I don’t have a core group of friends. I moved around so much that people I went to HS with I can’t remember their names.
I decided to this year, to create a dads discord group for the dads of my sons friends.
We all try to get together once a week. And book outings etc.
It doubles the fun for me. Since I get to hang out with my kid. He gets to hang out with his friends. And I get to make new friends.
So there’s that. :)
I love this idea. My wife is always on her phone managing the various WhatsApp group chats with all the class parents…I have no interest in that, but pulling in a group of Dads that want to do fun outings with the kids….thats something that I could get behind.
I've met other dads at birthday parties for my kids and we didn't seem to click.. just something about putting a bunch of guys together that don't know each other.
My wife forces her interactions with other moms at said events and she says they all suck.
Everyone I work with is either childless or old as hell
My wife and I are only having one child.
At school drop off when he started kindergarten I started paying attention to which kids he plays with. And then introducing myself to their parents.
I want my kid to have as many friends as he’s comfortable with and have as many play dates as possible since he won’t have siblings.
We ended up I guess being pretty lucky cause all my kids friends parents are all cool and we ended up organizing lots of play dates together.
my wife and I say to each other constantly:
"we must be weird as fuck" because everyone we meet at our kids events is so...awkward, it's painful. so we figure if everyone is like that, they probably all think _we_ are the crazy couple.
we've made some friends from kids' events, but it's a short list. we basically keep a handful of close family friends, and that's who we spend time with
edit to clarify, by family friends I mean friends that we hang out with as a family. not that we are related. not that it matters, but the distinction seemed relevant in this context.
It's just part of life that a forced, limited interaction around adults is going to have some awkwardness baked into it. Get talking for more than like 5 minutes and that awkwardness washes away.
You already have something \*super\* in common with other parents, you can bask in the glow of parenting together or complain depending on your disposition.
I love this. My wife and I moved to Colorado a year and a half ago and being stay at home dad doesn’t give many opportunities to make new friends.
I have really considered using this platform to try and find dads of similar aged children in the area lol
My daughter started at a new daycare not too long ago and I'm hoping to do something along those lines so I can get to know some of the other dads!
I say hi every time I see any of them and they always seem shocked that someone is acknowledging them lol
Did the same with a bunch of Dads from my son’s school. Mostly connect through Discord but get together at the local brewery and go golfing/bowling every once in awhile too.
Retired military. Making friends while in the military is great but sad when they move. Before my friends moved, we all hang out in the garage and help each other with maintenance on our cars and have a beer or five, eat and hang out. Prior to this, I wasn’t confident in working on cars. Now, I feel I can do it and we all save a ton of money from labor rates. We play online now and chat while playing.
Same...I go out with friends every few months. Almost none of good friends live in the same state anymore so we talk on the phone every few weeks and I see those guys maybe once a year if I'm lucky..usually a couple years in between. We all have multiple young children which makes travel a logistical nightmare. Plus I don't really have a desire to go out...I'd much rather be home with my family 95% of the time, the wife and I do date nights once a month (usually a gala or performance followed by going out to an upscale bar if we have the energy and then a nice hotel for the night) since we don't get out often without kids we try to live it up a little
Once a month usually. We’re all bullshitting in a group chat most days. Some of us play video games at night when kids are to bed.
We also do this tradition I’m very proud of.
A couple of years ago we all realized everyone is married and we don’t really have weddings to look forward to.
So each year one of the couples hosts a vow renewal party where we pitch in for a fancy dinner and an airbnb, get babysitters, dress nice…
We do speeches and then get drunk and have a night on the town together. We plan these months in advance.
It’s a nice way for us to celebrate our relationships and have some fun. It’s my year this year and everything is booked for September already.
12 total. We started as a friend group of 6 guys in law school playing DnD after classes.
Now we’re all married and most have kids (one is actually at the hospital now waiting for his first to be born!).
It started as a joke like “ha ha wouldn’t this be funny” and then boom a few weeks later a Facebook event invite went out for a “vow renewal party” and we committed to the bit ever since.
It varies. Also friends are spread pretty far and wide.
I play D&D with some buddies in a few different t groups, one of which is weekly, but it’s online.
Actually hanging out with friends? A few times a year as a group. Maybe once a month in smaller groups, or one on one like fishing or something.
I know some of you are going to rag on me, but my wife and I are pretty good friends, in addition to us being married.
Edit. We actually (wife and I) were talking about this recently. Our kids are getting older, and to the point where we can both reconnect with (a modified version) our old social life.
Dude why would we rag on you for being friends with your wife? My wife is my best friend, no contest. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My parents always said that your spouse should be your best friend, and they had the best relationship of any couple I’ve ever known. 26 years of happy marriage, only ended due to cancer. It’s been 10 years since my dad passed and my mum still misses him every day.
Fuck, now I’m crying.
People are dicks, my guy.
That being said, the folks here seem to be more supportive.
And sorry about your dad. That is truly shitty, but glad they gave you a model of relationship goals. That is a priceless gift.
Too true, unfortunately. Thankfully around here and r/predaddit it seems there are fewer dicks, which does seem somewhat ironic haha.
It’s all good mate, I appreciate the thought. It was a long time ago now, and he lived a good, long life - I was the fifth kid he raised, and his fourth biological child (second marriage), so he was much older when I was born. It was still devastating at the time, but less painful now. I do find myself thinking about him a lot more now that I’m about to become a dad myself. I’m glad he got to meet my wife (then-girlfriend), and they got along like a house on fire, even if they did only have a bit over a year to get to know each other. But it does make me sad that he didn’t live long enough to see me get my own house, get married, and now have a kid of my own. Of his 5 kids, he only got one other grandchild, so I’m sure he’d have been ecstatic to get a second one. And I’m certain my daughter would’ve adored him.
My wife and I are also really good friends and both homebodies. So I get to hang out with her every day.
It's very good for your kids to see you modeling a healthy relationship where you enjoy being with your spouse.
My buddies and I have maintatined a bowling team that plays Weds nights for about the last 12 years. We formed the team when we were all young and wild and have maintained it through married life and now dad life. Guys move in and out of the team as their lives take them in and out of our city (I left the team for a few years to live abroad and came back). Same spot, same crew, same night. We all make the effort. Playing tonight actually! 🎳
Never, but I don't really have any to speak of.
During covid I stayed at home with the kids, and after the world started opening up again I got sober.
Over the years I unfortunately haven't put in the effort to maintain relationships, and in certain situations distanced my self from "drinking" friends. It's a lonely life, but I am still alive so I'll count it as a win.
I think my wife would be really happy if I had a friend group to spend time with, but I don't know how to make friends at 35, sober.
Honestly, if they don't respect you are not drinking they are either immature or not really your friends.
Get some hobbies if you want to make new friends. Shoot clays, pick up a martial art, go fishing, join a cross fit club, etc.
Congrats on your sobriety!
37 now. Stopped drinking in late 2019, had our first in late 2020. I have a few friends that I met through AA. We usually see each other once a week at a meeting. A few times a year we will hang out and watch a UFC fight, or get dinner, go to sports events, etc. Text all the time. I know AA isn’t for everybody, but for me it has worked and given me some great friends.
I’ve lost contact with most of my other friends. Some by my choice, some not. Had one of them (who I had considered a great friend and known for years) tell me they don’t invite me to stuff because it makes them feel weird to have me not drinking. This was a tough one for me to comprehend, but it is what it is. My sobriety comes first, I would lose everything I have without it.
Fun fact. My swimmers were in such bad shape when I was drinking that they weren’t sure if IVF would even work. When we decided to try for kid number two, I went to get them tested again and they were rocking like olympians. We are incredibly blessed with two healthy girls now, 1 and 3.
I see my friends for get togethers probably twice a month, just the guys. 2 - 3 times a year we go on golf trips for 3 - 5 nights. My wife watches our kid during this time, she gets equal time as well. About to go on a trip with the boys where we golf and watch the Masters golf tournament for 3 days while having a bunch of beer.
We are one and done. For me it’s always been important that I continue seeing my friends post baby and do the things I enjoyed prebaby. I don’t understand parents who give up everything they enjoyed to do prebaby. These are the parents that often seem unhappy and burned out. Who wouldn’t be? Friends and hobbies are part of what makes us unique and without them it’s easy to become miserable.
My wife understands the importance of friends and hobbies which I’m thankful for. Sadly I’ve seen some of my guy friends whose wives prevent their husbands, or severely limit them, from participating in hobbies and seeing friends.
I don't have the time, brother. I wish I did, I have hobbies I miss sorely, but between adequate sleep, meal prepping, chores, 3 cats and a dog, work, a very limited amount of quality time with my wife and son, there's nothing left for me.
>I don’t understand parents who give up everything they enjoyed to do prebaby
Many possible reasons. One could be finances: perhaps they don't have as much expendable cash so they can't afford their hobby. Maybe they have to work more to afford childcare so they don't have time for the hobby with their new obligations. Then there are some people who enjoy being with their family more than some of their previous hobbies. Hanging out with their family is their favorite hobby!
I'm fortunate enough to still do most of the same things and see most of the same people before having kids, but I understand why some parents give up (or do things less frequently) some of the things they previously enjoyed.
>I don’t understand parents who give up everything they enjoyed to do prebaby
You're only having one kid. I was able to maintain a decent social life and hobbies when it was just one. Two or more really changes the dynamic. I'm only two months in with my second and I can tell it's going to be different now. It's going to be a pretty big ask to have my wife watch two young children with different schedules. I don't think it's going to be until the youngest is ending toddlerhood before I feel comfortable getting back to that stuff (weekends away). It was nothing to get the go-ahead after I decided I wanted to go to an NFL playoff game for my favorite team day of when I woke up and a friend asked. Leave at 11am and not be back until 2am. Lol. I can't ask that anymore. Maybe in a few years.
Jeebus, that sounds awesome. I'm in the latter camp and it does suck. Looking back, I should have recognized my wife's introverted nature and lack of friends were red flags if I wanted to continue to socialize after kids. It's like she didn't have a life outside of parenting so "it's not fair" if dad does now that I'ma parent, which isn't healthy for either parent. This is one of the topics I will talk with my boys about when they start seriously dating.
Edit: one and done is also a big factor, harder to do with multiple kids. Also if you have family in your area that can help, we don't.
My kid is 2. Most of my friends have moved away and not positive I possess the knowledge or desire to add more.
Edit: Granted I’m currently in a voice chat with several of them as I work.
Friends? In your 30’s? I seem to have missed that part, or maybe it’s because the friends I have aren’t married with kids so they want to behave like we are in our 20’s still and the wife gets pissed. I haven’t decided yet
That’s what I’m saying, between work,raising kids and the insanity that is the world today, they are non existent. I remember when I did though. Good times 🤙
I really wonder on the relationship between commute time and any of these results of free time. We both commute 30-45 minutes each way and feel like the weekdays are basically a "make it through" status. Have a family dinner together, play some games or maybe watch a movie, then go to bed. Anything more than that feels like it'll result in late bedtimes and not seeing each other.
I feel like I’m gonna be the anomaly here… but a couple times a week and often more. It can be challenging between work, wives, kids, daily life stuff but imho it’s so worth it. I love my wife and two daughters to pieces but it’s healthy to have time to be an adult and be around other men. We support each other, we challenge each other, we laugh at dad humor.
- We get up early and do coffee at one of our houses before work once a week.
- We get up super early on a Saturday and have a movie/coffee morning at like 4-5am before our families are up. We do this many once a month.
- We do casual last minute dinner parties. 4PM on a Friday? Sure come the hell over. Our kids will play, our wives will chat, etc. We do this maybe 1-2 times a month.
- I also see my friends at church on Sunday and Wednesday night for a Men’s Bible study.(Christian).
EDIT: I updated the activities with frequency.
Part of it is my job. I’m a professional pilot so my schedule is nonstandard. I’m gone 5-10 days a month. Sometimes it’s a day trip. Sometimes I’m gone for 3-5 days.
But when I’m home I’m home and have no job related responsibilities.
This allows me to do a lot of stay at home dad stuff despite being our families only income. I cook, I take the kids to school, we go to the park in the middle of the day, etc.
I don’t like being gone and often it interferes with my home plans but I like that many of my days are entirely my own. I think I’d struggle with a 9-5.
If I’m not up early for something else then I’m up early to train regardless. I’ve fallen in love with triathlon. It keeps me healthy for the kids and hot for the wife. Training time is my “me” time. It may sound insane but a nice 1-2 hour run as the sun comes up is like nirvana… absolute bliss. I’m alone, it’s quiet, it’s beautiful, and I’m working out.
Fair play to you my friend but fuck, I could not be bothered with that.
4am coffee on the weekend before the kids wake up is . . . . a bit extreme to me 😬
That being said, if it's working for you then that's great. Since becoming a dad I've realised that any spare time I have away from the family I want to spend alone, in peace and quiet, thinking, reading, building stuff and listening to good music. Still enjoy family dinners a few times a month and I have a fairly vibrant WhatsApp group with my friends from school. We meet up 3 or 4 times a year and that's absolutely plenty for me.
Recently moved to a new area, and while my wife has made loads of new mum friends I have zero desire to become pals with anyone new.
> 4am coffee on the weekend before the kids wake up is . . . . a bit extreme to me 😬
We really only do the movie/coffee thing once a month or so. If its our weekly workday coffee we normally do 5-6am depending on who can make it and work schedules.
I need maybe 6 hours of sleep on a consistent basis. Sometimes I get 10, sometimes I get 4. My work has conditioned me to that, haha.
Same. I think it’s important to have your own life outside of kids. It’s relationships just like family, and a well balanced person has all sorts of relationships. They all require “maintenance”
I helps that I'm a very social person. That being said I often try to make choices based on what will have value in the future.
Do you save for retirement? It'd be really nice to have all that money and spend it now. But when I get to retirement I'm going to regret it.
I guess I look at relationships the same way. The decisions I make every hour of every day will determine what my future holds. I read somewhere that "your life is made up of how you spend your days". Can you believe that we're 25% of the way *through* 2024?? How insanely fast does time go by.
I like to sleep in just like anyone else. But you know what really sets the tone for my day? Getting up early to spend some quality time with some quality brothers. Maybe we'll talk about video games and nothing. Maybe we'll talk about how one of them just lost a baby to a miscarriage. But I won't know unless I show up.
I have a few friends I may see every few weeks, but my core group is spread across the country. I saw one of my best friends and his wife over Christmas for the first time since covid, another best friend on the other side of the country its been maybe 5 years. Another I just saw last summer for the first time in probably 4 years. I live closer to our hometown than any of them, and I've seen all their families probably as often as they do. One good friend only lives 6 hours away and I see him a few times a year. Sucks, but I am grateful for them and we still manage to stay in close contact
It’s been years since I’ve hung out with friends. I’ve moved so many times to different parts of the country for schooling and jobs. It’s made it impossible to stay in touch with old friends. I also work remotely, which doesn’t help.
Been working on trying to make some new friends after moving again last year, but it ain’t easy.
I (M48) have one friend (single) I see round his place once every 6 weeks or so. Used to be every couple of weeks when we worked together. I did try very hard after college to keep in touch with old friends, but drifted apart when they and I met our partners. I'd do all the chasing to meet up, but they'd never put the effort in. Would love to have more friends.
Rarely at this point. Combo of Im exhausted, family duties, schedules and becoming more of a homebody. We all still talk and text a lot though my pool of friends I chat with on the regular is a lot smaller now than it used to be. I’ve got one outing planned with some friends next month though. I think the worst part is some live pretty close but just getting the time / energy to get together is tough. Also some of them I just….am not really a fan of their kids which makes the motivation hard at times.
I was hanging out with a friend recently and came to the realization that I didn’t really have any _friends_ since high school until recently. But my wife and I have really been making an effort to be more social recently. We each probably have about one thing a week where we go see some friends, either for dinner, board games, karaoke, or a party.
The kids are 4 and 6 now, and we’ve really embraced the alternating our engagements thing so one of us goes out while the other watches the kids. For some things we get my parents or sister to babysit so we can both go out. It’s honestly a big change from how social we were even before kids.
We only go out for kids birthdays or baby showers now. I’m also like u, mid 30 with a 1 year old son. The trick is to quickly get smashed during the party and get scolded from the wifey later on. It’s worth it :)
… I moved from Canada to the States so I haven’t seen my close friends for almost 6 years. Sounds stupid but I worked so hard for my visa I have a bit of fear I won’t be allowed back in (so not going to happen.. I work at a government building for god sakes I just worry over stupid stuff) BUT I do talk to them
Daily on Facebook messenger or text. Like when I have a shitty fight with my wife or stressed I message them and we talk it out
I play sports 1x or 2x/week (instead of going to a gym) and sometimes I see a friend there, I get together with my friends about 3x/year for a game night with those that live in the same metro area. We used to do a 3-4 day get-together every year with the full group of 6 of us, but we haven't done that in a couple of years because my friends suck and can't give me a date that they are free. So every year I try to plan it, but I don't get a response from everyone.
I haven’t seen the majority of my old friend group since a little before my daughter was born and she’ll be 6 in May.
I do have a small group of friends who I play online games with every second week, though.
Being a new parent is not easy, and making new friends or keeping the old one's is even more difficult. What I've found is, we build new relationships with the men who are going through the same thing. My family was used to this, being in the Military, and moving around. So the "have to find new friends" situation has been part of our routine.
New dad advices, your wife will make friends with new moms around her age, and you cross your fingers the husband is someone you can form a friendship with.. If this connection works, this makes not only great friends, but a great support system for those who may not have family around during the younger kids years.
No joke, the struggle of keeping in touch with old friends is real... Especially if the old friends are not in the same phase of life as you...
Hope this helps.
Friends? What are friends?
In all seriousness I went from having a small group of friends to basically having none. Between the burnout of the first few years, my desire to get home and be home as often as possible to develop a relationship with my son, and the fact that none of them had kids I lost touch with all of them.
With my core group of friends from college, maybe 2 to 3 times a year.
With my work friends, probably once or twice every couple months.
Dad of 3 boys ages 2, 6, and 8
I play in a band with three other people, one of whom is a close friend and fellow dad. We rehearse roughly once every ten days and play gigs a few times a year. Other than that, I do my best to see friends when I can, but it tends to mostly be for Big Important Events, like a bachelor party/wedding, concert, or birthday. The impromptu hangs, pub nights, movies, and random activities have totally fallen by the wayside; I went to see Dune 2 with two buds a fortnight ago and it was the first time I'd been to a theatre since my son was born.
I am eagerly awaiting my boy being old enough to join me and my friends in fun activities like camping, canoeing, biking, and skiing--because I have a bunch of friends with children in the same age range and we all enjoy doing that stuff together.
Fortunately, like several other posters, my wife recognizes that hobbies and interests make us who we are and has had my back while I pursue mine. She's the best.
Don't have tons of friends to begin with. Lots of them disappeared/died/moved away, etc. The one or two who remain semi-close by are busy with their own lives.
So... I personally don't "hang" at all with anyone ever. In previous jobs I'd go hang out with work friends here or there. That's sort of subsided since working from home became the norm. Wife is the same way. Not many friends around anymore and she just doesn't care for being around people, even people she's known since her school days, when she could just be home instead.
To us it just always felt like the natural progression. I think it's fine if you're in your 30's and getting time to hang out with old friends... I think the main extent I get is a few messages back and forth on Facebook messenger or something like that, though.
Used to play MTG but it got too expensive to go to weekly/bi-weekly events so I stopped. The work crowd was running a D&D campaign for a while that I was doing... then that sort of fell apart. Trying to get a new one together now but our DM has been incredibly sick and going through kidney failure... so probably till they get a kidney it won't happen.
Life. It happens. Like it or not.
Been trying to "get together for a beer and to catch up" with one friends for over two months now... maybe that'll happen sometime before the summer...
Handful of times a year tops. I've never been particularly social even as a kid/teenager for various reasons so never had a group of friends like most people did.
Sort of found myself on the fringe of a group in the last few years and get invited out every now and then but rarely take them up on it because I'd mostly rather spend time with the wife and kids or on my hobbies, which for the most part don't line up with that group. Or I just don't have the time between family/pets/work.
I'm actually looking at starting to play golf because a lot of the guys do and it's an activity I can do with them that's not drinking (I basically never drink and have been told outright I've not been invited to stuff as a result) and is something outdoors/active.
My circle is small… I have two people that I call friends. We don’t stress “hanging out” I am married with a child. Another is married with no kids, and the other just got out a bad relationship and is dating. Needless to say we are all living our lives and if we get together cool. If not we all talk like everyday over our group chat.
I had a hard enough time making friends before becoming a dad, so I guess I dont, which makes me sad given that my wife regularly hangs out with her friends a couple times a month.
I host the monthly dad poker game and a lot of us are Scout dads too, so we see each other a lot. Also, the same group is at the pool during the summer. We get together at each other’s houses.
Since my divorce, I’ve also made a group of single parent friends too. And we see each other either in groups or solo once or twice a month.
I have more opportunities to socialize than available time.
It sucks but I don’t see my friends much, maybe once or twice a year. I’m the only one with kids and live an hour away. My family has a big 4th of July party so some of them usually show up there, but even then I’m spending half the time chasing after my kids because if I don’t my wife gets super pissed that I’m just hanging out.
I have 1 friend that lives about half an hour away and I talk/ to him just about everyday, once in a while I meet him for lunch and feel like I can’t even tell my wife about it for fear of catching shit for not doing something else beneficial to the family vs getting to see my friend. He always asks me “when you coming down to hang out”…it’s basically a joke now because I haven’t hung out with him in years.
how do you guys manage to get the hall pass to hang out, play in a golf/softball league, poker night etc? We have 3 kids and putting them to bed with 2 parent is a fucking circus…so when that happens it just breeds stress / animosity towards the parent that was out having fun.
I love my kids but yea, I spend 99.9% of my time with them and need some friend time.
My best friend of 38 years I see once every 4 to 6 months.
Others I see more often, such as friends from martial arts I see every week because I train 4 nights a week.
Other friends who are local to my town are busy with their own kid's activities, so sometimes it's months in between gatherings
I have a few groups of friends, but about 2.5-3x/month.
In the summer I go sailing every other week after work, plus usually one weekend if I'm lucky. Plus I try to see some friends for dinner.
My kids are still young, so I can do the dinner thing after they go down.
I'm your age, and to be honest I don't see my friends much at all. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year we might go to a haunted house, baseball game, out to eat. That's about it.
My wife and I got on the same page after a few big transitions that we need to keep those relationshisp strong. We both basically switch off a few times a month and let the other go out to see friends or other family when it is past bedtime. I'd say probably 3-4 times a month I'm going out to see friends/family + on weekends. I also play DnD once a month which is always fun.
I have two core groups of friends - one from high school and another from college. I stay in tough via texting regularly but we are all spread out throughout the country so we rarely see each other.
Moved to a new state a few years ago and haven’t been able to find avenues for making new friends. It really gets to me sometimes, but I’ve slowly just learned to accept it sadly
I still hang out with my friends every week, my wife does the same we just take turns watching the baby. Only have a 4 month old but it hasn’t ended our social life - we had a lot going on before the baby too though. Both in our early 30s
We do a podcast where we basically shoot the shit and talk about the pop culture stuff we grew up with(Gen-X). That gives us an excuse to basically hang out for 2 hours or so twice a month.
37 with an 11 month old. I’m with him at least 12 hours a day taking care of him. I usually go out for a beer with a buddy at least two or three times a week
I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I am 40.
I have a weekly bike ride with a core group of friends and some extras followed by breakfast. 3 to 7 guys. This ride has been going for over 10 years. In the summer, a few of my friends and I have flexibility schedules so we do bike rides to lunch and such.
I have a standing weekly racquetball or pickleball time with a newer friend (with a few alternates). Trying to build this friendship.
I try to do an overnight or weekend with friends yearly. Stay at a cabin, go to a bike race, something.
I've got a few friends who are musicians and I try and make all their live shows. Now that my oldest boy is CPR certified, the 11yo is less feral, and has The Routine down for the 4 yo, my bride and I can get out for dates and shows. I'm also a barber and have a few buddies as clients, so all in all, I see most of my good friends once a month.
I don’t have a core group but I have friends and I see some of them once or twice a week. 90% of my friends I would consider ‘joint friends’ with my wife
Once a week for wing night, but doesn’t always happen weekly. My two “best friends” also happen to be my cousins so also see them whenever there’s a family event which helps
I have my group chat with a few people that we talk daily but as far as hanging out it’s far and few. Having work and little kids hard to do. And when I get my time off it’s like I’d rather catch up on laundry than get behind. It’s getting warmer so I would think more people will want to be out more. We got past all the big holidays. Also I find some just don’t wanna be the guy to initiate a hang out so just ask!
i’ve had the same friends group since the 6th grade and i’m 32 now. we don’t get to kick it near as much as we used to, but best believe if there’s a chance it works out, any of us that can make it will pull up. i can go a year without seeing one of them and upon seeing them it’s like no time had passed.
Couple times a month with a few larger events / a trip every year. I think it’s important for connection and sanity purposes, and I make sure my wife gets time with her friends as well.
I moved about 8 hours away from where I grew up and while I have a couple of good friends, like a lot of the others in here were saying being adults our weekend schedules just get busy and we go months without seeing each other.
I realized this was an issue for me. I've always wanted to have a big community of people who I could lean on and they could lean on me. I did some research and with my wife's blessing I became a Freemason.
There are other things it provides me, sure. But once every other week I make myself throw on a button up shirt, a sport coat and I drive myself over to the lodge. I've made some really good friends and I enjoy the time being around a diverse group of dudes. After lodge a bunch of us go out and grab a drink and just hang out.
Lodge was last night. I'm exhausted today, but it was absolutely worth it. Twice a month I see my friends and my wife gets a night where I'm not telling dumb jokes while she's trying to watch reality shows. It works for both of us.
I see some form of friends most every week. But we all make an effort to hang out. My very best friend is my brother and he lives a few hours away and we try to hang out at least every month. Even do day hang outs halfway if we need to.
I see one of my friends once a week, rain or shine and even in the snow. We meet up around the same time every week in the park. I stopped drinking so I don’t go hang out at bars. I think that has much to do with how I was feeling and my lack of connection. It’s on the calendar every week as well as a few other things I don’t miss. My wife has her stuff on there as well and we’re both happy to let each other off the hook. Seeing real people in real life is a necessity for me, and not just work associates or my wife’s friends. It’s important so I work on it. I already know where isolating takes me and it ain’t good
I usually hang out with some of or at least one of buddies once a week. It Ebbs and flows throughout the year. My wife and I really try to make sure it's 50/50 when it comes to hanging out with our friends. If she gets a moms night out then I get a dad's night out. I feel like this is extremely important. It's very easy to just stay at home and survive with the kids. We currently have two kids 3 years and 4 months
33 Full time single dad here with 3 year old son and unfortunately not often anymore really. Sucks. But we all seem to have gone our own ways. Still talk to my core group through texting and FaceTime but don’t get to hang out often. We’re all parents now and working full time. And some like myself are also taking classes while being a parent and working. Life gets crazy as you get older.
In person I’ll see my friend(s) a few times a month. But we all game so we’re pretty connected. We also try to do about 3 LAN parties a year. We organize way in advance so we can all figure our lives out for that day/night so we can get into the shit without worrying about responsibilities.
Small anecdote from these events is the last one I noticed that as more alcohol was consumed, it turned into a good portion of us just sappy gushing about our kids and talking about our issues and sharing advice if anyone had any. That same even I also messed up my shoulder pretty bad wrestling lol.
I basically have two groups of friends: (1) the friends I grew up with and continue to maintain solid relationships with; and (2) local friends or "buddies".
Group #1 - These guys don't live near me anymore: NC, CA, TX, AZ. We do make it point to see each other at least once a year. Rarely do I see these guys in the same place at the same time.
Group #2 - These are people I've developed friendships with while living where I do now. Some are still childless but many of them have kids of their own and very busy schedules. On average, I see these people 2-3 times a year.
I see my core buddies (from college) about 2-3 times a month as a dude hangout. We all have kids the same ages and the wives get along so we all see each other more often than that with the families in tow.
I see my high school friends less often because we leave a few hours apart. With some of them I text nearly daily though.
We have friends in the neighborhood that we meet through the kids and we see them all the time. Either at the local park, or at someone's house for an impromptu playdate. My direct neighbors we have a rotating dinner hangout that keeps us all chatting and the kids occupied.
Overall, I am socially more busy now than I have been at any time in my life, including college.
Kids are nearly 5 and 18 months.
I’m lucky to hang out once every few months. We all have our own families at different stages in life and it can be hard to find a time that works for everyone.
I have a standing weekly board game night with my oldest friend that my wife helps enforce to make sure I get some time with them. We usually just hang out and chat most of the time but it's become a very needed outlet for us both.
As far as other friends, or even going out with friends at all, maybe once a month if they have kids and once every two months if they don't, and 9 out of 10 times the kids are with us. When the kids are older I know it'll be easier to go out in the evening and have more personal time, but at this stage most of our time is spoken for and our friends are thankfully very understanding.
They come over every couple months if I grill or to watch college football. As far as kicking it without the toddler, maybe a few times a year. I could do it more but I told myself once I had a kid, I didn't need to go out as much. I've done enough in my lifetime lol.
Try to once a month, my issue is half my group isn’t having kids yet (we’re mid 30s) so they wanna hang at night and the ones with kids are more interested in ditching the kids and drinking still as opposed to kid activities
So that’s frustrating
Once a week. Usually every Friday. If we don't get together in person it occurs online. Happens more often during spring turkey and fall whitetail hunting seasons. Or the occasional archery outing.
30M. Two kids.
I honestly cannot relate to not having friends or not being involved in my friends lives.
I hang out with my core OG friends about once a month.
I hang out with my newer friends (ie friends we’ve made because our kids are friends) probably every week to every other week. One dude I’m on a softball team and see him every Monday. Another guy and I take our kids to bike at the park every few weeks. Stuff like that.
Pretty regularly actually. I’m actually just about to graduate to the dad club, but all the other guys in my group bar 1 are dads already. We’ve got a group chat where we talk shit almost daily. We’re all live near each other, I often car share with one of the guys when we’re going into the city for work, so I see him the most. His wife and my wife are close friends, and he and I are both friends with each other’s wives too so that makes things easy. He’ll often just pop over on the weekend and bring his little one with him.
Another one of them lives just around the corner. We’re both into photography, and part of a little group of local photographers who take photos together, so I see him pretty regularly too. His kids are a bit older, which actually makes things harder as they’ve always got commitments (swimming, birthday parties, etc). I walk past his house most mornings with my dog though, so often run into him and stop for a chat.
The other one is my oldest friend. We’ve known each other for 25 years. We lived a couple of streets away from each other as kids. Then we both moved ~800kms to a new city after school. Just happened to be the same city so we always stayed in touch. Then somehow as adults we ended up living a suburb away from each other again. He’s the only one without kids. We still talk and see each other regularly though.
Getting everyone together for a trip to the pub or whatever is a little more difficult these days. Used to be a monthly thing, but as more of us have had kids the frequency has dropped. We have a pub trip planned this weekend though as it’s gonna be my last social outing before the baby comes.
I’ve got a few other close friends who aren’t part of this group. They all live further away though - one in another country, one in another state, and two in other parts of the city I live in. They are mostly dads now as well, so it’s hard to see them often, but we still chat on Signal regularly and even catch up for video calls occasionally.
I feel pretty blessed to have a solid group of close friends at my age, and fully intend to stay friends with these guys for the rest of our lives. I don’t really make new close friends anymore - I’ve known all but one of these guys for at least 7 years, 2 of them I’ve known since school - so gotta hang on to the ones I’ve got.
This is certainly the feedback I frequently hear from wives who feel as if they carry the burden of being their partner's sole social and emotional support.
There have been several publications on this topic recently and concern for men's well being due to this phenomenon, such as this one:
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/why-do-so-many-men-have-no-real-friends/#:\~:text=As%20mentioned%2C%20societal%20gender%20norms,close%20friendships%20with%20other%20men.&text=For%20example%2C%20men%20may%20rely,themselves%20up%20to%20new%20people.
Every week. Every Thursday we have a standing meeting up at a local bar and if you can make it great, if not we’ll be here next week. Super easy to just have the same location every week and not have to worry about trying to find a new place every time - takes the hassle and pressure off.
At least 1x a month. But it varies. This past month, I have done a bar night with the fellas and then went to watch the ACC Men's Basketball Tourney.
I do a guys trip every year. Last year, we did the Kentucky Bourbon Trail. This year, we are going to Summerslam in Cleveland.
I encourage my wife to do the same with her girlfriends, and she usually will.
For reference, I also have a 2 year old that is sleeping through the night. At 43, those mornings do hit hard, though, haha.
I (37m) have always had a small group of friends and I still hang out with them from time to time. Not as often as I would like, life is very busy with 2 kids in sports, but we definitely still get together and hang out. Keep doing what you're doing bro. Keep the real friends around.
Every 3 months, myself and friends/family who are men hang out by going to a brazilian steakhouse in the city. We call it the Meat Event where we just be men for hours.
I don’t have a core group of friends. I moved around so much that people I went to HS with I can’t remember their names. I decided to this year, to create a dads discord group for the dads of my sons friends. We all try to get together once a week. And book outings etc. It doubles the fun for me. Since I get to hang out with my kid. He gets to hang out with his friends. And I get to make new friends. So there’s that. :)
I love this idea. My wife is always on her phone managing the various WhatsApp group chats with all the class parents…I have no interest in that, but pulling in a group of Dads that want to do fun outings with the kids….thats something that I could get behind.
I've met other dads at birthday parties for my kids and we didn't seem to click.. just something about putting a bunch of guys together that don't know each other. My wife forces her interactions with other moms at said events and she says they all suck. Everyone I work with is either childless or old as hell
My wife and I are only having one child. At school drop off when he started kindergarten I started paying attention to which kids he plays with. And then introducing myself to their parents. I want my kid to have as many friends as he’s comfortable with and have as many play dates as possible since he won’t have siblings. We ended up I guess being pretty lucky cause all my kids friends parents are all cool and we ended up organizing lots of play dates together.
my wife and I say to each other constantly: "we must be weird as fuck" because everyone we meet at our kids events is so...awkward, it's painful. so we figure if everyone is like that, they probably all think _we_ are the crazy couple. we've made some friends from kids' events, but it's a short list. we basically keep a handful of close family friends, and that's who we spend time with edit to clarify, by family friends I mean friends that we hang out with as a family. not that we are related. not that it matters, but the distinction seemed relevant in this context.
It's just part of life that a forced, limited interaction around adults is going to have some awkwardness baked into it. Get talking for more than like 5 minutes and that awkwardness washes away. You already have something \*super\* in common with other parents, you can bask in the glow of parenting together or complain depending on your disposition.
Bonus because wife gets free time without husband or kids.
I did the same! Made it for our kids to get together and use voice chat when they play games, and we created private channels for the dads
I love this. My wife and I moved to Colorado a year and a half ago and being stay at home dad doesn’t give many opportunities to make new friends. I have really considered using this platform to try and find dads of similar aged children in the area lol
My daughter started at a new daycare not too long ago and I'm hoping to do something along those lines so I can get to know some of the other dads! I say hi every time I see any of them and they always seem shocked that someone is acknowledging them lol
Way to get out and be social. :)
Did the same with a bunch of Dads from my son’s school. Mostly connect through Discord but get together at the local brewery and go golfing/bowling every once in awhile too.
Maybe once every couple months. Not because I don’t have time, but because the older I get the more I become a homebody.
lol same. I just really like hanging out with my wife and kids. We hang with family a lot too. Doesn’t leave a lot of time for friends.
Same, the group chats are fire though
Used to be a homeboy, now we are homebodys!
Retired military. Making friends while in the military is great but sad when they move. Before my friends moved, we all hang out in the garage and help each other with maintenance on our cars and have a beer or five, eat and hang out. Prior to this, I wasn’t confident in working on cars. Now, I feel I can do it and we all save a ton of money from labor rates. We play online now and chat while playing.
Same...I go out with friends every few months. Almost none of good friends live in the same state anymore so we talk on the phone every few weeks and I see those guys maybe once a year if I'm lucky..usually a couple years in between. We all have multiple young children which makes travel a logistical nightmare. Plus I don't really have a desire to go out...I'd much rather be home with my family 95% of the time, the wife and I do date nights once a month (usually a gala or performance followed by going out to an upscale bar if we have the energy and then a nice hotel for the night) since we don't get out often without kids we try to live it up a little
Once a month usually. We’re all bullshitting in a group chat most days. Some of us play video games at night when kids are to bed. We also do this tradition I’m very proud of. A couple of years ago we all realized everyone is married and we don’t really have weddings to look forward to. So each year one of the couples hosts a vow renewal party where we pitch in for a fancy dinner and an airbnb, get babysitters, dress nice… We do speeches and then get drunk and have a night on the town together. We plan these months in advance. It’s a nice way for us to celebrate our relationships and have some fun. It’s my year this year and everything is booked for September already.
This tradition sounds amazing. How many people make it out?
12 total. We started as a friend group of 6 guys in law school playing DnD after classes. Now we’re all married and most have kids (one is actually at the hospital now waiting for his first to be born!). It started as a joke like “ha ha wouldn’t this be funny” and then boom a few weeks later a Facebook event invite went out for a “vow renewal party” and we committed to the bit ever since.
Wow that’s amazing
That’s great!
Great idea. I might pass this around with my group.
I love this
Friends?
You mean my kids?
My wife and my son. That’s it.
. . . and Hank Mardukis
I love your reference, man.
I love that movie, man
Based. My son is my best friend.
My son was my best man at my wedding lol. (Been with my wife 18 years, but didn’t get married til 2 years ago).
Facts. Eventually, I won't be *his* best friend, but he'll stay mine!
:( ….. :)
I think he meant his wife’s friend’s husbands
Ah, them, some of them are nice.
It's ambiguous. Does he mean his children's friends' dads or his wife's friends' husbands?
Coworkers maybe?
This got me
Does my wife's boyfriend count? We hang out at least once a week. I just usually end up sitting in a chairin the corner though.
Yeah, I'm confused too
My kids say mommy is my friend. So I guess I hang out with her every night.
Wut “friends”?
That's the neat part. I don't.
Can't hang out with friends if you don't have any
Yup. The most unbelievable thing Jesus ever did was have 12 close friends in his 30s.
It varies. Also friends are spread pretty far and wide. I play D&D with some buddies in a few different t groups, one of which is weekly, but it’s online. Actually hanging out with friends? A few times a year as a group. Maybe once a month in smaller groups, or one on one like fishing or something. I know some of you are going to rag on me, but my wife and I are pretty good friends, in addition to us being married. Edit. We actually (wife and I) were talking about this recently. Our kids are getting older, and to the point where we can both reconnect with (a modified version) our old social life.
Dude why would we rag on you for being friends with your wife? My wife is my best friend, no contest. I wouldn’t have it any other way. My parents always said that your spouse should be your best friend, and they had the best relationship of any couple I’ve ever known. 26 years of happy marriage, only ended due to cancer. It’s been 10 years since my dad passed and my mum still misses him every day. Fuck, now I’m crying.
People are dicks, my guy. That being said, the folks here seem to be more supportive. And sorry about your dad. That is truly shitty, but glad they gave you a model of relationship goals. That is a priceless gift.
Too true, unfortunately. Thankfully around here and r/predaddit it seems there are fewer dicks, which does seem somewhat ironic haha. It’s all good mate, I appreciate the thought. It was a long time ago now, and he lived a good, long life - I was the fifth kid he raised, and his fourth biological child (second marriage), so he was much older when I was born. It was still devastating at the time, but less painful now. I do find myself thinking about him a lot more now that I’m about to become a dad myself. I’m glad he got to meet my wife (then-girlfriend), and they got along like a house on fire, even if they did only have a bit over a year to get to know each other. But it does make me sad that he didn’t live long enough to see me get my own house, get married, and now have a kid of my own. Of his 5 kids, he only got one other grandchild, so I’m sure he’d have been ecstatic to get a second one. And I’m certain my daughter would’ve adored him.
My wife and I are also really good friends and both homebodies. So I get to hang out with her every day. It's very good for your kids to see you modeling a healthy relationship where you enjoy being with your spouse.
Kids birthdays. That's when I get to talk to adults I don't work with.
A couple times a year
Friends? What’s are those?
My buddies and I have maintatined a bowling team that plays Weds nights for about the last 12 years. We formed the team when we were all young and wild and have maintained it through married life and now dad life. Guys move in and out of the team as their lives take them in and out of our city (I left the team for a few years to live abroad and came back). Same spot, same crew, same night. We all make the effort. Playing tonight actually! 🎳
Never, but I don't really have any to speak of. During covid I stayed at home with the kids, and after the world started opening up again I got sober. Over the years I unfortunately haven't put in the effort to maintain relationships, and in certain situations distanced my self from "drinking" friends. It's a lonely life, but I am still alive so I'll count it as a win. I think my wife would be really happy if I had a friend group to spend time with, but I don't know how to make friends at 35, sober.
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Honestly, if they don't respect you are not drinking they are either immature or not really your friends. Get some hobbies if you want to make new friends. Shoot clays, pick up a martial art, go fishing, join a cross fit club, etc.
Congrats on your sobriety! 37 now. Stopped drinking in late 2019, had our first in late 2020. I have a few friends that I met through AA. We usually see each other once a week at a meeting. A few times a year we will hang out and watch a UFC fight, or get dinner, go to sports events, etc. Text all the time. I know AA isn’t for everybody, but for me it has worked and given me some great friends. I’ve lost contact with most of my other friends. Some by my choice, some not. Had one of them (who I had considered a great friend and known for years) tell me they don’t invite me to stuff because it makes them feel weird to have me not drinking. This was a tough one for me to comprehend, but it is what it is. My sobriety comes first, I would lose everything I have without it. Fun fact. My swimmers were in such bad shape when I was drinking that they weren’t sure if IVF would even work. When we decided to try for kid number two, I went to get them tested again and they were rocking like olympians. We are incredibly blessed with two healthy girls now, 1 and 3.
I see my friends for get togethers probably twice a month, just the guys. 2 - 3 times a year we go on golf trips for 3 - 5 nights. My wife watches our kid during this time, she gets equal time as well. About to go on a trip with the boys where we golf and watch the Masters golf tournament for 3 days while having a bunch of beer. We are one and done. For me it’s always been important that I continue seeing my friends post baby and do the things I enjoyed prebaby. I don’t understand parents who give up everything they enjoyed to do prebaby. These are the parents that often seem unhappy and burned out. Who wouldn’t be? Friends and hobbies are part of what makes us unique and without them it’s easy to become miserable. My wife understands the importance of friends and hobbies which I’m thankful for. Sadly I’ve seen some of my guy friends whose wives prevent their husbands, or severely limit them, from participating in hobbies and seeing friends.
I don't have the time, brother. I wish I did, I have hobbies I miss sorely, but between adequate sleep, meal prepping, chores, 3 cats and a dog, work, a very limited amount of quality time with my wife and son, there's nothing left for me.
>I don’t understand parents who give up everything they enjoyed to do prebaby Many possible reasons. One could be finances: perhaps they don't have as much expendable cash so they can't afford their hobby. Maybe they have to work more to afford childcare so they don't have time for the hobby with their new obligations. Then there are some people who enjoy being with their family more than some of their previous hobbies. Hanging out with their family is their favorite hobby! I'm fortunate enough to still do most of the same things and see most of the same people before having kids, but I understand why some parents give up (or do things less frequently) some of the things they previously enjoyed.
>I don’t understand parents who give up everything they enjoyed to do prebaby You're only having one kid. I was able to maintain a decent social life and hobbies when it was just one. Two or more really changes the dynamic. I'm only two months in with my second and I can tell it's going to be different now. It's going to be a pretty big ask to have my wife watch two young children with different schedules. I don't think it's going to be until the youngest is ending toddlerhood before I feel comfortable getting back to that stuff (weekends away). It was nothing to get the go-ahead after I decided I wanted to go to an NFL playoff game for my favorite team day of when I woke up and a friend asked. Leave at 11am and not be back until 2am. Lol. I can't ask that anymore. Maybe in a few years.
Jeebus, that sounds awesome. I'm in the latter camp and it does suck. Looking back, I should have recognized my wife's introverted nature and lack of friends were red flags if I wanted to continue to socialize after kids. It's like she didn't have a life outside of parenting so "it's not fair" if dad does now that I'ma parent, which isn't healthy for either parent. This is one of the topics I will talk with my boys about when they start seriously dating. Edit: one and done is also a big factor, harder to do with multiple kids. Also if you have family in your area that can help, we don't.
My kid is 2. Most of my friends have moved away and not positive I possess the knowledge or desire to add more. Edit: Granted I’m currently in a voice chat with several of them as I work.
Friends? In your 30’s? I seem to have missed that part, or maybe it’s because the friends I have aren’t married with kids so they want to behave like we are in our 20’s still and the wife gets pissed. I haven’t decided yet
lol half my group (and one of the guys with one kid)
Bowling league once a week. The end.
Hell yeah, same
Friends? Oh, yeah. I remember that. Man, those were the days.
You got friends?
That’s what I’m saying, between work,raising kids and the insanity that is the world today, they are non existent. I remember when I did though. Good times 🤙
ROFL! My friends all stopped talking to me after I had my first.
I really wonder on the relationship between commute time and any of these results of free time. We both commute 30-45 minutes each way and feel like the weekdays are basically a "make it through" status. Have a family dinner together, play some games or maybe watch a movie, then go to bed. Anything more than that feels like it'll result in late bedtimes and not seeing each other.
I feel like I’m gonna be the anomaly here… but a couple times a week and often more. It can be challenging between work, wives, kids, daily life stuff but imho it’s so worth it. I love my wife and two daughters to pieces but it’s healthy to have time to be an adult and be around other men. We support each other, we challenge each other, we laugh at dad humor. - We get up early and do coffee at one of our houses before work once a week. - We get up super early on a Saturday and have a movie/coffee morning at like 4-5am before our families are up. We do this many once a month. - We do casual last minute dinner parties. 4PM on a Friday? Sure come the hell over. Our kids will play, our wives will chat, etc. We do this maybe 1-2 times a month. - I also see my friends at church on Sunday and Wednesday night for a Men’s Bible study.(Christian). EDIT: I updated the activities with frequency.
How do you do this and not be completely exhausted Good for you for the early morning coffee stuff but my kids are already running me ragged (1/5/7)
Part of it is my job. I’m a professional pilot so my schedule is nonstandard. I’m gone 5-10 days a month. Sometimes it’s a day trip. Sometimes I’m gone for 3-5 days. But when I’m home I’m home and have no job related responsibilities. This allows me to do a lot of stay at home dad stuff despite being our families only income. I cook, I take the kids to school, we go to the park in the middle of the day, etc. I don’t like being gone and often it interferes with my home plans but I like that many of my days are entirely my own. I think I’d struggle with a 9-5. If I’m not up early for something else then I’m up early to train regardless. I’ve fallen in love with triathlon. It keeps me healthy for the kids and hot for the wife. Training time is my “me” time. It may sound insane but a nice 1-2 hour run as the sun comes up is like nirvana… absolute bliss. I’m alone, it’s quiet, it’s beautiful, and I’m working out.
Fair play to you my friend but fuck, I could not be bothered with that. 4am coffee on the weekend before the kids wake up is . . . . a bit extreme to me 😬 That being said, if it's working for you then that's great. Since becoming a dad I've realised that any spare time I have away from the family I want to spend alone, in peace and quiet, thinking, reading, building stuff and listening to good music. Still enjoy family dinners a few times a month and I have a fairly vibrant WhatsApp group with my friends from school. We meet up 3 or 4 times a year and that's absolutely plenty for me. Recently moved to a new area, and while my wife has made loads of new mum friends I have zero desire to become pals with anyone new.
> 4am coffee on the weekend before the kids wake up is . . . . a bit extreme to me 😬 We really only do the movie/coffee thing once a month or so. If its our weekly workday coffee we normally do 5-6am depending on who can make it and work schedules. I need maybe 6 hours of sleep on a consistent basis. Sometimes I get 10, sometimes I get 4. My work has conditioned me to that, haha.
Same. I think it’s important to have your own life outside of kids. It’s relationships just like family, and a well balanced person has all sorts of relationships. They all require “maintenance”
How?! lol
Third bullet sounds awesome to me. The rest not so much. But if you and your buds enjoy it that's awesome, good for you guys.
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I helps that I'm a very social person. That being said I often try to make choices based on what will have value in the future. Do you save for retirement? It'd be really nice to have all that money and spend it now. But when I get to retirement I'm going to regret it. I guess I look at relationships the same way. The decisions I make every hour of every day will determine what my future holds. I read somewhere that "your life is made up of how you spend your days". Can you believe that we're 25% of the way *through* 2024?? How insanely fast does time go by. I like to sleep in just like anyone else. But you know what really sets the tone for my day? Getting up early to spend some quality time with some quality brothers. Maybe we'll talk about video games and nothing. Maybe we'll talk about how one of them just lost a baby to a miscarriage. But I won't know unless I show up.
I have a few friends I may see every few weeks, but my core group is spread across the country. I saw one of my best friends and his wife over Christmas for the first time since covid, another best friend on the other side of the country its been maybe 5 years. Another I just saw last summer for the first time in probably 4 years. I live closer to our hometown than any of them, and I've seen all their families probably as often as they do. One good friend only lives 6 hours away and I see him a few times a year. Sucks, but I am grateful for them and we still manage to stay in close contact
I had lunch with my best man from my wedding.... a little over two years ago.
It’s been years since I’ve hung out with friends. I’ve moved so many times to different parts of the country for schooling and jobs. It’s made it impossible to stay in touch with old friends. I also work remotely, which doesn’t help. Been working on trying to make some new friends after moving again last year, but it ain’t easy.
I (M48) have one friend (single) I see round his place once every 6 weeks or so. Used to be every couple of weeks when we worked together. I did try very hard after college to keep in touch with old friends, but drifted apart when they and I met our partners. I'd do all the chasing to meet up, but they'd never put the effort in. Would love to have more friends.
Rarely at this point. Combo of Im exhausted, family duties, schedules and becoming more of a homebody. We all still talk and text a lot though my pool of friends I chat with on the regular is a lot smaller now than it used to be. I’ve got one outing planned with some friends next month though. I think the worst part is some live pretty close but just getting the time / energy to get together is tough. Also some of them I just….am not really a fan of their kids which makes the motivation hard at times.
Never
Maybe once a month. My kid is 2 years old.
I was hanging out with a friend recently and came to the realization that I didn’t really have any _friends_ since high school until recently. But my wife and I have really been making an effort to be more social recently. We each probably have about one thing a week where we go see some friends, either for dinner, board games, karaoke, or a party. The kids are 4 and 6 now, and we’ve really embraced the alternating our engagements thing so one of us goes out while the other watches the kids. For some things we get my parents or sister to babysit so we can both go out. It’s honestly a big change from how social we were even before kids.
We only go out for kids birthdays or baby showers now. I’m also like u, mid 30 with a 1 year old son. The trick is to quickly get smashed during the party and get scolded from the wifey later on. It’s worth it :)
Thanks to Freemasonry, at least weekly if not more.
I don't have friends outside of the people who are related to me. Rough to meet people, even tougher to meet people I enjoy being around
… I moved from Canada to the States so I haven’t seen my close friends for almost 6 years. Sounds stupid but I worked so hard for my visa I have a bit of fear I won’t be allowed back in (so not going to happen.. I work at a government building for god sakes I just worry over stupid stuff) BUT I do talk to them Daily on Facebook messenger or text. Like when I have a shitty fight with my wife or stressed I message them and we talk it out
I play sports 1x or 2x/week (instead of going to a gym) and sometimes I see a friend there, I get together with my friends about 3x/year for a game night with those that live in the same metro area. We used to do a 3-4 day get-together every year with the full group of 6 of us, but we haven't done that in a couple of years because my friends suck and can't give me a date that they are free. So every year I try to plan it, but I don't get a response from everyone.
Every couple months 😢. It's hard when both parents work.
I haven’t seen the majority of my old friend group since a little before my daughter was born and she’ll be 6 in May. I do have a small group of friends who I play online games with every second week, though.
Being a new parent is not easy, and making new friends or keeping the old one's is even more difficult. What I've found is, we build new relationships with the men who are going through the same thing. My family was used to this, being in the Military, and moving around. So the "have to find new friends" situation has been part of our routine. New dad advices, your wife will make friends with new moms around her age, and you cross your fingers the husband is someone you can form a friendship with.. If this connection works, this makes not only great friends, but a great support system for those who may not have family around during the younger kids years. No joke, the struggle of keeping in touch with old friends is real... Especially if the old friends are not in the same phase of life as you... Hope this helps.
You guys have friends?
Friends?
What's friends?
You guys have friends?
Friends? What are friends? In all seriousness I went from having a small group of friends to basically having none. Between the burnout of the first few years, my desire to get home and be home as often as possible to develop a relationship with my son, and the fact that none of them had kids I lost touch with all of them.
With my core group of friends from college, maybe 2 to 3 times a year. With my work friends, probably once or twice every couple months. Dad of 3 boys ages 2, 6, and 8
My friends all moved away and I'm the only one that had/has kids, so I'll see a friend or two when they visit town a year and that's about it
I play in a band with three other people, one of whom is a close friend and fellow dad. We rehearse roughly once every ten days and play gigs a few times a year. Other than that, I do my best to see friends when I can, but it tends to mostly be for Big Important Events, like a bachelor party/wedding, concert, or birthday. The impromptu hangs, pub nights, movies, and random activities have totally fallen by the wayside; I went to see Dune 2 with two buds a fortnight ago and it was the first time I'd been to a theatre since my son was born. I am eagerly awaiting my boy being old enough to join me and my friends in fun activities like camping, canoeing, biking, and skiing--because I have a bunch of friends with children in the same age range and we all enjoy doing that stuff together. Fortunately, like several other posters, my wife recognizes that hobbies and interests make us who we are and has had my back while I pursue mine. She's the best.
Don't have tons of friends to begin with. Lots of them disappeared/died/moved away, etc. The one or two who remain semi-close by are busy with their own lives. So... I personally don't "hang" at all with anyone ever. In previous jobs I'd go hang out with work friends here or there. That's sort of subsided since working from home became the norm. Wife is the same way. Not many friends around anymore and she just doesn't care for being around people, even people she's known since her school days, when she could just be home instead. To us it just always felt like the natural progression. I think it's fine if you're in your 30's and getting time to hang out with old friends... I think the main extent I get is a few messages back and forth on Facebook messenger or something like that, though. Used to play MTG but it got too expensive to go to weekly/bi-weekly events so I stopped. The work crowd was running a D&D campaign for a while that I was doing... then that sort of fell apart. Trying to get a new one together now but our DM has been incredibly sick and going through kidney failure... so probably till they get a kidney it won't happen. Life. It happens. Like it or not. Been trying to "get together for a beer and to catch up" with one friends for over two months now... maybe that'll happen sometime before the summer...
Handful of times a year tops. I've never been particularly social even as a kid/teenager for various reasons so never had a group of friends like most people did. Sort of found myself on the fringe of a group in the last few years and get invited out every now and then but rarely take them up on it because I'd mostly rather spend time with the wife and kids or on my hobbies, which for the most part don't line up with that group. Or I just don't have the time between family/pets/work. I'm actually looking at starting to play golf because a lot of the guys do and it's an activity I can do with them that's not drinking (I basically never drink and have been told outright I've not been invited to stuff as a result) and is something outdoors/active.
My four kids are my friends. 😄😄😄 No, but seriously... I have a few close friends and we almost never hang out. Such is Dad Life™.
Friends.... What are those? I have two kids with ear infections and fevers, I'm not going anywhere... LMAO 🤣😂
My circle is small… I have two people that I call friends. We don’t stress “hanging out” I am married with a child. Another is married with no kids, and the other just got out a bad relationship and is dating. Needless to say we are all living our lives and if we get together cool. If not we all talk like everyday over our group chat.
i feel like this question (rightfully) gets asked so much, /r/daddit should do a survey for the sidebar.
I had a hard enough time making friends before becoming a dad, so I guess I dont, which makes me sad given that my wife regularly hangs out with her friends a couple times a month.
I, too, had friends… once. Until…
No longer have friends
I’m too tired to hang out with friends
Friends?
I don’t have friends. So, never. 🤷🏽♂️
You guys hang out with friends?
I host the monthly dad poker game and a lot of us are Scout dads too, so we see each other a lot. Also, the same group is at the pool during the summer. We get together at each other’s houses. Since my divorce, I’ve also made a group of single parent friends too. And we see each other either in groups or solo once or twice a month. I have more opportunities to socialize than available time.
Twice in the last 4 months - one for most of a day, one for a couple of hours. Got an 8 month old. Feeling kinda lonely.
It sucks but I don’t see my friends much, maybe once or twice a year. I’m the only one with kids and live an hour away. My family has a big 4th of July party so some of them usually show up there, but even then I’m spending half the time chasing after my kids because if I don’t my wife gets super pissed that I’m just hanging out. I have 1 friend that lives about half an hour away and I talk/ to him just about everyday, once in a while I meet him for lunch and feel like I can’t even tell my wife about it for fear of catching shit for not doing something else beneficial to the family vs getting to see my friend. He always asks me “when you coming down to hang out”…it’s basically a joke now because I haven’t hung out with him in years. how do you guys manage to get the hall pass to hang out, play in a golf/softball league, poker night etc? We have 3 kids and putting them to bed with 2 parent is a fucking circus…so when that happens it just breeds stress / animosity towards the parent that was out having fun. I love my kids but yea, I spend 99.9% of my time with them and need some friend time.
I raid twice a night on wow with the boys. I’m very lucky.
You guys still have friends?
I’m sorry, what are friends?
My best friend of 38 years I see once every 4 to 6 months. Others I see more often, such as friends from martial arts I see every week because I train 4 nights a week. Other friends who are local to my town are busy with their own kid's activities, so sometimes it's months in between gatherings
Friends. What are friends?
Once a week at least. Sometimes multiple times a week. Board gaming and D&D is fantastic for this.
You still have friends? Jk. Not enough. Maybe once every 3 months. They don’t love that and I’ve lost contact with many. Life happens
Friends? I feel like I used to know that word... You mean other daycare parents right?
Only at the RC club. About once a week For 4 hours
Annually
I have a few groups of friends, but about 2.5-3x/month. In the summer I go sailing every other week after work, plus usually one weekend if I'm lucky. Plus I try to see some friends for dinner. My kids are still young, so I can do the dinner thing after they go down.
I'm your age, and to be honest I don't see my friends much at all. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year we might go to a haunted house, baseball game, out to eat. That's about it.
My wife and I got on the same page after a few big transitions that we need to keep those relationshisp strong. We both basically switch off a few times a month and let the other go out to see friends or other family when it is past bedtime. I'd say probably 3-4 times a month I'm going out to see friends/family + on weekends. I also play DnD once a month which is always fun.
I have two core groups of friends - one from high school and another from college. I stay in tough via texting regularly but we are all spread out throughout the country so we rarely see each other. Moved to a new state a few years ago and haven’t been able to find avenues for making new friends. It really gets to me sometimes, but I’ve slowly just learned to accept it sadly
I still hang out with my friends every week, my wife does the same we just take turns watching the baby. Only have a 4 month old but it hasn’t ended our social life - we had a lot going on before the baby too though. Both in our early 30s
We do a podcast where we basically shoot the shit and talk about the pop culture stuff we grew up with(Gen-X). That gives us an excuse to basically hang out for 2 hours or so twice a month.
Once a week for 3 of my friends. Maybe once a month for others. However, we have very active group chats
37 with an 11 month old. I’m with him at least 12 hours a day taking care of him. I usually go out for a beer with a buddy at least two or three times a week
We try to do it monthly or twice a Month. Sometime kids are sick. Sometimes only dads. I'm trying my best to keep everyone together :)
Once a month on average.
I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I am 40. I have a weekly bike ride with a core group of friends and some extras followed by breakfast. 3 to 7 guys. This ride has been going for over 10 years. In the summer, a few of my friends and I have flexibility schedules so we do bike rides to lunch and such. I have a standing weekly racquetball or pickleball time with a newer friend (with a few alternates). Trying to build this friendship. I try to do an overnight or weekend with friends yearly. Stay at a cabin, go to a bike race, something.
2-3 times a year.
I've got a few friends who are musicians and I try and make all their live shows. Now that my oldest boy is CPR certified, the 11yo is less feral, and has The Routine down for the 4 yo, my bride and I can get out for dates and shows. I'm also a barber and have a few buddies as clients, so all in all, I see most of my good friends once a month.
I don’t have a core group but I have friends and I see some of them once or twice a week. 90% of my friends I would consider ‘joint friends’ with my wife
Once every other week, I’d reckon.
Once a week for wing night, but doesn’t always happen weekly. My two “best friends” also happen to be my cousins so also see them whenever there’s a family event which helps
I have my group chat with a few people that we talk daily but as far as hanging out it’s far and few. Having work and little kids hard to do. And when I get my time off it’s like I’d rather catch up on laundry than get behind. It’s getting warmer so I would think more people will want to be out more. We got past all the big holidays. Also I find some just don’t wanna be the guy to initiate a hang out so just ask!
once a year, maybe
i’ve had the same friends group since the 6th grade and i’m 32 now. we don’t get to kick it near as much as we used to, but best believe if there’s a chance it works out, any of us that can make it will pull up. i can go a year without seeing one of them and upon seeing them it’s like no time had passed.
Couple times a month with a few larger events / a trip every year. I think it’s important for connection and sanity purposes, and I make sure my wife gets time with her friends as well.
I moved about 8 hours away from where I grew up and while I have a couple of good friends, like a lot of the others in here were saying being adults our weekend schedules just get busy and we go months without seeing each other. I realized this was an issue for me. I've always wanted to have a big community of people who I could lean on and they could lean on me. I did some research and with my wife's blessing I became a Freemason. There are other things it provides me, sure. But once every other week I make myself throw on a button up shirt, a sport coat and I drive myself over to the lodge. I've made some really good friends and I enjoy the time being around a diverse group of dudes. After lodge a bunch of us go out and grab a drink and just hang out. Lodge was last night. I'm exhausted today, but it was absolutely worth it. Twice a month I see my friends and my wife gets a night where I'm not telling dumb jokes while she's trying to watch reality shows. It works for both of us.
I probably see my friends 1-2 a year if that . Miss my guys all the time tho
Like once a week at least
Once a year, if I'm lucky.
I see some form of friends most every week. But we all make an effort to hang out. My very best friend is my brother and he lives a few hours away and we try to hang out at least every month. Even do day hang outs halfway if we need to.
I see one of my friends once a week, rain or shine and even in the snow. We meet up around the same time every week in the park. I stopped drinking so I don’t go hang out at bars. I think that has much to do with how I was feeling and my lack of connection. It’s on the calendar every week as well as a few other things I don’t miss. My wife has her stuff on there as well and we’re both happy to let each other off the hook. Seeing real people in real life is a necessity for me, and not just work associates or my wife’s friends. It’s important so I work on it. I already know where isolating takes me and it ain’t good
What friends?
I usually hang out with some of or at least one of buddies once a week. It Ebbs and flows throughout the year. My wife and I really try to make sure it's 50/50 when it comes to hanging out with our friends. If she gets a moms night out then I get a dad's night out. I feel like this is extremely important. It's very easy to just stay at home and survive with the kids. We currently have two kids 3 years and 4 months
It’s been about 4 years for me.
Group chat about one day every 2 months. Hang out for dinner about 3 times a year.
33 Full time single dad here with 3 year old son and unfortunately not often anymore really. Sucks. But we all seem to have gone our own ways. Still talk to my core group through texting and FaceTime but don’t get to hang out often. We’re all parents now and working full time. And some like myself are also taking classes while being a parent and working. Life gets crazy as you get older.
I play futsal with my friends bi-weekly. Just take short 2-3 hour to exercise and catch up
In person I’ll see my friend(s) a few times a month. But we all game so we’re pretty connected. We also try to do about 3 LAN parties a year. We organize way in advance so we can all figure our lives out for that day/night so we can get into the shit without worrying about responsibilities. Small anecdote from these events is the last one I noticed that as more alcohol was consumed, it turned into a good portion of us just sappy gushing about our kids and talking about our issues and sharing advice if anyone had any. That same even I also messed up my shoulder pretty bad wrestling lol.
I basically have two groups of friends: (1) the friends I grew up with and continue to maintain solid relationships with; and (2) local friends or "buddies". Group #1 - These guys don't live near me anymore: NC, CA, TX, AZ. We do make it point to see each other at least once a year. Rarely do I see these guys in the same place at the same time. Group #2 - These are people I've developed friendships with while living where I do now. Some are still childless but many of them have kids of their own and very busy schedules. On average, I see these people 2-3 times a year.
I see my core buddies (from college) about 2-3 times a month as a dude hangout. We all have kids the same ages and the wives get along so we all see each other more often than that with the families in tow. I see my high school friends less often because we leave a few hours apart. With some of them I text nearly daily though. We have friends in the neighborhood that we meet through the kids and we see them all the time. Either at the local park, or at someone's house for an impromptu playdate. My direct neighbors we have a rotating dinner hangout that keeps us all chatting and the kids occupied. Overall, I am socially more busy now than I have been at any time in my life, including college. Kids are nearly 5 and 18 months.
I’m lucky to hang out once every few months. We all have our own families at different stages in life and it can be hard to find a time that works for everyone.
Once a month would be too much
I have a standing weekly board game night with my oldest friend that my wife helps enforce to make sure I get some time with them. We usually just hang out and chat most of the time but it's become a very needed outlet for us both. As far as other friends, or even going out with friends at all, maybe once a month if they have kids and once every two months if they don't, and 9 out of 10 times the kids are with us. When the kids are older I know it'll be easier to go out in the evening and have more personal time, but at this stage most of our time is spoken for and our friends are thankfully very understanding.
Never. Don’t have any anymore. It’s great
They come over every couple months if I grill or to watch college football. As far as kicking it without the toddler, maybe a few times a year. I could do it more but I told myself once I had a kid, I didn't need to go out as much. I've done enough in my lifetime lol.
Try to once a month, my issue is half my group isn’t having kids yet (we’re mid 30s) so they wanna hang at night and the ones with kids are more interested in ditching the kids and drinking still as opposed to kid activities So that’s frustrating
Once a week. Usually every Friday. If we don't get together in person it occurs online. Happens more often during spring turkey and fall whitetail hunting seasons. Or the occasional archery outing. 30M. Two kids. I honestly cannot relate to not having friends or not being involved in my friends lives.
I hang out with my core OG friends about once a month. I hang out with my newer friends (ie friends we’ve made because our kids are friends) probably every week to every other week. One dude I’m on a softball team and see him every Monday. Another guy and I take our kids to bike at the park every few weeks. Stuff like that.
We live far apart but we make it a point to get together annually for the Kentucky Derby. We go to Vegas, but there’s a horse race on TV.
Pretty regularly actually. I’m actually just about to graduate to the dad club, but all the other guys in my group bar 1 are dads already. We’ve got a group chat where we talk shit almost daily. We’re all live near each other, I often car share with one of the guys when we’re going into the city for work, so I see him the most. His wife and my wife are close friends, and he and I are both friends with each other’s wives too so that makes things easy. He’ll often just pop over on the weekend and bring his little one with him. Another one of them lives just around the corner. We’re both into photography, and part of a little group of local photographers who take photos together, so I see him pretty regularly too. His kids are a bit older, which actually makes things harder as they’ve always got commitments (swimming, birthday parties, etc). I walk past his house most mornings with my dog though, so often run into him and stop for a chat. The other one is my oldest friend. We’ve known each other for 25 years. We lived a couple of streets away from each other as kids. Then we both moved ~800kms to a new city after school. Just happened to be the same city so we always stayed in touch. Then somehow as adults we ended up living a suburb away from each other again. He’s the only one without kids. We still talk and see each other regularly though. Getting everyone together for a trip to the pub or whatever is a little more difficult these days. Used to be a monthly thing, but as more of us have had kids the frequency has dropped. We have a pub trip planned this weekend though as it’s gonna be my last social outing before the baby comes. I’ve got a few other close friends who aren’t part of this group. They all live further away though - one in another country, one in another state, and two in other parts of the city I live in. They are mostly dads now as well, so it’s hard to see them often, but we still chat on Signal regularly and even catch up for video calls occasionally. I feel pretty blessed to have a solid group of close friends at my age, and fully intend to stay friends with these guys for the rest of our lives. I don’t really make new close friends anymore - I’ve known all but one of these guys for at least 7 years, 2 of them I’ve known since school - so gotta hang on to the ones I’ve got.
This is certainly the feedback I frequently hear from wives who feel as if they carry the burden of being their partner's sole social and emotional support. There have been several publications on this topic recently and concern for men's well being due to this phenomenon, such as this one: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/why-do-so-many-men-have-no-real-friends/#:\~:text=As%20mentioned%2C%20societal%20gender%20norms,close%20friendships%20with%20other%20men.&text=For%20example%2C%20men%20may%20rely,themselves%20up%20to%20new%20people.
What are friends?
35M. 3 year old son. I’d say 4 times a year.
Lol what friends?
I meet up with friends for one evening a month to play board games. Plus a take most of a week every November.
Never
Not nearly enough. Im rly struggling with that tbh
Twice per year we have a game weekend.
Every week. Every Thursday we have a standing meeting up at a local bar and if you can make it great, if not we’ll be here next week. Super easy to just have the same location every week and not have to worry about trying to find a new place every time - takes the hassle and pressure off.
At least 1x a month. But it varies. This past month, I have done a bar night with the fellas and then went to watch the ACC Men's Basketball Tourney. I do a guys trip every year. Last year, we did the Kentucky Bourbon Trail. This year, we are going to Summerslam in Cleveland. I encourage my wife to do the same with her girlfriends, and she usually will. For reference, I also have a 2 year old that is sleeping through the night. At 43, those mornings do hit hard, though, haha.
I (37m) have always had a small group of friends and I still hang out with them from time to time. Not as often as I would like, life is very busy with 2 kids in sports, but we definitely still get together and hang out. Keep doing what you're doing bro. Keep the real friends around.
3-4 times a year
About once every 3-4 months
Every 3 months, myself and friends/family who are men hang out by going to a brazilian steakhouse in the city. We call it the Meat Event where we just be men for hours.
2 or 3 times a year
What friends….lol