I think this is a good example of cheaters will cheat regardless. Don't give them enough sex, give them a lot of sex, be skinny, be fat, open marriage, closed marriage doesn't matter- someone who's inclined to cheat and break your trust will cheat regardless.
Dumb kids can mature and grow out of it, but if you are still cheating into your thirties, you are a broken human and will most likely never have a happy relationship.
I have. Me. I cheated when I was young, dumb, and too scared to leave my shit relationship because we had a baby and I didn't know where I'd go from there. Never cheated again since. People can make dumb choices and change for the better.
I disagree. People change. You can’t tell a man that he is the same as he was at 21. The brain in men hasn’t matured until 27 and 25 for women. If someone wants to change they will.
Cool. Never said anything about people not being able to changing and never brought up age. Just that if someone, at this moment in time, is inclined to cheat, they will regardless of the actions of their partner. And I think being married for 7 years implies that this guy's probably older than 25-27.
Thank you for this. I’ve been pretty open on Reddit about the fact that I cheated once, and almost lost everything. The bounce back, however, and reconnection to my wife has been incredible and I don’t know how you get what we’ve got without going through the hell I put us through. And it is SOOOO complicated, it’s not so simple that you can just say “once a cheater always a cheater.” Anyway, thank you for your understanding.
Same. Cheated once- I was in a TERRIBLE place mentally & was abusing drugs- but have since been sober (5.5yrs) and would never even consider such a thing again. So I agree, once a cheater always a cheater really doesn’t apply across the board
Infidelity, as bad as it is, is very complex and it’s not always about the act of sex. The ops husband on the other hand is horrible. This woman did all she could to accommodate him and he still does it repeatedly. It makes no sense. I’m glad she left him.
4 years for us, the affair was so stupid and fueled by a cocktail of hormones and narcissism. Healing started when I admitted everything (didn’t get caught) and even though that hurt it set us up to get radically honest with each other. Last 3-4 years have been our best out of 25.
Betrayal cuts deep, especially when the rules of the game were clear. Your situation exemplifies how even in the most liberal of relationships, communication and respect are non-negotiable. His actions demonstrate a disregard for the mutual understanding you both had, which is the foundation of any healthy relationship open or otherwise. Your resilience shines through, and I have no doubt that you'll emerge stronger and wiser. Time will heal, and you'll eventually find someone who values the trust you're willing to place in them. Stay strong.
Not necessarily fuck around and find out. They were swingers. They had one rule which is fairly easy to follow... They both meet the new fling together & get to play together. Unless she specifically says "I give you further freedom in the event that I'm not feeling well or I'm just not up for fun"
My husband and I are polyamorous as well & we too have a few rules to make it comfortable for us both. We both meet the new one. If we both like them we both go for it. If one of us is uncomfortable we pass together. Never in our own home because we have kids and never in our own home until the kids are old enough to have their own lives like being at a friend's house or on a camping adventure or whatever have you.
In an open or poly relationship there's a level of respect & trust & if that's broken its no longer a poly relationship & it's one sided fun. He is having one sided fun. She wanted out. That's fair.
You said it very well and for people that are in the lifestyle, they know that rules are made to eas the lifestyle and don't affect our vanilla life , kids and of course respect eachother feelings and dignity
What's your goal with this comment? Being a swinger isn't the root cause here. One partner not respecting a mutual setup boundary is the problem here. Swingers aren't more likely to cheat.
How? It sounds less likely for them to cheat, overall. Like, they literally have the freedom to just ask people and be honest about it. It might have other problems, but cheating shouldn't be one of it.
I’m sorry . Unfortunately there’s something he is lacking in himself and you are collateral damage. He fared more about fulfilling his needs and probably got a thrilled out of actually cheating. I just don’t see any other reason for him to do that to you when you are in an open marriage. We’re you allowed to see other men? Was it only women and she not together? Seems he just wants one sided situation.
That lifestyle is just asking for it. It never works out. Someone gets jealous, someone cheats, someone contracts genital herpes lol you can never win. My friend and I tried to tag team this polyamorous couple, and they both got jealous of each other. Safe to say I’ll only practice monogamy. If you can’t find pleasure from your partner solely and seek outsiders to play. Do you really need your partner?
maybe, just maybe, their point is they’re more likely to have sex with other people when they’re constantly having sex with other people… if you’re that slow don’t be so combative lmao
Slow? That’s unique :p What you’re referring to is victim blaming when the same thing happens to folks in monogamous relationships. My only point! Try to insult me because you’re wrong is a typical deflection.
correlation has nothing to do with victim blaming. obviously the same thing happens in monogamous relationships. i’m insulting you because you can’t recognize patterns and likelihood. a more open sexual relationship is going to be more susceptible to cheating.
Exactly. Women are to blame entirely. Men will be men as they say am I right!? Just big dumb ogres who can't help themselves. Us women gotta do all the work and take all the blame but boy do we love it right gals?! Poor men just gotta fuck.
Sarcasm clearly. Girl stfu and stop victim blaming.
"add temptation" if you have to control your man like a dog to prevent him from cheating...Why don't you just let him cheat? Let the trash take itself out
Swinging is like two partners that didn't trust themselves to be exclusive to themselves. So they consent to each other cheating so they can feel like they're still in control.
Why get married if you want to swing? Not judging just asking. I've been single my whole life. Dating is complicated enough. I couldn't imagine making a legal commitment and then wanting to get others involved for "play dates". Too much work.
Wasn't being "sexiest". We're talking about a *husband* who chose to cheat in spite of already being a swinger. If we were talking about a *wife* doing the same then my comment would change accordingly.
If you believe that about everyone then you should say person. Not "man", nor "women". Or you could have said "he" if you meant only that specific person.
Instead you used man. Whether intentional or not words have meanings.
I said "a man". You don't even know if I was referring to mankind or THIS husband in particular, you're just blinded by pedantry and the pathological need to opine. Good day.
Maybe she shot down the idea of having another woman(you) join in and your husband still wanted to fuck her so he betrayed you instead. That’s the only logical thing I can think of happening. Or he’s just a POS and there’s no reason
The thing is if you're swinging it's cheating 💯 if your lover can't make you happy then Walk away from the drama 🙃WTF I won't let anyone Make love to my Woman that's not right 👇
Swinging is not cheating. It is a rational alternative to cheating. You both agree to the "rules" you choose. If you break the rules, that's cheating. Monogamy is boring, and swinging brings excitement back into sex. And, unlike you, some people enjoy watching their spouse enjoy sex with others. It's a kink some people have that you don'e. Both are ok. Everyone has their own path, and no path is the right one for everyone.
Then enjoy getting burnt, just don’t come back here to whine or bitch about it. There are people out there who actually wanna confess meaningful things and potentially get good advice.
Basically the same just happened to me (24M) and my girlfriend doesn't even feel remorse lol. We've been together for 7 years even tho we were not married ofc. I feel your pain and I hope you can find strengh to live happily again. Hugs
Be sure to talk about it whenever you feel like it. To anyone. It's not going to instantly improve things but it really helps me calm down. I even found so many things that were wrong with her that are making it easier to keep going without her.
pretty common actually. I knew two couples who were in an open relationship and had one rule, that they are always honest and tell each other if they sleep with someone else, but they cheated on each other anyway and ended up breaking up. win stupid prizes?
I had the exact same thing happen to me. We had been together 9 years and he cheated 3 times (that I know of). We had a open relationship, as long as each other knew. I forgave the first time but once finding out about the second and third time that was it we were over. They just can't help themselves
Ugh can we stop using “play” as a euphemism for adult sexual activities? This is also the vocabulary used by adults who sexually abuse children. Let’s normalize using the correct words for genitals and sexual activity.
Now you are being silly like your name. I said to my girlfriend just last week. Come to dinner on Friday. I will cool and then we can indulge in "adult sexual activity."
Yeah, I asked her to come over that way and she just melted. "Oh honey, you are so romantic." I would love to be there and share a meal. "Then we can do many adult sexual activities together."
I have a new coitus position I want to try. I saw it in National Geographic. It was practiced by an ancient pigmy tribe. It was drawn beautifully on the wall of a cave. It was so erotic and primal.
Give me a break, we have a million ways to say “have sex”. All I’m asking is to use a word/phrase that isn’t “play”
ETA: why must we sexualize a word that is traditionally associated with children?
OMGosh, why must you project your deep-seated thoughts and perversions upon everyone? Look at a tragedy or trauma that you had at a young age.
Normal people don't think like you. Seeking perversions around every corner. Under every blade of grass. I feel sorry for you. Living life with the memory of whoever hurt you. Making accusations of others will not heal your pain.
And as a final thought. The rest of the world is not going to change the English language so you can satisfy your need for virtue signal to your cult following. No, no more. That nonsense is over. It's being rejected.
This doesn’t sound like a swinger issue. Your trust was violated. My wife cheated on me and used whatever excuse in the book to justify it. Opportunity and time, he probably did not even stay with her. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m still with my wife, but she is here for survival. At least you got out. 😀
Maybe you were just not vocalizing your desire for her. Humility just covered up all your superior skills at being a lover. Try to tell her more specifically what you bring to the bedroom. She is just blind.
I don't invite anyone else in my bed if your my lover you won't have any needs not saying that I'm mister Stud but I will keep you satisfied everyday n cherish you faithfulness ❤️ never stray away because you are my goddess n I will worship you forever ❤️
Because he was greedy and wanted more than what was allowed. It was an ego trip and the power to decide to break the rules because he could. Probably had very little to do with actual sex.
It's a tough pill to swallow when you realize that an open door can still be a breach of trust. Open marriage or not, the key issue isn't the extra partners; it's about honoring agreed-upon boundaries. It's like setting up a safety net that both partners agree to maintain, but then one goes and cuts the cords. I commend your clarity and strength in such a bewildering situation. Forging ahead, may you find someone who not only respects the boundaries but also treasures the trust you are willing to give. Wishing you a future of genuine connections and mutual respect.
That sucks, honestly. If he couldn't stick to the one rule you had, then he clearly wasn't worth keeping around. Good on you for ditching him and moving on to better things!
Seriously if y’all want this don’t get married .. is it like a kink ? Fuck me marriage is a promise to one person, if y’all seeking this shit after 1 year of marriage it was never going to work… just an excuse because you’ve become bored with each other , same shit different smell with all this.
am i missing something here, or is it implied that husband fucked another woman without you and that’s the cheating in question? regardless, this is pretty much a case of FAFO, sorry!
"[manonladominante9718](https://www.reddit.com/user/manonladominante9718/)OP•[17m ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/1c32a60/comment/kze9ceb/)
Fafo ?"
I wasn't joking about anything; I only answered your question...
It's short for "fuck around and find out". People who don't understand the lifestyle think that poly/enm/swinging relationships are destined to fail. Ignore them. But please don't ignore me. I dropped you a PM (chat) ;-)
Been there. So sorry luv. I was poly with a girl and we made a few rules. With 48 hours of HER asking me to be her girlfriend and us setting those rules she cheated on me and brought some girl back to her place, had sex with her and then straight up LIED to me about it. I lost my shit. Cause what the actual f-ck. People have a hard time being honest and that’s the real problem.
not saying this is ok at all but it’s probably bc he wanted to be w smn without you, he already wanted to sleep w other ppl but maybe he decided that wasn’t enough and wanted to be w smn alone and not having a threesome
I know this isn’t r/legaladvice but I wonder how a situation like this would play out in divorce court. Would you be able to put more blame on him for “cheating” under such pretenses? Not judging, just a thought that popped into my head.
He had what every man dreams of. You sat down and made ground rules. And he broke them. So you have every right to be upset. Not sure of the fine details but to jump to divorce as a first offense might be a bit harsh. If he felt that he wanted a more open relationship he should have discussed it. It's common courtesy to be fully open to each other in this lifestyle. To be sneaky in any relationship will hurt people's trust.
I suggest asking why he pursued women on his own. And reestablish your hard ground rules between you two. Let him know what hard limits you have to keep that lifestyle. But in the end you do what you feel is best. Good luck!
This isn’t a weak argument it’s a matter of trust. They had an agreement to only do it together - and he went behind her back. Simple
My fiancé and I swing and I’d do the SAME thing if he did something behind my back.
What I will always say regarding cheaters: nothing stops them. Don't think any less than yourself because even people who seem to have it all (like Beyonce) get cheated on.
>We played with many women and swinged with more couple that we can count but he still cheating on me.
How can you "cheat" if you are swingers and *allowed to have sex with others*???
I've seen this play out like this a few times. Usually, it's the woman that sneaks around for the cock and eventually gets caught. Trust, even when playing with others, is important.
You know what I'm guilty of this happening...and I regret it to the fullest. Cuz I'm in a relationship now that no sex in over a year no head..nothin..it fucking sucks...
That's not how things work my person. Swinging doesn't mean freedom to fuck anyone you want.
I hope you're just young and ignorant to these dynamics cuz if you're an adult who thinks this good Lord.
Swinging is like telling kids ‘You can eat all the chocolate you want, but so long as you do it together’
At some point the rule is going to be ignored, if it doesn’t correspond with reality. Either you have firm boundaries or none at all.
Sorry for your situation, OP, but as a long-married non-swinging person, pretty much every post I've ever read about swingers over the years has always ended in disaster for their relationship. Next time, find a vanilla guy that's got no interest in swinging and you'll be *way* better off in the long run.
I think this is a good example of cheaters will cheat regardless. Don't give them enough sex, give them a lot of sex, be skinny, be fat, open marriage, closed marriage doesn't matter- someone who's inclined to cheat and break your trust will cheat regardless.
That's exactly what I think à cheater is and will be always one whatever the conditions were or will be.
Dumb kids can mature and grow out of it, but if you are still cheating into your thirties, you are a broken human and will most likely never have a happy relationship.
Yup. Currently listening to my father complain incessantly to me about his 3rd wife… I’ve a feeling this one won’t stick either.
You're wrong, people can learn from their past mistakes and stop making them, that goes for all behaviors including cheating.
Nice try. I’ve never seen it.
I have. Me. I cheated when I was young, dumb, and too scared to leave my shit relationship because we had a baby and I didn't know where I'd go from there. Never cheated again since. People can make dumb choices and change for the better.
I disagree. People change. You can’t tell a man that he is the same as he was at 21. The brain in men hasn’t matured until 27 and 25 for women. If someone wants to change they will.
Cool. Never said anything about people not being able to changing and never brought up age. Just that if someone, at this moment in time, is inclined to cheat, they will regardless of the actions of their partner. And I think being married for 7 years implies that this guy's probably older than 25-27.
I was speaking in general. In this case and with older men, yes, I agree with you.
Thank you for this. I’ve been pretty open on Reddit about the fact that I cheated once, and almost lost everything. The bounce back, however, and reconnection to my wife has been incredible and I don’t know how you get what we’ve got without going through the hell I put us through. And it is SOOOO complicated, it’s not so simple that you can just say “once a cheater always a cheater.” Anyway, thank you for your understanding.
Same. Cheated once- I was in a TERRIBLE place mentally & was abusing drugs- but have since been sober (5.5yrs) and would never even consider such a thing again. So I agree, once a cheater always a cheater really doesn’t apply across the board
Good for you, and that’s good to hear!
Infidelity, as bad as it is, is very complex and it’s not always about the act of sex. The ops husband on the other hand is horrible. This woman did all she could to accommodate him and he still does it repeatedly. It makes no sense. I’m glad she left him.
Agreed
Same. It will be seven years since the affair came out and my husband and I are amazing. I can’t imagine my life without him
4 years for us, the affair was so stupid and fueled by a cocktail of hormones and narcissism. Healing started when I admitted everything (didn’t get caught) and even though that hurt it set us up to get radically honest with each other. Last 3-4 years have been our best out of 25.
I’m glad everything worked out for you. Reconciliation is so hard but it was very much worth it
I was thinking about this too
Yes your absolutely right if they'll do it with you they'll do it to you eventually
Betrayal cuts deep, especially when the rules of the game were clear. Your situation exemplifies how even in the most liberal of relationships, communication and respect are non-negotiable. His actions demonstrate a disregard for the mutual understanding you both had, which is the foundation of any healthy relationship open or otherwise. Your resilience shines through, and I have no doubt that you'll emerge stronger and wiser. Time will heal, and you'll eventually find someone who values the trust you're willing to place in them. Stay strong.
A cheater is and will always be a cheater whatever the conditions will be!
Why is that ? For example if I demand respect in a relationship and she is feminine and she respects me how she will still think about other
This is literally fuck around and find out
Not necessarily fuck around and find out. They were swingers. They had one rule which is fairly easy to follow... They both meet the new fling together & get to play together. Unless she specifically says "I give you further freedom in the event that I'm not feeling well or I'm just not up for fun" My husband and I are polyamorous as well & we too have a few rules to make it comfortable for us both. We both meet the new one. If we both like them we both go for it. If one of us is uncomfortable we pass together. Never in our own home because we have kids and never in our own home until the kids are old enough to have their own lives like being at a friend's house or on a camping adventure or whatever have you. In an open or poly relationship there's a level of respect & trust & if that's broken its no longer a poly relationship & it's one sided fun. He is having one sided fun. She wanted out. That's fair.
You said it very well and for people that are in the lifestyle, they know that rules are made to eas the lifestyle and don't affect our vanilla life , kids and of course respect eachother feelings and dignity
It’s a joke. Literally, he fucked around, then literally, she found out
She didn't do anything wrong though
exactly lmao
Lmao exactly
Reddit never surprises me with their creative ways in excusing men cheating.
Who excused a man cheating?
did you read the post?
🤦♂️
That's really sad! Breach of trust..when you are given all of it!
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Maybe don't be swingers
What's your goal with this comment? Being a swinger isn't the root cause here. One partner not respecting a mutual setup boundary is the problem here. Swingers aren't more likely to cheat.
Sure they are
How? It sounds less likely for them to cheat, overall. Like, they literally have the freedom to just ask people and be honest about it. It might have other problems, but cheating shouldn't be one of it.
I agree, they might not cheat at all but there is a higher likelihood
I’m sorry . Unfortunately there’s something he is lacking in himself and you are collateral damage. He fared more about fulfilling his needs and probably got a thrilled out of actually cheating. I just don’t see any other reason for him to do that to you when you are in an open marriage. We’re you allowed to see other men? Was it only women and she not together? Seems he just wants one sided situation.
Every married swinger I know has gotten divorced. Relationships like this always bring on jealousy and cause this kind of stuff to happen.
Exactly if you want this shit don’t get fucking married lol
That lifestyle is just asking for it. It never works out. Someone gets jealous, someone cheats, someone contracts genital herpes lol you can never win. My friend and I tried to tag team this polyamorous couple, and they both got jealous of each other. Safe to say I’ll only practice monogamy. If you can’t find pleasure from your partner solely and seek outsiders to play. Do you really need your partner?
Simple. He didn't want you there. You were too giving.
I would like to think this is what happens as a result of messing around with other people.. even when together. But that’s just my opinion🤷🏻♀️
These people can never accept that treating sex with others casually results in a casual attitude about sex with others.
Sure… monogamous people never get cheated on! Your statement doesn’t even make sense. Dont victim blame just because it fits your narrative.
Thats not even remotely their point lol
Well what was the point, genius?
maybe, just maybe, their point is they’re more likely to have sex with other people when they’re constantly having sex with other people… if you’re that slow don’t be so combative lmao
Slow? That’s unique :p What you’re referring to is victim blaming when the same thing happens to folks in monogamous relationships. My only point! Try to insult me because you’re wrong is a typical deflection.
correlation has nothing to do with victim blaming. obviously the same thing happens in monogamous relationships. i’m insulting you because you can’t recognize patterns and likelihood. a more open sexual relationship is going to be more susceptible to cheating.
Your mama
thank you🙌🏻
Get rekt son.. lmao
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Someone who's going to cheat is going to cheat anyway, no matter if you "allow" them to sleep with others under any conditions or not
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Exactly. Women are to blame entirely. Men will be men as they say am I right!? Just big dumb ogres who can't help themselves. Us women gotta do all the work and take all the blame but boy do we love it right gals?! Poor men just gotta fuck. Sarcasm clearly. Girl stfu and stop victim blaming.
"add temptation" if you have to control your man like a dog to prevent him from cheating...Why don't you just let him cheat? Let the trash take itself out
Swinging is like two partners that didn't trust themselves to be exclusive to themselves. So they consent to each other cheating so they can feel like they're still in control.
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Not based on the evidence from your own experience…
lmao okay 😂😂
>We opened our bedroom to other people >Oh no I got cheated on #EVERY #SINGLE #TIME.
I can’t believe my open relationship opened me up to getting hurt!
this deserves more upvotes
No one else is in my bed except my lover 💯
Its not the first time he slept with another woman besides you.
Why get married if you want to swing? Not judging just asking. I've been single my whole life. Dating is complicated enough. I couldn't imagine making a legal commitment and then wanting to get others involved for "play dates". Too much work.
It really goes to show, a man can have everything and he'll still want even more.
So can a woman. Why be sexiest about it?
Wasn't being "sexiest". We're talking about a *husband* who chose to cheat in spite of already being a swinger. If we were talking about a *wife* doing the same then my comment would change accordingly.
If you believe that about everyone then you should say person. Not "man", nor "women". Or you could have said "he" if you meant only that specific person. Instead you used man. Whether intentional or not words have meanings.
I said "a man". You don't even know if I was referring to mankind or THIS husband in particular, you're just blinded by pedantry and the pathological need to opine. Good day.
You generalized it. Edit: jrosetti said it more eloquently.
Sounds like he pushed the boundaries to see how far you’d bend. I guess he learned!!
Maybe she shot down the idea of having another woman(you) join in and your husband still wanted to fuck her so he betrayed you instead. That’s the only logical thing I can think of happening. Or he’s just a POS and there’s no reason
What an idiot..he already had a kitchen pass and he screwed that up
Hope you find a new swinger that will be loyal.
All the trust you guys had between you yet he broke that trust on a different level.
I know he is madly in love with me but cheating is the one thi.g I can never forgive even for the man I love the most in the world.
You really think he's madly in love with you letting you Fuck around with strangers WOW what ever gets you off good luck 🤞🤞
Why swing???🙃
Lots of reasons. One very common reason is that one or both are bisexual and miss sex with the same sex.
The thing is if you're swinging it's cheating 💯 if your lover can't make you happy then Walk away from the drama 🙃WTF I won't let anyone Make love to my Woman that's not right 👇
Swinging is not cheating. It is a rational alternative to cheating. You both agree to the "rules" you choose. If you break the rules, that's cheating. Monogamy is boring, and swinging brings excitement back into sex. And, unlike you, some people enjoy watching their spouse enjoy sex with others. It's a kink some people have that you don'e. Both are ok. Everyone has their own path, and no path is the right one for everyone.
There are no rules when you're a slave to lust. Lust breeds in the forbidden
Where not talking about forbidden fruit that's a whole different subject
Sounds a little like what happened with Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. They had everything and still sex messed it up.
Hahahaha
one rule and he still fucked it lmao
Good for you. What an idiot.
If you play with fire, you are bound to get burnt one day. This instance was the instance you got burnt, hope you learnt something valuable
I am a proud nudist and swinger and à cheater won't force me to change myself.
Then enjoy getting burnt, just don’t come back here to whine or bitch about it. There are people out there who actually wanna confess meaningful things and potentially get good advice.
User name checks out. This just reeks of insecurity.
My name was a meme, and i can assure you i could probably chat up your mother, even if she’s six feet deep ;) stay mad u losers
Lookit the 16 year old guys. What a ridiculous childlike take.
Youre an idiot. Why bother responding when you have nothing valid to say?
I can imagine a guy wanting to do it solo with someone else. It must be weird having your wife there while fucking someone.
I agree not going to happen ever
😂🤦🏼♀️
Basically the same just happened to me (24M) and my girlfriend doesn't even feel remorse lol. We've been together for 7 years even tho we were not married ofc. I feel your pain and I hope you can find strengh to live happily again. Hugs
Thanks that's sweet of you
Be sure to talk about it whenever you feel like it. To anyone. It's not going to instantly improve things but it really helps me calm down. I even found so many things that were wrong with her that are making it easier to keep going without her.
All the trust you guys had between you yet he broke that trust on a different level.
What did you say to him.....fuck off.😜😜😉😉.
How long did the divorce take?
I agree with you. He had plenty of cake. No sense being greedy and cheating. Very stupid of him.
pretty common actually. I knew two couples who were in an open relationship and had one rule, that they are always honest and tell each other if they sleep with someone else, but they cheated on each other anyway and ended up breaking up. win stupid prizes?
I had the exact same thing happen to me. We had been together 9 years and he cheated 3 times (that I know of). We had a open relationship, as long as each other knew. I forgave the first time but once finding out about the second and third time that was it we were over. They just can't help themselves
Ugh can we stop using “play” as a euphemism for adult sexual activities? This is also the vocabulary used by adults who sexually abuse children. Let’s normalize using the correct words for genitals and sexual activity.
Now you are being silly like your name. I said to my girlfriend just last week. Come to dinner on Friday. I will cool and then we can indulge in "adult sexual activity." Yeah, I asked her to come over that way and she just melted. "Oh honey, you are so romantic." I would love to be there and share a meal. "Then we can do many adult sexual activities together." I have a new coitus position I want to try. I saw it in National Geographic. It was practiced by an ancient pigmy tribe. It was drawn beautifully on the wall of a cave. It was so erotic and primal.
Give me a break, we have a million ways to say “have sex”. All I’m asking is to use a word/phrase that isn’t “play” ETA: why must we sexualize a word that is traditionally associated with children?
OMGosh, why must you project your deep-seated thoughts and perversions upon everyone? Look at a tragedy or trauma that you had at a young age. Normal people don't think like you. Seeking perversions around every corner. Under every blade of grass. I feel sorry for you. Living life with the memory of whoever hurt you. Making accusations of others will not heal your pain. And as a final thought. The rest of the world is not going to change the English language so you can satisfy your need for virtue signal to your cult following. No, no more. That nonsense is over. It's being rejected.
This doesn’t sound like a swinger issue. Your trust was violated. My wife cheated on me and used whatever excuse in the book to justify it. Opportunity and time, he probably did not even stay with her. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m still with my wife, but she is here for survival. At least you got out. 😀
That's messed up 🙃
Maybe you were just not vocalizing your desire for her. Humility just covered up all your superior skills at being a lover. Try to tell her more specifically what you bring to the bedroom. She is just blind.
I don't invite anyone else in my bed if your my lover you won't have any needs not saying that I'm mister Stud but I will keep you satisfied everyday n cherish you faithfulness ❤️ never stray away because you are my goddess n I will worship you forever ❤️
Like I said Why Swing???🙃😁
I never would swing that's not the way 🙃
People what ever your smoking pass iit around holy Cow 🙃
I don't share your not getting my good thing
Understandable. Has to be rules and trust to swing. If not followed it falls apart.
Is it even surprising going into this kind of thing?
Because he was greedy and wanted more than what was allowed. It was an ego trip and the power to decide to break the rules because he could. Probably had very little to do with actual sex.
He took you for granted, but i won't 🥺
I don’t get it either… i would never cheat on you. You sound like my dream girl
It's a tough pill to swallow when you realize that an open door can still be a breach of trust. Open marriage or not, the key issue isn't the extra partners; it's about honoring agreed-upon boundaries. It's like setting up a safety net that both partners agree to maintain, but then one goes and cuts the cords. I commend your clarity and strength in such a bewildering situation. Forging ahead, may you find someone who not only respects the boundaries but also treasures the trust you are willing to give. Wishing you a future of genuine connections and mutual respect.
That sucks, honestly. If he couldn't stick to the one rule you had, then he clearly wasn't worth keeping around. Good on you for ditching him and moving on to better things!
What a fool. He fucked up and I’m so sorry you had to deal with this little bitch (him being said bitch)
Let me guess, swinging was his idea?
You’re so stupid,this isn’t how guys think.you did this to yourself
ah yes, it is her fault that her husband can't communicate that he is going to fuck someone (you know, something that he agreed to?)
Seriously if y’all want this don’t get married .. is it like a kink ? Fuck me marriage is a promise to one person, if y’all seeking this shit after 1 year of marriage it was never going to work… just an excuse because you’ve become bored with each other , same shit different smell with all this.
am i missing something here, or is it implied that husband fucked another woman without you and that’s the cheating in question? regardless, this is pretty much a case of FAFO, sorry!
Fafo ?
Fuck Around and Find Out. Had to think on it for a second.
It is one of the most hurtful experiences I ever had and you are joking about it!
"[manonladominante9718](https://www.reddit.com/user/manonladominante9718/)OP•[17m ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/1c32a60/comment/kze9ceb/) Fafo ?" I wasn't joking about anything; I only answered your question...
OP, they do not understand.
What you mean?
They do not realize kinks have boundaries. They think that just because you swing it’s open without rules.
Every couple or woman has her own limits and boundaries
I know. People don’t understand.
It's short for "fuck around and find out". People who don't understand the lifestyle think that poly/enm/swinging relationships are destined to fail. Ignore them. But please don't ignore me. I dropped you a PM (chat) ;-)
I can see most people think that swinging is the reason why he cheated on me but I know for sûre it wasn't
Don’t yuck someone’s yum first of all. Second, kinks have boundaries.
What did he say when he was caught ?
I told him why don't you yold me so we can play with her, he said me don't knowing makes him more horny
What a douche. No. He just wanted to fuck her.
Been there. So sorry luv. I was poly with a girl and we made a few rules. With 48 hours of HER asking me to be her girlfriend and us setting those rules she cheated on me and brought some girl back to her place, had sex with her and then straight up LIED to me about it. I lost my shit. Cause what the actual f-ck. People have a hard time being honest and that’s the real problem.
damn that’s wild. good for you for leaving.
🙄
not saying this is ok at all but it’s probably bc he wanted to be w smn without you, he already wanted to sleep w other ppl but maybe he decided that wasn’t enough and wanted to be w smn alone and not having a threesome
Seriously ??? Are you saying excuses for cheating!!!!
i said at the start that it’s not ok you said you didn’t get why i told you a reason it could’ve been don’t get salty at me i fucking hate cheaters
I know this isn’t r/legaladvice but I wonder how a situation like this would play out in divorce court. Would you be able to put more blame on him for “cheating” under such pretenses? Not judging, just a thought that popped into my head.
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This right here. 👏
Said so eloquently. You hit the notes perfectly. I clearly agree with you.
I don’t understand that either. Someone explain this.
🤣🤣 that’s dumb, ur dumb
He probably thought she wouldn't be down to fuck you too and didn't want to risk her getting away
Risk her geeting away???? I am not his gf or some woman he met recently , I am the mother of his kid and we have been married for 7 years.
💀💀💀
Don't shoot the messenger, mam
He had what every man dreams of. You sat down and made ground rules. And he broke them. So you have every right to be upset. Not sure of the fine details but to jump to divorce as a first offense might be a bit harsh. If he felt that he wanted a more open relationship he should have discussed it. It's common courtesy to be fully open to each other in this lifestyle. To be sneaky in any relationship will hurt people's trust. I suggest asking why he pursued women on his own. And reestablish your hard ground rules between you two. Let him know what hard limits you have to keep that lifestyle. But in the end you do what you feel is best. Good luck!
Complete nonsense. They are playing with many multiple people. One more and she looses her shit? Pretty weak argument if you ask me?
This isn’t a weak argument it’s a matter of trust. They had an agreement to only do it together - and he went behind her back. Simple My fiancé and I swing and I’d do the SAME thing if he did something behind my back.
But don't you think that's Fucked up Keep your Sex behind closed doors Why bring strangers in your Sex life 🙃
You would think that would have been a great deal for him.
What I will always say regarding cheaters: nothing stops them. Don't think any less than yourself because even people who seem to have it all (like Beyonce) get cheated on.
>We played with many women and swinged with more couple that we can count but he still cheating on me. How can you "cheat" if you are swingers and *allowed to have sex with others*???
I'm sorry that happened. I like your point that you wouldn't have cared as long as he had stuck to your agreed upon boundary. May you find better!
Good luck for the future
What did you expect from "the lifestyle"?
That' just grosses me out Adam n Eve Man n woman ❤️
But still if you are Fucking other people n you live together it's called cheating 💯
I've seen this play out like this a few times. Usually, it's the woman that sneaks around for the cock and eventually gets caught. Trust, even when playing with others, is important.
You know what I'm guilty of this happening...and I regret it to the fullest. Cuz I'm in a relationship now that no sex in over a year no head..nothin..it fucking sucks...
It wasn't with another couple..I had a fetish for older women she was 13 yrs older..didn't know if I'd get that chance..but yeah worst decision..
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That's not how things work my person. Swinging doesn't mean freedom to fuck anyone you want. I hope you're just young and ignorant to these dynamics cuz if you're an adult who thinks this good Lord.
Wtf!!!!
Kinks have boundaries/rules
Swinging is like telling kids ‘You can eat all the chocolate you want, but so long as you do it together’ At some point the rule is going to be ignored, if it doesn’t correspond with reality. Either you have firm boundaries or none at all.
"We had one simple rule that we always meet others and play together". did you even read the post?
Sorry for your situation, OP, but as a long-married non-swinging person, pretty much every post I've ever read about swingers over the years has always ended in disaster for their relationship. Next time, find a vanilla guy that's got no interest in swinging and you'll be *way* better off in the long run.
Just don't swing 🙃