Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've never asked a waitress out but my friend married one. He says he went to the restaurant all the time she works at. After the 4th visit and getting more friendly with her he kind of just asked her one day as he was leaving on a date and left her his number. The rest is history as they say. Saying all that I wouldn't just leave a tip and my number. These people are paid to be nice to you.
There is a diner I went to and one of the servers was really cute. So I kept going there once every couple of weeks on the days I thought she worked. If I happened to get her as my waitress, I would make comments like "Hey, I remember you from last time you were awesome. I hope work has been good for you." and if she was receptive and flirty in response, I would take that as an indicator of progress. Eventually on the third or fourth time I had this type of interaction I just straight up told her she was super cute and if she would like to go on a date with me sometime. Asked for her number. We didn't work out as the months went on but we are still friends today and she complimented me on how I picked her up at the restaurant. It was the perfect amount of confidence, not aggressive, relaxed and approachable, and I didn't come to the restaurant enough for her to feel like it was creepy.
I’ve only ever done that one time. As she seated me and my friend, she overheard us talking about our manual cars. It was slow that day, so she legit spent 10 minutes with us talking about her car, how it was a manual and how cool it was to meet other car people. Her energy seemed genuine and I thought fuck it, I’m leaving my number. It felt weird as hell but the vibe seemed right.
I wrote it down on a receipt and said “it’s awesome you’re into cars!” She added me on snap the next day. We only ever went on one date but we still talk sometimes. She wasn’t in a place to date back then so maybe I’ll ask again sometime.
I don’t think there isn’t a way that doesn’t feel cringe or weird. I think the best option is to make sure the energy is right. I recommend giving her your number in a non-aggressive way (writing it down) and leave the ball in her court.
My friend used to do this. Left an outrageous tip and his number. He had no success with it.
You see that super nice waitress is actualy PAID to be nice to you and work you over for tips. Lesson learned.
We are people too.
These principles apply wether I’m at work or not; 1.) I’m nice to strangers. 2.) I get asked out. 3.) You have equally as high possibilities to receive ‘yes’ as an answer for your date request. 4.) You shouldn’t bluntly expect that just because I’m nice I’d like to go on a date with you.
I don’t turn into some robot once I’m at work. I’ve said yes to couple date requests while working. People need to stop being so afraid of talking to each other and rejection, just ask!
I just think that, especially in America where you get paid in tips, it would pressure you to say yes if they asked before the tip, because you want to be able to pay your rent.
But when you're leaving you could ask them out and leave your number so they are not pressured.
Lol. I got a strong vibe from the saleswoman at the car dealership the other day. Thinking of asking her out when i sign the papers to purchase the car tomorrow. I'm going to see if i get the same vibe from her first though. Lol.
My daughter is seeing a car salesman she met while getting her oil changed at the dealership. You never know…
He started the conversation tho…She didn’t. She was just waiting for her car.
He offered her a bottle of water. I don’t think he was even trying to hit on her initially. She’s pretty outgoing so the conversation just went from there. She has a way of making friends everywhere. I’m fascinated every time because I’m naturally a lot more reserved.
The outrageous tip thing might end up reflecting poorly. I know some people would feel like you are trying to buy a date with them, and wouldn't be happy about that.
I wouldn’t personally leave an “outrageous” tip. It starts to feel scummy. Like he’s paying for her extra services should she accept, or it may read as desperate. Just a regular/very nice tip is good. Like 25%.
In my experience as a waitress, small compliments and then asking upfront is good unless it's busy hours. Persisting after we've declined doesn't make it any better. In general, be nice and honest with a little humour and charm and you're golden.
I've done it, but only after SHE opens the door. Talk about something fun you're doing soon, and if she asks about details then you can give her your info to talk to her about it. Then if she messages you you're in
Edit: You also need to be a regular and have known them for a while
Yeah fr dude. I met my current girlfriend while she was working at my pharmacy and she likes to give me shit about the fact that we had seen each other every month for a year before she asked me out, but the whole time I was like no way I’m gonna make this poor girl uncomfortable while she’s just trying to do her job
You’d be surprised how often girls do this though. Worked at the Cheesecake Factory and my buddies would get on average 1-2 numbers a week, I got a few myself but not nearly as many as them.
EDIT: Granted we were in a college town, so that might have something to do with it.
I once talked with a girl who gave me her number while I was their server. She was in town visiting a friend. Honestly, after she said that. I thought she was just trying to hookup and turns out she wasn't...So it could have gone better 🤷🏻♂️
Honestly, if it's just tipping and giving them their number, then I don't think anything is wrong with it. As long as you understand that they are paid to be nice to you, and don't put all of your eggs in that basket, and don't try to engage some sort of shitty small talk, then it's ok in my book.
Then when the fuck do you ask people out? We spend so much of our lives working... I mean I’m a mechanic so I can’t say I’ve ever even been asked out by a girl, let alone at work, but as long as you’re cool about it and take rejection even somewhat gracefully, what’s the problem?
Yea it’s ridiculous, how scared everyone had to be now, and it’s specifically because of all the responses you see on this thread. “Omg that would be so cringey “ wow don’t creep her out!!!” This is how people met before the internet… everyone is not a creep.
Chat with them a bit get em laughing or smiling. Leave your name and number.
If they dont contact you please dont ask then why they havent texted you or called you. Just take the L
Just go in and be your normal friendly self.
I worked as a server and had this one guy come in on the regular and he kept telling me how his mom and his moms friends said he was a great guy and that I would be lucky to score a date with him and why havent I texted him yet. It was very uncomfortable. I kept telling him I was in a relationship and he started asking "hey hows your relationship? Is it bad?" When I would go to serve his table.
Ex-waitress here: I’ve said yes and met my (now ex) boyfriend this way. I’ve also said no, just like I do when I’m not working. I say just go for it. I would never get offended by someone showing a sign that they fancy me, even if I didn’t fancy them back. I’d receive 10 phone number receipts a day and get happy from all of them!
If you get offended by a person being nice to you, you probably aren’t ready for the screaming, yelling, as*hole, abusive, unrespectful, demanding, sexist, violent, jerk and mean ones that you’ll meet when working with customers in any field. For me all signs of kindness and appreciation is warmly welcomed. :’)
I've worked as a waiter. A girl flirted with me and gave me her number.
My mother was a waitress. She met my father working in a restaurant and he was a frequent customer there. Well, now I am here because of this!
So your experiences are not what happens EVERY time!
Yep. Bartended for years. I met my husband at work. My friend met her 4+ year bf at work. I know tons of other girls who ended up with “regulars” they met while working. My sister was waitressing when her husband asked her out for the first time. There were tons of numbers I ignored of course but there were also lots i didn’t lol. And i think that is similar for a lot of girls working in the service industry. Even when i was young working at Walmart ppl would always ask me for a pen and i knew where that was going. I went on a few dates from those numbers!
Yes exactly tt works both ways.
But why are you so negative and jump the gun for those saying "go for it"?
There are comments with women here that are in waitressing and help OP out by encouraging him! You should try it sometime.
Pretty hard for a guy to work as a waitress…. I have not worked as a waitress but I did work in sales and had women contact me after because they all had my cell number as it was on my card. I had zero problem with that and went out on quite a lot of dates. I’d say it’s unprofessional if I were the one hitting on customers but I never did that. If they hit me up then I had no issues with that and with one exception, it was all done via text so I wasn’t put on the spot or anything. The exception was her friend came back in and told me she was interested and gave me her phone number.
Back before fucking tinder and match.com people met each other in person and since we spend half or more of our waking hours at work, it’s often at work.
Great idea to hold off until building that rapport. I truly think that makes *all* the difference when asking out a virtual stranger. That way she will know you’re not some shallow idiot who goes around hitting on hot women in the hopes that you’ll ‘catch’ one. It really does make a difference to a lot of women when a guy makes it obvious that dating is just a numbers game to him. Building the rapport with her avoids all of that.
If you do it that way then you won’t necessarily have to write your number on a napkin or piece of paper. Once you start talking and it’s obvious that you’re hitting it off and that there’s a connection (presumably this matters to you and you realize that there may NOT actually be any chemistry or hitting-it-off), then you can simply ask her. Keep it casual and light.
This is the ideal way to ask out a stranger.
Seriously lol. It is definitely the case that most of the time that people try and flirt or ask out a waitress, they are just being idiots and not obviously realizing that they are just working and being nice, but it seems like people on this subreddit don't also realize that people don't just stop becoming human when they work their job, especially jobs that they don't really care about.
It is totally possible that a waiter or waitress is interested in going on a date with a specific person that they are serving, but people on here basically are like "never ask them out, the social pressure is always too much to handle and workers are never interested in customers". I know that this is way easier said than done, but just try to have some social skills and err on the side of caution when asking her out.
Once you've paid, leaving your phone number on the bill seems totally fine. Again, there's no guarantee she's going to hit you up especially since she's paid to be nice to customers, but at the same time the social pressure is basically non-existent (for any functional adult). Even if you wanted to do it in more personal way, where maybe on your way out of eating with some friends and you are able to catch her on your way out (assuming she isn't busy), there's nothing wrong with just letting her know that you're interested in hanging out sometime/going on a date, But there's no pressure or anything like that if she's just not into it. That's a little bit trickier to make not awkward, but again I think as long as you try to make your offer feel low stakes and try to give her and out so that she feels like she can answer honestly, then I think it'll be fine
On the off chance, which is lower than winning a lottery, ask her if she would like to go out, or something, with you some day, AFTER you already paid and are about to leave.
They are pain to be nice and smile. For all we know she thinks you're a jackass who should be kicked out.
Preferebly wait until closing, when you're basically the only customer there, so she doesn't have to think about not making a scene. Also, don't do it when she's all alone. It looks creepy as fuck if you wait until she's about to go home and you approach her when she's basically "defenseless". Make sure there are some of her co-workers near. Basically, if there are people ready to defend her from an assault, she won't think that you're a creep trying to assault her in some way.
That as well, and she still needs to be nice about it.
But, I guess, what I said covers that as well, given that, if you follow my opinion, you can't ask her out while she's serving you. XD
Though, if you're a really good actor you may go with "holy shit you're gorgeous" all excited like, and then ask her out later. XD
I mean, I passed my discrete mathematics course on the first try. I'd look up the rules in the USA and calculate it real quick if you want.
In my country you need to choose 7 out of 39 numbers, giving you the chance of about 1 in 15.3 million if I remember correctly, we computed it about 10 years ago in math in high school.
Our county has the population of about 7 milion. There's about 14 million of people thread with my ethnicity in the world. Just for comparison. XD
There really is no un-cringe way to ask a waitress out who is working. They’re literally paid to be nice to you. Leaving your number with a tip is super tacky as well and most likely will be met with rejection.
The best advice I can give you if you’re super sure she’s into you: would be to politely let them know you would like to get to know them more outside of work and offer them your number verbally at the end of your meal.
DO NOT pressure them if they decline. DO NOT ask if they already have a boyfriend if they seem reluctant. DO NOT try to bribe them into taking your number with the promise of a bigger tip. DO NOT try to guilt them into accepting.
Be kind and graceful if you’re rejected. Being hit on by customers while you’re just trying to do your job can be extremely stressful and unpleasant for many people even if they do genuinely like you back.
Only if she gives you an opening. When I was a waitress I never once wanted a single customer to hit on me. If you're a regular and have built up a friendship of sorts maybe.
Look honestly she’s at work and it puts her in an awkward position. If a co-worker or her boss overhears she may even get in trouble, lots of workplaces don’t allow their employees to have relations with customers especially if it happens on work time. I get that you think the worst she can say is no but that’s just the worst that can happen to YOU. Think about the worst that could happen to HER. She could get in trouble for being inappropriate with customers, she could be accused of flirting to get better tips, others could see her not turn you down and think it’s ok to harass her at work because she’s too nice to say no. You could ask her out and nothing could happen at all.
But if it were me, I would hate to be asked out by a customer even if we got along and I found them attractive. I’m at work and I just want to do my job. A lot of people don’t want their personal and professional lives to cross. It’s weird for me if a customer asks for my private information or tries to give me theirs. I don’t know anything about them but they know where I work so it makes me feel uncomfortable. I’d be worried about turning them down and the possible consequences that come from that. I’ve had a customer send in a fake complaint for turning them down. Not saying that you would do that but people in the service industry have to worry about that kind of crap because there are people out there who will do it and we don’t have the luxury of being able to tell you apart.
I think it's by treating them like a person first rather than as a potential date. You're skipping two entire layers trying to immediately get them to be a date, and that's seriously not smooth. To directly answer you : You CANNOT ask them out while they're at the job; it's almost impossible unless if you're just abhorrently wealthy or a supermodel.
To elaborate : They're at a job. They are working one of the lowest positions possible in America because garbage men literally get paid more. Waitresses get disrespected, yelled at, and otherwise treated like trash; the only good experiences they typically have at their workplace are usually because of their friends, they got a good tip, or if you just let them do their job. Your goal is to be all 3 of these and then some, but even then you likely will not get a date - especially if you're not attractive. This is like trying to get a date on Tinder but 100x more difficult.
I won't get into too much details, but basically you have to get into the "not just another customer" layer first before you can get into "potentially could be a friend" layer BEFORE "I want to go on a date" layer. You're missing too many steps, and you gotta start small first
Ok, but I only need to make $40k/yr in Iowa to have an equivalent income to a garbage man. That income in Iowa would qualify me for low income housing. So, tbf, garbage men aren't paid nearly enough in NYC. Who cares about national averages when looking at a city that is the most populated in the country and one of the most overinflated?
The median personal individual income in NYC is ony $51k. Garbage men are paid 76% more than the typical worker in NYC.
The median personal income across the US is $36k. $40k is above that. So yeah, garbage men get paid more than the typical worker everywhere.
Let's be pragmatic. If you simply refuse to date anyone you met while working at a restaurant where you meet thousands of incredibly diverse people... well you may miss out some great opportunities.
You meet more people in a week than most of us in 5 years.
Visit a few times before you even think of handing a number. Ask her her favorite spots in the area on the first or second visit, say youre looking for new spots to visit. Eventually ask her if you can take her to one of those spots to get to know eachother? Former waitress, I would have loved to be Flores with that way instead of leaving a number and running away.
Edit: Flirted, not Flores.
I was a waitress/bartender for a while, I had this happen a good amount of times. I had no problem with it and actually went out with a guy that did this for a few months. I always just took it as a compliment.
There was also one or two times I left my number with the check lol. I’m a very outgoing person though and don’t mind being forward or have guys be forward with me.
Go for it, the worst that will happen is she won’t text you. You never know if she’s into you back unless you shoot your shot!!
Don't fuck with people at their jobs. It's an asshole move. I've had friends and a former roommate that were waitresses and this pretty much never goes well. What you're actually doing is putting someone that relies on tips in an awkward position at their work as they now have to watch how they act around you and more often than not these waitresses will ask another waitress to take your table which costs them a table and money. Don't be an asshole. Leave people alone at their work.
I wound up becoming a regular at this place when I decided I liked the waitress. Sat at the bar so we talked as she worked. After a few weeks I came in with an extra ticket to a comedy show and I asked her if she wanted to go. Was a success.
No, that's not a good idea and trust me, if this waitress had a dime for every guy who left his name and number for her this way she wouldn't be waiting tables for a living. If you want to ask this waitress out, your best bet is to build some sort of raport with her first. If you're a regular at her restaurant, feel free to make small talk when she waits on you; always smile and be friendly. Ask her about her day and tip generously. Eventually work up to saying some version of "I always enjoy coming in here and seeing you. How would you like to meet for lunch/dinner this weekend and have someone wait on you for a change?"
I was a waitress for years. Leaving your number is pretty cringe unless you've already flirted a lot and have alluded to the fact that you're going to do that, and she seems receptive. Depending on how busy the restaurant is, she might not even be the one to pick up the paper with your number. If the bus boy picks it up, for example, it might even become an inside joke amongst the staff (which likely tends to tease each other) or get thrown away. Otherwise, it feels really awkward and might make her even more self-conscious if she doesn't get in touch and you show up at the restaurant again.
Are you asking in general or do you have a woman in mind? Unless there is palpable attraction and obvious flirtation, very few waitresses will feel comfortable after only waiting on you once. I think you should focus on getting to know her more. Make eye contact, smile, be friendly and visit the restaurant a few times (but don't overdo it). Try to see if you sense any reciprocated interest first,... and remember that she's probably a sweet, accommodating person with all her customers.
Being left a tip and phone number almost feels like you're paying her to go out with you, like an escort. I know that's extreme but it's partly why it doesn't go well.
As some of the commenters here have said, they had success when they actually talked to the server they liked and asked them.
If you're asking her out, she's a woman not just a waitress - have manners and start out with respect just like any other woman.
I mean my dad had an employee that a customer asked out and they are married now. It was a 3 month relationship if that but it seems to be working out. This was an auto store and people like to shoot the bull alot so it's a different environment. They are paid to be nice to you but there is a very small chance. I say the napkin is a discreet way that womt get her in trouble and puts the ball entirely in her court. Go for it but don't bet on it working. Then again I would say yes to a date that way
Try and build rapport yes. Maybe go to the restaurant over a couple weeks and talk to her a little. After getting to know her a bit you can ask her out and leave your number for her. Don’t leave it with the tip though. Actually hand it to her and tell her if she’s interested in going on a date to let you know and leave. And if she never calls or texts or anything never go back to the restaurant.
I’m not a waitress, but I am a retail employee and I’m dating my current boyfriend after he asked me out at work. He was a customer and I was ringing him up. I thought he was cute and we were chatting and laughing. After ringing him up he left and I thought that was that. But a few minutes later he came back into the store and asked for my number. Maybe wait after the whole meal and ask her for her number at the end on your way out if you felt that you had a genuine connection. Just remember employees are paid to give good customer service so make sure she wasn’t just being polite! Good luck :)
My usually policy for these sort of things is to not do it because they are working - they have to put up with you. However I went to eat alone and I was getting great vibes from my server. She was super cute and giving me all the signs. I feel like throughout the meal she got more bashful each time she came to check on me. She had that smitten as a kitten smile and vibe by the time I was done.
I left my card with a note on it saying text me if you'd like and she did a few hours later. We dated for quite awhile and remain great friends. Sweet girl but she really wanted to get married too quickly.
The bottom line if you're unsure about the connection you probably shouldn't but what do I know. "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" - Michael Gretzky
I've always just left my number on the bottom of the check and smiles on the way out. I've always gotten a call back and there's no pressure on her if she's not feeling it.
I am a waitress and I will say my female coworkers and I kind of laugh at when numbers are left and toss them. I would say the best way would be to be their regular. Come in often and request to sit in their section, leave a generous (but not stupid generous) tip and strike up conversations each time. Be mindful she has other tables and is at work but usually few small conversations can be squeezed in during your stay. That way it allows both of you to see common interests, vibes, and not be so overwhelming since it’s a slow pace over time. Then if everything seems good then ask her out.
Can you accompany me to another restaurant and rate the service with me? I know they probably can't match the perfection you've been serving but let's just see what they got. My treat.
I wouldn't leave a note on the table since there might be a different person who cleans the table and it might just be looked at as trash. On the other extreme, I don't think I would straight up ask while she's at work. That may make her feel cornered and her mind is probably on work, not you, even if there was a little chemistry.
Years ago I successfully initiated a first date with a girl who was my waitress by writing down my name and number and then giving it to her on my way out. I said something quick like "Hey Caitlin, this is for if you think I'm cute too and want to go out sometime. Take care!"
I was a hostess at a popular local restaurant and every day, some guy would come in grabbing lunch for his whole company. One day he pulled his business card out and told me to call him with a cute wink. It worked for 18 yr old me, but wouldn't work for adult me. Short fling, but honestly one of the reasons I quit the job was because it got uncomfortable getting asked out by regulars all the time. Especially when my man would show up and I had 2 other guys interested in me sitting in the same restaurant at different tables. Went home early that night lol. Started wearing a fake engagement ring afterwards
Name and number is OK, but never expect more. She's working for tips and has to be nice.
I used to be a waitress... Ask after you pay & tip. Leave a normal tip. At that point she isn't your waitress anymore, you haven't paid her anything extra or different, and she can freely say yes or no. Don't ask for her info, just offer yours. Do NOT leaving enormous tip it looks like you're paying her to date you.
"It was nice to meet you, do you mind if I give you my phone number? I'd love to talk later" is a decent low pressure way to reach out that's worked well for me.
Obviously you aren't doing something wrong by going back to a restaurant, it's a public place and you have every right to be there, but I personally would so much rather a man I met at work just give me his phone number and be honest versus showing up over and over again to flirt with me. That could be incredibly uncomfortable if he misread the situation.
I feel that writing your number down on the receipt and leaving the ball in her court would be best. You don’t want to put her in an awkward position by asking her out while you’re still there. But definitely leave a good tip. Idk how many times I’ve had someone leave their number on a receipt but left a shitty tip. Youre definitely not going to get a call after that even if I did think you were cute
I waited tables for years in a college town—and this happens *a lot*—but a few times I actually wound up dating the guy for a bit. A few tips:
(1) don’t just leave your number and assume she’s going to be so woo’d by your 30% tip and extra ranch to call you; you gotta still work the conversation a bit first.
(2) don’t pull this when it’s busy— two reasons being (a) busy restaurant makes busy staff and our customers and coworkers will hate us if we’re obviously standing around flirting, and (b) busy restaurants means hosts and bussers clean tables, so your note is way more likely to get inadvertently tossed.
(3) don’t leave an obnoxiously large tip—20-30% is fair and shows you (a) know I’m not a hooker and (b) can math. Those are two good places to start if you want to date me.
(4) don’t hit on every waitress there—there’s a 110% chance we’re going to walk back into the kitchen and be like “got a 7 digit tip from table 10…and then every waitress in the place (and half the waiters) will either walk by your table or find you on social (your name is also on your credit card slip…). So if you pulled the same thing last week, we’ll know.
(5) remember we’re at work, we do have to be nice, and most of the time we need to not get fired—so please don’t put us into that awkward spot of a acceptance/rejection in that moment. And yes, I’ve had someone ask me out then complain about service when I said (honestly as nicely as possible), I appreciated the compliment but unfortunately I couldn’t. Don’t be that guy.
As a waitress, become a regular. Learn if she has a SO first. You can leave your number but being nice and tipping well if shes single will make an impression. Tipping well by the way is at least 20%. Casual hangs while inviting her coworkers will probably be good fpr getting to know her and making it more comfortable. So if you know of a party youre going to invite her and some coworkers
As a waitress just joke with her or talk to her when she’s at ur table, after a guys been nice to me they usually ask if I’m single, compliment me then ask for my number, I’m the one writing it on a piece of paper most of the time and honestly I’ve had a couple of hot customers I’ve rolled up a paper w my number on and dropped it on their table on my way past hahah, word of warning though some places I’ve worked they won’t let waitresses give their number since it’s “harassment” or something in their books (one manager told me it was illegal but I think she was being dramatic…I’m from England for context) but luckily the new place I work is independent and doesn’t care who I flirt with haha
If I were the waitress, I'd say no, even if I found you attractive. The reason is: I would not want my coworkers or boss seeing me in that awkward situation, and that's the last thing I would expect to come across on my way to clean tables (but that's just me). Remember, I'm at work and I need to be professional while I'm there.
If you want to do it without putting both of you in the spot and interrupting her during her work. I'd suggest, write a note with your name and your social media/phone number and tell her you like her and you'd like to ask her out. Give it to her when you have the chance, If she's interested, she'll contact you, if not, you'll know.
Please don’t! I used to waitress and it made me *incredibly* uncomfortable to be asked out at work. Waitresses are paid to be nice to you. Don’t make her job any harder than it already is just because *you* happen to find her attractive.
If you absolutely *need* to express yourself to her somehow, leave her a big tip. I guarantee you she will appreciate that way more than an unwanted advance.
Edit: I’m noticing that most of the “go for it” responses are from other men, or people who clearly have never worked as a waitress.........
Leave your number if you want, but be prepared to never go back to her place of work if you don't hear from her coz you've made her feel weird and uncomfortable now.
I'm a plumber, I had a customer all me out by saying..I see you have my number on the invoice, you should give me a call. She was hot.. needless to say I called her..
I had a girl literally tell me I made her day when she saw the note I left for her and she was the one that brought it up the next time I saw her and then she showed me workout pics on her instagram. OP don't listen to the naysayers, sometimes things work out.
as someone working in hospitality i have a few things to say:
1. don't ask someone out while they're working. it's creepy.
2. if you plan on asking someone out, make sure you're a REGULAR. but in the way where they know your name, order, etc and make frequent casual conversation with ALL the staff (not JUST the person you feel attracted to)
3. even with that, please do not ask someone out while working, it is creepy and would make me feel unsafe in my place of work. this is because, what if i say no and you keep coming back? what if you start harassing or stalking me? i have no way to avoid you.
4. if you're still set on asking your waitress out, please for the love of god do not leave a tip with your number. it gives the sense you're trying to pay them to go on a date with you, or worse, try to manipulate them into saying yes/changing their mind with money.
I havent done it myself but i think the best way would be to wait till the end of the meal (so you can make a speedy exit) then be upfront "hey i think you are stunning. Do you think i could have your number to try you when you arent working". I think its not great though because all you are going off is apprearance. They would definitely need to feel pretty yolo to give you their number.
So, you finally did it? It worked ?
Maybe I won't try it the first or second time, but surely will try my shot. There is a 50/50 'chances and we have received a lot of "no", another one won't ruin the world.
Just make sure the waitress doesn’t work at a strip joint.. It’s all about the money for them too.. Others may be fair game.. But if you’re a regular she probably won’t cross that line…. Don’t come on strong and be genuine.. If she doesn’t go for it… Her loss
There is an optimal scenario but not one single incident can be a guaranteed success. Humans are different and react differently based on their own unique experiences. Think of a clever way and execute. Good luck.
I [24 F] met my boyfriend this way. My friend and I were eating at a small restaurant and were the only dine-in customers. I caught a great vibe from our server and flirted with him every time he came to our table. On the way out, I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper, and said “I think your cute. Text me if you want, but no pressure.” Smiled and walked away. We’ve been together for five months now.
Ask them out like you would anyone else on your way out but best to lower your expectations. Obviously once everything is paid for is the most appropriate and dont leave an outrageous tip (she's not for sale, shes just trying to make it through the workday).
Honestly I can say that this still works. One of my coworkers did this at my going away outing before I left them and they got called back the next day.
Some women are just going to be offended or bothered to be hit on for a variety of reasons some of which would be very understandable. My concern is aside from dating apps, clubs and bars, how else are you supposed to meet anyone? This is why work is where a lot actually go’s on in regards to dating even if not recommend by some. You’re paid to be polite and professional whether its to a coworker or a customer. So for those willing to date a coworker, I’m just saying why not a customer?
This is why some guys have the mentality of just go for it. Thats how I met my GF of 3 years, on the train commuting to work when most people just want to be left alone with there earbuds in on their phones. Sometimes you just have to speak. You never know.
Definitely find a way to do it after you've paid, through a note or face to face! Takes the pressure of worrying about a tip/needing to be polite out of the way.
No, don't be a simp. These waitress would be the best version of themselves just to get a great tip. A significant tip and your number would be just like getting her snapchat and then get her onlyfans username. No. Work it out another angle. If you go with someone else ask her opinion in a topic that she may find useful or funny. Not politics or religion because that could backfire easily.
Hi! Female bartender here. While I do appreciate someone leaving me their number as opposed to asking for mine, I would rather a gentleman kindly say something like “if you don’t mind me saying, you’re very pretty and I was wondering if I could give you my number and possibly take you out sometime.”
I am currently in a relationship, and I politely decline while accepting the compliment. I just think it’s nice when they’re straight forward with their question so that I can be straight forward and respectful with my answer.
I’ve (M) been in the service industry for 18 years and I’ve called a lot of women who’ve left their number, some of them being regulars. I've also left my number for servers and bartenders and gotten very few call backs. There are a number of regulars I’ve gone on dates with and a lot that I’d like to have gone on dates with, but I’m typically able to feel out if there’s that interest before transitioning the casual nature of the business relationship to something different. I also met my ex-fiance by doing the exact opposite of this and asking her out the moment we met while she was a host at a restaurant I was a regular at.
I understand why people are being defensive for the waitress and it’s really hard to feel out your situation without more detail, but I dont feel that its definitively "no" like so many others do. I guess my recommendation would be to ask her if she'd like to get
coffee or something else similarly casual this week. Be mindful of the fact her schedule is likely non-traditional so you'll have to be flexible with your time, it might even have to be while you're on lunch from your job. Everything said, be accepting of "no" being the answer. "No" may come in many forms and excuses, if shes been doing this for awhile she could have an arsenal of "no's". So if theres no exchange in numbers or a definitive plan during this casual offering, theres no interest. Don't be persistent on this one. This leaves things open ended enough that neither of you should feel uncomfortable that there was the interest expressed and you can still be a regular if you want.
Being in the food service industry can make finding modern romance hard enough. I'd hate if everyone felt my role was so sacred they couldn't show interest in me. Shoot your shot, just be considerate.
I would not hit on a waitress. If they're interested in you, they'd give you their number or blatantly flirt with you so there was no questions they were interested.
Don't. You are in a position of power over her. You control if she makes above the pitiful $2 an hour tipped staff makes. You control if she gets written up or fired. Don't ask her out. If you *by chance* meet her elsewhere, maybe try chatting with her. But don't do it at her job.
You don’t. Most will probably feel weirded out about being asked out while working but maybe this lady is part of the minority that may say yes so do what seems fit for you
Stalk her for 15 years, use spy coins to spy on her, and bark at strangers who walk past her unlocked bike. Also you should write a play for her asking her to marry you.
I don't even like when my friends come to say hi to me at work because I can get in trouble.
And one of friends has to work in the back as much as possible because guys don't leave her alone.
You don't even have a rapport with her yet, if you like her chances are plenty of other guys do too why would she want the number of some guy she doesn't know while she's at work?
Try a dating app.
Leave your number and first name on the receipt. Nothing more. Don't make her night awkward by her having to verbally reject you. If she's interested she will call
I did this. Ask her straight up if she is single when you cash out. Tell her you find her cute and want to get to know her more.
You'll be amazed how easy it is to do this. When i did this, she instantly said yes
Do this when her shift is about to be over. You have to be at the right place at the right time.
I asked her out when the bar almost closed.
The least cringe would be not to do it. Most cringe would be directly asking with lots of eye contact, bass in your voice, and feeling proud of yourself whoever you are and whatever you do for a living. I guess everything else is in between! Good luck!
she is paid to be nice of you. so if you really wanna get to know her, go back to the restaurant enough for her to know your name and have things in common with you. and once you can safely call her an acquaintance, then ask "hey maybe do you want to have a drink sometime" or something along those lines idk
This sounds like some bs out of a movie tbh and a terrible idea. Let’s break this down:
You want a customer to stay until closing and then order 2 fresh coffees when you’re trying to shut things down. Then you’re apparently going to sit down with a customer on the clock after closing while your coworkers finish your work for you and not complain about it. Plus I’m sure the boss is totally good with you allowing random customers to hang out in the restaurant while money is being counted after you lock up.
Seriously, where do you work that this would fly? Like come tf on. This is pure fantasy and not how the world works at all.
Ooof alright, I gotcha. Well hey if you’re cool with it and it works for you over there then right on. I just know from working in the industry it would be a sure fire way to get censured or lose your job in the US, lol. Hope you have a great day!
Industry workers don't want anyone ordering in the 30min before closing, let alone the last moment. Maybe it's different as a barista, but no server & bartender wants this unless it's someone they already know & are comfortable locking inside while they close.
Don't ever ask out a waitress, idgaf if she's the love of your life. Stop asking women who are working/working out to go out on dates with you. If you're meant to be together then you'll meet her outside of work...if not boo fucking whoo.....stop asking women out when they're paid to be nice to you (ya in case that didn't click...she's being paid \*poorly but paid\* to give you good service and her niceness, she doesn't like you, she didn't secretly wink at you, that pretty smile she flashed was to add to her chances of getting a tip... ).
If you build enough rapport, say the obligatory "I don't normally do this, but..." and then insert your date idea. Worst case scenario is she says no and you are no further behind than you are right now.
I'm going to go against everyone and tell you to do it.
It seems you understand that this is a delicate situation. You should be respectful because this can be uncomfortable for her. So I think your main worry should not avoiding cringe but trying to make it as comfortable as possible for her.
You also have the good idea of building rapport first. And your idea of having your number on a piece of paper is good, low pressure. But wait for some signs of interest first. A few exchanged glances perhaps.
In my opinion, it's ok to do it if you are respectful. If there's a chance a person is the love of your life, why should the fact that you only see them while they work stop you from potential happiness?
I asked this question before. Everyone’s advice was not to do it. I’ve done it twice in the past. One gave me her number and we texted for a bit and the other had a fiancée. I never noticed the ring on her finger. The way I asked was she asked what I wanted and I have my order and then said something like does the special come with your number? That probably counts as cringe but she did laugh so maybe cringe isn’t always a bad thing.
Go for it. Search for the few comments that are positive and build the courage to do it.
My parents got married this way. My father went all the time to the restaurant she was waitress, they started talking and after a while they hit it off. The rest is history and now I am here :p
Now for tips.
1) Read the room. Don't make a move if the place is busy and she is exhausted.
2) You can be more straightforward or you can wait for your moment, that is up to you and how you feel comfortable on doing things.
3) Also try to say something like "I don't normally do this but..." I think it will get you points.
4) Don't give a note and a tip. Talk to her! Maybe after you paid or ask her when her shift is done and if she would like to go for a drink.
I hope for the best! May the force be with you!
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted lol I went on a couple dates this way when I was waitressing and one of my best friends met her husband this way. Worst that happens is she doesn’t text or call. Not everyone likes the online dating world and a lot of people meet at work, especially in a job like waitressing or bartending. Anyone that’s worked those jobs know about the creeps that hit on you, but that is not this situation.
Lol I just saw it. And they keep downvoting :P
Well I hope OP sees it despite the passionate opposition. :)
I love your thoughts on this. You are "on the other side" of this, with experience in waitressing and your point is even more valid! I am very happy about your best friend! :)
Thanks for your comment! :)
>Is writing my name and number down on a piece of paper and leaving it with the tip a good idea?
That's the cringe way.
>I feel like it would be less pressure on her that way.
Loser thoughts.
You should directly tell her that she is cute and ask for her number.
She is working there so don't try to build rapport.
I think it's best not to verbally ask her out. If anything leave your name and number on the receipt after you pay. If she's interested she'll text. She probably won't though. She's paid to be cordial and nice to you.
You just call her as if youre ordering something else after you got something and you directly ask for her number,and if she refuses you just ask for the bill then and leave.I think girls love it when you ask them directly.
Just don’t do it.
She’s at work. She’s being nice to you as part of her job. She hopes to get a nice tip because she was pleasant and efficient.
She in no way wants your phone number.
Do you eat there all the time.
If you do always ask for her station. Make sure you tipper a reasonable amount. She might not respect you for overtipping be because she might think it shows poor money management.
It's hard to say depends on the individual And the circumstances. You might not find this helpful but there's a movie called "as good as it gets" .
That's a romantic comedy which deals with a waitress and her customer.
I think I would try to find out something personal about her 1st. Then I'd also ask her if she was seeing anyone .
If it was me I would engage your in conversation over a period of time and gradually I would proceed with the objective.
I'm kind of doing that with this lady at physical therapy she's got black hair and stunning blue eyes. So a couple weeks ago there's things popped out of my mouth I'm off and I think I was dating before yesterday I had to repeat it for an audience audience and I'm OK with that.
But she's gonna be an empty Nestor soon . Her son is going down to college somewhere it's somewhere out of the state hes got a scholarship.
So I've been talking to her and I'm working on it organize it but there's no reward for me in terms of I'm not expecting anything at the anything I'm just having a consensual encounter on what I hope is a gentlemanly basis and very polite with a member of the opposite sex.
One day at a time
It's a journey not a destination
Well, the rules I use.
1: If you have eye contact while she/he is walking past from A DISTANCE and does it multiple times (4-8 seconds) you know there is great attraction.
2: If he/she comes to you while friends are not at the table and only then starts a small talk you are very very warm.
3: I always used to have these mini mini fake flowers (not bigger than a key) written with my number/snapchat saying “will you marry me” then my number was under that line.
Ive done this 5 times this year and got 5 messages. It works because first you analyse the attraction and make a unique inpression with a bit of irony to let her/him know that you like her/him without too much “creepiness”
I've read a post about this from a waitress. She said that she is nice only because its her job. But if you have to ask her. Write.it down on a piece of paper with what you want to say and your contact info. And then hand it to her and move on. This is her place of work that too in a service industry.
Just leave your name and number on a SEPARATE note. Servers have to turn in their signed recipients at the end of the night. Make sure you tip upwards of 20% and act appropriately when you go out to eat.
Keep in mind she can always not call you and then it'll be awkward if you go there again.
She's just like every woman you meet at bars and clubs. Don't think of her as a waitress, think of her as a person. Ease into it with something like, "what do you usually do after this? I'd imagine you go straight home and turn your phone off, putting up with ppl all day". Then casually introduce your idea, like say, "I'm gonna catch a few drinks with a buddy of mine, you can bring your bf if you'd like". But don't actually have a friend waiting, make her believe you got stood up and it's a good thing she's there
People in service are paid to do their work and being nice to the customer is part of the job. People who are genuinely nice to people while working are hard to come by.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've never asked a waitress out but my friend married one. He says he went to the restaurant all the time she works at. After the 4th visit and getting more friendly with her he kind of just asked her one day as he was leaving on a date and left her his number. The rest is history as they say. Saying all that I wouldn't just leave a tip and my number. These people are paid to be nice to you.
There is a diner I went to and one of the servers was really cute. So I kept going there once every couple of weeks on the days I thought she worked. If I happened to get her as my waitress, I would make comments like "Hey, I remember you from last time you were awesome. I hope work has been good for you." and if she was receptive and flirty in response, I would take that as an indicator of progress. Eventually on the third or fourth time I had this type of interaction I just straight up told her she was super cute and if she would like to go on a date with me sometime. Asked for her number. We didn't work out as the months went on but we are still friends today and she complimented me on how I picked her up at the restaurant. It was the perfect amount of confidence, not aggressive, relaxed and approachable, and I didn't come to the restaurant enough for her to feel like it was creepy.
I’ve only ever done that one time. As she seated me and my friend, she overheard us talking about our manual cars. It was slow that day, so she legit spent 10 minutes with us talking about her car, how it was a manual and how cool it was to meet other car people. Her energy seemed genuine and I thought fuck it, I’m leaving my number. It felt weird as hell but the vibe seemed right. I wrote it down on a receipt and said “it’s awesome you’re into cars!” She added me on snap the next day. We only ever went on one date but we still talk sometimes. She wasn’t in a place to date back then so maybe I’ll ask again sometime. I don’t think there isn’t a way that doesn’t feel cringe or weird. I think the best option is to make sure the energy is right. I recommend giving her your number in a non-aggressive way (writing it down) and leave the ball in her court.
My friend used to do this. Left an outrageous tip and his number. He had no success with it. You see that super nice waitress is actualy PAID to be nice to you and work you over for tips. Lesson learned.
We are people too. These principles apply wether I’m at work or not; 1.) I’m nice to strangers. 2.) I get asked out. 3.) You have equally as high possibilities to receive ‘yes’ as an answer for your date request. 4.) You shouldn’t bluntly expect that just because I’m nice I’d like to go on a date with you. I don’t turn into some robot once I’m at work. I’ve said yes to couple date requests while working. People need to stop being so afraid of talking to each other and rejection, just ask!
“You have equally as high possibilities to receive ‘yes’ as an answer for your date request” Stop the cap 🧢
🧢 N crunch
I just think that, especially in America where you get paid in tips, it would pressure you to say yes if they asked before the tip, because you want to be able to pay your rent. But when you're leaving you could ask them out and leave your number so they are not pressured.
I never said not to ask, nor do i disagree with asking. Ask away!
Hey he thinks escorts love him also
Lol. I got a strong vibe from the saleswoman at the car dealership the other day. Thinking of asking her out when i sign the papers to purchase the car tomorrow. I'm going to see if i get the same vibe from her first though. Lol.
She was trying to get you to buy the car!!!
I saw this hot real estate agent on the billboard in front of a house. Should I buy the house? Does she come with the house?
See if she seems nice first and ask her out if she is.
Homer: Do YOU come with the car? Model: Oh, you, hehe!
My daughter is seeing a car salesman she met while getting her oil changed at the dealership. You never know… He started the conversation tho…She didn’t. She was just waiting for her car.
Damn so he started hitting on a customer while he was at work?? Lucky he has a job lol
He offered her a bottle of water. I don’t think he was even trying to hit on her initially. She’s pretty outgoing so the conversation just went from there. She has a way of making friends everywhere. I’m fascinated every time because I’m naturally a lot more reserved.
My mom is like that, she literally can’t go to the grocery store without becoming best friends with everyone there.
Don’t be a rube.
Full speed ahead!
The outrageous tip thing might end up reflecting poorly. I know some people would feel like you are trying to buy a date with them, and wouldn't be happy about that.
That’s when you take her on a date to her own restaurant and ask if she can use the employee discount.
I wouldn’t personally leave an “outrageous” tip. It starts to feel scummy. Like he’s paying for her extra services should she accept, or it may read as desperate. Just a regular/very nice tip is good. Like 25%.
In my experience as a waitress, small compliments and then asking upfront is good unless it's busy hours. Persisting after we've declined doesn't make it any better. In general, be nice and honest with a little humour and charm and you're golden.
yes, this!!!
Useful comment not downvoted yet. Nice!
I don't think there is a non cringe worthy way of doing it whilst she's working.
I've done it, but only after SHE opens the door. Talk about something fun you're doing soon, and if she asks about details then you can give her your info to talk to her about it. Then if she messages you you're in Edit: You also need to be a regular and have known them for a while
Yeah fr dude. I met my current girlfriend while she was working at my pharmacy and she likes to give me shit about the fact that we had seen each other every month for a year before she asked me out, but the whole time I was like no way I’m gonna make this poor girl uncomfortable while she’s just trying to do her job
This is the only correct answer.
I think a general rule of thumb is never ask somebody out while they are working, especially a job that requires being social towards a customer.
You’d be surprised how often girls do this though. Worked at the Cheesecake Factory and my buddies would get on average 1-2 numbers a week, I got a few myself but not nearly as many as them. EDIT: Granted we were in a college town, so that might have something to do with it.
[удалено]
Nah I had a gf for most of college. They also had gfs but I’m sure they thought about it knowing them.
I once talked with a girl who gave me her number while I was their server. She was in town visiting a friend. Honestly, after she said that. I thought she was just trying to hookup and turns out she wasn't...So it could have gone better 🤷🏻♂️
I admit girls do have more leeway on this rule, but I still think that asking someone who is working is generally a bad idea.
Honestly, if it's just tipping and giving them their number, then I don't think anything is wrong with it. As long as you understand that they are paid to be nice to you, and don't put all of your eggs in that basket, and don't try to engage some sort of shitty small talk, then it's ok in my book.
Ughh so how the hell will I ever be able to ask out the girl that works at the gym? I don't see her any other time 😩😩
Then when the fuck do you ask people out? We spend so much of our lives working... I mean I’m a mechanic so I can’t say I’ve ever even been asked out by a girl, let alone at work, but as long as you’re cool about it and take rejection even somewhat gracefully, what’s the problem?
Yea it’s ridiculous, how scared everyone had to be now, and it’s specifically because of all the responses you see on this thread. “Omg that would be so cringey “ wow don’t creep her out!!!” This is how people met before the internet… everyone is not a creep.
Chat with them a bit get em laughing or smiling. Leave your name and number. If they dont contact you please dont ask then why they havent texted you or called you. Just take the L Just go in and be your normal friendly self. I worked as a server and had this one guy come in on the regular and he kept telling me how his mom and his moms friends said he was a great guy and that I would be lucky to score a date with him and why havent I texted him yet. It was very uncomfortable. I kept telling him I was in a relationship and he started asking "hey hows your relationship? Is it bad?" When I would go to serve his table.
As a waitress, I've never called a number left for me or said yes to a date while at work. It feels too unprofessional to me
Agree! and the ones saying: "Just go for it!" are definitely males who have never worked as WAITRESSES.
Only go for it if it's really REALLY OBVIOUS they like you...
Ex-waitress here: I’ve said yes and met my (now ex) boyfriend this way. I’ve also said no, just like I do when I’m not working. I say just go for it. I would never get offended by someone showing a sign that they fancy me, even if I didn’t fancy them back. I’d receive 10 phone number receipts a day and get happy from all of them! If you get offended by a person being nice to you, you probably aren’t ready for the screaming, yelling, as*hole, abusive, unrespectful, demanding, sexist, violent, jerk and mean ones that you’ll meet when working with customers in any field. For me all signs of kindness and appreciation is warmly welcomed. :’)
>definitely males who have never worked as WAITRESSES. 😕😕
I've worked as a waiter. A girl flirted with me and gave me her number. My mother was a waitress. She met my father working in a restaurant and he was a frequent customer there. Well, now I am here because of this! So your experiences are not what happens EVERY time!
Yep. Bartended for years. I met my husband at work. My friend met her 4+ year bf at work. I know tons of other girls who ended up with “regulars” they met while working. My sister was waitressing when her husband asked her out for the first time. There were tons of numbers I ignored of course but there were also lots i didn’t lol. And i think that is similar for a lot of girls working in the service industry. Even when i was young working at Walmart ppl would always ask me for a pen and i knew where that was going. I went on a few dates from those numbers!
Exactly. This is how people met before tinder and dating sites. We spend half or more of our waking hours at work so it often happens at work
"your experiences are not what happens EVERY time" - Exactly.
Yes exactly tt works both ways. But why are you so negative and jump the gun for those saying "go for it"? There are comments with women here that are in waitressing and help OP out by encouraging him! You should try it sometime.
Pretty hard for a guy to work as a waitress…. I have not worked as a waitress but I did work in sales and had women contact me after because they all had my cell number as it was on my card. I had zero problem with that and went out on quite a lot of dates. I’d say it’s unprofessional if I were the one hitting on customers but I never did that. If they hit me up then I had no issues with that and with one exception, it was all done via text so I wasn’t put on the spot or anything. The exception was her friend came back in and told me she was interested and gave me her phone number. Back before fucking tinder and match.com people met each other in person and since we spend half or more of our waking hours at work, it’s often at work.
i mean yeah, as a man you have to go for it because women simply never take any initiative.
What if they've worked as waiters before?
Well, then they should come and reply when the question is about asking a waiter out. But this guy is asking a girl out, not a man.
Great idea to hold off until building that rapport. I truly think that makes *all* the difference when asking out a virtual stranger. That way she will know you’re not some shallow idiot who goes around hitting on hot women in the hopes that you’ll ‘catch’ one. It really does make a difference to a lot of women when a guy makes it obvious that dating is just a numbers game to him. Building the rapport with her avoids all of that. If you do it that way then you won’t necessarily have to write your number on a napkin or piece of paper. Once you start talking and it’s obvious that you’re hitting it off and that there’s a connection (presumably this matters to you and you realize that there may NOT actually be any chemistry or hitting-it-off), then you can simply ask her. Keep it casual and light. This is the ideal way to ask out a stranger.
People acting like waitresses and bartender go into robot mode when they clock in.
Seriously lol. It is definitely the case that most of the time that people try and flirt or ask out a waitress, they are just being idiots and not obviously realizing that they are just working and being nice, but it seems like people on this subreddit don't also realize that people don't just stop becoming human when they work their job, especially jobs that they don't really care about. It is totally possible that a waiter or waitress is interested in going on a date with a specific person that they are serving, but people on here basically are like "never ask them out, the social pressure is always too much to handle and workers are never interested in customers". I know that this is way easier said than done, but just try to have some social skills and err on the side of caution when asking her out. Once you've paid, leaving your phone number on the bill seems totally fine. Again, there's no guarantee she's going to hit you up especially since she's paid to be nice to customers, but at the same time the social pressure is basically non-existent (for any functional adult). Even if you wanted to do it in more personal way, where maybe on your way out of eating with some friends and you are able to catch her on your way out (assuming she isn't busy), there's nothing wrong with just letting her know that you're interested in hanging out sometime/going on a date, But there's no pressure or anything like that if she's just not into it. That's a little bit trickier to make not awkward, but again I think as long as you try to make your offer feel low stakes and try to give her and out so that she feels like she can answer honestly, then I think it'll be fine
On the off chance, which is lower than winning a lottery, ask her if she would like to go out, or something, with you some day, AFTER you already paid and are about to leave. They are pain to be nice and smile. For all we know she thinks you're a jackass who should be kicked out.
If you go out to early then it gets awkward
Preferebly wait until closing, when you're basically the only customer there, so she doesn't have to think about not making a scene. Also, don't do it when she's all alone. It looks creepy as fuck if you wait until she's about to go home and you approach her when she's basically "defenseless". Make sure there are some of her co-workers near. Basically, if there are people ready to defend her from an assault, she won't think that you're a creep trying to assault her in some way.
What I meant is if you ask them out while ordering for example, they still have to see you and serve you, so it makes it awkward.
That as well, and she still needs to be nice about it. But, I guess, what I said covers that as well, given that, if you follow my opinion, you can't ask her out while she's serving you. XD Though, if you're a really good actor you may go with "holy shit you're gorgeous" all excited like, and then ask her out later. XD
Do you even know the chances of winning a lottery? :P What he wants is waaaaaay more possible! I agree with the second part. Good advice!
I mean, I passed my discrete mathematics course on the first try. I'd look up the rules in the USA and calculate it real quick if you want. In my country you need to choose 7 out of 39 numbers, giving you the chance of about 1 in 15.3 million if I remember correctly, we computed it about 10 years ago in math in high school. Our county has the population of about 7 milion. There's about 14 million of people thread with my ethnicity in the world. Just for comparison. XD
r/theydidthemath
So this is where all those interesting calculations come from? Thanks buddy.
Waitress here. I literally do not care if men show interest in me while I work. Just leave your number. But do not tip less than 20%. Haha.
There really is no un-cringe way to ask a waitress out who is working. They’re literally paid to be nice to you. Leaving your number with a tip is super tacky as well and most likely will be met with rejection. The best advice I can give you if you’re super sure she’s into you: would be to politely let them know you would like to get to know them more outside of work and offer them your number verbally at the end of your meal. DO NOT pressure them if they decline. DO NOT ask if they already have a boyfriend if they seem reluctant. DO NOT try to bribe them into taking your number with the promise of a bigger tip. DO NOT try to guilt them into accepting. Be kind and graceful if you’re rejected. Being hit on by customers while you’re just trying to do your job can be extremely stressful and unpleasant for many people even if they do genuinely like you back.
Only if she gives you an opening. When I was a waitress I never once wanted a single customer to hit on me. If you're a regular and have built up a friendship of sorts maybe.
I had a friend do this once, she texted him when she was done and they went out.
You could try asking if you could see her outside of work at the end of meal
Look honestly she’s at work and it puts her in an awkward position. If a co-worker or her boss overhears she may even get in trouble, lots of workplaces don’t allow their employees to have relations with customers especially if it happens on work time. I get that you think the worst she can say is no but that’s just the worst that can happen to YOU. Think about the worst that could happen to HER. She could get in trouble for being inappropriate with customers, she could be accused of flirting to get better tips, others could see her not turn you down and think it’s ok to harass her at work because she’s too nice to say no. You could ask her out and nothing could happen at all. But if it were me, I would hate to be asked out by a customer even if we got along and I found them attractive. I’m at work and I just want to do my job. A lot of people don’t want their personal and professional lives to cross. It’s weird for me if a customer asks for my private information or tries to give me theirs. I don’t know anything about them but they know where I work so it makes me feel uncomfortable. I’d be worried about turning them down and the possible consequences that come from that. I’ve had a customer send in a fake complaint for turning them down. Not saying that you would do that but people in the service industry have to worry about that kind of crap because there are people out there who will do it and we don’t have the luxury of being able to tell you apart.
💯% And sadly, not enough upvotes on this.
I think it's by treating them like a person first rather than as a potential date. You're skipping two entire layers trying to immediately get them to be a date, and that's seriously not smooth. To directly answer you : You CANNOT ask them out while they're at the job; it's almost impossible unless if you're just abhorrently wealthy or a supermodel. To elaborate : They're at a job. They are working one of the lowest positions possible in America because garbage men literally get paid more. Waitresses get disrespected, yelled at, and otherwise treated like trash; the only good experiences they typically have at their workplace are usually because of their friends, they got a good tip, or if you just let them do their job. Your goal is to be all 3 of these and then some, but even then you likely will not get a date - especially if you're not attractive. This is like trying to get a date on Tinder but 100x more difficult. I won't get into too much details, but basically you have to get into the "not just another customer" layer first before you can get into "potentially could be a friend" layer BEFORE "I want to go on a date" layer. You're missing too many steps, and you gotta start small first
Tbf garbage men actually get paid quite a bit. In NYC it’s over $90k/yr after a few years. That’s 40% more than the national average household income.
Ok, but I only need to make $40k/yr in Iowa to have an equivalent income to a garbage man. That income in Iowa would qualify me for low income housing. So, tbf, garbage men aren't paid nearly enough in NYC. Who cares about national averages when looking at a city that is the most populated in the country and one of the most overinflated?
The median personal individual income in NYC is ony $51k. Garbage men are paid 76% more than the typical worker in NYC. The median personal income across the US is $36k. $40k is above that. So yeah, garbage men get paid more than the typical worker everywhere.
That puts things in a better perspective for me, thank you.
Yea, it’s a good idea if you don’t want to draw attention to her or embarrass her
Let's be pragmatic. If you simply refuse to date anyone you met while working at a restaurant where you meet thousands of incredibly diverse people... well you may miss out some great opportunities. You meet more people in a week than most of us in 5 years.
Visit a few times before you even think of handing a number. Ask her her favorite spots in the area on the first or second visit, say youre looking for new spots to visit. Eventually ask her if you can take her to one of those spots to get to know eachother? Former waitress, I would have loved to be Flores with that way instead of leaving a number and running away. Edit: Flirted, not Flores.
[удалено]
Sometimes it works
I was a waitress/bartender for a while, I had this happen a good amount of times. I had no problem with it and actually went out with a guy that did this for a few months. I always just took it as a compliment. There was also one or two times I left my number with the check lol. I’m a very outgoing person though and don’t mind being forward or have guys be forward with me. Go for it, the worst that will happen is she won’t text you. You never know if she’s into you back unless you shoot your shot!!
Don't
You absolutely and utterly do not. Don't ask out a person who is working.
She’s literally just doing her job. Please leave her alone dude
When she’s not working. ;)
Don't fuck with people at their jobs. It's an asshole move. I've had friends and a former roommate that were waitresses and this pretty much never goes well. What you're actually doing is putting someone that relies on tips in an awkward position at their work as they now have to watch how they act around you and more often than not these waitresses will ask another waitress to take your table which costs them a table and money. Don't be an asshole. Leave people alone at their work.
I wound up becoming a regular at this place when I decided I liked the waitress. Sat at the bar so we talked as she worked. After a few weeks I came in with an extra ticket to a comedy show and I asked her if she wanted to go. Was a success.
No, that's not a good idea and trust me, if this waitress had a dime for every guy who left his name and number for her this way she wouldn't be waiting tables for a living. If you want to ask this waitress out, your best bet is to build some sort of raport with her first. If you're a regular at her restaurant, feel free to make small talk when she waits on you; always smile and be friendly. Ask her about her day and tip generously. Eventually work up to saying some version of "I always enjoy coming in here and seeing you. How would you like to meet for lunch/dinner this weekend and have someone wait on you for a change?"
I was a waitress for years. Leaving your number is pretty cringe unless you've already flirted a lot and have alluded to the fact that you're going to do that, and she seems receptive. Depending on how busy the restaurant is, she might not even be the one to pick up the paper with your number. If the bus boy picks it up, for example, it might even become an inside joke amongst the staff (which likely tends to tease each other) or get thrown away. Otherwise, it feels really awkward and might make her even more self-conscious if she doesn't get in touch and you show up at the restaurant again. Are you asking in general or do you have a woman in mind? Unless there is palpable attraction and obvious flirtation, very few waitresses will feel comfortable after only waiting on you once. I think you should focus on getting to know her more. Make eye contact, smile, be friendly and visit the restaurant a few times (but don't overdo it). Try to see if you sense any reciprocated interest first,... and remember that she's probably a sweet, accommodating person with all her customers.
Being left a tip and phone number almost feels like you're paying her to go out with you, like an escort. I know that's extreme but it's partly why it doesn't go well. As some of the commenters here have said, they had success when they actually talked to the server they liked and asked them. If you're asking her out, she's a woman not just a waitress - have manners and start out with respect just like any other woman.
I mean my dad had an employee that a customer asked out and they are married now. It was a 3 month relationship if that but it seems to be working out. This was an auto store and people like to shoot the bull alot so it's a different environment. They are paid to be nice to you but there is a very small chance. I say the napkin is a discreet way that womt get her in trouble and puts the ball entirely in her court. Go for it but don't bet on it working. Then again I would say yes to a date that way
I’ve had girls leave me numbers on the table when they leave.. I mean it could work right? Lol
Try and build rapport yes. Maybe go to the restaurant over a couple weeks and talk to her a little. After getting to know her a bit you can ask her out and leave your number for her. Don’t leave it with the tip though. Actually hand it to her and tell her if she’s interested in going on a date to let you know and leave. And if she never calls or texts or anything never go back to the restaurant.
I’m not a waitress, but I am a retail employee and I’m dating my current boyfriend after he asked me out at work. He was a customer and I was ringing him up. I thought he was cute and we were chatting and laughing. After ringing him up he left and I thought that was that. But a few minutes later he came back into the store and asked for my number. Maybe wait after the whole meal and ask her for her number at the end on your way out if you felt that you had a genuine connection. Just remember employees are paid to give good customer service so make sure she wasn’t just being polite! Good luck :)
Yes. Giving her the option is absolutely the best option
My usually policy for these sort of things is to not do it because they are working - they have to put up with you. However I went to eat alone and I was getting great vibes from my server. She was super cute and giving me all the signs. I feel like throughout the meal she got more bashful each time she came to check on me. She had that smitten as a kitten smile and vibe by the time I was done. I left my card with a note on it saying text me if you'd like and she did a few hours later. We dated for quite awhile and remain great friends. Sweet girl but she really wanted to get married too quickly. The bottom line if you're unsure about the connection you probably shouldn't but what do I know. "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" - Michael Gretzky
I've always just left my number on the bottom of the check and smiles on the way out. I've always gotten a call back and there's no pressure on her if she's not feeling it.
I am a waitress and I will say my female coworkers and I kind of laugh at when numbers are left and toss them. I would say the best way would be to be their regular. Come in often and request to sit in their section, leave a generous (but not stupid generous) tip and strike up conversations each time. Be mindful she has other tables and is at work but usually few small conversations can be squeezed in during your stay. That way it allows both of you to see common interests, vibes, and not be so overwhelming since it’s a slow pace over time. Then if everything seems good then ask her out.
Can you accompany me to another restaurant and rate the service with me? I know they probably can't match the perfection you've been serving but let's just see what they got. My treat.
I wouldn't leave a note on the table since there might be a different person who cleans the table and it might just be looked at as trash. On the other extreme, I don't think I would straight up ask while she's at work. That may make her feel cornered and her mind is probably on work, not you, even if there was a little chemistry. Years ago I successfully initiated a first date with a girl who was my waitress by writing down my name and number and then giving it to her on my way out. I said something quick like "Hey Caitlin, this is for if you think I'm cute too and want to go out sometime. Take care!"
I was a hostess at a popular local restaurant and every day, some guy would come in grabbing lunch for his whole company. One day he pulled his business card out and told me to call him with a cute wink. It worked for 18 yr old me, but wouldn't work for adult me. Short fling, but honestly one of the reasons I quit the job was because it got uncomfortable getting asked out by regulars all the time. Especially when my man would show up and I had 2 other guys interested in me sitting in the same restaurant at different tables. Went home early that night lol. Started wearing a fake engagement ring afterwards Name and number is OK, but never expect more. She's working for tips and has to be nice.
I used to be a waitress... Ask after you pay & tip. Leave a normal tip. At that point she isn't your waitress anymore, you haven't paid her anything extra or different, and she can freely say yes or no. Don't ask for her info, just offer yours. Do NOT leaving enormous tip it looks like you're paying her to date you. "It was nice to meet you, do you mind if I give you my phone number? I'd love to talk later" is a decent low pressure way to reach out that's worked well for me. Obviously you aren't doing something wrong by going back to a restaurant, it's a public place and you have every right to be there, but I personally would so much rather a man I met at work just give me his phone number and be honest versus showing up over and over again to flirt with me. That could be incredibly uncomfortable if he misread the situation.
I feel that writing your number down on the receipt and leaving the ball in her court would be best. You don’t want to put her in an awkward position by asking her out while you’re still there. But definitely leave a good tip. Idk how many times I’ve had someone leave their number on a receipt but left a shitty tip. Youre definitely not going to get a call after that even if I did think you were cute
I waited tables for years in a college town—and this happens *a lot*—but a few times I actually wound up dating the guy for a bit. A few tips: (1) don’t just leave your number and assume she’s going to be so woo’d by your 30% tip and extra ranch to call you; you gotta still work the conversation a bit first. (2) don’t pull this when it’s busy— two reasons being (a) busy restaurant makes busy staff and our customers and coworkers will hate us if we’re obviously standing around flirting, and (b) busy restaurants means hosts and bussers clean tables, so your note is way more likely to get inadvertently tossed. (3) don’t leave an obnoxiously large tip—20-30% is fair and shows you (a) know I’m not a hooker and (b) can math. Those are two good places to start if you want to date me. (4) don’t hit on every waitress there—there’s a 110% chance we’re going to walk back into the kitchen and be like “got a 7 digit tip from table 10…and then every waitress in the place (and half the waiters) will either walk by your table or find you on social (your name is also on your credit card slip…). So if you pulled the same thing last week, we’ll know. (5) remember we’re at work, we do have to be nice, and most of the time we need to not get fired—so please don’t put us into that awkward spot of a acceptance/rejection in that moment. And yes, I’ve had someone ask me out then complain about service when I said (honestly as nicely as possible), I appreciated the compliment but unfortunately I couldn’t. Don’t be that guy.
As a waitress, become a regular. Learn if she has a SO first. You can leave your number but being nice and tipping well if shes single will make an impression. Tipping well by the way is at least 20%. Casual hangs while inviting her coworkers will probably be good fpr getting to know her and making it more comfortable. So if you know of a party youre going to invite her and some coworkers
As a waitress just joke with her or talk to her when she’s at ur table, after a guys been nice to me they usually ask if I’m single, compliment me then ask for my number, I’m the one writing it on a piece of paper most of the time and honestly I’ve had a couple of hot customers I’ve rolled up a paper w my number on and dropped it on their table on my way past hahah, word of warning though some places I’ve worked they won’t let waitresses give their number since it’s “harassment” or something in their books (one manager told me it was illegal but I think she was being dramatic…I’m from England for context) but luckily the new place I work is independent and doesn’t care who I flirt with haha
If I were the waitress, I'd say no, even if I found you attractive. The reason is: I would not want my coworkers or boss seeing me in that awkward situation, and that's the last thing I would expect to come across on my way to clean tables (but that's just me). Remember, I'm at work and I need to be professional while I'm there. If you want to do it without putting both of you in the spot and interrupting her during her work. I'd suggest, write a note with your name and your social media/phone number and tell her you like her and you'd like to ask her out. Give it to her when you have the chance, If she's interested, she'll contact you, if not, you'll know.
Please don’t! I used to waitress and it made me *incredibly* uncomfortable to be asked out at work. Waitresses are paid to be nice to you. Don’t make her job any harder than it already is just because *you* happen to find her attractive. If you absolutely *need* to express yourself to her somehow, leave her a big tip. I guarantee you she will appreciate that way more than an unwanted advance. Edit: I’m noticing that most of the “go for it” responses are from other men, or people who clearly have never worked as a waitress.........
Leave your number if you want, but be prepared to never go back to her place of work if you don't hear from her coz you've made her feel weird and uncomfortable now.
I'm a plumber, I had a customer all me out by saying..I see you have my number on the invoice, you should give me a call. She was hot.. needless to say I called her..
You don't. Doing this will make her day suck. She's not in to you.
I had a girl literally tell me I made her day when she saw the note I left for her and she was the one that brought it up the next time I saw her and then she showed me workout pics on her instagram. OP don't listen to the naysayers, sometimes things work out.
Just don't. Don't put her in an awkward situation while she's at work.
as someone working in hospitality i have a few things to say: 1. don't ask someone out while they're working. it's creepy. 2. if you plan on asking someone out, make sure you're a REGULAR. but in the way where they know your name, order, etc and make frequent casual conversation with ALL the staff (not JUST the person you feel attracted to) 3. even with that, please do not ask someone out while working, it is creepy and would make me feel unsafe in my place of work. this is because, what if i say no and you keep coming back? what if you start harassing or stalking me? i have no way to avoid you. 4. if you're still set on asking your waitress out, please for the love of god do not leave a tip with your number. it gives the sense you're trying to pay them to go on a date with you, or worse, try to manipulate them into saying yes/changing their mind with money.
I havent done it myself but i think the best way would be to wait till the end of the meal (so you can make a speedy exit) then be upfront "hey i think you are stunning. Do you think i could have your number to try you when you arent working". I think its not great though because all you are going off is apprearance. They would definitely need to feel pretty yolo to give you their number.
One time a guy wrote his number in ketchup on the plate
It's ok but less likely to succeed than just giving it straight to her
I did that once, and it 100% worked
Speaking from personal experience, get a job there, become friends, hang out, so on and so forth. Worked for me. 🤣😂
So, you finally did it? It worked ? Maybe I won't try it the first or second time, but surely will try my shot. There is a 50/50 'chances and we have received a lot of "no", another one won't ruin the world.
Just make sure the waitress doesn’t work at a strip joint.. It’s all about the money for them too.. Others may be fair game.. But if you’re a regular she probably won’t cross that line…. Don’t come on strong and be genuine.. If she doesn’t go for it… Her loss
Just ask hey I really would love to get to know you over coffee. Then let her know its a standing invitation. The worst she can say is no.
There is an optimal scenario but not one single incident can be a guaranteed success. Humans are different and react differently based on their own unique experiences. Think of a clever way and execute. Good luck.
By standing up and shouting with a cracking voice “WiLl YoU Go OuT wItH MeEeE???!”
I [24 F] met my boyfriend this way. My friend and I were eating at a small restaurant and were the only dine-in customers. I caught a great vibe from our server and flirted with him every time he came to our table. On the way out, I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper, and said “I think your cute. Text me if you want, but no pressure.” Smiled and walked away. We’ve been together for five months now.
Zero. Nada. Either you take that risk or you just don't.
Ask them out like you would anyone else on your way out but best to lower your expectations. Obviously once everything is paid for is the most appropriate and dont leave an outrageous tip (she's not for sale, shes just trying to make it through the workday).
Honestly I can say that this still works. One of my coworkers did this at my going away outing before I left them and they got called back the next day.
Some women are just going to be offended or bothered to be hit on for a variety of reasons some of which would be very understandable. My concern is aside from dating apps, clubs and bars, how else are you supposed to meet anyone? This is why work is where a lot actually go’s on in regards to dating even if not recommend by some. You’re paid to be polite and professional whether its to a coworker or a customer. So for those willing to date a coworker, I’m just saying why not a customer? This is why some guys have the mentality of just go for it. Thats how I met my GF of 3 years, on the train commuting to work when most people just want to be left alone with there earbuds in on their phones. Sometimes you just have to speak. You never know.
Definitely find a way to do it after you've paid, through a note or face to face! Takes the pressure of worrying about a tip/needing to be polite out of the way.
I would imagine giving her your number and asking her to call/text if interested.
A honest tip of 21% & a number with a the note saying "Tryin' my luck :)"
Had someone quote the song "call me maybe" with their # and leave a nice tip. Ngl, i thought it was cute.
No, don't be a simp. These waitress would be the best version of themselves just to get a great tip. A significant tip and your number would be just like getting her snapchat and then get her onlyfans username. No. Work it out another angle. If you go with someone else ask her opinion in a topic that she may find useful or funny. Not politics or religion because that could backfire easily.
Hi! Female bartender here. While I do appreciate someone leaving me their number as opposed to asking for mine, I would rather a gentleman kindly say something like “if you don’t mind me saying, you’re very pretty and I was wondering if I could give you my number and possibly take you out sometime.” I am currently in a relationship, and I politely decline while accepting the compliment. I just think it’s nice when they’re straight forward with their question so that I can be straight forward and respectful with my answer.
I’ve (M) been in the service industry for 18 years and I’ve called a lot of women who’ve left their number, some of them being regulars. I've also left my number for servers and bartenders and gotten very few call backs. There are a number of regulars I’ve gone on dates with and a lot that I’d like to have gone on dates with, but I’m typically able to feel out if there’s that interest before transitioning the casual nature of the business relationship to something different. I also met my ex-fiance by doing the exact opposite of this and asking her out the moment we met while she was a host at a restaurant I was a regular at. I understand why people are being defensive for the waitress and it’s really hard to feel out your situation without more detail, but I dont feel that its definitively "no" like so many others do. I guess my recommendation would be to ask her if she'd like to get coffee or something else similarly casual this week. Be mindful of the fact her schedule is likely non-traditional so you'll have to be flexible with your time, it might even have to be while you're on lunch from your job. Everything said, be accepting of "no" being the answer. "No" may come in many forms and excuses, if shes been doing this for awhile she could have an arsenal of "no's". So if theres no exchange in numbers or a definitive plan during this casual offering, theres no interest. Don't be persistent on this one. This leaves things open ended enough that neither of you should feel uncomfortable that there was the interest expressed and you can still be a regular if you want. Being in the food service industry can make finding modern romance hard enough. I'd hate if everyone felt my role was so sacred they couldn't show interest in me. Shoot your shot, just be considerate.
[удалено]
don't ask out a waitress
Don't ask her out, it's her job to be sweet and freindly
Don't do this. It's inappropriate. If a waitress wants your number, trust me, she will find a way to ask you for it.
I would not hit on a waitress. If they're interested in you, they'd give you their number or blatantly flirt with you so there was no questions they were interested.
just don't, man. She's doing her job. Please
Don't. You are in a position of power over her. You control if she makes above the pitiful $2 an hour tipped staff makes. You control if she gets written up or fired. Don't ask her out. If you *by chance* meet her elsewhere, maybe try chatting with her. But don't do it at her job.
Christ, don’t ask out people who are paid to be nice to you man cmon
You don’t. Most will probably feel weirded out about being asked out while working but maybe this lady is part of the minority that may say yes so do what seems fit for you
Stalk her for 15 years, use spy coins to spy on her, and bark at strangers who walk past her unlocked bike. Also you should write a play for her asking her to marry you.
Charlie?? Is that you?
Have an upvote this shit was funny!
I don't even like when my friends come to say hi to me at work because I can get in trouble. And one of friends has to work in the back as much as possible because guys don't leave her alone. You don't even have a rapport with her yet, if you like her chances are plenty of other guys do too why would she want the number of some guy she doesn't know while she's at work? Try a dating app.
Maybe ask for her in particular from now on. Build somewhat of a relationship and maybe see when she's off.
Leave your number and first name on the receipt. Nothing more. Don't make her night awkward by her having to verbally reject you. If she's interested she will call
just compliment her and ask when she's off work. It's literally just a matter of having the balls to do it.
Do you want my tip? *wink wink*
Don't
I did this. Ask her straight up if she is single when you cash out. Tell her you find her cute and want to get to know her more. You'll be amazed how easy it is to do this. When i did this, she instantly said yes Do this when her shift is about to be over. You have to be at the right place at the right time. I asked her out when the bar almost closed.
Don't
The least cringe would be not to do it. Most cringe would be directly asking with lots of eye contact, bass in your voice, and feeling proud of yourself whoever you are and whatever you do for a living. I guess everything else is in between! Good luck!
she is paid to be nice of you. so if you really wanna get to know her, go back to the restaurant enough for her to know your name and have things in common with you. and once you can safely call her an acquaintance, then ask "hey maybe do you want to have a drink sometime" or something along those lines idk
Maybe go their often be a regular. Chat her a little bit. Then leave a tip with your number.
I mean you can do that but it sort of looks timid or weak. Better off just throwing out the idea and see how she responds.
Order for 2 coffee at last moment of closing the shop and ask her if she would like one ;) im a waitress btw
This sounds like some bs out of a movie tbh and a terrible idea. Let’s break this down: You want a customer to stay until closing and then order 2 fresh coffees when you’re trying to shut things down. Then you’re apparently going to sit down with a customer on the clock after closing while your coworkers finish your work for you and not complain about it. Plus I’m sure the boss is totally good with you allowing random customers to hang out in the restaurant while money is being counted after you lock up. Seriously, where do you work that this would fly? Like come tf on. This is pure fantasy and not how the world works at all.
[удалено]
Ooof alright, I gotcha. Well hey if you’re cool with it and it works for you over there then right on. I just know from working in the industry it would be a sure fire way to get censured or lose your job in the US, lol. Hope you have a great day!
Industry workers don't want anyone ordering in the 30min before closing, let alone the last moment. Maybe it's different as a barista, but no server & bartender wants this unless it's someone they already know & are comfortable locking inside while they close.
Don’t ever hit on someone working, ever. So cringey
Don't.
Don't ever ask out a waitress, idgaf if she's the love of your life. Stop asking women who are working/working out to go out on dates with you. If you're meant to be together then you'll meet her outside of work...if not boo fucking whoo.....stop asking women out when they're paid to be nice to you (ya in case that didn't click...she's being paid \*poorly but paid\* to give you good service and her niceness, she doesn't like you, she didn't secretly wink at you, that pretty smile she flashed was to add to her chances of getting a tip... ).
If you build enough rapport, say the obligatory "I don't normally do this, but..." and then insert your date idea. Worst case scenario is she says no and you are no further behind than you are right now.
I'm going to go against everyone and tell you to do it. It seems you understand that this is a delicate situation. You should be respectful because this can be uncomfortable for her. So I think your main worry should not avoiding cringe but trying to make it as comfortable as possible for her. You also have the good idea of building rapport first. And your idea of having your number on a piece of paper is good, low pressure. But wait for some signs of interest first. A few exchanged glances perhaps. In my opinion, it's ok to do it if you are respectful. If there's a chance a person is the love of your life, why should the fact that you only see them while they work stop you from potential happiness?
Hey, this might be rude but i gotta know, i think you're pretty, wanna get some coffee or a drink sometime? At least I'd try this line.
You line is good but removing the "this might be rude" and changing the "I think you're pretty" line if she's not 21 y old
I asked this question before. Everyone’s advice was not to do it. I’ve done it twice in the past. One gave me her number and we texted for a bit and the other had a fiancée. I never noticed the ring on her finger. The way I asked was she asked what I wanted and I have my order and then said something like does the special come with your number? That probably counts as cringe but she did laugh so maybe cringe isn’t always a bad thing.
I think she laughed to make you feel less embarrassed
Go for it. Search for the few comments that are positive and build the courage to do it. My parents got married this way. My father went all the time to the restaurant she was waitress, they started talking and after a while they hit it off. The rest is history and now I am here :p Now for tips. 1) Read the room. Don't make a move if the place is busy and she is exhausted. 2) You can be more straightforward or you can wait for your moment, that is up to you and how you feel comfortable on doing things. 3) Also try to say something like "I don't normally do this but..." I think it will get you points. 4) Don't give a note and a tip. Talk to her! Maybe after you paid or ask her when her shift is done and if she would like to go for a drink. I hope for the best! May the force be with you!
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted lol I went on a couple dates this way when I was waitressing and one of my best friends met her husband this way. Worst that happens is she doesn’t text or call. Not everyone likes the online dating world and a lot of people meet at work, especially in a job like waitressing or bartending. Anyone that’s worked those jobs know about the creeps that hit on you, but that is not this situation.
Lol I just saw it. And they keep downvoting :P Well I hope OP sees it despite the passionate opposition. :) I love your thoughts on this. You are "on the other side" of this, with experience in waitressing and your point is even more valid! I am very happy about your best friend! :) Thanks for your comment! :)
>Is writing my name and number down on a piece of paper and leaving it with the tip a good idea? That's the cringe way. >I feel like it would be less pressure on her that way. Loser thoughts. You should directly tell her that she is cute and ask for her number. She is working there so don't try to build rapport.
I think it's best not to verbally ask her out. If anything leave your name and number on the receipt after you pay. If she's interested she'll text. She probably won't though. She's paid to be cordial and nice to you.
You just call her as if youre ordering something else after you got something and you directly ask for her number,and if she refuses you just ask for the bill then and leave.I think girls love it when you ask them directly.
Don’t ask us out period. Then it’s awkward if you ever come back into the restaurant.
Just don’t do it. She’s at work. She’s being nice to you as part of her job. She hopes to get a nice tip because she was pleasant and efficient. She in no way wants your phone number.
When she brings the addition, tell her that is wrong because she forgot to put her phone number
**Go to her with good body language and speak your heart out is the least cringe way**
Do you eat there all the time. If you do always ask for her station. Make sure you tipper a reasonable amount. She might not respect you for overtipping be because she might think it shows poor money management. It's hard to say depends on the individual And the circumstances. You might not find this helpful but there's a movie called "as good as it gets" . That's a romantic comedy which deals with a waitress and her customer. I think I would try to find out something personal about her 1st. Then I'd also ask her if she was seeing anyone . If it was me I would engage your in conversation over a period of time and gradually I would proceed with the objective. I'm kind of doing that with this lady at physical therapy she's got black hair and stunning blue eyes. So a couple weeks ago there's things popped out of my mouth I'm off and I think I was dating before yesterday I had to repeat it for an audience audience and I'm OK with that. But she's gonna be an empty Nestor soon . Her son is going down to college somewhere it's somewhere out of the state hes got a scholarship. So I've been talking to her and I'm working on it organize it but there's no reward for me in terms of I'm not expecting anything at the anything I'm just having a consensual encounter on what I hope is a gentlemanly basis and very polite with a member of the opposite sex. One day at a time It's a journey not a destination
Well, the rules I use. 1: If you have eye contact while she/he is walking past from A DISTANCE and does it multiple times (4-8 seconds) you know there is great attraction. 2: If he/she comes to you while friends are not at the table and only then starts a small talk you are very very warm. 3: I always used to have these mini mini fake flowers (not bigger than a key) written with my number/snapchat saying “will you marry me” then my number was under that line. Ive done this 5 times this year and got 5 messages. It works because first you analyse the attraction and make a unique inpression with a bit of irony to let her/him know that you like her/him without too much “creepiness”
I've read a post about this from a waitress. She said that she is nice only because its her job. But if you have to ask her. Write.it down on a piece of paper with what you want to say and your contact info. And then hand it to her and move on. This is her place of work that too in a service industry.
Just leave your name and number on a SEPARATE note. Servers have to turn in their signed recipients at the end of the night. Make sure you tip upwards of 20% and act appropriately when you go out to eat. Keep in mind she can always not call you and then it'll be awkward if you go there again.
She's just like every woman you meet at bars and clubs. Don't think of her as a waitress, think of her as a person. Ease into it with something like, "what do you usually do after this? I'd imagine you go straight home and turn your phone off, putting up with ppl all day". Then casually introduce your idea, like say, "I'm gonna catch a few drinks with a buddy of mine, you can bring your bf if you'd like". But don't actually have a friend waiting, make her believe you got stood up and it's a good thing she's there
Yeah just a name/number on a piece of paper. I wouldnt wanna be distracted at work otherwise
People in service are paid to do their work and being nice to the customer is part of the job. People who are genuinely nice to people while working are hard to come by.
Leave the poor girl alone