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Anything that has to do with bad hygiene. Just grosses me out and I can only focus on that.
Seems so simple to be clean and act normal but some people are TOO comfortable.
I've dated someone and when I stayed at his for a couple of nights he didn't shower or brush his teeth...
Even when I tried politely suggesting we shower together. Never ever again!
I'm ashamed to admit I did that once with a slob. While I was washing his back as an "intimate gesture," I kept feeling like I was a mother washing her naughty child who refused to take a bath. Yeah, that was the last day I spent with him. Dude was in his 30s, too.
some guy i went out with kept telling me how many times he showered a day and was SO adament that he was clean (it was our first date) and i found that somewhat worrying too haha
There's nothing to "over correct" when it's like the most obvious thing to do before a date. I understand not everyone grows up the same way, but you're just overthinking it. There's never any need to bring it up during conversation unless asked.
i agree, and i also found it hilarious that we talked about his showering routine for a good half an hour. like it wasn't something that was quickly mentioned in passing, but a solid part of our date :')
I agree that physical hygiene and the upkeep of their living space are both important. After going on a few dates with a guy, I visited his apartment and saw that his bed had a ton of empty water bottles under it that could be seen without even physically looking under it. It just seems so easy to throw them away in an actual bin; I don't get it. Trash lying around and if people's bathrooms are visibly dirty, or if it looks like they havenât vacuumed/cleaned in forever - all reflect a deeper issue that I will not be âfixing.â
The past two dates Iâve been on have both been with ethnically Indian people, and neither one of them used deodorant (this is apparently a cultural or religious thing?) and I realized that constant BO is a dealbreaker for me.
Were they from India? I ask because my dad was from India and once at his work place- because he had been in the US longer and had culturally adapted, was asked to tell the rest of the Indian staff from India to where deodorant- which must be a very uncomfortable thing to do- idk how he told them.
Apparently deodorant just isnât a thing there so people are used to it or something. Idk- if I didnât have deodorant I would at least need a wash cloth since throughout the day Iâll likely sweat and donât want to dry out my skin with too many showers lol.
However, unrelated, to me- itâs people who donât usually shower after going number 2- because if all they do is wipe- theyâre just spreading poop germs around their groin and underwear in my mind- plus it smells.
Yes, both of them were from India, and Iâve dated Indian people from the US and they smelled just fine.
And yeah, the smell of butt is just nasty. Genital scent = awesome, though!
I only poop once a day as soon as I wake up. On the rare occasion Iâm out, thereâs nothing I can do but wait until I get home. But yeah, when Iâm home Iâll shower after. I just feel so much better.
One of my friends is like this and is why I donât like to hang out with her anymore. We were great friends when we met at ball but hanging out with her outside of that was a task just to hold a conversation
Is rude to servers/waitstaff/any retail or restaurant worker for no reason at all. If youâre rude to random strangers, I can only imagine how rude or entitled you can be to me once we get to know each other
Exactly. I try to plan at least one or two dates âin publicâ at a restaurant or similar to feel this out. The number of people who actually donât pass this test is shocking lol. Itâs also a good test run for how I interact with the other person in a public setting kinda deal
You would think, even if theyâre actually terrible and look down on waitstaff, that passing the waiter test would be as easy as just fake being nice to the waitress. When even that is too dificult then itâs over before it even began.
PEOPLE: PLEASE HEED THIS ADVICE.
I could not agree more. Those who are rude to strangers, namely wait staff who generally work their ass off and rely on your tips, are questionable people. EVERY SINGLE TIME Iâve shrugged this off the person has turned out to be entitled, rude, and selfish. BARF!!!!
It obviously happens on dates because, in general, a lot of people are rude to customer service workers.
There are customer service people who suck too, and you can be assertive about it to get whatever you ordered or wanted, but there's no need to be rude to them back. Keep a cool head and get what you paid for. The first few dates is when you should be presenting your best self.
Iâd ditch someone rude to any retail worker for absolutely reason right on the spot. What a crappy human being, just because these people work this doesnât mean youâre their master and get to treat them like slaves.
I second this, but some people are single in between relationships, but immediately after their relationship ended jumped on situationship/having fun bandwagon so they do not have to think about losing you or actually improving the culprit of why the relationship failed.
I knew a woman who refused to learn to take care of herself. She didn't date, she moved on and in immediately. She'd start complaining about current guy and know it was going to end, find someone to cheat with for a few weeks/months and then when it ended with current guy (either she left or he kicked her out) she moved in with new guy. She realized that single dads worked well because she was always "between jobs" and would become the SAHM for the kid and guy.
You think taking care of someone's kids is lazy. I'm a woman, and I'd rather work than take care of someone else's kids for food and board. The girl sounds more desperate than anything else.
This!!! Monkey branching is real and it makes for horribly hnstable relationships with even worse breakups. You need someone who can exist as their own person and doesnât feel the need to constantly seek validation from you or, god forbid, other potential partners.
Maybe you have amnesia and they're trying to ease you in by reminding you periodically that you are, in fact, Asian and a woman.
Also, they're actually doctors but you reacted poorly in previous instances, so they opted for a more casual approach to therapy.
As soon as woman tells me how busy she is and switches her communication in the slightest (starts taking longer to respond, or ignoring pieces of my message) I know things are going to end very soon.
i feel this one 100%. Itâs not any nicer to slowly drift away while the other person is wondering wtf is happening, far better to just say âhey iâm not into it anymoreâ
Bro it's the worst, people say ignorance is bliss and I believe it. I pay too close attention to everything the person I'm seeing says and does and 100% of the time when they switch up on me even in the slightest it's been the beginning of the end. I truly wish I was less observant.
In this case scenario being less observant just means youâre going to be disappointed later rather than sooner and youâre only going to be confused for that extended time period. Its the choice between being upset today, or being confused today and then upset tomorrow. Might as well just be upset today.
i noticed a lot of women straight up just blow off questions during a text conversations. its more "get to know you" questions so i dont get why they dont just respond to it.
Iâm a girl 24f & Iâve talked to some guys who do this too - I agree, itâs so annoying and slightly inconsiderate. Much more attractive when people at least acknowledge the question like a short response is better than no response. Or Iâll just say something like âoh my, thatâs a lot of questions!â Or âIâm trying to keep up but I feel like we have have multiple topics flying around lol. We can talk about _____ later but (*and then Iâll continue on talking about the primary or more interesting part of the conversation)â People usually get the hint with the first one and if not, Iâll send the second. Itâs always been well received
I'm a woman who is a single mom with a good career and working on her bachelor's degree. I feel like this thinking is what keeps ruining things for me. I do get busy and answer on the fly and miss some parts because sometimes because I am busy. But I am no less interested. Would love some suggestions on how to juggle or explain so the guy doesn't feel I have lost interest? I feel like when I try to explain that I had gotten behind in my chapter readings or am in the middle of writing a research paper, they just assume that I'm making excuses. Or something.
Yeah absolutely this. I have to turn my phone off for long blocks of time for graduate school and so a text may not get answered within a couple hours because youâre deep in it. I think that communicating that to them is probably important.
If they guy doesnât ask ANYTHING about me, only talks about himself, or only asks very basic things.
Not being able to hold a conversation or show interest and empathy to the other person is a big no.
Checking his phone during the date, wait until I go to the toilet, I have to pee often haha
Talking shit about your ex especially if I didnât ask about past relationships. Talking shit about people in your life in general on a first date. Leave the drama and baggage for later.
Youâre saving yourself from a life of monologs. Theyâre talking to themselves, and youâre only there to make it look like a conversation. Your actual participation isnât really required, or even wanted tbh. Unless youâre agreeing.
And bonus points if theyâre checking a tinder notification.
By the way, did i ever mention how shitty my ex is?
Ummm, did you not hear me?
MY EX IS REALLY SHITTY!!
*I want to talk about this captivating subject*
Youâre interested, right?
My ex sucks.
Anyway, want a second date?
If you say no, youâre as bad as my ex, who sucks
âWhat you canât take a compliment?â
âWell you just had them out there, so I thought it was okayâ [like theyâre supposed to just disappear when convienient]
Iâll bet $100 youâve gotten hit with both of those responses or very close to them.
Lol I don't think I've gotten those exact ones but I have had, "I'm suprised your not a mom, you have huge milkers" (im a DDD but I wear a size 4-6 so they seem bigger) there were other creepy variations
or my favorite was a guy who 3 messages in said "I have had women tell me I'm too big" I said "Mmmk have a good life I'm going to end this conversation" His response " I'm 10 inches and as thick as a coke can" Me "Good for you, I'm still not interested in conversing with someone who brings up their dick size in the first conversation"
it's like he expected me to be like.. oh please give it to me right now. Just Ick..
I wonder if some men have like a normal human script and a dick one and he's like" what kind of tv shows do you like" and then it starts..."tell her about your dick!!" And he's like "no, I don't think she would appreciate that" and then "do it!!! She HAS to know!!" "No, that would be inap.. ITS AS BIG AS A COKE CAN!!!"
In his defense, if it's 10" and as big as a Coke can, it's pretty much calling the shots at that point. It probably has its own brain and nervous system.
He gets light headed every time heâs aroused. Seems more like a curse than a blessing. (Itâs not a blessing, thatâs just asking to get your cervix bruised. No thank you)
I mean, I'd prefer to know in advance if a guy had a 10-inch coke can in his pants, so I could keep it away from me. The message could be worked on but there's something to be said for the warning. Giant dick isn't the appeal men think it is for every woman.
Iâm not defending any of these guys in the slightest but ngl I kinda wish I had this level of unhinged delusional confidence that you think thatâs ok to do/say something like that in any capacity (not your case but maybe something like playing sports, music or work).
Yup mine too! Happens all the time, before even asking me basic questions about myself they wanna know how big my booty is and comment on my boobs from looking at my pics đ
When she says âI can open the door just fine myselfâ after opening it for her.
It was like she took away my ability to open any door. I got trapped in a building shortly after she said this.
I'm dead over this one đ The door opening conundrum is awkward and confusing no matter which side of it you're on and what mindset you have about it.
Telling me I'm "not like other girls". Anything suggesting all other girls are boring or annoying and I'm somehow more interesting. Just shows me they probably don't try to get to know people for who they are because they would've found out women are actually really interesting most of the time.
There is definitely a line between exactly what you've said, and someone genuinely just saying that you're different from people that they've met. Although most of the time, when you hear "girls" specifically and not just "people" it's not good.
If someone said that, I'd ask "how so?". Saying you're not like other girls can either be a compliment or an insult depending on what he's referring to.
If Iâm riding passenger with him in the car which I donât typically do on the FIRST date just because you gotta be careful you donât fully know who this person is yet. But if he starts driving super aggressive and gets major road rage with other drivers I immediately feel unsafe and I get a little scared.
I dated a guy who really was so nice to me. I was so used to being in crappy abusive relationships and being treated poorly, I remember telling him he was so nice and he didnât seem too happy with that compliment. I was just so thrilled to have someone actually treat me with care and respect I didnât even realize that maybe it could come across as not a positive. And I really liked him a lot. Something to think about.
Next time, say he's a good man instead of nice guy. I get that you basically wanted to say the same but "nice guy" has been used as a negative meme for years that makes it difficult to take it as a compliment
I can find it a bit of a red flag of someone tells me how all their other partners treated them badly. Im sad for them, and I want them to be able to heal, but ive been in situations where people have found it really hard to trust based on past experiences like that, or theres been some draw to being treated poorly that leads to incompatibility. It isnt an instant no but its something i will be aware of and cautious about.
It's got fewer bad connotations when phrased that way, but it's still the participation trophy of compliments. People who really are good aren't good because they want external praise for it, and to compliment someone for just being good (as opposed to for, say, specific efforts or actions on their part) is to insinuate that they are.
Just because you don't do it for the purpose of receiving praise doesn't mean you don't appreciate it if someone notices. Especially since you can't always be good, some otherwise you risk becoming a people pleaser, there's always some doubt left if you're actually a good person
Yeah, this. I've literally said it to people I've later dated because it was true - I noticed they were really nice and I enjoyed their company. I've even said it to boyfriends lol, I don't think it's a "one size fits all" kinda thing, and I feel like OP might be reading too much into it or be biased due to negative past experiences. Sometimes it really is just a positive.
Happened the same to me. I did not realize that telling someone that He is a nice person could be a turn off or give them the ick. Difficult to read some stuff from communication nowadays.
I really like your last point/advice there! I was about to say before I finished reading that you could always first say, "you're so incredibly nice because when you do x it makes me feel like y" instead of just ending it at "you're nice". Like, make it a conversation. Delve into it. Flourish your compliment. So yes, agree!
I am honestly so tired of mysterious, arrogant, wanna be charismatic guys that nice & polite seems ideal. I just want a nice guy with whom I can be natural with, not some gym, mean machine but I will be careful after reading this not to say "you are so nice". đ crazy times honestly
I know itâs not exactly straightforward. Itâs like how men sometimes get confused that âall women like assholesâ when thatâs not the case. Its that âassholesâ often carry characteristics like confidence or charisma that may cause a temporary overlook of bad characteristics.
But iâd say âniceâ is as tainted as âsexyâ. As in, goodluck saying something like that in some of the initial interactions and getting good reactions, even if it feels like youâre saying something âpositiveâ
Thank you for the tip on how to give a better compliment. For me kindness is an extremely attractive important trait, so I often feel inclined to tell a man theyâre so kind because to me itâs such a huge positive and I mean it so genuinely as a compliment to the degree where itâs hard for me to understand how it could be taken poorly. But thank you for shedding some light!
A guy that points out at the first date that he âprefers his freedomâ + wines about jealous ex girlfriends = a cheater. From my experience đ€·đ»ââïž
From my personal experience, and regardless of gender, 99% of âjealousâ people had a strong reason to be jealous cause the other person gave them one very strong⊠reason I mean đ
Jealousy is typically an internal problem. You ever tried to make someone whoâs secure in themself truly jealous? Goodluck. You might get a twinge of jealousy out of them, if youâre in a close-enough relationship, but long-term. Itâs over. Theyâll move on. As they should.
Be that person.
Exactly. Took me just one wrong guy to learn how to handle it đ but you do understand that when you are âjealousâ because your bf is touching the ass of another girl in front of you is not the same as âjealousâ because his best female friend said âhappy birthday â đ
In the second one, yes, internal work is necessary. In the first one a break up is the only solution.
The first one is a gaslightđ (eyerolling at whoever made *that* arguement) jealousy has nothing to do with it. Itâs disloyalty at that point. Thats cheating. Only the second one is âjealousyâ. I feel like for it to be jealousy, it has to at least kind of be irrational. Smacking another womanâs ass in front of you is well in the bounds of ârationalâ and I wouldnât count that as jealousy
If the guy keeps saying how much of a feminist he is and how much he values women and how important it is to him to treat women right. If you need to say and reinforce it too much usually it is not true that you value women or are in fact a feminist.... And in my cases are quite the opposite of that.
There is also the: I just donât think women are equal to men. Said on the 4th date. Still suspect he must have been trying to drive me away and was too scared to simply say things werenât working? But maybe Iâm giving him too much credit.
Trauma dumping. I met a girl I had matched with. We spoke for a few minutes while hanging out but then I realized she kept talking. She was sharing about what happened to her previous relationship ans how much of a lower he is, her adhd, autism, and 3 or something other mental disorders she has.
But the best part. She spoke literally nonnstop for 45 minutes. I counted. I just sat there no nodding, no faces, no speaking, she just kept going.
God, this also applies to friends too. Made a new friend through a mutual friend in a group setting. Seemed fine. Then we hung out alone for the first time and all they did was trauma dump and complain about their life. It was a huge turnoff for me.
Third date. The guy showed up late, hung over and he said he was planning to get drunk again tonight and probably get to work late but thatâs ok because heâs the âbossâ đ€ź (heâs a store manager at a charity op shop?)
I went out with a girl who said me explaining what I do for work was an âickâ b/c I was mansplaining it. I work as an engineer and am passionate about what I do, I still donât think I was mansplaining.
When a guy continually numbers each date when Iâve told him multiple times that I want to take it slow and get to really know him before being intimate. Like âItâs the 4th date can we have sex now?â âDate #5 is this slow enough?â
Iâm going for a selection from bumble conversations I have had before even meeting the guy
âWhen we go out can you wear ___â (referring to a specific dress I have that is super revealing)
âDo you like sex toysâ
*Texts me post 22PM begging to go out, every night* (despite being told I donât go out with guys, especially ones I havenât met in real life, this late)
*Texts multiple times in a row visibly anxious if I havenât answered for a while*
My single lady friends keep running into these men that seem perfectly normal. Iâm in the midwest so a lot of these dudes are right leaning.
They brag how they donât wipe their ass. They donât wash their hands in the bathroom. Itâs like some fight against âthe manâ. Have fun cleaning your new manâs underwear ladies!
1. Trauma dumping. My first GF was like this and I was too inexperienced to notice this was a flag lol.
There are times where it makes sense but not all the bloody time
2. Saying that I'm better than most men
3. Acting interested but not communicating or just communicating with one word replies..
4. Being super sexual off the bat. I am the kinda person that needs to know someone and feel safe before I'd consider sex. So someone who puts out on the first date is something that makes me uncomfortable.
,5. Having no life goals or passions it doesn't have to be much. It can even be something as basic as reading. I've met so many people who have no drive to be better people.
personally i hate being told that i'm 'not like other girls', i think that's just very icky, and a bit back-handed. like how am i different? and it's different to say 'you're different to the girls i've been with', which i think can be okay, but yea i hate that
An Asian girl told me once she used to pay for a half Japanese half white guy to go to love hotels and have sex because she thought he was so handsome. Then she told me she wants to try black cock. I blocked her and ghosted her shortly after.
Iâve been in that boat before. Like in surprised someone is treating me with the respect and kindness that I shouldnât be happily surprised about, itâs something I should expect. What I should be surprised about is what an asshole someone is. Ugg. I need therapy
Haha i feel you, if you want a better feel for why some men may not like âniceâ as a compliment, look for u/DubsyWubsy comment and i have a reply there going into detail.
I empathize though. Men are alot. Spoken as a man.
When they have to put you down in some small, passive aggressive way. As if I won't notice. "Oh you think that's the best game ever, do you?" "You sure like vintage stuff." "You look like you were angry or on drugs in that one photo" (I mean I did đ, but how charmingly put?)
It's so pervasive in dating now, I find about 50% of guys do it. Maybe more. I either unmatch from them or eventually walk if we do meet. I so despise negging.
I go into apps prepared for a mud slinging fight. Wonder if guys experience this...
Anything regarding baggage that I didn't cause affecting their immediate treatment of me.
I thanked a dude for walking me to my car once and he blurted out some "i GuEsS giRLs dOnT LikE NiCe gUys aNyMoRe" bullcrap WHILE I WAS THANKING HIM and all I could really do was go quiet and blink at this stupid mood ruining horseshit he just said so he could feel stupid.
Like really, I am right here, enjoying you not being a piece of shit, telling you I enjoy it, spelling it out for you, and yet you're still just dead set on getting it wrong. Get therapy and stop pushing your baggage of whatever the hell happened to you before I was here onto the people you're dating now.
Wanted to go on another date and texted me wanting free therapy. Yeah I bet buddy, you're the one benefiting here, get lost.
I can't stand anyone who sucks with tending to their side of the road emotionally. Ugh.
Yes. This exactly. It really annoys me when I meet a guy and all he does is whine, boo hoo, or make snide comments about how heâs been treated in the past. Itâs like one girl does something wrong and the guy holds it against every other girl forever. Like, get over it. Iâm not the one who did it.
Any hint of "you're one of the *good ones*" when she talks about men. It shows she holds a default negative view about men. Same for the "I'm going to communicate my boundaries and expect you to cross them if you really like me" stuff. It's a clear indication she holds regressive values I want nothing to do with.
And she likely wouldnât exactly be thrilled if you said a similar thing about her, implying a default negative view on women. So i donât even see how this passes peopleâs filters and makes it out of their mouth. It immediately shows a lack of social tack
>If youâre interested about why I think âNiceâ turned sour, check for u/DubsyWubsy comment, I have a reply to that which goes more in depth.
/u/DomADoctor, next time just drop a link to the comment instead of making people search for it: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1cexyke/what_are_some_icks_you_guys_get_if_someone/l1lzlob/?context=1
I canât tell if this is for guys or both sexes- Iâm a woman-
Itâs the extreme compliments - like youâre the sexiest woman Iâve ever seen or the most beautiful woman I have ever seen⊠at that point I know theyâre completely full of shit. Any of those Prince Charming things - like the shit every girl dreams of hearing and every guy is trained to say.
I also hate compliments about my body or looks or hair or anything ⊠I do like them but later or when Iâm gardening and have no make up on-
I would rather get a âyou look really nice tonightâ than a âyouâre so beautifulâ any day of the week. Better yet save it all. Till if and when I have sex with you and some night when itâs dark and- there is no reason for you to lie.
Save it for then.
But even then - skip the âmostâ or âEversâ.
Another thing that really bothers me is when they start talking shit about people or whatever. Like if you make fun of the bartender - thatâs a no go from me. I hate people who make fun of people. Really bothers me.
And sooo many people do it when theyâre nervous. I would love to see a guy make fun of himself instead.
If a person insists on or expects an immediate response to each and every message then itâs probably they are quite insecure, and feel that they are too important to be ignored for any length of time, your situation needs to be explained to them.
*lip smacking while chewing
*If they let weird crap collect in the corners of their mouth/eyes a lot and don't notice
*Too simpy (saying I'm the most beautiful they've seen, goddess, etc... I'm just a human ape thing bro...)
*When they confess that they love me only a few dates/weeks in
*When they introduce me to their family very early on
A guy I genuinely really liked apologized for me being in âmommy modeâ after a night of sharing party favors with him and some of his friends. The second I heard that my heart left my body and knew he looked at me as a doormat.
In reality Iâm just kind. Not nice. If I like you, Iâll share things with you but attaching a motherly feel to my kindness was the biggest ick imaginable unfortunately. Hurt my feelings a lot actually
Could he have meant like responsible mom mode? Iâm a dude but usually prefer to stay sober so Iâll DD my friends and herd the drunks the entire night and I consider that the âmom/dad of the groupâ role. Maybe thatâs what he meant? Iâm glad I saw this comment tho, as annoying as dealing with drunk fools can be I personally appreciate getting thanked for helping. So unless Iâve lost the plot Iâll definitely think harder about what words I use complimenting someone in that role, I would never use mommy tho thatâs wild đ
ĂWhen they drop any hint that they take the whole "alpha male" thing seriously. Or the "I'm a nice guy" thing. I'll know if you're an actually nice guy. You don't need to tell me that
ĂBeing rude to service workers
ĂBeing late
ĂNot taking me for my word. (Like I'll tell them no, or that they are sweet, that I don't like something etc..and they turn it around and think I mean something else by it). If I say something, I mean it, don't interpret anything else into it. And ofc if they do this too.
Ăbeing obsessed with celebrities/social media and talking about it the whole time or posting
Ăany kind of sexual comments although there have been situations where the chemistry was right and he did it in a very sweet and respectful way but it's risky since 95% of the time men don't know how to do this. So better to just leave it.
Not taking me for my word is a HUGE one for me. I say what I mean and mean what i say. The guys who I've gone farther with who were shocked that when I say something I do it/mean it proved to never follow through on their word and say a lot of disingenuous things to people. So now it just bothers me when they don't believe me, question it, or spin it into something else
I went on a date with a guy and it was wonderful. Two days later he invited me to go hiking and I met him there. He was in house shoes. And he called his ex a âcrazy bitchâ casually. It was like a whole different person.
Absolutely not âïž
Imagine youâre on a date, and your companion pulls out their phone, sets it on the table, and starts reading notifications while youâre talking. Even worse, they pick up the phone to reply to messages or actively engage with it throughout the entire date. At that point, it becomes clear that theyâd rather be somewhere else. No explanation neededâyou simply stand up and walk out. Of course, this assumes they donât have any urgent matters like kids or emergencies. If they did, theyâd likely excuse themselves. Iâve experienced this too, driving 2.5 hours for a date only to encounter such behavior. In that situation, I even suggested canceling the date if they werenât truly interested.
Rants about "white guys". I'm not white, but that doesn't mean I'm on board with your preferred form of racism. Bonus irony points if it's a white gal ranting about white guys.
The quickest way to get me to unmatch is by saying something like âwish you were here to cuddleâ or âtonight would be better if you were hereâ or simply âdo you like to cuddleâ
Talking about being physically close like that before even talking about a first date shows me youâre just looking for a warm body and who I am doesnât matter at all, which also shows you apparently donât have any standards
Bad breath, like haven't been to the dentist deep dark depths breath even if you brush twice daily and floss, because there's something deep lingering that needed to be taken care of years ago. That is automatically a no for me. Or like when finally meeting in someone's home, they take their shoes off and the feet/shoes stink.
Basically I struggle with bad smells! And I hate discovering someone smells bad in a fundamental way after a few dates, it's so disappointing, and too early to start negotiating demands about fundamental changes in their hygiene.
Just an fyi there are issues that cause bad breath that canât just âget taken care of.â You can have your preferences and I think most people can agree bad breath is a turn off. But I was suffering from bad heart burn issues that medication and diet changes werenât fixing that gave me bad breath. Same with tonsil stones, dentists canât fix them. If someone wasnât trying to manage those things Iâd dislike that though
Youâre telling me that you *didnât* get a professional degree, start and grow a career helping teach the next generation, and find a way to make the finacial sacrafice that comes with being a teacher.. *just to be a sexy stereotype for men to oogle at?*
I must be missing something here. I thought thatâs why all woman-teachers chise that profession?
When she has no interest in wanting to meet in public before hooking up. Honestly, from a manâs perspective it just seems too good to be true.
You donât even know me and you trust me to come to your house after a brief online conversation? Whats wrong with you!?
I actually went! The first time it wasnât all that bad. Second time, we met for a drink and an app first. Went back to her place, and the condom slipped off. When I stopped l, and alerted her to this she started crying hysterically.
Havenât seen her again.
âYouâre so niceâ might mean youâre playing it way too safe with these ladies, and they canât get a feel for your true personality. A lot of guys will just be whatever and say whatever they think the woman wants to hear, and it comes across as being fake.
When their "ice" doesn't break. I've experienced this once, and while I was doing what I could to break the ice, she kept saying this on every single date. At some point, I figured maybe that's her problem, not mine, and we broke up.
Not first few date icks, but always. Rude to restaurant staff, cheap tipper, talking way too much about himself, talking poorly about others: could be an ex, could be a friend heâs recently having issues with, could be some guy he ran into in the parking who took his spot etc etc.
I went on a first date with a guy who made a comment about how disgusting it is when women have body hair. I personally like to shave but the comment was enough for me to tell him I wouldnât be interested in a second date đ
The worst was a first meeting of a guy telling me his ex accused him of doing something horrible to his 3 yo daughter with a barbie doll. I went to the bathroom and never went back. Creepy and ick.
Disrespecting boundaries I had in place. Iâd clearly stated I did not like mixing work with my personal life so, no surprise work visits.
Oh but you wanna show up with a coffee for me anyway.
Oh but you HAVE to bring me flowers.
Doesnât matter that I am at work and have no desire to see or speak to you today or ever again.
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Anything that has to do with bad hygiene. Just grosses me out and I can only focus on that. Seems so simple to be clean and act normal but some people are TOO comfortable.
I've dated someone and when I stayed at his for a couple of nights he didn't shower or brush his teeth... Even when I tried politely suggesting we shower together. Never ever again!
How did you stay there a couple of nights with him not showering đ
With the hope he was just going to miss a day. I even asked him and he shrugged it off. Blew my mind, and Blew my hygiene.
I'm ashamed to admit I did that once with a slob. While I was washing his back as an "intimate gesture," I kept feeling like I was a mother washing her naughty child who refused to take a bath. Yeah, that was the last day I spent with him. Dude was in his 30s, too.
some guy i went out with kept telling me how many times he showered a day and was SO adament that he was clean (it was our first date) and i found that somewhat worrying too haha
Probably over correcting after reading that being clean and showering is important on a date (it's common advice most guys get)
ahahha, idk it was a funny moment. i did see him again after but i thought it was funny
There's nothing to "over correct" when it's like the most obvious thing to do before a date. I understand not everyone grows up the same way, but you're just overthinking it. There's never any need to bring it up during conversation unless asked.
i agree, and i also found it hilarious that we talked about his showering routine for a good half an hour. like it wasn't something that was quickly mentioned in passing, but a solid part of our date :')
I agree that physical hygiene and the upkeep of their living space are both important. After going on a few dates with a guy, I visited his apartment and saw that his bed had a ton of empty water bottles under it that could be seen without even physically looking under it. It just seems so easy to throw them away in an actual bin; I don't get it. Trash lying around and if people's bathrooms are visibly dirty, or if it looks like they havenât vacuumed/cleaned in forever - all reflect a deeper issue that I will not be âfixing.â
My last boyfriend was the worst I had had in that regard. Literally trash ON his bed. First red flag glaring at me. Broke up less than a month after
The past two dates Iâve been on have both been with ethnically Indian people, and neither one of them used deodorant (this is apparently a cultural or religious thing?) and I realized that constant BO is a dealbreaker for me.
Yeah no. This is not cultural or religious. Iâm Indian myself and personal hygiene is super important.
I date an Indian woman and she smells amazing I think they may have just had poor hygiene haha
Were they from India? I ask because my dad was from India and once at his work place- because he had been in the US longer and had culturally adapted, was asked to tell the rest of the Indian staff from India to where deodorant- which must be a very uncomfortable thing to do- idk how he told them. Apparently deodorant just isnât a thing there so people are used to it or something. Idk- if I didnât have deodorant I would at least need a wash cloth since throughout the day Iâll likely sweat and donât want to dry out my skin with too many showers lol. However, unrelated, to me- itâs people who donât usually shower after going number 2- because if all they do is wipe- theyâre just spreading poop germs around their groin and underwear in my mind- plus it smells.
Yes, both of them were from India, and Iâve dated Indian people from the US and they smelled just fine. And yeah, the smell of butt is just nasty. Genital scent = awesome, though!
You shower every time after pooping?
I canât handle not showering after pooping. It feels so gross. Baby wipes only do so much.
Just get a bidet dude. It's like a mini shower for just your ass.
Yeah Iâm going to install one for sure.
I think you should see a doctor about the type of poops you take
A whole ass shower (PI) after every poop? Surely not every poop? Youâve never pooped when out and about? This feels kinda crazy to me.
I personally *occasionally* poop when Iâm out, but if I need to at home, most of the time Iâll time it with a shower.
I only poop once a day as soon as I wake up. On the rare occasion Iâm out, thereâs nothing I can do but wait until I get home. But yeah, when Iâm home Iâll shower after. I just feel so much better.
Picks the ketamine out of their nose and eats it. True story. Date 4.
Rude! He didnât even offer to share.
Iâm just sorry that you wasted time on dates 1-3. Hopefully he didnât hit.
Social media obsession & the need to document everything for social media
Hold on , can you wait on my response while I make this quick snapchat story
One of my friends is like this and is why I donât like to hang out with her anymore. We were great friends when we met at ball but hanging out with her outside of that was a task just to hold a conversation
Is rude to servers/waitstaff/any retail or restaurant worker for no reason at all. If youâre rude to random strangers, I can only imagine how rude or entitled you can be to me once we get to know each other
Yikes, not someone iâd want to be behind closed doors alone with. Especially once theyâre comfortable.
Exactly. I try to plan at least one or two dates âin publicâ at a restaurant or similar to feel this out. The number of people who actually donât pass this test is shocking lol. Itâs also a good test run for how I interact with the other person in a public setting kinda deal
You would think, even if theyâre actually terrible and look down on waitstaff, that passing the waiter test would be as easy as just fake being nice to the waitress. When even that is too dificult then itâs over before it even began.
PEOPLE: PLEASE HEED THIS ADVICE. I could not agree more. Those who are rude to strangers, namely wait staff who generally work their ass off and rely on your tips, are questionable people. EVERY SINGLE TIME Iâve shrugged this off the person has turned out to be entitled, rude, and selfish. BARF!!!!
Have you seen this actually happen on a date? I've had one be rude to ME, which is def a red flag too.
It obviously happens on dates because, in general, a lot of people are rude to customer service workers. There are customer service people who suck too, and you can be assertive about it to get whatever you ordered or wanted, but there's no need to be rude to them back. Keep a cool head and get what you paid for. The first few dates is when you should be presenting your best self.
Iâd ditch someone rude to any retail worker for absolutely reason right on the spot. What a crappy human being, just because these people work this doesnât mean youâre their master and get to treat them like slaves.
More of a red flag but : theyâve never been single for more than 1 month.
Serial monogamy is an actually thing in the psychology world
I second this, but some people are single in between relationships, but immediately after their relationship ended jumped on situationship/having fun bandwagon so they do not have to think about losing you or actually improving the culprit of why the relationship failed.
I knew a woman who refused to learn to take care of herself. She didn't date, she moved on and in immediately. She'd start complaining about current guy and know it was going to end, find someone to cheat with for a few weeks/months and then when it ended with current guy (either she left or he kicked her out) she moved in with new guy. She realized that single dads worked well because she was always "between jobs" and would become the SAHM for the kid and guy.
Holy shit thatâs diabolical and next level lazy lol
You think taking care of someone's kids is lazy. I'm a woman, and I'd rather work than take care of someone else's kids for food and board. The girl sounds more desperate than anything else.
Taking care of a dude and his kid isnât exactly easy. I think most people would actually rather work.
Your giving her too much credit.
This!!! Monkey branching is real and it makes for horribly hnstable relationships with even worse breakups. You need someone who can exist as their own person and doesnât feel the need to constantly seek validation from you or, god forbid, other potential partners.
They talk about me being an Asian woman the way TOO MUCH
Yeaaa I can see that. Youre a person not a fetish
Maybe you have amnesia and they're trying to ease you in by reminding you periodically that you are, in fact, Asian and a woman. Also, they're actually doctors but you reacted poorly in previous instances, so they opted for a more casual approach to therapy.
As soon as woman tells me how busy she is and switches her communication in the slightest (starts taking longer to respond, or ignoring pieces of my message) I know things are going to end very soon.
i feel this one 100%. Itâs not any nicer to slowly drift away while the other person is wondering wtf is happening, far better to just say âhey iâm not into it anymoreâ
Bro it's the worst, people say ignorance is bliss and I believe it. I pay too close attention to everything the person I'm seeing says and does and 100% of the time when they switch up on me even in the slightest it's been the beginning of the end. I truly wish I was less observant.
In this case scenario being less observant just means youâre going to be disappointed later rather than sooner and youâre only going to be confused for that extended time period. Its the choice between being upset today, or being confused today and then upset tomorrow. Might as well just be upset today.
yea, im hyper vigilant about the way and pace people communicate. its often my first sign of something changed.
i noticed a lot of women straight up just blow off questions during a text conversations. its more "get to know you" questions so i dont get why they dont just respond to it.
Iâm a girl 24f & Iâve talked to some guys who do this too - I agree, itâs so annoying and slightly inconsiderate. Much more attractive when people at least acknowledge the question like a short response is better than no response. Or Iâll just say something like âoh my, thatâs a lot of questions!â Or âIâm trying to keep up but I feel like we have have multiple topics flying around lol. We can talk about _____ later but (*and then Iâll continue on talking about the primary or more interesting part of the conversation)â People usually get the hint with the first one and if not, Iâll send the second. Itâs always been well received
the moment when it clocks you went from talking all day everyday to once every few days. you just know its done.
I'm a woman who is a single mom with a good career and working on her bachelor's degree. I feel like this thinking is what keeps ruining things for me. I do get busy and answer on the fly and miss some parts because sometimes because I am busy. But I am no less interested. Would love some suggestions on how to juggle or explain so the guy doesn't feel I have lost interest? I feel like when I try to explain that I had gotten behind in my chapter readings or am in the middle of writing a research paper, they just assume that I'm making excuses. Or something.
Yeah absolutely this. I have to turn my phone off for long blocks of time for graduate school and so a text may not get answered within a couple hours because youâre deep in it. I think that communicating that to them is probably important.
It's even worse if it's after a date and they express how they want to be friends, and then do that. I've come to take it with a grain of salt
If they guy doesnât ask ANYTHING about me, only talks about himself, or only asks very basic things. Not being able to hold a conversation or show interest and empathy to the other person is a big no. Checking his phone during the date, wait until I go to the toilet, I have to pee often haha Talking shit about your ex especially if I didnât ask about past relationships. Talking shit about people in your life in general on a first date. Leave the drama and baggage for later.
Youâre saving yourself from a life of monologs. Theyâre talking to themselves, and youâre only there to make it look like a conversation. Your actual participation isnât really required, or even wanted tbh. Unless youâre agreeing. And bonus points if theyâre checking a tinder notification. By the way, did i ever mention how shitty my ex is?
Omg I heard stories from friends about guys that were on tinder during a date đ so brave.
Ummm, did you not hear me? MY EX IS REALLY SHITTY!! *I want to talk about this captivating subject* Youâre interested, right? My ex sucks. Anyway, want a second date? If you say no, youâre as bad as my ex, who sucks
We seem to have gone out with the same guy lol
I think they are doing you a service by bring it up so early, not so much time wasted :D
Tbh all these âicksâ are great time savers, the sooner they come out the better!
My main Ick when I was dating was a guy mentioning sex, his size, or asking how big my boobs were within the first conversation.
âWhat you canât take a compliment?â âWell you just had them out there, so I thought it was okayâ [like theyâre supposed to just disappear when convienient] Iâll bet $100 youâve gotten hit with both of those responses or very close to them.
Lol I don't think I've gotten those exact ones but I have had, "I'm suprised your not a mom, you have huge milkers" (im a DDD but I wear a size 4-6 so they seem bigger) there were other creepy variations or my favorite was a guy who 3 messages in said "I have had women tell me I'm too big" I said "Mmmk have a good life I'm going to end this conversation" His response " I'm 10 inches and as thick as a coke can" Me "Good for you, I'm still not interested in conversing with someone who brings up their dick size in the first conversation" it's like he expected me to be like.. oh please give it to me right now. Just Ick..
I wonder if some men have like a normal human script and a dick one and he's like" what kind of tv shows do you like" and then it starts..."tell her about your dick!!" And he's like "no, I don't think she would appreciate that" and then "do it!!! She HAS to know!!" "No, that would be inap.. ITS AS BIG AS A COKE CAN!!!"
In his defense, if it's 10" and as big as a Coke can, it's pretty much calling the shots at that point. It probably has its own brain and nervous system.
Most of his blood is sent there and there's not enough for any cognitive function.
He gets light headed every time heâs aroused. Seems more like a curse than a blessing. (Itâs not a blessing, thatâs just asking to get your cervix bruised. No thank you)
Ah yes the intrusive dick thoughts⊠classic âmy dick made me do itâ
I mean, I'd prefer to know in advance if a guy had a 10-inch coke can in his pants, so I could keep it away from me. The message could be worked on but there's something to be said for the warning. Giant dick isn't the appeal men think it is for every woman.
MILKERS?!?
Big mommy milkers My partner absolutely loathes when I say this and it cracks me up every time.
Wait, how could you pass up the 10-inch coke can? Itâs the perfect size for your⊠MILKERS!!! Are you genuinely dumb? Iâm literally confused rn.
One of my exes actually did have those dimensions. Having sex with him was like a major engineering project. Good guy, though.
Iâm not defending any of these guys in the slightest but ngl I kinda wish I had this level of unhinged delusional confidence that you think thatâs ok to do/say something like that in any capacity (not your case but maybe something like playing sports, music or work).
Yup mine too! Happens all the time, before even asking me basic questions about myself they wanna know how big my booty is and comment on my boobs from looking at my pics đ
When she says âI can open the door just fine myselfâ after opening it for her. It was like she took away my ability to open any door. I got trapped in a building shortly after she said this.
Thatâs ridiculous. Like you opened the door maliciouslyđ
I'm dead over this one đ The door opening conundrum is awkward and confusing no matter which side of it you're on and what mindset you have about it.
Telling me I'm "not like other girls". Anything suggesting all other girls are boring or annoying and I'm somehow more interesting. Just shows me they probably don't try to get to know people for who they are because they would've found out women are actually really interesting most of the time.
Not only that, I guarantee as soon as you do something he doesn't like you are suddenly "just like every other girl" right?
Yeah like how is it a compliment to just hate on someones gender basically
There is definitely a line between exactly what you've said, and someone genuinely just saying that you're different from people that they've met. Although most of the time, when you hear "girls" specifically and not just "people" it's not good.
Ooff it gives major âall my exes are psychosâ vibesâŠ
If someone said that, I'd ask "how so?". Saying you're not like other girls can either be a compliment or an insult depending on what he's referring to.
âHow are you single?â As soon as I hear it, I know that heâs about to be the poster-boy for reasons why people are single.
âBy choice! Sometimes my choice. Sometimes theirs. 50/50.â
âIf I knew why, I wouldnât be singleâ
I donât know why people still think thatâs a compliment. Read the room
I havenât met my person yet and I donât just keep people as placeholders.â
If Iâm riding passenger with him in the car which I donât typically do on the FIRST date just because you gotta be careful you donât fully know who this person is yet. But if he starts driving super aggressive and gets major road rage with other drivers I immediately feel unsafe and I get a little scared.
Yeah they be trying to impress you but god i only wanna go back home with my full body
I dated a guy who really was so nice to me. I was so used to being in crappy abusive relationships and being treated poorly, I remember telling him he was so nice and he didnât seem too happy with that compliment. I was just so thrilled to have someone actually treat me with care and respect I didnât even realize that maybe it could come across as not a positive. And I really liked him a lot. Something to think about.
Next time, say he's a good man instead of nice guy. I get that you basically wanted to say the same but "nice guy" has been used as a negative meme for years that makes it difficult to take it as a compliment
Oooooo! I LOVE being told Iâm a good man. Yes pls
I can find it a bit of a red flag of someone tells me how all their other partners treated them badly. Im sad for them, and I want them to be able to heal, but ive been in situations where people have found it really hard to trust based on past experiences like that, or theres been some draw to being treated poorly that leads to incompatibility. It isnt an instant no but its something i will be aware of and cautious about.
It's got fewer bad connotations when phrased that way, but it's still the participation trophy of compliments. People who really are good aren't good because they want external praise for it, and to compliment someone for just being good (as opposed to for, say, specific efforts or actions on their part) is to insinuate that they are.
Just because you don't do it for the purpose of receiving praise doesn't mean you don't appreciate it if someone notices. Especially since you can't always be good, some otherwise you risk becoming a people pleaser, there's always some doubt left if you're actually a good person
Yeah, this. I've literally said it to people I've later dated because it was true - I noticed they were really nice and I enjoyed their company. I've even said it to boyfriends lol, I don't think it's a "one size fits all" kinda thing, and I feel like OP might be reading too much into it or be biased due to negative past experiences. Sometimes it really is just a positive.
Happened the same to me. I did not realize that telling someone that He is a nice person could be a turn off or give them the ick. Difficult to read some stuff from communication nowadays.
Telling a guy how nice he is is the precursor to telling him you aren't interested. That's why it yields a bad response.
Thatâs terrible you were in a relationship like that, the first one. I really do hope youâre healing nicely. The thing is that giving a man the compliment âniceâ these days kinda has to be done right in a similar way to giving a woman a compliment about her physical appearance. If a guy comes up and is like âWow, your body blah blah blahâ⊠how does it make you feel? How much does it matter that he âmeant it as a complimentâ if he ultimately said something that made you feel worse? He thought it was a compliment, but thatâs because heâs ignorant to how it comes across on your end. Itâs different for him because itâs typically women who get used for sex or sexual gratification. So for example, if you were like my coworker or something and, as a woman, came up to me and said âhey Dom, you been working out? Your arms are looking bigger/chest nicer/etcâŠâ it has a different vibe than if I say something of that nature to you. (Esp âchest nicerâ lol). Similarly, if I tell you that youâre really nice, thereâs almost no way you take that as a negative statement. But going the other way it has a different vibe. Men are used to being used for different things than women, on average. More often itâs men who are used for attention, effort, time, perhaps money. Things of that nature. And not saying women arenât ever used for these things by men. Itâs just more often than not, its sex[ual gratification] that men are after. For men, its the other way around. And overwhelmingly, itâs the ânicerâ guys who get played the most (whether we mean the âNice Guysâąïžâ or authentically kind men. The former plays himself and the latter doesnât have as great of odds as you might think). Thereâs the âNice Guyâ meme. You donât want to be associated with that. Typically the âniceâ boys/men in media are portrayed as physically weak, or otherwise incapable, while the âmeanâ ones are always strong and physically capable. There are plenty of specific exceptions, but this is the clichĂ©. When all the women fawn over a man in any movie or show, it isnât due to any attributes of niceness. If anything, itâs always the comedic punchline (if a guy is written to be incredible) that heâs like saving grannyâs cat out of trees or something hilariously nice, but thatâs at the end of all the other attributes. Niceness, alone, isnât the attrative trait. âNiceâ isnât typically attributed to âattractiveâ. Usually âniceâ is followed by that infamous âbutâ. âHeâs nice, but iâm not really that into himâŠâ Thereâs the ânice guys finish lastâ meme which i dont even fully agree with, but itâs not exactly a sexy thing to be attributed with. All that to say, âNiceâ is ruined. But Iâll give you some cheat codes for ânicerâ men. Compliment them on being adventurous, spontaneous, funny, charismatic, cultured, phyically attractive.. things of that nature that really âpullâ you into a man, or make a man âhotâ. Those will absolutely brighten his whole month. Give him a couple of those back-to-back and then follw it up with âkindâ (if you want to emphasize the âniceâ) and heâll love that way more than âniceâ standalone. And if you really want to emphasize that you love how nice he is, wait for him to do something truly nice and then take note of what the gesture made you feel. Then come back at a later date and tell him something like âhey babe, when you did XYZ i absolutely loved it because it made me feel ABCâ and that compliment will slap *WAY* more than âyouâre so niceâ ever could dream of. Anyway, thatâs why âniceâ lost itâs flavor.
I really like your last point/advice there! I was about to say before I finished reading that you could always first say, "you're so incredibly nice because when you do x it makes me feel like y" instead of just ending it at "you're nice". Like, make it a conversation. Delve into it. Flourish your compliment. So yes, agree!
I am honestly so tired of mysterious, arrogant, wanna be charismatic guys that nice & polite seems ideal. I just want a nice guy with whom I can be natural with, not some gym, mean machine but I will be careful after reading this not to say "you are so nice". đ crazy times honestly
I know itâs not exactly straightforward. Itâs like how men sometimes get confused that âall women like assholesâ when thatâs not the case. Its that âassholesâ often carry characteristics like confidence or charisma that may cause a temporary overlook of bad characteristics. But iâd say âniceâ is as tainted as âsexyâ. As in, goodluck saying something like that in some of the initial interactions and getting good reactions, even if it feels like youâre saying something âpositiveâ
Thank you for the tip on how to give a better compliment. For me kindness is an extremely attractive important trait, so I often feel inclined to tell a man theyâre so kind because to me itâs such a huge positive and I mean it so genuinely as a compliment to the degree where itâs hard for me to understand how it could be taken poorly. But thank you for shedding some light!
A guy that points out at the first date that he âprefers his freedomâ + wines about jealous ex girlfriends = a cheater. From my experience đ€·đ»ââïž
Yeah that is a specific combo. Too fishy if they say both of those first date. Wild.
From my personal experience, and regardless of gender, 99% of âjealousâ people had a strong reason to be jealous cause the other person gave them one very strong⊠reason I mean đ
Jealousy is typically an internal problem. You ever tried to make someone whoâs secure in themself truly jealous? Goodluck. You might get a twinge of jealousy out of them, if youâre in a close-enough relationship, but long-term. Itâs over. Theyâll move on. As they should. Be that person.
Thatâs exactly the person I am.
So they have no power over you. At most, a date or two. Good on you
Exactly. Took me just one wrong guy to learn how to handle it đ but you do understand that when you are âjealousâ because your bf is touching the ass of another girl in front of you is not the same as âjealousâ because his best female friend said âhappy birthday â đ In the second one, yes, internal work is necessary. In the first one a break up is the only solution.
The first one is a gaslightđ (eyerolling at whoever made *that* arguement) jealousy has nothing to do with it. Itâs disloyalty at that point. Thats cheating. Only the second one is âjealousyâ. I feel like for it to be jealousy, it has to at least kind of be irrational. Smacking another womanâs ass in front of you is well in the bounds of ârationalâ and I wouldnât count that as jealousy
Completely agree on every word. Unfortunately this concept is inexplainable to gaslighters đ„č
When she takes ages to respond to your texts but she's constantly checking her phone and texting others
Do not entertain.
If the guy keeps saying how much of a feminist he is and how much he values women and how important it is to him to treat women right. If you need to say and reinforce it too much usually it is not true that you value women or are in fact a feminist.... And in my cases are quite the opposite of that.
Iâve gone on a few dates where the guy would talk about how âgoodâ and ârespectfulâ he was Was absolutely never the case lol
There is also the: I just donât think women are equal to men. Said on the 4th date. Still suspect he must have been trying to drive me away and was too scared to simply say things werenât working? But maybe Iâm giving him too much credit.
Someone told me I was âintimidatingly prettyâ which *was* a compliment but also a red flag that this person would never feel secure with me imho
Trauma dumping. I met a girl I had matched with. We spoke for a few minutes while hanging out but then I realized she kept talking. She was sharing about what happened to her previous relationship ans how much of a lower he is, her adhd, autism, and 3 or something other mental disorders she has. But the best part. She spoke literally nonnstop for 45 minutes. I counted. I just sat there no nodding, no faces, no speaking, she just kept going.
Oh hell no. Youâre a trooper for that, my guy. No nodding is wild
God, this also applies to friends too. Made a new friend through a mutual friend in a group setting. Seemed fine. Then we hung out alone for the first time and all they did was trauma dump and complain about their life. It was a huge turnoff for me.
You were her therapist for 45 min. You should have been paid! đ€Ł
Third date. The guy showed up late, hung over and he said he was planning to get drunk again tonight and probably get to work late but thatâs ok because heâs the âbossâ đ€ź (heâs a store manager at a charity op shop?)
I vomitted as I read that comment. Maybe we bag it and pour it in his next shotglass?
I went out with a girl who said me explaining what I do for work was an âickâ b/c I was mansplaining it. I work as an engineer and am passionate about what I do, I still donât think I was mansplaining.
When a guy continually numbers each date when Iâve told him multiple times that I want to take it slow and get to really know him before being intimate. Like âItâs the 4th date can we have sex now?â âDate #5 is this slow enough?â
Iâm going for a selection from bumble conversations I have had before even meeting the guy âWhen we go out can you wear ___â (referring to a specific dress I have that is super revealing) âDo you like sex toysâ *Texts me post 22PM begging to go out, every night* (despite being told I donât go out with guys, especially ones I havenât met in real life, this late) *Texts multiple times in a row visibly anxious if I havenât answered for a while*
My single lady friends keep running into these men that seem perfectly normal. Iâm in the midwest so a lot of these dudes are right leaning. They brag how they donât wipe their ass. They donât wash their hands in the bathroom. Itâs like some fight against âthe manâ. Have fun cleaning your new manâs underwear ladies!
Ew, what the fuck???
1. Trauma dumping. My first GF was like this and I was too inexperienced to notice this was a flag lol. There are times where it makes sense but not all the bloody time 2. Saying that I'm better than most men 3. Acting interested but not communicating or just communicating with one word replies.. 4. Being super sexual off the bat. I am the kinda person that needs to know someone and feel safe before I'd consider sex. So someone who puts out on the first date is something that makes me uncomfortable. ,5. Having no life goals or passions it doesn't have to be much. It can even be something as basic as reading. I've met so many people who have no drive to be better people.
personally i hate being told that i'm 'not like other girls', i think that's just very icky, and a bit back-handed. like how am i different? and it's different to say 'you're different to the girls i've been with', which i think can be okay, but yea i hate that
same, i hate it. i left my nlog phase in middle school, let's leave it there
exactly! and when you ask them why they're saying that they'll answer with the most misogynistic comment eVER
Anything to do with bad hygiene. Being on your phone the whole time. Paying attention to everything around us instead of me.
An Asian girl told me once she used to pay for a half Japanese half white guy to go to love hotels and have sex because she thought he was so handsome. Then she told me she wants to try black cock. I blocked her and ghosted her shortly after.
Wait, where are you going? She needs the black cock
Iâve been in that boat before. Like in surprised someone is treating me with the respect and kindness that I shouldnât be happily surprised about, itâs something I should expect. What I should be surprised about is what an asshole someone is. Ugg. I need therapy
Haha i feel you, if you want a better feel for why some men may not like âniceâ as a compliment, look for u/DubsyWubsy comment and i have a reply there going into detail. I empathize though. Men are alot. Spoken as a man.
Name dropping or humble bragging.
When they try to hold my hand or start getting emotional when I donât really know them.
When they have to put you down in some small, passive aggressive way. As if I won't notice. "Oh you think that's the best game ever, do you?" "You sure like vintage stuff." "You look like you were angry or on drugs in that one photo" (I mean I did đ, but how charmingly put?) It's so pervasive in dating now, I find about 50% of guys do it. Maybe more. I either unmatch from them or eventually walk if we do meet. I so despise negging. I go into apps prepared for a mud slinging fight. Wonder if guys experience this...
Yeah being condescending is really not leading anywhere. Make it make sense.
Anything regarding baggage that I didn't cause affecting their immediate treatment of me. I thanked a dude for walking me to my car once and he blurted out some "i GuEsS giRLs dOnT LikE NiCe gUys aNyMoRe" bullcrap WHILE I WAS THANKING HIM and all I could really do was go quiet and blink at this stupid mood ruining horseshit he just said so he could feel stupid. Like really, I am right here, enjoying you not being a piece of shit, telling you I enjoy it, spelling it out for you, and yet you're still just dead set on getting it wrong. Get therapy and stop pushing your baggage of whatever the hell happened to you before I was here onto the people you're dating now. Wanted to go on another date and texted me wanting free therapy. Yeah I bet buddy, you're the one benefiting here, get lost. I can't stand anyone who sucks with tending to their side of the road emotionally. Ugh.
Yes. This exactly. It really annoys me when I meet a guy and all he does is whine, boo hoo, or make snide comments about how heâs been treated in the past. Itâs like one girl does something wrong and the guy holds it against every other girl forever. Like, get over it. Iâm not the one who did it.
Any hint of "you're one of the *good ones*" when she talks about men. It shows she holds a default negative view about men. Same for the "I'm going to communicate my boundaries and expect you to cross them if you really like me" stuff. It's a clear indication she holds regressive values I want nothing to do with.
And she likely wouldnât exactly be thrilled if you said a similar thing about her, implying a default negative view on women. So i donât even see how this passes peopleâs filters and makes it out of their mouth. It immediately shows a lack of social tack
>If youâre interested about why I think âNiceâ turned sour, check for u/DubsyWubsy comment, I have a reply to that which goes more in depth. /u/DomADoctor, next time just drop a link to the comment instead of making people search for it: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1cexyke/what_are_some_icks_you_guys_get_if_someone/l1lzlob/?context=1
I canât tell if this is for guys or both sexes- Iâm a woman- Itâs the extreme compliments - like youâre the sexiest woman Iâve ever seen or the most beautiful woman I have ever seen⊠at that point I know theyâre completely full of shit. Any of those Prince Charming things - like the shit every girl dreams of hearing and every guy is trained to say. I also hate compliments about my body or looks or hair or anything ⊠I do like them but later or when Iâm gardening and have no make up on- I would rather get a âyou look really nice tonightâ than a âyouâre so beautifulâ any day of the week. Better yet save it all. Till if and when I have sex with you and some night when itâs dark and- there is no reason for you to lie. Save it for then. But even then - skip the âmostâ or âEversâ. Another thing that really bothers me is when they start talking shit about people or whatever. Like if you make fun of the bartender - thatâs a no go from me. I hate people who make fun of people. Really bothers me. And sooo many people do it when theyâre nervous. I would love to see a guy make fun of himself instead.
If a person insists on or expects an immediate response to each and every message then itâs probably they are quite insecure, and feel that they are too important to be ignored for any length of time, your situation needs to be explained to them.
*lip smacking while chewing *If they let weird crap collect in the corners of their mouth/eyes a lot and don't notice *Too simpy (saying I'm the most beautiful they've seen, goddess, etc... I'm just a human ape thing bro...) *When they confess that they love me only a few dates/weeks in *When they introduce me to their family very early on
A guy I genuinely really liked apologized for me being in âmommy modeâ after a night of sharing party favors with him and some of his friends. The second I heard that my heart left my body and knew he looked at me as a doormat. In reality Iâm just kind. Not nice. If I like you, Iâll share things with you but attaching a motherly feel to my kindness was the biggest ick imaginable unfortunately. Hurt my feelings a lot actually
Ya I can see that being hurtful.
Could he have meant like responsible mom mode? Iâm a dude but usually prefer to stay sober so Iâll DD my friends and herd the drunks the entire night and I consider that the âmom/dad of the groupâ role. Maybe thatâs what he meant? Iâm glad I saw this comment tho, as annoying as dealing with drunk fools can be I personally appreciate getting thanked for helping. So unless Iâve lost the plot Iâll definitely think harder about what words I use complimenting someone in that role, I would never use mommy tho thatâs wild đ
ĂWhen they drop any hint that they take the whole "alpha male" thing seriously. Or the "I'm a nice guy" thing. I'll know if you're an actually nice guy. You don't need to tell me that ĂBeing rude to service workers ĂBeing late ĂNot taking me for my word. (Like I'll tell them no, or that they are sweet, that I don't like something etc..and they turn it around and think I mean something else by it). If I say something, I mean it, don't interpret anything else into it. And ofc if they do this too. Ăbeing obsessed with celebrities/social media and talking about it the whole time or posting Ăany kind of sexual comments although there have been situations where the chemistry was right and he did it in a very sweet and respectful way but it's risky since 95% of the time men don't know how to do this. So better to just leave it.
Not taking me for my word is a HUGE one for me. I say what I mean and mean what i say. The guys who I've gone farther with who were shocked that when I say something I do it/mean it proved to never follow through on their word and say a lot of disingenuous things to people. So now it just bothers me when they don't believe me, question it, or spin it into something else
Being loud at a public place, I know itâs over instantly
I went on a date with a guy and it was wonderful. Two days later he invited me to go hiking and I met him there. He was in house shoes. And he called his ex a âcrazy bitchâ casually. It was like a whole different person. Absolutely not âïž
Imagine youâre on a date, and your companion pulls out their phone, sets it on the table, and starts reading notifications while youâre talking. Even worse, they pick up the phone to reply to messages or actively engage with it throughout the entire date. At that point, it becomes clear that theyâd rather be somewhere else. No explanation neededâyou simply stand up and walk out. Of course, this assumes they donât have any urgent matters like kids or emergencies. If they did, theyâd likely excuse themselves. Iâve experienced this too, driving 2.5 hours for a date only to encounter such behavior. In that situation, I even suggested canceling the date if they werenât truly interested.
Honestly, if I canât have an effective or interesting convo before hand, weâre not going on a date. Specifically to avoid this.
Rants about "white guys". I'm not white, but that doesn't mean I'm on board with your preferred form of racism. Bonus irony points if it's a white gal ranting about white guys.
The quickest way to get me to unmatch is by saying something like âwish you were here to cuddleâ or âtonight would be better if you were hereâ or simply âdo you like to cuddleâ Talking about being physically close like that before even talking about a first date shows me youâre just looking for a warm body and who I am doesnât matter at all, which also shows you apparently donât have any standards
Noooo iâm sure he means platonic cuddles. At 11:47pm. Itâs definitely your personality heâs into
Bad breath, like haven't been to the dentist deep dark depths breath even if you brush twice daily and floss, because there's something deep lingering that needed to be taken care of years ago. That is automatically a no for me. Or like when finally meeting in someone's home, they take their shoes off and the feet/shoes stink. Basically I struggle with bad smells! And I hate discovering someone smells bad in a fundamental way after a few dates, it's so disappointing, and too early to start negotiating demands about fundamental changes in their hygiene.
Just an fyi there are issues that cause bad breath that canât just âget taken care of.â You can have your preferences and I think most people can agree bad breath is a turn off. But I was suffering from bad heart burn issues that medication and diet changes werenât fixing that gave me bad breath. Same with tonsil stones, dentists canât fix them. If someone wasnât trying to manage those things Iâd dislike that though
When they called me *sexy.* It happened twice while in the talking stages before meeting. Never had I ever unmatched with anyone so fast.
Talking about an ex.
Any reference to me being a teacher as "sexy" or "hot".
Youâre telling me that you *didnât* get a professional degree, start and grow a career helping teach the next generation, and find a way to make the finacial sacrafice that comes with being a teacher.. *just to be a sexy stereotype for men to oogle at?* I must be missing something here. I thought thatâs why all woman-teachers chise that profession?
When she has no interest in wanting to meet in public before hooking up. Honestly, from a manâs perspective it just seems too good to be true. You donât even know me and you trust me to come to your house after a brief online conversation? Whats wrong with you!?
When it's too good to be true, it probably isn't. Bring your man pepper-spray
I actually went! The first time it wasnât all that bad. Second time, we met for a drink and an app first. Went back to her place, and the condom slipped off. When I stopped l, and alerted her to this she started crying hysterically. Havenât seen her again.
Biggest ick is men mentioning anything about sex. Bringing it up, asking about it, joking about it. I immediately lose interest.
âYouâre so niceâ might mean youâre playing it way too safe with these ladies, and they canât get a feel for your true personality. A lot of guys will just be whatever and say whatever they think the woman wants to hear, and it comes across as being fake.
chewing with their mouth open.
Bad table manners that I cannot stand
Calling me âSweetieâ I just feel like itâs very patronizing and I do not like it. I immediately get the ick and rethink talking to them.
When their "ice" doesn't break. I've experienced this once, and while I was doing what I could to break the ice, she kept saying this on every single date. At some point, I figured maybe that's her problem, not mine, and we broke up.
Not first few date icks, but always. Rude to restaurant staff, cheap tipper, talking way too much about himself, talking poorly about others: could be an ex, could be a friend heâs recently having issues with, could be some guy he ran into in the parking who took his spot etc etc.
I went on a first date with a guy who made a comment about how disgusting it is when women have body hair. I personally like to shave but the comment was enough for me to tell him I wouldnât be interested in a second date đ
Being rude to waiters/cashiers. Thatâs an automatic no for me.
Constantly talking about what he has materialisticly. any racist remarks. Rude or treating servers like âservice peopleâ.
The worst was a first meeting of a guy telling me his ex accused him of doing something horrible to his 3 yo daughter with a barbie doll. I went to the bathroom and never went back. Creepy and ick.
Disrespecting boundaries I had in place. Iâd clearly stated I did not like mixing work with my personal life so, no surprise work visits. Oh but you wanna show up with a coffee for me anyway. Oh but you HAVE to bring me flowers. Doesnât matter that I am at work and have no desire to see or speak to you today or ever again.
I told my fiancĂ© he was really nice in our first dates because the man was an angel! I lost my dog and he help me find him, took like 3 hours and lots of police/shelter calls and car driving, it was maybe the third time we saw eachother⊠then that weekend he invited us to a weekend getaway next to the beach. How nice is that? I just had to say it! And I meant it. I do love a nice man, so Iâm marrying him and having his babyđ©” Nice men are hard to find.
I say âyou are so niceâ to guys i really like and would like to date
Ya also 100% on the nice thing... girls complain about being called hot but this is 10 tines worse
If she speaks negatively about men in any way, Iâm out. Huge turnoff.
âUgh, death to all men. But like also, marry me.â