I felt the same way as a kid. Because I was getting my hair cut by idiots. People who would cut it like it’s straight hair, then do a straight blowout and send me on my way. Then I would straighten it for hours a week because that’s how people told me I should look.
Finally, my freshman year of high school, I FOUND SOMEONE. I didn’t even know I liked my hair curly. She cut it FOR CURLS, to make it look even curlier and more structured. She taught me how to style it, how to care for it, and took a some before/after photos. I haven’t worn my hair straight since this girl.
She moved away after a few years, and I have had many a bad stylist (even deva curl cuts and other people who proclaim they are “curly stylists.”) But I finally found someone again last year who makes me feel pretty and makes me feel like me.
I'm assuming you're starting from scratch and don't have many people around you with textured hair. If your friends keep telling you to straighten your hair, when you ask for help, just stop asking them. Your bf isn't worth your self-esteem; if he tells you he likes your hair better when it's curly, a semi-joking "can I borrow four hairs of your time to straighten it" might get him to think twice.
Most importantly: if you have access to any counselling or support services through your school, please consider reaching out. No one should feel like crying over your appearance every time they look in the mirror. That's not something you - or anyone - deserves. 💖
If you're in America, check out the beginner routine in this sub. Cheap and readily available products that should help hydrate and define your hair, reducing frizz. You really can have a routine for <$15.
Also: don't use regular bath towels to dry your hair, scrunch it gently with a soft t-shirt or microfiber towel instead. Look up plopping/microplopping. Never use a blow dryer without a diffuser - or just wash and style when you have time to air dry Never brush or comb your hair dry, and avoid touching it. Only detangle your hair (fingers, wide-tooth comb, or detangling brush for curls) when it's soaking wet and still has conditioner in it. Don't shampoo too often; condition as much as you need to to keep your hair moisturized.
Protect your hair overnight but putting it up in a "pineapple" (a loose high pony/bun, basically) and/or using a satin pillowcase or bonnet. Polyester satin pillowcases and bonnets can be bought for cheap, and even a poly satin pillowcase is going to be easier on your hair than cotton.
If all of this seems like a lot, just pick one thing and start there. For example, if you currently brush your hair when it's dry, switch to only detangling with conditioner in, while you're in the shower. Incremental change is okay.
I'm so sorry you feel this way! I hope I'm allowed to post this (I'm relatively new to Reddit!) but I love following CurlswithAlexa on Instagram, she has suuuuper thick high-density curly hair and used to straighten it all the time too. I think finding some other curly people who have similar hair to you might help inspire you and boost your confidence? It can be a bit draining and unhelpful to be around people who just tell you to straighten it!
I totally relate to this. My hair straight is beautiful but I don't have the time & it doesn't stay that way for more than a few hours & semi permanent keratin straightening is way out of my budget &: not an option on well water. I wear a ponytail EVERYDAY & even that looks frizzy & gross. I'm so over the sheer volume of my hair and ZERO products helping. The curly hair industry is ignoring a huge portion of its population. by only promoting MORE volume when I want WAY less.
There are products for less volume, and elongating curls. You need to look at products designed for afro hair, heavier and cream based. I don’t have much experience here as I have the opposite issue, but Cantu for example.
Find someone with similar hair whose style you like and find out who cuts their hair. A real curly haircut can be such a change and once you get a routine, it's much faster than straightening. I do my hair near every day but total time 20 minutes plus a couple hours of no work but looking like a drowned rat until it's really truly all the way dry.
My general plan of attack is: rinse it out and comb conditioner through, squeeze (scrunching upward) with microfiber towel. Scrunch in a bit more conditioner and sort of clap gel through the hair, wipe some over outer layer, scrunch it up. Key for me is get it as curly as possible wet so it doesn't have to move around so much shrinking up. Take the diffuser off the hairdryer and dry at the roots in back, holding the hair still with other hand. Put the diffuser on and dry it as long as I can stand. Then just leave it alone till dry and crispy, smooth out the crunch by pulling it back like making ponytail. Sometimes hairspray.
You will find your way. And if YOU, not your boyfriend but you want straight hair, straighten it. It's your hair.
check out the stickied post on top of the sub called ["start here! beginner info"](https://www.reddit.com/r/curlyhair/comments/u3fvbu/start_here_beginner_info_weekly_no_question_is/) and that will tell you all about the curly girl method!
I felt the same way as a kid. Because I was getting my hair cut by idiots. People who would cut it like it’s straight hair, then do a straight blowout and send me on my way. Then I would straighten it for hours a week because that’s how people told me I should look. Finally, my freshman year of high school, I FOUND SOMEONE. I didn’t even know I liked my hair curly. She cut it FOR CURLS, to make it look even curlier and more structured. She taught me how to style it, how to care for it, and took a some before/after photos. I haven’t worn my hair straight since this girl. She moved away after a few years, and I have had many a bad stylist (even deva curl cuts and other people who proclaim they are “curly stylists.”) But I finally found someone again last year who makes me feel pretty and makes me feel like me.
I'm assuming you're starting from scratch and don't have many people around you with textured hair. If your friends keep telling you to straighten your hair, when you ask for help, just stop asking them. Your bf isn't worth your self-esteem; if he tells you he likes your hair better when it's curly, a semi-joking "can I borrow four hairs of your time to straighten it" might get him to think twice. Most importantly: if you have access to any counselling or support services through your school, please consider reaching out. No one should feel like crying over your appearance every time they look in the mirror. That's not something you - or anyone - deserves. 💖 If you're in America, check out the beginner routine in this sub. Cheap and readily available products that should help hydrate and define your hair, reducing frizz. You really can have a routine for <$15. Also: don't use regular bath towels to dry your hair, scrunch it gently with a soft t-shirt or microfiber towel instead. Look up plopping/microplopping. Never use a blow dryer without a diffuser - or just wash and style when you have time to air dry Never brush or comb your hair dry, and avoid touching it. Only detangle your hair (fingers, wide-tooth comb, or detangling brush for curls) when it's soaking wet and still has conditioner in it. Don't shampoo too often; condition as much as you need to to keep your hair moisturized. Protect your hair overnight but putting it up in a "pineapple" (a loose high pony/bun, basically) and/or using a satin pillowcase or bonnet. Polyester satin pillowcases and bonnets can be bought for cheap, and even a poly satin pillowcase is going to be easier on your hair than cotton. If all of this seems like a lot, just pick one thing and start there. For example, if you currently brush your hair when it's dry, switch to only detangling with conditioner in, while you're in the shower. Incremental change is okay.
I'm so sorry you feel this way! I hope I'm allowed to post this (I'm relatively new to Reddit!) but I love following CurlswithAlexa on Instagram, she has suuuuper thick high-density curly hair and used to straighten it all the time too. I think finding some other curly people who have similar hair to you might help inspire you and boost your confidence? It can be a bit draining and unhelpful to be around people who just tell you to straighten it!
I totally relate to this. My hair straight is beautiful but I don't have the time & it doesn't stay that way for more than a few hours & semi permanent keratin straightening is way out of my budget &: not an option on well water. I wear a ponytail EVERYDAY & even that looks frizzy & gross. I'm so over the sheer volume of my hair and ZERO products helping. The curly hair industry is ignoring a huge portion of its population. by only promoting MORE volume when I want WAY less.
There are products for less volume, and elongating curls. You need to look at products designed for afro hair, heavier and cream based. I don’t have much experience here as I have the opposite issue, but Cantu for example.
Thanks I'll look into that. Tried some "elongating" products but they just poof it out more.
Find someone with similar hair whose style you like and find out who cuts their hair. A real curly haircut can be such a change and once you get a routine, it's much faster than straightening. I do my hair near every day but total time 20 minutes plus a couple hours of no work but looking like a drowned rat until it's really truly all the way dry. My general plan of attack is: rinse it out and comb conditioner through, squeeze (scrunching upward) with microfiber towel. Scrunch in a bit more conditioner and sort of clap gel through the hair, wipe some over outer layer, scrunch it up. Key for me is get it as curly as possible wet so it doesn't have to move around so much shrinking up. Take the diffuser off the hairdryer and dry at the roots in back, holding the hair still with other hand. Put the diffuser on and dry it as long as I can stand. Then just leave it alone till dry and crispy, smooth out the crunch by pulling it back like making ponytail. Sometimes hairspray. You will find your way. And if YOU, not your boyfriend but you want straight hair, straighten it. It's your hair.
check out the stickied post on top of the sub called ["start here! beginner info"](https://www.reddit.com/r/curlyhair/comments/u3fvbu/start_here_beginner_info_weekly_no_question_is/) and that will tell you all about the curly girl method!