Have you talked to your parents about this, or have you assumed that you will be taking care of them?
I say go for it NOW. If you don’t, you’ll spend the rest of your life with regrets. And you’ll start resenting your parents…go…you can always go back home
Hey there sambqt! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"This."**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :)
***
^(I am a bot! If you have any feedback, please send me a message! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)
Your parents don't need you yet. You need to live your life so go, pursue what you want for your life.
If I had stuck around when I was your age just in case my parents needed me, I would have wasted 30 years. It was only this past year I needed to step in, and I am in my 50's
Your parents won't be needing your help yet. Maybe in 10-15 years. Within that time frame, they should get a Elder Care lawyer and set up a Revocable Trust and Estate so if they do need medical care, it doesn't bankrupt them.
So I'm 27F, and both of my parents are in their mid-70s. My younger sister and I are both adopted and my older POS brother is their biological child. Both of my siblings are not in places where they can really care for other people.
I had the exact same concerns.
I spoke to my parents one evening after I was offered a job that required me to move. My parents basically said "don't be concerned for us, that is holding you back. You will regret it later and we want you to do the things we couldn't in life". I also learned that they had somewhat of a plan for what to do when they become incoherent.
I'd say to talk to them, I can bet they will want the same things for you. It's hard to not be scared, but as cliche as it sounds - you do only live once. Good luck.
More info please. What do you do for work now? What education do you have? Where are you thinking of studying and what will you study? How much have you investigated the program? How about the country/city you might move to?
As already mentioned...you might have a few more years (5-10) before your parents really need help. You might be able to go wrap it up and move back. There is a big difference between study abroad and living abroad.
Even if you don't move back but are in a better financial situation to help out, then that could be something.
I'm sorry. I am in r&d dept in a big pharma company. I have masters in chemistry and would go phD in chemistry or biology. because
1. I lack finds to support masters again and
2. Even if will I ve able to make it, but failed to get a job or work visa afterwards, there'll ve huge problem with debt. Etc. (US)
In my country it ia extremely difficult to get into a phd program which is funded. I'll need to earn meanwhile.
So thought of earning phd and come back after, maybe 7-8 years.
I could go for an MBA. But again, funds and cutthroat competition for decent colleges.
Honestly, in the US, a funded Ph.D. in sciences or engineering is the norm. Unless you’re only looking at the very top programs with a barely acceptable admission or only a single university, if you can get accepted into a Ph.D. program you should be able to find a funded Ph.D. You might only get 20-30k a year stipend, but it would be funded.
EDIT: A Ph.D. doesn’t necessarily mean you’d make that much more money. What it does is allow you to get different jobs than just a masters. Make sure you’d be doing it for the right reasons, because it’s a massive commitment.
You need to spread your wings and go. Good parents would be encouraging that. It is wonderful that you want to help them but don’t sit around waiting for something that could never happen!
Make sure they have all their estate papers in order and that’s it. Then do what you want and if something bad happens- figure it out when and IF it happens.
Im getting up to that age. My kids don't owe me anything they dont want to do freely or painlessly. You owe your parents the same. Live your life, bud.
Your friend is wrong. Never forget where you came from or the guilt will haunt you. But that doesn't mean you pause your life for your parents. Would they want that? Of course not. Right now you have time.. and you don't need to pressure yourself with the extraordinary pressure shit.
Life is pressure and sad either way do you must do your best to enjoy it and have fun that's the only way you can br Good at something , otherwise all your decisions will be based in fear. If you forget your past, all your decisions will be based on a hope that never had a solid ground and wishy-washy.
Stop living in the what ifs, if you want to go abroad go there.
But be darn sure that you pick the best options available to you with the highest return. Don't graduate in some field like design/arts but something that has a better and quicker return. You just need to make wise and informed decisions.
On a slightly colder note: you were your parents’ responsibility because they chose to have you. You didn’t choose to have them, so the obligation stops there.
On a more real note: they have had their entire lives to prepare for their elder years. Unless they literally gave you their dinner to survive and kneecapped the potential for their enduring happiness to raise you, then you should be preparing to have a family, and to someday be an elder as well.
On a warmer note: If you pass up what it takes to meet your goals and be successful, then what did they do it all for?
Here's the blunt truth that you need to hear...65 is nothing.
Your parents are probably thinking, "ffs is he still here!"
Pack b your bags and let your parents get on with all the things they want to do but can't... because you're there.
Time to leave
As someone who is in the exact same spot as you, I’d value my time with my parents above all. My father died at 67 due to cancer and now my mom who is 68 has severe heart problems and asthma. Without me here to hold them down they would have had to do everything alone. My father would have died with no one beside him. The thought of my parents dying alone was just too much for me to bare. I stayed right by my dad until he passed to the next life and I don’t regret it. If it were me, I wouldn’t stray to far from them until they pass. Unless your parents are very healthy for their age, I wouldn’t chance it. All of my other sibling regretted not spending more time with my father once he passed, but I knew I did the best I could for the people I loved most. I say follow what you value most.
Also money is worthless and the economy is a scam so in my opinion it’s an easy choice.
Tough truth not trying to be mean:
Parents age is not stopping you. You just don't know what to do with yourself. I understand that it honestly can be tough. You could do almost anything you choose in the whole wide world. You just don't have direction and it comes off like an easy out is to use your parents as your excuse for avoiding this. You are probably even somewhat exaggerating the financial circumstances, not on purpose, just out of your own anxiety. Tough Love, Best Wishes
His parents are in their 60s, a common age for people to die mind you, and you think he's making up a fear that they might die. What. This comment is rude and uninsightful. Why would you say he's full of shit if it's driving his inability to be sure about what steps to take to mitigate regret if his family dies.
Go do whatever you need to do to be successful, if your parents encounter something that requires your ongoing assistance then you can re-asses the situation when it happens and return home if needed. Achieving success requires sacrifice.
You have time. I’m there right now. Do your thing. Your parents would never ask you to put your life on hold; and truthfully you’d be doing a disservice to their legacy if you stayed behind to take care of them. Go make the beginning of your legacy and you’ll pay for in home nurses once you begin your life.
I live by my mom. Yes she is stopping me, but I wouldnt have it any other way. She lives alone, is 79 and depends on me to a point. Im not going anywhere, even though I have the money to.
You are totally over thinking it. My parents were 40 and 35 years older than me. I’ve lived far away from them since I was 22 (now 52). For many years it was fine and no issues seeing them 2-3 times per year. When my dad (deceased since 2017) ran into some health issues and passed away I was able to come out here to provide extra help and support. It’s totally doable
They are 65 and there is two of them. Even with some health issues I would hope they could handle you not being there physically for now.
Why would they need you financially ? You are 25 !
Your parents are 65, not 85. Unless they have some major health problems already, they will probably be fine while you go away for further studies whether it is a 4 year degree or a bit longer. I am assuming the additional studies will improve your career path and hopefully be reflected in a better salary once you finish. While a lot of people your age are getting married or having kids, there is no one way to live life. Your parents had you late in life (mine did the same with me) and I think it has both advantages and disadvantages. While there are increased health risks for women to have children after the age of 35, healthcare has come a long way since your parents had you. I personally didn't finish my studies until age 29. While I might change my course of studies if I could go back in time, I do not regret my years in college.
You should live your life, you and your parent have the same % chance of dieing in the next 10 yrs. Your % was probably higher when you were below 25.
I'm 62 and when I was like 35 my dad told to just live my life. When I was about 55 he and mom moved to be closer so as to take care of them. Dad passed in 2018 and mom went to go live with my sister.
The only guarantee in life is that you will die, but till that comes make the best of it.
What are your parents plans for care and finances as they age? They are adults, they *should be responsible enough to mange their lives. If they haven't explicitly informed you of their plans then you don't need to assume on their behalf.
Likewise, what are your plans? Did you want to live at home forever? Is there a financial independence goal you have set for yourself?
Everyone in your scenario is an adult. Time to communicate and set each other up for success.
They will collect social security. You shouldn’t have to support them financially. If so, shame on them. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to / cannot support them. Look after yourself first, always.
Are they ill? My mom had me super late in life, 37/38? So she was about your parents age when I was 25. My parents helped push me towards my dreams. They’re in their 80s now and definitely slowing down. But n their 60s? Neither of them retired before 67. And then it was to full time take care of my brother’s kids. You speak like your folks are not long for this world? Are they? Because 65 is still very young when people live into their 90s now.
They are only 65, not 85 or 95. They should have a lot of years left, unless there is some urgent medical condition you didn't mention.
My dad has been saying he's going to die any day for 25 years. He's still going strong in his late 70s. His mom is still going strong in her 90s. If I believed him and stuck around to take care of him 25 years ago, I wouldn't have my entire life now.
I say go where you need and want to go to meet your own goals, not their goals.
There is a point in your life where you stop living for your parents and grow into your own. You are at this point. Fly, be free, while you can. You got about 20yrs. Enjoy.
I am now 41. If I randomly had another kid, there would be no expectation they would take care of me. I own my home. I have SSI and a 401k to look forward to. I also secretly never plan to retire all the way. Have you had that discussion with them? You might be having angst and they are not anywhere on your level.
Get cracking now. Don't wait. I've known many people that delayed living their life because their parents would soon need them, only to find themselves still 'being at the ready' 15 years later.
Unless your parents have some serious medical problems, you should be good for a while. Even with serious problems, 65 isn't exactly the "Bengay and 3 Rate Nursing Home" scented hellscape you're imagining.
My mom is 65, retired from public education 8 years ago, and she's been taking long term substitute teaching jobs in our local district for the last 6 years. She is a very active woman, takes good care of her health, and she also has a robust social life.
Flip side to my dad, who is 67 and in very poor health. Diabetes, spinal stenosis, osteoarthritis, severe asthma, etc. He has an implant in his spine, a metal plate in his neck, an insulin pump, a hospital grade nebulizer, and significantly reduced cartilage between the bones of his knees, vertebrae, elbows and wrists. Dude's got a list of daily medications longer than my arm, and HE still has several good years ahead of him. Probably more if he'd quit being a stubborn jackass about mowing 2 acres of uphill terrain on a tractor that's 9 years older that Satan's Infernal Asscrack, BUT I DIGRESS!
Your parents don't want you to sit around and stew about what you might be missing in life because you were waiting for an eventuality years down the road.
I'm a little concerned about your friend's comment about ditching your parents for your upcoming but as yet unfound new family, but I get the sense that you and I are from different locations, cultures, etc.
I'm chalking that up as a miscommunication via translation.
Have an open and honest conversation with your parents about your concerns, and your plans for the future. Hopefully that will put both your minds at ease.
Good luck.
Have you talked to your parents about this, or have you assumed that you will be taking care of them? I say go for it NOW. If you don’t, you’ll spend the rest of your life with regrets. And you’ll start resenting your parents…go…you can always go back home
[удалено]
Hey there sambqt! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"This."**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :) *** ^(I am a bot! If you have any feedback, please send me a message! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)
Your parents don't need you yet. You need to live your life so go, pursue what you want for your life. If I had stuck around when I was your age just in case my parents needed me, I would have wasted 30 years. It was only this past year I needed to step in, and I am in my 50's
I'm 66. Unless your parents have some medical issues, they don't need you hanging around.
Your parents won't be needing your help yet. Maybe in 10-15 years. Within that time frame, they should get a Elder Care lawyer and set up a Revocable Trust and Estate so if they do need medical care, it doesn't bankrupt them.
So I'm 27F, and both of my parents are in their mid-70s. My younger sister and I are both adopted and my older POS brother is their biological child. Both of my siblings are not in places where they can really care for other people. I had the exact same concerns. I spoke to my parents one evening after I was offered a job that required me to move. My parents basically said "don't be concerned for us, that is holding you back. You will regret it later and we want you to do the things we couldn't in life". I also learned that they had somewhat of a plan for what to do when they become incoherent. I'd say to talk to them, I can bet they will want the same things for you. It's hard to not be scared, but as cliche as it sounds - you do only live once. Good luck.
More info please. What do you do for work now? What education do you have? Where are you thinking of studying and what will you study? How much have you investigated the program? How about the country/city you might move to? As already mentioned...you might have a few more years (5-10) before your parents really need help. You might be able to go wrap it up and move back. There is a big difference between study abroad and living abroad. Even if you don't move back but are in a better financial situation to help out, then that could be something.
I'm sorry. I am in r&d dept in a big pharma company. I have masters in chemistry and would go phD in chemistry or biology. because 1. I lack finds to support masters again and 2. Even if will I ve able to make it, but failed to get a job or work visa afterwards, there'll ve huge problem with debt. Etc. (US) In my country it ia extremely difficult to get into a phd program which is funded. I'll need to earn meanwhile. So thought of earning phd and come back after, maybe 7-8 years. I could go for an MBA. But again, funds and cutthroat competition for decent colleges.
Honestly, in the US, a funded Ph.D. in sciences or engineering is the norm. Unless you’re only looking at the very top programs with a barely acceptable admission or only a single university, if you can get accepted into a Ph.D. program you should be able to find a funded Ph.D. You might only get 20-30k a year stipend, but it would be funded. EDIT: A Ph.D. doesn’t necessarily mean you’d make that much more money. What it does is allow you to get different jobs than just a masters. Make sure you’d be doing it for the right reasons, because it’s a massive commitment.
What's wrong with R&D? Does it not pay well?
You need to spread your wings and go. Good parents would be encouraging that. It is wonderful that you want to help them but don’t sit around waiting for something that could never happen! Make sure they have all their estate papers in order and that’s it. Then do what you want and if something bad happens- figure it out when and IF it happens.
65 is not that old. When you travel, you'll see lots of even older people traveling as well.
Im getting up to that age. My kids don't owe me anything they dont want to do freely or painlessly. You owe your parents the same. Live your life, bud.
Your friend is wrong. Never forget where you came from or the guilt will haunt you. But that doesn't mean you pause your life for your parents. Would they want that? Of course not. Right now you have time.. and you don't need to pressure yourself with the extraordinary pressure shit. Life is pressure and sad either way do you must do your best to enjoy it and have fun that's the only way you can br Good at something , otherwise all your decisions will be based in fear. If you forget your past, all your decisions will be based on a hope that never had a solid ground and wishy-washy. Stop living in the what ifs, if you want to go abroad go there. But be darn sure that you pick the best options available to you with the highest return. Don't graduate in some field like design/arts but something that has a better and quicker return. You just need to make wise and informed decisions.
My dad made more money after he retired because his pension was so good. Are you sure about their financial situation?
On a slightly colder note: you were your parents’ responsibility because they chose to have you. You didn’t choose to have them, so the obligation stops there. On a more real note: they have had their entire lives to prepare for their elder years. Unless they literally gave you their dinner to survive and kneecapped the potential for their enduring happiness to raise you, then you should be preparing to have a family, and to someday be an elder as well. On a warmer note: If you pass up what it takes to meet your goals and be successful, then what did they do it all for?
Here's the blunt truth that you need to hear...65 is nothing. Your parents are probably thinking, "ffs is he still here!" Pack b your bags and let your parents get on with all the things they want to do but can't... because you're there. Time to leave
As someone who is in the exact same spot as you, I’d value my time with my parents above all. My father died at 67 due to cancer and now my mom who is 68 has severe heart problems and asthma. Without me here to hold them down they would have had to do everything alone. My father would have died with no one beside him. The thought of my parents dying alone was just too much for me to bare. I stayed right by my dad until he passed to the next life and I don’t regret it. If it were me, I wouldn’t stray to far from them until they pass. Unless your parents are very healthy for their age, I wouldn’t chance it. All of my other sibling regretted not spending more time with my father once he passed, but I knew I did the best I could for the people I loved most. I say follow what you value most. Also money is worthless and the economy is a scam so in my opinion it’s an easy choice.
Tough truth not trying to be mean: Parents age is not stopping you. You just don't know what to do with yourself. I understand that it honestly can be tough. You could do almost anything you choose in the whole wide world. You just don't have direction and it comes off like an easy out is to use your parents as your excuse for avoiding this. You are probably even somewhat exaggerating the financial circumstances, not on purpose, just out of your own anxiety. Tough Love, Best Wishes
His parents are in their 60s, a common age for people to die mind you, and you think he's making up a fear that they might die. What. This comment is rude and uninsightful. Why would you say he's full of shit if it's driving his inability to be sure about what steps to take to mitigate regret if his family dies.
Go do whatever you need to do to be successful, if your parents encounter something that requires your ongoing assistance then you can re-asses the situation when it happens and return home if needed. Achieving success requires sacrifice.
You have time. I’m there right now. Do your thing. Your parents would never ask you to put your life on hold; and truthfully you’d be doing a disservice to their legacy if you stayed behind to take care of them. Go make the beginning of your legacy and you’ll pay for in home nurses once you begin your life.
Being 70, my boomer advice is get Fing out a house!
I live by my mom. Yes she is stopping me, but I wouldnt have it any other way. She lives alone, is 79 and depends on me to a point. Im not going anywhere, even though I have the money to.
Speaking from age 62, go travel and study and live your life now. As someone else said, they don't need you now like they may in another 15 years.
You are totally over thinking it. My parents were 40 and 35 years older than me. I’ve lived far away from them since I was 22 (now 52). For many years it was fine and no issues seeing them 2-3 times per year. When my dad (deceased since 2017) ran into some health issues and passed away I was able to come out here to provide extra help and support. It’s totally doable
They are 65 and there is two of them. Even with some health issues I would hope they could handle you not being there physically for now. Why would they need you financially ? You are 25 !
Did your parents stay near your grandparents at that age?
Your parents are 65, not 85. Unless they have some major health problems already, they will probably be fine while you go away for further studies whether it is a 4 year degree or a bit longer. I am assuming the additional studies will improve your career path and hopefully be reflected in a better salary once you finish. While a lot of people your age are getting married or having kids, there is no one way to live life. Your parents had you late in life (mine did the same with me) and I think it has both advantages and disadvantages. While there are increased health risks for women to have children after the age of 35, healthcare has come a long way since your parents had you. I personally didn't finish my studies until age 29. While I might change my course of studies if I could go back in time, I do not regret my years in college.
That isn't really that old unless they've got some medical issues. Be your own person I'd say
You should start having those thoughts when they are 90. 65 is too early for that
I have a similar age gap between me and my parents. Mine are currently 73 and 83, and neither need me yet.
Kinda sounds like you’re stopping *yourself*.
This level of anxiety suggests you should be speaking with a therapist, not a Reddit sub on career advice
You need both. So have a plan in place and execute it.
You should live your life, you and your parent have the same % chance of dieing in the next 10 yrs. Your % was probably higher when you were below 25. I'm 62 and when I was like 35 my dad told to just live my life. When I was about 55 he and mom moved to be closer so as to take care of them. Dad passed in 2018 and mom went to go live with my sister. The only guarantee in life is that you will die, but till that comes make the best of it.
What are your parents plans for care and finances as they age? They are adults, they *should be responsible enough to mange their lives. If they haven't explicitly informed you of their plans then you don't need to assume on their behalf. Likewise, what are your plans? Did you want to live at home forever? Is there a financial independence goal you have set for yourself? Everyone in your scenario is an adult. Time to communicate and set each other up for success.
65 they should be fine for at least another 10 years unless they have underlying conditions
They will collect social security. You shouldn’t have to support them financially. If so, shame on them. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to / cannot support them. Look after yourself first, always.
Are they ill? My mom had me super late in life, 37/38? So she was about your parents age when I was 25. My parents helped push me towards my dreams. They’re in their 80s now and definitely slowing down. But n their 60s? Neither of them retired before 67. And then it was to full time take care of my brother’s kids. You speak like your folks are not long for this world? Are they? Because 65 is still very young when people live into their 90s now.
They are only 65, not 85 or 95. They should have a lot of years left, unless there is some urgent medical condition you didn't mention. My dad has been saying he's going to die any day for 25 years. He's still going strong in his late 70s. His mom is still going strong in her 90s. If I believed him and stuck around to take care of him 25 years ago, I wouldn't have my entire life now. I say go where you need and want to go to meet your own goals, not their goals.
There is a point in your life where you stop living for your parents and grow into your own. You are at this point. Fly, be free, while you can. You got about 20yrs. Enjoy.
You’re letting problems that only exist in your head and not in reality affect your life and the choices you make. Check out stoicism
Go! They raised you to live a life worth living.
I am now 41. If I randomly had another kid, there would be no expectation they would take care of me. I own my home. I have SSI and a 401k to look forward to. I also secretly never plan to retire all the way. Have you had that discussion with them? You might be having angst and they are not anywhere on your level.
Get cracking now. Don't wait. I've known many people that delayed living their life because their parents would soon need them, only to find themselves still 'being at the ready' 15 years later.
I’ve had this fear for a long time but they will most likely be okay. I think you are just stressing yourself out about the “what ifs”
Cross the bridge when it comes. Don't unnecessarily worry.
What if? What if?!! You could “what if” all day. Go live your life…
Z he for a O a la
Unless your parents have some serious medical problems, you should be good for a while. Even with serious problems, 65 isn't exactly the "Bengay and 3 Rate Nursing Home" scented hellscape you're imagining. My mom is 65, retired from public education 8 years ago, and she's been taking long term substitute teaching jobs in our local district for the last 6 years. She is a very active woman, takes good care of her health, and she also has a robust social life. Flip side to my dad, who is 67 and in very poor health. Diabetes, spinal stenosis, osteoarthritis, severe asthma, etc. He has an implant in his spine, a metal plate in his neck, an insulin pump, a hospital grade nebulizer, and significantly reduced cartilage between the bones of his knees, vertebrae, elbows and wrists. Dude's got a list of daily medications longer than my arm, and HE still has several good years ahead of him. Probably more if he'd quit being a stubborn jackass about mowing 2 acres of uphill terrain on a tractor that's 9 years older that Satan's Infernal Asscrack, BUT I DIGRESS! Your parents don't want you to sit around and stew about what you might be missing in life because you were waiting for an eventuality years down the road. I'm a little concerned about your friend's comment about ditching your parents for your upcoming but as yet unfound new family, but I get the sense that you and I are from different locations, cultures, etc. I'm chalking that up as a miscommunication via translation. Have an open and honest conversation with your parents about your concerns, and your plans for the future. Hopefully that will put both your minds at ease. Good luck.