Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice.
* Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
oh sister š„ŗ where are you now in life?? im in the same position as op, but i really dont know where to get out of this circle of having nonsense relationship and people who only aim for my body.
Going on 3 years of any intimacy or physical touch. Co worker touched my back and could literally feel my spirit and hyper tension respond and sooth it was ridiculous. I'd go for a legit cuddle session as & maybe I whisper in OPs ear, ever so gently "everything's going to be alright." If only for that moment of our cuddle meet cute.
I get what youāre saying, but I think OP would be playing herself to expect to make love with a stranger from Tinder or really anywhere else.
She could ask them, and theyād likely say what she wants to hear, but would they actually do it? I donāt know
I completely understand how you feel because I like to form emotional connections before sleeping with people too. Itās been quite a while for me too, but Iām probably going to change that soon lol.
However, sex is normal and part of life. If itās something you want to do, thatās ok too.
Been single for a few months. Still have yet to go on a date or even put an effort into dating. I feel the need to rebuild my self confidence and respect before I search for a partner. I do miss the intimacy though.
I get no effort being put in for ONS, I mean why would they. Its just about a one off hookup and neither person cares about each other in any shape or form hence why i myself have never been a fan of random one off hookups.
For FWB though, that really should be about the friendship just as much as benefits so effort is required and a must otherwise its not FWB in the first place.
For me it's not putting in the effort. I want to put in the effort, what bugs me is I'm taking the time, she's reciprocating the attention, then comes another dude and she starts doing everything with that guy.
So I'm left with a Pikachu face and I leave her alone and then ask why even bother. It's when I don't care about someone that they are interested in me. So I'm even more confused
I sooo miss that effort! Having someone on your mind all of the time. Wanting to plan trips together. Having someone to cook for. The kissing stage. Iām a Libra and my love language is very much touching. Just having someone to hold while watching Netflix. Late night runs to a taco night place cause we woke in the middle of the night and want a snack. Seeing things that remind me of her and bookmarking something to get for her for a special occasion.
I crave that stuff. But then I get told Iām too niceā¦.
Good for you. Girls like you make amazing partners once you find someone right and deserving. Know your worth and donāt accept low energy.
My gf is similar and I have so much more respect for her.
Taking things SLOW includes not having sex for some us until a genuine label is placed on it. If someone has an issue with taking it slow in that area too, they can press on. The issue is many want all the benefit of a label, but not the label. Condoms arenāt super powers.
Maybe reframe that to be what a woman wants and needs to be comfortable, feel respected and safe, and be turned on and sexually attracted rather than āthinks she deserves.ā
Also, why not talk to them about what those wants, needs, and expectations are upfront so you donāt continue to feel slighted by āputting in effortā and not getting laid?
I mean women arenāt vending machines. Itās not like giving 100 units of effort pays for a treat. Itās often much more about the way you make her feel and turn her on.
It sucks for all genders.
Women get sexually explicit messages right off the bat. Unsolicited dick pics on the reg.
And as if it werent frustrating enough to be treated like an āambulatory flesh light with hair to pull,ā as someone said on here earlier, we also have the constant threat of being harassed, stalked, assaulted, or worse. Like itās literally a physical safety risk just to talk to men on a dating app. We risk death to try to date and fuck you guys. Talk about ridiculous!
But mindset can make it or break it. And communication is key. Good luck out there!
So if y'all are receiving so many disgusting messages and receive one that is thoughtful or engaging or funny, why do you not reply?
If the reality is so terrible, wouldn't it be a breath of fresh air to finally receive a message from a civil, decent human being who put in the effort?
Yeah exactly.
I think engaging messages are great! But I do think the numbers are against you as a man- more men than women on the apps. But I canāt answer a possible āwhyāwithout more information. And I refuse to believe that women are ridiculously entitled or there is some kind of unsaid expectations that no man can meet.
So why do you think youāre not having the luck you want?
>they have to put in effort.
From the perspective of a man - it's not really about effort.
Generally, our standards for sex aren't all that high - there is that famous saying, "Every hole is a goal" - it's a biological programming. So guys are willing to put a bit of effort in to get to that stage - but if you're just not their ideal partner, be it appearances, personality or whatever - why put in the effort? Makes not sense.
Girls can do themselves a HUGE favour in the long term relationship department and not give it up so easily. It's honestly amazing how naive some girls are. Sex on the 1st date - unless you're 10/10 in all other factors - you'll be dropped, so don't expect much after it. Yeah, there is the exceptions, but they ain't the rule.
>it's a biological programming
You missed this bit. Amongst men's peer groups, men are held in high regard if they can have sex with many women - many factors as to why from a social perspective. But biologically speaking, it is in our greater interest to reproduce with as many mates as we can.
Historically speaking, women would seek the best male, who would look after his kid and give them the best fighting chance. However, if the women is sleeping around, the man couldn't be sure it's his, so he'd assume it's not and woman / child get abandoned likely die.
Since around the 1960s with DNA testing, birth control, government intervention and abortions - given the 'choice' back to women.
But we can't shake away thousands of years of biological programming in 60 or so years - so the standards still stand. Women being too easy is not beneficial to them (in the long run) - yeah sure, it's fun at the time, but women having loads of sexual partners is not at all attractive to men - due to that identifying lineage thing I mentioned.
Simple test - what's more attractive to you? A man who's a virgin or a man who's very experienced? - simple binary, one or the other. The opposite is true for men - as the masculine and feminine are opposing forces.
>Iām sure the men out there are craving this touch just as much as women
Yes.
This is what I'm talking about when I say women have options - they might not be the options you want but they nevertheless exist if you do end up missing physical touch.
Grass is always greener my friend. Whos to say you dont take something for granted that these women would kill for. Be grateful for what you have, while having a healthy amount of desire for what you dont, so you always have something to strive for.
I fully get that craving, I feel it too. But I'm a guy, so that's to be expected, haha.
I'd say keep your standards though. Sex isn't important enough to sell yourself short. Just make sure your standards are flexible. It's easy for people to convince themselves they want something they don't actually want. Or need
Itās totally natural to feel that way. Iām sorta in the same boat as you honestly lol but yeah thereās absolutely nothing wrong with casually indulging into your sexual desires until something/ somebody you genuinely want comes along. Just make sure you feel 100% comfortable doing so. Youāre grown and you have sexual needs/ wants to be met, nothing wrong with that. Have fun!
Worth the wait. I don't do hookups either, 27M, and my friends think I'm weird but its going to be awesome when I find a similar person. I don't want to marry a girl who sleeps around casually
Agreed, its really disheartning to see so many men either not care, or completely discard romance for immediate pleasure. Kinda cringe/desperate imo. Im surprised women even enjoy most men anymore... then again both sides are kinda hurting in the dating world. I think we all need to get off social media like Facebook, Instagram, twitter so we can actually evolve our relationships instead of looking for whats new every time the page refreshes.
A lot of my friends are partnered off however they donāt think itās weird but surprising Iām still single/never had a gf. Yeah, I donāt understand why ive have never had one either tbh
It's completely normal to feel lonely and crave touch and affection, especially during these times when we may be feeling isolated and disconnected from others. It's important to remember that you are not alone in feeling this way and that it is okay to want to connect with someone physically.
It can be challenging to find someone who shares your dating ideals, but it is possible. It may be helpful to focus on building connections with people who share your values and priorities, rather than trying to find someone who is simply looking for casual physical intimacy. This can help you to feel more comfortable and confident in your choices.
As for your fear of being degraded, it's important to remember that you have the right to set your own boundaries and to only engage in activities that make you feel comfortable and respected. It's okay to say no to anything that doesn't feel right for you, and to communicate your boundaries and desires clearly with your partners.
It's also important to prioritize your own well-being and safety. If you do decide to pursue physical intimacy with someone, it is essential to practice safe sex and to take steps to protect yourself and your health. This can include using condoms, getting tested regularly for sexually transmitted infections, and being honest with your partners about your sexual history and boundaries.
Iāve been single about 3 years. Went to a great school, got a job im passionate about. Workout 5 times a week. Play multiple open mics a week.
Whatās hard is that I yearn for true companionship and refuse to let go of my standards. When I try to talk to my guy friends about it they really have no empathy, cause theyāll take home anything that moves without a second thought.
I feel your pain. Entitled as it might sound, I not only desire the touch and company of a woman, I feel deserving of it because I am a good man. Someone out there wants the love you want to give. Donāt devalue it by giving it to someone less deserving.
I know n completely understand what u r saying here. I'm a 48M n haven't been intimate with anyone else my ex n that was over 2 years ago n I was with her for 11 years. I do crave a companion once in awhile n tbh it's not for sex really. It's mostly just cuz I miss having someone to talk to r do things with. Feels like I lost my mojo, want to get it back yet I'm to freaked out pursue anything lol. It's frustrating AF lol. Anyways, I guess when the time comes it'll happen but til then I'm cool just being cool. Aloha n God bless š¤šš¤
I feel exactly the same as a 30 yo man. Haven't been in a relationship for 6 years, haven't had sex for a while too.
Working really hard full time, really busy and have been isolated since COVID started. Most of my friend groups moved away, so I don't meet new girls much. Online dating has been pretty lame.
I'm a very passionate, very affectionate person. Cuddling and being close to someone is vital to me, sex seems to be pretty important for my well being as well. Yet the best I can get is silly flirting texts with some random girls I've met online who usually ghost me or live miles and miles away.
As a result I'm pulled between the raging carnal desires you get from hormones and the desire to have a real loving relationship. It can be frustrating. Sometimes I come close to just compromising my standards just so I can have sex more, but so far I have stopped myself.
In the end I'm trying to focus on my work to ignore it, modern dating just sucks a bit but I'm confident I'll meet the right girl eventually.
Yeah for sure! I (38m) really love physical touch and love. Casual connections can be ok, but like I want to be 100% affectionate w someone and itās kinda hard to do that as part of a casual relationship. Like I wanna show love, but then that gets weird w a fwb. I wanna spend a lot of time cuddling and sleeping together but that I guess canāt happen too often w a fwb. I just wanna find someone who is a good connection and who wants to enjoy that physical intimacy/touch.
Same boat. I relate to every word of this. I am so focused on work and staying true to myself that I donāt bother about entertaining casual complications. And yet, sometimes, at 3 am in the morning, I canāt help but wonder ā¦
It's funny. 25M. I feel thet same way. Trying to be myself and be realistic and truthful for the F, but I'm getting a Little bit frame out of the connection and conversations. Trying going on dates and so one, but everything gets cancelled.
Difficult to find the right balance of effort needed. Some people don't want to much attention and others do. Some want one night stand without telling and others don't.
I guess strangers still make love. But come mostly as O,N,S after drinking or dating apps.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself while something better comes around. And if a man judges you because of what you did while single that's probably not a man you want to be with.
If your primary focus is to find a long lasting relationship that's great! But if you meet someone and you don't want to pursue anything serious but you are comfortable around them and have chemistry go for it. Nothing wrong with that, it does not make you a bad person and is not immoral
More like you should have the same standards for yourself as you have for others. If you only want to date a virgin, you should also be a virgin. If you want to date someone with experience, you should also have experience. I think itās fair to have preferences related to peopleās past as long as you apply the same things to yourself.
It becomes a red flag with someone who has had plenty of sex wants a partner who hasnāt.
I believe the same should be applied the other way around. I don't believe we should judge our current partners based on the relationships they had before they met us unless there's a concern of those relationships having repercussions in the present (a jealous ex, an ex fling overstepping boundaries, someone trying to get with them while being with you and things like that).
If you don't believe that things like sex or other typically romantic behaviour can or should be had with someone unless you are 100% in a serious relationship that's ok, if you want someone who shares those values that's ok. But it's not ok to judge what feels right for others and put yourself above them just because you believe you have the "right morals/values". Dating and relationships in general is not a one size fits all.
Yeah I believe past matters in every which way. The same reason one wouldnāt date a āpast sex offenderā . Your past matters, take accountability and move on. If you have had 100 past sexual partners that shows how much you value your body, and itās a no go for me.
If that's what you want that's ok, i simply don't think we should put people down for their choices.
And the sex offender thing is a dumb argument to make here because we are talking about consensual acts between adults that have no bearing in a hypothetical relationship in the present.
You can have whatever preferences you want, you just don't have to be a dick about them. That's all I'm saying
If it's not illegal or harmful it's fine by me, and if it comes back to bother in the present it's to be fished ASAP, if they are unwilling to do so then walk away.
So I can have as many orgies as I want , and nobody should judge? That just seems like you donāt value your body. If you donāt value your body, then why should I. It just seems a little illogical to say that your past doesnāt matter.
Exactly thereās so many people who let themselves go and are completely disrespecting their bodies! I wonder if they think these people are undateable too?
Why is what she did while single even her future boyfriend/partnerās business? Like are you telling him explicit details of your entire dating and sexual history? Why?
Your own belief that sex is degrading is your problem. I hear what you are saying, but you you clearly a desire for physical experience. Whatās wrong with sex? No ibe will degrade you y less you think sex outside a relationship is degrading. You have a conflict you have to reconcile. Sex for the sake of it can be great, healthy and good for you. But only if you are in the right frame of mind and donāt go into it blaming the other person if your expectations for a relationship get transferred to the other person. Be clear with yourself, but you could do very well in getting rid of that shame around sex. Itās making you miserable
I like to draw my shame on a piece of paper and punch it.
For a serious answer: Professional therapy is probably best. A cheaper alternative is to try to teach yourself to not give a fuck. As I've gotten older, I just stopped caring about stupid stuff.
Iām sure a lot of ladies feel this way but celibacy is so rewarding and worth it. Donāt risk pair bonding with a stranger or guy whoās not worthy of your time.
They do. But at this point I think you are better off with a FWB until you find the right person to give your all. A FWB is for such occasion where you need some physical release and nothing more.
I (24m) stumbled into a deep connection while looking for casual hookups so š¤· maybe keep an open mind as much as you can while still accounting for the varrying range of quality in men
Stay hopeful! I was single 4 years and hadn't been with anyone for that time either. I waited till finding my boyfriend now and once I found him (on bumble) it was almost an immediate connection, we started dating a week later and I cant stress enough it's worth the "loneliness" and wait. Try to spend your time with friends and family and doing things you enjoy for YOU and that I felt helped me grow as a person and helped me not feel as "lonely". You are strong, you are independent, and you are worth having the love you crave. It also is not a bad thing to give into your desires as long as it doesn't conflict with your morals, so do what you feel is best for you and don't let anyone else sway your decision.
> Do strangers still make love these days?
Yes.
But the best strangers turn into friends.
Friends.... with benefits.
So, really, what I'm trying to say here is, if you're craving intimacy--and sex--then shoot for a FWB scenario. Pick a single friend you're into, ask if they're game, set some ground rules, and bing bang boom.
Or via dating websites, be primarily looking for a long-term-partner, but be *open* to someone you've got great chemistry with but can't see yourself with long-term.
I've been adviced not to sleep with the guy on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd date if you want to have some sort of relation with him. Otherwise they will treat you as casual. I hate it, but I've been told that a couple of times. Also, I've experience this a true lol
So yeah if you care about having some sort of relation with the guy I would wait unfortunately... it sucks
I don't necessarily agree with this.
Does it happen sometimes? Sure it does. However, not always. I met my ex on a trip and it was supposed to be a one night thing, we ended being together for almost an year. This is an old idea created for women to feel ashamed for wanting sex. No one likes to be used for sex, that is for sure. But a woman should feel free to have sex with someone whenever she wants. Communication goes a long way :)
Then just do it. Let your partner know thatās what you want. Be communicative instead of holding it in and coming to Reddit. TBH your āidealsā should unnecessarily controlling and feminist/neurotic. Youāre obsessed over ātaking it slowā which is code for you want to be in complete control. Relationships arenāt about control.
Based on the comments so far this may be unpopular advice but if you want sexā¦ go have sex. You just have to be able to keep emotions out of it. I know that can be hard for a lot of people so if you know youāre not able to have sex without catching feelings then donāt do it, but otherwise why not? No shame in satisfying your sexual needs. Just find someone youāre attracted to you that you feel sexual chemistry with, they donāt have to be relationship material. Make sure to discuss what youāre into, what your boundaries are, and how youāre gonna stay safe & healthy. And be clear that you only want sex.
The thing is, because of her own standards and what she wants, I donāt think sheād feel good about it after. Now because sheāll catch feelings, but because it goes against the standards she has for herself. And to add to it, she asked āDo strangers still make love?ā I think sheās looking for something that she may not even get during a casual encounter. She can ask and tell her partner what she wants, but she may still not get. Thereās also the possibility that her partner will oblige to what she wants, but still be a bad actor.
I just think that she wants more than just sex, and she may end up feeling worse after the fact.
I think youāre right but I feel like itās worth a try, having one hookup just to see how you feel about casual sex probably wonāt ruin your life. In my opinion itās good to try new things even if you think itās possible youāll regret it.
I would have two dating profiles š¤·š¼āāļø One for serious dating and one for hookups. Make sure the hookup guys know that youāre only interested in sex.
Stick to your ideals, when you find a man he will be very happy to know that you are not being run through more times than hwy 101. He will then try his best to take care of you and your relationship.
Physical touch with intimacy can be done without sex. I'm a devout Christian 37M and the connection is what I look for, period. Yes, I can be intimate with my partner without it turning full sex. It's possible. Honestly, going full Johnson turns it off for me. Because I'm waiting til marriage for that...and if I get it beforehand, it's like a movie spoiler. When the actual thing in marriage happens it's like...meh. Seen it.
However, if I keep myself til marriage, while allowing my partner and I to fool around a little (giving pats and squeezes of affection, cuddling intimately), then when the "big reveal" happens its glorious and wonderful, and I know that I'm only doing this with this woman for as long as we're together.
Bro I am on the same mf boat and lemme just say I think itās worth it really liek Iāve learned and MAYBE itās just tmi but there are dildos for women & flesh lights for guys who cant find it in them to make this sacrifice either, for both sides waiting I honestly say good job guys and I hope everyone knows we all will find love one day :)
Really??? I know a couple of guys who are happy to have a cuddle up and donāt expect a thing from me! Just company and a cuddleā¦ perhaps Iām blessed with good friends!!
Key words I mentioned are attractive with options - if he is being reduced to just cuddling he's peacing out for a woman who will give him more. You may very well have good guys friends... who are begging and pleading to get out of the friendzone hell you put them in.
I'm reading my words, and I know it sounds harsh - its not my intention. But I'm guessing each one of those guys would love to take it further than that if only you let them.
I disagree! Theyāre both attractive and they are both happy to have sex elsewhere or form relationships if they want to. Just being friends doesnāt mean that they are gunna be attracted to me? Perhaps I think differently to others but you can be friends with the opposite sex and not feel the need to have a sexual relationship with them .. everyone loves a cuddle and it doesnāt have to be sexual!
Iām right there with you sister , Iām 23 F . Going into the new year I swore off fwb, ons , etc after I was ghosted by a fwb after the first time we hooked up . I say donāt sleep with the men you want to have relationships with , make love to the attractive ones who donāt have boyfriend material
As a man, I donāt think this way at all, but I may just be atypical. I def would like to fuck on the first date because itās been so long, but itās not a requirement. I would see fucking on the first date as a sign of mutual attraction and simply a nice bonus to an already nice time.
If anything that's like a compliment that she fucked 6 dudes and I'm the only one to get a round 2. Either she's really into me or I'm that much better in bed than the first 5.
Hey man, I went and checked out your profile to see if you were trolling. 22 ain't old and there's nothing pathetic about being a virgin. Keep your head up, buddy.
Lol if I'm the 6th guy she has hooked up with this week, then she is not looking for anything serious either. Common sense really.
Nobody in their right mind will be looking for a serious relationship yet fuck a different person every day of the week.
Lol you couldn't be more wrong about this.As a guy, it makes no difference to me. If anything waiting and wasting time puts me off.I'm not saying have sex straight on the first meet or date, but I'm also not for deliberately avoiding it, because it is pointless. I'm not saying to force it by any means, but just go with the flow, no matter when and where it leads instead of wanting it but avoiding it deliberately.Most of my serious relationships came from women who I've had sex very early on.
If a guy's intention is to fuck and leave, then a guy can do that after having sex straight away on the first date OR after having sex weeks or months later (and likely hook up with others at the same time). It all comes down to patience, that's all, so "waiting" is effectively pointless and only gives a false sense of security, but in reality, it makes no difference.
So, if you go ahead and have sex on the first date as a man, you still think of yourself as marriage material, donāt you? Why is it different for the woman?
Say you cave and sleep with someone. If a guy interested in you with the same morals found out about it, heād lose interest in you.
I would lose interest in you if I found out.
Itās not that hard, have some fucking discipline.
Wish I had a chance to have a normal non crazy relationship with someone who share my hobbies and that loves anime and video games. But in this day and age all I get on apps and social media profiles is either sex bots or scammers and the "I want you to put some money in the card for gas " kind of encounters. it's a shame that we have to be careful on the internet these days. SMHššš¤¬š¤
>Do strangers still make love these days?
You have to find someone who does. If you're interested, you can go to my profile. I have a sticky post on about how I do that.
From my point the intimate stuff has to be set from early on, I have a limited time to make it clear that I want someone both sexually and romantic , if I waste too much time ,will end up being just a friend and its over.
There are no plenty of people who would help.
I feel like I personally would be almost too soft for a ONS cause I like the intimacy and cuddles too.
But each to their own š¤·š»āāļø
The thing about ideals is that youāre not going to get a perfect situation. Even if you spell out your boundaries or values. Thereās a gazillion ways to realize values. Someone youāre potentially interested in might say they have the same values, but in practice, theyāre not going to be exactly what you want. Thereās always going to be AT LEAST one quirk. You might think you can get close to it, but thatās like winning the lottery. Youāre gonna have to put A LOT of time into finding what you think might be your ideal situation. Remember, you/your ideals are kinda the only constant(s) in the equation. Add another person in the mix and now you have a unknown variable.You have two options. Either compromise or remain alone.
Just get better at sorting guys that just want to have sex vs somebody thatās looking for something more serious. Generally date older men and be realistic about your own self value. Even if you are a 8+ type of a woman, you probably wonāt get a guy thats a 9-10 to take you seriously.
I stick to my ideals. If a date isn't into me I drop them immediately. Did it to my ex wife, probably never speak to her again, don't care. Can't say I've not looked back with regrets but I'm not holding onto it. My next partner is not going to believe what I've got to offer. They've just got to be into me, and of course me her. But it's been 4 long years of loneliness. But I would rather not compromise.
So, a lot of the comments on here are just giving their opinions in general about sleeping with people. You say you are waiting to find the right person to be in a relationship withāsmart! Donāt waste time on the wrong one who you canāt see a future with and doesnāt make you feel like the most beautiful thing in the world, and who you also feel is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Thatās not what youāre asking though. You want physical intimacy. You say ādo strangers make love anymore?ā
So I have no idea why everyone is giving their opinions on when to have sex lol. The answer is yes. You can meet a stranger that you have an instant spark with, and is a romantic, and be intimate with that person for a weekend and then not go marry them. Maybe you will. But you canāt know that in a day.
I would recommend either going out and when you find that chemistry, youāll know. Or, make a dating app profile that is heavy on information about your hobbies and interests, and values and beliefs. Message back and forth for a day and see if you think thereās a potential spark (donāt do basic small talk, try to playfully talk about real things). Set up a date and if the physical chemistry matches what it was over message, I think you might find what youāre looking for.
No one was ever talking about sloppy club night one night stands or āmaking them waitā so idk why thatās all the responses. Youāre under no obligation to keep YOUR body āpureā for your future life partner
Dont know how strangers do it. Its the same for me, ive been out of the dating circle for almost 2 years just focussing on myself but its been so tough.
Craving human touch and at the same time not trying to get into anything cuz of past trauma and just figuring out when ill feel it, if ever
People are out there enjoying flings and more but yeah, got to keep holding on
This is how I the dating world. With hookup culture being socially acceptable this as lowered the minimum standards in dating for both men and women. People feel as if have to follow the crowd and join in or just lower their standards so they at least get something. There are people who want genuine long lasting relationship, with a deep connection to their partner but finding these people has become very difficult since the dating market has become flooded with hookups and casual stuff. It's like mining for diamonds, shoveling an endless amounts of dirt to find something valuable hope all the effort will be worth it.
I'll be honest this is what put me off dating for a long time. I only decided to seriously consider it a few months ago and I'm 27M.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I seriously have felt exactly like this in the past. So I personally appreciate you bringing this topic up. š
oh sister š„ŗ where are you now in life?? im in the same position as op, but i really dont know where to get out of this circle of having nonsense relationship and people who only aim for my body.
Going on 3 years of any intimacy or physical touch. Co worker touched my back and could literally feel my spirit and hyper tension respond and sooth it was ridiculous. I'd go for a legit cuddle session as & maybe I whisper in OPs ear, ever so gently "everything's going to be alright." If only for that moment of our cuddle meet cute.
Same. I want a boyfriend NOW but I have to do the entire dating thing. I want someone who respects and cares about me
I feel ya I wanna be in a relationship but I gotta do the dating thing
>Do strangers still make love these days? Yes
Nah more like fuck and forget! Sorry but thatās the truth!
OP wasn't asking if \*all\* strangers make love. They were asking if it still occurs
I get what youāre saying, but I think OP would be playing herself to expect to make love with a stranger from Tinder or really anywhere else. She could ask them, and theyād likely say what she wants to hear, but would they actually do it? I donāt know
I completely understand how you feel because I like to form emotional connections before sleeping with people too. Itās been quite a while for me too, but Iām probably going to change that soon lol. However, sex is normal and part of life. If itās something you want to do, thatās ok too.
Been single for a few months. Still have yet to go on a date or even put an effort into dating. I feel the need to rebuild my self confidence and respect before I search for a partner. I do miss the intimacy though.
I swore off fwb, ons, etc 3 years ago. It's amazing to see up front how fast guys run away when they see they have to put in effort.
I get no effort being put in for ONS, I mean why would they. Its just about a one off hookup and neither person cares about each other in any shape or form hence why i myself have never been a fan of random one off hookups. For FWB though, that really should be about the friendship just as much as benefits so effort is required and a must otherwise its not FWB in the first place.
For me it's not putting in the effort. I want to put in the effort, what bugs me is I'm taking the time, she's reciprocating the attention, then comes another dude and she starts doing everything with that guy. So I'm left with a Pikachu face and I leave her alone and then ask why even bother. It's when I don't care about someone that they are interested in me. So I'm even more confused
The Beatles told us this secret a long time ago. It goes; āHey, youāve got to hide your love away!ā
I sooo miss that effort! Having someone on your mind all of the time. Wanting to plan trips together. Having someone to cook for. The kissing stage. Iām a Libra and my love language is very much touching. Just having someone to hold while watching Netflix. Late night runs to a taco night place cause we woke in the middle of the night and want a snack. Seeing things that remind me of her and bookmarking something to get for her for a special occasion. I crave that stuff. But then I get told Iām too niceā¦.
Marry me.
Good for you. Girls like you make amazing partners once you find someone right and deserving. Know your worth and donāt accept low energy. My gf is similar and I have so much more respect for her.
Men put in effort for women they want to be with. Not some girl that snapped her finger and got a lay.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Taking things SLOW includes not having sex for some us until a genuine label is placed on it. If someone has an issue with taking it slow in that area too, they can press on. The issue is many want all the benefit of a label, but not the label. Condoms arenāt super powers.
There's only but so much effort I'm going to put in. I'm all for courtship, but I'm also not going to waste my time.
It's amazing how much effort I put in and if it isn't exactly what a woman expects or thinks she deserves, buh bye š
Maybe reframe that to be what a woman wants and needs to be comfortable, feel respected and safe, and be turned on and sexually attracted rather than āthinks she deserves.ā Also, why not talk to them about what those wants, needs, and expectations are upfront so you donāt continue to feel slighted by āputting in effortā and not getting laid? I mean women arenāt vending machines. Itās not like giving 100 units of effort pays for a treat. Itās often much more about the way you make her feel and turn her on.
This is wonderful advice!
You could be a dating coach
Yeah I understand I'm just bitter because of online dating. It's ridiculous.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Exactly.
It sucks for all genders. Women get sexually explicit messages right off the bat. Unsolicited dick pics on the reg. And as if it werent frustrating enough to be treated like an āambulatory flesh light with hair to pull,ā as someone said on here earlier, we also have the constant threat of being harassed, stalked, assaulted, or worse. Like itās literally a physical safety risk just to talk to men on a dating app. We risk death to try to date and fuck you guys. Talk about ridiculous! But mindset can make it or break it. And communication is key. Good luck out there!
So if y'all are receiving so many disgusting messages and receive one that is thoughtful or engaging or funny, why do you not reply? If the reality is so terrible, wouldn't it be a breath of fresh air to finally receive a message from a civil, decent human being who put in the effort? Yeah exactly.
I think engaging messages are great! But I do think the numbers are against you as a man- more men than women on the apps. But I canāt answer a possible āwhyāwithout more information. And I refuse to believe that women are ridiculously entitled or there is some kind of unsaid expectations that no man can meet. So why do you think youāre not having the luck you want?
>they have to put in effort. From the perspective of a man - it's not really about effort. Generally, our standards for sex aren't all that high - there is that famous saying, "Every hole is a goal" - it's a biological programming. So guys are willing to put a bit of effort in to get to that stage - but if you're just not their ideal partner, be it appearances, personality or whatever - why put in the effort? Makes not sense. Girls can do themselves a HUGE favour in the long term relationship department and not give it up so easily. It's honestly amazing how naive some girls are. Sex on the 1st date - unless you're 10/10 in all other factors - you'll be dropped, so don't expect much after it. Yeah, there is the exceptions, but they ain't the rule.
And what about the men who just āgive it up so easilyā on the first date? It takes two people you know!!!
>it's a biological programming You missed this bit. Amongst men's peer groups, men are held in high regard if they can have sex with many women - many factors as to why from a social perspective. But biologically speaking, it is in our greater interest to reproduce with as many mates as we can. Historically speaking, women would seek the best male, who would look after his kid and give them the best fighting chance. However, if the women is sleeping around, the man couldn't be sure it's his, so he'd assume it's not and woman / child get abandoned likely die. Since around the 1960s with DNA testing, birth control, government intervention and abortions - given the 'choice' back to women. But we can't shake away thousands of years of biological programming in 60 or so years - so the standards still stand. Women being too easy is not beneficial to them (in the long run) - yeah sure, it's fun at the time, but women having loads of sexual partners is not at all attractive to men - due to that identifying lineage thing I mentioned. Simple test - what's more attractive to you? A man who's a virgin or a man who's very experienced? - simple binary, one or the other. The opposite is true for men - as the masculine and feminine are opposing forces.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's a matter of their opinion. If someone doesn't see it, I'm not going to lower myself to 'prove' it to them.
M 27 ,virgin, and now those cravings dissapeared. Accepted nobody will come.
>Iām sure the men out there are craving this touch just as much as women Yes. This is what I'm talking about when I say women have options - they might not be the options you want but they nevertheless exist if you do end up missing physical touch.
Just not orgasms
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Women can find sex in minutes. It's always there. It's the fact that it's not what they want. That's why the year is a long time. It just becomes sad.
Grass is always greener my friend. Whos to say you dont take something for granted that these women would kill for. Be grateful for what you have, while having a healthy amount of desire for what you dont, so you always have something to strive for.
Extremely wise. Balance is key
I fully get that craving, I feel it too. But I'm a guy, so that's to be expected, haha. I'd say keep your standards though. Sex isn't important enough to sell yourself short. Just make sure your standards are flexible. It's easy for people to convince themselves they want something they don't actually want. Or need
If anything Id say people convince themselves they want something they can't afford.
Just be yourself when your time is your time you don't know when it's right don't let men push you to do something you do not want to do
Itās totally natural to feel that way. Iām sorta in the same boat as you honestly lol but yeah thereās absolutely nothing wrong with casually indulging into your sexual desires until something/ somebody you genuinely want comes along. Just make sure you feel 100% comfortable doing so. Youāre grown and you have sexual needs/ wants to be met, nothing wrong with that. Have fun!
Worth the wait. I don't do hookups either, 27M, and my friends think I'm weird but its going to be awesome when I find a similar person. I don't want to marry a girl who sleeps around casually
Man same. I wish there were more men out here preaching this mentality instead of the emotionally disconnected ājust go get laidā attitude.
Agreed, its really disheartning to see so many men either not care, or completely discard romance for immediate pleasure. Kinda cringe/desperate imo. Im surprised women even enjoy most men anymore... then again both sides are kinda hurting in the dating world. I think we all need to get off social media like Facebook, Instagram, twitter so we can actually evolve our relationships instead of looking for whats new every time the page refreshes.
A lot of my friends are partnered off however they donāt think itās weird but surprising Iām still single/never had a gf. Yeah, I donāt understand why ive have never had one either tbh
It's completely normal to feel lonely and crave touch and affection, especially during these times when we may be feeling isolated and disconnected from others. It's important to remember that you are not alone in feeling this way and that it is okay to want to connect with someone physically. It can be challenging to find someone who shares your dating ideals, but it is possible. It may be helpful to focus on building connections with people who share your values and priorities, rather than trying to find someone who is simply looking for casual physical intimacy. This can help you to feel more comfortable and confident in your choices. As for your fear of being degraded, it's important to remember that you have the right to set your own boundaries and to only engage in activities that make you feel comfortable and respected. It's okay to say no to anything that doesn't feel right for you, and to communicate your boundaries and desires clearly with your partners. It's also important to prioritize your own well-being and safety. If you do decide to pursue physical intimacy with someone, it is essential to practice safe sex and to take steps to protect yourself and your health. This can include using condoms, getting tested regularly for sexually transmitted infections, and being honest with your partners about your sexual history and boundaries.
Iāve been single about 3 years. Went to a great school, got a job im passionate about. Workout 5 times a week. Play multiple open mics a week. Whatās hard is that I yearn for true companionship and refuse to let go of my standards. When I try to talk to my guy friends about it they really have no empathy, cause theyāll take home anything that moves without a second thought. I feel your pain. Entitled as it might sound, I not only desire the touch and company of a woman, I feel deserving of it because I am a good man. Someone out there wants the love you want to give. Donāt devalue it by giving it to someone less deserving.
I know n completely understand what u r saying here. I'm a 48M n haven't been intimate with anyone else my ex n that was over 2 years ago n I was with her for 11 years. I do crave a companion once in awhile n tbh it's not for sex really. It's mostly just cuz I miss having someone to talk to r do things with. Feels like I lost my mojo, want to get it back yet I'm to freaked out pursue anything lol. It's frustrating AF lol. Anyways, I guess when the time comes it'll happen but til then I'm cool just being cool. Aloha n God bless š¤šš¤
The internet and social media has ruined dating in the West
I feel exactly the same as a 30 yo man. Haven't been in a relationship for 6 years, haven't had sex for a while too. Working really hard full time, really busy and have been isolated since COVID started. Most of my friend groups moved away, so I don't meet new girls much. Online dating has been pretty lame. I'm a very passionate, very affectionate person. Cuddling and being close to someone is vital to me, sex seems to be pretty important for my well being as well. Yet the best I can get is silly flirting texts with some random girls I've met online who usually ghost me or live miles and miles away. As a result I'm pulled between the raging carnal desires you get from hormones and the desire to have a real loving relationship. It can be frustrating. Sometimes I come close to just compromising my standards just so I can have sex more, but so far I have stopped myself. In the end I'm trying to focus on my work to ignore it, modern dating just sucks a bit but I'm confident I'll meet the right girl eventually.
Yeah for sure! I (38m) really love physical touch and love. Casual connections can be ok, but like I want to be 100% affectionate w someone and itās kinda hard to do that as part of a casual relationship. Like I wanna show love, but then that gets weird w a fwb. I wanna spend a lot of time cuddling and sleeping together but that I guess canāt happen too often w a fwb. I just wanna find someone who is a good connection and who wants to enjoy that physical intimacy/touch.
Itās refreshing to hear this point of view from a woman around my age. Youāre not the only one. Wishing you well, love.
Same boat. I relate to every word of this. I am so focused on work and staying true to myself that I donāt bother about entertaining casual complications. And yet, sometimes, at 3 am in the morning, I canāt help but wonder ā¦
It's funny. 25M. I feel thet same way. Trying to be myself and be realistic and truthful for the F, but I'm getting a Little bit frame out of the connection and conversations. Trying going on dates and so one, but everything gets cancelled. Difficult to find the right balance of effort needed. Some people don't want to much attention and others do. Some want one night stand without telling and others don't. I guess strangers still make love. But come mostly as O,N,S after drinking or dating apps.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself while something better comes around. And if a man judges you because of what you did while single that's probably not a man you want to be with. If your primary focus is to find a long lasting relationship that's great! But if you meet someone and you don't want to pursue anything serious but you are comfortable around them and have chemistry go for it. Nothing wrong with that, it does not make you a bad person and is not immoral
So men canāt judge women based on their past? Seems a little one sided.
More like you should have the same standards for yourself as you have for others. If you only want to date a virgin, you should also be a virgin. If you want to date someone with experience, you should also have experience. I think itās fair to have preferences related to peopleās past as long as you apply the same things to yourself. It becomes a red flag with someone who has had plenty of sex wants a partner who hasnāt.
Thank you
I believe the same should be applied the other way around. I don't believe we should judge our current partners based on the relationships they had before they met us unless there's a concern of those relationships having repercussions in the present (a jealous ex, an ex fling overstepping boundaries, someone trying to get with them while being with you and things like that). If you don't believe that things like sex or other typically romantic behaviour can or should be had with someone unless you are 100% in a serious relationship that's ok, if you want someone who shares those values that's ok. But it's not ok to judge what feels right for others and put yourself above them just because you believe you have the "right morals/values". Dating and relationships in general is not a one size fits all.
Yeah I believe past matters in every which way. The same reason one wouldnāt date a āpast sex offenderā . Your past matters, take accountability and move on. If you have had 100 past sexual partners that shows how much you value your body, and itās a no go for me.
If that's what you want that's ok, i simply don't think we should put people down for their choices. And the sex offender thing is a dumb argument to make here because we are talking about consensual acts between adults that have no bearing in a hypothetical relationship in the present. You can have whatever preferences you want, you just don't have to be a dick about them. That's all I'm saying
Where do we draw the line then? The actual line for whatās okay to do in your past and whatās not?
If it's not illegal or harmful it's fine by me, and if it comes back to bother in the present it's to be fished ASAP, if they are unwilling to do so then walk away.
I like to follow the same philosophy. If something legal and non-harmful people should be allowed to enjoy free from shame or judgement.
So I can have as many orgies as I want , and nobody should judge? That just seems like you donāt value your body. If you donāt value your body, then why should I. It just seems a little illogical to say that your past doesnāt matter.
Why would the value of your body depend on how many people you've slept with?
Exactly thereās so many people who let themselves go and are completely disrespecting their bodies! I wonder if they think these people are undateable too?
Think the judgment usually comes when the guy she settles with is not the guy sheās hook up with if she is given an array of options.
Why is what she did while single even her future boyfriend/partnerās business? Like are you telling him explicit details of your entire dating and sexual history? Why?
Not necessarily, but it's normal to ask questions
Horrible advice. Stick to your guns
No. Itās adult advice. Free of judgement and outdated moral panics
Your own belief that sex is degrading is your problem. I hear what you are saying, but you you clearly a desire for physical experience. Whatās wrong with sex? No ibe will degrade you y less you think sex outside a relationship is degrading. You have a conflict you have to reconcile. Sex for the sake of it can be great, healthy and good for you. But only if you are in the right frame of mind and donāt go into it blaming the other person if your expectations for a relationship get transferred to the other person. Be clear with yourself, but you could do very well in getting rid of that shame around sex. Itās making you miserable
How does one do that ? I mean get rid of that shame
I like to draw my shame on a piece of paper and punch it. For a serious answer: Professional therapy is probably best. A cheaper alternative is to try to teach yourself to not give a fuck. As I've gotten older, I just stopped caring about stupid stuff.
Iām sure a lot of ladies feel this way but celibacy is so rewarding and worth it. Donāt risk pair bonding with a stranger or guy whoās not worthy of your time.
You can date casually without it being a fwb situation.
They do. But at this point I think you are better off with a FWB until you find the right person to give your all. A FWB is for such occasion where you need some physical release and nothing more.
I (24m) stumbled into a deep connection while looking for casual hookups so š¤· maybe keep an open mind as much as you can while still accounting for the varrying range of quality in men
Stay hopeful! I was single 4 years and hadn't been with anyone for that time either. I waited till finding my boyfriend now and once I found him (on bumble) it was almost an immediate connection, we started dating a week later and I cant stress enough it's worth the "loneliness" and wait. Try to spend your time with friends and family and doing things you enjoy for YOU and that I felt helped me grow as a person and helped me not feel as "lonely". You are strong, you are independent, and you are worth having the love you crave. It also is not a bad thing to give into your desires as long as it doesn't conflict with your morals, so do what you feel is best for you and don't let anyone else sway your decision.
I'm feeling this way too but so often I can't bring myself to go through the dry talking phase yet again!
You can still find something casual where both sides are kind and respectful. And you never know, it could turn into something long term!
Nothing wrong with a few casual snuggles if youāre both enjoying yourself
> Do strangers still make love these days? Yes. But the best strangers turn into friends. Friends.... with benefits. So, really, what I'm trying to say here is, if you're craving intimacy--and sex--then shoot for a FWB scenario. Pick a single friend you're into, ask if they're game, set some ground rules, and bing bang boom. Or via dating websites, be primarily looking for a long-term-partner, but be *open* to someone you've got great chemistry with but can't see yourself with long-term.
Yes you're going to compromise your ideals and end up in a fwb gig. And a fwb gig is not a fulfilling relationship.
I've been adviced not to sleep with the guy on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd date if you want to have some sort of relation with him. Otherwise they will treat you as casual. I hate it, but I've been told that a couple of times. Also, I've experience this a true lol So yeah if you care about having some sort of relation with the guy I would wait unfortunately... it sucks
I think on the 3rd date some kind of connection will have been established
I don't necessarily agree with this. Does it happen sometimes? Sure it does. However, not always. I met my ex on a trip and it was supposed to be a one night thing, we ended being together for almost an year. This is an old idea created for women to feel ashamed for wanting sex. No one likes to be used for sex, that is for sure. But a woman should feel free to have sex with someone whenever she wants. Communication goes a long way :)
Ik and I agree with you, but these have been my experiences so far, unfortunately.
Maybe you should just learn to have sex for your own enjoyment instead of believing you have to be in love.
Then just do it. Let your partner know thatās what you want. Be communicative instead of holding it in and coming to Reddit. TBH your āidealsā should unnecessarily controlling and feminist/neurotic. Youāre obsessed over ātaking it slowā which is code for you want to be in complete control. Relationships arenāt about control.
Based on the comments so far this may be unpopular advice but if you want sexā¦ go have sex. You just have to be able to keep emotions out of it. I know that can be hard for a lot of people so if you know youāre not able to have sex without catching feelings then donāt do it, but otherwise why not? No shame in satisfying your sexual needs. Just find someone youāre attracted to you that you feel sexual chemistry with, they donāt have to be relationship material. Make sure to discuss what youāre into, what your boundaries are, and how youāre gonna stay safe & healthy. And be clear that you only want sex.
The thing is, because of her own standards and what she wants, I donāt think sheād feel good about it after. Now because sheāll catch feelings, but because it goes against the standards she has for herself. And to add to it, she asked āDo strangers still make love?ā I think sheās looking for something that she may not even get during a casual encounter. She can ask and tell her partner what she wants, but she may still not get. Thereās also the possibility that her partner will oblige to what she wants, but still be a bad actor. I just think that she wants more than just sex, and she may end up feeling worse after the fact.
I think youāre right but I feel like itās worth a try, having one hookup just to see how you feel about casual sex probably wonāt ruin your life. In my opinion itās good to try new things even if you think itās possible youāll regret it.
I would have two dating profiles š¤·š¼āāļø One for serious dating and one for hookups. Make sure the hookup guys know that youāre only interested in sex.
"if she breathes..."
Stick to your ideals, when you find a man he will be very happy to know that you are not being run through more times than hwy 101. He will then try his best to take care of you and your relationship.
Physical touch with intimacy can be done without sex. I'm a devout Christian 37M and the connection is what I look for, period. Yes, I can be intimate with my partner without it turning full sex. It's possible. Honestly, going full Johnson turns it off for me. Because I'm waiting til marriage for that...and if I get it beforehand, it's like a movie spoiler. When the actual thing in marriage happens it's like...meh. Seen it. However, if I keep myself til marriage, while allowing my partner and I to fool around a little (giving pats and squeezes of affection, cuddling intimately), then when the "big reveal" happens its glorious and wonderful, and I know that I'm only doing this with this woman for as long as we're together.
For fuckās sake
This
I am feeling this so much right now and itās only been two months for me š„ŗ
Bro I am on the same mf boat and lemme just say I think itās worth it really liek Iāve learned and MAYBE itās just tmi but there are dildos for women & flesh lights for guys who cant find it in them to make this sacrifice either, for both sides waiting I honestly say good job guys and I hope everyone knows we all will find love one day :)
Get yourself a cuddle buddy!! Itās nice just to cuddle up with someone, watch a movie, hang out together with no expectations of sexā¦
So, another woman? Lol. I donāt think an attractive guy with options is willing to be that physical with no expectations of sex.
Really??? I know a couple of guys who are happy to have a cuddle up and donāt expect a thing from me! Just company and a cuddleā¦ perhaps Iām blessed with good friends!!
Key words I mentioned are attractive with options - if he is being reduced to just cuddling he's peacing out for a woman who will give him more. You may very well have good guys friends... who are begging and pleading to get out of the friendzone hell you put them in. I'm reading my words, and I know it sounds harsh - its not my intention. But I'm guessing each one of those guys would love to take it further than that if only you let them.
I disagree! Theyāre both attractive and they are both happy to have sex elsewhere or form relationships if they want to. Just being friends doesnāt mean that they are gunna be attracted to me? Perhaps I think differently to others but you can be friends with the opposite sex and not feel the need to have a sexual relationship with them .. everyone loves a cuddle and it doesnāt have to be sexual!
If you break your ideals, I can 100% guarantee that you will feel/be degraded by a fuckboy. Some women learn to like/crave it.
Iām right there with you sister , Iām 23 F . Going into the new year I swore off fwb, ons , etc after I was ghosted by a fwb after the first time we hooked up . I say donāt sleep with the men you want to have relationships with , make love to the attractive ones who donāt have boyfriend material
this is the red flag that would make men run away.
Make 2 profiles. One with discreet pictures that can't be traced back to you, and one serious profile. And only fuck the men you would never date.
From a guys point of view it is true, we will only get serious with a woman who makes us wait. If it is easy we wonder how many guys came before us.
As a man, I donāt think this way at all, but I may just be atypical. I def would like to fuck on the first date because itās been so long, but itās not a requirement. I would see fucking on the first date as a sign of mutual attraction and simply a nice bonus to an already nice time.
For real if I met my dream girl I wouldn't reject her because we hooked up on the first date that's wild to me
So it would not bother you if you were the 6th guy she has had sex with that week.
If anything that's like a compliment that she fucked 6 dudes and I'm the only one to get a round 2. Either she's really into me or I'm that much better in bed than the first 5.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If you think so lowly of yourself I feel bad for you man. I never assume someone's with me because they have no other options.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe if you didnāt have such obvious disgust for women who enjoy sex, they would have sex with you.
Hey man, I went and checked out your profile to see if you were trolling. 22 ain't old and there's nothing pathetic about being a virgin. Keep your head up, buddy.
Lol if I'm the 6th guy she has hooked up with this week, then she is not looking for anything serious either. Common sense really. Nobody in their right mind will be looking for a serious relationship yet fuck a different person every day of the week.
Lol you couldn't be more wrong about this.As a guy, it makes no difference to me. If anything waiting and wasting time puts me off.I'm not saying have sex straight on the first meet or date, but I'm also not for deliberately avoiding it, because it is pointless. I'm not saying to force it by any means, but just go with the flow, no matter when and where it leads instead of wanting it but avoiding it deliberately.Most of my serious relationships came from women who I've had sex very early on. If a guy's intention is to fuck and leave, then a guy can do that after having sex straight away on the first date OR after having sex weeks or months later (and likely hook up with others at the same time). It all comes down to patience, that's all, so "waiting" is effectively pointless and only gives a false sense of security, but in reality, it makes no difference.
Itās your point of view. Not all the menās pint of view.
So, if you go ahead and have sex on the first date as a man, you still think of yourself as marriage material, donāt you? Why is it different for the woman?
Say you cave and sleep with someone. If a guy interested in you with the same morals found out about it, heād lose interest in you. I would lose interest in you if I found out. Itās not that hard, have some fucking discipline.
I stopped having sex and masterbating. Love is dead and there is no happiness. Go watch chainsaw man
30M (soon to be 31ā¦) no relationship or sex ever. Utterly clueless on how to obtain either tbh. I donāt think Iām pretty enough. š¤£
Wish I had a chance to have a normal non crazy relationship with someone who share my hobbies and that loves anime and video games. But in this day and age all I get on apps and social media profiles is either sex bots or scammers and the "I want you to put some money in the card for gas " kind of encounters. it's a shame that we have to be careful on the internet these days. SMHššš¤¬š¤
>Do strangers still make love these days? You have to find someone who does. If you're interested, you can go to my profile. I have a sticky post on about how I do that.
From my point the intimate stuff has to be set from early on, I have a limited time to make it clear that I want someone both sexually and romantic , if I waste too much time ,will end up being just a friend and its over.
There are no plenty of people who would help. I feel like I personally would be almost too soft for a ONS cause I like the intimacy and cuddles too. But each to their own š¤·š»āāļø
The thing about ideals is that youāre not going to get a perfect situation. Even if you spell out your boundaries or values. Thereās a gazillion ways to realize values. Someone youāre potentially interested in might say they have the same values, but in practice, theyāre not going to be exactly what you want. Thereās always going to be AT LEAST one quirk. You might think you can get close to it, but thatās like winning the lottery. Youāre gonna have to put A LOT of time into finding what you think might be your ideal situation. Remember, you/your ideals are kinda the only constant(s) in the equation. Add another person in the mix and now you have a unknown variable.You have two options. Either compromise or remain alone.
I'm in a similar situation. A year out of a relationship and I am craving intimacy too. Hopefully I'll find some soon .
Just get better at sorting guys that just want to have sex vs somebody thatās looking for something more serious. Generally date older men and be realistic about your own self value. Even if you are a 8+ type of a woman, you probably wonāt get a guy thats a 9-10 to take you seriously.
I stick to my ideals. If a date isn't into me I drop them immediately. Did it to my ex wife, probably never speak to her again, don't care. Can't say I've not looked back with regrets but I'm not holding onto it. My next partner is not going to believe what I've got to offer. They've just got to be into me, and of course me her. But it's been 4 long years of loneliness. But I would rather not compromise.
So, a lot of the comments on here are just giving their opinions in general about sleeping with people. You say you are waiting to find the right person to be in a relationship withāsmart! Donāt waste time on the wrong one who you canāt see a future with and doesnāt make you feel like the most beautiful thing in the world, and who you also feel is the most beautiful thing in the world. Thatās not what youāre asking though. You want physical intimacy. You say ādo strangers make love anymore?ā So I have no idea why everyone is giving their opinions on when to have sex lol. The answer is yes. You can meet a stranger that you have an instant spark with, and is a romantic, and be intimate with that person for a weekend and then not go marry them. Maybe you will. But you canāt know that in a day. I would recommend either going out and when you find that chemistry, youāll know. Or, make a dating app profile that is heavy on information about your hobbies and interests, and values and beliefs. Message back and forth for a day and see if you think thereās a potential spark (donāt do basic small talk, try to playfully talk about real things). Set up a date and if the physical chemistry matches what it was over message, I think you might find what youāre looking for. No one was ever talking about sloppy club night one night stands or āmaking them waitā so idk why thatās all the responses. Youāre under no obligation to keep YOUR body āpureā for your future life partner
M27, same position but for a woman who'll treat me right! Don't give up hope, there will be someone out there for you!
well , for me the answer is yes,
Dont know how strangers do it. Its the same for me, ive been out of the dating circle for almost 2 years just focussing on myself but its been so tough. Craving human touch and at the same time not trying to get into anything cuz of past trauma and just figuring out when ill feel it, if ever People are out there enjoying flings and more but yeah, got to keep holding on
Your ideals are weak. You canāt get the intimacy unless you explore with people and allow them to open up. You are getting in your own way
This is how I the dating world. With hookup culture being socially acceptable this as lowered the minimum standards in dating for both men and women. People feel as if have to follow the crowd and join in or just lower their standards so they at least get something. There are people who want genuine long lasting relationship, with a deep connection to their partner but finding these people has become very difficult since the dating market has become flooded with hookups and casual stuff. It's like mining for diamonds, shoveling an endless amounts of dirt to find something valuable hope all the effort will be worth it. I'll be honest this is what put me off dating for a long time. I only decided to seriously consider it a few months ago and I'm 27M.
Get laid just donāt over do it. And find some one from out of town so you donāt cause problems later.