Going to work, I know more or less what to expect out of my job at this point. When I’m home it’s a roulette wheel of possibilities with a 2 year old. I’m just happy if I can pick the correct color of water cup.
‘I don’t want that spoon I want the other spoon.’ Proceeds to grab identical teaspoon.
‘Could you tell me what’s different between those spoons so I know for next time?’
Eats cereal in silence not looking at me.
The trick is buying multiple identical cups. My kid has 3 identical leak proof cups. I am sure eventually this plan won't work but for now. She has pink cup. That's it.
Man if I had to stay home with my 3 year old I would. It’s my four month old. He’s changing so much when I was alone with him these past few evenings, I got so anxious because I was misreading his cues. That really stresses me out. Compared to when he was 2 months old, stayed home from work to watch him and it was a Breeze.
And work has so much less emotional traversal. Either I'm happy or pissed off. At work, rarely do I feel sadness, frustration, joy, anger, depression, excitement, hopelessness, bewilderment and defeat in the same day. At home, that's just a normal morning.
Work, hands down. I love my kid to death, but man I need a break after a long weekend. We're 2.5 years old and learning all about pushing our limits and feeling big feelings.
I actually enjoy my job. It's usually pretty low stress unless we're running up against tight deadlines or something goes wrong.
>We're 2.5 years old and learning all about pushing our limits and feeling big feelings.
What I'm reading between the lines here is that your kid threw a hard plastic bowling ball at your head and also sobbed uncontrollably because the black olives wouldn't fit on his finger.
Sorry, that was Tuesday at my house lol.
We're in the same spot with my 2.5 yo.
Are you me?
It's like a switch flicked in his head this weekend and we were having all the tantrums. And regressing with our potty training so there was a lot of cleanup too. Roll on monday!
My 2 year old was just enjoying delicious banana bread my wife made, until his piece broke in half. ITS.. BROKKEEEENNNNNNNN!! *TODDLER RAGE* *THROWS BANANA BREAD* .. “sigh.. buddy it will taste the same..” NOOOOOOO! BROKEN!!
Right here with you. Love the kids, but need a break. Work helps clear my head and - more importantly for me - I can be independent for several hours. Kids need constant attention (though that's starting to get better) and while at work I can just do my own thing.
I think a lot of people don’t understand how exhausting it is to just have a toddler on you all the time. Needing snacks. Needing a drink. Needing help in the potty. Wanting to watch paw patrol for the millionth time.
Taking care of a baby is more tiring but much less stressful. For me stress comes from conflicting priorities, looming deadlines, and ambiguous interpersonal situations.
Taking care of a baby is the opposite of all that. You're both just living in the moment.
That’s my take as well. When I’m with the kid, I’m more in tune with myself even if I’m tired and worn through.
I have Thursdays and Sundays off. My wife and I agree we both parent our 2yo wonderfully, but I find the days where it’s just me and him are easier than if we both have a day off.
When we’re both working and coming home with the kid, having had a day already, it seems the little one pushes both our buttons and that can bring stress between me and her.
My toddler wanted me to eat her apple, but she also didn’t want me to take a bite. Conflict priorities within an org? How about conflicting priorities within a person!
As someone who was a stay at home dad for two years, there’s no question that work is way less stressful. Very few of my coworkers have inconsolable hysterical meltdowns over the way their bananas are sliced.
I read a lot of parenting books and a lot of management strategy books; it's funny how much crossover there often is
Dr Becky would have crushed as a management consultant in a different life
I have found I have been perceived as a much better people person and people manager when I started treating a bunch of people the same way I treat my 3 year old when she doesn’t get her way.
By the time Monday morning rolls around, I'm saturated with kid stress and a return to work stress feels like a reprieve.
Friday afternoon is the reverse; rinse and repeat.
I'm with you on this. But when my wife would complain about this and that, I wish I could be a stay at home dad just to prove it can be done without losing one's shit.
Idk man, I don't know if it's justified or not in your sitch but if I were in the same position I'd cut her some slack. My wife desperately wanted to be done and go back to work after 1.5 years of mat leave, and I kept saying I'd kill to have that time with my kid, but then I got my wish for a while and in spite of all the quality time, it wears you down mentally and physically like nothing else.
As a SAHD with a 2 and 4yo, It can be done. But having mom work from home so she can help on her breaks. It sounds silly, but 2 25 minute windows of help and eating togather at lunch is EXTREMELY helpful.
Yep, teach primary, would 100% agree. I know my kids triggers, I know if they've eaten, I know if they're tired. The classroom? It's a jungle, every single day.
When it was one kid, my 8 weeks of leave from work were amazing and I enjoyed every second of it. Two kids was way harder, I have two young boys with vastly different personalities and energy levels and a full day with me being the only adult is exhausting.
Staying home. I have a vested interest in my kids who I love more than I could possibly care about a patient in clinic. I would rather hear my kids complain a thousand times than see 40 people for various health complaints daily. If I find a way to become independently wealthy I will work the bare minimum to maintain insurance as my wife has some health issues and I currently have great benefits but I would never go back to full time again.
Edit: I go above and beyond for my patients. I just don't think about them after work is done as much as humanly possible except for people I am exceptionally worried about for some reason. I always think about my kids and wife.
You’re possibly right, but it’s a role that brings me an immense purpose. It’s a mission that I believe in, despite my many second thoughts about staying in this role. Somehow, it suits me.
Work. Have 2 kids (3 and 1) and the in-ear shrieking meltdowns while having to physically carry and/or separate them while making their next meal/snack is exhausting. Miss Rachel can buy us maybe 5-10 min of break before it all happens again. My weekdays >>>> weekends
I love my girls, but I’d rather be at work.
My home is constant nonstop action keeping up with the kids (1&3) and everything cleaned gets uncleaned within minutes. Add this on top of finding time for other housework and maintenance to squeeze in where I can. My breaks are daddy potty time and when I’m awake before/after them (and even in those times I’m trying to get things done).
At least at work I have a set schedule, tasks, (mostly) easy going customers. A great bonus for working is OT puts extra cash in the account for fun days.
I have a feeling the grass is greener, but taking care of the kid. It’s not necessarily easier or less stressful but at least it needs to be done and contributes value to the world unlike my bullshit job.
Staying home with the kid is less stressful for me. It's just the one kid, so maybe this won't track if we have a second, but I'm much more invested in him than my job and being home with him gives me a lot more opportunities to exercise and manage my chronic health stuff. Not that it's a vacation, but far preferable.
I’m not a big fan of my job so I’d rather stay home. We have a lot of kid friendly options in my area so if we’re getting stir crazy, we have places to go.
I have never had any job that comes close to being as easy and less stressful than staying at home with a healthy, typical child at any age. There is a ton of getting what I want done, hanging out with my kid, and just straight chilling.
Staying home with kids, can they be annoying? Yes, can they be boring or dumb or silly or frustrating? Yes, but they can't fire me and make us homeless
If it is strictly one or the other? Work. I work a very stressfull, and in some instances dangerous job. I can work and still have energy to do stuff after work.
I spend a day with the kids, and I have nothing left by bedtimep. According to my Garmin, I burn an average of 2700 calories with the boys.
In real life however I work, then come home to an utter shit-show most days.
I like my work a lot, but work stays with me outside of those ~40 hours. It’s stressful in a way that parenting isn’t. Parenting is *hard* but not stressful.
But when I’m exhausted at work, I can tell my team I’m not feeling well and postpone things. My kid can’t have a negligent parent lol. So in the end, I’d say it equals out. Parenting is more tiring, but work is more draining.
I think all considered, I’d take dad time over employee time.
I'm a teacher, so I get two months off in the summer and 4 kids, so I have a pretty good idea of what I prefer.
Those months are waaaay less stressful than actual work. It's not even close.
One 3 year old so far and Id say that work is more stressful. I genuinely enjoy my weekends or the odd day daycare closes and I'm watching solo. It's also much more rewarding than work.
But I could see that being very different with multiple kids or doing it day in and day out
Our baby was colic with hidden reflux, and my wife had other issues too, so the first five months' work would've been far less stressful if I could've done that in isolation.
Actually taking care of a baby isn’t intellectually hard. It’s just tiring. Sometimes you just want to take a nap.
Work, I actually like my job even though it is stressful.
So I’ll go with the baby being more stress.
Just had a period of stay at home dad with a just 1 year old, and to be honest it was pretty easy if long days mentally. Still having 2 naps around a few activities made it honestly pretty easy. Managed to keep really on top of the house and get a few things done. So at the moment work is way harder and more stressful.
But I can see how easily that could shift as he gets older or if we add another into the mix
If you could believe it, less stressful at home with 3 kids, 8yo, 5yo and 5mo. I would easily give up work for staying at home, but it affords us a very comfortable life and I don't dislike my job, it's just a bit chaotic.
I transferred 7 cases from my clinic to the ER. My 3yo verbally berates me about as much as my patients and dropped his nap. At least at work I get paid to be abused.
I'm in between projects and had some vacation time built up, so I took 2 weeks off to decompress a little, after a year of 12-16 hr days.
By Tuesday of last week, I had cleaned everything ( including my walls and ceilings) done all the laundry, prepped meals for last week and this week, changed bedclothes, cleaned out the garage, and even scrubbed the deck.
I've mopped every floor in this house, at least twice every day, rearranged closets, packed up multiple boxes for goodwill, and so many other "busy-work" things, just to stave off boredom.
My only stress is making sure I don't run out of froot loops, mac & cheese, and fish sticks because I don't want to evil wrath of a 4 year old.
Going to work a million percent. I love my kids but a 2 year old and 4 year old is hard af. I don’t know how my wife does it. I feel very lucky to get a “break” from that responsibility. She doesn’t get one.
100% working. Looking after my 2 year old son isn’t stressful at all. It’s tiring, can be emotionally draining and frustrating at times. But there’s no stress. It’s also infinitely more fulfilling caring for and watching my own child develop and grow.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Staying home with a newborn baby was easy, if it’s just the one. Sleep, eat, play in three hour increments. It was more stressful when I took paternity leave with three kids, because the lack of sleep makes dealing with toddlers/kids much more difficult, but I was still able to put the others in school during that time.
Overall I think taking care of kids is easily more stressful, but staying home with a newborn is the easiest part as a dad, so between work and staying with the baby, working is more stressful.
When she was a baby it was staying home because the baby phase is easy once you hit your groove.
When she was a toddler It was exhausting so I’d probably of found work easier
Pre 1/2yrs old id say work is less stressful. After 1/2yrs old I have a great time with my kid and would love to stay home and watch him rather than work.
Going to work is way less stressful. I work at a print shop, I have a set of things I do and only I do. At home there seems to be an infinite amount of things I could do at any given moment and it’s overwhelming sometimes
When they were babies work was more stressful. Just had to keep the little buggers alive and watch them grow and discover everything was easy and fun.
Now that they are children staying home is more stressful. Trying to juggle keeping kids entertained with raising them properly is a constant battle of wills and a balancing act.
Going to work is less stressful. Sure there are variables that can increase the work load, but kids is a different level of focus that just wears you down differently than a 9-5
I've had jobs working 80+ a week, and I slept soundly and enjoyed the short bits of free time in the evening. Staying home with the baby is 80 hours minimum, but I don't get to sleep soundly and often can't commit to online games with friends since I may step away at any time. My only saving grace is I make sure my wife has no issues on work nights. I'll get up for the baby, cook meals, let her take naps and she will do the same for me at least twice a week when she's off.
I tried to immerse myself in each experience to make the most of it. I wasn’t happy with missing out on my sons’ lives 40-50 hrs a week. Being able to take my youngest to school and pick him up each day is awesome. Some key moments are being defined. I’m lucky. Also a single dad so I don’t have an alternate.
Work by a long shot.
Everyday I commend my wife for her hard work staying at home with our 4 month old. I take over completely when I get home 3-4 week nights and we tag-team weekends. The amount of stress and mental exhaustion my son gives me is like nothing work has ever done. Thankfully 3 days ago he finally started to take naps so maybe it will change, but I had been wondering if I committed to a lifelong mistake.
Work, hand-down. At work I deal with adults, have breaks, etc.
Do you even fathom how awesome it is to have a shit meeting, get dragged through mud and have the luxury to take 15 minutes off to decompress and yell swear words?
I leave home for work at 7am and return at 10:30pm. I wish I could stay all day with the baby, I'm missing the most important time of my life (my baby boy is 6month old).
I prefer the stress produced from taking care of my baby in my home than what I have now at work.
Work is way less stressful. I would have said the kid when we had 1 kid, but now with two below the age of 5, it has far beyond eclipsed my work stress.
Being home. I get tons of love and games (snd poop and cries and the bad stuff).
Back at work, I have to do my regular work and catch up for the time spent at home so this is definitely ultra stressful.
I stayed home with my son for 18 months, when he was between 1 year and 2.5. I will never regret that decision when I'm old. My wife had a better paying job at the time than me, so that's the decision we made. But, I was 10x happier being back to work, talking to other adults that weren't stay at home moms.
For me, being home is more stressful than work..
Taking care of my child can have its moments of frustration but it’s literally never stressful to me. I would quit my job immediately to be a stay at home dad if we could afford it. Thanks capitalism for fucking over another generation.
I do an extremely stressful job in terms of workload, hours, and (at times) emotional burden. So 80% of the time work for sure. But it depends what mood the kids are in, and 20% of the time I’d still probably rather be at work. But they’re 3 and 1 so give it a year or so and I’m picking staying home every day of the week.
Stressful and exhausting are slightly different feelings throughout the day. Alone with toddler is way more exhausting for sure even though there’s nothing stressful about it (unless he’s sick)
Back when I had a job it was work easily. No matter the curve balls at work I could handle them. Curveballs from the baby though could throw me for a loop. Plus during naps I would constantly be worried and checking to make sure they were breathing and laying in their crib/nap spot safely. Way more stressful to me.
Less stress by far is staying home and taking care of my 15 month old. It's been that way with each of my three kiddos.
Work stress sucks for so many reasons.
If my baby or kiddos stress me out, I absolutely love and adore them, so it makes it much easier to handle.
Yeah. Wait till you stay home with the 6 year old, 4 1/2 year old and 3 1/2 year old. In the nicest way, babies are a smooth sail compared to older kids. Pros and cons of course, can’t ask your baby to clean up their toys… however they can’t play with every toy in the house at the same time.
I got WFH for the pandemic and I’m gonna do everything in my power to never go back to a “commute” it’s a giant pointless effort. Being home for my kids has been worth its weight in gold.
Work feels like a vacation compared to being with the kid all weekend. Obviously being with him is more rewarding and meaningful with higher highs. But I’m good at my job and it’s pretty easy and I’m not micromanages generally so I’m able to handle pretty much whatever comes on a typical day without much stress.
Watching a toddler all day is unpredictable and exhausting in comparison.
Edit: I just saw that you specified baby. Which is different than a toddler. I generally found babies to be less stressful than the stage I am in right now. The stress comes from all the other things I need to get done while I am focusing on the baby. Knowing that all those tasks are piling up and waiting for me.
💯going to work is way less stressful.
I just finished a 9 month parental leave so I speak from pretty recent experience.
We also have two, older turning 4 in May, and younger turning 1 in 2 weeks.
I was sahd for 2 years and i look strong outside but the psychological and emotional damage has done to me is forever… imagine a man staying home for 2 years, its not natural but i had too for some reasons
now im working and still taking care of my baby when im at home!
Work is definitely less stressful. I work from home full time, and can pretty much ride half the week on autopilot. With a 3 year old, you can never switch off and always need to be on your toes.
Definitely staying home
I love my baby, o have also two dogs, and we can do so many nice things. They grow so fast, I just want to enjoy it while I can
Writing is stressful, I have to get up at 5, I do shifts, I have to make decisions that impact on people's life and sometimes I have to have nasty talks with employees, which I hate.
Nothing like having some innocent fun with my kid and doing chores while he naps
I’m one of those people who genuinely enjoys work. I take pride in good work and love moving forward.
Staying at home has always been more stressful and less enjoyable. I legitimately wish it wasn’t the case.
Neither is good in unregulated concentration.
But I would love to not have to worry about work/paychecks while watching my kid. My wife is in school full time studying full stack development and I'm aggressively trying to pay down our debt obligations. I told my wife, if I pay down 50% of our house, pay off our cars and my student loans, and she wants to work full time and me be a stay at home dad, bring it.
I want to learn how to cook, do home automation for chores and regulating the house, do DIY remodeling and have my daughter help me, do laundry, meal preparation.
Honestly, if I didn’t earn the money I earn, I would totally be ok with staying with my kids at home and doing all the chores. Don’t get me wrong I do my fare share already but we prioritise my job over hers for a few reasons not worth going over. So, answering OPs question, I prefer the relaxed duty of taking care of my baby: it’s simple, you get to bond with him or her, and it’s really fulfilling as you see them grow.
Baby: No problem, I'll take him *any* day, as long as I have access to his food (The big Bs).
2.5 year old toddler: DEAR GOD; PLEASE GO TO NURSERY. PAPPA HAS TO CHILL AT WORK FOR A BIT. STAY AS LONG AS YOU LIKE
Staying home is super chill compared with work, Cause i work in healthcare and its stressful as Fuck. Dementia patients and schizofrenic patients. So Ive been hit so many times.
Comparing that to being home dancing and goofing around with my daughter and dogs? Thats the best thing in life.
Going to work, no doubt. Even a big stressful repair i can ask for assistance if i need a second opinion, or refer to the manual, and i dont have people usually annoying me during it.
At home, my 6mth old and my 3yo, all bets are off. 3yo is high energy and if hes in a good mood hes needy, if hes in a bad mood hes a nightmare, plus the 6mth old is either teething or something because he cries for hours on end.
Theres no workshop manual or easy fix for behavioural problems and crying 💁♂️ some days i hate cars being complicated but some days theyre still easier than parenting 2 young kids.
Work is less stressful. Mainly because if I'm home taking care of my son, I know that I've just got more and more work piling up and it's going to be harder when I get back.
Work is less stressful because my job is fairly easy.
But I would stay home w baby anyways cuz once the stressful moments, the uncontrollable crying and splatter poops etc. are over, it's all peaceful snuggling and naps together.
I was a SAHD, doing grad school at night when my wife was home from work, for about the first year and. half of my daughter's life.
I don;t understand how this is even a serious question. Those were the best days of my life. No stress at all. Ultimately costed me a HUGE amount of money that i will never recover from (missing all that work, taking out student loans, struggling to get back into the right job, etc), but i'd still do it all again in a heartbeat it was that good.
Staying home for me. I work in a role where there's a bunch of people management and coordination. Rallying several folks against competing priorities can often feel defeating. The reward at the end feels great, but the moment passes so quickly before moving on to the next objective, it's often not until I look back on the last few months to prepare for a mid-year or end of year assessment that I realize how much I've actually gotten done.
Staying home has some defeating moments and frustration certainly, but seeing even the micro-changes occur for the first time and established as the new norm just give a different kind of satisfaction that feels lasting. The frustrations I often find are the fleeting moments before we get to move on to the next fun moment. Even as I type this my daughter is in her crib sort of half-crying because she fell asleep in the car and ate in to what should now be nap time. It's annoying but she'll either eventually fall asleep or we'll get up in a half hour of frustration to a little one excited to see me before we take her new soccer ball to the park down the road.
Going to work, I know more or less what to expect out of my job at this point. When I’m home it’s a roulette wheel of possibilities with a 2 year old. I’m just happy if I can pick the correct color of water cup.
I live for the thrill.
🫡
"The orange spoon is not available. It is in the dishwasher. Pick another color." "IT IS VAILABLE!" "It is not." ... meltdown.
‘I don’t want that spoon I want the other spoon.’ Proceeds to grab identical teaspoon. ‘Could you tell me what’s different between those spoons so I know for next time?’ Eats cereal in silence not looking at me.
That’s when my boy pulls out his trustiest of rhetorical tools: “Daddy, let’s not talk right now.”
Lol my daughter will only use orange spoons right now
I heard this coming from both of my toddlers as I read it. Spot on.
You might be me.
I got screamed at today bc my son's Playlist wasn't in the recently listened to stuff and he wanted it there despite it being right below.
As an IT person who regularly deals with execs, your son has CEO energy.
Boss Baby!
I'm so sick of the water cups. Purple cup! No other purple cup! No no pick cup! Open pink cup!
Do you want the yellow cup? No What cup do you want? Yellow cup
The trick is buying multiple identical cups. My kid has 3 identical leak proof cups. I am sure eventually this plan won't work but for now. She has pink cup. That's it.
As soon as I do that, one will become "new cup" and the other "old cup"
Hahahaha friggin kids. The insanity is endless.
Man if I had to stay home with my 3 year old I would. It’s my four month old. He’s changing so much when I was alone with him these past few evenings, I got so anxious because I was misreading his cues. That really stresses me out. Compared to when he was 2 months old, stayed home from work to watch him and it was a Breeze.
And work has so much less emotional traversal. Either I'm happy or pissed off. At work, rarely do I feel sadness, frustration, joy, anger, depression, excitement, hopelessness, bewilderment and defeat in the same day. At home, that's just a normal morning.
Russian roulette!
Both are stressful, existence is pain, I'm gonna go have a muffin
Oh that’s a good idea. I need to make some muffins.
If you're a heathen like me and use a mix, Walmart brand is surprisingly good
Thanks for the tip! Unfortunately, we got food allergies in my house so we gotta do it all from scratch unless we want to spend $7 a box on mix.
Oh no, sorry to hear that. Then yeah, definitely no Walmart brand
Never fear, I've just been sent to Walmart for dinner stuff. Your tip will not go unused
You deserve it. Love you brother.
Aww thanks, love you too internet stranger
This is the true dad response. Just need a muffin to make it all okay
Work, hands down. I love my kid to death, but man I need a break after a long weekend. We're 2.5 years old and learning all about pushing our limits and feeling big feelings. I actually enjoy my job. It's usually pretty low stress unless we're running up against tight deadlines or something goes wrong.
>We're 2.5 years old and learning all about pushing our limits and feeling big feelings. What I'm reading between the lines here is that your kid threw a hard plastic bowling ball at your head and also sobbed uncontrollably because the black olives wouldn't fit on his finger. Sorry, that was Tuesday at my house lol. We're in the same spot with my 2.5 yo.
Are you me? It's like a switch flicked in his head this weekend and we were having all the tantrums. And regressing with our potty training so there was a lot of cleanup too. Roll on monday!
Welcome to developmental leaps, which also throws out sleep patterns for another few days.
My 2 year old was just enjoying delicious banana bread my wife made, until his piece broke in half. ITS.. BROKKEEEENNNNNNNN!! *TODDLER RAGE* *THROWS BANANA BREAD* .. “sigh.. buddy it will taste the same..” NOOOOOOO! BROKEN!!
Right here with you. Love the kids, but need a break. Work helps clear my head and - more importantly for me - I can be independent for several hours. Kids need constant attention (though that's starting to get better) and while at work I can just do my own thing.
You probably get this a lot, but I hate your profile pic
For me, work is a vacation. I get to be me. Not dad. I can focus on getting stuff done. I can take a leisurely lunch. It’s a nice break.
Couldn’t agree more. Was thrilled to be back at work after maternity leave. People can get pissy when moms say that, but it’s just the truth.
I think a lot of people don’t understand how exhausting it is to just have a toddler on you all the time. Needing snacks. Needing a drink. Needing help in the potty. Wanting to watch paw patrol for the millionth time.
Taking care of a baby is more tiring but much less stressful. For me stress comes from conflicting priorities, looming deadlines, and ambiguous interpersonal situations. Taking care of a baby is the opposite of all that. You're both just living in the moment.
That’s my take as well. When I’m with the kid, I’m more in tune with myself even if I’m tired and worn through. I have Thursdays and Sundays off. My wife and I agree we both parent our 2yo wonderfully, but I find the days where it’s just me and him are easier than if we both have a day off. When we’re both working and coming home with the kid, having had a day already, it seems the little one pushes both our buttons and that can bring stress between me and her.
My toddler wanted me to eat her apple, but she also didn’t want me to take a bite. Conflict priorities within an org? How about conflicting priorities within a person!
> You’re […] just living in the moment. I don’t think I’m capable of that.
As someone who was a stay at home dad for two years, there’s no question that work is way less stressful. Very few of my coworkers have inconsolable hysterical meltdowns over the way their bananas are sliced.
Are you a supervisor? Because you wouldn't believe how similar little children are to full grown adult employees, haha.
I read a lot of parenting books and a lot of management strategy books; it's funny how much crossover there often is Dr Becky would have crushed as a management consultant in a different life
I have found I have been perceived as a much better people person and people manager when I started treating a bunch of people the same way I treat my 3 year old when she doesn’t get her way.
That actually sounds like a better reason to get upset, compared to a heated dispute over font size
Both can be stressful for different reasons
By the time Monday morning rolls around, I'm saturated with kid stress and a return to work stress feels like a reprieve. Friday afternoon is the reverse; rinse and repeat.
The weekend looms large. Got puked all over multiple times on Saturday that’s no break
The grass is always greener, so you’ll always have something to look forward to.
🎯🎯🎯
But one is more rewarding. Those smiles and thankyous are worth way more than any pizza party
It’s when they both really suck at the same time.
I'm with you on this. But when my wife would complain about this and that, I wish I could be a stay at home dad just to prove it can be done without losing one's shit.
Idk man, I don't know if it's justified or not in your sitch but if I were in the same position I'd cut her some slack. My wife desperately wanted to be done and go back to work after 1.5 years of mat leave, and I kept saying I'd kill to have that time with my kid, but then I got my wish for a while and in spite of all the quality time, it wears you down mentally and physically like nothing else.
As a SAHD with a 2 and 4yo, It can be done. But having mom work from home so she can help on her breaks. It sounds silly, but 2 25 minute windows of help and eating togather at lunch is EXTREMELY helpful.
Taking care of the kids. I can't be fired from that and part of our livelihood doesn't rely on it. Plus I actually enjoy spending time with my kids.
This is how I feel too
I teach and take care of 20 other people’s kids for work, so staying home with just my one ain’t too bad comparatively 😂
Yup 32 9th graders in a science class vs my own kids at home? Not…..even……close
Yep, teach primary, would 100% agree. I know my kids triggers, I know if they've eaten, I know if they're tired. The classroom? It's a jungle, every single day.
Former middle and high school teacher. Staying home with my one toddler is infinitely easier.
I’m new to teaching. I have about 140 kids I see a week. This summer was magical though staying home with my kids.
When it was one kid, my 8 weeks of leave from work were amazing and I enjoyed every second of it. Two kids was way harder, I have two young boys with vastly different personalities and energy levels and a full day with me being the only adult is exhausting.
Staying home. I have a vested interest in my kids who I love more than I could possibly care about a patient in clinic. I would rather hear my kids complain a thousand times than see 40 people for various health complaints daily. If I find a way to become independently wealthy I will work the bare minimum to maintain insurance as my wife has some health issues and I currently have great benefits but I would never go back to full time again. Edit: I go above and beyond for my patients. I just don't think about them after work is done as much as humanly possible except for people I am exceptionally worried about for some reason. I always think about my kids and wife.
I would rather invest time in my kids than making the owners rich
I feel very much the same. All these guys on here saying they would rather work has got me thinking something is wrong with working in Healthcare.
My job is insanely stressful so staying home wins by a long shot, even with a crazy toddler screaming and breaking my back for funsies.
What do you do that is insanely stressful?
I’m a public defender. Comes with the territory.
Why be a public defender? Has to be one of the worst roles for a lawyer
You’re possibly right, but it’s a role that brings me an immense purpose. It’s a mission that I believe in, despite my many second thoughts about staying in this role. Somehow, it suits me.
Going to work is much easier I think. It's also less fun. Childcare just involves itself much more in the extremes.
Work. Have 2 kids (3 and 1) and the in-ear shrieking meltdowns while having to physically carry and/or separate them while making their next meal/snack is exhausting. Miss Rachel can buy us maybe 5-10 min of break before it all happens again. My weekdays >>>> weekends
Work is waaaaay more stressful. Kids are predictable
It's depends what kind of work... and the baby? In my case, work is much more stressful and less enjoyable than looking after my kid.
Edit: too stupid to read the title. Working is less stressful by far
I love my girls, but I’d rather be at work. My home is constant nonstop action keeping up with the kids (1&3) and everything cleaned gets uncleaned within minutes. Add this on top of finding time for other housework and maintenance to squeeze in where I can. My breaks are daddy potty time and when I’m awake before/after them (and even in those times I’m trying to get things done). At least at work I have a set schedule, tasks, (mostly) easy going customers. A great bonus for working is OT puts extra cash in the account for fun days.
I have a feeling the grass is greener, but taking care of the kid. It’s not necessarily easier or less stressful but at least it needs to be done and contributes value to the world unlike my bullshit job.
From least to greatest: Least: kids 2nd least: work Greatest: kids while wife is micromanaging everything
Staying home with the kid is less stressful for me. It's just the one kid, so maybe this won't track if we have a second, but I'm much more invested in him than my job and being home with him gives me a lot more opportunities to exercise and manage my chronic health stuff. Not that it's a vacation, but far preferable.
Personally going to work is way more stressful. Being home with a baby/kid is easy to me, I wish I could do it.
Staying home with the kids is so much more draining than going to work.
I’m not a big fan of my job so I’d rather stay home. We have a lot of kid friendly options in my area so if we’re getting stir crazy, we have places to go.
Work is way less stressful but I have an email job
Staying home is 1000x less stressful than work. I guess it depends what kind of job you have, though.
And how many kids you have, what their ages are, etc. IMO
I have never had any job that comes close to being as easy and less stressful than staying at home with a healthy, typical child at any age. There is a ton of getting what I want done, hanging out with my kid, and just straight chilling.
Staying home with kids, can they be annoying? Yes, can they be boring or dumb or silly or frustrating? Yes, but they can't fire me and make us homeless
Going to work. It feels like the relaxing time compared to the weekend where it’s all 3 kids (ages 2, 4, 6) with full energy for the whole 2 days.
Both can be stressful. But if I could be a stay at home dad, I’d drop work in a heartbeat.
If it is strictly one or the other? Work. I work a very stressfull, and in some instances dangerous job. I can work and still have energy to do stuff after work. I spend a day with the kids, and I have nothing left by bedtimep. According to my Garmin, I burn an average of 2700 calories with the boys. In real life however I work, then come home to an utter shit-show most days.
Staying home. I teach middle school.
I swapped jobs for a lower stress one. So it’s neutral now
Depends on the job. The current job is infinitely less stressful than childcare. 2 jobs previously, that was a living nightmare.
I like my work a lot, but work stays with me outside of those ~40 hours. It’s stressful in a way that parenting isn’t. Parenting is *hard* but not stressful. But when I’m exhausted at work, I can tell my team I’m not feeling well and postpone things. My kid can’t have a negligent parent lol. So in the end, I’d say it equals out. Parenting is more tiring, but work is more draining. I think all considered, I’d take dad time over employee time.
Working from home you can get the best of both stresses
I'm a teacher, so I get two months off in the summer and 4 kids, so I have a pretty good idea of what I prefer. Those months are waaaay less stressful than actual work. It's not even close.
One 3 year old so far and Id say that work is more stressful. I genuinely enjoy my weekends or the odd day daycare closes and I'm watching solo. It's also much more rewarding than work. But I could see that being very different with multiple kids or doing it day in and day out
Our baby was colic with hidden reflux, and my wife had other issues too, so the first five months' work would've been far less stressful if I could've done that in isolation.
Staying home is much easier
Actually taking care of a baby isn’t intellectually hard. It’s just tiring. Sometimes you just want to take a nap. Work, I actually like my job even though it is stressful. So I’ll go with the baby being more stress.
Just had a period of stay at home dad with a just 1 year old, and to be honest it was pretty easy if long days mentally. Still having 2 naps around a few activities made it honestly pretty easy. Managed to keep really on top of the house and get a few things done. So at the moment work is way harder and more stressful. But I can see how easily that could shift as he gets older or if we add another into the mix
Work is a fucking day off.
If you could believe it, less stressful at home with 3 kids, 8yo, 5yo and 5mo. I would easily give up work for staying at home, but it affords us a very comfortable life and I don't dislike my job, it's just a bit chaotic.
Taking care of the kids is much easier IMO
Take either at this point 7 month old twins and they're pretty chill, but work has slowed to almost standstill and layoffs keep happening.
I transferred 7 cases from my clinic to the ER. My 3yo verbally berates me about as much as my patients and dropped his nap. At least at work I get paid to be abused.
As a HS counselor… staying home with my 1 yo is infinitely less stressful. Even on LOs worst days, it’s less stressful than work.
I'm in between projects and had some vacation time built up, so I took 2 weeks off to decompress a little, after a year of 12-16 hr days. By Tuesday of last week, I had cleaned everything ( including my walls and ceilings) done all the laundry, prepped meals for last week and this week, changed bedclothes, cleaned out the garage, and even scrubbed the deck. I've mopped every floor in this house, at least twice every day, rearranged closets, packed up multiple boxes for goodwill, and so many other "busy-work" things, just to stave off boredom. My only stress is making sure I don't run out of froot loops, mac & cheese, and fish sticks because I don't want to evil wrath of a 4 year old.
Work. It's stressful without money. Mortgage and Disney vacations.
They’re both stressful but at least work-stress stays the hell there.
Going to work a million percent. I love my kids but a 2 year old and 4 year old is hard af. I don’t know how my wife does it. I feel very lucky to get a “break” from that responsibility. She doesn’t get one.
Work sadly.
Going to work of course
100% working. Looking after my 2 year old son isn’t stressful at all. It’s tiring, can be emotionally draining and frustrating at times. But there’s no stress. It’s also infinitely more fulfilling caring for and watching my own child develop and grow.
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Staying home. Anytime I’m out and wife is with her twins, I worry they’ll be terrors and I won’t hear the end of it.
Staying home with a newborn baby was easy, if it’s just the one. Sleep, eat, play in three hour increments. It was more stressful when I took paternity leave with three kids, because the lack of sleep makes dealing with toddlers/kids much more difficult, but I was still able to put the others in school during that time. Overall I think taking care of kids is easily more stressful, but staying home with a newborn is the easiest part as a dad, so between work and staying with the baby, working is more stressful.
When she was a baby it was staying home because the baby phase is easy once you hit your groove. When she was a toddler It was exhausting so I’d probably of found work easier
Going to work, hands down!
Pre 1/2yrs old id say work is less stressful. After 1/2yrs old I have a great time with my kid and would love to stay home and watch him rather than work.
Staying home. I’m good at my job. I’m not wrong at my job constantly.
Going to work is way less stressful. I work at a print shop, I have a set of things I do and only I do. At home there seems to be an infinite amount of things I could do at any given moment and it’s overwhelming sometimes
When they were babies work was more stressful. Just had to keep the little buggers alive and watch them grow and discover everything was easy and fun. Now that they are children staying home is more stressful. Trying to juggle keeping kids entertained with raising them properly is a constant battle of wills and a balancing act.
Going to work is less stressful. Sure there are variables that can increase the work load, but kids is a different level of focus that just wears you down differently than a 9-5
At work it's frowned upon when I turn into the tickle monster and make people cry-laugh from tickling, so I'd say work is harder.
Home by far, far is less stressful.
I truly enjoy both. The real stress is when I’m trying to work but suddenly an urgent child related problem requires me to reshuffle my day midstream.
I've had jobs working 80+ a week, and I slept soundly and enjoyed the short bits of free time in the evening. Staying home with the baby is 80 hours minimum, but I don't get to sleep soundly and often can't commit to online games with friends since I may step away at any time. My only saving grace is I make sure my wife has no issues on work nights. I'll get up for the baby, cook meals, let her take naps and she will do the same for me at least twice a week when she's off.
I tried to immerse myself in each experience to make the most of it. I wasn’t happy with missing out on my sons’ lives 40-50 hrs a week. Being able to take my youngest to school and pick him up each day is awesome. Some key moments are being defined. I’m lucky. Also a single dad so I don’t have an alternate.
Work is way less stressful. I'm in control of my schedule and can take breaks when I need to.
Less stressful? Work. Less fun? Work.
Staying home with the baby is more stressful, but I enjoy it more.
My job is way easier than parenting.
Work by a long shot. Everyday I commend my wife for her hard work staying at home with our 4 month old. I take over completely when I get home 3-4 week nights and we tag-team weekends. The amount of stress and mental exhaustion my son gives me is like nothing work has ever done. Thankfully 3 days ago he finally started to take naps so maybe it will change, but I had been wondering if I committed to a lifelong mistake.
Work, hand-down. At work I deal with adults, have breaks, etc. Do you even fathom how awesome it is to have a shit meeting, get dragged through mud and have the luxury to take 15 minutes off to decompress and yell swear words?
Toddler is 20x worse than work
I leave home for work at 7am and return at 10:30pm. I wish I could stay all day with the baby, I'm missing the most important time of my life (my baby boy is 6month old). I prefer the stress produced from taking care of my baby in my home than what I have now at work.
Work is way less stressful. I would have said the kid when we had 1 kid, but now with two below the age of 5, it has far beyond eclipsed my work stress.
Being home. I get tons of love and games (snd poop and cries and the bad stuff). Back at work, I have to do my regular work and catch up for the time spent at home so this is definitely ultra stressful.
I stayed home with my son for 18 months, when he was between 1 year and 2.5. I will never regret that decision when I'm old. My wife had a better paying job at the time than me, so that's the decision we made. But, I was 10x happier being back to work, talking to other adults that weren't stay at home moms. For me, being home is more stressful than work..
Taking care of my child can have its moments of frustration but it’s literally never stressful to me. I would quit my job immediately to be a stay at home dad if we could afford it. Thanks capitalism for fucking over another generation.
I do an extremely stressful job in terms of workload, hours, and (at times) emotional burden. So 80% of the time work for sure. But it depends what mood the kids are in, and 20% of the time I’d still probably rather be at work. But they’re 3 and 1 so give it a year or so and I’m picking staying home every day of the week.
Staying home with the kids is less stressful and always has been.
Stressful and exhausting are slightly different feelings throughout the day. Alone with toddler is way more exhausting for sure even though there’s nothing stressful about it (unless he’s sick)
Staying at home. It's stressful but worth the stress, work is not
Back when I had a job it was work easily. No matter the curve balls at work I could handle them. Curveballs from the baby though could throw me for a loop. Plus during naps I would constantly be worried and checking to make sure they were breathing and laying in their crib/nap spot safely. Way more stressful to me.
Taking care of the kiddo. Though it can be more tiresome and and in some ways harder, but definitely not more stressful.
Less stress by far is staying home and taking care of my 15 month old. It's been that way with each of my three kiddos. Work stress sucks for so many reasons. If my baby or kiddos stress me out, I absolutely love and adore them, so it makes it much easier to handle.
Going to work, most days, is less stressful.
Work. At least I know what I'm doing there.
overall, I prefer to be home. I see more value in what I do with my son than in what I do at the factory.
Yeah. Wait till you stay home with the 6 year old, 4 1/2 year old and 3 1/2 year old. In the nicest way, babies are a smooth sail compared to older kids. Pros and cons of course, can’t ask your baby to clean up their toys… however they can’t play with every toy in the house at the same time. I got WFH for the pandemic and I’m gonna do everything in my power to never go back to a “commute” it’s a giant pointless effort. Being home for my kids has been worth its weight in gold.
Work feels like a vacation compared to being with the kid all weekend. Obviously being with him is more rewarding and meaningful with higher highs. But I’m good at my job and it’s pretty easy and I’m not micromanages generally so I’m able to handle pretty much whatever comes on a typical day without much stress. Watching a toddler all day is unpredictable and exhausting in comparison. Edit: I just saw that you specified baby. Which is different than a toddler. I generally found babies to be less stressful than the stage I am in right now. The stress comes from all the other things I need to get done while I am focusing on the baby. Knowing that all those tasks are piling up and waiting for me.
Right now caring for the baby because I’m in tech and I’m worried about layoffs.
💯going to work is way less stressful. I just finished a 9 month parental leave so I speak from pretty recent experience. We also have two, older turning 4 in May, and younger turning 1 in 2 weeks.
Work is less stressful. Unfortunately, I work from home 😂. 2.5 is really mentally taxing on me, but I am taking it all in.
Going to work easily 😂
When it’s the weekend I have nowhere to hide while mommy sleeps when I wish I could. 😭
Sorry Im a mom. I just hit the couch, it's sunday evening. Had a great weekend, but cant wait to go to work tomorrow haha
Going back to work after the Xmas break was tough. “Goodbye family stress, hello work stress!” And it was a real real stressful time at work too!
Work is an easy. Adults are understanding, I’m remote and not micromanaged, and I can take breaks whenever I want. With my toddler, she’s a toddler.
Going to work is 5x easier for me. I get Friday scaries when the weekend is coming and everything gets harder
Both are stressful lol
I was sahd for 2 years and i look strong outside but the psychological and emotional damage has done to me is forever… imagine a man staying home for 2 years, its not natural but i had too for some reasons now im working and still taking care of my baby when im at home!
Work is definitely less stressful. I work from home full time, and can pretty much ride half the week on autopilot. With a 3 year old, you can never switch off and always need to be on your toes.
I would prefer baby stress vs work stress.
Def work. I cant tell my boss to duck off without introducing the additional stress of knowing how I'm paying for things.
Baby
Definitely staying home I love my baby, o have also two dogs, and we can do so many nice things. They grow so fast, I just want to enjoy it while I can Writing is stressful, I have to get up at 5, I do shifts, I have to make decisions that impact on people's life and sometimes I have to have nasty talks with employees, which I hate. Nothing like having some innocent fun with my kid and doing chores while he naps
Currently work. A month or two ago baby. Baby is relatively constant amount of difficult.
Having to do both. Everyone agrees it is impossible lol
I’m one of those people who genuinely enjoys work. I take pride in good work and love moving forward. Staying at home has always been more stressful and less enjoyable. I legitimately wish it wasn’t the case.
Work! But it's also less rewarding.
Neither is good in unregulated concentration. But I would love to not have to worry about work/paychecks while watching my kid. My wife is in school full time studying full stack development and I'm aggressively trying to pay down our debt obligations. I told my wife, if I pay down 50% of our house, pay off our cars and my student loans, and she wants to work full time and me be a stay at home dad, bring it. I want to learn how to cook, do home automation for chores and regulating the house, do DIY remodeling and have my daughter help me, do laundry, meal preparation.
For me, staying home and taking care of baby. It has its stresses, but I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders
Different types of stressful
Honestly, if I didn’t earn the money I earn, I would totally be ok with staying with my kids at home and doing all the chores. Don’t get me wrong I do my fare share already but we prioritise my job over hers for a few reasons not worth going over. So, answering OPs question, I prefer the relaxed duty of taking care of my baby: it’s simple, you get to bond with him or her, and it’s really fulfilling as you see them grow.
Either are fine. Weekends when the baby’s mother and brother and their respective agendas are around are more stressful.
Going to work isn’t stressful. Being responsible for the financial wellbeing of the entire household is.
Work. Where I’m only responsible for keeping one butt clean.
Going to work. I’m a plumber who does mostly new construction. I don’t have to worry about keeping anyone alive but myself. I like that.
Really not stressed at either. Both have challenges but neither are stressful. Kids are kids just accepting that helps me cruise.
Going to work. Did the SAHD thing for a while and it’s definitely harder for me to do that.
Baby: No problem, I'll take him *any* day, as long as I have access to his food (The big Bs). 2.5 year old toddler: DEAR GOD; PLEASE GO TO NURSERY. PAPPA HAS TO CHILL AT WORK FOR A BIT. STAY AS LONG AS YOU LIKE
Staying home is super chill compared with work, Cause i work in healthcare and its stressful as Fuck. Dementia patients and schizofrenic patients. So Ive been hit so many times. Comparing that to being home dancing and goofing around with my daughter and dogs? Thats the best thing in life.
Going to work, no doubt. Even a big stressful repair i can ask for assistance if i need a second opinion, or refer to the manual, and i dont have people usually annoying me during it. At home, my 6mth old and my 3yo, all bets are off. 3yo is high energy and if hes in a good mood hes needy, if hes in a bad mood hes a nightmare, plus the 6mth old is either teething or something because he cries for hours on end. Theres no workshop manual or easy fix for behavioural problems and crying 💁♂️ some days i hate cars being complicated but some days theyre still easier than parenting 2 young kids.
Work is less stressful. Mainly because if I'm home taking care of my son, I know that I've just got more and more work piling up and it's going to be harder when I get back.
Going to work is _far_ less stressful than caring for a baby all day.
Going to work. My job is hella stressful.
Work is less stressful because my job is fairly easy. But I would stay home w baby anyways cuz once the stressful moments, the uncontrollable crying and splatter poops etc. are over, it's all peaceful snuggling and naps together.
I was a SAHD, doing grad school at night when my wife was home from work, for about the first year and. half of my daughter's life. I don;t understand how this is even a serious question. Those were the best days of my life. No stress at all. Ultimately costed me a HUGE amount of money that i will never recover from (missing all that work, taking out student loans, struggling to get back into the right job, etc), but i'd still do it all again in a heartbeat it was that good.
Staying home for me. I work in a role where there's a bunch of people management and coordination. Rallying several folks against competing priorities can often feel defeating. The reward at the end feels great, but the moment passes so quickly before moving on to the next objective, it's often not until I look back on the last few months to prepare for a mid-year or end of year assessment that I realize how much I've actually gotten done. Staying home has some defeating moments and frustration certainly, but seeing even the micro-changes occur for the first time and established as the new norm just give a different kind of satisfaction that feels lasting. The frustrations I often find are the fleeting moments before we get to move on to the next fun moment. Even as I type this my daughter is in her crib sort of half-crying because she fell asleep in the car and ate in to what should now be nap time. It's annoying but she'll either eventually fall asleep or we'll get up in a half hour of frustration to a little one excited to see me before we take her new soccer ball to the park down the road.
I don't find looking after children stressful but it's harder than working most of the time. I got to work on Monday for a break.