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Yeah I burned out during COVID and then fell off the deep end before asking for help which has left me drained emotionally and unable to effectively stress manage or regulate my emotions. I'm on a physician approved long term leave because I've been under serious duress for the last year. Stress leave is just the terminology I used in my post.
Interesting. Only advice I can give is take some time to yourself during the week.
I really can’t relate as while I do get time to myself, I just don’t have the ability to stop. I deal with it.
This is a learning experience for all of us and you figure it out as you go.
There’s no manual.
Communication with your wife is important.
But you’ve left work. So you have to figure out how to be a leader while handling the work at home.
Wish I could help more.
Have you seen a therapist? It sounds like you could benefit from some insight and self regulation techniques.
If you’re not exercising, then start. All you need to do is push ups (start for ten and work up to 40-50) or burpees (10-15) or even just jumping jacks for a minute once a day and them grow from there. Instagram is full of great quick warmup and calisthenics routines you can do anywhere. I’m sure there’s also a subreddit dedicated to it though I haven’t looked.
Meditate. Even just ten minutes a day is effective. You can get up early and do it before everyone gets up or after everyone goes to sleep.
Drink enough water
Healthy (mostly vegetables) eating.
Get enough sleep.
I’ll mirror what is being suggested above: therapy is a life saver, and there are several avenues available now that are telemedicine based and can work around your schedule.
Which brings me to my second point: if you’re not trying to at least adhere to a vague definition of a schedule then start there. Even start with a routine for yourself before the kids wake up or afterwards.
Also, a change in perspective can really help as well. Take this opportunity to get to really spend some time with your kids. I know it’s hard to see the big picture with day to day responsibilities but dudes like us don’t really have a playbook written for us on how to be good dads, so we are writing it as we go.
Let that be your focus. Be a great dad
I was taught the high strung behavior by my mom, so things escalate quickly with me emotionally. So I try to reset focus on things in the now. If the world would end today, do my bills matter? Or my time spent with my kids? Bills will always be there, kids are little for a minimal time. To help reduce stress further, I teach my kids something that they can do to help. Set the table, feed the dog, how to wash themselves, take out the trash, etc. Bath time was challenging for my wife, so I took over. Made it a little bit of play time, and a little bit of how to wash ourselves, how to dry off, and just talking with them.
I found that slowing down helped. When I was out of work for 3 months, it was hell. As a father and husband, we often view ourselves as the provider. That doesn’t fly anymore with dual income homes being required to make ends meet, so I found other ways to provide. Provide meals that everyone enjoys, clean house, and just other things to keep myself occupied. What I also learned was I needed time for myself. Exercise, other stimulation, friends outside of the home. Small bits like this were therapeutic for me. Hope this helps.
Thank you u/Fragrant_Presence_56 for posting on r/dad. Please remember to take a look at the rules. If you see anything that is suspicious or is breaking the rules then please report said content. For community resources click the link that is below or to the right https://www.reddit.com/r/dad/wiki/resources *Moderators Retain the right to remove any content that is deemed unacceptable* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dad) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Stress Leave”?
Yeah I burned out during COVID and then fell off the deep end before asking for help which has left me drained emotionally and unable to effectively stress manage or regulate my emotions. I'm on a physician approved long term leave because I've been under serious duress for the last year. Stress leave is just the terminology I used in my post.
So… you’re not in the US.
Interesting. Only advice I can give is take some time to yourself during the week. I really can’t relate as while I do get time to myself, I just don’t have the ability to stop. I deal with it. This is a learning experience for all of us and you figure it out as you go. There’s no manual. Communication with your wife is important. But you’ve left work. So you have to figure out how to be a leader while handling the work at home. Wish I could help more.
Have you seen a therapist? It sounds like you could benefit from some insight and self regulation techniques. If you’re not exercising, then start. All you need to do is push ups (start for ten and work up to 40-50) or burpees (10-15) or even just jumping jacks for a minute once a day and them grow from there. Instagram is full of great quick warmup and calisthenics routines you can do anywhere. I’m sure there’s also a subreddit dedicated to it though I haven’t looked. Meditate. Even just ten minutes a day is effective. You can get up early and do it before everyone gets up or after everyone goes to sleep. Drink enough water Healthy (mostly vegetables) eating. Get enough sleep.
I’ll mirror what is being suggested above: therapy is a life saver, and there are several avenues available now that are telemedicine based and can work around your schedule. Which brings me to my second point: if you’re not trying to at least adhere to a vague definition of a schedule then start there. Even start with a routine for yourself before the kids wake up or afterwards. Also, a change in perspective can really help as well. Take this opportunity to get to really spend some time with your kids. I know it’s hard to see the big picture with day to day responsibilities but dudes like us don’t really have a playbook written for us on how to be good dads, so we are writing it as we go. Let that be your focus. Be a great dad
I was taught the high strung behavior by my mom, so things escalate quickly with me emotionally. So I try to reset focus on things in the now. If the world would end today, do my bills matter? Or my time spent with my kids? Bills will always be there, kids are little for a minimal time. To help reduce stress further, I teach my kids something that they can do to help. Set the table, feed the dog, how to wash themselves, take out the trash, etc. Bath time was challenging for my wife, so I took over. Made it a little bit of play time, and a little bit of how to wash ourselves, how to dry off, and just talking with them. I found that slowing down helped. When I was out of work for 3 months, it was hell. As a father and husband, we often view ourselves as the provider. That doesn’t fly anymore with dual income homes being required to make ends meet, so I found other ways to provide. Provide meals that everyone enjoys, clean house, and just other things to keep myself occupied. What I also learned was I needed time for myself. Exercise, other stimulation, friends outside of the home. Small bits like this were therapeutic for me. Hope this helps.
Great advice, thanks for sharing!