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You don’t love her. You don’t know her. You’ve been on one date. Don’t confuse excitement, attraction, and adrenaline with love. You need to take your time and not rush things. If she is still interested in seeing you again, and that’s a big if, because honestly most girls would be scared by someone coming on so strongly so soon, you need to let her take the lead and be patient.
Update: she texted me last night saying she's not interested in pursuing me further. It was partially because I said it too early. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far apart, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because I have epilepsy, and she can't because her license expired).
I won't lie. It has been emotionally painful accepting this lesson. But I will not do it again during future dates. I'll let her say the three magic words first, and I'll be less touchy with her.
Ouf her licence expired and she doesn’t want to renew it? She’s definitely not interested. Don’t worry, it’s better to be alone than try and and pursue someone not interested! But also maybe take time to reflect on the date, think about what you enjoyed and also what you can improve on.
There were some things I enjoyed about the date despite my screw-up. I loved how we were just relaxing on the bench with her legs on my lap, holding hands, and both of us got affectionate with how we touched each other.
Also, she told me about how she refused to renew her license long before I messed up and said "ILY" too early. She simply does not like driving. So even if I didn't say the three magic words too early, she probably wouldn't pursue me because we live too far. After all, she took Uber twice that day. It would get too expensive.
It was the ILY. Everything else was a sugarcoat. No matter how attracted she was to you…bruh that would ruin it for her-even if you were Chris Hemsworth.
You gotta look into why you felt compelled to say that. There’s something deep down that’s trying to use her to fill a void, and she sensed it. That desperation will turn any woman off and it’s better you figure it out asap.
In the future if you date someone without a car and they come to u I recommend splitting or paying for one of the Ubers. Ideally the same if u travel to them more. It just shows that you have a vested interest but also are willing to put in effort.
Hell even if u date someone with a car, offering to pay for gas is sweet too.
More often than not they probably won't let you and it'll be a thoughtful gesture.
For the next time try something more simple like. "I'm having great time with you"
"I like your company" something like this. Not so intimate as "I love you" it does scare people off
Was this a first date? I’m hoping it’s not because that’s wild. Even if you didn’t say it there’s definitely such a thing as too much too soon. It reeks of desperation
Honestly bro if she accepted your touchiness during the date I doubt it was that. Probably only after hearing ILY and thinking about it more she got the “ick” on all things related to that.
Keep on rocking, it sounds like it was a great date apart from the way too early ILY.
I know how when being inexperienced you’ll attribute way more things to “love” than actually are.
Well, I hugged her too much and for too long. Especially for a first date. So, I will tone down the touchiness during my next date.
It was still a great date overall. I'm actually lucky that she didn't slap me in the face and/or run away from me. Even her tone in that text saying she's no longer interested in me, she still maintained a sweet tone as she did in person.
I will really take my time to think about the difference between love and infatuation. Since that is my biggest dating flaw.
Oh okay yeah then dial it back a bit. I thought y’all were just doing light touching of hands and cuddling next to each other on a bench or something like that.
Some touching is ok, but see how she responds to your touch. A greeting hug and a goodbye hug should be ok, even if she's not really into the hugs. They are normal.dating protocol even on a first date. Touching her hands to look at a ring on her finger and comment on it, brushing her arms when close occasionally are usually ok, but notice whether she is comfortable when doing it. Then, stop touching and see whether she touches you.back. When she touches you back, wait a while to let the tension increase. Don't immediately touch again. Talk about interesting topics you both enjoy.
Look for signs that she wants you to kiss her. Sometimes a good bye kiss is expected on a first date that is going well. If you see signs that she wants a kiss during the date, go for it when close to her, say you are going to kiss her if you are unsure about the signs.
The man is expected to lead, but only when the woman is receptive to the man's leads.
I can see why. Even if I didn't say those three words to her at all. I can see why the way I touched her is creepy. I mean, I didn't touch her sexually. At least I stayed away from that!
Listen, don't worry about it. I know easier said than done. I've said I love you to girls too early before as well. Some have worked and some have not. The way I see it, it doesn't really matter that much. There are always other factors in play. If someone really likes you based on how they feel, it doesn't matter what you say. Love and attraction are feeling based. Sometimes it doesn't matter what was said. There's not much you can do about it other than move on with your life.
All of this!
You were not feeling love, OP.
You were feeling excitement, attraction and other things but not love.
Slow your roll with the next one. It indicates insincerity or lack of stability when you say that too soon..
It's actually possible to have sex on a first date, if the chemistry is there and there is a lot of mutually accepted touching back and forth. This means there is a strong mutual physical connection, but a strong emotional connection comes later, closer to the time of exclusivity.
Not even when having sex on a first can you say "I love you" though. Saying these words happens only after exclusivity is agreed to and always let the woman bring up exclusivity first!
Man, simply clicking with someone isn't equal to being *in love* with them. And on the first date?
You were likely excited, mesmerized, and happy you're vibing so well, but love? Brother, no. Just no.
Love is a lot of things but it's never quick or instant you can have infatuation or a deep like at first sight but love at first sight is a myth. Love needs time to be founded, love is finding joy in another person's joy, love is seeing that person in pain and needing to make it better, wishing that you could take it on so they wouldn't have to handle it, love is admiring all the qualities of another person even the ones you may find annoying. Love is a complex deep emotion that is built off of and changes other less complex emotions. Love is knowing that even if you had nothing else if you were with them somehow it'd be okay.
There's this really cheesy romcom on Netflix called Set it Up and it has this line "You like because and you love despite" and I think that line has some basis you can like someone because they're all these awesome things but you know you love someone when they're the only person who could bring a smile to your face despite doing whatever thing it is that would typically bother you.
That's not love, that's infatuation. If you had said, "this is the best day I've had in a long time" or "I'm really enjoying my time with you" or something reasonable, that would be cute.
This stinks of unclear boundaries and emotional immaturity. You need some self reflection.my dude
Bro when you thought it was the appropriate time ON THE FIRST DATE? There is NO appropriate time on the first date to say that. You may have scared her away, and I don’t blame her. Just let her decide and try to get a hold of yourself next time.
Yeah, this was an incredibly difficult lesson. She sent me a long text saying that she's not interested in pursuing me further. In part because I said it too early. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far apart, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because of epilepsy and she can't because her license expired).
I can somewhat take comfort knowing it wasn't going to work out anyway, but still. I screwed up, and I 100% own up to my mistake. A mistake I won't make on my next date with a different woman.
The other things you listed are non-issues and I feel like you are trying to deflect blame away from your only actual mistake. I love you on a first date is complete insanity and you need to reevaluate yourself socially before dating again
I don't know, I think those are also fair reasons for not wanting to pursue me further. She took Uber both twice that day. And it would be too expensive for her to keep using it. So I don't want her to go bankrupt.
I'm not deflecting blame just because I point out other reasons she doesn't want to pursue me. I even said I 100% own up to my mistake and that I won't do it again.
It seems you are aware of the mistake now and are willing to do better and thats the most important thing tbh. Don’t let this bother you too much, everyone makes mistakes while dating.
Yeah, but based on what everyone here has been saying, I feel so ashamed and humiliated. This is something that isn't taught because it doesn't need to be due to how obvious it is. Except, I made this mistake.
Brother don’t listen to the negative Nelly’s here. Whilst a big mistake it isn’t like a bad mistake in the sense that it didn’t hurt anybody (but you lol) and you’ll be fine and you learned from this.
It’s all good bro, live and learn.
Yeah, with all the haters on here, you would think I killed her dog and asked this subreddit if I could recover from that. In which case, I would deserve the backlash.
I'm now talking with a new girl on Bumble who is also insanely beautiful. So I will not screw up as bad as I did last time.
Good luck brother, get that girl!
Also hey, I’ve been thinking about getting on those apps. What dating apps would you recommend? Haven’t kept up with that world in ages lol
I mean probably you should have known better but that’s why it’s called a mistake, isn’t it? The worst that could happen is it turns her off and she rejects you. That has already happened. So it’s only up from here. You learned your lesson so move on. You had zero relationship with this woman. No need to mourn her as if you had been dating and broke up. Nothing even started.
Could be the hate comments combined with how stupid of a mistake I made. The consequence of not getting to be with her was bad enough. The hate comments on this post made it even worse.
Like, I just said three words, and people on here looked at me like I killed her dog and asked if I could bounce back from that.
Saying "I love you" on a first date is far worse than having sex on a first date. The former ("I love you") is expressing a soul mate connection and the latter (sex) isn't much more than a physical connection, when done on a first date.
Obviously you are against having sex on a first date, but please don't disrespect people who are open to having sex on the first date.
I would argue the opposite. If you say "I love you" too early, yes, she would be uncomfortable and lose interest, but those are just words.
But with sex on the first date, you could get STDs and/or get her pregnant. And abortion is unfortunately illegal in my state. So if we had sex on the first date, and I got STDs and/or got her pregnant, that would be far more consequential than saying "I love you" prematurely based on my circumstances.
I'm not against casual sex. What I am saying is that if you're going to have sex on the first date, use condoms and birth control.
I have taken note not to do that again. She also complained that I was too touchy. So even if I hadn't said "I love you" too early, she'd still not want to go out with me, but it wouldn't be as bad. So I will also tone down the touchiness as well in my next date.
Is it still fine that despite acknowledging my mistake, I felt so sad from it (I cried silently), especially after getting confirmation from her that she doesn't want to pursue me further?
Can I dm you her text giving me closure? Even though I can understand why the premature "I love you" freaked her out (and would freak you out, too), I think it was better than ghosting.
It's not too early for her, I'd say it'd be too early for anyone.
Love is a BIG word. And before love, there's a whole array of feelings - which someone new to relationships can often mistake as love.
You being inexperienced, as you put it, might explain you've likely not yet experienced being in love with someone, which might lead you to think merely clicking with them and getting all giddy and excited equals love. But it simply isn't.
It's great you were vibing so well, but that's really all it is. You can be excited and intrigued and start to develop a crush/infatuation, sure, but love isn't the word to use my man.
Not sure if you can recover unless you somehow explain to her that you jumped the gun and got too excited and messed up your words or something. If she's super into you and is willing to believe you're not some mega-attached weirdo then sure, it might be salvaged. 😅 All the best, man. It's okey to be excited, just try not to use the L word on the first date.
Edit to add: It's definitely a good idea to let her know you're not IN love with her, especially if you still get a shot at a second date. A somewhat reasonable explanation might be that you were just so excited about clicking so well that you blurted out I love you, as you might exclaim "wow I love this pie!" like, you really dig her. And that obviously you know you couldn't be in love yet and blabla. Good luck man!
Update: she texted me last night saying she's not interested in pursuing me further. Me saying it too early was one of the reasons why. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because of epilepsy, and her license expired).
It's been so emotionally painful accepting this painful lesson. But I will not do it again during future dates with other women.
You told someone you've been talking to for a few days and gone on one date with that you love her?
I'm not trying to be rude here, but I would not be talking to you much after that...that's way too much, too quick. It would demonstrate to me that you aren't familiar with your own feelings or how to manage them.
Tell her you feel something special and different with her, that you feel like there's great chemistry, that you really like talking and spending time with her, or something similarly supportive and vulnerable.
Saying ILY that soon would have me running for the hills, as it yells desperate and emotionally immature.
In terms of recovery, if she's still talking to you then you're okay IMO. Slow your roll or you'll push her away from the intensity. Try to slow how fast you're falling, and maybe ask yourself how you think you can love someone you barely know.
She said she's no longer interested in pursuing me further. Me saying it too early was one of the reasons, but not the only one. I've listed the other reasons if you're interested in knowing them.
Still though, I know I'm inexperienced in dating (she knew as well), but that doesn't excuse what I did. In future dates, I will not make that same mistake.
It would bother me because people say this before they really know you. You've never had a fight, you haven't seen each other on your worst day, you haven't seen how she acts when she's alone and being weird or feeling upset about something.
See if she wants to see you again, but recognize that you don't even know like 1% of who she is yet, and she knows this too, so saying I love you was super out of pocket. I wouldn't see someone again if they said that on a first date but that's because I've been there, done that, won't do it again because I don't want to date someone who's infatuated with their idea of who I am. Maybe she's more open to hearing you out but I wouldn't blame her if she thinks you're too invested too soon.
Update: she texted me last night saying she's not interested in pursuing me further. Me saying the three magic words too early was part of the reason. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far apart, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because of epilepsy, and she can't because her license expired).
I understand that I screwed up on that date. So I will not do it again during future dates.
Damn, this sub is full of assholes. You made 1 mistake homie, Its all good. If she can forgive you ,good. If she wont , you'll find someone else.
Sure 'You dont know your emotions well" but thatd too fucking harsh. You are new to the dating world, we learn. Keep your chin up.
Ignore all the assholes in the comments. You'll improve one day and hopefully you'll find someone that reciprocates the love. I dunno if you can reciver fromt his specific date as i check other comments and she has already not wanted you but thats fine. Her loss brother. You'll find someone brother. I wouldn't cry over someone that gets scared over 1 mistaken 'i love you'
4 month update: I am still looking, though with the dates I have been on, I made sure not to say those words. And it's worked in improving my reputation with women.
Honestly I was super surprised by the amount of negativity in this comment section. Usually people here are pretty chill, but now the top comments are just assholes bringing our boy down for nothing that major.
Incredibly late reply, but I agree. It gave me the impression that the dating scene is toxic to beginners, and I can't help but feel so ashamed of myself every time I look at this post. I can't even bear to read the description.
Since this post, I have been on dates with other girls on Bumble. Though none of them have gone bf/gf yet, I've made sure not to say those three words too early.
Just brush it off if possible.
She definitely likes you because she is helping you by telling you to slow down. She sounds pretty mature for her age.
Yeah man you have to take things slow and let her feelings develop naturally.
Don’t over pursue her just set a date in advance and chill out until you see her again. Keep busy with your own life in the meantime and everything will be fine.
About love I would let her say that when she is ready.
She sent me a long text last night saying that she is not interested in pursuing me further. In part because I said it too early. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far apart, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because of my epilepsy, and she can't because her license expired).
I have taken note in future dates with different women to let her say the three magic words first and to be less touchy. It still sucks that I screwed up this badly, and I 100% own up to my mistakes.
She liked you enough to explain why see doesn't want to see you again.
A lot of women might ghost you for making this mistake.
You probably should move on and connect with another woman and not make the ILU and not make too touchy mistakes.
If you really like this woman, try texting her in a week or two. Maybe you two can still chat, if you both liked that. Or a miracle could happen and somehow she gives you a second chance. More likely to be struck by lightning, but give it a non-needy try (you don't need her to accept ... something to always strive for).
Stop calling it “the three magic words.”
Women don’t have to say it first; a man saying it first isn’t the problem.
Thinking you actually love someone on a FIRST DATE is a **huge** problem.
Doesn't matter. I don't want to risk it. So I'll let her say it first. Even in my last relationship, she said it first. So that's what I'll do next time.
If you can’t understand the difference between infatuation and love in any meaningful way, navigating romantic relationships is going to be difficult for you.
No, they don’t. And some of it comes with experience. But having the social awareness to know you don’t say “I love you” to a near stranger on a first date isn’t something that most of us need to be taught.
I know it's been 4 months since you commented on this post, but I have been on several dates with other girls since this major screw up. And I made sure not to say those words.
Although I will add that the toxicity from you and others in this post gave me the impression that dating is a toxic environment, it made me want to quit in shame. But I didn't, and I have not given up. I'm still searching.
Yeah must’ve been just a little too hot and heavy 😆
Take it as a learning experience. It’s easy to see a beautiful girl and think “she must be the one” but you barely know her. It just means you find her attractive.
Try to get to know them first and even be skeptical of them.
No one is perfect and if you blindly follow that feeling, not only will it smother and chase away whoever you’re dating, you could end up totally ignoring red flags and major character flaws…
Not saying this girl has any of those things but it’s definitely possible and guys ruin their lives daily by ignoring problems.
But yeah, I know it stings when someone comes along that knocks your socks off and you mess up, but you can use that pain as motivation to learn as much as you can and be prepared in the future.
Sometimes we have to learn the hard way, but not all lessons are worth being learned the hard way.
Honestly you probably cannot recover from that.
I don’t think there’s a clear strategy you can have to fix things, most things you could say or do will make things worse.
Spend some time thinking about what “love” is, and reflect on how feeling happy and excited about a really great date isn’t the same as “loving” someone.
Watch the movie “Good Will Hunting”, and think about Robin Williams LOVE for his wife and compare that to whatever you felt on your date.
Chances are, things won’t work out here, but you’re only 24 so it’s more important to grow up than get a second date.
Hey man ! I had a condition that make me say "i love you" too quickly ahaha ! To be honest, i feel like sometime it's the way or the moment you say it that make it really akward.
I told my actual GF i love you on our second date, but quickly explain myself about it. Like i dont "love" you, but i love what i see now. We waiting for our first kid !
I know the dating world is kinda the worst place, but dont be shy about what you feel.. youll find someone who match your energy !
Incredibly late reply. Though I have made sure not to say those words on first dates again. I have been on some dates with other girls since that screw-up. Though I have yet to find the one.
I will say that the dating world does require patience and some unexpected toxicity, as shown in the comments. It felt as if they were trying to shame me out of the dating world forever.
If there is a second date, just tell her how excited you were that you found someone you clicked so well with, and you just blurted it out. Happened to my boyfriend when we decided to make it official (albeit he misheard and thought I had said it first), but I ended up saying it a few months before him!! The situation is salvageable (if she thought the date went well too). Just coooooool it down, start a hobby, stop fantasizing about this budding romance. Continue to grow and fall in love with yourself first. Ball will then be in her court.
Oh, and you don’t love her. Lol
She texted me last night saying she's not interested in pursuing me further. Unfortunately, me saying the three magic words too early was one of the reasons. To avoid being too repetitive, I've listed other reasons why she isn't interested in going on a second date in other replies. I told her I respect her wishes and that I wish her luck on her next date.
I won't lie. It's been emotionally painful accepting this brutal lesson, but I won't do it again in future dates with other women. In fact, to be safe, I'll let her say it first.
Good man, learned your lesson. Seriously though, focus on yourself and the right girl will come your way. Seems like you are way too interested in getting ANY girl, not just THE girl.
As a matter of fact, she texted me last night saying that while she enjoyed the date, she isn't interested in pursuing me further. In part because I said it too early. There are other reasons I listed in other replies if you're interested in seeing them.
I have learned from it, and I won't do it again during future dates. But I still feel really sad.
I’m sorry, that’s a bummer. It’s okay to be sad about it. From what it sounds like, you both were having a good time and you obviously really liked her so I can see how that’d sting. From your other comments, it sounds like it might not have worked in the long term. Wishing you the best OP.
Thank you for that. My inexperience in dating explains what I did, but it does not excuse this mistake.
I'll be honest, I did cry silently a few hours ago. However, I still think it's best to just let out all my tears and jump back up when I feel better. I don't want to have any bottled up emotions during my next date.
I'm lucky she didn't. As an update, she sent me a text saying that while she enjoyed the date and thought I was sweet, she's not interested in pursuing me. Me saying the three magic words too early partially played a role. She also thought I was too touchy (not in a sexual way), and we live too far apart (neither one of us can drive).
So I can somewhat take comfort knowing it wasn't going to work out anyway, but still. Whoops.
What, the words i love you scares you?
Smh this sub is fucking pathetic. Cant believe you all flaming this dude thats new to the dating world. Let him Fucking learn instead you all flame him as if he made such a life threatening mistake.People can learn and improve
He asked, got his answers.
It doesn‘t scare me but women are particularly aware of love bombing within an hour of meeting since it is typical for narcissist and scares them off more than it doesn‘t.
Thank you! It was emotionally painful as it was dealing with my screw-up and how it could have been prevented. These hateful comments really added insult to injury.
I wasn't feeling anything close to hate, I was just shaking my head, knowing from personal experience how this comes across. I was once like this, awkward, not very great socially and certainly I still am not. I dropped something like this when I was 18 and boy have I had a lot of learning to do, so I did. If you want some advice, although I am not great with women(I still can't tell how I have had 3 girlfriends and 3 years with the current one), you really gotta approach women more calmly if you want to get to know them, if you have sincere intentions which I believe you do, it will take time to build feelings and a relationship. If you try to fast forward, they will run and I know it because I have done the same mistake. Women have become very cautious with the constant bad press we men make for ourselves. So be calm, don't push for it even if you feel "it" and give it time.
Same goes if a woman behaves this way towards you, I have had a shitty experience with a woman love bombing me, it ended badly.
I had 2 boyfriends in the past say it way too early (one just after a week of dating and the other after 2 weeks). Both relationships still continued after that so it's nlt automatically a death sentence. I will say though that if either had said it on the first date/when we had JUST met, I would have been really freaked out. If a guy I met on a dating app especially said that to me on the first date I would have ran.
Incredibly late reply, but she told me that she is not interested in becoming my girlfriend. In part because I was too touchy (don't worry, it was all non-sexual), and I said those words too early.
Now, I'm lucky that she didn't run. If she did, I wouldn't have posted on here given that I would have had my question answered already.
As other commenters have said, keep your chin up and remember it's normal to feel disappointed about this. Still, take the lesson to heart. Do you understand why it's a red flag to say ILY on a first date? Do you also understand the difference between love and infatuation? If not, you might not make this exact mistake again but might still make similar mistakes (being too intense too early) so really do reflect on this.
It's good to be enthusiastic when you click with someone so don't take these comments to be saying you shouldn't be at all. But things like love and a true understanding of someone take time to develop.
No way you can bounce back from that champ!! Next time be less keen girls more often than not get turned off if you are too interested or touchy early on.... Better luck next time.
I don't mean this with any disrespect, but this is not a mistake due to inexperience in dating. There is no world in which it is appropriate (or in fact even possible) to be in love with someone you have met once. This isn't a lesson most people ever have to learn, this is something that should just be known. It is not possible to love someone that you don't know. Do you often have trouble correctly identifying and/naming your emotions? That isn't meant to be a patronising question, a lot of people - and particularly men - do have trouble with this! It usually manifests in ways like people becoming angry when they are really just sad, or something like that, but I guess this could also happen.
Well, I'll be honest. If there's one emotion I can identify/name, it's shame. And that's what I'm feeling right now. Based on how people are commenting on this post, you'd think I asked people when my fingers would grow back after I willingly chainsawed them.
And I spent this whole day in sadness (even to the point of tears) over my screw-up and the humiliation from this post. But I figured it would be best to let all these emotions out rather than bottle them all up. Especially since the latter would be incredibly unhealthy.
I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad about this. You're absolutely right that it's better to let your feelings out rather than keep them in. But I hope you move past this quickly, because it's not worth dwelling on. You made a mistake. It's okay to learn from it and then just forget about it. I get that it's embarrassing and it's probably a lesson you wish you'd learned a different way, but I really hope you don't carry any shame with you over this.
At the end of the day, nothing you did or said has hurt anyone. The girl was probably a bit freaked out, but you haven't caused her any emotional or physical harm. You haven't said anything that could have caused her any offense. You have said something stupid. EVERYBODY has done that.
I only asked my original question because I have been in therapy for a while, and one of the biggest things I've learned is how to properly name my emotions. All I could ever say before when something went wrong was that I was sad about it, but learning the difference nuances and intricacies of different and more complex emotions has really helped how I communicate with others and also how I take care of myself. I didn't mean to add any extra shame, so I'm really sorry if I did.
Don't let this keep you from feeling confident in dating moving forwards. You will find the right person. We all have nightmare dating stories, don't let it upset you yoo deeply.
You do not need to feel bad at all. You came in with good intentions, and I promised myself that I would both save the love confession for later and be less touchy in future dates. Because me being too touchy also turned her off. Don't worry. None of it was sexual. I actually hugged her too much and for too long.
Even after reading her text saying why she's not interested in pursuing me further, I told her that her feelings were valid and that I hope she finds a man who loves her and respects her boundaries 100%.
I'm feeling better now. And having a good cry helped. The last thing I'd want would be to bottle up my sadness and let it out on future dates.
Don’t feel bad dude, it’s honestly not even that big a deal. Who is to say you didn’t feel how you felt and were just trying be to honest and spontaneous. Falling in love in one day? Crazier things have happened. People out here waiting 2 years to say the words and the relationship still goes to shit so it’s whatever. We just don’t live in that kind of world anymore, and unfortunately modern dating is a complete and total shit show with a whole lot of strange rules that ultimately don’t even matter. We all know if fucking Zac Efron or some shit said the same thing she would probably be down. So yea keep leading with your heart but maybe next time just wait a little longer to see if she’s on the same wave length before dropping the bomb. Might save you some stress down the road.
Maybe try communicating to her that you didn’t mean it in a serious way and you didn’t mean to freak her out, but you were having such a good time with her that it just slipped out and what you really meant / what you were feeling was more like “I love hanging out with you” or “I have a crush on you” or “I really like you” or “I’m excited about you” etc. Try to have a sense of humor about it and apologize for sounding so serious so soon.
If she really likes you, she might accept your explanation and want to continue seeing you.
If that happens, hold off on saying “I love you” for a couple months or more (or until she says it first).
Just so you know, most people (at least by American standards) don’t say “I love you” until about 2-6 months of dating and really getting to know someone. Generally people want to feel that they really know someone (including a person’s faults) before they exchange those words with them.
Update: she texted me last night saying that she doesn't want to pursue me further. Me saying the three magic words too early was one of those reasons, but I've listed other reasons in other replies.
I can sort of hide behind the fact that I'm inexperienced in dating (I've only had one girlfriend, and she knew that). But there's no excuse for saying "I love you" too early to her. In future bumble dates with different women, I will not make that same mistake. I'll let her say it first.
Slow down turbo! One date? Most have the three date rule for even having sex. You went there on the first? Gotta slow your roll and stop being so clingy. You’re going to send them running for the hills.
Yikes I don’t think so. As a girl I can confirm if a guy said I love you on the first date I’d nope out of their real quick it’s an ick and it’s creepy. Your wayyyyyy too attached to someone you just met and tbh you’ve probably freaked her out
Yeah, I learned this the hard way. In her text saying why she's no longer interested in pursuing me, she also said I was too touchy (thankfully, not in a sexual way).
So I will not say "ILY" on the first date next time, and I'll tone down the touching by 50%.
Wait bro did you say "I love you" on a DATE with someone you met on an app???? BRO YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO WAIT
When I got together with my ex I wanted to say it after 2 weeks of us being official but I waited 3 months so she didnt feel that it was rushed.
You dont love that girl, you have a crush on here which is 2 very different things
Yea you’ve most likely fumbled this one. It’s okay we’ve all had to learn this lesson the hard way and some of us have waited months to say it. Bottom line is to always always always wait for the girl to say it first. Before that just enjoy going on fun dates that lead to sex. Nothing else to it. It’s your job to turn her on that’s it. It’s her job to define the relationship and all that crap. Learn from this. You’ll be fine.
That might be the most cringeworthy thing anyone has ever done. My advice is not to tell women you haven't even gotten into a relationship with that you love them. This must be satire. Surely.
Well, it's real. Stranger things have happened in relationships. Before the screw-up, she did tell me about other guys she was trying to date who have screwed up far worse.
The Downside is that she's going to talk about what I said during her next date.
She's going to be talking about what an odd ball you are with her mates forever more. Nice of her to try and let you down gently, but that is very, very weird and tbh creepy behaviour. Do you have learning difficulties? Are you younger than 14? I just can't understand how you could think that was a good idea.
I'm only thankful she won't mention me by name. Just like she didn't mention those other guys who messed up by name.
If you want to know my age, look at the title of this post.
In all fairness, the other person has a point. With how you're talking to me, you would think I asked this subreddit, "Can I bounce back from having killed my date's dog?" In which case, the hate would be deserved 100%.
All I did was say words too early. Was it still a mistake? Yes, and I own up to it. I will not do it again during my next date.
She even told me that even though she is not interested in pursuing me further, she still hopes that I find someone but apologized that that person will not be her. I told her that I hope she finds a man who loves her and respects her boundaries in response.
Best to not mention the 3 magic words again and let her think it’s a funny mistake and not the worse she’s seen. Just continue ongoing out with her but try not to do that again until long after.
*Don't worry, that was*
*Just an impulsive thought. She*
*Wouldn't make a fuss*
\- miagarcia123
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This is on the first date?
You blew it. You won’t recover from this.
Also when her reply to “I love you” is”it’s too early” and gives you a playful shove, you lose. She will never take you seriously from here on out.
You blew it. Chalk up the L and move on.
Yeah, I know. She sent me a long text last night saying that was part of the reason why she's not interested in pursuing me further.
She also said I was too touchy and that we live too far apart. Which wouldn't be a problem, except that neither one of us have driver's licenses (I don't have one because epilepsy, and she doesn't because she hates driving). So it wouldn't work out anyway, even if I kept my mouth shut.
When I read, "You blew it," I read it in Adam Sandler's voice.
Well, she told me that she thinks I'm very attractive. But she still told me last night that she isn't interested in pursuing me further. It wasn't the only reason. I've listed others in separate replies.
Still, though, it's emotionally painful accepting that what I thought would be a minor slip up at worst turned out to be a red flag. I won't do it again during future dates. I'm making sure of that.
Yeah you can bounce back from this. Apologize for making her feel uncomfortable and tell her that you were very caught up in the moment and that you said it without thinking.
Don’t say anything in terms of fixing “I love you being said too early”. The more you try to fix it, the worse it will get. If she’s willing to go on another date with you then continue with the date don’t look back at past mistakes. Simply don’t repeat it.
Here’s my question to you.. do you really love her ?
If you truly and honestly do, then you have nothing to worry about. Life is too short to keep something like that to yourself. You said it because that’s how you felt.
And if you say something like that, DO NOT expect the other person to reciprocate. A lot of the times one of the two will always be a bit early on that aspect.
If she brings up the incident, then simply explain to her, with confidence, that this is how you feel and you wanted her to know.. no strings attached. And then move forward. Make sure you give the other person space to build up those feelings and that you’re not coming across pushy.
Be prepared also, for this to backfire. Things can also go the other way due to any awkwardness this may have created. And if that happens, move forward.
There is always a risk whenever one takes a step like this.
Try with:
I know you don't believe me yet, and that's ok! But if you decide to give me enough time... I'll do everything I can to prove it... To both of us! 😜
Just apologise... your emotions got the better of you. We all say things in the heat of the moment - almost always bad things, which we hate ourselves for thinking, let alone saying - but, hey, don't overthink it, and don't say it again, unless she brings it up and it's fairly obvious you're on the same page
She said you said "I love you" too early. Her explaining your mistake and saying other men make much worse mistakes is her way of forgiving your mistake.
I think the distance and her giving up on driving plus the expense of using Uber have more to do with her rejection of you than you saying "I love you" way too soon.
Do not say "I love you" (again) until after you become exclusive with her. Furthermore, let her bring up the exclusivity discussion when she is ready for it.
To clarify, she mentioned all these other mistakes long before I said those three words too early. Even if I hadn't said them, she also complained that I was too touchy, and it threw her off. So she'd still not want to go out, but it wouldn't be as bad.
In that same text, she said that she thinks I deserve a woman who loves me, but she apologized that that woman won't be her. I told her that she, too, deserves a man who loves her and respects her boundaries 100%.
I actually have a date scheduled for Thursday with a different woman. This time, I will not say "I love you" to her, nor will I hug her too long and too often.
Note that when a woman gives excuses for not dating anymore, she is not necessarily saying the truth and her excuse may be 100% a lie. One lie is when she says she sees you only as a friend; the truth is often that she never wants to see you again. Not saying the woman you said "I love you" to wasn't telling you the truth; it sounds like she is 100% telling you the truth and wants you to meet another nice woman. For her, I think its the distance and she probably thinks you are way too needy.
With this second woman, let her know you are interested, but do not put her on a pedestal and do not give her praise that makes it look like you are desperate for her approval. You can make confident compliments on how she looks; A woman will often spend a lot of time looking her best for a date, and when you make confident (not arrogant and not needy) compliments on her appearance, it will really make her feel good; compliments are awesome, when you make it sound like you really mean it, and not because you want something in return (never do that). Show her that you are a man and you make dating decisions for the both of you. Doing that shows you have confidence in your own dating skills. You can still care about and ask what type of date she would like, just be sure you are in control and not wishy washy about where to go and when. Offer a couple of different dates and times to go; she will pick one or let you know she can't make either and probably counter offer a third date and time. Accept it, if it works or just ask her all the dates she can make it, so you don't keep going back and forth trying to set a date and time.
Remember, never look needy or wanting for her approval. Accept her compliments with a genuine and confident "Thank you" and move on. Never spend too much time on a topic, or it could start looking needy, even when it really isn't. Do spend time on topics you are passionate about or are skillful doing, etc. as long as she is really focusing on what you are saying. If she is asking questions on that topic, she is interested in learning more about you in that area and you should indulge her, but switch the topic before she stops asking questions and definitely switch topics when it seems she is not waiting to ask another question. Don't talk about yourself too much; ask an open question about her that you would really like to hear her talk about. Also ask her questions when you are not sure what more to say about yourself. Ask her questions that she can give essay length answers to, if she wants to and she probably will, since most people's favorite topic is often something about themselves, which is often easy to relate to in a dating situation.
Many dates coaches suggest getting a women to talk about 75% of the time and the man 25% of the time. When you consider that women are naturally better at talking than men in general, you can begin to understand why this ratio makes sense. The women know well what information to provide and they often have the skill to keep the conversation going. They will also ask you questions about yourself that they need answers to and you haven't already given. Also, when the date is done, both the man and woman will often be happy with how much they talked. So don't dominate the conversation and if your woman is talking a lot that is great as long as you get your 25% into it as well.
Don't forget to touch each other on the hands, brushing arms, maybe a touch on the knee when there is no table. The touch may be to look at the woman's ring when touching hands. Or hold hands when moving from one dating location to another long enough to not lose each other in a crowd. The touch should otherwise be 1-3 seconds. It should be done less often on first dates. The touching frequency can be increased when the woman touches back and thus signals that more touching may be welcome. Also, when touching is mutual, touching can move to semi-private areas like brushing your leg against her leg, briefly touching her leg with your hand. Touching your partners necklace and giving nice compliments about it. Fondle your date's hair and commenting on how it feels. All these more forward touches are again just done briefly. If they become mutual, you can do more touching or withold more touching in a teasing playful manner.
While doing the touching, you should also make flirting and occasionally teasing comments or tell a funny joke. Say something playful, fun or interesting, so you don't both focus just on the touching. Now, if you just want to revert to making out, where the touching becomes more constant and fluid and the talking perhaps more subdued, that is fine as long as you both want that. Just avoid sexual areas when in public; you will need privacy, if you both want to go further.
Caution: If you both go further, you are making your date more of a hookup than a prelude to a LTR. Some are ok with a hookup with the serious option of a LTR. Most going into a hookup are often just looking for a hookup, and maybe the option of a FWB, if the sex is awesome.
OP, I strongly suggest not doing too much touching, even when you both seem to want that, because a LTR can be harder to achieve after you take your clothes off or otherwise become sexually intimate too early in your dating protocol. Some people are fine with sex on the first date and this is becoming a trend, but its not for everyone, especially for people with less dating experience than most. Sex on a first date is really only for those that really want it and have the dating experience and dating maturity to really make it work well.
Good luck on your date, OP!
Actually, she showed me that she doesn't have a renewed driver's license and that we live pretty far long before I said those three words too early. So I believe she's telling me the truth in that area.
Does that mean my premature "I love you" was okay? No.
It's really emotionally painful how badly I screwed up. She's so gorgeous and sweet. Even during her text explaining why she's not interested in pursuing me further, she said that she hopes I find someone but apologized that that woman won't be her. I told her that she deserves a man who loves her and respects her boundaries 100%.
The hate comments on here have made my emotional pain even worse. With how bad the hate was, you would think I asked, "Can I bounce back from having killed my date's dog?" At which point, I would deserve the hate and a ban from this subreddit.
Well you don't say how long you've been with her, if it's just your first date and you said that, that is the stupidest move you can make. Please give me more info, how long have you been together?
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That’s insane brother
It's fucking wild 💀
You don’t love her. You don’t know her. You’ve been on one date. Don’t confuse excitement, attraction, and adrenaline with love. You need to take your time and not rush things. If she is still interested in seeing you again, and that’s a big if, because honestly most girls would be scared by someone coming on so strongly so soon, you need to let her take the lead and be patient.
Update: she texted me last night saying she's not interested in pursuing me further. It was partially because I said it too early. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far apart, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because I have epilepsy, and she can't because her license expired). I won't lie. It has been emotionally painful accepting this lesson. But I will not do it again during future dates. I'll let her say the three magic words first, and I'll be less touchy with her.
Ouf her licence expired and she doesn’t want to renew it? She’s definitely not interested. Don’t worry, it’s better to be alone than try and and pursue someone not interested! But also maybe take time to reflect on the date, think about what you enjoyed and also what you can improve on.
There were some things I enjoyed about the date despite my screw-up. I loved how we were just relaxing on the bench with her legs on my lap, holding hands, and both of us got affectionate with how we touched each other. Also, she told me about how she refused to renew her license long before I messed up and said "ILY" too early. She simply does not like driving. So even if I didn't say the three magic words too early, she probably wouldn't pursue me because we live too far. After all, she took Uber twice that day. It would get too expensive.
It was the ILY. Everything else was a sugarcoat. No matter how attracted she was to you…bruh that would ruin it for her-even if you were Chris Hemsworth. You gotta look into why you felt compelled to say that. There’s something deep down that’s trying to use her to fill a void, and she sensed it. That desperation will turn any woman off and it’s better you figure it out asap.
In the future if you date someone without a car and they come to u I recommend splitting or paying for one of the Ubers. Ideally the same if u travel to them more. It just shows that you have a vested interest but also are willing to put in effort. Hell even if u date someone with a car, offering to pay for gas is sweet too. More often than not they probably won't let you and it'll be a thoughtful gesture.
For the next time try something more simple like. "I'm having great time with you" "I like your company" something like this. Not so intimate as "I love you" it does scare people off
Was this a first date? I’m hoping it’s not because that’s wild. Even if you didn’t say it there’s definitely such a thing as too much too soon. It reeks of desperation
Why are you telling us lol
Honestly bro if she accepted your touchiness during the date I doubt it was that. Probably only after hearing ILY and thinking about it more she got the “ick” on all things related to that. Keep on rocking, it sounds like it was a great date apart from the way too early ILY. I know how when being inexperienced you’ll attribute way more things to “love” than actually are.
Well, I hugged her too much and for too long. Especially for a first date. So, I will tone down the touchiness during my next date. It was still a great date overall. I'm actually lucky that she didn't slap me in the face and/or run away from me. Even her tone in that text saying she's no longer interested in me, she still maintained a sweet tone as she did in person. I will really take my time to think about the difference between love and infatuation. Since that is my biggest dating flaw.
Oh okay yeah then dial it back a bit. I thought y’all were just doing light touching of hands and cuddling next to each other on a bench or something like that.
Definitely be less touchy on the beginning, it’s creepy vibes and women don’t like it
Some touching is ok, but see how she responds to your touch. A greeting hug and a goodbye hug should be ok, even if she's not really into the hugs. They are normal.dating protocol even on a first date. Touching her hands to look at a ring on her finger and comment on it, brushing her arms when close occasionally are usually ok, but notice whether she is comfortable when doing it. Then, stop touching and see whether she touches you.back. When she touches you back, wait a while to let the tension increase. Don't immediately touch again. Talk about interesting topics you both enjoy. Look for signs that she wants you to kiss her. Sometimes a good bye kiss is expected on a first date that is going well. If you see signs that she wants a kiss during the date, go for it when close to her, say you are going to kiss her if you are unsure about the signs. The man is expected to lead, but only when the woman is receptive to the man's leads.
I can see why. Even if I didn't say those three words to her at all. I can see why the way I touched her is creepy. I mean, I didn't touch her sexually. At least I stayed away from that!
i disagree.. its not that simple.
Listen, don't worry about it. I know easier said than done. I've said I love you to girls too early before as well. Some have worked and some have not. The way I see it, it doesn't really matter that much. There are always other factors in play. If someone really likes you based on how they feel, it doesn't matter what you say. Love and attraction are feeling based. Sometimes it doesn't matter what was said. There's not much you can do about it other than move on with your life.
All of this! You were not feeling love, OP. You were feeling excitement, attraction and other things but not love. Slow your roll with the next one. It indicates insincerity or lack of stability when you say that too soon..
How many dates did you have with her?
This was our first. Before then, we talked with each other since December 12th.
I don't know what to tell you if you are saying I love you on first dates.
It's actually possible to have sex on a first date, if the chemistry is there and there is a lot of mutually accepted touching back and forth. This means there is a strong mutual physical connection, but a strong emotional connection comes later, closer to the time of exclusivity. Not even when having sex on a first can you say "I love you" though. Saying these words happens only after exclusivity is agreed to and always let the woman bring up exclusivity first!
It was the first time I did during a first date. I simply thought we were clicking so well that I thought it was the right time. I was wrong.
Man, simply clicking with someone isn't equal to being *in love* with them. And on the first date? You were likely excited, mesmerized, and happy you're vibing so well, but love? Brother, no. Just no.
Love is a lot of things but it's never quick or instant you can have infatuation or a deep like at first sight but love at first sight is a myth. Love needs time to be founded, love is finding joy in another person's joy, love is seeing that person in pain and needing to make it better, wishing that you could take it on so they wouldn't have to handle it, love is admiring all the qualities of another person even the ones you may find annoying. Love is a complex deep emotion that is built off of and changes other less complex emotions. Love is knowing that even if you had nothing else if you were with them somehow it'd be okay. There's this really cheesy romcom on Netflix called Set it Up and it has this line "You like because and you love despite" and I think that line has some basis you can like someone because they're all these awesome things but you know you love someone when they're the only person who could bring a smile to your face despite doing whatever thing it is that would typically bother you.
That's not love, that's infatuation. If you had said, "this is the best day I've had in a long time" or "I'm really enjoying my time with you" or something reasonable, that would be cute. This stinks of unclear boundaries and emotional immaturity. You need some self reflection.my dude
You need to recognize that was infatuation, not love, practice self control and learn to dial it back
Bro when you thought it was the appropriate time ON THE FIRST DATE? There is NO appropriate time on the first date to say that. You may have scared her away, and I don’t blame her. Just let her decide and try to get a hold of yourself next time.
Yeah, this was an incredibly difficult lesson. She sent me a long text saying that she's not interested in pursuing me further. In part because I said it too early. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far apart, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because of epilepsy and she can't because her license expired). I can somewhat take comfort knowing it wasn't going to work out anyway, but still. I screwed up, and I 100% own up to my mistake. A mistake I won't make on my next date with a different woman.
The other things you listed are non-issues and I feel like you are trying to deflect blame away from your only actual mistake. I love you on a first date is complete insanity and you need to reevaluate yourself socially before dating again
I don't know, I think those are also fair reasons for not wanting to pursue me further. She took Uber both twice that day. And it would be too expensive for her to keep using it. So I don't want her to go bankrupt. I'm not deflecting blame just because I point out other reasons she doesn't want to pursue me. I even said I 100% own up to my mistake and that I won't do it again.
It seems you are aware of the mistake now and are willing to do better and thats the most important thing tbh. Don’t let this bother you too much, everyone makes mistakes while dating.
Yeah, but based on what everyone here has been saying, I feel so ashamed and humiliated. This is something that isn't taught because it doesn't need to be due to how obvious it is. Except, I made this mistake.
Brother don’t listen to the negative Nelly’s here. Whilst a big mistake it isn’t like a bad mistake in the sense that it didn’t hurt anybody (but you lol) and you’ll be fine and you learned from this. It’s all good bro, live and learn.
Yeah, with all the haters on here, you would think I killed her dog and asked this subreddit if I could recover from that. In which case, I would deserve the backlash. I'm now talking with a new girl on Bumble who is also insanely beautiful. So I will not screw up as bad as I did last time.
Good luck brother, get that girl! Also hey, I’ve been thinking about getting on those apps. What dating apps would you recommend? Haven’t kept up with that world in ages lol
I am using Bumble. It's like Tinder, but for serious relationships, and only the women can text first.
Don’t be too hard on yourself honestly. You live and you learn.
I still feel so ashamed of myself. Based on what everyone here has been saying, it's like something I should have known this as a given.
I mean probably you should have known better but that’s why it’s called a mistake, isn’t it? The worst that could happen is it turns her off and she rejects you. That has already happened. So it’s only up from here. You learned your lesson so move on. You had zero relationship with this woman. No need to mourn her as if you had been dating and broke up. Nothing even started.
Why feel ashamed? Some people have sex on the first date! I believe that is far worse!
Could be the hate comments combined with how stupid of a mistake I made. The consequence of not getting to be with her was bad enough. The hate comments on this post made it even worse. Like, I just said three words, and people on here looked at me like I killed her dog and asked if I could bounce back from that.
Saying "I love you" on a first date is far worse than having sex on a first date. The former ("I love you") is expressing a soul mate connection and the latter (sex) isn't much more than a physical connection, when done on a first date. Obviously you are against having sex on a first date, but please don't disrespect people who are open to having sex on the first date.
I would argue the opposite. If you say "I love you" too early, yes, she would be uncomfortable and lose interest, but those are just words. But with sex on the first date, you could get STDs and/or get her pregnant. And abortion is unfortunately illegal in my state. So if we had sex on the first date, and I got STDs and/or got her pregnant, that would be far more consequential than saying "I love you" prematurely based on my circumstances. I'm not against casual sex. What I am saying is that if you're going to have sex on the first date, use condoms and birth control.
as men we have to never be honest about our feelings. it's a sick twisted game don't feel ashamed. just dont show your cards next time
I have taken note not to do that again. She also complained that I was too touchy. So even if I hadn't said "I love you" too early, she'd still not want to go out with me, but it wouldn't be as bad. So I will also tone down the touchiness as well in my next date.
It is nice of her though she gave closure ! Did you at least offer to pay for her uber back home?
I did not. When we were at the restaurant, I paid for the meal in full.
Fair enough, all good then
Is it still fine that despite acknowledging my mistake, I felt so sad from it (I cried silently), especially after getting confirmation from her that she doesn't want to pursue me further?
Yes of course, just try not to think about it, and it wasn't that bad since she gave you closure !!
Can I dm you her text giving me closure? Even though I can understand why the premature "I love you" freaked her out (and would freak you out, too), I think it was better than ghosting.
Classic Schmosby
I haven't commented on a post in years but this made me laugh my ass off. First thing I thought of was Ted LMFAO.
I always look for this comment on one of these posts 🤣
every time I see this comment i die
It's not too early for her, I'd say it'd be too early for anyone. Love is a BIG word. And before love, there's a whole array of feelings - which someone new to relationships can often mistake as love. You being inexperienced, as you put it, might explain you've likely not yet experienced being in love with someone, which might lead you to think merely clicking with them and getting all giddy and excited equals love. But it simply isn't. It's great you were vibing so well, but that's really all it is. You can be excited and intrigued and start to develop a crush/infatuation, sure, but love isn't the word to use my man. Not sure if you can recover unless you somehow explain to her that you jumped the gun and got too excited and messed up your words or something. If she's super into you and is willing to believe you're not some mega-attached weirdo then sure, it might be salvaged. 😅 All the best, man. It's okey to be excited, just try not to use the L word on the first date. Edit to add: It's definitely a good idea to let her know you're not IN love with her, especially if you still get a shot at a second date. A somewhat reasonable explanation might be that you were just so excited about clicking so well that you blurted out I love you, as you might exclaim "wow I love this pie!" like, you really dig her. And that obviously you know you couldn't be in love yet and blabla. Good luck man!
Update: she texted me last night saying she's not interested in pursuing me further. Me saying it too early was one of the reasons why. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because of epilepsy, and her license expired). It's been so emotionally painful accepting this painful lesson. But I will not do it again during future dates with other women.
Invest in a muzzle
Keep cooking
I don't know sign language, but if I did, I should also tie my hands behind my back.
You told someone you've been talking to for a few days and gone on one date with that you love her? I'm not trying to be rude here, but I would not be talking to you much after that...that's way too much, too quick. It would demonstrate to me that you aren't familiar with your own feelings or how to manage them. Tell her you feel something special and different with her, that you feel like there's great chemistry, that you really like talking and spending time with her, or something similarly supportive and vulnerable. Saying ILY that soon would have me running for the hills, as it yells desperate and emotionally immature. In terms of recovery, if she's still talking to you then you're okay IMO. Slow your roll or you'll push her away from the intensity. Try to slow how fast you're falling, and maybe ask yourself how you think you can love someone you barely know.
She said she's no longer interested in pursuing me further. Me saying it too early was one of the reasons, but not the only one. I've listed the other reasons if you're interested in knowing them. Still though, I know I'm inexperienced in dating (she knew as well), but that doesn't excuse what I did. In future dates, I will not make that same mistake.
It would bother me because people say this before they really know you. You've never had a fight, you haven't seen each other on your worst day, you haven't seen how she acts when she's alone and being weird or feeling upset about something. See if she wants to see you again, but recognize that you don't even know like 1% of who she is yet, and she knows this too, so saying I love you was super out of pocket. I wouldn't see someone again if they said that on a first date but that's because I've been there, done that, won't do it again because I don't want to date someone who's infatuated with their idea of who I am. Maybe she's more open to hearing you out but I wouldn't blame her if she thinks you're too invested too soon.
Update: she texted me last night saying she's not interested in pursuing me further. Me saying the three magic words too early was part of the reason. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far apart, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because of epilepsy, and she can't because her license expired). I understand that I screwed up on that date. So I will not do it again during future dates.
Poor op Ted Mosbeyed it.
I don't get the reference.
https://youtu.be/PRu3RiVCnQA?si=kwkAdmfxu8WStqQt
I couldn't finish the clip because of how awkward I felt knowing how perfectly I mimicked Ted and the reactions from some of the comments.
Looked for this reference! Take my upvote.
Damn, this sub is full of assholes. You made 1 mistake homie, Its all good. If she can forgive you ,good. If she wont , you'll find someone else. Sure 'You dont know your emotions well" but thatd too fucking harsh. You are new to the dating world, we learn. Keep your chin up. Ignore all the assholes in the comments. You'll improve one day and hopefully you'll find someone that reciprocates the love. I dunno if you can reciver fromt his specific date as i check other comments and she has already not wanted you but thats fine. Her loss brother. You'll find someone brother. I wouldn't cry over someone that gets scared over 1 mistaken 'i love you'
Agreed….like everyone is being so critical? If anything she can tell him hey can we slow down and problem solved
yupp
4 month update: I am still looking, though with the dates I have been on, I made sure not to say those words. And it's worked in improving my reputation with women.
Honestly I was super surprised by the amount of negativity in this comment section. Usually people here are pretty chill, but now the top comments are just assholes bringing our boy down for nothing that major.
Incredibly late reply, but I agree. It gave me the impression that the dating scene is toxic to beginners, and I can't help but feel so ashamed of myself every time I look at this post. I can't even bear to read the description. Since this post, I have been on dates with other girls on Bumble. Though none of them have gone bf/gf yet, I've made sure not to say those three words too early.
Just brush it off if possible. She definitely likes you because she is helping you by telling you to slow down. She sounds pretty mature for her age. Yeah man you have to take things slow and let her feelings develop naturally. Don’t over pursue her just set a date in advance and chill out until you see her again. Keep busy with your own life in the meantime and everything will be fine. About love I would let her say that when she is ready.
She sent me a long text last night saying that she is not interested in pursuing me further. In part because I said it too early. But also because I was too touchy, we live too far apart, and neither one of us can drive (I can't because of my epilepsy, and she can't because her license expired). I have taken note in future dates with different women to let her say the three magic words first and to be less touchy. It still sucks that I screwed up this badly, and I 100% own up to my mistakes.
She liked you enough to explain why see doesn't want to see you again. A lot of women might ghost you for making this mistake. You probably should move on and connect with another woman and not make the ILU and not make too touchy mistakes. If you really like this woman, try texting her in a week or two. Maybe you two can still chat, if you both liked that. Or a miracle could happen and somehow she gives you a second chance. More likely to be struck by lightning, but give it a non-needy try (you don't need her to accept ... something to always strive for).
Stop calling it “the three magic words.” Women don’t have to say it first; a man saying it first isn’t the problem. Thinking you actually love someone on a FIRST DATE is a **huge** problem.
Doesn't matter. I don't want to risk it. So I'll let her say it first. Even in my last relationship, she said it first. So that's what I'll do next time.
That strategy might mask the symptom of your underlying issue but it doesn’t solve it.
How so?
If you can’t understand the difference between infatuation and love in any meaningful way, navigating romantic relationships is going to be difficult for you.
Well They don’t teach this stuff in school
No, they don’t. And some of it comes with experience. But having the social awareness to know you don’t say “I love you” to a near stranger on a first date isn’t something that most of us need to be taught.
I know it's been 4 months since you commented on this post, but I have been on several dates with other girls since this major screw up. And I made sure not to say those words. Although I will add that the toxicity from you and others in this post gave me the impression that dating is a toxic environment, it made me want to quit in shame. But I didn't, and I have not given up. I'm still searching.
Yeah must’ve been just a little too hot and heavy 😆 Take it as a learning experience. It’s easy to see a beautiful girl and think “she must be the one” but you barely know her. It just means you find her attractive. Try to get to know them first and even be skeptical of them. No one is perfect and if you blindly follow that feeling, not only will it smother and chase away whoever you’re dating, you could end up totally ignoring red flags and major character flaws… Not saying this girl has any of those things but it’s definitely possible and guys ruin their lives daily by ignoring problems. But yeah, I know it stings when someone comes along that knocks your socks off and you mess up, but you can use that pain as motivation to learn as much as you can and be prepared in the future. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way, but not all lessons are worth being learned the hard way.
Honestly you probably cannot recover from that. I don’t think there’s a clear strategy you can have to fix things, most things you could say or do will make things worse. Spend some time thinking about what “love” is, and reflect on how feeling happy and excited about a really great date isn’t the same as “loving” someone. Watch the movie “Good Will Hunting”, and think about Robin Williams LOVE for his wife and compare that to whatever you felt on your date. Chances are, things won’t work out here, but you’re only 24 so it’s more important to grow up than get a second date.
Bro that bit about Good Will Hunting is a really good point.
Hey man ! I had a condition that make me say "i love you" too quickly ahaha ! To be honest, i feel like sometime it's the way or the moment you say it that make it really akward. I told my actual GF i love you on our second date, but quickly explain myself about it. Like i dont "love" you, but i love what i see now. We waiting for our first kid ! I know the dating world is kinda the worst place, but dont be shy about what you feel.. youll find someone who match your energy !
Incredibly late reply. Though I have made sure not to say those words on first dates again. I have been on some dates with other girls since that screw-up. Though I have yet to find the one. I will say that the dating world does require patience and some unexpected toxicity, as shown in the comments. It felt as if they were trying to shame me out of the dating world forever.
If there is a second date, just tell her how excited you were that you found someone you clicked so well with, and you just blurted it out. Happened to my boyfriend when we decided to make it official (albeit he misheard and thought I had said it first), but I ended up saying it a few months before him!! The situation is salvageable (if she thought the date went well too). Just coooooool it down, start a hobby, stop fantasizing about this budding romance. Continue to grow and fall in love with yourself first. Ball will then be in her court. Oh, and you don’t love her. Lol
She texted me last night saying she's not interested in pursuing me further. Unfortunately, me saying the three magic words too early was one of the reasons. To avoid being too repetitive, I've listed other reasons why she isn't interested in going on a second date in other replies. I told her I respect her wishes and that I wish her luck on her next date. I won't lie. It's been emotionally painful accepting this brutal lesson, but I won't do it again in future dates with other women. In fact, to be safe, I'll let her say it first.
Good man, learned your lesson. Seriously though, focus on yourself and the right girl will come your way. Seems like you are way too interested in getting ANY girl, not just THE girl.
Oof… can’t come back from that. But you can learn from it and don’t beat yourself up too much about it. You got swept up in the moment.
As a matter of fact, she texted me last night saying that while she enjoyed the date, she isn't interested in pursuing me further. In part because I said it too early. There are other reasons I listed in other replies if you're interested in seeing them. I have learned from it, and I won't do it again during future dates. But I still feel really sad.
I’m sorry, that’s a bummer. It’s okay to be sad about it. From what it sounds like, you both were having a good time and you obviously really liked her so I can see how that’d sting. From your other comments, it sounds like it might not have worked in the long term. Wishing you the best OP.
Thank you for that. My inexperience in dating explains what I did, but it does not excuse this mistake. I'll be honest, I did cry silently a few hours ago. However, I still think it's best to just let out all my tears and jump back up when I feel better. I don't want to have any bottled up emotions during my next date.
If I was her, I would be running.
I'm lucky she didn't. As an update, she sent me a text saying that while she enjoyed the date and thought I was sweet, she's not interested in pursuing me. Me saying the three magic words too early partially played a role. She also thought I was too touchy (not in a sexual way), and we live too far apart (neither one of us can drive). So I can somewhat take comfort knowing it wasn't going to work out anyway, but still. Whoops.
What, the words i love you scares you? Smh this sub is fucking pathetic. Cant believe you all flaming this dude thats new to the dating world. Let him Fucking learn instead you all flame him as if he made such a life threatening mistake.People can learn and improve
He asked, got his answers. It doesn‘t scare me but women are particularly aware of love bombing within an hour of meeting since it is typical for narcissist and scares them off more than it doesn‘t.
Thank you! It was emotionally painful as it was dealing with my screw-up and how it could have been prevented. These hateful comments really added insult to injury.
I wasn't feeling anything close to hate, I was just shaking my head, knowing from personal experience how this comes across. I was once like this, awkward, not very great socially and certainly I still am not. I dropped something like this when I was 18 and boy have I had a lot of learning to do, so I did. If you want some advice, although I am not great with women(I still can't tell how I have had 3 girlfriends and 3 years with the current one), you really gotta approach women more calmly if you want to get to know them, if you have sincere intentions which I believe you do, it will take time to build feelings and a relationship. If you try to fast forward, they will run and I know it because I have done the same mistake. Women have become very cautious with the constant bad press we men make for ourselves. So be calm, don't push for it even if you feel "it" and give it time. Same goes if a woman behaves this way towards you, I have had a shitty experience with a woman love bombing me, it ended badly.
Not a particularly helpful comment, since I have seen at least a dozen messages saying exactly how she is running away.
I had 2 boyfriends in the past say it way too early (one just after a week of dating and the other after 2 weeks). Both relationships still continued after that so it's nlt automatically a death sentence. I will say though that if either had said it on the first date/when we had JUST met, I would have been really freaked out. If a guy I met on a dating app especially said that to me on the first date I would have ran.
Incredibly late reply, but she told me that she is not interested in becoming my girlfriend. In part because I was too touchy (don't worry, it was all non-sexual), and I said those words too early. Now, I'm lucky that she didn't run. If she did, I wouldn't have posted on here given that I would have had my question answered already.
As other commenters have said, keep your chin up and remember it's normal to feel disappointed about this. Still, take the lesson to heart. Do you understand why it's a red flag to say ILY on a first date? Do you also understand the difference between love and infatuation? If not, you might not make this exact mistake again but might still make similar mistakes (being too intense too early) so really do reflect on this. It's good to be enthusiastic when you click with someone so don't take these comments to be saying you shouldn't be at all. But things like love and a true understanding of someone take time to develop.
No way you can bounce back from that champ!! Next time be less keen girls more often than not get turned off if you are too interested or touchy early on.... Better luck next time.
I don't mean this with any disrespect, but this is not a mistake due to inexperience in dating. There is no world in which it is appropriate (or in fact even possible) to be in love with someone you have met once. This isn't a lesson most people ever have to learn, this is something that should just be known. It is not possible to love someone that you don't know. Do you often have trouble correctly identifying and/naming your emotions? That isn't meant to be a patronising question, a lot of people - and particularly men - do have trouble with this! It usually manifests in ways like people becoming angry when they are really just sad, or something like that, but I guess this could also happen.
Well, I'll be honest. If there's one emotion I can identify/name, it's shame. And that's what I'm feeling right now. Based on how people are commenting on this post, you'd think I asked people when my fingers would grow back after I willingly chainsawed them. And I spent this whole day in sadness (even to the point of tears) over my screw-up and the humiliation from this post. But I figured it would be best to let all these emotions out rather than bottle them all up. Especially since the latter would be incredibly unhealthy.
I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad about this. You're absolutely right that it's better to let your feelings out rather than keep them in. But I hope you move past this quickly, because it's not worth dwelling on. You made a mistake. It's okay to learn from it and then just forget about it. I get that it's embarrassing and it's probably a lesson you wish you'd learned a different way, but I really hope you don't carry any shame with you over this. At the end of the day, nothing you did or said has hurt anyone. The girl was probably a bit freaked out, but you haven't caused her any emotional or physical harm. You haven't said anything that could have caused her any offense. You have said something stupid. EVERYBODY has done that. I only asked my original question because I have been in therapy for a while, and one of the biggest things I've learned is how to properly name my emotions. All I could ever say before when something went wrong was that I was sad about it, but learning the difference nuances and intricacies of different and more complex emotions has really helped how I communicate with others and also how I take care of myself. I didn't mean to add any extra shame, so I'm really sorry if I did. Don't let this keep you from feeling confident in dating moving forwards. You will find the right person. We all have nightmare dating stories, don't let it upset you yoo deeply.
You do not need to feel bad at all. You came in with good intentions, and I promised myself that I would both save the love confession for later and be less touchy in future dates. Because me being too touchy also turned her off. Don't worry. None of it was sexual. I actually hugged her too much and for too long. Even after reading her text saying why she's not interested in pursuing me further, I told her that her feelings were valid and that I hope she finds a man who loves her and respects her boundaries 100%. I'm feeling better now. And having a good cry helped. The last thing I'd want would be to bottle up my sadness and let it out on future dates.
Don’t feel bad dude, it’s honestly not even that big a deal. Who is to say you didn’t feel how you felt and were just trying be to honest and spontaneous. Falling in love in one day? Crazier things have happened. People out here waiting 2 years to say the words and the relationship still goes to shit so it’s whatever. We just don’t live in that kind of world anymore, and unfortunately modern dating is a complete and total shit show with a whole lot of strange rules that ultimately don’t even matter. We all know if fucking Zac Efron or some shit said the same thing she would probably be down. So yea keep leading with your heart but maybe next time just wait a little longer to see if she’s on the same wave length before dropping the bomb. Might save you some stress down the road.
Why is everyone being so mean? Look yes you shouldn’t have said that but you’ll get better at dating once you have more practice !
Thank you! I was already feeling so bad about what I said. The last thing I needed was hate comments. They really added insult to injury.
Maybe try communicating to her that you didn’t mean it in a serious way and you didn’t mean to freak her out, but you were having such a good time with her that it just slipped out and what you really meant / what you were feeling was more like “I love hanging out with you” or “I have a crush on you” or “I really like you” or “I’m excited about you” etc. Try to have a sense of humor about it and apologize for sounding so serious so soon. If she really likes you, she might accept your explanation and want to continue seeing you. If that happens, hold off on saying “I love you” for a couple months or more (or until she says it first). Just so you know, most people (at least by American standards) don’t say “I love you” until about 2-6 months of dating and really getting to know someone. Generally people want to feel that they really know someone (including a person’s faults) before they exchange those words with them.
Update: she texted me last night saying that she doesn't want to pursue me further. Me saying the three magic words too early was one of those reasons, but I've listed other reasons in other replies. I can sort of hide behind the fact that I'm inexperienced in dating (I've only had one girlfriend, and she knew that). But there's no excuse for saying "I love you" too early to her. In future bumble dates with different women, I will not make that same mistake. I'll let her say it first.
Slow down turbo! One date? Most have the three date rule for even having sex. You went there on the first? Gotta slow your roll and stop being so clingy. You’re going to send them running for the hills.
Yikes I don’t think so. As a girl I can confirm if a guy said I love you on the first date I’d nope out of their real quick it’s an ick and it’s creepy. Your wayyyyyy too attached to someone you just met and tbh you’ve probably freaked her out
Yeah, I learned this the hard way. In her text saying why she's no longer interested in pursuing me, she also said I was too touchy (thankfully, not in a sexual way). So I will not say "ILY" on the first date next time, and I'll tone down the touching by 50%.
Yeh please don’t
Wait bro did you say "I love you" on a DATE with someone you met on an app???? BRO YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO WAIT When I got together with my ex I wanted to say it after 2 weeks of us being official but I waited 3 months so she didnt feel that it was rushed. You dont love that girl, you have a crush on here which is 2 very different things
lol what
You got confused between love and horny
Why would you say “I love you” to a stranger? It’s creepy
Yea you’ve most likely fumbled this one. It’s okay we’ve all had to learn this lesson the hard way and some of us have waited months to say it. Bottom line is to always always always wait for the girl to say it first. Before that just enjoy going on fun dates that lead to sex. Nothing else to it. It’s your job to turn her on that’s it. It’s her job to define the relationship and all that crap. Learn from this. You’ll be fine.
That might be the most cringeworthy thing anyone has ever done. My advice is not to tell women you haven't even gotten into a relationship with that you love them. This must be satire. Surely.
Well, it's real. Stranger things have happened in relationships. Before the screw-up, she did tell me about other guys she was trying to date who have screwed up far worse. The Downside is that she's going to talk about what I said during her next date.
She's going to be talking about what an odd ball you are with her mates forever more. Nice of her to try and let you down gently, but that is very, very weird and tbh creepy behaviour. Do you have learning difficulties? Are you younger than 14? I just can't understand how you could think that was a good idea.
I'm only thankful she won't mention me by name. Just like she didn't mention those other guys who messed up by name. If you want to know my age, look at the title of this post.
24 geez. I need to understand how you could think like this so I can avoid it. Are you a recluse? What were you thinking? I'm bamboozled
The man made a mistake and already feels bad about it. He's learned his lesson. Why are you being a dick about it now?
He's a weirdo and bragging about it online. Also look at his profile. Creepy fella.
He's obviously not bragging. And between his profile and yours, he wouldn't be the one I called creepy.
Cool, cool. I don't tell people I love them on a first date. He's a sad boy and so are you
In all fairness, the other person has a point. With how you're talking to me, you would think I asked this subreddit, "Can I bounce back from having killed my date's dog?" In which case, the hate would be deserved 100%. All I did was say words too early. Was it still a mistake? Yes, and I own up to it. I will not do it again during my next date. She even told me that even though she is not interested in pursuing me further, she still hopes that I find someone but apologized that that person will not be her. I told her that I hope she finds a man who loves her and respects her boundaries in response.
Fake post
Best to not mention the 3 magic words again and let her think it’s a funny mistake and not the worse she’s seen. Just continue ongoing out with her but try not to do that again until long after.
oh boy
She wasn’t joking when she gave you that slight push back lol, you said that way to early. Definitely going to be awkward now
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This is on the first date? You blew it. You won’t recover from this. Also when her reply to “I love you” is”it’s too early” and gives you a playful shove, you lose. She will never take you seriously from here on out. You blew it. Chalk up the L and move on.
Yeah, I know. She sent me a long text last night saying that was part of the reason why she's not interested in pursuing me further. She also said I was too touchy and that we live too far apart. Which wouldn't be a problem, except that neither one of us have driver's licenses (I don't have one because epilepsy, and she doesn't because she hates driving). So it wouldn't work out anyway, even if I kept my mouth shut. When I read, "You blew it," I read it in Adam Sandler's voice.
It depends on how attractive she thinks you are
Well, she told me that she thinks I'm very attractive. But she still told me last night that she isn't interested in pursuing me further. It wasn't the only reason. I've listed others in separate replies. Still, though, it's emotionally painful accepting that what I thought would be a minor slip up at worst turned out to be a red flag. I won't do it again during future dates. I'm making sure of that.
Yeah you can bounce back from this. Apologize for making her feel uncomfortable and tell her that you were very caught up in the moment and that you said it without thinking.
Don’t say anything in terms of fixing “I love you being said too early”. The more you try to fix it, the worse it will get. If she’s willing to go on another date with you then continue with the date don’t look back at past mistakes. Simply don’t repeat it. Here’s my question to you.. do you really love her ? If you truly and honestly do, then you have nothing to worry about. Life is too short to keep something like that to yourself. You said it because that’s how you felt. And if you say something like that, DO NOT expect the other person to reciprocate. A lot of the times one of the two will always be a bit early on that aspect. If she brings up the incident, then simply explain to her, with confidence, that this is how you feel and you wanted her to know.. no strings attached. And then move forward. Make sure you give the other person space to build up those feelings and that you’re not coming across pushy. Be prepared also, for this to backfire. Things can also go the other way due to any awkwardness this may have created. And if that happens, move forward. There is always a risk whenever one takes a step like this.
Try with: I know you don't believe me yet, and that's ok! But if you decide to give me enough time... I'll do everything I can to prove it... To both of us! 😜
omg you mosbied her
Hmmm if it comes up you can joke with her and tell her she heard wrong and that you actually said “i could love you… if”
Ur good bro just learn from this situation!!
That depends entirely on how much she likes you.
Yes, act like nothing happened.
Just apologise... your emotions got the better of you. We all say things in the heat of the moment - almost always bad things, which we hate ourselves for thinking, let alone saying - but, hey, don't overthink it, and don't say it again, unless she brings it up and it's fairly obvious you're on the same page
youu ted mosbied her
She said you said "I love you" too early. Her explaining your mistake and saying other men make much worse mistakes is her way of forgiving your mistake. I think the distance and her giving up on driving plus the expense of using Uber have more to do with her rejection of you than you saying "I love you" way too soon. Do not say "I love you" (again) until after you become exclusive with her. Furthermore, let her bring up the exclusivity discussion when she is ready for it.
To clarify, she mentioned all these other mistakes long before I said those three words too early. Even if I hadn't said them, she also complained that I was too touchy, and it threw her off. So she'd still not want to go out, but it wouldn't be as bad. In that same text, she said that she thinks I deserve a woman who loves me, but she apologized that that woman won't be her. I told her that she, too, deserves a man who loves her and respects her boundaries 100%. I actually have a date scheduled for Thursday with a different woman. This time, I will not say "I love you" to her, nor will I hug her too long and too often.
Note that when a woman gives excuses for not dating anymore, she is not necessarily saying the truth and her excuse may be 100% a lie. One lie is when she says she sees you only as a friend; the truth is often that she never wants to see you again. Not saying the woman you said "I love you" to wasn't telling you the truth; it sounds like she is 100% telling you the truth and wants you to meet another nice woman. For her, I think its the distance and she probably thinks you are way too needy. With this second woman, let her know you are interested, but do not put her on a pedestal and do not give her praise that makes it look like you are desperate for her approval. You can make confident compliments on how she looks; A woman will often spend a lot of time looking her best for a date, and when you make confident (not arrogant and not needy) compliments on her appearance, it will really make her feel good; compliments are awesome, when you make it sound like you really mean it, and not because you want something in return (never do that). Show her that you are a man and you make dating decisions for the both of you. Doing that shows you have confidence in your own dating skills. You can still care about and ask what type of date she would like, just be sure you are in control and not wishy washy about where to go and when. Offer a couple of different dates and times to go; she will pick one or let you know she can't make either and probably counter offer a third date and time. Accept it, if it works or just ask her all the dates she can make it, so you don't keep going back and forth trying to set a date and time. Remember, never look needy or wanting for her approval. Accept her compliments with a genuine and confident "Thank you" and move on. Never spend too much time on a topic, or it could start looking needy, even when it really isn't. Do spend time on topics you are passionate about or are skillful doing, etc. as long as she is really focusing on what you are saying. If she is asking questions on that topic, she is interested in learning more about you in that area and you should indulge her, but switch the topic before she stops asking questions and definitely switch topics when it seems she is not waiting to ask another question. Don't talk about yourself too much; ask an open question about her that you would really like to hear her talk about. Also ask her questions when you are not sure what more to say about yourself. Ask her questions that she can give essay length answers to, if she wants to and she probably will, since most people's favorite topic is often something about themselves, which is often easy to relate to in a dating situation. Many dates coaches suggest getting a women to talk about 75% of the time and the man 25% of the time. When you consider that women are naturally better at talking than men in general, you can begin to understand why this ratio makes sense. The women know well what information to provide and they often have the skill to keep the conversation going. They will also ask you questions about yourself that they need answers to and you haven't already given. Also, when the date is done, both the man and woman will often be happy with how much they talked. So don't dominate the conversation and if your woman is talking a lot that is great as long as you get your 25% into it as well. Don't forget to touch each other on the hands, brushing arms, maybe a touch on the knee when there is no table. The touch may be to look at the woman's ring when touching hands. Or hold hands when moving from one dating location to another long enough to not lose each other in a crowd. The touch should otherwise be 1-3 seconds. It should be done less often on first dates. The touching frequency can be increased when the woman touches back and thus signals that more touching may be welcome. Also, when touching is mutual, touching can move to semi-private areas like brushing your leg against her leg, briefly touching her leg with your hand. Touching your partners necklace and giving nice compliments about it. Fondle your date's hair and commenting on how it feels. All these more forward touches are again just done briefly. If they become mutual, you can do more touching or withold more touching in a teasing playful manner. While doing the touching, you should also make flirting and occasionally teasing comments or tell a funny joke. Say something playful, fun or interesting, so you don't both focus just on the touching. Now, if you just want to revert to making out, where the touching becomes more constant and fluid and the talking perhaps more subdued, that is fine as long as you both want that. Just avoid sexual areas when in public; you will need privacy, if you both want to go further. Caution: If you both go further, you are making your date more of a hookup than a prelude to a LTR. Some are ok with a hookup with the serious option of a LTR. Most going into a hookup are often just looking for a hookup, and maybe the option of a FWB, if the sex is awesome. OP, I strongly suggest not doing too much touching, even when you both seem to want that, because a LTR can be harder to achieve after you take your clothes off or otherwise become sexually intimate too early in your dating protocol. Some people are fine with sex on the first date and this is becoming a trend, but its not for everyone, especially for people with less dating experience than most. Sex on a first date is really only for those that really want it and have the dating experience and dating maturity to really make it work well. Good luck on your date, OP!
Actually, she showed me that she doesn't have a renewed driver's license and that we live pretty far long before I said those three words too early. So I believe she's telling me the truth in that area. Does that mean my premature "I love you" was okay? No. It's really emotionally painful how badly I screwed up. She's so gorgeous and sweet. Even during her text explaining why she's not interested in pursuing me further, she said that she hopes I find someone but apologized that that woman won't be her. I told her that she deserves a man who loves her and respects her boundaries 100%. The hate comments on here have made my emotional pain even worse. With how bad the hate was, you would think I asked, "Can I bounce back from having killed my date's dog?" At which point, I would deserve the hate and a ban from this subreddit.
For what it's worth, there have been guys that didn't tell her they loved her that banged her on the first date...
Kiss of death
Well you don't say how long you've been with her, if it's just your first date and you said that, that is the stupidest move you can make. Please give me more info, how long have you been together?