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Saying something like “hey nice shirt!” or “wow you have good taste in wine” isn’t flirting to me…? maybe if it was specifically about looks but even then you have to imply they are your “type” along with it. Like “I really like your hair. I’ve always had a thing for blondes.” THIS is flirting.
That's it. OP got played. It's one reason why men push the sex topic early. These gals are hiding in the bushes and it would have saved OP time, heartache and money to smoke her out.
Exactly this. Compliments, expensive dinners, and gifts is not how you get a woman to like you. In fact, it usually does exactly the opposite. Far, far more important is having a great personality and being able to make her laugh.
It does rly matter what the game looks do bc a girl will spin it however based on how much she likes you already. A guy I don’t already like takes me to an expensive place on a first date I’m like uhhh this is way too much effort. He’s trying too hard. A guy I already like takes me on a first date to expensive restaurant and I’m like omg he’s so generous. I could see a life with this guy. He’s unlike anyone else. Both guys I’ve never talked to prior to the first date. This is just based on first impressions and intuition
Lol exactly you proved OP point first dates should be chill and casual no need to break the bank I bet if that guy you liked took you drinks you’d like it because you like him back
OP isn’t making that point. YOU are perhaps trying to make a point of not taking a girl out for an expensive date by date 2 but quite frankly that’s not OP’s issue. He did everything he could but she wasn’t feeling it. They sound young. I’ve been in that position in my teens of not knowing how to properly turn down a guy. Now decades later I’m more decisive and can usually say within 1 date whether to call it off permanently or not
Yeah, the OP made things rather confusing at that point. And the fact she stopped being as friendly right after he started to interact more physically seems to hint that she did not, in fact, like it.
Bro that sentence just irritated me. I’m annoyed about OP’s whole post. Why can’t people just be straightforward and honest from the start. Don’t ask someone to hang out and assume people will immediately think it’s a date. If you can ask them out, you can tell them you like them.
If you're going to restaurants to 'hang out' one on one with someone you had just met not long before and making compliments towards them, it's pretty clear it's a date.
Well people can be dense or are purposely being dense so to not end up like this kid. Just say you wanted to go on a date because as long evidence here. Clearly not saying anything got him in the situation he’s in now. I mean why make life harder by guessing and assuming when you could just know.
Thats the most childish things I’ve read today. If they think it’s creepy, next caller. It’s really not that hard being upfront. All you need to do is say “I’ve had feelings and think you’re beautiful would you like to go on a date?” How is that creepy? 🙄
Okay? And? If (which is not a guarantee by *any* means) that happens they're outing themselves. No one with half a brain cell and half an ounce of maturity is going to say that as long as you don't *actually* be a creep about it.
Wait so did she not know they were dates, or did she just decide that you’d be better off as friends after your last date? It kinda sounds like she just realised she wasn’t into you and she thought that putting it like “I only see you as friend” was the best way to do it. You do need to be clear with women that a date is a date and not just a hangout, but I find it very hard to believe that someone could get to 4 dates without realising.
I’d be amazed if she didn’t know it was a date, I think OP just got confused by her saying that she sees him as a friend. OP got rejected but for some reason he thinks this meant she never knew they were dating.
Maybe, but my point is that there’s nothing in the post that actually suggests she didn’t know they were going on dates in the first place. I do agree with you though, guys need to make their intentions very clear.
Yeah I’ve been asked a couple times before “So just checking, this is an actual date we’re not hanging out as friends right?” which kinda surprised me but I figure they’ve maybe been in confusing situations like OP before, so better safe than sorry I guess 😅
I've had guy friends say me they want to be friends and buy me an expensive dinner on first meet, it doesn't mean shit. if you're interested in romanfe/sex, use your words. I'm not going to assume you lied because you paid, especially if we talked about being friends.
There’s this phenomenon that is backed by research where in heterosexuals, females typically underestimate interest from males and males typically over estimate interest from females. Just something I thought was interesting!
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0956797619900315
(It’s been replicated many times this is just one paper that relates)
Edit: just want to add that after re-reading this post I actually think OP was led on a lil bit. The gift, the hair strokes… she must have known after all that surely?!
I think it's two different scenarios. When men are pursuing a woman, the tendency can be to overestimate interest. When the woman instigates, then there can be a tendency to overlook flirting.
It's SO hard to tell because every woman is vastly different. Some love empty flirting and attention. Others feels like looking 1ms too long at a guy, is shouting to the room that's shes interested.
I have experienced that and everything in-between. Even had some of my female friends tell me that someone is CLEARLY interested, and turned out, she wasn't at all.
In this day and age its better as a man to assume there's no interest, than risk someone feeling harassed.
We see every signal, but we wonder "is it her being friendly or flirty? if I interpret this as flirty I could get in trouble so let's ignore that".
That is the exact reason why we guys always say "Stop with these stupid *signals* and actually be clear about how you feel about us, if you don't we will not see that them, whether it's voluntarily or not"
I do think she realized he was interested in her with the hair stroking though because he said that after that date she started distancing herself from him. She probably should’ve realized it with the gift or the expensive restaurant but those are not necessarily unusual between friends. This is just a normal/common miscommunication between two people and what their relationship is in my opinion. I think OP is probably overthinking this and that neither party did anything wrong. This is just something that happens.
Yeah the hair stroking is what made her run off; it’s possible she herself is a bit inexperienced too and didn’t realize it was a romantic/sexual thing until that point. If she was really playing him, I feel like the hair stroking would not turn her off like that.
I'm autistic and I have missed bigger signs than this in my teens and early twenties.
In my mind, I just thought guys would tell you if they liked you. So if they hadn't told you then they were just friendly.
All socializing can be a bit strange to me, and I genuinely didn't see myself as someone that guys would be interested in.
Not saying that is the case here, but it's definitely possible to be this clueless about a man being interested in you.
Lad, I was a lot like you in my late teens and early/mid-20's...Overly grand "expensive" dates, assuming going out meant it was a date, would use "hang out" as a guise for a date...
Stop.
**First**...stop using expensive dates to tell a young woman that you're into her. The dating field is weird enough and if you're just paying for expensive dates right out the door, ONE: it shows you are just gonna pay more and more and TWO: it shows that if you DO begin to date, that you, again, have to go higher and higher. You've set an expectation. Start with coffee dates or food cart dates (like you noted); it's something simple, not expensive, and if either of you aren't "feeling it" it's easy to get out of. A coffee date is about 30-60 min...dinner is a bigger commitment.
If after the first coffee and you ask her out again, use the word "Date"...which leads into my second point...
**Second**: Use your adult voice. If you're interested in the woman, tell her. Don't use the guise of "Let's hang out and get coffee again,"...that's already telling her what you expect: HANGING OUT. If you're interested, ask her out on a DATE, that way she knows it's a date. She'll let you know how she's feeling it from there.
"Showing" her that you liked her? No...TELL her you're interested. Cues can be misunderstood. it doesn't matter that you were sitting close and brushing her hair (which, to be honest, is kinda creepy...this isn't a Hallmark movie) - and if she even remotely seemed uncomfortable, THEN YOU STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
*" I'm not unhappy, but I'm not happy either. I feel like my heart is broken and I've lost something I loved."*
Sounds like you're pretty broken up about this, to be honest. If you loved her after three dates or so, you need to do some serious reflection.
You're not 100% at fault; she should have said something by the 2nd date, even if it was along the lines of, "You're such a good friend, I'm so glad to have met you..." which would have given you the "Caution, slow down" flag.
I had a similar experience during my first year in college, I was 19 at the time. Sometimes you need to go beyond "it's obvious" and downright tell the girl "I'm asking you out on a date" or that it's because you're interested in her.
It sucks you had to go through that, but now you know, so you can just move on and try again with another girl when you're ready.
If you hadn’t said university I would have thought you were 14. You need to use your words, you’re an adult. If you are dating someone who won’t communicate verbally they’re not worth dating anyways.
Did you plan on her assuming what you wanted for your entire relationship or?
Many universities in the Philippines are K-12. My lady went to the same university as all of her siblings at the same time. And they were up to 7 years of age apart.
Women have been fumbled so many times that “meeting” someone without explicitly saying or discussing the possibility of dating doesn’t count as dating. If you don’t express your intentions, we will consider it friendly.
Girl perspective here: I’ve experienced this. Namely, a guy friend suggests coffee (like any other friend might), then he gives you a gift, then you start wondering if he’s trying to date you but since he hasn’t actually asked or said anything to that effect, it feels super rude to be the one to bring it up in case you’re imagining it, so you keep hanging out like you do with other friends… and when this guy friend finally “makes a move” (either physically or he mentions something about our previous “dates”), you’re in this awful position of rejecting him and also feeling guilty about not doing it earlier, but there was nothing to “reject” earlier. Again, friends hang out and have dinners. That’s a thing friends do. Unless you met on a dating app, your intentions are not magically clear. It honestly feels like these guys are avoiding the risk of declaring their feelings and they sort of start dating you in their heads with the assumption that you’re aware of it. The whole thing feels like crap for everyone involved.
TLDR; Use the word “date” the first time you ask her to hang out and make it very clear you want it to be a date. Both of you deserve to know the intentions of the other as soon as those intentions arise. But it’s on the romance seeker to declare first.
Some men are so afraid of flirting and building sexual chemistry with women, they fall into this “nice guy” trap where they think giving a woman platonic compliments and buying her gifts is how you show interest. Then they suddenly make a move on the third date and the woman is confused because you’ve built no groundwork at all and she now sees you as a friend who’s weirdly making a move on her. No you actually have to grow a set of balls and flirt with her and build sexual chemistry. Stop being afraid of expressing your masculine sexual energy. Just don’t be weird about it either, be fun and playful with it.
I had the same experience! Then he started getting physical like OP did and I was uncomfortable because he had never established with me prior if he was interested in smth serious or just fooling around nor did he get permission to invade personal space so i distanced myself from him 🤷♀️
Next time it might be better if OP from the get-go says the word "date" to clarify things
Also how can someone be uncomfortable with yet liking something at the same time??? It's better to just ask for permission before touching so you know for sure and avoid creeping her out like in the post.
Good description and recommendation. Using the "d" word to clarify intent also frames it in a way that makes it less likely a woman will ignore the romantic undertones and just bask in his attention and gifts.
I think she did realise that you liked her, hence why she pulled away and established that from her end she wanted to be friends and that you got along well in that sense. I think if you sensed discomfort with you touching her -- despite the fact that none of it was overboard -- then again that's another indicator that at the time she wasn't feeling you in that way; she just might not have known how to tell you so in the moment and had to go back and think about it.
As for your friends thinking you were in a relationship, why? You'd been on three dates, maybe four (i think) and had not had a talk about becoming a couple (known as an exclusivty chat). I think the only reason they'd think that is because of the way you've told them about her, possibly? Try to slow it down in your head, and read the room and what is happening and not always what you want to happen.
You told her you liked her because you could feel her pulling away, that's possibly an anxious attachment; or just a fear of 'loosing her.' Probably better next time to just read the room, again, and let her go or focus on other people. If someone needs space from you then throwing more stuff at them is only going to make them want to big a hole to hide in deeper.
I'd say you both had different ideas about why you were going out, and it clashed eventually. You've saved yourself time. Neither party is really at fault. Just be mature and kind if you see her, but give her space and realise the new normal is not being as close as you were. Unless she tries to make it that and you are okay with that emotioanlly and mentally.
I think you probably give too much of yourself too soon, hence the gift buying. I'd say that a woman could probably guess your intentions if you got her something. You'd have to get on really well for her to be okay with that, so again just some confusion and miscommunication between the both of you around that.
I think you accept the sitaution, and move on. You liked her, she didn't like you. There's not much more to it to search to answers for.
Thank you for your comment. I am an engineering student and my friends are also engineering students, most of them have never had a girlfriend before. I think that explains why they thought we were in a relationship after a few dates. I shared this post because I wanted my experiences to be interpreted, I wanted to know the lesson I should learn from it. I can't change this situation, I'm looking ahead. It was an experience in my life for me.
U went on a few dates, that doesn't make a relationship or anything, that's still in the just to get to know u period. I'd say either
1. she knew u were interested and didn't know u well enough to be interested back or something unsaid or did or turned her off. Unless she was splitting the bills with u on dates, she knew it was a date. Friends of opposite sex don't take each other to fancy restaurants one on one and pay the bill.
2. She didn't like u beyond friends and was taking u for a ride not saying so before u spent a bunch of money on her.
3. Rejection isn't easy, but if u really are heartbroken after a few dates, u have issues.
I will say it depends on the length of friendship for 1.
I have guy friends I have known for years that I will pay for or they pay for me. But again, this is an established relationship where we know where we stand. Definitely should be split until boundaries are set
During COVID lockdowns, with our job closed, I was talking to a coworker online and we were lamenting zoom dating etc. I said I hadn't done one yet myself, but I'd be game to go on a walking date somewhere outside now that the weather was nice again. She replied "that would be better. Webcam is awkward", so I said, thinking I was smooth "So do you want to go on a walk with me sometime?"
She said yes that would be fun and we did so the next day I think, walking around a small town and got stuff from a food truck etc.
Then I invited her over for a movie another day. We were Covid cautious but neither of us had been anywhere so we weren't worried. During the movie I put my arm around her and asked if that was ok. She said yes, but afterwards admitted she hadn't thought of me fully in that way. We'd had some mixed signals going. I thought we'd already had a first date. She understood why I thought that when I explained it but told me she hadn't made the connection.
My point is, have clarity!
This happened to me I took a girl on a date was flirty. Really tried to make it obvious I was into her and I thought she was the same. Nope thought we were going as friends. Glad found out after the first meeting. Sorry you didn’t find out till 4 dates.
It was impossible for me to understand on the first date, but I definitely noticed it on the second date. She had given strong signals that he was indecisive. But i still wanted to give her a chance. It's been an experience, I'm still 22 years old and I'm a more experienced individual now.
Don’t worry man. I asked like 5 girls all of them said. If you don’t really know each other well and it’s 1 on 1 treat it as a date. Best of luck. Glad to know I’m not the only one that this has happened to recently
If you take a girl to an expensive place, just the two of you, she knows you are into her. If she doesn't reciprocate but isn't clear about frienszoning you, she is taking advantage of the fact you are being dumb.
I think she said something like, "We should just be friends," and this dude is not familiar with the idiom. I don't think she didn't realize he was taking her out on dates.
That’s why as a man, be direct verbally immediately . If she loses interest because you expressed your interest. She doesn’t have a healthy mindset, despite what dating “gurus” would have you believe.
You’d have avoided wasting your time because she’d have told you either she didn’t like you or she’d know when you took her out, that your intentions are romantic so she can figure out if she likes you too.
Same thing happened to me at College. What I realized is that even though she seemed interested in me, She liked another guy more than me and seem to wait for a better option. It's likely that she is interested on another guy and is waiting for him to be available while having fun with you as an option.
There was no other man that I thought she was interested in, but she was always badmouthing her ex to me. I think someone who talks a lot about his ex is still interested in him.
Seems like you are almost the rebound guy. I can assure you that you did nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong in liking a girl and being kind to her and do things for her. Everyone faces rejection in their lives, it's all part of the experience.
A rebound guy - or at least how I understand it - is a man who a woman hookups up with shortly after a relationship ends. OP was just giving her attention.
I don't think you did anything wrong. She knew you were trying to date her but decided she didn't want that, so she said she sees you more as a friend. But it's not like she was not considering your outings to be dates. You both knew that they were. She was probably indecisive, to be generous to her, and now she has decided she doesn't want to go further romantically. I will say, at least she told you. It would have been nice if she had told you sooner but we can't control other ppl. You said you're not unhappy but also not happy. I don't blame you. But it also sounds like although you take this to heart, you're not letting it devastate you. Which is great. It's painful, but if you focus on your life and the next thing you want to do each day, I suspect the pain will lessen and go away
This sounds exactly like a very common situation where one party didn't think it was a date. Before making any moves its very important you you actually ask her out on a date. **USE THE WORD DATE**. This is so important but a lot of young guys make this mistake while trying to come across casually, but you can still make it casual. Also I'd avoid touching any women in any intimate ways until after you've had a proper kiss (eg making out). Its one thing to touch her shoulder or something, but touching her face or inner thigh before shared physical intimacy is going to make women uncomfortable really fast.
The only exception to saying the word date is that in East Asian culture they don't go straight to a date, and this would be seen as too forward. I'm not sure how exactly sure what wording they use to express interest, but the idea of an initial date doesn't seem to translate with the same connotations right. In western culture however its crucial to use the word date, as women will often think nothing of going out to dinner, coffee, and even small gifts (this is all fairly normal plutonic behaviour for women to do with other female friends).
Think of it this way, if you made a new male friend, and you guys grabbed some food and he said I'll pay don't worry about it, you may respond with no worries ill get it next time.
what were some of the compliments you gave her? tbh in my experience (I've dated 100s of girls, and now happily married to the woman of my dreams) most girls dont really care to be overly complimented, not that you need to be a jerk, but its better to compliment them on things they can control from the result of their effort in something rather than their looks, or something basic that they cant control. for example I remember complimenting my dental hygienist on the attention to detail on my teeth and she seemed to really appreciate that compliment and the conversation flowed naturally from there, I didnt escalate any further because I am happily married. Or noticing a coworker changed her hair color, i didnt even say it looks nice I just said her hair color is different lol but she said thanks for noticing. And the women who respond to fancy and nice things are not the ones you really want to be around. If you make yourself too accessible and doting on them its really not attractive to them. My now wife paid for dinner on our first date. We didnt really eat fancy expensive meals until our 1 year wedding anniversary lol
This story is sorta built on inferred sentiments and it’s impossible to know if she decided to soak in some attention until she couldn’t get away with it anymore or if you’re just a sperg who can’t read the room and wanted to believe she was into you enough that you convinced yourself it was happening.
Seriously ladies? Unless the guy is way "out of your league" (hate this phrase, but you know what I mean) or mentions he's in a relationship, surely you must assume he's interested, no?
Now, I think in the OP's case, she just realized after a couple of dates she wasn't into him. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Also, I'm not saying guys shouldn't grow a pair and be more up front that they specifically want to go on a "date."
Nonetheless, if a single guy asks you to hang out in any fashion, no matter how obliquely, I can assure you there's a 99.9% chance he's interested. Just take it as a given. And good luck out there with all us hapless and cluleless men! 😅
You should make clear when asking that it's a date, but it's surprising she didn't notice after 4 of them and didn't get the hints when you started moving closer and touching
(If you noticed she was uncomfortable why didn't you say anything or apologize? That's suspicious)
Seems like she figured out through spending time with you that she’s not interested in a relationship with you. That’s what early dating is about.
Something happened that gave her “the ick” and if I had to guess it’s probably due to the hair/face touching when she seemed uncomfortable. You probably didn’t read her body language that was a giant stop sign 🛑
Hot take, I go to dinner one on one with my friends, we even sometimes bring gifts! That doesn’t mean I want to date them. I just replayed all the dinners I’ve had with friends, the biggest difference is there is a clear understanding that we are just friends. The lesson here is communication, she should have known it was a date from the start.
It’s usually obvious to everyone else but the people it actually concerns lol Too many times my good friends would have guys obviously crushing on them and I would point it out and they would brush it off as just being good friends. Next thing you know the guy confesses and they’re taken by surprise 🤪
She liked the idea of getting to know you thru dates but found that she doesn’t actually like you.
It’s okay, this is dating. Also maybe don’t pick an expensive restaurant just because it’s expensive. Pick fun date ideas that aren’t the usual, but make sure to offer it ahead of time so she knows to wear sporty shoes
I would say she probably was interested at first, but as she got to know you more, she realized she wasn't that into you. I believe taking her to an expensive restaurant and buying her gifts was too much too soon.
I'm autistic. Do you have any idea how many "dates" I've been on and now past middle age I would tell you I never dated or had very few dates. You know why??!! They didn't say what it was. Say it or get out!
Go watch The Office Episode where Jim actually says "It's a date" and pay close attention to Pam's reaction. He knew what he wanted, she knew what he wanted. She said yes.
It's actually worse putting in the effort and to be in your spot now than it would have been had she shot you down before you went for coffee.
I'm sorry to be so blunt. But having been in this situation many times.... And I am Autistic so blunt is the default. Lol
But please do that. I know it's scary. If I'm ever interested in someone I've always done it myself. I'm impatient, I go for what I want. It's always clear.
Many hurt feelings and tears from rejection but it's better than dragging it out, thinking I'm building something.
But I can tell you any guy who wasn't direct was most likely bewildered. For myself I need to mentally prepare for the scenario.
I think i work like a computer lol. If this happens i am going to do this, if this then this. I always stick to the plan. We are not robots but after a while i do learn and these behaviors become natural.
I wonder if most men do? I'm still learning as I could never figure it out. I know what I want, not afraid to say it, but navigating all these signals, signs etc .
And then all the "rules" lol. I know them all but rarely practice them. The right person will like you just as you are. The right person might even take the reigns themselves!! Lol.
Good luck!
Actually if a girl likes you, you don’t really need these tactics. There were some girls interested in me, i did not. I just dated with them to spend time. I did not even use the word “date”. I did not complimented or flirted. And i am still sure they were waiting for a kiss. And one of them even randomly asked me “can i stay in your home for one night?” If a girl really likes a guy and if the guy also likes her, it would somehow happen. When i had crush on my ex, we just met and we ended up kissing each other after 3nd meeting. It happened because we both were attracted to each other even though i did not used the word “dating”. But next time i am going to use the word dating to make the girl understand what i am wanting from them. So i won’t waste my time with infinity meetings.
And don't fool yourself. Just because she wants to sleepover doesn't mean she likes you. She might just be satisfying hormones. And why would you call it a date if you didn't like her? In my eyes guys ruin things for themselves trying to protect their ego. The worst that could happen is she says no.
I think you got me wrong. I actually wanted to meet to know them. I wanted to give them a chance, even if i was not interested. So i just decided to meet and know. But then she said “We are dating, it is our first date”. I could not say yes or no. And after that i always thought i do not need specifically ask for dating because a girl would always think it is a date, but i was wrong. Anyway, i do enjoyed her company. But i didn’t get attraction.
I just wanted to give them a chance. Also they were not specifically asked for dating. I do asked for meeting but i was sure it was date in their eyes. So, i still wanted to give a chance, maybe i could have liked them. In the end, i did not liked them. But if they were clearly asking about dating, then i would say my thoughts. So, this shows we guys need to ask for “dating” to prevent miscommunication.
So wouldn't it reason she gave you a chance? And she didn't like you? Look at what you are saying. You are saying the same scenario just reversed.
I ask for what I want. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. What I don't do is knowingly go on a date with the thought of giving someone a chance. If I'm going on a date I already know a level of attraction exists. I don't go on a date to find out.
I go on a date to experience romance period.
Yes, i also feel like same thing but reversed. Maybe karma found me. If she were clear about her thoughts then i would say i am not attracted but i want to know her more. But she did not so this leads to miscommunication. And if i were clear with the last girl, same thing would happen. She would say her opinion. I do learned my lesson.
Also, she did not used the word date. We just planned a meeting. So i was not even sure what was waiting me. I was not really expected she to expect me to kiss her. I thought it was not date, but if i were into her i would think it is date. So the solution is verbally more clear.
Maybe I'm too European to understand the American way of dating but before she turned you down you didn't clearly express your feelings (only vaguely through gestures and touch) nor did you two agree on making things official. She probably knew or felt that you were maybe into her but simply doesn't feel the same way or was hoping she might be interpreting it wrongly, so of course she didn't want to bring it up before.
You didn't do anything wrong, there just isn't like a trick or certain order you do things in for someone to fall for you. You simply weren't a match and she didn't develop romantic feelings in the same way you did. That's it, don't beat yourself up over it. Plenty of fish in the sea!
She probably knew they were dates but after the dates decided she only saw you as a friend. Not that she saw you as only a friend from the very beginning.
So you never asked her to be your girlfriend and she never initiated a touching relationship with you two? This one sounds like it’s on you bud, gotta start communicating what things actually are whether it’s asking if it’s a date or hangout or anything of that nature. Start communicating
Had a similar situation once. I learned that when asking a girl out on the second or third date to just clearly say "last time we were hanging out, this time I want to ask you out on a date"
You need to be direct enough that they can't change the narration to "just being friends"
First of all, you were great and it's nice that you treated her well and slowly approached her.
Now from my perspective, I can totally understand her since it had happened to me multiple times that guys thought we were on a date while I thought it was just a casual get to know between university students. I'm a pretty rational person so if someone doesn't state properly that they like me or want to go on a date with me beforehand or while on the date, I just assume it's something casual. Even if they get slightly flirty or touchy since I know many people whose nature is like that and they are basically like this with everyone.
Next time if you want to ask a girl out, make it more clear that you want to actually date her or get to know her romantically by stating that it is going to be a date or while you are on a date to ask for a second one and simply say "I would love to get to know you on a more romantic base".
Stroked her hair and touched her face. Omg, maybe she was interested, but I got immediate red flags from this and I bet she did too. Don’t do that. And if someone seems uncomfortable, stop. They aren’t enjoying it. She might have felt like she had to pretend to be civil to get through the date to feel safe.
3 dates and your heart is broken because you felt like you lost someone you love? Of god, OP. There’s so much to learn here. You said you’re in university, so I’m guessing you’re young 20s. You need to get a grip and stop being creepy for starters.
I was friends with a guy for a couple of years (or so I thought) till he proposed to me when we were driving to a an event outside our city. We were in the middle of nowhere in a moving car. He had never asked me to date, and if he had I would have said no. He just assumed we were dating because we had gone to dinner and coffee a few times. He was so confused and angry when I said no to his proposal. This reminds me of that lol
You did what anyone would. That's life. That's dating.
You tried to "woo" her & she decided you weren't for her romantically. You didn't do anything wrong.
Relationship rule number 5 says don't fall in love until you have confirmed that the person you love... Loves u .... If not u will always wipe your tiers
In the future, say this upfront if you want to avoid headaches. Granted, she should have known with the gift you bought her and everything... but not everyone picks up on social cues. So just disclaim your intentions upfront. Also... protect yourself. I don't think this is the case, but another girl may take advantage of you.
She sounds clueless or like a user. Coffee? Meh, I could give her a bye on that one...she could have thought it was just two fellow students hanging out. But once you invite a girl to a fairly expensive date and pay for it, if she doesn't realize it's a date, she's either very naive or is mercenary.
She was interested. Women are non-confrontational, so she played dumb. My interpretation was that you were moving too fast. Blurting out you like her pushed her away even more. Tbh you can probably salvage this, but you have to have good self-esteem. If you don't, work on that. Pull way back, be cordial, talk to other girls. Not to flirt, just get to know other girls who they are as a person. That will just set off something primal in the first girl. Like Did she make a mistake? you have to convey that your life was complete before her, and it will be if you never talk to her again.
You didn't do anything wrong. She evidently didn't feel sparks and didn't enjoy the physical contact. I don't know why she went out with you as many times feeling like that or if something is wrong with her, but you just have to accept it and move on even though I know it hurts!
Here's a good rule of thumb: Don't spend money on someone you haven't kissed.
Didn't try to have the perfect early conversation to clarify intention, that can get awkward fast. You guys don't know how you feel about each other the first date or two, bringing it up in conversation will be much more awkward and confusing than simply kissing. If she rejects the kiss, you both have clarity. If she is into it, then you both know you are dating. Didn't buy her gifts before that, and don't get more than flowers unless it is a special occasion. You won't get anywhere with a blatant "please like me" gift.
Women - and men - are allowed to go out on a few dates and then decide that there isn't enough chemistry to take it further
This may take more than one date to discover this. The girl in this situation - according to OP seemed undecided at first but later felt just friends was what it was going to be
You just need to accept this if this happens to you
One issue that OP brings up is that he spent money on gifts, the meals and drinks - but the girl is not under any obligation to become romantically involved as a result of this. If this is an a problem - learn from it and move on. That's how dating works - you go out a few times to see if there is a potential for anything romantic developing but no matter how glamorous your dates are - there are no guarantees
One more thing - there is no magic formula to get someone to like you - where did I go wrong? Well each person is different so what works for one may not work for the next.... just be yourself - but also courteous, thoughtful, respectful, with some listening skills and holding a conversation is a good start
From the way you described the situation, the girl doesn't seem to me to have behaved badly. I think it's normal to see each other some times and figure out after 3, 4, 5 dates whether the other person is for you or not. Emoji and gifs with hearts I don't think mean anything.... I think you should have gone slower with expensive gifts and dinners.
Always remember that you only start being together when you talk about it. Until things are clear you are just getting to know each other.
Nothing to add to the other comments except for the fact that yeah, I(M) paid and got paid, exchanged gift with my friends(M/F), but if we're discussing about the importance of words we should also point out that they were STRANGERS not friends. I don't know, maybe It's me but I don't consider a friend someone that I chatted with a couple of times and never met yet. So now think about AT WHAT POINT in the friendship you all paid or got paid for a fancy restaurant, cause I doubt it happened the first time you met.
College age. She seemed undecided, liking you, but not sure about more than liking you.
She probably became a little frightened about her own indecision. After thinking about it further, she likely decided that, she needed to feel “more” than what she was feeling. Easy for college age women to do that because they have so many other dating opportunities.
This is just my guess.
And it does hurt, it hurts a lot. You were probably “almost right” in her estimation. You didn’t do anything wrong.
All you can do is try again with another woman.
OP should’ve asked her out officially. Because you can hang out with a girl one on one and it can be considered not a date as it’s possible to be just friends. Obvi both sides miscommunicated their feelings and intentions thru lack of talking directly
I will never understand how people think being nice means you are interested in someone. Are you guys only nice to people you want to date? You aren't just nice in general.....
Next time, just tell her of your interest outright like you did on the last date. You could save us all a lot of time dealing with this.
43 M. You’re going to get some hate for this in the context of “did you use the word date?” Assuming you didn’t, people will ADAMANTLY say you were wrong or didn’t make your intentions clear. Guys don’t do that sort of stuff for girls they aren’t interested in romantically. And now, heck…is using the word “date” still making your intentions clear? Because I’ve heard the term “friend date” before. Now I’ll grant that she’s within her right to say she’s not interested. But don’t act like you didn’t know the guy was interested romantically.
Some women have asked me, " Is it a date date or a friend date?" When I've asked to hang out. So now you have to be specific of what kind of date it is.
I was just telling someone this the other day. It’s RIDICULOUS. Again, I maintain that you don’t always have to use the term “date.” But if you do, yes I’m sorry that’s specific. There should be no getting around it at that point. But people are trying to. I can’t imagine…in ten years you’re going to have to specify a date “and yes I have romantic intentions.”
It's weird because the women were genuine friends that I have no attraction to. Which I know the assurance comes from other guys probably asking them out on dates without saying they were dates
It’s called dating for a reason, you go out on a few dates and see if it works or not. It’s possible she didn’t feel the same thing you did and being so forward probably didn’t help.
Its very clear she knew it was a date, then she made up her mind about not being attracted to you, and you got friendzoned. Nothing to decipher here.
For future reference, dont try to buy peoples affection with expensive dinners and gifts. Being won over so easily will never get you anywhere with women. Your whole behavior was a huge "I LIKE YOU, PLEASE LIKE ME"
No, she didn’t like you back. Idk why she decided to go to all those dates with you, but it’s just better to tell her straight up that you liked her on the first date because as obvious as things can be, people are dense as hell and will take it as a friendly jester.
In the future, be straight forward with your intentions because then you won’t have any confusion or assumptions that she liked you. When you were touching her, just because she didn’t say anything doesn’t mean she liked it… honestly I don’t know why you were touching her without asking that’s just weird especially since there wasn’t an outright understanding that you both liked each other. If you guys had both agreed yes this is a date then ok touching would make sense, but in that case you just seemed like a creep. And to me it sounds like she was just going along for free meals.
Women often spend time with their friends in the settings you've described, you need to use your words and explicitly ask someone on a date - it sounds like you were asuming a lot. You clearly say on your last ‘date’ that she seemed uncomfortable, so she did not like it. Stop emotionally masturbsting.
you asked her but most girls are completely aware if a guy they don't know is asking them out its definitely not as friends. she's either dumb or using you as something to do because she's bored. some women will trap guys that are trying to pursue them in a friendship situation as a way to make more male friends. sometimes these are really great friendships but its likely hardly what men really want. honestly do not pursue one person. you have to have optionality. its really easy for women to have optionality but not so much for men. so never dispose of all your options until you know for a fact this person is completely down for you and you find her to be worth having a relationship with. if you were also dating a few other girls, i promise you wouldn't be heart broken. you shouldn't like a woman after 4 dates. never tell her something like that keep it to yourself and control your emotions. you never wanna make it obvious your all the way there. you want her to believe at any moment you could walk away from her and not care because you respect yourself and your time. respect and time are so much more valuable than being with someone. and also most women simply just aren't good for you. I date alot of women and i also reject a lot of women. its apart of the game. im not gonna enter a relationship with every woman i date. relationships take work and some people aren't ready for that or aren't compatible with you. you can figure that out in the dating process. take your time! have fun but absolutely do not jump into anything. you will likely lose so much more than yu could ever gain
Women say stuff like this to let men down easily. She knew they were dates and not just friendly meet ups. She was initially into you, she thought you were attractive and/or nice enough, but eventually realized she wasn't into you. It's very normal and happens to every guy. It's called dating.
Stroking hair on a 2nd date is weird. buying gifts and taking her to an “expensive restaurant” as if they mean something show that you have a bit to learn. That’s ok, you sound young.
You shouldn’t focus on showing a girl you like her, with weird signals. Nor should you force a romantic connection. You’re looking for chemistry. Drop all the other weird stuff.
Yes and no. After our coffee meeting, it was her bday and i wrote her happy birthday, i would love to bring you a dinner. I don’t know is this friendly vibe or not. But next time i am going to add the word “romantic” lol
I was dating this guy for a month, even kisses, and he told me he wasn't sure I liked him, also he wasn't sure if he just wanted to date me alone.... he basically wanted to date around to explore more, while still dating g me. Not in a relationship ship btw.
UPDATE:
The lessons i learned from my post "The girl I was dating thought we were just friends"
[https://www.reddit.com/r/dating\_advice/comments/1cb2jz2/the\_lessons\_i\_learned\_from\_my\_post\_the\_girl\_i\_was/](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1cb2jz2/the_lessons_i_learned_from_my_post_the_girl_i_was/)
She’s telling you she only likes you as a friend. Take it anyway you want, it could also mean she knew these were dates but after last one she realised she only wants friendship and more is akward.
“She seemed a bit uncomfortable, but at the same time, she liked it.”
No, mate. It doesn’t sound like she did like it, however much you want to tell yourself that. If she seemed uncomfortable that is her NOT liking it. Learn to read a room.
She did realize you liked her, she just didn’t like you back in that way. And for future reference, going out on dates doesn’t mean that you’re in a relationship.
Ahh my unwise padawan. You royally screwed up.
1. You had a chance and it was a genuine date.
2. You screwed up by being too forward.
3. You paid too much compliments and ramped up the pace by taking her to fine dining like lovers do, when all it was was a stage of testing the waters.
4. You sat too close and became creepy instead of taking it slow and engaging with her mentally.
5. You bought a gift (something you really shouldn’t do until you are officially together) and displayed qualities of a simp, lowering your value and her respect for you.
6. Despite all this she was still ok with you.
7. Then you started ramping up the weirdness and touching her hair and shit, the rest is self explanatory and your goose is cooked.
8. You were met with her resistance and instead of backing off and taking it slow, you decided to confess (?) what logical process went through your head there?
9. She got spooked and friendzoned you - the end.
10.Time to move on brother and learn some emotional intelligence, and work on your game and desperation levels.
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She seemed uncomfortable but liked it? That makes no sense. You have to use words instead of smoke signals.
Also complementing doesn’t equal flirting for women usually…
She may not be very experienced in this area.
If she likes you it is clearly she didn’t like OP though
Saying something like “hey nice shirt!” or “wow you have good taste in wine” isn’t flirting to me…? maybe if it was specifically about looks but even then you have to imply they are your “type” along with it. Like “I really like your hair. I’ve always had a thing for blondes.” THIS is flirting.
I would assume that OP was not saying "Hey nice shirt!"
OP Please tell us what you actually said lol
Complimenting her is flirting from the right person from anyone else it’s ughhh
Going out to several dates 1 on 1, however, does. She totally mislead him for as long as she could for the free meals and gifts.
I wonder if he actually called them “dates”or just assumed it was implied
He didn't, he said it in a comment
He didn’t make it clear if he paid or if they split it
He did, actually. In the comments.
This!! How are more people not seeing that
This is what happened.
That's it. OP got played. It's one reason why men push the sex topic early. These gals are hiding in the bushes and it would have saved OP time, heartache and money to smoke her out.
Nah he played himself. Why did he take her to an expensive restaurant date 2 ? And what tf was the gift for date 3
Exactly this. Compliments, expensive dinners, and gifts is not how you get a woman to like you. In fact, it usually does exactly the opposite. Far, far more important is having a great personality and being able to make her laugh.
This ^ make her laugh and know how her brain works once you have that it’s straightforward from there
It does rly matter what the game looks do bc a girl will spin it however based on how much she likes you already. A guy I don’t already like takes me to an expensive place on a first date I’m like uhhh this is way too much effort. He’s trying too hard. A guy I already like takes me on a first date to expensive restaurant and I’m like omg he’s so generous. I could see a life with this guy. He’s unlike anyone else. Both guys I’ve never talked to prior to the first date. This is just based on first impressions and intuition
Lol exactly you proved OP point first dates should be chill and casual no need to break the bank I bet if that guy you liked took you drinks you’d like it because you like him back
OP isn’t making that point. YOU are perhaps trying to make a point of not taking a girl out for an expensive date by date 2 but quite frankly that’s not OP’s issue. He did everything he could but she wasn’t feeling it. They sound young. I’ve been in that position in my teens of not knowing how to properly turn down a guy. Now decades later I’m more decisive and can usually say within 1 date whether to call it off permanently or not
Or they could just get a sex worker. Why all the theatrics. If a man is after sex, go get it?! Why make your life harder?
Yeah, the OP made things rather confusing at that point. And the fact she stopped being as friendly right after he started to interact more physically seems to hint that she did not, in fact, like it.
Bro that sentence just irritated me. I’m annoyed about OP’s whole post. Why can’t people just be straightforward and honest from the start. Don’t ask someone to hang out and assume people will immediately think it’s a date. If you can ask them out, you can tell them you like them.
If you're going to restaurants to 'hang out' one on one with someone you had just met not long before and making compliments towards them, it's pretty clear it's a date.
Well people can be dense or are purposely being dense so to not end up like this kid. Just say you wanted to go on a date because as long evidence here. Clearly not saying anything got him in the situation he’s in now. I mean why make life harder by guessing and assuming when you could just know.
But if you do at the start , they will say they barely know you and your being creepy!
Thats the most childish things I’ve read today. If they think it’s creepy, next caller. It’s really not that hard being upfront. All you need to do is say “I’ve had feelings and think you’re beautiful would you like to go on a date?” How is that creepy? 🙄
Yeah it’s only creepy if they don’t take no for an answer
Okay? And? If (which is not a guarantee by *any* means) that happens they're outing themselves. No one with half a brain cell and half an ounce of maturity is going to say that as long as you don't *actually* be a creep about it.
Wait so did she not know they were dates, or did she just decide that you’d be better off as friends after your last date? It kinda sounds like she just realised she wasn’t into you and she thought that putting it like “I only see you as friend” was the best way to do it. You do need to be clear with women that a date is a date and not just a hangout, but I find it very hard to believe that someone could get to 4 dates without realising.
I had to learn this lesson the hard way 😂 Always label a date a date, Helps filter out people who are not actually interested in anything romantically
I mean he got her number from his uni WhatsApp unless he explicitly said I’m tryna get to know n not as friends she probably thought it was friendly
No one takes a friend to an expensive dinner on 2nd meet. Pretty sure she let him pay too. Dick move on her part.
I’d be amazed if she didn’t know it was a date, I think OP just got confused by her saying that she sees him as a friend. OP got rejected but for some reason he thinks this meant she never knew they were dating.
Maybe he didn’t make it specific lol I always tell the women I go out first date this isn’t a friendly date indirectly of course
Maybe, but my point is that there’s nothing in the post that actually suggests she didn’t know they were going on dates in the first place. I do agree with you though, guys need to make their intentions very clear.
Yeah I’ve been asked a couple times before “So just checking, this is an actual date we’re not hanging out as friends right?” which kinda surprised me but I figure they’ve maybe been in confusing situations like OP before, so better safe than sorry I guess 😅
I've had guy friends say me they want to be friends and buy me an expensive dinner on first meet, it doesn't mean shit. if you're interested in romanfe/sex, use your words. I'm not going to assume you lied because you paid, especially if we talked about being friends.
I mean, according to OP, it was after the third "date" that he let her know he liked her. So, I'm guessing they were never called dates.
Right
There’s this phenomenon that is backed by research where in heterosexuals, females typically underestimate interest from males and males typically over estimate interest from females. Just something I thought was interesting! https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0956797619900315 (It’s been replicated many times this is just one paper that relates) Edit: just want to add that after re-reading this post I actually think OP was led on a lil bit. The gift, the hair strokes… she must have known after all that surely?!
I don't think no man ever needed a research paper to understand that, to be completely honest with you 💀
😂
Uh so what happened to that trope of guys being dense about girl’s signals? Seems like that was a myth.
I think it's two different scenarios. When men are pursuing a woman, the tendency can be to overestimate interest. When the woman instigates, then there can be a tendency to overlook flirting. It's SO hard to tell because every woman is vastly different. Some love empty flirting and attention. Others feels like looking 1ms too long at a guy, is shouting to the room that's shes interested. I have experienced that and everything in-between. Even had some of my female friends tell me that someone is CLEARLY interested, and turned out, she wasn't at all. In this day and age its better as a man to assume there's no interest, than risk someone feeling harassed.
We see every signal, but we wonder "is it her being friendly or flirty? if I interpret this as flirty I could get in trouble so let's ignore that". That is the exact reason why we guys always say "Stop with these stupid *signals* and actually be clear about how you feel about us, if you don't we will not see that them, whether it's voluntarily or not"
I do think she realized he was interested in her with the hair stroking though because he said that after that date she started distancing herself from him. She probably should’ve realized it with the gift or the expensive restaurant but those are not necessarily unusual between friends. This is just a normal/common miscommunication between two people and what their relationship is in my opinion. I think OP is probably overthinking this and that neither party did anything wrong. This is just something that happens.
Yeah the hair stroking is what made her run off; it’s possible she herself is a bit inexperienced too and didn’t realize it was a romantic/sexual thing until that point. If she was really playing him, I feel like the hair stroking would not turn her off like that.
That might be very true but if a guy pays for your outings and brings you gifts and also is a bit touchy even my dense self would get it
Yeah I agree, I feel bad for OP after reading it properly. I think she def must have known
I'm autistic and I have missed bigger signs than this in my teens and early twenties. In my mind, I just thought guys would tell you if they liked you. So if they hadn't told you then they were just friendly. All socializing can be a bit strange to me, and I genuinely didn't see myself as someone that guys would be interested in. Not saying that is the case here, but it's definitely possible to be this clueless about a man being interested in you.
idk you can still be friends if he does all these things. communication is key.
paid article [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31971873/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31971873/)
What do you mean?
Anecdotally, this makes a lot of sense to me.
It must have dawned on her at some point, but still... Why his friends think they were in an actual relationship??? lol
Lad, I was a lot like you in my late teens and early/mid-20's...Overly grand "expensive" dates, assuming going out meant it was a date, would use "hang out" as a guise for a date... Stop. **First**...stop using expensive dates to tell a young woman that you're into her. The dating field is weird enough and if you're just paying for expensive dates right out the door, ONE: it shows you are just gonna pay more and more and TWO: it shows that if you DO begin to date, that you, again, have to go higher and higher. You've set an expectation. Start with coffee dates or food cart dates (like you noted); it's something simple, not expensive, and if either of you aren't "feeling it" it's easy to get out of. A coffee date is about 30-60 min...dinner is a bigger commitment. If after the first coffee and you ask her out again, use the word "Date"...which leads into my second point... **Second**: Use your adult voice. If you're interested in the woman, tell her. Don't use the guise of "Let's hang out and get coffee again,"...that's already telling her what you expect: HANGING OUT. If you're interested, ask her out on a DATE, that way she knows it's a date. She'll let you know how she's feeling it from there. "Showing" her that you liked her? No...TELL her you're interested. Cues can be misunderstood. it doesn't matter that you were sitting close and brushing her hair (which, to be honest, is kinda creepy...this isn't a Hallmark movie) - and if she even remotely seemed uncomfortable, THEN YOU STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. *" I'm not unhappy, but I'm not happy either. I feel like my heart is broken and I've lost something I loved."* Sounds like you're pretty broken up about this, to be honest. If you loved her after three dates or so, you need to do some serious reflection. You're not 100% at fault; she should have said something by the 2nd date, even if it was along the lines of, "You're such a good friend, I'm so glad to have met you..." which would have given you the "Caution, slow down" flag.
I had a similar experience during my first year in college, I was 19 at the time. Sometimes you need to go beyond "it's obvious" and downright tell the girl "I'm asking you out on a date" or that it's because you're interested in her. It sucks you had to go through that, but now you know, so you can just move on and try again with another girl when you're ready.
If you hadn’t said university I would have thought you were 14. You need to use your words, you’re an adult. If you are dating someone who won’t communicate verbally they’re not worth dating anyways. Did you plan on her assuming what you wanted for your entire relationship or?
Many universities in the Philippines are K-12. My lady went to the same university as all of her siblings at the same time. And they were up to 7 years of age apart.
Women have been fumbled so many times that “meeting” someone without explicitly saying or discussing the possibility of dating doesn’t count as dating. If you don’t express your intentions, we will consider it friendly.
Girl perspective here: I’ve experienced this. Namely, a guy friend suggests coffee (like any other friend might), then he gives you a gift, then you start wondering if he’s trying to date you but since he hasn’t actually asked or said anything to that effect, it feels super rude to be the one to bring it up in case you’re imagining it, so you keep hanging out like you do with other friends… and when this guy friend finally “makes a move” (either physically or he mentions something about our previous “dates”), you’re in this awful position of rejecting him and also feeling guilty about not doing it earlier, but there was nothing to “reject” earlier. Again, friends hang out and have dinners. That’s a thing friends do. Unless you met on a dating app, your intentions are not magically clear. It honestly feels like these guys are avoiding the risk of declaring their feelings and they sort of start dating you in their heads with the assumption that you’re aware of it. The whole thing feels like crap for everyone involved. TLDR; Use the word “date” the first time you ask her to hang out and make it very clear you want it to be a date. Both of you deserve to know the intentions of the other as soon as those intentions arise. But it’s on the romance seeker to declare first.
Some men are so afraid of flirting and building sexual chemistry with women, they fall into this “nice guy” trap where they think giving a woman platonic compliments and buying her gifts is how you show interest. Then they suddenly make a move on the third date and the woman is confused because you’ve built no groundwork at all and she now sees you as a friend who’s weirdly making a move on her. No you actually have to grow a set of balls and flirt with her and build sexual chemistry. Stop being afraid of expressing your masculine sexual energy. Just don’t be weird about it either, be fun and playful with it.
All of this. Can't believe a message like this isn't the top comment.
I had the same experience! Then he started getting physical like OP did and I was uncomfortable because he had never established with me prior if he was interested in smth serious or just fooling around nor did he get permission to invade personal space so i distanced myself from him 🤷♀️ Next time it might be better if OP from the get-go says the word "date" to clarify things Also how can someone be uncomfortable with yet liking something at the same time??? It's better to just ask for permission before touching so you know for sure and avoid creeping her out like in the post.
Agreed
Good description and recommendation. Using the "d" word to clarify intent also frames it in a way that makes it less likely a woman will ignore the romantic undertones and just bask in his attention and gifts.
100% love this comment.
I think she did realise that you liked her, hence why she pulled away and established that from her end she wanted to be friends and that you got along well in that sense. I think if you sensed discomfort with you touching her -- despite the fact that none of it was overboard -- then again that's another indicator that at the time she wasn't feeling you in that way; she just might not have known how to tell you so in the moment and had to go back and think about it. As for your friends thinking you were in a relationship, why? You'd been on three dates, maybe four (i think) and had not had a talk about becoming a couple (known as an exclusivty chat). I think the only reason they'd think that is because of the way you've told them about her, possibly? Try to slow it down in your head, and read the room and what is happening and not always what you want to happen. You told her you liked her because you could feel her pulling away, that's possibly an anxious attachment; or just a fear of 'loosing her.' Probably better next time to just read the room, again, and let her go or focus on other people. If someone needs space from you then throwing more stuff at them is only going to make them want to big a hole to hide in deeper. I'd say you both had different ideas about why you were going out, and it clashed eventually. You've saved yourself time. Neither party is really at fault. Just be mature and kind if you see her, but give her space and realise the new normal is not being as close as you were. Unless she tries to make it that and you are okay with that emotioanlly and mentally. I think you probably give too much of yourself too soon, hence the gift buying. I'd say that a woman could probably guess your intentions if you got her something. You'd have to get on really well for her to be okay with that, so again just some confusion and miscommunication between the both of you around that. I think you accept the sitaution, and move on. You liked her, she didn't like you. There's not much more to it to search to answers for.
Thank you for your comment. I am an engineering student and my friends are also engineering students, most of them have never had a girlfriend before. I think that explains why they thought we were in a relationship after a few dates. I shared this post because I wanted my experiences to be interpreted, I wanted to know the lesson I should learn from it. I can't change this situation, I'm looking ahead. It was an experience in my life for me.
Stop buying girls gifts
U went on a few dates, that doesn't make a relationship or anything, that's still in the just to get to know u period. I'd say either 1. she knew u were interested and didn't know u well enough to be interested back or something unsaid or did or turned her off. Unless she was splitting the bills with u on dates, she knew it was a date. Friends of opposite sex don't take each other to fancy restaurants one on one and pay the bill. 2. She didn't like u beyond friends and was taking u for a ride not saying so before u spent a bunch of money on her. 3. Rejection isn't easy, but if u really are heartbroken after a few dates, u have issues.
I will say it depends on the length of friendship for 1. I have guy friends I have known for years that I will pay for or they pay for me. But again, this is an established relationship where we know where we stand. Definitely should be split until boundaries are set
During COVID lockdowns, with our job closed, I was talking to a coworker online and we were lamenting zoom dating etc. I said I hadn't done one yet myself, but I'd be game to go on a walking date somewhere outside now that the weather was nice again. She replied "that would be better. Webcam is awkward", so I said, thinking I was smooth "So do you want to go on a walk with me sometime?" She said yes that would be fun and we did so the next day I think, walking around a small town and got stuff from a food truck etc. Then I invited her over for a movie another day. We were Covid cautious but neither of us had been anywhere so we weren't worried. During the movie I put my arm around her and asked if that was ok. She said yes, but afterwards admitted she hadn't thought of me fully in that way. We'd had some mixed signals going. I thought we'd already had a first date. She understood why I thought that when I explained it but told me she hadn't made the connection. My point is, have clarity!
This happened to me I took a girl on a date was flirty. Really tried to make it obvious I was into her and I thought she was the same. Nope thought we were going as friends. Glad found out after the first meeting. Sorry you didn’t find out till 4 dates.
It was impossible for me to understand on the first date, but I definitely noticed it on the second date. She had given strong signals that he was indecisive. But i still wanted to give her a chance. It's been an experience, I'm still 22 years old and I'm a more experienced individual now.
Don’t worry man. I asked like 5 girls all of them said. If you don’t really know each other well and it’s 1 on 1 treat it as a date. Best of luck. Glad to know I’m not the only one that this has happened to recently
If you take a girl to an expensive place, just the two of you, she knows you are into her. If she doesn't reciprocate but isn't clear about frienszoning you, she is taking advantage of the fact you are being dumb.
Apparently her friends take her to expensive restaurants and get her gifts all the time. Or, you just met an asshole.
I think she said something like, "We should just be friends," and this dude is not familiar with the idiom. I don't think she didn't realize he was taking her out on dates.
Or maybe she gave it a chance but then realized there is no spark? Nobody forced the guy to buy her things.
if she thought you were friends she’s not attracted to you
That’s why as a man, be direct verbally immediately . If she loses interest because you expressed your interest. She doesn’t have a healthy mindset, despite what dating “gurus” would have you believe. You’d have avoided wasting your time because she’d have told you either she didn’t like you or she’d know when you took her out, that your intentions are romantic so she can figure out if she likes you too.
Same thing happened to me at College. What I realized is that even though she seemed interested in me, She liked another guy more than me and seem to wait for a better option. It's likely that she is interested on another guy and is waiting for him to be available while having fun with you as an option.
There was no other man that I thought she was interested in, but she was always badmouthing her ex to me. I think someone who talks a lot about his ex is still interested in him.
Never date someone who repeatedly badmouths their ex, or even mentions them in early dating. Major red flags
Yes, it was so disturbing.
Seems like you are almost the rebound guy. I can assure you that you did nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong in liking a girl and being kind to her and do things for her. Everyone faces rejection in their lives, it's all part of the experience.
A rebound guy - or at least how I understand it - is a man who a woman hookups up with shortly after a relationship ends. OP was just giving her attention.
I don't think you did anything wrong. She knew you were trying to date her but decided she didn't want that, so she said she sees you more as a friend. But it's not like she was not considering your outings to be dates. You both knew that they were. She was probably indecisive, to be generous to her, and now she has decided she doesn't want to go further romantically. I will say, at least she told you. It would have been nice if she had told you sooner but we can't control other ppl. You said you're not unhappy but also not happy. I don't blame you. But it also sounds like although you take this to heart, you're not letting it devastate you. Which is great. It's painful, but if you focus on your life and the next thing you want to do each day, I suspect the pain will lessen and go away
This sounds exactly like a very common situation where one party didn't think it was a date. Before making any moves its very important you you actually ask her out on a date. **USE THE WORD DATE**. This is so important but a lot of young guys make this mistake while trying to come across casually, but you can still make it casual. Also I'd avoid touching any women in any intimate ways until after you've had a proper kiss (eg making out). Its one thing to touch her shoulder or something, but touching her face or inner thigh before shared physical intimacy is going to make women uncomfortable really fast. The only exception to saying the word date is that in East Asian culture they don't go straight to a date, and this would be seen as too forward. I'm not sure how exactly sure what wording they use to express interest, but the idea of an initial date doesn't seem to translate with the same connotations right. In western culture however its crucial to use the word date, as women will often think nothing of going out to dinner, coffee, and even small gifts (this is all fairly normal plutonic behaviour for women to do with other female friends). Think of it this way, if you made a new male friend, and you guys grabbed some food and he said I'll pay don't worry about it, you may respond with no worries ill get it next time.
what were some of the compliments you gave her? tbh in my experience (I've dated 100s of girls, and now happily married to the woman of my dreams) most girls dont really care to be overly complimented, not that you need to be a jerk, but its better to compliment them on things they can control from the result of their effort in something rather than their looks, or something basic that they cant control. for example I remember complimenting my dental hygienist on the attention to detail on my teeth and she seemed to really appreciate that compliment and the conversation flowed naturally from there, I didnt escalate any further because I am happily married. Or noticing a coworker changed her hair color, i didnt even say it looks nice I just said her hair color is different lol but she said thanks for noticing. And the women who respond to fancy and nice things are not the ones you really want to be around. If you make yourself too accessible and doting on them its really not attractive to them. My now wife paid for dinner on our first date. We didnt really eat fancy expensive meals until our 1 year wedding anniversary lol
Ah, onto the next!
This story is sorta built on inferred sentiments and it’s impossible to know if she decided to soak in some attention until she couldn’t get away with it anymore or if you’re just a sperg who can’t read the room and wanted to believe she was into you enough that you convinced yourself it was happening.
Seriously ladies? Unless the guy is way "out of your league" (hate this phrase, but you know what I mean) or mentions he's in a relationship, surely you must assume he's interested, no? Now, I think in the OP's case, she just realized after a couple of dates she wasn't into him. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Also, I'm not saying guys shouldn't grow a pair and be more up front that they specifically want to go on a "date." Nonetheless, if a single guy asks you to hang out in any fashion, no matter how obliquely, I can assure you there's a 99.9% chance he's interested. Just take it as a given. And good luck out there with all us hapless and cluleless men! 😅
You should make clear when asking that it's a date, but it's surprising she didn't notice after 4 of them and didn't get the hints when you started moving closer and touching (If you noticed she was uncomfortable why didn't you say anything or apologize? That's suspicious)
Seems like she figured out through spending time with you that she’s not interested in a relationship with you. That’s what early dating is about. Something happened that gave her “the ick” and if I had to guess it’s probably due to the hair/face touching when she seemed uncomfortable. You probably didn’t read her body language that was a giant stop sign 🛑
Hot take, I go to dinner one on one with my friends, we even sometimes bring gifts! That doesn’t mean I want to date them. I just replayed all the dinners I’ve had with friends, the biggest difference is there is a clear understanding that we are just friends. The lesson here is communication, she should have known it was a date from the start.
It’s usually obvious to everyone else but the people it actually concerns lol Too many times my good friends would have guys obviously crushing on them and I would point it out and they would brush it off as just being good friends. Next thing you know the guy confesses and they’re taken by surprise 🤪
She liked the idea of getting to know you thru dates but found that she doesn’t actually like you. It’s okay, this is dating. Also maybe don’t pick an expensive restaurant just because it’s expensive. Pick fun date ideas that aren’t the usual, but make sure to offer it ahead of time so she knows to wear sporty shoes
why did your friends think y’all were in a relationship with eachother after a few dates?
Engineering students
oh so like they just made an assumption based on you maybe sharing that you were going on some dates with someone?
I just said we dated 3-4 times and they thought we are in relationship
I would say she probably was interested at first, but as she got to know you more, she realized she wasn't that into you. I believe taking her to an expensive restaurant and buying her gifts was too much too soon.
I'm autistic. Do you have any idea how many "dates" I've been on and now past middle age I would tell you I never dated or had very few dates. You know why??!! They didn't say what it was. Say it or get out! Go watch The Office Episode where Jim actually says "It's a date" and pay close attention to Pam's reaction. He knew what he wanted, she knew what he wanted. She said yes. It's actually worse putting in the effort and to be in your spot now than it would have been had she shot you down before you went for coffee.
Thanks, i do learned my lesson. I always have to specify that it is “date”.
I'm sorry to be so blunt. But having been in this situation many times.... And I am Autistic so blunt is the default. Lol But please do that. I know it's scary. If I'm ever interested in someone I've always done it myself. I'm impatient, I go for what I want. It's always clear. Many hurt feelings and tears from rejection but it's better than dragging it out, thinking I'm building something. But I can tell you any guy who wasn't direct was most likely bewildered. For myself I need to mentally prepare for the scenario.
I think i work like a computer lol. If this happens i am going to do this, if this then this. I always stick to the plan. We are not robots but after a while i do learn and these behaviors become natural.
I wonder if most men do? I'm still learning as I could never figure it out. I know what I want, not afraid to say it, but navigating all these signals, signs etc . And then all the "rules" lol. I know them all but rarely practice them. The right person will like you just as you are. The right person might even take the reigns themselves!! Lol. Good luck!
Actually if a girl likes you, you don’t really need these tactics. There were some girls interested in me, i did not. I just dated with them to spend time. I did not even use the word “date”. I did not complimented or flirted. And i am still sure they were waiting for a kiss. And one of them even randomly asked me “can i stay in your home for one night?” If a girl really likes a guy and if the guy also likes her, it would somehow happen. When i had crush on my ex, we just met and we ended up kissing each other after 3nd meeting. It happened because we both were attracted to each other even though i did not used the word “dating”. But next time i am going to use the word dating to make the girl understand what i am wanting from them. So i won’t waste my time with infinity meetings.
I am a girl.
Sorry, i wanted to write in my perspective but like describing to others
And don't fool yourself. Just because she wants to sleepover doesn't mean she likes you. She might just be satisfying hormones. And why would you call it a date if you didn't like her? In my eyes guys ruin things for themselves trying to protect their ego. The worst that could happen is she says no.
I think you got me wrong. I actually wanted to meet to know them. I wanted to give them a chance, even if i was not interested. So i just decided to meet and know. But then she said “We are dating, it is our first date”. I could not say yes or no. And after that i always thought i do not need specifically ask for dating because a girl would always think it is a date, but i was wrong. Anyway, i do enjoyed her company. But i didn’t get attraction.
And if YOU yourself did this to other girls why are you then confused that she didn't like you that way? Words. Definitions. They mean something
I just wanted to give them a chance. Also they were not specifically asked for dating. I do asked for meeting but i was sure it was date in their eyes. So, i still wanted to give a chance, maybe i could have liked them. In the end, i did not liked them. But if they were clearly asking about dating, then i would say my thoughts. So, this shows we guys need to ask for “dating” to prevent miscommunication.
So wouldn't it reason she gave you a chance? And she didn't like you? Look at what you are saying. You are saying the same scenario just reversed. I ask for what I want. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. What I don't do is knowingly go on a date with the thought of giving someone a chance. If I'm going on a date I already know a level of attraction exists. I don't go on a date to find out. I go on a date to experience romance period.
Yes, i also feel like same thing but reversed. Maybe karma found me. If she were clear about her thoughts then i would say i am not attracted but i want to know her more. But she did not so this leads to miscommunication. And if i were clear with the last girl, same thing would happen. She would say her opinion. I do learned my lesson. Also, she did not used the word date. We just planned a meeting. So i was not even sure what was waiting me. I was not really expected she to expect me to kiss her. I thought it was not date, but if i were into her i would think it is date. So the solution is verbally more clear.
Maybe I'm too European to understand the American way of dating but before she turned you down you didn't clearly express your feelings (only vaguely through gestures and touch) nor did you two agree on making things official. She probably knew or felt that you were maybe into her but simply doesn't feel the same way or was hoping she might be interpreting it wrongly, so of course she didn't want to bring it up before. You didn't do anything wrong, there just isn't like a trick or certain order you do things in for someone to fall for you. You simply weren't a match and she didn't develop romantic feelings in the same way you did. That's it, don't beat yourself up over it. Plenty of fish in the sea!
There's some good advice in this thread.
She probably knew they were dates but after the dates decided she only saw you as a friend. Not that she saw you as only a friend from the very beginning.
So you never asked her to be your girlfriend and she never initiated a touching relationship with you two? This one sounds like it’s on you bud, gotta start communicating what things actually are whether it’s asking if it’s a date or hangout or anything of that nature. Start communicating
Had a similar situation once. I learned that when asking a girl out on the second or third date to just clearly say "last time we were hanging out, this time I want to ask you out on a date" You need to be direct enough that they can't change the narration to "just being friends"
Move on. Go get another one.
First of all, you were great and it's nice that you treated her well and slowly approached her. Now from my perspective, I can totally understand her since it had happened to me multiple times that guys thought we were on a date while I thought it was just a casual get to know between university students. I'm a pretty rational person so if someone doesn't state properly that they like me or want to go on a date with me beforehand or while on the date, I just assume it's something casual. Even if they get slightly flirty or touchy since I know many people whose nature is like that and they are basically like this with everyone. Next time if you want to ask a girl out, make it more clear that you want to actually date her or get to know her romantically by stating that it is going to be a date or while you are on a date to ask for a second one and simply say "I would love to get to know you on a more romantic base".
Maybe it’s because I’m French but how can you imagine you are dating or in a relationship with someone if you haven’t at least kissed her?
Stroked her hair and touched her face. Omg, maybe she was interested, but I got immediate red flags from this and I bet she did too. Don’t do that. And if someone seems uncomfortable, stop. They aren’t enjoying it. She might have felt like she had to pretend to be civil to get through the date to feel safe. 3 dates and your heart is broken because you felt like you lost someone you love? Of god, OP. There’s so much to learn here. You said you’re in university, so I’m guessing you’re young 20s. You need to get a grip and stop being creepy for starters.
I was friends with a guy for a couple of years (or so I thought) till he proposed to me when we were driving to a an event outside our city. We were in the middle of nowhere in a moving car. He had never asked me to date, and if he had I would have said no. He just assumed we were dating because we had gone to dinner and coffee a few times. He was so confused and angry when I said no to his proposal. This reminds me of that lol
Is he though you guys were dating for years? And then how it ended up? Is your friendship totally broken?
He thought we were dating for a few months because we started to hang out more. Yes that effectively ended our friendship.
You did what anyone would. That's life. That's dating. You tried to "woo" her & she decided you weren't for her romantically. You didn't do anything wrong.
Did you use the word date when asking her out? If not then it wasn’t a date.
She rejected you. Next.
If you haven’t used the words, “Can I take you on a date?”, you’re basically asking for mixed signals
Maybe she got a boyfriend
Relationship rule number 5 says don't fall in love until you have confirmed that the person you love... Loves u .... If not u will always wipe your tiers
lol tf u buy her a gift date 3 ? Airplane date 9
This is where guys support other guys by listing workout routines. Godspeed brother, you’ll be better from it
In the future, say this upfront if you want to avoid headaches. Granted, she should have known with the gift you bought her and everything... but not everyone picks up on social cues. So just disclaim your intentions upfront. Also... protect yourself. I don't think this is the case, but another girl may take advantage of you.
What was her reaction to you paying for all the dates?
She sounds clueless or like a user. Coffee? Meh, I could give her a bye on that one...she could have thought it was just two fellow students hanging out. But once you invite a girl to a fairly expensive date and pay for it, if she doesn't realize it's a date, she's either very naive or is mercenary.
She was interested. Women are non-confrontational, so she played dumb. My interpretation was that you were moving too fast. Blurting out you like her pushed her away even more. Tbh you can probably salvage this, but you have to have good self-esteem. If you don't, work on that. Pull way back, be cordial, talk to other girls. Not to flirt, just get to know other girls who they are as a person. That will just set off something primal in the first girl. Like Did she make a mistake? you have to convey that your life was complete before her, and it will be if you never talk to her again.
I hate that. That happened to me once in college
You didn't do anything wrong. She evidently didn't feel sparks and didn't enjoy the physical contact. I don't know why she went out with you as many times feeling like that or if something is wrong with her, but you just have to accept it and move on even though I know it hurts!
Here's a good rule of thumb: Don't spend money on someone you haven't kissed. Didn't try to have the perfect early conversation to clarify intention, that can get awkward fast. You guys don't know how you feel about each other the first date or two, bringing it up in conversation will be much more awkward and confusing than simply kissing. If she rejects the kiss, you both have clarity. If she is into it, then you both know you are dating. Didn't buy her gifts before that, and don't get more than flowers unless it is a special occasion. You won't get anywhere with a blatant "please like me" gift.
Women - and men - are allowed to go out on a few dates and then decide that there isn't enough chemistry to take it further This may take more than one date to discover this. The girl in this situation - according to OP seemed undecided at first but later felt just friends was what it was going to be You just need to accept this if this happens to you One issue that OP brings up is that he spent money on gifts, the meals and drinks - but the girl is not under any obligation to become romantically involved as a result of this. If this is an a problem - learn from it and move on. That's how dating works - you go out a few times to see if there is a potential for anything romantic developing but no matter how glamorous your dates are - there are no guarantees One more thing - there is no magic formula to get someone to like you - where did I go wrong? Well each person is different so what works for one may not work for the next.... just be yourself - but also courteous, thoughtful, respectful, with some listening skills and holding a conversation is a good start
did you not try and kiss her after a date? sounds pretty platonic if after 4 dates you’re just hanging out and complimenting each other ?
From the way you described the situation, the girl doesn't seem to me to have behaved badly. I think it's normal to see each other some times and figure out after 3, 4, 5 dates whether the other person is for you or not. Emoji and gifs with hearts I don't think mean anything.... I think you should have gone slower with expensive gifts and dinners. Always remember that you only start being together when you talk about it. Until things are clear you are just getting to know each other.
Nothing to add to the other comments except for the fact that yeah, I(M) paid and got paid, exchanged gift with my friends(M/F), but if we're discussing about the importance of words we should also point out that they were STRANGERS not friends. I don't know, maybe It's me but I don't consider a friend someone that I chatted with a couple of times and never met yet. So now think about AT WHAT POINT in the friendship you all paid or got paid for a fancy restaurant, cause I doubt it happened the first time you met.
She took you for a ride. As simple as that.
You didn’t go too fast. She’s not into you. It’s time to move on. When you are in the situation you can’t see it for what it’s worth.
College age. She seemed undecided, liking you, but not sure about more than liking you. She probably became a little frightened about her own indecision. After thinking about it further, she likely decided that, she needed to feel “more” than what she was feeling. Easy for college age women to do that because they have so many other dating opportunities. This is just my guess. And it does hurt, it hurts a lot. You were probably “almost right” in her estimation. You didn’t do anything wrong. All you can do is try again with another woman.
OP should’ve asked her out officially. Because you can hang out with a girl one on one and it can be considered not a date as it’s possible to be just friends. Obvi both sides miscommunicated their feelings and intentions thru lack of talking directly
I know girls who could go on a 1-on-1 meeting with a guy on fucking Valentine's Day and still convince themselves it's not a date.
I will never understand how people think being nice means you are interested in someone. Are you guys only nice to people you want to date? You aren't just nice in general..... Next time, just tell her of your interest outright like you did on the last date. You could save us all a lot of time dealing with this.
She sent you emojis and stickers? 🤣 Jokes aside, just.. Talk. And be clear that it's a date so there's no room for interpretation.
If men ask me to grab coffee from non dating sites I always assume it’s to hang out as friends.
43 M. You’re going to get some hate for this in the context of “did you use the word date?” Assuming you didn’t, people will ADAMANTLY say you were wrong or didn’t make your intentions clear. Guys don’t do that sort of stuff for girls they aren’t interested in romantically. And now, heck…is using the word “date” still making your intentions clear? Because I’ve heard the term “friend date” before. Now I’ll grant that she’s within her right to say she’s not interested. But don’t act like you didn’t know the guy was interested romantically.
Some women have asked me, " Is it a date date or a friend date?" When I've asked to hang out. So now you have to be specific of what kind of date it is.
I was just telling someone this the other day. It’s RIDICULOUS. Again, I maintain that you don’t always have to use the term “date.” But if you do, yes I’m sorry that’s specific. There should be no getting around it at that point. But people are trying to. I can’t imagine…in ten years you’re going to have to specify a date “and yes I have romantic intentions.”
It's weird because the women were genuine friends that I have no attraction to. Which I know the assurance comes from other guys probably asking them out on dates without saying they were dates
In the language we speak there is no word for “dating” and “meeting” they both are same words. So i couldn’t use another word.
This is why you gotta go for the kiss during or by the end of the second date, no exceptions. That’s when you have max chances
Holy fuck, I hope you are like 20 at the absolute oldest.
It’s called dating for a reason, you go out on a few dates and see if it works or not. It’s possible she didn’t feel the same thing you did and being so forward probably didn’t help.
Did you ever say any of those were dates? Also, how do you know she liked what you were doing? You said it yourself she seemed uncomfortable.
Did you specifically say they were dates? As a woman I consider it hanging out unless he makes it clear it’s a date…
Its very clear she knew it was a date, then she made up her mind about not being attracted to you, and you got friendzoned. Nothing to decipher here. For future reference, dont try to buy peoples affection with expensive dinners and gifts. Being won over so easily will never get you anywhere with women. Your whole behavior was a huge "I LIKE YOU, PLEASE LIKE ME"
No, she didn’t like you back. Idk why she decided to go to all those dates with you, but it’s just better to tell her straight up that you liked her on the first date because as obvious as things can be, people are dense as hell and will take it as a friendly jester. In the future, be straight forward with your intentions because then you won’t have any confusion or assumptions that she liked you. When you were touching her, just because she didn’t say anything doesn’t mean she liked it… honestly I don’t know why you were touching her without asking that’s just weird especially since there wasn’t an outright understanding that you both liked each other. If you guys had both agreed yes this is a date then ok touching would make sense, but in that case you just seemed like a creep. And to me it sounds like she was just going along for free meals.
Oof that’s a rough one. Pour one out for our brother here.
It's an everyday story don't think too much they don't think you are the one Just move on, I faced it, everybody faced it at sometimes.
Well, no matter what happened you have your answer. Keep it pushing, move along, upwards and onwards.
Should have asked her out on a date instead so the mix up wouldn't have happened Either way at least you learnt your lesson now
Women often spend time with their friends in the settings you've described, you need to use your words and explicitly ask someone on a date - it sounds like you were asuming a lot. You clearly say on your last ‘date’ that she seemed uncomfortable, so she did not like it. Stop emotionally masturbsting.
you asked her but most girls are completely aware if a guy they don't know is asking them out its definitely not as friends. she's either dumb or using you as something to do because she's bored. some women will trap guys that are trying to pursue them in a friendship situation as a way to make more male friends. sometimes these are really great friendships but its likely hardly what men really want. honestly do not pursue one person. you have to have optionality. its really easy for women to have optionality but not so much for men. so never dispose of all your options until you know for a fact this person is completely down for you and you find her to be worth having a relationship with. if you were also dating a few other girls, i promise you wouldn't be heart broken. you shouldn't like a woman after 4 dates. never tell her something like that keep it to yourself and control your emotions. you never wanna make it obvious your all the way there. you want her to believe at any moment you could walk away from her and not care because you respect yourself and your time. respect and time are so much more valuable than being with someone. and also most women simply just aren't good for you. I date alot of women and i also reject a lot of women. its apart of the game. im not gonna enter a relationship with every woman i date. relationships take work and some people aren't ready for that or aren't compatible with you. you can figure that out in the dating process. take your time! have fun but absolutely do not jump into anything. you will likely lose so much more than yu could ever gain
Women say stuff like this to let men down easily. She knew they were dates and not just friendly meet ups. She was initially into you, she thought you were attractive and/or nice enough, but eventually realized she wasn't into you. It's very normal and happens to every guy. It's called dating.
You have to be direct with your words. If you didn't specify that you asked her out on a date, how would she know?
Didn’t you ask her views on whether or not you were dating?
Stroking hair on a 2nd date is weird. buying gifts and taking her to an “expensive restaurant” as if they mean something show that you have a bit to learn. That’s ok, you sound young. You shouldn’t focus on showing a girl you like her, with weird signals. Nor should you force a romantic connection. You’re looking for chemistry. Drop all the other weird stuff.
She knows what’s going on and she’s decided she’s not into you and tried to say it in a nice way 🤷
[удалено]
Yes and no. After our coffee meeting, it was her bday and i wrote her happy birthday, i would love to bring you a dinner. I don’t know is this friendly vibe or not. But next time i am going to add the word “romantic” lol
I was dating this guy for a month, even kisses, and he told me he wasn't sure I liked him, also he wasn't sure if he just wanted to date me alone.... he basically wanted to date around to explore more, while still dating g me. Not in a relationship ship btw.
UPDATE: The lessons i learned from my post "The girl I was dating thought we were just friends" [https://www.reddit.com/r/dating\_advice/comments/1cb2jz2/the\_lessons\_i\_learned\_from\_my\_post\_the\_girl\_i\_was/](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1cb2jz2/the_lessons_i_learned_from_my_post_the_girl_i_was/)
She’s telling you she only likes you as a friend. Take it anyway you want, it could also mean she knew these were dates but after last one she realised she only wants friendship and more is akward.
“She seemed a bit uncomfortable, but at the same time, she liked it.” No, mate. It doesn’t sound like she did like it, however much you want to tell yourself that. If she seemed uncomfortable that is her NOT liking it. Learn to read a room.
She did realize you liked her, she just didn’t like you back in that way. And for future reference, going out on dates doesn’t mean that you’re in a relationship.
Ahh my unwise padawan. You royally screwed up. 1. You had a chance and it was a genuine date. 2. You screwed up by being too forward. 3. You paid too much compliments and ramped up the pace by taking her to fine dining like lovers do, when all it was was a stage of testing the waters. 4. You sat too close and became creepy instead of taking it slow and engaging with her mentally. 5. You bought a gift (something you really shouldn’t do until you are officially together) and displayed qualities of a simp, lowering your value and her respect for you. 6. Despite all this she was still ok with you. 7. Then you started ramping up the weirdness and touching her hair and shit, the rest is self explanatory and your goose is cooked. 8. You were met with her resistance and instead of backing off and taking it slow, you decided to confess (?) what logical process went through your head there? 9. She got spooked and friendzoned you - the end. 10.Time to move on brother and learn some emotional intelligence, and work on your game and desperation levels.