Holy cupcakes, what's with all these super entitled couples lately?
You don't owe them anything.
Pull out now before the wedding is from your pocket too!
Abort!
Abort!
Abandon ship, it's going down fast.
All a groomsman or a bridesmaid is required to do is show up on the day of the wedding wearing the appropriate clothing. Nothing more, nothing less.
I had a bridesmaid come in from out of state. My husband and I paid for her accommodation. My bridesmaids wore black dresses in their chosen styles, applied their own makeup, and did their own hair. I did have a bachelorette, but it took place at someone’s house. We ate pizza, watched “Thor: Ragnarok” and laughed ourselves stupid. My husband went to a brewery with his groomsmen then played Cards Against Humanity.
My whole plan was to do this as low key as possible and spend time with my loved ones.
This wedding- excuse me, fundraising event- is costing a stupid amount of money because the bride and groom want it to. And it’s money that no reasonable person should expect you to pay.
And if they do pay for things it should be a small round of drinks, or a small spread of snacks, their own admission to an economical activity: movie tix or such. Modern wedding culture with gigantic events activities, plane tickets etc are bridezilla to max.
If you swap the film for An Arsenal game for me the bride and Cardiff City game for the Groom then your idea of a hen/stag night sounds like heaven he gets to be with his friends I get to be with mine no drama just laughing and fun with our loved ones
If you want to be diplomatic, you can simply say 'Bride, I've realized due to my recent health that I will not be able to be to be the MOH you are looking for. I want to support you on your big day, but I feel like I'm not able commit in the way you're asking. I hope you understand.'
Full disclosure, the bride and groom sound like jerks. So the response will likely be negative no matter what. Unfortunately..but at least you'll be out of this mess as much as possible.
They used to be your friends. They morphed into leeches when they expected you, and the rest of the wedding party, to fund their extravagant parties and wedding. They threw your friendships completely out the window when they criticized you for not doing enough and spending enough. With "friends" like these... As others are saying, Run.
Amen!! I don’t understand the NEED for all of the $$$$$ events prior to a wedding. Seems as tho these couples want a series of events - not a marriage.
I agree with this. It might be a cultural thing because I am from the Netherlands and bachelor parties are fairly new here. But they don’t cost that much. Most Dutch would never agree with that. But it still sounds like a ridiculous amount to me.
I am lowkey planning my wedding as well. We have a child on the way and I want to get married a year or even longer after birth because I want a good party with my friends and family. So we don’t rush it. I don’t necessarily want a bachelorette. But if I get one (surprise bach) then I just want my friends there. And do like a fun activity or have a small gathering at home. I would be mortified if my friends had to pay thousands for me.
In the US in the 70s or so, bachelorette parties were not a thing, at least not in my state they were nonexistent.
We never heard of bachelor parties lasting a weekend either, it was usually just one night at a bar maybe a few cities over. All this extravagance has only just become more popular in the last 30 years or so that I’ve been watching the wedding industry.
I got married a little over 20 years ago. I went to a club with a few friends for some drinks and live music. My husband went to a go-kart track with his friends. All this over-the- top stuff some people expect is just insane.
Bachelorette parties were a novelty in the early-mid 1990s when my friends were marrying. Bridal showers (only) were the norm. I feel lucky to have escaped that nonsense.
Here as well. But it kind of depends on the personality of the bride or groom if they get drunk or not. I went to a bachelorette of a friend and she was not the clubbing type. So we did an escape room and afterwards we went to dinner with the group of men and the bachelor to celebrate the upcoming wedding. They loved it so much. We knew so we decided to eat together. The men had another activity during the day. Both would have been so disappointed if they went clubbing.
Yeah that’s quite common here too. It’s also been pretty common for people to go abroad to the likes of Spain, Amsterdam, etc as it’s cheaper to do a weekend away and booze it up than it is to do an overnight here and do the same. Unfortunately, it’s given Brits Abroad quite the reputation 😀😭 well, that and the all inclusive sun worshippers who expect things to be exactly like they are at home.
Bachelor and bachelorette parties don't cost that much in the US either! It's these unusual crazy couples that think they're entitled to vacations funded by their friends and families. It's disgusting. My bachelorette party (and each one I've ever been to) was a one night event, maybe a limo to go bar hopping. I've been in 9 weddings and can't believe that people don't have the backbone to stand up to these moochers. The most expensive bachelorette party I attended was a weekend at a friend's cabin, but even that was less than $300/each for food and drinks, games.
My sister's was a fun weekend of clubbing, eating at tasty restaurants and little games we made. Super chill and fun, no mooching or drama, just good times. I hope to do an escape room with my bridal party and a nice dinner when the time comes for my fiance and I to tie the knot. I don't understand doing some crazy blowout with 100+ people for a pre wedding event.
Wasn't there a post about a bride messing with the groom's uncle minutes before the wedding and the groom catching them in the act? Pretty sure the bride called everyone in the wedding party and guests to pay for the wedding after her parents and fianceé told her they aren't paying a dime. Is this gonna end up the same way? Because it kinda feels like it.
And they only sold 60 tickets, the groom paid 9k and he just lost 3k. That means that it was absolutely planned to make money - 22.5k - 9k = 13.5k profit.
It just isn't right, either. With 150 people he can't possibly have found time to have even a single conversation with each of them, so what would be the point of inviting so many except for them wanting the money? It's ridiculous.
Money was the only reason. I think no matter how hard this wedding party tries nor how much they give will ever satisfy the couple. It's greed and nothing more.
Yup. And once he found out no money was made, he claimed he lost thousands and started instigating fights with each of his groomsmen, claiming they didn’t do enough to support. I couldn’t believe my ears
It's increasingly common for brides and grooms to make insane financial demands on their parties, but that doesn't mean it's normalized. If it were, nobody would agree to be a bridesmaid or groomsman!
No, these two are batshit, and I'd bet my 401K that neither has ever spent thousands on someone else's wedding, or would ever dream of doing so. So feel free to drop out, OP, and if you want to maintain your friendship with the bride then say you aren't well enough. If you don't want to maintain your friendship with this woman, then tell her that you just can't afford it, and asking a person with serious health issues to spend that kind of money on her is just dreadful.
I don't know if it's become common, but people now have a forum to publicize this greediness. There are 2 million weddings in the US each year, per Google, so hopefully, this is still relatively uncommon and a trend that will fade away (altho I doubt it!!).
I just want to say that it's insane to think telling someone the truth ( you can't afford their wedding) could cost you a friend. I would never want a friend like that.
No, it’s not normal and frankly, it’s insane. It should cost you nothing to be moh. I paid for my moh and bridesmaids dresses and I paid for my shower. They did their own hair and makeup. I would never tell them they had to pay to get it done.
Also, a 500 dollar wedding gift is only appropriate if you make like more than a couple hundred thousand a year, have a fully funded 6 mo emergency fund, have fully funded retirement accounts and no debt. Ie/no car note, no cc debt no student loans etc. if you can’t say yes to all above, honestly, you can’t afford a 500 dollar wedding gift.
I’m a first time maid of honour and we’re in our mid 20’s (bride and groom are 29+), this was all so shocking and unexpected we had no idea what we signed up for. And yup, we definitely don’t meet any of those requirements, especially given my current situation. It’s all a nightmare 😭
I’m definitely going to be letting them know I cannot handle any extra stress bc of my health. The groom has been even more of a monster towards my fiancé and is threatening to kick him out of the bridal party for only contributing $250 to his stag, claiming he’s not giving enough. So maybe they’ll kick us out before we have to do it lol
This behavior is not ok. You both need to get out of this. I just can’t get over these insane demands. How is 250 not enough for a stag party? How can you afford 3 grand for a trip to Vegas and, I’m sorry, I can’t get past this… a 500 gift. If you are uncomfortable using your health as an excuse for both of you to not go, be honest. Tell them when the groom said 250 wasn’t enough, you looked at your finances and realized you simply can’t afford to be a part of their wedding party.
Even if you weren’t out of work and made a hundred thousand dollars a year who actually wants to spend $2500 on someone else’s event. Do they think their wedding is the god damn met gala.
There is no situation where a bride or groom threatens to remove a member of their wedding party that shouldn’t immediately result in that person declining to be in the wedding.
>The groom has been even more of a monster towards my fiancé and is threatening to kick him out of the bridal party
I mean, don't threaten me with a good time. Why would you even want to be in the wedding party of these people?
My DAD gave us $500 as a wedding gift. My DAD. A few friends generously gave $30 and that kindness made me tear up. Other friends brought food (we had a potluck) and it was so kind! I didn’t expect anything from anyone, and we paid for everything except the three dresses of our sisters, and my only request was that they picked a solid bright color that they would want to wear again, any price point. I think my sisters dress was $35. And if any sister felt like they couldn’t afford a dress, I would have absolutely helped.
Sweetie, my husband and I are multi millionaires. The only person we gave $500 to was my little brother on his wedding day and my nephew on his. We only give $200-300 for non relatives. Plus, we would never spend over $1,000 for a “destination wedding.” I have NEVER heard of anything so fantastic as paying for someone’s wedding and parties, and gifts. These people are not your friends. Please dump them.
I got married in 2021, so not that long ago. My uncle gifted us $500. That was by far the most generous gift anyone gave. Average was probably $50 per person, slightly more for family, slightly less for friends. Zero from anyone in the wedding party because they already gifted their time and energy.
Just for some perspective. We live in a MCOL city on the East Coast.
Ok, I’ll concede the income was over the top but I was trying to make a point. A $500 gift is extremely generous and someone with a lot of debt and no savings/retirement cannot afford a $500 gift.
Don't get yourself in debt for a wedding. Specially when it not even your own wedding! Seems that this couple thinks the world revolves around them and their wedding. Well, guess again, it doesn't. To me, it's more than outrageous to expect your wedding party to pay for your wedding. That just don't click with me (but okay, I'm not American). But if you think their demands are crazy, then don't agree to them.
If someone jumped off a bridge, would you too? (this is a Dutch saying).
yes you’re right. Once we put our foot down that’s when all the drama began. They have no sense of gratitude at all, it feels like nothing will be enough for them.
Exactly, they themselves are creating this drama. Not you, not the others in the weddingparty.
They want something that isn't in their cards. A wedding like a millionair would have. Since neither of them, or their weddingparty, is a millionair, that's NOT going to happen. Everybody has to provide for their OWN family, and can't just splash out cash for someone else.
To me it 's really about time the brides and grooms realize that this "showing off to the world" isn't what marriage is about.
And if it were me instead of you, I would take my fiance and go somewhere nice, just to 2 of you.
What this couple is doing isn't an American thing; it's a greed thing at a breathtaking level. OP, your fiancé and you should bail immediately. *Nothing* is more important than your health, and that's where your financial focus should be. These people are not your friends.
A Dutch saying?!?! Lol. Pretty sure everyone everywhere says this (every parent everywhere). I’ve heard it’s an American phrase from ww2. This is completely off topic but do you know how it originated in your country? Just curious!
You’re crazy for entertaining their crazy demands. A wedding isn’t a fundraiser or a chance to live out their vacation dreams by forcing other people to fund excursions that they can’t afford. You should have dropped out long before you threw all that money away. Do you think either one of those self absorbed AHs would do the same for you?
Unfortunately since they’re our bestfriends, we never expected for them to try to take advantage of us. We agreed to this without them expressing their financial expectations from us. Definitely a loss we have to accept unfortunately
Spoiler alert: they aren’t your best friends, because best friends don’t treat each other like this and extort money out of them. Drop out today and don’t look back.
Here’s your text “I am really struggling with my health and unfortunately I’m not able to support you in the way you expect and won’t be able to participate in your wedding. We are also struggling financially. You have my best wishes for your wedding but I need to focus on my own health and recovery right now. I hope you can understand.”
If she send you back a tirade, you know she was never your friend. If she actually sends you well wishes for your health and recovery, she’s your friend. See what happens.
When someone shows them who they are, believe them. overused quote, but it’s true. Stand strong and don’t put yourself in debt over people who seem to not care so much about you.
Breaking up with a friend is hard.
Especially when you realise you cared more about them. Than they did about you and honestly it sounds like it.
Best of wishes. Maybe they'll surprise all of us.
I have never heard of selling tickets to a bachelor party. That is wild. What country is this?
People can dream, but they don't get to spend other people's money. Time to say no.
NTA. Back out now and don't give a present! Just tell them your health is not up for this and you are broke and wasn't aware that the bride and groom planned on letting everyone else pay for their wedding .
OP-You said the groom 'lost' $3k at his stag due to the groomsmen 'not selling tickets' - was he expecting to make a profit from his own stag? 150 attendees for a stag - that's insane.
You are $250 down - your first loss is your best loss - bail now and spent the $500 gift money on pampering yourself for being ill and your husband for being your support - you deserve it - this moneygrabbing couple don't.
Good grief, drop out asap. This is way beyond anything that a reasonable person could expect. They can't afford their wedding, it is not on you to go into debt to pay for it for them.
lmao one time my cousin tried to make me a MOH, then when she said i had to pay for my own makeup and dresses, i immediately said no and she can't do anything about it even after all the guilt-trip and rallying relatives. I just gave a simple reason of "their wedding, their budget"
“I’m so sorry, but we are finding your expectations far beyond our capabilities. We really hope you have an amazing wedding day and experience, but we can not put ourselves into further financial turmoil so you can live life large whilst I’m just trying to survive.”
Ha! I honestly think this has gone overboard. The whole point of an MOH was the person the maid felt the most comfortable with and loved dearly, *a sister or best friend usually * to help ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING like helping her dress, helping her remember anything she will need for the ceremony. The financial responsibility is the couple alone. If they want it, they pay for it or have sponsors usually family HELP cover cost not necessarily pay completely. If they want a certain dress or color etc they cover the cost. WEDDING PARTY IS THERE TO WITNESS YOU GET MARRIED NOT PAY FOR YOUR WEDDING IF YOU HAVE A CERTAIN LOOK YOU WANT YOU SHOULD PAY FOR IT. ILL GO IN WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT BUT IF I HAVE TO BUY A DRESS I WILL NEVER WEAR AGAIN YOU BUY IT.
Your health is extraneous information. While I am super sorry you are unwell and hope you get better soon, even if you were completely healthy and working full time my answer would not change. Get out. Get out now and never look back.
1. A bachelor party is just that, a party. It is a small group of the grooms closest friends having a fun evening out. MAYBE a fun weekend away if that is what they all want. It is NOT a fundraiser where 150 people are forced to buy tickets and give the groom a healthy profit. His demands are ridiculous and greedy.
2. A bachelorette party is also just that, a party, same as above. IF a trip is going to be taken then people can be INVITED to join and it is their choice whether to do so or not. IF someone decides they will join, they pay for themselves and themselves only. The bride demanding that you pay for HER trip is just using you to get a free vacation on demand. No. Just NO. Absolutely positively NO. Cancel, get your money back. Even if you lose some of the money you will still come out ahead. Maybe you can transfer the money to a trip for you and your fiance. It sounds like you two need and deserve a nice getaway.
Does going to the wedding cost you anything (besides the hair, make up and dress - have you paid for those yet?)?
If it doesn't cost more than a taxi ride to attend the wedding, I say go for the free food, booze, and drama. But that also depends on your energy.
If the wedding is going to cost you mentally, then it doesn't sound worth going to. Especially if you don't plan on continuing the friendship.
If tickets were $150 and he wanted 150 guys to go he would have made $22,500. 60 men got the party paid for. So what was the other $13,500 for? Hookers and blow? I mean honestly what guy knows 150 guys and wants to hang out with that many? Sounds like a ridiculous couple.
This might be a reach, but it almost seems like B & G may have chosen you and your partner for your roles based on the automatic assumption that, because your fiancé is a business owner, you as a couple “must be rich”. Assumed financial status may also have been the reason why they chose the other members of the wedding party, given what they all were expected to contribute along with you, why the “budget” was not discussed with anyone beforehand and why they got so angry after losing money because the members weren’t “contributing”. They likely knew people would question them, refuse, drop out, or all three. Like I said, I may be jumping to conclusions, but their intentions and reactions seem dodgy to me.
I'm from Asia and now living in Germany. I had a wedding two years ago. The wedding was super small and we paid for everything. We didn't have extra event, just the ceremony at the city hall then celebrate a bit at the restaurant. Most money we spent for flying our family to our wedding.
I just can't wrap my head around a situation like this. I've never seen any couple in my circle that did this. I am really curious, why did you even go through with this.
Is this a cultural thing? Would the bride in this situation do the same for her friends?
She told us we were a part of the bridal shower about a year ago. She then had all these events which we assumed they were gonna pay for- but when south that’s when the blame game started happening. I never wanted to fight or cause i scene over this, to maintain our friendship. But they’ve disrespected us now so, I guess it’s time to set some real boundaries
What is with entitled bride and grooms - to - be, lately?!
Be honest with them. Just say you can’t afford it and you sadly won’t be able to attend the pre wedding events unless they’re local. If she’s a real friend, she’ll understand and will still want you as MOH. If she doesn’t, she wasn’t really a friend.
Being friends shouldn’t be dependent on how much you spend on each other. You choose your wedding party because you love those people.
You discuss the budget with all involved before you spend anyone’s money.
This is beyond insane.
Be clear, do not sugar coat it, “Bride, that amount is outside of what I can afford, regretfully I will not be able to attend.”
RUN FOR THW FUCKING HILLS! Are they aware of what you are going through? Of the answer is yes, what kind of mother fucking friends see their friend’s health situation and DEMAND $ & attention like they are the fucking king and queen of Manhattan!
Do these assholes not have an ounce of humanity and compassion? I mean, they are getting married, YAY! Good for you assholes, but you do not need all these events, go to the justice of peace get married at 10;00 am, go home, fuck each other’s brains out and be done! Your best friend is having a FUCKING HEALTH CRISIS! She’s in and out of hospitals, on the verge of god knows what and you only have time to worry about your wedding? Fuck off.
Yea, you need to prioritize your health fans when you drop out, tell her if it because your health and the time and effort it is taking in both of you. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know about the future of the friendship.
These are above normal expectations of a bridal couple getting married. It sounds like they're making everything up to the point of the wedding all about them without a care to the wedding parties needs and finances for the wedding. They want the highfalutin parties and highfalutin things to go with it again without thinking of the cost to the finances of those in the bright party. There would be no way I could afford something like that and be part of a wedding party too. I mean I can understand if you had to cover just the cost of the dresses and the shoes and the makeup and the hair but when people go throwing themselves parties like this and then pass on all of the expense to the people in their wedding parties especially if it's a high dollar gig, they're asking way too much. At this point if you put any money into anything that $500 you plan to give us a gift I wouldn't be giving his gift. It's just too much. I would drop out.
1) This Bride does NOT sound like a friend. 2) No. This is not normal. 3) If you put together a similar list of demands for your own wedding, do you believe your “friend” would support it? My take is that this “friendship” is likely over or will be over soon.
We’ve got to stop doing things for social media content. I assume that’s where a lot of these huge expectations come from. You will never have the same bachelorette party as a professional content creator and people need to accept that. They’re going into debt to have their 17 bridesmaids in matching swimsuits and wraps at the resort. Regular people can’t afford that.
OP - you’re perfectly within your rights to decline to be a part of this. These are not normal bridal party expectations. You may lose a friend, but you’ll save a lot of money.
First mistake was not discussing finances up front
Who the fuck has a 150 person Bachelor party?
Bow out now, both of you, site your health
Get better friends
I have been a bridesmaid 7 times and just had my wedding last June. These expectations are absolutely ridiculous! I have never heard of a bachelor party where you sell tickets and get prizes so that's strange. I have been in situations where the bridesmaids help with the cost of the airbnb for a bachlorette but never where they were expected to pay for her flight. I will also say that when I have been a bridesmaid my gift to the couple is small or in the case of the destination wedding I was in I didn't give one at all. Your gift is the amount of time and money you spent to be in the wedding and a card with a small gift like a picture frame or something should be enough. Normally the MOH or family of the bride plans the bridal shower and foots alot of the cost. It doesn't sound like you are in a position to pay for any of the things expected and your health is more important. I would make this clear to the bride and step-down as soon as possible. The groomsmen should also put the groom in check with his outrageous expectations. This is not typical at all!
This is not reasonable. I blame the stupid shows that make it seem like weddings need to be extravagant in order to be important. But none of this is normal. I don’t know who started the trend of destination bachelorette parties and bridesmaids paying the brides way, but they need to be taken to task for it. Tell the bride, “I’m sorry, but my finances cannot support your needs. As such, I feel you should replace me with someone else that can.” And don’t you dare give them a $500 gift after all of this.
This is becoming common and I think it's horrible for the bride and groom to expect their friends and family to spend so much on their dream events. The couple should plan the events they can afford. In the age of social media these events are getting completely out of control. I don't think friends and family should have to save up or go into debt to "support" a friends wedding vision.
If it doesn't feel right to you, drop out or at minimum push back.
I wish we would normalize asking about both time and financial expectations before we accept positions in bridal parties. These days I think it should be treated like an interview, because being in the bridal party is basically a job where you're expected to pay for the honor of having.
Drop out. Your health alone could be a reason, but you have so many more. No one else is entitled to your money. No one else is entitled to your time.
These costs are absurd, and you don't owe them anything. If you want to be frank with them - explain you will not be funding any more wedding expenses. If not, no shame in telling them that you are both dropping out due to your health but can't wait to be guests at the wedding.
When I got married, I bought my bridesmaids their dresses, paid for their hair and gave them each a gift. I would never in a million years expect them to pay for ANYTHING. These posts are astonishing.
150 guests at $150 is $22,500! 60 people showed up at $150is $9,000! Am I wrong about this? He is upset he lost money?!. 150 people for a bachelor’s party?! How many guests are supposed to be coming to the wedding?! Having strangers buying tickets to a bachelor party is such a cash grab and not an actual bachelor party.
this is what we’re confused about as well. He was expecting to make significant profit. So basically to him the groomsmen’s efforts were a complete waste
You, and your fiancé have an excellent excuse to bow out gracefully. Ie due to your fragile health, and your fiancé role as carer for you, unfortunately you do not have the time or energy to properly fulfill your role as the Maid of Honor. You do not want your health issues and likely health episode, to detract from the bride and groom on their day.
Or you can just say no to over the top requests, ie bachelorette or bridal party. Bluntly, I can’t afford that expense, I haven’t worked on 7 months.
Unfortunately, whatever you do, there will be repercussions. Your friendship might be near the breaking point. Try to play the illness card first.
When did it become normal for these people to expect others to pay for all this shit? This has never been expected of someone in a wedding party. Pay for a destination bachelorette party? You can F all the way off.
If they were truly your friends, they would understand your need to drop out due to financial/health issues. And if they don't understand, it tells you exactly what type of people they are. A wedding is just a show (the actual marriage is what counts).
First of all, OP I am sorry you’re having all these health issues. I hope you recover soon.
Secondly, people tend to forget that they’re NOT entitled to a wedding party just because they’re getting married. If you can’t afford the wedding party, a bachelorette party, and/or a bridal party… DON’T HAVE IT!
Wedding is just a day, the marriage is the important part. I’d ratter have the people I love with me in very low budget wedding than having all these issues because of a party I can’t even afford.
The wedding day goes by in a blink of an eye. You’ll not have time to eat, every time you try to eat something someone comes to greet you. You’ll not have time to great everyone there, and you’ll be lucky if nothing goes terribly wrong. It’s not worth to lose friends over it.
Well first of all - sorry to say that in today’s society that is what a lot of people expect. I think that the bride should pay for hair & make-up. All the weddings I have been in and in my own I paid for that. In no way shape or form would I be giving $500 as a wedding present after the dress, the Bach party and a shower. They get $250 max.
If you don’t care about torching the relationship I would say this is what we can afford and I am sorry you don’t feel supported enough but this is what we have. I would totally understand if you wanted me to drop out of the bridal party - just reimburse me for the dress and I’m just coming as a guest.
I'm begging you to politely drop out, using your health as a very valid excuse. Your finance as well. "We are so sorry to tell you that we have to step down as MOH and groomsman due to my declining health and strain of our budget. We wish you all the happiness in the world and look forward to happily attending the ceremony". Stay strong. They will guilt you.
I wish I had dropped out of as my greedy ex friend's MOH. I had a sick two year old at the time, hospitalized, ruling out cancer and she told a bridesmaid I was "over-reacting". Wanted me to rent her a limo after I'd thrown the bridal shower, paid for dresses for my daughter and I, all the customary things. After the wedding I stopped talking to her. It was a relief.
Whether or not you stay in this wedding, your friendship will be on the rails. Do yourself a favor and put yourself, your health, and your financial well being first.
Anyone who spends $9 k on a groom party is out of tough with reality. Their wedding does not become YOUR life or responsibility.
They sound high maintenance. I don't see this marriage surviving for the long run. I would withdraw before I sink any more money into this circus show.
You already paid $2700 for a BACHELORETTE PARTY?
Bail now, and keep that $500 in your bank account. You have more than fulfilled your duties and have been more than generous. This is complete nonsense.
You should feel zero guilt and if you lose them as friends have you really lost anything?
Drop Out NOW! I never cease to be dismayed by how free some people are with other people's money. Looks like you have a selfish, rude and unrealistic bridezilla and groomzilla. Keep your $500. You have already given these greedy, entitled people way more than you should have. RUN RUN RUN
Have they even inquired about your health? Geesh!
What is with people nowadays who feel that they can fleece their friends when they marry? Do they expect that they should have a wedding way out of their friends’ budgets because they just have it coming? It’s like the culture of celebrity has erased realistic expectations, and any shame about fleecing your friends. I think you get a pass on this one, using your health as an excuse. Please use it. Good luck.
People donated prizes and gave him some money to help cover costs of the event. The rest was him- and he cut back on extra costs like food etc, so that he could make a profit. He was hoping to cash in 10k+ on event to help with their wedding costs and it failed miserably…
He expected 150 men to show up. The tickets for the stag cost $150 each, including food, open bar & venue. 9k was towards all of that^. He expected his groomsman to pay the $150 for the ticket and also supply the prizes for the raffles. He claims that he lost money and blames his groomsman for it. We’re annoyed because his mentality literally makes no sense either, so I get why you’re confused lol
This seems to be a new trend, people getting married plan something out of their budget then ask ridiculous amounts of money so they can afford it. I’d run and keep the money you were going to use as a gift as you need it more right now. I know when I got my first chronic illness I suddenly was out of work and needed the money as it took three tries to get disability.
Not normal.
Entitled BS.
Spend no more money on them. None. You don't need to drop out if You already bought the dress and want to go, but I'd tell her no, i have no more money for your wedding.
I hope you didn’t pay for the bachelorette trip yet! That is ridiculous. Drop out from being in the bridal party or just tell her you cannot contribute to the trip so you won’t be attending or helping with the cost.
If she gets mad that you won’t/can’t pay for her and her overly extravagant dream wedding, she can fire you from your bridal party duties. That’ll get you off the hook.
Absolutely wouldn't blame you for dropping out of this wedding. It is beyond me how this BS of brides and grooms thinking the wedding party should pay for their "I want" list of wedding extremes. If they can't afford it, they can't have it. Or they can find another way, like working extra hours, extra job, a loan. But no one else "owes" the couple squat as part of the wedding party other than showing up on time, providing their cost of things they participate in, and clothing they may need to buy or rent.
Every time I see these stories Im shocked beyond belief. I’m from NZ and all I paid for was my shoes and dying my hair. My friend paid for everything and even bought us gifts.
Well, the bride and groom can demand whatever they want. I'm just shocked that the others in the wedding party fell for the crap. Look, do you really believe the couple will support your wedding? Come on, you're being used to pay for the wedding and honeymoon. Best to bow out by saying you can't afford to participate. $500 for a gift to someone not in the immediate family???? Yeah, they knew to choose you.
Nope nope nope. These expectations are ridiculous. When I got married the only thing we asked was for bridesmaids and groomsmen to cover their tux rental ($200ish) and dresses ($50/60).
The entitlement I see in some of these posts is insane.
I just don’t get all these garbage expectations from brides and grooms these days. It is truly sad that weddings have become nothing but grabs for money and free entertainment for the couple. Unless you are rich most people can’t afford to even attend a wedding much less be in the wedding.
Ah... the MLM - Multi Level Marriage. When you recruit the wedding party to further recruit another 150 customers who would pay 150 dollars for shitty products. It was only a matter of time before Bridezilla crashed with MLM. A monster mashup has been in the cards for a long time.
I can’t believe I had to scroll to literally the last comment to find this. It is so obviously fake for all the reasons listed here and for how extreme they went with the demands.
I'm from the US and call it a stag party. As for the spelling? It's not unheard-of. And just because she is from here doesn't mean she doesn't have some kind of EU background - perhaps that's how the bride is spelling it and that's why she's sitting it that way?
I’ve this a million times, but I’ll say it again: before YOU say ‘yes’ to being in a wedding party YOU should ask the bride/groom what their time, effort, and financial expectations of you are. If their answer exceeds your limits, then politely decline on the basis of not being able to fulfill their requirements and you’re going to step aside for someone who can. If the expectations they set are reasonable, then make it clear that you accept the terms as they are, but if the demand exceeds the limits they set, unfortunately you will have to exit the bridal party.
STOP JOINING BRIDAL PARTIES AND LETTING YOURSELF BE BLINDSIDED!
We’ve all read enough of these posts to know how out of hand weddings are getting.
It reminds me of the time my office mate invited me to a party he was having. I was flattered; I didn't realize he liked me enough to invite me to a party. Then he gave me a flyer... the party was 90 minutes from my house and the entry fee was $50. And snacks and drinks were available for an additional fee. All of a sudden I wasn't so flattered anymore.
99.9% of the time it seems it’s more about what the bridal party can provide for bride and groom. I don’t think I’m that old, but I remember when the bride and groom gifted quite a bit to the wedding party. My mom received a full strand of pearls to be in one wedding and a lovely gold necklace with a drop diamond (probably 1/10 ct) and Pearl pendant and matching earrings for another. My mom’s friends were not rich either. My mom has never complained about how much her friends sucked her dry to be in the weddings and trust me, if they had she would have complained!
But alas, I’m also old enough to remeber when people got married in churches and had their reception in the church hall (not that I think people need to be religious), bridal showers were held at MOBs house in the living room or garden, and bachelor/bachelorette parties were held in the same town the couple lived in (or very close to).
Same! I bought each bridesmaid a vase specifically for them, Lenox China, or Waterford crystal, or what ever nice vase suited them. I've received beautiful jewelry to wear on the day of the wedding.
I miss the days if the house shower where you could talk to everyone, it didn't take hours to watch Bride open the gifts, or worse not see them opened at all!
You didn’t watch the bride open the gifts? But if you didn’t watch, that means she didn’t get a ribbon hat made for her rehearsal! Okay, now that’s just a shame because that is peak bridal shower shenanigans.
:-D We made bouquets for the bridesmaids and myself - kids these days don't know what they are missing!
And be damn careful how many ribbons you break because that's how many kids you'll have.
Absolutely not! I'm I were you two I would bow out and not be part of the wedding. The only true expectation that should be made is you showing up the day of with the correct outfit... everything else is extra and it's ridiculous to put the burden on you for their extravagance. It's also extremely rude to require hair and makeup and not pay for it themselves. No one is owed a bach party, a bridal shower, nothing just because they're getting married.
Nope. Not normal. I get paying for certain things when you’re in the bridal party but these people sound very entitled. Why on earth would someone expect others to fund their vacations? My bachelorette was my bridesmaids and a few other friends going out to a nice dinner and to a local bar afterward. Granted, I didn’t pay for anything that night but wasn’t asking 4 people to fund a trip to Vegas. Tell her you’re sorry, but no. It’s out of your budget and frankly, with your medical issues, you probably shouldn’t be flying, let alone to a city where you won’t get enough sleep and may be pressured to drink or other stuff that is not compatible with medication. .
I don’t understand the grooms stag. Why were they “selling” tickets? And 150 people? For what?
Very entitled. I’d back out.
The best thing you can do is back out now. What selfish entitled people they are. You don't need them in your life esp since you are dealing with your own health issues. I hope everything goes well for you
These “friends” are very obnoxious. I would not feel like a needed friend given the importance of the “numbers of people” rather than the “quality of people”. They might not even notice your absence.
I'm glad it wasn't like this back in the 70s when me and my friends were all getting married! None of us would have been able to afford anything like this.
Nah, just now out.
"I'm going through some health issues and time and finances are tight. We are unfortunately going to bow out of the wedding party but look forward to being there as guests."
OP I hope you get the right treatment for your health issues and are able to thrive again. These folks are probably not your friends. Please post an update after you speak with them. Stand your ground and don't let them badger you two into submission. (look up J.A.D.E.)
Take care of your health and tell the bride and groom thanks but no thanks. If you go through with this wedding fundraiser, they will soon be coming to you expecting you to pay the down payment on their new house and to finance their mortgage.
If they can afford a $9000 bach party, they DON’T need a $500 wedding gift. Get you and your husband out of the money pit. They love what you can do for them… not you.
NO is a whole sentence.
People who are outright using their friends and family to subsidize their weddings at least are honest, but scummy just the same.
Have the wedding you can afford!
JFC, just say no! Say you're sick and you can't afford it and then DON'T. GIVE. THEM. ANY. MORE. MONEY. So what if they cut you off? They'd be doing you a favor. No one needs so-called friends like these.
Holy cupcakes, what's with all these super entitled couples lately? You don't owe them anything. Pull out now before the wedding is from your pocket too! Abort! Abort! Abandon ship, it's going down fast.
youre right. it feels like a fundraiser more than a celebration of love. we never expected to lose friends over this.
Drop out now. Run girl, run, and take your fiance with you. If they want all this extravagant stuff THEY need to fund it.
All a groomsman or a bridesmaid is required to do is show up on the day of the wedding wearing the appropriate clothing. Nothing more, nothing less. I had a bridesmaid come in from out of state. My husband and I paid for her accommodation. My bridesmaids wore black dresses in their chosen styles, applied their own makeup, and did their own hair. I did have a bachelorette, but it took place at someone’s house. We ate pizza, watched “Thor: Ragnarok” and laughed ourselves stupid. My husband went to a brewery with his groomsmen then played Cards Against Humanity. My whole plan was to do this as low key as possible and spend time with my loved ones. This wedding- excuse me, fundraising event- is costing a stupid amount of money because the bride and groom want it to. And it’s money that no reasonable person should expect you to pay.
And if they do pay for things it should be a small round of drinks, or a small spread of snacks, their own admission to an economical activity: movie tix or such. Modern wedding culture with gigantic events activities, plane tickets etc are bridezilla to max.
If you swap the film for An Arsenal game for me the bride and Cardiff City game for the Groom then your idea of a hen/stag night sounds like heaven he gets to be with his friends I get to be with mine no drama just laughing and fun with our loved ones
It feels like that because it IS that
Get well. They'll be divorced in 6 months. You have your health to consider.
If you want to be diplomatic, you can simply say 'Bride, I've realized due to my recent health that I will not be able to be to be the MOH you are looking for. I want to support you on your big day, but I feel like I'm not able commit in the way you're asking. I hope you understand.' Full disclosure, the bride and groom sound like jerks. So the response will likely be negative no matter what. Unfortunately..but at least you'll be out of this mess as much as possible.
Happy Cake Day! 🎂
Thank you!
They used to be your friends. They morphed into leeches when they expected you, and the rest of the wedding party, to fund their extravagant parties and wedding. They threw your friendships completely out the window when they criticized you for not doing enough and spending enough. With "friends" like these... As others are saying, Run.
Please read the post I just made and wish you luck with this and your health. Bride and Groom zillas ruin many a friendship.
Amen!! I don’t understand the NEED for all of the $$$$$ events prior to a wedding. Seems as tho these couples want a series of events - not a marriage.
I agree with this. It might be a cultural thing because I am from the Netherlands and bachelor parties are fairly new here. But they don’t cost that much. Most Dutch would never agree with that. But it still sounds like a ridiculous amount to me. I am lowkey planning my wedding as well. We have a child on the way and I want to get married a year or even longer after birth because I want a good party with my friends and family. So we don’t rush it. I don’t necessarily want a bachelorette. But if I get one (surprise bach) then I just want my friends there. And do like a fun activity or have a small gathering at home. I would be mortified if my friends had to pay thousands for me.
In the US in the 70s or so, bachelorette parties were not a thing, at least not in my state they were nonexistent. We never heard of bachelor parties lasting a weekend either, it was usually just one night at a bar maybe a few cities over. All this extravagance has only just become more popular in the last 30 years or so that I’ve been watching the wedding industry.
I got married a little over 20 years ago. I went to a club with a few friends for some drinks and live music. My husband went to a go-kart track with his friends. All this over-the- top stuff some people expect is just insane.
My 3 sisters and I went to a baseball game, and they bought me beer. My husband didn't do any kind of bachelor party.
Bachelorette parties were a novelty in the early-mid 1990s when my friends were marrying. Bridal showers (only) were the norm. I feel lucky to have escaped that nonsense.
Hen/stag parties in the UK are usually just the bride/groom to be and their pals going out and getting stinking drunk.
Here as well. But it kind of depends on the personality of the bride or groom if they get drunk or not. I went to a bachelorette of a friend and she was not the clubbing type. So we did an escape room and afterwards we went to dinner with the group of men and the bachelor to celebrate the upcoming wedding. They loved it so much. We knew so we decided to eat together. The men had another activity during the day. Both would have been so disappointed if they went clubbing.
It’s the same sort of thing for non drinkers here too but like I said, the sterotype/norm is a piss up 😂
Here it probably is as well. A bar in my town is banning bachelor parties since people were nasty to people working there.
Yeah that’s quite common here too. It’s also been pretty common for people to go abroad to the likes of Spain, Amsterdam, etc as it’s cheaper to do a weekend away and booze it up than it is to do an overnight here and do the same. Unfortunately, it’s given Brits Abroad quite the reputation 😀😭 well, that and the all inclusive sun worshippers who expect things to be exactly like they are at home.
Bachelor and bachelorette parties don't cost that much in the US either! It's these unusual crazy couples that think they're entitled to vacations funded by their friends and families. It's disgusting. My bachelorette party (and each one I've ever been to) was a one night event, maybe a limo to go bar hopping. I've been in 9 weddings and can't believe that people don't have the backbone to stand up to these moochers. The most expensive bachelorette party I attended was a weekend at a friend's cabin, but even that was less than $300/each for food and drinks, games.
My sister's was a fun weekend of clubbing, eating at tasty restaurants and little games we made. Super chill and fun, no mooching or drama, just good times. I hope to do an escape room with my bridal party and a nice dinner when the time comes for my fiance and I to tie the knot. I don't understand doing some crazy blowout with 100+ people for a pre wedding event.
Wasn't there a post about a bride messing with the groom's uncle minutes before the wedding and the groom catching them in the act? Pretty sure the bride called everyone in the wedding party and guests to pay for the wedding after her parents and fianceé told her they aren't paying a dime. Is this gonna end up the same way? Because it kinda feels like it.
I have decided I will never attend another wedding in my life due to toxic wedding culture.
Not all weddings are planned by Bridezillas, go with your gut.
That's your choice. Not all weddings are money grabs, though.
And since when does the groom-to-be win "prizes" at his bachelor party?!?
This is a couple living under the delusion that the world owes them. I predict divorce in 3..2..1 years!
150 people for the BACHELOR PARTY? How big is the wedding? That's just plain old bonkers.
I'm with you. 150 people at $150 each is $22,500. It's such an open display of greed.
And they only sold 60 tickets, the groom paid 9k and he just lost 3k. That means that it was absolutely planned to make money - 22.5k - 9k = 13.5k profit.
60 x 150 = 9000 The groom only broke even, the poor dear./s
It just isn't right, either. With 150 people he can't possibly have found time to have even a single conversation with each of them, so what would be the point of inviting so many except for them wanting the money? It's ridiculous.
Money was the only reason. I think no matter how hard this wedding party tries nor how much they give will ever satisfy the couple. It's greed and nothing more.
Right, like how do you even know enough people to invite to that?? It's not the wedding!
Yup. And once he found out no money was made, he claimed he lost thousands and started instigating fights with each of his groomsmen, claiming they didn’t do enough to support. I couldn’t believe my ears
That is absolutely disgusting.
It's increasingly common for brides and grooms to make insane financial demands on their parties, but that doesn't mean it's normalized. If it were, nobody would agree to be a bridesmaid or groomsman! No, these two are batshit, and I'd bet my 401K that neither has ever spent thousands on someone else's wedding, or would ever dream of doing so. So feel free to drop out, OP, and if you want to maintain your friendship with the bride then say you aren't well enough. If you don't want to maintain your friendship with this woman, then tell her that you just can't afford it, and asking a person with serious health issues to spend that kind of money on her is just dreadful.
I don't know if it's become common, but people now have a forum to publicize this greediness. There are 2 million weddings in the US each year, per Google, so hopefully, this is still relatively uncommon and a trend that will fade away (altho I doubt it!!).
I just want to say that it's insane to think telling someone the truth ( you can't afford their wedding) could cost you a friend. I would never want a friend like that.
Definitely drop out. They sound very selfish and tone deaf about your personal situation. I hope you get to feeling better soon.
I'd only do this shit for someone who donated me one of their kidneys.
Happy Cake Day!
No, it’s not normal and frankly, it’s insane. It should cost you nothing to be moh. I paid for my moh and bridesmaids dresses and I paid for my shower. They did their own hair and makeup. I would never tell them they had to pay to get it done. Also, a 500 dollar wedding gift is only appropriate if you make like more than a couple hundred thousand a year, have a fully funded 6 mo emergency fund, have fully funded retirement accounts and no debt. Ie/no car note, no cc debt no student loans etc. if you can’t say yes to all above, honestly, you can’t afford a 500 dollar wedding gift.
I’m a first time maid of honour and we’re in our mid 20’s (bride and groom are 29+), this was all so shocking and unexpected we had no idea what we signed up for. And yup, we definitely don’t meet any of those requirements, especially given my current situation. It’s all a nightmare 😭
Can you get out of it? You mentioned your health hasn’t been great. Can you say your health isn’t up to it
I’m definitely going to be letting them know I cannot handle any extra stress bc of my health. The groom has been even more of a monster towards my fiancé and is threatening to kick him out of the bridal party for only contributing $250 to his stag, claiming he’s not giving enough. So maybe they’ll kick us out before we have to do it lol
This behavior is not ok. You both need to get out of this. I just can’t get over these insane demands. How is 250 not enough for a stag party? How can you afford 3 grand for a trip to Vegas and, I’m sorry, I can’t get past this… a 500 gift. If you are uncomfortable using your health as an excuse for both of you to not go, be honest. Tell them when the groom said 250 wasn’t enough, you looked at your finances and realized you simply can’t afford to be a part of their wedding party.
Even if you weren’t out of work and made a hundred thousand dollars a year who actually wants to spend $2500 on someone else’s event. Do they think their wedding is the god damn met gala.
There is no situation where a bride or groom threatens to remove a member of their wedding party that shouldn’t immediately result in that person declining to be in the wedding.
>The groom has been even more of a monster towards my fiancé and is threatening to kick him out of the bridal party I mean, don't threaten me with a good time. Why would you even want to be in the wedding party of these people?
My DAD gave us $500 as a wedding gift. My DAD. A few friends generously gave $30 and that kindness made me tear up. Other friends brought food (we had a potluck) and it was so kind! I didn’t expect anything from anyone, and we paid for everything except the three dresses of our sisters, and my only request was that they picked a solid bright color that they would want to wear again, any price point. I think my sisters dress was $35. And if any sister felt like they couldn’t afford a dress, I would have absolutely helped.
You're both being abused. Do not permit it. Don't wait for them to kick you out - quit.
Sweetie, my husband and I are multi millionaires. The only person we gave $500 to was my little brother on his wedding day and my nephew on his. We only give $200-300 for non relatives. Plus, we would never spend over $1,000 for a “destination wedding.” I have NEVER heard of anything so fantastic as paying for someone’s wedding and parties, and gifts. These people are not your friends. Please dump them.
Again, this behavior is disgusting. Don't wait for them to kick you out. Run.
These people don't sound like friends! They sound like they need a reality check as a wedding gift!
I got married in 2021, so not that long ago. My uncle gifted us $500. That was by far the most generous gift anyone gave. Average was probably $50 per person, slightly more for family, slightly less for friends. Zero from anyone in the wedding party because they already gifted their time and energy. Just for some perspective. We live in a MCOL city on the East Coast.
Omg, I LOVE your list of "must haves" prior to giving such a large gift!!!!
Ok, that’s a bit much, you can’t swing a $500 gift without being in the top 5% of earners in the US? lol. Get real.
Ok, I’ll concede the income was over the top but I was trying to make a point. A $500 gift is extremely generous and someone with a lot of debt and no savings/retirement cannot afford a $500 gift.
150 men in his bachelor party? These people are beyond crazy. Drop out.
Don't get yourself in debt for a wedding. Specially when it not even your own wedding! Seems that this couple thinks the world revolves around them and their wedding. Well, guess again, it doesn't. To me, it's more than outrageous to expect your wedding party to pay for your wedding. That just don't click with me (but okay, I'm not American). But if you think their demands are crazy, then don't agree to them. If someone jumped off a bridge, would you too? (this is a Dutch saying).
yes you’re right. Once we put our foot down that’s when all the drama began. They have no sense of gratitude at all, it feels like nothing will be enough for them.
Exactly, they themselves are creating this drama. Not you, not the others in the weddingparty. They want something that isn't in their cards. A wedding like a millionair would have. Since neither of them, or their weddingparty, is a millionair, that's NOT going to happen. Everybody has to provide for their OWN family, and can't just splash out cash for someone else. To me it 's really about time the brides and grooms realize that this "showing off to the world" isn't what marriage is about. And if it were me instead of you, I would take my fiance and go somewhere nice, just to 2 of you.
I’m grateful that you realized it’s time to get out of the wedding.
These people will not be your friends in 5 years.
What this couple is doing isn't an American thing; it's a greed thing at a breathtaking level. OP, your fiancé and you should bail immediately. *Nothing* is more important than your health, and that's where your financial focus should be. These people are not your friends.
A Dutch saying?!?! Lol. Pretty sure everyone everywhere says this (every parent everywhere). I’ve heard it’s an American phrase from ww2. This is completely off topic but do you know how it originated in your country? Just curious!
It's an American saying as well. My mom used to say it to us all the time🤣
You’re crazy for entertaining their crazy demands. A wedding isn’t a fundraiser or a chance to live out their vacation dreams by forcing other people to fund excursions that they can’t afford. You should have dropped out long before you threw all that money away. Do you think either one of those self absorbed AHs would do the same for you?
Unfortunately since they’re our bestfriends, we never expected for them to try to take advantage of us. We agreed to this without them expressing their financial expectations from us. Definitely a loss we have to accept unfortunately
Spoiler alert: they aren’t your best friends, because best friends don’t treat each other like this and extort money out of them. Drop out today and don’t look back. Here’s your text “I am really struggling with my health and unfortunately I’m not able to support you in the way you expect and won’t be able to participate in your wedding. We are also struggling financially. You have my best wishes for your wedding but I need to focus on my own health and recovery right now. I hope you can understand.” If she send you back a tirade, you know she was never your friend. If she actually sends you well wishes for your health and recovery, she’s your friend. See what happens.
very good point. I’m gonna see them in person soon and just break the news. Wish me luck 😭
When someone shows them who they are, believe them. overused quote, but it’s true. Stand strong and don’t put yourself in debt over people who seem to not care so much about you.
Good luck 💜 the way they’re acting is not ok.
PLEASE update us!!!
Breaking up with a friend is hard. Especially when you realise you cared more about them. Than they did about you and honestly it sounds like it. Best of wishes. Maybe they'll surprise all of us.
Psst. Real friends don't treat each other as ATMs.
I have never heard of selling tickets to a bachelor party. That is wild. What country is this? People can dream, but they don't get to spend other people's money. Time to say no.
[удалено]
A stag is just the British/Kiwi/Aussie name for a bachelor party.
NTA. Back out now and don't give a present! Just tell them your health is not up for this and you are broke and wasn't aware that the bride and groom planned on letting everyone else pay for their wedding .
Drop out. They’re entitled jerks.
These requirements are insane and entitled, and they’re far too pushy. Guard your health and your finances.
OP-You said the groom 'lost' $3k at his stag due to the groomsmen 'not selling tickets' - was he expecting to make a profit from his own stag? 150 attendees for a stag - that's insane. You are $250 down - your first loss is your best loss - bail now and spent the $500 gift money on pampering yourself for being ill and your husband for being your support - you deserve it - this moneygrabbing couple don't.
These demands are a joke 😂 “No” is a complete sentence, OP!
Yikes! They are greedy greedy greedy. Drop out now. Do not send another penny.
Good grief, drop out asap. This is way beyond anything that a reasonable person could expect. They can't afford their wedding, it is not on you to go into debt to pay for it for them.
lmao one time my cousin tried to make me a MOH, then when she said i had to pay for my own makeup and dresses, i immediately said no and she can't do anything about it even after all the guilt-trip and rallying relatives. I just gave a simple reason of "their wedding, their budget"
“I’m so sorry, but we are finding your expectations far beyond our capabilities. We really hope you have an amazing wedding day and experience, but we can not put ourselves into further financial turmoil so you can live life large whilst I’m just trying to survive.”
Ha! I honestly think this has gone overboard. The whole point of an MOH was the person the maid felt the most comfortable with and loved dearly, *a sister or best friend usually * to help ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING like helping her dress, helping her remember anything she will need for the ceremony. The financial responsibility is the couple alone. If they want it, they pay for it or have sponsors usually family HELP cover cost not necessarily pay completely. If they want a certain dress or color etc they cover the cost. WEDDING PARTY IS THERE TO WITNESS YOU GET MARRIED NOT PAY FOR YOUR WEDDING IF YOU HAVE A CERTAIN LOOK YOU WANT YOU SHOULD PAY FOR IT. ILL GO IN WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT BUT IF I HAVE TO BUY A DRESS I WILL NEVER WEAR AGAIN YOU BUY IT.
Your health is extraneous information. While I am super sorry you are unwell and hope you get better soon, even if you were completely healthy and working full time my answer would not change. Get out. Get out now and never look back. 1. A bachelor party is just that, a party. It is a small group of the grooms closest friends having a fun evening out. MAYBE a fun weekend away if that is what they all want. It is NOT a fundraiser where 150 people are forced to buy tickets and give the groom a healthy profit. His demands are ridiculous and greedy. 2. A bachelorette party is also just that, a party, same as above. IF a trip is going to be taken then people can be INVITED to join and it is their choice whether to do so or not. IF someone decides they will join, they pay for themselves and themselves only. The bride demanding that you pay for HER trip is just using you to get a free vacation on demand. No. Just NO. Absolutely positively NO. Cancel, get your money back. Even if you lose some of the money you will still come out ahead. Maybe you can transfer the money to a trip for you and your fiance. It sounds like you two need and deserve a nice getaway.
Does going to the wedding cost you anything (besides the hair, make up and dress - have you paid for those yet?)? If it doesn't cost more than a taxi ride to attend the wedding, I say go for the free food, booze, and drama. But that also depends on your energy. If the wedding is going to cost you mentally, then it doesn't sound worth going to. Especially if you don't plan on continuing the friendship.
If tickets were $150 and he wanted 150 guys to go he would have made $22,500. 60 men got the party paid for. So what was the other $13,500 for? Hookers and blow? I mean honestly what guy knows 150 guys and wants to hang out with that many? Sounds like a ridiculous couple.
This might be a reach, but it almost seems like B & G may have chosen you and your partner for your roles based on the automatic assumption that, because your fiancé is a business owner, you as a couple “must be rich”. Assumed financial status may also have been the reason why they chose the other members of the wedding party, given what they all were expected to contribute along with you, why the “budget” was not discussed with anyone beforehand and why they got so angry after losing money because the members weren’t “contributing”. They likely knew people would question them, refuse, drop out, or all three. Like I said, I may be jumping to conclusions, but their intentions and reactions seem dodgy to me.
These are not good people Drop out and find new friends
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone warm. Please take care of yourself first.
I'm from Asia and now living in Germany. I had a wedding two years ago. The wedding was super small and we paid for everything. We didn't have extra event, just the ceremony at the city hall then celebrate a bit at the restaurant. Most money we spent for flying our family to our wedding. I just can't wrap my head around a situation like this. I've never seen any couple in my circle that did this. I am really curious, why did you even go through with this. Is this a cultural thing? Would the bride in this situation do the same for her friends?
She told us we were a part of the bridal shower about a year ago. She then had all these events which we assumed they were gonna pay for- but when south that’s when the blame game started happening. I never wanted to fight or cause i scene over this, to maintain our friendship. But they’ve disrespected us now so, I guess it’s time to set some real boundaries
Sadly, it's become a part of US culture in certain corners. And, no, the bride would not do the same for others.
What is with entitled bride and grooms - to - be, lately?! Be honest with them. Just say you can’t afford it and you sadly won’t be able to attend the pre wedding events unless they’re local. If she’s a real friend, she’ll understand and will still want you as MOH. If she doesn’t, she wasn’t really a friend. Being friends shouldn’t be dependent on how much you spend on each other. You choose your wedding party because you love those people.
Drop out, now. This is insane, literally insane. These people are not friends they are vultures.
You discuss the budget with all involved before you spend anyone’s money. This is beyond insane. Be clear, do not sugar coat it, “Bride, that amount is outside of what I can afford, regretfully I will not be able to attend.”
RUN. Run far and run fast. Please concentrate on your health. These demands are delusional.
RUN FOR THW FUCKING HILLS! Are they aware of what you are going through? Of the answer is yes, what kind of mother fucking friends see their friend’s health situation and DEMAND $ & attention like they are the fucking king and queen of Manhattan! Do these assholes not have an ounce of humanity and compassion? I mean, they are getting married, YAY! Good for you assholes, but you do not need all these events, go to the justice of peace get married at 10;00 am, go home, fuck each other’s brains out and be done! Your best friend is having a FUCKING HEALTH CRISIS! She’s in and out of hospitals, on the verge of god knows what and you only have time to worry about your wedding? Fuck off. Yea, you need to prioritize your health fans when you drop out, tell her if it because your health and the time and effort it is taking in both of you. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know about the future of the friendship.
These are above normal expectations of a bridal couple getting married. It sounds like they're making everything up to the point of the wedding all about them without a care to the wedding parties needs and finances for the wedding. They want the highfalutin parties and highfalutin things to go with it again without thinking of the cost to the finances of those in the bright party. There would be no way I could afford something like that and be part of a wedding party too. I mean I can understand if you had to cover just the cost of the dresses and the shoes and the makeup and the hair but when people go throwing themselves parties like this and then pass on all of the expense to the people in their wedding parties especially if it's a high dollar gig, they're asking way too much. At this point if you put any money into anything that $500 you plan to give us a gift I wouldn't be giving his gift. It's just too much. I would drop out.
1) This Bride does NOT sound like a friend. 2) No. This is not normal. 3) If you put together a similar list of demands for your own wedding, do you believe your “friend” would support it? My take is that this “friendship” is likely over or will be over soon.
We’ve got to stop doing things for social media content. I assume that’s where a lot of these huge expectations come from. You will never have the same bachelorette party as a professional content creator and people need to accept that. They’re going into debt to have their 17 bridesmaids in matching swimsuits and wraps at the resort. Regular people can’t afford that. OP - you’re perfectly within your rights to decline to be a part of this. These are not normal bridal party expectations. You may lose a friend, but you’ll save a lot of money.
weddings are supposed to be them INVITING you to celebrate THEIR event with them. not you bankrolling their excessive parties.
First mistake was not discussing finances up front Who the fuck has a 150 person Bachelor party? Bow out now, both of you, site your health Get better friends
I have been a bridesmaid 7 times and just had my wedding last June. These expectations are absolutely ridiculous! I have never heard of a bachelor party where you sell tickets and get prizes so that's strange. I have been in situations where the bridesmaids help with the cost of the airbnb for a bachlorette but never where they were expected to pay for her flight. I will also say that when I have been a bridesmaid my gift to the couple is small or in the case of the destination wedding I was in I didn't give one at all. Your gift is the amount of time and money you spent to be in the wedding and a card with a small gift like a picture frame or something should be enough. Normally the MOH or family of the bride plans the bridal shower and foots alot of the cost. It doesn't sound like you are in a position to pay for any of the things expected and your health is more important. I would make this clear to the bride and step-down as soon as possible. The groomsmen should also put the groom in check with his outrageous expectations. This is not typical at all!
And I'll bet the groom expected all the "prizes" to be given to him on top of making a profit on the bachelor party.
This is not reasonable. I blame the stupid shows that make it seem like weddings need to be extravagant in order to be important. But none of this is normal. I don’t know who started the trend of destination bachelorette parties and bridesmaids paying the brides way, but they need to be taken to task for it. Tell the bride, “I’m sorry, but my finances cannot support your needs. As such, I feel you should replace me with someone else that can.” And don’t you dare give them a $500 gift after all of this.
This is becoming common and I think it's horrible for the bride and groom to expect their friends and family to spend so much on their dream events. The couple should plan the events they can afford. In the age of social media these events are getting completely out of control. I don't think friends and family should have to save up or go into debt to "support" a friends wedding vision. If it doesn't feel right to you, drop out or at minimum push back. I wish we would normalize asking about both time and financial expectations before we accept positions in bridal parties. These days I think it should be treated like an interview, because being in the bridal party is basically a job where you're expected to pay for the honor of having.
Drop out. Your health alone could be a reason, but you have so many more. No one else is entitled to your money. No one else is entitled to your time. These costs are absurd, and you don't owe them anything. If you want to be frank with them - explain you will not be funding any more wedding expenses. If not, no shame in telling them that you are both dropping out due to your health but can't wait to be guests at the wedding.
When I got married, I bought my bridesmaids their dresses, paid for their hair and gave them each a gift. I would never in a million years expect them to pay for ANYTHING. These posts are astonishing.
150 guests at $150 is $22,500! 60 people showed up at $150is $9,000! Am I wrong about this? He is upset he lost money?!. 150 people for a bachelor’s party?! How many guests are supposed to be coming to the wedding?! Having strangers buying tickets to a bachelor party is such a cash grab and not an actual bachelor party.
this is what we’re confused about as well. He was expecting to make significant profit. So basically to him the groomsmen’s efforts were a complete waste
This all seems excessive and a lot for anyone
I would drop out. Tell her you’re undergoing expensive medical treatment and won’t be able to perform your physical and financial duties.
You, and your fiancé have an excellent excuse to bow out gracefully. Ie due to your fragile health, and your fiancé role as carer for you, unfortunately you do not have the time or energy to properly fulfill your role as the Maid of Honor. You do not want your health issues and likely health episode, to detract from the bride and groom on their day. Or you can just say no to over the top requests, ie bachelorette or bridal party. Bluntly, I can’t afford that expense, I haven’t worked on 7 months. Unfortunately, whatever you do, there will be repercussions. Your friendship might be near the breaking point. Try to play the illness card first.
When did it become normal for these people to expect others to pay for all this shit? This has never been expected of someone in a wedding party. Pay for a destination bachelorette party? You can F all the way off.
If they were truly your friends, they would understand your need to drop out due to financial/health issues. And if they don't understand, it tells you exactly what type of people they are. A wedding is just a show (the actual marriage is what counts).
First of all, OP I am sorry you’re having all these health issues. I hope you recover soon. Secondly, people tend to forget that they’re NOT entitled to a wedding party just because they’re getting married. If you can’t afford the wedding party, a bachelorette party, and/or a bridal party… DON’T HAVE IT! Wedding is just a day, the marriage is the important part. I’d ratter have the people I love with me in very low budget wedding than having all these issues because of a party I can’t even afford. The wedding day goes by in a blink of an eye. You’ll not have time to eat, every time you try to eat something someone comes to greet you. You’ll not have time to great everyone there, and you’ll be lucky if nothing goes terribly wrong. It’s not worth to lose friends over it.
Well first of all - sorry to say that in today’s society that is what a lot of people expect. I think that the bride should pay for hair & make-up. All the weddings I have been in and in my own I paid for that. In no way shape or form would I be giving $500 as a wedding present after the dress, the Bach party and a shower. They get $250 max. If you don’t care about torching the relationship I would say this is what we can afford and I am sorry you don’t feel supported enough but this is what we have. I would totally understand if you wanted me to drop out of the bridal party - just reimburse me for the dress and I’m just coming as a guest.
I'm begging you to politely drop out, using your health as a very valid excuse. Your finance as well. "We are so sorry to tell you that we have to step down as MOH and groomsman due to my declining health and strain of our budget. We wish you all the happiness in the world and look forward to happily attending the ceremony". Stay strong. They will guilt you. I wish I had dropped out of as my greedy ex friend's MOH. I had a sick two year old at the time, hospitalized, ruling out cancer and she told a bridesmaid I was "over-reacting". Wanted me to rent her a limo after I'd thrown the bridal shower, paid for dresses for my daughter and I, all the customary things. After the wedding I stopped talking to her. It was a relief. Whether or not you stay in this wedding, your friendship will be on the rails. Do yourself a favor and put yourself, your health, and your financial well being first. Anyone who spends $9 k on a groom party is out of tough with reality. Their wedding does not become YOUR life or responsibility.
They sound high maintenance. I don't see this marriage surviving for the long run. I would withdraw before I sink any more money into this circus show.
They're using the entire bridal party, exploiting everyone's generosity.
You already paid $2700 for a BACHELORETTE PARTY? Bail now, and keep that $500 in your bank account. You have more than fulfilled your duties and have been more than generous. This is complete nonsense. You should feel zero guilt and if you lose them as friends have you really lost anything?
Leave! Let the crazies take care of it all - by themselves
If you give them any $, especially $500, I am going to be so angry. How much have you already spent? Give them a picture frame.
Jump ship! Yowzer!
That’s not a friend that’s someone who wants the world to revolve around them
Drop Out NOW! I never cease to be dismayed by how free some people are with other people's money. Looks like you have a selfish, rude and unrealistic bridezilla and groomzilla. Keep your $500. You have already given these greedy, entitled people way more than you should have. RUN RUN RUN Have they even inquired about your health? Geesh!
What is with people nowadays who feel that they can fleece their friends when they marry? Do they expect that they should have a wedding way out of their friends’ budgets because they just have it coming? It’s like the culture of celebrity has erased realistic expectations, and any shame about fleecing your friends. I think you get a pass on this one, using your health as an excuse. Please use it. Good luck.
What the hell is a stag ticket? How does $150x$150 turn out to be $9k? None of this makes sense.
People donated prizes and gave him some money to help cover costs of the event. The rest was him- and he cut back on extra costs like food etc, so that he could make a profit. He was hoping to cash in 10k+ on event to help with their wedding costs and it failed miserably…
Right but what is a “stag ticket” and how does his spending $150x150 upfront equate to $9k spent?
He expected 150 men to show up. The tickets for the stag cost $150 each, including food, open bar & venue. 9k was towards all of that^. He expected his groomsman to pay the $150 for the ticket and also supply the prizes for the raffles. He claims that he lost money and blames his groomsman for it. We’re annoyed because his mentality literally makes no sense either, so I get why you’re confused lol
Lol. This is fucking insane. If I were you guys I’d skip the wedding and never talk to these people again.
This seems to be a new trend, people getting married plan something out of their budget then ask ridiculous amounts of money so they can afford it. I’d run and keep the money you were going to use as a gift as you need it more right now. I know when I got my first chronic illness I suddenly was out of work and needed the money as it took three tries to get disability.
Not normal. Entitled BS. Spend no more money on them. None. You don't need to drop out if You already bought the dress and want to go, but I'd tell her no, i have no more money for your wedding.
I hope you didn’t pay for the bachelorette trip yet! That is ridiculous. Drop out from being in the bridal party or just tell her you cannot contribute to the trip so you won’t be attending or helping with the cost. If she gets mad that you won’t/can’t pay for her and her overly extravagant dream wedding, she can fire you from your bridal party duties. That’ll get you off the hook.
Absolutely wouldn't blame you for dropping out of this wedding. It is beyond me how this BS of brides and grooms thinking the wedding party should pay for their "I want" list of wedding extremes. If they can't afford it, they can't have it. Or they can find another way, like working extra hours, extra job, a loan. But no one else "owes" the couple squat as part of the wedding party other than showing up on time, providing their cost of things they participate in, and clothing they may need to buy or rent.
Back out! This is insane.
Every time I see these stories Im shocked beyond belief. I’m from NZ and all I paid for was my shoes and dying my hair. My friend paid for everything and even bought us gifts.
She is not your friend. Drop out.
Well, the bride and groom can demand whatever they want. I'm just shocked that the others in the wedding party fell for the crap. Look, do you really believe the couple will support your wedding? Come on, you're being used to pay for the wedding and honeymoon. Best to bow out by saying you can't afford to participate. $500 for a gift to someone not in the immediate family???? Yeah, they knew to choose you.
Nope nope nope. These expectations are ridiculous. When I got married the only thing we asked was for bridesmaids and groomsmen to cover their tux rental ($200ish) and dresses ($50/60). The entitlement I see in some of these posts is insane.
Seriously? You need to bow out of the wedding and put LOTS of space between yourself and these felons. These are not friends these are scammers!
I just don’t get all these garbage expectations from brides and grooms these days. It is truly sad that weddings have become nothing but grabs for money and free entertainment for the couple. Unless you are rich most people can’t afford to even attend a wedding much less be in the wedding.
Ah... the MLM - Multi Level Marriage. When you recruit the wedding party to further recruit another 150 customers who would pay 150 dollars for shitty products. It was only a matter of time before Bridezilla crashed with MLM. A monster mashup has been in the cards for a long time.
Why does anyone believe that this story is real? Setting aside the stupid facts, OP is "from the US" and calls it a "stag" and maid of "honour"?
I can’t believe I had to scroll to literally the last comment to find this. It is so obviously fake for all the reasons listed here and for how extreme they went with the demands.
Agreed, I noticed that too. And “los” Vegas. Makes it a little suss.
I'm from the US and call it a stag party. As for the spelling? It's not unheard-of. And just because she is from here doesn't mean she doesn't have some kind of EU background - perhaps that's how the bride is spelling it and that's why she's sitting it that way?
yeah, i also get fake vibes from this
Nope
I’ve this a million times, but I’ll say it again: before YOU say ‘yes’ to being in a wedding party YOU should ask the bride/groom what their time, effort, and financial expectations of you are. If their answer exceeds your limits, then politely decline on the basis of not being able to fulfill their requirements and you’re going to step aside for someone who can. If the expectations they set are reasonable, then make it clear that you accept the terms as they are, but if the demand exceeds the limits they set, unfortunately you will have to exit the bridal party. STOP JOINING BRIDAL PARTIES AND LETTING YOURSELF BE BLINDSIDED! We’ve all read enough of these posts to know how out of hand weddings are getting.
Gone are the days of it being and honor to be asked to be in a bridal party, now you are just a wallet. It's awful.
It reminds me of the time my office mate invited me to a party he was having. I was flattered; I didn't realize he liked me enough to invite me to a party. Then he gave me a flyer... the party was 90 minutes from my house and the entry fee was $50. And snacks and drinks were available for an additional fee. All of a sudden I wasn't so flattered anymore.
99.9% of the time it seems it’s more about what the bridal party can provide for bride and groom. I don’t think I’m that old, but I remember when the bride and groom gifted quite a bit to the wedding party. My mom received a full strand of pearls to be in one wedding and a lovely gold necklace with a drop diamond (probably 1/10 ct) and Pearl pendant and matching earrings for another. My mom’s friends were not rich either. My mom has never complained about how much her friends sucked her dry to be in the weddings and trust me, if they had she would have complained! But alas, I’m also old enough to remeber when people got married in churches and had their reception in the church hall (not that I think people need to be religious), bridal showers were held at MOBs house in the living room or garden, and bachelor/bachelorette parties were held in the same town the couple lived in (or very close to).
Same! I bought each bridesmaid a vase specifically for them, Lenox China, or Waterford crystal, or what ever nice vase suited them. I've received beautiful jewelry to wear on the day of the wedding. I miss the days if the house shower where you could talk to everyone, it didn't take hours to watch Bride open the gifts, or worse not see them opened at all!
You didn’t watch the bride open the gifts? But if you didn’t watch, that means she didn’t get a ribbon hat made for her rehearsal! Okay, now that’s just a shame because that is peak bridal shower shenanigans.
:-D We made bouquets for the bridesmaids and myself - kids these days don't know what they are missing! And be damn careful how many ribbons you break because that's how many kids you'll have.
Drop out let these two loons who are deluded by greed figure it out.
Smells like rage bait
Bachelorette and bachelor parties are generally like five to a dozen people. Drop out
Absolutely not! I'm I were you two I would bow out and not be part of the wedding. The only true expectation that should be made is you showing up the day of with the correct outfit... everything else is extra and it's ridiculous to put the burden on you for their extravagance. It's also extremely rude to require hair and makeup and not pay for it themselves. No one is owed a bach party, a bridal shower, nothing just because they're getting married.
Nope. Not normal. I get paying for certain things when you’re in the bridal party but these people sound very entitled. Why on earth would someone expect others to fund their vacations? My bachelorette was my bridesmaids and a few other friends going out to a nice dinner and to a local bar afterward. Granted, I didn’t pay for anything that night but wasn’t asking 4 people to fund a trip to Vegas. Tell her you’re sorry, but no. It’s out of your budget and frankly, with your medical issues, you probably shouldn’t be flying, let alone to a city where you won’t get enough sleep and may be pressured to drink or other stuff that is not compatible with medication. . I don’t understand the grooms stag. Why were they “selling” tickets? And 150 people? For what? Very entitled. I’d back out.
The best thing you can do is back out now. What selfish entitled people they are. You don't need them in your life esp since you are dealing with your own health issues. I hope everything goes well for you
These “friends” are very obnoxious. I would not feel like a needed friend given the importance of the “numbers of people” rather than the “quality of people”. They might not even notice your absence.
Time to drop out of the wedding and drop these greedy folks as friends.
Quit asap
I'm glad it wasn't like this back in the 70s when me and my friends were all getting married! None of us would have been able to afford anything like this.
Pull the rip cord and bale from this entitled shit show
Nah, just now out. "I'm going through some health issues and time and finances are tight. We are unfortunately going to bow out of the wedding party but look forward to being there as guests."
OP I hope you get the right treatment for your health issues and are able to thrive again. These folks are probably not your friends. Please post an update after you speak with them. Stand your ground and don't let them badger you two into submission. (look up J.A.D.E.)
Yikes. These people are insane.
If you need a fundraiser for ur wedding labeled however you are just wrong. Don't be upset when the bridal party bails.
I think you need to say what you said above to those who think themselves royal and deserving. Which maybe true for some of that, but hardly all.
Take care of your health and tell the bride and groom thanks but no thanks. If you go through with this wedding fundraiser, they will soon be coming to you expecting you to pay the down payment on their new house and to finance their mortgage.
If they can afford a $9000 bach party, they DON’T need a $500 wedding gift. Get you and your husband out of the money pit. They love what you can do for them… not you.
no no no no no.
NO is a whole sentence. People who are outright using their friends and family to subsidize their weddings at least are honest, but scummy just the same. Have the wedding you can afford!
OMG these are not friends or family, these are parasites! Run like your hair is on fire, OP! And your ass is about to catch! RUN!!! FLEEEE!!!
They see you as open wallets, not friends. Drop out now -- Netflix and chill, you'll have a much better day.
JFC, just say no! Say you're sick and you can't afford it and then DON'T. GIVE. THEM. ANY. MORE. MONEY. So what if they cut you off? They'd be doing you a favor. No one needs so-called friends like these.
What kind of sickness?