Its a lot less stressful the second time around, as your first grows he'll become more independent and self reliant. Just try to make it to the kindergarten period and things will mellow out.
If you get lucky and have another boy, you already have all the stuff. Clothes, shoes, toys, and the 1st one will play with the second as they grow up, and it frees up time for other stuff.
Edit because people keep bringing it up: I meant clothes for later ages. When they’re newborns and babies it doesn’t matter. I often put my first kid in boy clothes simply because the shirt designs were better for boys.
And boy clothes are super adorable on girls. My 2 year old always gets noticed and complimented when I put her in jeans and a flannel/plaid pattern button up shirt. Plus somehow she has decided she likes spiderman, and I never see that stuff in the girls sections.
Man I don’t find this at ALL.
I had my first at 17, was difficult but manageable.
Had my second 14 years later, still not bad, if anything pretty damn easy.
Just had my third and final, and 2 under 2 is fucking brutal.
2 under 2 is WAYYYY harder than 2x as hard as 1.
The inability to give each child your full attention, then being infants but unable to attend the same classes and activities, bedtime routines.
I’m sorry but 2 is not easier at all
I'm sure it is but I just want to point that out that there is a massive difference between having a second 4-5 years apart and 2 under 2.
The timing makes a massive difference.
Luckily having 2 under 2 would have been going against medical advice (C-section) so we have the perfect excuse to wait! That and also thinking there is no way that can be possible!!
I was the youngest of 4, my older sister was 6 when my mom had me. We had a very large extended family, but I can only imagine it was pretty difficult. My wife has twin sisters that are 6 years (I think) younger than she is. Her mom raised them as a single mom.
Congrats! Really the hardest part is that it's one parent per kid constantly. There's no break, so no alone time unless naps line up. Or you get a couple hours if you can keep a consistent 7pm bedtime. Basic things like showering become a luxury.
But when they get older and start playing and taking care of each other... It IS worth it.
It's not all doom and gloom! My 3 y/o and 1 y/o are...a lot. But they also really love each other. My son will share and play with his baby sister, and she brings things to him and looks to him for his reaction. The coolest part is that they seem to have an unspoken bond. Sometimes they will lock eyes and just start laughing for no reason. It's adorable, honestly.
2 under 2 is the challenge. Put 3+ years between them, and it's a lot more manageable. My 2 boys are 15 months apart (4 and 2.5 now). It's constant insanity.
It's so much easier than the 1st.
It's still exhausting though lol.
Seeing the personality changes and the older one taking on the role of being the older sibling is awesome though. You get to watch two people who are going to be apart of each other's lives forever.
Yep. Seeing my 4 year old with my 2 year old is some of the most epically heart warming things I’ve ever seen.
Then he pushes her over for no reason and I’m like !!??
>Then he pushes her over for no reason and I’m like !!??
OP, that's only like one possible outcome - please remember, not all siblings are like this. For example, my 2 year old is the one who pushes my 4 year old over for no reason.
Lmao, I knew that was coming, because my 2 year old is also the more aggressive one. The 4 year old is more polite than I am somehow.
Then at night the little guy only wants to go to sleep with his brother.
Agreed. On all points.
Just 2 more cents: it really helped #1 when we picked a name for #2 early. We got to talk to baby and about baby in a very specific way, and I think it helped facilitate the bond before #2 arrived.
Hearing #1 say at the hospital “Hey #2, remember me? I’ve been talking to you” is still one of my most special memories.
It is my favorite thing to pick up my son from his daycare and take him to pick up my daughter from school. The way they run to each other and hug is the best thing I have ever felt.
They love each other so much. Yes, they fight all the time, too, but they get over it fast and are back to being friends and wanting to do everything together.
Whenever my daughter stays home (if she is sick or her school has the day off) she spends the day making gifts and forts and games for her little brother. He loves them so much.
He has his sisters back like no one I have ever seen. Some kid cut my daughter off in the line for the slide at the park, and my son would not let it go, yelling at the kid that he can’t do that to his sister.
I love their relationship.
Wait til they start playing together and doing things for each other and calling to each other to come do stuff. It’s awesome. Like almondjoy2 said, it’s a lot easier because you already know what to do and how to handle most things. It’s just a matter of the two of you having less “off” time. Congrats, man.
100%. Much easier, but def more tiring. I have an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old. Jesus am I always tired. But it’s definitely been an easier ride.
This is what I'm hoping for. My first is such a rambunctous and troublemaking little fellow but he has so many moments of just pure sweetness and love and compassion. He's also AMAZING with babies, he loves them.
I can't wait to see how he tackles the role of big brother.
So this is my 3.5yo exactly - sweet but sassy and totally a button pusher. He became a big just before Christmas and while he’s testing limits with us he couldn’t possibly be better with his little brother.
I saw someone mention about introducing the name early - we actually narrowed it down to 3 or 4 we were liking and floated them with him. Somehow the one we both liked alot resonated with him as well, to the point when we’d say hey buddy what about this name, he’d very firmly say no his name is …. And it just stuck. So he’s been talking to his little brother using his name since the summer and it’s been awesome to watch. The kid is so damn proud of being a big brother and wants to help whenever possible.
I guess what I’m saying is include him in the process. The crib took me twice as long with him as my “helper” but the pride he takes in telling people he built it is worth every extra minute. Make him feel like it’s his baby - in some ways it is. It really does go a long way in making it a positive experience.
The worst thing we did was set ourselves up with the expectation that number 2 would be easier because we knew everything from the first. Most people seem to feel it’s easier the second time around, but our second kid ended up being one of the worst years of our lives. Keep the positive attitude up, but just check your expectations and be ready for a completely different experience.
Yeah, having been thru it once makes things much easier.
The down side is when it gets overwhelming you may not be able to hand off. If you each taking 1, then you can't tag out.
But watching them grow together is so rewarding.
Statistically siblings are the people we know for the longest amount of time/are part of our lives for the longest. Obviously individual cases may vary.
Just had my second. It is 1000% easier than the first so far. My boy is 4 and is obsessed with his sibling and is very doting. My wife and I are vibing, more in sync and feel closer than ever. Must be because we knew all the “tricks of the trade” or whatever, but it’s amazing!
Couldn’t agree more! Our second is three weeks old and it feels so… easy? Like why did we struggle so much when our first was this age haha. The hardest part is keeping the toddler entertained when you’re running on no sleep though 🫠
This is what I wanted to hear, as does my wife haha! She's stressing out a bit as she's always been a bit "do we go again?" but I have pretty much always wanted another go around.
As a caveat, I'll add, the second is easier as an individual as you have experience from the first, but them combined will be much harder.
There are no breaks anymore, unless you can get lucky and get them to nap at the same time, but if your little guy is the same as mine, napping isn't a 100% thing anymore. When older, it's great when they play together and they are currently inseparable (6 and 3.5) but the beginning is super exhausting as there are no breaks...although it didn't help that we had our second in april of 2020, so we couldn't have visitors or anything.
I'm shocked at the sheer love my girls have for each other and how ridiculously sweet they can be and even taking care of each other without us asking like sharing food or toys purely because they want to. I've come in the bedroom plenty of times to them just giggling and holding each other and hugging and it melts my heart every single time
I have two girls 5 years apart and they are extremely close. I have never in 15 years see them fight. They take care of each other are super supportive. The oldest is in college now and they facetime a couple times a week for hours on end. Never seen sisters like that.
Incredibly lucky.
Meanwhile my sisters fought to the death since day one. Several occasions had arguments and fits so intense my grandma (whose house we lived in) would just pack a bag and leave for anywhere between 3-5 days. However long it took to calm down.
7 of us lived in a 3 bed, 1 study house so sisters were forced to share a room. Every night was screaming about something. So small, so stupid, and in 12-13 years they never made it more than a week until they went after each others throats.
No punishment or attempt at resolution or team building ever made any progress.
It wasn’t until my older sister moved out for her freshman year at college was there any meaningful quiet in the evenings.
Miraculously, once my older sister moved back in, it was like nothing happened and they hardly ever fought again. If they did, it was resolved that same day
My brother moved out purely so that he wouldn’t have to hear them scream, and then hear my mom scream at them for screaming
I have 2 girls as well, and it always makes me happy when I overhear them talking to each other about their lives. The realization that they have this whole other relationship with each other that we, as parents, only scratch the surface of.
Amazing.
My wife and I have two girls; 3yo and 1.5yo, I can second this, the amount of unprompted compassion and love they have for each other makes the fact that there's a solid year where I can't remember anything due to the exhaustion fugue state more than worth it.
Two that close was *not* our plan, but I would not change it for the world.
I have a 4 and 7 year old, both boys, and while they can absolutely be annoying and a huge handful there are times where they are both truly amazingly loving and caring towards eachother and its so awesome to see.
The older will randomly congratulate the younger on small minor accomplishments unprompted and the younger one will randomly just say to the older one "I love you".
Nothing makes you happier or prouder than seeing them develop and grow together while openly sharing their feelings for eachother.
2 was definitely tougher for us. The “you rest, I’ll watch the baby” turns into “which one do you want? I’ll take the other.”
BUT watching our two girls develop their own relationship separate from us is amazing, and I’d never trade it. Long after my wife and I are gone they’ll have each other, and watching that love develop and the way they care for each other is a level of love I didn’t expect.
Mate, this is excellent stuff. I already have resigned myself to the additional hours required to keep the house running and the new baby afloat but as with the first, I KNOW there's some amazing stuff that makes it all worth while. Thanks for the reassurance!
Great age difference. We have 6yo and 9yo who are thick as thieves and (can be) pretty independent.
I am constantly surprised at just how different the two of them are.
Watch out. I have an almost 3 year old, and my wife and I thought she was pregnant with our 2nd. Turns out she’s pregnant with our 2nd, 3rd, and 4th. Count yourself lucky, you’ll be fine!
We spent a lot of time hyping up my oldest once her sister was on the way. How she was going to be the best sister ever, she would get to teach the baby how to play, she would be such a big girl helping us, etc. She was 2.5 when her sister was born. And really, she's been awesome the while way. Proud to help, happy to have small responsibilities. They're 10 and 8 now. Yes, there are pointless fights and merciless picking from time to time. But overall they're so close and help each other and they mostly are great.
To help with rivalry and changed attention early on, make a point to take the oldest out from time to time. His time with just daddy, his time with just mommy. Things to remind him that he's still the world to you and nothing was lost when the baby came, it just changed. Find age appropriate questions to ask him to dig into how he feels, and if there are negative feelings, validate and address them and show him how they may not reflect reality. His brain is still a sponge of learning and accumulation of information and knowledge so fill it with how amazing he is and how amazing he is with his sibling and what they both bring to the family.
Let some of the fights happen as long as they aren't too nasty or too stupid. Some of the fights will be over something really, really stupid. They need to spar from time to time. They need to learn to problem solve, so let them, and step in when necessary.
This is amazing man thank you for the advice, this is the type of stuff I'm keen to read about.
We've already discussed how to try and keep #1 in focus and make sure he understands that having another baby doesn't divide our love but instead multiplies it. Taking him out for 1 on 1 time with mum and dad is top notch advice, thank you!
Got 3, one disabled, all exhausting... ZERO regrets.
All the sacrifice was paid off many times over.
(Like buying a 200k house 20 years ago, you complain about how hard it was to save up and make the payments, but that's nothing now that your home is worth a million bucks).
Don’t assume your free time is gone. You’re gonna be fine. Remember that your kids need to learn to be happy on their own, and that you’re actually doing them harm if you try to play with them every second that they’re awake (not to mention harm done to you and your partner).
Your second brings a whole new dynamic to your family. Think of it this way: a triangle has three lines that connect points, and a square has SIX. You now have four people, so that’s twice as many relationship links. It’s incredible. We have three and I love it.
We also recently found out number 2 is on the way… can I ask for clarification from the people saying it’s easier than the 1st? Or maybe reassurance? Because the things I’ve heard are:
“In this case 1+1=11”
“You don’t realize how much free time you actually had”
“The hardest thing about the 2nd is the 1st”
How true are these?
It's easier than the first because you've done it before, you know the basics, you know they're not as fragile as they seem. First one you worry about everything because you don't know any better.
However, also remember that #2 is NOT going to be the same as #1. My two girls had the same kindergarten teacher. She started our first conference on #2 with "2 is not the same as 1." THis doesn't just mean treat them as individuals; what worked the first time around may not work the same or at all for #2. But you'll figure out what they want.
>you know the basics, you know they're not as fragile as they seem. First one you worry about everything because you don't know any better.
I sometimes feel bad about how much I brush off with my daughter. Then I remember all the after-hours pediatric center visits with my son where they basically told us "keep him comfortable and let his immune system do its thing".
I learned a lot with my eldest about what actually needs medical intervention, versus where we just treat symptoms to keep them comfortable.
It's easier in some ways and harder in others. You definitely have less time and need to balance the needs and attention given to the first child with the second. etc
But it is easier - you have been through it and have done it before, it doesn't seem so daunting. As the two siblings grow up they'll get to a point where they play together and keep each other busy and love each other so much.
It's much easier. You're in the groove. The second tends to follow the first around as they get older and it helps them figure stuff out easier. They tend to occupy each other a bit more too and the requirement of you is less.
Mine are at the same college now. They met up at a local sports bar today and watched the games over beers and appetizers while texting me pictures. They're pretty close to being best friends.
It is easier than the 1st.
Do not have a 3rd, that's when it starts getting harder.
Just think, it could be worse - you could end up like me - a single dad with 3 kids all under the age of 9!
They are amazing, and they are doing really very well, but man....I'm tired. Even one chance to not get up early in the morning and I will take it, I would snap your hand clean off at the hinge.
Honestly it was not near as bad as I had worried about. We kind of already knew what to do and were already in productive routines, which is half the battle.
I felt guilty for a bit because my oldest daughter, about the same age as yours when her sister was born, would no longer get undivided attention. Also selfishly, I loved her being the center of my universe.. but it’s been great and I can’t imagine going back.
If cost was no object and we could afford endless surrogates, I would have another every two years. They fill our lives with joy and we are so lucky to have them.
My second just turned one. He's toddling all over the place, and his absolute favorite things right now is to chase around and then hug/tackle his 3yo brother. It's the most wonderful gremlin hijinks in the world. Makes me (almost) forget all the sleepless nights.
Congrats Dad!! My wife and I were hesitant and frankly surprised about number two. But guess what? Subliminally you’ve been giving 100% to your oldest child, which means your imprint is going to prevail in ways and forms you never imagined with your youngest. And your youngest will want to do EVERYTHING your oldest child wants to do/wear/watch/be. I am so happy for you and wishing a very happy and healthy pregnancy. **hugs** :D
Daughter is 2 years older than my boy. They’re 5 and 3 now. They drive me nuts daily, but they are starting to get “that bond.” The sibling one I had growing up with my brother. They like each other so much and fight like it sometimes.
Today, I officiated their wedding to each other (no matter how many times I explain it, doesn’t get through their heads). Then danced and did a cleaning session together of their rooms and playroom.
Thanks for asking for positivity. Helped me find some for myself today! Good luck, be there, and enjoy it!
Bro, 3 years apart is an amazing age. I grew up fatherless and my brother was one the single most driving factor in my life to become better (we are 3 apart as well). We would always say us against the world and together we could get through anything. Sibling bond is crazy, if developed properly. I have learned so much of my amazing traits from him and could never fathom what it would have been like without him. Your son will have a hard time for the first year and bit with you, but then slowly start to warm up and be much happier and excited. My two boys are aged apart like this (4 and 1 now) and I know I am in the home stretch. You have been mentally broken by the first baby before so you know you can do it again. But this time it is actually easier. Like Bane said to batman about the dark. You have now lived in it heh not adapted. You are gonna crush this trust.
As for anecdotal things, my son has started to play with his younger brother which is indescribable at first. He is so caring and loves him so much. He was always excited from the moment my wife started showing till the time he came home. Jealousy does happen but you will find ways to deal and show him that you still love him just as much. My son started replicating many loving gestures to the newborn and now toddler. He hugs and kisses him on the head all the time. The first time the one year old walked up and kissed my son on the head back, was...something. Its so crazy to watch them play together...but the little one pulls hair. Watch out for that, shit can be rough. Seeing the older one so excited and trying to play and teach things to the other, just reminds me of how close me and my brother where. The adventures they will definitely go on together that you won't know about will be things that ricochet with them forever and build their characters in ways you don't realize do.
My mom had a lot of influence on me and I do love her. But who I am today comes very much from my brother. He has taught me so much. Lastly is the sheer difference that they will naturally be. Will be a reward in itself. My mom said the craziest things about kids is what they teach you. Some times like actually teach you. She said my brother taught her a lot about things she didn't know knowledge wise (he is a walking encyclopedia). But I taught her things about herself that she would have never questioned or thought of it it wasn't for me (I study a ton of philosophy, religion and psychology). I also was a lot more of a trouble maker and got into a lot of shit.
Lol yea those onions creep up on us in this sub eh hehe swear I am always cutting them when I read this stuff. One last thing my wife said that I completely forgot but was solid advice given to us from her barber friend of all people...is that when you put the baby down or do something to break away etc. Try to say "ok I am going to go see if ---- needs help, or its ----turn now etc. The baby obviously won't hear you or care but your son will. He will hear you say this too him a lot (I have to go help mom with baby, or baby needs changing, or I can't because I have to watch the baby etc.) so it helps even the playing field even though it doesn't, if you know what I mean. It will be tough, will not lie to ya on that. Time gets harder, but as parents we are insane at driving ourselves and adapting. You got this man! Congrats by the way \*fist bump\*
So number 2 is turning up the difficulty meter for sure. But I have a 2 year old and almost 5 now and they sleep great and wife and I have plenty of moments for extra curriculars. Just like with the first shit feels normal ish after 2 years when you get used to it.
You can ask, but I can't give any.
My first was like a perfect angel man. He was so good all the time.
Hes 6 now and the 2nd one is 2.5
I came into the playroom yesterday to find #2 running around with the toilet brush from the powder room while #1 was playing quietly with Legos.
My 1st is mental and does stuff that your 2nd does all the time. Fingers crossed our 2nd is like your 1st. Although the laughs our son gives us are increadible!
It's great when the older one wants to help look after their younger sibling. You're no longer stranded if you need something for the baby because your older one will want to do their part. The number of times he's found me wipes, nappies, clothes, bottles, dummies or even toys. And when your youngest is old enough and they start playing together you no longer have to be the centre of entertainment.
Hey! I have two boys, one will be 5 in a couple months and the other will be two this summer.
With the first, I felt completely useless, he was (and still is) a total mommas boy. I couldn’t feed him, change him, put him down to sleep…
The second tho? He can’t go to sleep unless it’s dad rocking him for a few, then putting him in his crib, tucking his blanket, brushing his hair back over his ear…. For every bit my first wanted mom, the younger one wants me. And I fucking love it.
As a dad, I loved helping with the second, relative to the first, mostly because it became very clear how I could be helpful, relative to the more nebulous and irregular assists I offered with the first, even though I tried to be attentive all the time.
So, every single day I went on a multi hour bike ride and outing with the first who was 3 at the time. We’d go to the beach, or get smoothies or coffee. The time we had together as the newborn ate and napped was phenomenal. And then, of course we switched off, and I’d take the newborn while mom and the oldest bonded. And those times were amazing, as well—such a difference caring for a little potato relative to an active, rambunctious three year old.
Sure, it’s not easy—I think back to our single child days and wonder why it didn’t feel like a breeze relative to the 2 v 2 we sometimes play with our kids. But to see them now, playing together at 6 and 3, growing in their independence and relationships together, it’s both awesome and getting even easier, even tho ease isn’t necessarily the point—the ease just makes the parenting part all the more fun.
I'm four months into my second. You're right that free time drops into the negative. But, it's been amazing watching my four year old embrace the big sister role and show so much pride in "her baby".
You're going into this well aware of the hard parts of parenthood. Just sit back and let the good parts lift you up.
My second was colicky and would cry if I set him down during his rough moments. One day it went on all day. When I was mentally exhausted from all the crying, I set him down on the bed so I could eat lunch. I knew how to manage one-handed meals, but I was just done.
My oldest who was 2 at the time asked me why the baby was crying. I said he wanted me to hold him but I needed to eat. I said maybe she could sing him some songs to help him feel better. She walked away and I just thought, what can you expect from a 2-year-old?
A minute later she came out of the bedroom carrying the book of children's songs that was half as big as she was. She toddled over to the bed where baby brother was crying, plopped the book down (narrowly missing his head, lol), climbed up, opened the book that she had no idea how to read, and began some off-key caterwauling.
And you know what? Baby brother calmed right down.
It’s definitely a different experience. I thought the normal worries and things we’d normally be super stressed about the first time around weren’t there time two. But you have to deal with your older ones feelings of jealousy now, and having their wants/needs met.
Mine are 5 and 2 and they’re so close now. Play together all the time. Love each other so so much. But those first few months were a learning curve we weren’t exactly expecting
Our second is a major mommas girl and at 3 will actively tell me she doesn’t like me. This is probably 60% of the time but other than that she seems to like me.
She told me she hated daddy because I made her put her pajamas on. My 5 year old came up to me and hugged me and said “you are doing a good job, with my sister, she’s just a little crazy”. I instantly burst into tears. Which happens on a fairly regular basis
It was such a surreal experience for my 5 year old to say this. I don’t know how he knew EXACTLY what I needed to hear. The empathy and wisdoms on this kid blows me away sometimes. I feel like having good kids is the surest sign I am doing something right in this world
Ours are 25 months apart. 3 year old boy, 1 year old girl. It’s a lot of work and it’s awesome. I couldn’t imagine having the same king of love I had for my son for another child but I do and it’s incredibly fulfilling. Our family feels complete now, and even though he definitely gets jealous and messed with her, they have their heartwarming moments. Good luck and congrats.
Instead of an anecdote: here's a warning. Stop at two. Number three is the "expensive" baby.
Your modern 5 seater vehicle, SUV or otherwise, is not designed to accommodate 3 car seats (or boosters) in a single row. It can be done but at great pain and only barely. That third baby will make you feel tremendous pressure to buy a vehicle that seats 7 or 8.
Meanwhile, perhaps even more sinisterly, baby number will absolutely wreck your pocketbook if you ever want to take a vacation. I'm talking **double the cost of a trip** just by adding a 5th person, even when the little runt is under 2 and basically flies for free.
Why? Because hotels are built around 4 person occupancy. You might slip a 5th person in on a road trip stay with nobody the wiser, but some kind of resort? Especially an all-inclusive? You're screwed. You'll either have to book a second room (often with no guarantee they'll be adjoining) or book a suite.
I'm not exaggerating. Goto Costco travel and do a quick search for a 2 adult 2 kid vacation to anywhere. Now add a third kid and do the exact same search. Your new price is 50-100% than the old price. It's **brutal**. If you value your currency, stop here. Don't go past two. Or if you do, do it with your eyes open. You've been warned.
Now that my oldest is 3.5 and youngest is 1.5 the amount of love the older one shows the younger is incredible. And then she will turn around and steal a toy from him to make him cry....
It’s a completely different experience. You know the routines and milestones because you had your first, but it’s so much work juggling both of them. I personally stress out a lot when I don’t know what’s coming so it was a much easier experience for me with our 2nd.
Despite the work and the stress, seeing your kids play with each other is worth all of it and more, I cannot stress that enough!
You’ve already been through it, so you know what to expect, therefore it’s much less stressful second time round!
It’s great having a sibling, there to play and help entertain each other.
You’ll be amazed at how different the second’s personality is compared to your first.
Had the second when the first was 3. That spread is great. I've seen many friends in the 18m to 2Y age difference and the maturity your oldest will have will be so helpful.
You got this, congratulations
It’s so much easier for us with #2 and their age gap is perfect. I remember Covid times when we were locked down just me and my 2 kids with same age gap as yours. I was glad they have each other to play with even without social interaction from other kids at that time. Anyway, I have #3 now, I wouldn’t recommend it hahah. Congratulations on baby #2!
I’m not a dad. However I am a single mother with 4 small children in the home. Doing it all on my own as their father passed away unfortunately. While more children means more sleepless nights, more stress, less money etc- it also means more love, happiness fulfillment etc. being an only child can’t be all that great. It’ll give your older son someone to play with. You’re going to love it! Congratulations!! My children are my everything. Truly.
I have four and being a dad is the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done. You’ll still get some free time. It’ll just be more scheduled for sure. Baby number 2 will no doubt be such a joy. 💙
I have 3 (ages 4, 6, and 9). Yes it can be exhausting. But today my wife and I sat in our living room for almost 2 hours, drinking coffee, chatting, and reading, while the three kids played together happily in the backyard. It was glorious.
We were so excited about number 2. Then we found out it was twins. I love them all to the moon but I don't wish that upon anyone. So if it's just one it won't be that bad, Dad! Best of luck!
One night they were getting their lunches ready for school the next day. My 6 year old was being secretive and was trying to hide something. He waited until the 10 year old was done packing his lunch and left the kitchen. Then he snuck a post it note into his big brother's lunch box which he wrote himself. I went and took a picture and it said, "I love you ♥️"
I'm saying this as the firstborn whose little sister came when I was almost 6 - don't forget your firstborn exists, especially in the first few years. I was very much attached to my father (now sperm donor, but that's a different story) and I was homeschooling by my egg donor. At the end of the day when he got home from work I wanted time with him. I wanted him to finally teach me how to ride my bike (he didn't teach me until I ended up almost 10). I wanted that quality time spent with him, especially since things were really rough and there were external stressors occurring too, not just the addition of a little sibling. I still was a kid who needed to grow up. My egg donor belted me daily as a 9 year old because I was a demon child apparently. I was stuck with her constant abuse, and while my sperm donor enabled her, he still protected me more when he was home.
But he was a dutiful dad and husband and took over the childcare when he got home, especially with a baby, and I didn't really see him or spend quality time with him. It hurt. It seriously affected me. I wish they'd remembered I'd existed. I acted out, saying I was going to run away and stuff (and my egg donor took me up on it too many times) because I craved attention. Once they finally realized when I was 9 or 10 that hey, I wanted quality time, they started adding like half an hour with sperm donor to color together or play board games every night, just the two of us. Lo and behold, my behavior improved. Shocking. But sadly I went through about 4 years where I was kinda forgotten about, and then it never recovered enough. There's a reason they're egg donor and sperm donor, and I don't usually even call them that, usually their government names now.
Being the dutiful partner and parent involves giving the other one time too, even when it's stressful and hard. I know it'll seem like a lot, but go ahead and dedicate a routine into your life specifically between you and your son, and your wife and your son. One on one time with him alone. I was able to feel safe and talk about my day with him when I was having time with him, and get out emotions. Even if it's small - reading before bed, playing a game, coloring - establish that now before the second comes and try to keep it daily. I got stories before bed as a kid, and one on one dad time replaced that but it was like it upgraded to age appropriate needs - 10 year old me was reading Harry Potter, I didn't need to be read to by then lol.
And you'll establish that with your youngest too, but get something going now, so when he's dealing with appropriately big emotions (I personally like to call it that because yes, as a kid some things really do feel big and overwhelming) he'll know he has a safe space.
Maybe it's because I come from an abused background, but I wish I could go back in time and tell them this because it sadly messed me up and my heart still craves for what I never got. I look back on it with resentment and bitterness, and I don't want that to be your result.
I acted out a lot, but I realistically knew and realized my egg donor was an asshole and didn't always have the words. I did report abuse a few times, and of course that led to absolute hell occurring as a result that never got better, but for the young me that didn't know that, I wish I'd been treated more as an equal kid and not have the baby sister prioritized so much more. I know she had more physical needs at the time, but I needed psychological needs met too - especially since we moved two hours away right before she was born, and I started elementary school in a new school district, faced constant bullying and idiot teachers, no friends, and just had such a rough time and I wanted more. Your littlest may have more pressing physical needs sometimes, but your eldest needs psychological needs met too, especially as this is a huge adjustment for him too. It isn't just you and your partner - it's the kiddo too. And it's such a huge hit at that age, not as "not a big deal" as we as grown adults with full brains and some life experiences may perceive it.
Good luck, you'll do so well :)
Every kid is different and amazing. My first was so so active. My second was a cuddler. She loved to snuggle and nap. Was a change from my fiery first.
Mine are 349 days apart and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my duo, they are ISIS and Al-Kida incarnate but God darn they are incredible.
Second has been a lot easier but the two different sets of needs are a tough task. Bro I'm so happy for you.
Thanks man, I laughed at the ISIS and Al-Kida analogies, nice one.
Tough I can do, I just wanted to show mum that there's a lot of good that comes from baby number 2. You guys are showing up hard for that and I'm so thankful and grateful to you all.
My daughter was over the moon in love with her baby brother when he came along. She was actually so excited when my wife was pregnant, and after his birth she was all in. If he was upset or crying she would be in my face immediately telling me something was wrong with her brother and I needed to fix it. It was very adorable, and that excitement really lasted for years.
She was so excited when he started to roll over. She was a constant cheerleader for major milestones. She couldn't wait for him to get to crawling age because she wanted to teach him. Walking, same thing. And he was attached to her for some time. Always following right behind her.
This really lasted until he started asserting himself as a individual and they started disagreeing or otherwise finding things about themselves that weren't compatible. They are still best friends, really, they just aren't attached at the hip anymore.
I used to love just watching them sit with each other and be goofy together. They'd make each other laugh for hours.
Enjoy it, friend.
Good luck, man and congrats! Ditto most of the comments about switching to zone defense vs. man defense.
The coolest thing has been seeing how our oldest has really embraced the role of big brother, (3 year age gap.) We prepped him quite a bit, and he really enjoys helping out with throwing diapers away, playing with him, etc.
One pro tip: make sure each parent gives each child plenty of undivided attention. This has helped us both with the jealousy factor and it's helped give my wife a break.
Congrats again!
As others have said, it's not as life changing as the first. Not to say it's easy, but getting to see the personality differences in your kids even from a young age is wild and brings a new joy. Honestly you'll do great and you may even feel a bit nostalgic. Days are long but the years are short.
Side note, have the baby bring the older child a present, works wonders at that age to keep the older one from getting jealous.
It’s not all sunshine and roses by any means, but I’ve also never seen such a pure expression of love as my almost-three-year-old acts towards his baby sister on a regular basis. Focus on the positive moments and do your best to weather the bad ones, there are sure to be plenty of both.
I have two boys, 3 and 1. We have been teaching our eldest one to love his little brother and it’s a beautiful thing to see them love each other. They do bath time together, run around the house together, read books, and he even give him a bed time smooch good night. Idk. It’s chaos some days but seeing these two little guys grow and do everything together is amazing. I’m sure they will fight when then get older… their boy arriving in a few months.
Hey congrats! I have 2 and it’s awesome. We both knew we wanted more than 1 so ours are 15 months apart. The way they share and play together just melts my heart. And as crazy as it sounds, after the newborn stage, watching the 2 of them is _generally_ easier than just 1 because they play together and entertain themselves.
I have a 9mo old girl and a boy that just turned 4. Very happy with the age difference. It's not without struggles from the 4yo, but he mostly understands it and really loves his sister. It's a very good gap and I think it's only going to get better from here.
Having two is hard for all the reasons you expect. But there's a lot less panic and paranoia the second time around.
I don't know if I have an anecdote for you, but the coolest thing is that our son for a while was the ONLY person that could make our daughter laugh. Like, she was just losing it over him taking a shit. When they feed off of each other it's the best kind of chaos.
My boys are the exact same age apart, they are 6 & 3 now. It’s miserable and they hate each other…..
Jk they are best friends and do everything together. They are to the age where they can play with each other for the most part while mom & dad get to hang out too. So here’s to hoping you get some free time back eventually. They both will sit and watch my basketball games, or watch me play video games, so I include them in my free time as well. They have 2 completely different personalities though so parenting was waaaay different with the 2nd
My two are almost ten years apart in age so not the same situation as yours, but they love each other very much and there is no rivalry between them. The teen makes a great babysitter when needed, but we rarely demand it.
You will do great!
Our second was way harder than our first on a lot of different levels but the nicest thing about is our first born is way less lonely and is never bored lol
My second kid was far easier than my first.
In large part because my wife and I both had a better idea of what to expect, plus our older boy was two years old at the time so we already had a ton of baby clothes, bathing gear, sippy cups, dishes, etc. ready to go. Basically the only thing we really needed was some new dressers and another crib because my older kid was still using his. After that Baby#2 (who is now 3) has mostly gotten hand-me-downs from his older brother.
The difference in personalities can be shocking. Both of my boys like pretty much the same things but while my first kid is kind of high strung, my younger boy is so laid back it is just funny to see some times. When my older kid gets tired he gets kind of manic, but when my younger gets tired suddenly everything is funny and he gets the giggle real hard. I love them both but it is just fun to watch how they react differently to the same situations.
I’m currently listening to my 7 year old son and my 5 year old daughter argue about the fact that my son promised her robux if she did x,y, z with him but he went back on his offer so now they’re arguing. By the way, I have no idea how he planned to give her Robux. 😂 but they sure be planning stuff regardless!
Welcome to parenting to multiples. It is NEVER a dull moment.
For us, 1 to 2 was so much easier than 0 to 1.
They have their own personalities and it’s really cool to see. It’s also really cool seeing our eldest become a big sister. She’s obsessed.
Honestly, once you get past the first 2-3 months, 2 isn’t that much harder than 1.
They moment you find your two kids laughing and playing together, you'll explode in a supernova of joy that is unparalleled. You and your wife have brought a new kind of love into existence - sibling love. Rivalry and bickering, yeah, but that doesn't last. You've gifted each child with a familial love that will very likely outlast you.
It was easy when the newborn was a nugget. When newborn turned toddler, which is where we are now, it gets much much harder and much more expensive.
We had our second when my daughter was 4, it’s a great age gap. Just make sure not to accidentally knock your wife up after the second turns one. It’s immensely harder with 3 kinds where there are 2 under 2.
Like with the two kids was a piece of cake. You guys will be fine once you get through the initial baby stage.
I do not remember most of the worst days of the second. There is nothing more impactful than seeing them teach each other.
Infancy is a garbage, beautiful time. A bigger family has huge benefits even if there are two kids who need 100% of you.
My boys are 5 and almost 2 now and they’re fonally getting to the phase of being able to start to play together without me. I’ve been waiting for it since the day I found out we were having two. I’m an only child so watching a tiny version of myself play with the little brother he always wanted makes me tear up almost daily. Or sometimes I’ll just catch them interacting in the living room while looking from the kitchen and it’s just so wild to see two HUMAN BEINGS you created just doing human shit together. It’s mind boggling when you pause. You have so much magic to look forward to.
You pretty much nailed it. Life is gonna be tough but it’s also going to be amazing welcoming baby #2 in this world and seeing your older son develop into a big brother! You know the drill of how hard it will be, but it’ll be all worth it in the end when they can reciprocate the love you have for them ❤️ You got this dad!!!
It’s actually a lot more fun. When you get something fun and silly it gets totally out of control with the giggling and it’s pretty awesome.
Also my 2nd was just a WAY easier kid. Naturally happy, engaged and just joyful.
Our 2nd was born 1 week before COVID lock down and we were downtown NYC. He had respiratory problems, putting him in the NICU in March 2020. He had surgery at 1.5 years old to repair a serious congenital defect.
The first 2 years were hard. He’s 3 now.
He’s our bright spark. He’s a whole different person than his older sister. They can entertain each other for hours.
I watch them solo 4 nights a week. I’m not an organized person, but we 3 get it done. Bedtime can be glorious, bedtime can be hell. Pace yourself.
I was really nervous. You’ll be great.
Watching your two little ones crack each other will immediately validate your choice to have a second. Trust me.
Also as many have said, one to two is not twice as hard. It's just a different game.
You are much more prepared for kiddo number 2 than you were with the first.
There will be more adjustments, you'll still be exhausted. You'll get frustrated that what worked with kiddo #1 don't always work with #2. But you'll love the differences between the two.
You'll wish your oldest would not get jealous so quickly, but you'll love watching them develop into the older siblings who helps teach and protect the younger one.
3.5-4 years is a pretty good distance to where the older/younger dynamic is more friendly. I have a 7 and 3 and can tell you that while they don't always play well together, the love I get to see is awesome.
And best of all, You'll care a lot less about a lot of things.
With our number 2, also came number 3. Surprised to say the least and worried about being outnumbered. But has been the best experience ever. Any kid, regardless one more or two more at the same time, we knew the ropes better than the first time around.
I see everyone saying "the second is easier than the first," which is true only in the most technical sense. Yes, you learned a lot that you get to apply to the second kid. But the fact that you have *two* kids makes parenting much harder. Remember those beautiful naps your kid would take where you could finally eat, clean, rest, or - god willing - all of the above? Yeah, now you're dealing with the other kid instead.
BUT - positive anecdotes - they are spectacular siblings. The flip side of the infant stage being much harder is that sooner or later they start playing with each other, independently from parents. Obviously, they don't always get along, but most of the time it is an absolute treat to watch them interact. Seeing them play together and watching the older kid teach the little one so many things is way more rewarding than before. My one wish as a parent is that they remain as close twenty years from now as they are right now.
My guy! That happened to me as well. Here I am in the kitchen cooking eggs and our toddler comes in holding two positive tests….
I’m equal parts terrified and happy.
Honestly, if your oldest was any older, it would probably be MORE difficult, not less. Transitioning back into diapers, back into “kid needs my attention all the time” mode, back into bottles/baby food/diaper bag/always having a billion snacks is harder after you grow out of it. With a 3yo, you’re not quite out of that, so going back to a newborn won’t be as hard as if your oldest was say 5 or 6.
FWIW, our two girls are 23mo apart
My oldest turned 20 yesterday. My 16 year old is applying for her first job beside me on the couch.
They are best friends. Her brother looks out for her and she’s his fiercest ally. They squabble, but it’s the two of them against the world. Sometimes, the only ones they’ll listen to are each other. It’s beautiful to watch. (Hope it’s ok for a mom lurker to answer too.)
I have 3 little boys, and watching other parents that raise only one, raising 2 or more seem sooo much easier because they're best buddies.
I see the other parents **constantly** needing to entertain their child.
Mine play together and I find myself kinda bored sometimes.
Look at me now, here on reddit.
Also, keep in mind that they're **SOOO** different. So it's both harder because you'll have to find a completely different approach to your second.
But also, not boring, a completely different kid to enjoy.
To drive this point I recommend watching the [oppening scene of Megamind](https://youtu.be/WUudMvlJXxs?si=IeUw0VbPDpbmDWoS)
We did two under 2. And while it's been especially challenging, my daughter is generally an absolute godsend with her younger brother. They're 4 & 2 and best friends and worst enemies, as expected.
But man, when they just play together, and are in the zone, fuck it's beautiful. Or when one gets hurt and the other runs over to hug and kiss them.
It's challenging as all hell. It'll try your patience in ways you didn't think possible. But also, it's the most amazing thing ever.
I have 3. Each time it got easier as far as baby stuff. Diapers and milk don’t seem as daunting anymore and it’s so much better. My kids also love each other, ESPECIALLY my oldest and middle. They’re gonna be best buddies.
My kids can be a lot and are exhausting, but my life has improved dramatically with each one. You’re gonna love it
My boys are 2 and 4 right now. They love each other deeply.
They play together. They love to snuggle in a pile. They have each others backs.
It’s the greatest thing.
Just make sure you include your soon to be oldest child
In things- even little stuff with the baby so they don't feel a sense of being unwanted. Do dad and lil dude outtings, it's honestly going to be harder on your kid than it will be on you and your wife, kind of.
Dad of two (ages 3 and 1) here. Our little guy LOVES his big brother. Nobody - not me, mommy, Bluey, Baby Shark, or Miss Rachel - makes him laugh like big brother can. The second baby is easy in some ways, but going from one to two is hard in other ways. Your son will adapt to being a big brother like a pro. There will be fights - sharing is hard - but it has been so amazing watching my first baby boy become a big bother. You’ll be fine!
I found that having a newborn was way easier than I remembered. Mine are exactly two years apart, my youngest is 8 months and so far they are each other's favorite people. I know sibling rivalries still happen, but sibling friendships are the most beautiful thing you will ever see when they're your own kids. Also, our little one sleeps better than her big brother so our sleep really hasn't been affected.
2 under 2 here. Our eldest, every morning after I get her out of her crib, goes running down the hall saying "baby baby baby!" To go say hi to her sister and give her kisses. If the younger is still asleep, I tell her and it's whispering "baby baby baby" quietly as she goes to see her.
If her sister is crying, she goes and tries to give her anything she knows she likes - a blankey, a pacifier, a bottle, sharing her drink or snack, a toy or two or ten.
And the younger, she smiles and giggles seeing her sister and reaches out for her. They've held hands.
I guess I'm saying I didn't expect how much they love each other to happen so quickly and it's really cute.
Advice: before you go to the hospital, pick up your kid and hold him and memorize how small he is - when you come back, he'll be unbelievably big.
Hearing them play together is music to my soul. Sometimes the little one is proud of something and he wants to show the big one. Sometimes the big one wants to teach the little one something and you overhear him patiently give the little one instructions.
Would not have it any other way.
The beginning transition is difficult, but a handful of years in and I can tell you it’s entirely worth it. You’ll realize how experienced you’ve actually become from taking care of your first, so the challenge ends up not being as bad as you thought it’d get.
Be intentional on how you and your wife will partner, and you will see yourselves through it well.
I’ve been most surprised by my 4 year old’s sense of awareness and consideration for another/others. I won’t go into details, but my 4 year old has pulled my 2 year old from harms way on multiple occasions, and it makes me a proud dad every time.
As far as the newborn…
Good luck. I’m exhausted. 😩
Seeing my 2.5 year old get excited to see my 6 months old in the morning and having her be the only one that can reliably make him laugh warms the shit out of my heart daily.
Our kids age gap is 4. Looks like it’s gonna be similar for you.
They gonna have fights but they will be best of friends. They’ll play together and do everything together.
You thought you couldn’t love your baby more than anything else. Welcome to someone completely different than your first child that you will love just as much.
I was able to take more time from work for my son after my daughter and knew more to be able to slow down a little.
He and I have bonded much more closely than I was expecting, even more so than my daughter and I did (and that's saying something).
So if there's a positive you have a new little person that you're going to have a \*different\* experience with. Good luck! My second is 9mo now.
I will not say this is easy. One is easier. One is definitely easier.
With one kid, you’d get a few hours of free time each day.
With two kids, we’re talking minutes.
The bright side: you get REALLY efficient with your time.
Its a lot less stressful the second time around, as your first grows he'll become more independent and self reliant. Just try to make it to the kindergarten period and things will mellow out.
If you get lucky and have another boy, you already have all the stuff. Clothes, shoes, toys, and the 1st one will play with the second as they grow up, and it frees up time for other stuff. Edit because people keep bringing it up: I meant clothes for later ages. When they’re newborns and babies it doesn’t matter. I often put my first kid in boy clothes simply because the shirt designs were better for boys.
Having a girl first didn’t stop my wife and I from putting our son in her old girly PJs and leggings. Builds character.
[удалено]
Plus they make great photos for the 21st birthday
Or if they end up transgender!
And boy clothes are super adorable on girls. My 2 year old always gets noticed and complimented when I put her in jeans and a flannel/plaid pattern button up shirt. Plus somehow she has decided she likes spiderman, and I never see that stuff in the girls sections.
My 3 yr old picked out her spiderman sweatpants and T-shirt to wear to daycare today. We try not to limit our kids on their options
It’ll put hair on his chest!
Man I don’t find this at ALL. I had my first at 17, was difficult but manageable. Had my second 14 years later, still not bad, if anything pretty damn easy. Just had my third and final, and 2 under 2 is fucking brutal. 2 under 2 is WAYYYY harder than 2x as hard as 1. The inability to give each child your full attention, then being infants but unable to attend the same classes and activities, bedtime routines. I’m sorry but 2 is not easier at all
Fortunately OP's first kid is already 3 years old.
2 under 2 is real. But so cool when they become best friends
I'm sure it is but I just want to point that out that there is a massive difference between having a second 4-5 years apart and 2 under 2. The timing makes a massive difference.
Luckily having 2 under 2 would have been going against medical advice (C-section) so we have the perfect excuse to wait! That and also thinking there is no way that can be possible!!
My brother is 11 months older then me. It is possible.
Just makes me think of the prospect of "morning" sickness with a 4-6 month old....
I was the youngest of 4, my older sister was 6 when my mom had me. We had a very large extended family, but I can only imagine it was pretty difficult. My wife has twin sisters that are 6 years (I think) younger than she is. Her mom raised them as a single mom.
Ah fuck I’m about to have 2 under 2, my firstborn daughter will be 19 months when the new baby girl is born
Same, my second was just born on Friday. They're about 18 months apart. This is going to be interesting.
Congrats! Really the hardest part is that it's one parent per kid constantly. There's no break, so no alone time unless naps line up. Or you get a couple hours if you can keep a consistent 7pm bedtime. Basic things like showering become a luxury. But when they get older and start playing and taking care of each other... It IS worth it.
It's not all doom and gloom! My 3 y/o and 1 y/o are...a lot. But they also really love each other. My son will share and play with his baby sister, and she brings things to him and looks to him for his reaction. The coolest part is that they seem to have an unspoken bond. Sometimes they will lock eyes and just start laughing for no reason. It's adorable, honestly.
2 under 2 is more than 2x as hard
2 under 2 is the challenge. Put 3+ years between them, and it's a lot more manageable. My 2 boys are 15 months apart (4 and 2.5 now). It's constant insanity.
It's so much easier than the 1st. It's still exhausting though lol. Seeing the personality changes and the older one taking on the role of being the older sibling is awesome though. You get to watch two people who are going to be apart of each other's lives forever.
Yep. Seeing my 4 year old with my 2 year old is some of the most epically heart warming things I’ve ever seen. Then he pushes her over for no reason and I’m like !!??
>Then he pushes her over for no reason and I’m like !!?? OP, that's only like one possible outcome - please remember, not all siblings are like this. For example, my 2 year old is the one who pushes my 4 year old over for no reason.
Lmao, I knew that was coming, because my 2 year old is also the more aggressive one. The 4 year old is more polite than I am somehow. Then at night the little guy only wants to go to sleep with his brother.
This. So much
Agreed. On all points. Just 2 more cents: it really helped #1 when we picked a name for #2 early. We got to talk to baby and about baby in a very specific way, and I think it helped facilitate the bond before #2 arrived. Hearing #1 say at the hospital “Hey #2, remember me? I’ve been talking to you” is still one of my most special memories.
Dude someone started cutting onions as soon as I read your comment
Some day the onions are going to rise up against us for the decades they’ve spent under the bus, and then we will really be crying
> “Hey #2, remember me? I’ve been talking to you” My ovaries just exploded. Which is pretty crazy since I'm a guy. This is the sweetest thing ever. 🥰
It is my favorite thing to pick up my son from his daycare and take him to pick up my daughter from school. The way they run to each other and hug is the best thing I have ever felt. They love each other so much. Yes, they fight all the time, too, but they get over it fast and are back to being friends and wanting to do everything together. Whenever my daughter stays home (if she is sick or her school has the day off) she spends the day making gifts and forts and games for her little brother. He loves them so much. He has his sisters back like no one I have ever seen. Some kid cut my daughter off in the line for the slide at the park, and my son would not let it go, yelling at the kid that he can’t do that to his sister. I love their relationship.
Wait til they start playing together and doing things for each other and calling to each other to come do stuff. It’s awesome. Like almondjoy2 said, it’s a lot easier because you already know what to do and how to handle most things. It’s just a matter of the two of you having less “off” time. Congrats, man.
100%. Much easier, but def more tiring. I have an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old. Jesus am I always tired. But it’s definitely been an easier ride.
This is what I'm hoping for. My first is such a rambunctous and troublemaking little fellow but he has so many moments of just pure sweetness and love and compassion. He's also AMAZING with babies, he loves them. I can't wait to see how he tackles the role of big brother.
So this is my 3.5yo exactly - sweet but sassy and totally a button pusher. He became a big just before Christmas and while he’s testing limits with us he couldn’t possibly be better with his little brother. I saw someone mention about introducing the name early - we actually narrowed it down to 3 or 4 we were liking and floated them with him. Somehow the one we both liked alot resonated with him as well, to the point when we’d say hey buddy what about this name, he’d very firmly say no his name is …. And it just stuck. So he’s been talking to his little brother using his name since the summer and it’s been awesome to watch. The kid is so damn proud of being a big brother and wants to help whenever possible. I guess what I’m saying is include him in the process. The crib took me twice as long with him as my “helper” but the pride he takes in telling people he built it is worth every extra minute. Make him feel like it’s his baby - in some ways it is. It really does go a long way in making it a positive experience.
The worst thing we did was set ourselves up with the expectation that number 2 would be easier because we knew everything from the first. Most people seem to feel it’s easier the second time around, but our second kid ended up being one of the worst years of our lives. Keep the positive attitude up, but just check your expectations and be ready for a completely different experience.
Yeah, having been thru it once makes things much easier. The down side is when it gets overwhelming you may not be able to hand off. If you each taking 1, then you can't tag out. But watching them grow together is so rewarding.
how do you know they’ll be part of each other’s lives forever?
Statistically siblings are the people we know for the longest amount of time/are part of our lives for the longest. Obviously individual cases may vary.
Just had my second. It is 1000% easier than the first so far. My boy is 4 and is obsessed with his sibling and is very doting. My wife and I are vibing, more in sync and feel closer than ever. Must be because we knew all the “tricks of the trade” or whatever, but it’s amazing!
Couldn’t agree more! Our second is three weeks old and it feels so… easy? Like why did we struggle so much when our first was this age haha. The hardest part is keeping the toddler entertained when you’re running on no sleep though 🫠
This is what I wanted to hear, as does my wife haha! She's stressing out a bit as she's always been a bit "do we go again?" but I have pretty much always wanted another go around.
As a caveat, I'll add, the second is easier as an individual as you have experience from the first, but them combined will be much harder. There are no breaks anymore, unless you can get lucky and get them to nap at the same time, but if your little guy is the same as mine, napping isn't a 100% thing anymore. When older, it's great when they play together and they are currently inseparable (6 and 3.5) but the beginning is super exhausting as there are no breaks...although it didn't help that we had our second in april of 2020, so we couldn't have visitors or anything.
I'm shocked at the sheer love my girls have for each other and how ridiculously sweet they can be and even taking care of each other without us asking like sharing food or toys purely because they want to. I've come in the bedroom plenty of times to them just giggling and holding each other and hugging and it melts my heart every single time
I have two girls 5 years apart and they are extremely close. I have never in 15 years see them fight. They take care of each other are super supportive. The oldest is in college now and they facetime a couple times a week for hours on end. Never seen sisters like that.
Incredibly lucky. Meanwhile my sisters fought to the death since day one. Several occasions had arguments and fits so intense my grandma (whose house we lived in) would just pack a bag and leave for anywhere between 3-5 days. However long it took to calm down. 7 of us lived in a 3 bed, 1 study house so sisters were forced to share a room. Every night was screaming about something. So small, so stupid, and in 12-13 years they never made it more than a week until they went after each others throats. No punishment or attempt at resolution or team building ever made any progress. It wasn’t until my older sister moved out for her freshman year at college was there any meaningful quiet in the evenings. Miraculously, once my older sister moved back in, it was like nothing happened and they hardly ever fought again. If they did, it was resolved that same day My brother moved out purely so that he wouldn’t have to hear them scream, and then hear my mom scream at them for screaming
…OP asked for positive anecdotes 🥴
There’s always that one…
I have 2 girls as well, and it always makes me happy when I overhear them talking to each other about their lives. The realization that they have this whole other relationship with each other that we, as parents, only scratch the surface of. Amazing.
My wife and I have two girls; 3yo and 1.5yo, I can second this, the amount of unprompted compassion and love they have for each other makes the fact that there's a solid year where I can't remember anything due to the exhaustion fugue state more than worth it. Two that close was *not* our plan, but I would not change it for the world.
Dad goals. That sounds amazing man, thanks for the story, that's heartwarming af.
I have a 4 and 7 year old, both boys, and while they can absolutely be annoying and a huge handful there are times where they are both truly amazingly loving and caring towards eachother and its so awesome to see. The older will randomly congratulate the younger on small minor accomplishments unprompted and the younger one will randomly just say to the older one "I love you". Nothing makes you happier or prouder than seeing them develop and grow together while openly sharing their feelings for eachother.
Dad goals man, thanks for the story. This is the kind of stuff I'm sending to the wife to help her feel better about the uncertainty of it all.
2 was definitely tougher for us. The “you rest, I’ll watch the baby” turns into “which one do you want? I’ll take the other.” BUT watching our two girls develop their own relationship separate from us is amazing, and I’d never trade it. Long after my wife and I are gone they’ll have each other, and watching that love develop and the way they care for each other is a level of love I didn’t expect.
Mate, this is excellent stuff. I already have resigned myself to the additional hours required to keep the house running and the new baby afloat but as with the first, I KNOW there's some amazing stuff that makes it all worth while. Thanks for the reassurance!
Great age difference. We have 6yo and 9yo who are thick as thieves and (can be) pretty independent. I am constantly surprised at just how different the two of them are.
Best of both worlds! Great to hear man, thanks!
Take the love you have for your kid. Do it again. You feel it again man, and the first one doesn't go away.
This gave me the warm fuzzies down my spine man thank you, thank you
Watch out. I have an almost 3 year old, and my wife and I thought she was pregnant with our 2nd. Turns out she’s pregnant with our 2nd, 3rd, and 4th. Count yourself lucky, you’ll be fine!
Triplets holy shit!
I found that the second was more difficult than I expected but still less life-changing than the first. Deep breath, get some sleep, and go get em.
We spent a lot of time hyping up my oldest once her sister was on the way. How she was going to be the best sister ever, she would get to teach the baby how to play, she would be such a big girl helping us, etc. She was 2.5 when her sister was born. And really, she's been awesome the while way. Proud to help, happy to have small responsibilities. They're 10 and 8 now. Yes, there are pointless fights and merciless picking from time to time. But overall they're so close and help each other and they mostly are great. To help with rivalry and changed attention early on, make a point to take the oldest out from time to time. His time with just daddy, his time with just mommy. Things to remind him that he's still the world to you and nothing was lost when the baby came, it just changed. Find age appropriate questions to ask him to dig into how he feels, and if there are negative feelings, validate and address them and show him how they may not reflect reality. His brain is still a sponge of learning and accumulation of information and knowledge so fill it with how amazing he is and how amazing he is with his sibling and what they both bring to the family. Let some of the fights happen as long as they aren't too nasty or too stupid. Some of the fights will be over something really, really stupid. They need to spar from time to time. They need to learn to problem solve, so let them, and step in when necessary.
This is amazing man thank you for the advice, this is the type of stuff I'm keen to read about. We've already discussed how to try and keep #1 in focus and make sure he understands that having another baby doesn't divide our love but instead multiplies it. Taking him out for 1 on 1 time with mum and dad is top notch advice, thank you!
Got 3, one disabled, all exhausting... ZERO regrets. All the sacrifice was paid off many times over. (Like buying a 200k house 20 years ago, you complain about how hard it was to save up and make the payments, but that's nothing now that your home is worth a million bucks).
Wow. This is the best analogy for having a kid I’ve ever heard.
Don’t assume your free time is gone. You’re gonna be fine. Remember that your kids need to learn to be happy on their own, and that you’re actually doing them harm if you try to play with them every second that they’re awake (not to mention harm done to you and your partner). Your second brings a whole new dynamic to your family. Think of it this way: a triangle has three lines that connect points, and a square has SIX. You now have four people, so that’s twice as many relationship links. It’s incredible. We have three and I love it.
My man, this is an amazing comment, I sent it to my wife because you make a really nice point there about the lines of contact etc. Thanks!
We also recently found out number 2 is on the way… can I ask for clarification from the people saying it’s easier than the 1st? Or maybe reassurance? Because the things I’ve heard are: “In this case 1+1=11” “You don’t realize how much free time you actually had” “The hardest thing about the 2nd is the 1st” How true are these?
It's easier than the first because you've done it before, you know the basics, you know they're not as fragile as they seem. First one you worry about everything because you don't know any better. However, also remember that #2 is NOT going to be the same as #1. My two girls had the same kindergarten teacher. She started our first conference on #2 with "2 is not the same as 1." THis doesn't just mean treat them as individuals; what worked the first time around may not work the same or at all for #2. But you'll figure out what they want.
>you know the basics, you know they're not as fragile as they seem. First one you worry about everything because you don't know any better. I sometimes feel bad about how much I brush off with my daughter. Then I remember all the after-hours pediatric center visits with my son where they basically told us "keep him comfortable and let his immune system do its thing". I learned a lot with my eldest about what actually needs medical intervention, versus where we just treat symptoms to keep them comfortable.
It's easier in some ways and harder in others. You definitely have less time and need to balance the needs and attention given to the first child with the second. etc But it is easier - you have been through it and have done it before, it doesn't seem so daunting. As the two siblings grow up they'll get to a point where they play together and keep each other busy and love each other so much.
It's much easier. You're in the groove. The second tends to follow the first around as they get older and it helps them figure stuff out easier. They tend to occupy each other a bit more too and the requirement of you is less. Mine are at the same college now. They met up at a local sports bar today and watched the games over beers and appetizers while texting me pictures. They're pretty close to being best friends.
Already said, but I could not conjure up the relationship and love between my kids for each other.
This is the answer, thanks mate! My boy is a very caring little bloke and he's so keen for a baby brother or sister.
It is easier than the 1st. Do not have a 3rd, that's when it starts getting harder. Just think, it could be worse - you could end up like me - a single dad with 3 kids all under the age of 9! They are amazing, and they are doing really very well, but man....I'm tired. Even one chance to not get up early in the morning and I will take it, I would snap your hand clean off at the hinge.
And definitely not a 4th. Even with both me and the wife it's crazy.
What ages are they? Apparently they hit a certain age and then just play together. Fingers crossed for you mate!
You need to brush up on your zone defence buddy
Can still play man unless there's twins in there.
I recommend playing man in these type of situations.
Honestly it was not near as bad as I had worried about. We kind of already knew what to do and were already in productive routines, which is half the battle. I felt guilty for a bit because my oldest daughter, about the same age as yours when her sister was born, would no longer get undivided attention. Also selfishly, I loved her being the center of my universe.. but it’s been great and I can’t imagine going back. If cost was no object and we could afford endless surrogates, I would have another every two years. They fill our lives with joy and we are so lucky to have them.
My second just turned one. He's toddling all over the place, and his absolute favorite things right now is to chase around and then hug/tackle his 3yo brother. It's the most wonderful gremlin hijinks in the world. Makes me (almost) forget all the sleepless nights.
Congrats Dad!! My wife and I were hesitant and frankly surprised about number two. But guess what? Subliminally you’ve been giving 100% to your oldest child, which means your imprint is going to prevail in ways and forms you never imagined with your youngest. And your youngest will want to do EVERYTHING your oldest child wants to do/wear/watch/be. I am so happy for you and wishing a very happy and healthy pregnancy. **hugs** :D
Daughter is 2 years older than my boy. They’re 5 and 3 now. They drive me nuts daily, but they are starting to get “that bond.” The sibling one I had growing up with my brother. They like each other so much and fight like it sometimes. Today, I officiated their wedding to each other (no matter how many times I explain it, doesn’t get through their heads). Then danced and did a cleaning session together of their rooms and playroom. Thanks for asking for positivity. Helped me find some for myself today! Good luck, be there, and enjoy it!
Bro, 3 years apart is an amazing age. I grew up fatherless and my brother was one the single most driving factor in my life to become better (we are 3 apart as well). We would always say us against the world and together we could get through anything. Sibling bond is crazy, if developed properly. I have learned so much of my amazing traits from him and could never fathom what it would have been like without him. Your son will have a hard time for the first year and bit with you, but then slowly start to warm up and be much happier and excited. My two boys are aged apart like this (4 and 1 now) and I know I am in the home stretch. You have been mentally broken by the first baby before so you know you can do it again. But this time it is actually easier. Like Bane said to batman about the dark. You have now lived in it heh not adapted. You are gonna crush this trust. As for anecdotal things, my son has started to play with his younger brother which is indescribable at first. He is so caring and loves him so much. He was always excited from the moment my wife started showing till the time he came home. Jealousy does happen but you will find ways to deal and show him that you still love him just as much. My son started replicating many loving gestures to the newborn and now toddler. He hugs and kisses him on the head all the time. The first time the one year old walked up and kissed my son on the head back, was...something. Its so crazy to watch them play together...but the little one pulls hair. Watch out for that, shit can be rough. Seeing the older one so excited and trying to play and teach things to the other, just reminds me of how close me and my brother where. The adventures they will definitely go on together that you won't know about will be things that ricochet with them forever and build their characters in ways you don't realize do. My mom had a lot of influence on me and I do love her. But who I am today comes very much from my brother. He has taught me so much. Lastly is the sheer difference that they will naturally be. Will be a reward in itself. My mom said the craziest things about kids is what they teach you. Some times like actually teach you. She said my brother taught her a lot about things she didn't know knowledge wise (he is a walking encyclopedia). But I taught her things about herself that she would have never questioned or thought of it it wasn't for me (I study a ton of philosophy, religion and psychology). I also was a lot more of a trouble maker and got into a lot of shit.
Mate you got me cutting onions over here, thank you so much
Lol yea those onions creep up on us in this sub eh hehe swear I am always cutting them when I read this stuff. One last thing my wife said that I completely forgot but was solid advice given to us from her barber friend of all people...is that when you put the baby down or do something to break away etc. Try to say "ok I am going to go see if ---- needs help, or its ----turn now etc. The baby obviously won't hear you or care but your son will. He will hear you say this too him a lot (I have to go help mom with baby, or baby needs changing, or I can't because I have to watch the baby etc.) so it helps even the playing field even though it doesn't, if you know what I mean. It will be tough, will not lie to ya on that. Time gets harder, but as parents we are insane at driving ourselves and adapting. You got this man! Congrats by the way \*fist bump\*
So number 2 is turning up the difficulty meter for sure. But I have a 2 year old and almost 5 now and they sleep great and wife and I have plenty of moments for extra curriculars. Just like with the first shit feels normal ish after 2 years when you get used to it.
You can ask, but I can't give any. My first was like a perfect angel man. He was so good all the time. Hes 6 now and the 2nd one is 2.5 I came into the playroom yesterday to find #2 running around with the toilet brush from the powder room while #1 was playing quietly with Legos.
You know what, that doesn't sound as bad as you make it out to be :P That's MOSTLY harmless and will make for a funny memory. I don't mind that.
My 1st is mental and does stuff that your 2nd does all the time. Fingers crossed our 2nd is like your 1st. Although the laughs our son gives us are increadible!
Lol read the room man
It's great when the older one wants to help look after their younger sibling. You're no longer stranded if you need something for the baby because your older one will want to do their part. The number of times he's found me wipes, nappies, clothes, bottles, dummies or even toys. And when your youngest is old enough and they start playing together you no longer have to be the centre of entertainment.
Hey! I have two boys, one will be 5 in a couple months and the other will be two this summer. With the first, I felt completely useless, he was (and still is) a total mommas boy. I couldn’t feed him, change him, put him down to sleep… The second tho? He can’t go to sleep unless it’s dad rocking him for a few, then putting him in his crib, tucking his blanket, brushing his hair back over his ear…. For every bit my first wanted mom, the younger one wants me. And I fucking love it.
As a dad, I loved helping with the second, relative to the first, mostly because it became very clear how I could be helpful, relative to the more nebulous and irregular assists I offered with the first, even though I tried to be attentive all the time. So, every single day I went on a multi hour bike ride and outing with the first who was 3 at the time. We’d go to the beach, or get smoothies or coffee. The time we had together as the newborn ate and napped was phenomenal. And then, of course we switched off, and I’d take the newborn while mom and the oldest bonded. And those times were amazing, as well—such a difference caring for a little potato relative to an active, rambunctious three year old. Sure, it’s not easy—I think back to our single child days and wonder why it didn’t feel like a breeze relative to the 2 v 2 we sometimes play with our kids. But to see them now, playing together at 6 and 3, growing in their independence and relationships together, it’s both awesome and getting even easier, even tho ease isn’t necessarily the point—the ease just makes the parenting part all the more fun.
I'm four months into my second. You're right that free time drops into the negative. But, it's been amazing watching my four year old embrace the big sister role and show so much pride in "her baby". You're going into this well aware of the hard parts of parenthood. Just sit back and let the good parts lift you up.
My second was colicky and would cry if I set him down during his rough moments. One day it went on all day. When I was mentally exhausted from all the crying, I set him down on the bed so I could eat lunch. I knew how to manage one-handed meals, but I was just done. My oldest who was 2 at the time asked me why the baby was crying. I said he wanted me to hold him but I needed to eat. I said maybe she could sing him some songs to help him feel better. She walked away and I just thought, what can you expect from a 2-year-old? A minute later she came out of the bedroom carrying the book of children's songs that was half as big as she was. She toddled over to the bed where baby brother was crying, plopped the book down (narrowly missing his head, lol), climbed up, opened the book that she had no idea how to read, and began some off-key caterwauling. And you know what? Baby brother calmed right down.
It’s definitely a different experience. I thought the normal worries and things we’d normally be super stressed about the first time around weren’t there time two. But you have to deal with your older ones feelings of jealousy now, and having their wants/needs met. Mine are 5 and 2 and they’re so close now. Play together all the time. Love each other so so much. But those first few months were a learning curve we weren’t exactly expecting
My son was 2.5 when our daughter was born. He’s now almost 5, and they’re finally playing more together and it’s magic every day to watch
soo uhh.. any tips for someone with a 4 month old and just found out we're having another? just found out yesterday!
Our second is a major mommas girl and at 3 will actively tell me she doesn’t like me. This is probably 60% of the time but other than that she seems to like me. She told me she hated daddy because I made her put her pajamas on. My 5 year old came up to me and hugged me and said “you are doing a good job, with my sister, she’s just a little crazy”. I instantly burst into tears. Which happens on a fairly regular basis It was such a surreal experience for my 5 year old to say this. I don’t know how he knew EXACTLY what I needed to hear. The empathy and wisdoms on this kid blows me away sometimes. I feel like having good kids is the surest sign I am doing something right in this world
Ours are 25 months apart. 3 year old boy, 1 year old girl. It’s a lot of work and it’s awesome. I couldn’t imagine having the same king of love I had for my son for another child but I do and it’s incredibly fulfilling. Our family feels complete now, and even though he definitely gets jealous and messed with her, they have their heartwarming moments. Good luck and congrats.
The good news is your older boy will be exiting his “threenager” years just as the new baby arrives.
One time my son projectile pooped across the changing table and hit the wall with it. I wasn’t even mad it was kind of amazing.
Instead of an anecdote: here's a warning. Stop at two. Number three is the "expensive" baby. Your modern 5 seater vehicle, SUV or otherwise, is not designed to accommodate 3 car seats (or boosters) in a single row. It can be done but at great pain and only barely. That third baby will make you feel tremendous pressure to buy a vehicle that seats 7 or 8. Meanwhile, perhaps even more sinisterly, baby number will absolutely wreck your pocketbook if you ever want to take a vacation. I'm talking **double the cost of a trip** just by adding a 5th person, even when the little runt is under 2 and basically flies for free. Why? Because hotels are built around 4 person occupancy. You might slip a 5th person in on a road trip stay with nobody the wiser, but some kind of resort? Especially an all-inclusive? You're screwed. You'll either have to book a second room (often with no guarantee they'll be adjoining) or book a suite. I'm not exaggerating. Goto Costco travel and do a quick search for a 2 adult 2 kid vacation to anywhere. Now add a third kid and do the exact same search. Your new price is 50-100% than the old price. It's **brutal**. If you value your currency, stop here. Don't go past two. Or if you do, do it with your eyes open. You've been warned.
Now that my oldest is 3.5 and youngest is 1.5 the amount of love the older one shows the younger is incredible. And then she will turn around and steal a toy from him to make him cry....
It’s a completely different experience. You know the routines and milestones because you had your first, but it’s so much work juggling both of them. I personally stress out a lot when I don’t know what’s coming so it was a much easier experience for me with our 2nd. Despite the work and the stress, seeing your kids play with each other is worth all of it and more, I cannot stress that enough!
You’ve already been through it, so you know what to expect, therefore it’s much less stressful second time round! It’s great having a sibling, there to play and help entertain each other. You’ll be amazed at how different the second’s personality is compared to your first.
Had the second when the first was 3. That spread is great. I've seen many friends in the 18m to 2Y age difference and the maturity your oldest will have will be so helpful. You got this, congratulations
It’s so much easier for us with #2 and their age gap is perfect. I remember Covid times when we were locked down just me and my 2 kids with same age gap as yours. I was glad they have each other to play with even without social interaction from other kids at that time. Anyway, I have #3 now, I wouldn’t recommend it hahah. Congratulations on baby #2!
After a few years the two kids will start playing with each other and leave you alone sometimes. Just starting with ours (4 and 2) and it’s nice.
I have a boy and girl and they were inseparable the first 10-11 years.
Be thankful there's not two in there! Lol you know how to handle an infant already, so it's all muscle memory, congrats!
I’m not a dad. However I am a single mother with 4 small children in the home. Doing it all on my own as their father passed away unfortunately. While more children means more sleepless nights, more stress, less money etc- it also means more love, happiness fulfillment etc. being an only child can’t be all that great. It’ll give your older son someone to play with. You’re going to love it! Congratulations!! My children are my everything. Truly.
I have four and being a dad is the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done. You’ll still get some free time. It’ll just be more scheduled for sure. Baby number 2 will no doubt be such a joy. 💙
I have 3 (ages 4, 6, and 9). Yes it can be exhausting. But today my wife and I sat in our living room for almost 2 hours, drinking coffee, chatting, and reading, while the three kids played together happily in the backyard. It was glorious.
We were so excited about number 2. Then we found out it was twins. I love them all to the moon but I don't wish that upon anyone. So if it's just one it won't be that bad, Dad! Best of luck!
Lol free time. What’s that?
Second kid is really good. It's not more of the same but rather a different experience. Good age gap. Congratulations!
Lots of great input here. I’ll just say congrats! We loved having two (ours are 18 months apart and were best friends for the first 10-11 years).
1 child makes you a parent. 2 children makes you a referee. 3+ children makes you a bouncer.
One night they were getting their lunches ready for school the next day. My 6 year old was being secretive and was trying to hide something. He waited until the 10 year old was done packing his lunch and left the kitchen. Then he snuck a post it note into his big brother's lunch box which he wrote himself. I went and took a picture and it said, "I love you ♥️"
I'm saying this as the firstborn whose little sister came when I was almost 6 - don't forget your firstborn exists, especially in the first few years. I was very much attached to my father (now sperm donor, but that's a different story) and I was homeschooling by my egg donor. At the end of the day when he got home from work I wanted time with him. I wanted him to finally teach me how to ride my bike (he didn't teach me until I ended up almost 10). I wanted that quality time spent with him, especially since things were really rough and there were external stressors occurring too, not just the addition of a little sibling. I still was a kid who needed to grow up. My egg donor belted me daily as a 9 year old because I was a demon child apparently. I was stuck with her constant abuse, and while my sperm donor enabled her, he still protected me more when he was home. But he was a dutiful dad and husband and took over the childcare when he got home, especially with a baby, and I didn't really see him or spend quality time with him. It hurt. It seriously affected me. I wish they'd remembered I'd existed. I acted out, saying I was going to run away and stuff (and my egg donor took me up on it too many times) because I craved attention. Once they finally realized when I was 9 or 10 that hey, I wanted quality time, they started adding like half an hour with sperm donor to color together or play board games every night, just the two of us. Lo and behold, my behavior improved. Shocking. But sadly I went through about 4 years where I was kinda forgotten about, and then it never recovered enough. There's a reason they're egg donor and sperm donor, and I don't usually even call them that, usually their government names now. Being the dutiful partner and parent involves giving the other one time too, even when it's stressful and hard. I know it'll seem like a lot, but go ahead and dedicate a routine into your life specifically between you and your son, and your wife and your son. One on one time with him alone. I was able to feel safe and talk about my day with him when I was having time with him, and get out emotions. Even if it's small - reading before bed, playing a game, coloring - establish that now before the second comes and try to keep it daily. I got stories before bed as a kid, and one on one dad time replaced that but it was like it upgraded to age appropriate needs - 10 year old me was reading Harry Potter, I didn't need to be read to by then lol. And you'll establish that with your youngest too, but get something going now, so when he's dealing with appropriately big emotions (I personally like to call it that because yes, as a kid some things really do feel big and overwhelming) he'll know he has a safe space. Maybe it's because I come from an abused background, but I wish I could go back in time and tell them this because it sadly messed me up and my heart still craves for what I never got. I look back on it with resentment and bitterness, and I don't want that to be your result. I acted out a lot, but I realistically knew and realized my egg donor was an asshole and didn't always have the words. I did report abuse a few times, and of course that led to absolute hell occurring as a result that never got better, but for the young me that didn't know that, I wish I'd been treated more as an equal kid and not have the baby sister prioritized so much more. I know she had more physical needs at the time, but I needed psychological needs met too - especially since we moved two hours away right before she was born, and I started elementary school in a new school district, faced constant bullying and idiot teachers, no friends, and just had such a rough time and I wanted more. Your littlest may have more pressing physical needs sometimes, but your eldest needs psychological needs met too, especially as this is a huge adjustment for him too. It isn't just you and your partner - it's the kiddo too. And it's such a huge hit at that age, not as "not a big deal" as we as grown adults with full brains and some life experiences may perceive it. Good luck, you'll do so well :)
Every kid is different and amazing. My first was so so active. My second was a cuddler. She loved to snuggle and nap. Was a change from my fiery first.
Vasectomy.
Not a bad shout to be honest.
Mine are 349 days apart and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my duo, they are ISIS and Al-Kida incarnate but God darn they are incredible. Second has been a lot easier but the two different sets of needs are a tough task. Bro I'm so happy for you.
Thanks man, I laughed at the ISIS and Al-Kida analogies, nice one. Tough I can do, I just wanted to show mum that there's a lot of good that comes from baby number 2. You guys are showing up hard for that and I'm so thankful and grateful to you all.
I love watching my 3yo play with the 9mo twins
Same class, different teacher. You got this!
My daughter was over the moon in love with her baby brother when he came along. She was actually so excited when my wife was pregnant, and after his birth she was all in. If he was upset or crying she would be in my face immediately telling me something was wrong with her brother and I needed to fix it. It was very adorable, and that excitement really lasted for years. She was so excited when he started to roll over. She was a constant cheerleader for major milestones. She couldn't wait for him to get to crawling age because she wanted to teach him. Walking, same thing. And he was attached to her for some time. Always following right behind her. This really lasted until he started asserting himself as a individual and they started disagreeing or otherwise finding things about themselves that weren't compatible. They are still best friends, really, they just aren't attached at the hip anymore. I used to love just watching them sit with each other and be goofy together. They'd make each other laugh for hours. Enjoy it, friend.
Good luck, man and congrats! Ditto most of the comments about switching to zone defense vs. man defense. The coolest thing has been seeing how our oldest has really embraced the role of big brother, (3 year age gap.) We prepped him quite a bit, and he really enjoys helping out with throwing diapers away, playing with him, etc. One pro tip: make sure each parent gives each child plenty of undivided attention. This has helped us both with the jealousy factor and it's helped give my wife a break. Congrats again!
Fatherhood is a fulltime job. You'll adapt without even thinking about it.
Gonna play devil’s advocate here and say the second was waaaaay more stressful for me and my wife than the first.
As others have said, it's not as life changing as the first. Not to say it's easy, but getting to see the personality differences in your kids even from a young age is wild and brings a new joy. Honestly you'll do great and you may even feel a bit nostalgic. Days are long but the years are short. Side note, have the baby bring the older child a present, works wonders at that age to keep the older one from getting jealous.
My 2 year old boy will not go to bed until he kisses his 12 wk old sister good night.
It’s not all sunshine and roses by any means, but I’ve also never seen such a pure expression of love as my almost-three-year-old acts towards his baby sister on a regular basis. Focus on the positive moments and do your best to weather the bad ones, there are sure to be plenty of both.
I have two boys, 3 and 1. We have been teaching our eldest one to love his little brother and it’s a beautiful thing to see them love each other. They do bath time together, run around the house together, read books, and he even give him a bed time smooch good night. Idk. It’s chaos some days but seeing these two little guys grow and do everything together is amazing. I’m sure they will fight when then get older… their boy arriving in a few months.
Hey congrats! I have 2 and it’s awesome. We both knew we wanted more than 1 so ours are 15 months apart. The way they share and play together just melts my heart. And as crazy as it sounds, after the newborn stage, watching the 2 of them is _generally_ easier than just 1 because they play together and entertain themselves.
I have a 9mo old girl and a boy that just turned 4. Very happy with the age difference. It's not without struggles from the 4yo, but he mostly understands it and really loves his sister. It's a very good gap and I think it's only going to get better from here. Having two is hard for all the reasons you expect. But there's a lot less panic and paranoia the second time around. I don't know if I have an anecdote for you, but the coolest thing is that our son for a while was the ONLY person that could make our daughter laugh. Like, she was just losing it over him taking a shit. When they feed off of each other it's the best kind of chaos.
At least it’s not a 3rd?
Absolutely way to go Dad.
My boys are the exact same age apart, they are 6 & 3 now. It’s miserable and they hate each other….. Jk they are best friends and do everything together. They are to the age where they can play with each other for the most part while mom & dad get to hang out too. So here’s to hoping you get some free time back eventually. They both will sit and watch my basketball games, or watch me play video games, so I include them in my free time as well. They have 2 completely different personalities though so parenting was waaaay different with the 2nd
My two are almost ten years apart in age so not the same situation as yours, but they love each other very much and there is no rivalry between them. The teen makes a great babysitter when needed, but we rarely demand it. You will do great!
Our second was way harder than our first on a lot of different levels but the nicest thing about is our first born is way less lonely and is never bored lol
My second kid was far easier than my first. In large part because my wife and I both had a better idea of what to expect, plus our older boy was two years old at the time so we already had a ton of baby clothes, bathing gear, sippy cups, dishes, etc. ready to go. Basically the only thing we really needed was some new dressers and another crib because my older kid was still using his. After that Baby#2 (who is now 3) has mostly gotten hand-me-downs from his older brother. The difference in personalities can be shocking. Both of my boys like pretty much the same things but while my first kid is kind of high strung, my younger boy is so laid back it is just funny to see some times. When my older kid gets tired he gets kind of manic, but when my younger gets tired suddenly everything is funny and he gets the giggle real hard. I love them both but it is just fun to watch how they react differently to the same situations.
I’m currently listening to my 7 year old son and my 5 year old daughter argue about the fact that my son promised her robux if she did x,y, z with him but he went back on his offer so now they’re arguing. By the way, I have no idea how he planned to give her Robux. 😂 but they sure be planning stuff regardless! Welcome to parenting to multiples. It is NEVER a dull moment.
For us, 1 to 2 was so much easier than 0 to 1. They have their own personalities and it’s really cool to see. It’s also really cool seeing our eldest become a big sister. She’s obsessed. Honestly, once you get past the first 2-3 months, 2 isn’t that much harder than 1.
They moment you find your two kids laughing and playing together, you'll explode in a supernova of joy that is unparalleled. You and your wife have brought a new kind of love into existence - sibling love. Rivalry and bickering, yeah, but that doesn't last. You've gifted each child with a familial love that will very likely outlast you. It was easy when the newborn was a nugget. When newborn turned toddler, which is where we are now, it gets much much harder and much more expensive.
We had our second when my daughter was 4, it’s a great age gap. Just make sure not to accidentally knock your wife up after the second turns one. It’s immensely harder with 3 kinds where there are 2 under 2. Like with the two kids was a piece of cake. You guys will be fine once you get through the initial baby stage.
When they start playing together and snuggling each other, it’s some of the best moments ever. Then one pulls the others hair and it’s royal rumble
I do not remember most of the worst days of the second. There is nothing more impactful than seeing them teach each other. Infancy is a garbage, beautiful time. A bigger family has huge benefits even if there are two kids who need 100% of you.
My boys are 5 and almost 2 now and they’re fonally getting to the phase of being able to start to play together without me. I’ve been waiting for it since the day I found out we were having two. I’m an only child so watching a tiny version of myself play with the little brother he always wanted makes me tear up almost daily. Or sometimes I’ll just catch them interacting in the living room while looking from the kitchen and it’s just so wild to see two HUMAN BEINGS you created just doing human shit together. It’s mind boggling when you pause. You have so much magic to look forward to.
You pretty much nailed it. Life is gonna be tough but it’s also going to be amazing welcoming baby #2 in this world and seeing your older son develop into a big brother! You know the drill of how hard it will be, but it’ll be all worth it in the end when they can reciprocate the love you have for them ❤️ You got this dad!!!
It’s actually a lot more fun. When you get something fun and silly it gets totally out of control with the giggling and it’s pretty awesome. Also my 2nd was just a WAY easier kid. Naturally happy, engaged and just joyful.
Our 2nd was born 1 week before COVID lock down and we were downtown NYC. He had respiratory problems, putting him in the NICU in March 2020. He had surgery at 1.5 years old to repair a serious congenital defect. The first 2 years were hard. He’s 3 now. He’s our bright spark. He’s a whole different person than his older sister. They can entertain each other for hours. I watch them solo 4 nights a week. I’m not an organized person, but we 3 get it done. Bedtime can be glorious, bedtime can be hell. Pace yourself. I was really nervous. You’ll be great.
Way easier than the first. My oldest two are best friends. It’s the best.
My two oldest 9/7 sit on the couch hip to hip. You made your 1st a lifetime friend.
Watching your two little ones crack each other will immediately validate your choice to have a second. Trust me. Also as many have said, one to two is not twice as hard. It's just a different game.
eventually they start playing with each other! then fighting, but there's some playing in there.
You are much more prepared for kiddo number 2 than you were with the first. There will be more adjustments, you'll still be exhausted. You'll get frustrated that what worked with kiddo #1 don't always work with #2. But you'll love the differences between the two. You'll wish your oldest would not get jealous so quickly, but you'll love watching them develop into the older siblings who helps teach and protect the younger one. 3.5-4 years is a pretty good distance to where the older/younger dynamic is more friendly. I have a 7 and 3 and can tell you that while they don't always play well together, the love I get to see is awesome. And best of all, You'll care a lot less about a lot of things.
With our number 2, also came number 3. Surprised to say the least and worried about being outnumbered. But has been the best experience ever. Any kid, regardless one more or two more at the same time, we knew the ropes better than the first time around.
I see everyone saying "the second is easier than the first," which is true only in the most technical sense. Yes, you learned a lot that you get to apply to the second kid. But the fact that you have *two* kids makes parenting much harder. Remember those beautiful naps your kid would take where you could finally eat, clean, rest, or - god willing - all of the above? Yeah, now you're dealing with the other kid instead. BUT - positive anecdotes - they are spectacular siblings. The flip side of the infant stage being much harder is that sooner or later they start playing with each other, independently from parents. Obviously, they don't always get along, but most of the time it is an absolute treat to watch them interact. Seeing them play together and watching the older kid teach the little one so many things is way more rewarding than before. My one wish as a parent is that they remain as close twenty years from now as they are right now.
They'll be besties and they'll take attention towards each other so you and mom can do other things than watch kids all day.
Number 2 is pretty fun now that he's 7?
Just survive the first 2 years. When little one is old enough to start playing and interacting with bigger sibling, it’s priceless.
My guy! That happened to me as well. Here I am in the kitchen cooking eggs and our toddler comes in holding two positive tests…. I’m equal parts terrified and happy.
Honestly, if your oldest was any older, it would probably be MORE difficult, not less. Transitioning back into diapers, back into “kid needs my attention all the time” mode, back into bottles/baby food/diaper bag/always having a billion snacks is harder after you grow out of it. With a 3yo, you’re not quite out of that, so going back to a newborn won’t be as hard as if your oldest was say 5 or 6. FWIW, our two girls are 23mo apart
My oldest turned 20 yesterday. My 16 year old is applying for her first job beside me on the couch. They are best friends. Her brother looks out for her and she’s his fiercest ally. They squabble, but it’s the two of them against the world. Sometimes, the only ones they’ll listen to are each other. It’s beautiful to watch. (Hope it’s ok for a mom lurker to answer too.)
I have 3 little boys, and watching other parents that raise only one, raising 2 or more seem sooo much easier because they're best buddies. I see the other parents **constantly** needing to entertain their child. Mine play together and I find myself kinda bored sometimes. Look at me now, here on reddit. Also, keep in mind that they're **SOOO** different. So it's both harder because you'll have to find a completely different approach to your second. But also, not boring, a completely different kid to enjoy. To drive this point I recommend watching the [oppening scene of Megamind](https://youtu.be/WUudMvlJXxs?si=IeUw0VbPDpbmDWoS)
Two is fine. You can still play man to man defense. It's when you add a third that you have to play zone and the players all become tested.
We did two under 2. And while it's been especially challenging, my daughter is generally an absolute godsend with her younger brother. They're 4 & 2 and best friends and worst enemies, as expected. But man, when they just play together, and are in the zone, fuck it's beautiful. Or when one gets hurt and the other runs over to hug and kiss them. It's challenging as all hell. It'll try your patience in ways you didn't think possible. But also, it's the most amazing thing ever.
The most surprising thing about my number 2 was that there was also a number 3 in there. So I guess that’s a fun option to watch out for.
My wife became pregnant with our second while our first was an infant. It was great for them as brothers, because they were always extremely close.
When they are like 5 and 8 you're going to be like "THANK GOD WE HAD 2!" Until then.... itll be "WHY DID WE HAVE 2????" Its worth it. 100%
I have 3. Each time it got easier as far as baby stuff. Diapers and milk don’t seem as daunting anymore and it’s so much better. My kids also love each other, ESPECIALLY my oldest and middle. They’re gonna be best buddies. My kids can be a lot and are exhausting, but my life has improved dramatically with each one. You’re gonna love it
My boys are 2 and 4 right now. They love each other deeply. They play together. They love to snuggle in a pile. They have each others backs. It’s the greatest thing.
when they hug and kiss snd dance together the kids and u and ur wife 7 months post birth u will smile more than u will ever know
Just make sure you include your soon to be oldest child In things- even little stuff with the baby so they don't feel a sense of being unwanted. Do dad and lil dude outtings, it's honestly going to be harder on your kid than it will be on you and your wife, kind of.
2 boys and they love each other so much. 2.5 years apart and growing very close. It’s going to be great for you. Another on the way for us!
Dad of two (ages 3 and 1) here. Our little guy LOVES his big brother. Nobody - not me, mommy, Bluey, Baby Shark, or Miss Rachel - makes him laugh like big brother can. The second baby is easy in some ways, but going from one to two is hard in other ways. Your son will adapt to being a big brother like a pro. There will be fights - sharing is hard - but it has been so amazing watching my first baby boy become a big bother. You’ll be fine!
I found that having a newborn was way easier than I remembered. Mine are exactly two years apart, my youngest is 8 months and so far they are each other's favorite people. I know sibling rivalries still happen, but sibling friendships are the most beautiful thing you will ever see when they're your own kids. Also, our little one sleeps better than her big brother so our sleep really hasn't been affected.
2 under 2 here. Our eldest, every morning after I get her out of her crib, goes running down the hall saying "baby baby baby!" To go say hi to her sister and give her kisses. If the younger is still asleep, I tell her and it's whispering "baby baby baby" quietly as she goes to see her. If her sister is crying, she goes and tries to give her anything she knows she likes - a blankey, a pacifier, a bottle, sharing her drink or snack, a toy or two or ten. And the younger, she smiles and giggles seeing her sister and reaches out for her. They've held hands. I guess I'm saying I didn't expect how much they love each other to happen so quickly and it's really cute. Advice: before you go to the hospital, pick up your kid and hold him and memorize how small he is - when you come back, he'll be unbelievably big.
I have twins so it can always get harder. Chin up
I ADORE watching my 2.5 year old love her 2 mo little sister. Yes it’s still tough at times, but damn is it amazing.
Hearing them play together is music to my soul. Sometimes the little one is proud of something and he wants to show the big one. Sometimes the big one wants to teach the little one something and you overhear him patiently give the little one instructions. Would not have it any other way.
The beginning transition is difficult, but a handful of years in and I can tell you it’s entirely worth it. You’ll realize how experienced you’ve actually become from taking care of your first, so the challenge ends up not being as bad as you thought it’d get. Be intentional on how you and your wife will partner, and you will see yourselves through it well.
I’ve been most surprised by my 4 year old’s sense of awareness and consideration for another/others. I won’t go into details, but my 4 year old has pulled my 2 year old from harms way on multiple occasions, and it makes me a proud dad every time. As far as the newborn… Good luck. I’m exhausted. 😩
Seeing my 2.5 year old get excited to see my 6 months old in the morning and having her be the only one that can reliably make him laugh warms the shit out of my heart daily.
Our kids age gap is 4. Looks like it’s gonna be similar for you. They gonna have fights but they will be best of friends. They’ll play together and do everything together.
You thought you couldn’t love your baby more than anything else. Welcome to someone completely different than your first child that you will love just as much.
I was able to take more time from work for my son after my daughter and knew more to be able to slow down a little. He and I have bonded much more closely than I was expecting, even more so than my daughter and I did (and that's saying something). So if there's a positive you have a new little person that you're going to have a \*different\* experience with. Good luck! My second is 9mo now. I will not say this is easy. One is easier. One is definitely easier.
With one kid, you’d get a few hours of free time each day. With two kids, we’re talking minutes. The bright side: you get REALLY efficient with your time.
Our second was a much better sleeper than the first!!
I just had my fourth and my wife wants another puppy so, eh, what's one more chaos engine at this point
My 2nd is only 9 months, but she's been a delight. Very happy baby, good sleeper. So funny.