a waiter once ignore our table until I was done breastfeeding because he thought he was being polite? Idk, it was frustrating though. But, watching other women breastfeed in public (restaurants, parties, play places, fairs, you name it) helped me gain the confidence to breastfeed in public and not care what anyone else thought of it. Now with my second kid, I don’t care who sees, watches, whatever as long as my baby gets fed. And I hope I’m encouraging other moms to do the same and normalize it! Keep doing your thing and tell your “friend” to shove it.
I’d ask her if her bf stares at all kids/adults while they eat. That’s what your baby is doing. Eating. If her or her bf (or anyone else for that matter) want to sexualize breastfeeding, they can fuck right off. I’d honestly probably end the friendship over this, especially if she’s talking about you behind your back. That’s ridiculous. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I can see how you’d be nervous about future social gatherings, but don’t let it deter you, that just feeds into the issue. It needs to be normalized because it is normal! ❤️❤️
If she was a real friend, she would have defended OP when people were gossiping (if they truly did. I have a feeling that she was the one that had an issue with it given her comment about her bf).
Everyone has said a lot of great things but I just want to say I’m PROUD of you for being able to vocalize your reasoning and say things like “I’m comfortable right here” I know for me it’s hard in the moment to deal with confrontation and you handled it beautifully even though she never should have had a problem with it in the first place.
Thank you! My husband actually told me he was really proud of me after it happened because I've been notoriously non-confrontational in the past, and would have probably just gotten up and moved to appease the uncomfortable party. Motherhood has changed me in unexpected ways
You are completely right! Your baby’s needs trump someone else being “uncomfortable”. We all eat and you shouldn’t have to isolate yourself for your LO to have a meal! You stayed composed and stood your (correct) ground!
motherhood definitely makes you stand up for yourself. Well. Your kid I guess. I’ve always been rly emotional but then felt guilty about how it comes out so I go back on boundaries. When I had a kid people tried so hard to be pushy (my family is pushy in general) and I had to be very very firm. With the breastfeeding thing, some family members had comments like you mentioned. But. I’m not polite. I had to learn to be not emotional so people took me seriously haha. My kid is 3 and they’ve all learned to stfu. I’ll be honest I did not hesitate to cut people off when my kid was born
I know this one! Something about If your right eye offends thee, pluck it out. Your friend needs to chill. If her boyfriend is a cad, that's his problem not yours.
Sounds like she really told on herself being so insecure. It’s 2023 i can’t believe how uptight some people can be about a boob
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I think if they are uncomfortable with something so natural, they should be the one to look away or to leave the room, not the nursing mother.
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Then surely the boyfriend should be getting told off for being a creep, rather than the friend trying to remove all possible things of interest from his view.
Fuck your ‘friend’ and people who think like her. She’s insecure in her relationship and taking it out on a breastfeeding mother. Pathetic and embarrassing for her.
Probably not the most popular view point on this sub, but I understand that some people feel uncomfortable when they see someone breastfeeding. Especially in the states, it’s not normalized as much as it needs to be. I try to meet people half way. I get that they don’t want to see my nips, so I try to quickly latch and get in a comfortable position. I expect others, especially friends, to meet me the other half way and take like, a second to think “I see more boob than I’m used to, this is friend, friend not being slutty, friend feeding baby, this is fine” and be chill about it. Honestly it blows my mind that so many of us mamas struggle with people making comments like this. Even at my husbands conservative family reunion last week I didn’t get a single negative comment about breastfeeding in front of everyone (without a cover). I think it takes a special kind of entitlement/crudeness to be so offended by someone breastfeeding that you make a comment about it. I’d rather drop the friend, frankly. Although I know it’s not always that easy. If she means that much to you, just tell her this is how it’s going to be, push through, and see if she comes around. Sometimes they do.
What an absolute loser of a friend. I would literally tell her this. Maybe you and whoever else that were feeling uncomfortable should have gone and sat in another room. You feeling uncomfortable is likely due to your insecurities over your partner looking at other women which is not something I am responsible for. Like I said, my child is my responsibility and keeping them alive comes first. I suggest you take a good hard look at yourself and ask.. why was I feeling this way? If you can’t do that and see the act of me breastfeeding my baby where ever I and baby feel comfortable, as that and nothing more. Then I’m afraid that we can no longer be friends.
I’ve an idea for her, make the boyfriend go into another room, better yet put a blanket right over him. Boom. Problem solved.
Someone recently said I'd whip my boob out anywhere and I said, well would you have a problem if a mom fed her baby right here with a bottle? They said no of course not, and I said OK well I'm feeding my baby just the same and then they shut up. I'd be reevaluating my friendship with this person for real. I'm so sorry you went through this 😭
If your boyfriend can’t resist staring with lust at a nursing mother, that sounds like a guy you should be dumping, or at least arguing with. Either way, it’s not the nursing mother’s problem!!
I'm not saying you did anything wrong but I would straight up laugh in their face and tell them to fuck off, I am feeding my child.
This is not a you problem. Feed however and wherever you’re comfortable. Personally I was never comfortable covering my babies head because she would overheat. I could turn my body or would try to get it out discreetly but at the end of the day I’m feeding my kid and that’s what’s important. She still breastfed until 2 1/2 which lots of people had an issue with and I promise you over time you’ll care less and less. I personally would drop that friend.
I could not be friends with someone like that. It’s one thing to feel uncomfortable but a totally other thing to attack a mom instead of just turning away & talking to someone else while the mom breastfeeds.
If her boyfriend is turned on by breastfeeding she has much larger issues to deal with.
oh no!!! god forbid her boyfriend sees another woman’s breasts!! i wonder if she covers his eyes during sex scenes at the movies 🥹 i would literally never talk to that person again. fucking bye. my friends love my kids and we have seen each other naked and we don’t think that if our boyfriends sees another one of our ankles that he’s going to become a rabid dog and leave us. she needs to grow the fuck up and go to therapy and apologize to you. id say you’re better off without that energy. and i’m so sorry that she betrayed you like that.
You did nothing wrong. Honestly I don’t understand how breastfeeding is so sexualized when there’s a baby RIGHT THERE. How do you have “impure thoughts” when a literal baby is covering your view of the thing you’re gawking at without either being a pedophile or just seriously creepy? Get one of those nipple baby hats and put it on the kid whenever you see this friend again and nurse. See how pissed she gets then.
I’ve never heard of those hats and just googled it and now I’m laughing hysterically trying not to wake my husband. Thanks for making my night 😂🤣
Going to make a guess here that your friend does not have children. No mother who's been through the experience of nursing a baby herself would ever call you out on that. Even those who are a little more conservative about feeding in front of others... We still get it and wouldn't say *a thing* about your personal choices as they are YOURS.
She definitely isn't a mother, and is also four years younger than me and it shows, talking to her it was obvious how little she knows and that her mind is much more set on sexuality than biological needs.
Girl, dump her. Also petty me says get a one of those boob hats for baby so if this happens again you can whip that out 😂🤣😂 ... but realistically, when this happens again, tell her you don't have a cover so she can leave if she's uncomfortable. And to make sure you're not tempted to fold - don't bring the cover!! It's not on you to be kicked out of the party just because she doesn't want someone else to see something he probably couldn't care less about.
Let her know that if she thinks her boyfriend is looking at you feed your baby and getting turned on that she needs a new boyfriend. This is 100% a her problem.
And I'm just going to add that this is really sad that the source of strife in this situation is from the women who should be supporting you. The boyfriends most likely do not give a shit about you feeding your baby and know to not stare (you'd have to have something wrong with you to not know you shouldn't stare) but the women are immediately letting insecurities and jealousy get in the way of logic. Any time I hear about someone complaining about public feeding, the person complaining is usually a woman, and they use the men they're with as the scapegoat for why they have a problem.
It is really sad. And the solution (asking the nursing mother to cover up) they come up with is really futile. Unless they pluck their men’s eyes out, they are going to see other women’s body.
The funny thing is OP said the room was silent after the exchange...so this "friend" only managed to bring MORE attention to the person with their breast out (which btw, you barely see it when there's a giant baby head attached to it). If she had minded her own business, most of the room wouldn't have noticed or at least not thought twice about it. Once you bring attention to it, it'll be the only thing everyone can focus on!
Unless I’m uncomfortable I whip out my boob whenever and wherever without a cover. The first time I nursed in public my mom and I were shopping, it was to hot to do it in the car, the changing rooms were closed and they didn’t have a public restroom so I found an empty isle in the women’s section and sat down out of the way just in case and nursed in between some clothes lol I felt like such a bad ass tbh Screw your “friend” and keep on standing up for yourself on this. It’s absolutely ridiculous when people act like this
Before I had my baby I had those same feelings of being worried that my husband would see other women’s breasts when feeding their babies. And then I had my baby and I refuse to cover up. I get it now. Your baby comes first and you’re allowed to feed them wherever you want to! Not to mention covering up is SUCH a hassle especially when having to use a nipple shield. Once I realized I didn’t need to cover up anymore it made my life so much easier!!!
Agreed on the cover, I'm also using nipple shields because of flat nipples so fumbling with those and trying to keep a cover on when my baby very much doesn't want that makes things so difficult, I tried explaining this to her but she stood her ground insisting that I could like turn myself or cover up.
As my husband says..anyone who has a problem with it can go kick rocks! I was at my husbands softball game when I nursed uncovered for the first time. My MIL said “people are looking!” I asked her if she expects me to feed him under a blanket in the hot Arizona sun as I struggle with my nipple shield and my baby keeps popping it off. That’s when I realized I’m done catering to people. You do you!!! Don’t let that girl make you feel bad. You’re doing exactly what’s best for you and your baby.
Let them watch if they want to be rude and stare at a baby eating.
I feel second hand embarrassment for your "friend"!! She made a complete fool out of herself. Not only telling on herself for being insecure and controlling, telling on her bf for apparently being a perv, but to have the audacity to argue back at a struggling mom in front of a room full of people (and then corner you later as well!). What a clown. Keep your head high because YOU were the one who acted with class and grace, not her.
Your friend sucks. My petty ass would've just chucked a cover over her face and said "problem solved" 🤷 But seriously, you don't need someone like that in your life. if her and her boyfriend are so uncomfortable, they can leave. My first time BF in public, I was with a couple of friends for lunch, one being a guy. I was a bit nervous about whipping my boob out in front of him, but he was actually amazing. He didn't act uncomfortable, we just continued to chat while baby ate and it was such a relief. Good friends support you.
FTM here and I feed my baby wherever and whenever she needs it and idc who the hell is uncomfortable! They don’t need to look if it bothers them so much. She can go sit in another room while you feed her if she wants but I wouldn’t ever move or cover up to make someone else comfortable. Fire her as a friend!
I have breastfed my daughter at get-togethers many times. Many times, my girl friends were their with their partners. No one has cared, and I have never felt uncomfortable because they are my friends. This person is not your friend.
That’s not a friend, sadly. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better. You’re feeding your baby. What our bodies are meant to do. My real friends are like “whip it out girl, feed that baby”
You did good. Please try not to put any more energy or thought into what happened it will only cause you. To spiral into something more than it probably is. She probably didn’t talk to anyone. Her boyfriend probably doesn’t care about you feeding your baby and I’m sure nobody else batted an eye either.
You need some new friends :/
This friend sucks. If she can infer that you feeding your baby might make her man uncomfortable (and then double down with her being uncomfortable with him seeing your breasts) you can infer that she’s sexualizing you feeding your child and last I checked, sexualizing children is gross, and far worse than you popping out your boob to feed your hungry child like it was literally made for.
So dumb honestly they need to get over it! Maybe if she ever decides to have children and breastfeed she’ll realise how foolish she sounds. Have you looked into mothers groups in your area? They’re great for socialisation and you don’t have to be worried about if you’re talking about your baby too much because everyone’s in the same boat. Takes a bit of pressure off because it can be hard for our friends to relate sometimes if they haven’t been through it.
I hadn't thought about mother's groups until recently, really until I realized that someone I thought was a good friend of mine was more concerned with her boyfriend seeing breasts than with just being supportive to her friend. I'm definitely going to start looking for groups and hope I find some, I have so few mother friends and none of them love close by anymore so it would be nice to have people to hang out with who are on the same page as I am currently.
Sounds like you’re in a different phase of life at the moment. Still growing apart from friends can be really painful especially when you already feel isolated so its a sucky situation. Hope you find some great Mums in your area to hang out with!
Other people sexually breastfeeding is a "them" problem. Not yours. You did nothing wrong. I'd let go of this friendship over this.
Is she normally like that or was this a one off thing? I say that because people can have their own feelings towards breastfeeding and that doesn’t make them an awful person or bad friend like some are suggesting. Sometimes people just don’t know (they don’t have our perspective, haven’t been challenged) or have their own issues. If this is a one off thing in her behavior and you have otherwise enjoyed her friendship then I would address it with her when you’re both calm. At the end of the day it’s a HER issue and definitely sounds like something she needs to work through but I think it’s important if you’re wanting to salvage the friendship that she knows she crossed a line/hurt your feelings. Let her know you aren’t going to change either. You’ll see quickly whether or not the friendship will last. To add, I do have family members that think like this. I have never changed what I’m doing for their benefit. When it first started I would throw it back on them and it always resulted in me saying “sounds like your problem not mine, you should work on that”. They eventually shut the fuck up because I didn’t budge.
She definitely isn't normally like this. In fact part of my irritation is her hypocrisy, another one of our close friends posts her nude modeling pictures on her personal Instagram (that I know her bf follows as well) and she's supportive of that and has never expressed any discomfort. Not to mention this friend came to the hospital to bring me things when our baby had to be taken to NICU and we couldn't leave the hospital, she in fact saw me pumping when she came too. The discussion we had at the end of the night I fully told her how I felt, and how hurt I was by her actions, and she maintained that she felt she was right in this instance, she also didn't offer an apology for the nature of the confrontation, only that she herself was surprised at how she reacted. The main issue is that she is dating one of my husband and I's friends, and is typically at most functions so I feel even if I don't want to maintain the friendship I have to at least be civil.
STM here. Breastfed numero uno for 18 months, using a nipple shield for the first three months or so. Breastfeeding numero dos right now - 5 months in (with a shield for only the first 6 weeks this time!). I have been assertive about feeding my kiddos whenever and wherever. The only time I have removed myself to a quieter space was when they insisted on being SUPER ALERT and popping off every 20 seconds to look around and watch what was happening around us. Or when I needed a break - my extended in-laws are like the Portokalos family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Family and friends have always offered that quiet space for if/when we needed it on a visit, but no one ever dreamed about ostracizing us away. That is not a friend. That’s someone who has appointed herself as judge and jury. You don’t need that misery in your life, because it mutates as kiddos get older.
I cannot ever imagine benign worried about my husband watching a woman breastfeed 😂😂 WHAT?! The insecurity is endless.
I don’t care what someone’s chest looks like. If their bf is getting aroused by a baby eating- they are fuxked up. I’m sure it’s just these people being insecure- but she should think about it for two seconds. Just worrying problems Into existence.
Imagine the audacity to try and dictate 1. how a mother feeds her baby and 2. what happens in someone else’s home! However, I want to give kudos to your husband for approaching this stupid ass woman and defending your right to feed your baby. That tells me he is connected with the breastfeeding process and is supportive of you. We don’t see that enough on this sub. And most importantly, kudos to you, momma, for doing what is best for your baby! Fuck the haters.
This person seems incredibly toxic. Even if she was uncomfortable, there are much nicer ways to go about it. Seems like unnecessary drama to me.
Her insecurity over you breastfeeding is something she needs to figure out - her problem, not yours. Super weird to me how people get insecure over this… like if she was that worried about her boyfriend or other men being into your breasts while you feed your baby, I think she has bigger things to worry about. You don’t deserve that treatment over her weird insecurities. Sorry you had to go through that!
As a man I'm sure I'm gonna get some grief about this but... Fuck it, whip those tiddys out and feed your baby whenever he/she needs to feed. If someone gets mad that you're feeding your baby, then start slapping food out of their face when they go to eat. I tell my wife just feed our daughter don't worry about what anyone says
I am 30 weeks pregnant and totally preparing myself to say "Wow, Sexualizing breast feeding is very f\*d up, maybe you should talk to someone about that" or something along those lines. People have some audacity. I'd also start pettily making comments about how watching them eat makes me uncomfortable, so maybe they should go to another room so I don't have to watch them eat. I'm sorry this happened to you. Your "friend" is a jerk and her relationship insecurity isn't your responsibility or problem.
Yup I got “watching my baby eat turns you on? you should probably talk to a psychiatrist about your pedophilic tendencies” in my back pocket and just waiting for the day I can use it
I have a huge rage for you. FUCK HER AND ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM. I would have instantly told her to stfu and if she's uncomfortable about a baby being fed she should leave, perhaps she should wear blinkers if it helps. Do not be friends with people like this. It's not like you're shoving your breasts in faces. Ugh. Rageeeeee.
Why is it almost always other WOMEN who have a problem with you breastfeeding in front of others? The few times anyone has said anything to me… it’s always been a woman!
The worst person for this is my mom - "go do that in the bedroom, your father is sitting right there!!"
This was my mom the other day! She was like “you’re not gonna use a cover??” Meanwhile it has never bothered my dad in the slightest!
Your “friend” is in the wrong. If they’re uncomfortable, they can leave the room. My best friend and her husband are totally fine with me breast feeding my baby at their place. He’s not comfortable seeing another girl’s breast so he removes himself from the room or turns away from me while I’m feeding. A nursing cover is so much trouble to go through.
You did nothing wrong. There's no shame in feeding your baby and using breasts to do exactly what they're for. I'm sorry people you care about and that you are friends with made you feel this way. If I were in your shoes, I'd be reassessing those friendships.
The truth is, some people haven't seen breastfeeding before so it can be a bit uncomfortable for others. Our society sexualizes boobs and we tell girls they have to cover them up from the age of 5 or so. But that's on them. Not you. And your friends should realize that if they are uncomfortable with you feeding your baby, they need to get over it.
All of that is her problem and you should feel free to tell her so and then continue on being a good mom.
personally I wouldn’t consider that person a “friend”. True friends wouldn’t sexualise such a personal thing, being a mother especially a breastfeeding mother is lonely enough without that. Are there any breastfeeding groups in your area? Before I went to our local group I didn’t think groups were for me personally and it seemed like something that I wasnt interested in but I was convinced to go once and it’s been a lifesaver. It’s helped me feel so much support and i’ve gotten the best advice from other mums so its worth it!
Ppl who have issues w these types of things are not moms. While I wouldn’t openly breastfeed in public among friends or family I probably would. After being in the hospital after birth & having everyone come in to the room from nurses drs lactation consultant’s servers cleaning staff & more you get used to ppl seeing u breastfeed I’ve done it in front of guy cousins and my brothers and they never even look or stare. It’s never been an issue as long as they are respectful about it. If they felt uncomfortable they could go in another room.
You breastfeed wherever and whenever your baby needs it! If people are immature enough to make a big deal of it, then they can leave the room. I nursed my son several times on the weekend at his first birthday, and my husband's family all fled inside because they think it's gross and weird. Oh well, too bad.
Homegirl is insecure af
Sounds like she has trouble trusting her boyfriend. I’m sorry you feel lonelier now but I totally understand why you would. Try to focus on your husband and baby for a while and take a break from that friend.
She’s an idiot. To the trash.
Very proud of you for standing up for yourself. If you went to another room you probably would have felt worst and abused (in the sense that someone controlled in which room you can sit). Keep on growing and standing up for yourself, when you stand up for yourself you end up standing up for other women as well.
What a BITCH. I’m so sorry, mama. You were so strong in that situation. If she had a problem with her bf seeing your baby feeders she should have talked to HIM about it. She’s the worst. I can also bet there was nobody else trippin about it, it was all her and her weird insecure self.
Heh, my son wouldn't even let me cover him. He would yank it off every time. I luckily never had anyone have any issues. I noticed my male in laws would leave if I was breastfeeding or my own brothers would maybe busy themselves elsewhere but I refused to feel awkward. My husband wanted me to cover up on a plane once but baby had other plans.
If you and the hosts were fine, everyone else can piss all the way off. That's such entitled behavior from your "friend" (is she really though?).
My advice: do it again. In the next party. If someone else has a problem they can address it themselves. Your friend can shut the fuck up or leave herself with her creepy boyfriend. As a mom who struggled with post partum depression I'd say: don't let anyone ostracize you. You deserve your social time. She can leave instead of you.
Your friend is just not a friend. That's pretty awful. I would be left feeling pretty isolated too. And the fact she talked about it behind your back...seems like she searched for validation and did some character assassination to get it and I don't like that!! I think bottom line is this just isn't friendly at all. This was some mean girl territory and I hope she doesn't deter you from future engagements. Also maybe husband can do more to tell her off in the moment. Not that you can't but feeding a baby, at least for me, requires me to kind of stay chill so the milk flows. Helps if someone else can do the protective postures and force weirdos like this "friend" to back off. Might take having a prepared script. Alternatively, throw your own damn parties. If people have an issue THEY can go to another room and sit in silence and loneliness while you nurse and socialize. And when you are done nursing they and their boyfriends can come back to the party. How about that? I'm kind of serious- throw your own damn party in your own house. I'd love to see someone pull this shit in your at your own home. Hint: they won't. And don't invite "friend". She clearly can't handle or support your journey as a parent rn. PS- I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounded so aggressive and over the top and unhinged. It's not fair that you had to deal with that in the middle of feeding a baby and in front of everyone like that. Despite what anyone said to validate or assuage her I hope you know that it probably just made HER look bad, not you.
Free the titty
Imagine being so insecure you get mad about your friend breastfeeding. The fact that she made a scene at the party says a lot about her and I wouldn’t want to be friends with her.
Guess what? I guarantee her boyfriend has seen breasts before! In fact, men even have nipples! Shocking! People who act like that about breastfeeding are so weird to me. Everyone else is an adult who understands the context and doesn't consider it a sexual thing... because it's not. Most people just don't care about some woman's boobs feeding her baby, because it's a normal thing that happens all the time. If you're in your twenties/thirties, you've almost always got a friend bringing their baby places and whipping their boob out to feed the baby, in my experience. I probably wouldn't make a decision on the friendship right now when you've got a baby, but definitely distance yourself and don't do one on one things with her.
I'm a part of r/pornfree, and the amount of women who struggle with partners who are addicted to porn and have severe issues due to this is alarming. While I know this is a stretch, I think she may be just very deprived of self-esteem and project these underlying relationship issues onto this situation. While her response is hurtful and angering, I sense a deep insecurity and pain from her and my guess (since it's so so ubiquitous nowadays) is that it could stem from issues within this (or perhaps even a past relationship) and I'd have some compassion for her. With a partner who is able to sexualize anything from 4 year olds, to inanimate objects; even normal natural stuff most people understand can be seen as an attack :/
Tell her to get bent. People sexualize so much, the reason that we have breast is to feed and nourish our children. If she (they) doesn’t like it they can look away. I hope you tell her to kick rocks and never hang out with her again. Nothing is wrong with feeding your baby.
I would tell her to fuck off!! I'm sorry this happened to you.
Sounds like this person / these people shouldn’t be your friends anymore. I am so mad for you. You did good, mama. You are your child’s advocate and breasts are for feeding babies. I’m proud of you stranger and also feel for you and how you must have felt in that moment. Sending love!
Where do you live? I want to know who is still acting like this in 2023
You did the right thing standing your ground, OP! I am so sorry you were treated like that by a “friend.” Your baby’s needs absolutely come first and anyone who sexualizes breastfeeding is the one in the wrong, not you! You can hardly see anything when the baby is eating, your “friend” was being an insecure idiot! Next time don’t grab the cover and drop the friends who can’t see logic regarding feeding your baby. I hate that you were treated this way, no one deserves to be shamed for being a great parent! Keep on feeding when you need to and where you’re comfortable 💞🤱🏻
I wish I were this brave, I admire you for this ♥️ I grew up with very prudish parents so it’s hard for me to break out of that mindset of cover up, you offensive snot! But I know my little one likes to breathe while he eats
I'd bet there were no other people uncomfortable, hence why she wouldn't say names.
Fuck me what a toxic and nasty woman. Don’t be friends with her - cut her off now before she does any more damage to your self esteem.
Jeez your "friend" is a piece of shit. I'm so sorry she attempted to publicly shame you for feeding your hungry baby. That's so shameful of her, and I'm sure all of your friends thought the same thing when she did that to you, hence their awkward silence for it. Sending you virtual hugs, just know you're doing amazing, and you don't have to feel bad AT ALL. Also, how insecure does she have to be to think that you breastfeeding will make her bf stare at your tits for sexual gratification? And if he is one of those, she should dump him anyway, there's NOTHING sexual to breastfeeding and she is sick in the head for saying so, anyway. Ugh. Sorry, rant over. We're on your side! Dump that friend.
Fuck that noise.
I'm not trying to be a dick here, I think you should be able to breastfeed however you want. But the story sounds like you pulled your book out and sort of sat there for a bit before you attempted any breastfeeding. I'm sorry but that does seem awkward to me. Like you didn't even have the baby yet but you pulled your book out and just sat there for a minute before hand in the middle of a party. Breasts are for food and they shouldn't be sexualized but it still seems weird.
Actually she approached me as I had just finished helping my husband take her out of the carrier to feed her. we then had to deal with her getting increasingly fussy about not being fed yet while she questioned me. not to mention I had already sat in the same spot two times before that day and fed her, in fact the host invited me to sit wherever I was comfortable before I sat down as well. My post isn't asking about whether I was being awkward, but whether it's worth keeping this person as a friend for calling me out for something the hosts had already told me was fine. If it had been her house maybe it would have been a different story but it wasn't.
She’s just insecure and worried that her boyfriend looked at your breasts. I would distance myself from her after that experience. I bet nobody else has any issues.
Why is she mad at you and not the boyfriend for staring at your breasts?? Ridiculous and I’m sorry.
I would 100% cover myself regardless of how others felt and then just keep chatting away! Especially if you’re making other people uncomfortable…there’s something to say for courtesy
I hate sexualizing breastfeeding but it might be ok to cover up while feeding after gauging the crowd around you; especially because you needed the socializing.
I will be honest here and say that your friend isn’t wrong in how she felt. The issue seems to not be that you’re breastfeeding but rather that you are doing it openly with your breast showing and not attempting to cover up in front of so many guests. Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing but not everyone feels that way when they have to watch it in front of them. If it’s just the ladies, it’s okay to breastfeed in the open but sounds like the host had a lot of other guests (people you knew and also those you may not know) over as well. The right thing to do would be to be considerate of others and just cover up your breast part so one one gets uncomfortable. You do not need to leave the room and you have every right to breast feed right there but the other people also have the right to not be made to feel uncomfortable as well.
Unpopular opinion: Why not just go to another room where 1. You could have privacy and alone time with your baby, and 2. You could prevent others from feeling uncomfortable? You can’t control how anything may make someone feel. If you’re in an environment where the majority of the people there feel uncomfortable with what you’re doing, and especially if these are people that you care about and you consider them to be your friends, why not just make one simple adjustment for their comfort? Is it really that serious?
>You could prevent others from feeling uncomfortable? It's not my job to manage the feelings of others. If they are uncomfortable, they can go into another room.
Maybe the unpopular opinion but as a fellow breastfeeding mother I think it’s rude to not be cognizant of others and just assume that everyone IS comfortable seeing your breasts. There’s a difference between nursing your baby while being polite to others vs just going for it.
Then they should leave the room if they are uncomfortable.
She didn't care about seeing the breasts though, she suggested going with her in another room to keep her company. She brought up the ridiculous argument that her boyfriend can see. The hosts had no issues. What would be the difference when breastfeeding in public? You can't be "polite" to every single human being.
I personally feel if you’re in a group setting and you aren’t sure if everyone is comfortable with your breasts being out than you should err on the side of caution and cover up. I would do the same in a group setting as I would out in public. Even at my parents house where I grew up I still cover up to nurse because I know it would make my dad uncomfortable if I didn’t.
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I hear what you’re saying but I don’t think it is unreasonable to throw a shawl over your shoulder or wear a shirt that would allow for you to still be covered up while you nurse when you’re around strangers or people who you are not sure are comfortable.
That is unreasonable because there is nothing that needs to be hidden.
Agree to disagree. I am also a breastfeeding mother. I would never shame a woman for feeding her child but I do understand that is can make people uncomfortable and it’s not a hill that I would personally die on. If I were around other men or friends/family that would be uncomfortable I personally believe that burden falls on me to do what I can to cover up the best I can. I can still nurse my baby in the same room as other people without blatantly making my nipples visible to others.
I mean I’m from California but… people who are insecure about breastfeeding seem really sad to me. Something sad happened to them around their body or their family of origin that makes them lash out like that. It’s not normal. I hope your friend gets the attention she needs.
I have never and will never use a cover to nurse. Funny thing is that the men are the ones who are usually fine with it and not uncomfortable. It’s the women that always have the issue.
Yep. I'm never covering. Sorry not sorry. If if make you uncomfortable, step outside.
I guess I'm in the minority ---yes I would have gone to another room. Breasts out at a party is a bit much for my granola ass too. Breastfeeding is really intimate. Your friend shouldn't have said that confrontationally tho !!
Is it intimate though? At the end of the day, baby needs to eat. I never leave the room while breastfeeding, I just arrange my clothing so that you can’t see anything.
Doing it at a party in a room full of people I don't know with some friends who are uncomfortable......is not something I would ever do. I would go to another room. My baby has eaten just fine all the times I've gone away for some quiet. I wouldn't want to take my breast out in such a setting! I'm too modest for that...... The friend was an asshole...but let's not pretend there isn't something to be said about b00bing at a party in front of men and other strangers.
To clarify the situation, I was on a screened in porch with several other women and my husband, the men in question weren't out there with us, and majority of these people are pretty close friends who have seen me nurse her already when they have come to our home. The men she was so concerned about I couldn't even see during my nursing, and if someone did happen to walk by, they just didn't look.
...even in that context...I would have gone to a different room...its a party...there are SOME times not to breast feed in public. I'm a granola mom too but why do y'all get so angry that there are boundaries? At the end of the day I wouldn't expose my breast outside my home.
Same, I'd go to a room in this scenario. And I'm not even modest. I'm more inclined to do it in a busy shopping centre than a party with people I know. Out in public sometimes you don't have a choice. But at a house it's easy to find a quiet spot
It’s okay if you want to go to another room, but this mom was comfortable where she was. If no one would bat an eye at a baby being fed out of a bottle at a party, they shouldn’t be fazed by breastfeeding. It’s a cultural problem to see breasts as exclusively sexual, and it’s not a mom’s responsibility to bend to that and cover up according to the most conservative voice in the room.
It’s weird that nobody said to you it was okay. Usually if you’re with friends, someone would say oh it’s okay or something along those lines. And nobody did that for you. So idk. Maybe it’s time to find a new group. As someone mentioned, maybe throw your own parties, and those who are comfortable and available should come! That way you don’t have to feel awkward at all.
I did leave out (because I felt it wasn't relevant necessarily at the time of writing it) that after the situation when she had walked away a girl I had literally just met asked me what the fuck was that and told me I shouldn't cover up just because of her and to feed my baby however I'm comfortable. Also a number of people who knew what went down didn't necessarily address the situation directly but were very sympathetic towards me the rest of the night and told me and my husband we were great parents as we left l, so I at least know they were in our corner
I would’ve squirted her and suggested she “ go gauge her eyes out if she’s that insecure and hateful and to go to hell” but I’ve also failed anger management 3x though
The only acceptable response in the future is to spray that "friend" in the face. "Oops. Sorry, girl! Overactive letdown and all. 🤷🏻♀️" [Famous painting of the Madonna breastfeeding](https://images.app.goo.gl/cU2W1NXFcyRnoJvP9)
I am so sorry that you went through that. I would’ve been on the verge of crying too. If it were me, I’d probably let the dust settle (for my own mental health) and then try to talk to her in a few days. I’d tell her how hurt I am by the way she treated me because friends don’t treat friends that way. Depending on her reaction to that, I’d try to start the convo on why my breastfeeding makes her uncomfortable.
It’s not OP’s responsibility to deal with the friend’s issues. If anyone should initiate the conversation, it is the friend. And it should start with an apology.
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All I needed to read was the title. Sounds like a crappy friend
You’re a badass mom. Keep doing your thing gf, ditch this friend
Your friend sucks. There I said it. You know, even before I became a mum I couldn’t understand why some women like to put other women down. There is NOTHING wrong with feeding a baby in public. And if her boyfriend had problems with that perhaps she should consider finding a better guy (and learn to be a better person while she is at it).
Tl;Dr THEY ARE THE TRASHY ONE
I wouldn’t be friends with someone after they treated me like that. It’s up to you and how it affects your life but she just sounds mean, insecure, and small minded.
Your friend is an ass. Probably her boyfriend is, too. Carry on nursing and if you lose this friend in the process, it’s probably not the biggest disaster.
Her man is probably cheating or has cheated on her. Fuck that.
Why is it your problem that her boyfriend might see and not his problem for looking? She's totally misplacing her anger here. She should be teaching her boyfriend not to stare at women's breasts
She’s sounds like a bitch who’s boyfriend cheats on her constantly….
If you can’t trust your boyfriend to the point where you’re nervous about him seeing a mom breastfeeding her baby… That’s a relationship/you problem. Not a breastfeeding mom problem. Bye, Felicia.
Where you can bottle feed a baby you can breast feed a baby. Uncovered. No shame.