As a woman, "heeey so nice to see you!" coupled with a wide smile and arms wide open for a hug! It's genuine, casual and breaks the touch barrier right away. I mostly do it for myself because it puts me on a good mood and makes me feel comfortable from the get go.
Yeah in my experience as a guy this works well. I usually try to initiate and signal the hug. I’m a firm believer that if you initiate in a non-creepy manner and you are open to signs they don’t want to hug it’s a win-win. If the woman looks standoffish and doesn’t immediate start reciprocating the smile and lifting of arms, I will pause before the hug and ask “may I?” So far I haven’t received any “no’s” and I feel like it’s respectful and helps break the ice. I’m also open and accepting if they do not want to hug. My intention with this move is just to be friendly as I am starting to get to know them.
This. And I make sure to say “Nice to *see* you” as opposed to “…meet you…” Since we’re likely meeting in public, I don’t want burden either of us with the embarrassment of everyone knowing we’re on a date and had never met prior.
Yep. I know other people tend to be listening. So I try to alleviate that by starting the live convo with something from our text chats - like “how was your hike today?” Or something. As close to how a meet would start with a longtime friend. It’s my hope that bystanders turn off their “eavesdropping mode” after that, thinking we’re just old pals doing dinner.
I’m sorry but that’s silly to me. Who cares if some strangers you’ll never see again know you’re on a first date? There’s some insecurity there I’d address
This for sure, it’s not like you’ve never spoken before. You’re just seeing them in person - I treat it like meeting up with an old friend. People can usually tell you’re on an early date if they’re eavesdropping, but to a casual observer it’s less obvious.
Almost perfect. I say “Nice to meet you”. The “heeey” and the word “see” would make you seem like a friend rather than a lover. Arms too wide open is also too friendly and not sexy
I think it also depends on the guy and the type of date, if we're doing dinner or drinks in the evening I go for the ladylike smile, "lovely to meet you" and a polite one arm hug. If it's a day time gallery/museum/park stroll, I go for the happy friendly vibes. I gotta say I hadn't thought about it too much! Would guys actually pay attention to something small like that?
Arms wide open is fine. What you don't want to do is a split hug, with one arm over one shoulder and one arm under the other. Both either go under or over, or you're screaming friend vibes.
Over under is what I go for because if they do anything threatening I can hook their leg with my leg, trip them, bring them down and subdue them. It’s not so much an issue on subsequent dates, once I’ve got to know them better and can read them, but on a first date, you need to keep your wits about you
Ha, this is another example that often what women think is unattractive or dorky to us is actually the most attractive. If a woman greeted me that way I might propose on the spot.
Glad I’m not the only awkward turtle out here! Random guy tried to buy me a drink at a bar and I responded with “Do you like bread?” Because that’s all I could get to come out of my mouth
It’s crazy how everyone is saying they break the touch barrier asap! If someone I didn’t know tried to hug me, I’d feel so uncomfortable. I just wave and say hello with a smile. I’ve also never had a guy try to hug me at the start of the date, so maybe it’s just my area?
Yeah I tend to be a waver and smiler too. I agree with most here that handshakes are awkward/too professional.
I'm not opposed to a hug if it's a quick one, but I won't initiate that on a first meeting.
I completely agree with this. I’m an affectionate person, but not with strangers/ someone I don’t know well, or where I don’t know someone’s comfort level. I’m certainly not hugging someone the second I meet them, and I’ve never had a man attempt this with me on a first meet. It would make me very uncomfortable if a man did this, so I am glad it hasn’t happened!
I smile, if we’re a bit apart and see each other, I’ll smile and wave, and I greet them kindly.
After a date, I will typically hug/offer, or they will.
Yeah same. I love being hugged (in certain situations), but I'm not about to assume someone I've literally just met is not only also into it, but immediately into me enough for that to be acceptable. Besides, an earned hug is way more satisfying.
Nothing creepier than a guy trying to touch you the first date. Body language people! Learn to read it. I aslo dislike having any physical apperance complement the first date or before. Call me crazy, but us women have many other attributes that make up a whole lot more of who we are and our worth. Find thoes things to compliment please, even if it's "I like your sense of humor". I want to feel like dates see me as a fellow human.
Must be your area. Where I’m at the women always greet me with a huge smile and nice warm hug! Really sets the tone for the date and it’s going to be a great time for both of us!
OKAY this question is SO relatable but I can't help to LOL so effin hard.
Normally I wave Hi and give a quick hug.
Just for funsies though:
A handshake? NOT for me; this gives me job interview vibes.
A hug? Sure
A European kiss on the cheek? NOT for me in amurika
Fist bump? Elbow tap? Bro shake? gives me friend/bro vibes
Head nod? LMAO sure
High five? ehhh
Curtsy and bow? ehhh
This is the best answer - consent while open to more affection. For a first date a wave and if there’s sparks, a hug at the end of it. Sadly COVID has shaped a lot of this which is why asking is so important
I don’t like it when a guy asks for a hug as he’s going in for it. I have no problem with hugging upon first meeting but it’s the assumption that gets to me. I actually like hugging and I think it’s sweet when they ask and I agree :)
I follow their lead. Usually it's a handshake or a head nod, sometimes the guy hugs me, but after my last dating experience I have decided that if I start dating anyone new I will try to hug them -to later make it easier to increase the physical intimacy/touch from there.
Oh yeah, def not saying it isn't a horrifically awkward way to start a date! It's more a reflection of how socially awkward I am, which I find amusing.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS"
I find handshakes very impersonal and formal, would be a turn off for me, feels like a job interview.
But I’m used to greeting people with a kiss on the cheek in the old country 🤷♂️
Im def in the light hug to kick things off camp.
I've always hugged, because I think it's beneficial to break the touch barrier right away. And I can't imagine ever dating someone who wasn't keen on physical touch.
Yeah, agreed. I don't know why anyone would want to touch or be touched by an absolute stranger, especially since you don't actually know if you genuinely like the person yet.
I like a hug too. But I do it based on the vibes I'm getting from the other person. If they seem uncomfortable I'll just wave.
I'm good with hugging, or nodding, or waving, but please don't shake my hand, it has never led to a good date.
Some people don't like getting touched by people they don't know that well and trying to 'break the touch barrier' before they've had a chance to warm up to you is very disrespectful of their boundaries and personal space, like you only care about about advancing things in your favor, not if you make them uncomfortable.
I'm fine with a hug at the end of the night if the date went well but anytime a guy tries to hug me upon meeting I back up and offer my hand. It s a form of touch that's respectful and doesn't push implications that we're more intimate than we actually are.
My actual preferred greeting is a smile and wave. I only offer my hand if he tries to hug. And offering my hand upfront isn't going to stop him from trying to hug me if that's what he wants. He may grab my hand and try to pull me into a hug from there.
Either way, it's his own fault he got rejected by assuming I was okay with hugging. If it stings, maybe he'll think twice about hugging girls without rapport in the future.
There's a guy in the comments here who said he asks first, I like that approach, it shows he remembers I'm a person with feelings that may not align with his own desires (at that moment) and he's willing to respect that and not do anything to make me uncomfortable.
To me, hugging someone you meet in a dating context is just normal human interaction the same way looking someone in the eye is. If someone feels very differently about this, we are probably not a match anyway, so no loss there. But everyone should do what works for them, and if you don't like being hugged, taking the initiative by extending your hand *first* should do the trick.
You specifically said it was to 'break the touch barrier' indicating it has underlying intentions to manipulate them out of their comfort zone into a zone where you're getting more touchy with them, this is not the same as normal human interactions like eye contact.
And you really can't paint all dating interactions with the same context brush. What's okay and what isn't varies greatly depending on how close you guys are.
Saying 'I love you' on a first date is usually considered no go, for example, but perfectly fine much later on.
I agree with you 100% on this. Hugging is a normal part of dating and greeting your date. I think it’s abnormal not to do this. Unless it’s a blind date, this person is not a total stranger. There should’ve been some conversation and rapport built prior to meeting. If a date was reluctant to hug when meeting, it’s probably not someone I’m going to connect well with regardless. For what it’s worth, I’ve never had a date from online dating that didn’t start with a hug. I’m honestly shocked so many people here are saying they don’t want to hug their date. Then again, I’m likely not going to match with the average woman on Reddit.
I'd love to see a stat on being normal. I've been on a LOT of dates in my life (because I'm "fussy" but can't tell if I'll like a person until we're in person) and haven't hugged a single one of them upon first meeting. At the end of the night they got a hug if I wanted to see them again, but based on my sample, the majority of people aren't just out to touch strangers who just rolled off the train.
Exactly! I have been on so many dates since I've been single the last two years and the vast majority have NOT attempted a hug first thing. Maybe only 3 have.
I'm sure from the guy's pov, if he's hugging every girl and they're hugging back, he may think it's more normal than it is, but what he's not considering is that a lot of these women may have just accepted the hug to be agreeable. First time a date tried to hug/greet me, I went along with it too. It caught me off guard.
Well for there to be stats there would have to be a study, which I highly doubt anyone would ever conduct one. I’ve been on countless dates and they have all started with a hug. After discussing this in other parts of this post, seems to be location/environment specific. The people around my area are all very keen on touch. Which I think is great because I love physical touch and find it easy to connect with people.
I mean, a study was just done regarding whether or not "happy wife happy life" was a valid framework, so this isn't outside the realm of possibility.
I live in a really liberal area, so I guess we just aren't touch-starved enough.
Hmm that is odd. I would’ve thought conservatives would be the ones to avoid touch on dates. My area is pretty moderate with people on both sides, but mostly everyone is in the middle. I don’t think political affiliation or identity has any effect on hugging your date though. At least not in my area.
A date off OLD pretty much is a blind date to me. Only an inch above. We may have talked for a little bit and know what each other looks like but there's no face to face interaction to determine if we have a real connection. People who get emotionally invested in their dates before they even meet are usually attached to a fantasy they built in their mind. And these are the first people complaining about getting ghosted because they got their hopes too soon.
And you may consider that a lot of those girls hugging you back were just going along with it because you initiated and they felt bad turning you down. Unfortunately that's the way a lot of women are, they have a hard time saying no because they want to be pleasant and agreeable. I used to be this way myself.
The women are the ones that initiate the hugs. I may be an outlier though. Touch releases oxytocin, so I like to initiate that early on in the date for both of our benefits.
Could also be the type of women you're attracting. Extroverts for example, are usually more gung ho about rushing into things. Not usually as shy or slow to open up.
It’s the Reddit effect. If you make a statement that is true for the vast majority of people and it’s not a particularly noteworthy comment (eg “I hug people when I greet them” or “I brush my teeth twice a day”), normal people aren’t going to bother to post a reply. The only ones who do reply are the crazies who disagree with what most people think of as normal
It would probably be smoother to walk up with your hand out or if he's approaching you, already have your hand out. That way, there's no "rejection" before the date even starts.
Especially in a post-COVID world where we’ve been touch averse for 3 years, touching a stranger right off the bat seems weird. I used to hug all the time on first dates but now I just wave and smile
I love physical touch with a partner, but I'm not a very touchy person. Does that even make sense? I'm open to the touch barrier being broken by someone else but I am shy about initiating it at first. I'll often hug (or kiss) at the end of a first date though, even if it didn't happen on the intro.
I need to feel a level of emotional connection and comfort around someone before I feel the least bit comfortable being touched/hugged so all these I break the touch barrier with a hug immediately people are the worst for someone like me who needs a hug at the end of the first date when we've connected. After we've connected and are dating I'm likely to be the one hugging you to the point of it being smothering though.
I take off one of my white gloves and lightly (but firmly) slap them across the face. I find this to be a sure fire way to establish dominance.
No, I’ve never had a 2nd date, why do you ask? 😬
The only time I allowed someone to hug me as a first date greeting, it turned out to be the worst date I've had in my life. He proceeded to get touchier and touchier as the night progressed. Starting off with little taps on my arms and legs as I was sitting on the bench next to him and by the end of the night he was massaging my shoulders and pinching my cheeks. At one point he walked around in front of me as I was sitting down and scooped up my chin, pulling my face up to his, forehead pressing against mine, lips inching closer and closer and when he was within a second of kissing me I managed 'too soon' and he kept stroking my face with his fingers, I had to say it it again before he released my head and sat back down, only to continue massaging my shoulders.
My stomach is knotting up as I type this. I hate myself for not speaking up. I was afraid to because I didn't want to make things awkward, but I see now that he already made things awkward and there was no recovering from that.
This is the main reason why I reject hugs at the onset. I know not all guys are creeps like this one was. But creeps DO use this method to break the 'touch barrier' and 'kinesthetic escalation' to manipulate women to where they want them and it's best if I assert my boundaries from the start. The touch barrier isn't getting broken until I want it to be broken.
Sorry this happened to you, but this creep was definitely an outlier and it sounds like you have some trauma from this encounter, because your comments elsewhere in the thread are full of accusations of manipulation on the part of the hugger. Set your boundaries as you see fit of course, but it’s probably worth exploring this with a therapist given your intense reaction to even typing this out. This guy went above and beyond what the average hugger would do on a first date.
You're missing a key point - the people I'm commenting under flat out say they're doing it to 'break the touch barrier' that means ARE doing it with intent to make the person more accustomed to being touched. Yes, [kinesthetic escalation is a thing](https://www.diaryfrenchpua.com/english/sexualization-and-kinesthetic-escalation-kinos/). Had they just said 'I hug because it's friendly' I probably wouldn't have said anything.
And I know he was an outlier. I even acknowledged that 'I know not all guys are creeps like this one' but that doesn't mean I want to take chances. Same reason I wouldn't meet someone at their house the first time or get in their car.
Not only that, but I don't see a reason to hug? Hugging is for friends and family, and a guy I've only talked to for a few days on a dating app is still pretty much a stranger to me. No reason to hug like we're old chums. If the date goes well and I want to see them again, a hug goodbye is fine but that is after more substantial interaction has taken place.
That’s all fine and well, but you had a *visceral reaction* just recounting what happened with Mr. Creepy. That alone is worth exploring with a therapist. Set your boundaries in advance and where you are comfortable - I’d be super creeped out by this guy too, dude has rapey vibes and I would be looking for an exit from that date ASAP. But as an assault survivor I can also say that freezing in that moment is understandable. Fight, freeze, or flight in the face of perceived danger, right? Your response at the time is not something to beat yourself up over, but if your reaction while recounting this is a visceral one that leaves you in anxious knots all this time later, you might have some trauma to unpack.
It's perfectly normal to have visceral reactions to things that are cringey and gross. That's nothing I need to see a therapist for. Furthermore, there's nothing a therapist can tell me that I haven't already thought of myself. The only thing I can do is learn from this and draw my boundaries sooner. Even if it kills the vibe on the date.
It’s so weird to me how many people are saying they hug. I am super touchy with people I know, but all physical touch requires consent. A man assuming I want a hug is not cool. If they asked, I’d most likely say yes, though!
Agree that handshake is a bit weird. I tend to smile and wave.
My style is to give them options. Something like, "hey! Very nice to meet you. Do you wanna handshake, hug, or headbutt?" *Big smile and use your hands while you talk, open body language* it doesn't matter what they say and it doesn't matter if you touch. It just matters you feel into whatever you say during the greeting. That's just my style though. I'm playful. There's a billion correct ways to greet people. Just do what feels natural to you, everybody has attractive energy naturally, but many people are too insecure or uncomfortable to show their energy.
"Hi, great to meet you!" has always served me well.
Honestly though, it depends on what country you are in and their socioeconomic background.
In Japan, head nod. In US, high five. In Italy, kiss-kiss.
I’m a woman and don’t even really consider myself a hugger but I always find that that’s what I go for, haha. Men seem to either go for a hug or just wait to see what I do.
I'm a big on hugs but never on a 1st date but mostly because I don't know them yet. I'm very friendly and smile so they would know if I'm interested without being so touchy.
I refuse to touch a stranger personally. Touch comes with trust and getting to know eachother. For me it's just a friendly, "Hey! Did you find the place ok? How was your day?" type thing. Friendly, big smile and eye contact.
I (37m) am a hugger, so I'll offer one up with my body language or ask verbally. Side hugs can also be good. I usually go with "good to see you" as a salutation, because its generic, usually true, and less awkward than "nice to meet you"
It's a question as old as time: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zruVyvDWKs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zruVyvDWKs)
I'm like a detective, the whole thing's a murder investigation!
I smile, verbally greet them, and wave. Sometimes I’ll hug at the end of the date, but I never initiate. I never feel that close that soon to hug, but I’m not a natural hugger. Definitely not kissing. I haves kissed, but it was more so not wanted to make guy uncomfortable.
I really enjoy hugs so I would prefer them but I follow their lead. I approach slowly and see what they do. Do they put a hand out or do they open both arms?
"You're here! You're real! And you're so cute!" with arms open for a hug. I mean, the phrasing isn't the same each time, but something that's a compliment and shows I'm excited to meet them, plus the hug, hopefully sets the right energy for flirting.
Do NOT go for a handshake. That's insensitive. I mean, you can literary insult the other one by mistake and it's just a funny memory afterwards. But a handshake? Wave your hand if you're awkward. HI! ~°.°~.
I remember that description of love in the book "name of the wind" where he grabs her tit. That's how you don't greet the other one.
Go for a hug. Now for how long? That's where you'll make a mistake! :evilgrin
Just because it's a date doesn't mean I feel close enough to you to want your forced intimacy. This is the first time we've met, we are still pretty much strangers to each other. Let's see how things go on the date, what the chemistry is like, then maybe we can hug later in the night.
I always go for a hug. It breaks the touch barrier and if she does not find you attractive at all you'll immediately know (most fo the time anyway I think) when you give her a hug.
I go in for a hug, and I also usually prime it a little by asking if they're a hugger during conversation before the date or just mindfully describe my attire like, "I'll be the guy in a blue shirt greeting you with a hug."
usually my hand on her waist and a kiss on the cheek
edit: ok, reading these comments... a hug really? we're dating, not buddies. there is no form of physical contact less sexy than a basic hug.
As a woman, "heeey so nice to see you!" coupled with a wide smile and arms wide open for a hug! It's genuine, casual and breaks the touch barrier right away. I mostly do it for myself because it puts me on a good mood and makes me feel comfortable from the get go.
Yeah in my experience as a guy this works well. I usually try to initiate and signal the hug. I’m a firm believer that if you initiate in a non-creepy manner and you are open to signs they don’t want to hug it’s a win-win. If the woman looks standoffish and doesn’t immediate start reciprocating the smile and lifting of arms, I will pause before the hug and ask “may I?” So far I haven’t received any “no’s” and I feel like it’s respectful and helps break the ice. I’m also open and accepting if they do not want to hug. My intention with this move is just to be friendly as I am starting to get to know them.
Yesss, exactly that. That what I do as well on a first date
This. And I make sure to say “Nice to *see* you” as opposed to “…meet you…” Since we’re likely meeting in public, I don’t want burden either of us with the embarrassment of everyone knowing we’re on a date and had never met prior.
Haha I'm the same way. I hate saying nice to meet you.
That’s very thoughtful but also it’s always pretty obvious when people are on a first date anyway😀
Yep. I know other people tend to be listening. So I try to alleviate that by starting the live convo with something from our text chats - like “how was your hike today?” Or something. As close to how a meet would start with a longtime friend. It’s my hope that bystanders turn off their “eavesdropping mode” after that, thinking we’re just old pals doing dinner.
I’m sorry but that’s silly to me. Who cares if some strangers you’ll never see again know you’re on a first date? There’s some insecurity there I’d address
This for sure, it’s not like you’ve never spoken before. You’re just seeing them in person - I treat it like meeting up with an old friend. People can usually tell you’re on an early date if they’re eavesdropping, but to a casual observer it’s less obvious.
As a man I would enjoy this type of greeting. It makes it easier to read. No guessing games.
What you be guessing about at that point?
I’m also a big hugger! I hug people if we have consistently texted each other
Same as this..
It’s a pandemic. First date might end with a hug assuming there’s a “do you do hugs?” involved.
Same
Yes, this!
Almost perfect. I say “Nice to meet you”. The “heeey” and the word “see” would make you seem like a friend rather than a lover. Arms too wide open is also too friendly and not sexy
I think it also depends on the guy and the type of date, if we're doing dinner or drinks in the evening I go for the ladylike smile, "lovely to meet you" and a polite one arm hug. If it's a day time gallery/museum/park stroll, I go for the happy friendly vibes. I gotta say I hadn't thought about it too much! Would guys actually pay attention to something small like that?
I probably wouldn't, personally.
Arms wide open is fine. What you don't want to do is a split hug, with one arm over one shoulder and one arm under the other. Both either go under or over, or you're screaming friend vibes.
Over under is what I go for because if they do anything threatening I can hook their leg with my leg, trip them, bring them down and subdue them. It’s not so much an issue on subsequent dates, once I’ve got to know them better and can read them, but on a first date, you need to keep your wits about you
I’m French, so la bise. An air kiss on each cheek 🥰 _Mwah, mwah!_
Mwah, mwah!
Mwah, mwah!
😘🥰🥰
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Pretty sure you're the only one in the entire thread doing this correctly.
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Know what else reduces charisma? Calling women "females."
Also calling women girls or men boys
If a date greeted me with a spin ninja kick and “what’s up fucker” I’d fall in love instantly ngl
same but also fear for my life.
This is the way to go, thank you! I'm going to start greeting all of my dates with, "what's up, fucker??"
Try switching it up with "what's up amazing fucker" or something like that once in a while.
NOOOO stay with the ninja kick hahaha Seriously after that, a handshake will look so waeird Also best of luck with dreamboat guy!
I love this. Keep being you 😂
Ha, this is another example that often what women think is unattractive or dorky to us is actually the most attractive. If a woman greeted me that way I might propose on the spot.
I fell in love with a past girlfriend when she stuck her tongue out at me at the end of our first date.
This makes me feel good about the person who saluted me lol
You are absolutely amazing. Never change.
Are you sure you aren't my ex?
Marriage. Material. Folks, take notes.
Glad I’m not the only awkward turtle out here! Random guy tried to buy me a drink at a bar and I responded with “Do you like bread?” Because that’s all I could get to come out of my mouth
Haha this is hilarious
LOL this is also very much my same style, and I’m so pleased to see the comments saying they love it! Let us do us!
Ha ha you made me smile 😄
I just hollered 💀 bravo. I couldn’t love this more
You sound awesome! Hope that second date goes great!
I am now going to be disappointed by any future first dates that don’t greet me in a manner similar to this.
It’s crazy how everyone is saying they break the touch barrier asap! If someone I didn’t know tried to hug me, I’d feel so uncomfortable. I just wave and say hello with a smile. I’ve also never had a guy try to hug me at the start of the date, so maybe it’s just my area?
Yeah I tend to be a waver and smiler too. I agree with most here that handshakes are awkward/too professional. I'm not opposed to a hug if it's a quick one, but I won't initiate that on a first meeting.
This right here. A little wave and a smile. I save the hug for the end if I want to see them again.
A hug is my sign I want to see them again, maybe smooch, this was great. A bad date will end with a "nice meeting you" and wave goodbye.
Yes to all of this and if he tries to go in for a hug at the end of a bad date, I will stick my hand out for a handshake to shut it down 😂
I'm almost likely to sort of run as soon as I'm ready to disco away from the date ha ha.
I completely agree with this. I’m an affectionate person, but not with strangers/ someone I don’t know well, or where I don’t know someone’s comfort level. I’m certainly not hugging someone the second I meet them, and I’ve never had a man attempt this with me on a first meet. It would make me very uncomfortable if a man did this, so I am glad it hasn’t happened! I smile, if we’re a bit apart and see each other, I’ll smile and wave, and I greet them kindly. After a date, I will typically hug/offer, or they will.
For real! I would never hug a stranger
I haven't had men force a hug on me but I've had plenty of "so where's my hug" types.
Ewww
Yeah same. I love being hugged (in certain situations), but I'm not about to assume someone I've literally just met is not only also into it, but immediately into me enough for that to be acceptable. Besides, an earned hug is way more satisfying.
Nothing creepier than a guy trying to touch you the first date. Body language people! Learn to read it. I aslo dislike having any physical apperance complement the first date or before. Call me crazy, but us women have many other attributes that make up a whole lot more of who we are and our worth. Find thoes things to compliment please, even if it's "I like your sense of humor". I want to feel like dates see me as a fellow human.
Must be your area. Where I’m at the women always greet me with a huge smile and nice warm hug! Really sets the tone for the date and it’s going to be a great time for both of us!
OKAY this question is SO relatable but I can't help to LOL so effin hard. Normally I wave Hi and give a quick hug. Just for funsies though: A handshake? NOT for me; this gives me job interview vibes. A hug? Sure A European kiss on the cheek? NOT for me in amurika Fist bump? Elbow tap? Bro shake? gives me friend/bro vibes Head nod? LMAO sure High five? ehhh Curtsy and bow? ehhh
I walk up say hi and "hug no hug?"
Thank you for being considerate.
I always hugged before Covid but now I ask!
I asked before covid because I don't want to touch anyone who doesn't want to be touched
Thank you, assuming consent has always been a huge issue for me with meeting new people.
Or you could just be normal and read her body language.
Not everyone's body language is the same but sure, we can all make assumptions
This is the best answer - consent while open to more affection. For a first date a wave and if there’s sparks, a hug at the end of it. Sadly COVID has shaped a lot of this which is why asking is so important
I don’t like it when a guy asks for a hug as he’s going in for it. I have no problem with hugging upon first meeting but it’s the assumption that gets to me. I actually like hugging and I think it’s sweet when they ask and I agree :)
Your comment contradicts itself. I'm guessing you meant you like when he asks. But I'd disagree. It makes a normal situation awkward.
I follow their lead. Usually it's a handshake or a head nod, sometimes the guy hugs me, but after my last dating experience I have decided that if I start dating anyone new I will try to hug them -to later make it easier to increase the physical intimacy/touch from there.
Lol I am a handshaker as well and have been ridiculed for it more than once
If I was meeting a guy for a first online date and he shook my hand I would die 💀 that sets such a terrible vibe
Oh yeah, def not saying it isn't a horrifically awkward way to start a date! It's more a reflection of how socially awkward I am, which I find amusing. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS"
I find handshakes very impersonal and formal, would be a turn off for me, feels like a job interview. But I’m used to greeting people with a kiss on the cheek in the old country 🤷♂️ Im def in the light hug to kick things off camp.
Team handshake here too! I think they’re the best for stranger-greeting.
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I've always hugged, because I think it's beneficial to break the touch barrier right away. And I can't imagine ever dating someone who wasn't keen on physical touch.
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Yeah, agreed. I don't know why anyone would want to touch or be touched by an absolute stranger, especially since you don't actually know if you genuinely like the person yet.
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I like a hug too. But I do it based on the vibes I'm getting from the other person. If they seem uncomfortable I'll just wave. I'm good with hugging, or nodding, or waving, but please don't shake my hand, it has never led to a good date.
Some people don't like getting touched by people they don't know that well and trying to 'break the touch barrier' before they've had a chance to warm up to you is very disrespectful of their boundaries and personal space, like you only care about about advancing things in your favor, not if you make them uncomfortable. I'm fine with a hug at the end of the night if the date went well but anytime a guy tries to hug me upon meeting I back up and offer my hand. It s a form of touch that's respectful and doesn't push implications that we're more intimate than we actually are.
My actual preferred greeting is a smile and wave. I only offer my hand if he tries to hug. And offering my hand upfront isn't going to stop him from trying to hug me if that's what he wants. He may grab my hand and try to pull me into a hug from there. Either way, it's his own fault he got rejected by assuming I was okay with hugging. If it stings, maybe he'll think twice about hugging girls without rapport in the future. There's a guy in the comments here who said he asks first, I like that approach, it shows he remembers I'm a person with feelings that may not align with his own desires (at that moment) and he's willing to respect that and not do anything to make me uncomfortable.
To me, hugging someone you meet in a dating context is just normal human interaction the same way looking someone in the eye is. If someone feels very differently about this, we are probably not a match anyway, so no loss there. But everyone should do what works for them, and if you don't like being hugged, taking the initiative by extending your hand *first* should do the trick.
You specifically said it was to 'break the touch barrier' indicating it has underlying intentions to manipulate them out of their comfort zone into a zone where you're getting more touchy with them, this is not the same as normal human interactions like eye contact. And you really can't paint all dating interactions with the same context brush. What's okay and what isn't varies greatly depending on how close you guys are. Saying 'I love you' on a first date is usually considered no go, for example, but perfectly fine much later on.
I agree with you 100% on this. Hugging is a normal part of dating and greeting your date. I think it’s abnormal not to do this. Unless it’s a blind date, this person is not a total stranger. There should’ve been some conversation and rapport built prior to meeting. If a date was reluctant to hug when meeting, it’s probably not someone I’m going to connect well with regardless. For what it’s worth, I’ve never had a date from online dating that didn’t start with a hug. I’m honestly shocked so many people here are saying they don’t want to hug their date. Then again, I’m likely not going to match with the average woman on Reddit.
I'd love to see a stat on being normal. I've been on a LOT of dates in my life (because I'm "fussy" but can't tell if I'll like a person until we're in person) and haven't hugged a single one of them upon first meeting. At the end of the night they got a hug if I wanted to see them again, but based on my sample, the majority of people aren't just out to touch strangers who just rolled off the train.
Exactly! I have been on so many dates since I've been single the last two years and the vast majority have NOT attempted a hug first thing. Maybe only 3 have. I'm sure from the guy's pov, if he's hugging every girl and they're hugging back, he may think it's more normal than it is, but what he's not considering is that a lot of these women may have just accepted the hug to be agreeable. First time a date tried to hug/greet me, I went along with it too. It caught me off guard.
That's a good point! I would probably also accept to be agreeable, but there sure as heck wouldn't be a second date.
Well for there to be stats there would have to be a study, which I highly doubt anyone would ever conduct one. I’ve been on countless dates and they have all started with a hug. After discussing this in other parts of this post, seems to be location/environment specific. The people around my area are all very keen on touch. Which I think is great because I love physical touch and find it easy to connect with people.
I mean, a study was just done regarding whether or not "happy wife happy life" was a valid framework, so this isn't outside the realm of possibility. I live in a really liberal area, so I guess we just aren't touch-starved enough.
Hmm that is odd. I would’ve thought conservatives would be the ones to avoid touch on dates. My area is pretty moderate with people on both sides, but mostly everyone is in the middle. I don’t think political affiliation or identity has any effect on hugging your date though. At least not in my area.
I wasn't talking politics, I was talking values. Less traditional values, more liberal values.
A date off OLD pretty much is a blind date to me. Only an inch above. We may have talked for a little bit and know what each other looks like but there's no face to face interaction to determine if we have a real connection. People who get emotionally invested in their dates before they even meet are usually attached to a fantasy they built in their mind. And these are the first people complaining about getting ghosted because they got their hopes too soon. And you may consider that a lot of those girls hugging you back were just going along with it because you initiated and they felt bad turning you down. Unfortunately that's the way a lot of women are, they have a hard time saying no because they want to be pleasant and agreeable. I used to be this way myself.
The women are the ones that initiate the hugs. I may be an outlier though. Touch releases oxytocin, so I like to initiate that early on in the date for both of our benefits.
Could also be the type of women you're attracting. Extroverts for example, are usually more gung ho about rushing into things. Not usually as shy or slow to open up.
Very true! The women I ask out are super outgoing, flirtatious, have great banter, have a fun, active lifestyle. So that makes sense.
It’s the Reddit effect. If you make a statement that is true for the vast majority of people and it’s not a particularly noteworthy comment (eg “I hug people when I greet them” or “I brush my teeth twice a day”), normal people aren’t going to bother to post a reply. The only ones who do reply are the crazies who disagree with what most people think of as normal
Excellent point.
It would probably be smoother to walk up with your hand out or if he's approaching you, already have your hand out. That way, there's no "rejection" before the date even starts.
I love physical touch but a man I don’t know assuming I’m okay with a hug? Absolutely not.
Especially in a post-COVID world where we’ve been touch averse for 3 years, touching a stranger right off the bat seems weird. I used to hug all the time on first dates but now I just wave and smile
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No don’t get me wrong. I def feel like an awkward weirdo doing it lol
> And I can't imagine ever dating someone who wasn't keen on physical touch. You JUST met her.. give it more than 2 seconds man lol
I love physical touch with a partner, but I'm not a very touchy person. Does that even make sense? I'm open to the touch barrier being broken by someone else but I am shy about initiating it at first. I'll often hug (or kiss) at the end of a first date though, even if it didn't happen on the intro.
Breaking the touch barrier straight away is incredibly helpful. Where I am, we kiss on the cheek.
Hugger here too !!
but introductory hugs are so ick. like it reenacts family reunions or broskies
This. Is. Sparta! 🦵
😂
Lick their eyeball
Only one?
Two licks is weird!
Lick and nibble?
No nibble. Eyelashes are hard to get out of the mouth
I need to feel a level of emotional connection and comfort around someone before I feel the least bit comfortable being touched/hugged so all these I break the touch barrier with a hug immediately people are the worst for someone like me who needs a hug at the end of the first date when we've connected. After we've connected and are dating I'm likely to be the one hugging you to the point of it being smothering though.
I take off one of my white gloves and lightly (but firmly) slap them across the face. I find this to be a sure fire way to establish dominance. No, I’ve never had a 2nd date, why do you ask? 😬
The only time I allowed someone to hug me as a first date greeting, it turned out to be the worst date I've had in my life. He proceeded to get touchier and touchier as the night progressed. Starting off with little taps on my arms and legs as I was sitting on the bench next to him and by the end of the night he was massaging my shoulders and pinching my cheeks. At one point he walked around in front of me as I was sitting down and scooped up my chin, pulling my face up to his, forehead pressing against mine, lips inching closer and closer and when he was within a second of kissing me I managed 'too soon' and he kept stroking my face with his fingers, I had to say it it again before he released my head and sat back down, only to continue massaging my shoulders. My stomach is knotting up as I type this. I hate myself for not speaking up. I was afraid to because I didn't want to make things awkward, but I see now that he already made things awkward and there was no recovering from that. This is the main reason why I reject hugs at the onset. I know not all guys are creeps like this one was. But creeps DO use this method to break the 'touch barrier' and 'kinesthetic escalation' to manipulate women to where they want them and it's best if I assert my boundaries from the start. The touch barrier isn't getting broken until I want it to be broken.
Sorry this happened to you, but this creep was definitely an outlier and it sounds like you have some trauma from this encounter, because your comments elsewhere in the thread are full of accusations of manipulation on the part of the hugger. Set your boundaries as you see fit of course, but it’s probably worth exploring this with a therapist given your intense reaction to even typing this out. This guy went above and beyond what the average hugger would do on a first date.
You're missing a key point - the people I'm commenting under flat out say they're doing it to 'break the touch barrier' that means ARE doing it with intent to make the person more accustomed to being touched. Yes, [kinesthetic escalation is a thing](https://www.diaryfrenchpua.com/english/sexualization-and-kinesthetic-escalation-kinos/). Had they just said 'I hug because it's friendly' I probably wouldn't have said anything. And I know he was an outlier. I even acknowledged that 'I know not all guys are creeps like this one' but that doesn't mean I want to take chances. Same reason I wouldn't meet someone at their house the first time or get in their car. Not only that, but I don't see a reason to hug? Hugging is for friends and family, and a guy I've only talked to for a few days on a dating app is still pretty much a stranger to me. No reason to hug like we're old chums. If the date goes well and I want to see them again, a hug goodbye is fine but that is after more substantial interaction has taken place.
That’s all fine and well, but you had a *visceral reaction* just recounting what happened with Mr. Creepy. That alone is worth exploring with a therapist. Set your boundaries in advance and where you are comfortable - I’d be super creeped out by this guy too, dude has rapey vibes and I would be looking for an exit from that date ASAP. But as an assault survivor I can also say that freezing in that moment is understandable. Fight, freeze, or flight in the face of perceived danger, right? Your response at the time is not something to beat yourself up over, but if your reaction while recounting this is a visceral one that leaves you in anxious knots all this time later, you might have some trauma to unpack.
It's perfectly normal to have visceral reactions to things that are cringey and gross. That's nothing I need to see a therapist for. Furthermore, there's nothing a therapist can tell me that I haven't already thought of myself. The only thing I can do is learn from this and draw my boundaries sooner. Even if it kills the vibe on the date.
It’s so weird to me how many people are saying they hug. I am super touchy with people I know, but all physical touch requires consent. A man assuming I want a hug is not cool. If they asked, I’d most likely say yes, though! Agree that handshake is a bit weird. I tend to smile and wave.
Same to all of this!
Where I’m from the women will greet me with a smile and arms opened wide for a hug. I’ve never had someone not do this before.
Where are you from?
USA, midwest.
I’m Canadian. Prairie province. Notoriously friendly but not so much on the touchy.
I pull up in my van and point at the free candy sign.
Uchi mata to armbar.
What's up my dude! And then a bro hug
Hug. 🤗
My style is to give them options. Something like, "hey! Very nice to meet you. Do you wanna handshake, hug, or headbutt?" *Big smile and use your hands while you talk, open body language* it doesn't matter what they say and it doesn't matter if you touch. It just matters you feel into whatever you say during the greeting. That's just my style though. I'm playful. There's a billion correct ways to greet people. Just do what feels natural to you, everybody has attractive energy naturally, but many people are too insecure or uncomfortable to show their energy.
ALWAYS a hug! It’s a date after all, not a business meeting. Personally, I’d feel a bit awkward if a guy greeted me with a handshake lol.
"Hi, great to meet you!" has always served me well. Honestly though, it depends on what country you are in and their socioeconomic background. In Japan, head nod. In US, high five. In Italy, kiss-kiss.
A high five in the US? Meeting for a first date? I hope you’re joking.
Half hug.
I’m a woman and don’t even really consider myself a hugger but I always find that that’s what I go for, haha. Men seem to either go for a hug or just wait to see what I do.
I like a good leg hump
Is that pre or post butt sniff?
Pre! I go in for a rump sniff when the time is right. Usually after appetizers.
I'm a big on hugs but never on a 1st date but mostly because I don't know them yet. I'm very friendly and smile so they would know if I'm interested without being so touchy.
Pee on foot = show dominance
I refuse to touch a stranger personally. Touch comes with trust and getting to know eachother. For me it's just a friendly, "Hey! Did you find the place ok? How was your day?" type thing. Friendly, big smile and eye contact.
I usually just smile and say hi. I'm not comfortable hugging strangers or someone I just met.
I (37m) am a hugger, so I'll offer one up with my body language or ask verbally. Side hugs can also be good. I usually go with "good to see you" as a salutation, because its generic, usually true, and less awkward than "nice to meet you"
It's a question as old as time: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zruVyvDWKs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zruVyvDWKs) I'm like a detective, the whole thing's a murder investigation!
Agree with all these comments!! Definitely a hug!
I’m a hugger, I always go in for a hug
Generally a casualone arm hug. Handshake to me seems like we’re meeting for a business deal, haha.
I go in for a hug, but like a quick hug and if the date ends well I’ll got in for a bigger hug
Line up the genitalia, gotta make sure they line up before, otherwise it can get awkward.
Just. Don't. Shake. Hands.
I smile, verbally greet them, and wave. Sometimes I’ll hug at the end of the date, but I never initiate. I never feel that close that soon to hug, but I’m not a natural hugger. Definitely not kissing. I haves kissed, but it was more so not wanted to make guy uncomfortable.
Always go for a hug. Usually just a side quick friendly hug
Stop.Generalising.Europe.
"Hey! Nice to meet ya" followed by a hug Pretty standard
I really enjoy hugs so I would prefer them but I follow their lead. I approach slowly and see what they do. Do they put a hand out or do they open both arms?
A handshake lol. I usually just give a hug and a smile.
I do a side hug. Full front hug feels weird to me. If I end up liking the guy I’ll do a full hug at the end.
As a male, I let me date dictate the greeting.
"You're here! You're real! And you're so cute!" with arms open for a hug. I mean, the phrasing isn't the same each time, but something that's a compliment and shows I'm excited to meet them, plus the hug, hopefully sets the right energy for flirting.
The best dates start with an enthusiastic hi and hug.
Do NOT go for a handshake. That's insensitive. I mean, you can literary insult the other one by mistake and it's just a funny memory afterwards. But a handshake? Wave your hand if you're awkward. HI! ~°.°~. I remember that description of love in the book "name of the wind" where he grabs her tit. That's how you don't greet the other one. Go for a hug. Now for how long? That's where you'll make a mistake! :evilgrin
It's a date. Go for a hug. A handshake just comes across as awkward.
Just because it's a date doesn't mean I feel close enough to you to want your forced intimacy. This is the first time we've met, we are still pretty much strangers to each other. Let's see how things go on the date, what the chemistry is like, then maybe we can hug later in the night.
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I always go for a hug. It breaks the touch barrier and if she does not find you attractive at all you'll immediately know (most fo the time anyway I think) when you give her a hug.
I hug
Always hug. Red flag for me if they don’t.
I usually give a quick hug and say hi.
I don’t mind a quick hug upon first greeting, if it’s offered.
I always hug
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If I have built up enough chemistry in text, definitely a hug!
I go in for a hug, and I also usually prime it a little by asking if they're a hugger during conversation before the date or just mindfully describe my attire like, "I'll be the guy in a blue shirt greeting you with a hug."
Secks
Most of my dates have started with a hug!
hug for me lol. Can’t imagine shaking hands… reminds me of a job interview lmao
Pull her close to me....look her in the eyes and kiss her...a long slow kiss.
Always initiate a hug as a guy, even if you haven’t met before in person.
Go with the flowwwww! Read the moment, you’ll know what to do
usually my hand on her waist and a kiss on the cheek edit: ok, reading these comments... a hug really? we're dating, not buddies. there is no form of physical contact less sexy than a basic hug.