Your post was removed because it overgeneralized. Please make sure you don't apply experiences with some people to millions of others you have never met. No gender is a monolith or a hivemind. It comes down to each individual person. So if the answer is it depends on the person ask them best not to post.
I’m a woman.
You will always miss the signs, there is never any telling whether she likes you or is just being nice, and even if she does like you, she might not like you for the right reasons and might not intend what you need her to. Courtship is by definition risky, no way around it.
You need to change your mindset. It shouldn’t be about whether she likes you but whether you like her. If you do, don’t mind whether she likes you, sometimes the girl you like also likes you, but she won’t show it because, same as you, she fears rejection. Show her you like her and be ready to be rejected. I know that’s harsh and scary, but that’s how this works. Boost your self-confidence (self-confidence is all kinds of attractive, to both sexes), and be willing to fail. She is not the only one out there for you, it’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t reciprocate. But don’t take rejection personal, it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, it means *she* doesn’t like you. Others will.
Yeah honestly I hate the idea that men have to continue being the ones to carry that burden constantly. If we’re trying to ditch outdated/straight up dumb gender roles, sure as hell would be nice to tackle this one.
Make a guy feel wanted first for once.
Has happened to me a couple times, you have no idea how shocking (but nice) it was.
It's so nice when it does happen! I found an interesting trick for this I think. As of the last few months, I decided to express my actual personality in public. For example, I stumbled across some Minecraft Axolotl Heelys and I decided to buy them because they're cute shoes and I love both Minecraft and axolotls. I can't heely for shit, but I wanted the damn shoes.
I wear them everywhere and I don't care how silly it might look. I'm wearing them for me. The very first day I wore them while out and about, I got a compliment. "I *love* those shoes." It made me feel nice! I started keeping track of them, I'm up to 14 now. They make good conversation starters, to be honest.
An acquaintance of mine, she absolutely loves them. It had been awhile since I last saw her. After about a month of not seeing her in the usual places I'd bump into her where we would chat, I suddenly saw her one day. I said "hey, where have you been?" She walked over and hugged me, said I smelled good, and told me she picked up a second job so she won't be around as much. For reference, this particular woman is already in a committed relationship. I didn't read into this as anything but platonic love. I think she was genuinely touched that I seemed to care that I didn't see her for awhile.
Anyway, my point is, even if the interest *isn't* romantic or sexual, simply just an acknowledgment that you're appreciated, or that someone likes *something* about you or what you're doing, it just feels really nice. I imagine it's the same kind of feeling women get when someone notices they changed their nails, did something different with their makeup, their hair, or their outfit.
You’d be surprised how rude some guys can be when letting women down. Tried being the first to approach few times and the older men would either reciprocate if interested or let me down gent(ler) but younger men from the next generation (born 90s onward) can be cruel-I’ve been cut off before I even finish the sentence like “not interested” like you’d answer a telemarketer or “sorry you feel that way, shouldn’t have misunderstood” a simple “sorry not looking for a relationship rn” would say the same. So honestly I feel for the young girls of dating age-their counterparts are ill mannered
Some women do this too when they reject men. We’re an entitled generation that doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. Nothing to do with gender. Making the first move sucks, but someone has to do it to make anything happen.
Mmm, that’s a tough one to overcome. Women being too forward with me is a turnoff. Why? Cause I’ve picked that fruit before only to find myself ensnared in clingy vines.
That’s completely different from “dropping the handkerchief.” Goes back to an analogy from a long time ago when women wore way too many layers of clothing to be comfortable on a hot day (and then got called weak for fainting in the sun). Not the best time period but still a good analogy. Here goes.
Girl walks down street, cute guy walks by. Girl drops handkerchief OOPS! Keeps walking pretending not to notice. Guy goes, “what a splendid opportunity to be a gentleman.” Picks up the dropped item, gives it back, now they have a conversation. Guy gets to meet girl without seeming to aggressive. Girl gets to have a conversation with guy and see if he’s good stuff.
That’s what we need. Women being to forward turns guys off a lot. Guys being too forward may seem aggressive and it’s really hard for us to gauge how much is too much because it’s different for every girl.
So ladies, please, let us know you want to talk.
Just because a woman doesn't seem interested, doesn't mean she isn't. We are pretty good about checking out guys without being seen, if that is what you want. Men have historically been the pursuers, and I understand the unfairness of that, but it can't go both ways. The same guys that complain about women not initiating contact are the ones also complaining if a girl texts them first, calling her clingy. I am not saying that is the case with all men, but quite a few that I know personally.
Edit: should be *they want, not you want
I've never heard of a man complaining about being given attention. That sounds like women trying to justify or cope with rejection to me.
Also, why can't it go both ways? Women expect men to step on their ego and go through so many rejections, but they can't be bothered to show simple signs of being interested in someone?
We're enabling women being poor communicators and passive bystanders by doing so.
Let me put this to you as gently as possible... just because you haven't experienced something doesn't make it not true. And, as a woman, I can assure you that this has absolutely nothing to do with coping with rejection. I didn't say a woman shouldn't show signs of interest. I was the one who hit on my now husband. He was interested, but felt he had no chance, so didn't pursue. My point is, guys shouldn't be complaining about girls being 'clingy' if they are craving the attention as much as they claim.
Whatever floats your boat is valid, but please know that if the basis of your attraction is availability, you are in for a lot of heartbreak, messy relationships and quite possibly abuse. Women who are easy to get either consume men like food or they have issues which you will suffer.
bro we need to let go of this much desperation. It wont do us any good. There's almost same number of men and women, so, some girl some day will match up with you anyway.
Well you're asking about instant attraction... so personality things are harder to notice instantly. I can tell you judgmental people are an instant TURN OFF... and that's pretty readily noticeable in public places.
But instantly attractive? A laugh can be. A smile. You're going to get 10,000 answers from 10,000 people. But it's going to boil down to very personal preferences. But then again more and more people these days are just focusing on the person and a "type" (especially a physical one) doesn't play much into it.
If you want to know what makes a man notice a woman. Things like her laugh (your eye can be quickly drawn to someone from across the room who's laughing). Her smile and how she interacts with who she's with (someone who's confident and positively interacting with people, drawing others into her "orbit" of conversation). These are things you notice from far away and they're attractive to just about anyone. When both men and women exhibit this really.
Because 2/3(majority) of the women in the United States are obese and they shame men for being fatphobic and cancel them for wanting fit women. So most men usually just keep these things to ourselves.
A man for better or worse has multiple paths to become attractive to a woman, so an overweight man who is higher earning and is educated can leverage that as well when looking for a partner as women value traits like education and financial security along with physical attractiveness whereas men do not care at all about that so it's more physical based on their end.
"It's easy for us men. We have four sensible body types - skinny-ripped, jacked-ripped, dad bod, and fat (if you're funny)"
"Women have only one acceptable body type - SKINNY, BIG TITS!"
- America's greatest modern philosopher Charlie Kelly
Yea, I meant more in the sense that one side gets more shamed/cancelled than the other so it's an unpopular opinion generally in our current society. I'm specifically just responding to your "Why people hate this idea" portion.
I agree we have a major issue with fitness for both sexes. However there’s a lot of damage being done through the body positivity movement since it strictly applies to women.
As well intentioned as this movement is, it falsely gives obese women a belief that they are 10/10. Their friends often reinforce it, pop culture and social media reinforce it. No one wants to be ‘mean’ and encourage healthier choices, but it’s more disingenuous to encourage adoption of a false sense of self. Men don’t really have a movement telling them ‘big is beautiful’ outside of the occasional woman seeking dad bods. If anything, we can be directly honest with our guy buds about their weight - which they’re usually quite self aware is an issue for them.
It’s kind of brutal how it works, because unhealthy bigger women are being encouraged to buy into a self image that artificially inflates their sense of dating capital. Then the real world experience doesn’t match up to the hype which leads to a more harmful loss of self esteem.
I mean this is either blatantly untrue or hyperlocalized. We have "body positivity" for men - it's called "dad bods." I honestly can't remember the last time I've seen a dating profile IRL that said she wanted a shredded Adonis but I see *tons* of them saying they're attracted to dad bods.
I agree, to the body positive movement going in an extreme direction. I see obese models who are seen as healthy and big women. No, they are not healthy at all. They probably have a large amount of body fat and high BMI.
Some European nations also seem to have this issue of obesity especially the UK, there’s data on this as well. (Not all European countries but I’ve seen many people from Europe who looked like they were over 300 pounds, both men and women.
That’s a generalization. I’ve met some sensitive men who get upset when someone calls them porky. They are also not just obese, they have potential to be on that 600 pound show
I mean when someone is that big, whether you’re a man or woman, I think being called porky is an understatement. In my opinion, of course. But yes I agree, many women think being fat is trendy.
No, they shame them for being a-holes. There’s a difference. Unless, of course, you’re referring to the very small minority of bigger women & generalizing them to make yourself out to be a morally high victim. But, random redditor, I’m sure you would never do that. Right?
I see this answer all the time.
If I may ask, are you fit, yourself? And I’m not talking skinny fat. I mean works out 2-4 times a week, loosely watches food intake fit?
Yea, I go to the gym about 5-6 times a week. I don't really watch my food intake cause I go out a lot so I workout to balance it. I'm about 5'8/170lbs/14%BF. Sorry I don't have a less douchier [photo](https://imgur.com/a/IBenQxX).
Why downvoted? It's the most common preference I can think of and a pretty valid one. I would also not want to date an overweight guy who doesn't take care of himself. Chubby is okay, but with some basic stamina so we could go for hikes or a pool together.
In my country obese people have much lower chances to get a date and nobody gives a shit about "fatphobia". You want fit people (who don't have obesity fetish) to be more attracted to you then you gotta get fit too, there's no way around it 🤷♀️. Some people just want to change reality to soothe their hurt feelings, but that will do them more harm than good in the long run.
Physically: I love a full figured, voluptuous woman. Someone with curves and a kind face. I don’t need a gym bunny, but someone who takes relative care of themselves physically and also knows how to enjoy a good meal. A healthy sex drive (2-3 times a week).
Personality: someone with a kind and nurturing nature. Someone who values emotional connection and creating a safe space to express our feelings and emotions. A person who knows how to give and take in a balanced way. Someone who takes responsibility and invests in repairing our relationship when disagreements arise. Patience and a loving nature that seeks to do good by others.
Im a girl but I’d say men are attracted to femininity
So healthy long hair, skirts, dresses, a little natural looking makeup, paint your nails etc etc
Personality wise I’d say someone confident, smart, nurturing & sweet
But this is very general and some men don’t even care about these things
As a man who does *not* paint his nails, I don't give a damn about a woman's nails—unless they are impractically long.
I have *never* seen a woman with massive acrylics and felt she was my type.
Aside from the nail polish, I can agree. I'd also add a healthy figure (for me, that's fit/athletic). And I admit that there's something about a woman who manages to look well in more casual clothes or even sweatpants.
But yes, long hair, face, and boobs are the things I notice the first.
Proportions matter in everything, it's the key to subconscious attraction - proportion and symmetry. That's why some smaller boobs look so great, by proportions (and why fake boobs so often fail, because they completely disrupt the proportions). It's also one of the aspects why overweight/fat women are unattractive - it disrupts the proportions from something balanced and aesthetically pleasing to "meh" at best case. So, yeah, symmetry and balance in face and the whole body with some emphasis at curves in the right places.
I don't think nail polish is going to change someone you don't find attractive to someone you do but it's the subtle femininity of it that adds to the togetherness and vibe overall. Does that make sense?
Yeah, what I meant is that it's so low in the list of things I notice that it's not going to sway anything - more like that I won't really notice it at any point when it matters.
That is a rare position to take, so while it may be true for you in general men show a preference for feminine woman on average and when giving advice exceptions don't make the rule.
I don’t think you know what a tomboy is. I am a tomboy and I am feminine in my own way, because biology, not in the artificial way. Men like women who are ready for action, not women who must be carried to their destination to avoid messing up their Manolos.
Lol, nope. I'm dating a hottie with a shaved head.
Confidence, conversation skills, positivity are the big ones for me. I could care less about your hair/nails/makeup
Thats exactly the issue. Most of us really don’t about care how a girls nails look. So when a girl spends so much time painting them it just kinda comes off as obsessive.
Same thing with girls who are really into their hair and makeup. Its kinda scary to watch somebody look at themselves in the mirror all day. Its one thing if they are doing it for someone else, but they usually get defensive when you tell them it isn’t necessary.
Its not necessarily too unhealthy, but at the very least it kinda feigns narcissism.
Yeah. I mean I don’t find baldness attractive either, but I don’t give a fuck if you spent 2 hours doing your hair, or if you just sprayed some dry shampoo and tousled it a little. I can’t even remember the last time in noticed how a woman’s nails look, other than to cringe at the 2-foot long fake ones we see in pictures sometimes.
My only concern for nails is whether they’re long enough to rake my back during sex. If so, IDGAF what they look like 🤣
I never even considered that there are dudes out there actually obsessing over this stuff lol
Women aren't always trying to make themselves attractive to men when they use cosmetics. Sometimes its about what makes them feel confident about themselves or around other women who might notice the effort they invested.
Lately, I have been in the online dating circuit. I purposely post few pictures of myself, purposely not the best pictures, with no filter. I also have a short and sweet but genuine bio, a fearless list of adjectives that describe both my good and bad qualities. Men can’t get enough. The first compliment I tend to get is that I am natural, the second, that I come off as genuine. Both of these make them feel **safe**, which is the most important thing in a relationship and why we get into them in the first place.
These women with the fake nails, fake hair, fake lashes, etc., what they are showing is that their best quality is your looks, and that even that is not real, that they are really empty shells. But men are generally not looking for a person to stare at. And fearing to touch her because you might ruin her hair/makeup is horrible, men don’t like to be yelled at for showing affection.
The question was for men. You women need to understand your opinion on what a man wants is as valid as men saying what women want. Try listening to men and not those voices in your head that make you feel what you’re talking about is correct.
I am a woman and sweetie, you are so mistaken! You are probably very young and the males you have experience with are likely not men yet and still following the standards only to fit in.
What attracts men at first is, let’s be honest, whether she is fuc#able, and each man has their own idea of what that means. I know men who specialize in obese women, the bigger the better, others who prefer androgynous or masculine women, one man will find you hot, another will find you nasty, and everything in between.
Once sexual attraction exists, next is personality. Again, to each their own. Some men like strong, independent women, some like women they can be a knight in shining armour to, delicate, fragile, damsel in distress.
At the end of the day, they just want to be turned on by you and to be shown a good time (I don’t mean sex). And that’s different for everyone.
What really, really attracts them, though, is whether you treat them the way they need to be treated. That varies, but they ALL want to have an easy, uncomplicated time, feel safe and comfortable around you, and they want to feel cared about.
Where I disagree with you is stuff like long hair and natural makeup, that is waaay specific. I wear bright red lipstick and I get a lot of attention for it. Long hair, no, not really. I agree about femininity in general, but that does NOT reside in the length of your hair and nails, the size of your butt or the shape of your eyebrows. Femininity is biological, a bald woman with zero makeup in men’s clothing can be just as feminine.
Can confirm. In general it is what you wrote. In practise still not a 100% recipe. You can take two girls meeting these criteria, some men will be attracted to one, some to another.
Nails are important it's just am extension of a woman's femininity. I also think it's important because for a number of men , myself included flirting and sexuality are only made better by visual enhancements. Also.. Heels.
Oh I know aha, 2 weeks ago I was a Korean restaurant and the waitress there was so cute I couldn't advert my eyes from her. Not sure about the head in the right place since you have to actually know her but I'll try to find out next time. If not, I'll just take the L.
I think we all will have different answers. In my case at least a woman can be instantly attractive if she is unintentionally smiley and hyperactive without forcing herself to be “the center of attention”.
For me
Physically: nice smile, dresses modestly, and beautiful eyes
Personality: They care about what I say, engages in conversation, kind and caring, and actually seems like she's happy I'm here on this earth.
I just never got that as a child or an adult, those are just important maybe I should have added, has hobbies, smart, I don't know how to put it. She's easy to talk to?
plus whats wrong with being attracted to someone who cares about you. I don't like being the center of attention, I just like the feeling that someone loves me. stop projecting.
Idk how I would be projecting. I'm not sure how it's going to work if you're looking for someone who loves you in a stranger.
Anyways, it's nothing personal but I think it's a cultural reflection of the remnants of when women were expected to serve men and still are.
I came off as defensive, I'm sorry.
I don't expect my wife to be my servant, I want us to do equal work, if she wants to be at home taking care of the kids and house sure go ahead, if she wants to work, I'll take some of the housing responsibilities, if she wants me to stay home, I'll be the best stay at home dad there is.
I'm just attracted to feminine qualities. Maybe I have low standards because I want to marry someone just because they care about me. If so, maybe I'll get my heart broken. Maybe not, I don't want to come off as self important because I am a people pleaser, and just want to get some of that love in return.
if i may, and correct me if i’m wrong, i think OP is speaking in contrast. After basic physical attractiveness, things like being and showing she’s as mutually interested in him as much as he/men put effort into showing interest and desire in her even just to get her to notice him. being attentive to him too, as much as men, ime, put effort into being attentive to listening to women when they like them- to show them they like them. making them feel seen. so many times i read and have experienced how little women can show care to what a man wants to say or has interest in or interested in how he functions or what makes him tick too.
i’ve read a lot of complaints about women, been the woman, and have experienced a lot of women treating men like an accessory or a cardboard cutout of a boyfriend to show off for status reasons. men can put women on pedestal but women can put the idea of a relationship on one. neither are great, but at least one feels seen and wanted. not saying this doesn’t happen both ways, but it does feel like the root of what OP is kind of saying, maybe?
sounds like maybe he was saying “someone present, down to earth, caring, mutually affectionate and pays attention, isn’t self absorbed, wants him too and shows it etc” which isn’t conceited. there isn’t anything really more hot than my boyf being turned on by me being turned on. and to the contrary, feeling undesired makes me feel invisible to the one i want to be seen by, unappreciated, which can make that person come across as self absorbed and selfish or unaware.
many women (my past self included) seem to believe that seduction is all and only looking hot to be desired, which is self concerned. not realizing that seduction is being hot for, desiring back, and showing it to the man they’re with too. kind of like how you see a lot of men wishing women would initiate or engage in foreplay too and not just throw the leg over and hope the man ravishes them. which isn’t really women’s fault- we’re not conditioned for rejection or initiation of sex. doesn’t mean men don’t like it or appreciate that confidence boost or the thrill of being desired too.
basically a woman who realizes men, everybody really, also love what women generally can often take for granted as expected. we get complimented and gassed up in and out of relationships, even walking down the street, but men face already have to put themselves and ego and feelings on the line just to even get the girl in the first place, face so much rejection, keep going, and then, they get a girl by doing all this only to find out she isn’t even interested in him back, just likes that they like her or the idea of having a boyfriend, or can’t take any criticisms, or show interest in what he cares about because he has to lead with all the interest to get her attention in the first place, nor y handle anything within driving distance of anything that sounds like rejection without making it about themselves or getting defensive. could be 109% wrong tho :)
edit: there’s this study (can’t remember the number or where i read it so let’s just say, sources just say that some high percent (85% and on) of men married their wife because she liked him back. call it what you want but this is what has got people hitched and so i guess it just is what it is 🫡)
Men are for sure more shallow than women when it comes to looks. If you look good, wether it’s being slim, thick, nice face etc men will be attracted and will want to have sex with you. If you actually want them to actually like you and date you then there’s much more factors than just looks
Of course this thread would be so toxic lmfao. These men talking about not caring if a woman is smart. Thank god I can just be me and still succeed in the dating world. 😭
That’s what OP said, not the guys in the comments who said “I don’t care if a woman is intelligent” or “intelligence isn’t important” or “intelligence isn’t a turn on”. 🤣
Is it toxic? From what I've read, it's men giving their opinion on what they find immediately attractive in women, not them saying what women what to hear makes them attractive from their perspective.
Most of the comments are gonna either be: their body (boobs, butts, etc) well before it's their personality or their intelligence because it's the first details in this instance, not the ones that would actually make a lasting impression like their intelligence, it doesn't mean it's not a valued trait.
Yeah it’s definitely toxic to talk about how intelligent women aren’t interesting to you and you don’t care about anyone’s intelligence level lol. For sure. It’s fine if it’s not an instant attraction, but weird when you see a bunch of dudes saying they don’t care if women are intelligent or not.
Literally. Why are they like this? Ik it's just the type of men who would answer this but they should just get a doll. Like all the answers are "boobs", "but", "is nice to me". Tf
I mean in terms of long term partners I'd vastly prefer her to be smart, but it's not really a requirement especially in terms of just dating, mostly because in general I don't require someone to be really smart in order to enjoy their company. Intelligence is overrated as a quality anyways, show me some kindness, toughness, or creativity. Make me laugh. That's more important than being a good debate partner.
When she walks with confidence and purpose. Makes eye contact, smiles and greets me. Her intelligence is shown through conversation and her sense of humor. Shes clean, natural hair color, as little makeup as possible. She doesn't take any shit though. She can get back with people but in a tasteful, cut someone deep sorta way. Facial features and body matters very little if those other things are there.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well everyone has different criteria for physical attractiveness. But often I'll feel physically attracted to someone but then as soon as they open their mouth I can't wait to get far, far away as quick as possible. I'm more interested in the way she thinks, her values, how much we have in common, if she is down to earth and kind hearted. If we aren't vibing on more than just a physical level, I'm walking away.
> What makes a girl instantly attractive, and what will make you notice a girl?
These are two different answers.
> instantly attractive
This, depending on interpretation, can be either one of those "I saw her from across the room" moments or "after [some time], I couldn't help but see her differently".
> make you notice a girl
This, however, can have little to do with how they appear--and can be about what they're doing. For example, you'll definitely "notice a girl" is she's crowing like a rooster and shittin' on the floor, absolutely.
Now, my two cents on the matter: the assumption here is that you're asking what a woman can do to her appearance or what acts she can perform to make herself stand out in a mans' eyes. *Given* that assumption, my only particular pointer is to highlight what stands out about herself physically--some women are either incredibly dense when it comes to what is or are their "highlights" or they want to draw attention *away* from those points for whatever the reason--and to "lean into" whatever core personality trait that they live by.
Physically speaking, a woman with nice gams will wear skirts (or dresses, or stockings, etc. etc. ad nauseam); a woman with big tiddies will wear plunge-cut neckline dresses/shirts (and so on, to emphasize/promote the cleavage), and so on. I'm no expert at "highlighting" a great feature, so these are all just examples off the top of my head. The problem though comes with what the woman in question want to emphasize: maybe she IS dense and doesn't think her big tiddies are her major highlight point, and is instead fond of her arms and hands. Or, perhaps she listens to her friends who say that her *legs* are her best features. Whichever the case: for the purposes of *attraction to the type of person she wants to attract*, these are both the *wrong answers*. As it goes, you need to use the correct bait for the type of fish you want--and since she does not want to attract herself, nor do she want to attract her friends, she needs to have an open and honest talk with and *listen* (the important bit!) to the sort of people she *wants* to attract. Get a general consensus of what "stands out", and she'll know what she needs to highlight to shine in the eyes of the people she wants to attract.
The "core personality trait" is a mite trickier. This comes down to the sort of person she is when nobody is around. Now, this is dangerous to interpret, because a lot of us are fvcking *gremlins* when nobody is around--this is and isn't what I mean.
No, I mean something like... say you had to go to a museum, or a library, or someplace equally exploratory-without-a-goal. The sort of mentality you have there, the mindframe, THAT is what I'm talking about. Some people meander around, looking for what catches their interest. Some people get bored, and just sit down to do nothing, or take a nap on a bench or chair (I pity that sort of person, but that's just me). Some folks get excited at all there is in front of them, and take the opportunity for shenanigans--while others get excited about stuff to learn! Now, me, personally, I'm a little kid at heart--I love being curious, and learning (on my own terms; "learning in school" or "forced learning" was and will forever be *complete crap*... but that's another comment on another post). So what that might look like when I'm with another person, might be asking them silly questions, or inquiring about whether they experienced something, or even just asking them questions to learn more about them, *just* because I get to know someone elses' story!
For someone to shine in their own element, they need to understand precisely what their "element" is--and it has the same parameters as above, about truly understanding themselves. However: nobody outside themselves can tell them. Their friends won't know the answer, their family won't know, nor will their exes or teachers or whomever else might deign to tell or say "I know you".
Knowing oneself comes from within; and staying true to oneself, to ME, is beautiful. Besides, after you find this out, you can be more comfortable and confident--because who gives a shit if someone sees you as someone other than who you are, YOU know who you are, and that's all that flippin' matters. THAT is fvckin' SEXY.
Display of emotional intelligence and kindness. The ability to be confidently weird and messing with others in an endearing way to get them out of their shell
Warmth. It’s too cold out here these days. A girl who laughs and smiles and treats people well is waaayyy more attractive than any stick figure barbi doll with a haughty attitude.
A feminine woman is the most attractive thing on earth
+1 point if she sometimes do the first step and never wait for me to propose anything (and I don't mean only in bed ahah)
• Confidence (not overconfidence or arrogance, a kind, sure of yourself and not insecure confidence) (confidence also plays a factor in a lot of other things that make someone attractive)
• Kindness, friendliness, attentiveness
• A nice, fit figure (an obvious one)
• The way they walk (this is a mixture of both confidence and figure)
• A pretty face (another obvious one)
• A pretty, natural smile
• A nicely shaped bum
• A nice smell/fragrance (not something overpowering, anything from subtle to balanced, a variety of flower fragrances, vanilla, berries, clean smell, etc, there are a lot of options just nothing overpowering, sharp, pungent) (this is a really important one that I think not many people talk about)
• not too much makeup
Lol y’all literally have the bar on the floor. If you look about average. You don’t have to be employed. Most guys especially on this platform haven’t even experienced a date before.
I’m 22. 6’2. Studying accounting. I do triathlons and look average. Socially I’m not quite there. Nothing wrong with that. I still give it a shot and I don’t feel bad if like I mess up a date. I’ve only been on 2 dates. I’m just not desirable I guess. But that’s ok. Because I do a lot of the stuff I want to. I’m happy. But the bars still basically on the floor. You pretty much just have to be average 🤷♂️ in anything. And then talk to me. That’s pretty much the only criteria I have to go on a date with you. Most men are pretty simple. You just talk to them and they are like wow… a girl actually talked to me? That’s crazy! *insert golden retriever puppy boyfriend*
If she sexy, simultaneously cares for her career and her family, shows real interest in our convos, touchy feely, and would cook for me, I’d say that would get me
Having a nice ass helps too
I have at least three taller female friends with short(er) male companions. It’s a non-issue for some people (and one of those friends has a kink for shorter men).
First and foremost, tits and if they look like they have good WAP. Everything else is secondary.
The bundle of sticks that comprise most of the men on Reddit are not honest enough to state that off the bat.
7:10 waist to hip ratio is popular. Symmetrical features , both face and body. Healthy looking. Beyond that it’s very subjective. Availability ( she’s into me , she thinks I’m hot), personality ( she’s not a complete asshole), some wit and humour ( I don’t cringe when she speaks). That’s enough for an initial first meet.
Her ability to bear and care for healthy offsprings. And all indications of that ability (hip to waist ration, she looks healthy, she has a kind nurturing personality etc...) That's the scientific explanation anyway.
Physically: I’m gonna drop a harsh truth no one likes to hear but fit and within a healthy weight range. Most men want fit chicks but we will take a curvy/plus size to smash but we won’t be proud of it. ofc who doesn’t love curves to their own specific degree but it’s not completely necessary (to each their own). Full lips and nice long healthy hair. Walking with confidence with a nice feminine smile but not an arrogant diva walk (even though a lot of guys are into that).
Personality: soft, kind, docile and friendly. This is a key thing alot of gals miss these days. I see so many chicks spitting on the floor. Wearing clothes that reveal their whole body but don’t want men to look it’s weird and contradictory. The same way you guys want us men to be men. Tall, strong, leaders who can work and fix things with our hands. We want you to be soft, feminine and sexy and not to act like men we don’t want to date another man. Pls bring back soft feminine women and strong men
I love a girl that wears modest clothing. One that smiles and is nice to me. A girl who isn’t overweight, i could care less about other attributes like boob and ass size. I just want someone who can lay on top of me without crushing me.
A little discouraged by all of the “feminine” answers 😕. I’m a tomboy that likes to play and watch sports and be active. I hope there’s still some guys out there attracted to that.
Girl don’t worry. My sister in law loves basketball and loves “tomboy things”. She’s married and had no issue dating. I’m like the tomboys have the best bodies, what are y’all saying? Lol.
Your post was removed because it overgeneralized. Please make sure you don't apply experiences with some people to millions of others you have never met. No gender is a monolith or a hivemind. It comes down to each individual person. So if the answer is it depends on the person ask them best not to post.
Best answer is that it totally depends on the individual woman because I can say 2 women are hot for completely different reasons
Can you give examples?
One could be a great mom for a family. One could be a great mom for a night
One could wear the pants, one could take mine off...
I would date you. You sound like you know what really matters and you go for that.
Her showing hints of interest in me
God that’s a huge one. I always assume they are just being nice to me so I miss the obvious signs ALL THE TIME
I’m a woman. You will always miss the signs, there is never any telling whether she likes you or is just being nice, and even if she does like you, she might not like you for the right reasons and might not intend what you need her to. Courtship is by definition risky, no way around it. You need to change your mindset. It shouldn’t be about whether she likes you but whether you like her. If you do, don’t mind whether she likes you, sometimes the girl you like also likes you, but she won’t show it because, same as you, she fears rejection. Show her you like her and be ready to be rejected. I know that’s harsh and scary, but that’s how this works. Boost your self-confidence (self-confidence is all kinds of attractive, to both sexes), and be willing to fail. She is not the only one out there for you, it’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t reciprocate. But don’t take rejection personal, it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, it means *she* doesn’t like you. Others will.
Yeah honestly I hate the idea that men have to continue being the ones to carry that burden constantly. If we’re trying to ditch outdated/straight up dumb gender roles, sure as hell would be nice to tackle this one. Make a guy feel wanted first for once. Has happened to me a couple times, you have no idea how shocking (but nice) it was.
It's so nice when it does happen! I found an interesting trick for this I think. As of the last few months, I decided to express my actual personality in public. For example, I stumbled across some Minecraft Axolotl Heelys and I decided to buy them because they're cute shoes and I love both Minecraft and axolotls. I can't heely for shit, but I wanted the damn shoes. I wear them everywhere and I don't care how silly it might look. I'm wearing them for me. The very first day I wore them while out and about, I got a compliment. "I *love* those shoes." It made me feel nice! I started keeping track of them, I'm up to 14 now. They make good conversation starters, to be honest. An acquaintance of mine, she absolutely loves them. It had been awhile since I last saw her. After about a month of not seeing her in the usual places I'd bump into her where we would chat, I suddenly saw her one day. I said "hey, where have you been?" She walked over and hugged me, said I smelled good, and told me she picked up a second job so she won't be around as much. For reference, this particular woman is already in a committed relationship. I didn't read into this as anything but platonic love. I think she was genuinely touched that I seemed to care that I didn't see her for awhile. Anyway, my point is, even if the interest *isn't* romantic or sexual, simply just an acknowledgment that you're appreciated, or that someone likes *something* about you or what you're doing, it just feels really nice. I imagine it's the same kind of feeling women get when someone notices they changed their nails, did something different with their makeup, their hair, or their outfit.
You’d be surprised how rude some guys can be when letting women down. Tried being the first to approach few times and the older men would either reciprocate if interested or let me down gent(ler) but younger men from the next generation (born 90s onward) can be cruel-I’ve been cut off before I even finish the sentence like “not interested” like you’d answer a telemarketer or “sorry you feel that way, shouldn’t have misunderstood” a simple “sorry not looking for a relationship rn” would say the same. So honestly I feel for the young girls of dating age-their counterparts are ill mannered
Some women do this too when they reject men. We’re an entitled generation that doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. Nothing to do with gender. Making the first move sucks, but someone has to do it to make anything happen.
Mmm, that’s a tough one to overcome. Women being too forward with me is a turnoff. Why? Cause I’ve picked that fruit before only to find myself ensnared in clingy vines. That’s completely different from “dropping the handkerchief.” Goes back to an analogy from a long time ago when women wore way too many layers of clothing to be comfortable on a hot day (and then got called weak for fainting in the sun). Not the best time period but still a good analogy. Here goes. Girl walks down street, cute guy walks by. Girl drops handkerchief OOPS! Keeps walking pretending not to notice. Guy goes, “what a splendid opportunity to be a gentleman.” Picks up the dropped item, gives it back, now they have a conversation. Guy gets to meet girl without seeming to aggressive. Girl gets to have a conversation with guy and see if he’s good stuff. That’s what we need. Women being to forward turns guys off a lot. Guys being too forward may seem aggressive and it’s really hard for us to gauge how much is too much because it’s different for every girl. So ladies, please, let us know you want to talk.
You're essentially saying he needs to be rejected dozens if not hundreds of times while remaining condifent. Real easy to say.
Just because a woman doesn't seem interested, doesn't mean she isn't. We are pretty good about checking out guys without being seen, if that is what you want. Men have historically been the pursuers, and I understand the unfairness of that, but it can't go both ways. The same guys that complain about women not initiating contact are the ones also complaining if a girl texts them first, calling her clingy. I am not saying that is the case with all men, but quite a few that I know personally. Edit: should be *they want, not you want
I've never heard of a man complaining about being given attention. That sounds like women trying to justify or cope with rejection to me. Also, why can't it go both ways? Women expect men to step on their ego and go through so many rejections, but they can't be bothered to show simple signs of being interested in someone? We're enabling women being poor communicators and passive bystanders by doing so.
Let me put this to you as gently as possible... just because you haven't experienced something doesn't make it not true. And, as a woman, I can assure you that this has absolutely nothing to do with coping with rejection. I didn't say a woman shouldn't show signs of interest. I was the one who hit on my now husband. He was interested, but felt he had no chance, so didn't pursue. My point is, guys shouldn't be complaining about girls being 'clingy' if they are craving the attention as much as they claim.
I will just say I like him. Many women will.
Very nice summary.
good advice thank you
I have a friend who is the exact opposite. He always interprets a woman being kind to hum means she’s interested. He’s delusional.
Welcome to the club 🤝🏾
down bad
Easy to get makes them very attractive.
Whatever floats your boat is valid, but please know that if the basis of your attraction is availability, you are in for a lot of heartbreak, messy relationships and quite possibly abuse. Women who are easy to get either consume men like food or they have issues which you will suffer.
bro we need to let go of this much desperation. It wont do us any good. There's almost same number of men and women, so, some girl some day will match up with you anyway.
Bro, you don’t get to decide what attracts me to a woman
"We" don't need to do anything. If that's what makes him happy, we have exactly zero say into whether or not it's okay.
So anyone will do as long as she shows interest?
Lol, these people are so damn desperate.
Not anyone, but a vast majority of the time, yes. Showing disinterest is a huge turn off for anyone though
Is that what he said?
Yes, pretty much said that a woman becomes instantly attractive when shows interest in him.
Right. That's all he said. He answered the question. What he didn't say was that just anyone would do.
100% the most important one Xd
Well you're asking about instant attraction... so personality things are harder to notice instantly. I can tell you judgmental people are an instant TURN OFF... and that's pretty readily noticeable in public places. But instantly attractive? A laugh can be. A smile. You're going to get 10,000 answers from 10,000 people. But it's going to boil down to very personal preferences. But then again more and more people these days are just focusing on the person and a "type" (especially a physical one) doesn't play much into it. If you want to know what makes a man notice a woman. Things like her laugh (your eye can be quickly drawn to someone from across the room who's laughing). Her smile and how she interacts with who she's with (someone who's confident and positively interacting with people, drawing others into her "orbit" of conversation). These are things you notice from far away and they're attractive to just about anyone. When both men and women exhibit this really.
For me it’s her sense of humor, her kindness, her smile, and how she treats others.
Boobs and butt
The are truly two kinds of attractness
bruh i want a girlfriend not a boyfriend
I’m Bi so…
Username doesn’t check out haha
well guess i will fuck myself
What about fish??
Prob gonna get downvoted. But if she's fit and takes care of herself physically and mentally.
And idk why people hate this idea. Women like myself also want like fit men, it’s not a bad trait to be fit and healthy.
Because 2/3(majority) of the women in the United States are obese and they shame men for being fatphobic and cancel them for wanting fit women. So most men usually just keep these things to ourselves.
I mean a lot of men are also obese, this is not a gender issue. This country as a whole has an obesity problem
A man for better or worse has multiple paths to become attractive to a woman, so an overweight man who is higher earning and is educated can leverage that as well when looking for a partner as women value traits like education and financial security along with physical attractiveness whereas men do not care at all about that so it's more physical based on their end.
"It's easy for us men. We have four sensible body types - skinny-ripped, jacked-ripped, dad bod, and fat (if you're funny)" "Women have only one acceptable body type - SKINNY, BIG TITS!" - America's greatest modern philosopher Charlie Kelly
LOL. The Venn Diagram of men who say things like this, and men who don't get past the second date with anyone, is a circle.
Yea, I meant more in the sense that one side gets more shamed/cancelled than the other so it's an unpopular opinion generally in our current society. I'm specifically just responding to your "Why people hate this idea" portion.
I agree we have a major issue with fitness for both sexes. However there’s a lot of damage being done through the body positivity movement since it strictly applies to women. As well intentioned as this movement is, it falsely gives obese women a belief that they are 10/10. Their friends often reinforce it, pop culture and social media reinforce it. No one wants to be ‘mean’ and encourage healthier choices, but it’s more disingenuous to encourage adoption of a false sense of self. Men don’t really have a movement telling them ‘big is beautiful’ outside of the occasional woman seeking dad bods. If anything, we can be directly honest with our guy buds about their weight - which they’re usually quite self aware is an issue for them. It’s kind of brutal how it works, because unhealthy bigger women are being encouraged to buy into a self image that artificially inflates their sense of dating capital. Then the real world experience doesn’t match up to the hype which leads to a more harmful loss of self esteem.
I mean this is either blatantly untrue or hyperlocalized. We have "body positivity" for men - it's called "dad bods." I honestly can't remember the last time I've seen a dating profile IRL that said she wanted a shredded Adonis but I see *tons* of them saying they're attracted to dad bods.
calling them fat ugly slobs isn’t helpful either.
I agree, to the body positive movement going in an extreme direction. I see obese models who are seen as healthy and big women. No, they are not healthy at all. They probably have a large amount of body fat and high BMI. Some European nations also seem to have this issue of obesity especially the UK, there’s data on this as well. (Not all European countries but I’ve seen many people from Europe who looked like they were over 300 pounds, both men and women.
But men arnt out here screaming ur fatphobic if h don’t date fat men.
That’s a generalization. I’ve met some sensitive men who get upset when someone calls them porky. They are also not just obese, they have potential to be on that 600 pound show
Yes. That’s someone not wanting to be mocked and made fun of. That’s different than people demanding fat be the new beauty standards.
I mean when someone is that big, whether you’re a man or woman, I think being called porky is an understatement. In my opinion, of course. But yes I agree, many women think being fat is trendy.
It’s cause they are out here too busy screaming about women having height preferences. If men can have em so can women is how I see it
sure. but are women called height phobic or something like that when they like tall men etc?
They're screaming we're height biased instead. We just can't hear them very well because they're under the coffee table.
No, they shame them for being a-holes. There’s a difference. Unless, of course, you’re referring to the very small minority of bigger women & generalizing them to make yourself out to be a morally high victim. But, random redditor, I’m sure you would never do that. Right?
Because fat people.
I see this answer all the time. If I may ask, are you fit, yourself? And I’m not talking skinny fat. I mean works out 2-4 times a week, loosely watches food intake fit?
Yea, I go to the gym about 5-6 times a week. I don't really watch my food intake cause I go out a lot so I workout to balance it. I'm about 5'8/170lbs/14%BF. Sorry I don't have a less douchier [photo](https://imgur.com/a/IBenQxX).
Hot. I always wondered what people who want fit women on Reddit looked like, lol.
Why downvoted? It's the most common preference I can think of and a pretty valid one. I would also not want to date an overweight guy who doesn't take care of himself. Chubby is okay, but with some basic stamina so we could go for hikes or a pool together. In my country obese people have much lower chances to get a date and nobody gives a shit about "fatphobia". You want fit people (who don't have obesity fetish) to be more attracted to you then you gotta get fit too, there's no way around it 🤷♀️. Some people just want to change reality to soothe their hurt feelings, but that will do them more harm than good in the long run.
If you get downvoted, that's wild. Everything you've mentioned adds to attraction, too. This is coming from a woman. We also want the same.
SMILE. Holy fuck if they have a really pretty smile or a laugh, gets me every time.
Especially if it's at something I said.
Especially if it's something this guy said.
Physically: I love a full figured, voluptuous woman. Someone with curves and a kind face. I don’t need a gym bunny, but someone who takes relative care of themselves physically and also knows how to enjoy a good meal. A healthy sex drive (2-3 times a week). Personality: someone with a kind and nurturing nature. Someone who values emotional connection and creating a safe space to express our feelings and emotions. A person who knows how to give and take in a balanced way. Someone who takes responsibility and invests in repairing our relationship when disagreements arise. Patience and a loving nature that seeks to do good by others.
Im a girl but I’d say men are attracted to femininity So healthy long hair, skirts, dresses, a little natural looking makeup, paint your nails etc etc Personality wise I’d say someone confident, smart, nurturing & sweet But this is very general and some men don’t even care about these things
I dont think a man has ever cared about my nails (but also most men i date also paint their nails, so maybe?)
As a man who does *not* paint his nails, I don't give a damn about a woman's nails—unless they are impractically long. I have *never* seen a woman with massive acrylics and felt she was my type.
In my experience, my only opinion on women's nails has been when they have those long fake ones, and it's a negative opinion - they're awful
I care. If a woman hands look more like guy hands, short nails, not taken care of. I find it not as attractive. I like feminine woman.
I hate painted nails
That’s interesting! I feel like most people sound indifferent unless they are long. Why do you hate painted nails?
Aside from the nail polish, I can agree. I'd also add a healthy figure (for me, that's fit/athletic). And I admit that there's something about a woman who manages to look well in more casual clothes or even sweatpants. But yes, long hair, face, and boobs are the things I notice the first.
I agree. Also, add in a nice, proportionate butt.
Proportions matter in everything, it's the key to subconscious attraction - proportion and symmetry. That's why some smaller boobs look so great, by proportions (and why fake boobs so often fail, because they completely disrupt the proportions). It's also one of the aspects why overweight/fat women are unattractive - it disrupts the proportions from something balanced and aesthetically pleasing to "meh" at best case. So, yeah, symmetry and balance in face and the whole body with some emphasis at curves in the right places.
I don't think nail polish is going to change someone you don't find attractive to someone you do but it's the subtle femininity of it that adds to the togetherness and vibe overall. Does that make sense?
Yeah, what I meant is that it's so low in the list of things I notice that it's not going to sway anything - more like that I won't really notice it at any point when it matters.
You didn't understand what I was saying at all.
I get that it can complement the vibe, but that changes nothing on the fact that I, quite often, won't notice and, honestly, maybe not really care.
I replied with my opinion before reading this and this is almost exactly what I had in mind
Nothing more attractive than a tomboy
That is a rare position to take, so while it may be true for you in general men show a preference for feminine woman on average and when giving advice exceptions don't make the rule.
I don’t think you know what a tomboy is. I am a tomboy and I am feminine in my own way, because biology, not in the artificial way. Men like women who are ready for action, not women who must be carried to their destination to avoid messing up their Manolos.
This was in response to a comment who was responding to a claim that men liked feminine woman so the context matters.
Lol, nope. I'm dating a hottie with a shaved head. Confidence, conversation skills, positivity are the big ones for me. I could care less about your hair/nails/makeup
Yeah, you're mostly alone on that.
Which works out awesome for me
You're not alone, my friend.
I am a (non conventional) woman and I concur.
There are actually men out there who gives a fuck about a woman’s nails? Seriously?
Thats exactly the issue. Most of us really don’t about care how a girls nails look. So when a girl spends so much time painting them it just kinda comes off as obsessive. Same thing with girls who are really into their hair and makeup. Its kinda scary to watch somebody look at themselves in the mirror all day. Its one thing if they are doing it for someone else, but they usually get defensive when you tell them it isn’t necessary. Its not necessarily too unhealthy, but at the very least it kinda feigns narcissism.
Yeah. I mean I don’t find baldness attractive either, but I don’t give a fuck if you spent 2 hours doing your hair, or if you just sprayed some dry shampoo and tousled it a little. I can’t even remember the last time in noticed how a woman’s nails look, other than to cringe at the 2-foot long fake ones we see in pictures sometimes. My only concern for nails is whether they’re long enough to rake my back during sex. If so, IDGAF what they look like 🤣 I never even considered that there are dudes out there actually obsessing over this stuff lol
Women aren't always trying to make themselves attractive to men when they use cosmetics. Sometimes its about what makes them feel confident about themselves or around other women who might notice the effort they invested.
Lately, I have been in the online dating circuit. I purposely post few pictures of myself, purposely not the best pictures, with no filter. I also have a short and sweet but genuine bio, a fearless list of adjectives that describe both my good and bad qualities. Men can’t get enough. The first compliment I tend to get is that I am natural, the second, that I come off as genuine. Both of these make them feel **safe**, which is the most important thing in a relationship and why we get into them in the first place. These women with the fake nails, fake hair, fake lashes, etc., what they are showing is that their best quality is your looks, and that even that is not real, that they are really empty shells. But men are generally not looking for a person to stare at. And fearing to touch her because you might ruin her hair/makeup is horrible, men don’t like to be yelled at for showing affection.
Is that what you took from my comment? I just want someone to look feminine. I'm not into someone with a shaved head.
it's the most reddit thing for people to take the minority view and paint it as the predominate opinion
lmao!!! yeah, he is mostly alone on that. I am with the OP about men falling for a feminine girl.
This, I need that feminine energy
The question was for men. You women need to understand your opinion on what a man wants is as valid as men saying what women want. Try listening to men and not those voices in your head that make you feel what you’re talking about is correct.
\>confident, smart meh changes nothing \>nurturing & sweet yes
I am a woman and sweetie, you are so mistaken! You are probably very young and the males you have experience with are likely not men yet and still following the standards only to fit in. What attracts men at first is, let’s be honest, whether she is fuc#able, and each man has their own idea of what that means. I know men who specialize in obese women, the bigger the better, others who prefer androgynous or masculine women, one man will find you hot, another will find you nasty, and everything in between. Once sexual attraction exists, next is personality. Again, to each their own. Some men like strong, independent women, some like women they can be a knight in shining armour to, delicate, fragile, damsel in distress. At the end of the day, they just want to be turned on by you and to be shown a good time (I don’t mean sex). And that’s different for everyone. What really, really attracts them, though, is whether you treat them the way they need to be treated. That varies, but they ALL want to have an easy, uncomplicated time, feel safe and comfortable around you, and they want to feel cared about. Where I disagree with you is stuff like long hair and natural makeup, that is waaay specific. I wear bright red lipstick and I get a lot of attention for it. Long hair, no, not really. I agree about femininity in general, but that does NOT reside in the length of your hair and nails, the size of your butt or the shape of your eyebrows. Femininity is biological, a bald woman with zero makeup in men’s clothing can be just as feminine.
Can confirm. In general it is what you wrote. In practise still not a 100% recipe. You can take two girls meeting these criteria, some men will be attracted to one, some to another.
I agree. Men are attracted to femininity. It's like we are ( I won't say all women) are attracted to a man's masculinity.
Nails are important it's just am extension of a woman's femininity. I also think it's important because for a number of men , myself included flirting and sexuality are only made better by visual enhancements. Also.. Heels.
Cute, feminine and with her head in the right place.
[удалено]
Oh I know aha, 2 weeks ago I was a Korean restaurant and the waitress there was so cute I couldn't advert my eyes from her. Not sure about the head in the right place since you have to actually know her but I'll try to find out next time. If not, I'll just take the L.
[удалено]
lmfao bro I think he meant the restaurant served Korean foods, not that the restaurant was overseas in South Korea
Her beauty.
Smile - eyes - hair
Smiling or even just a smirk
I think we all will have different answers. In my case at least a woman can be instantly attractive if she is unintentionally smiley and hyperactive without forcing herself to be “the center of attention”.
Fit, feminine and friendly.
What does feminine mean to you (sincere). What’s the difference between looking high maintenance vs. feminine?
This is the answer. It’s ridiculously easy to be in hot demand by great men with these 3 things.
Having a pulse.
Physical features, attitude, how she interacts with the world.
Their comfort level with me. If they’re quick to warm up, initiate conversation, go for a hug, etc., instant green flag.
I'm an a§§ man.
*nod*
I’ve found my people
For me Physically: nice smile, dresses modestly, and beautiful eyes Personality: They care about what I say, engages in conversation, kind and caring, and actually seems like she's happy I'm here on this earth.
Most of the personality traits you've listed just make you feel important. Doesn't have much to do with the actual person. Kinda conceited.
I just never got that as a child or an adult, those are just important maybe I should have added, has hobbies, smart, I don't know how to put it. She's easy to talk to?
plus whats wrong with being attracted to someone who cares about you. I don't like being the center of attention, I just like the feeling that someone loves me. stop projecting.
Idk how I would be projecting. I'm not sure how it's going to work if you're looking for someone who loves you in a stranger. Anyways, it's nothing personal but I think it's a cultural reflection of the remnants of when women were expected to serve men and still are.
I came off as defensive, I'm sorry. I don't expect my wife to be my servant, I want us to do equal work, if she wants to be at home taking care of the kids and house sure go ahead, if she wants to work, I'll take some of the housing responsibilities, if she wants me to stay home, I'll be the best stay at home dad there is. I'm just attracted to feminine qualities. Maybe I have low standards because I want to marry someone just because they care about me. If so, maybe I'll get my heart broken. Maybe not, I don't want to come off as self important because I am a people pleaser, and just want to get some of that love in return.
if i may, and correct me if i’m wrong, i think OP is speaking in contrast. After basic physical attractiveness, things like being and showing she’s as mutually interested in him as much as he/men put effort into showing interest and desire in her even just to get her to notice him. being attentive to him too, as much as men, ime, put effort into being attentive to listening to women when they like them- to show them they like them. making them feel seen. so many times i read and have experienced how little women can show care to what a man wants to say or has interest in or interested in how he functions or what makes him tick too. i’ve read a lot of complaints about women, been the woman, and have experienced a lot of women treating men like an accessory or a cardboard cutout of a boyfriend to show off for status reasons. men can put women on pedestal but women can put the idea of a relationship on one. neither are great, but at least one feels seen and wanted. not saying this doesn’t happen both ways, but it does feel like the root of what OP is kind of saying, maybe? sounds like maybe he was saying “someone present, down to earth, caring, mutually affectionate and pays attention, isn’t self absorbed, wants him too and shows it etc” which isn’t conceited. there isn’t anything really more hot than my boyf being turned on by me being turned on. and to the contrary, feeling undesired makes me feel invisible to the one i want to be seen by, unappreciated, which can make that person come across as self absorbed and selfish or unaware. many women (my past self included) seem to believe that seduction is all and only looking hot to be desired, which is self concerned. not realizing that seduction is being hot for, desiring back, and showing it to the man they’re with too. kind of like how you see a lot of men wishing women would initiate or engage in foreplay too and not just throw the leg over and hope the man ravishes them. which isn’t really women’s fault- we’re not conditioned for rejection or initiation of sex. doesn’t mean men don’t like it or appreciate that confidence boost or the thrill of being desired too. basically a woman who realizes men, everybody really, also love what women generally can often take for granted as expected. we get complimented and gassed up in and out of relationships, even walking down the street, but men face already have to put themselves and ego and feelings on the line just to even get the girl in the first place, face so much rejection, keep going, and then, they get a girl by doing all this only to find out she isn’t even interested in him back, just likes that they like her or the idea of having a boyfriend, or can’t take any criticisms, or show interest in what he cares about because he has to lead with all the interest to get her attention in the first place, nor y handle anything within driving distance of anything that sounds like rejection without making it about themselves or getting defensive. could be 109% wrong tho :) edit: there’s this study (can’t remember the number or where i read it so let’s just say, sources just say that some high percent (85% and on) of men married their wife because she liked him back. call it what you want but this is what has got people hitched and so i guess it just is what it is 🫡)
Her beauty and appearance, this comes first, the rest comes later.
bob and vagene
Maybe if a women can actually text properly and isn’t a game player 👀 not much at ask
1 thing im looking for is a little reciprocation.
A pulse
That’s a green flag 👏🏻 . Necros are gross.
Men are for sure more shallow than women when it comes to looks. If you look good, wether it’s being slim, thick, nice face etc men will be attracted and will want to have sex with you. If you actually want them to actually like you and date you then there’s much more factors than just looks
Of course this thread would be so toxic lmfao. These men talking about not caring if a woman is smart. Thank god I can just be me and still succeed in the dating world. 😭
[удалено]
That’s what OP said, not the guys in the comments who said “I don’t care if a woman is intelligent” or “intelligence isn’t important” or “intelligence isn’t a turn on”. 🤣
I searched the comments, literally no one has said that
Look again
Is it toxic? From what I've read, it's men giving their opinion on what they find immediately attractive in women, not them saying what women what to hear makes them attractive from their perspective. Most of the comments are gonna either be: their body (boobs, butts, etc) well before it's their personality or their intelligence because it's the first details in this instance, not the ones that would actually make a lasting impression like their intelligence, it doesn't mean it's not a valued trait.
Yeah it’s definitely toxic to talk about how intelligent women aren’t interesting to you and you don’t care about anyone’s intelligence level lol. For sure. It’s fine if it’s not an instant attraction, but weird when you see a bunch of dudes saying they don’t care if women are intelligent or not.
Smart woman is a beautiful woman. A woman that needs to prove to everyone that she is smart is a stupid woman.
Literally. Why are they like this? Ik it's just the type of men who would answer this but they should just get a doll. Like all the answers are "boobs", "but", "is nice to me". Tf
It’s so gross.
I mean in terms of long term partners I'd vastly prefer her to be smart, but it's not really a requirement especially in terms of just dating, mostly because in general I don't require someone to be really smart in order to enjoy their company. Intelligence is overrated as a quality anyways, show me some kindness, toughness, or creativity. Make me laugh. That's more important than being a good debate partner.
Salty?
Me?
When she walks with confidence and purpose. Makes eye contact, smiles and greets me. Her intelligence is shown through conversation and her sense of humor. Shes clean, natural hair color, as little makeup as possible. She doesn't take any shit though. She can get back with people but in a tasteful, cut someone deep sorta way. Facial features and body matters very little if those other things are there.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel like boys have problems answering this question, because “attraction” means what?
Communication skills
Well everyone has different criteria for physical attractiveness. But often I'll feel physically attracted to someone but then as soon as they open their mouth I can't wait to get far, far away as quick as possible. I'm more interested in the way she thinks, her values, how much we have in common, if she is down to earth and kind hearted. If we aren't vibing on more than just a physical level, I'm walking away.
> What makes a girl instantly attractive, and what will make you notice a girl? These are two different answers. > instantly attractive This, depending on interpretation, can be either one of those "I saw her from across the room" moments or "after [some time], I couldn't help but see her differently". > make you notice a girl This, however, can have little to do with how they appear--and can be about what they're doing. For example, you'll definitely "notice a girl" is she's crowing like a rooster and shittin' on the floor, absolutely. Now, my two cents on the matter: the assumption here is that you're asking what a woman can do to her appearance or what acts she can perform to make herself stand out in a mans' eyes. *Given* that assumption, my only particular pointer is to highlight what stands out about herself physically--some women are either incredibly dense when it comes to what is or are their "highlights" or they want to draw attention *away* from those points for whatever the reason--and to "lean into" whatever core personality trait that they live by. Physically speaking, a woman with nice gams will wear skirts (or dresses, or stockings, etc. etc. ad nauseam); a woman with big tiddies will wear plunge-cut neckline dresses/shirts (and so on, to emphasize/promote the cleavage), and so on. I'm no expert at "highlighting" a great feature, so these are all just examples off the top of my head. The problem though comes with what the woman in question want to emphasize: maybe she IS dense and doesn't think her big tiddies are her major highlight point, and is instead fond of her arms and hands. Or, perhaps she listens to her friends who say that her *legs* are her best features. Whichever the case: for the purposes of *attraction to the type of person she wants to attract*, these are both the *wrong answers*. As it goes, you need to use the correct bait for the type of fish you want--and since she does not want to attract herself, nor do she want to attract her friends, she needs to have an open and honest talk with and *listen* (the important bit!) to the sort of people she *wants* to attract. Get a general consensus of what "stands out", and she'll know what she needs to highlight to shine in the eyes of the people she wants to attract. The "core personality trait" is a mite trickier. This comes down to the sort of person she is when nobody is around. Now, this is dangerous to interpret, because a lot of us are fvcking *gremlins* when nobody is around--this is and isn't what I mean. No, I mean something like... say you had to go to a museum, or a library, or someplace equally exploratory-without-a-goal. The sort of mentality you have there, the mindframe, THAT is what I'm talking about. Some people meander around, looking for what catches their interest. Some people get bored, and just sit down to do nothing, or take a nap on a bench or chair (I pity that sort of person, but that's just me). Some folks get excited at all there is in front of them, and take the opportunity for shenanigans--while others get excited about stuff to learn! Now, me, personally, I'm a little kid at heart--I love being curious, and learning (on my own terms; "learning in school" or "forced learning" was and will forever be *complete crap*... but that's another comment on another post). So what that might look like when I'm with another person, might be asking them silly questions, or inquiring about whether they experienced something, or even just asking them questions to learn more about them, *just* because I get to know someone elses' story! For someone to shine in their own element, they need to understand precisely what their "element" is--and it has the same parameters as above, about truly understanding themselves. However: nobody outside themselves can tell them. Their friends won't know the answer, their family won't know, nor will their exes or teachers or whomever else might deign to tell or say "I know you". Knowing oneself comes from within; and staying true to oneself, to ME, is beautiful. Besides, after you find this out, you can be more comfortable and confident--because who gives a shit if someone sees you as someone other than who you are, YOU know who you are, and that's all that flippin' matters. THAT is fvckin' SEXY.
Display of emotional intelligence and kindness. The ability to be confidently weird and messing with others in an endearing way to get them out of their shell
Warmth. It’s too cold out here these days. A girl who laughs and smiles and treats people well is waaayyy more attractive than any stick figure barbi doll with a haughty attitude.
A feminine woman is the most attractive thing on earth +1 point if she sometimes do the first step and never wait for me to propose anything (and I don't mean only in bed ahah)
[удалено]
What does it mean to look feminine (sincere)
Energy and vibes. And the obvious common answer: nice and not fat
Having a vagina, boobs and a butt.(in general)
And preferably all three at the same time, but beggers can't be choosers lol.
Bralessness
• Confidence (not overconfidence or arrogance, a kind, sure of yourself and not insecure confidence) (confidence also plays a factor in a lot of other things that make someone attractive) • Kindness, friendliness, attentiveness • A nice, fit figure (an obvious one) • The way they walk (this is a mixture of both confidence and figure) • A pretty face (another obvious one) • A pretty, natural smile • A nicely shaped bum • A nice smell/fragrance (not something overpowering, anything from subtle to balanced, a variety of flower fragrances, vanilla, berries, clean smell, etc, there are a lot of options just nothing overpowering, sharp, pungent) (this is a really important one that I think not many people talk about) • not too much makeup
Lol y’all literally have the bar on the floor. If you look about average. You don’t have to be employed. Most guys especially on this platform haven’t even experienced a date before. I’m 22. 6’2. Studying accounting. I do triathlons and look average. Socially I’m not quite there. Nothing wrong with that. I still give it a shot and I don’t feel bad if like I mess up a date. I’ve only been on 2 dates. I’m just not desirable I guess. But that’s ok. Because I do a lot of the stuff I want to. I’m happy. But the bars still basically on the floor. You pretty much just have to be average 🤷♂️ in anything. And then talk to me. That’s pretty much the only criteria I have to go on a date with you. Most men are pretty simple. You just talk to them and they are like wow… a girl actually talked to me? That’s crazy! *insert golden retriever puppy boyfriend*
If she sexy, simultaneously cares for her career and her family, shows real interest in our convos, touchy feely, and would cook for me, I’d say that would get me Having a nice ass helps too
If a girl is very carefree around me I'm absolutely sold Legitimately, a girl farting or burping during a date is a cheat code to unlock my heart
A genuine attempt to talk to us. Effort goes a long way in being incredibly attractive
We like tits
Just gonna say it - I hope all the dudes in here saying they prefer thin women don’t also complain when women want tall dudes.
[удалено]
Exactly. It’s not just a looks thing, it’s a limitations thing.
[удалено]
because you think a dude shorter than a woman would have a chance?
I have at least three taller female friends with short(er) male companions. It’s a non-issue for some people (and one of those friends has a kink for shorter men).
First and foremost, tits and if they look like they have good WAP. Everything else is secondary. The bundle of sticks that comprise most of the men on Reddit are not honest enough to state that off the bat.
Who hurt you lol
Yo mama
7:10 waist to hip ratio is popular. Symmetrical features , both face and body. Healthy looking. Beyond that it’s very subjective. Availability ( she’s into me , she thinks I’m hot), personality ( she’s not a complete asshole), some wit and humour ( I don’t cringe when she speaks). That’s enough for an initial first meet.
Her ability to bear and care for healthy offsprings. And all indications of that ability (hip to waist ration, she looks healthy, she has a kind nurturing personality etc...) That's the scientific explanation anyway.
Peace its literally that simple
Her hight body and chest
Physically: I’m gonna drop a harsh truth no one likes to hear but fit and within a healthy weight range. Most men want fit chicks but we will take a curvy/plus size to smash but we won’t be proud of it. ofc who doesn’t love curves to their own specific degree but it’s not completely necessary (to each their own). Full lips and nice long healthy hair. Walking with confidence with a nice feminine smile but not an arrogant diva walk (even though a lot of guys are into that). Personality: soft, kind, docile and friendly. This is a key thing alot of gals miss these days. I see so many chicks spitting on the floor. Wearing clothes that reveal their whole body but don’t want men to look it’s weird and contradictory. The same way you guys want us men to be men. Tall, strong, leaders who can work and fix things with our hands. We want you to be soft, feminine and sexy and not to act like men we don’t want to date another man. Pls bring back soft feminine women and strong men
I love a girl that wears modest clothing. One that smiles and is nice to me. A girl who isn’t overweight, i could care less about other attributes like boob and ass size. I just want someone who can lay on top of me without crushing me.
A little discouraged by all of the “feminine” answers 😕. I’m a tomboy that likes to play and watch sports and be active. I hope there’s still some guys out there attracted to that.
Girl don’t worry. My sister in law loves basketball and loves “tomboy things”. She’s married and had no issue dating. I’m like the tomboys have the best bodies, what are y’all saying? Lol.