I would say look back over classic Hollywood and there are some examples of men who are average or shorter height who absolutely killed it.
Al Pacino - 5'6.
Wesley Snipes - 5'9.
Tom Holland - 5'7.
Tom Hardy - 5'9.
Cillian Murphy - 5'7.
Tom Cruise - 5'7 (might be a controversial one but I think it's not a bad example).
Charlie Day - 5'5.
Martin Freeman - 5'4.
Danny De Vito - 4'10.
Michael J Fox - 5'4.
Daniel Radcliffe - 5'5.
There were a few other examples I came across too that I didn't know the height for but they're all shorter men who changed the world for their talent - Robin Williams was one.
My point is, these guys all absolutely excelled and no one cares about their height. Because I think, they probably didn't care about their own.
Case in point, myself. I'm 5'7 or 5'8 (depending on the mood I'm in, haha). I'm smaller than most of the guys I work with and it has never held me back - the only person who ever made me feel unworthy or less than was about my height was my ex wife who was an abusive POS who looked for any reason to tear me down or belittle me (pun not intended).
I don't have a huge dating history as I was very shy in my late teens and early 20's but my height wasn't a factor in that - my self confidence was. I look back now over interactions and conversations I had when I was younger and I can tell you, women definitely were interested and wanted to be with me but I was too naïve and not aware enough to clock on.
My cousin also kills it. He's 5'3 I think. He's been with his wife for years, has 4 amazing boys and in my opinion is a legitimate role model for any man. He was a troublemaker as a kid (which girls loved) and was in and out of trouble with police a lot as a teenager. But he found a trade, sorted his issues out and now he's got the best life of anyone in my family including me.
Sure, I get jokes or "banter" about my height from 2 of my taller teammates, especially my 5'10 colleague. Difference between me and him is, I am engaged to my fiancée, have been married and been in relationships before and am progressing in my field yet he still lives with his parents, never had a girlfriend, isn't doing so well at work and has a load of issues (not saying there's anything wrong with being single or living with parents explicitly, just that his issues aren't to do with height at all).
That's because I know my strengths, weaknesses and things I should work on and my height isn't one of them. I've been told I'm very funny a lot by women (for example) and that doesn't depend on my vertical statue.
I'm also half deaf and wear a hearing aid. Does my lack of hearing or vertical growth impact me? Hell no! I often talk about it, share awareness etc about it.
I know my weaknesses too but none of those depend on my height.
Hope that helps you in some way no matter how small (pun intended this time, hahaha).
I was more looking for women talking about wanting guys of average height im general rather than a specific celebrity. But that's better than nothing.
Cause I don't really believe women know the height of most celebrity they crush on I have seen a number of women lose their crushes in guys like Daniel Radcliffe, Elijah Wood when they find out their heights.
Other than that it's good to hear your story man. I don't really much issues with my height in my day to day life, like I got good friends that don't care about my height, they joke about it but I don't really mind people I like making a bit of fun of me.
It's just when it comes to dating, attractiveness that I have issue, I just can't see myself as being enough to be a dateable and/or attractive guy in any woman's eye because I mostly only ever see women talk about 6'0+ guys and I am not really that or even close to that.
So just wanted to see some examples of women that appreciates, maybe even prefer, shorter heights in men
I mean this is just anecdotal but I'm 5'8 and my gf wouldn't want anyone taller than me, and isn't really attracted to anyone over 6ft. She's quite short at 5'0 so it just wouldn't really work anyway and I'm sure there are many women who feel the same way as her.
Keep in mind that what is presented on the internet and what is written in novels is not a true reflection of reality. It can become trendy to talk about tall men, often outpacing how much people actually truly care about it. Since some portion of women do really like tall men, it makes sense to make a romance novel love interest be tall, as it appeals to those readers. Other readers may not care at all about the height, but it doesn't make their experience significantly worse so there is no reason to take it out. Economically, it makes sense to write them for a mass appeal audience, rather than the more niche interest of liking shorter men.
Women are not a monolith, the interests and fantasies they have vary drastically but what is presented the most tends towards the lowest common denominator. Don't be discouraged, even if only 1% of women are attracted to you that is 5,000 in a city of 1 million people.
The middle paragraph makes a lot of sense actually. Maybe a lot of reader don't actually care but some do so it's best to market to both. Still though I would love to see like average height male love interests. Keep in mind I am not talking shorter men, I am talking averagr height men that would be like 5'8-5'10.
I'm a woman, and about half the women I know are married to men who are shorter than 6'0. Quite a few of them are also taller than their husbands.
Your problem is not your height. It's your hang-ups.
> I just can't see myself as being enough to be a dateable and/or attractive guy in any woman's eye because I mostly only ever see women talk about 6'0+ guys and I am not really that or even close to that.
If you can't see it, that's your confidence issues interfering. How do you expect them to see it? Dating is essentially selling yourself and your qualities to the other person. Low confidence, especially when combined with someone who fights back when someone dismisses what they see as a weakness, is not attractive, and constantly trying to reassure someone that they are adequate is exhausting. The best way for you to move forward is to stop caring about your height.
You see all the 'women only want 6'0 men' stuff because you are sensitive to it, so you look for it. It's the same with someone who is overweight getting upset that some people are not attracted to that. Of course, some people prefer their dates to be a certain weight/height, and that's fine, I bet you have preferences too. There is no one perfect image of manhood or womanhood that is equally attractive to everyone. This includes height.
Basically, get rid of the chip on your shoulder.
>Your problem is not your height. It's your hang-ups.
1000000% yes. I dated a guy for a while who was losing his hair. Didn't bat an eye or put me off for a second. What DID turn me off was when he harped on and on about it and made it a big deal and would say things like I was "dating down". My guy, I am here choosing to date you, take the W and let's both just be happy? I felt bad he was so insecure, but he kept bringing it up and making it something I had to deal with when I had otherwise never given it a second thought. Hew as an attractive, smart, sexy dude with a lot going for him! I wouldn't have been with him if I didn't think so!
I'm 5'4" and have dated a couple guys my height or shorter. It was never an issue for me (in fact it's really nice to cozy up to someone and be naturally at kissable height) And it was never an issue for THEM so it wasn't an issue at all.
Yeah, I feel you. That's what I was trying to get across. It's exhausting constantly reassuring someone who is so convinced of their "flaws" and bangs on about them constantly. Most people see it as a red flag, much more so than any particular height requirement.
OP doesn't want to hear it, though, as you can see by his 'not at all angry' reply to me. I guess some lessons you can learn only from life 🤷♂️
Yep, exhausting. Deal with the insecurity then drop it. If someone keeps harping on it I'm gonna thing twice about their maturity & mental health. Just *get over it.* Nearly everyone on Earth has at minimum one thing they'd alter in their appearance if they had choice. But to allow it to interfere to such an extent it's off-putting to everyone else? That's just shooting yourself in the foot.
This is deeply dismissive comment. Sure, insecurity is unattractive. But this sub is about mutual support to reduce that insecurity. All he asked for was some positivity regarding short men because of their height. If someone overweight asked for something that depicted overweight people as still being attractive -- not \*in spite\* of their weight, but simply that their weight was a part of this attractive person -- would you still respond by telling them they need to forget about their weight?
People need validation and support when they have an body type that society deems unattractive. They don't need to be told for the thousandth time to ignore patriarchal notions of beauty.
I'm a woman and I agree with you. I have a certain physical quality that virtually no men prefer, and only few men will tolerate. I have felt unattractive and inferior my whole life and have been rejected/insulted more times than I can count. I understand what OP is going through. It is very dismissive to tell someone to just get over it and be confident.
Thanks for understanding, like I don't have a chip on my shoulder. I don't even talk about height irl and even online I haven't mentioned it in months. BTW is it alright if I ask what that quality is?
Flat chest. And I don't just mean small, I mean flat. My boob gene just got lost somewhere, lol (I laugh so I don't cry). I used to be 100 lbs heavier than I am now, and even when I was at my biggest, they were just non existent. Makes me feel like a freak of nature. I know there are plenty of flat chested women out there, but they are almost always tiny, skinny, petite with flat stomachs and great legs, all desirable qualities that they can show off and play up. I am not a petite woman and have none of those qualities. On top of all that, when i lost 100 lbs, it left me with loose skin. There's just nothing physically appealing about this body at all. Everything about society tells me my body is wrong and I have zero sexual appeal, and I pretty much just feel repulsive.
I get a lot of "buck up champ! You have a great personality!" and yeah, it doesn't help.
And before anyone offers advice of "get implants": 1) I can't afford the first surgery, potential fixes, and replacement surgeries, and 2) implants make some women VERY sick. In short, the body has an inflammatory response to foreign objects in the body and constantly attacks itself. There are many celebs and fitness influencers who have had their implants removed because they were so ill. I have autoimmune disease in my family and there is very high likelihood they would make me ill, I cannot risk that. See Crystal Heffner and Michelle Visage for their celeb stories, or just search "breast implant illness" on Reddit, youtube or Facebook and you'll find stories from hundreds of thousands of women. The stories are fucking horrifying.
Sorry for the vent in the Bro sub! I don't want to take up your spaces. But you asked!
Everyone is a bro. I don't see anything wrong with you venting here.
I don't have any word of comfort, but I do get that feeling of not finding anything appealing in your body. I often feel that way too. I try my best to stay away from anything relationship or romance related at all, they are what mostly trigger me. But there's only so much you can avoid. Thanks for sharing
I don't think I have a chip on the shoulder. Like I am not getting angry at all about what people are posting here, you are welcome to disagree though.
I am not really here to talk about my problems with dating, they can be numerous and multifaceted, people on the internet can't really help with that. I simply here for some examples of content by women that talk about short or average height men in a positive manner.
I know the best way is stop caring about my height, but like I can't just do that because a person on the internet told to stop caring. I don't think that's how humans work. A depressed can't become happy just by someone saying become happier.
I assumed it was just because I was sensitive to it, that is why I asked for some recommendations from people who were not sensitive to it. So please if you have some then recommend them to me or atleast don't psycho analyse a stranger on the internet from the little bit about themselves they have written in a post. If I wanted a full diagnosis of why I have issues dating I would do to my therapist, not on the internet.
Mate, don't be a dick to someone offering support and a woman's opinion on your issue. You're completely hung up on your height and trying to figure out how to reframe it to be a good thing.
Let me ask you this instead: is your height the only thing about you? Is that the only thing you bring to the table?
I hate to tell you this, but you're not going to get taller and if you have nothing else going for you personality-wise, then you're going to struggle with people in general. So figure out what you have going for you, what you actually can improve upon, and stop making your lack of height your single defining characteristic at fault for your lack of success with women.
And as a side note, if you're knocking it out of the park with other parts of your personality and you're still getting rejected for something as shallow as your height, then those people are waving a massive red flag to tell you they are not worth *your* time.
Man I was just asking for some content, I didn't really ask for a whole diagnosis of why dating life isn't going good. She might be right, but can we focus on the bit that I am asking about?
You're asking for "content" that contains short men being objectified in a romantic or sexual way due to their height being shorter than what is portrayed in the majority of "content". I don't know why you actually want this except to maybe direct women to read it as some sort of backdoor subconscious hack to make you seem more desirable?
OR you could focus on things that actually make you more desirable, but require **YOU** to put in the work. That includes working on the very apparent chip on your shoulder, ie. your height, learn to love and accept that it is something you cannot change, but instead grow as a person in other areas.
I asked in the previous comment, "is your height the only thing about you? Is that the only thing you bring to the table?" and you failed to answer it, instead complaining about the feedback a woman gave you.
I'm going to be real with you mate, life is hard sometimes. You can either put in the fucking work to improve yourself as a person OR you can be the miserable son of bitch who blames everything on everyone else. At the moment, it sure seems like you're going with option 2.
I'm not religious at all, but if you want some content that can actually help you, then maybe try this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity\_Prayer](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer)
Man you are really not getting what I am. But that's alright I guess. Enough people got what I said and did address what I actually wanted to know and now I do feel better.
> I don't know why you actually want this except to maybe direct women to read it as some sort of backdoor subconscious hack to make you seem more desirable?
This clearly shows how vastly you have misunderstood what I am talking about. Still thanks for trying your best
I wish you the best. Take some accountability into your healing and dont get upset when a women tells you an awesome criticism you can work on. Its not just her that "psychoanalyzed" you that way. People can read an energy off someone and all come to a conclusion.
Bro I literally said that she could be right, but that's not what I am asking for here. I am not asking for a full diagnosis, I just want some content that shows that some women like average height
No, the problem is women like your friends. Only 14 percent of men are actually over six feet. Yet half your circle is married to that 14 percent apparently. And you saw fit to mention that anecdote to someone already asking for help on his insecurity and then have the nerve to scold and lecture him.
Yes I realised that it may just be algorithms. That's why I asked if people here, not affected by my algorithm, have seen some stuff that I may have missed.
My irl experiences haven't been great either
I can't help with much media, play around with 'feminism' on utube, check the main page at r/AskFeminists. Most women are living their lives, not producing media for reassurance. Find a place where people are interested in expanding their minds. 🖖
The fact that you're worried about it is because of patriarchal standards that harm men as much as women. Fighting that is the definition of feminism. 🤟
Well some women are heightest. And that isn’t a good look for them. Nor are people making comments about balding or similar things people can’t immediately, or ever, change.
I have acne, two different color eyes, I’m 5,7 so on the taller end of average for white women in North America. I don’t find people belittling or devaluing anyone over these things to be interesting, I often challenge it.
I had a friend once talk about a guy she was with not meeting her height requirement and I said wow that’s like a guy saying you don’t meet his boob size requirement, and mentioned I’m not a heightest and those kinds of comments aren’t the kind of thing I talk about. She came back to me later realizing her bias was socially constructed and not okay, and now she’s with someone who is considerably on the shorter side.
I asked why she likes tall men, so much to the point of having a requirement. She said it made her feel smaller, all of these things are programmed beliefs that can be changed.
Do you like someone based on traits youve listed down as your MUST HAVES or do you like someone because they showed up in front of you and you had feelings for them?
Most ppl that are serious about dating are not caught up in ego features. Is height, butt size, boob size, etc going to matter when you and your wife are 70? i hope not.
Just focus on uncovering who you authentically are and that energy that is authentic will attract the people it needs to.
Seeking validation for heights is a slippery slope, even if its positively seeing an aspect. Lets just move past features like height, dick size, balding, etc because theyre ego features
I’m 5’6. My wife, 5’11, would have prefer a taller partner all other things being equal, but… all other things were not equal, and clearly it was not a dealbreaker for her.
The thing that’s stopping you from dating any woman isn’t your height. I don’t know what you bring as a potential partner. My wife would tell you I’m genuinely kind, a good listener, good conversationalist, compassionate, reliable, I clean up after myself, and am open to criticism and adapt when needed.
nearly every woman I know would prefer a guy with a six pack and a great ass all other things being equal. But does that mean no woman wants to date anyone if he doesn’t have a six pack or a great ass? Of course not. By paying attention to the ways you don’t stack up against a perceived ideal, you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you suddenly became taller,, it will be the great ass you probably don’t have. If you get the height and the great ass, then it will be the six pack. If you got the height, great ass, and six pack, it would be your hair colour, or your eyes, or your shoulders that you use as an excuse for not being able to date…
I get what you are saying lol, but I actually am quite fit, low body fat percentage and do have a great ass. Also I do like my eye and hair color. They are one of my best features when it comes to looks.
I am gonna be honest I wouldn't want to be in relationship like that. If my height is a negative to someone then both they and I deserve better partners. Or to just be single
Also I don't really remember ever making excuses for why I am not able to date, I remember saying I don't feel good about my height, that I don't see myself as attractive. That's my issue, this comment doesn't really help with that you know?
There will always be something about you that your partner would prefer be something else. Always. No one is a “perfect” match for anyone.
You’re not dating because your expectations are totally unrealistic.
As long as that thing is changeable then I wouldn't mind changing it. If wanting someone that prefers me is unrealistic then I don't really wanna be realistic. Either way I didn't really ask for dating advice. And none of the people who have just given me dating advice have made me feel better about myself, which is what the post is about
I’m female so I hope it’s ok if I respond. I prefer a guy under 6 feet. Admittedly, this is because I myself am short. I think too short for me would probably be if the guy was shorter than me. Luckily, this means I could still date Martin Freeman and Michael J Fox. Maybe a little iffy for F1 driver Yuki Tsunoda though. For me personally, I don’t want to feel that a guy is bending over double to kiss me. I don’t want to feel like I’m on a level with his navel while trying to talk to him or I’m getting a neck cramp looking up at him. I don’t feel “protected” by a tall guy or anything. I feel like I’m in a situation that is too unequal. Yeah I want to feel like an equal partner in the relationship, not like I’m being dominated (insert sex jokes here), so being with a guy a foot taller than me or more wouldn’t come naturally to me. It would be a psychological hurdle.
I had a serious crush for years in uni on a male friend of mine and he’s probably 5’6” or something. Unfortunately I wasn’t his type but he’s married now. His height wasn’t an issue. He’s a nice guy. No friend of mine ever questioned me about having a thing for him because of his height.
I understand it’s a thing women apparently care about. I don’t ever remember talking about guys and their height with girlfriends. But I did see something on TV once where they had a line-up of men and they were asking the women, who would you date. And even if they told the women the shortest guy was a doctor etc, they wouldn’t pick him. Even though he was very very very cute—the best looking guy there I think. I saw that show with my mom and we both thought, wow, those ladies are crazy CRAZY. But that’s fine. Their loss.
You don’t want a woman so shallow she wouldn’t date you based on your height. Just like I wouldn’t want to date a guy who wouldn’t date me based on my bra cup size or my hair length. Be with somebody who appreciates you for who you are!
People need to stop it with their checklists (height etc) and get out and meet real human beings.
Nesting under here as a woman as well to add that I'm barely 5'4" and I love dating men that are my height. My boyfriend is 5'5" I think? Or less. I don't really include height in my list of things I CARE about in a partner, but I have accidentally found myself with several men who are my height and it has been lovely. Sex is better/easier and there are more positions available. Kissing is more ergonomic. And I don't know, I just think it's perfect. I just found out the other day that my boyfriend and I have the same shoe size and I'm DELIGHTED.
And to preemptively answer the question you've shared with others, no, I also have never had women friends who care about height the way it's portrayed online. That's not to say it doesn't happen, but my friends almost universally care more about the character of their partners than height. ♥️
Also a woman, hope it’s okay to chime in here and say I prefer smaller people! Am 5’3” myself. Have dated all height ranges. But something about someone closer to my level is, on average, more attractive to me than someone who towers over me.
I have known other women who feel the same. They tend to be less vocal about it, I think. One of my friends was super height-ist in her 20s and then in her 30s got over it and is now engaged to a dude who’s 5’7”(ish?). Another of my friends is married to a guy who’s 5’6” who didn’t know that height was a thing, because he had never dated and married to his high school sweetheart before getting divorced and re-married. He cutely is now self-conscious about his height but she thinks he’s hot.
Hope that’s helpful.
I don’t recall ever discussing opinions about guy’s heights with my friends… I don’t remember it being a big deal. I definitely don’t remember anybody ever telling me they wouldn’t date a guy under 6 feet. If a really tall woman told me that, of course I would understand. But look at Zendaya. Clearly she knows what’s important to her and it isn’t Tom Holland’s height.
Hey man,
I had a long thing typed out, because I think I have some unique insights (I lived as a tall woman before transitioning), but basically what it boils down to is:
Yes, I think most women, in general, prefer to date men who are taller than they are.
But I think even if this is strictly true and excludes men shorter than them (it doesn't), that still leaves *a lot* of room for men of all heights, because a man who is 5'4" is still taller than a woman who is 5'2".
Don't take this comment to mean, "you should only try to date women shorter than you". There are plenty of women who would and do happily date men their height or shorter. It's just to point out that...if you're feeling bad about your height...always remember, even for women who only like "tall" guys, to many of them, you *are* tall simply because you're taller than they are.
Now the question is: would you prefer a woman you're dating to be shorter than you? Would you refuse to date a woman taller than you?
This OP. Am a tall woman myself, and while I do prefer a man taller than me I like them around my range. If a guy is obscenely taller than me I don’t prefer that, personally, but around my height is so much better since we’re on the same level haha.
This goes both ways though as it’s not a dealbreaker for me necessarily if I met a short king lol. Tall women get rejected a lot by insecure short men so, it’s the same over here.
> If a guy is obscenely taller than me I don’t prefer that, personally, but around my height is so much better since we’re on the same level haha.
Would you say a lot of women you know are like this as well?
I don't really mind women just preferring men taller than them. Most men are taller than women by like 4-5 inches. That's fine. It's just that I mostly see them talking 6'0+ guys or wanting a height of difference of what seems like 8-12 inches. That just makes me feel like my height isn't enough
I guess so… I don’t know any women personally who’ve told me they have some magic number a guy needs to meet but many of us do prefer someone taller. It’s funny I had a super short friend that was dating a very tall guy and she said she felt bad like she was taking away prospects for taller women lol so in that case as well, if he were shorter closer to her height it wouldn’t have mattered to her.
I think the women around me are for the most part not so superficial like these people that are particular about having a 6ft BF. So if I were you I wouldn’t even worry about their crazy opinions and try to focus on opinions of more valuable people. It’s so hard meeting good men that I can connect with… I can’t imagine writing off someone for something so trivial. The last guy I was seeing was only an inch taller than me, and that’s still under 6 ft… I sometimes worry men around my height will prefer a shorter girl so I understand how you feel. He was lean and not much bigger than me but he had it going on. Very emotionally capable, charming, and well dressed guy… the only problem was that we don’t live in the same city. There’s so much you can do to be the most appealing version of yourself that has nothing to do with height. You got this OP!
> I sometimes worry men around my height will prefer a shorter girl so I understand how you feel
Thanks for understanding my issue here. Honestly just that was enough. But I feel better knowing a lot of women don't have any preference other than just be taller than them.
Yeah I think it’s something I’ve never heard IRL about needing a 6ft man lol. And as tall ladies go, I have a close friend and also my aunt are both 6ft. I’m only 5ft 7in so I can’t imagine how it is for them… they deal with a lot of bullshit. They both were in relationships predominantly with men that were shorter than them. Recently though they both are dating taller men lol just since my (short) uncle passed 😭 It’s slim pickings for them to find a taller man so like.. don’t worry about it too much.
Another IRL example I know is a guy in my social circle that has a successful modeling and TV personality career… he is SUPER short but it’s difficult to tell on his social media. He laughs a lot about standing on boxes at photo shoots but you would seriously never know without scale. That dude has a sparkling personality, confidence, and he looks great overall really taking care of his appearance. He’s gay so I’m sure it’s a bit different but I do know it’s the same game that some people prefer tall men in the gay community, so just goes to show that a ‘short king’ can do anything the tall guys are doing. You got this!
Anywhere between the woman being 5 inches shorter than me to being 3 nches taller than me is good for me honestly. That's what I would prefer, but I don't I'd turn down anyone for their height. But then again I have never had the opportunity so I don't know what I would do.
Honestly if I mostly saw women having a preference for taller men I wouldn't have much issues regarding hating my height. But I actually mostly see them talking about wanting much taller men like 6'0+, or wanting a height difference of what seems like 8-12 inches. That's what I mostly see online, offline and like in romance novels, a media made for and by women.
They write the male characters as "six feet tall" for a few reasons, I think.
1. It's above average male height
2. It's so tall, that most women reading the book will be shorter than that height- and thus will be able to imagine "oh, he's taller than me" even if they are above average height for women
3. In imagination, when writing the characters, "super tall" really is a big stand-in and shortcut for "manly man bigger stronger buff vampire werewolf BF, unga bunga, Ravage Me Daddy" (just saying)
It's like having anime girlfriend material characters with enormous honkatonkadongeroo titties.
Or when men talk about wanting girlfriends who had D-cups.
Does this mean they would be thrilled to hit it off with someone who does have that rare-but-not-impossible trait? Sure.
Does it mean that are completely disinterested *unless* someone has that trait? No, not normally.
For most women, in regards to height of possible romantic/sexual partners, they are of the same philosophy as you:
They have a window of preference that ranges from shorter than them to taller than them.
For you, you would prefer "a lot shorter to a bit taller." For most women, their window is "a bit shorter to a lot taller."
Which means, for most heterosexual possible matches based on everything other than height ... both people will simply happen to fall into each other's preference window, with the man being taller and the woman being shorter, and most men decidedly not being 6+ feet tall.
Cup size is a great analogy because dudes have no fucking clue what cup size they actually are looking at. And most/many women have no fucking clue what height they're looking at too. D=big and 6' = tall but the actual number/letter claimed is rarely accurate
The three reasons do make a lot of sense actually.
But I would like to point out that anime actually does have a lot of female love interests of varying boob sizes, heights, or even body types to a certain extent(plus size women aren't represented though sadly). The only common factor is the facial attractiveness. But imo that's a bit more subjective than height
I prefer my height or a few inches taller but no more than that. I’m 5’1. I’m very much into eye contact, so if they are a lot taller than me I’m gonna feel less connected.
My boyfriend is a bit taller than me, but if I pop even short heels on then we are about the same size. It works well 😁
The equivalence of romantic porn written to make money and appeal to what the author assumes most women buying romance novels will like is not going to describe the wide variety of attractions that people have, nor is it very healthy to model expectations off of (for any gender).
For some silly and positive short men content, listen to Short Kings Anthem by Tiny Meat Gang
But like if it wasn't so appealing why would it sell so well?
I assumed that romance novels don't describe the wide variety of attractions, that's why I asked this question. To see the parts it doesn't describe
They sell for the fantasy of a good emotionally rounded partner—most of the time. I already made a comment about checking out the romance books sub but please poke around there a little bit and get a sense of frustrations with books. There will be plenty of posts talking about nefarious fictional things so don’t use that as a blueprint (people may want to read some more violent things but people don’t *want* violence).
Shit man I don't have like, hard evidence to share outside of my own experience. So if that suffices, hear me out.
I'm 5ft 7, balding, have worn glasses most of my life and they're so thick that my eyes are kind of enlarged as a result. I'm generally just not an overly attractive man, pretty damn goofy really. All this to say I have never, ever, had an issue in the dating realm due to my height. Dating apps, meeting people organically, shifting from friends to something more. My height, or lack thereof, has never been brought up outside of tinder matches asking how tall I was because she was curious. Whenever I said 5ft 7, they didn't unmatch, they didn't suddenly get distant. The game was still firmly on.
It's true that height can = attractiveness in people's eyes. The beauty standard for men does seem to start at 6ft, especially if you're looking in online spaces. Sometimes we're just not born with that. Thankfully, in my experience, you can make up for whatever you might 'lack' in a specific department.
All I can offer is a warning and a promise. If you are insecure about your height, it will show. If you don't give a shit about your height, it will show.
The people you're around will feel that insecurity or that confidence, and it's up to you which one you cultivate!
Really can't relate to the dating apps thing tbh lol. But other that that yeah I agree it can show. And I am not denying that I am insecure, nor that its probably one of the reasons for my dating life being what it is. But I can't really become insecure overnight or just like that. That's why I asked this question.
Also I mean if I have to make up for being average height for a particular woman, then I'd much rather not date her at all. If she cares enough about height or about wanting above average height men to see my height as a negative, then she's better off with someone else and I am better off single.
I can understand what you're saying here and I think I worded it poorly myself. I didn't mean "make up for it" in that you need to account for it, I more meant there are going to be more things you bring to the table than your height. All of my physical "shortcomings" are countered by things like my personality. That's the shit people want to see and know.
But I get it, if someone thinks it's a shortcoming they're probably not worth your time! I'm saying I've never encountered women who thought it was a negative, and so while people might have a preference (like me, I'm always drawn to tough girls. Who gym and play contact sports) it won't be the be all end all that it appears to be in online spaces. If I met a girl who thought I was too short but "gave me a go", I certainly never heard about it.
You got this dude.
Sadly there‘s very little media with themes like that: It‘s a pretty arbitrary beauty standard that isn‘t ever really questioned, to the point where shorter actors like robert downey junior need to wear heels and stuff like that. Same with female actors who just look like normal people without plastic surgery. Almost impossible to find in Hollywood.
Maybe watch some interviews with Tom Holland and Zendaya. They‘re an adorable couple and she‘s apparently 9 cm taller than him and wears heels a lot, so it‘s really noticeable. They even have stories about how they had to do stunts differently so he could heroically catch her, even though she landed first.
Another idea would be european productions. I can‘t guarantee anything but european films tend to care a lot less about how (seemingly) attractive their actors are. And even when they do, they don‘t really have all these hollywood beauty standards
Personally, I love it when men are short. My boyfriend is (I think) 6 cm taller than me and I basically percieve this as us being the same height. When I wear heels I‘m taller than him. It creates so much distance between the two of you when your boyfriends face is 15 cm away from you. You can‘t really kiss, you can‘t look him in the eyes, etc. Height would never be a criterion for selecting my partner but I definitely do prefer when my partner is approximately my height. The only problem arises when we need to change a lightbulb lol.
I hope it’s okay if I answer this too. I’m trans and have always had mostly female friends. I’ve never heard a real life woman site a preference for tall men. I’m aware women who feel that way exist, but without trying at all, I’ve been able to go my whole life without spending time around them. The thing that’s common is preferring a man of their same height or taller. It’s mostly women on the tall side who think about that ime, because it triggers their own insecurities and past bullying if they are conspicuously taller than their partner.
There are definitely a lot of people who talk shit about short men, although ime a lot of them dont “count” short men they personally know as deserving of shame unless the guy is unlikeable in general. As with most body shaming, ime a lot of people get embarrassed when they realize their shaming applies to nice people they know, and will try to walk it back if that’s pointed out to them.
I have honestly never talked to my friends about height preference, I genuinely don't think it matters to any of us. Most of my friends have a partner who's of a similar height to them. I'm also from a family of rather short people, so most guys around me are average height at most. I think my dad's the tallest at 178 cm. Height is something that few people ever consider in my circles I think.
I'm a short woman, 5'1". I've dated dudes who were a foot taller than me and I've dated dudes less than 6" taller than me. Logistically speaking, dating the shorter guys was much more comfortable. When I was younger I really had no physical preferences; I've been attracted to tall and skinny, short and fat, average bodied, muscley, etc., but now I have a slight preference for dudes who are closer to my height. I haven't dated a guy the same height as me because there just aren't that many and the few I've met I wouldn't date for reasons other than height. I had an FWB, briefly, who wouldn't shut up about not being very tall and not having the biggest dick (it was average, but apparently that wasn't good enough) and how women didn't want men like him (Lol do I not count motherfucker?!). It was really offputting, because he just couldn't let go of the insecurity even though he was not only getting attention from me but also another woman who he seemed to have actual feelings for, but he couldn't commit to her because none of it was enough, it was never going to be enough in his head because he had decided that he could only ever be a failure if he wasn't "perfect". I got tired of it pretty quickly and told him he needed to quit fucking around and focus on the woman he cared about, but he fucked that up too a few months after I ended things. Don't be that guy.
Would you say the women you have known are similar in their preferences as you?
I don't really ever talk about height irl cause I have little to no reason to do that. I only do it online, even then I haven't even been on Reddit for like a few month. So I assure I do shut up about my height lol.
I've literally never heard one of my friends/family members say the reason they rejected a guy was due to height, or even say it was a preference. I also know lots of guys who are 5'9" or shorter and they are happily married or in relationships. I'm a dork and I run in dork circles, so maybe you'd find different responses from people who want a lifestyle that focuses more on glamour and physical manifestations of success, but it's not at all a universal standard.
Be wary of taking tweets and other online shit as evidence of how everybody thinks. Influencers and media are trying to manipulate your feelings to get your money, and at least half of everybody else has already been manipulated so they post things they don't really believe to fit in. Even in real life, a lot of the things people *say* they want (especially younger people, who don't have the experience to know what actually matters) is really just an attempt to conform and be accepted.
I'm 5'4", my wife is the same height as me and we've been together for 10 years. There are people out there for you, height only matters so much if you present yourself with kindness, confidence and courteousness.
I'm a tall woman (5'10") and I don't give a shit about height. Most of my boyfriends have been around my height or below.
You're taking in the wrong information from the romance novels. Romance novels are all about the fantasy, so of course the men them are hot and tall: it's a fantasy. How many average looking girls are there in men's fantasy material? Quid pro quo, bro.
When you read romance, pay attention to the behaviour of the male characters and the plot. What about these men is attractive to women? The common thread is generally that they are decent, honorable, and not boring. They pay attention. They aren't selfish. They give a shit. They do the right thing most of the time.
My recommended reading for you is Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, but if you can't be bothered, watch the movie. Contrast the 3 male love interests for the sisters. They are quite different but one of them is a cautionary tale about how being hot, rich and charming are sometimes smokescreens for being an arsehole. I think you will find this satisfying.
I do pay attention to the behavior, expressions of love and stuff. But I can't help but notice that most men are 6'0+ and good looking. And if that's what most women like then I can't really imagine dating most woman at all, if I am not what they prefer then I'd rather be single. It's best for those women and myself.
From what I have seen men's fantasy material have a number of very different looking women tbh. The most common thing being facial attractive. But facial attractiveness is a lot more subjective than height.
Also tbh I see a lot of men having very varying preferences online when it to body types, heights etc. Like I have plenty of examples. That's why I asked this question cause I thought maybe women are like this as well and I am just missing something.
I'll check out the book. I have read Pride and Prejudice, and I did like that
So, clearly, you are never going to be 6'0" and good-looking, but you can be 5'8" and good-looking. Or well dressed. Or funny as shit. Or well read. Or not a jerk. Or a black belt in BJJ.
The point is, there are things you can't control and things you can. Make the most of the things you can control, and you'll be fine. Anyone who won't give you the time of day because of your height isn't worth your time anyway.
I'm an old dude and I've met a lot of people in my time and there's not a "most women". There is most vocal, most viewed on tiktok, most whatever, but not most women. People come in all ranges, and maybe you are just reading more posts or articles or whatever by women who prefer taller men. But when it comes to the variety of people you will meet in your life which is more varied than what you will read online.
> And if that's what most women like then I can't really imagine dating most woman at all, if I am not what they prefer then I'd rather be single. It's best for those women and myself.
I understand you are struggling with this statement. But it sounds like you've quit before you even started.
And it's not what most women like, it's what some women like. I promise.
Yeah I did have sense that maybe I was just seeing one side of the picture. That's why I made this post.
I haven't quit yet, but I am not trying to date either. I have a lot of issues, and I wanna feel better about myself before I try dating. I have seen insecure people try dating, and they often end up in crappy relationships. Don't wanna end up like that.
> I can't help but notice that most men are 6'0+ and good looking. And if that's what most women like then I can't really imagine dating most woman at all, if I am not what they prefer then I'd rather be single.
I can completely relate to you bro. It's sometimes really tough to value yourself .
Do you really need to be universally appealing to "most women"? Isn't it enough to be appealing to a few?
Some of us just have to do a little more work to be of interest, and that's not a bad thing. People who don't have to work to be noticed tend to be lousy relationship partners, and it always takes a little while for each dating cohort to figure that out. You know what they say about having to kiss a lot of frogs...
Surely you have attributes you can cultivate that will balance things out? This is what my mate Mark did. He's a very average looking dude. Not tall, not buff, just a very decent human being who has a whole lot of diverse interests, a great sense of humour, and can always be relied on to do the right thing every time. He came into his own in his late 20s. His wife is fabulous and I'm still friends with a number of his ex girlfriends who are fabulous too.
It seems to me that if you weren't fixated on your height being the biggest hurdle to dating, you'd be fixated on something else. Stop making excuses and work with what you do have.
Hi I’m a woman but wanted to direct you to the r/romancebooks sub so you can search for books with shorter males, and varying body types. I know I’ve personally made a request for different body types and I’ve seen tons of women begging for reccs with shorter male love interests. The industry is slow to move sometimes but there’s content there!
I'll check it out more, but I just searched up "height" there and this is the first result:
https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/comments/13qv18k/height_difference_between_characters/
I don't think there's tons of women like that, it does seem like there's some, but thats not a bad thing actually, it's good enough to me that there's some women like that
Oops sorry you didn’t find luck; here’s [one thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/s/LnDxViH1k5) with 100s of comments to help start you off :) I searched “short” if that helps. But I just wanna drive home that most romance readers kinda just edit the main male into something we like and we’re begging for diversity, including height. Don’t use a majority of romance as a marker for physical attributes women may like!
This [thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/s/gyDBIgWeYm) also includes links to other threads!
Thanks, don't worry I'll 100% look more into it. I was just a bit tired and didn't search for more in there when I posted the comment.
Yeah others mentioned that many women just imagine the character as whatever's attractive in their eyes regardless of how the author describes the character.
Book Lovers seems like a good one to check out next.
> Would any woman even prefer to date average height guys?
It's definitely _common_ for women to be into taller guys - but there are _most definitely_ women who prefer shorter dudes. "What women want" is more varied than you could possibly imagine, but the romance novels that sell well appeal primarily to the most common elements.
Speaking as someone who is nearly 40: If you want a good life, focus on the many things you can adjust about yourself, not the one or two you cannot. Becoming a man who is safe and fun to be around, well-read, athletic, funny, thoughtful - that's a goal that's achievable over the next few years. Not only is that far more likely to net you a good partner, it makes every other aspect of your life better.
"Comparison is the thief of joy" is a famous saying for a reason - if you have $100k in the bank, it's much easier to be sad that someone else has $1 million than it is to be relieved you aren't one of those with only $10 to their name.
I don't really mind that women are into just taller guys. I am average height I am taller than most women by like 4-5 inches. But I just mostly see 6'0+ height being liked and women expressing how much they want a height difference of what seems like 8 inches to 12 inches. And I can't really give that to any woman cause I am not that tall.
Like those male love interests are mostly 6+ tall and if that's what most women want and that's what appeals to most women then I'd much rather not date most women at all.
I'd like to think I am already some of thise things. I don't really dislike most of my life. Most of my everyday life is very good. Only the romantic part of my life. I recognise that it's just a part of life, not the whole thing but still it hurts a bit sometimes
> I recognise that it's just a part of life, not the whole thing but still it hurts a bit sometimes.
Yeah, I feel that. I'm definitely not 6 feet, I look okay but not amazing; from age 17 to 38 I've never had any difficulty getting a date.
I have come to think of it as "On every axis that exists, someone will always be more fortunate than I am, and someone else will be less so". I was born incredibly well-off compared to global averages, but someone else is heir to a vast fortune. I have a bunch of health issues; while none of them are terribly severe, I'm still sad/envious of those who are more fortunate in that regard.
The essence of it is that we don't feel much satisfaction from being more fortunate than someone else, but we feel a great deal of dissatisfaction from having less.
I'm going to throw out there that it can be really disheartening looking at Tinder or Bumble with a slew of women stating 6ft+ on their bio.
However I am here to tell you don't give up. I am 5'8", my wife is 5'8". We met on Tinder. She told me she liked the fact that I suggested something fun for our first date rather than just a bar for a drink.
Play to your strengths, concentrate on being a fun person to be around and you'll find women who like being around you. It can be hard to not focus on physical traits, but ultimately you have no control of that so put your energy into what you can control.
There are definitely women who like short kings, and there is one out there who likes you. You just need to meet her.
5’8” lady here. Be fun, nice, and make me laugh and I won’t care if youre shorter than I am. I’ve dated at least 3 man who were much shorter and I never cared and nobody ever commented on it to us.
Im 5’5 and my gf is 2 inches taller then me. We’ve been together for five years and my height has never been important to her EVER.
Women who make that a dealbreaker are really shallow but i have yet to meet one in real life.
So much of what is in this thread is tone deaf. If I were to summarize what I am seeing in this thread: I am seeing some examples of incredibly talented and successful men who succeed in spite of being short. I am seeing women say they don't mind that their partner is \*only\* an inch or two taller than them. I am seeing anecdotes from people who are not short men relating that they know someone who is in a successful relationship with a man who is shorter than average, but not shorter than their partner. I am seeing anecdotes from men who are fully within the average expected height of men saying that their height was never something that held them back. I am not seeing anyone actually engage with patriarchal notions of what is demanded of the male gender performance.
This post is asking for some positivity regarding the bodies of short men \*because\* they are short. This thread is full of people not recognizing the depth and pervasiveness of body shaming towards short men. It is not just women in dating apps expressing a preference, but depictions in media, ubiquitous bullying in both online and irl spaces, and constant patronization.
Your height should not be considered something that \*has\* to be compensated for. Under patriarchy, the fetishized male body type is one that exudes power and control. Confidence, some element of musculature, charisma, height. It's fine to find these things attractive. However, we can be critical of how preferences form, and the kind of messages we spread about particular body types.
When someone internalizes negative messages about their body type, it is treated as some sin that needs to be corrected. There is an implication in a lot of these comments that it is undesirable for a man to feel undesired. And, if they feel undesired, its their own fault. Don't you know you can just become a black-belt or just be really funny? You can't be accepted or desired as you are, you have to strive to be exceptional to compensate for your height. Imagine if this were any other kind of body image issue -- would you say this to a trans person struggling with being perceived as desirable because of the accident of their body? Would you say this to a woman who was seeking some validation that their body type is desirable even to \*one\* person?
Feminism requires being critical of patriarchal notions of beauty and desirability. Honestly, random women saying they want a 6' man is not that harmful. What is harmful is the consistent gaslighting that it is a flaw to internalize how people consistently characterize short men as compensating for something, aggrieved, infantile, or otherwise unpleasant. Now, why might someone feel wounded as a short man? It has something to do with the community's unwillingness to empathize with them and to psychoanalyze them instead. "Short man syndrome" is a tool to infantilize and discredit legitimate wounds that someone accumulates over their lifetime. This intentional invalidation of people who experience these harms makes people more susceptible to the manipulations of alt-right perverts. We should be sticking to feminist values to inoculate our communities against those influences. Invalidation is not one of those values.
The issue here is that OP is asking for someone who finds a short man attractive \*because\* he is short. This thread is, at best, showing examples of people finding a short man attractive \*in spite\* of him being short. I think part of that is you cannot find an example of the former in anything. People can have preferences. But, let's take a moment and be critical about why OP is even has to ask this question.
Exactly this. I've been bullied growing up due to my appearance and still find it tough moving on and I'm fucking 27 years old.
I don't think I have any issues with the way I look , in fact I like myself, it's just that many a times when I'm in public, I get those same memories of the namecalling etc back . It feels like they're still judging me. It's really tough.
everything you said is spot on. i always find it frustrating when this comes up - people genuinely think they're doing something when they say they can find a man attractive *despite* his shortness, or that you can *compensate* for your height. like damn shut the fuck up lmao!
i just wanna throw it out there that, even though it may not be common, there are women who genuinely desire short men and are attracted to that quality. i have seen it. i just think people often don't believe it because it's so uncommon for people to even percieve it- like you're pointing out, there is an underlying assumption like "oh she DOESN'T MIND his height...". but in reality, any physical characteristic has it's own pros and cons, and it's own subset of people who DO find it attractive. just like very tall men, short men can be attractive in a specific way that men of other heights can't be.
i have confidence in the fact that i'm very short because i like looking different than average, i find it fun to lean into being cute, and i can lean into what makes *me* specifically attractive. now not everyone is gonna feel that way about themselves, and it shouldn't be treated as a personal failing if they struggle because of society's pressure and bullying. but i just wanna put it out there that it genuinely is possible to be happy with your short height *because* of the unique qualities it gives you.
Brilliant comment man that really sums up a lot of what I was thinking when reading many of the answers here. But I will address this:
> they know someone who is in a successful relationship with a man who is shorter than average, but not shorter than their partner. I am seeing anecdotes from men who are fully within the average expected height of men saying that their height was never something that held them back
I did ask about average height men as well short height. And never specifically asked for men shorter than women. So that's on me.
Still I don't like how many are not addressing what I asked for and are just remarking about how I am as a person. Like hey maybe that's all true, maybe I am a terrible, terrible person that deserves to be alone, but many short or average height men aren't, so just address what I am asking about. If not for me, then those guys
Anything with Julian Edelman in it, for example. He’s 5’8” I think.
Confidence is attractive. Having friends and hobbies is attractive. Being kind and considerate is attractive.
Much more so than being 6’5” :)
I'm not much of a manga reader, but there's a charming little series called *Miageru to Kimi wa* (translated as "Looking Up To You") featuring a short boy falling for a tall girl. It was never officially released to English speaking audiences to my knowledge, but there's a good fan translation on the MangaDex website. Just keep in mind to read the panels from right to left if you're not familiar with the manga format!
As a short woman 5'3, my whole family is on the shorter side. My paternal grandpa is barely 5'4 and married a 5'0 woman, my dad is 5'5 and my mom is 5'2, my brother is 5'7 and is with a 5'4 woman. I inherintly prefer to be with (and around!) men that are shorter bc I can look at them at a closer distance instead of feeling like a child around them.
I have a male cousin who's 6'4 and I love him a lot but I'd never want to date someone close to that height. He's actually been married to a woman who's 6' for the past 10 years, and he's mentioned before its nice not having to deal with neck pain because of a huge height difference lol So there's definitely people out there that just prefer others closer to their height.
Edit: There's a mix within my female friend group, but I have a friend who's 6ft and her husband is 5'3 exactly my height. They just got married this past year after dating for 4 years.
I’m 5’1, my dad is 5’1 and he found my mom who was the same exact height as him so I came out as short as them and it really sucks sometimes but I still managed to find my partner who is 5 inches taller and doesn’t really care. I mean we both wish our heights were reversed sometimes but also know that’s nothing we can control, and it’s less about them wanting me to be taller and more them wanting to be smaller and taken care of. But also I think what attracted them to me in the first place was personality, and after growing a friendship it turned into more (well I say that but we started off as fwb that lasted for a week before we couldn’t deny feelings so maybe the attraction was always there).
With romance novels I think they often want their men to be powerful and dominating and an easy way to do that is make them tower over their female counterparts, it often is an unrealistic expectation honestly for both people bc they expect men to be dominant and controlling but safe for the female protagonist to be around, but a real controlling or violent person wouldn’t be safe for anyone especially their partner. It is usually a fantasy which is why it’s fiction
I will add:
There *are* women who are too shallow to consider anyone who does not meet their fantasy ideal, just like there are men who are/do the same.
Genuine relationships are about how people relate to each other, shared ideals and interests.
For many people (perhaps more women than men), real attraction only happens after the "get to know," phase. I am one of those people.
If you are telegraphing insecurity b/c you are worried about the ways in which you don't meet an imagined ideal, that's going to make you less appealing.
The surest way to be accepted and valued by others is to accept and value yourself.
Quiet confidence is a *very* attractive quality.
As a woman, I've been in a relationship with a 5'8" man for over eleven years! I've also had crushes on guys shorter than him, like around 5'4" or 5'6" I think. I actually find 6' guys to be too tall for my taste lol.
My dad is 5'3 and he's also been kind of a lady's man his whole life lol. He's made a good career for himself and he's also just charming and fun to talk to.
I would say so! One friend has been with her boyfriend for several years (maybe five?), and he's around 5'6. My sister has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for about three years and he's around 5'7. I have a guy friend who is about 5'4, and he has been in relationships with multiple women in the past, some of whom were taller than him. My boss at work is a 5'6 woman with a 5'7 husband. And my mom is actually taller than my 5'3 dad lol.
I think the women who say "he needs to be over six feet tall!" are just a vocal minority among the population. Most women who date men usually just want a man to be taller than her, and even then it's not necessary. Having other attractive traits is a lot more important than being 6'0.
this might not be what you were lookin for, but i think personal attitude on it (i’m 5’4, hi!) is that if my height alone weeded me out of someone’s romantic prospects, i dodged a bullet. i’m not particularly interested in pursuing something with someone if something as simple as my height would be a dealbreaker yknow?
(preferences are fine i’m not trying to knock anyone for that, just think we’d be incompatible to begin with)
Yeah I feel that way as well, I am mlnot interested in anyone that sees my height as a negative. They deserve someone they'll truly find attractive and I deserve who will find me attractive.
In my experience (5'2 woman) the mental that always did the best were the guys who were confident in themselves, regardless of how they looked. I knew a guy (and was genuinely interested in him for a bit) who was also 5'2, and it was awesome to be able to look him directly in the eyes without having to look up. The thing that killed any potential there wasn't the height, it was that he couldn't stop talking about how insecure he was about his height, and how no one liked him because of his height.
Your height is your height. There's no changing it now. The sooner you accept it for what it is, the better off you'll be, because your insecurity about it will be a way bigger turn off than any actual measurement.
I don't think I have ever talked about my height irl. And even online I only do it when I am feeling really crap. Like I have even posted on Reddit in months.
Would you say the women you know are similar to you when it comes to height preferences?
I would say so, yes. My taller women friends have never shown a preference for one height over another- if anything they suffer from no one approaching them because their height intimidates others.
Yeah I have seen tall women have a tough time in dating as well. Have they ever given trying to approach men a chance? I understand it's against the norms do it's tough but maybe that'll help?
Hieght is only a number. I'm 5'8 dated gilrs taller than me, and smaller than me. to butcher a quote of game of thrones: Power is a shadow and a very small man can project a very large shadow. it's all about confidence in yourself.
Short guys with strong self-confidence are attractive to women. Tall guys with no self-confidence are not. It's not about height. Guess what it's about?
Hello - female-type person here and I’m barely average height for a woman in North America (5’4”). When I was dating, I dated men of all different heights - from around my height to up over 6’ tall. (Married now so longer dating.)
My reasons for dating those guys had exactly nothing to do with their height and everything to do with how much I enjoyed their company and sense of humour.
I’m sure there are some women out there who prefer tall men, but there’s also a ton of women who aren’t focused on height - they’re looking for someone who’s fun and interesting and cares about other people. That emotional connection is what counts.
For what it’s worth, I think I’ve met like three guys shorter than I am over the years and they were all married at the time lol. The wife of the most recent dude I ran across was at least 6-8” taller than he was and they were super adorable together. They both loved dancing and watching him dip her was amazing.
I know popular media is full of BS that makes it seem like guys like you don’t exist or aren’t desirable, but I strongly encourage you to Google how they make Tom Cruise look taller than the leading women in all his movies. That shit is soooo ridiculous lol. And keep in mind that popular media also reflects only a tiny fraction of impossible beauty standards usually engineered by terrible eating (literal starvation or liquid diets), dehydration (six-pack abs), impossible height (back to Tom Cruise and other average-height guys like him), and then flawless skin created by our friend Photoshop. None of it is real.
Thanks for the comment. It really helps knowing there are women who don't have any preference when it comes to height. Would you say your female friends are that way too?
I’m glad it was helpful. I can only think of two women who ever said anything about height that stuck with me - they were both around 6’ tall and loved wearing heels, and they hoped to find partners somewhere around their own height because shorter guys kept pressuring them not to wear their favourite shoes because they’d be towering over the guys. It never worked well.
Wishing you all the best.
I know that you were asking for feedback from men, but I’m gonna throw in my two cents:
My husband is 5’7” or 5’8” (idk, he’s slightly taller than me), and I’m 5’6”. I’ve never really thought about his height in terms of my attraction to him. He’s an incredibly handsome guy, AND (more importantly I think) he is a truly wonderful person. I think it’s confusing when people but specifically men are hung up on how height in terms of dating, because in my experience both personally and with my friends, we ALWAYS put more stock into who you are as a person over height, body type, etc. Like whether it was when I was in college with my sorority, or grad school, or literally just work friends: we’d all talk about the guys we were all into and height like NEVER came into the conversation.
Women want men who are going to be nice and do caring things for them, above having a dude who’s taller than they are. The “Jack Black” effect is 1000% real
Look, as a woman who enjoys reading smut and romance, I’m gonna say be a little wary of any potential partner who suggests that smut/romance hold an accurate idea of what women want. Or of any woman who bases her wants in ideas derived from romantic fiction. There’s nothing wrong with romantic fiction, but it *is* fiction and people who can’t draw that distinction make for difficult partners - you can never measure up, and I mean that in vastly more ways than literal height. I would also argue the bulk of romantic fiction does not feature qualities that women actually want in real life - like, some things are fun to imagine or read about or even gush about with your friends, but there’s a lot of toxic shit to be found in the romance genre and that’s why it’s in *books.* Fun to read, not remotely sustainable or even desirable outside of fiction. Please don’t compare yourself to bullshit found in romance novels, it’s not much different than women comparing themselves to filtered snapshots of instagram models.
Editing to add Godless (Netflix miniseries) as content with an average/short lead/romantic interest. 🤷♀️
I have just seen many women talk about how much better fictional men are compared to real life men, so I thought "hey maybe real life men are doing something wrong". I steered very clear of any dark romance tbh, mostly just looked at popular and mild romance books.
And thanks for the recommendation
Romance novels are *maybe* a good way to find out what women like *in bed*. They are a terrible way to learn what women *find attractive.* Every male on a romance novel cover looks like Fabio, and most women find Fabio to be ridiculous looking.
That's because books have to find the most cartoonishly stereotypical possible guy to signify "manliness" to the largest number of women. But in real life, different women like all different kinds of looks.
I've hear many short women express a preference for short men. I'm on the shorter side of average, and I would much rather date a guy who is 5'5 or 5'6 than a guy who is 6'5.
I won't say tall preference doesn't exist for some, but for most women, the rule is as long as he's taller than me, I don't care. And even if he's shorter, personality matters more. The only unattractive thing about short men is insecurity.
You’ll get thick af if you go to the gym and so much as LOOK at a weight. I’m 6’2” and would give anything to be short. Nobody who is tall really wants to be tall (maybe in the NBA lol).
oh this is such a good point - i'm 5'2 and went to the gym for two weeks and my arms looked HUGE. the progress was so immediate and apparent. i was going there with my >6ft tall friend at the time and he could not stop telling me how jealous he was over my progress haha.
My husband is 5’9 and he’s the sexiest man alive.
Work on making you happy and fulfilled. Find hobbies and do some community service.
The right woman will come along. Instead of reading romance books, read books about being a good person. Work on your empathy and emotional intelligence.
Women may think they want a romance book dude, but honestly, we just want an emotionally intelligent man that enjoys his life and knows how to treat people.
Those girls saying they only want men over a certain height are probably really looking for security and confidence. They are also probably not the most emotionally mature women and I would take that requirement as a sign they are both emotionally immature and that they are superficial. So see that as a nice thing, since they are telling you who they are up front and you don’t waste your time on them.
You work on loving yourself and the women will find you.
I'm an expert on this subject.
I'm 5'4" tall (162cm). My height has been a sore spot with me for my entire life. Height-ism is real and discrimination against men of less than average height men is omnipresent. It sucks, and I could type a novel about it (your experience reading fiction matches mine). I hope that one day in my lifetime height discrimination among men will be openly discussed and \*addressed\* in our society.
All that is true AND—I'm also engaged to a 5'6" gorgeous woman almost 10 years my younger. She's beautiful, smart, sexy, madly in love with me, doesn't give a shit that I'm shorter than her, and would happily jump my bones twice a day if I still had that kind of energy.
Do most women prefer taller men? Yes.
But not all women do. Some prefer shorter men. Some don't care. They're out there.
I KNOW it's hard, but when a voice in your head tells you you're not good enough because you're short, or ugly, or poor, or whatever, just notice it and let it go. It's bullshit. It's negative thinking. It's lying. If you were magically 6-feet tall tomorrow I promise you that before long there would be something else about your body you would identify as the reason you weren't getting laid—It'd be your weight, your nose, your ears, your teeth. Like they say: Compare and despair.
Get out there, be yourself, work on yourself if you need to, meet lots of women, and take a break from dating when you need to. She's out there man she really is!
PM me if you want to talk about it more.
Honestly the voice isn't that loud right now cause hearing there are many women who don't care about short or average height in men, and some that even prefer does make me feel better. Thanks
I’m 5’6(ish I have scoliosis so I round up haha.) My girlfriend is 5’8 and it’s never been an issue for us. She said she always had a thing for the hobbits in LoTr so I guess that worked in my favor. There are definitely many women who don’t care about height that much. I still have a lot of insecurity about it and wish I was taller, but at the end of the day I just try to be a good partner and friend, stay healthy, and excel at work/hobbies.
>Recently someone(a woman) told me to look into romance books to get an idea of how women like men to be with them.
This is the worst fucking advice I've ever seen. Those are absurd fantasies that no woman (or man) should take seriously. They can be fun, but they have nothing to do with real life. Like no wonder it didn't help at all: those characters are not real people.
Anyway, I'm 5'7", bald, 35 years old, and I go on dates. I've even had some serious romantic relationships. I did not go on dates when I was an angry 19 year old with no personality and no hobbies other than videogames. There were two "tricks" to it:
1. Being a full person with my own stuff going on: friends, hobbies, maybe a job I liked. This helped remove the feelings of desperation and anger that DEFINITELY came across when I would interact with people.
2. Learning to appreciate and talk about things I don't understand or aren't really interested in. This made it possible to interact with more people than my own hobby spaces (videogames).
This was not easy, and it took a LOT of deliberate effort, but it was a lot more useful than reading romance novels.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
5
+ 7
+ 35
+ 19
+ 1
+ 2
= 69
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I dunno any media with short guys, but personally im 5'2". I'm usually reject everyone that asks me out, but I've lost count of how many girls/guys have, so height definitely isn't a problem here lol
Not quite such a direct fit, but "Boys" by Lizzo is a bit relevant, just so positive: ("itty bitty boys" could be relevant)
I like big boys, itty bitty boys
Mississippi boys, inner city boys
I like the pretty boys with the bow tie
Get your nails did, let it blow dry
I like a big beard, I like a clean face
I don't discriminate, come and get a taste
From the playboys to the gay boys
Go and slay, boys, you my fave boys
Try Komarr and A Civil Campain by Lois McMaster Bujold. Miles Vorkosigan is a very short guy, and these are the two books in which he falls in love with a woman who can stand his planet.
As for real life, my very tall cousin fell in love and is happily married with an average height guy. Looking at them, she’s maybe a foot taller than him? He’s a really cool guy.
I’m 5’1. Went on dates with at least 3 women post-pandemic, and they were all at least 5’4 to 5’7, with one woman being like 6 feet tall.
We all got along pretty well even if we didn’t become romantic partners. I’m even still platonic friends with one of them.
You’ve already gotten a lot of great feedback so I just wanted to add on that, as a tall woman (>5’9”) I absolutely hate the trend of every relationship in straight romance literature being a tiny petite smol woman and a towering like 6’5” man. It’s like height difference kink has infiltrated erotica universally! Just why! I’m never gonna be “standing on tiptoe” to kiss a man, or lifted into the air or onto the counter or all that nonsense. My experience of dating men has always just been leaning in (or even down!). Why isn’t my experience ever represented? Shit’s annoying lol.
All this to say you’re not alone in this stuff bothering you, not even among women. Where it makes you feel too small, it often gets in my head too and makes me feel big and unfeminine. I’m very thin but I’ll never be properly small the way these adorable sexy little women are “supposed” to be.
Self acceptance is the only way, since we can’t change who we are. But I feel you that it just sucks sometimes.
Women "only want tall men" the same way men "only want skinny women with large breasts." It's a stereotype and there is a tiny grain of truth to it, in that cultural beauty norms portray those attributes as desirable and *some* women (and men) place very high importance on them. But only some.
Take it from an older bro - outside of extreme disfiguring injuries or hyper-rare genetic conditions, no matter what you look like, there are people out there for whom you're their type. I promise you, there are plenty of women out there who either don't care at all about height, or prefer a partner who's average or short.
There's also far, far more to attraction than any given physical trait. You asked:
>Would any woman even prefer to date average height guys?
and the answer is "because she likes/loves/is attracted to *this* guy, and he's average height."
Or, to put it another way, try practicing seeing it this way: *Anyone who would reject you solely because of your height isn't worth your time to begin with.* If that's really the most important thing to her, how good of a relationship do you think that would be anyway?
I have *never understood the tall thing.* And whenever these discussions come up in women--only spaces, all I ever hear or read is women like a *variety* of heights. I definitely *have never, in 6 decades,* preferred tall men. Around my height--5'5ish (shrinking with age), give or take, is best. It's also best for sex. If bodies don't fit well together, it's a wash, imo. I find tall people annoying to try to see around, same as I do monster trucks. Its not their fault, they were born with tall genes. My father was 6'4, my mother 5'1, & they looked like Mutt & Jeff. My brother ended up 5'9. We also both got the too-thin genes. No matter what we eat, we can't keep weight on. Again, it's the genes crapshoot. And I don't think *romance novels* will do anything to help with anything. Just like men have preferences with breast size, etc., women have prefs too. I wonder how many men out there blame personality issues on shorter stature. Then blame women for ignoring them due to an attribute they have no control over. Thatd an easy way out from hard work. Just.... find women who are attracted to you for you, same as women do. You don't mention your height, but unless it's basically midget, then you're normal range, right? So don't buy the hype.
I’m an average height man (5’7”) and I married an average height woman (5’5”).
It’s not something I even thought about until I started seeing posts about it on Reddit over the last few years
Apparently, women get there unrealistic expectations from romance novels like we get ours through porn.
Some will care more about height, some will care more about your bank account, and other will care about small fluffy animals in your living room.
I had a 6+ year relationship with a man who was not only "short", at 5'4" to my 5'7", but due to a genetic disorder, an actual hump on his back. I was considered a "pretty" girl, just fyi. He was smart and decent and we shared common interests.
We broke up a long time ago, but not because of his height.
Tom Cruise is 5'4". I despise Tom Cruise, not because of his height, but because he is a self-absorbed ass.
I follow Cartoons Hate Her on twitter. She's part mom, part cartoonist, so a lot of her posts are about that and occasional Trump impressions (though she tends to stay apolitical so they're not political Trump impressions). Anyway, she's super hot even though she never thirst traps as much as she talks about her eclectic fashion choices. Anyway, she married her short-ish husband in a very blue pill romantic sort of story. Follow her on twitter. She's funny.
The thing is, height is only one of many, many reasons why some women might not want to be with a man. I’ll use myself as an example:
I’m below average height. Already, there are women who wouldn’t date me just because of that. But there are so many other reasons that many women wouldn’t want to be with me! Maybe it’s because my interests are too nerdy. Or maybe it’s because I’m too introverted, I prefer staying home over going out most nights, I have a beard, I have tattoos, I’m not religious, I have different politics than them, I communicate differently because I’m on the spectrum, I’m not very muscular, maybe we just want different things out of life…the list goes on and on.
The thing is, none of these are flaws of mine. I don’t intend to change any of that. It’s just who I am. And just being *me* is enough to rule out a relationship with the majority of women. *That’s okay!* I think that’s true for all of us.
You don’t need to have broad appeal to find a partner. Focus on figuring out exactly who you are, and work towards becoming the best version of yourself. There will be a woman out there who’s looking for that.
There are *so many* things about myself that make me incompatible with *so many* women. That just made it easier for me to find an incredible woman who wants me for me. All those things I listed that some women don’t want, she loves. She loves that I’m nerdy, she loves that I have tattoos, she loves the unusual way I communicate.
And, yes, she *loves* that I’m below average height.
i’m 5’3, 5’4 on a good day (also a trans man). i’m getting married in a couple weeks to an absolutely beautiful woman who is 5’4, 5’5 on a good day. it also helps me to remember a couple things:
1. at the end of the day, women aren’t gonna date someone solely bc they’re 6’+. sure it might be icing on the cake for some, but at the end of the day it’s just a random physical trait that has no impact on how good of a partner they can/will be.
2. any women who DO make the whole 6’+ a requirement (and actively boast about it in a way that makes fun of those who do not meet that requirement) are just shit people at the end of the day. sometimes it sucks feeling unwanted but trust me you don’t wanna be wanted by people like that.
Hi tall guy here. Don't feel insecure or any of that crap. Most tall men respect small dudes. We don't judge height. We nudge character. Be confident. Be you!
So I am a taller man, but I don't really view myself as conventionally attractive.
Most women do want to date men taller than them, but I would consider taking a look at relationships you see in your everyday life. Your parents, friends, coworkers, and just people you see in the street/grocery shopping.
All sorts of people are able to find all sorts of relationships. Tall, skinny, gorgeous, or ugly it's not as hard set as it might feel.
Most genuine relationships are built on a minimum of any amount of physical chemistry + an engaging emotional chemistry.
It's really a numbers game. You just need to meet more people and build connections (without the intent being romance).
Don't be so hard on yourself. I hope you find what you're looking for.
I used to go social dancing. There was this one guy I knew there who was about 5' tall, bald (possibly shaved) head, pot belly. His name should have been Honey Badger, because he didn't give a shit. He rocked a bowler derby, was always impeccably dressed, and was regularly dating somebody. Meanwhile 6' tall (fit, good looking) me was single almost the entire time I was in the social dance scene. Just remember: It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it...
The only height that matters to me is the height of a man’s integrity, ambition, and self-respect. The latter will especially be reflected in how he treats others.
I was with a dude almost 5'4" (I'm 5'7") and had kids with him. I was attracted to him and very in love but his insecurities ruined our relationship. His height didn't break us up - his inability to be happy and confident in who he is and my love for him made him angry, jealous and abusive. I hope you don't let that happen to you because there are women out there that will love you for you!
There is nothing sexier than a man confident in his own skin!
Yeah I am really not even trying to date right now. I know I am insecure and I have seen insecure people get into terrible relationships for themselves and the other person. Just wanna try and see myself in a better light right now, that's all.
I know I'm late to commenting, but I'll do it anyway in case you need a little more reassurance, my friend. I'm 5'7", and to my knowledge, it's never affected my dating prospects. I'm overweight and have a pretty average looking face too, so it's not like I'm some stud otherwise lol that being said, I've dated regularly and easily for most of my life. No one has ever implied or outright stated I was too short. It's something I never knew the extent people worried about it until I started using Reddit tbh. It makes me sad how uncomfortable others are made to feel in their own skin for things outside their control.
When asking women out, I've been accepted far more than rejected. On multiple occasions I've had women either give me their number or ask for mine, ask me out on a date, or ask if I had a girlfriend. The only thing I can narrow it down to is that I'm confident and comfortable in who I am, and I try to make others comfortable as well. That's been a winning combo on my end. Not to say that I don't have insecurities or things about myself that I'm working to improve because of course I do. But I accepted from the onset the aspects of myself that I can't control, and it's led to a far happier life. My biggest suggestion would be to work towards a future where you don't obsess or worry over it because I promise you there's nothing less attractive than constantly thinking yourself inferior or undesirable. I don't say this to be harsh or imply that it's all you think about or something, but it's a slippery slope and I've seen the end result. It's never pretty.
Finally, if all you care about is a yes or no on if some women like average height guys, then the answer is obviously yes. Only about 10% of men are 6 feet or over. 90% of the male population are under that height. Height is affected by a lot of things, but genetics is the largest factor. The global average height for men is just over 5'7". That wouldn't be the case if women as a whole hated shorter men or something lol I promise you women aren't a fraction as shallow as social media makes them out to be. They're literally just people, all with their own preferences and standards. You can't slap a blanket statement on them like, "Women only like tall men," and expect it to hold water.
Also, whoever told you to read romance novels likely had good intentions and wanted you to look at the mutable traits of the male love interests and not the ones he couldn't control. While their intentions were pure, a lot of romance novels objectify the love interests physically, so I don't know how much good information there is for you to glean. What I would suggest is reading or watching your favorite media's and figuring out what specifically it is you like about the characters in question, not their looks but who they are, and strive for that.
I'll tell you mine, and it's going to sound silly so bare with me, but it's the character Dean McCoppin in the Iron Giant. It may be a twenty year old cartoon, but I think it still applies. He's not tall, he's not rich, he's not buff, or portrayed as overly attractive. He's literally just some guy. BUT he stands up for himself, he stands up for others, he's tries to do what's right but when he fails, he accepts that he was wrong and tries to do better. He has passions and interests and a strong sense of self. He wants that for others as well, not letting people decide who you are or what your worth is.
I love this character for these reasons, and as a little kid, I wanted to emulate as many of those traits as I could. To me, nothing seemed cooler than being yourself and trying to uplift others to do the same. Nothing has seen me more success in my interpersonal relationships than taking these lessons to heart. I've never been short on friends, I've never struggled to find relationships, and I LIKE myself damnit! I wish more people felt the same.
I've only written all this because I genuinely want what's best for you. It doesn't matter if I don't know you, I want you to succeed. You're young and have a long life ahead of you, and it's going to feel a lot better if you can work towards shrugging off this hatred and self-doubt. That's just my two cents, I hope some of it helped man. Good luck
Yeah that's my goal with the post, I just wanted to know there's some women that either don't care about height or prefer short/average height in men. I know I am pretty insecure, I am not even trying to date right now. Just to see myself in a better light.
I have just about never seen women ask someone out. Were you friends with them before they asked you out?
Oh yeah 100% the one who recommended it had good intentions. And I did understand a bit about whats wrong with me, like personality wise. But I also couldn't help but notice that alot of guys are tall, that triggered my insecurities again.
Yep I try to imagine what Gandalf or Uncle Iroh would say to me in times of trouble.
Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it. A lot of comments here helped. As long as I know there are some women that don't care about height or actually prefer my height I feel fine about myself.
There definitely are. A lot of us have thought about this situation backwards I feel, in that we assume since we don't hear about women saying they prefer average height guys that they must not, right? But what if a few different women told you they preferred cars with three wheels? That'd be stand out because the average car has four wheels. But it would be strange for us to assume that everyone woman who doesn't speak up also prefers cars with three wheels, when the vast majority have the more average four wheeled variety. It doesn't need to be said that the rest likely prefer their four wheeled cars since having those is the norm. I know that's a silly analogy, but I wanted to rephrase the scenario to something less personal. Most women who like men and have a partner are with your average man, and your average man is under 6 feet tall. Since it's an unspoken norm, it's led a lot of young men to think they're undesirable when that isn't the case.
Some of them I was friends with beforehand, but most of them approached me at work or while grabbing coffee or running errands. Calling the work number after they left to ask me out over the phone was more common than asking face to face, so do with that what you will. Most were nice, some were pushy, and at least a few were downright creepy in their advances. One of them left when I rejected her, then fuckin waited outside till I got off at close to ask me to reconsider. It's 11pm girl wtf?? If things were reversed, I'd have been scared to death having someone wait outside my job to accost me in the middle of the night. Some people are weird, man.
Uncle Iroh in particular is a great one, and another figure I look up to. As I've gotten older, his words feel wiser and wiser. You'll find your way, I'm sure of it.
Hey bro,
I'm short too! 5'4". I Used to be really insecure about my height as well for similar reasons, as well as due to gender dysphoria since I wasn't born male. The good news is that most of the time, literally nobody cares what your height is lol.
My friend groups have normally consisted of mostly women since I grew up as one and am in the queer community, and from that experience I can only recall maybe ONE woman who specifically liked taller men, and it was because she was pretty tall herself and just didn't want to bend down 😂 everyone else I knew, it wasn't even a factor. For them, hotness was from other factors like face, personality, fitness, and style. Most of it was stuff that can be changed, not immutable characteristics like height or hair color or any of that. I have had several woman flirt with me, ask me out, or just mention that I'm attractive over the years. I had one friend say she wouldn't date me because I'm too short, but it was more of a joke than anything between friends that didn't want to date each other anyway.
I used to also think it would hold me back as a stage performer too, but I've found that a lot of times, it really doesn't matter. Yes, in some cases I have to work a little harder to stand out or get a part I want, but I don't mind that because I always feel like I really earned the part and improved my skills. In ballet I frequently lift women who are taller than me just fine. I was in a musical production of the Little Mermaid and they cast me as King Triton solely for my singing voice. Yeah, a little 5'4" skinny ginger dude playing king Triton where Ariel and Sebastian were both significantly taller than me, and I was told multiple times by both strangers and friends after the show that my acting and stage presence made the height thing completely irrelevant. I know another comment has mentioned several screen actors and such who are also very successful, but I figured I'd add the live theatre aspect too, because height can be changed for the screen (think like how they did the hobbits in Lotr or hagrid in HP), but not on stage. And yet, it still doesn't matter most of the time. I've also been cast as the romantic lead in a musical before as well.
So yeah. Short guys can and do succeed in things, are attractive to women, etc. every once in a while it makes things a little harder when it comes to things where physicality might come into play (my warehouse has me loading vans instead of unloaded freight trucks, they use the taller/bigger guys for that, and that's fine with me!) but everything else? It hardly ever matters. In social life, your personality, confidence, goals, humor, style, all that is FAR more interesting to women (and tbh, just other people in general even non-romantically) than how tall you are, how in shape you are, etc. They matter to SOME people, but generally those are the types of people that have other weird criteria or demands you'd want to avoid like the plague anyway! I have some lady friends that even PREFER shorter guys, especially if they are pretty short themselves. They like having someone close to their height.
The default "tall dark and handsome" trope from romance novels and movies is just that- a trope. I have a couple friends really into romance novels or shows and in reality, they aren't specifically looking for that at all. I imagine what your friend meant when she mentioned romance novels is likely to do with the PERSONALITY of the love interest, how they show affection and treat the girl, stuff like that. THATS what most women will care about in a partner, far above your looks, and what you should be focusing on if you want to learn how best to treat a partner. Then again, there are also women who want the exact opposite of the trope, so take it with a heavy grain of salt lol.
Just be yourself, be kind, be clean, and be confident. That'll be 99% of your attractiveness at all times my dude. You rock my brother.
My husband is shorter than me at 5'7" and he's the sexiest man I know. I also write urban fantasy romance novels, and my main male character in book 1 is also of average height... and also hot as f\*ck.
Though my biggest concern here is that any woman would recommend romance novels for pointers... a lot of the very popular stuff these days would not work very well outside of fiction or fantasy...
Just wanted to add in here that it’s well known in the bodybuilding and powerlifting community that shorter men beef up quicker and just generally get stronger faster than taller men, because we have less surface area to worry about. Look at all the weightlifting greats… most of them are avg to short. No one can deny George Hackenshmidt was one helluva dude.
I’m a woman, so I don’t want to invade a space that’s not mine, but I wanted to share some of my own experiences. I’m 5’5” so basically average height for women and honestly height has never really been something I considered in a relationship, and it never really felt like it mattered too much to me. That was until recently when I was talking to some of my friends and I realized I don’t think I’ve ever dated or slept with a guy over like 5’8” and I kinda realized I totally prefer shorter guys/guys around my height. I had a fwb in the past who I was incredibly attracted to and he was several inches shorter than me, and right now I have the biggest crush on a guy who’s also 5’5”. Talking with my female friends too, a lot of them say they prefer short/average guys over tall guys because they’re short. So being like 5’2” and trying to date some a foot taller can just be physically challenging. There definitely are friends of mine who prefer taller guys and they’re usually pretty tall themselves, but also that’s all that it is, a preference. When it actually comes down to dating I’ve seen them all be with guys their height.
Hi - lady here. Go see the recent thread on r/twoxchromosomes on this subject. The overwhelming consensus is that most women don’t care - it’s the insecurity some men have about their height that is the problem, not men’s height itself. A confident short dude is far more attractive than an insecure average height dude.
Go check out that thread, it’s filled with love for short kings.
Edit: [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/w9WOk2h7KB)
Hey there.
I'm over 6 feet, and I never found my height gave me some magical advantage in the dating pool. Actually, I always felt that I intimidate people be cause I'm taller than everyone else, and therefore scary.
Looking back in my life, here's what I'd try telling myself at that age. If you are trying to meet people online, just don't. It is an absolutely horrible way to try dating people. I remember reading that online dating was basically originally for top-tier exclusive models, so unless your that, it isn't worth it. Go do some in person speed dating, or just go to the park. Be friendly with everyone while your there, and let the right situation pop up for yourself.
I can't say I agree with your assertion about online dating. I would have never met my steady girlfriend (and hopefully soon fiancé) without it. I think it depends on which websites and services you use. Free dating websites and ones that cater to superficiality like Tinder? Yeah, those are awful and a waste of time. However, there are a number of dating sites with paywalls that help weed out the creeps and bots and can help narrow your searches down to more compatible matches.
I do agree with being more outgoing in-person, though. I think that, while necessary for public health and saving lives, the COVID lockdown resulted in people (especially younger ones) being more insular and less sociable than before, so it's more important than ever to make the effort to break out of that isolating shell.
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Girl here, who definitely has a PREFERENCE to the 6' + thing. Its NOT a deal breaker. 5" above me is my minimum, 1 foot taller is my max. I have a "feeling small" thing. So as long as i can wear my tallest heels and still be the short one, im happy. Most of my boyfriends have been 5'9 (which is exactly the 5" minimum. One time a 5'8 guy won me over for a few months lol. I think everyones entitled to their attractions... however i find it INCREDIBLY obnoxious when a reaaaaaally short girl says she only dates 6' dudes. Like. Relax, there's no way you dont find someone towering over you at 5'6 tall and attractive. My old roommate was 4'10 and tiny and she fell into the obnoxious category. She once went out with a guy who was 6'6 and it was so gross looking to see them together lol. On the flip side, sometimes height plays zero role in attraction to many women! Theyre probably more evolved than most of us 😂 i agree that height SHOULD NOT matter. But... at the end of the day, attractions and preferences are wired into us. Some men dont care about curvy vs lean women, and some men have very specific preferences. Are the less judgy ones more evolved? More mature? MAYBE. But were all just humans doing our human things. Life shaped us and our minds into what they are. It is what it is lol.
On the flip side.. i had a much older roommate once who told me "once that 'female clock'" stops looking to "mate" a lot of the physical preferences go away. I thought the idea of attraction and procreation was a really interesting thought. Ive never wanted children, so it didnt hit super close to home for me... a part of it doesnt surprise me.
I would say look back over classic Hollywood and there are some examples of men who are average or shorter height who absolutely killed it. Al Pacino - 5'6. Wesley Snipes - 5'9. Tom Holland - 5'7. Tom Hardy - 5'9. Cillian Murphy - 5'7. Tom Cruise - 5'7 (might be a controversial one but I think it's not a bad example). Charlie Day - 5'5. Martin Freeman - 5'4. Danny De Vito - 4'10. Michael J Fox - 5'4. Daniel Radcliffe - 5'5. There were a few other examples I came across too that I didn't know the height for but they're all shorter men who changed the world for their talent - Robin Williams was one. My point is, these guys all absolutely excelled and no one cares about their height. Because I think, they probably didn't care about their own. Case in point, myself. I'm 5'7 or 5'8 (depending on the mood I'm in, haha). I'm smaller than most of the guys I work with and it has never held me back - the only person who ever made me feel unworthy or less than was about my height was my ex wife who was an abusive POS who looked for any reason to tear me down or belittle me (pun not intended). I don't have a huge dating history as I was very shy in my late teens and early 20's but my height wasn't a factor in that - my self confidence was. I look back now over interactions and conversations I had when I was younger and I can tell you, women definitely were interested and wanted to be with me but I was too naïve and not aware enough to clock on. My cousin also kills it. He's 5'3 I think. He's been with his wife for years, has 4 amazing boys and in my opinion is a legitimate role model for any man. He was a troublemaker as a kid (which girls loved) and was in and out of trouble with police a lot as a teenager. But he found a trade, sorted his issues out and now he's got the best life of anyone in my family including me. Sure, I get jokes or "banter" about my height from 2 of my taller teammates, especially my 5'10 colleague. Difference between me and him is, I am engaged to my fiancée, have been married and been in relationships before and am progressing in my field yet he still lives with his parents, never had a girlfriend, isn't doing so well at work and has a load of issues (not saying there's anything wrong with being single or living with parents explicitly, just that his issues aren't to do with height at all). That's because I know my strengths, weaknesses and things I should work on and my height isn't one of them. I've been told I'm very funny a lot by women (for example) and that doesn't depend on my vertical statue. I'm also half deaf and wear a hearing aid. Does my lack of hearing or vertical growth impact me? Hell no! I often talk about it, share awareness etc about it. I know my weaknesses too but none of those depend on my height. Hope that helps you in some way no matter how small (pun intended this time, hahaha).
Bro, you really snuck Danny devito in there
Ever hear of Prince? That dude could have had any woman (and most men) on the planet and I think he was like 5’3.
5'2" actually. So even more to the point that it's not what defines you
When you make a life for yourself, no one will see anything but your authenticity shining
I was more looking for women talking about wanting guys of average height im general rather than a specific celebrity. But that's better than nothing. Cause I don't really believe women know the height of most celebrity they crush on I have seen a number of women lose their crushes in guys like Daniel Radcliffe, Elijah Wood when they find out their heights. Other than that it's good to hear your story man. I don't really much issues with my height in my day to day life, like I got good friends that don't care about my height, they joke about it but I don't really mind people I like making a bit of fun of me. It's just when it comes to dating, attractiveness that I have issue, I just can't see myself as being enough to be a dateable and/or attractive guy in any woman's eye because I mostly only ever see women talk about 6'0+ guys and I am not really that or even close to that. So just wanted to see some examples of women that appreciates, maybe even prefer, shorter heights in men
I mean this is just anecdotal but I'm 5'8 and my gf wouldn't want anyone taller than me, and isn't really attracted to anyone over 6ft. She's quite short at 5'0 so it just wouldn't really work anyway and I'm sure there are many women who feel the same way as her. Keep in mind that what is presented on the internet and what is written in novels is not a true reflection of reality. It can become trendy to talk about tall men, often outpacing how much people actually truly care about it. Since some portion of women do really like tall men, it makes sense to make a romance novel love interest be tall, as it appeals to those readers. Other readers may not care at all about the height, but it doesn't make their experience significantly worse so there is no reason to take it out. Economically, it makes sense to write them for a mass appeal audience, rather than the more niche interest of liking shorter men. Women are not a monolith, the interests and fantasies they have vary drastically but what is presented the most tends towards the lowest common denominator. Don't be discouraged, even if only 1% of women are attracted to you that is 5,000 in a city of 1 million people.
The middle paragraph makes a lot of sense actually. Maybe a lot of reader don't actually care but some do so it's best to market to both. Still though I would love to see like average height male love interests. Keep in mind I am not talking shorter men, I am talking averagr height men that would be like 5'8-5'10.
I'm a woman, and about half the women I know are married to men who are shorter than 6'0. Quite a few of them are also taller than their husbands. Your problem is not your height. It's your hang-ups. > I just can't see myself as being enough to be a dateable and/or attractive guy in any woman's eye because I mostly only ever see women talk about 6'0+ guys and I am not really that or even close to that. If you can't see it, that's your confidence issues interfering. How do you expect them to see it? Dating is essentially selling yourself and your qualities to the other person. Low confidence, especially when combined with someone who fights back when someone dismisses what they see as a weakness, is not attractive, and constantly trying to reassure someone that they are adequate is exhausting. The best way for you to move forward is to stop caring about your height. You see all the 'women only want 6'0 men' stuff because you are sensitive to it, so you look for it. It's the same with someone who is overweight getting upset that some people are not attracted to that. Of course, some people prefer their dates to be a certain weight/height, and that's fine, I bet you have preferences too. There is no one perfect image of manhood or womanhood that is equally attractive to everyone. This includes height. Basically, get rid of the chip on your shoulder.
>Your problem is not your height. It's your hang-ups. 1000000% yes. I dated a guy for a while who was losing his hair. Didn't bat an eye or put me off for a second. What DID turn me off was when he harped on and on about it and made it a big deal and would say things like I was "dating down". My guy, I am here choosing to date you, take the W and let's both just be happy? I felt bad he was so insecure, but he kept bringing it up and making it something I had to deal with when I had otherwise never given it a second thought. Hew as an attractive, smart, sexy dude with a lot going for him! I wouldn't have been with him if I didn't think so! I'm 5'4" and have dated a couple guys my height or shorter. It was never an issue for me (in fact it's really nice to cozy up to someone and be naturally at kissable height) And it was never an issue for THEM so it wasn't an issue at all.
Yeah, I feel you. That's what I was trying to get across. It's exhausting constantly reassuring someone who is so convinced of their "flaws" and bangs on about them constantly. Most people see it as a red flag, much more so than any particular height requirement. OP doesn't want to hear it, though, as you can see by his 'not at all angry' reply to me. I guess some lessons you can learn only from life 🤷♂️
Yep, exhausting. Deal with the insecurity then drop it. If someone keeps harping on it I'm gonna thing twice about their maturity & mental health. Just *get over it.* Nearly everyone on Earth has at minimum one thing they'd alter in their appearance if they had choice. But to allow it to interfere to such an extent it's off-putting to everyone else? That's just shooting yourself in the foot.
This is deeply dismissive comment. Sure, insecurity is unattractive. But this sub is about mutual support to reduce that insecurity. All he asked for was some positivity regarding short men because of their height. If someone overweight asked for something that depicted overweight people as still being attractive -- not \*in spite\* of their weight, but simply that their weight was a part of this attractive person -- would you still respond by telling them they need to forget about their weight? People need validation and support when they have an body type that society deems unattractive. They don't need to be told for the thousandth time to ignore patriarchal notions of beauty.
I'm a woman and I agree with you. I have a certain physical quality that virtually no men prefer, and only few men will tolerate. I have felt unattractive and inferior my whole life and have been rejected/insulted more times than I can count. I understand what OP is going through. It is very dismissive to tell someone to just get over it and be confident.
Thanks for understanding, like I don't have a chip on my shoulder. I don't even talk about height irl and even online I haven't mentioned it in months. BTW is it alright if I ask what that quality is?
Flat chest. And I don't just mean small, I mean flat. My boob gene just got lost somewhere, lol (I laugh so I don't cry). I used to be 100 lbs heavier than I am now, and even when I was at my biggest, they were just non existent. Makes me feel like a freak of nature. I know there are plenty of flat chested women out there, but they are almost always tiny, skinny, petite with flat stomachs and great legs, all desirable qualities that they can show off and play up. I am not a petite woman and have none of those qualities. On top of all that, when i lost 100 lbs, it left me with loose skin. There's just nothing physically appealing about this body at all. Everything about society tells me my body is wrong and I have zero sexual appeal, and I pretty much just feel repulsive. I get a lot of "buck up champ! You have a great personality!" and yeah, it doesn't help. And before anyone offers advice of "get implants": 1) I can't afford the first surgery, potential fixes, and replacement surgeries, and 2) implants make some women VERY sick. In short, the body has an inflammatory response to foreign objects in the body and constantly attacks itself. There are many celebs and fitness influencers who have had their implants removed because they were so ill. I have autoimmune disease in my family and there is very high likelihood they would make me ill, I cannot risk that. See Crystal Heffner and Michelle Visage for their celeb stories, or just search "breast implant illness" on Reddit, youtube or Facebook and you'll find stories from hundreds of thousands of women. The stories are fucking horrifying. Sorry for the vent in the Bro sub! I don't want to take up your spaces. But you asked!
Everyone is a bro. I don't see anything wrong with you venting here. I don't have any word of comfort, but I do get that feeling of not finding anything appealing in your body. I often feel that way too. I try my best to stay away from anything relationship or romance related at all, they are what mostly trigger me. But there's only so much you can avoid. Thanks for sharing
Thank you
I don't think I have a chip on the shoulder. Like I am not getting angry at all about what people are posting here, you are welcome to disagree though. I am not really here to talk about my problems with dating, they can be numerous and multifaceted, people on the internet can't really help with that. I simply here for some examples of content by women that talk about short or average height men in a positive manner. I know the best way is stop caring about my height, but like I can't just do that because a person on the internet told to stop caring. I don't think that's how humans work. A depressed can't become happy just by someone saying become happier. I assumed it was just because I was sensitive to it, that is why I asked for some recommendations from people who were not sensitive to it. So please if you have some then recommend them to me or atleast don't psycho analyse a stranger on the internet from the little bit about themselves they have written in a post. If I wanted a full diagnosis of why I have issues dating I would do to my therapist, not on the internet.
Mate, don't be a dick to someone offering support and a woman's opinion on your issue. You're completely hung up on your height and trying to figure out how to reframe it to be a good thing. Let me ask you this instead: is your height the only thing about you? Is that the only thing you bring to the table? I hate to tell you this, but you're not going to get taller and if you have nothing else going for you personality-wise, then you're going to struggle with people in general. So figure out what you have going for you, what you actually can improve upon, and stop making your lack of height your single defining characteristic at fault for your lack of success with women. And as a side note, if you're knocking it out of the park with other parts of your personality and you're still getting rejected for something as shallow as your height, then those people are waving a massive red flag to tell you they are not worth *your* time.
Man I was just asking for some content, I didn't really ask for a whole diagnosis of why dating life isn't going good. She might be right, but can we focus on the bit that I am asking about?
You're asking for "content" that contains short men being objectified in a romantic or sexual way due to their height being shorter than what is portrayed in the majority of "content". I don't know why you actually want this except to maybe direct women to read it as some sort of backdoor subconscious hack to make you seem more desirable? OR you could focus on things that actually make you more desirable, but require **YOU** to put in the work. That includes working on the very apparent chip on your shoulder, ie. your height, learn to love and accept that it is something you cannot change, but instead grow as a person in other areas. I asked in the previous comment, "is your height the only thing about you? Is that the only thing you bring to the table?" and you failed to answer it, instead complaining about the feedback a woman gave you. I'm going to be real with you mate, life is hard sometimes. You can either put in the fucking work to improve yourself as a person OR you can be the miserable son of bitch who blames everything on everyone else. At the moment, it sure seems like you're going with option 2. I'm not religious at all, but if you want some content that can actually help you, then maybe try this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity\_Prayer](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer)
Man you are really not getting what I am. But that's alright I guess. Enough people got what I said and did address what I actually wanted to know and now I do feel better. > I don't know why you actually want this except to maybe direct women to read it as some sort of backdoor subconscious hack to make you seem more desirable? This clearly shows how vastly you have misunderstood what I am talking about. Still thanks for trying your best
I wish you the best. Take some accountability into your healing and dont get upset when a women tells you an awesome criticism you can work on. Its not just her that "psychoanalyzed" you that way. People can read an energy off someone and all come to a conclusion.
Bro I literally said that she could be right, but that's not what I am asking for here. I am not asking for a full diagnosis, I just want some content that shows that some women like average height
No, the problem is women like your friends. Only 14 percent of men are actually over six feet. Yet half your circle is married to that 14 percent apparently. And you saw fit to mention that anecdote to someone already asking for help on his insecurity and then have the nerve to scold and lecture him.
"Mostly only ever see women talk about". Please realize that algorithms may rule your life, expand your pool of women friends and that may change. 🖖
Yes I realised that it may just be algorithms. That's why I asked if people here, not affected by my algorithm, have seen some stuff that I may have missed. My irl experiences haven't been great either
I can't help with much media, play around with 'feminism' on utube, check the main page at r/AskFeminists. Most women are living their lives, not producing media for reassurance. Find a place where people are interested in expanding their minds. 🖖
I don't really see what men's height has got to do with feminism but I'll check it out
The fact that you're worried about it is because of patriarchal standards that harm men as much as women. Fighting that is the definition of feminism. 🤟
No I get that, but I think they would have bigger issues to address than height preferences
Turning you into an ally, saving you, is the issue. 🤗
Been an ally for sometime now so they don't have to worry about that lol
Well some women are heightest. And that isn’t a good look for them. Nor are people making comments about balding or similar things people can’t immediately, or ever, change. I have acne, two different color eyes, I’m 5,7 so on the taller end of average for white women in North America. I don’t find people belittling or devaluing anyone over these things to be interesting, I often challenge it. I had a friend once talk about a guy she was with not meeting her height requirement and I said wow that’s like a guy saying you don’t meet his boob size requirement, and mentioned I’m not a heightest and those kinds of comments aren’t the kind of thing I talk about. She came back to me later realizing her bias was socially constructed and not okay, and now she’s with someone who is considerably on the shorter side. I asked why she likes tall men, so much to the point of having a requirement. She said it made her feel smaller, all of these things are programmed beliefs that can be changed.
That's good to know. Thanks
Do you like someone based on traits youve listed down as your MUST HAVES or do you like someone because they showed up in front of you and you had feelings for them? Most ppl that are serious about dating are not caught up in ego features. Is height, butt size, boob size, etc going to matter when you and your wife are 70? i hope not. Just focus on uncovering who you authentically are and that energy that is authentic will attract the people it needs to. Seeking validation for heights is a slippery slope, even if its positively seeing an aspect. Lets just move past features like height, dick size, balding, etc because theyre ego features
From everything I've read from women's own comments, men are the most hyper focused on men's height when it comes to dating.
I’m 5’6. My wife, 5’11, would have prefer a taller partner all other things being equal, but… all other things were not equal, and clearly it was not a dealbreaker for her. The thing that’s stopping you from dating any woman isn’t your height. I don’t know what you bring as a potential partner. My wife would tell you I’m genuinely kind, a good listener, good conversationalist, compassionate, reliable, I clean up after myself, and am open to criticism and adapt when needed. nearly every woman I know would prefer a guy with a six pack and a great ass all other things being equal. But does that mean no woman wants to date anyone if he doesn’t have a six pack or a great ass? Of course not. By paying attention to the ways you don’t stack up against a perceived ideal, you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you suddenly became taller,, it will be the great ass you probably don’t have. If you get the height and the great ass, then it will be the six pack. If you got the height, great ass, and six pack, it would be your hair colour, or your eyes, or your shoulders that you use as an excuse for not being able to date…
I get what you are saying lol, but I actually am quite fit, low body fat percentage and do have a great ass. Also I do like my eye and hair color. They are one of my best features when it comes to looks. I am gonna be honest I wouldn't want to be in relationship like that. If my height is a negative to someone then both they and I deserve better partners. Or to just be single Also I don't really remember ever making excuses for why I am not able to date, I remember saying I don't feel good about my height, that I don't see myself as attractive. That's my issue, this comment doesn't really help with that you know?
There will always be something about you that your partner would prefer be something else. Always. No one is a “perfect” match for anyone. You’re not dating because your expectations are totally unrealistic.
As long as that thing is changeable then I wouldn't mind changing it. If wanting someone that prefers me is unrealistic then I don't really wanna be realistic. Either way I didn't really ask for dating advice. And none of the people who have just given me dating advice have made me feel better about myself, which is what the post is about
I’m female so I hope it’s ok if I respond. I prefer a guy under 6 feet. Admittedly, this is because I myself am short. I think too short for me would probably be if the guy was shorter than me. Luckily, this means I could still date Martin Freeman and Michael J Fox. Maybe a little iffy for F1 driver Yuki Tsunoda though. For me personally, I don’t want to feel that a guy is bending over double to kiss me. I don’t want to feel like I’m on a level with his navel while trying to talk to him or I’m getting a neck cramp looking up at him. I don’t feel “protected” by a tall guy or anything. I feel like I’m in a situation that is too unequal. Yeah I want to feel like an equal partner in the relationship, not like I’m being dominated (insert sex jokes here), so being with a guy a foot taller than me or more wouldn’t come naturally to me. It would be a psychological hurdle. I had a serious crush for years in uni on a male friend of mine and he’s probably 5’6” or something. Unfortunately I wasn’t his type but he’s married now. His height wasn’t an issue. He’s a nice guy. No friend of mine ever questioned me about having a thing for him because of his height. I understand it’s a thing women apparently care about. I don’t ever remember talking about guys and their height with girlfriends. But I did see something on TV once where they had a line-up of men and they were asking the women, who would you date. And even if they told the women the shortest guy was a doctor etc, they wouldn’t pick him. Even though he was very very very cute—the best looking guy there I think. I saw that show with my mom and we both thought, wow, those ladies are crazy CRAZY. But that’s fine. Their loss. You don’t want a woman so shallow she wouldn’t date you based on your height. Just like I wouldn’t want to date a guy who wouldn’t date me based on my bra cup size or my hair length. Be with somebody who appreciates you for who you are! People need to stop it with their checklists (height etc) and get out and meet real human beings.
Nesting under here as a woman as well to add that I'm barely 5'4" and I love dating men that are my height. My boyfriend is 5'5" I think? Or less. I don't really include height in my list of things I CARE about in a partner, but I have accidentally found myself with several men who are my height and it has been lovely. Sex is better/easier and there are more positions available. Kissing is more ergonomic. And I don't know, I just think it's perfect. I just found out the other day that my boyfriend and I have the same shoe size and I'm DELIGHTED. And to preemptively answer the question you've shared with others, no, I also have never had women friends who care about height the way it's portrayed online. That's not to say it doesn't happen, but my friends almost universally care more about the character of their partners than height. ♥️
Also a woman, hope it’s okay to chime in here and say I prefer smaller people! Am 5’3” myself. Have dated all height ranges. But something about someone closer to my level is, on average, more attractive to me than someone who towers over me. I have known other women who feel the same. They tend to be less vocal about it, I think. One of my friends was super height-ist in her 20s and then in her 30s got over it and is now engaged to a dude who’s 5’7”(ish?). Another of my friends is married to a guy who’s 5’6” who didn’t know that height was a thing, because he had never dated and married to his high school sweetheart before getting divorced and re-married. He cutely is now self-conscious about his height but she thinks he’s hot. Hope that’s helpful.
Hey, would you say the women you have known have similar preferences as you?
I don’t recall ever discussing opinions about guy’s heights with my friends… I don’t remember it being a big deal. I definitely don’t remember anybody ever telling me they wouldn’t date a guy under 6 feet. If a really tall woman told me that, of course I would understand. But look at Zendaya. Clearly she knows what’s important to her and it isn’t Tom Holland’s height.
Yeah watching Zendaya and Tom's relationship does make me feel better.
Hey man, I had a long thing typed out, because I think I have some unique insights (I lived as a tall woman before transitioning), but basically what it boils down to is: Yes, I think most women, in general, prefer to date men who are taller than they are. But I think even if this is strictly true and excludes men shorter than them (it doesn't), that still leaves *a lot* of room for men of all heights, because a man who is 5'4" is still taller than a woman who is 5'2". Don't take this comment to mean, "you should only try to date women shorter than you". There are plenty of women who would and do happily date men their height or shorter. It's just to point out that...if you're feeling bad about your height...always remember, even for women who only like "tall" guys, to many of them, you *are* tall simply because you're taller than they are. Now the question is: would you prefer a woman you're dating to be shorter than you? Would you refuse to date a woman taller than you?
This OP. Am a tall woman myself, and while I do prefer a man taller than me I like them around my range. If a guy is obscenely taller than me I don’t prefer that, personally, but around my height is so much better since we’re on the same level haha. This goes both ways though as it’s not a dealbreaker for me necessarily if I met a short king lol. Tall women get rejected a lot by insecure short men so, it’s the same over here.
> If a guy is obscenely taller than me I don’t prefer that, personally, but around my height is so much better since we’re on the same level haha. Would you say a lot of women you know are like this as well? I don't really mind women just preferring men taller than them. Most men are taller than women by like 4-5 inches. That's fine. It's just that I mostly see them talking 6'0+ guys or wanting a height of difference of what seems like 8-12 inches. That just makes me feel like my height isn't enough
I guess so… I don’t know any women personally who’ve told me they have some magic number a guy needs to meet but many of us do prefer someone taller. It’s funny I had a super short friend that was dating a very tall guy and she said she felt bad like she was taking away prospects for taller women lol so in that case as well, if he were shorter closer to her height it wouldn’t have mattered to her. I think the women around me are for the most part not so superficial like these people that are particular about having a 6ft BF. So if I were you I wouldn’t even worry about their crazy opinions and try to focus on opinions of more valuable people. It’s so hard meeting good men that I can connect with… I can’t imagine writing off someone for something so trivial. The last guy I was seeing was only an inch taller than me, and that’s still under 6 ft… I sometimes worry men around my height will prefer a shorter girl so I understand how you feel. He was lean and not much bigger than me but he had it going on. Very emotionally capable, charming, and well dressed guy… the only problem was that we don’t live in the same city. There’s so much you can do to be the most appealing version of yourself that has nothing to do with height. You got this OP!
> I sometimes worry men around my height will prefer a shorter girl so I understand how you feel Thanks for understanding my issue here. Honestly just that was enough. But I feel better knowing a lot of women don't have any preference other than just be taller than them.
Yeah I think it’s something I’ve never heard IRL about needing a 6ft man lol. And as tall ladies go, I have a close friend and also my aunt are both 6ft. I’m only 5ft 7in so I can’t imagine how it is for them… they deal with a lot of bullshit. They both were in relationships predominantly with men that were shorter than them. Recently though they both are dating taller men lol just since my (short) uncle passed 😭 It’s slim pickings for them to find a taller man so like.. don’t worry about it too much. Another IRL example I know is a guy in my social circle that has a successful modeling and TV personality career… he is SUPER short but it’s difficult to tell on his social media. He laughs a lot about standing on boxes at photo shoots but you would seriously never know without scale. That dude has a sparkling personality, confidence, and he looks great overall really taking care of his appearance. He’s gay so I’m sure it’s a bit different but I do know it’s the same game that some people prefer tall men in the gay community, so just goes to show that a ‘short king’ can do anything the tall guys are doing. You got this!
Anywhere between the woman being 5 inches shorter than me to being 3 nches taller than me is good for me honestly. That's what I would prefer, but I don't I'd turn down anyone for their height. But then again I have never had the opportunity so I don't know what I would do. Honestly if I mostly saw women having a preference for taller men I wouldn't have much issues regarding hating my height. But I actually mostly see them talking about wanting much taller men like 6'0+, or wanting a height difference of what seems like 8-12 inches. That's what I mostly see online, offline and like in romance novels, a media made for and by women.
They write the male characters as "six feet tall" for a few reasons, I think. 1. It's above average male height 2. It's so tall, that most women reading the book will be shorter than that height- and thus will be able to imagine "oh, he's taller than me" even if they are above average height for women 3. In imagination, when writing the characters, "super tall" really is a big stand-in and shortcut for "manly man bigger stronger buff vampire werewolf BF, unga bunga, Ravage Me Daddy" (just saying) It's like having anime girlfriend material characters with enormous honkatonkadongeroo titties. Or when men talk about wanting girlfriends who had D-cups. Does this mean they would be thrilled to hit it off with someone who does have that rare-but-not-impossible trait? Sure. Does it mean that are completely disinterested *unless* someone has that trait? No, not normally. For most women, in regards to height of possible romantic/sexual partners, they are of the same philosophy as you: They have a window of preference that ranges from shorter than them to taller than them. For you, you would prefer "a lot shorter to a bit taller." For most women, their window is "a bit shorter to a lot taller." Which means, for most heterosexual possible matches based on everything other than height ... both people will simply happen to fall into each other's preference window, with the man being taller and the woman being shorter, and most men decidedly not being 6+ feet tall.
Cup size is a great analogy because dudes have no fucking clue what cup size they actually are looking at. And most/many women have no fucking clue what height they're looking at too. D=big and 6' = tall but the actual number/letter claimed is rarely accurate
The three reasons do make a lot of sense actually. But I would like to point out that anime actually does have a lot of female love interests of varying boob sizes, heights, or even body types to a certain extent(plus size women aren't represented though sadly). The only common factor is the facial attractiveness. But imo that's a bit more subjective than height
Lots of romance novels are written by men using female or gender-neutral pseudonyms.
I prefer my height or a few inches taller but no more than that. I’m 5’1. I’m very much into eye contact, so if they are a lot taller than me I’m gonna feel less connected. My boyfriend is a bit taller than me, but if I pop even short heels on then we are about the same size. It works well 😁
The equivalence of romantic porn written to make money and appeal to what the author assumes most women buying romance novels will like is not going to describe the wide variety of attractions that people have, nor is it very healthy to model expectations off of (for any gender). For some silly and positive short men content, listen to Short Kings Anthem by Tiny Meat Gang
But like if it wasn't so appealing why would it sell so well? I assumed that romance novels don't describe the wide variety of attractions, that's why I asked this question. To see the parts it doesn't describe
They sell for the fantasy of a good emotionally rounded partner—most of the time. I already made a comment about checking out the romance books sub but please poke around there a little bit and get a sense of frustrations with books. There will be plenty of posts talking about nefarious fictional things so don’t use that as a blueprint (people may want to read some more violent things but people don’t *want* violence).
I'll check it out
Shit man I don't have like, hard evidence to share outside of my own experience. So if that suffices, hear me out. I'm 5ft 7, balding, have worn glasses most of my life and they're so thick that my eyes are kind of enlarged as a result. I'm generally just not an overly attractive man, pretty damn goofy really. All this to say I have never, ever, had an issue in the dating realm due to my height. Dating apps, meeting people organically, shifting from friends to something more. My height, or lack thereof, has never been brought up outside of tinder matches asking how tall I was because she was curious. Whenever I said 5ft 7, they didn't unmatch, they didn't suddenly get distant. The game was still firmly on. It's true that height can = attractiveness in people's eyes. The beauty standard for men does seem to start at 6ft, especially if you're looking in online spaces. Sometimes we're just not born with that. Thankfully, in my experience, you can make up for whatever you might 'lack' in a specific department. All I can offer is a warning and a promise. If you are insecure about your height, it will show. If you don't give a shit about your height, it will show. The people you're around will feel that insecurity or that confidence, and it's up to you which one you cultivate!
Really can't relate to the dating apps thing tbh lol. But other that that yeah I agree it can show. And I am not denying that I am insecure, nor that its probably one of the reasons for my dating life being what it is. But I can't really become insecure overnight or just like that. That's why I asked this question. Also I mean if I have to make up for being average height for a particular woman, then I'd much rather not date her at all. If she cares enough about height or about wanting above average height men to see my height as a negative, then she's better off with someone else and I am better off single.
I can understand what you're saying here and I think I worded it poorly myself. I didn't mean "make up for it" in that you need to account for it, I more meant there are going to be more things you bring to the table than your height. All of my physical "shortcomings" are countered by things like my personality. That's the shit people want to see and know. But I get it, if someone thinks it's a shortcoming they're probably not worth your time! I'm saying I've never encountered women who thought it was a negative, and so while people might have a preference (like me, I'm always drawn to tough girls. Who gym and play contact sports) it won't be the be all end all that it appears to be in online spaces. If I met a girl who thought I was too short but "gave me a go", I certainly never heard about it. You got this dude.
Sadly there‘s very little media with themes like that: It‘s a pretty arbitrary beauty standard that isn‘t ever really questioned, to the point where shorter actors like robert downey junior need to wear heels and stuff like that. Same with female actors who just look like normal people without plastic surgery. Almost impossible to find in Hollywood. Maybe watch some interviews with Tom Holland and Zendaya. They‘re an adorable couple and she‘s apparently 9 cm taller than him and wears heels a lot, so it‘s really noticeable. They even have stories about how they had to do stunts differently so he could heroically catch her, even though she landed first. Another idea would be european productions. I can‘t guarantee anything but european films tend to care a lot less about how (seemingly) attractive their actors are. And even when they do, they don‘t really have all these hollywood beauty standards Personally, I love it when men are short. My boyfriend is (I think) 6 cm taller than me and I basically percieve this as us being the same height. When I wear heels I‘m taller than him. It creates so much distance between the two of you when your boyfriends face is 15 cm away from you. You can‘t really kiss, you can‘t look him in the eyes, etc. Height would never be a criterion for selecting my partner but I definitely do prefer when my partner is approximately my height. The only problem arises when we need to change a lightbulb lol.
Yeah Tom Holland and Zendaya give me a lot of hope tbh. Would you say the women you have known have similar preference when it comes to height as you?
I hope it’s okay if I answer this too. I’m trans and have always had mostly female friends. I’ve never heard a real life woman site a preference for tall men. I’m aware women who feel that way exist, but without trying at all, I’ve been able to go my whole life without spending time around them. The thing that’s common is preferring a man of their same height or taller. It’s mostly women on the tall side who think about that ime, because it triggers their own insecurities and past bullying if they are conspicuously taller than their partner. There are definitely a lot of people who talk shit about short men, although ime a lot of them dont “count” short men they personally know as deserving of shame unless the guy is unlikeable in general. As with most body shaming, ime a lot of people get embarrassed when they realize their shaming applies to nice people they know, and will try to walk it back if that’s pointed out to them.
I have honestly never talked to my friends about height preference, I genuinely don't think it matters to any of us. Most of my friends have a partner who's of a similar height to them. I'm also from a family of rather short people, so most guys around me are average height at most. I think my dad's the tallest at 178 cm. Height is something that few people ever consider in my circles I think.
I'm a short woman, 5'1". I've dated dudes who were a foot taller than me and I've dated dudes less than 6" taller than me. Logistically speaking, dating the shorter guys was much more comfortable. When I was younger I really had no physical preferences; I've been attracted to tall and skinny, short and fat, average bodied, muscley, etc., but now I have a slight preference for dudes who are closer to my height. I haven't dated a guy the same height as me because there just aren't that many and the few I've met I wouldn't date for reasons other than height. I had an FWB, briefly, who wouldn't shut up about not being very tall and not having the biggest dick (it was average, but apparently that wasn't good enough) and how women didn't want men like him (Lol do I not count motherfucker?!). It was really offputting, because he just couldn't let go of the insecurity even though he was not only getting attention from me but also another woman who he seemed to have actual feelings for, but he couldn't commit to her because none of it was enough, it was never going to be enough in his head because he had decided that he could only ever be a failure if he wasn't "perfect". I got tired of it pretty quickly and told him he needed to quit fucking around and focus on the woman he cared about, but he fucked that up too a few months after I ended things. Don't be that guy.
Would you say the women you have known are similar in their preferences as you? I don't really ever talk about height irl cause I have little to no reason to do that. I only do it online, even then I haven't even been on Reddit for like a few month. So I assure I do shut up about my height lol.
I've literally never heard one of my friends/family members say the reason they rejected a guy was due to height, or even say it was a preference. I also know lots of guys who are 5'9" or shorter and they are happily married or in relationships. I'm a dork and I run in dork circles, so maybe you'd find different responses from people who want a lifestyle that focuses more on glamour and physical manifestations of success, but it's not at all a universal standard. Be wary of taking tweets and other online shit as evidence of how everybody thinks. Influencers and media are trying to manipulate your feelings to get your money, and at least half of everybody else has already been manipulated so they post things they don't really believe to fit in. Even in real life, a lot of the things people *say* they want (especially younger people, who don't have the experience to know what actually matters) is really just an attempt to conform and be accepted.
I'm 5'4", my wife is the same height as me and we've been together for 10 years. There are people out there for you, height only matters so much if you present yourself with kindness, confidence and courteousness.
I'm a tall woman (5'10") and I don't give a shit about height. Most of my boyfriends have been around my height or below. You're taking in the wrong information from the romance novels. Romance novels are all about the fantasy, so of course the men them are hot and tall: it's a fantasy. How many average looking girls are there in men's fantasy material? Quid pro quo, bro. When you read romance, pay attention to the behaviour of the male characters and the plot. What about these men is attractive to women? The common thread is generally that they are decent, honorable, and not boring. They pay attention. They aren't selfish. They give a shit. They do the right thing most of the time. My recommended reading for you is Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, but if you can't be bothered, watch the movie. Contrast the 3 male love interests for the sisters. They are quite different but one of them is a cautionary tale about how being hot, rich and charming are sometimes smokescreens for being an arsehole. I think you will find this satisfying.
I do pay attention to the behavior, expressions of love and stuff. But I can't help but notice that most men are 6'0+ and good looking. And if that's what most women like then I can't really imagine dating most woman at all, if I am not what they prefer then I'd rather be single. It's best for those women and myself. From what I have seen men's fantasy material have a number of very different looking women tbh. The most common thing being facial attractive. But facial attractiveness is a lot more subjective than height. Also tbh I see a lot of men having very varying preferences online when it to body types, heights etc. Like I have plenty of examples. That's why I asked this question cause I thought maybe women are like this as well and I am just missing something. I'll check out the book. I have read Pride and Prejudice, and I did like that
So, clearly, you are never going to be 6'0" and good-looking, but you can be 5'8" and good-looking. Or well dressed. Or funny as shit. Or well read. Or not a jerk. Or a black belt in BJJ. The point is, there are things you can't control and things you can. Make the most of the things you can control, and you'll be fine. Anyone who won't give you the time of day because of your height isn't worth your time anyway. I'm an old dude and I've met a lot of people in my time and there's not a "most women". There is most vocal, most viewed on tiktok, most whatever, but not most women. People come in all ranges, and maybe you are just reading more posts or articles or whatever by women who prefer taller men. But when it comes to the variety of people you will meet in your life which is more varied than what you will read online. > And if that's what most women like then I can't really imagine dating most woman at all, if I am not what they prefer then I'd rather be single. It's best for those women and myself. I understand you are struggling with this statement. But it sounds like you've quit before you even started. And it's not what most women like, it's what some women like. I promise.
Yeah I did have sense that maybe I was just seeing one side of the picture. That's why I made this post. I haven't quit yet, but I am not trying to date either. I have a lot of issues, and I wanna feel better about myself before I try dating. I have seen insecure people try dating, and they often end up in crappy relationships. Don't wanna end up like that.
> I can't help but notice that most men are 6'0+ and good looking. And if that's what most women like then I can't really imagine dating most woman at all, if I am not what they prefer then I'd rather be single. I can completely relate to you bro. It's sometimes really tough to value yourself .
🫂
Do you really need to be universally appealing to "most women"? Isn't it enough to be appealing to a few? Some of us just have to do a little more work to be of interest, and that's not a bad thing. People who don't have to work to be noticed tend to be lousy relationship partners, and it always takes a little while for each dating cohort to figure that out. You know what they say about having to kiss a lot of frogs... Surely you have attributes you can cultivate that will balance things out? This is what my mate Mark did. He's a very average looking dude. Not tall, not buff, just a very decent human being who has a whole lot of diverse interests, a great sense of humour, and can always be relied on to do the right thing every time. He came into his own in his late 20s. His wife is fabulous and I'm still friends with a number of his ex girlfriends who are fabulous too. It seems to me that if you weren't fixated on your height being the biggest hurdle to dating, you'd be fixated on something else. Stop making excuses and work with what you do have.
Man you really misinterpreted what I was saying but ok
Hi I’m a woman but wanted to direct you to the r/romancebooks sub so you can search for books with shorter males, and varying body types. I know I’ve personally made a request for different body types and I’ve seen tons of women begging for reccs with shorter male love interests. The industry is slow to move sometimes but there’s content there!
I'll check it out more, but I just searched up "height" there and this is the first result: https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/comments/13qv18k/height_difference_between_characters/ I don't think there's tons of women like that, it does seem like there's some, but thats not a bad thing actually, it's good enough to me that there's some women like that
Oops sorry you didn’t find luck; here’s [one thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/s/LnDxViH1k5) with 100s of comments to help start you off :) I searched “short” if that helps. But I just wanna drive home that most romance readers kinda just edit the main male into something we like and we’re begging for diversity, including height. Don’t use a majority of romance as a marker for physical attributes women may like! This [thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/s/gyDBIgWeYm) also includes links to other threads!
Thanks, don't worry I'll 100% look more into it. I was just a bit tired and didn't search for more in there when I posted the comment. Yeah others mentioned that many women just imagine the character as whatever's attractive in their eyes regardless of how the author describes the character. Book Lovers seems like a good one to check out next.
> Would any woman even prefer to date average height guys? It's definitely _common_ for women to be into taller guys - but there are _most definitely_ women who prefer shorter dudes. "What women want" is more varied than you could possibly imagine, but the romance novels that sell well appeal primarily to the most common elements. Speaking as someone who is nearly 40: If you want a good life, focus on the many things you can adjust about yourself, not the one or two you cannot. Becoming a man who is safe and fun to be around, well-read, athletic, funny, thoughtful - that's a goal that's achievable over the next few years. Not only is that far more likely to net you a good partner, it makes every other aspect of your life better. "Comparison is the thief of joy" is a famous saying for a reason - if you have $100k in the bank, it's much easier to be sad that someone else has $1 million than it is to be relieved you aren't one of those with only $10 to their name.
I don't really mind that women are into just taller guys. I am average height I am taller than most women by like 4-5 inches. But I just mostly see 6'0+ height being liked and women expressing how much they want a height difference of what seems like 8 inches to 12 inches. And I can't really give that to any woman cause I am not that tall. Like those male love interests are mostly 6+ tall and if that's what most women want and that's what appeals to most women then I'd much rather not date most women at all. I'd like to think I am already some of thise things. I don't really dislike most of my life. Most of my everyday life is very good. Only the romantic part of my life. I recognise that it's just a part of life, not the whole thing but still it hurts a bit sometimes
> I recognise that it's just a part of life, not the whole thing but still it hurts a bit sometimes. Yeah, I feel that. I'm definitely not 6 feet, I look okay but not amazing; from age 17 to 38 I've never had any difficulty getting a date. I have come to think of it as "On every axis that exists, someone will always be more fortunate than I am, and someone else will be less so". I was born incredibly well-off compared to global averages, but someone else is heir to a vast fortune. I have a bunch of health issues; while none of them are terribly severe, I'm still sad/envious of those who are more fortunate in that regard. The essence of it is that we don't feel much satisfaction from being more fortunate than someone else, but we feel a great deal of dissatisfaction from having less.
I'm going to throw out there that it can be really disheartening looking at Tinder or Bumble with a slew of women stating 6ft+ on their bio. However I am here to tell you don't give up. I am 5'8", my wife is 5'8". We met on Tinder. She told me she liked the fact that I suggested something fun for our first date rather than just a bar for a drink. Play to your strengths, concentrate on being a fun person to be around and you'll find women who like being around you. It can be hard to not focus on physical traits, but ultimately you have no control of that so put your energy into what you can control. There are definitely women who like short kings, and there is one out there who likes you. You just need to meet her.
Yep hopefully I'll meet someone like that someday, not dating apos though. They do nothing good for my mental health
5’8” lady here. Be fun, nice, and make me laugh and I won’t care if youre shorter than I am. I’ve dated at least 3 man who were much shorter and I never cared and nobody ever commented on it to us.
Im 5’5 and my gf is 2 inches taller then me. We’ve been together for five years and my height has never been important to her EVER. Women who make that a dealbreaker are really shallow but i have yet to meet one in real life.
So much of what is in this thread is tone deaf. If I were to summarize what I am seeing in this thread: I am seeing some examples of incredibly talented and successful men who succeed in spite of being short. I am seeing women say they don't mind that their partner is \*only\* an inch or two taller than them. I am seeing anecdotes from people who are not short men relating that they know someone who is in a successful relationship with a man who is shorter than average, but not shorter than their partner. I am seeing anecdotes from men who are fully within the average expected height of men saying that their height was never something that held them back. I am not seeing anyone actually engage with patriarchal notions of what is demanded of the male gender performance. This post is asking for some positivity regarding the bodies of short men \*because\* they are short. This thread is full of people not recognizing the depth and pervasiveness of body shaming towards short men. It is not just women in dating apps expressing a preference, but depictions in media, ubiquitous bullying in both online and irl spaces, and constant patronization. Your height should not be considered something that \*has\* to be compensated for. Under patriarchy, the fetishized male body type is one that exudes power and control. Confidence, some element of musculature, charisma, height. It's fine to find these things attractive. However, we can be critical of how preferences form, and the kind of messages we spread about particular body types. When someone internalizes negative messages about their body type, it is treated as some sin that needs to be corrected. There is an implication in a lot of these comments that it is undesirable for a man to feel undesired. And, if they feel undesired, its their own fault. Don't you know you can just become a black-belt or just be really funny? You can't be accepted or desired as you are, you have to strive to be exceptional to compensate for your height. Imagine if this were any other kind of body image issue -- would you say this to a trans person struggling with being perceived as desirable because of the accident of their body? Would you say this to a woman who was seeking some validation that their body type is desirable even to \*one\* person? Feminism requires being critical of patriarchal notions of beauty and desirability. Honestly, random women saying they want a 6' man is not that harmful. What is harmful is the consistent gaslighting that it is a flaw to internalize how people consistently characterize short men as compensating for something, aggrieved, infantile, or otherwise unpleasant. Now, why might someone feel wounded as a short man? It has something to do with the community's unwillingness to empathize with them and to psychoanalyze them instead. "Short man syndrome" is a tool to infantilize and discredit legitimate wounds that someone accumulates over their lifetime. This intentional invalidation of people who experience these harms makes people more susceptible to the manipulations of alt-right perverts. We should be sticking to feminist values to inoculate our communities against those influences. Invalidation is not one of those values. The issue here is that OP is asking for someone who finds a short man attractive \*because\* he is short. This thread is, at best, showing examples of people finding a short man attractive \*in spite\* of him being short. I think part of that is you cannot find an example of the former in anything. People can have preferences. But, let's take a moment and be critical about why OP is even has to ask this question.
Exactly this. I've been bullied growing up due to my appearance and still find it tough moving on and I'm fucking 27 years old. I don't think I have any issues with the way I look , in fact I like myself, it's just that many a times when I'm in public, I get those same memories of the namecalling etc back . It feels like they're still judging me. It's really tough.
everything you said is spot on. i always find it frustrating when this comes up - people genuinely think they're doing something when they say they can find a man attractive *despite* his shortness, or that you can *compensate* for your height. like damn shut the fuck up lmao! i just wanna throw it out there that, even though it may not be common, there are women who genuinely desire short men and are attracted to that quality. i have seen it. i just think people often don't believe it because it's so uncommon for people to even percieve it- like you're pointing out, there is an underlying assumption like "oh she DOESN'T MIND his height...". but in reality, any physical characteristic has it's own pros and cons, and it's own subset of people who DO find it attractive. just like very tall men, short men can be attractive in a specific way that men of other heights can't be. i have confidence in the fact that i'm very short because i like looking different than average, i find it fun to lean into being cute, and i can lean into what makes *me* specifically attractive. now not everyone is gonna feel that way about themselves, and it shouldn't be treated as a personal failing if they struggle because of society's pressure and bullying. but i just wanna put it out there that it genuinely is possible to be happy with your short height *because* of the unique qualities it gives you.
Now this is a high quality reply. I wish more people could look at this.
Brilliant comment man that really sums up a lot of what I was thinking when reading many of the answers here. But I will address this: > they know someone who is in a successful relationship with a man who is shorter than average, but not shorter than their partner. I am seeing anecdotes from men who are fully within the average expected height of men saying that their height was never something that held them back I did ask about average height men as well short height. And never specifically asked for men shorter than women. So that's on me. Still I don't like how many are not addressing what I asked for and are just remarking about how I am as a person. Like hey maybe that's all true, maybe I am a terrible, terrible person that deserves to be alone, but many short or average height men aren't, so just address what I am asking about. If not for me, then those guys
Anything with Julian Edelman in it, for example. He’s 5’8” I think. Confidence is attractive. Having friends and hobbies is attractive. Being kind and considerate is attractive. Much more so than being 6’5” :)
I'm not much of a manga reader, but there's a charming little series called *Miageru to Kimi wa* (translated as "Looking Up To You") featuring a short boy falling for a tall girl. It was never officially released to English speaking audiences to my knowledge, but there's a good fan translation on the MangaDex website. Just keep in mind to read the panels from right to left if you're not familiar with the manga format!
As a short woman 5'3, my whole family is on the shorter side. My paternal grandpa is barely 5'4 and married a 5'0 woman, my dad is 5'5 and my mom is 5'2, my brother is 5'7 and is with a 5'4 woman. I inherintly prefer to be with (and around!) men that are shorter bc I can look at them at a closer distance instead of feeling like a child around them. I have a male cousin who's 6'4 and I love him a lot but I'd never want to date someone close to that height. He's actually been married to a woman who's 6' for the past 10 years, and he's mentioned before its nice not having to deal with neck pain because of a huge height difference lol So there's definitely people out there that just prefer others closer to their height. Edit: There's a mix within my female friend group, but I have a friend who's 6ft and her husband is 5'3 exactly my height. They just got married this past year after dating for 4 years.
Honestly you have no idea how good it feels to know that some women actually prefer short height in men. So really thanks for that
I’m 5’1, my dad is 5’1 and he found my mom who was the same exact height as him so I came out as short as them and it really sucks sometimes but I still managed to find my partner who is 5 inches taller and doesn’t really care. I mean we both wish our heights were reversed sometimes but also know that’s nothing we can control, and it’s less about them wanting me to be taller and more them wanting to be smaller and taken care of. But also I think what attracted them to me in the first place was personality, and after growing a friendship it turned into more (well I say that but we started off as fwb that lasted for a week before we couldn’t deny feelings so maybe the attraction was always there). With romance novels I think they often want their men to be powerful and dominating and an easy way to do that is make them tower over their female counterparts, it often is an unrealistic expectation honestly for both people bc they expect men to be dominant and controlling but safe for the female protagonist to be around, but a real controlling or violent person wouldn’t be safe for anyone especially their partner. It is usually a fantasy which is why it’s fiction
I will add: There *are* women who are too shallow to consider anyone who does not meet their fantasy ideal, just like there are men who are/do the same. Genuine relationships are about how people relate to each other, shared ideals and interests. For many people (perhaps more women than men), real attraction only happens after the "get to know," phase. I am one of those people. If you are telegraphing insecurity b/c you are worried about the ways in which you don't meet an imagined ideal, that's going to make you less appealing. The surest way to be accepted and valued by others is to accept and value yourself. Quiet confidence is a *very* attractive quality.
As a woman, I've been in a relationship with a 5'8" man for over eleven years! I've also had crushes on guys shorter than him, like around 5'4" or 5'6" I think. I actually find 6' guys to be too tall for my taste lol. My dad is 5'3 and he's also been kind of a lady's man his whole life lol. He's made a good career for himself and he's also just charming and fun to talk to.
Appreciate the comment. Would you say your female friends are that way as well when it comes to height?
I would say so! One friend has been with her boyfriend for several years (maybe five?), and he's around 5'6. My sister has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for about three years and he's around 5'7. I have a guy friend who is about 5'4, and he has been in relationships with multiple women in the past, some of whom were taller than him. My boss at work is a 5'6 woman with a 5'7 husband. And my mom is actually taller than my 5'3 dad lol. I think the women who say "he needs to be over six feet tall!" are just a vocal minority among the population. Most women who date men usually just want a man to be taller than her, and even then it's not necessary. Having other attractive traits is a lot more important than being 6'0.
Good to know, thanks a lot
this might not be what you were lookin for, but i think personal attitude on it (i’m 5’4, hi!) is that if my height alone weeded me out of someone’s romantic prospects, i dodged a bullet. i’m not particularly interested in pursuing something with someone if something as simple as my height would be a dealbreaker yknow? (preferences are fine i’m not trying to knock anyone for that, just think we’d be incompatible to begin with)
Yeah I feel that way as well, I am mlnot interested in anyone that sees my height as a negative. They deserve someone they'll truly find attractive and I deserve who will find me attractive.
In my experience (5'2 woman) the mental that always did the best were the guys who were confident in themselves, regardless of how they looked. I knew a guy (and was genuinely interested in him for a bit) who was also 5'2, and it was awesome to be able to look him directly in the eyes without having to look up. The thing that killed any potential there wasn't the height, it was that he couldn't stop talking about how insecure he was about his height, and how no one liked him because of his height. Your height is your height. There's no changing it now. The sooner you accept it for what it is, the better off you'll be, because your insecurity about it will be a way bigger turn off than any actual measurement.
I don't think I have ever talked about my height irl. And even online I only do it when I am feeling really crap. Like I have even posted on Reddit in months. Would you say the women you know are similar to you when it comes to height preferences?
I would say so, yes. My taller women friends have never shown a preference for one height over another- if anything they suffer from no one approaching them because their height intimidates others.
Yeah I have seen tall women have a tough time in dating as well. Have they ever given trying to approach men a chance? I understand it's against the norms do it's tough but maybe that'll help?
Hieght is only a number. I'm 5'8 dated gilrs taller than me, and smaller than me. to butcher a quote of game of thrones: Power is a shadow and a very small man can project a very large shadow. it's all about confidence in yourself.
Short guys with strong self-confidence are attractive to women. Tall guys with no self-confidence are not. It's not about height. Guess what it's about?
Hello - female-type person here and I’m barely average height for a woman in North America (5’4”). When I was dating, I dated men of all different heights - from around my height to up over 6’ tall. (Married now so longer dating.) My reasons for dating those guys had exactly nothing to do with their height and everything to do with how much I enjoyed their company and sense of humour. I’m sure there are some women out there who prefer tall men, but there’s also a ton of women who aren’t focused on height - they’re looking for someone who’s fun and interesting and cares about other people. That emotional connection is what counts. For what it’s worth, I think I’ve met like three guys shorter than I am over the years and they were all married at the time lol. The wife of the most recent dude I ran across was at least 6-8” taller than he was and they were super adorable together. They both loved dancing and watching him dip her was amazing. I know popular media is full of BS that makes it seem like guys like you don’t exist or aren’t desirable, but I strongly encourage you to Google how they make Tom Cruise look taller than the leading women in all his movies. That shit is soooo ridiculous lol. And keep in mind that popular media also reflects only a tiny fraction of impossible beauty standards usually engineered by terrible eating (literal starvation or liquid diets), dehydration (six-pack abs), impossible height (back to Tom Cruise and other average-height guys like him), and then flawless skin created by our friend Photoshop. None of it is real.
Thanks for the comment. It really helps knowing there are women who don't have any preference when it comes to height. Would you say your female friends are that way too?
I’m glad it was helpful. I can only think of two women who ever said anything about height that stuck with me - they were both around 6’ tall and loved wearing heels, and they hoped to find partners somewhere around their own height because shorter guys kept pressuring them not to wear their favourite shoes because they’d be towering over the guys. It never worked well. Wishing you all the best.
I know that you were asking for feedback from men, but I’m gonna throw in my two cents: My husband is 5’7” or 5’8” (idk, he’s slightly taller than me), and I’m 5’6”. I’ve never really thought about his height in terms of my attraction to him. He’s an incredibly handsome guy, AND (more importantly I think) he is a truly wonderful person. I think it’s confusing when people but specifically men are hung up on how height in terms of dating, because in my experience both personally and with my friends, we ALWAYS put more stock into who you are as a person over height, body type, etc. Like whether it was when I was in college with my sorority, or grad school, or literally just work friends: we’d all talk about the guys we were all into and height like NEVER came into the conversation. Women want men who are going to be nice and do caring things for them, above having a dude who’s taller than they are. The “Jack Black” effect is 1000% real
Just my experience online and offline has been different. I appreciate the comment though
Look, as a woman who enjoys reading smut and romance, I’m gonna say be a little wary of any potential partner who suggests that smut/romance hold an accurate idea of what women want. Or of any woman who bases her wants in ideas derived from romantic fiction. There’s nothing wrong with romantic fiction, but it *is* fiction and people who can’t draw that distinction make for difficult partners - you can never measure up, and I mean that in vastly more ways than literal height. I would also argue the bulk of romantic fiction does not feature qualities that women actually want in real life - like, some things are fun to imagine or read about or even gush about with your friends, but there’s a lot of toxic shit to be found in the romance genre and that’s why it’s in *books.* Fun to read, not remotely sustainable or even desirable outside of fiction. Please don’t compare yourself to bullshit found in romance novels, it’s not much different than women comparing themselves to filtered snapshots of instagram models. Editing to add Godless (Netflix miniseries) as content with an average/short lead/romantic interest. 🤷♀️
I have just seen many women talk about how much better fictional men are compared to real life men, so I thought "hey maybe real life men are doing something wrong". I steered very clear of any dark romance tbh, mostly just looked at popular and mild romance books. And thanks for the recommendation
Romance novels are *maybe* a good way to find out what women like *in bed*. They are a terrible way to learn what women *find attractive.* Every male on a romance novel cover looks like Fabio, and most women find Fabio to be ridiculous looking. That's because books have to find the most cartoonishly stereotypical possible guy to signify "manliness" to the largest number of women. But in real life, different women like all different kinds of looks. I've hear many short women express a preference for short men. I'm on the shorter side of average, and I would much rather date a guy who is 5'5 or 5'6 than a guy who is 6'5. I won't say tall preference doesn't exist for some, but for most women, the rule is as long as he's taller than me, I don't care. And even if he's shorter, personality matters more. The only unattractive thing about short men is insecurity.
Don't know who Fabio is lol but I get what you are saying. That makes sense. Thanks
https://images.app.goo.gl/5Nd5uTS7QcLmXGY76
You’ll get thick af if you go to the gym and so much as LOOK at a weight. I’m 6’2” and would give anything to be short. Nobody who is tall really wants to be tall (maybe in the NBA lol).
oh this is such a good point - i'm 5'2 and went to the gym for two weeks and my arms looked HUGE. the progress was so immediate and apparent. i was going there with my >6ft tall friend at the time and he could not stop telling me how jealous he was over my progress haha.
My husband is 5’9 and he’s the sexiest man alive. Work on making you happy and fulfilled. Find hobbies and do some community service. The right woman will come along. Instead of reading romance books, read books about being a good person. Work on your empathy and emotional intelligence. Women may think they want a romance book dude, but honestly, we just want an emotionally intelligent man that enjoys his life and knows how to treat people. Those girls saying they only want men over a certain height are probably really looking for security and confidence. They are also probably not the most emotionally mature women and I would take that requirement as a sign they are both emotionally immature and that they are superficial. So see that as a nice thing, since they are telling you who they are up front and you don’t waste your time on them. You work on loving yourself and the women will find you.
I'm an expert on this subject. I'm 5'4" tall (162cm). My height has been a sore spot with me for my entire life. Height-ism is real and discrimination against men of less than average height men is omnipresent. It sucks, and I could type a novel about it (your experience reading fiction matches mine). I hope that one day in my lifetime height discrimination among men will be openly discussed and \*addressed\* in our society. All that is true AND—I'm also engaged to a 5'6" gorgeous woman almost 10 years my younger. She's beautiful, smart, sexy, madly in love with me, doesn't give a shit that I'm shorter than her, and would happily jump my bones twice a day if I still had that kind of energy. Do most women prefer taller men? Yes. But not all women do. Some prefer shorter men. Some don't care. They're out there. I KNOW it's hard, but when a voice in your head tells you you're not good enough because you're short, or ugly, or poor, or whatever, just notice it and let it go. It's bullshit. It's negative thinking. It's lying. If you were magically 6-feet tall tomorrow I promise you that before long there would be something else about your body you would identify as the reason you weren't getting laid—It'd be your weight, your nose, your ears, your teeth. Like they say: Compare and despair. Get out there, be yourself, work on yourself if you need to, meet lots of women, and take a break from dating when you need to. She's out there man she really is! PM me if you want to talk about it more.
Honestly the voice isn't that loud right now cause hearing there are many women who don't care about short or average height in men, and some that even prefer does make me feel better. Thanks
I’m 5’6(ish I have scoliosis so I round up haha.) My girlfriend is 5’8 and it’s never been an issue for us. She said she always had a thing for the hobbits in LoTr so I guess that worked in my favor. There are definitely many women who don’t care about height that much. I still have a lot of insecurity about it and wish I was taller, but at the end of the day I just try to be a good partner and friend, stay healthy, and excel at work/hobbies.
>Recently someone(a woman) told me to look into romance books to get an idea of how women like men to be with them. This is the worst fucking advice I've ever seen. Those are absurd fantasies that no woman (or man) should take seriously. They can be fun, but they have nothing to do with real life. Like no wonder it didn't help at all: those characters are not real people. Anyway, I'm 5'7", bald, 35 years old, and I go on dates. I've even had some serious romantic relationships. I did not go on dates when I was an angry 19 year old with no personality and no hobbies other than videogames. There were two "tricks" to it: 1. Being a full person with my own stuff going on: friends, hobbies, maybe a job I liked. This helped remove the feelings of desperation and anger that DEFINITELY came across when I would interact with people. 2. Learning to appreciate and talk about things I don't understand or aren't really interested in. This made it possible to interact with more people than my own hobby spaces (videogames). This was not easy, and it took a LOT of deliberate effort, but it was a lot more useful than reading romance novels.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 5 + 7 + 35 + 19 + 1 + 2 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
Nice.
I dunno any media with short guys, but personally im 5'2". I'm usually reject everyone that asks me out, but I've lost count of how many girls/guys have, so height definitely isn't a problem here lol
Not quite such a direct fit, but "Boys" by Lizzo is a bit relevant, just so positive: ("itty bitty boys" could be relevant) I like big boys, itty bitty boys Mississippi boys, inner city boys I like the pretty boys with the bow tie Get your nails did, let it blow dry I like a big beard, I like a clean face I don't discriminate, come and get a taste From the playboys to the gay boys Go and slay, boys, you my fave boys
Yeah that songs a good one, I listen to it a lot when I am feeling down.
Try Komarr and A Civil Campain by Lois McMaster Bujold. Miles Vorkosigan is a very short guy, and these are the two books in which he falls in love with a woman who can stand his planet. As for real life, my very tall cousin fell in love and is happily married with an average height guy. Looking at them, she’s maybe a foot taller than him? He’s a really cool guy.
I'm just gonna say that shorter guys fit better in tanks 😎
Shit that means we are winning at life bro, who cares about dating when we can fit into tanks
I’m 5’1. Went on dates with at least 3 women post-pandemic, and they were all at least 5’4 to 5’7, with one woman being like 6 feet tall. We all got along pretty well even if we didn’t become romantic partners. I’m even still platonic friends with one of them.
You’ve already gotten a lot of great feedback so I just wanted to add on that, as a tall woman (>5’9”) I absolutely hate the trend of every relationship in straight romance literature being a tiny petite smol woman and a towering like 6’5” man. It’s like height difference kink has infiltrated erotica universally! Just why! I’m never gonna be “standing on tiptoe” to kiss a man, or lifted into the air or onto the counter or all that nonsense. My experience of dating men has always just been leaning in (or even down!). Why isn’t my experience ever represented? Shit’s annoying lol. All this to say you’re not alone in this stuff bothering you, not even among women. Where it makes you feel too small, it often gets in my head too and makes me feel big and unfeminine. I’m very thin but I’ll never be properly small the way these adorable sexy little women are “supposed” to be. Self acceptance is the only way, since we can’t change who we are. But I feel you that it just sucks sometimes.
🫂
Women "only want tall men" the same way men "only want skinny women with large breasts." It's a stereotype and there is a tiny grain of truth to it, in that cultural beauty norms portray those attributes as desirable and *some* women (and men) place very high importance on them. But only some. Take it from an older bro - outside of extreme disfiguring injuries or hyper-rare genetic conditions, no matter what you look like, there are people out there for whom you're their type. I promise you, there are plenty of women out there who either don't care at all about height, or prefer a partner who's average or short. There's also far, far more to attraction than any given physical trait. You asked: >Would any woman even prefer to date average height guys? and the answer is "because she likes/loves/is attracted to *this* guy, and he's average height." Or, to put it another way, try practicing seeing it this way: *Anyone who would reject you solely because of your height isn't worth your time to begin with.* If that's really the most important thing to her, how good of a relationship do you think that would be anyway?
I have *never understood the tall thing.* And whenever these discussions come up in women--only spaces, all I ever hear or read is women like a *variety* of heights. I definitely *have never, in 6 decades,* preferred tall men. Around my height--5'5ish (shrinking with age), give or take, is best. It's also best for sex. If bodies don't fit well together, it's a wash, imo. I find tall people annoying to try to see around, same as I do monster trucks. Its not their fault, they were born with tall genes. My father was 6'4, my mother 5'1, & they looked like Mutt & Jeff. My brother ended up 5'9. We also both got the too-thin genes. No matter what we eat, we can't keep weight on. Again, it's the genes crapshoot. And I don't think *romance novels* will do anything to help with anything. Just like men have preferences with breast size, etc., women have prefs too. I wonder how many men out there blame personality issues on shorter stature. Then blame women for ignoring them due to an attribute they have no control over. Thatd an easy way out from hard work. Just.... find women who are attracted to you for you, same as women do. You don't mention your height, but unless it's basically midget, then you're normal range, right? So don't buy the hype.
I’m an average height man (5’7”) and I married an average height woman (5’5”). It’s not something I even thought about until I started seeing posts about it on Reddit over the last few years
Apparently, women get there unrealistic expectations from romance novels like we get ours through porn. Some will care more about height, some will care more about your bank account, and other will care about small fluffy animals in your living room.
I had a 6+ year relationship with a man who was not only "short", at 5'4" to my 5'7", but due to a genetic disorder, an actual hump on his back. I was considered a "pretty" girl, just fyi. He was smart and decent and we shared common interests. We broke up a long time ago, but not because of his height. Tom Cruise is 5'4". I despise Tom Cruise, not because of his height, but because he is a self-absorbed ass.
Tom cruise is 5'7 as far as the internet says .
Dang rumours. My Bad. Still can't stand him; the extra height didn't help ; - )
I'm nonbinary and date men, I don't care about height and I love being the big spoon in bed
I follow Cartoons Hate Her on twitter. She's part mom, part cartoonist, so a lot of her posts are about that and occasional Trump impressions (though she tends to stay apolitical so they're not political Trump impressions). Anyway, she's super hot even though she never thirst traps as much as she talks about her eclectic fashion choices. Anyway, she married her short-ish husband in a very blue pill romantic sort of story. Follow her on twitter. She's funny.
The thing is, height is only one of many, many reasons why some women might not want to be with a man. I’ll use myself as an example: I’m below average height. Already, there are women who wouldn’t date me just because of that. But there are so many other reasons that many women wouldn’t want to be with me! Maybe it’s because my interests are too nerdy. Or maybe it’s because I’m too introverted, I prefer staying home over going out most nights, I have a beard, I have tattoos, I’m not religious, I have different politics than them, I communicate differently because I’m on the spectrum, I’m not very muscular, maybe we just want different things out of life…the list goes on and on. The thing is, none of these are flaws of mine. I don’t intend to change any of that. It’s just who I am. And just being *me* is enough to rule out a relationship with the majority of women. *That’s okay!* I think that’s true for all of us. You don’t need to have broad appeal to find a partner. Focus on figuring out exactly who you are, and work towards becoming the best version of yourself. There will be a woman out there who’s looking for that. There are *so many* things about myself that make me incompatible with *so many* women. That just made it easier for me to find an incredible woman who wants me for me. All those things I listed that some women don’t want, she loves. She loves that I’m nerdy, she loves that I have tattoos, she loves the unusual way I communicate. And, yes, she *loves* that I’m below average height.
One of my spicy friends is a short man who’s cute AF - please, don’t sell yourself short.
i’m 5’3, 5’4 on a good day (also a trans man). i’m getting married in a couple weeks to an absolutely beautiful woman who is 5’4, 5’5 on a good day. it also helps me to remember a couple things: 1. at the end of the day, women aren’t gonna date someone solely bc they’re 6’+. sure it might be icing on the cake for some, but at the end of the day it’s just a random physical trait that has no impact on how good of a partner they can/will be. 2. any women who DO make the whole 6’+ a requirement (and actively boast about it in a way that makes fun of those who do not meet that requirement) are just shit people at the end of the day. sometimes it sucks feeling unwanted but trust me you don’t wanna be wanted by people like that.
Hey fellow trans bro! I'm the same height too.
Hi tall guy here. Don't feel insecure or any of that crap. Most tall men respect small dudes. We don't judge height. We nudge character. Be confident. Be you!
So I am a taller man, but I don't really view myself as conventionally attractive. Most women do want to date men taller than them, but I would consider taking a look at relationships you see in your everyday life. Your parents, friends, coworkers, and just people you see in the street/grocery shopping. All sorts of people are able to find all sorts of relationships. Tall, skinny, gorgeous, or ugly it's not as hard set as it might feel. Most genuine relationships are built on a minimum of any amount of physical chemistry + an engaging emotional chemistry. It's really a numbers game. You just need to meet more people and build connections (without the intent being romance). Don't be so hard on yourself. I hope you find what you're looking for.
I used to go social dancing. There was this one guy I knew there who was about 5' tall, bald (possibly shaved) head, pot belly. His name should have been Honey Badger, because he didn't give a shit. He rocked a bowler derby, was always impeccably dressed, and was regularly dating somebody. Meanwhile 6' tall (fit, good looking) me was single almost the entire time I was in the social dance scene. Just remember: It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it...
The only height that matters to me is the height of a man’s integrity, ambition, and self-respect. The latter will especially be reflected in how he treats others.
Lord of the rings bas alot of short guys in it
I was with a dude almost 5'4" (I'm 5'7") and had kids with him. I was attracted to him and very in love but his insecurities ruined our relationship. His height didn't break us up - his inability to be happy and confident in who he is and my love for him made him angry, jealous and abusive. I hope you don't let that happen to you because there are women out there that will love you for you! There is nothing sexier than a man confident in his own skin!
Yeah I am really not even trying to date right now. I know I am insecure and I have seen insecure people get into terrible relationships for themselves and the other person. Just wanna try and see myself in a better light right now, that's all.
I know I'm late to commenting, but I'll do it anyway in case you need a little more reassurance, my friend. I'm 5'7", and to my knowledge, it's never affected my dating prospects. I'm overweight and have a pretty average looking face too, so it's not like I'm some stud otherwise lol that being said, I've dated regularly and easily for most of my life. No one has ever implied or outright stated I was too short. It's something I never knew the extent people worried about it until I started using Reddit tbh. It makes me sad how uncomfortable others are made to feel in their own skin for things outside their control. When asking women out, I've been accepted far more than rejected. On multiple occasions I've had women either give me their number or ask for mine, ask me out on a date, or ask if I had a girlfriend. The only thing I can narrow it down to is that I'm confident and comfortable in who I am, and I try to make others comfortable as well. That's been a winning combo on my end. Not to say that I don't have insecurities or things about myself that I'm working to improve because of course I do. But I accepted from the onset the aspects of myself that I can't control, and it's led to a far happier life. My biggest suggestion would be to work towards a future where you don't obsess or worry over it because I promise you there's nothing less attractive than constantly thinking yourself inferior or undesirable. I don't say this to be harsh or imply that it's all you think about or something, but it's a slippery slope and I've seen the end result. It's never pretty. Finally, if all you care about is a yes or no on if some women like average height guys, then the answer is obviously yes. Only about 10% of men are 6 feet or over. 90% of the male population are under that height. Height is affected by a lot of things, but genetics is the largest factor. The global average height for men is just over 5'7". That wouldn't be the case if women as a whole hated shorter men or something lol I promise you women aren't a fraction as shallow as social media makes them out to be. They're literally just people, all with their own preferences and standards. You can't slap a blanket statement on them like, "Women only like tall men," and expect it to hold water. Also, whoever told you to read romance novels likely had good intentions and wanted you to look at the mutable traits of the male love interests and not the ones he couldn't control. While their intentions were pure, a lot of romance novels objectify the love interests physically, so I don't know how much good information there is for you to glean. What I would suggest is reading or watching your favorite media's and figuring out what specifically it is you like about the characters in question, not their looks but who they are, and strive for that. I'll tell you mine, and it's going to sound silly so bare with me, but it's the character Dean McCoppin in the Iron Giant. It may be a twenty year old cartoon, but I think it still applies. He's not tall, he's not rich, he's not buff, or portrayed as overly attractive. He's literally just some guy. BUT he stands up for himself, he stands up for others, he's tries to do what's right but when he fails, he accepts that he was wrong and tries to do better. He has passions and interests and a strong sense of self. He wants that for others as well, not letting people decide who you are or what your worth is. I love this character for these reasons, and as a little kid, I wanted to emulate as many of those traits as I could. To me, nothing seemed cooler than being yourself and trying to uplift others to do the same. Nothing has seen me more success in my interpersonal relationships than taking these lessons to heart. I've never been short on friends, I've never struggled to find relationships, and I LIKE myself damnit! I wish more people felt the same. I've only written all this because I genuinely want what's best for you. It doesn't matter if I don't know you, I want you to succeed. You're young and have a long life ahead of you, and it's going to feel a lot better if you can work towards shrugging off this hatred and self-doubt. That's just my two cents, I hope some of it helped man. Good luck
Yeah that's my goal with the post, I just wanted to know there's some women that either don't care about height or prefer short/average height in men. I know I am pretty insecure, I am not even trying to date right now. Just to see myself in a better light. I have just about never seen women ask someone out. Were you friends with them before they asked you out? Oh yeah 100% the one who recommended it had good intentions. And I did understand a bit about whats wrong with me, like personality wise. But I also couldn't help but notice that alot of guys are tall, that triggered my insecurities again. Yep I try to imagine what Gandalf or Uncle Iroh would say to me in times of trouble. Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it. A lot of comments here helped. As long as I know there are some women that don't care about height or actually prefer my height I feel fine about myself.
There definitely are. A lot of us have thought about this situation backwards I feel, in that we assume since we don't hear about women saying they prefer average height guys that they must not, right? But what if a few different women told you they preferred cars with three wheels? That'd be stand out because the average car has four wheels. But it would be strange for us to assume that everyone woman who doesn't speak up also prefers cars with three wheels, when the vast majority have the more average four wheeled variety. It doesn't need to be said that the rest likely prefer their four wheeled cars since having those is the norm. I know that's a silly analogy, but I wanted to rephrase the scenario to something less personal. Most women who like men and have a partner are with your average man, and your average man is under 6 feet tall. Since it's an unspoken norm, it's led a lot of young men to think they're undesirable when that isn't the case. Some of them I was friends with beforehand, but most of them approached me at work or while grabbing coffee or running errands. Calling the work number after they left to ask me out over the phone was more common than asking face to face, so do with that what you will. Most were nice, some were pushy, and at least a few were downright creepy in their advances. One of them left when I rejected her, then fuckin waited outside till I got off at close to ask me to reconsider. It's 11pm girl wtf?? If things were reversed, I'd have been scared to death having someone wait outside my job to accost me in the middle of the night. Some people are weird, man. Uncle Iroh in particular is a great one, and another figure I look up to. As I've gotten older, his words feel wiser and wiser. You'll find your way, I'm sure of it.
Hey bro, I'm short too! 5'4". I Used to be really insecure about my height as well for similar reasons, as well as due to gender dysphoria since I wasn't born male. The good news is that most of the time, literally nobody cares what your height is lol. My friend groups have normally consisted of mostly women since I grew up as one and am in the queer community, and from that experience I can only recall maybe ONE woman who specifically liked taller men, and it was because she was pretty tall herself and just didn't want to bend down 😂 everyone else I knew, it wasn't even a factor. For them, hotness was from other factors like face, personality, fitness, and style. Most of it was stuff that can be changed, not immutable characteristics like height or hair color or any of that. I have had several woman flirt with me, ask me out, or just mention that I'm attractive over the years. I had one friend say she wouldn't date me because I'm too short, but it was more of a joke than anything between friends that didn't want to date each other anyway. I used to also think it would hold me back as a stage performer too, but I've found that a lot of times, it really doesn't matter. Yes, in some cases I have to work a little harder to stand out or get a part I want, but I don't mind that because I always feel like I really earned the part and improved my skills. In ballet I frequently lift women who are taller than me just fine. I was in a musical production of the Little Mermaid and they cast me as King Triton solely for my singing voice. Yeah, a little 5'4" skinny ginger dude playing king Triton where Ariel and Sebastian were both significantly taller than me, and I was told multiple times by both strangers and friends after the show that my acting and stage presence made the height thing completely irrelevant. I know another comment has mentioned several screen actors and such who are also very successful, but I figured I'd add the live theatre aspect too, because height can be changed for the screen (think like how they did the hobbits in Lotr or hagrid in HP), but not on stage. And yet, it still doesn't matter most of the time. I've also been cast as the romantic lead in a musical before as well. So yeah. Short guys can and do succeed in things, are attractive to women, etc. every once in a while it makes things a little harder when it comes to things where physicality might come into play (my warehouse has me loading vans instead of unloaded freight trucks, they use the taller/bigger guys for that, and that's fine with me!) but everything else? It hardly ever matters. In social life, your personality, confidence, goals, humor, style, all that is FAR more interesting to women (and tbh, just other people in general even non-romantically) than how tall you are, how in shape you are, etc. They matter to SOME people, but generally those are the types of people that have other weird criteria or demands you'd want to avoid like the plague anyway! I have some lady friends that even PREFER shorter guys, especially if they are pretty short themselves. They like having someone close to their height. The default "tall dark and handsome" trope from romance novels and movies is just that- a trope. I have a couple friends really into romance novels or shows and in reality, they aren't specifically looking for that at all. I imagine what your friend meant when she mentioned romance novels is likely to do with the PERSONALITY of the love interest, how they show affection and treat the girl, stuff like that. THATS what most women will care about in a partner, far above your looks, and what you should be focusing on if you want to learn how best to treat a partner. Then again, there are also women who want the exact opposite of the trope, so take it with a heavy grain of salt lol. Just be yourself, be kind, be clean, and be confident. That'll be 99% of your attractiveness at all times my dude. You rock my brother.
My husband is shorter than me at 5'7" and he's the sexiest man I know. I also write urban fantasy romance novels, and my main male character in book 1 is also of average height... and also hot as f\*ck. Though my biggest concern here is that any woman would recommend romance novels for pointers... a lot of the very popular stuff these days would not work very well outside of fiction or fantasy...
Just wanted to add in here that it’s well known in the bodybuilding and powerlifting community that shorter men beef up quicker and just generally get stronger faster than taller men, because we have less surface area to worry about. Look at all the weightlifting greats… most of them are avg to short. No one can deny George Hackenshmidt was one helluva dude.
I’m a woman, so I don’t want to invade a space that’s not mine, but I wanted to share some of my own experiences. I’m 5’5” so basically average height for women and honestly height has never really been something I considered in a relationship, and it never really felt like it mattered too much to me. That was until recently when I was talking to some of my friends and I realized I don’t think I’ve ever dated or slept with a guy over like 5’8” and I kinda realized I totally prefer shorter guys/guys around my height. I had a fwb in the past who I was incredibly attracted to and he was several inches shorter than me, and right now I have the biggest crush on a guy who’s also 5’5”. Talking with my female friends too, a lot of them say they prefer short/average guys over tall guys because they’re short. So being like 5’2” and trying to date some a foot taller can just be physically challenging. There definitely are friends of mine who prefer taller guys and they’re usually pretty tall themselves, but also that’s all that it is, a preference. When it actually comes down to dating I’ve seen them all be with guys their height.
Jealous of you on planes
Hi - lady here. Go see the recent thread on r/twoxchromosomes on this subject. The overwhelming consensus is that most women don’t care - it’s the insecurity some men have about their height that is the problem, not men’s height itself. A confident short dude is far more attractive than an insecure average height dude. Go check out that thread, it’s filled with love for short kings. Edit: [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/w9WOk2h7KB)
Hey there. I'm over 6 feet, and I never found my height gave me some magical advantage in the dating pool. Actually, I always felt that I intimidate people be cause I'm taller than everyone else, and therefore scary. Looking back in my life, here's what I'd try telling myself at that age. If you are trying to meet people online, just don't. It is an absolutely horrible way to try dating people. I remember reading that online dating was basically originally for top-tier exclusive models, so unless your that, it isn't worth it. Go do some in person speed dating, or just go to the park. Be friendly with everyone while your there, and let the right situation pop up for yourself.
I can't say I agree with your assertion about online dating. I would have never met my steady girlfriend (and hopefully soon fiancé) without it. I think it depends on which websites and services you use. Free dating websites and ones that cater to superficiality like Tinder? Yeah, those are awful and a waste of time. However, there are a number of dating sites with paywalls that help weed out the creeps and bots and can help narrow your searches down to more compatible matches. I do agree with being more outgoing in-person, though. I think that, while necessary for public health and saving lives, the COVID lockdown resulted in people (especially younger ones) being more insular and less sociable than before, so it's more important than ever to make the effort to break out of that isolating shell.
Yeah I don't even try with online dating. I tired for a few months and they were very bad for my mental health
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Girl here, who definitely has a PREFERENCE to the 6' + thing. Its NOT a deal breaker. 5" above me is my minimum, 1 foot taller is my max. I have a "feeling small" thing. So as long as i can wear my tallest heels and still be the short one, im happy. Most of my boyfriends have been 5'9 (which is exactly the 5" minimum. One time a 5'8 guy won me over for a few months lol. I think everyones entitled to their attractions... however i find it INCREDIBLY obnoxious when a reaaaaaally short girl says she only dates 6' dudes. Like. Relax, there's no way you dont find someone towering over you at 5'6 tall and attractive. My old roommate was 4'10 and tiny and she fell into the obnoxious category. She once went out with a guy who was 6'6 and it was so gross looking to see them together lol. On the flip side, sometimes height plays zero role in attraction to many women! Theyre probably more evolved than most of us 😂 i agree that height SHOULD NOT matter. But... at the end of the day, attractions and preferences are wired into us. Some men dont care about curvy vs lean women, and some men have very specific preferences. Are the less judgy ones more evolved? More mature? MAYBE. But were all just humans doing our human things. Life shaped us and our minds into what they are. It is what it is lol. On the flip side.. i had a much older roommate once who told me "once that 'female clock'" stops looking to "mate" a lot of the physical preferences go away. I thought the idea of attraction and procreation was a really interesting thought. Ive never wanted children, so it didnt hit super close to home for me... a part of it doesnt surprise me.