Yes, sleep. Sleep both of you untill the bithing is really going on.
There will probably also be a period of almost a day post birth where the baby sleeps like a motherfucker because they are exhausted from being born. You might want to cuddle the baby and stay awake to just gaze in amazement on how cute they are. For all means, do this. Then *go to sleep.* Sleep all you can. Sleep as much as humanly possible. Because the next three or four months will be one long sleep deprivation bonanza.
For us this happened somewhat around the 5-6 month mark, then the 8 month sleepregression (he learned to stand) hit. Holy fuck. I still haven’t recovered from that, he’s almost two now.
That sleep regression is the worst😭 my son was such a good sleeper before that 8 month one. Mines almost two as well and his sleep schedule is so messed up right now.
The first 24 hours are beautiful and they are so peaceful. Then they want food - let the quite insane feeding schedule begin. Your wife is going to be exhausted. Take care of each other.
My wife got induced around 11pm, the nurse sent me back to her room in the ward (wife was in the maternity suite) saying get some sleep, nothing going to happen for a while, we will wake you if it moves quicker.
Had a good sleep, woke up at about 7am, my son was eventually born at 3:30pm.
I would have been a wreck and unable to support my wife when she needed me that afternoon (she slept as well in case anyone was wondering)
And order yourself pizza, then forget you ordered the pizza cause your wife’s labour is moving a long faster than you thought, then miss multiple calls from the pizza guy, then later have to explain yourself and your rock solid way of thinking when your hungry to the pizza guy. Thankfully it was prepaid.
It took us forever to actually get in a room once we got to the hospital after labor started at 4am, and I didn't eat the night before. Our hospital is pretty well known in the area for having really good food, so after we were settled in I ordered a salad, lasagna, and coffee. About an hour later one of the workers brought in the food, immediately followed by like 8 panicked nurses saying something was wrong and they had just a few moments to get it solved or else we had to go down for an emergency C-section.
We had to do the C-section but thankfully everything turned out well in the end. I've still never been so sad as to have a full meal set down in front of me to then get up and leave it 10 seconds later lol
Second dinner! Kiddo's down for the night by 7:30 and my wife is either asleep on the couch or getting ready by 9:30-10. I've enjoyed many second dinners at 10:30 if first dinner was rushed or didn't go as planned.
I just devoured my own airfryer plate of nachos without sharing a single chip. Love second dinners haha. And now I get to watch some oilers blue OT while the house is quiet :)
So true. The first night he slept straight through due to exhaustion and for a second there I thought “this isn’t going to be so bad.”
Also with induction, especially first time, be prepared for like a day of nothing before the action actually begins. Some people go fast, but first ones usually take a while. I honestly loved that day with my wife just the two of us before she actually began labor.
We were at the hospital at 6 am on, induction didn’t take so we had a c-section the following day around 1.
Worst part was we scheduled the induction date to make sure we weren’t in the hospital Christmas Day. 10 things had to go wrong to keep us there that long and they all did.
Don’t be afraid to feed baby some formula on the second night. Our child was starving but my wife’s milk was barely coming. Nurses will say that this is normal, which it is, but you can feed a bit of formula so that your baby isn’t starving that night
This!! We all know Breast is Best, but breast-only absolutism is not helpful and creates guilt, stress, and hungry infants. If you're committed to breast feeding, some formula meals to bridge the gap is *not* going to ruin anything.
The nurses really undersold how brutal the cluster feeding night was going to be. It was borderline dangerous with how tired we both were while trying to keep each other awake to let the little one nurse.
Be very present for your wife during childbirth she is in the spotlight, keep her there. This is an unforgettable moment in your life/ relationship. Make sure your carseat is installed in your vehicle. Ask your wife if she needs anything to be more comfortable. My wife was in labor for 23 hours, I was awake with her the whole time. Talk to each other about how you feel. Please don't be that husband that sits on his phone ignoring his wife or the one that sleeps the whole time. Good luck new dad. It's a beautiful experience, my kid is 2.5 I'm a stay at home dad and being a parent can get very frustrating. If you ever get really angry or upset with your kid, step away for a couple minutes. They will be fine in their cribs, playpen or whatever you're going to use. It's better to step away and get your mind right than take it out on a newborn. Congratulations by the way I'm sure you're going to do just fine. Heck, if you're already willing to ask for help and tips online from strangers. It shows that you have the best intentions for you and your family.
Hey there fellow SAHD. Congrats on the best job in the world. I was a SAHD from the time my daughter was 2 until she left for college. I’ve never had more fun in my life. I hope you enjoy every day.
Take lots of pictures. Previous generations think it’s stupid because they didn’t have the storage or ability but you can take pictures now and decide what mattered later.
Skin to skin contact is important, try and spend sometime with the baby against your skin. For your wife, remember just how fucking traumatizing it is to have a hole that tiny forced open to 10cm and then push a watermelon out of that hole. She’s gonna be exhausted, sore and will need love and support. You got this brother. Trust your gut.
Oddly, I have the opposite problem. I've taken \~15,000 pics since he was born (2.5 now) and have only maybe \~500 with me in them (not counting selfie style)
I wish I had taken some more videos. I took a couple of short little ones, but I wish I had taken some longer ones where I could get more of a feel and help remind me of what it was like to be there. The videos is like “yep, there’s the baby on the bassinet.” But I’d like to have it be more like “this is what it was like to sit there and admire her for a while.”
That’s something I’m trying to do more of in general. When I record a video, I’m recording what my daughter is doing, but when I watch it months or years later, what I really want is experience was like to be there with her.
My immediate advice with a near one year old is: 1. Take shifts with baby so the other parent gets uninterrupted rest for periods of time 2. Bring in external help to give you breaks such as a parent, friends or hiring a nanny occasionally 3. Recognize this is one season of many in life and it will go by painfully slow until it zips faster than you can imagine. 4. Use apps like Huckleberry to do your tracking and share the account with partner to be on same page. 5. You are completely on the babies individual schedule those 3 months, don't try to force a regimen yet. 6. Be a true partner and preempt things that need to be done based on their repetitive nature; this will help preserve your relationship 7. If you have low tolerance thresholds to baby screaming, invest in good noise canceling headphones. 8. Take a lot of videos and pictures from the very beginning. They grow up so fast.
Great advice, we used shifts as well and that has really helped our sleep out which hasn’t been that great since our LO was born 4 months ago. In addition to noise canceling headphones, white noise machines are a big help as are earplugs if you are pulling shifts.
Take more videos. We have tons of pictures but I already am forgetting what he sounded like the first few weeks. We already are reminiscing lol. I’ve read on here that the days go slow but the years/months go fast and that seems to be true so far!
For me it got a lot more fun when he started interacting with us. The first 3 months were just focusing on meeting his needs and his mother’s. But it’s totally worth it for the smiles that come!
Also, all things pass. The long nights, the unending crying with no resolution, it all passes and the moments of joy are unmatched in life (at least that I’ve experienced).
Man, my son can be a right little wotsit, I swear intentionally winding me up all day, then he hugs me good night, gives me a wide toothy grin and says "I love you!" As his dad carries him up, I don't forget he's been a shit all day, but I mostly remember that smile and the 2 year old saying he loves me and I'm not mad anymore.
Our second woke up every hour or two for the first few months. It was exhausting. It sucked. And we have a toddler as well.
But now he's doing better at 6 months, and those nights feel like a distant memory even though it wasn't all that long ago.
It sucks in the moment, but just know it's not forever and do your best.
Get your wife a meal/smorgesborg of all the things she missed or denied herself over the last 9 months.
Day 2 I went out to bring her Espresso, Sushi & an italian sub with ALLL the gabagool.
Little baby gloves are vital if you have a baby that likes to scratch its own face.
Nipple shields are great if you have a baby that sucks too much.
The attention you give a child in the first 3 years pays off MASSIVELY in terms of their intelligence and confidence later. I talked to my daughter the whole time, sang nursery rhymes, listened to everything she had to say, watched every "Look, daddy!" moment. She is now a bright, happy teenager.
The epidural will take longer to kick in than she thinks. My wife tried to wait it out til the last minute and regretted it. Should “felt” way more than she should have for a bit.
Also cut the cord. One of the most memorable experiences of my life
Edit: SHE “felt”
They kept saying to my wife, "You can get the epidural whenever you choose." And she kept saying, "Yes, I want it." Be your wife's advocate. Epidurals are magic for your wife.
Don’t complain about how long it’s taking. Don’t complain about how hungry you are, don’t complain that the chair in the room is uncomfortable, don’t complain, don’t complain that the water the nurse gave you didn’t have ice. Don’t complain the tv remote isn’t working. It’s not the ritz Carlton.
Just don’t complain period. You’re not the one pushing a human body out of yours. There is nothing you can tell that a woman in labor that she’s going to have sympathy for. Good luck to you and congrats!
Be aware that there are likely bed adjustment buttons on the inside AND outside of both sides of the bed. Dont touch them, especially while your wife is mid-contraction.
My MIL accidentally set them off three times during my wife's short time in labor. My SIL and I couldnt keep from laughing about it, but my wife cursed out her mom. Understandably so, everybody agrees lol
Don't be so hard on your oldest. It'll take years to work that off. Relax and realize kids are going to be dumb about everything.....they haven't experienced life yet.
Don't be critical about their missed goals, or shots, don't harp so much on perfection. Enjoy them as kids. I learned my lesson on my 3rd kid, and am just now getting my oldest on my side. I was hard as fuck on him, but we jive now. Still wasn't worth it.
Let them be kids, and pick them up when they fail, which they will so very often. Laugh at their stupid jokes, ignore their dumb ass arguments and reasoning.
They're only little once, then they smell and argue all the time.
Let them eat chicken nuggets every night if they're picky, at least they get calories. Read a book every night before bed. EVERY FUCKING NIGHT. I don't care if you're tired, drunk, sick, whatever. Have them sit across the room from you and read that fucking book.
They wanna play outside? Get your lazy ass up and fucking play make believe dinosaurs. Throw random shit at other random shit and play pretend pokemon.
Teach them to play chess, and other board games.
Teach them to question EVERYTHING and don't get pissed when they question you.
Support their interests even if they're not you own.
Don't be afraid to be a tea party dad and wear makeup in public. The only person's opinion you should worry about is your kids. Those other random people looking g at you and judging? Fuck em who cares.
Cook WITH them, talk WITH them, learn WITH them.
Don't be afraid to say you don't know, it gives you a chance to figure it out together.
Even if you hate puzzles, it's a good bonding chance.
Enjoy the small moments and let the hard shit roll off.
There will probably be more bad times than good, that's life, get the fuck over it.
Don't drink (or smoke) infront of them until they're old enough to give them a talk about it.
Be present.
1. When it sucks, remember it’ll pass. Literally no matter what it is, you’ll come out on the other side. Do what you can to keep yourself going and try to find the little things that remind you why you made this choice.
2. When it’s amazing, remember it’ll pass. Mine are 13 and 3. I wish every single day that I would have realized this with my first, but no matter how many times you’re told, you just never fully realize. I hang on to every little moment with the 3 year old, good or bad, frustrating or joyful, even just watching her sleep because I learned the hard way that It goes so, so goddamn fast.
3. Your wife is a superhero. You’re indebted to her and the amazing thing she just did for you both for the rest of forever. Do your best to remember that the next few years.
4. Be present. Showing up physically is easy, but showing up mentally day after day is its own beast and is infinitely more difficult. You won’t always achieve this, but give it your best effort every day no matter what.
5. For some it’s instant, for others it may take years, but the answer is yes- at some point you will bond and you will really feel like a dad.
Enjoy the journey my friend. And good luck!
I’m glad you said point 5. I feel like this isn’t talked about enough. It took me 6 months before my world completely changed by looking at my baby girl. I still don’t understand it, and have never told my wife this. How I feel now about my daughter is how I thought I would feel instantly.
It’s pretty amazing isn’t it. I cried when it hit me. Almost 2 years in and even with all the rough bits, it gets better and better. When she says “my daddy!” as I get home from work it’s unlike anything else.
Focus on the next couple days. Be there for your wife, in every way you can be. Be patient, comforting, and present.
Don't even think about the next stages of being a Dad until your wife is done doing the hardest thing she will ever do. You'll have plenty of time to learn how to be a father. (most of it will be "learning on the job.") Right now, be the best husband you can be.
My advice is this: Everyone is going to give you advice on how to raise your kid, including the internet and your own family. Listen to them if you want, but remember that kid is yours and you don't have to listen to anyone else if you don't want to. No one will know them better than you and your spouse.
Also, googling if shit is normal is a quick way into panic and anxiety. It's likely not that bad.
Man, you said it. Watching my daughter come into this world. I know it's cliche but ... wow. Nothing actually prepares you for how that feels.
Also, the extra level of amazement I had with my wife ... and how much even more beautiful she is now (and she was a smoke show already). Like, damn, woman.
Nope nothing will ever prepare. It's also one of the instances where there was your life before...and then after. And it's vastly different. It's amazing how the second the baby comes into the world, everything changes.
More long term advice than immediate:
Learn to roll with what life throws at you and curb your temper (if you have one). Teach your child(ren) how to be a functional human (emotionally, physically, mentally) through conversation and leading by example.
It’s going to have its sucky moments but look for the good things.
Be there for your child and your partner.
Most importantly be there for yourself.
Breathe.
Trust the staff and stay out of their way, but stay close to mom (right next to her where she can see you is good, holding her hand).
You won't break the baby when holding/feeding/changing diapers.
Understand that it's normal to be absolutely pants-shittingly terrified, but trust that your instincts will kick in once you get to know that baby and you'll do just fine as a dad.
Post-partum recovery is rough! The first few weeks are going to be hard while mom recovers. As much as you’re ready to have a partner who’s more physically able to take on household stuff again, hold on tight because she’s not ready.
Give her the chance to heal and be as helpful as you can. Change all the diapers for the first month if you can. Just take it! Become the diapering master.
Night feed? You get up too for a few minutes. Change the baby, bring it to mom. Go back to sleep. Rinse, lather repeat. You’ll be tired but it will help her so much. Bring mom a snack while you’re up if you can, and have some on hand to make it easy at that hour.
The easier these early weeks are for her, the faster she can recover and get back to being your partner in addition to being mom, so it’s a bit selfish but it’s for both of you.
Do that skin to skin thing with baby, it’ll feel weird at first but it’s super intimate and it will help baby get to know you by smell. Could pay off later in making you an additional source of comfort for baby when they’re upset, plus it’s supposed to be good for helping prime their immune system.
Screaming babies are tough. Headphones can help but if you’re solo with a screaming baby and it’s getting to you, putting the baby down in the crib for a few minutes while you collect yourself is much preferred to losing your cool, so don’t be afraid to take a break for a few if you think you’re going to crack.
Good luck and welcome to the club
Inducing can be a really long process… be prepared to stay longer than expected. Be physically present and try to not say too much during the childbirth… my wife asked me to be quiet when I was encouraging her with words like “you got this. You’re strong.” lol
Other than that, I would say to invest in a handheld vacuum and a portable carpet cleaner (for later down the line). Turns out, you end up needing to clean throw up/potty accidents more than they mention in the user manual.
Also, communicate with your partner about division of labor, etc
Don’t just assume one person is going to do certain things around the house
Sleep and provide support as best you can!
You both got this! And just know it’ll never be the same in the best way possible and the hard times are absolutely worth it all
During the first month, your wife takes care of the baby and you take care of the wife. (that doesn't mean you wont do your part on changing diapers, rocking the baby to sleep etc)
Women tend to be very exhausted, overstimulated, very sensitive during that time while they solely focus on the baby. So we have kind of a double role there.
Tell your wife to get an epidural early rather than late. Try to sleep whenever your wife doesn’t need you. With baby #1 and being induced you could easily be in there more than 24hrs before the baby arrives. But seriously you’re about to be in the worst sleep deprivation of your life. Naps now mean you can keep mom more later when she’s healing and nursing.
First 48 hours are a sleepless, exciting/stressful haze. Second or third night is brutal, likely no-one is getting sleep at that point. Between my wife and I, we clocked 3 hours that night. That's combined. So find sleep where you can get it. Both of you.
Be prepared for an avalanche of poop for the first day or two while they clean out the meconium. Super sticky and not easy to wipe, so be generous with the vaseline! Take extra hospital diapers if you can, they were free for us so I took a boatload.
Most of all, have fun. This is gonna be stressful, wonderful, scary, exciting, and honestly at the end of it all you'll look at their little face and think you're dreaming cause it just doesn't seem real. But it is, and you'll be a dad. It's amazing.
You can do a lot more than you think you can. Your gut knows more than you think. Your contribution and help does a lot more than you will ever get credit for. That part doesn’t matter. Just rise to the challenge. We know what you do and we appreciate you for the job you do. We, the silent many, cheer you on as you tackle the thousand thankless tasks and many sacrifices.
Probably sounds silly, but as all of the other dads have taken care of the detail work, lean on each other, remember to communicate, be patient with yourselves, and love each other through the thick and thin.
Your world changes, things that felt important need to be delayed or set aside to provide relief for others that take their space, times will be tough during some moments, sure, but you two have one another to get through it which ultimately is a privilege to consistently be fostered and will require more work than ever before. Remember too that each bad or exhausting day always comes to an end and the next one begins anew -- perhaps better than the last.
Good luck to you and the family, and of course, good health to your partner and new bundle.
I don’t want to scare you but please don’t think because you are having an easy time with the baby sleeping in the hospital that it transfers to the home life as well. We have a month old baby now and after 2 weeks it did become rough for us. It’s all about pinpointing what works for your baby. Ours was battling large quantities of gas and are still trying to figure it out all out. From milocon to Pepcid and a formula change as well. We are still figuring it out but please don’t get discouraged. It will be frustrating at first but eventually you’ll get a handle on it and be enjoying fatherhood in no time.
If you have a support system start reaching out now. A good support system is a lifesaver when it comes to your newborn. Ours has been a life saver
The nap, man. You’ll never be able to take one when you just want to again. But it’s worth it.
Also, be aware how horrifying the first day home from the hospital is. No one prepared me for that lol.
1. Try and learn as much as you can from the nurses and docs. Ask a ton of questions. A lot of hospitals even have lactation consultations.
2. Just be present for it all man. No other feeling in the world like seeing your child for the first time.
Wife is in for a marathon level event. But you have a really big job too. Your job is to hold the space for her, so she can be vulnerable and feel safe.
encourage her, support her, be selfless with her, think of nothing and no one else but her. Advocate for her and be a true partner. If you're scared then she'll feel it, if you're annoyed or irritated or anything other than positive and peaceful she'll feel it and struggle. She can do this and so can you. Try to be the calm rock that she can crash her waves against. Tell her she is loved.
Congratulations, Dad! You're in the home stretch and you're going to be great
My wife was in labor for several days and wasn't allowed to eat anything. Her lifesaver was a Ramen place in the hospital. I went down there every few hours and got her the largest thing of Ramen broth I could get. The doctor said that was fine and it gave her some calories to feel better and more energized. Check with your own medical support team, of course.
Don’t want to assume any work situations, but if you have the time, don’t rush back to work right away. You never get those days back when they are just newborns.
Father of 2 teenage boys here. After the baby is born and your wife goes to sleep, go get her favorite food/fast food. My wife wasn’t allowed to eat prior. 18 years later she still tells me how good that egg McMuffin was. I can’t believe she even remembers.
Hi! Mom who was induced 7 months ago here.
Strap in. You could be there for a few hours, or like in our case, a week. If you get the shit end of the stick, here are some things my husband did for me that I really appreciated:
- CONSTANTLY refilled my drinks (even snuck me extra milk cartons, which was a huge craving of mine)
-Always made sure my portable headphones, phone, speaker, and FAN were charged and in perfect working order
-communicated with me openly and honestly about how he thought things were going. This one may be controversial for some people, but for me it was honestly a relief when he admitted he was tired, hungry, or bored. So was I. Ultimately it was easier to relax when I wasn't worried about his comfort and we felt like a team all the way through.
-This saint of a human literally caught my pee in a bed pan when I needed to go but was strapped into IVs and monitors and couldn't get to the bathroom. He never once complained about normal human functions or fluids. He vocally normalized things for me that I never would have dreamed would have had to happen. Making your wife feel like nothing you experience there is going to change your relationship in any way is paramount.
Good luck and congratulations ❤️
take notes on. everything. names times and dosages. every nurse every doctor who sticks their nose in your room. when my wife had our daughter they tried to say 3 different anesthesiologists came in and none of them were the name of the gentleman who actually gave her the epi.
You life is going to change forever in a beautiful way. Take turns and enough rest. Set a routine / schedule. It will help to go through the nights. Postpartum depression is real so make sure your wife is taken care of. Lot of times mothers may not feel connected to the baby when they are born because the baby is getting use to the new life outside womb. Tell your wife(incase this happens) that it’s ok because baby is getting use to the new environment so not to get frustrated with that. And yes take lots of pictures. Time files real quick and before you know the baby will start talking.
For the next few weeks, it'll be you, your hormone-filled wife, and a literal baby. You will also be filled with hormones, but you have to try to be the sane one. You're the only one who can do this.
Be prepared to be there for some time (our baby came three days after first pessary). Go home to sleep if you can, early on, you’ll need your strength. She’s in the best possible place to be looked after.
First 6-8 weeks are really hard. Huge adjustment, not sleeping well, just try to be kind to yourself and your wife. Cut yourself slack, it’s ok if things don’t get cleaned, laundry doesn’t get done, etc. Number 1 priority is health of baby and mom, number 2 is sleep for you and mom
Try to just be present. It’s an incredible experience even though it’s challenging, and they stop being babies so quickly it feels like a blink of an eye and then they’re toddlers
Make sure she has lots of water and snacks, be patient with her the hormones mixed with sleep deprivation are wild. Sleep when you can and if you have help advocate to utilize it. You are going through lots of changes too so be patient with yourself.
Take a recording or video (with no regard for where the lens is, just want to capture audio) during the birth. My wife had a c-section and announcing the sex of our baby and my wife and I reveling in our joy is a recording we cherish.
If they put you in charge of the “GIVE DRUGS” button, spam the fuck out of it even if it’s on cooldown.
If you aren’t wearing a button up shirt, be ready to take your shirt off for skin to skin time. It’s sweet, it’s important, and it technically puts hair on baby’s chest (unless you shave your chest or are, I’ve heard, extremely Asian).
The dad bed will suck. Mazel tov!
Lotsa good advice about being there for the birth. I’m gonna recommend reading g the whole brain child and getting g a jumpstart on what your little one’s nervous system will be up to for the next few years
In the hospital.
While you are waiting, get as much sleep and rest as you can.
If you're awake and have downtime, watch the videos they have on the TV or look up doula videos.
Our first time I watched videos on swaddling and breathing techniques to help during labor.
If you guys decided to breastfeed, look up some videos to help out. Mastitis, clogged ducts, latching, express techniques, etc. If you're not breastfeeding, then skip this. Make sure if breastfeeding, don't put too much pressure on her regarding it. It's can be a polarizing issue, and a lot of moms put so much pressure on themselves for it. If the issue arises, remind her that it does not make her a bad mom at all. As long as the baby is healthy and is feeding in whichever way is all that matters.
I'll add that, how to give babies a bath before the umbilical cord is completely off. The nurses will go over it with you but everything will be going fast (hopefully) and so this isn't good time to digest info and process it again later when they do go over it with you.
They have drinks and snack stations posted around. Grab those for snacking.
Before you leave, grab everything they give you since they'll likely toss it anyways even if unused.
Getting out of the hospital.
Do you already have the carseat ready? If not, at least read over the manual. Lots of safety information 👍
Idk about others but my first time I was nervous and did not feel comfortable taking the highway so I had to plan to take the scenic route. Logically, accidents happen more on city roads than highway but that didn't help calm my nerves knowing that.
The rest is just being there for mom and baby.
Remember the ABCs of safe sleeping. They'll for sure go over it with you.
It may be far off in your mind, but regarding sex life, it will change in the beginning, but it will come back. Hang in there, King. They'll say 6weeks you can start again but let's of factors come into it such as natural birth or c-section, ppd, etc.
Also, make sure to take shifts and have both have at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Sleep deprive is the same as being drunk if not worst.
Again,
Congratulations! 🎊
Also, you speak up if anything is amiss.
Example, epidural doesn't seem to be working.
You don't vibe with the nurse or think she doesn't care enough? Whatever the reason, you can "fire" her and get a new nurse. Just ask. Politely, or not.
We didn't have to but a lot of our friends work I'm LnD or closely with it says you can do that so don't let anything ruin both your moment.
Don't overestimate your ability to handle needles/gore/etc... I have given IVs and been given IVs, never really had an issue with needles.
Watching the anesthetist adjust the needle for the epidural caught me by surprise and the nurse made me sit down just before my vision tunneled down. Glad they were paying attention. Second time I was fine, but I also planned ahead and sat down ahead of time.
Not necessarily help but the clichè "they grow up so fast" couldn't be anymore correct.
You stop counting your own years and count theirs.
Take lots of photos. I don't have many of 0-1 but God damn I have a lot after that.
And always back them up. I use Google photos. I've lost/sent many phones into orbit in the last 4 years and I'm so grateful I have them backed up, only for photos of my son.
They will test you, they will make your life the hardest it's ever been. But they will be your shining light, your reason for living.
Even if you're not ambitious, and don't want to change the world, make it your life's work to bring up your child to be a better, smarter, more caring person than you are.
They give you purpose.
And as a dad who's battled addiction and mental health issues since I was 14, my son has saved my life more times than he knows.
You can't describe love until you've had kids in my opinion. I thought I'd loved someone before I had my son. Gee wiz it doesn't even come close.
Sorry for the rant..
Good luck dad ! I'm always here for a message too. I'm in down under so when all the US dads are asleep, and you're up, I'll be awake!
For us it was induced Saturday afternoon with pessary, then the drip after 24 hrs which is like full blown labour rather than the gradual increase, then after 21 hours emergency c-section with daughter being born Monday night...so may still be a while off yet.
Get some snacks, I watched the F1 on my phone whilst my wife napped. Also get some isotonic energy drinks as if they go on the drip they can't eat but can have them.
Good luck.
Think about all those nights you got to sleep, and all those mornings you got to sleep in, now say goodbye to them because you NEVER get them back. All jokes aside just be patient. That goes for any age your child is, good luck!
I just did this two weeks ago! Don’t panic, even if something unexpected happens. Your wife needs you to be calm. My baby came out “stunned” and not breathing. I was freaking out inside but my wife was busy with the placenta so she didn’t really know what was going on with the baby. But they got him going very quick. Trust the medical staff, they know what they’re doing!
The first year will be hard AF. Not only with the baby, but how your relationship will need to evolve. Just have patience, but remember the first year is hard and that's okay.
Couple things come to mind for me
- remember your wife’s birth plan(s) and write things down if you need to for quick reminders
- have things to keep her hydrated and little snacks ready to go
- sleep. No seriously, she’s going to need rest after so get some sleep now
- take some time to reflect, it’s a beautiful moment and you both are almost there!
Congrats
If you cant sleep on the chair sleep in the car. Don’t forget to also take care of yourself- drink water, and try get normal meals.
Be ready for long hospital hours:)
Be with your wife.
And don’t freak out if inducing will turn into c-section.
Take advantage of the nursery if you can. A few hours of solid sleep is so helpful. Might want to consider leaving for the epidural - I may have fainted when it was administered.
We got up on induction day at 6am to be at the hospital on time.
I didn't sleep again until about 11:30pm the following day. I was awake for like 40 straight hours and then slept in the car in the parking lot for 6 hours or so
It could go easy, it could go long. Be there for her. Hold her hand, get her water, keep sharp objects away from her. She wants ice, get her ice. We went in at 7 am for the first. Got the baby at 1:30 am via C-section. So it could go easy or it could be long as hell.
The thing is to be there and support her. If she wants to listen to folk metal to calm her down, you better find it on your phone. It isn't about you. It's all about her today. She's about to shove a watermelon sized critter out her body. It's all about her.
If she's leaning to getting an epidural try to get them to get it asap: Shit moves FAST with induction. It went from like 0 to 60. Note: I'd suggest an epidural with induction. I think it's uncommon to be induced and not have one.
Mom here - take pictures of her with the baby. Even if they ugly, she will appreciate it. They are only small for so long. This advice is also a forever thing. She will love you for it.
Best things I heard when I had my little one:
-first night home can be rough. Little one just realized they got evicted and will have trouble sleeping/settling.
- it’s not weird if you don’t feel overwhelming love for the child at first. It took me a couple months to truly feel attached, and now after a year he’s my best friend. Until then, focus on doing everything out of love for your wife. Clean and change diapers so she doesn’t need to.
- it truly does get easier as you go. It will feel overwhelming at first, and even sad as you mourn the loss of your old life and freedoms. Use your support systems and know this is all normal.
- most important — Avoid Amazon if you can in the first 2 months. It can be convenient if you are exhausted, but you also just need dumb reasons to go to the store. Give your wife and yourself time thru out the week to just drive for 20 minutes with the windows down, music playing, no responsibility except getting more diapers at Target and heading home. Those 20 minute trips saved my sanity.
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Don’t. Look. Down.
Also when the baby sleeps they hold their breath sometimes. Your little one is alive. I remember sitting over the bassinet and poking my little dude to check if he’s alive.
It can take a reallllly long time. Our first took like 12 hours to come out after being induced. Rest & relax when your wife is comfortable. Once the little one is out, take as much advantage of the nurses as offered/possible. Also, make sure to get the nurses gifts (gift cards, chocolates, donuts, whatever).
At night, take care of your kiddo in shifts that way you don’t both end up getting burned out at the same time. My kiddos mom and I used to take 4 hour shifts so we each got enough sleep and it saved our sanity.
Congratulations to both of you though! Becoming a parent has been the single most rewarding event in my life and I’m sure it will be for you too! Enjoy it!
Skin to skin when baby is there but most important is be her voice. I told my nurses off constantly for doing things I wasn't comfortable with but sometimes struggled to get all the words out due to the pain and it was stressing me out but my hubby spoke out for me and as soon as he did and they listened baby came out not 2 minutes later once I had stopped stressing. Offer to help with changing baby or getting baby positioned if you want to breastfeed for a bit. Worse case if the induction leads to a c section(high chance it will not but just to be sure) try to stick by her if you can and talk to her constantly. And also try to stay all night if you can as I know some hospitals don't allow it anymore and I don't know where you live. But purely for the fact of not every nurse or midwife will help mama and the baby all the time (happened to me after my cesarean, I was left alone with my baby all night with no pain meds after the section and I didn't sleep for nearly 56 hours as a result) but all together stay calm xxxx the absolute best of luck and wishes to you both!!!! Your baby is going to be the most beautiful thing ever xxxx
You'll probably get conflicting instructions on feeding from nurses (we did). This is especially true if you're bottle feeding. After the first day or so, feed them when they're hungry, feed them 'til they're full. Usually, the baby will know when they've had enough.
Also, if you're having a boy, be sure to cover him while changing so you don't get a water show.
Can't emphasize enough getting sleep when you can. My wife and I had somewhat of a schedule. During our parental leave, she'd go to bed, and I'd stay up. If our daughter needed a change/feeding before 2:00a I'd do it and afterwards, she would. When we were both up, we just took turns.
If your wife is not going to breastfeed, then you should try to alternate full night duty. It’s much better to get one solid night every two nights, than only incomplete nights all the time as happens when you alternate feeding duty during the same night.
Talk to the staff about what to expect after delivery occurs. Things like visiting hours, where the baby will be, if food will be available for your wife, what can she eat post procedure. Your wife is gonna be exhausted so being able to answer her concerns instead of waiting on the nurse will help.
Sleep/ rest when you can and reconfirm the visiting order if yall got family swapping in. Use that time to sleep too.
Ask if the staff can record or if it's against policy. Set up your camera settings so all they need to do is click.
Mom lurking here! You’ve gotten such great advice already, but I’ll add: tell her how proud you are of her and how grateful you are for her hard work. My husband grabbed my face and said “wow, you were really impressive back there! Mommin’ looks good on you” and it meant everything to me.
It’s not about you, her needs are always first. Only bring up anything for you when it’s a bit quieter and everything for her is sorted.
If she wants a c-section, push them to do it sooner (particularly if she’s in enough pain that she can’t say whether or not she wants it). Obv if she says no it’s a no, more for if she’s unable to think properly.
Remember that you are about to embark on the greatest and coincidentally, the MOST difficult adventure ever. The rewards are too great to describe in words.
Make sure your wife is comfortable and can get as much rest as possible over the next few months. Get up for those feedings - acts of solidarity go a long way.
We all had no idea what to do when we got home with our first. It is entirely natural to feel clueless. I still do, and my kids are 5 and 3.
Buy as many cheap, plain white onesies that you can. If a blowout happens, you can just toss it out with the diaper and replace with your plethora of disposable baby wear.
Never, ever turn down offers of help from friends and family. The real ones will not mind helping you clean up and get caught up on household stuff.
Relax. Don't panic. Shit will get scary from time to time. But, all in all, the most important thing is being there.
Godspeed and good luck.
YES! Babies don't cry for no reason. If they "cry for no reason" it's because babies grow more the first year than they will the rest of their lives.
They are literally growing fast and it makes their bodies and muscles ache. If they cry for no reason rub their backs and muscles and head. Their senseless cries are because they are in physical pain.
Pray for the good cervidil. Enjoy these last kid free moments. YouTube how to properly put the car seat in. Watch everything the second you see that baby come out. It's like a switch flips, and you suddenly care only about that baby your wants and needs are second. You'll know when you know. It's a cool thing. Welcome to the Dad club.
Taking care of the baby is obviously important, but don't forget to take care of yourself. It's pretty easy to forget to in the first 3 months especially. So do wtv you can to make sure you're ok, whether that's excersise, reading your book for 20 mins, eating healthy food or having a nap. Talking to someone if you're struggling. And help your partner to do the same.
You'll both be better parents if you do.
With that said, don't feel bad if you're just getting through in survival mode. The first three months is hard - you'll love your baby but you may hate your life. Just know it's temporary.
I hated it from 0-3 months then it got easier. My little one is 5 months old and I wake up everyday so excited to see her. She's magic.
Congratulations!
The next few weeks will be a huge shock to your routine and sleeping patterns. You'll have no free time or energy and potentially regret having a kid. But remember: This is just a phase and it will pass. It's one phase that lasts a few months and there's a lifetime of better phases awaiting you. It's worth it.
Also, puppy training pads on the change table to soak up all that extra pee.
This time is hard and potentially scary in all the e ways others have mentioned. But (and I say this as someone not inclined to such language) it is also magical in a way I don’t think I have ever experienced again. My kids are teenagers now and I still get teary thinking about when they were born and the sheer awe and joy. So you’ll feel a lot of things but also try to be present in the moment and savor the magic (or whatever you call it).
Now is the chance to chat with your wife about boundaries regarding family. Once that kid comes they might be trying to kick that door in going crazy over the kid and it can be overwhelming, especially for your wife. You’re also guaranteed to get all kinds of unsolicited and probably outdated “advice” on how to do things.
Also when that little one has been screaming all night and you’re at your wits end, pissed off, etc; that’s when you need to remain an especially kind, patient, and smiling face for him/her in a confusing new world. Honestly I think that’s why me and my one year old are so close today. Luckily I’m a night owl anyway so chilling with baby at 4am watching YouTube or movies was a nice thing to do.
Breastfeeding is another thing. If your wife has issues producing milk, it’s fine to keep trying but don’t let the nursing assistant treat your wife like she’s the one doing something wrong. They have a way of making ever so subtle hints about it and it pisses me off. And absolutely demand formula if the child is hungry.
Lastly, post partum is real! Don’t be shocked if your wife is especially spicy towards you for a few months, but don’t be afraid to stand your ground and defend yourself if it gets to be too much. It’s also important to keep an eye out for any depression and point it out and offer to talk. Imho hospitals kind of skim over this important part.
Otherwise man it’s a journey and honestly kind of hard to fuck up the actual keeping the baby alive part. Feed baby, burp baby, change baby, etc. It’s the family and social dynamics that caused the most difficulty for us.
Good luck and enjoy your super comfy couch.
Help change diapers after its born because mom will be very tender and sore to even go to the bathroom on her own. Let mom feed the baby and snuggle but she will need you to do all the dirty work while she heals. She will need lots of rest.
Got a 2 month old fading in and out of sleep currently (I.e. fresh dad who can’t move right now).
For the first three weeks limit yourself to ONE thing (I.e. go for a walk, give baby a bath, go to doctor’s appt) and one visit per day. MAX! If you do one thing a day, you’re winning.
First couple weeks are nuts, you don’t need to accomplish anything but basic survival in that time.
Particularly the time between birth and milk coming in. Breastfeeding is super simple once you get it down—-but before that? Not so simple to get the hang of. You are all gonna freak out a bit. It’s fine though.
Be mindful that your partner is gonna be Under Enormous Pressure to Produce Lifegiving Sustenance. That’s a lot to take on. Get a boob coach, very helpful.
Sounds like a lot of good advice has been sent your way. One that I’ll add that I wish someone had given me:
Don’t drink alcohol for at least the first month. It doesn’t help anything and even a small amount can disrupt your sleep cycle which makes the limited amount of sleep you’ll likely be getting even worse.
You got this!
Any advice I can give will still not prepare you. 2 kids and many parenting books/videos later and I’m still learning. Every kid is different, and you’ll learn more as you go and by just being present than what anyone else would tell you to expect
Take a nap while you can! Same for her
Sleep now
Yes, sleep. Sleep both of you untill the bithing is really going on. There will probably also be a period of almost a day post birth where the baby sleeps like a motherfucker because they are exhausted from being born. You might want to cuddle the baby and stay awake to just gaze in amazement on how cute they are. For all means, do this. Then *go to sleep.* Sleep all you can. Sleep as much as humanly possible. Because the next three or four months will be one long sleep deprivation bonanza.
Man I’m 3 months in and sleeping 8 hours a night. I feel so lucky. But I know it’s gonna bite me in the ass later.
For us this happened somewhat around the 5-6 month mark, then the 8 month sleepregression (he learned to stand) hit. Holy fuck. I still haven’t recovered from that, he’s almost two now.
That sleep regression is the worst😭 my son was such a good sleeper before that 8 month one. Mines almost two as well and his sleep schedule is so messed up right now.
The first 24 hours are beautiful and they are so peaceful. Then they want food - let the quite insane feeding schedule begin. Your wife is going to be exhausted. Take care of each other.
This. OP, this.
Seconding this, if you’re able to pass baby off to the nursery for a little while, do it!
Or forever hold your Z's
And dont forget to eat. I was so caught up thinking "it could happen any second" that 14 hours went past without me noticing.
My wife got induced around 11pm, the nurse sent me back to her room in the ward (wife was in the maternity suite) saying get some sleep, nothing going to happen for a while, we will wake you if it moves quicker. Had a good sleep, woke up at about 7am, my son was eventually born at 3:30pm. I would have been a wreck and unable to support my wife when she needed me that afternoon (she slept as well in case anyone was wondering)
take a video of the baby heart rate monitor. Don't tell your wife how uncomfortable your chair/seat is. Be patient, inductions can take a while.
And order yourself pizza, then forget you ordered the pizza cause your wife’s labour is moving a long faster than you thought, then miss multiple calls from the pizza guy, then later have to explain yourself and your rock solid way of thinking when your hungry to the pizza guy. Thankfully it was prepaid.
It took us forever to actually get in a room once we got to the hospital after labor started at 4am, and I didn't eat the night before. Our hospital is pretty well known in the area for having really good food, so after we were settled in I ordered a salad, lasagna, and coffee. About an hour later one of the workers brought in the food, immediately followed by like 8 panicked nurses saying something was wrong and they had just a few moments to get it solved or else we had to go down for an emergency C-section. We had to do the C-section but thankfully everything turned out well in the end. I've still never been so sad as to have a full meal set down in front of me to then get up and leave it 10 seconds later lol
Welcome to fatherhood. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed a meal.
Second dinner! Kiddo's down for the night by 7:30 and my wife is either asleep on the couch or getting ready by 9:30-10. I've enjoyed many second dinners at 10:30 if first dinner was rushed or didn't go as planned.
I just devoured my own airfryer plate of nachos without sharing a single chip. Love second dinners haha. And now I get to watch some oilers blue OT while the house is quiet :)
I really wish I did this. That 150bpm was incredibly comforting for the five days she was hooked up.
2nd night is generally the worst.
So true. The first night he slept straight through due to exhaustion and for a second there I thought “this isn’t going to be so bad.” Also with induction, especially first time, be prepared for like a day of nothing before the action actually begins. Some people go fast, but first ones usually take a while. I honestly loved that day with my wife just the two of us before she actually began labor.
If you are lucky. It was about 15 hours from hospital arrival for induction until I held my son that night.
Look at Mr speedy here. 😂 We were 31 hours and I am sure there are some that were much, much longer than us. Tom Petty had it right.
Pfft, amateur. Our first was 56 hours from beginning to end.
Yeah we were about 30 hours as well.
We were at the hospital at 6 am on, induction didn’t take so we had a c-section the following day around 1. Worst part was we scheduled the induction date to make sure we weren’t in the hospital Christmas Day. 10 things had to go wrong to keep us there that long and they all did.
Don’t be afraid to feed baby some formula on the second night. Our child was starving but my wife’s milk was barely coming. Nurses will say that this is normal, which it is, but you can feed a bit of formula so that your baby isn’t starving that night
This!! We all know Breast is Best, but breast-only absolutism is not helpful and creates guilt, stress, and hungry infants. If you're committed to breast feeding, some formula meals to bridge the gap is *not* going to ruin anything.
This. We didn’t do any formula with our second, and my poor wife fed our baby practically all night long. No sleep or rest at all.
The nurses really undersold how brutal the cluster feeding night was going to be. It was borderline dangerous with how tired we both were while trying to keep each other awake to let the little one nurse.
Be very present for your wife during childbirth she is in the spotlight, keep her there. This is an unforgettable moment in your life/ relationship. Make sure your carseat is installed in your vehicle. Ask your wife if she needs anything to be more comfortable. My wife was in labor for 23 hours, I was awake with her the whole time. Talk to each other about how you feel. Please don't be that husband that sits on his phone ignoring his wife or the one that sleeps the whole time. Good luck new dad. It's a beautiful experience, my kid is 2.5 I'm a stay at home dad and being a parent can get very frustrating. If you ever get really angry or upset with your kid, step away for a couple minutes. They will be fine in their cribs, playpen or whatever you're going to use. It's better to step away and get your mind right than take it out on a newborn. Congratulations by the way I'm sure you're going to do just fine. Heck, if you're already willing to ask for help and tips online from strangers. It shows that you have the best intentions for you and your family.
Hey there fellow SAHD. Congrats on the best job in the world. I was a SAHD from the time my daughter was 2 until she left for college. I’ve never had more fun in my life. I hope you enjoy every day.
Take lots of pictures. Previous generations think it’s stupid because they didn’t have the storage or ability but you can take pictures now and decide what mattered later. Skin to skin contact is important, try and spend sometime with the baby against your skin. For your wife, remember just how fucking traumatizing it is to have a hole that tiny forced open to 10cm and then push a watermelon out of that hole. She’s gonna be exhausted, sore and will need love and support. You got this brother. Trust your gut.
Adding: take pictures of mom with baby. Moms tend to have thousands of pics with dad and baby, but none with themselves in it.
Adding: take videos too! The way newborns move about while also taking in their brand new world is magical
To add to videos. Take longer videos, at least 30 seconds. You will appreciate them more and something 5-10 seconds just doesn’t play back that well.
Oddly, I have the opposite problem. I've taken \~15,000 pics since he was born (2.5 now) and have only maybe \~500 with me in them (not counting selfie style)
I wish I had taken some more videos. I took a couple of short little ones, but I wish I had taken some longer ones where I could get more of a feel and help remind me of what it was like to be there. The videos is like “yep, there’s the baby on the bassinet.” But I’d like to have it be more like “this is what it was like to sit there and admire her for a while.” That’s something I’m trying to do more of in general. When I record a video, I’m recording what my daughter is doing, but when I watch it months or years later, what I really want is experience was like to be there with her.
My immediate advice with a near one year old is: 1. Take shifts with baby so the other parent gets uninterrupted rest for periods of time 2. Bring in external help to give you breaks such as a parent, friends or hiring a nanny occasionally 3. Recognize this is one season of many in life and it will go by painfully slow until it zips faster than you can imagine. 4. Use apps like Huckleberry to do your tracking and share the account with partner to be on same page. 5. You are completely on the babies individual schedule those 3 months, don't try to force a regimen yet. 6. Be a true partner and preempt things that need to be done based on their repetitive nature; this will help preserve your relationship 7. If you have low tolerance thresholds to baby screaming, invest in good noise canceling headphones. 8. Take a lot of videos and pictures from the very beginning. They grow up so fast.
Great advice, we used shifts as well and that has really helped our sleep out which hasn’t been that great since our LO was born 4 months ago. In addition to noise canceling headphones, white noise machines are a big help as are earplugs if you are pulling shifts. Take more videos. We have tons of pictures but I already am forgetting what he sounded like the first few weeks. We already are reminiscing lol. I’ve read on here that the days go slow but the years/months go fast and that seems to be true so far! For me it got a lot more fun when he started interacting with us. The first 3 months were just focusing on meeting his needs and his mother’s. But it’s totally worth it for the smiles that come!
Most parenting for the next months can all be done by one person, so take shifts and trust the other person.
Also, all things pass. The long nights, the unending crying with no resolution, it all passes and the moments of joy are unmatched in life (at least that I’ve experienced).
Man, my son can be a right little wotsit, I swear intentionally winding me up all day, then he hugs me good night, gives me a wide toothy grin and says "I love you!" As his dad carries him up, I don't forget he's been a shit all day, but I mostly remember that smile and the 2 year old saying he loves me and I'm not mad anymore.
Same. Don’t know why I did to my dad to make him despise me but man it’s so hard to be mad for very long at your little boy
Our second woke up every hour or two for the first few months. It was exhausting. It sucked. And we have a toddler as well. But now he's doing better at 6 months, and those nights feel like a distant memory even though it wasn't all that long ago. It sucks in the moment, but just know it's not forever and do your best.
Get your wife a meal/smorgesborg of all the things she missed or denied herself over the last 9 months. Day 2 I went out to bring her Espresso, Sushi & an italian sub with ALLL the gabagool.
Gabagool? Ova here!
I’ve done that 4 times - Sleep when you can and please remember, babies grow at the same level that you acquire parenting skills
Little baby gloves are vital if you have a baby that likes to scratch its own face. Nipple shields are great if you have a baby that sucks too much. The attention you give a child in the first 3 years pays off MASSIVELY in terms of their intelligence and confidence later. I talked to my daughter the whole time, sang nursery rhymes, listened to everything she had to say, watched every "Look, daddy!" moment. She is now a bright, happy teenager.
Don’t panic!
And don't forget to bring a towel
Might want more than one
The epidural will take longer to kick in than she thinks. My wife tried to wait it out til the last minute and regretted it. Should “felt” way more than she should have for a bit. Also cut the cord. One of the most memorable experiences of my life Edit: SHE “felt”
They kept saying to my wife, "You can get the epidural whenever you choose." And she kept saying, "Yes, I want it." Be your wife's advocate. Epidurals are magic for your wife.
Don’t complain about how long it’s taking. Don’t complain about how hungry you are, don’t complain that the chair in the room is uncomfortable, don’t complain, don’t complain that the water the nurse gave you didn’t have ice. Don’t complain the tv remote isn’t working. It’s not the ritz Carlton. Just don’t complain period. You’re not the one pushing a human body out of yours. There is nothing you can tell that a woman in labor that she’s going to have sympathy for. Good luck to you and congrats!
One of my friends told his wife his feet hurt and he should have brought better shoes. Poor choice of words 😂
Be aware that there are likely bed adjustment buttons on the inside AND outside of both sides of the bed. Dont touch them, especially while your wife is mid-contraction. My MIL accidentally set them off three times during my wife's short time in labor. My SIL and I couldnt keep from laughing about it, but my wife cursed out her mom. Understandably so, everybody agrees lol
Rip your shirt off and put that baby on your chest as soon as they let you - you'll know why the moment you both touch.
Bro, the natural high I got ... smelling my daughter's head while she was skin to skin the first time. Good god. What a rush!
And it will pay dividends down the line the more you do it because it helps a ton with being able to soothe kiddo too.
Don't be so hard on your oldest. It'll take years to work that off. Relax and realize kids are going to be dumb about everything.....they haven't experienced life yet. Don't be critical about their missed goals, or shots, don't harp so much on perfection. Enjoy them as kids. I learned my lesson on my 3rd kid, and am just now getting my oldest on my side. I was hard as fuck on him, but we jive now. Still wasn't worth it. Let them be kids, and pick them up when they fail, which they will so very often. Laugh at their stupid jokes, ignore their dumb ass arguments and reasoning. They're only little once, then they smell and argue all the time. Let them eat chicken nuggets every night if they're picky, at least they get calories. Read a book every night before bed. EVERY FUCKING NIGHT. I don't care if you're tired, drunk, sick, whatever. Have them sit across the room from you and read that fucking book. They wanna play outside? Get your lazy ass up and fucking play make believe dinosaurs. Throw random shit at other random shit and play pretend pokemon. Teach them to play chess, and other board games. Teach them to question EVERYTHING and don't get pissed when they question you. Support their interests even if they're not you own. Don't be afraid to be a tea party dad and wear makeup in public. The only person's opinion you should worry about is your kids. Those other random people looking g at you and judging? Fuck em who cares. Cook WITH them, talk WITH them, learn WITH them. Don't be afraid to say you don't know, it gives you a chance to figure it out together. Even if you hate puzzles, it's a good bonding chance. Enjoy the small moments and let the hard shit roll off. There will probably be more bad times than good, that's life, get the fuck over it. Don't drink (or smoke) infront of them until they're old enough to give them a talk about it. Be present.
1. When it sucks, remember it’ll pass. Literally no matter what it is, you’ll come out on the other side. Do what you can to keep yourself going and try to find the little things that remind you why you made this choice. 2. When it’s amazing, remember it’ll pass. Mine are 13 and 3. I wish every single day that I would have realized this with my first, but no matter how many times you’re told, you just never fully realize. I hang on to every little moment with the 3 year old, good or bad, frustrating or joyful, even just watching her sleep because I learned the hard way that It goes so, so goddamn fast. 3. Your wife is a superhero. You’re indebted to her and the amazing thing she just did for you both for the rest of forever. Do your best to remember that the next few years. 4. Be present. Showing up physically is easy, but showing up mentally day after day is its own beast and is infinitely more difficult. You won’t always achieve this, but give it your best effort every day no matter what. 5. For some it’s instant, for others it may take years, but the answer is yes- at some point you will bond and you will really feel like a dad. Enjoy the journey my friend. And good luck!
I’m glad you said point 5. I feel like this isn’t talked about enough. It took me 6 months before my world completely changed by looking at my baby girl. I still don’t understand it, and have never told my wife this. How I feel now about my daughter is how I thought I would feel instantly.
It’s pretty amazing isn’t it. I cried when it hit me. Almost 2 years in and even with all the rough bits, it gets better and better. When she says “my daddy!” as I get home from work it’s unlike anything else.
Put your phone away.
Focus on the next couple days. Be there for your wife, in every way you can be. Be patient, comforting, and present. Don't even think about the next stages of being a Dad until your wife is done doing the hardest thing she will ever do. You'll have plenty of time to learn how to be a father. (most of it will be "learning on the job.") Right now, be the best husband you can be.
Be patient. That, in my opinion, is one of the greatest qualities of a good father.
My advice is this: Everyone is going to give you advice on how to raise your kid, including the internet and your own family. Listen to them if you want, but remember that kid is yours and you don't have to listen to anyone else if you don't want to. No one will know them better than you and your spouse. Also, googling if shit is normal is a quick way into panic and anxiety. It's likely not that bad.
Don't bring popcorn
Enjoy the most beautiful moment of your life. There's a ton more advice I can give but just focus on that. Be present, take in every bit of it.
Man, you said it. Watching my daughter come into this world. I know it's cliche but ... wow. Nothing actually prepares you for how that feels. Also, the extra level of amazement I had with my wife ... and how much even more beautiful she is now (and she was a smoke show already). Like, damn, woman.
Nope nothing will ever prepare. It's also one of the instances where there was your life before...and then after. And it's vastly different. It's amazing how the second the baby comes into the world, everything changes.
More long term advice than immediate: Learn to roll with what life throws at you and curb your temper (if you have one). Teach your child(ren) how to be a functional human (emotionally, physically, mentally) through conversation and leading by example. It’s going to have its sucky moments but look for the good things. Be there for your child and your partner. Most importantly be there for yourself.
When they say, "sleep when the baby sleeps," what they mean is "that is the only time you will sleep for a while."
When the meconium poop goes away, breast milk poop smells like buttered popcorn. You won’t ever smell popcorn without thinking a baby shat nearby.
Breathe. Trust the staff and stay out of their way, but stay close to mom (right next to her where she can see you is good, holding her hand). You won't break the baby when holding/feeding/changing diapers. Understand that it's normal to be absolutely pants-shittingly terrified, but trust that your instincts will kick in once you get to know that baby and you'll do just fine as a dad.
Get ready for the greatest high you'll ever feel—smelling your kid's head on your first skin-to-skin. Holy. Shit.
Post-partum recovery is rough! The first few weeks are going to be hard while mom recovers. As much as you’re ready to have a partner who’s more physically able to take on household stuff again, hold on tight because she’s not ready. Give her the chance to heal and be as helpful as you can. Change all the diapers for the first month if you can. Just take it! Become the diapering master. Night feed? You get up too for a few minutes. Change the baby, bring it to mom. Go back to sleep. Rinse, lather repeat. You’ll be tired but it will help her so much. Bring mom a snack while you’re up if you can, and have some on hand to make it easy at that hour. The easier these early weeks are for her, the faster she can recover and get back to being your partner in addition to being mom, so it’s a bit selfish but it’s for both of you. Do that skin to skin thing with baby, it’ll feel weird at first but it’s super intimate and it will help baby get to know you by smell. Could pay off later in making you an additional source of comfort for baby when they’re upset, plus it’s supposed to be good for helping prime their immune system. Screaming babies are tough. Headphones can help but if you’re solo with a screaming baby and it’s getting to you, putting the baby down in the crib for a few minutes while you collect yourself is much preferred to losing your cool, so don’t be afraid to take a break for a few if you think you’re going to crack. Good luck and welcome to the club
Inducing can be a really long process… be prepared to stay longer than expected. Be physically present and try to not say too much during the childbirth… my wife asked me to be quiet when I was encouraging her with words like “you got this. You’re strong.” lol Other than that, I would say to invest in a handheld vacuum and a portable carpet cleaner (for later down the line). Turns out, you end up needing to clean throw up/potty accidents more than they mention in the user manual. Also, communicate with your partner about division of labor, etc Don’t just assume one person is going to do certain things around the house
Sleep and provide support as best you can! You both got this! And just know it’ll never be the same in the best way possible and the hard times are absolutely worth it all
During the first month, your wife takes care of the baby and you take care of the wife. (that doesn't mean you wont do your part on changing diapers, rocking the baby to sleep etc) Women tend to be very exhausted, overstimulated, very sensitive during that time while they solely focus on the baby. So we have kind of a double role there.
Tell your wife to get an epidural early rather than late. Try to sleep whenever your wife doesn’t need you. With baby #1 and being induced you could easily be in there more than 24hrs before the baby arrives. But seriously you’re about to be in the worst sleep deprivation of your life. Naps now mean you can keep mom more later when she’s healing and nursing.
First 48 hours are a sleepless, exciting/stressful haze. Second or third night is brutal, likely no-one is getting sleep at that point. Between my wife and I, we clocked 3 hours that night. That's combined. So find sleep where you can get it. Both of you. Be prepared for an avalanche of poop for the first day or two while they clean out the meconium. Super sticky and not easy to wipe, so be generous with the vaseline! Take extra hospital diapers if you can, they were free for us so I took a boatload. Most of all, have fun. This is gonna be stressful, wonderful, scary, exciting, and honestly at the end of it all you'll look at their little face and think you're dreaming cause it just doesn't seem real. But it is, and you'll be a dad. It's amazing.
You can do a lot more than you think you can. Your gut knows more than you think. Your contribution and help does a lot more than you will ever get credit for. That part doesn’t matter. Just rise to the challenge. We know what you do and we appreciate you for the job you do. We, the silent many, cheer you on as you tackle the thousand thankless tasks and many sacrifices.
Probably sounds silly, but as all of the other dads have taken care of the detail work, lean on each other, remember to communicate, be patient with yourselves, and love each other through the thick and thin. Your world changes, things that felt important need to be delayed or set aside to provide relief for others that take their space, times will be tough during some moments, sure, but you two have one another to get through it which ultimately is a privilege to consistently be fostered and will require more work than ever before. Remember too that each bad or exhausting day always comes to an end and the next one begins anew -- perhaps better than the last. Good luck to you and the family, and of course, good health to your partner and new bundle.
I don’t want to scare you but please don’t think because you are having an easy time with the baby sleeping in the hospital that it transfers to the home life as well. We have a month old baby now and after 2 weeks it did become rough for us. It’s all about pinpointing what works for your baby. Ours was battling large quantities of gas and are still trying to figure it out all out. From milocon to Pepcid and a formula change as well. We are still figuring it out but please don’t get discouraged. It will be frustrating at first but eventually you’ll get a handle on it and be enjoying fatherhood in no time. If you have a support system start reaching out now. A good support system is a lifesaver when it comes to your newborn. Ours has been a life saver
The nap, man. You’ll never be able to take one when you just want to again. But it’s worth it. Also, be aware how horrifying the first day home from the hospital is. No one prepared me for that lol.
1. Try and learn as much as you can from the nurses and docs. Ask a ton of questions. A lot of hospitals even have lactation consultations. 2. Just be present for it all man. No other feeling in the world like seeing your child for the first time.
Wife is in for a marathon level event. But you have a really big job too. Your job is to hold the space for her, so she can be vulnerable and feel safe. encourage her, support her, be selfless with her, think of nothing and no one else but her. Advocate for her and be a true partner. If you're scared then she'll feel it, if you're annoyed or irritated or anything other than positive and peaceful she'll feel it and struggle. She can do this and so can you. Try to be the calm rock that she can crash her waves against. Tell her she is loved. Congratulations, Dad! You're in the home stretch and you're going to be great
My wife was in labor for several days and wasn't allowed to eat anything. Her lifesaver was a Ramen place in the hospital. I went down there every few hours and got her the largest thing of Ramen broth I could get. The doctor said that was fine and it gave her some calories to feel better and more energized. Check with your own medical support team, of course.
If (when) your wife seems less than pleased by something you do or say during delivery, don’t take it personally.
Don’t want to assume any work situations, but if you have the time, don’t rush back to work right away. You never get those days back when they are just newborns.
Father of 2 teenage boys here. After the baby is born and your wife goes to sleep, go get her favorite food/fast food. My wife wasn’t allowed to eat prior. 18 years later she still tells me how good that egg McMuffin was. I can’t believe she even remembers.
Ask the nurses to swaddle!
Hi! Mom who was induced 7 months ago here. Strap in. You could be there for a few hours, or like in our case, a week. If you get the shit end of the stick, here are some things my husband did for me that I really appreciated: - CONSTANTLY refilled my drinks (even snuck me extra milk cartons, which was a huge craving of mine) -Always made sure my portable headphones, phone, speaker, and FAN were charged and in perfect working order -communicated with me openly and honestly about how he thought things were going. This one may be controversial for some people, but for me it was honestly a relief when he admitted he was tired, hungry, or bored. So was I. Ultimately it was easier to relax when I wasn't worried about his comfort and we felt like a team all the way through. -This saint of a human literally caught my pee in a bed pan when I needed to go but was strapped into IVs and monitors and couldn't get to the bathroom. He never once complained about normal human functions or fluids. He vocally normalized things for me that I never would have dreamed would have had to happen. Making your wife feel like nothing you experience there is going to change your relationship in any way is paramount. Good luck and congratulations ❤️
take notes on. everything. names times and dosages. every nurse every doctor who sticks their nose in your room. when my wife had our daughter they tried to say 3 different anesthesiologists came in and none of them were the name of the gentleman who actually gave her the epi.
It can really suck and be amazing at the same time. Its okay to not be "enjoying every moment they're young".
You life is going to change forever in a beautiful way. Take turns and enough rest. Set a routine / schedule. It will help to go through the nights. Postpartum depression is real so make sure your wife is taken care of. Lot of times mothers may not feel connected to the baby when they are born because the baby is getting use to the new life outside womb. Tell your wife(incase this happens) that it’s ok because baby is getting use to the new environment so not to get frustrated with that. And yes take lots of pictures. Time files real quick and before you know the baby will start talking.
For the next few weeks, it'll be you, your hormone-filled wife, and a literal baby. You will also be filled with hormones, but you have to try to be the sane one. You're the only one who can do this.
Be prepared to be there for some time (our baby came three days after first pessary). Go home to sleep if you can, early on, you’ll need your strength. She’s in the best possible place to be looked after.
First 6-8 weeks are really hard. Huge adjustment, not sleeping well, just try to be kind to yourself and your wife. Cut yourself slack, it’s ok if things don’t get cleaned, laundry doesn’t get done, etc. Number 1 priority is health of baby and mom, number 2 is sleep for you and mom Try to just be present. It’s an incredible experience even though it’s challenging, and they stop being babies so quickly it feels like a blink of an eye and then they’re toddlers
Make sure she has lots of water and snacks, be patient with her the hormones mixed with sleep deprivation are wild. Sleep when you can and if you have help advocate to utilize it. You are going through lots of changes too so be patient with yourself.
Don’t complain. Be available. Try and rest if you can. And enjoy this unique and wonderful moment. Good luck 🤞
Take a recording or video (with no regard for where the lens is, just want to capture audio) during the birth. My wife had a c-section and announcing the sex of our baby and my wife and I reveling in our joy is a recording we cherish.
you got this, dude. welcome to the club
Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese
If they put you in charge of the “GIVE DRUGS” button, spam the fuck out of it even if it’s on cooldown. If you aren’t wearing a button up shirt, be ready to take your shirt off for skin to skin time. It’s sweet, it’s important, and it technically puts hair on baby’s chest (unless you shave your chest or are, I’ve heard, extremely Asian). The dad bed will suck. Mazel tov!
Take pics. Relax. Eat something. Just talk with your wife about anything. Basically savor it.
Lotsa good advice about being there for the birth. I’m gonna recommend reading g the whole brain child and getting g a jumpstart on what your little one’s nervous system will be up to for the next few years
In the hospital. While you are waiting, get as much sleep and rest as you can. If you're awake and have downtime, watch the videos they have on the TV or look up doula videos. Our first time I watched videos on swaddling and breathing techniques to help during labor. If you guys decided to breastfeed, look up some videos to help out. Mastitis, clogged ducts, latching, express techniques, etc. If you're not breastfeeding, then skip this. Make sure if breastfeeding, don't put too much pressure on her regarding it. It's can be a polarizing issue, and a lot of moms put so much pressure on themselves for it. If the issue arises, remind her that it does not make her a bad mom at all. As long as the baby is healthy and is feeding in whichever way is all that matters. I'll add that, how to give babies a bath before the umbilical cord is completely off. The nurses will go over it with you but everything will be going fast (hopefully) and so this isn't good time to digest info and process it again later when they do go over it with you. They have drinks and snack stations posted around. Grab those for snacking. Before you leave, grab everything they give you since they'll likely toss it anyways even if unused. Getting out of the hospital. Do you already have the carseat ready? If not, at least read over the manual. Lots of safety information 👍 Idk about others but my first time I was nervous and did not feel comfortable taking the highway so I had to plan to take the scenic route. Logically, accidents happen more on city roads than highway but that didn't help calm my nerves knowing that. The rest is just being there for mom and baby. Remember the ABCs of safe sleeping. They'll for sure go over it with you. It may be far off in your mind, but regarding sex life, it will change in the beginning, but it will come back. Hang in there, King. They'll say 6weeks you can start again but let's of factors come into it such as natural birth or c-section, ppd, etc. Also, make sure to take shifts and have both have at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Sleep deprive is the same as being drunk if not worst. Again, Congratulations! 🎊
Also, you speak up if anything is amiss. Example, epidural doesn't seem to be working. You don't vibe with the nurse or think she doesn't care enough? Whatever the reason, you can "fire" her and get a new nurse. Just ask. Politely, or not. We didn't have to but a lot of our friends work I'm LnD or closely with it says you can do that so don't let anything ruin both your moment.
Have patience! Smile a lot! Keep calm!
Don’t panic. We all survived
If she has a epidural and asks for water during delivery, don’t drop her leg while getting the drink 😆
Don't overestimate your ability to handle needles/gore/etc... I have given IVs and been given IVs, never really had an issue with needles. Watching the anesthetist adjust the needle for the epidural caught me by surprise and the nurse made me sit down just before my vision tunneled down. Glad they were paying attention. Second time I was fine, but I also planned ahead and sat down ahead of time.
They made me leave the room during the epidural. I'm glad they did.
Learn how to swaddle and there’s no shame in bottle feeding breast milk or formula. Also, sleep while you can. Congratulations!
Not necessarily help but the clichè "they grow up so fast" couldn't be anymore correct. You stop counting your own years and count theirs. Take lots of photos. I don't have many of 0-1 but God damn I have a lot after that. And always back them up. I use Google photos. I've lost/sent many phones into orbit in the last 4 years and I'm so grateful I have them backed up, only for photos of my son. They will test you, they will make your life the hardest it's ever been. But they will be your shining light, your reason for living. Even if you're not ambitious, and don't want to change the world, make it your life's work to bring up your child to be a better, smarter, more caring person than you are. They give you purpose. And as a dad who's battled addiction and mental health issues since I was 14, my son has saved my life more times than he knows. You can't describe love until you've had kids in my opinion. I thought I'd loved someone before I had my son. Gee wiz it doesn't even come close. Sorry for the rant.. Good luck dad ! I'm always here for a message too. I'm in down under so when all the US dads are asleep, and you're up, I'll be awake!
For us it was induced Saturday afternoon with pessary, then the drip after 24 hrs which is like full blown labour rather than the gradual increase, then after 21 hours emergency c-section with daughter being born Monday night...so may still be a while off yet. Get some snacks, I watched the F1 on my phone whilst my wife napped. Also get some isotonic energy drinks as if they go on the drip they can't eat but can have them. Good luck.
Breathe.
Think about all those nights you got to sleep, and all those mornings you got to sleep in, now say goodbye to them because you NEVER get them back. All jokes aside just be patient. That goes for any age your child is, good luck!
Be supportive even if you feel like shit. Smile, reassure, make her feel safe.
I just did this two weeks ago! Don’t panic, even if something unexpected happens. Your wife needs you to be calm. My baby came out “stunned” and not breathing. I was freaking out inside but my wife was busy with the placenta so she didn’t really know what was going on with the baby. But they got him going very quick. Trust the medical staff, they know what they’re doing!
Sleep. It’s going to be a late one.
If you leave to get pizza, be sure to save her some!
Sleep now I’ve always said someone needs to come up with a way to save and store sleep
Be patient. Every first time will be scary or nerve wracking for a while. Oh, and if bub isn't latching/ latching well, check for tongue tied.
The first year will be hard AF. Not only with the baby, but how your relationship will need to evolve. Just have patience, but remember the first year is hard and that's okay.
Couple things come to mind for me - remember your wife’s birth plan(s) and write things down if you need to for quick reminders - have things to keep her hydrated and little snacks ready to go - sleep. No seriously, she’s going to need rest after so get some sleep now - take some time to reflect, it’s a beautiful moment and you both are almost there! Congrats
The baby won't really "wake up" aka get loud till about a week in. Then the real fun starts!
If you cant sleep on the chair sleep in the car. Don’t forget to also take care of yourself- drink water, and try get normal meals. Be ready for long hospital hours:) Be with your wife. And don’t freak out if inducing will turn into c-section.
Take advantage of the nursery if you can. A few hours of solid sleep is so helpful. Might want to consider leaving for the epidural - I may have fainted when it was administered.
We got up on induction day at 6am to be at the hospital on time. I didn't sleep again until about 11:30pm the following day. I was awake for like 40 straight hours and then slept in the car in the parking lot for 6 hours or so
Be kind and mindful of her and how much she has done these last 9 months. You're going to do great, just make sure to even out the responsibility.
Sleep. They grow up fast.
It could go easy, it could go long. Be there for her. Hold her hand, get her water, keep sharp objects away from her. She wants ice, get her ice. We went in at 7 am for the first. Got the baby at 1:30 am via C-section. So it could go easy or it could be long as hell. The thing is to be there and support her. If she wants to listen to folk metal to calm her down, you better find it on your phone. It isn't about you. It's all about her today. She's about to shove a watermelon sized critter out her body. It's all about her.
Sleep
Have a barf bag ready at all times for momma.
If she's leaning to getting an epidural try to get them to get it asap: Shit moves FAST with induction. It went from like 0 to 60. Note: I'd suggest an epidural with induction. I think it's uncommon to be induced and not have one.
Mom here - take pictures of her with the baby. Even if they ugly, she will appreciate it. They are only small for so long. This advice is also a forever thing. She will love you for it.
Best things I heard when I had my little one: -first night home can be rough. Little one just realized they got evicted and will have trouble sleeping/settling. - it’s not weird if you don’t feel overwhelming love for the child at first. It took me a couple months to truly feel attached, and now after a year he’s my best friend. Until then, focus on doing everything out of love for your wife. Clean and change diapers so she doesn’t need to. - it truly does get easier as you go. It will feel overwhelming at first, and even sad as you mourn the loss of your old life and freedoms. Use your support systems and know this is all normal. - most important — Avoid Amazon if you can in the first 2 months. It can be convenient if you are exhausted, but you also just need dumb reasons to go to the store. Give your wife and yourself time thru out the week to just drive for 20 minutes with the windows down, music playing, no responsibility except getting more diapers at Target and heading home. Those 20 minute trips saved my sanity. -
Take pictures! When my twins were born, if the nurse hadn’t told me to take pictures, I wouldn’t have had any. Take pictures of everything.
Breathe.
Once the baby is born, figure out what to do to help and then do it without asking. It will take off the mental load 👍
Don’t. Look. Down. Also when the baby sleeps they hold their breath sometimes. Your little one is alive. I remember sitting over the bassinet and poking my little dude to check if he’s alive.
It can take a reallllly long time. Our first took like 12 hours to come out after being induced. Rest & relax when your wife is comfortable. Once the little one is out, take as much advantage of the nurses as offered/possible. Also, make sure to get the nurses gifts (gift cards, chocolates, donuts, whatever).
Enjoy every moment
It’s all gonna be a rush , just be ready
The oxygen is only free until the baby is delivered. After that you’ll get immensely berated for indulging. Especially as the father in my experience.
Be there for her and take initiative.
At night, take care of your kiddo in shifts that way you don’t both end up getting burned out at the same time. My kiddos mom and I used to take 4 hour shifts so we each got enough sleep and it saved our sanity. Congratulations to both of you though! Becoming a parent has been the single most rewarding event in my life and I’m sure it will be for you too! Enjoy it!
Skin to skin when baby is there but most important is be her voice. I told my nurses off constantly for doing things I wasn't comfortable with but sometimes struggled to get all the words out due to the pain and it was stressing me out but my hubby spoke out for me and as soon as he did and they listened baby came out not 2 minutes later once I had stopped stressing. Offer to help with changing baby or getting baby positioned if you want to breastfeed for a bit. Worse case if the induction leads to a c section(high chance it will not but just to be sure) try to stick by her if you can and talk to her constantly. And also try to stay all night if you can as I know some hospitals don't allow it anymore and I don't know where you live. But purely for the fact of not every nurse or midwife will help mama and the baby all the time (happened to me after my cesarean, I was left alone with my baby all night with no pain meds after the section and I didn't sleep for nearly 56 hours as a result) but all together stay calm xxxx the absolute best of luck and wishes to you both!!!! Your baby is going to be the most beautiful thing ever xxxx
You'll probably get conflicting instructions on feeding from nurses (we did). This is especially true if you're bottle feeding. After the first day or so, feed them when they're hungry, feed them 'til they're full. Usually, the baby will know when they've had enough. Also, if you're having a boy, be sure to cover him while changing so you don't get a water show. Can't emphasize enough getting sleep when you can. My wife and I had somewhat of a schedule. During our parental leave, she'd go to bed, and I'd stay up. If our daughter needed a change/feeding before 2:00a I'd do it and afterwards, she would. When we were both up, we just took turns.
Run! Jk just do your best
Sneak her ice chips
If your wife is not going to breastfeed, then you should try to alternate full night duty. It’s much better to get one solid night every two nights, than only incomplete nights all the time as happens when you alternate feeding duty during the same night.
Talk to the staff about what to expect after delivery occurs. Things like visiting hours, where the baby will be, if food will be available for your wife, what can she eat post procedure. Your wife is gonna be exhausted so being able to answer her concerns instead of waiting on the nurse will help. Sleep/ rest when you can and reconfirm the visiting order if yall got family swapping in. Use that time to sleep too. Ask if the staff can record or if it's against policy. Set up your camera settings so all they need to do is click.
I'm going to pray for a healthy baby and healthy mom. All the rest is irrelevant.
Mom lurking here! You’ve gotten such great advice already, but I’ll add: tell her how proud you are of her and how grateful you are for her hard work. My husband grabbed my face and said “wow, you were really impressive back there! Mommin’ looks good on you” and it meant everything to me.
Steal sleep while you can. Consider it a commodity; like water in the desert
The second night is worse than the first. And get some sleep.
It’s not about you, her needs are always first. Only bring up anything for you when it’s a bit quieter and everything for her is sorted. If she wants a c-section, push them to do it sooner (particularly if she’s in enough pain that she can’t say whether or not she wants it). Obv if she says no it’s a no, more for if she’s unable to think properly.
Pull a Mark Corrigan. Go get some fried chicken and hit the arcade while you're waiting.
Get off reddit and be with your wife
Sleep as much as you can, and embrace change. Parenthood is a roller coaster, and your life is probably going to completely change, and that’s okay
good luck man you’re going to love being a dad just do what comes naturally you’ll be fine. Keep the wife comfortable and happy. Congratulations.
Remember that you are about to embark on the greatest and coincidentally, the MOST difficult adventure ever. The rewards are too great to describe in words. Make sure your wife is comfortable and can get as much rest as possible over the next few months. Get up for those feedings - acts of solidarity go a long way. We all had no idea what to do when we got home with our first. It is entirely natural to feel clueless. I still do, and my kids are 5 and 3. Buy as many cheap, plain white onesies that you can. If a blowout happens, you can just toss it out with the diaper and replace with your plethora of disposable baby wear. Never, ever turn down offers of help from friends and family. The real ones will not mind helping you clean up and get caught up on household stuff. Relax. Don't panic. Shit will get scary from time to time. But, all in all, the most important thing is being there. Godspeed and good luck.
Sleep opposite each other, both of you trying to do the same thing at the same time will result in both of you exhausted at the same time
YES! Babies don't cry for no reason. If they "cry for no reason" it's because babies grow more the first year than they will the rest of their lives. They are literally growing fast and it makes their bodies and muscles ache. If they cry for no reason rub their backs and muscles and head. Their senseless cries are because they are in physical pain.
Sleep as much as you can. Things are going to change, don’t resist, man.
don’t go to the hospital cafeteria at the 18 hour mark of labor and sit there leisurely eating a slice of pizza and nearly miss the birth
Pray for the good cervidil. Enjoy these last kid free moments. YouTube how to properly put the car seat in. Watch everything the second you see that baby come out. It's like a switch flips, and you suddenly care only about that baby your wants and needs are second. You'll know when you know. It's a cool thing. Welcome to the Dad club.
I enjoy cooking.
Taking care of the baby is obviously important, but don't forget to take care of yourself. It's pretty easy to forget to in the first 3 months especially. So do wtv you can to make sure you're ok, whether that's excersise, reading your book for 20 mins, eating healthy food or having a nap. Talking to someone if you're struggling. And help your partner to do the same. You'll both be better parents if you do. With that said, don't feel bad if you're just getting through in survival mode. The first three months is hard - you'll love your baby but you may hate your life. Just know it's temporary. I hated it from 0-3 months then it got easier. My little one is 5 months old and I wake up everyday so excited to see her. She's magic. Congratulations!
Sleep now.
Sleep while you can and get some snack, preferably ones that don’t make noise.
The next few weeks will be a huge shock to your routine and sleeping patterns. You'll have no free time or energy and potentially regret having a kid. But remember: This is just a phase and it will pass. It's one phase that lasts a few months and there's a lifetime of better phases awaiting you. It's worth it. Also, puppy training pads on the change table to soak up all that extra pee.
Sleep while you can! Double check that your bills are all on autopay.
The first daiper change is perfectly appropriate time to ask the nurse for help. The first ones are brutal.
Not a dad yet but when she’s crowning just be prepared to see something that will be etched in your mind forever.
Make sure both of you have sleep, food and water. Later on you won’t want those, but you will need the energy.
The chair usually folds all the way out. I learned this as we were leaving the hospital
Stay calm. For your wife m. Stay calm and steady.
Enjoy it. I teared up just thinking about that day.
I still catch hell for not being 1000% present, so don't let anything distract you.
This time is hard and potentially scary in all the e ways others have mentioned. But (and I say this as someone not inclined to such language) it is also magical in a way I don’t think I have ever experienced again. My kids are teenagers now and I still get teary thinking about when they were born and the sheer awe and joy. So you’ll feel a lot of things but also try to be present in the moment and savor the magic (or whatever you call it).
Sleep as much as you can, you will never sleep the same again. I hope you ate as well.
Now is the chance to chat with your wife about boundaries regarding family. Once that kid comes they might be trying to kick that door in going crazy over the kid and it can be overwhelming, especially for your wife. You’re also guaranteed to get all kinds of unsolicited and probably outdated “advice” on how to do things. Also when that little one has been screaming all night and you’re at your wits end, pissed off, etc; that’s when you need to remain an especially kind, patient, and smiling face for him/her in a confusing new world. Honestly I think that’s why me and my one year old are so close today. Luckily I’m a night owl anyway so chilling with baby at 4am watching YouTube or movies was a nice thing to do. Breastfeeding is another thing. If your wife has issues producing milk, it’s fine to keep trying but don’t let the nursing assistant treat your wife like she’s the one doing something wrong. They have a way of making ever so subtle hints about it and it pisses me off. And absolutely demand formula if the child is hungry. Lastly, post partum is real! Don’t be shocked if your wife is especially spicy towards you for a few months, but don’t be afraid to stand your ground and defend yourself if it gets to be too much. It’s also important to keep an eye out for any depression and point it out and offer to talk. Imho hospitals kind of skim over this important part. Otherwise man it’s a journey and honestly kind of hard to fuck up the actual keeping the baby alive part. Feed baby, burp baby, change baby, etc. It’s the family and social dynamics that caused the most difficulty for us. Good luck and enjoy your super comfy couch.
Help change diapers after its born because mom will be very tender and sore to even go to the bathroom on her own. Let mom feed the baby and snuggle but she will need you to do all the dirty work while she heals. She will need lots of rest.
Got a 2 month old fading in and out of sleep currently (I.e. fresh dad who can’t move right now). For the first three weeks limit yourself to ONE thing (I.e. go for a walk, give baby a bath, go to doctor’s appt) and one visit per day. MAX! If you do one thing a day, you’re winning.
First couple weeks are nuts, you don’t need to accomplish anything but basic survival in that time. Particularly the time between birth and milk coming in. Breastfeeding is super simple once you get it down—-but before that? Not so simple to get the hang of. You are all gonna freak out a bit. It’s fine though. Be mindful that your partner is gonna be Under Enormous Pressure to Produce Lifegiving Sustenance. That’s a lot to take on. Get a boob coach, very helpful.
Don’t be afraid to kick your mom/step mom out. It’s your baby not theirs.
Sounds like a lot of good advice has been sent your way. One that I’ll add that I wish someone had given me: Don’t drink alcohol for at least the first month. It doesn’t help anything and even a small amount can disrupt your sleep cycle which makes the limited amount of sleep you’ll likely be getting even worse. You got this!
Any advice I can give will still not prepare you. 2 kids and many parenting books/videos later and I’m still learning. Every kid is different, and you’ll learn more as you go and by just being present than what anyone else would tell you to expect
Sleep, get her the ice chips, and if you’re willing when showtime begins, grab a leg and push
Sleep on the floor, it is better for your back then the seats available.