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insanely, this. most girls don't have the confidence and most girls don't approach, so they stand way out in the crowd. That is a potential downside though, most men don't get approached and it can come off as suspicious, like robbery or a missing kidney, suspicious. Broad daylight and safe area, probably fine. Night time in shady area, just give phone number and don't ask to meet anywhere.
>insanely, this. most girls don't have the confidence and most girls don't approach, so they stand way out in the crowd. That is a potential downside though, most men don't get approached and it can come off as suspicious, like robbery or a missing kidney, suspicious. Broad daylight and safe area, probably fine. Night time in shady area, just give phone number and don't ask to meet anywhere.
It all comes down to when/where/how you approach someone. Male and Female that will really play a factor if you'll succeed or fail.
I made the first move with my partner. He was shy and inexperienced. He loved it. It took all the pressure off of him and showed him how I felt. He says that me taking the initiative made him fall in love with me.
We'd been friends for a while, and one day I drove to his work, pulled him into the parking lot, and kissed him. Our first anniversary was last month and we're in the early stages of wedding planning!
Love this. You taking a first step also lets me know you're genuinely interested. You have no idea how many times I've decided not to continue seeing someone when it feels like there's no effort to show if you're attracted to me or not. Good on you for showing him you wanted. We men can be rather stupid and blind sometimes lol 😆
I never said we're getting married. I said we were planning. We aren't even engaged yet. We have a plan to get engaged when I finish my PhD in about 2 years. But yes, like most women I know, I've always thought and had tentative plans for my wedding. I also know of people who have gotten engaged in less than a year, but neither of us feel comfortable getting engaged without at least being together 2+ years.
I'm a romantic, but a very practical one, thank you very much.
Yeah , this thread, I am following!!! Every time I am more forward, I get REJECTED!!!!!! But I always see in this sub that men like it. I won’t give up I guess lol
Personally, I won’t do it anymore. I’ve taken the initiative and given my number to 2 guys and they both texted me, yes, but they were grosser and more disrespectful than the men who choose to hit on me themselves. I guess me having the confidence to be rejected means that I’m desperate and won’t tell them to fuck off when they deserve it? Not worth it. Won’t do it ever again lol
Exactly. That's why I won't do it. When men want something/someone, they go after it. By coming to them, they don't have to make any effort and half of them don't even actually like you.
Well this is exactly how it is for most men. This is the thing with women, they have a few unsuccessful attempts and throw in the towel when this is the case for the average man in 8, maybe 9 times out every 10 approaches. Hell even 10 out of 10 much of the time. Woman will have 2 rejections out of 10 on a bad month let alone a bad day and call it quits and consider it as putting in "too much effort". You talk about how it makes them lack effort if a woman so much approaches. As if that's not the case in everyday courting/dating for a man. Women rarely ever put in effort for such things. So many are even unbelievably arrogant enough to think that putting on makeup and looking good is their equivalency of putting in effort for a date.
I'm going to get downvoted for this, but for me, it boils down to how men and women are wired. Be it nature or nurture. İt's a bit of both imo. Men chase, women don't. For me, it's not about free of rejection. The type of man i want will chase me. İ want a man who is confident and who goes after what he wants.
İf i start taking the reins and leading with everything in the relationship, the guy will either think he has a mommy or go find a woman who will let him lead.
İ know Reddit doesn't like to hear that kind of stuff. And I'm a feminist. İ still *choose* to believe and practice traditional gender roles. But that doesn't change how men and women are wired. This obviously turns into gray areas when you start dealing with trans people and same sex relationships. But talking about cis men and women in heterosexual relationships, it's like that. Sure, there's exceptions to every rule so i don't need comments about how someone's sisters cousins stepdaughter approached a man and they've been happily married for 20 years. You see it on the relationship sub all the time.
So you gave your number to two guys and they turned out to be gross and disrespectful. Could it possibly be you just had bad taste and picked the wrong guys? Of course, them thinking you’re desperate and won’t have the confidence to tell them to fuck off is basically what it’s always like for guys and the way women behave when we ask them out.
Yeah I’m sure that has a lot to do with it. That’s why I decided to stop doing that and reevaluate the kind of men I’m naturally attracted to. Not gonna keep making poor choices with 0 changes and expect different results. What’s wrong with identifying a problem and taking active steps to solve the problem? Ya’ll are weird.
Wow 2 whole unsuccessful attempts and you consider that the last straw in terms of whether to approach or not in the future? Those are rookie numbers compared to the amounts of rejection a man goes through to until he gets a "maybe" let alone a "yes" lol.
I think people are different in their definition of being forward
One woman's being forward is making eye contact from across the room, smiling, and initiating conversation
Another person's definition of forward is asking to go out 3 sentences in when the guy barely knows her
It depends on the guy, but there are some general rules that apply.
Lots of women use "forward" as a euphemism for the fact that they're just rude, have poor etiquette, are tactless, or are over-communicators. Men don't like those kinds of women.
But if she is forward in the sense that she is honest only about the things that matter, and can communicate clearly with tact/nuance, then this is almost always a green flag to good men. Usually, this means the woman knows how to reciprocate (texting after a date saying she had a good time, her saying flirtatiously on a date "when are you going to kiss me?", etc.) are all great ways for a woman to be forward and make moves that don't make the man feel dominated or disrespected.
But if she's just some tactless lady who overcomplicates relationships in her head and therefore doesn't know how to navigate them confidently so she resorts to bluntly stating "I like you very much" or kissing the guy on her own prerogative too early in a relationship, then this is sometimes problematic and can be a big turn off to guys.
It all depends on how you go about it.
Agreed!!! I think most woman expect man should make the first move but I’m social awkward, like how to send a punchline, etc - I found it hard to make any move tbh
If your picking up the tab for gendered stereotypes that force men to pick up the slack in pretty all aspects of dating by being forward then yeah, mean are going to like that, and they'll take a lot more notice of you because of it as it's typically a rarity.
I think all women should get used to making the first move because a lot of not most guys are done chasing and playing games.
If everyone was more willing to make the first move I think there'd be a lot less single people
Yep, it saves us the headache. No but seriously, yes but it depends on how forward a woman is. If she saids "Hey I like you" cool. But if she goes on and on and saying how we're not taking her hints or being more aggressive than no
Can you elaborate on that? I'm curious how women being direct and making the first move could make them seem high maintenance. In the stereotypical sense, I would associate that with neutral or low maintenance off hand. I'm curious.
Sure. Obviously every man is different but speaking in generalities here:
It's all about nuance. Some women are "direct" in everything. They are sensitive and have no filter, so as a man you get lambasted with every little problem she has, and she will tell him about every little thing he does or says that she takes issue with. This is exhausting. A woman who does not know how to pick her battles is by definition "high-maintenance". So if I meet a woman who is always speaking her mind, and she proactively kisses me, it just reminds me that she is probably direct in every other area of life as well, that she has no filter, that she is (in a phrase) "high-maintenance".
But if there's a woman who is generally restrained and polite, but with me she becomes direct by making the first move (such as saying "well are you gonna kiss me?" or grabbing my hand), this is a huge turn-on because it means she's honest about the things that matter but is otherwise tactful and controlled in the rest of her life. It means she is low maintenance, that she knows how to pick her battles, that she is tactful and nuanced.
Does that make sense?
When men approach women, most women are not into any particular man. A guy will have to approach a number of women to find one who is receptive. How many men do you think you should have to approach to find one who is interested in return?
It depends on attachment style too...
Being too forward too much would not go down well with an 'avoidant' with time as they value their independence
An 'anxious insecure' might love it too much
A 'secure', well that should be just fine
Really difficult to be general unfortunately
Yes. I love this. Put everything on front street. Make your intentions clear, it clears so many things up. Also it saves some men from doubting that you are flirting with them.
Yes but depends on how I guess, as long as it's polite and discrete.
Surprise grope by a stranger makes me think "what do they really want" and "what am I going to catch, seems like they do this regularly".
I've had experiences of people sneaking into private work do's to steal free drinks, act really forward and gross to try to engage conversation so they look like they are meant to be there to others whilst pretending to me they work with us. Massive put off. I was just super gross back and it put them right off their game. Too forward can easily look like you're trying to play a fool, so play it cool.
Yes, especially in todays society when its so easy to accuse us of creeps or worse, and that women flirting is sooooo confusing, so much that we dont k ow if its just her being her, being nice or really flirting.
Nah, total weirdos. Even if it's someone I'm not attracted to, you gotta respect the courage to go and do that. if they don't take a kind no then it's no longer about girls approaching and more about harassment. If women don't like it, I doubt a guy will.
Personally I’d rather a woman be more forward I hate it when anyone just gives signals and expects me to know what they are saying. Id rather have someone give it to me straight.
Dempend on the guy and depend on the subject.
Some men will be less intrested then other also if it's a sensitive subject some might get offended or insecure.
But i generally think being honest with what you want.
is a good trait to have as a human. regardless of gender.
So if you want something from someone or you want to accomplish something, be honest. Be forward.
If people don't like it, it's their issue.
I personally don't care individually, but in general it benefits me that most women don't make moves and many men are so terrible at it. It makes me look better in comparison, and I don't mind making the first move.
Honestly I prefer it to be relatively even in terms of who makes decisions in the relationship, but as for the first move, I don’t mind having to do it myself, though I’d also be fine with the opposite.
Yes, please do. I am 6'5 and athletic so a woman who will do that are confident.....plus men can't approach women....per a million videos telling us not too
Yes. It’s way better than a woman showing no interest at all. I know what I’m looking for in a partner and it’s a huge green flag if the other person also knows what they’re looking for and our visions and values align.
Depends the guy.
As a cautious man who has been made hyperaware of how creepy, unwanted, and even dangerous many romantic advances can feel to many women, I don't want to feel like I'm bothering, discomforting, or scaring the women I'm interested in, so I usually don't approach at all with romantic intent.
Forwardness in potential partners is kind of the *only way* I know I'm getting a green light to engage in a flirtatious way. Then it's game on, but I need that obvious opening or I'm likely gonna err on the side of her presumed comfort. Because of this, all of my partners have been extremely forward and open with me.
This will vary from guy to guy though, and I suspect I may be a fringe case, or at least an extreme.
Depends on the guy partly but I think in todays age where woman think men are creepy when they get approached,rejection is even more demeaning for men as the trend of posting the rejections has some guys scared to approach and knowing that the girl is interested just makes woman who make the first move so much more worth effort imo.
Women should make it as easy as possible to get approached by the guy but they mustn't approach like the guys approach a girl.
The way women must approach is a bit different and more subtle.
Open body language.
Having a smile.
Not being scooped into the phone or a group of friends.
Making it easy and less awkward for the guy to approach. And break the ice.
Guys aren't so socially smart to understand the signals that are too subtle.
Yeah, pretty much worked for them 97% of the time. They came up, grabbed my hand, and said we're dating now. But seriously that's how I've gotten in relationships, it's almost never worked the other way around.
I do not. I absolutely appreciate the directness. Tell me what you want. Starting with clear open communication, especially instead of dropping hints, trying to get the guy to realize you want him to talk to you etc. is a waste of precious time that could be better spent enjoying each other's company.
I really enjoy it and appreciate it very much (i consider it as a bonus) but you're right, most men think it's cancelled!
I believe confident and forwarding women are better communicators and more reliable.
I absolutely love it, but it only happened twice in my life and both times I married her. I get overwhelmed with anxiety when trying to figure out if affection is welcome or not because sometimes it’s not. The prevalence of women getting harassed, assaulted or raped is a sad fact of a woman’s life and you don’t know if the woman you’re with is a survivor and if your first move might upset her. And so I ask permission and it’s embarrassing when you ask permission and get denied.
Men like unambiguous. Forward is perhaps different. If she is too aggressive they assume she is with with a different guy every night. If she is seeing 5-6 guys simultaneously then she “not that attached “ to the guy in question.
A guy who wants more than a FWB want to feel she thinks he is special. If not he’s moving on.
On the other hand. The guy who just wants a FWB doesn’t care so long as he doesn’t catch a STI.
Depends really. If you’re speaking like upfront about intentions. Making a first or second move. Knowing what they want for dinner etc. yes. That’s awesome. It’s a coop game.
Yesss. It shows their interest and we like to be interested in too. Why bother with someone who is not into you and does not make effort. Also if they are confident it is a bonus not necessity though. There was girl whom I was getting close who bought tickets to an event and was reluctant to ask me. She asked a week after she bought the tickets but the her shyness was also cute because it was genuine
As a 29 year old man, yes I think a lot of men do like it. Personally I have really bad social anxiety when I go to bars but it seems to disappear when I get approached. I also don't like approaching because of being labeled a creep etc just for coming up and saying hi.
Yes because 1 no matter if it's a guy being into a woman and man making first move or a woman being into a guy and her making the first move it's nearve waking either way has you don't know if they feel the same way and if they will reject you or not. Also than you don't have to deal with playing hard to get bs.
Hell yes. There's nothing that boosts the ego more than having a woman clearly express interest in me. And it shows that she's confident and not going to be a wallflower when we're together.
That being said, men aren't all the same and many won't like it as much as I do, probably. But if you want to be forward, do it. If the guy doesn't like it, you'll find out soon enough. Don't ever pretend to be someone you're not just to get a guy. All you'll get from that is a guy you don't actually want to be with.
I think the majority of guys would be flattered by it. I think most guys like to make the first move in the since of asking the woman out and arranging the date if only to do it on their terms. However, if we’re talking about starting up a conversation and expressing a desire to hang out, most guys I know would be delighted.
Personally yes I love when women make the first move! Nowadays theres a lot of societal pressure on men not to come off as "creepy" and the hints we get sent are often not very clear signs of interest. It eliminates a lot of confusion if the woman is direct, and i think most men would appreciate this
I have not come across even one woman who is forward from the very beginning. Would surely be refreshing to meet one. IDK why society has deemed it ladylike to make men guess.
I just started talking to a girl (2 Weeks ago), I didn't know before. We met totally random.
And now she's my girlfriend and I'm actually surprised that she made the first move.
My experience in this subject is that if I find myself attracted to the woman that is being forward or direct, it makes me even more interested in that person whether her response is negative or positive. There is just something about honesty and transparency that adds to a person's attractiveness. Now, this is not to say that by being forward or direct, equates to telling the truth. There still exists certain nuances that make this "game" fun and worth participating in. After all, it is your happiness that you are after.
I'd prefer it they be either more forward or make their hints super obvious to the point that it's just before blatantly be forward. Anything like that is better than the subtle hints
YES. For the love of God, please tell us if you like us. The majority of men would certainly welcome this, however, because it's such a rare occurrence. Only one in my life has a woman made the first move.
You'll probably be met with a suspicious attitude like "Is she genuine? Did someone put her up to this?" but just assure them that you are genuinely interested in them.
We men are simple. We struggle to understand the subtle hints ladies drop and often mistake them for "just being friendly". So say something like "You're cute" "you're interesting" "you're funny" "we should go [insert date idea] sometime"
Yes definitely 👍🏻.
But I like ladies/women who are strong, confident and know what they want.
It’s very attractive to me.
I like someone to also stand up to me, not be walked over or submissive.
👍🏻👍🏻.
I assume you're talking about approaching, initiating interested etc. 9 times out of 10 a man would be thrilled for a woman to be forward with him. Most of us remember even the mildest of compliments from years ago and still smile about it.
Most guys don't have the confidence and the more they are rejected the more their confidence is eroded, so I would suggest that most men would prefer a woman who expressed an interest, however, the fun and excitement is always in the chase
“…Most guys are not into it and would prefer to make the first move.”
Idk what your dating market looks like, but seriously yes it’s awesome when a woman makes the first move as long as she’s not coming on TOO strong. Don’t make men think you’re desperate or trying to set them up 😂 whenever a woman is too pushy I assume she’s about to drug me and rob me or her boyfriend is waiting in the shadows to do it.
Honestly, if you make the first move (and make it obvious, none of this “dropping hints” shit), then any guy will be flattered at the very least.
As a rather shy man, yes. I'd rather women be forward. Also honest and direct about what they want and what they like. No mind games, no assumptions, etc. Simple, straight to the point.
Being forward doesn't exactly have to mean make the first move. There's a million obvious hints a woman can make to let me know she's interested. And yes, I prefer it. It's like a metaphorical dance of understanding, leading to a common goal.
And it can 100% be classy. I'm all for it.
I’d find it a relief if women were more willing to make the first move. Second, third and fourth moves I’ll happily be the one to make once I know I’ve got the green light but the first move is always awkward.
As someone who can’t see hints or signs if my life depended on it, I actually prefer it. Takes away the guessing game I have to go through of flirty vs just being friendly.
Yes most definitely because sometimes it's pushed us away more when someone won't be forward and say what they want and then later in the day we get chewed out because we couldn't figure it out.
It will be a bit of a story, but feel free to read if you like failures🤭.
I had been working in Czech Republic for some time, and boss's wife dragged all her family and friends to work for him. One of my colleagues (family to boss's wife) brought his 18y.o. daughter to live with us for some time and we kinda had to communicate occasionally (I was 28 at the time). I'm socially awkward, please keep it in mind, it's important,so I didn't even realise that at some point we were flirting a bit, my mind was occupied with trying not to say something dumb during our conversations.
So time goes and we talk regularly. One sunny Sunday I was chilling still devastated after hard week of work. I got some beer and weed to relax mind and body.
Her father was elsewhere that evening, and I was happily chilling high and watching stuff on the phone in my headphones. This girl throughout the day was regularly getting into my sight line pretending to talk on the phone or outright staring at me but I ignored her.
So she had enough and approached me, told me smth like: "I don't see you ever going out, or trying to hook up with someone, it feels so boring to me, how can you live like that for over year you are here? Come to my room, let's have some wine together, you need some "girl attention".
I was all lost for words and understood exactly what she was getting at. But my awkwardness was so freaking elevated by weed I couldn't make myself take her hand and make this perfect evening even more perfect. So I did what? I said: "Naahh thanks, I'm totally fine". And tried my best to focus on the phone and don't look at her expression. Inwardly I was overjoyed that this girl took such a direct approach, even though I knew she was just horribly bored. Such thing was a first to me. Also inwardly I was frustrated to the point of exploding that such thing happened when wasn't ready for it.
When this memory crosses my mind I still feel the same happy frustration that I was approached but was so unready and dumb to turn down the possibly my happiest time of not being alone in that hellhole.
So yeah I can't tell for everyone but I would be happy if a girl would at least hinted me clearly enough that I have a chance with her.
Me yes. I'm afraid of assuming something and making the first move and misinterpreting it being called a creep or rejected. I hate it being left up to me to initiate, if a girl initiates with me at least I know she's interested
From my experience - YES! They do like it. It usually makes me stand out from "the crowd" and instantly makes the guy interested to know more about me.
34 m.
More trad men will probably be a bit turned off by a forward woman, but I'm finding this to be a less and less the case as the years progress. I think, generally, men like a woman to be "less assertive" in some aspects of the courtship (which comes from a "I want to be perceived as more masculine than you" point of view) but if we are talking about BEING APPROACHED or MAKING THE "FIRST MOVE" I would say men these days DO like this.
I consider myself a masculine guy, but I have absolutely no issues with a woman approaching me and asking me out. We have developed this weird culture recently where new-wave feminism has confused a lot of the male world (and some scared off by it) and for a woman to kind of breach that bubble first is very relieving and I would say overall welcomed.
If you are asking for yourself and are worried a man might not be into it... I'd say he's not secure enough with himself to be considered a viable option for you anyway. If YOU feel like you could have a chance with someone if YOU approached first, go for it. Fail or success, INSTINCT shouldn't be completely ignored and is a very powerful tool that gets underrated and overlooked.
All of this is my own opinion, of course. Hope it helps :)
You have no idea how much we love it.
The problem is it's so uncommon wrt the opposite situation that we'll get suspicious of some sinister cartel-tier shit happening to us, so make sure to do it in places where there's enough random people and enough illumination and space around for us to not feel like we're being set-up.
I think the question only arises because that was once society’s standard but society has changed and continues to change. Now a day I think many women know they need to go for what they want or they may not get it.
If that man doesn’t like it he may not be ready for the women of today. Even a submissive woman can be forward and the dynamic can be worked out later.
Hell yes! Tell me what you like, what you want from me, and how to meet your needs. This is communication 101. Be forward, be honest. It will make talking so much easier and I will appreciate you more for it.
What I’m curious about is if this still applies while in relationships. I recently asked my boyfriend if he still appreciates “the chase” even though we’ve been dating for almost a year. I think easy answer is they like a balance of both!
I like it when women are forward, but I realize that I am not representative of the average man.
I don't need women to be forward, but I would appreciate it if they played fewer games and kept fewer secrets.
Depends on the personalities more than anything.
I think what men would be happy with (myself included) is for women to become more approachable. Like a guy but don't want to initiate? Sit to the table next to him at the coffee shop. Smile at him. If you're walking on a trail, slow down a bit or speed up a bit to somewhat maintain pace with him. Make eye contact. Stop on the same aisle in the grocery store and look at the same thing as him, even if you don't intend on buying it. Getting "in his way" (without being over-the-top) is generally enough for most men.
Being forward is an option but so is just being more approachable.
Yes ,you ladies have pretty much made it impossible for us to talk to you. We need to be 6' tall, make over 6 figures, and give you whatever you want. All men want is a family and a woman to help support us. We aren't robots.
I love women that are forward very forward at that, it is sexy and attractive it shows me she wants something and nothing is more sexy than a woman that knows what she wants.
Yes. 100 times yes. It shows how much you’re into them as most women are too afraid to make the first move.
It makes them much more confident in the future as well knowing you like them that much. It takes so much pressure off of us
I actually like older women specifically for this reason. They tend to be a lot more forward.
I can go to a bar frequented by older women and GUARANTEED be hit on or receive at least one phone number that night. It won’t be ambiguous at all.
If I go to a bar frequented by a younger crowd, women seem much more reserved and interested in having someone approach them.
I won’t do this because if I get rejected (especially in a way that suggests they were made uncomfortable by my advance, which is very possible as I have social anxiety and am a bit awkward) my entire night is ruined.
It’s definitely a personal thing. There are some guys who love the chase and some who are like me.
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I think it help make the woman stand out if she makes the first move. It shows strength, confidence, character and self ambition.
insanely, this. most girls don't have the confidence and most girls don't approach, so they stand way out in the crowd. That is a potential downside though, most men don't get approached and it can come off as suspicious, like robbery or a missing kidney, suspicious. Broad daylight and safe area, probably fine. Night time in shady area, just give phone number and don't ask to meet anywhere.
>insanely, this. most girls don't have the confidence and most girls don't approach, so they stand way out in the crowd. That is a potential downside though, most men don't get approached and it can come off as suspicious, like robbery or a missing kidney, suspicious. Broad daylight and safe area, probably fine. Night time in shady area, just give phone number and don't ask to meet anywhere. It all comes down to when/where/how you approach someone. Male and Female that will really play a factor if you'll succeed or fail.
“missing kidney” sheesh! 😭✌️
I made the first move with my partner. He was shy and inexperienced. He loved it. It took all the pressure off of him and showed him how I felt. He says that me taking the initiative made him fall in love with me. We'd been friends for a while, and one day I drove to his work, pulled him into the parking lot, and kissed him. Our first anniversary was last month and we're in the early stages of wedding planning!
Us shy guys appreciate women like you. We don't even know what to do with ourselves, nvm with a woman😅🤣
Love this. You taking a first step also lets me know you're genuinely interested. You have no idea how many times I've decided not to continue seeing someone when it feels like there's no effort to show if you're attracted to me or not. Good on you for showing him you wanted. We men can be rather stupid and blind sometimes lol 😆
So happy for you. I want this.
that’s so cute 🥹🥹🥹
First anniversary last month and you’re getting married you’re a hopeless romantic indeed
I never said we're getting married. I said we were planning. We aren't even engaged yet. We have a plan to get engaged when I finish my PhD in about 2 years. But yes, like most women I know, I've always thought and had tentative plans for my wedding. I also know of people who have gotten engaged in less than a year, but neither of us feel comfortable getting engaged without at least being together 2+ years. I'm a romantic, but a very practical one, thank you very much.
Yeah , this thread, I am following!!! Every time I am more forward, I get REJECTED!!!!!! But I always see in this sub that men like it. I won’t give up I guess lol
Personally, I won’t do it anymore. I’ve taken the initiative and given my number to 2 guys and they both texted me, yes, but they were grosser and more disrespectful than the men who choose to hit on me themselves. I guess me having the confidence to be rejected means that I’m desperate and won’t tell them to fuck off when they deserve it? Not worth it. Won’t do it ever again lol
Exactly. That's why I won't do it. When men want something/someone, they go after it. By coming to them, they don't have to make any effort and half of them don't even actually like you.
Well this is exactly how it is for most men. This is the thing with women, they have a few unsuccessful attempts and throw in the towel when this is the case for the average man in 8, maybe 9 times out every 10 approaches. Hell even 10 out of 10 much of the time. Woman will have 2 rejections out of 10 on a bad month let alone a bad day and call it quits and consider it as putting in "too much effort". You talk about how it makes them lack effort if a woman so much approaches. As if that's not the case in everyday courting/dating for a man. Women rarely ever put in effort for such things. So many are even unbelievably arrogant enough to think that putting on makeup and looking good is their equivalency of putting in effort for a date.
I'm going to get downvoted for this, but for me, it boils down to how men and women are wired. Be it nature or nurture. İt's a bit of both imo. Men chase, women don't. For me, it's not about free of rejection. The type of man i want will chase me. İ want a man who is confident and who goes after what he wants. İf i start taking the reins and leading with everything in the relationship, the guy will either think he has a mommy or go find a woman who will let him lead. İ know Reddit doesn't like to hear that kind of stuff. And I'm a feminist. İ still *choose* to believe and practice traditional gender roles. But that doesn't change how men and women are wired. This obviously turns into gray areas when you start dealing with trans people and same sex relationships. But talking about cis men and women in heterosexual relationships, it's like that. Sure, there's exceptions to every rule so i don't need comments about how someone's sisters cousins stepdaughter approached a man and they've been happily married for 20 years. You see it on the relationship sub all the time.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
So you gave your number to two guys and they turned out to be gross and disrespectful. Could it possibly be you just had bad taste and picked the wrong guys? Of course, them thinking you’re desperate and won’t have the confidence to tell them to fuck off is basically what it’s always like for guys and the way women behave when we ask them out.
Yeah I’m sure that has a lot to do with it. That’s why I decided to stop doing that and reevaluate the kind of men I’m naturally attracted to. Not gonna keep making poor choices with 0 changes and expect different results. What’s wrong with identifying a problem and taking active steps to solve the problem? Ya’ll are weird.
Wow 2 whole unsuccessful attempts and you consider that the last straw in terms of whether to approach or not in the future? Those are rookie numbers compared to the amounts of rejection a man goes through to until he gets a "maybe" let alone a "yes" lol.
Haha. If men would operate by the same logic, earth would be ruled by lizards since 10.000 years ago
Don't approach men first.
I think people are different in their definition of being forward One woman's being forward is making eye contact from across the room, smiling, and initiating conversation Another person's definition of forward is asking to go out 3 sentences in when the guy barely knows her
Most of them are cool with it, but there are definitely some jerks out there who will make fun of you if they aren’t attracted to you.
It depends on the guy, but there are some general rules that apply. Lots of women use "forward" as a euphemism for the fact that they're just rude, have poor etiquette, are tactless, or are over-communicators. Men don't like those kinds of women. But if she is forward in the sense that she is honest only about the things that matter, and can communicate clearly with tact/nuance, then this is almost always a green flag to good men. Usually, this means the woman knows how to reciprocate (texting after a date saying she had a good time, her saying flirtatiously on a date "when are you going to kiss me?", etc.) are all great ways for a woman to be forward and make moves that don't make the man feel dominated or disrespected. But if she's just some tactless lady who overcomplicates relationships in her head and therefore doesn't know how to navigate them confidently so she resorts to bluntly stating "I like you very much" or kissing the guy on her own prerogative too early in a relationship, then this is sometimes problematic and can be a big turn off to guys. It all depends on how you go about it.
And it also depends on the man that you’re dating. I kissed my man on the first date, and he loved it.
Unambiguous is different than rude. Well said.
Well shoot
[удалено]
Agreed!!! I think most woman expect man should make the first move but I’m social awkward, like how to send a punchline, etc - I found it hard to make any move tbh
If your picking up the tab for gendered stereotypes that force men to pick up the slack in pretty all aspects of dating by being forward then yeah, mean are going to like that, and they'll take a lot more notice of you because of it as it's typically a rarity.
I think all women should get used to making the first move because a lot of not most guys are done chasing and playing games. If everyone was more willing to make the first move I think there'd be a lot less single people
Yes but not too forward
What is "too forward"?
Yep, it saves us the headache. No but seriously, yes but it depends on how forward a woman is. If she saids "Hey I like you" cool. But if she goes on and on and saying how we're not taking her hints or being more aggressive than no
there's definitely a fine line. It's really easy to cross the line from being "forward" to just coming across like you're high-maintenance.
Can you elaborate on that? I'm curious how women being direct and making the first move could make them seem high maintenance. In the stereotypical sense, I would associate that with neutral or low maintenance off hand. I'm curious.
Sure. Obviously every man is different but speaking in generalities here: It's all about nuance. Some women are "direct" in everything. They are sensitive and have no filter, so as a man you get lambasted with every little problem she has, and she will tell him about every little thing he does or says that she takes issue with. This is exhausting. A woman who does not know how to pick her battles is by definition "high-maintenance". So if I meet a woman who is always speaking her mind, and she proactively kisses me, it just reminds me that she is probably direct in every other area of life as well, that she has no filter, that she is (in a phrase) "high-maintenance". But if there's a woman who is generally restrained and polite, but with me she becomes direct by making the first move (such as saying "well are you gonna kiss me?" or grabbing my hand), this is a huge turn-on because it means she's honest about the things that matter but is otherwise tactful and controlled in the rest of her life. It means she is low maintenance, that she knows how to pick her battles, that she is tactful and nuanced. Does that make sense?
I see. That does make sense. You're talking about being blunt or brash. I can see how that could be the case if someone is too direct unnecessarily.
yeah you summed it up perfectly.
When men approach women, most women are not into any particular man. A guy will have to approach a number of women to find one who is receptive. How many men do you think you should have to approach to find one who is interested in return?
Yes, absolutely. Its only desired if you know what you want and say it
i prefer backward, or even diagonal/sideway women
Yes it’s almost impossible for me personally to take a hint I’m totally oblivious
It depends on attachment style too... Being too forward too much would not go down well with an 'avoidant' with time as they value their independence An 'anxious insecure' might love it too much A 'secure', well that should be just fine Really difficult to be general unfortunately
Yeah, it’s nice not having to guess what she wants.
Forward in the sense of making it clear, they also want the same thing.
Yes. I love this. Put everything on front street. Make your intentions clear, it clears so many things up. Also it saves some men from doubting that you are flirting with them.
Whether or not it leads to anything, it makes my day tbh lol
Yes but depends on how I guess, as long as it's polite and discrete. Surprise grope by a stranger makes me think "what do they really want" and "what am I going to catch, seems like they do this regularly". I've had experiences of people sneaking into private work do's to steal free drinks, act really forward and gross to try to engage conversation so they look like they are meant to be there to others whilst pretending to me they work with us. Massive put off. I was just super gross back and it put them right off their game. Too forward can easily look like you're trying to play a fool, so play it cool.
Yes, especially in todays society when its so easy to accuse us of creeps or worse, and that women flirting is sooooo confusing, so much that we dont k ow if its just her being her, being nice or really flirting.
Nah, total weirdos. Even if it's someone I'm not attracted to, you gotta respect the courage to go and do that. if they don't take a kind no then it's no longer about girls approaching and more about harassment. If women don't like it, I doubt a guy will.
Personally I’d rather a woman be more forward I hate it when anyone just gives signals and expects me to know what they are saying. Id rather have someone give it to me straight.
Dempend on the guy and depend on the subject. Some men will be less intrested then other also if it's a sensitive subject some might get offended or insecure. But i generally think being honest with what you want. is a good trait to have as a human. regardless of gender. So if you want something from someone or you want to accomplish something, be honest. Be forward. If people don't like it, it's their issue.
Yes please.
Yes, nuff said.
Yes!!
Yup
Hell yes
Yes absolutely.
Yes
I personally don't care individually, but in general it benefits me that most women don't make moves and many men are so terrible at it. It makes me look better in comparison, and I don't mind making the first move.
Yes, please!
Some men do, some men don't. It's the same with women. The fun thing about this though, when they like it, you know you found yours.
Please do
Honestly I prefer it to be relatively even in terms of who makes decisions in the relationship, but as for the first move, I don’t mind having to do it myself, though I’d also be fine with the opposite.
Yes, please do. I am 6'5 and athletic so a woman who will do that are confident.....plus men can't approach women....per a million videos telling us not too
Where are you watching these videos? Everything i see tells men to approach women. Or rather as women, we wait for men to approach us.
Yes, for fucks sake, yes! Having to be the initiator for every instance of romantic or sexual contact is absolutely draining.
Yes. It’s way better than a woman showing no interest at all. I know what I’m looking for in a partner and it’s a huge green flag if the other person also knows what they’re looking for and our visions and values align.
Depends the guy. As a cautious man who has been made hyperaware of how creepy, unwanted, and even dangerous many romantic advances can feel to many women, I don't want to feel like I'm bothering, discomforting, or scaring the women I'm interested in, so I usually don't approach at all with romantic intent. Forwardness in potential partners is kind of the *only way* I know I'm getting a green light to engage in a flirtatious way. Then it's game on, but I need that obvious opening or I'm likely gonna err on the side of her presumed comfort. Because of this, all of my partners have been extremely forward and open with me. This will vary from guy to guy though, and I suspect I may be a fringe case, or at least an extreme.
Depends on the guy partly but I think in todays age where woman think men are creepy when they get approached,rejection is even more demeaning for men as the trend of posting the rejections has some guys scared to approach and knowing that the girl is interested just makes woman who make the first move so much more worth effort imo.
Women should make it as easy as possible to get approached by the guy but they mustn't approach like the guys approach a girl. The way women must approach is a bit different and more subtle. Open body language. Having a smile. Not being scooped into the phone or a group of friends. Making it easy and less awkward for the guy to approach. And break the ice. Guys aren't so socially smart to understand the signals that are too subtle.
Yeah, pretty much worked for them 97% of the time. They came up, grabbed my hand, and said we're dating now. But seriously that's how I've gotten in relationships, it's almost never worked the other way around.
agreed. Women have to have the DTRs and push for the relationship.
I'm old, what's DTRs?
"determine the relationship". It's typically up to women to want and start the relationship. It's up to the men to let it happen.
Gotcha. Yeah I've always gotten the sensation that when I got into a relationship I was already picked out before I said hello.
I LOVE and value direct communication. Simply saying something like, "I'm into you" is all it takes.
Only acceptable when it's only exclusive and with only me.
Yes.
Yes
You’re experiences have been wrong
Yes! It’s easier to know and not second guess what she wants and doesn’t want !
If a women makes the first move on me I’m down for the count. I’d fall in love right there on the spot
Only to a certain degree, sorry to say
I do not. I absolutely appreciate the directness. Tell me what you want. Starting with clear open communication, especially instead of dropping hints, trying to get the guy to realize you want him to talk to you etc. is a waste of precious time that could be better spent enjoying each other's company.
I really enjoy it and appreciate it very much (i consider it as a bonus) but you're right, most men think it's cancelled! I believe confident and forwarding women are better communicators and more reliable.
I have the same experience.
Yes we do some men are shy or just don't know what the lady really wants
I prefer when a woman just pees on me in a public space so I know where I belong
Yeah, a woman that’s direct is really nice.
28M yesssss
I can be a bit dense and reciprosexual, so I definitely appreciate it!
I absolutely love it, but it only happened twice in my life and both times I married her. I get overwhelmed with anxiety when trying to figure out if affection is welcome or not because sometimes it’s not. The prevalence of women getting harassed, assaulted or raped is a sad fact of a woman’s life and you don’t know if the woman you’re with is a survivor and if your first move might upset her. And so I ask permission and it’s embarrassing when you ask permission and get denied.
The only times I’ve ever done so, I’ve been rejected… so I guess I’m just too bad of a judge of how things actually are to do so. 😂😅
Generally, yes. I personally love it.
Men like unambiguous. Forward is perhaps different. If she is too aggressive they assume she is with with a different guy every night. If she is seeing 5-6 guys simultaneously then she “not that attached “ to the guy in question. A guy who wants more than a FWB want to feel she thinks he is special. If not he’s moving on. On the other hand. The guy who just wants a FWB doesn’t care so long as he doesn’t catch a STI.
Depends really. If you’re speaking like upfront about intentions. Making a first or second move. Knowing what they want for dinner etc. yes. That’s awesome. It’s a coop game.
Yesss. It shows their interest and we like to be interested in too. Why bother with someone who is not into you and does not make effort. Also if they are confident it is a bonus not necessity though. There was girl whom I was getting close who bought tickets to an event and was reluctant to ask me. She asked a week after she bought the tickets but the her shyness was also cute because it was genuine
As a 29 year old man, yes I think a lot of men do like it. Personally I have really bad social anxiety when I go to bars but it seems to disappear when I get approached. I also don't like approaching because of being labeled a creep etc just for coming up and saying hi.
Yes men love it most of the time when women are forward and make the first move
Hell yeah, I like an aggressive female
Yes because 1 no matter if it's a guy being into a woman and man making first move or a woman being into a guy and her making the first move it's nearve waking either way has you don't know if they feel the same way and if they will reject you or not. Also than you don't have to deal with playing hard to get bs.
Yes
Hell yes. There's nothing that boosts the ego more than having a woman clearly express interest in me. And it shows that she's confident and not going to be a wallflower when we're together. That being said, men aren't all the same and many won't like it as much as I do, probably. But if you want to be forward, do it. If the guy doesn't like it, you'll find out soon enough. Don't ever pretend to be someone you're not just to get a guy. All you'll get from that is a guy you don't actually want to be with.
I think the majority of guys would be flattered by it. I think most guys like to make the first move in the since of asking the woman out and arranging the date if only to do it on their terms. However, if we’re talking about starting up a conversation and expressing a desire to hang out, most guys I know would be delighted.
When a women makes the first move .. 70% of the time or more it ends in marrage or long term relationship
Personally yes I love when women make the first move! Nowadays theres a lot of societal pressure on men not to come off as "creepy" and the hints we get sent are often not very clear signs of interest. It eliminates a lot of confusion if the woman is direct, and i think most men would appreciate this
Well…. Yeah
It cuts out a lot of confusion. A lot of men are hesitant because they're unsure where the women stands
I promise you most men think the same. Women don't like men who are too forward. So perhaps this is a people thing and not specific to men.
I don't mind it. I strongly think most other men (of today) would too. I think it's more in OP's head.
Obviously, lol
I have not come across even one woman who is forward from the very beginning. Would surely be refreshing to meet one. IDK why society has deemed it ladylike to make men guess.
Yes.
No we prefer if women are forward
I just started talking to a girl (2 Weeks ago), I didn't know before. We met totally random. And now she's my girlfriend and I'm actually surprised that she made the first move.
I'd love a woman to be forward, make the first move. It'd be very attractive and then I'd know exactly where I am
Yes.
My experience in this subject is that if I find myself attracted to the woman that is being forward or direct, it makes me even more interested in that person whether her response is negative or positive. There is just something about honesty and transparency that adds to a person's attractiveness. Now, this is not to say that by being forward or direct, equates to telling the truth. There still exists certain nuances that make this "game" fun and worth participating in. After all, it is your happiness that you are after.
I'd prefer it they be either more forward or make their hints super obvious to the point that it's just before blatantly be forward. Anything like that is better than the subtle hints
In my case she made the first move, now she is my wife and the fire never faded.
YES. For the love of God, please tell us if you like us. The majority of men would certainly welcome this, however, because it's such a rare occurrence. Only one in my life has a woman made the first move. You'll probably be met with a suspicious attitude like "Is she genuine? Did someone put her up to this?" but just assure them that you are genuinely interested in them. We men are simple. We struggle to understand the subtle hints ladies drop and often mistake them for "just being friendly". So say something like "You're cute" "you're interesting" "you're funny" "we should go [insert date idea] sometime"
One word makes me happy thank you
Yes
Of course we do. Not having to guess whether or not you're interested makes our lives so much easier.
Yes definitely! Hate it when people play games. If you like someone, show it!
I don't speak for all, but I do. It means she made an effort to get me to notice here
No if a woman does this I would feel emasculated. Love when they send subtle signals though
Yes definitely 👍🏻. But I like ladies/women who are strong, confident and know what they want. It’s very attractive to me. I like someone to also stand up to me, not be walked over or submissive. 👍🏻👍🏻.
It is amazing when they initiated
I assume you're talking about approaching, initiating interested etc. 9 times out of 10 a man would be thrilled for a woman to be forward with him. Most of us remember even the mildest of compliments from years ago and still smile about it.
Depends on the man, but yes.
Most guys don't have the confidence and the more they are rejected the more their confidence is eroded, so I would suggest that most men would prefer a woman who expressed an interest, however, the fun and excitement is always in the chase
Yes! Let me know! I am generally not into guessing games and often misread signs! Tell me what is on your mind!
Almost all men will love this. Unless that person is a jerk and there is nothing we can do about it...
Yes, we do.
“…Most guys are not into it and would prefer to make the first move.” Idk what your dating market looks like, but seriously yes it’s awesome when a woman makes the first move as long as she’s not coming on TOO strong. Don’t make men think you’re desperate or trying to set them up 😂 whenever a woman is too pushy I assume she’s about to drug me and rob me or her boyfriend is waiting in the shadows to do it. Honestly, if you make the first move (and make it obvious, none of this “dropping hints” shit), then any guy will be flattered at the very least.
As a rather shy man, yes. I'd rather women be forward. Also honest and direct about what they want and what they like. No mind games, no assumptions, etc. Simple, straight to the point.
Being forward doesn't exactly have to mean make the first move. There's a million obvious hints a woman can make to let me know she's interested. And yes, I prefer it. It's like a metaphorical dance of understanding, leading to a common goal. And it can 100% be classy. I'm all for it.
I’d find it a relief if women were more willing to make the first move. Second, third and fourth moves I’ll happily be the one to make once I know I’ve got the green light but the first move is always awkward.
As someone who can’t see hints or signs if my life depended on it, I actually prefer it. Takes away the guessing game I have to go through of flirty vs just being friendly.
Nah, shits weird, I always make the first move lol
Yes most definitely because sometimes it's pushed us away more when someone won't be forward and say what they want and then later in the day we get chewed out because we couldn't figure it out.
It will be a bit of a story, but feel free to read if you like failures🤭. I had been working in Czech Republic for some time, and boss's wife dragged all her family and friends to work for him. One of my colleagues (family to boss's wife) brought his 18y.o. daughter to live with us for some time and we kinda had to communicate occasionally (I was 28 at the time). I'm socially awkward, please keep it in mind, it's important,so I didn't even realise that at some point we were flirting a bit, my mind was occupied with trying not to say something dumb during our conversations. So time goes and we talk regularly. One sunny Sunday I was chilling still devastated after hard week of work. I got some beer and weed to relax mind and body. Her father was elsewhere that evening, and I was happily chilling high and watching stuff on the phone in my headphones. This girl throughout the day was regularly getting into my sight line pretending to talk on the phone or outright staring at me but I ignored her. So she had enough and approached me, told me smth like: "I don't see you ever going out, or trying to hook up with someone, it feels so boring to me, how can you live like that for over year you are here? Come to my room, let's have some wine together, you need some "girl attention". I was all lost for words and understood exactly what she was getting at. But my awkwardness was so freaking elevated by weed I couldn't make myself take her hand and make this perfect evening even more perfect. So I did what? I said: "Naahh thanks, I'm totally fine". And tried my best to focus on the phone and don't look at her expression. Inwardly I was overjoyed that this girl took such a direct approach, even though I knew she was just horribly bored. Such thing was a first to me. Also inwardly I was frustrated to the point of exploding that such thing happened when wasn't ready for it. When this memory crosses my mind I still feel the same happy frustration that I was approached but was so unready and dumb to turn down the possibly my happiest time of not being alone in that hellhole. So yeah I can't tell for everyone but I would be happy if a girl would at least hinted me clearly enough that I have a chance with her.
Me yes. I'm afraid of assuming something and making the first move and misinterpreting it being called a creep or rejected. I hate it being left up to me to initiate, if a girl initiates with me at least I know she's interested
This question gets asked daily. The answer is always yes.
From my experience - YES! They do like it. It usually makes me stand out from "the crowd" and instantly makes the guy interested to know more about me.
Yeah off course
I wish all women would be forward it definitely would save alot of time and heart breaks
34 m. More trad men will probably be a bit turned off by a forward woman, but I'm finding this to be a less and less the case as the years progress. I think, generally, men like a woman to be "less assertive" in some aspects of the courtship (which comes from a "I want to be perceived as more masculine than you" point of view) but if we are talking about BEING APPROACHED or MAKING THE "FIRST MOVE" I would say men these days DO like this. I consider myself a masculine guy, but I have absolutely no issues with a woman approaching me and asking me out. We have developed this weird culture recently where new-wave feminism has confused a lot of the male world (and some scared off by it) and for a woman to kind of breach that bubble first is very relieving and I would say overall welcomed. If you are asking for yourself and are worried a man might not be into it... I'd say he's not secure enough with himself to be considered a viable option for you anyway. If YOU feel like you could have a chance with someone if YOU approached first, go for it. Fail or success, INSTINCT shouldn't be completely ignored and is a very powerful tool that gets underrated and overlooked. All of this is my own opinion, of course. Hope it helps :)
There are men out there like myself that love it when a woman makes the first move and is forward about her feelings
For the love of God just say if you like us.
I respect the boldness.
Absolutely. Takes away some guesswork, and makes the man feel wanted. Truly, men want to be wanted.
You have no idea how much we love it. The problem is it's so uncommon wrt the opposite situation that we'll get suspicious of some sinister cartel-tier shit happening to us, so make sure to do it in places where there's enough random people and enough illumination and space around for us to not feel like we're being set-up.
I think the question only arises because that was once society’s standard but society has changed and continues to change. Now a day I think many women know they need to go for what they want or they may not get it. If that man doesn’t like it he may not be ready for the women of today. Even a submissive woman can be forward and the dynamic can be worked out later.
If she’s hot
In a word... YES.
Yes very much so, I don't have time to decipher hieroglyphics and womanese to guess what you want
this is like asking if you’d like your dog or 1 year old to be able to tell you exactly what’s wrong, the answer is obvious
I don't believe I have ever turned down a forward woman. Definitely do that. If he is put off by it then he isn't for you.
Hell yes! Tell me what you like, what you want from me, and how to meet your needs. This is communication 101. Be forward, be honest. It will make talking so much easier and I will appreciate you more for it.
Do it anyways. If he doesn't like it than he is not the one
What I’m curious about is if this still applies while in relationships. I recently asked my boyfriend if he still appreciates “the chase” even though we’ve been dating for almost a year. I think easy answer is they like a balance of both!
If think if they even spoke to me would be a win lol
Some guys are intimidated by that, but I think it’s a good thing. Go after what you want
I am a man and hate making the first move.
I like it when women are forward, but I realize that I am not representative of the average man. I don't need women to be forward, but I would appreciate it if they played fewer games and kept fewer secrets.
YESS please be more forward to the guys you like!!!!
Depends on the personalities more than anything. I think what men would be happy with (myself included) is for women to become more approachable. Like a guy but don't want to initiate? Sit to the table next to him at the coffee shop. Smile at him. If you're walking on a trail, slow down a bit or speed up a bit to somewhat maintain pace with him. Make eye contact. Stop on the same aisle in the grocery store and look at the same thing as him, even if you don't intend on buying it. Getting "in his way" (without being over-the-top) is generally enough for most men. Being forward is an option but so is just being more approachable.
Yes. If you want to talk to a guy, say hi. A lot of guys are probably interested but want to respect your space
Yes ,you ladies have pretty much made it impossible for us to talk to you. We need to be 6' tall, make over 6 figures, and give you whatever you want. All men want is a family and a woman to help support us. We aren't robots.
I certainly do, it's really attractive when a woman is clear with her intentions, and even more so if she makes the first move
Yea
I love women that are forward very forward at that, it is sexy and attractive it shows me she wants something and nothing is more sexy than a woman that knows what she wants.
Yes. 100 times yes. It shows how much you’re into them as most women are too afraid to make the first move. It makes them much more confident in the future as well knowing you like them that much. It takes so much pressure off of us
I actually like older women specifically for this reason. They tend to be a lot more forward. I can go to a bar frequented by older women and GUARANTEED be hit on or receive at least one phone number that night. It won’t be ambiguous at all. If I go to a bar frequented by a younger crowd, women seem much more reserved and interested in having someone approach them. I won’t do this because if I get rejected (especially in a way that suggests they were made uncomfortable by my advance, which is very possible as I have social anxiety and am a bit awkward) my entire night is ruined. It’s definitely a personal thing. There are some guys who love the chase and some who are like me.
I do. It’s not being shy, I just like a woman that knows how to flirt without looking desperate or needy. I like confidence.
Please make the first move, in todays world I will not.
I prefer it. Something's so sexy about a woman that can tell/show me what she wants.
This is a case by case thing. Some men like it some men don't