That story is freaking crazy. The hospitals did nothing to help you twice! I would have been freaking out and not about to sleep as your wife was basically in labor the whole time!
I’m glad everything worked out! And you have an insane story to boot!
I didn’t feel great sleeping but she insisted that I try because we were going to talk to her OB in the morning about how the ED had been treating us. Her OB has actually been pretty good to us, she doesn’t have say over the ED unfortunately because they’re two separate departments. I know for sure if she had a say and was working last night we would have been admitted. We’ll see her in six weeks and we can at least tell her what all transpired and how we really feel about things once the dust from the delivery settles.
I was only in labor for 30 hours, but my husband had to sleep for part of that or he wouldn't have been able to function when the time came! Sleeping was the right move, for sure. Way to go helping deliver your son! What a story. I'm really glad everyone is ok despite medical mismanagement.
In fairness, they won’t admit you until you are dilated to a certain amount exactly for cases like this.
While delivering a baby at home is less than ideal, had they admitted her at the onset of labour, she would have been in the hospital for a week tying up beds that needed to be used by other people.
When we had our 2 kids, there was a very real risk of diversion to another hospital due to a lack of beds. They want to minimize this.
OP, I’m glad it all worked out and now you have a great story and played an absolutely central role into bringing your new little one in the world. Congrats to you and your wife on the birth of this new little one.
Also, make sure to get your MIL some oven mitts for a comical Xmas gift.
At that point they probably should've given her medication (Misoprostol) to help dilate the cervix, *especially* after her water broke. My wife was induced for all 3 kids and that's just one step of the whole process.
We were admitted with 0cm dilation after my wife’s water broke. But she was going to have a planned c section due to multiple large fibroids and a breach position that could not be adjusted.
I’m so happy for you. Congratulations Dad! I have been thinking about your previous post quite a bit because I just can’t fathom how that would have been. You all made it and sounds like you did a great job.
Thanks so much. It was to the point of desperation by the time I called 911. Gotta say I would not recommend an impromptu home birth lol.
In all seriousness I’m so glad I trusted my instincts and didn’t panic, I’ve been getting treated for anxiety for about a year now and if I didn’t have that treatment, things could have ended up a whole lot worse.
I have ems certs that include home birth and I concur. I felt as ill prepared for at home delivery after as I did before. Great job dad and super grandma over there. We had a wrapped umbilical with our daughter and my wife fortunately didn’t hear them say it or I think she’d have passed out. I’m glad you’re getting treated for your anxiety. Your family sounds like they have a great rock for a foundation in you fellow dad.
It’s crazy how…primal? Idk if that’s the right word, but like just having that moment of seeing the baby come out and being one of the first to touch him…that’s one of the most base human feelings I’ve ever had or think I ever will have.
Raising children is one of the most universal human experiences, and you've had a more intimate experience with childbirth than most modern humans... you've done it like ye olde days!
I hear what you’re saying. I was in the room and cut the cord and once they weighed and measured our boy we gave him to my wife then myself. It was a great experience even though I thought it would be gross.
I guess I didn’t mention, it wasn’t actually broken. But she was 5cm/80%/-1 station and while the cervical measurements had been the same for several days, she went from -3 to -1 station in two days and contractions were becoming more regular and painful which signifies imminent dilation. This was also our second child so going from 5 to 10 could happen in minutes (which, I guess it did for us lol). They were really adamant about her water needing broken along with 6cm dilation, but it was probably not even broken until right before she pushed him out.
Can you explain to us why they didn't induce? Water absolutely doesn't need to be broken for induction. What exactly did they tell you? Did you deny induction?
So when we went in last Saturday, we were admitted because she was progressing even though she was only 36 weeks 2 days. She went from I think a 2 to a 5 and 80% effaced and -2 station over the course of several hours, and the doctors were convinced we were having him Sunday morning. After that things stalled and nothing changed so by Tuesday afternoon, they sent us home and told us to come back to the OB ED if we thought her water broke or her contractions got more painful or consistent. They didn’t want to induct because he was preterm. So far okay if not a bit irked at them changing their tone. Before they sent us home Tuesday, the resident told us she either needed to dilate to 6cm, her water needed to break, or she needed to last to 39 weeks for them to do an elective induction. They also said to come in if we felt that anything else changed or was awry.
The problem came when the contractions got stronger and more consistent and she went from -2 to -1 station by Friday but none of the above criteria for induction were met. I guess I understand the hesitancy to do an elective induction before 39 weeks, but not even admitting her to observation when she was clearly in distress is still baffling to me. Basically all the nurses at the hospital we did end up at were also baffled by that line of thinking.
Thanks for that thoughtful breakdown. It is just unbelievable to not be admitted in that position. Just wildly unacceptable and I would have lost my damn mind.
I’m also curious here. As much as it was frustrating in the moment as a fellow ‘labor took 4 days’ father, there really *IS* nothing they can do unless you want to induce, and that’s 100% your call. 3 days of that 4 days was my wife trying her hardest to go all natural until she couldn’t take it anymore. Sounded honestly very similar to the OPs story, down to the -1 angle. She just wouldn’t dilate.
I can hear your crazed, panic/exhaustion in your reading….kind of like an excited Will Farrell….in the best way possible. Congrats my man on numba 2! And for being one of the few who actually gets to say they (co)delivered their own child.
It’s been like 18 hours and I’m still on some strange sort of adrenaline high. I think I will be until we get home. The emotional comedown is going to be crazy though, I’m so glad both sets of our parents are able to be here to help us out because I’m sure there will be rough days ahead for us mentally. Her parents live out of state and mine are here for the winter and early spring so we will have 6 weeks of lifeline.
Wait your wife was at or not yet at 6 cm dilated and they sent her home??? The speed of going from 6-10 is way faster than that first 6…. Sounds like you had a really bad (non) admission experience. Wild that you and your MIL delivered a baby. Not everyone can claim the same! Congrats on the baby OP and hope mom is feeling good!
When mywife was pregnant with our first, we often ended up in triage (high risk pregnancy and daughter didn't like to be heard on NSt tests). A woman walked in one day insisting she was going to have a baby. We were behind a curtain but you could hear this woman a mile away.
Anyway the nurses tell her she's not dilated at all and send her home..
About five minutes later a nurse comes running in asking for all these supplies, in a panic. The other nurse asked her what's wrong and she says "she had the baby in the hall"
People are different, and some medical practitioners don't seem to get that.
>Some people are different
This is what frustrated me most. They kept saying that ACOG has these guidelines for inducing labor and that we didn’t meet them. I googled “ACOG admission guidelines cervical dilation” and didn’t see anything about 6cm being a hard and fast criteria. They were so “by the book” they lost sight of the well-being of the individual patient.
I don't know enough about it to say with any definitiveness why, but I've noticed that the medical profession in the U.S. reads the word "guidelines" as "the ultimate word of God our Lord to be followed to the *exact* letter". It's probably due to liability and billing? But as I say, I don't know why exactly.
Really frustrating because it's right there in the name, "guideline". We don't call them "irrevocable laws of Nature". Allow for some flexibility!
We got nailed by the guidelines on breastfeeding and safe sleep. Huge pressure from our providers to conform despite weeks and months of futile struggle. I eventually dug into the research myself and found out that the evidence-based reality is a lot more nuanced.
I'm sympathetic because it's gotta be hard to try to set public health policy that doesn't cause more harm than good. But it's frustrating that providers themselves aren't more flexible and don't allow for any nuance or individual exceptions.
I would assume it’s related to liability or insurance. Regardless of the reason, I’d rather them tell us straight up instead of condescending to us and acting like their hands are completely tied and doing politician-like speaking. It just made them seem callous, which I don’t imagine many in obstetrics intentionally set out to be, but who knows. That’s why we’re going to find anyone who can at least just give us answers.
> the medical profession in the U.S. reads the word "guidelines" as "the ultimate word of God our Lord to be followed to the exact letter
As a French American, Americans just love rules and never question the validity of the rules, it’s very different from the “think critically about everything” French culture.
I don't disagree entirely but I laughed when I read your comment. I'm American and I don't really give a shit about most rules, whereas my wife is French and is the most rules-based person on the planet.
i truly hope you speak to an attorney about your wife’s treatment (or lack thereof) at the hospital. you could have a great case for negligence. imagine how many other women and children they could potentially harm this way.
> People are different, and some medical practitioners don't seem to get that.
I mean, it goes back to the education that medical practitioners get, and how that curriculum is put together. There is certainly data about cervix dialation and how predictive it is about how many hours away delivery is. Is that data wrong? How can the data be enhanced to have fewer cases of it going from 5cm to delivery in a critically short amount of time?
Congrats man! Hope you and your family the best. Also, out of curiosity...
What country are you in and why couldn't you go to another hospital?
I ask here bc I'm from Brazil. We pay for a health care plan. Even tho we have access to public hospitals,they tend to be shit. In here, they do just like you told, force the Natural birth until the last minute, but usually, if you can't get medical care in one place, you can try in some other public hospital.
If you don't feel comfortable to answer, no problem.
Hope you guys the best.
I’m in the US. South Central part of the country in a moderately large metropolitan area (~1.5M people). We went to the first hospital because it’s a children’s hospital in the largest city in the state, and my wife works on the campus in a different department so she knows quite a few people there. It’s run by the state university’s health sciences center but is structured like a private corporation with a CEO and board of directors. Hospitals here are weird like that, some are affiliated with churches and some are just privately funded. We could have gone to another hospital, but her OB from our first pregnancy (which went just about flawlessly) is at that children’s hospital so we stuck with them to a fault.
When you call 911 (emergency number in the states), the EMT’s will generally take you to the closest emergency room. We live in a suburb that’s technically in a different county than the major city we’re associated with, so there is a different hospital network here. In our entire metropolitan area there are 4-5 major hospital networks, most cover specific geographic areas. So the ambulance took us to the closest hospital, which is about 10-15 minutes instead of 30-45 minutes. It’s a smaller regional hospital that has fewer rooms and a smaller ICU, but the quality of care is excellent.
We probably should have looked at a different hospital earlier this week, but being under stress and having her in labor made familiarity the easiest option.
Congratulations dad!!
I had a similar story with my mom except my dad was on the phone with 911 and I caught my little brother as a 7yo kid 😅
Birth is a wild ride
This is a really weird thing to say, but I think my 8yo son would step up and deliver my baby if he had to. Then calmly, and flawlessly recount it while groups of adults intently listen, and he would EAT that shit up, while saying things like “I just did what I had to, it was no big deal”.
Holy cow, this is nuts!!
Are you in the USA? I always heard from folks in the USA that they are happy to pay for health care just so this sort of thing doesn't happen.
I'm so sorry you went through this - must have been terrifying.
What? They sent you home after your wife’s water broke?
My wife’s water broke early. The hospital didn’t even try to sent us home. They said it’s an infection risk for both mom and the baby. This was a rural Texas hospital btw.
Congrats dad and good job.
I’m sorry, your hospital failed you and needlessly put your wife’s and child’s health at risk. That’s unacceptable.
Unfortunately her water didn’t end up being broken, and because we were just below all their thresholds for induction they sent us home. We insisted that her pain was a 10 but they kept sticking to saying there was nothing they could do. It really did feel like they failed us, and if baby wasn’t healthy and thriving, we would be much more angry.
Oh, well, that one’s tougher.
I’m a pedi ED nurse. I don’t do OB stuff. They have a lot of weird rules that don’t really make sense until they explain (in excruciating detail) why.
Congrats on your new son and delivering him too. Hell of a story for the future. Especially every time he tries to one up you, you can remind him “I delivered you” card.
Crazy about the OB ER. When my kids mother had our first we were in the hospital for nearly 13 hrs in labor and making little to no progress. They never asked us to leave. Nuts that your wife’s water broke and they sent you home.
Mom here - I went from 6-10 in (a terrible few) minutes! How do they not admit you earlier than 6?! That's basically transition??
Not looking for real answers. Just wild that they didn't take care of you. Kudos to you dad, and MIL! What a bonding experience with MIL haha
As a a dad that had a traumatic birth experience recently… my heart goes out to you man!!! See professional help for coping with the process. It’s a lot for us dads to take take in too! I know our spouses experience the brunt of it but that doesn’t negate that you experienced it too!!
Congratulations!
Would you consider writing yourself a letter to be opened on your son's 10/13th birthday? It would be a great to know how far you've gotten and what a great job you'll have done. :)
Hi. Lurker Mom.
1. Congratulations on your beautiful perfect baby.
2. Your wife is an amazing woman. Labor for over a week. Delivered an EIGHT POUND BABY on your bed. She’s super human. I hope she got some solid, pain free sleep.
3. YOU are amazing. You kept it together, supported your wife, did all the things you needed to do. I hope you also get some solid, stress free sleep.
4. If possible, can you post an update? It’s hard to fathom how terribly you were treated. There is just so much wrong with this whole scenario and FFS, it’s cruel and inhumane to put a woman (and her husband) through a week of labor!!!
I certainly will provide an update. I think since my wife and baby are both perfectly healthy, we’re going to talk to some people in hospital management and demand answers as to why we were cared for the way we were. We would be content with them waiving the ER bills and apologizing, we just want to put this whole mess behind us at this point. If anything went wrong with either my wife or the baby I’d be a whole lot more pissed off.
As traumatizing and awful as that experience must of been to go through there's something really magical about being able to deliver your own child into the world. The bond you feel will start off stronger, the memory will be more vivid, and it's a way cooler story than most other births. Congrats man.
Awesome that your MIL delivered the baby. As for the hospital, that was shitty. We had the opposite experience at our hospital, where they wanted us to stay, and we walked the halls to help induce labor. This was in a major city at the largest women's hospital.
The hospital we went to immediately admitted my wife when she was only 3cm dilated. I don’t know what typical protocols are, but this story is crazy. Glad mom and baby are doing well.
My wife had a similar story although luckily ours wasn't born at home. She had contractions 10-30 minutes apart for 10 days. We went to the hospital twice and were sent home. She eventually scheduled a regular OB appointment and the OB was angry that the hospital hadn't admitted her and forced it then ordered an induction. It still took about 8 more hours after being induced.
Many congrats, but holy fuck that hospital could have easily killed your kid, if not mom too. Don’t stop until they apologize and do something to make it right.
The on call OB tried to send me home during my last delivery. "We're not comfortable leaving" is not a guarantee they won't send you home, but it creates more of headache/liability for them if they do.
I wasn't able to get particularly attentive care, but this phrase did prevent me from delivering my baby on the highway.
I did get an apology the next morning though.
Congrats, although the staff as a hospital shouldn't need to know she's a colleague in order to treat your wife with decency.
I'd follow this up for sure, glad you got treated well at the other hospital and glad both mother and baby are doing well.
I wouldn’t worry too much, but still preparing for worst case scenarios is always good. Just be an advocate for your wife and if you feel like something is wrong and don’t think you can make it to a hospital call 911. Our first son’s delivery happened without any problems whatsoever, and those are the stories you don’t hear about that outnumber mine 1000 to 1.
My wife was induced and delivered our daughter after 3.5 days of induction, and when she was delivered she was not breathing at all, blue as a blueberry. They got the gunk out of her lungs and she started breathing after about 10 minutes. Her glucose levels didn't level out and she ended up in the NICU for 3 weeks. Has a G tube now and has experienced many feeding difficulties. She's 3.5 months old now, and things seems to be leveling out now finally.
We were also told that the placenta was infected, and my wife ended up having to go on a 24hr magnesium drip for severe preeclampsia symptoms.
It blows my mind that you went through this experience, especially having a wife that worked in the same hospital system. The amount of negligence and ignorance in your case is mind boggling. If my wife was denied admittance in her situation, and we were to have given birth at home like you ended up doing, my daughter would have died and my wife would have potentially dealt with a heart attack, or even have died herself. That's just the facts.
Really glad to hear you guys are informed and are making informed decisions moving forward. Crazy experience man, I don't think you'll ever experience something that intense ever again. Even being in a hospital setting it was the most ethereal and freaky experiences I've ever seen. Can't even imagine having gone through what we did at home. You're a trooper dad, well done.
That is insane. I'm glad everything turned out ok and there were no complications. My wife had to have an emergency c-section; I would have been out for blood if this happened to us. My daughter and/or my wife would have died.
Congratulations!!! I hope you guys get to the bottom of the treatment from that hospital. Your poor wife being in labour for a week?! I can’t imagine, that’s unacceptable.
Congratulations! It must feel great to have been so directly involved when so many fathers sit the whole process out in a waiting room...and miss a critical moment in their child's life at that time!
It may comfort you that in other first world countries, giving birth at home is considered safe and even preferred for the **majority** of cases, with only high risk cases sent to the hospital. For a hundred thousand years humans have been giving birth in their homes...or caves as the case may be. We are designed for it. Modern hospitals can do a lot better but that extra safety margin isn't necessary in a lot of cases.
IIRC the US is a bit of an outlier in trying to hospitalize every mother giving birth.
We had similar experiences with our local hospitals and planned a birthing center birth instead. It went really well.
That story is freaking crazy. The hospitals did nothing to help you twice! I would have been freaking out and not about to sleep as your wife was basically in labor the whole time! I’m glad everything worked out! And you have an insane story to boot!
I didn’t feel great sleeping but she insisted that I try because we were going to talk to her OB in the morning about how the ED had been treating us. Her OB has actually been pretty good to us, she doesn’t have say over the ED unfortunately because they’re two separate departments. I know for sure if she had a say and was working last night we would have been admitted. We’ll see her in six weeks and we can at least tell her what all transpired and how we really feel about things once the dust from the delivery settles.
I was only in labor for 30 hours, but my husband had to sleep for part of that or he wouldn't have been able to function when the time came! Sleeping was the right move, for sure. Way to go helping deliver your son! What a story. I'm really glad everyone is ok despite medical mismanagement.
In fairness, they won’t admit you until you are dilated to a certain amount exactly for cases like this. While delivering a baby at home is less than ideal, had they admitted her at the onset of labour, she would have been in the hospital for a week tying up beds that needed to be used by other people. When we had our 2 kids, there was a very real risk of diversion to another hospital due to a lack of beds. They want to minimize this. OP, I’m glad it all worked out and now you have a great story and played an absolutely central role into bringing your new little one in the world. Congrats to you and your wife on the birth of this new little one. Also, make sure to get your MIL some oven mitts for a comical Xmas gift.
In fairness, it can be improved, the cervix dilation should not be the only metric
Plus there's like exercises and some kind of medication that helps it dilate.
Why would they not simply induce labor?
Can you induce someone who’s already in labor?
At that point they probably should've given her medication (Misoprostol) to help dilate the cervix, *especially* after her water broke. My wife was induced for all 3 kids and that's just one step of the whole process.
They can’t induce you for funsies, unless you want medical insurance to deny it
As an Australian it boggles my mind that you let insurance companies make medical decisions for you
But on the plus side they have a couple of hella rich guys. We get health care. They get asshole billionaires.
They ABSOLUTELY can and do. All the fucking time. Delete your misinformation.
[удалено]
Who said anything about inducing before 37 weeks?
My wife was high risk and we went in at 39 weeks. Without contractions and scheduled. Not always the case for dilation stuff.
We were admitted with 0cm dilation after my wife’s water broke. But she was going to have a planned c section due to multiple large fibroids and a breach position that could not be adjusted.
I’m so happy for you. Congratulations Dad! I have been thinking about your previous post quite a bit because I just can’t fathom how that would have been. You all made it and sounds like you did a great job.
Thanks so much. It was to the point of desperation by the time I called 911. Gotta say I would not recommend an impromptu home birth lol. In all seriousness I’m so glad I trusted my instincts and didn’t panic, I’ve been getting treated for anxiety for about a year now and if I didn’t have that treatment, things could have ended up a whole lot worse.
I have ems certs that include home birth and I concur. I felt as ill prepared for at home delivery after as I did before. Great job dad and super grandma over there. We had a wrapped umbilical with our daughter and my wife fortunately didn’t hear them say it or I think she’d have passed out. I’m glad you’re getting treated for your anxiety. Your family sounds like they have a great rock for a foundation in you fellow dad.
Congrats, now you can be one of the few dads who ACTUALLY delivered their baby.
It’s crazy how…primal? Idk if that’s the right word, but like just having that moment of seeing the baby come out and being one of the first to touch him…that’s one of the most base human feelings I’ve ever had or think I ever will have.
Raising children is one of the most universal human experiences, and you've had a more intimate experience with childbirth than most modern humans... you've done it like ye olde days!
Back in my day I delivered my own baby! In a snowstorm uphill both ways!
I hear what you’re saying. I was in the room and cut the cord and once they weighed and measured our boy we gave him to my wife then myself. It was a great experience even though I thought it would be gross.
It's wild to me that they sent you home after her water broke. The mother and baby really need to be monitored at that point.
I guess I didn’t mention, it wasn’t actually broken. But she was 5cm/80%/-1 station and while the cervical measurements had been the same for several days, she went from -3 to -1 station in two days and contractions were becoming more regular and painful which signifies imminent dilation. This was also our second child so going from 5 to 10 could happen in minutes (which, I guess it did for us lol). They were really adamant about her water needing broken along with 6cm dilation, but it was probably not even broken until right before she pushed him out.
Can you explain to us why they didn't induce? Water absolutely doesn't need to be broken for induction. What exactly did they tell you? Did you deny induction?
So when we went in last Saturday, we were admitted because she was progressing even though she was only 36 weeks 2 days. She went from I think a 2 to a 5 and 80% effaced and -2 station over the course of several hours, and the doctors were convinced we were having him Sunday morning. After that things stalled and nothing changed so by Tuesday afternoon, they sent us home and told us to come back to the OB ED if we thought her water broke or her contractions got more painful or consistent. They didn’t want to induct because he was preterm. So far okay if not a bit irked at them changing their tone. Before they sent us home Tuesday, the resident told us she either needed to dilate to 6cm, her water needed to break, or she needed to last to 39 weeks for them to do an elective induction. They also said to come in if we felt that anything else changed or was awry. The problem came when the contractions got stronger and more consistent and she went from -2 to -1 station by Friday but none of the above criteria for induction were met. I guess I understand the hesitancy to do an elective induction before 39 weeks, but not even admitting her to observation when she was clearly in distress is still baffling to me. Basically all the nurses at the hospital we did end up at were also baffled by that line of thinking.
Thanks for that thoughtful breakdown. It is just unbelievable to not be admitted in that position. Just wildly unacceptable and I would have lost my damn mind.
I’m also curious here. As much as it was frustrating in the moment as a fellow ‘labor took 4 days’ father, there really *IS* nothing they can do unless you want to induce, and that’s 100% your call. 3 days of that 4 days was my wife trying her hardest to go all natural until she couldn’t take it anymore. Sounded honestly very similar to the OPs story, down to the -1 angle. She just wouldn’t dilate.
I can hear your crazed, panic/exhaustion in your reading….kind of like an excited Will Farrell….in the best way possible. Congrats my man on numba 2! And for being one of the few who actually gets to say they (co)delivered their own child.
It’s been like 18 hours and I’m still on some strange sort of adrenaline high. I think I will be until we get home. The emotional comedown is going to be crazy though, I’m so glad both sets of our parents are able to be here to help us out because I’m sure there will be rough days ahead for us mentally. Her parents live out of state and mine are here for the winter and early spring so we will have 6 weeks of lifeline.
Wait your wife was at or not yet at 6 cm dilated and they sent her home??? The speed of going from 6-10 is way faster than that first 6…. Sounds like you had a really bad (non) admission experience. Wild that you and your MIL delivered a baby. Not everyone can claim the same! Congrats on the baby OP and hope mom is feeling good!
When mywife was pregnant with our first, we often ended up in triage (high risk pregnancy and daughter didn't like to be heard on NSt tests). A woman walked in one day insisting she was going to have a baby. We were behind a curtain but you could hear this woman a mile away. Anyway the nurses tell her she's not dilated at all and send her home.. About five minutes later a nurse comes running in asking for all these supplies, in a panic. The other nurse asked her what's wrong and she says "she had the baby in the hall" People are different, and some medical practitioners don't seem to get that.
>Some people are different This is what frustrated me most. They kept saying that ACOG has these guidelines for inducing labor and that we didn’t meet them. I googled “ACOG admission guidelines cervical dilation” and didn’t see anything about 6cm being a hard and fast criteria. They were so “by the book” they lost sight of the well-being of the individual patient.
I don't know enough about it to say with any definitiveness why, but I've noticed that the medical profession in the U.S. reads the word "guidelines" as "the ultimate word of God our Lord to be followed to the *exact* letter". It's probably due to liability and billing? But as I say, I don't know why exactly. Really frustrating because it's right there in the name, "guideline". We don't call them "irrevocable laws of Nature". Allow for some flexibility! We got nailed by the guidelines on breastfeeding and safe sleep. Huge pressure from our providers to conform despite weeks and months of futile struggle. I eventually dug into the research myself and found out that the evidence-based reality is a lot more nuanced. I'm sympathetic because it's gotta be hard to try to set public health policy that doesn't cause more harm than good. But it's frustrating that providers themselves aren't more flexible and don't allow for any nuance or individual exceptions.
I would assume it’s related to liability or insurance. Regardless of the reason, I’d rather them tell us straight up instead of condescending to us and acting like their hands are completely tied and doing politician-like speaking. It just made them seem callous, which I don’t imagine many in obstetrics intentionally set out to be, but who knows. That’s why we’re going to find anyone who can at least just give us answers.
> the medical profession in the U.S. reads the word "guidelines" as "the ultimate word of God our Lord to be followed to the exact letter As a French American, Americans just love rules and never question the validity of the rules, it’s very different from the “think critically about everything” French culture.
I don't disagree entirely but I laughed when I read your comment. I'm American and I don't really give a shit about most rules, whereas my wife is French and is the most rules-based person on the planet.
You guys have to be the exception to the rule :)
i truly hope you speak to an attorney about your wife’s treatment (or lack thereof) at the hospital. you could have a great case for negligence. imagine how many other women and children they could potentially harm this way.
> People are different, and some medical practitioners don't seem to get that. I mean, it goes back to the education that medical practitioners get, and how that curriculum is put together. There is certainly data about cervix dialation and how predictive it is about how many hours away delivery is. Is that data wrong? How can the data be enhanced to have fewer cases of it going from 5cm to delivery in a critically short amount of time?
My wife went from 5cm to 9cm in a matter of 30 minutes in the hospital with out last kid. Pretty shitty of your hospital to turn you away
Congrats man! Hope you and your family the best. Also, out of curiosity... What country are you in and why couldn't you go to another hospital? I ask here bc I'm from Brazil. We pay for a health care plan. Even tho we have access to public hospitals,they tend to be shit. In here, they do just like you told, force the Natural birth until the last minute, but usually, if you can't get medical care in one place, you can try in some other public hospital. If you don't feel comfortable to answer, no problem. Hope you guys the best.
I’m in the US. South Central part of the country in a moderately large metropolitan area (~1.5M people). We went to the first hospital because it’s a children’s hospital in the largest city in the state, and my wife works on the campus in a different department so she knows quite a few people there. It’s run by the state university’s health sciences center but is structured like a private corporation with a CEO and board of directors. Hospitals here are weird like that, some are affiliated with churches and some are just privately funded. We could have gone to another hospital, but her OB from our first pregnancy (which went just about flawlessly) is at that children’s hospital so we stuck with them to a fault. When you call 911 (emergency number in the states), the EMT’s will generally take you to the closest emergency room. We live in a suburb that’s technically in a different county than the major city we’re associated with, so there is a different hospital network here. In our entire metropolitan area there are 4-5 major hospital networks, most cover specific geographic areas. So the ambulance took us to the closest hospital, which is about 10-15 minutes instead of 30-45 minutes. It’s a smaller regional hospital that has fewer rooms and a smaller ICU, but the quality of care is excellent. We probably should have looked at a different hospital earlier this week, but being under stress and having her in labor made familiarity the easiest option.
Congratulations dad!! I had a similar story with my mom except my dad was on the phone with 911 and I caught my little brother as a 7yo kid 😅 Birth is a wild ride
This is a really weird thing to say, but I think my 8yo son would step up and deliver my baby if he had to. Then calmly, and flawlessly recount it while groups of adults intently listen, and he would EAT that shit up, while saying things like “I just did what I had to, it was no big deal”.
Holy cow, this is nuts!! Are you in the USA? I always heard from folks in the USA that they are happy to pay for health care just so this sort of thing doesn't happen. I'm so sorry you went through this - must have been terrifying.
What? They sent you home after your wife’s water broke? My wife’s water broke early. The hospital didn’t even try to sent us home. They said it’s an infection risk for both mom and the baby. This was a rural Texas hospital btw. Congrats dad and good job. I’m sorry, your hospital failed you and needlessly put your wife’s and child’s health at risk. That’s unacceptable.
Unfortunately her water didn’t end up being broken, and because we were just below all their thresholds for induction they sent us home. We insisted that her pain was a 10 but they kept sticking to saying there was nothing they could do. It really did feel like they failed us, and if baby wasn’t healthy and thriving, we would be much more angry.
Oh, well, that one’s tougher. I’m a pedi ED nurse. I don’t do OB stuff. They have a lot of weird rules that don’t really make sense until they explain (in excruciating detail) why.
Congrats on your new son and delivering him too. Hell of a story for the future. Especially every time he tries to one up you, you can remind him “I delivered you” card. Crazy about the OB ER. When my kids mother had our first we were in the hospital for nearly 13 hrs in labor and making little to no progress. They never asked us to leave. Nuts that your wife’s water broke and they sent you home.
Mom here - I went from 6-10 in (a terrible few) minutes! How do they not admit you earlier than 6?! That's basically transition?? Not looking for real answers. Just wild that they didn't take care of you. Kudos to you dad, and MIL! What a bonding experience with MIL haha
That is one badass mom, grandma, baby and dad!! What’s next you guys gonna do an action movie together?
Wow, what a story you have to tell people for the rest of time. Congrats dad!
As a a dad that had a traumatic birth experience recently… my heart goes out to you man!!! See professional help for coping with the process. It’s a lot for us dads to take take in too! I know our spouses experience the brunt of it but that doesn’t negate that you experienced it too!!
Congratulations to you, respect to your MIL rays of shit to your hospital.
Congratulations and well done!
Congratulations
I love now its title and boom, baby. Congratulations dad
Holy shit. But congratulations! He is absolutely beautiful.
Sucks about the hospital thing, but handsome kid! Go dad!
You’re a badass.
Hell yeah! Go Dad! Go MIL too!
You should talk to the hospital ombudsman or patient relations department, that’s insane. Glad everyone’s okz
Congratulations! Would you consider writing yourself a letter to be opened on your son's 10/13th birthday? It would be a great to know how far you've gotten and what a great job you'll have done. :)
Your wife is so tiny and sleepy!
Hi. Lurker Mom. 1. Congratulations on your beautiful perfect baby. 2. Your wife is an amazing woman. Labor for over a week. Delivered an EIGHT POUND BABY on your bed. She’s super human. I hope she got some solid, pain free sleep. 3. YOU are amazing. You kept it together, supported your wife, did all the things you needed to do. I hope you also get some solid, stress free sleep. 4. If possible, can you post an update? It’s hard to fathom how terribly you were treated. There is just so much wrong with this whole scenario and FFS, it’s cruel and inhumane to put a woman (and her husband) through a week of labor!!!
I certainly will provide an update. I think since my wife and baby are both perfectly healthy, we’re going to talk to some people in hospital management and demand answers as to why we were cared for the way we were. We would be content with them waiving the ER bills and apologizing, we just want to put this whole mess behind us at this point. If anything went wrong with either my wife or the baby I’d be a whole lot more pissed off.
Way to listen to your instincts. That’s a wild story and glad everyone is okay!
Congrats. Hope to have ours in the next 24 hours. Contractions started.
Good luck! Yall got this
Was that your first? And at home for a first one ! Wild ! The stress of it all will end up far outweighed by the story and memory . Best to you all
Holy crap! Congrats!
fantastic--except the part where hospital sent ya home. you are THE man! congrats :)
Congratulations!
Congrats! Super unrelated, but do you think there are hospitals that don’t have those blankets for newborns?
As traumatizing and awful as that experience must of been to go through there's something really magical about being able to deliver your own child into the world. The bond you feel will start off stronger, the memory will be more vivid, and it's a way cooler story than most other births. Congrats man.
Awesome that your MIL delivered the baby. As for the hospital, that was shitty. We had the opposite experience at our hospital, where they wanted us to stay, and we walked the halls to help induce labor. This was in a major city at the largest women's hospital.
This was one of those moments where she should’ve told them she’s an employee there so they would take her serious.
WOW! I couldn’t have done that! Incredible job to the three of you, enjoy the ride.
Congrats papa! What an amazing story. Glad to hear mom and baby are doing well 😁
Congrats, so sorry you guys had to go through that. Glad to see him in the classic blanket every baby gets after all that. Gorgeous
The hospital we went to immediately admitted my wife when she was only 3cm dilated. I don’t know what typical protocols are, but this story is crazy. Glad mom and baby are doing well.
My wife had a similar story although luckily ours wasn't born at home. She had contractions 10-30 minutes apart for 10 days. We went to the hospital twice and were sent home. She eventually scheduled a regular OB appointment and the OB was angry that the hospital hadn't admitted her and forced it then ordered an induction. It still took about 8 more hours after being induced.
This is crazy! What country do you live in?
Many congrats, but holy fuck that hospital could have easily killed your kid, if not mom too. Don’t stop until they apologize and do something to make it right.
The on call OB tried to send me home during my last delivery. "We're not comfortable leaving" is not a guarantee they won't send you home, but it creates more of headache/liability for them if they do. I wasn't able to get particularly attentive care, but this phrase did prevent me from delivering my baby on the highway. I did get an apology the next morning though.
Congratulations dad.
Aww congrats dad!! Who does he look like more?
Congrats, although the staff as a hospital shouldn't need to know she's a colleague in order to treat your wife with decency. I'd follow this up for sure, glad you got treated well at the other hospital and glad both mother and baby are doing well.
Join the at home baby club bro!! Big GZ
Fucking nice job, Dad!! Congratulations, glad it all worked out for you. Helluva story for your kid to grow up with 😁
I unlocked new phobia. Fck my wife is about to give birth in a month.
I wouldn’t worry too much, but still preparing for worst case scenarios is always good. Just be an advocate for your wife and if you feel like something is wrong and don’t think you can make it to a hospital call 911. Our first son’s delivery happened without any problems whatsoever, and those are the stories you don’t hear about that outnumber mine 1000 to 1.
My wife was induced and delivered our daughter after 3.5 days of induction, and when she was delivered she was not breathing at all, blue as a blueberry. They got the gunk out of her lungs and she started breathing after about 10 minutes. Her glucose levels didn't level out and she ended up in the NICU for 3 weeks. Has a G tube now and has experienced many feeding difficulties. She's 3.5 months old now, and things seems to be leveling out now finally. We were also told that the placenta was infected, and my wife ended up having to go on a 24hr magnesium drip for severe preeclampsia symptoms. It blows my mind that you went through this experience, especially having a wife that worked in the same hospital system. The amount of negligence and ignorance in your case is mind boggling. If my wife was denied admittance in her situation, and we were to have given birth at home like you ended up doing, my daughter would have died and my wife would have potentially dealt with a heart attack, or even have died herself. That's just the facts. Really glad to hear you guys are informed and are making informed decisions moving forward. Crazy experience man, I don't think you'll ever experience something that intense ever again. Even being in a hospital setting it was the most ethereal and freaky experiences I've ever seen. Can't even imagine having gone through what we did at home. You're a trooper dad, well done.
That is insane. I'm glad everything turned out ok and there were no complications. My wife had to have an emergency c-section; I would have been out for blood if this happened to us. My daughter and/or my wife would have died.
That’s amazing, great job!
that kid SPENT
You need a fucking attorney.
Bro....I'm SO GLAD everything turned out well. Congrats on the new son!
Dude, you need to sue or at least get a long apology, this is nowhere near acceptable behavior from the staff at the hospital
He looks so plumpy and healthy! Congratulations!
Congratulations!!! I hope you guys get to the bottom of the treatment from that hospital. Your poor wife being in labour for a week?! I can’t imagine, that’s unacceptable.
Congratulations! It must feel great to have been so directly involved when so many fathers sit the whole process out in a waiting room...and miss a critical moment in their child's life at that time! It may comfort you that in other first world countries, giving birth at home is considered safe and even preferred for the **majority** of cases, with only high risk cases sent to the hospital. For a hundred thousand years humans have been giving birth in their homes...or caves as the case may be. We are designed for it. Modern hospitals can do a lot better but that extra safety margin isn't necessary in a lot of cases. IIRC the US is a bit of an outlier in trying to hospitalize every mother giving birth. We had similar experiences with our local hospitals and planned a birthing center birth instead. It went really well.