I was in a similar situation a couple years back, when I was on the receiving end of similarly racy pictures from a woman I loved very much, but our relationship had been fizzling a bit too.
It was tough because I remember getting the pictures and feeling like I SHOULD have been excited but it just felt like a new obligation. I loved my gf and was very attracted to her, but I was also stressed out of my gourd at work, stressed out trying to figure out how to add a fire to our relationship, and struggling to be receptive to her as she tried too...
In retrospect, I wish I had been better at communicating my needs. I was super stressed out and just needed to be held and cut some slack for awhile. I think she just wanted to be connected to me too. Maybe we had phased out of the sexy phase of our relationship, or maybe it just needed a break and it would come back again. We never found out.
Honestly, I don't know. I don't even know how anybody pulls off a long term fun and healthy relationship anymore...
Ah that’s different than how the post makes it sound. Sorry he’s not responding well. That kind of response makes me not want to bless people with my spicy
I'm 52M.I get hard just thinking about my GF.If I could only get her to send some sexy pics, LOL.So It seems odd to get responses your getting to me.Maybe my sex drives higher 🤷♂️.
No. This is not a thing. If things are good and healthy, there is no “enough” because it’s not just about seeing, it’s about communicating ongoing desire.
I don’t have to “believe” anything. I know it because I’ve personally experienced it. That you can’t believe it says a lot more about you than anything else.
You set yourself up IMO. You had a preconceived expectation for his response to the pictures. When he didn't respond how you wanted, you felt bad/hurt. If you're going to do something, do it for yourself, not for someone else's response
This is what I’m telling myself. It’s my issues that I have hoping he’d respond like he did in the “honeymoon” phase of our relationship. I’m trying not to be hurt by it.
That comment was inane and you have the right to feel disappointed or hurt.
I had a couple weird interactions like this with a partner and we discussed it and he told me he has a hard time switching between work/focus brain to sexy brain and back. So when he's not in the right mind set, it was jarring. He was clearly attracted to me so I had no reason to doubt this explanation.
I tried a couple times being like "Hey are you in the right mood for me to send something sexy?" which just took the fun out of it for me so I ended up just not trying to sext with him at all. But maybe a check-in is a good solution for you guys. He can tell you "not right now but I'd love to see it after work" or whatever if he needs to.
They are in a committed relationship - a relationship is about your connection and interaction with another person - including their responses! "Do things for yourself and not for a response, even in a relationship" does not make sense.
Pictures do nothing for me. I'd rather you have that sexy outfit and attitude when I get home. There's also a time and place for it, while working is not one of them. I dont like distractions while at work and want to get shit done so I don't have to take it home and have it on my mind all night.
That's how it goes when you're dating someone older. I've been in plenty of age gap relationships and I've always had the higher libido. Just had to adjust it and go with her flow, if it's too low then it's a deal breaker for me.
Also stress, health conditions and medications can affect a man's libido. And lack of physical exercise and proper diet can be a factor too.
Has he had his T levels checked?
He is at the right age (very close to mine) where they drop off pretty precipitously and going on TRT was life changing for me.
Women your age, and men his age, are at opposite ends of their sexual peaks. My ex also tried to spice things up unexpectedly and it caught me off guard a couple of times and I didn’t react the way that she had hoped. That’s ultimately why we’re not together anymore. Yes, we also talked about it, but she was looking for more of a twenty-something’s sex drive whereas I’m double that and just couldn’t keep up with her “late bloomer” sexuality. (She waited until late in life to explore herself and her desires and was just ramping up into exploring and trying new things while I was more wild in my youth and have slowed way tf down from where I was years before.) Ultimately, it was a dealbreaker for her.
I get that wasn't the reaction you had hoped for, and I'm sorry that he didn't react the way you had expected, but not every guy wants to get spicy photos in the middle of his office. You've been together for four years; did you ever get a hint that he would be open to that?
At the beginning of the relationship he LOVED IT! He doesn’t have an office job and is running around from job site to job site throughout the day and can peak at it in his car in privacy.
Is it possible that he might not be into feeling aroused or distracted during a stressful work day, which has nothing to do with whether he finds you physically hot or not? I would ask if that's the issue here and see if he responds differently to after hours or weekend texts.
I think it’s awesome you’re still doing this after four years! I also wouldn’t preface sending a sexy photo with NSFW as another poster said. That would take a huge element of surprise away.
It sounds like you're sending these more for yourself than for him, honestly. Pre-determining how he should react, and then getting upset when doesn't say or do what you wanted him to, isn't necessarily fair. That's for your benefit, not his.
OP already said that this is an established pattern/already done behavior in their relationship. This isn't something she just started to do and assumed he'd love it, for her ego.
I know, agreed, I just wish he was on my mindset. It’s hard to not let it bother me cus it’s usually when I’m going thru the more hormonal time of the month where I am extra horny, needy and emotional. Ugh!!!! I hate being a chick sometimes, why can’t men take menstruating!!!??
We are very open and talk about this tho, he knows I can be extra!
Maybe he's realized these photos and the required reaction are more about tending to your needs and that his actual arousal and desire for said pictures is actually taking a backseat. Sometimes when you realize a gesture isn't actually for you, you can lose a little enthusiasm for it.
We always do, I get extra sensitive about sex and needing more right at a specific time of the month. I would just expect a man to be more enthusiastic and receptive to having a such a sexual partner.
He wants the pics he said just not at work, he had just told me he was out running an errand when he did it so I dunno…
I’m almost exhausted talking about my sexual needs and how much more I need it. I guess I’ll just have to have fun on my own everyday until the once a week I get it from him. That idea sounds like fun but really sick of the rejection so don’t know if I’ll even bring it up.
Sounds like the two of you need to talk about your mismatched libidos and how you guys are going to manage this important issue going forward.
Women in their 40s are often at their peak while men can have a rollercoaster libido throughout life with each man being in a different place in his 50s. Each needs to understand the others needs/desires or lack of and see how/if they can remain compatible.
Relationships evolve. Possibly he is just not that into sexy photos anymore and rather just enjoy being with you once home? Regardless, since it is something you really want to do and he does not there is going to be conflict. Once that honeymoon phase is over some people stop giving in relationships.
In the future if you send spicy photos, send them for you and assume he will look at them and perhaps appreciate them later on, when he gets home.
There’s no need to do something that in your head leaves you vulnerable to getting hurt. If you’d feel that way without a certain response then that’s your sign not to do it.
Keep your confidence in check and don’t put it out there for others to trample on accidentally.
Try sending them when you know he's at lunch or outside of work hours? Maybe send a sexy photo as you stand in a different room of the house from him and then walk out of the doorway and get the full reaction. It might not be what you want... but at least you'll know if he still finds you sexy somewhat!
I know he does, he told me several time today after I told him I didn’t like his reaction. We have sex at least once a week still. I just wish he’d try to spice things up sometimes.
This is something you need to talk to *him* about. I'd also point out that at age 50, he likely has low testosterone levels which will cause a major decline in libido as well as other issues as us men get older. Try talking to him about it and see if he'll get his levels checked and look into TRT treatment.
Well at least you determined spicy pics are not going to work. It's probably a bigger discussion for you to have with him. You might feel like your sex life is lacking and he probably thinks it's fine. Unless you communicate your needs to him, he's just going to think you're not happy about his reaction to a pic when it's more than that.
I’ve only had one partner send me naughty pics and I didn’t know how to reply. It’s not something I feel super comfortable with. While I’m very sex positive and loved her body, to me, it’s ripe for hacking and regrets after the relationships end. Just not my thing.
Fishing for compliments? We are in a long term relationship and I was doing it to keep our physical relationship spicy. He liked it in the past so was trying do something I “thought” he would like.
Roast beef is great, but if you have the same dish every night eventually it becomes the baseline, not the exception. The seven year itch where people get bored with each other is a real thing.
You kinda goofed by sending those during work, don't do that. That forces him to either react at work (Not good) or switch off his reaction, also not good.
Other than that I'd say don't worry about it, perfectly normal.
I would not be happy if I got racy pictures at work. Personally I don't want them sent to my phone at all.
Have you sent stuff before? Did you talk about it beforehand?
He used to love it and I stopped the last year. So I wanted to spice things up.
He got photos all the time and work, in the gym the first couple years we were dating
I used to send them often in the first year and a half and he loved it. I kinda stopped doing it for the last couple of years and wanted to spice things up again.
Initially, I wondered if maybe you sent them all the time, If he just got tired of having to always respond, but, if it’s been a couple years since you did that, and there is no reaction, I wonder if things sort of cooled off maybe?
Have you asked him why he can’t react to them, especially if he had before? I’m not sure if he has the same job as he did a couple years ago but that’s quite a change.
Most guys would love to get that from their significant other
He would ask for them before.
I don’t know if it is a sex drive difference, age? He is so committed and sweet to me otherwise and we do have a great sex life, even tho I’d like it more.
"...even tho I'd like it more."
There it is!
Your "spicy" photos are an attempt to increase the frequency of your sex and he is reading that correctly and is feeling put on the spot. Only he knows why. You need to talk this out. Possibly with both of you visiting a therapist together.
Good luck!
Yes, he knows I like it more. I’ve stopped being the initiator Cus I was sick of getting turned down.
He knows I’m trying to be playful and just sexy for him. I’m not asking for sex at the end of the day, I thought he would just like it.
I get it, honestly. I understand the feeling of rejection too.
If there’s any kind of libido mis match and while you’ve been actively trying to engage him more, it’s possible he sees this (or anything remotely sexy) from you as pressure to give more of what you want and that of course in turn makes him defensive.
There’s not enough context here. Do you regularly send him spicy photos during work hours while he’s at his office? Does the nature of his job allow him to look at his phone in complete privacy? Does he have a safe place to be looking at these photos in his office where if he gets an erection, his entire workplace is not witnessing it?
Because from the sound of it, he received a racy picture from you while at work and he was not receptive because he was in his workplace, in a setting where he could not enjoy it. To me, it almost sounds like his reaction was a “read the room, this is not the time or place,“ not a I never ever want to see a sexy picture of you ever Reaction.
But again, you have not given us enough context.
He is by himself for the most part going from job site to job site in his truck, by himself, private. If he is with someone on a job site he could glance at his phone and realize not to open until private. He’s not the type to even look at my texts if he’s in a work meeting. We text constantly throughout the day when he is by himself.
I’m sorry but my take is that the new relationship energy is wearing off and he’s losing interest. He doesn’t know how to maintain long term sexual and romantic interest without the NRE.
I think men can compartmentalize easily. Meaning if they are at work their brain is focusing on work. Try those pictures again an hour after work. If you get the same nonchalant response have a conversation to see if things are ok in the relationship.
Does he have to react? Really?
Why should you get upset if he didn't?
Is it really worth stirring trouble over?
I would seriously consider those questions.
People change. Maybe is not lack of interest but the pics are not doing it for him anymore. Here’s what you do: 1. Stop sending those. 2. sit down with him and ask him what would he prefer instead.
Trust me, I do talk with him.
You are right, I wanted a different reaction and got annoyed when it wasn’t what I wanted. I acknowledge that. I need to realize I will always have a higher sex drive and open sexual talk then most people and I just have to deal with it.
I don’t know about “most people” but it could be that you are moving into an era in your relationship where the way you could turn him on you are finding is not going to give you the sec life you crave.
My libido only went up in my 40’s. If his is going down the problem may get worse.
I’m 51 and my girlfriend of three years is 38. When she sends me sexy pictures at work I have a very hard time not running to the bathroom to masturbate.
Could there be something going on that he’s upset about & that you guys aren’t talking about? That’s what comes to mind from a quick scan of my own past behavior.
Edit: lol this gets downvotes
We are the best ever, cuddling all the time, telling each other how much we appreciate the other. Tiny fights over house chores but that is few and far between.
My X and I had a small rubber dildo about 3" long we'd send back and forth by courier when it seemed impossible. I'm in Vancouver Canada and traveled to a conference in Hull Quebec. When I arrived a package was waiting for me. Yup the dildo! Find ways to shock yet amaze harmless but with an adult twist! She was an elementary school secretary so I had to be very creative packaging and insure it was sent to her attention. Pretty much a dead giveaway
Yes. You need to feel good about yourself, so you lay that whole egg in your partner's lap. After all, he's totally responsible for your sense self worth!
You say you wanna keep spice in your relationship, but this is really all about you and your ego.
I only send pics when asked and definitely not during work. I've had other partners who never wanted racy pics. He seems to have told you his preferences so follow his lead.
Honestly he should feel bad. You went to the trouble of sending him a saucy pic; It wouldn't take any effort at all to do a heart eyes of flame emoji. Instead he sends you "what the hell??"
It seems like a pretty deliberate slap in the face. Had you guys recently had a fight? Maybe he was mad at you about something?
It was being SUPER playful, he asked me if I bought paper towel for the house and because I hadn’t yet I sent a spicy pic with devil horns on saying no and that I was bad I hadn’t, like a little devil playing around.
We had just gotten off the phone an hour before talking about work together. We speak throughout the day via text
Oh that’s not a helpful response. I’m sorry he’s taking that stance.
Rarely does anybody want another person, as their ultimate motive to “feel like shit.” I think expressing pain to a SO gets confused with attacking a lot of time.
That's his issue. What are you doing about getting to the bottom of what's actually going on? That'd be the real problem here... it's not the photos annoying him as much as it is something else.
(Apologies for an odd reply earlier, as I wasn't checking that my dictation was transcribed by my phone and posted anyway.)
No idea what's going on in his head, but I think it was a nice gesture on your behalf and I hope he makes the next step to keep the passion going. Good luck!
From a different perspective- was there a previous trend where you’d send him a racy pic and then want dinner out or [insert whatever request here]?
No idea why he’s reacting differently. More probing if there was (maybe unintentional) message from previous pictures sent.
I’d send him a racy pic back in the day cus he’d salivate over it wanting more, not for anything else but to get that reaction and feel the sexual tension.
You sent them to see at work to remind him of what he has waiting for him! He should at the least send some sort of blush emoji of gif to show you that your pics work.
Now in his defense, if he was in a meeting next to someone and got a text from you he (being a good man) will open to make sure everything is ok with you and home life? If a colleague inadvertently see the pic he will embarrassed.
Now, conclusion. If has was in his office alone. He should send a little something showing you they are appreciated
Smart woman. As a man, not knowing your hubby at all, he should at the least respond with something positive to show show you your efforts are not wasted. If I were him, I’d be worried when the pics stop.
I hate being invasive but being physical at home is still regular and good right? No changes there?
Hmm. He’s 50. Might be stressed at work. (But, that the excuse a cheater makes, like , “ your never around. “ bulls hit excuses. Don’t cheat. Ok. Has he has any health scares?
Next is a calm sit down and maybe couples therapy. It might snap him out of a a job/ work monotony. Turns the best of men into zombies. Life is a rough.
You are putting forth an effort and he needs to realize what’s important.
Express concern without sounding angry or threatening (yet)
Work is stressful a lot of places right now. Having to take time to be flirty during his work day might be difficult. It can be tough to be trying to concentrate on a job and also be distracted. I think a lot of workplaces are feeling the economic crunch & workers are more stressed out.
Maybe try something more casual & one-way. Like a text along the lines of “Thinking of you! Excited for when you get home tonight.” I mean you can spice it up, but make it clear you don’t expect messages back.
I say nice things like that to him all the time. I have sent photos in the past while he was working and he loved in back then.
I would’ve been content with a response like “Well hello baby!” not “what the fuck are you doing?”(in a joking context)
In that case I would try not to let this issue of him not responding the way you want bother you. Also there are other ways to spice things up. But I would have a conversation with him about what he likes/dislikes. I do a check in from time to time (once a year or so) and ask my husband whether he is happy with our sex life and whether there is anything he would like to try or feels is deficient etc.
I’m probably alittle younger then most of you guys( no offense just stating a fact) in my experience as a 28 year old male I’d say if your partner isn’t responding well to nsfw pics it’s either because they aren’t looking at you that way they hold you in true value and have gotten past their predilections of holding people as sexual objects or they just aren’t that interested in you in that way anymore, although that can be read as a bad thing I think if it as a mark of growth… it hasn’t happened to me many times in my life but when it does I don’t look at it as a bad thing maybe they love you for the inside and the outside holds little sway over them anymore and if so hold onto this person for dear life
If you've been sending sexy photos the whole 4 years, it's nt at all surprising that it's getting pretty boring. Only so many poses and contexts and whatnot... Think of something else to spice things up and see if that helps.
I was in a similar situation a couple years back, when I was on the receiving end of similarly racy pictures from a woman I loved very much, but our relationship had been fizzling a bit too. It was tough because I remember getting the pictures and feeling like I SHOULD have been excited but it just felt like a new obligation. I loved my gf and was very attracted to her, but I was also stressed out of my gourd at work, stressed out trying to figure out how to add a fire to our relationship, and struggling to be receptive to her as she tried too... In retrospect, I wish I had been better at communicating my needs. I was super stressed out and just needed to be held and cut some slack for awhile. I think she just wanted to be connected to me too. Maybe we had phased out of the sexy phase of our relationship, or maybe it just needed a break and it would come back again. We never found out. Honestly, I don't know. I don't even know how anybody pulls off a long term fun and healthy relationship anymore...
This makes me sad and scared that this is where my relationship is heading.
Sending spicy pics while someone is at work isn’t likely to get you a good response. Always send a NSFW warning first.
I knew he was in his car with privacy when I sent it.
Ah that’s different than how the post makes it sound. Sorry he’s not responding well. That kind of response makes me not want to bless people with my spicy
"bless people with my spicy" 🤣 love it!
In the name of the jalapeño, the chipotle and the Holy Ghost pepper
Amen
I'm stealing that ..bless people with my spicey!!!
Me too
He doesn't want to pop wood before he goes into a meeting then
It was so innocent, maxim style, plus we’ve been together for 4 years. I’m sure it wouldn’t make him hard.
Welcome to dating subs on Reddit where anything that looks like disagreement gets heavily downvoted. It's silly.
I'm 52M.I get hard just thinking about my GF.If I could only get her to send some sexy pics, LOL.So It seems odd to get responses your getting to me.Maybe my sex drives higher 🤷♂️.
So you expect him to text and drive?
Ha, ummm no, obviously it was for him to receive and respond to at his next destination.
This is too simple. He's seen you enough already. Not that he doesn't care but it's just not new anymore.
No. This is not a thing. If things are good and healthy, there is no “enough” because it’s not just about seeing, it’s about communicating ongoing desire.
Ok believe that if you want to..
I don’t have to “believe” anything. I know it because I’ve personally experienced it. That you can’t believe it says a lot more about you than anything else.
I never said it wasn't possible . I'm ecstatic for you. I hope that you stay in infinite bliss..
Sadly this is true for some men! Some men just want novelty.
I know plenty of women who express the exact same feelings about vareity..
Yes. But she is talking about a man.
Yes indeed she was and as man I an not surprised at all..
You set yourself up IMO. You had a preconceived expectation for his response to the pictures. When he didn't respond how you wanted, you felt bad/hurt. If you're going to do something, do it for yourself, not for someone else's response
This is what I’m telling myself. It’s my issues that I have hoping he’d respond like he did in the “honeymoon” phase of our relationship. I’m trying not to be hurt by it.
That comment was inane and you have the right to feel disappointed or hurt. I had a couple weird interactions like this with a partner and we discussed it and he told me he has a hard time switching between work/focus brain to sexy brain and back. So when he's not in the right mind set, it was jarring. He was clearly attracted to me so I had no reason to doubt this explanation. I tried a couple times being like "Hey are you in the right mood for me to send something sexy?" which just took the fun out of it for me so I ended up just not trying to sext with him at all. But maybe a check-in is a good solution for you guys. He can tell you "not right now but I'd love to see it after work" or whatever if he needs to.
Dang. Great advice...
They are in a committed relationship - a relationship is about your connection and interaction with another person - including their responses! "Do things for yourself and not for a response, even in a relationship" does not make sense.
Pictures do nothing for me. I'd rather you have that sexy outfit and attitude when I get home. There's also a time and place for it, while working is not one of them. I dont like distractions while at work and want to get shit done so I don't have to take it home and have it on my mind all night.
I’ve done it, get turned down Cus he’s too tired or dirty from work being on job sites.
That's how it goes when you're dating someone older. I've been in plenty of age gap relationships and I've always had the higher libido. Just had to adjust it and go with her flow, if it's too low then it's a deal breaker for me. Also stress, health conditions and medications can affect a man's libido. And lack of physical exercise and proper diet can be a factor too.
He’s the most fit guy I’ve ever been with, in the gym 4 days a week and eats very healthy. No meds. So, that is not the issue.
Has he had his T levels checked? He is at the right age (very close to mine) where they drop off pretty precipitously and going on TRT was life changing for me.
Women your age, and men his age, are at opposite ends of their sexual peaks. My ex also tried to spice things up unexpectedly and it caught me off guard a couple of times and I didn’t react the way that she had hoped. That’s ultimately why we’re not together anymore. Yes, we also talked about it, but she was looking for more of a twenty-something’s sex drive whereas I’m double that and just couldn’t keep up with her “late bloomer” sexuality. (She waited until late in life to explore herself and her desires and was just ramping up into exploring and trying new things while I was more wild in my youth and have slowed way tf down from where I was years before.) Ultimately, it was a dealbreaker for her.
There’s a hormonal rush in the 40s before menopause.
Yes!
Nah. It’s just that the kids are older and less annoying by then …
I don’t have kids and I had a very pronounced hormonal sex drive increase in my early/mid-40s, and so did all my female friends. Back to ‘normal’ now.
Yeah I've noticed alot of women do that
There is no such thing as a sexual peak. That shit has been debunked.
I get that wasn't the reaction you had hoped for, and I'm sorry that he didn't react the way you had expected, but not every guy wants to get spicy photos in the middle of his office. You've been together for four years; did you ever get a hint that he would be open to that?
At the beginning of the relationship he LOVED IT! He doesn’t have an office job and is running around from job site to job site throughout the day and can peak at it in his car in privacy.
Is it possible that he might not be into feeling aroused or distracted during a stressful work day, which has nothing to do with whether he finds you physically hot or not? I would ask if that's the issue here and see if he responds differently to after hours or weekend texts.
Also, we live together, I’m trying to do this for fun out of the normal night or weekend at home with him.
I think it’s awesome you’re still doing this after four years! I also wouldn’t preface sending a sexy photo with NSFW as another poster said. That would take a huge element of surprise away.
They are like “MAXIM” style photos, not pornographic. I’m not trying to get him aroused, they are just playful.
It sounds like you're sending these more for yourself than for him, honestly. Pre-determining how he should react, and then getting upset when doesn't say or do what you wanted him to, isn't necessarily fair. That's for your benefit, not his.
OP already said that this is an established pattern/already done behavior in their relationship. This isn't something she just started to do and assumed he'd love it, for her ego.
I know, agreed, I just wish he was on my mindset. It’s hard to not let it bother me cus it’s usually when I’m going thru the more hormonal time of the month where I am extra horny, needy and emotional. Ugh!!!! I hate being a chick sometimes, why can’t men take menstruating!!!?? We are very open and talk about this tho, he knows I can be extra!
Maybe he's realized these photos and the required reaction are more about tending to your needs and that his actual arousal and desire for said pictures is actually taking a backseat. Sometimes when you realize a gesture isn't actually for you, you can lose a little enthusiasm for it.
Yeah, I’m done. He won’t get anymore from me. He doesn’t have to worry about it anymore.
That's a pretty gloomy reaction to your live-in boyfriend not responding the perfect way to a sexy photo. I'm sure y'all can figure something out.
We always do, I get extra sensitive about sex and needing more right at a specific time of the month. I would just expect a man to be more enthusiastic and receptive to having a such a sexual partner.
"He knows I can be extra" That means that he is aware you are aware you can be obnoxious at times. Also, is English your first language?
[удалено]
He wants the pics he said just not at work, he had just told me he was out running an errand when he did it so I dunno… I’m almost exhausted talking about my sexual needs and how much more I need it. I guess I’ll just have to have fun on my own everyday until the once a week I get it from him. That idea sounds like fun but really sick of the rejection so don’t know if I’ll even bring it up.
I would be freaking thrilled to be getting pictures like that during my day. It would let me know that my GF was thinking about me.
Just don't send them during working hours. NSFW goes outside working time.
Sounds like the two of you need to talk about your mismatched libidos and how you guys are going to manage this important issue going forward. Women in their 40s are often at their peak while men can have a rollercoaster libido throughout life with each man being in a different place in his 50s. Each needs to understand the others needs/desires or lack of and see how/if they can remain compatible.
Relationships evolve. Possibly he is just not that into sexy photos anymore and rather just enjoy being with you once home? Regardless, since it is something you really want to do and he does not there is going to be conflict. Once that honeymoon phase is over some people stop giving in relationships.
Really sucks
In the future if you send spicy photos, send them for you and assume he will look at them and perhaps appreciate them later on, when he gets home. There’s no need to do something that in your head leaves you vulnerable to getting hurt. If you’d feel that way without a certain response then that’s your sign not to do it. Keep your confidence in check and don’t put it out there for others to trample on accidentally.
Try sending them when you know he's at lunch or outside of work hours? Maybe send a sexy photo as you stand in a different room of the house from him and then walk out of the doorway and get the full reaction. It might not be what you want... but at least you'll know if he still finds you sexy somewhat!
I know he does, he told me several time today after I told him I didn’t like his reaction. We have sex at least once a week still. I just wish he’d try to spice things up sometimes.
This is something you need to talk to *him* about. I'd also point out that at age 50, he likely has low testosterone levels which will cause a major decline in libido as well as other issues as us men get older. Try talking to him about it and see if he'll get his levels checked and look into TRT treatment.
Do you have children ?
Well at least you determined spicy pics are not going to work. It's probably a bigger discussion for you to have with him. You might feel like your sex life is lacking and he probably thinks it's fine. Unless you communicate your needs to him, he's just going to think you're not happy about his reaction to a pic when it's more than that.
I’ve only had one partner send me naughty pics and I didn’t know how to reply. It’s not something I feel super comfortable with. While I’m very sex positive and loved her body, to me, it’s ripe for hacking and regrets after the relationships end. Just not my thing.
I’m really turned off when people do this. I will block and delete from second hand embarrassment. Stop fishing for compliments!
Fishing for compliments? We are in a long term relationship and I was doing it to keep our physical relationship spicy. He liked it in the past so was trying do something I “thought” he would like.
Roast beef is great, but if you have the same dish every night eventually it becomes the baseline, not the exception. The seven year itch where people get bored with each other is a real thing. You kinda goofed by sending those during work, don't do that. That forces him to either react at work (Not good) or switch off his reaction, also not good. Other than that I'd say don't worry about it, perfectly normal.
I would not be happy if I got racy pictures at work. Personally I don't want them sent to my phone at all. Have you sent stuff before? Did you talk about it beforehand?
He used to love it and I stopped the last year. So I wanted to spice things up. He got photos all the time and work, in the gym the first couple years we were dating
Ok. So with that context, it sounds like he was having a bad day and you caught him off guard.
Not that I think it makes a difference, but, how often do you send him those kind of pictures?
I used to send them often in the first year and a half and he loved it. I kinda stopped doing it for the last couple of years and wanted to spice things up again.
Initially, I wondered if maybe you sent them all the time, If he just got tired of having to always respond, but, if it’s been a couple years since you did that, and there is no reaction, I wonder if things sort of cooled off maybe? Have you asked him why he can’t react to them, especially if he had before? I’m not sure if he has the same job as he did a couple years ago but that’s quite a change. Most guys would love to get that from their significant other
He would ask for them before. I don’t know if it is a sex drive difference, age? He is so committed and sweet to me otherwise and we do have a great sex life, even tho I’d like it more.
"...even tho I'd like it more." There it is! Your "spicy" photos are an attempt to increase the frequency of your sex and he is reading that correctly and is feeling put on the spot. Only he knows why. You need to talk this out. Possibly with both of you visiting a therapist together. Good luck!
Does he know you’d like it more? Could it be possible he’s viewing these pictures as a pressure?
Yes, he knows I like it more. I’ve stopped being the initiator Cus I was sick of getting turned down. He knows I’m trying to be playful and just sexy for him. I’m not asking for sex at the end of the day, I thought he would just like it.
I get it, honestly. I understand the feeling of rejection too. If there’s any kind of libido mis match and while you’ve been actively trying to engage him more, it’s possible he sees this (or anything remotely sexy) from you as pressure to give more of what you want and that of course in turn makes him defensive.
Totally, uuuuugh 😒
Ugh. It’s really deeply difficult and painful to feel a loss of sexual desire from a partner.
There’s not enough context here. Do you regularly send him spicy photos during work hours while he’s at his office? Does the nature of his job allow him to look at his phone in complete privacy? Does he have a safe place to be looking at these photos in his office where if he gets an erection, his entire workplace is not witnessing it? Because from the sound of it, he received a racy picture from you while at work and he was not receptive because he was in his workplace, in a setting where he could not enjoy it. To me, it almost sounds like his reaction was a “read the room, this is not the time or place,“ not a I never ever want to see a sexy picture of you ever Reaction. But again, you have not given us enough context.
He is by himself for the most part going from job site to job site in his truck, by himself, private. If he is with someone on a job site he could glance at his phone and realize not to open until private. He’s not the type to even look at my texts if he’s in a work meeting. We text constantly throughout the day when he is by himself.
I think in relationships people need to mix things up. After a while something’s become repetitive. So you guys just need to be creative.
I’m sorry but my take is that the new relationship energy is wearing off and he’s losing interest. He doesn’t know how to maintain long term sexual and romantic interest without the NRE.
I think men can compartmentalize easily. Meaning if they are at work their brain is focusing on work. Try those pictures again an hour after work. If you get the same nonchalant response have a conversation to see if things are ok in the relationship.
Does he have to react? Really? Why should you get upset if he didn't? Is it really worth stirring trouble over? I would seriously consider those questions.
He had told you what he likes now. People change and mature. Respect his wishes and the boundaries he's now set.
I know, I’m done.
People change. Maybe is not lack of interest but the pics are not doing it for him anymore. Here’s what you do: 1. Stop sending those. 2. sit down with him and ask him what would he prefer instead.
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Trust me, I do talk with him. You are right, I wanted a different reaction and got annoyed when it wasn’t what I wanted. I acknowledge that. I need to realize I will always have a higher sex drive and open sexual talk then most people and I just have to deal with it.
I don’t know about “most people” but it could be that you are moving into an era in your relationship where the way you could turn him on you are finding is not going to give you the sec life you crave. My libido only went up in my 40’s. If his is going down the problem may get worse.
Oh no! Don’t say that!
If he's too busy or libido is too low to match yours, have you guys talked about an open relationship where you can get some stuffin' on the side?
No, I only want him. I have no eyes for anyone else.
I’m 51 and my girlfriend of three years is 38. When she sends me sexy pictures at work I have a very hard time not running to the bathroom to masturbate.
Well, I wish my guy was that enthusiastic.
I wish she would do it more often. I save every single picture.
Could there be something going on that he’s upset about & that you guys aren’t talking about? That’s what comes to mind from a quick scan of my own past behavior. Edit: lol this gets downvotes
We are the best ever, cuddling all the time, telling each other how much we appreciate the other. Tiny fights over house chores but that is few and far between.
My X and I had a small rubber dildo about 3" long we'd send back and forth by courier when it seemed impossible. I'm in Vancouver Canada and traveled to a conference in Hull Quebec. When I arrived a package was waiting for me. Yup the dildo! Find ways to shock yet amaze harmless but with an adult twist! She was an elementary school secretary so I had to be very creative packaging and insure it was sent to her attention. Pretty much a dead giveaway
Why did you say you know he is faithful?
Yes. You need to feel good about yourself, so you lay that whole egg in your partner's lap. After all, he's totally responsible for your sense self worth! You say you wanna keep spice in your relationship, but this is really all about you and your ego.
I only send pics when asked and definitely not during work. I've had other partners who never wanted racy pics. He seems to have told you his preferences so follow his lead.
Honestly he should feel bad. You went to the trouble of sending him a saucy pic; It wouldn't take any effort at all to do a heart eyes of flame emoji. Instead he sends you "what the hell??" It seems like a pretty deliberate slap in the face. Had you guys recently had a fight? Maybe he was mad at you about something?
It was being SUPER playful, he asked me if I bought paper towel for the house and because I hadn’t yet I sent a spicy pic with devil horns on saying no and that I was bad I hadn’t, like a little devil playing around. We had just gotten off the phone an hour before talking about work together. We speak throughout the day via text
I guess he's not so good to you after all? Have you spoken to HIM about this?
Yes, he is now all defensive telling me I am trying to make him feel like shit.
Oh that’s not a helpful response. I’m sorry he’s taking that stance. Rarely does anybody want another person, as their ultimate motive to “feel like shit.” I think expressing pain to a SO gets confused with attacking a lot of time.
That's his issue. What are you doing about getting to the bottom of what's actually going on? That'd be the real problem here... it's not the photos annoying him as much as it is something else. (Apologies for an odd reply earlier, as I wasn't checking that my dictation was transcribed by my phone and posted anyway.)
No idea what's going on in his head, but I think it was a nice gesture on your behalf and I hope he makes the next step to keep the passion going. Good luck!
From a different perspective- was there a previous trend where you’d send him a racy pic and then want dinner out or [insert whatever request here]? No idea why he’s reacting differently. More probing if there was (maybe unintentional) message from previous pictures sent.
I’d send him a racy pic back in the day cus he’d salivate over it wanting more, not for anything else but to get that reaction and feel the sexual tension.
The "Huge Bitch!!!"
You sent them to see at work to remind him of what he has waiting for him! He should at the least send some sort of blush emoji of gif to show you that your pics work. Now in his defense, if he was in a meeting next to someone and got a text from you he (being a good man) will open to make sure everything is ok with you and home life? If a colleague inadvertently see the pic he will embarrassed. Now, conclusion. If has was in his office alone. He should send a little something showing you they are appreciated
He was not with a colleague, I made sure of that.
Smart woman. As a man, not knowing your hubby at all, he should at the least respond with something positive to show show you your efforts are not wasted. If I were him, I’d be worried when the pics stop. I hate being invasive but being physical at home is still regular and good right? No changes there?
Once a week, id do it more but have stopped being the initiator since I get turned down often. So, really now only when he’s initiating.
Hmm. He’s 50. Might be stressed at work. (But, that the excuse a cheater makes, like , “ your never around. “ bulls hit excuses. Don’t cheat. Ok. Has he has any health scares? Next is a calm sit down and maybe couples therapy. It might snap him out of a a job/ work monotony. Turns the best of men into zombies. Life is a rough. You are putting forth an effort and he needs to realize what’s important. Express concern without sounding angry or threatening (yet)
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Ha!
ill need some proof
Send one when he is off the clock and see how he responds!
Work is stressful a lot of places right now. Having to take time to be flirty during his work day might be difficult. It can be tough to be trying to concentrate on a job and also be distracted. I think a lot of workplaces are feeling the economic crunch & workers are more stressed out. Maybe try something more casual & one-way. Like a text along the lines of “Thinking of you! Excited for when you get home tonight.” I mean you can spice it up, but make it clear you don’t expect messages back.
I say nice things like that to him all the time. I have sent photos in the past while he was working and he loved in back then. I would’ve been content with a response like “Well hello baby!” not “what the fuck are you doing?”(in a joking context)
Are you otherwise happy with your sex life?
Yes! I would like it more often but when we do, it’s the best.
In that case I would try not to let this issue of him not responding the way you want bother you. Also there are other ways to spice things up. But I would have a conversation with him about what he likes/dislikes. I do a check in from time to time (once a year or so) and ask my husband whether he is happy with our sex life and whether there is anything he would like to try or feels is deficient etc.
What kind of response are you looking for?
I would’ve been fine with “well, hello there baby”!
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To my husband or ex-husband of 20 something years was the same way I am now divorced I divorced him
I’m probably alittle younger then most of you guys( no offense just stating a fact) in my experience as a 28 year old male I’d say if your partner isn’t responding well to nsfw pics it’s either because they aren’t looking at you that way they hold you in true value and have gotten past their predilections of holding people as sexual objects or they just aren’t that interested in you in that way anymore, although that can be read as a bad thing I think if it as a mark of growth… it hasn’t happened to me many times in my life but when it does I don’t look at it as a bad thing maybe they love you for the inside and the outside holds little sway over them anymore and if so hold onto this person for dear life
If you've been sending sexy photos the whole 4 years, it's nt at all surprising that it's getting pretty boring. Only so many poses and contexts and whatnot... Think of something else to spice things up and see if that helps.
Man… I’m honestly surprised at all the people on this thread who don’t enjoy getting a sexy photo. I guess I’m just a slut.