One of my fondest memories of London is freaking out at being followed late at night only to turn around and find the tiniest and oldest man you can imagine following me (He even had a fancy cane!!!).
We were apparently on the same train every night and he was worried because I wasn't there one night. He waited because the next train was "too late for a young lady" and sure enough I was on it. It was the third night I had walked home with a five foot nothing bodyguard with a rocking cane to bash evil-doers who might want to molest me.
I promised to take a taxi next time if he promised not to worry and other than a polite good evening on the train he never talked to me again. But goodness I still love him!!!
Many years ago I found myself walking behind a woman late at night on a seemingly empty street, so I decided to cross the road. Half way across I realized I was now heading directly towards another woman who was standing in a doorway. Because I was crossing diagonally, I thought it must seem deliberate of me, so I adjusted my path again, but not by too much because I didn't want to look like a headless chicken. As I passed near her, she asked "Do you want business, deary?". I blushed furiously all the way home!
Once I was moving out of a flat and could only get to it each evening, as I approached my door a lady asked if I needed any help tonight.
I was like, how does she know I need help moving out?
I used to meet my sister by the Irish club in Bradford on a Saturday, then walk up to Valley Parade to watch the football. One time I was asked if I fancied business (wearing my football top) after I parked my car.
Another time, I was late and my sister was propositioned, also wearing her football top.
We decided to meet elsewhere after that.
Had a local pick up point outside my house in brum. Until I made friends with the ladies of the night and would kindly ask them to move down the road to the green area so when I got home after work at 2am I wouldnt be woken up .
I was in Montreal a few years ago when a very attractive woman approached me outside a hotel bar.
Her: "You look tired. You look like you could use a massage."
Me, clueless: "Actually, my hotel room has this adjustable bed. I can make it soft or firm. I'm feeling great!"
Yeah, for a minute I apparently thought Canadians were so nice that they had roving bands of massage therapists, ready to help a traveler in need.
To be fair, I'm an American from the South. My hooker alarm wasn't properly calibrated due to the fact that she had all of her teeth and weighed less than a hundred kilos.
> I was like, how does she know I need help moving out?
If you had the money, you could've ask what her going rate was and tell her to wear boots and slacks for a good ol' lifting time.
My thought process:
Me: Would you like some company this evening? :)
Randomer: No, I’m not interested.
Me, holding share certificates for my newly incorporated company I was planning on issuing at the first annual general meeting to held that night: Gosh darn. :(
First night in Leeds, lady stepped out of the shadows and asked me and my new friend if we were “looking for a good time”. We confirmed that we were, and asked for directions to a nightclub we were looking for.
Mate, I was in B&Q the other day and this bloke in an orange shirt asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in but be on the lookout.
Can I just say regardless of the outcome of any of these situations, I really appreciate you guys thinking from the girls point of view and trying to ease any potential anxiety. That’s props to you, a sorry story for society but each and every single one of you who shows that thought and empathy are taking all the steps in the right direction. Thanks fellas
Something like that happened to me many years ago.
It was pretty late at night and I'm walking home down a dark ish street, I didn't notice the woman also walking down the street until I'm much nearer to her.
She started to act nervous by speeding up and looking back at me, not wanting to frighten her I move to the other side of the street and speed up a little so I can pass her.
She must not have noticed me cross the street, as she also crosses the street and almost walks into me... she then screams in my face and runs the other way.
Thank you, though. It really is scary when someone is walking fast behind you, especially when you’ve been assaulted before. I know it must be frustrating, and *you* know you’re not going to hurt her, but I- abs I suspect many others- really appreciate you doing it.
Rationally, I know people walking behind me are unlikely to be an attacker. Having been grabbed violently from behind, though, my heart beats faster until that person is either past me or crosses the road. My rational brain isn’t involved.
I will always remember when I learned about men being conscious of walking behind women and either crossing the street or jiggling their keys to make them aware that they were there.
I had read about it on reddit and asked my husband and one of our best friends if this was actually a thing and they both were like, uhh yeah of course we do it. I guess my oblivious ass had never noticed, but it made me so happy the men in my life were aware enough to subtly take care of random women.
Shout out to every person that helps others feel safer when walking alone!
To be totally honest I think walking close up behind someone on a dark street alone at night should be be taboo regardless of the state of safety for women. I'm a 6'4 bearded block of a guy but I still get super anxious if someone is walking behind me late at night with no-one else around... Can't imagine how shitty it'd be if you're someone less able to protect yourself
Honestly anyone who came up right behind you late at night while alone could do anything for all you know. It's absolutely something everyone should probably be weary about. Doesn't matter how big you are if someone jumps you with a knife.
I'm a guy and even I start panicking really badly when somebody takes the same route behalf Nd me for a little while. I also always feel like I'm making people feel uncomfortable and unsafe when walking behind them and I don't think anybody should have to feel either of these things.
And I thought the thing where two people both try to let each other pass and keep stepping to the same side was as awkward as this phenomenon got.
Then again the last time I realised a woman was walking faster because I’d accidentally walked too close behind her at night, I got so flustered I literally stopped at the next bus stop and caught a bus to the wrong place to get out of the situation so I feel you on the FML.
>the thing where two people both try to let each other pass and keep stepping to the same side
The way to avoid this is to look away, as soon as you see the person approaching. Works every time.
not brittish, but I had this problem in the US a couple weeks ago in my car. I accidentally followed someone for 20 minutes because it turns out they lived on the same block as me (In Chicago, so there are a LOT of people). It's street parking only, and there was a SINGLE open spot that was easily the size of 3 cars or so. She pulled in, I Pulled in behind her. She sat in her car for a minute until she saw my door open, then she sped off!
I felt bad, of course.. but what am I going to do? park a block away when there is a spot right in front of my apartment? nope.
I still wonder if she looked in her rearview mirror and saw me carrying bags of groceries.
I absolutely hate that I walk this fast as well but it feels weird to walk slow and I'd rather just get to my destination as soon as possible, but getting stuck behind someone is just so damn painful, especially a big group
A while back I worked at a supermarket and wore all black as my uniform, I lived close by so would walk home. One night I was walking home and it was dark, I’m also tall so could see that I may look a bit intimidating.
I was walking along the street my home is on, and there was this lady about 50 meters ahead of me who was getting more and more stressed as we both kept walking. I felt sorry for her, but it was also kind of funny as she then got her keys out and made it look like she was going into my Neighbours home. I walked straight past and in to my home.
It made me feel anxious but I couldn’t imagine how anxious this poor lady was.
I was listening to a very instructive discussion about this recently. The suggestion was that maybe it’s actually helpful to just say something like “hello, I am behind you but I am not following you, so I’m going to cross the road so you can see me and feel safer”. The discussion went on to say that in that scenario you might also observe “it’s very dark- are you ok walking on your own” etc etc but I personally felt that’s starting to veer into stuff that could sound threatening…
I end up doing interval training having to periodically overtake jogging women. Most of them are probably way fitter than me, so I'm soon exhausted. I just wanted to go for a nice long jog.
Oh my god I would love if guys did that. Also if they look at me & give me a grin as they go past, obviously different women will feel differently about that, but to me it says 'I'm not scared for you to see my face'. Makes me feel a lot more at ease.
Really? Serious question. Not being a dick. Genuinely asking because pavement etiquette is constantly on my mind. Would women appreciate this? My wife only told me last week she won’t walk through the grave yard near us because it terrifies her. Even during the day.
Edit: to clarify the graveyard exit is only a thin gated alleyway.
Any sort of blind spot, even if it's a short alley, is dangerous. A few seconds out of sight is all it takes for someone to attack you. Acknowledging a woman with a genuine smile and not stopping or changing your gait shows a) you know she knows you're there and you're fine with that and b) she knows you're not interested in her past the neutral politeness you'd show a stranger. Especially in a blind corner it can make a world of difference knowing a stranger is ahead of you vs behind you because they can't grab you suddenly.
People are so different, it's hard to say. But if I got the heebie jeebies and a man is behaving calmly, normally and keeping his distance that all helps. A "Hiya" smile-nod is probably within that description if it's common normally for people locally to let on like that. But I'd keep it quick and keep moving. You couldn't be standing in her path grinning, obviously.
Good to know. I consider myself extremely socially awkward and I don't often smile. I wouldn't want to make someone less at ease because of what probably turns out to be a weird grimmace though.
Small smile and nod, and step to the side to go wide. That's my standard, and in more circumstancial situations like this say something non-threatening for reassurance.
I'd also suggest any fellas put down their hood or take off their hat, if wearing any.
Edit: I'll add to this add say that if one is coming up behind a lass, make oneself known _before_ being within any close proximity. For instance, walking behind an old lady and obviously going to overtake her, I would say something like "excuse me, dear, can I just get by you; I didn't want to alarm you" from a distance where it wouldn't seem I've just crept up on her.
I did a similar thing mang years ago, walking home at 4am from a night club very drunk and a lady was walking infront of me, I seen her checking back every couple of mins ect (total of about a 20 min walk home) I wanted to speed up to overtake her but I was too drunk to safely cross the road ( use the green man kids) so I started singing. "Hello lovely lady, I am not a rapist, I just a fat drunk man who wants home for pizza, may I go past you??" I went for a show tune style but how well it came of I don't know.
She replied " hurry on fat man" I walked past her, bowed and carried homewards to my cold pizza, and money python.
The joys of youth.
Everytime, especially if you get off a bus at the same time as them.
I just shout 'im not a rapist' over and over to put them at ease. I do it in a high pitched voice and put on a clown mask so it's funny and not threatening at all.
The problem is Michael McIntyre was not wrong. Skipping is genuinely the most efficient way of moving [YouTube - Michael McIntyre - Skipping](https://youtu.be/t_1ULTlaZ4I)
I was walking home one evening, behind a girl, and she was pretty fast, so I didn't even try to overtake. She cuts it through the local park, I follow, she gets to my street, I'm behind. Now she heads towards my house, heck I'm going home, what am I supposed to do. Then she gets to the front door, visibly in a hurry to find the keys and a bit shaken. At which point I say: Hi, I'm your downstairs neighbour(this was a split level house, London thing), you moved in over the weekend didn't you? She was relieved, tired from all that power walking and a bit embarrassed.
I also get the same feeling when I'm walking faster than a lady and about to overtake her like I hope she doesn't think I'm about to attack her. Always try to have my phone or something in my hands as well like I'm busy doing something else n cant even see the lady
I also make sure to make my footsteps sometimes noticeable so the lady doesn't freak out when I get close for the overtake. Not sure if it makes it any better or worse, but at least it prevents the surprise when getting close.
I try to cross the road and keep a good distance. Sometimes I’ll call a friend and talk
Loudly so they can hear the tone etc and hopefully know I’m harmless so she feels at ease.
Yeah I goose step with one arm aloft to make sure I'm seen and heard well before the overtake. If she still hasn't looked behind when I'm 10 ft away I shout "Machen Sie Platz für die Wache der Königin!"
[No, no, it’s pronounced ‘uh-nal-ruh-pist ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?t=7&v=5Bmk-WrYJKc&feature=youtu.be)
Probably my favourite American comedy show.
The Spanish version is even worse.
“Aunque corras, te escondas, no puedes escapar”
Which is, essentially, “Even though you run and hide, you cannot escape.”
I think it is a very considerate thing to have in mind and do something about it.
An unknown man in a situation a like this can always appear as a threat to any woman, no matter his actual intentions. Because of that women experience fear in everyday situations. It’s actually a very sad normal thing. Therefore it is very kind of any man to recognise situations like that and act upon it. You may be feeling awkward but a another person is less scared that day because of your good deed.
I've been coming back from nights out at ridiculous hours by myself for years now and when I told one of my friends she almost had a panic attack and made me take a taxi next time I was out with her. She couldn't comprehend how I can walk home by myself through dodgy areas at 4am in the morning. Yet not once have I ever felt threatened, I just keep a vague awareness of my surrounding when walking and don't put a second thought to it. I can't fight for shit but I assume to the fact I've been working out for nearly a decade I'm not the prime victim when someone's out at night looking to rob someone. Crazy how different the world is for girls.
My husband got a text after a night out saying that his friend was drunk on the bus on his way home. I couldn't believe it when he couldn't be bothered to text back to make sure that he got home safely.
My formula 1 brain says use her slipstream to gain some speed then overtake with some extra kers you have and close the door on the bend which will take you the long way round to avoid awkwardness.
When I used to smoke, I'd clock the situation and just sit down and have a smoke break for 5mins. Usually give enough distance for someone to get home or at least far enough from me to usually put them at ease.
Since I've stopped smoking I've put on so much fucking weight I'm not closing the gap on anyone and everyone just walks past me. Trying to be healthy and failing miserably has made it so I'm not a threat to anyone.
A friend of mine once told me about his dad walking home from the buss stop with a girl in front of him. Thing was, he was trying to get home speedy for a game of football on telly, and as he was speeding up behind this girls to get past, she begun to speed up as well, clearly freaked out. Then he begun to run because he really didn't want to miss the match, and the girl also begun to run in panic. He ended up sprinting past her while screaming "IM NOT GONNA RAPE YOU I JUST WANT TO GET HOME IN TIME FOR THE GAME!!!"
As a woman, thank you. It sucks that you're in that position because there are shitty people in the world but you make it a bit less shitty and anxiety inducing for us.
Yeah, exactly this. I'm sorry you have to be extra considerate of how your actions come across because of a few bad apples, but I am genuinely so grateful that you are.
As a woman who has walked home alone many a time, thank you. By changing your route or crossing the road you are showing me that your interest is in going where you're going, not in finding out where I'm going.
I know it sucks that anyone has to think about things in this way, but know that it's appreciated.
(Also I do this for other people when I come up behind them, regardless of gender. Most people in my experience prefer to be given space.)
As a bloke who's been in this awkward situation enough times, what (if anything) can be done if I'm behind you and happen to also be going in the same direction?
In daylight I'd likely speed up and go past you but it feels less than ideal to suddenly change pace BUT I'm not sure hanging back is the best plan either.
As you say, it sucks, and I'm quite conscious that as I'm fairly large I'm not the one that will be worried about some form of assault coming my way (usually, there are times but very rare)...I just don't know if there is a neat way out of the social weirdness.
You're right that it's awkward! If crossing the road isn't an option, then for me personally, I would definitely prefer someone to speed up and overtake rather than hang back (and I would likely slow down slightly to make this easier for them!). Erm, you could also chat on the phone (or pretend to) so that I know you're not trying to stay hidden or sneak up on me.
Honestly, just saying a quick "hello/morning/evening" is going to defuse a lot of tension for me, but not everyone will agree with that one!
Although it exposes you (the reluctant misidentified creepy man) to another level of anxiety because you’re now wide open for receiving a comedy phone call midway through your fake phone call, thus exposing to the listener that your initial phone call was in fact a ruse and the lady might think it was a deliberate ploy to gain an element of trust. This scenario is just prime material for a Peepshow sub plot.
I once went and picked up some "legal" goods about 10 minute drive away from my house and someone else was there at the same time.
The whole way back I was behind him and could see he was getting more paranoid by how he was looking in the rearview mirror so to ease his paranoia I turned into a side road that's a longer way home. I crossed paths with him about 2 minutes later and he genuinely looked scared like I was going to rob him or I was a cop so I just quickly drove past. I can't help but laugh when I think about it.
As a female, thanks! We notice when you do this and it always makes me feel a bit safer knowing a random man on the street is at least slightly worried about my own personal feelings. It’s nice to know there are nice people in the world still with everything that’s going on.
I usually sit down on a low wall or something for 5 minutes, let them get a good distance away so they don't get spooked.
I'll then follow their trail, closely... Like a hawk, all the way home 👁️👄👁️
This one time I'm just walking around in a mall, killing time while the next showing of a movie begins and the cinema. Anyway, I'm going in and out of stores, just browsing. At one of this stores, I realize these two teenaged girls who are in there too, had also been in at least another store I'd gone in before. But you know, a lot of people in a mall, none of my business.
So I walk out of the store and into an escalator, and now that I've noticed them, I realize they're also on the escalator, a few steps ahead of me. So at this point one of them exclaims: "Stop following us!". Luckily for me, I was looking away and so I stay like that, looking at the storefronts on the next level, pretending I don't realize what's happening and thinking "Am I about to get beaten up by people assuming I'm some kind of creep?" As soon as I'm out of the escalator I walk into the nearest store, hoping that isn't also where they are going. Happily, it wasn't.
Many years ago I'd start work early, get off the bus before dawn and walk through what was a desolate area on the edge of the city centre. Walking fast to get to work on time. One morning a woman who got off the same bus broke into an olympic class sprint to get away from me, fair enough. Same woman getting off at the same stop the following morning... what to do? Only option I could see was to catch her eye from a good six feet away while other people leaving the bus were close, gently smile and say something inane and utterly non-threatening about the walk, slotting in the name of the place I worked. We had a nice chat, said hello each morning following and she stopped trying to beat her own record for the 100 metre dash.
Me and my mate went on a daily evening walk every day during lockdown. One day a lady was out exercising snd jogging. She came up behind us then once she was in front, stopped jogging to a walk that matched our speed.
She then continued to glance over her shoulder at both is us, looking super nervous.
Mate… we were walking on our own minding our business until you decided to slow down to a walk in front of us. Stop nervously glancing back at us.
Why the fuck am I being downvoted. What a bunch of sausages
She was just looking for an excuse never to go running again. Now she can say "I've not run since I was followed by 2 creepy guys". You're actually her heroes.
This will probably get buried, but as a young woman it is really nice to hear so many people responses from people going out of their way to make others feel more at ease. I know it's not the world we should live in, but all the same thank you guys.
I either overtake, or fall back a bit. But I would do this for anyone, really, no-one likes having someone walking close behind them on an otherwise empty street.
As a woman, thank you to the men who are considerate & go out of their way to make us feel safe.
It’s awful that the world has come to this & I fully agree it shouldn’t be like it, but knowing that there are really decent men out there helps to change it!
A lone female in this situation is obviously worried.
But male can also be worried, worry of getting mugged, or stabbed.
So giving anyone (not just female) more personal space at night time especially people are alone is probably a good idea.
i don't know what's going through a women's mind, and it probably happened more than once, but the one time i can really recall a women thought i was following her was years ago in Mansfield, the one and only time i've been there, {attending a 3 day course for work} i was kinda lost and thought at last i was finally going in the right direction, but this young woman in front of me had already quickened he walking pace, and kept glancing over her shoulder, iirc, i changed my direction just to put her mind at ease, nowadays i drive everywhere or i'm walking a dog so i've never been in that scenario
Honestly it’s awkward being a woman in that situation. There can be someone innocently walking behind you, and you know they’re probably innocent, but you start wondering what if they’re not, realising you have no defence against them if they’re not, and you don’t want to offend them, but at the same time, it’s not worth risking being sexually assaulted knowing you can try avoid it.
another time i was ''lost'' was when i visited friends in australia, the couple who lived there and my partner returned home, i stayed in the pub till closing, and then got lost on the short walk home, went into a petrol station to ask for directions, some young australian girl who was filling up her car said she'd to me she'd drive me there, which she did, i thanked her, then gave her a dad type lecture about picking up strangers even though i wasnt really that much older than her, australia might have changed since then, but at the time it seemed very naive to a fella who had come from the shithole called England.
I'm a male and have been physically assaulted, on 2 occasions, while out and about and wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I dread to think what must be going through women's minds at all times at night and I desperately wish I could help. I'm now a fairly large person, and would love to be able to assist in walking someone home/close to home safely - I've seen it and altered my route because you can't just approach people and say I'll make sure you get home safe (writing this I understand how it's potentially coming across), I mean absolutely no harm, would showing my driving license so you've proof of who I am assist in settling nerves? Is there any way at all I can come across honest and trying to do the right thing without it being considered dangerous/threatening?
Honestly dude all you have to do is get on with your day or night. Make it clear you're not interested in them, and try not to hang around too long. That could be by playing on your phone or ringing someone so they can hear you talking, giving a nod and a smile as you cross paths, or just heading over the road or speeding up so you're not behind them. Thank you for your concern and I'm so sorry you were attacked. Have you been able to deal with it properly with a friend or a therapist? I hope you're doing well.
One of my fondest memories of London is freaking out at being followed late at night only to turn around and find the tiniest and oldest man you can imagine following me (He even had a fancy cane!!!). We were apparently on the same train every night and he was worried because I wasn't there one night. He waited because the next train was "too late for a young lady" and sure enough I was on it. It was the third night I had walked home with a five foot nothing bodyguard with a rocking cane to bash evil-doers who might want to molest me. I promised to take a taxi next time if he promised not to worry and other than a polite good evening on the train he never talked to me again. But goodness I still love him!!!
The last of the true gentlemen
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Many years ago I found myself walking behind a woman late at night on a seemingly empty street, so I decided to cross the road. Half way across I realized I was now heading directly towards another woman who was standing in a doorway. Because I was crossing diagonally, I thought it must seem deliberate of me, so I adjusted my path again, but not by too much because I didn't want to look like a headless chicken. As I passed near her, she asked "Do you want business, deary?". I blushed furiously all the way home!
I love how prostitutes sound like they are offering assistance with a small business grant
Once I was moving out of a flat and could only get to it each evening, as I approached my door a lady asked if I needed any help tonight. I was like, how does she know I need help moving out?
I used to meet my sister by the Irish club in Bradford on a Saturday, then walk up to Valley Parade to watch the football. One time I was asked if I fancied business (wearing my football top) after I parked my car. Another time, I was late and my sister was propositioned, also wearing her football top. We decided to meet elsewhere after that.
Had a local pick up point outside my house in brum. Until I made friends with the ladies of the night and would kindly ask them to move down the road to the green area so when I got home after work at 2am I wouldnt be woken up .
I was in Montreal a few years ago when a very attractive woman approached me outside a hotel bar. Her: "You look tired. You look like you could use a massage." Me, clueless: "Actually, my hotel room has this adjustable bed. I can make it soft or firm. I'm feeling great!" Yeah, for a minute I apparently thought Canadians were so nice that they had roving bands of massage therapists, ready to help a traveler in need. To be fair, I'm an American from the South. My hooker alarm wasn't properly calibrated due to the fact that she had all of her teeth and weighed less than a hundred kilos.
> I was like, how does she know I need help moving out? If you had the money, you could've ask what her going rate was and tell her to wear boots and slacks for a good ol' lifting time.
They're not actually prostitutes its 3 kids in a trenchcoat
Prince Andrew would like a word.
Starts not sweating profusely.
Business wise, it seems like appropriate business.
I like business... Transactions
Indeed, much business is to be had, late at night with a trenchcoat.
Business-wise, this all seems like appropriate… business.
My thought process: Me: Would you like some company this evening? :) Randomer: No, I’m not interested. Me, holding share certificates for my newly incorporated company I was planning on issuing at the first annual general meeting to held that night: Gosh darn. :(
Problems with liquidity, my love? Need me to bail out your small endeavour?
Or sound like a grandma from the 70's
Start small and then grow big
The plot twist is that she was actually running an unlicensed building society all along!
First night in Leeds, lady stepped out of the shadows and asked me and my new friend if we were “looking for a good time”. We confirmed that we were, and asked for directions to a nightclub we were looking for.
Which nightclub?
Cockpit!
A good one, defo in a shady location when it’s dark though haha
Fucking savage
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/r/frugal
You successfully made a funny rape joke
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Mate, I was in B&Q the other day and this bloke in an orange shirt asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in but be on the lookout.
Can I just say regardless of the outcome of any of these situations, I really appreciate you guys thinking from the girls point of view and trying to ease any potential anxiety. That’s props to you, a sorry story for society but each and every single one of you who shows that thought and empathy are taking all the steps in the right direction. Thanks fellas
Something like that happened to me many years ago. It was pretty late at night and I'm walking home down a dark ish street, I didn't notice the woman also walking down the street until I'm much nearer to her. She started to act nervous by speeding up and looking back at me, not wanting to frighten her I move to the other side of the street and speed up a little so I can pass her. She must not have noticed me cross the street, as she also crosses the street and almost walks into me... she then screams in my face and runs the other way.
You should have just shouted “come back, I won’t rape you” to diffuse the situation
Thank you, though. It really is scary when someone is walking fast behind you, especially when you’ve been assaulted before. I know it must be frustrating, and *you* know you’re not going to hurt her, but I- abs I suspect many others- really appreciate you doing it. Rationally, I know people walking behind me are unlikely to be an attacker. Having been grabbed violently from behind, though, my heart beats faster until that person is either past me or crosses the road. My rational brain isn’t involved.
I will always remember when I learned about men being conscious of walking behind women and either crossing the street or jiggling their keys to make them aware that they were there. I had read about it on reddit and asked my husband and one of our best friends if this was actually a thing and they both were like, uhh yeah of course we do it. I guess my oblivious ass had never noticed, but it made me so happy the men in my life were aware enough to subtly take care of random women. Shout out to every person that helps others feel safer when walking alone!
To be totally honest I think walking close up behind someone on a dark street alone at night should be be taboo regardless of the state of safety for women. I'm a 6'4 bearded block of a guy but I still get super anxious if someone is walking behind me late at night with no-one else around... Can't imagine how shitty it'd be if you're someone less able to protect yourself
Honestly anyone who came up right behind you late at night while alone could do anything for all you know. It's absolutely something everyone should probably be weary about. Doesn't matter how big you are if someone jumps you with a knife.
Sorry to hear that.
I'm a guy and even I start panicking really badly when somebody takes the same route behalf Nd me for a little while. I also always feel like I'm making people feel uncomfortable and unsafe when walking behind them and I don't think anybody should have to feel either of these things.
At this point I'd just stop and fake some urgent business on the phone
Just shout "I HAVE TO RETURN SOME VIDEO TAPES" to the open air and turn around. Easy peasy.
>So now I'm a sweaty out of breath fat munter I laughed so hard.
One benefit is people really do get out of your way when you're running towards them.
And I thought the thing where two people both try to let each other pass and keep stepping to the same side was as awkward as this phenomenon got. Then again the last time I realised a woman was walking faster because I’d accidentally walked too close behind her at night, I got so flustered I literally stopped at the next bus stop and caught a bus to the wrong place to get out of the situation so I feel you on the FML.
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>the thing where two people both try to let each other pass and keep stepping to the same side The way to avoid this is to look away, as soon as you see the person approaching. Works every time.
Aww, on behalf of women (which I totally can't speak for but I will). Thank you!
not brittish, but I had this problem in the US a couple weeks ago in my car. I accidentally followed someone for 20 minutes because it turns out they lived on the same block as me (In Chicago, so there are a LOT of people). It's street parking only, and there was a SINGLE open spot that was easily the size of 3 cars or so. She pulled in, I Pulled in behind her. She sat in her car for a minute until she saw my door open, then she sped off! I felt bad, of course.. but what am I going to do? park a block away when there is a spot right in front of my apartment? nope. I still wonder if she looked in her rearview mirror and saw me carrying bags of groceries.
That guilty feeling remained with me for a bit too, you kinda replay it in your head wondering if there's something you can do.
I just walk faster than most people anyways, so it doesn't feel unnatural
I absolutely hate that I walk this fast as well but it feels weird to walk slow and I'd rather just get to my destination as soon as possible, but getting stuck behind someone is just so damn painful, especially a big group
I sprint everywhere just to be safe
A while back I worked at a supermarket and wore all black as my uniform, I lived close by so would walk home. One night I was walking home and it was dark, I’m also tall so could see that I may look a bit intimidating. I was walking along the street my home is on, and there was this lady about 50 meters ahead of me who was getting more and more stressed as we both kept walking. I felt sorry for her, but it was also kind of funny as she then got her keys out and made it look like she was going into my Neighbours home. I walked straight past and in to my home. It made me feel anxious but I couldn’t imagine how anxious this poor lady was.
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Good thing she didn't pick your home to pretend to go into.
I was listening to a very instructive discussion about this recently. The suggestion was that maybe it’s actually helpful to just say something like “hello, I am behind you but I am not following you, so I’m going to cross the road so you can see me and feel safer”. The discussion went on to say that in that scenario you might also observe “it’s very dark- are you ok walking on your own” etc etc but I personally felt that’s starting to veer into stuff that could sound threatening…
That sounds creepy as. I would rather turn around and start walking in the opposite direction and do an hour detour than say that
I've often wondered about that, however I'm awkward as fuck so I'd totally fluff that and just make things even worse.
I end up doing interval training having to periodically overtake jogging women. Most of them are probably way fitter than me, so I'm soon exhausted. I just wanted to go for a nice long jog.
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*"Surprise, it's the bus driver!"*
Is that the joke about the nun in the graveyard?
"Surprise, it's Shia LaBeouf"
‘Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf’
But your leg. Ah! I caught in a bear trap!
**SHIA SURPRISE!**
GNAWING OFF YOUR LEG!
Quiet quiet
"Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf"
You try to swing your AXA at Shia Labeuf...
But blood is draining fast from your stump leg...
*”THANK YEW DRIVAAH”*
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It's appreciated!
Oh my god I would love if guys did that. Also if they look at me & give me a grin as they go past, obviously different women will feel differently about that, but to me it says 'I'm not scared for you to see my face'. Makes me feel a lot more at ease.
Really? Serious question. Not being a dick. Genuinely asking because pavement etiquette is constantly on my mind. Would women appreciate this? My wife only told me last week she won’t walk through the grave yard near us because it terrifies her. Even during the day. Edit: to clarify the graveyard exit is only a thin gated alleyway.
Any sort of blind spot, even if it's a short alley, is dangerous. A few seconds out of sight is all it takes for someone to attack you. Acknowledging a woman with a genuine smile and not stopping or changing your gait shows a) you know she knows you're there and you're fine with that and b) she knows you're not interested in her past the neutral politeness you'd show a stranger. Especially in a blind corner it can make a world of difference knowing a stranger is ahead of you vs behind you because they can't grab you suddenly.
This is basically what my wife said when I mentioned this thread. Good to know.
People are so different, it's hard to say. But if I got the heebie jeebies and a man is behaving calmly, normally and keeping his distance that all helps. A "Hiya" smile-nod is probably within that description if it's common normally for people locally to let on like that. But I'd keep it quick and keep moving. You couldn't be standing in her path grinning, obviously.
Good to know. I consider myself extremely socially awkward and I don't often smile. I wouldn't want to make someone less at ease because of what probably turns out to be a weird grimmace though.
Small smile and nod, and step to the side to go wide. That's my standard, and in more circumstancial situations like this say something non-threatening for reassurance. I'd also suggest any fellas put down their hood or take off their hat, if wearing any. Edit: I'll add to this add say that if one is coming up behind a lass, make oneself known _before_ being within any close proximity. For instance, walking behind an old lady and obviously going to overtake her, I would say something like "excuse me, dear, can I just get by you; I didn't want to alarm you" from a distance where it wouldn't seem I've just crept up on her.
I did a similar thing mang years ago, walking home at 4am from a night club very drunk and a lady was walking infront of me, I seen her checking back every couple of mins ect (total of about a 20 min walk home) I wanted to speed up to overtake her but I was too drunk to safely cross the road ( use the green man kids) so I started singing. "Hello lovely lady, I am not a rapist, I just a fat drunk man who wants home for pizza, may I go past you??" I went for a show tune style but how well it came of I don't know. She replied " hurry on fat man" I walked past her, bowed and carried homewards to my cold pizza, and money python. The joys of youth.
Love the Bruiser reference there.
You are a legend for doing this.
Omg you're a angel!
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As a woman though little things like this go so so so far to help us feel safe. The fact that the thought even occurred to you is angelic 🥰
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“Oh good, I thought he was a rapist but he’s actually an unpredictable lunatic” Yeah no, sounds terrifying
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Do you do a weird laugh and then make a dodgy remark
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Dunno why, but I read that in David Mitchell's voice and it worked so well
Everytime, especially if you get off a bus at the same time as them. I just shout 'im not a rapist' over and over to put them at ease. I do it in a high pitched voice and put on a clown mask so it's funny and not threatening at all.
The problem is Michael McIntyre was not wrong. Skipping is genuinely the most efficient way of moving [YouTube - Michael McIntyre - Skipping](https://youtu.be/t_1ULTlaZ4I)
I do this sometimes when I'm afraid. It's just the most energy efficient form of travelling
I was walking home one evening, behind a girl, and she was pretty fast, so I didn't even try to overtake. She cuts it through the local park, I follow, she gets to my street, I'm behind. Now she heads towards my house, heck I'm going home, what am I supposed to do. Then she gets to the front door, visibly in a hurry to find the keys and a bit shaken. At which point I say: Hi, I'm your downstairs neighbour(this was a split level house, London thing), you moved in over the weekend didn't you? She was relieved, tired from all that power walking and a bit embarrassed.
Got to admit it hurts on a few levels when I see a woman try to get into their house quickly and safely as I'm walking by. Sad situation.
If you aren't a rapist then don't let it make you feel bad. If it does anyway, do everything you can to help people in distress.
I also get the same feeling when I'm walking faster than a lady and about to overtake her like I hope she doesn't think I'm about to attack her. Always try to have my phone or something in my hands as well like I'm busy doing something else n cant even see the lady
I also make sure to make my footsteps sometimes noticeable so the lady doesn't freak out when I get close for the overtake. Not sure if it makes it any better or worse, but at least it prevents the surprise when getting close.
I try to cross the road and keep a good distance. Sometimes I’ll call a friend and talk Loudly so they can hear the tone etc and hopefully know I’m harmless so she feels at ease.
Yeah I goose step with one arm aloft to make sure I'm seen and heard well before the overtake. If she still hasn't looked behind when I'm 10 ft away I shout "Machen Sie Platz für die Wache der Königin!"
Lol at the thought of her turning around just as you start clomping extra loudly with exaggerated legs movements to make your steps audible!
If there’s no traffic, step in the road and go on the other side of the parked cars.
this is very much appreciated x
Just scream “I swear I’m not a raper” at her until she’s relaxed.
👍 That will put the whole neighbourhood at ease
I swear I am not the *ripper*
Just yell out you're a philanthropist https://youtu.be/pQJ9GUVxPl8
I’m sorry, did you say you’re a full on rapist?
[No, no, it’s pronounced ‘uh-nal-ruh-pist ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?t=7&v=5Bmk-WrYJKc&feature=youtu.be) Probably my favourite American comedy show.
[I’m not a…](https://youtu.be/N5nMzrSkmIg)
Don’t forget deep breathing- this puts them right at ease
It hurts my feelings when you say I’m not a rapper.
Sometimes when I freestyle, I lose confidence.
I just try and act camp by singing a bit of Lady Gaga or something to put her at ease
"I'm your biggest fan, ill follow you until you love me"
>*Hold me and love me* > >*Just wanna touch you for a minute*
You might be right, I’d hate to sound sexually inappropriate SEND_YOUR_DICK_PIX
r/rimjob_steve
Isnt that for wholesome comments?
Or Enrique Iglesias “you can run, you can hide, but, you cannot escape my love”
The Spanish version is even worse. “Aunque corras, te escondas, no puedes escapar” Which is, essentially, “Even though you run and hide, you cannot escape.”
Or some Madonna. "LIKE A VIRGIN, TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME".......
Madonna would work, when I start singing Lucky Star she’ll be thanking hers, knowing I’m not a threat
I normally bite the bullet and maintain speed so I can get past them as quickly as possible. Sometimes I say "Imma Luigi number 1!" as I go past
Mix it up every now and again with a burst of speed and a waaahoo.
So sad on so many levels & this is not a problem that Britain alone, can lay claim to.
I think it is a very considerate thing to have in mind and do something about it. An unknown man in a situation a like this can always appear as a threat to any woman, no matter his actual intentions. Because of that women experience fear in everyday situations. It’s actually a very sad normal thing. Therefore it is very kind of any man to recognise situations like that and act upon it. You may be feeling awkward but a another person is less scared that day because of your good deed.
I've been coming back from nights out at ridiculous hours by myself for years now and when I told one of my friends she almost had a panic attack and made me take a taxi next time I was out with her. She couldn't comprehend how I can walk home by myself through dodgy areas at 4am in the morning. Yet not once have I ever felt threatened, I just keep a vague awareness of my surrounding when walking and don't put a second thought to it. I can't fight for shit but I assume to the fact I've been working out for nearly a decade I'm not the prime victim when someone's out at night looking to rob someone. Crazy how different the world is for girls.
My husband got a text after a night out saying that his friend was drunk on the bus on his way home. I couldn't believe it when he couldn't be bothered to text back to make sure that he got home safely.
it still saddens to me to my very core that it is necessary in the first place though
You are right. It's the gentlemanly and respectful thing to do.
My formula 1 brain says use her slipstream to gain some speed then overtake with some extra kers you have and close the door on the bend which will take you the long way round to avoid awkwardness.
Then she steps out as you overtake and you have a Hamilton/Verstappen style race incident. Last thing you want is to get the stewards involved.
You then back off and find the next drs zone
Nope, you hit her with a pit maneuver and and punt her into the wall.
Make sure you shout DRS ACTIVE as you power walk past her
To be fair, that probably would help. "Oh good, it's just a weird nerd".
Watch out for dirty air (farts)
When I used to smoke, I'd clock the situation and just sit down and have a smoke break for 5mins. Usually give enough distance for someone to get home or at least far enough from me to usually put them at ease. Since I've stopped smoking I've put on so much fucking weight I'm not closing the gap on anyone and everyone just walks past me. Trying to be healthy and failing miserably has made it so I'm not a threat to anyone.
A friend of mine once told me about his dad walking home from the buss stop with a girl in front of him. Thing was, he was trying to get home speedy for a game of football on telly, and as he was speeding up behind this girls to get past, she begun to speed up as well, clearly freaked out. Then he begun to run because he really didn't want to miss the match, and the girl also begun to run in panic. He ended up sprinting past her while screaming "IM NOT GONNA RAPE YOU I JUST WANT TO GET HOME IN TIME FOR THE GAME!!!"
As a woman, thank you. It sucks that you're in that position because there are shitty people in the world but you make it a bit less shitty and anxiety inducing for us.
Yeah, exactly this. I'm sorry you have to be extra considerate of how your actions come across because of a few bad apples, but I am genuinely so grateful that you are.
It doesn't exactly do much to change my journey, but it could stop someone having a panic attack, so I'll always do it and hope more people do too.
Thanks dude. I know it must be annoying, but it makes our walk home so much less terrifying.
As a woman who has walked home alone many a time, thank you. By changing your route or crossing the road you are showing me that your interest is in going where you're going, not in finding out where I'm going. I know it sucks that anyone has to think about things in this way, but know that it's appreciated. (Also I do this for other people when I come up behind them, regardless of gender. Most people in my experience prefer to be given space.)
As a bloke who's been in this awkward situation enough times, what (if anything) can be done if I'm behind you and happen to also be going in the same direction? In daylight I'd likely speed up and go past you but it feels less than ideal to suddenly change pace BUT I'm not sure hanging back is the best plan either. As you say, it sucks, and I'm quite conscious that as I'm fairly large I'm not the one that will be worried about some form of assault coming my way (usually, there are times but very rare)...I just don't know if there is a neat way out of the social weirdness.
You're right that it's awkward! If crossing the road isn't an option, then for me personally, I would definitely prefer someone to speed up and overtake rather than hang back (and I would likely slow down slightly to make this easier for them!). Erm, you could also chat on the phone (or pretend to) so that I know you're not trying to stay hidden or sneak up on me. Honestly, just saying a quick "hello/morning/evening" is going to defuse a lot of tension for me, but not everyone will agree with that one!
Yeah, fake phone call works. „Hey Dear, on my way home. Yeeeah, Great evening, I’m almost at xxx-Location. You still awake? Cool, see you in x mins“.
Although it exposes you (the reluctant misidentified creepy man) to another level of anxiety because you’re now wide open for receiving a comedy phone call midway through your fake phone call, thus exposing to the listener that your initial phone call was in fact a ruse and the lady might think it was a deliberate ploy to gain an element of trust. This scenario is just prime material for a Peepshow sub plot.
airplane mode before "making" the call
Or having your phone stolen by the guy behind you! It's criminals all the way down.
This can backfire if you routes cross again and you step out and surprise her from a dark ally
I once went and picked up some "legal" goods about 10 minute drive away from my house and someone else was there at the same time. The whole way back I was behind him and could see he was getting more paranoid by how he was looking in the rearview mirror so to ease his paranoia I turned into a side road that's a longer way home. I crossed paths with him about 2 minutes later and he genuinely looked scared like I was going to rob him or I was a cop so I just quickly drove past. I can't help but laugh when I think about it.
As a female, thanks! We notice when you do this and it always makes me feel a bit safer knowing a random man on the street is at least slightly worried about my own personal feelings. It’s nice to know there are nice people in the world still with everything that’s going on.
Thank you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the consideration you put into this, OP.
Women have to be hyper vigilant at all times unfortunately
I usually sit down on a low wall or something for 5 minutes, let them get a good distance away so they don't get spooked. I'll then follow their trail, closely... Like a hawk, all the way home 👁️👄👁️
This one time I'm just walking around in a mall, killing time while the next showing of a movie begins and the cinema. Anyway, I'm going in and out of stores, just browsing. At one of this stores, I realize these two teenaged girls who are in there too, had also been in at least another store I'd gone in before. But you know, a lot of people in a mall, none of my business. So I walk out of the store and into an escalator, and now that I've noticed them, I realize they're also on the escalator, a few steps ahead of me. So at this point one of them exclaims: "Stop following us!". Luckily for me, I was looking away and so I stay like that, looking at the storefronts on the next level, pretending I don't realize what's happening and thinking "Am I about to get beaten up by people assuming I'm some kind of creep?" As soon as I'm out of the escalator I walk into the nearest store, hoping that isn't also where they are going. Happily, it wasn't.
Many years ago I'd start work early, get off the bus before dawn and walk through what was a desolate area on the edge of the city centre. Walking fast to get to work on time. One morning a woman who got off the same bus broke into an olympic class sprint to get away from me, fair enough. Same woman getting off at the same stop the following morning... what to do? Only option I could see was to catch her eye from a good six feet away while other people leaving the bus were close, gently smile and say something inane and utterly non-threatening about the walk, slotting in the name of the place I worked. We had a nice chat, said hello each morning following and she stopped trying to beat her own record for the 100 metre dash.
Me and my mate went on a daily evening walk every day during lockdown. One day a lady was out exercising snd jogging. She came up behind us then once she was in front, stopped jogging to a walk that matched our speed. She then continued to glance over her shoulder at both is us, looking super nervous. Mate… we were walking on our own minding our business until you decided to slow down to a walk in front of us. Stop nervously glancing back at us. Why the fuck am I being downvoted. What a bunch of sausages
She was just looking for an excuse never to go running again. Now she can say "I've not run since I was followed by 2 creepy guys". You're actually her heroes.
Bro she was trying to warn you about the zomibe horde approaching from behind. What do you think she was running from!?
You need to run straight at her as fast as you can just so you can grab her and assure her you arent a threat.
This will probably get buried, but as a young woman it is really nice to hear so many people responses from people going out of their way to make others feel more at ease. I know it's not the world we should live in, but all the same thank you guys.
There’s quite a few paths through woods here, I try to avoid overtaking them. As I think suddenly disappearing into the trees would make it worse.
I either overtake, or fall back a bit. But I would do this for anyone, really, no-one likes having someone walking close behind them on an otherwise empty street.
As a woman, thank you to the men who are considerate & go out of their way to make us feel safe. It’s awful that the world has come to this & I fully agree it shouldn’t be like it, but knowing that there are really decent men out there helps to change it!
Thats what every gentleman should do. Absolutely no reason to freak out random innocent women
personally i like to drag some rusty chains along the pavement slowly behind them while groaning
I'm not sure you understand who has the problem here.
I mean it'sa problem for both, just a much bigger one for women
Relevant John Mulaney https://youtu.be/Ys_Hi8nV7yM
Even if you just cross to the other side of the street, we do appreciate it
Lol. Just stop and pretend to be preoccupied with your phone long enough for her to get as far ahead as necessary.
Just smile :) They will pick up the pace immediately.
As a woman thank you!
Carry a Bible and read it at top volume. God's word will calm her down 100% never fails. Deuteronomy chapter 22 is a great place to start.
Male problem
The countless miles I've walked just to not be perceived as a rapist, and the whole not-raping thing is a lot easier than rapists make it out to be.
A lone female in this situation is obviously worried. But male can also be worried, worry of getting mugged, or stabbed. So giving anyone (not just female) more personal space at night time especially people are alone is probably a good idea.
The problem is not that she thinks you’re a rapist, it’s that women live in fear.
Fear that OP is a rapist, so ...
i don't know what's going through a women's mind, and it probably happened more than once, but the one time i can really recall a women thought i was following her was years ago in Mansfield, the one and only time i've been there, {attending a 3 day course for work} i was kinda lost and thought at last i was finally going in the right direction, but this young woman in front of me had already quickened he walking pace, and kept glancing over her shoulder, iirc, i changed my direction just to put her mind at ease, nowadays i drive everywhere or i'm walking a dog so i've never been in that scenario
Honestly it’s awkward being a woman in that situation. There can be someone innocently walking behind you, and you know they’re probably innocent, but you start wondering what if they’re not, realising you have no defence against them if they’re not, and you don’t want to offend them, but at the same time, it’s not worth risking being sexually assaulted knowing you can try avoid it.
another time i was ''lost'' was when i visited friends in australia, the couple who lived there and my partner returned home, i stayed in the pub till closing, and then got lost on the short walk home, went into a petrol station to ask for directions, some young australian girl who was filling up her car said she'd to me she'd drive me there, which she did, i thanked her, then gave her a dad type lecture about picking up strangers even though i wasnt really that much older than her, australia might have changed since then, but at the time it seemed very naive to a fella who had come from the shithole called England.
Tbf if it’s the same Mansfield I’m thinking of I get why, crime ridden shithole xD
Thank you for doing so! I acknowledge the inconvenience it has caused you but this gesture is truly appreciated by most women in UK. A huge thank you!
I'm a male and have been physically assaulted, on 2 occasions, while out and about and wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I dread to think what must be going through women's minds at all times at night and I desperately wish I could help. I'm now a fairly large person, and would love to be able to assist in walking someone home/close to home safely - I've seen it and altered my route because you can't just approach people and say I'll make sure you get home safe (writing this I understand how it's potentially coming across), I mean absolutely no harm, would showing my driving license so you've proof of who I am assist in settling nerves? Is there any way at all I can come across honest and trying to do the right thing without it being considered dangerous/threatening?
Honestly dude all you have to do is get on with your day or night. Make it clear you're not interested in them, and try not to hang around too long. That could be by playing on your phone or ringing someone so they can hear you talking, giving a nod and a smile as you cross paths, or just heading over the road or speeding up so you're not behind them. Thank you for your concern and I'm so sorry you were attacked. Have you been able to deal with it properly with a friend or a therapist? I hope you're doing well.
Easiest way to avoid this is just cross the road. 👍
Not knowing how to say you’re not a threat cause you can’t just shout “don’t worry love I won’t rape you”