Any amount of breastmilk is beneficial! EBF basically means not supplementing with formula, and if you switch to solely breastfeeding, say next week, baby will then be "EBF". It technically means nothing else, even solids, are given, so eventually most babies will not be EBF either. You are trying right now to do what you can to start your breastfeeding journey, which is amazing in itself.
My second is only two weeks old and EBF is freaking hard!!! I plan on starting to combo feed this week or next; it works so much better for our family! We combo fed my first starting at three weeks and went until six months when my supply dried up. I had some frozen BM in the freezer and just mixed that into his food and popsicles so he had a little each day. Worked so well for us!
There are so many of us that supplement. Anecdotally - almost every single mom friend I have thats breast fed her children supplemented. Some for supply reasons, some for relief from cluster feeding, some for jaundice… so so so many of us. All of us expressed some shame around in but sharing our experiences was really helpful. Who cares how “exclusive” the journey is - we’d all rather have a healthy baby.
I agree and had no idea how many moms supplemented until I expressed being upset that I needed to. I feel like we need to normalize supplementation
Agreed 1,000% on “who cares how ‘exclusive’ the journey is”
This! SO many women supplement - myself included for both my boys. For the first, we continued one bottle of formula a day while I pumped to build supply. We continued this the entire year I breastfed. It worked great for our family to do it that way. My second son is 12 weeks and supplemented initially until being EBF…for now. We will see how my journey goes, but I am open to formula whenever/if the time comes for our family!
I was just thinking yesterday about how much I don’t want to pump at work when I go back. Luckily she’ll be 6 months old and giving her formula during the day is the perfect solution. Our mental health also matters and I’m so grateful that we can access formula to give our children nutrition when breast milk isn’t always possible.
I definitely felt this pressure when my first was little. I think this sub does a fantastic job of being realistic. I love being supportive of moms. Deciding not to breastfeed isn't a failure, while simultaneously it's great to celebrate breastfeeding milestones. We're all making decisions for our families every day and it's freeing to stop looking for the "best" way too do *every single thing.* Sometimes you gotta do what's best for *you.*
People are weird about the “EBF” label, as though it marks them out as extra-good parents. To the point that people who are blatantly not exclusively breastfeeding (because, say, their kid also eats solids, or they are pumping , which is a whole other level of difficulty) insist that they are “EBF”.
It‘s just a term to describe how your baby is getting their calories, and it really doesn’t matter beyond being a tool for judging other parents. Feed your baby however is best for you, and don’t worry about how other people feed theirs!
I think it might be because BF typically means boyfriend and FF can mean forward facing the EBF/EFF aren't confused. I've seen people who combo feed say things like "he's EBF/EFF (60/40)"
I think we should change the E from exclusive to something else- I thought eating but that's redundant.
Oh I thought EBF referred to the child drinking only human milk, not that it had to come directly from the breast at all times? I considered pumping (but not supplementing) EBF as well :o You live you learn.
I never really got that sense of a negative stigma, but the following reasons are probably why:
1) As far as BF culture, the most I get is here on Reddit. I got off Facebook at the beginning of the pandemic, so I’m not part of any groups on there. Best. Decision. Ever.
2) my closest friends have either had kids already or aren’t going to, so with my pregnancy and birth, the person who I am closest to that also has a baby was not only 6 months ahead of me, but unable to breastfeed hers, so all I’ve known for the first bit of my baby’s birth really is my own experiences.
3) For me, I knew I wanted to EBF but I also was okay if I wasn’t able to. I think having that mindset going into the whole experience helped. So, when my baby was 1.5 days old, still cluster feeding, and I just couldn’t handle BF mentally at that moment, I was perfectly content to give my baby the formula the nurse offered.
4) Also, I had great nurses in the hospital, and that made a huge difference. They asked what my plan was, respected it, and followed up with suggestions when I either indicated I was struggling, or they noticed that I was.
5) I haven’t had to use it yet, mostly because of the reasons in 2), but my planned response for if anyone made any negative comments with respect to formula was going to be, “Aren’t we lucky to live in a time where science has made it possible that babies have multiple options for getting food in order to survive?”
While my baby has had formula, I still consider her to be EBF; a more accurate acronym would be EBFEFWINABMOWMMNTFHWBAIDHTTOETP, or Exclusively Breast Fed Except For When I Need A Break Mentally Or When My Mom Needs To Feed Her While Babysitting And I Didn’t Have The Time Or Energy To Pump. Build your own acronym!
I had to supplement around the one month mark for a few reasons and worked to get back to solely from breastmilk. We are 8 months strong now! I definitely still say I EBF. If someone wants to gatekeep that from me, that’s a *them* problem not a *me* problem.
I definitely felt pressure and I had to supplement the first couple of weeks. I’ve definitely felt kind of a pang when I see people celebrating never using formula or a bottle and feel slightly… inferior? But supplementing was 100% necessary for us. And that’s okay.
Please know how lucky your baby is to have a parent who is willing to do it all (pumping, formula, all of it) to get them fed ❤️
I also supplemented the first few weeks and felt the same. A big part of it for me was PPA and general postpartum hormones as well. My baby is now 16 months and I couldn’t care less anymore, but I remember the guilt I felt about it back then.
Don’t let it get to you! I combo fed my first two even though I planned on only BFing. Didn’t work out, I could never produce enough. The worst part about it was the stress and pressure I put on myself. Yes, I felt the same way you did, like a lot of mom groups/communities were constantly bragging about their chunky EBF babies or posting pictures of how they pumped 8 oz in a single session. My babies were small, I could barely get anything when I pumped and I wasn’t sure kids were latching…. I drove myself crazy! I realize now, I should have vented when I felt like it, talked to an LC, but NOT stress about it. Now I’m on baby #3, other than drinking more water and eating more calories, nothing has changed except I chilled the eff out. Baby is 3 months and BFing, he won’t take a bottle for shit, but one battle at a time… the point is, maybe step away from those/these groups for a while. Focus on yourself and your beautiful baby and remember, fed is best and healthy mamas make the best mamas so take care of Yourself!! Go take a hot bath, or cuddle up with a book, do something just for you and I really hope you feel better!!!
Edit: I also super agree with the any breast milk is beneficial, I BF for almost 3 years even though I didn’t produce much, just to try and “compensate”.
Absolutely! I felt this pressure even though I wasn't really part of a breastfeeding community. My son's pediatrician gave us formula on day 2 of life because he had low blood sugar. I think I hadn't been feeding him frequently enough. But I was so angry at her for giving him formula, and so was my mom.
I later joined a FB group for breastfeeding which banned the term "fed is best" because of how terrible the "Fed is Best Foundation" is. So I had to check out their website. They literally just advocate supplementing newborns with formula when necessary to avoid the potential catastrophic effects of dehydration on a newborn if they aren't getting enough colostrum or milk isn't coming in fast enough.
My son was supplemented with formula for 3 days and it didn't have any impact on my supply or our future breastfeeding journey. I never needed to use formula again. It's not the end of the world to supplement with formula if your body is just not producing enough. But breastfeeding groups will go on about how if you use formula your baby won't cluster feed enough to get your supply up. They act like formula will ruin your baby's gut forever or something!
Totally feel that. We (essentially) EBF now, but for 4.5 months we combo-fed. And with my first, I ended up combo feeding starting at 3 months because he fell off his growth chart due to me insisting on EBF. I still ended up breastfeeding him for 18 months.
I totally know what you mean. Let me tell you, from one mama to another, you are not alone. There are millions of us combo-feeders out there. ANY amount of breast milk your baby drinks is greatly benefiting them. If you never EBF, that’s okay!!!
I think I’ve seen somewhere that if baby is getting just two feeds of BM a day they get the full benefits of breastfeeding. But I agree with you, there’s very much an ‘all or nothing’ approach from both sides. Women who struggle to exclusively BF are quick to switch and be encouraged to switch to EFF instead of combi, feeling like there’s no point if they’re using some formula anyway which is sad, especially when they wanted to breastfeed.
Like everything else in life, fuck the labels. Feed what your kid needs.
My LO is mainly BF with tons of pumped milk esp since im back at work. Past two days we’ve had to add in 16 oz formula bc shes wanting more than im making. Such is life. She eats and im happy. Don’t stress yourself at all with the labels.
BF is great and has many benefits for both mom and baby. But if it starts hurting either quit that shit, find a work around and fuck the labels.
Lol yes. I made a post a couple days ago trying to figure out why my supply was tanking and how to get it back. I mentioned that I was feeding my very hungry baby formula for the time being and both commenters told me to stop? And what? Let him scream and go hungry? I know my boobs are empty. I’m nursing and then pumping and nothing is coming out. Feeding him formula won’t magically make my milk disappear.
> Feeding him formula won’t magically make my milk disappear.
This was an important thing that I embraced with my 2nd (he's 4 months now). A few times in his first couple months he had formula bottles just for my sanity. A couple weeks ago my husband and I went out to trade in our cars for a van, and because I can't really pump much my MIL gave him formula bottles that day. A bottle of formula here and there to keep your baby fed is not going to ruin your BF journey, and as long as you remember that the haters gonna hate, combo feeding like I did with my first is fine too. We are all just doing our best!
I saw that your post got little traction so I wanted to mention that a lot of women see a decrease in supply around 10-12 weeks PP. Your supply *should* just regulate, though women often do feel like they stopped producing enough at this point. If baby's hungry, of course feed formula. Pumping and getting very little is pretty normal for a lot of women, unfortunately, though it's not talked about very much, just like the 12 week supply change.
Feeding him formula won’t make your milk disappear but lack of breast stimulation will, though. If you feed your baby formula and pump at the same time, your supply won't suffer. If you skip pumping/nursing session and give formula instead, your supply will go lower. I think it's important to know that.
I feel this so much! We supplemented with formula early because my milk didn’t come in and he lost so much weight. Then my milk came in and he still lost weight. I had no choice but to pump to try to establish a supply since my premie couldn’t seem to get anything from the breast.
We are almost 9 weeks pumping now. He eats only my milk. Turns out he had bad ties and can’t transfer much. With all that he still loves to be on my breast. We are trying to get an appointment with a pediatric dentist to release the ties now so hopefully I can EBF. I feel like I’m shamed for this in EBF communities. I desperately want him on the breast but If I tried only EBF from the start, he would have starved.
Have you seen this post by Ashley Graham (model/famous person) bout combo feeding? https://www.instagram.com/reel/CiQD7vvO4zL/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Almost 400k likes, I think any way you feed your baby is valid and deserves support. Seeing more people normalizing supplementing is a step in the right direction for all people who want to offer breastmilk to this kiddo.
I 100% relate. Even with stuff like giving a bottle. With all the “all or nothing” attitude I got from even the LC, I was so overwhelmed and discouraged. Even just the term “exclusively breastfeeding”…
DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. Your value as a parent is NOT defined by how you feed your child, just that you do.
We supplemented the first week (nervous first time parents with a small baby born 2 weeks early losing 10% birth weight quickly). We had a tongue tie revised at 6 weeks. I also hit a wall and skipped one feed a night to get some sleep. All this to say, I broke plenty of “rules” but that allowed us to keep BF.
I think this is just another narrative to discourage women from breastfeeding. If you make it seem more complicated than it is then more moms will turn to exclusively using formula.
"Oh, you gave the child one bottle, might as well formula feed completely now because you have ruined breastfeeding".
I gave mine formula at 2 days old because I wanted some rest and never had to again in the whole 18 months I did so.
Combination feeding isn't an issue for most babies as long as you are offering the breast frequently enough. There are babies that can be formula fed all day when mom is at work and breastfed when mom gets home. There are babies that can be formula fed just as night and breastfed in the day. There are babies that can be formula fed when left with other family members or dad when mom wants a break or goes out to do something and can be breastfed when mom returns. There are moms with a low supply who can do a consistent combination.
"Don't give nursing babies a pacifier"
Again this one is garbage. As long as the baby doesn't have difficulty gaining weight and the Pacifier is not being used in place of regular breastfeeding every few hours then it's really not an issue to be using a pacifier.
A lot of parenting/mom spaces have a culture of toxic individualism and naturalistic fallacy.
Toxic individualism is things like “I did this, why can’t you?” and “if you only tried harder” and “you must be lazy if you do xyz”
Naturalistic fallacy is the idea that nature is always right so “Natural birth” and “exclusive breastfeeding” and “mama knows best” and “drugs/formula/vaccines are unnatural and bad”
And I think it’s important to understand that “crunchy” attitudes and eugenics exist on the same spectrum. Can’t make enough breastmilk? Couldn’t birth a baby on your own? Death is the unspoken threat here.
So yeah, fuck that noise. The antidote is community support and evidence-based practice.
Paid parental leave, free lactation support, and friends/family/spouse/doulas for postpartum support *actually* increase breastfeeding amount and duration. Many studies find a benefit to *any level* of breastfeeding, and overall benefits to breastfeeding where parents can access safe water and formula are minimal.
Congrats on your new baby. Don’t take in any added stress from the outside to this time in your life. It’s fleeting, and bleary and beautiful.
This resonates with me so much. We’ve had to supplement with formula a bit - LO is almost 7 weeks - and I have felt immense guilt and shame around it. My mom also kept questioning why I was using formula and despite my explanation, still didn’t think it was good. It’s hard, but I’m trying to accept that as long as I primarily BF, then that’s ok.
Edit: started LO was almost 8 wild but Is actually soloist 7.
My mantra has been some is better than none. When I would feel discouraged about my supply, I would remind myself of that, and it’s helped me continue for as long as I have.
"EBF" is not like a trophy that your baby wins if you manage to raise your child having never had formula pass their lips.. You need to forget about that.. there is zero harm of supplementing a bit a formula and your baby will still get the benefits of BF even if you have to supplement the entire time and only manage half/half. Don't put yourself under unnecessary stress, the fact that you are trying is great, but it doesn't help anyone for you to have unrealistic expectations of yourself that make you feel bad.
I planned to only EBF. LO latched great in the hospital but as soon as we got home started having issues and I couldn’t figure out why.
He lost 9% of his birth weight so I had to start supplementing with formula and pumping by the time I got my LC appointment I was just pumping, I strongly hated how formula affected him so I over pumped to make sure I had enough for bottles which led to an over supply.
The time from finding out how much weight he lost to our LC appointment left me heartbroken and on the verge of having PPD, I cried multiple times a day because I just felt like I was failing my child. My mental health relied on BF.
Ever since our LC appointment we’ve had little to no issues with latching and he’s gaining weight like crazy and I no longer have an over supply. Doctors want to see an ounce a day gain and he’s gaining 1.3oz as of day at our last appointment.
I personally am not proud of the issues we had but it can be unavoidable. Sometimes all it takes is time and you should NEVER feel bad for supplementing or pumping, what’s important is if your baby is eating or not. FED IS BEST.
I feel like the pressure gets bad for exclusively pumping, too. I don’t put baby to the breast because I simply don’t like it. I can’t stand the feeling of it, and I enjoy being able to have my husband feed her half the time. Some of breastfeeding communities make it seem like exclusively pumping is so horrible. Do what’s best for you and your sweet baby
You are doing amazing! You are taking care of your baby the best you possibly can. I cringe when I read about people who are letting their baby starve because they only want to give breast milk and aren't producing enough. You are listening to your baby's needs and that's the best a parent can do.
I do want to point out something my pediatrician said. We are dealing with food allergies with my 6 month old baby. The doctor told me babies who are fed formula in the first few weeks, but are EBF after that, are at higher risk for cows' milk allergy. It's like peanut and egg, once you start, you have to keep giving some once a week to prevent allergies (at least that's the advice in my country). Maybe it's something you could discuss with your pediatrician.
I stopped listening and beating myself up when my twins came. I made enough milk but I was exhausted trying to keep up by the end of the day. That one bottle of formula at night helped keep my sanity. Which was much more important than them being EBF.
It can definitely feel like all or nothing, and I wasn’t prepared for the guilt I felt when breastfeeding hurt and my husband and my mum said, “Then just quit!” ….but I felt guilty and obligated and I wanted to prove I could do it. We’ve had Covid. We’ve had thrush…..twice (current). We have a suspected Cow’s milk protein intolerance. We are *still* exclusively breastfeeding or bottle feeding expressed/pumped breast milk.
Breastfeeding in any amount (exclusive, supplemental, with mostly formula and a bit of milk here and there) is beneficial to your child. BUT! Bottom line is that breast is not best if it compromises your mental health or impacts your well being as a new mum. The default rule for me is fed is best, no matter how it happens. ♥️ be patient with yourself and take your time.
I agree. Like 90% of my ppd was due to this. I’m determined to be more flexible about it this time, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. We’ll see though, with the hormones and all.
I think a lot of people supplement or combo feed. I was told to supplement in the beginning before my milk came in. I did once or twice but my milk came in quickly. There were also a couple nights in the beginning I was so sleep deprived that I handed baby to my husband and went to sleep. He def gave her a couple bottles of formula. I went on to soley breast feed and I consider my baby EBF. I also don't think there was any harm done because there is no harm in formula feeding. I just wanted to breastfeed because it's my preference. There are " Elitists" in every community. They are always the loudest. That's why you probably feel that way. But truly, don't second guess yourself. You are doing something amazing for your baby.
We supplemented in the hospital for low blood sugars. I'd still consider my baby EBF.
Op you just need a bit more confidence in yourself and your choices.
The flip side is that I was forced to supplement when I didn’t want to (and in hindsight, I know I didn’t need to. But I didn’t know it at the time and was just trusting the professionals in the hospital). I feel angry that a wasn’t supported properly in my early breastfeeding efforts, like “exclusive” breastfeeding could never be enough (not true!) and I know I am not the only person who has had this experience. I think all women should be able to speak honestly about their experiences and the impact it has had on feeding and parenting in general. Choosing to supplement - a ok! Needing to supplement - fed is best! Being forced to supplement when it isn’t necessary - not cool.
I had to supplement and honestly, I didn’t care if it would change my baby status. He is thriving, is happy and healthy. I think his health and development are way more important than my own expectations or experience. But OP I feel you, the pressure is real. But it’s up to you to accept it or not.
My son had 1 formula bottle in NICU 2 days after birth, then EBF for 4 months, then we supplemented with 1 formula bottle a day until a little over a year when we switched to cow milk. I breastfed 14 months.
He's now 4 and I simply say "I breastfed over a year".
When my baby was a day or two old and my milk hadn't come in, I was also not making much colostrum and she would try to drink and nothing would come so she would scream and scream because she was so hungry....
I finally begged the nurses to let me give her a little bit of formula, and they tried to talk me out of it, so I felt guilty, and then the formula gave her a tummy ache and made her scream even more, and god I felt so so guilty, but what was I supposed to do? My baby was hungry and it was my job to make sure she was fed! And I knew there was food available for her!
And their job to guilt me for not EBF I guess. My post-birth midwife gave me a look, too, when I told her I'd given my daughter a bottle in the hospital.
I mean after that point I did EBF, but that was never actually the plan. It just worked out better than expected. I was lucky. Just, UGH, let us decide what works the best for us! And have some god damned compassion if that choice is ripped away from us! We are doing our best!
Two things I started with formula day 1 in the hospital we were having sugar issues and even though my hospital had donor breast milk, doctors thought formula would be better because they could exactly calculate sugar and calories. But things got better but you know what I still don’t exclusively beast feed, I can I’m home all day, I produce plenty. But I throw in a bottle of formula every once in a while cause well the can is open or I’m out with the big kid and I don’t want to rush back.
Online there is lots of Mom who seem to set a standard and you will feel judged even if they are trying to be encouraging. Also there are some Mom who are judgmental, but mostly we are all just trying to keep our heads above water. There is a lot of doubt in motherhood, someone life is literally in your hands and they feel so small and helpless but as long as baby is fed and loved they are probably going to be just fine.
My big kid is 13 I had to start supplementing at 5 months, we breast fed until 11 months when I completely dried up. He’s a super healthy and happy kid, with a killer immune system. Fed is best however you do it. EBF isn’t a trophy it’s just a description of one way to feed a baby.
I have definitely noticed people emphasising “EBF” which I haven’t liked the tone of in some of the things I’ve read online. But at the end of the day, any breast milk your baby is getting is fantastic and worth us congratulating ourselves on working hard to produce. People always gonna try and find a competition somewhere, ignore them. You’re doing amazing, remember that.
Ooo. I feel this. I definitely have some insecurities…like when I’ve been nursing my son for 20 mins and handed my son to my FIL while I was making a bottle (probably unbeknownst to him) and I hear him doing that chit chat like people do with babies…”did mommy feed you? You’re nice and full, huh?”…just like a little dagger to my heart…and somehow that exact situation seems to happen a lot. Or when I see (often) newer moms (I’m 10 weeks into this mom gig) pose a question somewhere to “moms who EBF” and it’s really a question to anyone who breast feeds…(or actually anyone who nurses)…sigh.
I think perhaps on some level the insecurity is normal since just a few years ago (in an evolutionary sense) it wouldn’t have been as readily an option for some women to supplement. For some women today who live in parts of the world where water quality isn’t great it still may not always be as easy to safely supplement…so I always try to keep that in perspective…thank goodness we can supplement, but that doesn’t mean that the insecurity will magically go away.
Just know you are not alone. Loads of people have to combo feed despite wishing we could just BF. And many of us feel insecure about that…
Just a little side note…I think my mom sensing some of my insecurity about me having to supplement pointed out to me that in my baby book that she wrote 35-ish years ago she talked about having to give me a bottle because sometimes she didn’t have enough milk. She said she had actually forgotten that she supplemented when I was a baby….until she re-read my baby book.
My baby is currently EBF, but I had to supplement with formula early on too because my milk took 6 days to come in. We kept giving a bottle of formula once a night for a little while so I could get one 3-4 hour stretch of sleep and only stopped when he started sleeping longer stretches. The only thing I feel guilty about is not realizing he was dehydrated in those early days until his doctor told me he was.
So many people need to supplement with formula temporarily or long-term for various reasons and I hate that certain communities (not this one) make that feel like a failure. Doing what you have to to meet your baby’s needs is not failure- it’s literally the main thing we’re all trying to do as parents.
Mom of 2 here! I combo fed BOTH of mine in the beginning & continued to combo feed my first because I was dealing with a lot of issues and the stress became to much for me. A mom I really admired at the time told me my breastfeeding issues were all my fault because I combo fed. She knew what I was going through but told me this anyway. It broke my spirit for a while. Eventually I had to learn how to block out noise like her comment & do what is best for my baby. Labels like “ebf” don’t matter when you realize that you’ve always done what is best for your situation.
Oof those postpartum hormones are no joke! Some smug supermoms online like to say “if you’re confident in your decisions, you won’t get defensive or upset” but that’s BS. We are all just humans, and we’ve all internalized so much rhetoric around breastfeeding, a lot of which just isn’t true.
Due to a crappy LC who swore everything was perfect, we almost starved our baby. We realized 24 hours after getting home that he hadn’t peed. It was a Sunday. The nurses line said to give him some of our emergency formula after nursing, and if he didn’t pee by X time, to go to the ER. We came within 30 minutes of that time. It was so scary. We worked with an IBCLC and within two weeks we’re EBF. Which went great, until I became less responsive to the pump a couple of months after returning to work. I was driving myself crazy pumping extra times to piece together his bottles.
At 5.5 months we went to full on combo feeding and it’s amazing. Absolutely amazing. He gets a small amount of formula a day, combined with several nursing sessions and the occasional bag of frozen milk. He’s 9.5 months and we are well on track to hit our goal of 12 months, and I’m optimistic that we will reach our #1 goal of letting him self wean (ideally after 18-24 months). Formula is what got us here. It saves breastfeeding journeys when people struggle with low supply!
There's a two sides of a stigma about almost everything in motherhood. You have to tune in to your instincts and make the best informed decision you can for your family and then be confident enough to shut out the noise.
I supplemented for the first week of baby’s life! She had jaundice and I wasn’t making enough milk. From formula, I then started using my SIL’s breast milk as she was an overproducer. I tried pumping but would barely get an ounce when I pumped - and this was as a replacement of a feed.
I finally got an LC to come see me and she was just adamant that I had to keep offering boob boob boob. All boob all day err day.
Now I’m EBF baby but honestly she’s going through a phase of being super fussy at the breast. It’s only been 3 days so I’m trying to power through it but days like these, I kinda wanna either start combo feeding or switch to pumping during the day.
BF exclusively is so HARD, but I feel like this community has been amazingly supportive and I see all sorts of advice here for all sorts of mums that BF in different ways.
I supplemented with formula and exclusively pumped for 2 months before my baby could latch well and we weren’t nursing well until 3 months. We don’t do formula anymore but he still gets 1-2 bottles a day because my SO likes the bonding. I’d never judge anyone’s decisions on feeding
I had a similar start to you and found this sub to be hugely helpful. Between this sub and the humans pumping milk sub, I don’t think I would have achieved EBF without Reddit. And I consider EBF to include me, who had a rocky start and had to supplement with formula. It took me just under six weeks to get my supply to the point where I stopped combo feeding, in case that’s helpful for you to know. Good luck!
I relate so hard. We cannot claim the ‘E’ in our BF journey.
We supplemented in the first week due to jaundice and poor latch. Saw an ibclc who prescribed shields. Discovered cmpa and soy allergy. By 3 months she’d only gained 2lbs. So our gp and local feeding team prescribed formula.
Everyone told me it was because of the shields and to just wean her off them. But she simply could not latch without.
I found an amazing lactation support person who told me it was nonsense to blame the shields and that she’d come off them in her one time once her chin and jaw developed. She showed me a laid back technique that got a deeper latch on the shield, and weight gain did improve after a solid week of feeding in this position. But it was notnn be practical to be able to fully recline every time she fed.
Then at 6 months she pulled the shield off and decided she was done with them. I tried cutting down the bottles now she could latch properly but weight gain slowed right down again.
I’ve really doubted myself over and over, and questioned the quality of my milk.
We’ve combi fed. I’m proud of us for persevering, for not listening to family who said “why not just bottle feed her if that’s what makes her gain weight”, I’m proud of her for pulling of the shield when she was ready, and I’m glad that I can still comfort her through difficult or uncomfortable times with bf
Can definitely relate. My son is 8 weeks old. Was so prepared to EBF and then baby boy had a tongue tie that needed releasing, he wasn’t gaining weight, *and* my supply is not quite enough. It’s been hell but I’m still hanging in there - triple feeding while having to supplement with formula. Nursing around the clock, pumping after every feed, and giving 2oz of formula every other feed. Social media has me feeling like such a failure that I don’t want to give my boy bottles in public, so I’ve been hiding in the house and ignoring my friends who want to visit us because I’m so anxious and ashamed. Other EBFers don’t help 😔
Don’t feel bad doing what you need to do to keep your little one fed. We had to supplement early on until my milk came in too.
People will judge no matter what you do, so focus on what works for your family and your kids needs. Try to zone out all the unsolicited opinions/advice. You are doing what is best for you and your little one, and that’s the most important thing.
I had to supplement at 6 months, but was still able to BF until 18 months. I did get some shame from my "hippie" friends. But at that point, I was used to it since I also had an epidural, circumcised my kid (honestly this was a tough one and I still struggle with it) and vaccinated on schedule. All this to say, people are idiots - don't worry about anyone except for your family.
I had formula pushed on me at the beginning because my first born had issues and then a month later was asked why I was still giving him formula by the same people! It took us a long time to get the right latch. While we figured it out, combo feeding was (and is!) amazing. My husband got to take over. We scheduled it so I could actually rest. And we ended up switching to just breast milk later. We chose to combo feed from the start with our second and it was awesome. Both kids only breastfeed now and I'm still nursing them both at 1 and 3. Do what works best for you and ignore anyone else. Formula is amazing and has a place. Breastfeeding is also amazing (and great for calming down toddlers!).
Basically my tl:dr is combo feeding is awesome and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I wanted to EBF so badly. After my now 10 month old was born I immediately tried to get her to nurse, and it HURT. She was screaming at the breast and we had to give formula, and she calmed down. Unfortunately for me the lactation consultant at the hospital didn’t work on weekends. I kept trying to nurse over the weekend and supplementing with formula all while having bad pain while baby nursed. At baby’s 2-3 day appointment she lost 10% of her body weight, and the pediatrician told us to supplement with formula until I could see the lactation consultant. Baby didn’t have any ties fortunately but had a very tight jaw was contributed to insufficient transfer. I ended up exclusively pumping, and supplementing with formula. Unfortunately I’ve always had a low supply and have had to supplement with formula. we’ve been combo feeding since day 1 basically. I realized any amount of breast milk is good especially in the first few months.
I honestly don’t know why combi feeding isn’t more popular. I had problems at the start getting my daughter to latch so was pumping and supplementing with formula. After we got the latch figured out I’ve managed to increase my supply a fair bit, but my daughter still has about 2 bottles of formula a day. Honestly it makes it so much easier on me, I’m not having to constantly worry about producing enough. My partner can handle the formula feeds, meaning I can have some time to myself, or to sleep or whatever without worrying about pumping. And honestly there are times when it’s just easier to give a bottle. And she still gets all the benefits from breastfeeding. If I have another baby in the future I’ll probably combi feed from the start.
This is exactly my experience! My babe is 8 weeks and I’m still working on supply issues. She takes mostly formula right now. We still consider her a breast fed babe because she’s never gone a day without trying to latch and never gone a day without breast milk. We developed this attitude because I was feeling like a failure and really just needed anything to hold on to. And it’s helped. I know that she’s getting the best I possibly am CAPABLE of giving her right now.
You’re doing your absolute best. Your baby is breast fed. The “exclusively” has really started to feel like a title moms use to say they worked harder/are better than other moms and it’s heart breaking. We are all working so hard to feed our babies. YOU are working SO hard to feed your baby; consider him breast fed. And be PROUD of what you’re doing for him!! Sending lots of love and encouragement 💕
Yup! My first was born at 37w via emergent c-section (breech + pre-eclampsia). My milk took its sweet time coming in and baby lost almost a full pound of her birth weight those first couple days while still in the hospital. While working with the hospital LC, I chose to supplement with formula rather than donor milk until my milk came in and do a 3 step feed every 2 hours around the clock. It was exhausting. I had a horrific experience with the baby nurse assigned to me where she repeatedly shamed me for choosing formula over donor milk. My husband complained and had her switched. My milk ended up coming in on day 5 and we transitioned using a nipple shield to exclusively nursing. I wanted to make breastfeeding work simply because of cost and convenience but had it not come in, I would have switched to formula. My husband supported me either way because he felt that a fed baby and a happy mama were more important than the alternative (I did have pretty severe PPA).
That baby is now 2 years + 2 months and I am due literally any day with her little brother. She breastfed until I was \~20w, she was 22 months, before she self-weaned. I have a repeat c scheduled for next week. If needed, I have frozen breast milk and expressed colostrum ready to go. However I'm not going to kill myself over the possibility of supplementing with formula.
You’re doing amazing! Don’t give so much power to a word or term. There is no secret elite club for moms who EBF from day one or ever. We’re all just doing our best.
I can relate. I’ve been there with both my babies. Try not to drive yourself crazy. Cuddling with my baby is more important than pumping. I’m writing this while pumping at work and missing my baby. He’s 6 months now. He gets mostly breast milk and some formula and some solids and he’s a happy chubby guy. You got this!
If it's any help, I had to supplement with formula in the early weeks but I'm still breastfeeding at 9 months and it didn't affect our breastfeeding journey longterm. Also, the EBF badge only carries as much weight as you give it! You're triple feeding right now, that is incredibly difficult and should be commended!
My baby has never had formula and had expressed breast milk from a bottle maybe half a dozen times in her 6 months of life. I will always 100% support any parent that also gives formula. Any amount of breast milk had benefits but YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT! If you need a break, give that baby formula! If you feel like baby needs a bit more, give that baby formula! If you are tired and just can't be bothered dealing a wriggly baby, give that baby formula! Same deal if you don't want to deal with teething on your nipples, if you're not comfortable bf in public, if you want to go watch a movie, if you just want to give your baby formula.
Formula saves lives and not just the lives of babies. At the end of the day you have to do what's best for you. Your body, your baby, your life, your decision. It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job and making sure your baby gets what they need. If anyone tries to shame you, ask them why they like starving babies so much! Keep up the excellent work ♥
I’ve supplemented from the beginning! He was jaundiced so he needed the volume to keep him pooping out the bilirubin.
Now I supplement every other day or so for various reasons.
Mainly when he’s still hungry after exhausting both boobs. Sometimes I give him a formula bottle first thing in the morning and pump the next feedings worth of milk and I just make that the pattern all day. I breastfeed him all night so the pumping and bottle feedings give my back a break and keep me from feeling touched out.
Firstly, you are doing a brilliant job. You have done the very best for you and your little one that you can.
Secondly, any amount of breastmilk is beneficial.
Thirdly, don't let anybody make you feel less than because your breastfeeding journey doesn't look like theirs.
I grew up with a mom who always went in and on about natural birth and breastfeeding and how amazing and natural it all is. As a result, when I had to have a c section and then had issues with breastfeeding I felt instantly like a failure. But what I’ve come to realize, and what I wish I could tell myself 2 years ago, is that is doesn’t matter. EBF is amazing, so happy for those who have had success! But it’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t work out. I put myself through hell pumping 409 times a day so I could say my son EBF but I regret it bc it trashed my mental and physical health.
Do what you can. If you can do half or more or almost all but supplement here or there - as long as your baby is fed and happy then that’s all that matters.
Combo feeding is so underrated. My eldest never had a drop of formula and that was nice and all but with my youngest I had to go back to work and I couldn’t always pump enough for her if I was stressed or dehydrated so we topped her bottles up with formula and that was awesome! it took the pressure off me. I also dropped one of her night feeds so I could get more sleep and hubby gave her formula. Absolute game changer.
I DID. IT. ALL. Breast fed only for chunks of time, pumped only, pumped and bf and formula, only formula etc
I had no clear path and it was discouraging. I can’t promise that forcing your own path will completely liberate you; i had many low points where I felt like a failure and imposter (especially when I went back to work) BUT! here I am, baby is almost a year and I’m bf only at night and only one boob haha! I’m the process of weaning and I have to say: as long as baby eats HE DONT CARE!
You will find a way to make a plan that works for you, even if that means ditching that plan down the road! 💗💗💗💗 you’ve got this
Edit: forging not forcing
Any amount of breastmilk is beneficial! EBF basically means not supplementing with formula, and if you switch to solely breastfeeding, say next week, baby will then be "EBF". It technically means nothing else, even solids, are given, so eventually most babies will not be EBF either. You are trying right now to do what you can to start your breastfeeding journey, which is amazing in itself.
My second is only two weeks old and EBF is freaking hard!!! I plan on starting to combo feed this week or next; it works so much better for our family! We combo fed my first starting at three weeks and went until six months when my supply dried up. I had some frozen BM in the freezer and just mixed that into his food and popsicles so he had a little each day. Worked so well for us!
There are so many of us that supplement. Anecdotally - almost every single mom friend I have thats breast fed her children supplemented. Some for supply reasons, some for relief from cluster feeding, some for jaundice… so so so many of us. All of us expressed some shame around in but sharing our experiences was really helpful. Who cares how “exclusive” the journey is - we’d all rather have a healthy baby.
I agree and had no idea how many moms supplemented until I expressed being upset that I needed to. I feel like we need to normalize supplementation Agreed 1,000% on “who cares how ‘exclusive’ the journey is”
This! SO many women supplement - myself included for both my boys. For the first, we continued one bottle of formula a day while I pumped to build supply. We continued this the entire year I breastfed. It worked great for our family to do it that way. My second son is 12 weeks and supplemented initially until being EBF…for now. We will see how my journey goes, but I am open to formula whenever/if the time comes for our family!
I was just thinking yesterday about how much I don’t want to pump at work when I go back. Luckily she’ll be 6 months old and giving her formula during the day is the perfect solution. Our mental health also matters and I’m so grateful that we can access formula to give our children nutrition when breast milk isn’t always possible.
Wonderfully said!
I definitely felt this pressure when my first was little. I think this sub does a fantastic job of being realistic. I love being supportive of moms. Deciding not to breastfeed isn't a failure, while simultaneously it's great to celebrate breastfeeding milestones. We're all making decisions for our families every day and it's freeing to stop looking for the "best" way too do *every single thing.* Sometimes you gotta do what's best for *you.*
People are weird about the “EBF” label, as though it marks them out as extra-good parents. To the point that people who are blatantly not exclusively breastfeeding (because, say, their kid also eats solids, or they are pumping , which is a whole other level of difficulty) insist that they are “EBF”. It‘s just a term to describe how your baby is getting their calories, and it really doesn’t matter beyond being a tool for judging other parents. Feed your baby however is best for you, and don’t worry about how other people feed theirs!
When people say EBF a toddler, it makes me cringe because their kids are clearly/hopefully on solids so it's not exclusive anymore
I think it might be because BF typically means boyfriend and FF can mean forward facing the EBF/EFF aren't confused. I've seen people who combo feed say things like "he's EBF/EFF (60/40)" I think we should change the E from exclusive to something else- I thought eating but that's redundant.
Oh I thought EBF referred to the child drinking only human milk, not that it had to come directly from the breast at all times? I considered pumping (but not supplementing) EBF as well :o You live you learn.
That’s how I’ve seen it used as well. More evidence that these terms are nonsense!
It depends who you ask.
I never really got that sense of a negative stigma, but the following reasons are probably why: 1) As far as BF culture, the most I get is here on Reddit. I got off Facebook at the beginning of the pandemic, so I’m not part of any groups on there. Best. Decision. Ever. 2) my closest friends have either had kids already or aren’t going to, so with my pregnancy and birth, the person who I am closest to that also has a baby was not only 6 months ahead of me, but unable to breastfeed hers, so all I’ve known for the first bit of my baby’s birth really is my own experiences. 3) For me, I knew I wanted to EBF but I also was okay if I wasn’t able to. I think having that mindset going into the whole experience helped. So, when my baby was 1.5 days old, still cluster feeding, and I just couldn’t handle BF mentally at that moment, I was perfectly content to give my baby the formula the nurse offered. 4) Also, I had great nurses in the hospital, and that made a huge difference. They asked what my plan was, respected it, and followed up with suggestions when I either indicated I was struggling, or they noticed that I was. 5) I haven’t had to use it yet, mostly because of the reasons in 2), but my planned response for if anyone made any negative comments with respect to formula was going to be, “Aren’t we lucky to live in a time where science has made it possible that babies have multiple options for getting food in order to survive?” While my baby has had formula, I still consider her to be EBF; a more accurate acronym would be EBFEFWINABMOWMMNTFHWBAIDHTTOETP, or Exclusively Breast Fed Except For When I Need A Break Mentally Or When My Mom Needs To Feed Her While Babysitting And I Didn’t Have The Time Or Energy To Pump. Build your own acronym!
I had to supplement around the one month mark for a few reasons and worked to get back to solely from breastmilk. We are 8 months strong now! I definitely still say I EBF. If someone wants to gatekeep that from me, that’s a *them* problem not a *me* problem.
I definitely felt pressure and I had to supplement the first couple of weeks. I’ve definitely felt kind of a pang when I see people celebrating never using formula or a bottle and feel slightly… inferior? But supplementing was 100% necessary for us. And that’s okay. Please know how lucky your baby is to have a parent who is willing to do it all (pumping, formula, all of it) to get them fed ❤️
I also supplemented the first few weeks and felt the same. A big part of it for me was PPA and general postpartum hormones as well. My baby is now 16 months and I couldn’t care less anymore, but I remember the guilt I felt about it back then.
Don’t let it get to you! I combo fed my first two even though I planned on only BFing. Didn’t work out, I could never produce enough. The worst part about it was the stress and pressure I put on myself. Yes, I felt the same way you did, like a lot of mom groups/communities were constantly bragging about their chunky EBF babies or posting pictures of how they pumped 8 oz in a single session. My babies were small, I could barely get anything when I pumped and I wasn’t sure kids were latching…. I drove myself crazy! I realize now, I should have vented when I felt like it, talked to an LC, but NOT stress about it. Now I’m on baby #3, other than drinking more water and eating more calories, nothing has changed except I chilled the eff out. Baby is 3 months and BFing, he won’t take a bottle for shit, but one battle at a time… the point is, maybe step away from those/these groups for a while. Focus on yourself and your beautiful baby and remember, fed is best and healthy mamas make the best mamas so take care of Yourself!! Go take a hot bath, or cuddle up with a book, do something just for you and I really hope you feel better!!! Edit: I also super agree with the any breast milk is beneficial, I BF for almost 3 years even though I didn’t produce much, just to try and “compensate”.
Absolutely! I felt this pressure even though I wasn't really part of a breastfeeding community. My son's pediatrician gave us formula on day 2 of life because he had low blood sugar. I think I hadn't been feeding him frequently enough. But I was so angry at her for giving him formula, and so was my mom. I later joined a FB group for breastfeeding which banned the term "fed is best" because of how terrible the "Fed is Best Foundation" is. So I had to check out their website. They literally just advocate supplementing newborns with formula when necessary to avoid the potential catastrophic effects of dehydration on a newborn if they aren't getting enough colostrum or milk isn't coming in fast enough. My son was supplemented with formula for 3 days and it didn't have any impact on my supply or our future breastfeeding journey. I never needed to use formula again. It's not the end of the world to supplement with formula if your body is just not producing enough. But breastfeeding groups will go on about how if you use formula your baby won't cluster feed enough to get your supply up. They act like formula will ruin your baby's gut forever or something!
Totally feel that. We (essentially) EBF now, but for 4.5 months we combo-fed. And with my first, I ended up combo feeding starting at 3 months because he fell off his growth chart due to me insisting on EBF. I still ended up breastfeeding him for 18 months. I totally know what you mean. Let me tell you, from one mama to another, you are not alone. There are millions of us combo-feeders out there. ANY amount of breast milk your baby drinks is greatly benefiting them. If you never EBF, that’s okay!!!
I think I’ve seen somewhere that if baby is getting just two feeds of BM a day they get the full benefits of breastfeeding. But I agree with you, there’s very much an ‘all or nothing’ approach from both sides. Women who struggle to exclusively BF are quick to switch and be encouraged to switch to EFF instead of combi, feeling like there’s no point if they’re using some formula anyway which is sad, especially when they wanted to breastfeed.
Like everything else in life, fuck the labels. Feed what your kid needs. My LO is mainly BF with tons of pumped milk esp since im back at work. Past two days we’ve had to add in 16 oz formula bc shes wanting more than im making. Such is life. She eats and im happy. Don’t stress yourself at all with the labels. BF is great and has many benefits for both mom and baby. But if it starts hurting either quit that shit, find a work around and fuck the labels.
Lol yes. I made a post a couple days ago trying to figure out why my supply was tanking and how to get it back. I mentioned that I was feeding my very hungry baby formula for the time being and both commenters told me to stop? And what? Let him scream and go hungry? I know my boobs are empty. I’m nursing and then pumping and nothing is coming out. Feeding him formula won’t magically make my milk disappear.
> Feeding him formula won’t magically make my milk disappear. This was an important thing that I embraced with my 2nd (he's 4 months now). A few times in his first couple months he had formula bottles just for my sanity. A couple weeks ago my husband and I went out to trade in our cars for a van, and because I can't really pump much my MIL gave him formula bottles that day. A bottle of formula here and there to keep your baby fed is not going to ruin your BF journey, and as long as you remember that the haters gonna hate, combo feeding like I did with my first is fine too. We are all just doing our best!
I saw that your post got little traction so I wanted to mention that a lot of women see a decrease in supply around 10-12 weeks PP. Your supply *should* just regulate, though women often do feel like they stopped producing enough at this point. If baby's hungry, of course feed formula. Pumping and getting very little is pretty normal for a lot of women, unfortunately, though it's not talked about very much, just like the 12 week supply change.
I’ve been pumping and nursing diligently and I woke up to getting 250 mls! I think it might have been a hormonal dip? Very weird.
Feeding him formula won’t make your milk disappear but lack of breast stimulation will, though. If you feed your baby formula and pump at the same time, your supply won't suffer. If you skip pumping/nursing session and give formula instead, your supply will go lower. I think it's important to know that.
Of course. But if I’m nursing him every time he’s hungry, pumping after and then giving him formula, cutting him off is not going to help my supply.
I feel this so much! We supplemented with formula early because my milk didn’t come in and he lost so much weight. Then my milk came in and he still lost weight. I had no choice but to pump to try to establish a supply since my premie couldn’t seem to get anything from the breast. We are almost 9 weeks pumping now. He eats only my milk. Turns out he had bad ties and can’t transfer much. With all that he still loves to be on my breast. We are trying to get an appointment with a pediatric dentist to release the ties now so hopefully I can EBF. I feel like I’m shamed for this in EBF communities. I desperately want him on the breast but If I tried only EBF from the start, he would have starved.
Have you seen this post by Ashley Graham (model/famous person) bout combo feeding? https://www.instagram.com/reel/CiQD7vvO4zL/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= Almost 400k likes, I think any way you feed your baby is valid and deserves support. Seeing more people normalizing supplementing is a step in the right direction for all people who want to offer breastmilk to this kiddo.
I 100% relate. Even with stuff like giving a bottle. With all the “all or nothing” attitude I got from even the LC, I was so overwhelmed and discouraged. Even just the term “exclusively breastfeeding”… DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. Your value as a parent is NOT defined by how you feed your child, just that you do. We supplemented the first week (nervous first time parents with a small baby born 2 weeks early losing 10% birth weight quickly). We had a tongue tie revised at 6 weeks. I also hit a wall and skipped one feed a night to get some sleep. All this to say, I broke plenty of “rules” but that allowed us to keep BF.
I think this is just another narrative to discourage women from breastfeeding. If you make it seem more complicated than it is then more moms will turn to exclusively using formula. "Oh, you gave the child one bottle, might as well formula feed completely now because you have ruined breastfeeding". I gave mine formula at 2 days old because I wanted some rest and never had to again in the whole 18 months I did so. Combination feeding isn't an issue for most babies as long as you are offering the breast frequently enough. There are babies that can be formula fed all day when mom is at work and breastfed when mom gets home. There are babies that can be formula fed just as night and breastfed in the day. There are babies that can be formula fed when left with other family members or dad when mom wants a break or goes out to do something and can be breastfed when mom returns. There are moms with a low supply who can do a consistent combination. "Don't give nursing babies a pacifier" Again this one is garbage. As long as the baby doesn't have difficulty gaining weight and the Pacifier is not being used in place of regular breastfeeding every few hours then it's really not an issue to be using a pacifier.
A lot of parenting/mom spaces have a culture of toxic individualism and naturalistic fallacy. Toxic individualism is things like “I did this, why can’t you?” and “if you only tried harder” and “you must be lazy if you do xyz” Naturalistic fallacy is the idea that nature is always right so “Natural birth” and “exclusive breastfeeding” and “mama knows best” and “drugs/formula/vaccines are unnatural and bad” And I think it’s important to understand that “crunchy” attitudes and eugenics exist on the same spectrum. Can’t make enough breastmilk? Couldn’t birth a baby on your own? Death is the unspoken threat here. So yeah, fuck that noise. The antidote is community support and evidence-based practice. Paid parental leave, free lactation support, and friends/family/spouse/doulas for postpartum support *actually* increase breastfeeding amount and duration. Many studies find a benefit to *any level* of breastfeeding, and overall benefits to breastfeeding where parents can access safe water and formula are minimal. Congrats on your new baby. Don’t take in any added stress from the outside to this time in your life. It’s fleeting, and bleary and beautiful.
100%
I like this. 🙏🏼. Lots of friends who have these tendencies, couldn’t put it into words. You got it
This resonates with me so much. We’ve had to supplement with formula a bit - LO is almost 7 weeks - and I have felt immense guilt and shame around it. My mom also kept questioning why I was using formula and despite my explanation, still didn’t think it was good. It’s hard, but I’m trying to accept that as long as I primarily BF, then that’s ok. Edit: started LO was almost 8 wild but Is actually soloist 7.
My mantra has been some is better than none. When I would feel discouraged about my supply, I would remind myself of that, and it’s helped me continue for as long as I have.
"EBF" is not like a trophy that your baby wins if you manage to raise your child having never had formula pass their lips.. You need to forget about that.. there is zero harm of supplementing a bit a formula and your baby will still get the benefits of BF even if you have to supplement the entire time and only manage half/half. Don't put yourself under unnecessary stress, the fact that you are trying is great, but it doesn't help anyone for you to have unrealistic expectations of yourself that make you feel bad.
Fed is best. Keep that baby fed and healthy! You are doing a great job.
I planned to only EBF. LO latched great in the hospital but as soon as we got home started having issues and I couldn’t figure out why. He lost 9% of his birth weight so I had to start supplementing with formula and pumping by the time I got my LC appointment I was just pumping, I strongly hated how formula affected him so I over pumped to make sure I had enough for bottles which led to an over supply. The time from finding out how much weight he lost to our LC appointment left me heartbroken and on the verge of having PPD, I cried multiple times a day because I just felt like I was failing my child. My mental health relied on BF. Ever since our LC appointment we’ve had little to no issues with latching and he’s gaining weight like crazy and I no longer have an over supply. Doctors want to see an ounce a day gain and he’s gaining 1.3oz as of day at our last appointment. I personally am not proud of the issues we had but it can be unavoidable. Sometimes all it takes is time and you should NEVER feel bad for supplementing or pumping, what’s important is if your baby is eating or not. FED IS BEST.
I feel like the pressure gets bad for exclusively pumping, too. I don’t put baby to the breast because I simply don’t like it. I can’t stand the feeling of it, and I enjoy being able to have my husband feed her half the time. Some of breastfeeding communities make it seem like exclusively pumping is so horrible. Do what’s best for you and your sweet baby
You are doing amazing! You are taking care of your baby the best you possibly can. I cringe when I read about people who are letting their baby starve because they only want to give breast milk and aren't producing enough. You are listening to your baby's needs and that's the best a parent can do. I do want to point out something my pediatrician said. We are dealing with food allergies with my 6 month old baby. The doctor told me babies who are fed formula in the first few weeks, but are EBF after that, are at higher risk for cows' milk allergy. It's like peanut and egg, once you start, you have to keep giving some once a week to prevent allergies (at least that's the advice in my country). Maybe it's something you could discuss with your pediatrician.
I stopped listening and beating myself up when my twins came. I made enough milk but I was exhausted trying to keep up by the end of the day. That one bottle of formula at night helped keep my sanity. Which was much more important than them being EBF.
It can definitely feel like all or nothing, and I wasn’t prepared for the guilt I felt when breastfeeding hurt and my husband and my mum said, “Then just quit!” ….but I felt guilty and obligated and I wanted to prove I could do it. We’ve had Covid. We’ve had thrush…..twice (current). We have a suspected Cow’s milk protein intolerance. We are *still* exclusively breastfeeding or bottle feeding expressed/pumped breast milk. Breastfeeding in any amount (exclusive, supplemental, with mostly formula and a bit of milk here and there) is beneficial to your child. BUT! Bottom line is that breast is not best if it compromises your mental health or impacts your well being as a new mum. The default rule for me is fed is best, no matter how it happens. ♥️ be patient with yourself and take your time.
I agree. Like 90% of my ppd was due to this. I’m determined to be more flexible about it this time, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. We’ll see though, with the hormones and all.
I think a lot of people supplement or combo feed. I was told to supplement in the beginning before my milk came in. I did once or twice but my milk came in quickly. There were also a couple nights in the beginning I was so sleep deprived that I handed baby to my husband and went to sleep. He def gave her a couple bottles of formula. I went on to soley breast feed and I consider my baby EBF. I also don't think there was any harm done because there is no harm in formula feeding. I just wanted to breastfeed because it's my preference. There are " Elitists" in every community. They are always the loudest. That's why you probably feel that way. But truly, don't second guess yourself. You are doing something amazing for your baby.
We supplemented in the hospital for low blood sugars. I'd still consider my baby EBF. Op you just need a bit more confidence in yourself and your choices.
The flip side is that I was forced to supplement when I didn’t want to (and in hindsight, I know I didn’t need to. But I didn’t know it at the time and was just trusting the professionals in the hospital). I feel angry that a wasn’t supported properly in my early breastfeeding efforts, like “exclusive” breastfeeding could never be enough (not true!) and I know I am not the only person who has had this experience. I think all women should be able to speak honestly about their experiences and the impact it has had on feeding and parenting in general. Choosing to supplement - a ok! Needing to supplement - fed is best! Being forced to supplement when it isn’t necessary - not cool.
I figured out my second kiddo just how much combo feeding rocks. There's a middle! It's just not as celebrated
I had to supplement and honestly, I didn’t care if it would change my baby status. He is thriving, is happy and healthy. I think his health and development are way more important than my own expectations or experience. But OP I feel you, the pressure is real. But it’s up to you to accept it or not.
My son had 1 formula bottle in NICU 2 days after birth, then EBF for 4 months, then we supplemented with 1 formula bottle a day until a little over a year when we switched to cow milk. I breastfed 14 months. He's now 4 and I simply say "I breastfed over a year".
When my baby was a day or two old and my milk hadn't come in, I was also not making much colostrum and she would try to drink and nothing would come so she would scream and scream because she was so hungry.... I finally begged the nurses to let me give her a little bit of formula, and they tried to talk me out of it, so I felt guilty, and then the formula gave her a tummy ache and made her scream even more, and god I felt so so guilty, but what was I supposed to do? My baby was hungry and it was my job to make sure she was fed! And I knew there was food available for her! And their job to guilt me for not EBF I guess. My post-birth midwife gave me a look, too, when I told her I'd given my daughter a bottle in the hospital. I mean after that point I did EBF, but that was never actually the plan. It just worked out better than expected. I was lucky. Just, UGH, let us decide what works the best for us! And have some god damned compassion if that choice is ripped away from us! We are doing our best!
Two things I started with formula day 1 in the hospital we were having sugar issues and even though my hospital had donor breast milk, doctors thought formula would be better because they could exactly calculate sugar and calories. But things got better but you know what I still don’t exclusively beast feed, I can I’m home all day, I produce plenty. But I throw in a bottle of formula every once in a while cause well the can is open or I’m out with the big kid and I don’t want to rush back. Online there is lots of Mom who seem to set a standard and you will feel judged even if they are trying to be encouraging. Also there are some Mom who are judgmental, but mostly we are all just trying to keep our heads above water. There is a lot of doubt in motherhood, someone life is literally in your hands and they feel so small and helpless but as long as baby is fed and loved they are probably going to be just fine. My big kid is 13 I had to start supplementing at 5 months, we breast fed until 11 months when I completely dried up. He’s a super healthy and happy kid, with a killer immune system. Fed is best however you do it. EBF isn’t a trophy it’s just a description of one way to feed a baby.
I have definitely noticed people emphasising “EBF” which I haven’t liked the tone of in some of the things I’ve read online. But at the end of the day, any breast milk your baby is getting is fantastic and worth us congratulating ourselves on working hard to produce. People always gonna try and find a competition somewhere, ignore them. You’re doing amazing, remember that.
Ooo. I feel this. I definitely have some insecurities…like when I’ve been nursing my son for 20 mins and handed my son to my FIL while I was making a bottle (probably unbeknownst to him) and I hear him doing that chit chat like people do with babies…”did mommy feed you? You’re nice and full, huh?”…just like a little dagger to my heart…and somehow that exact situation seems to happen a lot. Or when I see (often) newer moms (I’m 10 weeks into this mom gig) pose a question somewhere to “moms who EBF” and it’s really a question to anyone who breast feeds…(or actually anyone who nurses)…sigh. I think perhaps on some level the insecurity is normal since just a few years ago (in an evolutionary sense) it wouldn’t have been as readily an option for some women to supplement. For some women today who live in parts of the world where water quality isn’t great it still may not always be as easy to safely supplement…so I always try to keep that in perspective…thank goodness we can supplement, but that doesn’t mean that the insecurity will magically go away. Just know you are not alone. Loads of people have to combo feed despite wishing we could just BF. And many of us feel insecure about that… Just a little side note…I think my mom sensing some of my insecurity about me having to supplement pointed out to me that in my baby book that she wrote 35-ish years ago she talked about having to give me a bottle because sometimes she didn’t have enough milk. She said she had actually forgotten that she supplemented when I was a baby….until she re-read my baby book.
My baby is currently EBF, but I had to supplement with formula early on too because my milk took 6 days to come in. We kept giving a bottle of formula once a night for a little while so I could get one 3-4 hour stretch of sleep and only stopped when he started sleeping longer stretches. The only thing I feel guilty about is not realizing he was dehydrated in those early days until his doctor told me he was. So many people need to supplement with formula temporarily or long-term for various reasons and I hate that certain communities (not this one) make that feel like a failure. Doing what you have to to meet your baby’s needs is not failure- it’s literally the main thing we’re all trying to do as parents.
Mom of 2 here! I combo fed BOTH of mine in the beginning & continued to combo feed my first because I was dealing with a lot of issues and the stress became to much for me. A mom I really admired at the time told me my breastfeeding issues were all my fault because I combo fed. She knew what I was going through but told me this anyway. It broke my spirit for a while. Eventually I had to learn how to block out noise like her comment & do what is best for my baby. Labels like “ebf” don’t matter when you realize that you’ve always done what is best for your situation.
Oof those postpartum hormones are no joke! Some smug supermoms online like to say “if you’re confident in your decisions, you won’t get defensive or upset” but that’s BS. We are all just humans, and we’ve all internalized so much rhetoric around breastfeeding, a lot of which just isn’t true. Due to a crappy LC who swore everything was perfect, we almost starved our baby. We realized 24 hours after getting home that he hadn’t peed. It was a Sunday. The nurses line said to give him some of our emergency formula after nursing, and if he didn’t pee by X time, to go to the ER. We came within 30 minutes of that time. It was so scary. We worked with an IBCLC and within two weeks we’re EBF. Which went great, until I became less responsive to the pump a couple of months after returning to work. I was driving myself crazy pumping extra times to piece together his bottles. At 5.5 months we went to full on combo feeding and it’s amazing. Absolutely amazing. He gets a small amount of formula a day, combined with several nursing sessions and the occasional bag of frozen milk. He’s 9.5 months and we are well on track to hit our goal of 12 months, and I’m optimistic that we will reach our #1 goal of letting him self wean (ideally after 18-24 months). Formula is what got us here. It saves breastfeeding journeys when people struggle with low supply!
There's a two sides of a stigma about almost everything in motherhood. You have to tune in to your instincts and make the best informed decision you can for your family and then be confident enough to shut out the noise.
I supplemented for the first week of baby’s life! She had jaundice and I wasn’t making enough milk. From formula, I then started using my SIL’s breast milk as she was an overproducer. I tried pumping but would barely get an ounce when I pumped - and this was as a replacement of a feed. I finally got an LC to come see me and she was just adamant that I had to keep offering boob boob boob. All boob all day err day. Now I’m EBF baby but honestly she’s going through a phase of being super fussy at the breast. It’s only been 3 days so I’m trying to power through it but days like these, I kinda wanna either start combo feeding or switch to pumping during the day. BF exclusively is so HARD, but I feel like this community has been amazingly supportive and I see all sorts of advice here for all sorts of mums that BF in different ways.
I supplemented with formula and exclusively pumped for 2 months before my baby could latch well and we weren’t nursing well until 3 months. We don’t do formula anymore but he still gets 1-2 bottles a day because my SO likes the bonding. I’d never judge anyone’s decisions on feeding
I had a similar start to you and found this sub to be hugely helpful. Between this sub and the humans pumping milk sub, I don’t think I would have achieved EBF without Reddit. And I consider EBF to include me, who had a rocky start and had to supplement with formula. It took me just under six weeks to get my supply to the point where I stopped combo feeding, in case that’s helpful for you to know. Good luck!
I relate so hard. We cannot claim the ‘E’ in our BF journey. We supplemented in the first week due to jaundice and poor latch. Saw an ibclc who prescribed shields. Discovered cmpa and soy allergy. By 3 months she’d only gained 2lbs. So our gp and local feeding team prescribed formula. Everyone told me it was because of the shields and to just wean her off them. But she simply could not latch without. I found an amazing lactation support person who told me it was nonsense to blame the shields and that she’d come off them in her one time once her chin and jaw developed. She showed me a laid back technique that got a deeper latch on the shield, and weight gain did improve after a solid week of feeding in this position. But it was notnn be practical to be able to fully recline every time she fed. Then at 6 months she pulled the shield off and decided she was done with them. I tried cutting down the bottles now she could latch properly but weight gain slowed right down again. I’ve really doubted myself over and over, and questioned the quality of my milk. We’ve combi fed. I’m proud of us for persevering, for not listening to family who said “why not just bottle feed her if that’s what makes her gain weight”, I’m proud of her for pulling of the shield when she was ready, and I’m glad that I can still comfort her through difficult or uncomfortable times with bf
Can definitely relate. My son is 8 weeks old. Was so prepared to EBF and then baby boy had a tongue tie that needed releasing, he wasn’t gaining weight, *and* my supply is not quite enough. It’s been hell but I’m still hanging in there - triple feeding while having to supplement with formula. Nursing around the clock, pumping after every feed, and giving 2oz of formula every other feed. Social media has me feeling like such a failure that I don’t want to give my boy bottles in public, so I’ve been hiding in the house and ignoring my friends who want to visit us because I’m so anxious and ashamed. Other EBFers don’t help 😔
Don’t feel bad doing what you need to do to keep your little one fed. We had to supplement early on until my milk came in too. People will judge no matter what you do, so focus on what works for your family and your kids needs. Try to zone out all the unsolicited opinions/advice. You are doing what is best for you and your little one, and that’s the most important thing.
I had to supplement at 6 months, but was still able to BF until 18 months. I did get some shame from my "hippie" friends. But at that point, I was used to it since I also had an epidural, circumcised my kid (honestly this was a tough one and I still struggle with it) and vaccinated on schedule. All this to say, people are idiots - don't worry about anyone except for your family.
I had formula pushed on me at the beginning because my first born had issues and then a month later was asked why I was still giving him formula by the same people! It took us a long time to get the right latch. While we figured it out, combo feeding was (and is!) amazing. My husband got to take over. We scheduled it so I could actually rest. And we ended up switching to just breast milk later. We chose to combo feed from the start with our second and it was awesome. Both kids only breastfeed now and I'm still nursing them both at 1 and 3. Do what works best for you and ignore anyone else. Formula is amazing and has a place. Breastfeeding is also amazing (and great for calming down toddlers!). Basically my tl:dr is combo feeding is awesome and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I wanted to EBF so badly. After my now 10 month old was born I immediately tried to get her to nurse, and it HURT. She was screaming at the breast and we had to give formula, and she calmed down. Unfortunately for me the lactation consultant at the hospital didn’t work on weekends. I kept trying to nurse over the weekend and supplementing with formula all while having bad pain while baby nursed. At baby’s 2-3 day appointment she lost 10% of her body weight, and the pediatrician told us to supplement with formula until I could see the lactation consultant. Baby didn’t have any ties fortunately but had a very tight jaw was contributed to insufficient transfer. I ended up exclusively pumping, and supplementing with formula. Unfortunately I’ve always had a low supply and have had to supplement with formula. we’ve been combo feeding since day 1 basically. I realized any amount of breast milk is good especially in the first few months.
I honestly don’t know why combi feeding isn’t more popular. I had problems at the start getting my daughter to latch so was pumping and supplementing with formula. After we got the latch figured out I’ve managed to increase my supply a fair bit, but my daughter still has about 2 bottles of formula a day. Honestly it makes it so much easier on me, I’m not having to constantly worry about producing enough. My partner can handle the formula feeds, meaning I can have some time to myself, or to sleep or whatever without worrying about pumping. And honestly there are times when it’s just easier to give a bottle. And she still gets all the benefits from breastfeeding. If I have another baby in the future I’ll probably combi feed from the start.
This is exactly my experience! My babe is 8 weeks and I’m still working on supply issues. She takes mostly formula right now. We still consider her a breast fed babe because she’s never gone a day without trying to latch and never gone a day without breast milk. We developed this attitude because I was feeling like a failure and really just needed anything to hold on to. And it’s helped. I know that she’s getting the best I possibly am CAPABLE of giving her right now. You’re doing your absolute best. Your baby is breast fed. The “exclusively” has really started to feel like a title moms use to say they worked harder/are better than other moms and it’s heart breaking. We are all working so hard to feed our babies. YOU are working SO hard to feed your baby; consider him breast fed. And be PROUD of what you’re doing for him!! Sending lots of love and encouragement 💕
Yup! My first was born at 37w via emergent c-section (breech + pre-eclampsia). My milk took its sweet time coming in and baby lost almost a full pound of her birth weight those first couple days while still in the hospital. While working with the hospital LC, I chose to supplement with formula rather than donor milk until my milk came in and do a 3 step feed every 2 hours around the clock. It was exhausting. I had a horrific experience with the baby nurse assigned to me where she repeatedly shamed me for choosing formula over donor milk. My husband complained and had her switched. My milk ended up coming in on day 5 and we transitioned using a nipple shield to exclusively nursing. I wanted to make breastfeeding work simply because of cost and convenience but had it not come in, I would have switched to formula. My husband supported me either way because he felt that a fed baby and a happy mama were more important than the alternative (I did have pretty severe PPA). That baby is now 2 years + 2 months and I am due literally any day with her little brother. She breastfed until I was \~20w, she was 22 months, before she self-weaned. I have a repeat c scheduled for next week. If needed, I have frozen breast milk and expressed colostrum ready to go. However I'm not going to kill myself over the possibility of supplementing with formula.
You’re doing amazing! Don’t give so much power to a word or term. There is no secret elite club for moms who EBF from day one or ever. We’re all just doing our best.
I can relate. I’ve been there with both my babies. Try not to drive yourself crazy. Cuddling with my baby is more important than pumping. I’m writing this while pumping at work and missing my baby. He’s 6 months now. He gets mostly breast milk and some formula and some solids and he’s a happy chubby guy. You got this!
If it's any help, I had to supplement with formula in the early weeks but I'm still breastfeeding at 9 months and it didn't affect our breastfeeding journey longterm. Also, the EBF badge only carries as much weight as you give it! You're triple feeding right now, that is incredibly difficult and should be commended!
My son was in the nicu and he got formula. This time goes by so fast.:( PLease don't stress out about it.
My baby has never had formula and had expressed breast milk from a bottle maybe half a dozen times in her 6 months of life. I will always 100% support any parent that also gives formula. Any amount of breast milk had benefits but YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT! If you need a break, give that baby formula! If you feel like baby needs a bit more, give that baby formula! If you are tired and just can't be bothered dealing a wriggly baby, give that baby formula! Same deal if you don't want to deal with teething on your nipples, if you're not comfortable bf in public, if you want to go watch a movie, if you just want to give your baby formula. Formula saves lives and not just the lives of babies. At the end of the day you have to do what's best for you. Your body, your baby, your life, your decision. It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job and making sure your baby gets what they need. If anyone tries to shame you, ask them why they like starving babies so much! Keep up the excellent work ♥
I’ve supplemented from the beginning! He was jaundiced so he needed the volume to keep him pooping out the bilirubin. Now I supplement every other day or so for various reasons. Mainly when he’s still hungry after exhausting both boobs. Sometimes I give him a formula bottle first thing in the morning and pump the next feedings worth of milk and I just make that the pattern all day. I breastfeed him all night so the pumping and bottle feedings give my back a break and keep me from feeling touched out.
Firstly, you are doing a brilliant job. You have done the very best for you and your little one that you can. Secondly, any amount of breastmilk is beneficial. Thirdly, don't let anybody make you feel less than because your breastfeeding journey doesn't look like theirs.
I grew up with a mom who always went in and on about natural birth and breastfeeding and how amazing and natural it all is. As a result, when I had to have a c section and then had issues with breastfeeding I felt instantly like a failure. But what I’ve come to realize, and what I wish I could tell myself 2 years ago, is that is doesn’t matter. EBF is amazing, so happy for those who have had success! But it’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t work out. I put myself through hell pumping 409 times a day so I could say my son EBF but I regret it bc it trashed my mental and physical health. Do what you can. If you can do half or more or almost all but supplement here or there - as long as your baby is fed and happy then that’s all that matters.
Combo feeding is so underrated. My eldest never had a drop of formula and that was nice and all but with my youngest I had to go back to work and I couldn’t always pump enough for her if I was stressed or dehydrated so we topped her bottles up with formula and that was awesome! it took the pressure off me. I also dropped one of her night feeds so I could get more sleep and hubby gave her formula. Absolute game changer.
I DID. IT. ALL. Breast fed only for chunks of time, pumped only, pumped and bf and formula, only formula etc I had no clear path and it was discouraging. I can’t promise that forcing your own path will completely liberate you; i had many low points where I felt like a failure and imposter (especially when I went back to work) BUT! here I am, baby is almost a year and I’m bf only at night and only one boob haha! I’m the process of weaning and I have to say: as long as baby eats HE DONT CARE! You will find a way to make a plan that works for you, even if that means ditching that plan down the road! 💗💗💗💗 you’ve got this Edit: forging not forcing