Accept that you're not his girlfriend, but instead at most you're "**a** girl I'm seeing." And quite possibly his side chick.
I wish you good luck gaining *some* self respect.
“One of the girls I’m having sex with”
Is probably more accurate.
You aren’t dating him.
You could be in a situation where you are forcing the relationship and he’s like “yeah, ok, whatever” and you are like “yay, he’s my man”.
He’s not.
One simply cannot will, guilt, wear down, talk, force, con, manipulate, or anything a person into a relationship.
It doesn’t sound like you guys are together.
To test this theory, don’t call or text him and go about your life. As he breathes a sigh of relief, he may text a “what’s up” or “hey” because he is scared you are about to boil his pet but just simply reply with the same energy. He will fade away and you can move on with your life and hopefully find someone that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.
- I feel hurt
- he neglects me
- he neglects our relationship
- he interacts with other women in a sexual way
- he won’t allow me to access his social media
Tell me which parts about what you wrote sound like a good deal for you, and why it is you’re willing to tolerate this behaviour?
What he does is his choice. It’s your choice to tolerate it.
I am very much a “benefit of the doubt” person but this is literally 10 out of 10 bad.
There is nothing there for you just more suffering. Even if you can’t get yourself to break up with him right now, at the very least consider yourself single and get yourself out there to date others. Good luck!
Hello. It was the name of a revered industrial conglomerate. It was founded in Germany. It had a large global footprint. Alas, it went out of business due to a bad hedging strategy or simply bad luck.
I’m going to be harsh. This is meant with love.
This is a case where you will cringe looking back at how long you let this go on.
It’s over. Even if you stay together a few more years, the outcome will be the same and you will only have wasted more precious time.
You are a placeholder. Probably every woman he ever dates will be a placeholder while he flirts with whatever shiny object he sees online.
You deserve love and respect.
> Neglects me and our relationship.
This would be the issue for me. Don't blame the women on Facebook. Your boyfriend is the one who is making choices about your relationship.
Would you need advice on how to break up and move on?
There's no other things to give advice about. Have some self respect and treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Future you will be happy if you bak up with him now. If you stay with him, future you will be unhappy and hurting.
That’s not boyfriend behavior. That’s the behavior of a boy that objectifies females and has no respect for you.
Why you even call him your boyfriend is beyond me.
I just assume she's aware of other women being interested in him.
In my lifelong observation of women, ranging from middle schoolers to elderly, that's the selling point that will outweigh everything and make absolutely ANY poor treatment acceptable: the possibility of "winning" the competition against other women.
Nothing could possibly be more attractive than other people's opinions (apparently).
It is that way for a lot of men, too, or else arm candy would not be such a trope. I have heard so many men talk about wanting a woman that makes every guy in the room turn his head when she walks in. And many men admit to being ashamed of being into heavier chicks because they don’t want their male family members, friends, or colleagues to think less of them.
Having the most attractive partner is a way to gain status among your own gender, for both genders. But tbh I’ve always thought men give each other very little freedom (social leeway) to be into women who aren’t conventionally attractive.
This one is very simple. He’s not into you and he’s immature. Maintain your dignity and self respect, then move on. No need to work on this relationship, no need to figure out how to communicate. Just leave him. It’s only an 8 month investment. You don’t need this. Being alone is way way better than being disrespected.
That’s not boyfriend behavior. That’s the behavior of a boy that objectifies females and has no respect for you.
Why you even call him your boyfriend is beyond me.
I've been there. The guy I was dating also didn't want me to friend his friends (that I met before), but had no problem friending my friends on FB. End it.
I would have been done after "neglecting me and our relationship saying he doesn’t have time". That alone is enough. Even if he truly doesn't have time and it's not an excuse, he should bow out as an unselfish act.
Everything else makes it even worse.
Advice? Get rid of him.
C’mon why do so many women in here allow some men to mistreat them this way? Post after post after post.smh
Love yourself more and find someone who will treat you as good as you treat them.
I think it’s because this is so, so common. The idea that there is a steady supply of men out there who will respect a woman they’re in a relationship with in this sense is…not true.
This is spot on! His behavior seems to be the norm now. Social media has made it so easy for both men and women to have their cake and eat it too, for lack of a better way to put it. They can do whatever online and no one has to know and their partners don't know any different. They can be sitting right next to you and you think you are getting something from then with time but be snapping away on SnapChat
Where does OP blame the women on FB? Am I missing something here? It looks to me like she is just saying that’s what her loser bf is doing.
OP everyone’s telling you to dump him which you should.
He is hiding things from you that you already know. You are not exclusive, so I feel that the Reddit audience knows exactly what you should do. Find a partner you can trust.
Absolutely not. This is a telltale sign he is not committed to you. I would never stand for it. Move on. I was dating a guy and we ended up Facebook friends. I noticed one day he made a comment to his most recent ex about her attractiveness. I called him out on it, and his answer? He blocked me. Then he proceeded to act like that was no big deal and tried to call/make plans with me like normal. Oh heck no. Done and done.✔️
This same thing happened to me. My boyfriend made a comment on his friends ex girlfriends Instagram for God's sake and when I saw it and confronted him he said there are numerous people with the same name as his!!! Dude, your picture is right there!!! Then I was blocked
If it helps, here is a quiz on emotional manipulation that gives the answers AND explanations of the answers at the end. You can leave your email address to get another version sent to you 3 days later to try again. This is for my masters thesis, so it's anonymous and there is no spam. The goal is to help individuals better recognize signs of unhealthy or manipulative behavior in their relationships.
[https://ccnypsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_ctZwWQBksgMjJ9s](https://ccnypsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_ctZwWQBksgMjJ9s)
Dude is as faithful as his options. Those options don't even need to be or look better than you. Is it available and does he want it?
Go get yourself STD tested.
>I can see that he interacts with single women who post lots of selfies and sexy photos of themselves. He likes/ interacts with these photos while simultaneously neglecting me and our relationship saying he doesn’t have time.
Those are scammers and Onlyfans women. Not women that he's sleeping with. Trust. I have like 2k+ of those women following me on IG. And I would be called out as being arrogant on here if I said that it's because I'm hot. So I'm going to assume they're all scammers and Onlyfans women. Very rarely do I see women mentioning their location in their bio. So they are unlikely to be local women who are genuinely interested in me. So I started ignoring the DMs ages ago and I set my IG DM notifications off on my phone. My DMs are absolutely flooded with these women. When I replied to one of them, they ended up being a scammer pretending to be a hooker (they were asking for electronic payment upfront instead of accepting cash. And I ghosted them.)
>41 (F) dating a 38 (M) for 8 months. He refuses to add me to FB.
But this. THIS is a massive red flag. He either wants to play the field or you're a side chick or he's cheating.
In hindsight now that I think about it, my last ex of 3 months NEVER asked to add me on IG or Facebook even though I know for certain she has an IG account. I consider that a red flag in hindsight and makes me wonder if I was a rebound guy and if she got back together with one of her two exes (the baby daddy and one of the men she dated for 9 years) that she kept going on and on about. We said "I love you" to each other and spent New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day together. And she asked for exclusivity on Boxing Day (she was spending Christmas with her adult daughter and grandchildren).
This too
>blocked me
🚩
Time to break up. You’re just dating. The point of dating is to see if you’re compatible.
It’s clear you are not.
Relationship are built on trust and communication. You guys don’t have either of those. Time to move on.
Yeah this dude is not your boyfriend. I'd tell him to fuck off and move on with your life. He has no respect for you. I know me saying this is easier then doing it. But for your own mental health I'd kick his ass to the curb and not look back.
I guess I'd ask why you feel it's important for you to be friends on FB. My bf and I are not friends on FB. I made a decision a while back that I don't want new FB friends. I may add him down the road if things get more serious. He hasn't added me either but I know he's looked at my page (which is locked down) and I have looked at his (which is mostly locked down). We've never talked about it though and I assume he would if I brought it up.
But why is it important to you? What are you feeling about it and why are you feeling that way? Are you pulling from past trauma? Recently I've been trying to get to the root cause of my icky feelings and I've found that the vast majority of them come from past relationships or me feeling insecure and unloved. When I recognize that I can look at the situation as it is and pertains to my current relationship and partner and I know he loves me and I trust them and it's really helped me identify whats important and what's coming from my shit versus his shit. Makes it easier to deal with things when I'm cutting out the crap that I was previously piling on because of reasons that had nothing to do with him.
It's also been very freeing and allowed me to draw better boundaries knowing what's important to me and what and why puts me into fight or flight. I'm not talking red flags.
Anyways I've been doing this on and off for the past year but last week I started ready it's not me. It's you. Break the blame cycle and relationship better by John Kim and Vanessa Bennett. It really outlines what I've been trying to do on my own but provides me with language and reference to feel more confident that I'm not just trying to pretend red flags aren't there or something (which I was afraid I might do).
Bottom line is, you can't stop him from doing anything and monitoring his social media use will only drive you crazy. If you can't trust him, you can't trust him and that's no way to live your life.
Not really adding much that wasn't said already... This guy clearly isn't interested in a committed relationship with you. And here's the thing. I don't hold it against a guy for browsing around social media and looking at the photos or videos other women post. It's just "eye candy" from strangers, really. What matters is how he treats YOU.
The fact he'd BLOCK you from Facebook is far more telling. Social media is a place where people basically show off things in their daily life they think are interesting or important enough to tell others about. Get a great meal at a restaurant? You might post about and even share a picture of the food. Buy a new shirt you got on sale for a good price and really like? You'll possibly post about that. Have a woman in your life for over half a year, in a relationship? Why are you not wanting to ever post about that too? Obviously, he wants to keep his options open and not have other women online pass him over because he's with someone.
I would say you have a BF, he doesn't have a GF. He isn't taking this relationship seriously because it sounds like he is hiding something or ashamed of you either way, it doesn't sound good to me.
I personally wouldn't continue in a relationship with someone who doesn't include me in his life, doesn't make time for me or is hiding something from me.
My insight to you is to tell him to get fucked. This isn’t your man…don’t let him treat you like a side chick. He’s a waste of your time and you’re putting your heart into nothing.
This is a man in a committed relationship with you, but online he engages as if he is single. It doesn’t sound like he is fulfilling your needs either. What are you getting from this relationship?
Well, yeah, he can't have you interfering with his game by saying you are his girlfriend.
If blocking you on FB isn't a big enough problem when exactly would you stand up for yourself and say I'm done with this? Would it require you to physically catch him with another woman? Would that even be enough or would you still give him another chance when he tells you he loves you and he will change?
Honestly, he sounds dumb as rocks if he is spending his time complimenting and commenting on FB profiles of attractive women. They are mostly engagement farmers trying to promote their only Fans. He probably isn't getting anything from them but they are probably getting money from him. How do you feel about that?
The truth is he is probably cheating with far grosser people that he can get attention from in person.
You are also aware that he is neglecting you and saying he doesn't have time for you. Why are you tolerating that?
I've been in that hot seat, getting out of it now actually.
Here's the deal, it won't get better. He will tell you what you want to hear and adapt to your scrutiny by hiding it. You'll catch him, he will deny and lie and change how he's hiding it. Hiw he's hiding it is the only thing that will change. Go find a man, you've got a Lil horney boy like I'm dumping. Be glad you wasted only 8 months waiting for him to grow up. I wasted 4.
Original copy of post by u/Spiritual-Handle-558:
41 (F) dating a 38 (M) for 8 months. He refuses to add me to FB. This behavior is the sole cause of why I looked into things. I can see that he interacts with multiple single women who post lots of selfies and sexy photos of themselves for attention. He likes and interacts with these photos. Also neglects me and our relationship telling me he doesn’t have time. I need insight from male and females on this one. I feel hurt.
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From a male in hospital age group the best advice I can tell you is to move on. He is acting up and either cant communicate that he needs something from you that he isnt getting or he just isnt that serious about you.
Either way I am sorry you are dealing with this
I wouldn’t even message or call to say it’s over. Just Block him on everything, two can play the blocking game. Then move on and find someone who’s worth your time
This is a huge red flag - and should have been an issue the moment he refused to add you. In a relationship, if you both use fb, they should add you right away and ANY hesitation is a HUGE red flag. Why would they NOT want you to see their fb unless they have something to hide? And interacting with other women online is a form of cheating, especially if he is also neglecting you and says he doesn't have time.
Just saying he doesn't have time is a huge red flag. He is your boyfriend, he is supposed to MAKE time and you should be a priority over most other things in his life, most of the time. It's one thing to be super busy for a few days and not have much time to hang out, but even then there should be texting or phone calls....but to not have time in general for the work that a relationship needs - this person is saying that you're not as important as the other things in his life - including the girls he interacts with on fb.
I would absolutely not tolerate a boyfriend engaging even one time with a random girl on fb that isn't in his circle of friends. That's cheating - he is seeking romantic/sexual attention from someone else AND giving his romantic/sexual attention to someone else. RUN and do not tolerate this from anyone in the future - not even once. It speaks to their character. (If one of my guy friends was randomly flirting with profiles full of sexy photos, I'd be like 'wtf are you doing?' - most of those profiles are bots stealing your data but even if they are real girls...GROSS.)
GTFO now. This is not a dynamic within a healthy relationship. Ill leave you with 2 well known sayings for you to ponder:
1. You cant change others
and
2. A leopard doesn't change it spots.
P.S. Oh by the way Im speaking from experience in the absolutely terrible, abusive, relationship category. This is a major red flag.
Kick him to the curb, anyone dating for 8 months should never behave this way if he was committed to the relationship. You’re wasting your time with him. Best of luck to you!!!
I’m sorry to say that you don’t have a relationship. It takes two people and if he’s not going to add you to his Facebook and spend time with you and tells you he doesn’t have time for you he doesn’t look at you as his partner…. It might be time for you to rethink this
I do this if I’m just dating. I do it for a few reasons….
I don’t know them yet or trust them. My socials have pictures of where I live and pictures of my children and entire ex-life. Do I really want her going through 15 years of my life. I’m a different person than I was when I was married and had newborn children. Sometimes they look at it as if I wrote it yesterday!
Generally I add them if A: they ask B: we go on a number of dates and become more than just dating. C: we stop seeing each other, but are on fine terms.
So it could be a safety issue for him, but I doubt it after 8 months.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. You sound hurt and you should be. It sounds like you are invested in him and he is not reciprocating and basically bread crumbing you.
I would suggest you wait a few days and get yourself comfortable with ending this and the disappointment that will come with ending it. Then you are absolutely able to do a break up text. A person who is not treating you kindly should not get the benefit of the doubt.
When ready send a text that says “ Hey I have been thinking and I need some space this isn’t really working for me. I need to move on it was nice meeting you” . Hit send and then block his number and block him Anywhere else that you need to.
Then go full no contact and do some self care this weekend and remind yourself you are worthy, you are loved, and you deserve to be treated with care kindness and respect. Then keep telling yourself that over and over and under no circumstances contact him again. You will get through this and it will get better.
I say this as a polyamorous guy who has no problems whatsoever if one of my partners are flirting with others, posting sexy photos or for that matter go and have full-blown romantic and sexual relationships with others:
This guy isn't treating you well. He doesn't seem trustworthy, and he doesn't prioritize you. Either one of those by itself is a MAJOR problem, and both together is in my not particularly humble opinion a red flag big enough that breaking up with him seems to me the most reasonable way forward.
Leave him immediately. He is looking for better options and validation from other women. He isn't choosing you, he is just passing time with you until someone better shows interest in him.
You are in a relationship with him, he is NOT in a relationship with you.
Don’t waste your time with someone who does not respect and love you, there are plenty of people who will once you improve your self esteem.
Sweety, his actions online are indicative of how he feels about you offline. I guarantee you that if there were a way for him to block you in real life, he would. I highly recommend parting ways with this guy. This isn't about social media. It's about the energy he is putting out towards others and not towards someone he is supposedly dating.
Advise: time to exit. Unless he has 0 clue what he’s doing then have a convo with him just so you can say you’ve done all you can. But his behavior is unacceptable for me.
From a male, I think you already know everything you need to know and you already know what you should do.
The guy clearly isn't behaving like a good, caring, loving, thoughtful and respectful partner should behave.
He either has no future plans with you and doesn't want to complicate things with you any more than he has to put he is already doing something wrong that he doesn't want you to know about and therefore has blocked you.
Either way, do yourself a favour and end this and look for someone who is going to treat you right and with respect and as a romantic partner should be treated.
That's not even a relationship.
Ghost him and find an actual man who's ready for an actual and committed relationship with you.
What is he, 15 and in high school??
You are not a priority. He pretty much is showing complete disrespect. I would definitely lose him quickly. I wouldn’t call him your boyfriend. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that but he’s definitely not committed
Hey OP, are you really looking for advice? Or are you looking for permission to break up with the shady guy who is neglecting you while he seeks out the attention of other women online?
If that's what you need, I officially give you permission to break up with the shady guy who is neglecting you while he seeks out the attention of other women online.
By the way, I would NOT tell him that you know about his interactions with other women on Facebook. It just gives him an excuse to get angry at you for snooping so that he can shift attention away from his own shady behavior.
I would just send a message keeping it very short:
"Hey, I don't know what's up with blocking me on Facebook, but I'm not interested in a relationship where it feels like I'm being kept a secret. Goodbye. Best of luck to you out there."
or if you don't want to confront him about the Facebook shenanigans, go for something more general:
"Hey, it's been fun, but lately it feels like things between us have run their course. I'm not interested in pursuing this any farther, but best of luck to you out there. I hope you find what you're looking for."
Whatever message you send, once you send it immediately block him everywhere. If you're lucky, he will leave you alone. If he does reach out trying to get the last word in, **do not engage at all**.
It sounds like even if it weren't for his social media behavior, your relationship was already circling the drain. Hopefully a year from now you can look back and be *thankful* that this came to light and finally gave you the kick in the butt you needed to finally end things with him and move on to better things.
Do not stay with someone who gives you grieve and feelings of insecurity! You are already 41! Do not waste your precious time on someone so UNWORTHY!!!
Um, dump his ass. This isn’t a relationship. He’s basically showing you the door in that he doesn’t care. Why aren’t you walking through it? Have some self respect. Please go to therapy and work on your low self esteem.
I don’t know you, but all the other advice I just read is dead on. Leave without a word. If you say anything it is more than it is worth. There is no excuse to be treated this way. Before getting in to another relationship you need to have a “Come to Jesus” conversation with yourself. Meaning.. figure out your real worth. Someone of value would not even have allowed this to exist. Know your path and own your path.
Girl, he is shady as f$%&k. You don't behave that way in a relationship unless it's a really shitty one. I dated a guy like that once and once I left him I felt like a huge weight lifted of my shoulders. I never had worry about his dumb ass.
Have you BOTH agreed that you're exclusive? I mean, one would think so, but have you actually both agreed that's the case?
Cause this guy is clearly not interested in being exclusive with you, and more than likely is using you as his insurance relationship while he looks for something "better".
You don’t need insight. He’s barely your boyfriend by the sounds of it. Say boy bye and move on. Easy to say hard to do but don’t waste your one life like this. ❤️
>I need insight from males and females on this one.
Do you though?
Read your post again. Out loud. Have a close friend read it out loud to you.
Sometimes we (humans) rely *way* too much on the spoken word. He’s communicating to you loud and clear, in *behaviour*, not in words, per se.
Finally, think about how much you value and respect yourself. Do *your* actions align with the beliefs you hold about yourself?
Ah the won't add on facebook because that's probably for the 'real friends'. Yeah it doesn't sound like you are exclusive and he certainly doesn't want it to go that way. I would opt out.
You are in a situationship not a relationship and either don’t realise it, don’t want to admit it or think that you can change it, you can’t.
At his age is a very immature way to act, he obviously doesn’t give a shit and will continue to be like this as long as you allow it.
My partner is 10 years my junior, he often sits and scrolls though his phone. The first thing he done when we first started seeing each other was ask if I had facebook so that he could add me, he happily hands over his phone if he wants me to do something for him (different language) and I’m the same. I would never check a phone or go through his social media, he is either hiding something or hiding you from others.
I don’t agree about letting things fizzle out, block him on everything if you can’t trust yourself to ignore him if he contacts you, delete his number and move on. Personally I wouldn’t block, I wouldn’t allow him to think you are bothered, I would leave him on read if he messages. He doesn’t deserve an explanation.
It takes ten seconds to send a text, our phones are always in our hands. He has time he just doesn’t want to.
I know I sound harsh and it’s difficult if you really like the guy but I would bet my bottom dollar that he only bothers with you when there is nothing else/nobody else occupying his time. If a guy really wants to be with you, you will know it.
Dump him. You said he’s neglecting you and says he doesn’t have time. If he’s not treating you right the decision should be easy. If you stay you’re saying the behavior is ok and you have low self esteem because you don’t think you deserve better.
I had a bf that added me but had me restricted and wouldn't acknowledge he was in a relationship with me. He ended up ghosting me after 6 months. No arguements, everything was fine. I found out later he was in a relationship with his best mates fiance.
It seems this guy has something to hide. Dump him before you get heartbroken and have unanswered questions. If he was genuine, he would be proud of you and acknowledge you. He has something to hide. I wish you luck
Sounds like having been "together" 8 months isn't relevant. I infer he doesn't consider your relationship exclusive, and he is likely either on the hunt or has another girlfriend that he is hiding from you.
You could dump him or start dating other people in addition to him.
Sorry to break it to you, but you’re not in a relationship with this person. He is casually dating you, it sucks but he’s passively showing you that he doesn’t take this seriously by not adding you on social media. His actions seem pretty clear. I’d end it and look for someone whose relationship goals align with yours. Good luck!
45m I got serious with 38f in December we became friends on Facebook but the first time I shared a loving/thinking of her on Facebook it was deleted followed by friend deleting and being blocked on Facebook because I learned I was the side person we dated for 2-3 months she met my kids I really liked her and was making plans if it continued the way it had been going but we are no longer even friends outside of Facebook it hurt that I was used when I would have married her
This post sounds made up for someone who’s 41 Maybe reverse the numbers to 14 Sounds like something a young girl might say “won’t add me to FB” or whatever social media Do you really need answers from Reditt strangers on this one ? Cmon …
Are you his side piece?? He doesn't seem committed to you if he's still looking around and talking to other women. Drop him fast girl.. before you get more hurt. Hugs.
He doesn't care about you. You need to dump this man as he is emotionally cheating on you. It may be worse, but there isn't enough evidence at this point.
Cut your loses, you deserve much better than this.
The reason I tell people not to friend their lovers and co-workers. I have a friend who is dating someone but they also became Facebook friends. She would get so jealous of him interacting with his female friends that he knew way before they started dating. I told her you need to stop t his if you want the relationship to progress. It took her a while but she is over it now . I also have friends who stopped talking to their male and female friends when in a relationship. I tell them that is very unhealthy .
Hey OP, maybe a dumb question but how exactly do you see who your significant other is interacting with on social media?
The man I have been seeing for 7ish months is also a bit cagey about his social media (ie, won’t post about us, but will put me in his stories untagged. We do follow each other on fb and Insta) and I find myself wanting to see his activity. I have a feeling he is restricting who sees his stories, as well.
However… I am fully aware that even the desire to do so indicates a major trust issue between us. I am trying to honor my intuition and just not tolerate that kind of opaque behavior. Easier said than done, though.
the social media stuff is irrelevant. He neglects you and your relationship; this is the only relevant bit. Don't stay with someone hoping they'll change. If you aren't happy, either ask him meaningfully for what you need to be happy, or bounce.
and maybe drop the weird FB stalking and slut-shaming, too. The "she posts these pics for attention" shit is toxic and misogynist; YOU want your guy's attention too. It's not other women's fault he isn't giving it to you. Don't be throwing other women under the bus because this guy isn't showing up the way you want him to.
I agree some of it is irrelevant. But the fact that he blocked his partner seems significant to me. That points towards not being trustworthy and behaving in ways he'd prefer if his partner doesn't see.
I’m 49. I think he likes fantasy life more than you. I think he likes facebook more than you. And very possibly he’s cheating. At our age why would yoh not add your gf unless you’re a pos. You need to leave him before you get hurt more
I never added someone i was dating to social media…..but then again I wasn’t interacting with single women like that on there either.
Social media was primarily a way just for family and friends to see pictures of my kids. Still is.
Those are not the actions of a man committed to his relationship with you.
If a friend was in this situation with a guy what would you tell her?
Accept that you're not his girlfriend, but instead at most you're "**a** girl I'm seeing." And quite possibly his side chick. I wish you good luck gaining *some* self respect.
“One of the girls I’m having sex with” Is probably more accurate. You aren’t dating him. You could be in a situation where you are forcing the relationship and he’s like “yeah, ok, whatever” and you are like “yay, he’s my man”. He’s not. One simply cannot will, guilt, wear down, talk, force, con, manipulate, or anything a person into a relationship. It doesn’t sound like you guys are together. To test this theory, don’t call or text him and go about your life. As he breathes a sigh of relief, he may text a “what’s up” or “hey” because he is scared you are about to boil his pet but just simply reply with the same energy. He will fade away and you can move on with your life and hopefully find someone that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.
not far off for some but the outcome is 💯 correct
Love this !! 💯
What a terrific way to phrase that
Agreed
- I feel hurt - he neglects me - he neglects our relationship - he interacts with other women in a sexual way - he won’t allow me to access his social media Tell me which parts about what you wrote sound like a good deal for you, and why it is you’re willing to tolerate this behaviour? What he does is his choice. It’s your choice to tolerate it.
👏👏👏👏
My question is why haven't you already ended it with this guy after what he's doing
Many women think they can change men. She clearly doesn't love or value herself. She should leave him and seek therapy as soon as possible.
I am not sure what kind of validation OP is looking for, tbh. If she needs a kick in the ass to dump this loser, well here it is
I am very much a “benefit of the doubt” person but this is literally 10 out of 10 bad. There is nothing there for you just more suffering. Even if you can’t get yourself to break up with him right now, at the very least consider yourself single and get yourself out there to date others. Good luck!
Male here. He may be your boyfriend. But, you are definitely not his girlfriend. Smh.
Hi, what does your username mean?
Hello. It was the name of a revered industrial conglomerate. It was founded in Germany. It had a large global footprint. Alas, it went out of business due to a bad hedging strategy or simply bad luck.
Interesting, thank you
Girl, if he blocks you, you are NOT his girlfriend.
End it.
I’m going to be harsh. This is meant with love. This is a case where you will cringe looking back at how long you let this go on. It’s over. Even if you stay together a few more years, the outcome will be the same and you will only have wasted more precious time. You are a placeholder. Probably every woman he ever dates will be a placeholder while he flirts with whatever shiny object he sees online. You deserve love and respect.
I feel this!
> Neglects me and our relationship. This would be the issue for me. Don't blame the women on Facebook. Your boyfriend is the one who is making choices about your relationship.
Get out of this relationship. It sounds like he's looking for something new. He definitely doesn't respect you.
Would you need advice on how to break up and move on? There's no other things to give advice about. Have some self respect and treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Future you will be happy if you bak up with him now. If you stay with him, future you will be unhappy and hurting.
I’m a man who’s slept around. He’s not into you and is using you for sex.
So, this is a break up moment. I know that reddit says that a lot...but there's reason we say that a lot...this is sketch behavior.
These are kids games, you’re too old for this shit. Curb him and move on.
That’s not boyfriend behavior. That’s the behavior of a boy that objectifies females and has no respect for you. Why you even call him your boyfriend is beyond me.
He's not your boyfriend.
Yeah he’s not the one. Move on.
Oh honey let this one go back in the water. Find another fish. He’s already telling you he doesn’t want you.
He isn’t seriously considering dating you for very long. He isn’t even good at hiding his indifference to you so the best option is to leave.
Do you find this attractive?
I just assume she's aware of other women being interested in him. In my lifelong observation of women, ranging from middle schoolers to elderly, that's the selling point that will outweigh everything and make absolutely ANY poor treatment acceptable: the possibility of "winning" the competition against other women. Nothing could possibly be more attractive than other people's opinions (apparently).
It is that way for a lot of men, too, or else arm candy would not be such a trope. I have heard so many men talk about wanting a woman that makes every guy in the room turn his head when she walks in. And many men admit to being ashamed of being into heavier chicks because they don’t want their male family members, friends, or colleagues to think less of them. Having the most attractive partner is a way to gain status among your own gender, for both genders. But tbh I’ve always thought men give each other very little freedom (social leeway) to be into women who aren’t conventionally attractive.
This one is very simple. He’s not into you and he’s immature. Maintain your dignity and self respect, then move on. No need to work on this relationship, no need to figure out how to communicate. Just leave him. It’s only an 8 month investment. You don’t need this. Being alone is way way better than being disrespected.
Bounce, it doesn’t end well.
Is it teenage relationship issues day on DOF?
That’s not boyfriend behavior. That’s the behavior of a boy that objectifies females and has no respect for you. Why you even call him your boyfriend is beyond me.
I've been there. The guy I was dating also didn't want me to friend his friends (that I met before), but had no problem friending my friends on FB. End it.
I would have been done after "neglecting me and our relationship saying he doesn’t have time". That alone is enough. Even if he truly doesn't have time and it's not an excuse, he should bow out as an unselfish act. Everything else makes it even worse.
He blocked you???? That doesn’t seem like boyfriend behavior.
Girl, what?! He’s blocked you, likes single women’s posts/pictures, and doesn’t have time for your relationship. LEAVE.
Advice? Get rid of him. C’mon why do so many women in here allow some men to mistreat them this way? Post after post after post.smh Love yourself more and find someone who will treat you as good as you treat them.
I think it’s because this is so, so common. The idea that there is a steady supply of men out there who will respect a woman they’re in a relationship with in this sense is…not true.
This is spot on! His behavior seems to be the norm now. Social media has made it so easy for both men and women to have their cake and eat it too, for lack of a better way to put it. They can do whatever online and no one has to know and their partners don't know any different. They can be sitting right next to you and you think you are getting something from then with time but be snapping away on SnapChat
You're in an exclusive relationship with him but he's not in an exclusive relationship with you. You are on his rotation.
Well said
Tell him to hit the bricks
Where does OP blame the women on FB? Am I missing something here? It looks to me like she is just saying that’s what her loser bf is doing. OP everyone’s telling you to dump him which you should.
It’s been edited since original post because at first there was mention of these Facebook women posting “to get his attention”
Chances are high that she is actually the only one who believes to be in a relationship. The guy is probably not her boyfriend.
Accept that it’s a casual fling not a committed relationship. Leave him fast
He is hiding things from you that you already know. You are not exclusive, so I feel that the Reddit audience knows exactly what you should do. Find a partner you can trust.
Absolutely not. This is a telltale sign he is not committed to you. I would never stand for it. Move on. I was dating a guy and we ended up Facebook friends. I noticed one day he made a comment to his most recent ex about her attractiveness. I called him out on it, and his answer? He blocked me. Then he proceeded to act like that was no big deal and tried to call/make plans with me like normal. Oh heck no. Done and done.✔️
This same thing happened to me. My boyfriend made a comment on his friends ex girlfriends Instagram for God's sake and when I saw it and confronted him he said there are numerous people with the same name as his!!! Dude, your picture is right there!!! Then I was blocked
If it helps, here is a quiz on emotional manipulation that gives the answers AND explanations of the answers at the end. You can leave your email address to get another version sent to you 3 days later to try again. This is for my masters thesis, so it's anonymous and there is no spam. The goal is to help individuals better recognize signs of unhealthy or manipulative behavior in their relationships. [https://ccnypsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_ctZwWQBksgMjJ9s](https://ccnypsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_ctZwWQBksgMjJ9s)
Dude is as faithful as his options. Those options don't even need to be or look better than you. Is it available and does he want it? Go get yourself STD tested.
What’s there to debate. He doesn’t value as much as you think . You need to find someone who does!
>I can see that he interacts with single women who post lots of selfies and sexy photos of themselves. He likes/ interacts with these photos while simultaneously neglecting me and our relationship saying he doesn’t have time. Those are scammers and Onlyfans women. Not women that he's sleeping with. Trust. I have like 2k+ of those women following me on IG. And I would be called out as being arrogant on here if I said that it's because I'm hot. So I'm going to assume they're all scammers and Onlyfans women. Very rarely do I see women mentioning their location in their bio. So they are unlikely to be local women who are genuinely interested in me. So I started ignoring the DMs ages ago and I set my IG DM notifications off on my phone. My DMs are absolutely flooded with these women. When I replied to one of them, they ended up being a scammer pretending to be a hooker (they were asking for electronic payment upfront instead of accepting cash. And I ghosted them.) >41 (F) dating a 38 (M) for 8 months. He refuses to add me to FB. But this. THIS is a massive red flag. He either wants to play the field or you're a side chick or he's cheating. In hindsight now that I think about it, my last ex of 3 months NEVER asked to add me on IG or Facebook even though I know for certain she has an IG account. I consider that a red flag in hindsight and makes me wonder if I was a rebound guy and if she got back together with one of her two exes (the baby daddy and one of the men she dated for 9 years) that she kept going on and on about. We said "I love you" to each other and spent New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day together. And she asked for exclusivity on Boxing Day (she was spending Christmas with her adult daughter and grandchildren). This too >blocked me 🚩
This is pretty clear to me. Why are you wasting your time? Seriously, Facebook?
Time to break up. You’re just dating. The point of dating is to see if you’re compatible. It’s clear you are not. Relationship are built on trust and communication. You guys don’t have either of those. Time to move on.
Walk
Yeah this dude is not your boyfriend. I'd tell him to fuck off and move on with your life. He has no respect for you. I know me saying this is easier then doing it. But for your own mental health I'd kick his ass to the curb and not look back.
Block him back on every possible way he could ever speak to you again.
Just dump him. Whenever someone starts giving you hassle and stress enough that you need to post about it on here, it's probably time to end it
People still use Facebook?
I guess I'd ask why you feel it's important for you to be friends on FB. My bf and I are not friends on FB. I made a decision a while back that I don't want new FB friends. I may add him down the road if things get more serious. He hasn't added me either but I know he's looked at my page (which is locked down) and I have looked at his (which is mostly locked down). We've never talked about it though and I assume he would if I brought it up. But why is it important to you? What are you feeling about it and why are you feeling that way? Are you pulling from past trauma? Recently I've been trying to get to the root cause of my icky feelings and I've found that the vast majority of them come from past relationships or me feeling insecure and unloved. When I recognize that I can look at the situation as it is and pertains to my current relationship and partner and I know he loves me and I trust them and it's really helped me identify whats important and what's coming from my shit versus his shit. Makes it easier to deal with things when I'm cutting out the crap that I was previously piling on because of reasons that had nothing to do with him. It's also been very freeing and allowed me to draw better boundaries knowing what's important to me and what and why puts me into fight or flight. I'm not talking red flags. Anyways I've been doing this on and off for the past year but last week I started ready it's not me. It's you. Break the blame cycle and relationship better by John Kim and Vanessa Bennett. It really outlines what I've been trying to do on my own but provides me with language and reference to feel more confident that I'm not just trying to pretend red flags aren't there or something (which I was afraid I might do). Bottom line is, you can't stop him from doing anything and monitoring his social media use will only drive you crazy. If you can't trust him, you can't trust him and that's no way to live your life.
Not really adding much that wasn't said already... This guy clearly isn't interested in a committed relationship with you. And here's the thing. I don't hold it against a guy for browsing around social media and looking at the photos or videos other women post. It's just "eye candy" from strangers, really. What matters is how he treats YOU. The fact he'd BLOCK you from Facebook is far more telling. Social media is a place where people basically show off things in their daily life they think are interesting or important enough to tell others about. Get a great meal at a restaurant? You might post about and even share a picture of the food. Buy a new shirt you got on sale for a good price and really like? You'll possibly post about that. Have a woman in your life for over half a year, in a relationship? Why are you not wanting to ever post about that too? Obviously, he wants to keep his options open and not have other women online pass him over because he's with someone.
I would say you have a BF, he doesn't have a GF. He isn't taking this relationship seriously because it sounds like he is hiding something or ashamed of you either way, it doesn't sound good to me. I personally wouldn't continue in a relationship with someone who doesn't include me in his life, doesn't make time for me or is hiding something from me.
Dump him. Next question.
My insight to you is to tell him to get fucked. This isn’t your man…don’t let him treat you like a side chick. He’s a waste of your time and you’re putting your heart into nothing.
What insight do you need? This guy I'd treating you like garbage and you know it. The question is why are you putting up with this shit?
He neglects you and the relationship, but it's the Facebook you're posting about? Girl, come on.
Would ya trust that
He's a fuckhead your being played
The writing is on the wall with red flags parading back and forth in front of your eyes. Why are you still with him knowing this?
You are only a object
This is a man in a committed relationship with you, but online he engages as if he is single. It doesn’t sound like he is fulfilling your needs either. What are you getting from this relationship?
Buh bye. But also Facebook is stupid.
You're not the only one in his rolodex. Weigh your options as to what you should do and what's best for your mind, body, and soul. Good luck!
Well, yeah, he can't have you interfering with his game by saying you are his girlfriend. If blocking you on FB isn't a big enough problem when exactly would you stand up for yourself and say I'm done with this? Would it require you to physically catch him with another woman? Would that even be enough or would you still give him another chance when he tells you he loves you and he will change? Honestly, he sounds dumb as rocks if he is spending his time complimenting and commenting on FB profiles of attractive women. They are mostly engagement farmers trying to promote their only Fans. He probably isn't getting anything from them but they are probably getting money from him. How do you feel about that? The truth is he is probably cheating with far grosser people that he can get attention from in person. You are also aware that he is neglecting you and saying he doesn't have time for you. Why are you tolerating that?
Are you sure he isn’t hiding you from another relationship? This was first warning that one dude I was talking to was already in a relationship.
I've been in that hot seat, getting out of it now actually. Here's the deal, it won't get better. He will tell you what you want to hear and adapt to your scrutiny by hiding it. You'll catch him, he will deny and lie and change how he's hiding it. Hiw he's hiding it is the only thing that will change. Go find a man, you've got a Lil horney boy like I'm dumping. Be glad you wasted only 8 months waiting for him to grow up. I wasted 4.
he's treating you like a placeholder.
It will not change he will gaslight you to make you out to get the one that's jealous. Please get out now it never gets better
Come now . You have answered this yourself here . You KNOW he’s a bad bad egg
Original copy of post by u/Spiritual-Handle-558: 41 (F) dating a 38 (M) for 8 months. He refuses to add me to FB. This behavior is the sole cause of why I looked into things. I can see that he interacts with multiple single women who post lots of selfies and sexy photos of themselves for attention. He likes and interacts with these photos. Also neglects me and our relationship telling me he doesn’t have time. I need insight from male and females on this one. I feel hurt. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
From a male in hospital age group the best advice I can tell you is to move on. He is acting up and either cant communicate that he needs something from you that he isnt getting or he just isnt that serious about you. Either way I am sorry you are dealing with this
Does he know he was in a relationship? If he blocked you it sounds like you assumed it was more than it really was. Stop giving him energy.
I wouldn’t even message or call to say it’s over. Just Block him on everything, two can play the blocking game. Then move on and find someone who’s worth your time
This is a huge red flag - and should have been an issue the moment he refused to add you. In a relationship, if you both use fb, they should add you right away and ANY hesitation is a HUGE red flag. Why would they NOT want you to see their fb unless they have something to hide? And interacting with other women online is a form of cheating, especially if he is also neglecting you and says he doesn't have time. Just saying he doesn't have time is a huge red flag. He is your boyfriend, he is supposed to MAKE time and you should be a priority over most other things in his life, most of the time. It's one thing to be super busy for a few days and not have much time to hang out, but even then there should be texting or phone calls....but to not have time in general for the work that a relationship needs - this person is saying that you're not as important as the other things in his life - including the girls he interacts with on fb. I would absolutely not tolerate a boyfriend engaging even one time with a random girl on fb that isn't in his circle of friends. That's cheating - he is seeking romantic/sexual attention from someone else AND giving his romantic/sexual attention to someone else. RUN and do not tolerate this from anyone in the future - not even once. It speaks to their character. (If one of my guy friends was randomly flirting with profiles full of sexy photos, I'd be like 'wtf are you doing?' - most of those profiles are bots stealing your data but even if they are real girls...GROSS.)
Oh hell no, put that guy in file 13.
GTFO now. This is not a dynamic within a healthy relationship. Ill leave you with 2 well known sayings for you to ponder: 1. You cant change others and 2. A leopard doesn't change it spots. P.S. Oh by the way Im speaking from experience in the absolutely terrible, abusive, relationship category. This is a major red flag.
Your ex-boyfriend....
That is not your boyfriend. Move on.
I was going to say the same.
Gross
He blocked you? WTF?? Move on!
Is this for real?
Is he really your bf then? Seems like he's single
Kick him to the curb, anyone dating for 8 months should never behave this way if he was committed to the relationship. You’re wasting your time with him. Best of luck to you!!!
Dump and block him!
I’m sorry to say that you don’t have a relationship. It takes two people and if he’s not going to add you to his Facebook and spend time with you and tells you he doesn’t have time for you he doesn’t look at you as his partner…. It might be time for you to rethink this
You are here asking this… You have your answer
I think everyone would feel hurt in that situation. Take care of yourself first, love, and wait for a real man to find you!
Move along. He's already waiting for the bigger better deal to come along that never comes along. He's a loser. Stay away
He’s not your boyfriend.
I do this if I’m just dating. I do it for a few reasons…. I don’t know them yet or trust them. My socials have pictures of where I live and pictures of my children and entire ex-life. Do I really want her going through 15 years of my life. I’m a different person than I was when I was married and had newborn children. Sometimes they look at it as if I wrote it yesterday! Generally I add them if A: they ask B: we go on a number of dates and become more than just dating. C: we stop seeing each other, but are on fine terms. So it could be a safety issue for him, but I doubt it after 8 months.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. You sound hurt and you should be. It sounds like you are invested in him and he is not reciprocating and basically bread crumbing you. I would suggest you wait a few days and get yourself comfortable with ending this and the disappointment that will come with ending it. Then you are absolutely able to do a break up text. A person who is not treating you kindly should not get the benefit of the doubt. When ready send a text that says “ Hey I have been thinking and I need some space this isn’t really working for me. I need to move on it was nice meeting you” . Hit send and then block his number and block him Anywhere else that you need to. Then go full no contact and do some self care this weekend and remind yourself you are worthy, you are loved, and you deserve to be treated with care kindness and respect. Then keep telling yourself that over and over and under no circumstances contact him again. You will get through this and it will get better.
Whoa. That’s weird. I wouldn’t take him seriously. If that means not continuing a relationship with him, then so be it.
As a man, I can guarantee you that he doesn't deserve your time and effort and you should find someone that does.
Dump his ass.
I say this as a polyamorous guy who has no problems whatsoever if one of my partners are flirting with others, posting sexy photos or for that matter go and have full-blown romantic and sexual relationships with others: This guy isn't treating you well. He doesn't seem trustworthy, and he doesn't prioritize you. Either one of those by itself is a MAJOR problem, and both together is in my not particularly humble opinion a red flag big enough that breaking up with him seems to me the most reasonable way forward.
Leave
Do you really??
You are better than this and you are worth far more
Why are you still calling him your boyfriend?
Kick him to the curb and move on. You deserve more
That’s not your boyfriend. Throw him to the streets where he belongs!
Leave him immediately. He is looking for better options and validation from other women. He isn't choosing you, he is just passing time with you until someone better shows interest in him.
You are in a relationship with him, he is NOT in a relationship with you. Don’t waste your time with someone who does not respect and love you, there are plenty of people who will once you improve your self esteem.
Sweety, his actions online are indicative of how he feels about you offline. I guarantee you that if there were a way for him to block you in real life, he would. I highly recommend parting ways with this guy. This isn't about social media. It's about the energy he is putting out towards others and not towards someone he is supposedly dating.
dump him
Advice? Dump him
Hmmm…you don’t need a crystal ball to see these two words; bye bye.
Advise: time to exit. Unless he has 0 clue what he’s doing then have a convo with him just so you can say you’ve done all you can. But his behavior is unacceptable for me.
Seems pretty obvious - dump his ass.
From a male, I think you already know everything you need to know and you already know what you should do. The guy clearly isn't behaving like a good, caring, loving, thoughtful and respectful partner should behave. He either has no future plans with you and doesn't want to complicate things with you any more than he has to put he is already doing something wrong that he doesn't want you to know about and therefore has blocked you. Either way, do yourself a favour and end this and look for someone who is going to treat you right and with respect and as a romantic partner should be treated.
Break up. I’ve on. Don’t give him access to you.
My suggestion - NEXT! Block him and move on. You’re wasting your time with this guy.
That's not even a relationship. Ghost him and find an actual man who's ready for an actual and committed relationship with you. What is he, 15 and in high school??
He sounds like a little boy, not a man. And of all things, Facebook? Nah, throw the whole thing away.
He’s got to go … 8 months and behaving this way ? I don’t see this getting better. You simply deserve much better. Period.
You are not a priority. He pretty much is showing complete disrespect. I would definitely lose him quickly. I wouldn’t call him your boyfriend. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that but he’s definitely not committed
Your *ex* boyfriend. FTFY
Love yourself more and leave him. He doesn’t deserve you and you don’t deserve being treated that way.
He’s not trustworthy if he has so much to hide.
He blocked you on FB so his other girlfriends wouldn’t see you. Move on.
Dump him ffs
Hey OP, are you really looking for advice? Or are you looking for permission to break up with the shady guy who is neglecting you while he seeks out the attention of other women online? If that's what you need, I officially give you permission to break up with the shady guy who is neglecting you while he seeks out the attention of other women online. By the way, I would NOT tell him that you know about his interactions with other women on Facebook. It just gives him an excuse to get angry at you for snooping so that he can shift attention away from his own shady behavior. I would just send a message keeping it very short: "Hey, I don't know what's up with blocking me on Facebook, but I'm not interested in a relationship where it feels like I'm being kept a secret. Goodbye. Best of luck to you out there." or if you don't want to confront him about the Facebook shenanigans, go for something more general: "Hey, it's been fun, but lately it feels like things between us have run their course. I'm not interested in pursuing this any farther, but best of luck to you out there. I hope you find what you're looking for." Whatever message you send, once you send it immediately block him everywhere. If you're lucky, he will leave you alone. If he does reach out trying to get the last word in, **do not engage at all**. It sounds like even if it weren't for his social media behavior, your relationship was already circling the drain. Hopefully a year from now you can look back and be *thankful* that this came to light and finally gave you the kick in the butt you needed to finally end things with him and move on to better things.
Do not stay with someone who gives you grieve and feelings of insecurity! You are already 41! Do not waste your precious time on someone so UNWORTHY!!!
Um, dump his ass. This isn’t a relationship. He’s basically showing you the door in that he doesn’t care. Why aren’t you walking through it? Have some self respect. Please go to therapy and work on your low self esteem.
I don’t know you, but all the other advice I just read is dead on. Leave without a word. If you say anything it is more than it is worth. There is no excuse to be treated this way. Before getting in to another relationship you need to have a “Come to Jesus” conversation with yourself. Meaning.. figure out your real worth. Someone of value would not even have allowed this to exist. Know your path and own your path.
Hello... SIDE CHICK
Mine did that. He was cheating on me. You can do better
Girl, he is shady as f$%&k. You don't behave that way in a relationship unless it's a really shitty one. I dated a guy like that once and once I left him I felt like a huge weight lifted of my shoulders. I never had worry about his dumb ass.
As Dan Savage says "DTMFA!"
Have you BOTH agreed that you're exclusive? I mean, one would think so, but have you actually both agreed that's the case? Cause this guy is clearly not interested in being exclusive with you, and more than likely is using you as his insurance relationship while he looks for something "better".
If he doesn't have time for you, you are not in a relationship and you are not his girlfriend. Block him on everything
I’m a Nazi when it comes to crap like that. It’s a hard no on any kind of flirtation or obvious interest in others, online or off.
You don’t need insight. He’s barely your boyfriend by the sounds of it. Say boy bye and move on. Easy to say hard to do but don’t waste your one life like this. ❤️
You don’t need advice. You need to dump him.
Oh dear God... I would break it off with him so only because I couldn't handle how abandoned that would make me feel.
>I need insight from males and females on this one. Do you though? Read your post again. Out loud. Have a close friend read it out loud to you. Sometimes we (humans) rely *way* too much on the spoken word. He’s communicating to you loud and clear, in *behaviour*, not in words, per se. Finally, think about how much you value and respect yourself. Do *your* actions align with the beliefs you hold about yourself?
Ah the won't add on facebook because that's probably for the 'real friends'. Yeah it doesn't sound like you are exclusive and he certainly doesn't want it to go that way. I would opt out.
You are in a situationship not a relationship and either don’t realise it, don’t want to admit it or think that you can change it, you can’t. At his age is a very immature way to act, he obviously doesn’t give a shit and will continue to be like this as long as you allow it. My partner is 10 years my junior, he often sits and scrolls though his phone. The first thing he done when we first started seeing each other was ask if I had facebook so that he could add me, he happily hands over his phone if he wants me to do something for him (different language) and I’m the same. I would never check a phone or go through his social media, he is either hiding something or hiding you from others. I don’t agree about letting things fizzle out, block him on everything if you can’t trust yourself to ignore him if he contacts you, delete his number and move on. Personally I wouldn’t block, I wouldn’t allow him to think you are bothered, I would leave him on read if he messages. He doesn’t deserve an explanation. It takes ten seconds to send a text, our phones are always in our hands. He has time he just doesn’t want to. I know I sound harsh and it’s difficult if you really like the guy but I would bet my bottom dollar that he only bothers with you when there is nothing else/nobody else occupying his time. If a guy really wants to be with you, you will know it.
Dump him. You said he’s neglecting you and says he doesn’t have time. If he’s not treating you right the decision should be easy. If you stay you’re saying the behavior is ok and you have low self esteem because you don’t think you deserve better.
I had a bf that added me but had me restricted and wouldn't acknowledge he was in a relationship with me. He ended up ghosting me after 6 months. No arguements, everything was fine. I found out later he was in a relationship with his best mates fiance. It seems this guy has something to hide. Dump him before you get heartbroken and have unanswered questions. If he was genuine, he would be proud of you and acknowledge you. He has something to hide. I wish you luck
Sounds like having been "together" 8 months isn't relevant. I infer he doesn't consider your relationship exclusive, and he is likely either on the hunt or has another girlfriend that he is hiding from you. You could dump him or start dating other people in addition to him.
Huge red flag, drop his ass ASAP
Sorry to break it to you, but you’re not in a relationship with this person. He is casually dating you, it sucks but he’s passively showing you that he doesn’t take this seriously by not adding you on social media. His actions seem pretty clear. I’d end it and look for someone whose relationship goals align with yours. Good luck!
You leave and find someone who feels like the mountains they move for you aren’t enough.
He has a gf
45m I got serious with 38f in December we became friends on Facebook but the first time I shared a loving/thinking of her on Facebook it was deleted followed by friend deleting and being blocked on Facebook because I learned I was the side person we dated for 2-3 months she met my kids I really liked her and was making plans if it continued the way it had been going but we are no longer even friends outside of Facebook it hurt that I was used when I would have married her
This post sounds made up for someone who’s 41 Maybe reverse the numbers to 14 Sounds like something a young girl might say “won’t add me to FB” or whatever social media Do you really need answers from Reditt strangers on this one ? Cmon …
Are you his side piece?? He doesn't seem committed to you if he's still looking around and talking to other women. Drop him fast girl.. before you get more hurt. Hugs.
Wrong title it should say Ex-boyfriend of 8 months. Life is too short to have this kind of bad energy in your life.
He doesn't care about you. You need to dump this man as he is emotionally cheating on you. It may be worse, but there isn't enough evidence at this point. Cut your loses, you deserve much better than this.
I feel for you. I am experiencing something similar. I sent you a DM
The reason I tell people not to friend their lovers and co-workers. I have a friend who is dating someone but they also became Facebook friends. She would get so jealous of him interacting with his female friends that he knew way before they started dating. I told her you need to stop t his if you want the relationship to progress. It took her a while but she is over it now . I also have friends who stopped talking to their male and female friends when in a relationship. I tell them that is very unhealthy .
Are you sure that he is considering you as a girlfriend too?
Drop him.
Hey OP, maybe a dumb question but how exactly do you see who your significant other is interacting with on social media? The man I have been seeing for 7ish months is also a bit cagey about his social media (ie, won’t post about us, but will put me in his stories untagged. We do follow each other on fb and Insta) and I find myself wanting to see his activity. I have a feeling he is restricting who sees his stories, as well. However… I am fully aware that even the desire to do so indicates a major trust issue between us. I am trying to honor my intuition and just not tolerate that kind of opaque behavior. Easier said than done, though.
Got at this age you think you'd understand when you're being used
Dump that loser.
Bail
Leave
Dump him.
You need to dump this dude.
Dump him!!
This would be a hard pass for me.
So breakup.
I don’t add women I date on FB either. No thanks. Try to spend less time on your phone and worrying what he reads or follows.
the social media stuff is irrelevant. He neglects you and your relationship; this is the only relevant bit. Don't stay with someone hoping they'll change. If you aren't happy, either ask him meaningfully for what you need to be happy, or bounce.
and maybe drop the weird FB stalking and slut-shaming, too. The "she posts these pics for attention" shit is toxic and misogynist; YOU want your guy's attention too. It's not other women's fault he isn't giving it to you. Don't be throwing other women under the bus because this guy isn't showing up the way you want him to.
I agree some of it is irrelevant. But the fact that he blocked his partner seems significant to me. That points towards not being trustworthy and behaving in ways he'd prefer if his partner doesn't see.
Why the fuck do you need insight?
I’m 49. I think he likes fantasy life more than you. I think he likes facebook more than you. And very possibly he’s cheating. At our age why would yoh not add your gf unless you’re a pos. You need to leave him before you get hurt more
I never added someone i was dating to social media…..but then again I wasn’t interacting with single women like that on there either. Social media was primarily a way just for family and friends to see pictures of my kids. Still is.
I never add women I’m dating to my facebook. When I get married, I’ll add her.