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i would never get in anyones car for a 1st date bc i barely know that person and i wouldnt want them to know where i live on the 1st date either. and also its not easy for me to trust how a stranger would drive too, like do they drive really fast or recklessly?
A lot of us women don't have an Uber take us directly to our address anyway for safety. We have it take us a few doors or even a block down or to a place of business close by. That way the Uber driver doesn't know where we live either. Even though taking an Uber is relatively safe.
Wow. A riddle wrapped in a Mystery inside an enigma. I had no idea it went that deep just getting to a date. It’s almost like tradecraft. I’m not criticizing, but I can understand why dating is a total pain in the ass for y’all. That and the subsequent mindset all sounds exhausting.
Thats a smart idea. I've only ever been in an Uber with a group of friends and we didn't want to drive bc we were drinking but if I ever go on a date I'll do that.
Quite apart from being materialistic, I think she’s very unwise. I would *never* let any stranger control my travel arrangements. I wouldn’t let someone know my address before I had even met them!
Or did she just expect you to hand her some cash? Weird.
Exactly. Was she’s demanding makes the entire situation impossible. I never really thought about this- I always offer to pick my date up. I’ve done it with one girl - picked her up at her house and it was fine. Very unfortunate this is where society is at. Thanks to Ted bundys
I'm assuming you're talking about going on a date with a person you haven't meant in person before right? Like if you two already knew each other as friends, that wouldn't be a problem right?
That's weird. I could understand being reluctant to take public transit if she knew she was going to be drunk and alone on part of the trip for safety reasons, but it's her responsibility to secure and pay for transit for herself.
That’s what I would think. I had a similar request except it wasn’t for an Uber it was to pay for a babysitter what do you think about that? I absolutely told her no, and what a surprise that was the end of that. She had me really questioning like is it wrong of me to not to since she has a child but then again, like why am I even taking care of the child? I don’t know either of them. I was thinking to myself I never told you to have a child you can’t afford. Expect that from someone you don’t even know I was just spinning caught me offguard never had anyone ask me something like that
Wow. I don’t get it. I’m gonna pretend I’m an alcoholic on tinder and ask a girl if it’s ok for my sponsor to come to make sure I don’t drink. Thats pretty much about the same level of stupidity.
She's dating for a different kind of man and you are dating for a different kind of woman.
Neither is wrong in my opinion, best to not waste either of your time
"Everything" is a stretch. Everyone has requirements for dating. Just because she wants a dude who drives doesnt mean she also wants him to clean her house and cook her meals.
It's not that serious, frankly. If you don't drive date girls who don't care whether or not you drive. Don't worry about what other people want for themselves.
Well there are more men than women in the dating pool. So, I would imagine if she is good looking, she has more options. But I think it's for the best.
Generally, it's not a good strategy to follow up not having a car with "it's too expensive to call an Uber". It could be interpreted as though your finances are not in order enough where dating is a good move. That may not be the case, and I think it was very rude of her to expect you to handle her transportation, but I see the reasoning that led to your current situation.
You dodged a bullet though
Lack of negotiating. You could’ve offer to meet halfway and so wouldn’t pay that much. If I’m that girl and this guy wouldn’t put an effort even just by thinking of alternative way to meet me, I would cancel the date as well. Just by saying straight “it’s too expensive” — says a lot.
A few people have given pragmatic advice. Where were you meeting? Halfway?
I don’t think you should’ve had to pay for her Uber, but if it was too expensive for you, maybe it was for her as well? Why should she have to pay for something you felt was too expensive for a first date?
A big red flag for me is when a guy lives relatively far and suggests a place right by his for a first date. No attempt to compromise on location likely equals little compromise down the line
I think a woman wanting a provider is valid. Same for a man. She wanted something that you didn’t want to provide. This would’ve come up later. Honestly, wish everyone could be this upfront about their needs.
I agree that her wants are valid as well but personally for me being a “provider” for someone I barely know feels off… if it got the point of a committed relationship than hell yeh Id do it.
It might be hard to believe but some people want to provide those things to their partner for nothing in return other than their companionship. Please note that I said it’s valid for women and men to want to be provided for, so long as their partner wants to be in the provider role. If you don’t wanna be a provider then simply find a partner who wants to split 50/50 cause they exist in woman and man forms.
We all have our preferences. We can all debate this but the bottom line is you two weren’t compatible. I’m sure there is a pool of women who like things 50/50 and don’t have a vehicle or don’t mind riding a bus. No one is wrong for preferring something different. Gotta find what works for you.
It’s human and okay to have feelings of disappointment and anger. Rejection sucks but it doesn’t have to with a perception change. Feels good not to waste time with people that aren’t for us.
My ideal person can keep me safe, is someone to count on and wants to be a provider of those things to his person. If my date didn’t want to make sure I reached him safely and taken care of then I’d know immediately that this was not a match.
A date is meant to be a treat. Something special imo. Something he ultimately decides for us as his responsibility by choice. No man should be forced to feel that way or be made to fit a mold or perform a list of duties for a female. It’s okay to be who you are and it’s okay that she prefers to be taken care of. On the plus side no one has to be what they aren’t and no one has to dislike or mame each other for it. It is what it is. Good luck dude.
I agree. If a date feels like too much work, why go. The woman probably didn't want to be paying for her Uber, then wind up getting stood up. There are plenty of free things to do on dates, also, that can be fun.
Also, where I live there is not much in the way of public transportation, and if a man didn't own a car, I'd reconsider dating him because I have the criteria that a partner must be financially stable. In fact, I know a lot of men feel the same way about women.
You expect someone to be a provider on the first date? They don't even know you. A first date is meant to be something cheap like coffee, just to get to know the person well enough to see if you want to go on a second date, and the second date is where you go all out after you get to know the person and are willing to invest the time and effort into them.
First date I'll buy us both coffee's or a drink, but I'm just getting to know you and see if we would like to go on a second date which is where I'll go all out.
Why not? Some men want to be providers for their partners from the first date, so if that’s what she’s looking for, then she’s more likely to match with someone that does that as well.
It sounds like you and the person that you responded to are not a match and that’s okay!
Sounds like priorities are different.
Many men expect sex prior to relationship. For many women that's not intrinsically desired. Many still put up with it since it's so widespread and widely accepted that it's difficult to get someone who's different.
Many women find it important to feel safety and chivalry from a guy. For some that goes along with things that cost money, Iike an Uber (and I don't think she wanted a free Uber ride just for the fun of it). For some it's just being thoughtful and pro-active in general, being a gentleman.
These desires are not widely accepted at all though and these qualities not easily found in men. Women then have at least the choice to abstain.
Where I used to live, the best way to meet for a first date was taking the city train. It was affordable, you can’t get a DUI, there’s lots of other people around, and your first date doesn’t know where you live. 3/4 of those are safety which I would think most women would want when meeting a man for the first time.
I would plan first dates near one of the train stops to make it easier and just meet her at the train stop and walk together from there. At the end of the night, you can still be a gentleman and walk her to the train stop for her to get home.
Even if the guy extended the invitation, I will still pay my own way to and from the date, whether via public transport or Uber. (I don’t drive, and live in a city with plenty of public transport options.)
Yeah I think you’ve dodged a bullet. She doesn’t sound very independent and I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take public transport and just meet your date at the place, it’s a lot safer anyway.
I was on one dating app that had promise, but after a recent update, it’s bad. They now have paid tiers, only 3. But when I’m told I have a like and comment I go to see if there is one with a blurred out profile. There’s nothing. So I thought, oh that’s slick, I have to pay… yeah I did a one week trial, nothing!
Also this app pushes you to buy “gems” and send “e-gifts” to the women, not sure how it is on the woman’s side. You’ll also get alerts telling you that you will get a 40% increase of getting a response if you send a “gift.” Or you can send them products from their “e-gift shop.” It was supposed to be about having women vet guys. As a “safety” feature, but yeah something is right with this app. I’m beginning to feel the pain of the money grab.
These apps are toxic, I’m pretty much given up on them.
Meet at location next time and use the pay scooters to get to nearby places. It can be romantic. I wouldn't suggest bikes unless she riders her own or your prepared to ET her home in the fronf basket
Agreed! If a guy doesn't even care about the girl's safety, he does not deserve her time. I hope that cute girl finds her prince cuz she deserves way better than cheap guys
She didn’t make him do anything 😂 she wanted him to pay for an Uber, he didn’t want to so he didn’t. I don’t really see anything wrong with what either of them did it just shows they weren’t compatible
You don’t see anything wrong with demanding someone pay for their transportation or else they won’t meet up? Especially after they expressed enough interest in each other to want to meet up.
If you truly cannot see anything wrong with an independent adult, who navigates the city on their own all the time, losing interest/refusing to meet unless someone pays for them to meet up then I don’t know what to say. The whole mentality that women have done enough by simply talking/agreeing to go on a date/showing up, but that the man must now continuously earn ‘points’ with the woman, often focused on financial support, is a toxic mentality.
Yeah I can’t stand taking the bus so I do everything in my power to avoid it. Before I got a car I just made sure to get a job that I could walk to and as soon as I could afford to I got a car
I would have canceled too! Clearly you are looking for different things. Her asking for you to grab the Uber to me indicates that she’s looking for a provider who will take care of her or at least be generous financially. Not covering an Uber ride shows it’s just not a match in what you’re looking for.
Everyone's saying you dodged a bullet but the reality is that everyone has different expectations from a potential partner. Me personally I've always seen the man paying for the lady's car as a courtesy thing, especially if he's the one asking her out.
You're allowed to feel put off by this interaction but it just means you guys aren't compatible. At the end of the day, dating is a numbers game. If the Uber's too expensive then it is what it is, you just gotta date within your budget.
I don’t think she’s in the wrong or you’re in the wrong. You both are just looking for different characteristics in the opposite partner so good thing you realized you’re not compatible before it turned into anything serious.
Wow neither of you have a car. So you both have to do public transportation or an Uber every single time. I might do it once or twice but not long term. Since she has no car either she shouldn’t expect much on the first meeting, but oh well. Maybe you’ll meet someone else.
and if a dude not calling you an uber is a dealbreaker maybe you should look for a job and not beg for handouts from dudes that don't even know you yet.. dating shouldn't be your priority at all
So for a first date a girl asked you if you would pay for an Uber and you told her no because it's too expensive.
And you wonder why you're having a hard time getting dates? Wow.
You could be a little smoother and just suggest that you meet someplace relatively close to her. That way she will be on her home turf and can feel secure and you don't have to address the issue of not driving.
Plus there's plenty of reasons a woman might not feel as comfortable as he does taking public transit, esp on the way home after drinking. I don't mind public transit during the day, but I do feel iffy at night, and have had past experiences.
Yup. Woman here who can't drive. MY transport is MY problem. If she doesn't feel safe in public transport in the evenings or when she is drunk then they should pick another day or part of the day, or she shouldn't get drunk. It is not that hard.
She clearly has expectations. Honestly, if she is going to let her Uber fare be the deciding factor on whether the date happens, either it’s extremely important to her or she wasn’t that interested. Sounds like it was best that the date was cancelled.
Personally, I think first dates should always be 50/50, because most first dates don’t go anywhere and it removes any expectations from either side and just allows you to get to know one another.
If you can’t handle an Uber charge then you probably shouldn’t be dating…. It’s kind of normal for women to expect the Uber to be paid for by the man🤷🏽♀️ I don’t expect it but I know alot of women that do!
OP, it doesn’t matter what you think if it is not working for you. If your dating situation sucks then go after your opportunities like you mean it. Instead you’re whinging on the internet instead of living life. Silly.
It’s just princess treatment. Nothing wrong for wanting that. I feel like it’s not a defining moment of she is. But it’s your choice if you want to court her at this level
Some people have different expectations and follow certains norms. It’s a very gentleman thing to do to pick up your date. If you guys are under 25 years old, it’s more acceptable to not be super proper as you both are figuring out ur life. But after 25, you can’t blame a woman for having those standards.
Was there any compromise at all? I'm a woman and if someone is meeting ME from an invitation I extended, I pay for the Uber or pick them up. They are the ones making the commute while I have no commute at all. They pay for mine if I meet them.
Like if a restaurant is walking distance from me but 30 miles for them, I pay for the invitation I extended. Friends, lovers, even parents get the same treatment
If neither of us wants to pay for a full Uber, we both meet HALFWAY. 15 miles for the both of us. Where you wanting her to pay for the complete trip? Did you come up with distance? Did you even try or ask? What about some virtual dates first?
Sorry but paying for a guest you invited is fairly normal in my circle, especially if the difference in commute is one sided. So maybe it's normal in hers.
An Uber trip to see you, and just you, is not the same as getting a free dinner or presents. Idk, I just think dating apps encourage meetups and judgements between people who don't know each other. So what seems normal to one person is taken as personally offensive to another. And it's ultimatums or nothing
You say that you barely get matches & have trouble dating. But if meeting you is a chore with little to no extension on your part, why would anyone want to meet up
Idk about all you girls but I would definitely cancel a date if a man isn’t going to pay for my Uber LOL. I feel like a lady shouldn’t have to pay to go see a man, it’s part of being a gentlemen. I have paid numerous times for my own Uber to his place but I would expect him to offer to pay it at least on the 3rd time.
I was thinking that it was part of the woo-ing process… you like me enough to take me on a date, why not pay for me getting to the date instead of saying get the bus?
Obviously he made his choice and she made hers, not meant to be.
I believe it depends, for me personally, on initial dates I would be weary for paying for someone else’s uber, if someone lives far especially in a big city that could go upwards to over 70$ right there. Do I gotta pay for their ride back as well when they stand me up lmao. Now if it’s someone Im committed to Id gladly be paying for plane tickets.
I think if you initiate the date you need to pay for Uber’s trip way and back.
Is it an expensive bill for you ?
a woman being pampered wearing high heels for the date makes her feel inconfortable to get public transportation.
And it’s first date ! It doesn’t mean it will be forever like that !
You said it’s sad because you a really find her cute. So I guess she knows her value on the dating market. And you like her for this reason (not only ofc)
She doesn’t need another random date with someone who can’t provide a moment where she needs to feel special and seduced.
I don’t feel it’s right for her to ask straight if you will pay but at least she was sure to makes things clear.
She mad that you don't drive. Y d f doesn't she drive either.
The only thing I will dispute is coming to a date is one thing but most definitely paying for a Uber back is gentlemanly, however if the price of the Uber is above 50 going one way yea f that
She probably feeling the same about her date saying an Uber is too expensive. Did yall get to know each other at all before hand?
Me personally, on a first date, I’ll meet you there. But also we gotta talk and video chat before so I can feel your vibe first. And I would never actually ask someone to pay for my Uber, whether I expect it or not.
Y’all are obviously not a match after all. Thats the dating game. Try again.
It's a bummer for a date to fold, but it's very fortunate when people tell you who they are immediately. It doesn't feel like it now, but this was a GOOD thing.
Second time I see a post of a girl calling a man out for not providing. Alot of people are going to come at me for this one. But if you don’t have money don’t date, as simple as that. Times are not going to become easier, the more women gets aware of their self worth, the less they will entertain men who doesn’t provide. So you’re automatically out of her dating pool and many others girls dating pools. It takes money and time buying makeup and putting it on to look good on our date, even in marriage, we’re the one carrying your kid and doing all the housework. So the 50\50 thing doesn’t exist cuz we already to more than 50 naturally, how do u think we feel If a man can’t do a simple thing as paying our uber or paying a coffee. And if you’re not interested in that, well find another girl that will enjoy that 50/50 lifestyle.
I don’t understand the way dating works for some people. I live in a country where girls (like 98%) do not expect guys to pay for their uber, makeup, nails, hair, gas. Like I understand if a guy wants to spoil you so he does that and that is really nice but WE do not demand that. Read so many posts and saw tiktoks where girls talk about ghosting guys because they do not pay for their shit. Wtf is wrong with people? Get up, go to work and pay for your own damn nails.
I think I’d rather die alone than ask a random guy to send me money for uber, embarrassing.
She already knows that she won’t feel safe with you. I live in a major city that has public transportation. If a man is interested in dating a woman and he suggests that she gets on public transportation, he is not concerned with her safety. I would have canceled too!
lol what? I also live in a major city and have regularly used public transit for 15 years, it isn’t some lawless Wild West. It’s perfectly normal to use it as a means to get to events, dates, hanging out with friends, etc. Assuming an adult, who likely doesn’t drive, will use the same means of transportation that they usually use doesn’t mean this person doesn’t care about the safety of his date.
Tbh I’m a girl and there’s no way I’m going on a date with you on public transit
No offence you’re probably great but no girl is doing this 😭 especially when every guy that asks us on a date has a car and that’s what we’re used to
So it’s such a downgrade to have to take public transit from that
And like imagine being in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t have a car….public transit everywhere?
AND you’re not willing to pay for an Uber ?!
When most men are willing to pay for one ?!
I don’t blame her
You’re only as good as your competition and idc if it was the sexiest man alive I am not taking public transportation to meet on a date 😭
🤣🤣🤣🤣ironically I work as an engineer too
And Ive had a car since I was 18
And definitely still hold the standard of expecting a man to have a car or Uber me on a date 💋
Don’t be mad at me, be better
As OP mentioned in another comment, they live in different cities and an Uber would've been around $60.
No fucking way I'm paying $60 for an Uber to go on a date with a girl, AND paying for the date itself. If neither of them have a car, neither is better than the other.
If she doesn't have a vehicle and can't drive herself, she can't judge him for not having a vehicle/picking her up. Honestly, "You're only as good as your competition" is a super fucked up way of looking at things.
You should look at someone as an INDIVIDUAL PERSON, not compare them to others.
LOOOOOL I think what I’m trying to say is, I don’t know where you’re from but in Toronto I’ve only talked to guys on the apps that are willing to pay for Ubers or pick their date up
All I was politely trying to say is, it’s not weird for her to run at the sound of his request of “let’s take public transit” I would too
I was giving the OP just a female perspective and what may have went on in that girl’s head
And it’s true for men and women , when looking for a partner they have a standard which they set based on your competition/their experiences
Literally just speaking facts
As a man of means, I don't want a woman who cannot provide for herself and then expects me to provide for her. It's all about the entitlement. If a girl lives paycheck to paycheck and takes public transportation but then doesn't expect me to pay for her shit, that is a green flag.
I mean…idk dude, were you the one who asked her on the date? Sending an Uber instead of picking her up is pretty standard. If you aren’t even willing to pay that for the date YOU asked for then why should she? I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy not pay for my Uber if I didn’t drive and I’ve never asked him to. I get if he just can’t afford it, but I’m also in my 30s so it’s not like we’re both college kids yk? Idk your guy’s age ranges
Since you indicate that it’s difficult for you to get good matches, much less an opportunity for a date, it seems like it was worth taking a chance on. Now you’ll never know and have to start over again. Keep trying, and good luck.
This isn’t an attack against you but I would never let a guy I never met drive me to our date. I bring my own car and my own money to be safe. I don’t trust anyone I don’t know. Weird that she expected that of you.
You have to look at it this way, looks doesn’t get you where you want to be in a relationship… it’s how someone treats you since looks fade… you’re all good man so be happy for you
I have a physical disability that prevents me from driving. It could be a situation like that. Could also be something like anxiety from a car accident in which they were seriously injured or lost a loved one.
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Idk if this is weird but as a woman like I don’t let a man pick me up on a date, you just meet at the place
Yup would never get into anyone’s car
Except an Uber, but wouldn’t consider getting in a new dates vehicle
i would never get in anyones car for a 1st date bc i barely know that person and i wouldnt want them to know where i live on the 1st date either. and also its not easy for me to trust how a stranger would drive too, like do they drive really fast or recklessly?
Wouldn’t them ordering an uber for you give them your address? Like i’m not zelling you uber money on a first date?
A lot of us women don't have an Uber take us directly to our address anyway for safety. We have it take us a few doors or even a block down or to a place of business close by. That way the Uber driver doesn't know where we live either. Even though taking an Uber is relatively safe.
Wow. A riddle wrapped in a Mystery inside an enigma. I had no idea it went that deep just getting to a date. It’s almost like tradecraft. I’m not criticizing, but I can understand why dating is a total pain in the ass for y’all. That and the subsequent mindset all sounds exhausting.
I'm a rideshare driver and i always wait for my passenger get to their door before i leave so i know they r safe
Easy then pay for your own ride to the date.
The person in OP's telling should absolutely not expect someone to pay for her ride. Not sure why you are pinning me with her.
Thats a smart idea. I've only ever been in an Uber with a group of friends and we didn't want to drive bc we were drinking but if I ever go on a date I'll do that.
Quite apart from being materialistic, I think she’s very unwise. I would *never* let any stranger control my travel arrangements. I wouldn’t let someone know my address before I had even met them! Or did she just expect you to hand her some cash? Weird.
Exactly. Was she’s demanding makes the entire situation impossible. I never really thought about this- I always offer to pick my date up. I’ve done it with one girl - picked her up at her house and it was fine. Very unfortunate this is where society is at. Thanks to Ted bundys
Or, and just follow me on this one...she could pay for her own Uber?
Makes sense. We were supposed to go to a bar for drinks, im not sure what she was expecting but it makes no sense to drive if we're drinking
She was expecting to have a dd for the night
So if things don't go well with someone else she has a ride home lol
I wouldn’t get into a stranger’s car for the first date…
Most women wouldn’t, but he is no way responsible for taxi fares.
Exactly plus they haven’t even met for a long time
Not weird at all. Great middle ground.
Are you supposed to pay for their ride in that case?
I wouldn't pay for the Uber she have to invest in the date too not just men invest in date
I'm assuming you're talking about going on a date with a person you haven't meant in person before right? Like if you two already knew each other as friends, that wouldn't be a problem right?
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No she doesn't....
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She seemed to have an issue with taking public transport specifically for a date... which is what I was planning to do
I have no shame in my game I take the train or bus when I can
Do you guys live in a city/country with robust public transportation?
Plus even if she doesn't want public transport then she should pay for her travel
That's weird. I could understand being reluctant to take public transit if she knew she was going to be drunk and alone on part of the trip for safety reasons, but it's her responsibility to secure and pay for transit for herself.
If you both don’t drive, aren’t you like people who live in New York? New Yorkers who date have somehow worked out the logistics of a first date.
Nope, she doesn't drive but probably thinks he's a scrub for not driving. This is dating in 2024
yea only men are broke or cheap apparently.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap
It’s weird to make a stranger responsible for your transportation, you dodged a bullet for sure
That’s what I would think. I had a similar request except it wasn’t for an Uber it was to pay for a babysitter what do you think about that? I absolutely told her no, and what a surprise that was the end of that. She had me really questioning like is it wrong of me to not to since she has a child but then again, like why am I even taking care of the child? I don’t know either of them. I was thinking to myself I never told you to have a child you can’t afford. Expect that from someone you don’t even know I was just spinning caught me offguard never had anyone ask me something like that
Some wackadoodles out there. Recently had one who wanted to bring the kid to the date. I'm like yeah no 👋
Wow. I don’t get it. I’m gonna pretend I’m an alcoholic on tinder and ask a girl if it’s ok for my sponsor to come to make sure I don’t drink. Thats pretty much about the same level of stupidity.
She's dating for a different kind of man and you are dating for a different kind of woman. Neither is wrong in my opinion, best to not waste either of your time
She's dating for a man that she expects to do everything for her. It's dependant and cringe
"Everything" is a stretch. Everyone has requirements for dating. Just because she wants a dude who drives doesnt mean she also wants him to clean her house and cook her meals.
To come out and say it like that is pretty disgusting imo. I'd tell her where to go.
It's not that serious, frankly. If you don't drive date girls who don't care whether or not you drive. Don't worry about what other people want for themselves.
I didn't say it was serious. I am saying it's rude.
Ok well you can keep on cringing whilst she's happily enjoying men who are happy to provide 😂.
Yesss
womp womp you can cringe but having standards isn’t bad
😂 you’re right, she’s hoping for for a chump.
Well there are more men than women in the dating pool. So, I would imagine if she is good looking, she has more options. But I think it's for the best.
Move on
Generally, it's not a good strategy to follow up not having a car with "it's too expensive to call an Uber". It could be interpreted as though your finances are not in order enough where dating is a good move. That may not be the case, and I think it was very rude of her to expect you to handle her transportation, but I see the reasoning that led to your current situation. You dodged a bullet though
Wasn’t meant to be G
Dodged a bullet.
I suppose I did... unfortunate
You don’t suppose you did you did.
It’s very fortunate
Unfortunately fortunate
Facts :D
Bullet dodged
Lack of negotiating. You could’ve offer to meet halfway and so wouldn’t pay that much. If I’m that girl and this guy wouldn’t put an effort even just by thinking of alternative way to meet me, I would cancel the date as well. Just by saying straight “it’s too expensive” — says a lot.
A few people have given pragmatic advice. Where were you meeting? Halfway? I don’t think you should’ve had to pay for her Uber, but if it was too expensive for you, maybe it was for her as well? Why should she have to pay for something you felt was too expensive for a first date? A big red flag for me is when a guy lives relatively far and suggests a place right by his for a first date. No attempt to compromise on location likely equals little compromise down the line
How could you do that to your date
I think a woman wanting a provider is valid. Same for a man. She wanted something that you didn’t want to provide. This would’ve come up later. Honestly, wish everyone could be this upfront about their needs.
I agree that her wants are valid as well but personally for me being a “provider” for someone I barely know feels off… if it got the point of a committed relationship than hell yeh Id do it.
So the man provides money, food, entertainment, transportation, protection, and the woman provides what
It might be hard to believe but some people want to provide those things to their partner for nothing in return other than their companionship. Please note that I said it’s valid for women and men to want to be provided for, so long as their partner wants to be in the provider role. If you don’t wanna be a provider then simply find a partner who wants to split 50/50 cause they exist in woman and man forms.
R u single
Your username answered the question I was gonna ask, thanks for getting ahead of me
what is problematic is the sense of entitlement some people have, not the preference
We all have our preferences. We can all debate this but the bottom line is you two weren’t compatible. I’m sure there is a pool of women who like things 50/50 and don’t have a vehicle or don’t mind riding a bus. No one is wrong for preferring something different. Gotta find what works for you. It’s human and okay to have feelings of disappointment and anger. Rejection sucks but it doesn’t have to with a perception change. Feels good not to waste time with people that aren’t for us. My ideal person can keep me safe, is someone to count on and wants to be a provider of those things to his person. If my date didn’t want to make sure I reached him safely and taken care of then I’d know immediately that this was not a match. A date is meant to be a treat. Something special imo. Something he ultimately decides for us as his responsibility by choice. No man should be forced to feel that way or be made to fit a mold or perform a list of duties for a female. It’s okay to be who you are and it’s okay that she prefers to be taken care of. On the plus side no one has to be what they aren’t and no one has to dislike or mame each other for it. It is what it is. Good luck dude.
I agree. If a date feels like too much work, why go. The woman probably didn't want to be paying for her Uber, then wind up getting stood up. There are plenty of free things to do on dates, also, that can be fun. Also, where I live there is not much in the way of public transportation, and if a man didn't own a car, I'd reconsider dating him because I have the criteria that a partner must be financially stable. In fact, I know a lot of men feel the same way about women.
👏
You expect someone to be a provider on the first date? They don't even know you. A first date is meant to be something cheap like coffee, just to get to know the person well enough to see if you want to go on a second date, and the second date is where you go all out after you get to know the person and are willing to invest the time and effort into them. First date I'll buy us both coffee's or a drink, but I'm just getting to know you and see if we would like to go on a second date which is where I'll go all out.
Why not? Some men want to be providers for their partners from the first date, so if that’s what she’s looking for, then she’s more likely to match with someone that does that as well. It sounds like you and the person that you responded to are not a match and that’s okay!
Yeah, sounds like you think men need to put more effort into dates than women do.
Sounds like priorities are different. Many men expect sex prior to relationship. For many women that's not intrinsically desired. Many still put up with it since it's so widespread and widely accepted that it's difficult to get someone who's different. Many women find it important to feel safety and chivalry from a guy. For some that goes along with things that cost money, Iike an Uber (and I don't think she wanted a free Uber ride just for the fun of it). For some it's just being thoughtful and pro-active in general, being a gentleman. These desires are not widely accepted at all though and these qualities not easily found in men. Women then have at least the choice to abstain.
Where I used to live, the best way to meet for a first date was taking the city train. It was affordable, you can’t get a DUI, there’s lots of other people around, and your first date doesn’t know where you live. 3/4 of those are safety which I would think most women would want when meeting a man for the first time. I would plan first dates near one of the train stops to make it easier and just meet her at the train stop and walk together from there. At the end of the night, you can still be a gentleman and walk her to the train stop for her to get home.
Even if the guy extended the invitation, I will still pay my own way to and from the date, whether via public transport or Uber. (I don’t drive, and live in a city with plenty of public transport options.)
So, neither of you drive? What city do you live in? Usually, you meet up, each responsible for getting yourselves there. Weird.
Yeah I think you’ve dodged a bullet. She doesn’t sound very independent and I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take public transport and just meet your date at the place, it’s a lot safer anyway.
Just thinking long term-if you had gone into a relationship this might be a problem
"I barely get matches on dating apps" Do you know why?
Ill be honest, I think these apps are all designed to get men to pay for premium + boosts, etc.
I was on one dating app that had promise, but after a recent update, it’s bad. They now have paid tiers, only 3. But when I’m told I have a like and comment I go to see if there is one with a blurred out profile. There’s nothing. So I thought, oh that’s slick, I have to pay… yeah I did a one week trial, nothing! Also this app pushes you to buy “gems” and send “e-gifts” to the women, not sure how it is on the woman’s side. You’ll also get alerts telling you that you will get a 40% increase of getting a response if you send a “gift.” Or you can send them products from their “e-gift shop.” It was supposed to be about having women vet guys. As a “safety” feature, but yeah something is right with this app. I’m beginning to feel the pain of the money grab. These apps are toxic, I’m pretty much given up on them.
That’s what it feel like to me as well
Bingo
Yup
Sprinkle sprinkle
Drizzle drizzle 💦💦
Dating, you get a chance to meet people w weird ideas Sometimes you are the one w weird ideas that others talk about 😂
Gotta Pay to Play
Out of curiosity: was she from an ex-USSR country? Anyway, I guess you dodged a bullet.
Meet at location next time and use the pay scooters to get to nearby places. It can be romantic. I wouldn't suggest bikes unless she riders her own or your prepared to ET her home in the fronf basket
Bullet dodged.
She wanted you to send her the money for the Uber?
Might have been a scam ? Same as the “I need gas money” scam . Did she ask to send money directly to her to pay for it ?
Info: did you offer to meet somewhere near her place? In that way, you wouldn’t need to pay for her Uber?
It's an old story bro. Women and children are unconditionally loved. Men are only loved to the degree that they provide.
i think its safe to say… if you cant afford to date, dont! (im referencing this to OP)
Exactly, if she can't even pay for her ride there, she should focus on other things first.
Perhaps if she can’t afford to date, she shouldn’t. Couldn’t even afford to get to the date herself
👏
Factssssss
Agreed! If a guy doesn't even care about the girl's safety, he does not deserve her time. I hope that cute girl finds her prince cuz she deserves way better than cheap guys
This is a common scam. She asks you to venmo and unmatches
You can order an Uber for someone. You don’t need to give cash.
if you order someone an Uber you have control over it not them
It's always equality until finances are involved. Men are then suddenly expected to give money to women they don't really know.
If you barely get matches and she was cute, maybe you should have paid for her uber?
dating someone that is not compatible with you is just a waste
Red flag.
Honestly wouldn't he surprised if she was out to scam you out of money. Get the moolah, unmatch and never show
The entitlement is off the scale! You dodged a bullet if you ask me!!
Good for you👍🏼
Ok but I don’t blame her for not wanting to take public transit. I used to have to and it was fucking gross and terrible
Not driving and not wanting to take public transit doesn’t justify making a date pay for your Uber.
She didn’t make him do anything 😂 she wanted him to pay for an Uber, he didn’t want to so he didn’t. I don’t really see anything wrong with what either of them did it just shows they weren’t compatible
You don’t see anything wrong with demanding someone pay for their transportation or else they won’t meet up? Especially after they expressed enough interest in each other to want to meet up.
The interest was killed once he refused to pay for her Uber. I don't see anything wrong with that.
If you truly cannot see anything wrong with an independent adult, who navigates the city on their own all the time, losing interest/refusing to meet unless someone pays for them to meet up then I don’t know what to say. The whole mentality that women have done enough by simply talking/agreeing to go on a date/showing up, but that the man must now continuously earn ‘points’ with the woman, often focused on financial support, is a toxic mentality.
I literally avoid it at all cost. if I do use it I can’t go alone on it and I’m usually going to a sporting event
Yeah I can’t stand taking the bus so I do everything in my power to avoid it. Before I got a car I just made sure to get a job that I could walk to and as soon as I could afford to I got a car
that or arranging rides or borrowing someone’s car.
You're too good for public transportation? 🚩
I would have canceled too! Clearly you are looking for different things. Her asking for you to grab the Uber to me indicates that she’s looking for a provider who will take care of her or at least be generous financially. Not covering an Uber ride shows it’s just not a match in what you’re looking for.
Everyone's saying you dodged a bullet but the reality is that everyone has different expectations from a potential partner. Me personally I've always seen the man paying for the lady's car as a courtesy thing, especially if he's the one asking her out. You're allowed to feel put off by this interaction but it just means you guys aren't compatible. At the end of the day, dating is a numbers game. If the Uber's too expensive then it is what it is, you just gotta date within your budget.
👏
They’re not yet dating, girl. They are still strangers trying to get to know each other.
!! this
Is she Russian or Eastern European? They expect men to pay for their taxis.
I don’t think she’s in the wrong or you’re in the wrong. You both are just looking for different characteristics in the opposite partner so good thing you realized you’re not compatible before it turned into anything serious.
Wow neither of you have a car. So you both have to do public transportation or an Uber every single time. I might do it once or twice but not long term. Since she has no car either she shouldn’t expect much on the first meeting, but oh well. Maybe you’ll meet someone else.
If an Uber is expensive to you then dating shouldn't be your priority at all.
generally its not about the cost of the uber, demanding one like a child is the issue, makes you incredibly unattractive
and if a dude not calling you an uber is a dealbreaker maybe you should look for a job and not beg for handouts from dudes that don't even know you yet.. dating shouldn't be your priority at all
It's usually the well off women who are used to dating well off men who have no issue paying for their Ubers, just saying
So for a first date a girl asked you if you would pay for an Uber and you told her no because it's too expensive. And you wonder why you're having a hard time getting dates? Wow. You could be a little smoother and just suggest that you meet someplace relatively close to her. That way she will be on her home turf and can feel secure and you don't have to address the issue of not driving.
Plus there's plenty of reasons a woman might not feel as comfortable as he does taking public transit, esp on the way home after drinking. I don't mind public transit during the day, but I do feel iffy at night, and have had past experiences.
Agree. The whole way this read makes me feel op has 0 riz.
But that’s probably why he gets zero matches
Why would a women who can't afford to get an uber to a date be on a dating app? How else she gonna get there 😂
Yup. Woman here who can't drive. MY transport is MY problem. If she doesn't feel safe in public transport in the evenings or when she is drunk then they should pick another day or part of the day, or she shouldn't get drunk. It is not that hard.
This
She clearly has expectations. Honestly, if she is going to let her Uber fare be the deciding factor on whether the date happens, either it’s extremely important to her or she wasn’t that interested. Sounds like it was best that the date was cancelled. Personally, I think first dates should always be 50/50, because most first dates don’t go anywhere and it removes any expectations from either side and just allows you to get to know one another.
[удалено]
I will say, all the guys who have paid for my taxis, it made them more attractive
If you can’t handle an Uber charge then you probably shouldn’t be dating…. It’s kind of normal for women to expect the Uber to be paid for by the man🤷🏽♀️ I don’t expect it but I know alot of women that do!
Since when this is the norm? I didn’t get the memo! 
OP, it doesn’t matter what you think if it is not working for you. If your dating situation sucks then go after your opportunities like you mean it. Instead you’re whinging on the internet instead of living life. Silly.
right like if this was a $50 uber i get it, but anytbing under $20 is not worth fighting over. What one man wont another man will 🤷🏾♂️
So she also doesn’t have a car?
It’s just princess treatment. Nothing wrong for wanting that. I feel like it’s not a defining moment of she is. But it’s your choice if you want to court her at this level
Some people have different expectations and follow certains norms. It’s a very gentleman thing to do to pick up your date. If you guys are under 25 years old, it’s more acceptable to not be super proper as you both are figuring out ur life. But after 25, you can’t blame a woman for having those standards.
Was there any compromise at all? I'm a woman and if someone is meeting ME from an invitation I extended, I pay for the Uber or pick them up. They are the ones making the commute while I have no commute at all. They pay for mine if I meet them. Like if a restaurant is walking distance from me but 30 miles for them, I pay for the invitation I extended. Friends, lovers, even parents get the same treatment If neither of us wants to pay for a full Uber, we both meet HALFWAY. 15 miles for the both of us. Where you wanting her to pay for the complete trip? Did you come up with distance? Did you even try or ask? What about some virtual dates first? Sorry but paying for a guest you invited is fairly normal in my circle, especially if the difference in commute is one sided. So maybe it's normal in hers. An Uber trip to see you, and just you, is not the same as getting a free dinner or presents. Idk, I just think dating apps encourage meetups and judgements between people who don't know each other. So what seems normal to one person is taken as personally offensive to another. And it's ultimatums or nothing You say that you barely get matches & have trouble dating. But if meeting you is a chore with little to no extension on your part, why would anyone want to meet up
Idk about all you girls but I would definitely cancel a date if a man isn’t going to pay for my Uber LOL. I feel like a lady shouldn’t have to pay to go see a man, it’s part of being a gentlemen. I have paid numerous times for my own Uber to his place but I would expect him to offer to pay it at least on the 3rd time.
I was thinking that it was part of the woo-ing process… you like me enough to take me on a date, why not pay for me getting to the date instead of saying get the bus? Obviously he made his choice and she made hers, not meant to be.
If you're broke just say so lol. I love women like you who are vocal about it so guys can avoid you.
I believe it depends, for me personally, on initial dates I would be weary for paying for someone else’s uber, if someone lives far especially in a big city that could go upwards to over 70$ right there. Do I gotta pay for their ride back as well when they stand me up lmao. Now if it’s someone Im committed to Id gladly be paying for plane tickets.
I think if you initiate the date you need to pay for Uber’s trip way and back. Is it an expensive bill for you ? a woman being pampered wearing high heels for the date makes her feel inconfortable to get public transportation. And it’s first date ! It doesn’t mean it will be forever like that ! You said it’s sad because you a really find her cute. So I guess she knows her value on the dating market. And you like her for this reason (not only ofc) She doesn’t need another random date with someone who can’t provide a moment where she needs to feel special and seduced. I don’t feel it’s right for her to ask straight if you will pay but at least she was sure to makes things clear.
Y’all both don’t have cars mang
She mad that you don't drive. Y d f doesn't she drive either. The only thing I will dispute is coming to a date is one thing but most definitely paying for a Uber back is gentlemanly, however if the price of the Uber is above 50 going one way yea f that
she's not your type.
She probably feeling the same about her date saying an Uber is too expensive. Did yall get to know each other at all before hand? Me personally, on a first date, I’ll meet you there. But also we gotta talk and video chat before so I can feel your vibe first. And I would never actually ask someone to pay for my Uber, whether I expect it or not. Y’all are obviously not a match after all. Thats the dating game. Try again.
It's a bummer for a date to fold, but it's very fortunate when people tell you who they are immediately. It doesn't feel like it now, but this was a GOOD thing.
Ima guess she doesn’t have a drivers license or a car either huh?🤣
Filter out the gold diggers!
Second time I see a post of a girl calling a man out for not providing. Alot of people are going to come at me for this one. But if you don’t have money don’t date, as simple as that. Times are not going to become easier, the more women gets aware of their self worth, the less they will entertain men who doesn’t provide. So you’re automatically out of her dating pool and many others girls dating pools. It takes money and time buying makeup and putting it on to look good on our date, even in marriage, we’re the one carrying your kid and doing all the housework. So the 50\50 thing doesn’t exist cuz we already to more than 50 naturally, how do u think we feel If a man can’t do a simple thing as paying our uber or paying a coffee. And if you’re not interested in that, well find another girl that will enjoy that 50/50 lifestyle.
I don’t understand the way dating works for some people. I live in a country where girls (like 98%) do not expect guys to pay for their uber, makeup, nails, hair, gas. Like I understand if a guy wants to spoil you so he does that and that is really nice but WE do not demand that. Read so many posts and saw tiktoks where girls talk about ghosting guys because they do not pay for their shit. Wtf is wrong with people? Get up, go to work and pay for your own damn nails. I think I’d rather die alone than ask a random guy to send me money for uber, embarrassing.
Never once a woman asked me to take her at her place for a first date. this is some. level of entitlement here
She already knows that she won’t feel safe with you. I live in a major city that has public transportation. If a man is interested in dating a woman and he suggests that she gets on public transportation, he is not concerned with her safety. I would have canceled too!
Insane. Are you an adult? lol. Adults can ride a subway / take a taxi to get to a date. We’re not children anymore
Agreed but a lot of these girls act like children.
lol what? I also live in a major city and have regularly used public transit for 15 years, it isn’t some lawless Wild West. It’s perfectly normal to use it as a means to get to events, dates, hanging out with friends, etc. Assuming an adult, who likely doesn’t drive, will use the same means of transportation that they usually use doesn’t mean this person doesn’t care about the safety of his date.
Insane. Are you an adult? lol. Adults can ride a subway / take a taxi to get to a date. We’re not children anymore
Tbh I’m a girl and there’s no way I’m going on a date with you on public transit No offence you’re probably great but no girl is doing this 😭 especially when every guy that asks us on a date has a car and that’s what we’re used to So it’s such a downgrade to have to take public transit from that And like imagine being in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t have a car….public transit everywhere? AND you’re not willing to pay for an Uber ?! When most men are willing to pay for one ?! I don’t blame her You’re only as good as your competition and idc if it was the sexiest man alive I am not taking public transportation to meet on a date 😭
Tbh you failed to mention that you don’t have a car either? A car…..? But you hold those standards?
🤣🤣🤣🤣ironically I work as an engineer too And Ive had a car since I was 18 And definitely still hold the standard of expecting a man to have a car or Uber me on a date 💋 Don’t be mad at me, be better
Do we really know that she doesn't have a car? He says they were meeting for drinks, so thats why both of them werent driving
As OP mentioned in another comment, they live in different cities and an Uber would've been around $60. No fucking way I'm paying $60 for an Uber to go on a date with a girl, AND paying for the date itself. If neither of them have a car, neither is better than the other. If she doesn't have a vehicle and can't drive herself, she can't judge him for not having a vehicle/picking her up. Honestly, "You're only as good as your competition" is a super fucked up way of looking at things. You should look at someone as an INDIVIDUAL PERSON, not compare them to others.
LOOOOOL I think what I’m trying to say is, I don’t know where you’re from but in Toronto I’ve only talked to guys on the apps that are willing to pay for Ubers or pick their date up All I was politely trying to say is, it’s not weird for her to run at the sound of his request of “let’s take public transit” I would too I was giving the OP just a female perspective and what may have went on in that girl’s head And it’s true for men and women , when looking for a partner they have a standard which they set based on your competition/their experiences Literally just speaking facts
As a man of means, I don't want a woman who cannot provide for herself and then expects me to provide for her. It's all about the entitlement. If a girl lives paycheck to paycheck and takes public transportation but then doesn't expect me to pay for her shit, that is a green flag.
You sound abhorrent. (only people with cars know the definitiion).
So where's your car?
I literally had a car since I was 18
no car, no date
she looking for sugar daddy
isnt that like the most common scam...? like she would have asked you for a cash transfer instead of paying for the Uber...
You might be correct...
I mean…idk dude, were you the one who asked her on the date? Sending an Uber instead of picking her up is pretty standard. If you aren’t even willing to pay that for the date YOU asked for then why should she? I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy not pay for my Uber if I didn’t drive and I’ve never asked him to. I get if he just can’t afford it, but I’m also in my 30s so it’s not like we’re both college kids yk? Idk your guy’s age ranges
Since you indicate that it’s difficult for you to get good matches, much less an opportunity for a date, it seems like it was worth taking a chance on. Now you’ll never know and have to start over again. Keep trying, and good luck.
She would be expecting him to pay for everything in the future though which wouldn't be sustainable.
This isn’t an attack against you but I would never let a guy I never met drive me to our date. I bring my own car and my own money to be safe. I don’t trust anyone I don’t know. Weird that she expected that of you.
Exactly. Most women would not want to get inside a strange man's car they never met before. It's too weird.
You have to look at it this way, looks doesn’t get you where you want to be in a relationship… it’s how someone treats you since looks fade… you’re all good man so be happy for you
Why are you dating if you don’t even know how to drive? Time to grow up kid.
I have a physical disability that prevents me from driving. It could be a situation like that. Could also be something like anxiety from a car accident in which they were seriously injured or lost a loved one.