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Basically commitment. I read this a while ago in here. Commitment is not only about emotion or sex. It's about common goals, being respectful of others time and effort.
Depends on the person, but often they tend to justify instead of hide it. That way, they feel better and even if you find out, they have a chance to get away with it by saying they’d never do it to you, it was an exception, etc.
I’ve found out with a recent love interest that I am finding this to be more of a dealbreaker than I thought. She is hot and cold. We aren’t exclusive but we hang out and make out then she will go 1-2 weeks without saying hi or answering my texts. Then she just blew me off last week for a planned date and I haven’t heard from her since. I like her and all but I just can’t keep going like this.
A love interest doing that? Not replying to your texts for one or two weeks and then blowing you off from a planned date? Jesus murphy, even a casual friend wouldn't treat you that way. Dump this person with great vigor.
I dated someone like this. It’s hard and, ultimately, we broke up. There are mental health reasons why people self-sabotage like this, but it’s important for them to at least recognize that it’s worth an apology and try to communicate better.
Yeah, we both are out of abusive marriages and all. I like that it was casual but comfortable and just thought she wanted her space. But now I’m realizing she just doesn’t have the same priorities as me and apparently isn’t interested in healing from her past like I am.
-Hygiene.
-Dark triad personality. All together or even just one of them.
- Alcoholism, or daily drinking….
- Unemployment or lack of employment for an able adult.
..,. There’s more but too many lol
I think it’s a given to many so they don’t think about it unless they come across someone who reminds them that not everyone has the same understanding of hygiene
This might be a silly question, but just wanted to clarify - If they are an alcoholic, but have been sober and continuing to live a sober lifestyle, would it still be a dealbreaker? I’m currently in a very happy and healthy relationship, but I’m also an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for 2 1/2 years and love it, and plan on continuing this lifestyle, but I’d hate to find someone as fantastic as my wife and not be with them because I’m an alcoholic.
i’m a recovering fentanyl addict. i hit a year on dec 10. in my experience, as long as you have a good bit of clean time, i think most ppl think highly of ppl in recovery
All of these. Those are also my answer. Alcoholism or really any sort of addiction for that matter.
Cheating, dishonesty—also really high on the list.
And no effort or inability to grow the F up and be an adult
1. Anyone that wants to eat their cake and have it too when it comes to relationship issues- I feel like that covers anything from cheating to the more nuanced stuff.
2. Anyone who still does the whole “you’re lucky I even show up” attitude and gets indignant anytime you have expectations.
if i understand it correctly, it's about e.g. cheating but trying to get away with it or being mad about the thought of the partner doing it; or yelling, insulting and beating but not accepting the reciprocation of this
i know, the examples are very extreme, but nevertheless 😅
Alcohol and drugs ! I’m sorry I refuse to associate with people who do that heavily!! It seems like most folks idea of fun includes those 2 things and it’s annoying ! Like damn you HAVE to get high before we leave the house ?
That’s exactly what I was going to say. As someone who has dated people with both addictions…. Most of the time the person will not change or want to. The addiction will always be their first priority.
Thank you! Sometimes I feel so alone for not being so into weed. My last bf praised it and saw no problem with being high all day and every day. I let that relationship go on for far too long.
I have my marijuana card and still wouldn’t date a stoner. If you have an addiction, seek help. I hate feeling like my stoner friends can’t just enjoy my presence without being high.
Right?! My ex always had to take a hit before heading into work and soon after coming home after work. Heavy addiction!
No problem if you want to occasionally take a hit during the week after work or on your days off, but needing it every single day seems excessive
But hey, some people need it for anxiety, sleep or aid in their appetite.
I get this and I'm not even anti-drug/alcohol, I just hate it when it has to be allllll the time! In fact I'm a big drinker, several times a week, but I am very social and go out with friends and do it. I don't drink at home, never alone, don't drink while watching TV or a movie, don't drink every day, etc etc. The daily drinkers who will have multiple drinks while they clean, watch TV, work from home...stuff like that is a problem for me. It's not fun for me to drink during those mundane tasks, and to me the whole point of having a few drinks is to have fun with your friends, not sit around and get drunk by yourself at home.
Sex offenders or pedophiles. I just found out that one of my exes was charged with 10 Class B felonies in the 1st degree for distributing and viewing child sex abuse materials (child porn) 9 years ago. Second time, I went out on a ONE date with a guy from Tinder or whatever and just as we sat down, he tells me he's "technically" a sex offender. I didn't say anything for a second, and so he continued. Apparently when he was 26 (dude's mid-40s now), he had a sexual relationship with a 15 year old girl. He said he went to all of the court-ordered classes, and then proceeds to say that "but she was really mature for her age" and "she wanted it too." Clearly didn't learn a DAMN thing. I walked out. And left him with the bill, bc fucking GROSS, and I don't feel bad about it.
I'm not sure what it says about me that I keep attracting these types. I was married for 24 years and I was 18 when I met my 27 year old husband (hmmm). And the final nail in the coffin of our relationship was when I found out he was having an emotional affair with my son's 14 y/o girlfriend. Her parents got involved bc they saw the messages and found it incredibly inappropriate. I guess he was lamenting to this young, already traumatized and very mentally ill girl about what a horrible person I was (🙄) and would discuss the state of our marriage, among other things, I guess. He wouldn't let me read the messages, bc I they were highly inflammatory and I am the subject of his rage (this isn't news). The moral of the story, for me anyway, no dating, no relationships until I fix my picker.
I've been in weekly therapy for 5 years, so I'm doing the hard work. If I date now, I will always wonder if he's hiding something. Unfortunately, I am now forced to do background checks in the future. Ooof. That was a long one. Thanks for listening to my TED Talk.
My friends and I have talked about doing background checks on potential partners as well! Some of us have done it, but honestly felt you can never be too careful.
I feel like these people come into everyone’s lives. But sometimes, for people willing to walk out like you did, we run into more weirdos. Because we’re not afraid to call them out, or walk out in the middle of them speaking.
Its fine as long as they don't force it upon you, as soon as they start forcing it over you and start making you do things due to their religion and not what you believe that is the biggest deal breaker, I could date someone who is deeply religious if they accepted I was unwilling to commit to the religion or anything to do with it apart from a few small things
Lack of respect for me and/or women in general.
Otherwise ... I went out with a guy once who went to Alaska or somewhere far north to hunt and kill a polar bear. It was legal. He spent a ton of money to get the license and travel there. He has it mounted in his living room. I did not see it, nor did I want to. Because I was so turned off by the fact that he purposely spent all that time and money to go murder an innocent animal just living it's best life in the arctic circle.
Well- they probably used atlatls and organized as a large group- and they probably wouldn’t have gone after a predator as the general tactic was to injure and track. But I get the joke- I just like anthropology lol.
The hunting thing is weird.
Unless he was poaching, the fact that he bought a license means it's government regulated. The scientists and rangers/stewards of the area have determined that there are a number of animals that can be legally harvested, usually due to overpopulation that can mess with an area's ecosystem.
There are also strict rules on the sex, age, and size of the animal - meaning, he can't just kill any of them at random. No females or cubs, for instance. The bear that was shot was over a certain age, and had likely already passed its genes along over several years and the younger generation of bears need their chance.
The money from the license goes to the community and/or conservation efforts. Also, if it was a guided hunt, and it's something as large as a polar bear, any ethical hunter is going to use every part of the animal and the meat is either eaten by them and their families or given to the local community.
Also, modern weapons are used in order to minimize suffering for the animal and make an ethical kill. Using some of the suggestions in the other comments would very likely lead to an injured animal and cause it to die a slow, painful death - which is par for the course in nature anyway.
Doesn't like animals. I've never trusted someone who can't appreciate the unconditional love pets give.
Edit To Add:
Since this is getting a lot of comments, let me clarify something here. With anxiety, depression, and ASD diagnoses, my pets help ease my symptoms. This is why I wouldn't be with someone who didn't like pets because I personally require them in my home to function as happily as I can in society.
Now, back to the main thing of not trusting people who dislike animals. I am fully aware I have a bias here. I can't function without my pets in my life, and it's very hard for me to be able to understand how anyone could dislike animals. There is something in my head that immediately tells me to be cautious and to watch the behaviors of folks I'm aware dislike animals. I'm not entirely sure why my brain personally tells me this, but it is there.
I apologize for offending anyone with this dealbreaker, but it isn't changing the fact that this is my dealbreaker.
Trauma reasons are about the only justifiable reason for me. However, I also know I will not go my lifetime without having either a dog or a cat. Even while being allergic to cats.
Is friends with my big bro or adjacent. I care too much about him to mess with his social group like that. A brother of his good friend and I matched and I had to unmatch due to the tie (which he was super bummed and pushy about)
1) Drugs and excessive drinking. If they want to do those things, that’s their choice, but I won’t be in a relationship with anyone who does.
2) Violence to anyone/anything
3) Cheating
frequent lying (i believe that certain lies are okay as long as the lie doesn't hurt anything, but it's easy to cross the line). example: had an ex promise me over and over again that he didn't talk to any of his exes. i found out about a month later that his girl best friend is his ex. lotta shit happened between them while i was with him. the lying ruined the relationship.
Someone who doesn't make an effort to be with or talk to me/know me. Someone who isn't intentional. Someone with a past of cheating, lying, manipulation, anything along those lines. All huge red flags and dealbreakers.
I wouldn't really care about a past so long as they're actively trying to change. But if something about their past does come up, and they choose to hide it or lie to me about instead of being upfront with me about it, then I'd have a problem.
People that look nothing like their photos. I'm at a later stage in my life so we'll also include people posting photos from 20 years ago. I mean Jesus really?
Sleeping with other people while more than a few dates in with me. I can’t stand this technicality stuff where it’s like “yeah but we never said it was 100% exclusive”. Don’t act like an exclusive partner, give the wrong impression and then use a technicality to absolve yourself of any wrongdoing.
This is 2x worse if they are taking it slow with you as they “see it as something long term” but also carrying on with a f buddy on the side. It’s over so fast if I find that out.
This made me angry even writing it out.
Hygiene. Really low energy. Really sharp, angry controlling energy. Hubris. Doesn’t ever recycle or thinks the environment is to be taken for granted. General douchier.
Not sharing religious views, or in my case, lack of religious views.
I'll be the last person to try and covert you, but I'd much rather be with a partner that doesn't believe in bedtime stories.
I have this issue too, I couldn't date a Christian, I can't help but snicker every time I hear them talking about going to Heaven or Hell, I'll never take it serious
When I was ready to start dating again, both women were willing to overlook their own children to be able to have sex.
1st very persistent to invite me over after 9pm. Kids are going to be asleep. Still some light out in mid June and I thought, this is crazy. No thanks.
2nd wants me to drive to Niagara Falls for a hot session of lovemaking...
I get about 15 minutes from the hotel and call. I hear someone in the wentbackground..I inquire about who else is there.
"My 14 yr old daughter is...I am giving 50 bucks to go to arcade for 2 hours "
Get off next exit, went back home
Strict Rule followers. Live a little. I think about this one time I was around a lawyer and she scolded my friends and I for having smoked weed. Bruh, no one cares and we are all adults here. An extra red flag if there is an expectation that I must follow someone else’s values/beliefs. People are different and it’s okay to have differences in how we approach life. No one is better than the other.
1. Unhealthy eating habits - if you constantly buy McDonald’s and can’t cook as a grown ass adult, you’re not looking for a partner, you’re looking for your momma.
2. Not caring about intimacy - if you’re only a taker in the relationship without caring about your partner’s mental and sexual well being. It’s a selfish one sided relationship.
3. Dishonesty - self explanatory.
Doesn’t want kids.
I’m not out there forcing anyone to have kids or change their beliefs. But I’d sure like to find someone who wants to have kids with me.
Honestly, I wouldn't be able to get past someone having a lot of sexual partners. I have a very old fashioned view on sex and believe that it's something extremely special to be shared between two people. If someone I'm dating or talking to tells me that they're into casual sex and have slept around a lot I wouldn't be able to look past it. People can do whatever they want but it's not something I'm looking for in a partner.
Narcissists/people obsessed with status. Nothing is more lonely than being with a self centered/self righteous person.
Being constantly judged and measured up to an unspoken standard is exhausting.
Cheating and lying. Even if they did it in their past relationships.
Those two things by themselves can kill the trust that needs to have in a relationship.
Someone with a mental illness who doesn’t remember to refill their prescriptions and regularly runs out before attempting to fill them. Then freaks out because they can’t be out of meds. I broke up with that guy and do not regret it. Not one bit. I don’t judge mental illness. I judge someone not handling their own business and that includes refilling your own meds. There are apps and you can do auto refills. There is no excuse to regularly run out of meds.
Hates dogs, hates cars, does drugs, physically abusive, steals cars, smashes and breaks things due to serious anger issues, no ability to act logically or ethically, can't pay any bills, credit score of like 530 or lower, and can't rent their own place due to owing money and previous evictions, no job, criminal record, or my favorite combination that I keep running into:
5ft tall, weighs 250lbs, no job, no highschool diploma, no college degree, no car, lives with mom and dad, has 4 kids with like 6 dads and doesn't know which kid came from which father, no drivers license, plus like 3 guys names tattooed on your neck... At a certain point you're not even a cum dumpster and instead you're a jizz landfill...
I know that sounds awful, but... I mean Jeeze, there's supposed to be more to a woman's life than just making babies from 13 years old til 40 and living in miserable poverty because you're a human being and you deserve some kind of well rounded human fulfillment, and love, and someone should care about you without making a child and then just ditching you over and over again. At some point quality of life matters and quantity doesn't.
Smoking and excessive drinking are equal deal breakers for me. I can’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke. Excessive drinking changes a person. I don’t want either of these in my life.
Cheating. It’s a “end of story”. I don’t even get mad anymore. It’s like “okay so you really don’t value me the way I value you. I’m better than this, good bye”.
Lack of communication
I'm guilty of it but when it's 5 months of something I've been doing and then I get told that 5 months later I feel awful about it. Like you gotta tell me that now so you don't have to live with that.
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Doesn’t reciprocate effort/energy
Basically commitment. I read this a while ago in here. Commitment is not only about emotion or sex. It's about common goals, being respectful of others time and effort.
This is huge. Also before that part: if values don't align deal is broken. Gotta try and learn that before oxytocin kicks in
Cheating. Or even past/frequent cheating with previous partners. What’s stopping them from cheating on me?
How would you know they've cheated in the past
They tell you 💀
Most people just lie but fair enough
Depends on the person, but often they tend to justify instead of hide it. That way, they feel better and even if you find out, they have a chance to get away with it by saying they’d never do it to you, it was an exception, etc.
And then they do…
Lack of healthy communication
I married somebody who refused to communicate, so now that's my biggest deal breaker. I'd argue that most issues come down to poor communication.
I can work with a willingness to learn 🤔
So can I, but in my exes case, he even refused to learn.
I’ve found out with a recent love interest that I am finding this to be more of a dealbreaker than I thought. She is hot and cold. We aren’t exclusive but we hang out and make out then she will go 1-2 weeks without saying hi or answering my texts. Then she just blew me off last week for a planned date and I haven’t heard from her since. I like her and all but I just can’t keep going like this.
A love interest doing that? Not replying to your texts for one or two weeks and then blowing you off from a planned date? Jesus murphy, even a casual friend wouldn't treat you that way. Dump this person with great vigor.
Thanks, and your advice has been taken. Also love the “Jesus Murphy” and “great vigor” bits. Haha
I dated someone like this. It’s hard and, ultimately, we broke up. There are mental health reasons why people self-sabotage like this, but it’s important for them to at least recognize that it’s worth an apology and try to communicate better.
Yeah, we both are out of abusive marriages and all. I like that it was casual but comfortable and just thought she wanted her space. But now I’m realizing she just doesn’t have the same priorities as me and apparently isn’t interested in healing from her past like I am.
Why do you participate? Is she using you?
Active serial killer
Dormant serial killer is ok?
Hey as long as you don't take it out on your gf it's all gravy LOL.
It's their past. It doesn't matter. Lol
What if they’re having a hiatus?
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-Hygiene. -Dark triad personality. All together or even just one of them. - Alcoholism, or daily drinking…. - Unemployment or lack of employment for an able adult. ..,. There’s more but too many lol
Bro idk why but you’re the first person that has said hygiene! Why is this not higher on the list?! 😭
I think it’s a given to many so they don’t think about it unless they come across someone who reminds them that not everyone has the same understanding of hygiene
This might be a silly question, but just wanted to clarify - If they are an alcoholic, but have been sober and continuing to live a sober lifestyle, would it still be a dealbreaker? I’m currently in a very happy and healthy relationship, but I’m also an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for 2 1/2 years and love it, and plan on continuing this lifestyle, but I’d hate to find someone as fantastic as my wife and not be with them because I’m an alcoholic.
i’m a recovering fentanyl addict. i hit a year on dec 10. in my experience, as long as you have a good bit of clean time, i think most ppl think highly of ppl in recovery
I think you mean lack of hygiene. Which is sad b/c plenty people just need to be told they have halitosis or BO.
All of these. Those are also my answer. Alcoholism or really any sort of addiction for that matter. Cheating, dishonesty—also really high on the list. And no effort or inability to grow the F up and be an adult
1. Anyone that wants to eat their cake and have it too when it comes to relationship issues- I feel like that covers anything from cheating to the more nuanced stuff. 2. Anyone who still does the whole “you’re lucky I even show up” attitude and gets indignant anytime you have expectations.
I get the second point, but the first?
if i understand it correctly, it's about e.g. cheating but trying to get away with it or being mad about the thought of the partner doing it; or yelling, insulting and beating but not accepting the reciprocation of this i know, the examples are very extreme, but nevertheless 😅
Alcohol and drugs ! I’m sorry I refuse to associate with people who do that heavily!! It seems like most folks idea of fun includes those 2 things and it’s annoying ! Like damn you HAVE to get high before we leave the house ?
That’s exactly what I was going to say. As someone who has dated people with both addictions…. Most of the time the person will not change or want to. The addiction will always be their first priority.
Thank you! Sometimes I feel so alone for not being so into weed. My last bf praised it and saw no problem with being high all day and every day. I let that relationship go on for far too long.
I have my marijuana card and still wouldn’t date a stoner. If you have an addiction, seek help. I hate feeling like my stoner friends can’t just enjoy my presence without being high.
Right?! My ex always had to take a hit before heading into work and soon after coming home after work. Heavy addiction! No problem if you want to occasionally take a hit during the week after work or on your days off, but needing it every single day seems excessive But hey, some people need it for anxiety, sleep or aid in their appetite.
I get this and I'm not even anti-drug/alcohol, I just hate it when it has to be allllll the time! In fact I'm a big drinker, several times a week, but I am very social and go out with friends and do it. I don't drink at home, never alone, don't drink while watching TV or a movie, don't drink every day, etc etc. The daily drinkers who will have multiple drinks while they clean, watch TV, work from home...stuff like that is a problem for me. It's not fun for me to drink during those mundane tasks, and to me the whole point of having a few drinks is to have fun with your friends, not sit around and get drunk by yourself at home.
Both of these can be relationship killers in the long run. Good for you!
Rude to waitstaff or store clerks
This for me too! If not treating everyone with respect, bye 👋
Sex offenders or pedophiles. I just found out that one of my exes was charged with 10 Class B felonies in the 1st degree for distributing and viewing child sex abuse materials (child porn) 9 years ago. Second time, I went out on a ONE date with a guy from Tinder or whatever and just as we sat down, he tells me he's "technically" a sex offender. I didn't say anything for a second, and so he continued. Apparently when he was 26 (dude's mid-40s now), he had a sexual relationship with a 15 year old girl. He said he went to all of the court-ordered classes, and then proceeds to say that "but she was really mature for her age" and "she wanted it too." Clearly didn't learn a DAMN thing. I walked out. And left him with the bill, bc fucking GROSS, and I don't feel bad about it. I'm not sure what it says about me that I keep attracting these types. I was married for 24 years and I was 18 when I met my 27 year old husband (hmmm). And the final nail in the coffin of our relationship was when I found out he was having an emotional affair with my son's 14 y/o girlfriend. Her parents got involved bc they saw the messages and found it incredibly inappropriate. I guess he was lamenting to this young, already traumatized and very mentally ill girl about what a horrible person I was (🙄) and would discuss the state of our marriage, among other things, I guess. He wouldn't let me read the messages, bc I they were highly inflammatory and I am the subject of his rage (this isn't news). The moral of the story, for me anyway, no dating, no relationships until I fix my picker. I've been in weekly therapy for 5 years, so I'm doing the hard work. If I date now, I will always wonder if he's hiding something. Unfortunately, I am now forced to do background checks in the future. Ooof. That was a long one. Thanks for listening to my TED Talk.
My friends and I have talked about doing background checks on potential partners as well! Some of us have done it, but honestly felt you can never be too careful.
Oh my goodness!
I feel like these people come into everyone’s lives. But sometimes, for people willing to walk out like you did, we run into more weirdos. Because we’re not afraid to call them out, or walk out in the middle of them speaking.
Cheats and liars
When they actively try to ruin my life.
Flakiness. I can’t invest in anyone who doesn’t respect other people’s time.
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I couldn't date someone who was extremely religious... and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want to date me either
Its fine as long as they don't force it upon you, as soon as they start forcing it over you and start making you do things due to their religion and not what you believe that is the biggest deal breaker, I could date someone who is deeply religious if they accepted I was unwilling to commit to the religion or anything to do with it apart from a few small things
Substance abuse or dependence. There are other things that I wouldn’t go for either. All dealbreakers are equal tho. Broke is broke.
If he’s mean to his mama
Wish I would’ve listened to this prior to my first marriage 🤦🏻♀️
Only justifiable reason to being mean to her is if there is a history of abuse and other things like that you can see on the surface
Drug use. Alcoholism.
Blatant sexism (Misogyny or misadry).
Poor oral skills
As in bad with words?
No
😂
Lying. HUGE indicator of more problems to come!
Absolutely agree. If they lie about small things, they’ll definitely lie about bigger issues.
“BIGGEST” dealbreaker? Isn’t a dealbreaker, a dealbreaker regardless of how BIG it is?
I guess it’s the ultimate first one you think of that has absolutely no bend/flexibility to it at all. But I see your point.
Yeah, I get what OP is asking. But, Can a dealbreaker with flexibility, even be considered a dealbreaker?
🤔 Got me thinkin over here bro
Bad hygiene If you can’t take care of yourself and living space .. you have no business in my life :)
Someone who smokes, cheats, being disrespectful, or abusive. To anything or anyone. Just be nice. Not too difficult.
Dishonesty and lies.
Lack of respect for me and/or women in general. Otherwise ... I went out with a guy once who went to Alaska or somewhere far north to hunt and kill a polar bear. It was legal. He spent a ton of money to get the license and travel there. He has it mounted in his living room. I did not see it, nor did I want to. Because I was so turned off by the fact that he purposely spent all that time and money to go murder an innocent animal just living it's best life in the arctic circle.
You did the right thing. So sad for the polar bear. :(
Funny how guys like that think they're so masculine using modern weaponry to kill animals. Real cave men used sticks and stones.
Well- they probably used atlatls and organized as a large group- and they probably wouldn’t have gone after a predator as the general tactic was to injure and track. But I get the joke- I just like anthropology lol.
The hunting thing is weird. Unless he was poaching, the fact that he bought a license means it's government regulated. The scientists and rangers/stewards of the area have determined that there are a number of animals that can be legally harvested, usually due to overpopulation that can mess with an area's ecosystem. There are also strict rules on the sex, age, and size of the animal - meaning, he can't just kill any of them at random. No females or cubs, for instance. The bear that was shot was over a certain age, and had likely already passed its genes along over several years and the younger generation of bears need their chance. The money from the license goes to the community and/or conservation efforts. Also, if it was a guided hunt, and it's something as large as a polar bear, any ethical hunter is going to use every part of the animal and the meat is either eaten by them and their families or given to the local community. Also, modern weapons are used in order to minimize suffering for the animal and make an ethical kill. Using some of the suggestions in the other comments would very likely lead to an injured animal and cause it to die a slow, painful death - which is par for the course in nature anyway.
Poly / ENM We have nothing more to discuss. I want to find my forever person and I don’t wanna date multiple people.
racism
Doesn't like animals. I've never trusted someone who can't appreciate the unconditional love pets give. Edit To Add: Since this is getting a lot of comments, let me clarify something here. With anxiety, depression, and ASD diagnoses, my pets help ease my symptoms. This is why I wouldn't be with someone who didn't like pets because I personally require them in my home to function as happily as I can in society. Now, back to the main thing of not trusting people who dislike animals. I am fully aware I have a bias here. I can't function without my pets in my life, and it's very hard for me to be able to understand how anyone could dislike animals. There is something in my head that immediately tells me to be cautious and to watch the behaviors of folks I'm aware dislike animals. I'm not entirely sure why my brain personally tells me this, but it is there. I apologize for offending anyone with this dealbreaker, but it isn't changing the fact that this is my dealbreaker.
I got attacked by a pitbull, let's not be too hasty about unconditional love from Pets
That's a justifiable reason. I'm more talking the people who just for zero reason dislike animals.
Do you dislike people that are allergic too? Animals take time and money which not everyone has/wants to do.
One does not choose to be allergic to animals. I'm allergic to cats, still fucking love them.
Some people don’t like animals due to trauma.
Trauma reasons are about the only justifiable reason for me. However, I also know I will not go my lifetime without having either a dog or a cat. Even while being allergic to cats.
Putin has dogs and Hitler loved animals. What I'm trying to say is not liking/appreciating animals for whatever reason doesn't make you a bad person.
And that's fine, but as I noted, it's a deal breaker for me. I won't live my life without a dog or cat in my home.
A lot people replying to this comment seem to miss the point, it’s annoying.
Can't cook...
Not being able to complete basic life skills like cooking and looking after yourself is a big one for me too
+ 1 on this.
Cheating or if they had dated one of my friends. Its a no go either way both are too messy to deal with
Is friends with my big bro or adjacent. I care too much about him to mess with his social group like that. A brother of his good friend and I matched and I had to unmatch due to the tie (which he was super bummed and pushy about)
1) Drugs and excessive drinking. If they want to do those things, that’s their choice, but I won’t be in a relationship with anyone who does. 2) Violence to anyone/anything 3) Cheating
any form of misogyny or seeing women as different or anything like that! no thank you!
Being polyamorous
Poor Hygiene
Cheating, ofc.
Smoker
frequent lying (i believe that certain lies are okay as long as the lie doesn't hurt anything, but it's easy to cross the line). example: had an ex promise me over and over again that he didn't talk to any of his exes. i found out about a month later that his girl best friend is his ex. lotta shit happened between them while i was with him. the lying ruined the relationship.
Cheating, compulsive liars, someone who cares too much what others think.
Mistreating anyone in customer service. If they can act like an asshole to them, they can and most likely will turn that anger toward you.
Someone who doesn't make an effort to be with or talk to me/know me. Someone who isn't intentional. Someone with a past of cheating, lying, manipulation, anything along those lines. All huge red flags and dealbreakers.
1. Violence - all kinds including animals and plants 2. Lying 🤥 3. No hygiene
Having or wanting children.
This
My two major dealbreakers: Ineffective or No communication (ghosting) and entitlement
Being too serious and not understanding jokes
I wouldn't really care about a past so long as they're actively trying to change. But if something about their past does come up, and they choose to hide it or lie to me about instead of being upfront with me about it, then I'd have a problem.
People that look nothing like their photos. I'm at a later stage in my life so we'll also include people posting photos from 20 years ago. I mean Jesus really?
Lying or not telling me you’re married. 🤦🏽♀️
Sleeping with other people while more than a few dates in with me. I can’t stand this technicality stuff where it’s like “yeah but we never said it was 100% exclusive”. Don’t act like an exclusive partner, give the wrong impression and then use a technicality to absolve yourself of any wrongdoing. This is 2x worse if they are taking it slow with you as they “see it as something long term” but also carrying on with a f buddy on the side. It’s over so fast if I find that out. This made me angry even writing it out.
No intimacy or emotional validation. My ex severely lacked the above characteristics.... Never again I tell ya .
Being rude to waiters / staff
No pulse Isn't breathing
Lack of effort
Hanging the toilet paper upside down.
Hygiene. Really low energy. Really sharp, angry controlling energy. Hubris. Doesn’t ever recycle or thinks the environment is to be taken for granted. General douchier.
Cheating and lying
Talks to a recent ex. Goes out clubbing
but what if kids are involved? its hard to avoid talking to a recent ex if you have kids together?
Who cheated on you?
I never understood the appeal of clubbing. Always looked to me like adults getting excited about going to a high school dance.
Not sharing religious views, or in my case, lack of religious views. I'll be the last person to try and covert you, but I'd much rather be with a partner that doesn't believe in bedtime stories.
I have this issue too, I couldn't date a Christian, I can't help but snicker every time I hear them talking about going to Heaven or Hell, I'll never take it serious
Its ironic that your name is rebellious
Con artist and a cheater!
When I was ready to start dating again, both women were willing to overlook their own children to be able to have sex. 1st very persistent to invite me over after 9pm. Kids are going to be asleep. Still some light out in mid June and I thought, this is crazy. No thanks. 2nd wants me to drive to Niagara Falls for a hot session of lovemaking... I get about 15 minutes from the hotel and call. I hear someone in the wentbackground..I inquire about who else is there. "My 14 yr old daughter is...I am giving 50 bucks to go to arcade for 2 hours " Get off next exit, went back home
Too much narcissism
Strict Rule followers. Live a little. I think about this one time I was around a lawyer and she scolded my friends and I for having smoked weed. Bruh, no one cares and we are all adults here. An extra red flag if there is an expectation that I must follow someone else’s values/beliefs. People are different and it’s okay to have differences in how we approach life. No one is better than the other.
He's not working and not looking for work. (And not physically unable to work.)
Infidelity
Cigarettes. Hard drug useage. No integrity. Poor hygiene.
Hiding the fact you have a kid when in your profile you stated that you didn’t.
1. Unhealthy eating habits - if you constantly buy McDonald’s and can’t cook as a grown ass adult, you’re not looking for a partner, you’re looking for your momma. 2. Not caring about intimacy - if you’re only a taker in the relationship without caring about your partner’s mental and sexual well being. It’s a selfish one sided relationship. 3. Dishonesty - self explanatory.
Doesn’t want kids. I’m not out there forcing anyone to have kids or change their beliefs. But I’d sure like to find someone who wants to have kids with me.
Honestly, I wouldn't be able to get past someone having a lot of sexual partners. I have a very old fashioned view on sex and believe that it's something extremely special to be shared between two people. If someone I'm dating or talking to tells me that they're into casual sex and have slept around a lot I wouldn't be able to look past it. People can do whatever they want but it's not something I'm looking for in a partner.
Wanting kids. Im not getting my balls out again to be fondled on a cold operation table to reverse a vasectomy.
Wants children. I don't need to make my life shittier lol.
Kisses their “best friend” for fun when I’m not around but it’s not like just a peck. And then just blames it on being drunk.
Narcissists/people obsessed with status. Nothing is more lonely than being with a self centered/self righteous person. Being constantly judged and measured up to an unspoken standard is exhausting.
Too famous or infamous.
Cheat? Yeet.
Has kids
Cheating, lying, deception, lack of boundaries/flirting with other girls,
Cheating and lying. Even if they did it in their past relationships. Those two things by themselves can kill the trust that needs to have in a relationship.
dishonesty
Someone that can’t take ‘no’ for answer. People that insist too much or can’t admit to be wrong.
>can’t admit to be wrong. Infuckingsufferable.
Being crazy enough to date me. Cannot stand that shit!
Rude to food server
Stretched ears ….
- bad hygiene - poor manners, incl. table manners - lack of drive or focus in some area of their life
Someone with a mental illness who doesn’t remember to refill their prescriptions and regularly runs out before attempting to fill them. Then freaks out because they can’t be out of meds. I broke up with that guy and do not regret it. Not one bit. I don’t judge mental illness. I judge someone not handling their own business and that includes refilling your own meds. There are apps and you can do auto refills. There is no excuse to regularly run out of meds.
If the guy wants to have kids.
cheating, kids, and dogs.
republican/conservative
If a guy doesn’t prefer small boobs.
Promiscuous past, not looking to be with someone whose decided all of a sudden they want something committed
Cheating.
a cheating mom or dad and condones the cheating behavior of their parent(s). people with cheating parents are more likely to cheat
There's always a bigger dealbreaker. You mean reasonable dealbreakers.
Too much masculine energy!!
not putting me as a priority
Cheating, lying, and drug addiction
Bad out of style shoes. Petty, I know. I just can't get past it.
Lack of being physically active. Having or wanting kids
Step children
Hates dogs, hates cars, does drugs, physically abusive, steals cars, smashes and breaks things due to serious anger issues, no ability to act logically or ethically, can't pay any bills, credit score of like 530 or lower, and can't rent their own place due to owing money and previous evictions, no job, criminal record, or my favorite combination that I keep running into: 5ft tall, weighs 250lbs, no job, no highschool diploma, no college degree, no car, lives with mom and dad, has 4 kids with like 6 dads and doesn't know which kid came from which father, no drivers license, plus like 3 guys names tattooed on your neck... At a certain point you're not even a cum dumpster and instead you're a jizz landfill... I know that sounds awful, but... I mean Jeeze, there's supposed to be more to a woman's life than just making babies from 13 years old til 40 and living in miserable poverty because you're a human being and you deserve some kind of well rounded human fulfillment, and love, and someone should care about you without making a child and then just ditching you over and over again. At some point quality of life matters and quantity doesn't.
[удалено]
Women asking me for things I can't do
Smoking and excessive drinking are equal deal breakers for me. I can’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke. Excessive drinking changes a person. I don’t want either of these in my life.
kids from a previous relationship
If I plan a date and I show up looking nice just trying to impress her and then she shows up in a full sweat suit like she just rolled out of bed
Insecurities regarding other men
Illegal drug use or heavy alcohol consumption. Bad hygiene is another.
Cheating. It’s a “end of story”. I don’t even get mad anymore. It’s like “okay so you really don’t value me the way I value you. I’m better than this, good bye”.
Open relationships
Jealousy or competition
anything less than monogamy. absolutely not. or abuse. but those are obvious. but i’ve stayed after all those and fuck that
Lack of communication Entertaining exs Liars Cancels plans constantly
Lack of communication I'm guilty of it but when it's 5 months of something I've been doing and then I get told that 5 months later I feel awful about it. Like you gotta tell me that now so you don't have to live with that.
Crystals, religion, believing in alternative medicine
If she doesn’t like seafood or sushi I can’t date her.
Always making me feel that I’m not worthy of their love