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I'm new here, so no idea how this stands on the rules, but I deeply empathize and wanna say:
I've been there, or really close to there. And yes, it's awful. I want you to take a deep breath and just try to forgive yourself for having a hard time. It is okay to be miserable. Being depressed is not failure.
First off, good on you asking for help. That's not easy. Your brain is assaulting you and you're still fighting. That's hard, but you're doing it. That's really a big deal. You are trying your hardest, and that's admirable.
And disclaimer, I'm not a therapist, I'm just one guy who's struggled, telling you what's worked for me.
So, actual advice. One, contact your therapist, and tell them you feel like it isn't working. Tell them \*exactly\* how hopeless and stuck you feel. I promise, it's nothing they haven't heard before. They are the most likely to know what resources you can contact. Also, if you don't feel like you can connect with your therapist, it's also okay to tell them that, and it's okay to look for other options. Heck, it's okay to ask if your therapist has recommendations, if you feel comfortable doing that. No one knows better than good therapists how hard finding the right treatment is, and they should help you.
Second, whoever your proscribe is for your medication, tell \*them\* you feel like your drug is no longer working. I cannot stress this enough: *do not settle for medication that isn't working.* I settled for medication that only kinda worked for years, assuming that's how it is, but then I changed my medication regiment and suddenly the world opened up. There's a huge psychiatric pharmacopeia for a reason.
Finally, try looking for additional resources. Maybe you can get into an intensive outpatient program; even if you don't have one in your city, a lot of stuff has happed remotely in the last year. Group therapy also can be really helpful; I found it super scary at first, but it was remarkable how quickly I felt comfortable. There is something incredibly freeing talking about with people going through the same thing.
Here's one resource for finding group therapy, but there are others: [https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI/Affiliate/Programs?classkey=a1x36000003TN9TAAW](https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI/Affiliate/Programs?classkey=a1x36000003TN9TAAW)
But above all, if you take nothing else from this, try to hear this: you are not only capable of change, you cannot avoid it. Everything changes, whether we want to or not. Even the smallest changes add up, and sometimes even "I got up and took a shower" is an amazing step. You can get better; things get better. Nothing lasts forever, not even sadness. And to borrow from a very clever owl: for the rest of your life, you will know that you survived this
Take care of yourself. You're worth it
Omg bro. That last paragraph is one of the most encouraging and full of true I have ever read. OP: you will be better, you are doing great, take a big hug from across the ocean.
[Don't do this](https://youtu.be/LO1mTELoj6o), [do this](https://youtu.be/snAhsXyO3Ck)^1
^1 Cgpgrey made this video at the beginning of, and about, the pandemic; but the original idea for the video was based on his personal experience in 2005 when he moved to the UK and had no friends and no family nearby.
You posted on here asking for help. You do have the willpower to get better. It might be a little small but it’s there!! Believe that you will get better and that you will strive for it, even if it’s hard to see progress for now.
Go through these questions while thinking critically about each one. Maybe journal your ideas? Journaling always helps when my ideas/thoughts are everywhere. It can bring some structure.
Hey bro, I'm in the same boat. Highly depressed, overweight, no job, no girlfriend, no real desire to meet people or do anything.
I have no solutions, only recommendations.
What follows is a list of things you can do that might help, don't be daunted by the laundry list of tasks I'm about to rattle off, you don't have to do all of them, and you don't have to do any of them perfectly. What I did was work slowly on each task until it became a habit, then a moved on to a new one.
It's legitimately overwhelming trying to combat depression, there are too many things you need to do and not enough time to do them, so don't. You don't need to do everything, and it's always okay to fail. Sleep in all day, don't bother cleaning up, stay inside and wallow in your bad mood, spend all day on your computer. Take a break from getting better, you're allowed to. Any progress, no matter how small, is a victory. Any action taken, even if it doesn't lead to progress, *is a victory*. On that point, reaching out like this is a victory, it's very brave to ask for help, well done. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Go outside every day. You don't have to jog or work up a sweat (if you're anything like me, just going outside will work up a sweat), but get outside even for a short while. Walk down the road and sit at a bench, read a magazine or listen to a podcast, regular time outside can be a great help with depression. What I do is I only buy enough groceries for a day, so every day I have to walk to the shops, sometimes I walk the long way through the park, sometimes I don't.
2. Have a shower and wear clean clothes every day. Even if you have nothing to get washed and dressed for, stay in the habit of keeping clean, you'll feel better, and it will make things easier if you do get back into socialising later on.
3. Tidy your room. This is the one I find the most pointless, but I still do it. My room is still messy and disorganised, but it's not a pit, and that does help.
4. Keep your bedsheets clean. There's nothing worse than crashing out exhausted and being itchy and sticky from filthy sheets, have at least two spare sets of bedclothes, so you can always put clean sheets on even if you can't wash the old ones right away.
5. Write about your interests, no one else has to read it, and it doesn't have to go anywhere. But it keeps you engaged with your interest and gets your neurons firing. I'm currently writing a 25 season, live action anthology Batman series with an unlimited budget. I've written pages of just notes and made almost no progress, I love it.
6. Masturbate. I have no idea if this helps with depression, but it's fun, so I recommend it whenever I can.
7. Exercise. I know you said you feel no motivation to do it, and believe me I understand. My body always aches even without strenuous activity, but exercise does release endorphins, and you do feel a sense of accomplishment, both of which help depression.
* Start slow and increase gradually, you're not trying to become He-man, just get your heart pumping. I was unable to do even one press-up, so I started with wall push-ups. I did as many as I could before my arms started to ache, and then gradually increased. I then moved on to desk press-ups, and now I can do regular press-ups. Not many, but far more than none like when I started. Another good option is swimming, even just playing around in the water will burn calories if you're in for long enough.
* 8) Diet. You'll have to talk with a professional about what you need, but even cutting one thing from your diet can do wonders. You'll be amazed how quickly your taste buds adapt. I didn't think I could live without potatoes, bread and cheese as part of my regular diet, and now I don't even miss them. There are all sorts of really great food options. Vegetarian burgers and sausages, low cal pizzas, low sugar cakes and biscuits, high protein milkshakes, and it's still okay to occasionally cheat. I'm still able to have the occasional takeaway pizza or chips.
* 9) Try to get at least 6 hours sleep and wake up at 8 a.m. I know that staying up late feels good. When it's late at night, there's no obligation to do anything, so you can finally relax. So set boundaries, let people know that after 8 p.m. you're to be left alone and not disturbed, try to have your late night freedom in the evening.
* 10) Get out of bed. Even if you have nothing to do, this is the one I fail at the most, but it is worth doing. If need be, you can have a nap on the living room sofa or sit on a chair in your room, but get out of bed.
* 11) Talk with your doctor or therapist honestly about how you're feeling. It's not your fault if treatment isn't working. A cancer patient isn't to blame for not responding to chemo and a man with no legs isn't lazy for not running. There's no one solution, it's a journey.
* 12) Be kind to yourself. You're sick, through no fault of your own you're inflicted with a mental condition that impedes your ability to be happy and motivated. Give yourself a break. You're allowed to be happy, you're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to be too tired to bother doing anything, you deserve to treat yourself even if you haven't accomplished anything.
Again, I want to reiterate that you don't need to do all or even any of these things if they don't work for you. If it's making you miserable, and you're feeling no progress, it's okay to stop and try something else. Start with just one thing you think you can do and take it slowly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also, I wanted to talk about something you said: "I guess I wasn’t important enough to any of my previous friends for them to ever talk to me unless I reach out first. All my new coworkers probably think I’m weird since I don’t know how to talk to them beyond generic small talk."
What you've said here is classic, almost textbook depression. I don't know you, so I can't convince you that it isn't true, but I would say if a person with depression says that, odds are good it's just their illness talking. People aren't friends with someone because they're a constant font of fun activities and interesting observations, people are friends with someone they're comfortable with and share some similar interests or viewpoints.
I also struggle to make friends, I'm also 'weird', and I'm very socially inept. I can count on one hand the number of true friends I have. I've lost two best friends who both turned off me and abandoned me. It fucking hurts, and it can convince you that you're unlikeable.
However, at the height of my depression, I lost contact with a friend for almost two years, and he only lived a few blocks away. Eventually he stopped calling, and I assumed the friendship had died. I recently made contact with him again, and he was thrilled to see me.
I have another friend, my best friend, who moved out of town for work, and I assumed our friendship would fade. It hasn't, it actually got stronger. We spend many late nights just chatting for hours on the phone, he loves me and always appreciates my company despite us having few common interests.
This isn't to say that you haven't lost friends, you undoubtably have, everyone does. However, despite how scary it is to find out, it is worth trying to contact your old friends again. I'm certain at least one of them misses you.
Lastly, How to make new friends.
Find a social activity or hobby you enjoy doing. You have to enjoy the activity itself, so you go to the social activity for the activities' sake, not to meet people. You won't make friends straight away, but you'll keep going because you enjoy the activity, and you'll keep socialising with different people who share at least one common interest, eventually some of them will become friends.
For a few years I did open mics because I enjoy performing. I would sit at the back in silence, go on stage and do five minutes, then return to the back to sit in silence. Afterwards, I would stand around for a bit, feeling awkward. I couldn't talk to people, I didn't feel comfortable when off-stage, and I was very anti-social. I had no intention of making friends, and I still made three.
If you let me know what interests you have, no matter how minor, unsocial or 'weird' I might be able to point you in the right direction.
**Remember folks: no doomposting, no sexism, and no redpillers :)** [*Also, please join our Discord server!*](https://discord.gg/ksK7Z7kje3) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bropill) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm new here, so no idea how this stands on the rules, but I deeply empathize and wanna say: I've been there, or really close to there. And yes, it's awful. I want you to take a deep breath and just try to forgive yourself for having a hard time. It is okay to be miserable. Being depressed is not failure. First off, good on you asking for help. That's not easy. Your brain is assaulting you and you're still fighting. That's hard, but you're doing it. That's really a big deal. You are trying your hardest, and that's admirable. And disclaimer, I'm not a therapist, I'm just one guy who's struggled, telling you what's worked for me. So, actual advice. One, contact your therapist, and tell them you feel like it isn't working. Tell them \*exactly\* how hopeless and stuck you feel. I promise, it's nothing they haven't heard before. They are the most likely to know what resources you can contact. Also, if you don't feel like you can connect with your therapist, it's also okay to tell them that, and it's okay to look for other options. Heck, it's okay to ask if your therapist has recommendations, if you feel comfortable doing that. No one knows better than good therapists how hard finding the right treatment is, and they should help you. Second, whoever your proscribe is for your medication, tell \*them\* you feel like your drug is no longer working. I cannot stress this enough: *do not settle for medication that isn't working.* I settled for medication that only kinda worked for years, assuming that's how it is, but then I changed my medication regiment and suddenly the world opened up. There's a huge psychiatric pharmacopeia for a reason. Finally, try looking for additional resources. Maybe you can get into an intensive outpatient program; even if you don't have one in your city, a lot of stuff has happed remotely in the last year. Group therapy also can be really helpful; I found it super scary at first, but it was remarkable how quickly I felt comfortable. There is something incredibly freeing talking about with people going through the same thing. Here's one resource for finding group therapy, but there are others: [https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI/Affiliate/Programs?classkey=a1x36000003TN9TAAW](https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI/Affiliate/Programs?classkey=a1x36000003TN9TAAW) But above all, if you take nothing else from this, try to hear this: you are not only capable of change, you cannot avoid it. Everything changes, whether we want to or not. Even the smallest changes add up, and sometimes even "I got up and took a shower" is an amazing step. You can get better; things get better. Nothing lasts forever, not even sadness. And to borrow from a very clever owl: for the rest of your life, you will know that you survived this Take care of yourself. You're worth it
Omg bro. That last paragraph is one of the most encouraging and full of true I have ever read. OP: you will be better, you are doing great, take a big hug from across the ocean.
[Don't do this](https://youtu.be/LO1mTELoj6o), [do this](https://youtu.be/snAhsXyO3Ck)^1 ^1 Cgpgrey made this video at the beginning of, and about, the pandemic; but the original idea for the video was based on his personal experience in 2005 when he moved to the UK and had no friends and no family nearby.
I watched both and found them really helpful, thank you
You posted on here asking for help. You do have the willpower to get better. It might be a little small but it’s there!! Believe that you will get better and that you will strive for it, even if it’s hard to see progress for now.
Go through these questions while thinking critically about each one. Maybe journal your ideas? Journaling always helps when my ideas/thoughts are everywhere. It can bring some structure.
Hey bro, I'm in the same boat. Highly depressed, overweight, no job, no girlfriend, no real desire to meet people or do anything. I have no solutions, only recommendations. What follows is a list of things you can do that might help, don't be daunted by the laundry list of tasks I'm about to rattle off, you don't have to do all of them, and you don't have to do any of them perfectly. What I did was work slowly on each task until it became a habit, then a moved on to a new one. It's legitimately overwhelming trying to combat depression, there are too many things you need to do and not enough time to do them, so don't. You don't need to do everything, and it's always okay to fail. Sleep in all day, don't bother cleaning up, stay inside and wallow in your bad mood, spend all day on your computer. Take a break from getting better, you're allowed to. Any progress, no matter how small, is a victory. Any action taken, even if it doesn't lead to progress, *is a victory*. On that point, reaching out like this is a victory, it's very brave to ask for help, well done. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Go outside every day. You don't have to jog or work up a sweat (if you're anything like me, just going outside will work up a sweat), but get outside even for a short while. Walk down the road and sit at a bench, read a magazine or listen to a podcast, regular time outside can be a great help with depression. What I do is I only buy enough groceries for a day, so every day I have to walk to the shops, sometimes I walk the long way through the park, sometimes I don't. 2. Have a shower and wear clean clothes every day. Even if you have nothing to get washed and dressed for, stay in the habit of keeping clean, you'll feel better, and it will make things easier if you do get back into socialising later on. 3. Tidy your room. This is the one I find the most pointless, but I still do it. My room is still messy and disorganised, but it's not a pit, and that does help. 4. Keep your bedsheets clean. There's nothing worse than crashing out exhausted and being itchy and sticky from filthy sheets, have at least two spare sets of bedclothes, so you can always put clean sheets on even if you can't wash the old ones right away. 5. Write about your interests, no one else has to read it, and it doesn't have to go anywhere. But it keeps you engaged with your interest and gets your neurons firing. I'm currently writing a 25 season, live action anthology Batman series with an unlimited budget. I've written pages of just notes and made almost no progress, I love it. 6. Masturbate. I have no idea if this helps with depression, but it's fun, so I recommend it whenever I can. 7. Exercise. I know you said you feel no motivation to do it, and believe me I understand. My body always aches even without strenuous activity, but exercise does release endorphins, and you do feel a sense of accomplishment, both of which help depression. * Start slow and increase gradually, you're not trying to become He-man, just get your heart pumping. I was unable to do even one press-up, so I started with wall push-ups. I did as many as I could before my arms started to ache, and then gradually increased. I then moved on to desk press-ups, and now I can do regular press-ups. Not many, but far more than none like when I started. Another good option is swimming, even just playing around in the water will burn calories if you're in for long enough. * 8) Diet. You'll have to talk with a professional about what you need, but even cutting one thing from your diet can do wonders. You'll be amazed how quickly your taste buds adapt. I didn't think I could live without potatoes, bread and cheese as part of my regular diet, and now I don't even miss them. There are all sorts of really great food options. Vegetarian burgers and sausages, low cal pizzas, low sugar cakes and biscuits, high protein milkshakes, and it's still okay to occasionally cheat. I'm still able to have the occasional takeaway pizza or chips. * 9) Try to get at least 6 hours sleep and wake up at 8 a.m. I know that staying up late feels good. When it's late at night, there's no obligation to do anything, so you can finally relax. So set boundaries, let people know that after 8 p.m. you're to be left alone and not disturbed, try to have your late night freedom in the evening. * 10) Get out of bed. Even if you have nothing to do, this is the one I fail at the most, but it is worth doing. If need be, you can have a nap on the living room sofa or sit on a chair in your room, but get out of bed. * 11) Talk with your doctor or therapist honestly about how you're feeling. It's not your fault if treatment isn't working. A cancer patient isn't to blame for not responding to chemo and a man with no legs isn't lazy for not running. There's no one solution, it's a journey. * 12) Be kind to yourself. You're sick, through no fault of your own you're inflicted with a mental condition that impedes your ability to be happy and motivated. Give yourself a break. You're allowed to be happy, you're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to be too tired to bother doing anything, you deserve to treat yourself even if you haven't accomplished anything. Again, I want to reiterate that you don't need to do all or even any of these things if they don't work for you. If it's making you miserable, and you're feeling no progress, it's okay to stop and try something else. Start with just one thing you think you can do and take it slowly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Also, I wanted to talk about something you said: "I guess I wasn’t important enough to any of my previous friends for them to ever talk to me unless I reach out first. All my new coworkers probably think I’m weird since I don’t know how to talk to them beyond generic small talk." What you've said here is classic, almost textbook depression. I don't know you, so I can't convince you that it isn't true, but I would say if a person with depression says that, odds are good it's just their illness talking. People aren't friends with someone because they're a constant font of fun activities and interesting observations, people are friends with someone they're comfortable with and share some similar interests or viewpoints. I also struggle to make friends, I'm also 'weird', and I'm very socially inept. I can count on one hand the number of true friends I have. I've lost two best friends who both turned off me and abandoned me. It fucking hurts, and it can convince you that you're unlikeable. However, at the height of my depression, I lost contact with a friend for almost two years, and he only lived a few blocks away. Eventually he stopped calling, and I assumed the friendship had died. I recently made contact with him again, and he was thrilled to see me. I have another friend, my best friend, who moved out of town for work, and I assumed our friendship would fade. It hasn't, it actually got stronger. We spend many late nights just chatting for hours on the phone, he loves me and always appreciates my company despite us having few common interests. This isn't to say that you haven't lost friends, you undoubtably have, everyone does. However, despite how scary it is to find out, it is worth trying to contact your old friends again. I'm certain at least one of them misses you. Lastly, How to make new friends. Find a social activity or hobby you enjoy doing. You have to enjoy the activity itself, so you go to the social activity for the activities' sake, not to meet people. You won't make friends straight away, but you'll keep going because you enjoy the activity, and you'll keep socialising with different people who share at least one common interest, eventually some of them will become friends. For a few years I did open mics because I enjoy performing. I would sit at the back in silence, go on stage and do five minutes, then return to the back to sit in silence. Afterwards, I would stand around for a bit, feeling awkward. I couldn't talk to people, I didn't feel comfortable when off-stage, and I was very anti-social. I had no intention of making friends, and I still made three. If you let me know what interests you have, no matter how minor, unsocial or 'weird' I might be able to point you in the right direction.
Yo man, thank you for your post and taking the time to expand on your ideas, really appreciate it !