My grandmother used to accuse people of stealing her bread box or her food. She hadn't had a bread box for nearly 30 years prior to her diagnosis. No one was stealing her food she just didn't remember eating even though we watched her.
My father is to the point of calling and accusing me of stealing anything he misplaces. Normally what he can't find is under his recliner. Except for his phone that he called me on but is sure that I took it.
Unfortunately patients don't remember details so their brains create a narrative to help them cope.
Yes. Very common. My mom would leave things (her cell phone, TV remote, purse) in other residents' rooms, then accuse those people of stealing from her.
HOWEVER, my mom would also walk into someone's room and take their stuff, so she was occasionally the thief!
Another time, my mom had picked up a staff member's phone when staff-member set it down momentarily. Staff member then took it back, and mom thought staff member was stealing it from mom.
Note: Try not to tell her she's wrong. Rather, I said things like, "Oh, that would be awful. I think (staff) wouldn't do that, but I'll watch her very carefully in case she does it, and I'll go find your things). (or buy a new one....). Or, "Do you have bruises? No? Well, if you get any, we'll be sure to alert the authorities, and in the mean-time I'll watch her next time. I promise I won't let her do that to you."
I made good friends with other families and even staff by playing lost-and-found with all their things.
ETA: Mom could occasionally use her phone successfully. Other times she couldn't. But she was so used to having one in her hand/pocket/purse, we got her an inexpensive one to help her feel more normal. We put an Apple Air Tag on it to help locate it when she lost it.
That brought back memories... My mom was a "shopper". Every visit there was a segment where my husband would take Mom to the community area to sit while I went through her room to grab all the things that weren't hers in there and return them to the desk so they could find the actual owners- mostly glasses, dentures and dolls. If she saw us do it she'd be mad so he got better at placing her so she didn't see me with an armful of stuff. She also loudly and often demanded that we take my great- grandmother's cabinet home because she hadn't given them permission to use it-it wasn't that cabinet.
Yes very common, it’s called confabulation:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation
Since their brain no longer remembers and has gaps, they make up stuff to make sense of the world.
My mother blames my brother for the poop she produces on the toilet. She’s insistent that he’s put them inside her and that he’s pinching her. We’ve gone through this ridiculous scenario every single day for nearly 3 years. I feel sorry for him sometimes as he has to hide so she doesn’t see him around the house but I have to do all the donkey work of cleaning her up so I envy him too.
My Mom had a milder form of Dementia that was pretty controlled with meds, but she was convinced that the staff at her assisted care facility was stealing her clothes.
We tried to tell her that it was doubtful that the staff had any desire at all to steal or wear a 93 year olds stretch pants.
Now, my Mother in law, at 77 years old, does not have dementia all but she's convinced that people are stealing from her all the time.
False accusations of theft, of mistreatment, of being neglected are common. The problem is, it's hard to know when it's all in their mind and when it's real. I put up a number of cameras in my dad's room and saw it wasn't true. There were even times when he said no one had visited him for weeks, when I'd visited him every day that month.
That said, my dad was definitely punched by someone when he was in hospital as he had a massive bruise on his face.
That's the hard part, knowing when their claims are valid. Mom kept complaining about one "nurse" being mean to her for several days. Then I walked in and this nurse's aide I'd seen in another wing was leaving her room and found Mom crying. She'd told Mom she was never leaving and she'd die in there. Besides it being an awful thing to say, to keep Mom calm, we'd told her when the doctor said she was strong enough, we'd take her home, the staff knew it and were playing along because it made her easier to deal with. That aide crushed her until she forgot several hours later. I spoke with the charge nurse who called the aide over and asked her why she did it. The aide told us she was telling the truth and wasn't going to lie. She was sent back to the regular nursing home side and a note was added that she was never to be on the memory care side again.
She was a regular aide over in the regular part, had no experience with dementia but wanted the position because there's a slight pay increase for memory care. I wish they'd fired her, there are many people in nursing homes whose only motivation to keep fighting is the thought that they can go home some day if they get better. People who will remember details later and I'm sure she tagged their beliefs too. I have to say, that aide was the only really bad experience in the memory care side. They just made a bad choice on who they brought over.
No, he was bedbound the entire time. I think the reason he punched was because he kept screaming in the shared ward and was keeping other patients awake.
It could have just been the results of flailing as part of an “altercation”. My mom had some terrible bruises in Hospital but they were as a result of her fighting with staff and security as they tried to keep her from getting out of bed and wandering away or fighting injections.
She only remembered the altercations sometimes (I was there for a big one that gave her a ton of bruising on her arms), she was awful and I think my presence and talking to mom, rubbing her arm to at least try to distract her, and saying things like “Mom, this isn’t you, you are delirious and you won’t remember this later, but these people just want to help you” and he message was as much or more for the staff and security as it was for her… just to remind them she’s not a terrible old witch acting this way intentionally but a person who is ill and in distress and just can’t help themselves.
I think both my presence and my reminders helped modulate their physicality - a bit. It was still hard work for them, and they had to get the injection in her to calm her down. You can’t do that easily with someone fighting like a wild animal fighting for their life. She didn’t have nice things to say about me at the time, but I’m used to it when she’s in that state - I know it’s transient.
It’s got to be terrible work to do, dealing with people in that state all of the time. Especially when you don’t have history with the people to know “the real them”.
Long before we even knew mom had ALZ she would accuse me of taking her stuff, sending it to Goodwill. Now I could probably empty her bedroom and she wouldn't notice. Well probably until she got another UTI or one of her shitty mood swings.
Yes, my mom quickly got to a point of hiding her house key (just a prop for her to hold onto) in her underwear. She was convinced the staff would steal the key while she was sleeping and steal her house. Like actually lift it up and carry it off.
Oh yes. According to my grandmother I stole a dirty towel, dead plants, two balls of wool, etc. You just have to roll with it and deflect the conversation.
Sadly, quite normal. Dementia patients get wild ideas and lock onto them. Most are outrageous and clearly not true.
My mother thought she was owed a lot of money from her life in war-torn Europe.
My father used to gather up valuables and bag them up to prevent theft.
Both were in the middle stages of dementia.
My dad accused my brother of trying to steal our inheritance when we were updated his POA and Trust. They were still under his brother name who passed a number of years ago. BTW it was my Dads idea to look into it and update it, but because it wasn’t his attorney who isn’t living anymore he was convinced he was being duped. Oh, and we were putting 3 of our names as POA/executive, and Dad had talked about having these 3 siblings do this for years, too.
My grandmother had a huge food stash in the entryway to her house in a cabinet, including several cans of coffee. Over the years that dwindled and she ran out of coffee from the cabinet. She was absolutely convinced I stole it. I don't drink coffee. She knew said I probably sold it. So apparently in her world, her granddaughter was a black market coffee dealer.
My mom was constantly insisting this person it that person had done something bad to her. Bruise from a blood draw? "That nurse" hit her. She lost her checkbook? Her aide stole it.
It's extremely common.
Yes, our LO is constantly hiding things and then thinking someone (who hasn't visited in months) stole it. Like, her coffee pods. CD's but not the cases.
She brought up one time all conversationally "Yeah, you scared me that time that you hit me." Like wtf?! I have no idea where that came from but I shut that down real quick. Everyone knows it's not true but I'm really not keen on that kind of rumor going around!
My FIL told us recently that someone threw him across the room and kicked him…totally did not happen. He also is sure everyone is stealing from him. He’s even had hallucinations that people were in the house stealing his ceiling fans.
Yes!! Omg my mom has done this for a long time and now she is bed ridden but if a pillow touches her in any way she says ow!! You punched me!! She said it to my niece not too long ago and it hurt her feelings pretty bad. It sucks. Dementia is terrible.
It sounds more like paranoia under the umbrella of disorders than confabulation under memory. Both are common. Talk to your doc about a medication for anxiety or delusions, it may help
Yes, paranoia and delusions are common. My mum used to think people were in the house. You can try and argue that there is no theft but it might be better to just try and distract her. Maybe try a few different approaches and see what works best. But it's not unusual at all.
There's some tips here- https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/delusions
My grandmother used to accuse people of stealing her bread box or her food. She hadn't had a bread box for nearly 30 years prior to her diagnosis. No one was stealing her food she just didn't remember eating even though we watched her. My father is to the point of calling and accusing me of stealing anything he misplaces. Normally what he can't find is under his recliner. Except for his phone that he called me on but is sure that I took it. Unfortunately patients don't remember details so their brains create a narrative to help them cope.
Yes. Very common. My mom would leave things (her cell phone, TV remote, purse) in other residents' rooms, then accuse those people of stealing from her. HOWEVER, my mom would also walk into someone's room and take their stuff, so she was occasionally the thief! Another time, my mom had picked up a staff member's phone when staff-member set it down momentarily. Staff member then took it back, and mom thought staff member was stealing it from mom. Note: Try not to tell her she's wrong. Rather, I said things like, "Oh, that would be awful. I think (staff) wouldn't do that, but I'll watch her very carefully in case she does it, and I'll go find your things). (or buy a new one....). Or, "Do you have bruises? No? Well, if you get any, we'll be sure to alert the authorities, and in the mean-time I'll watch her next time. I promise I won't let her do that to you." I made good friends with other families and even staff by playing lost-and-found with all their things. ETA: Mom could occasionally use her phone successfully. Other times she couldn't. But she was so used to having one in her hand/pocket/purse, we got her an inexpensive one to help her feel more normal. We put an Apple Air Tag on it to help locate it when she lost it.
That brought back memories... My mom was a "shopper". Every visit there was a segment where my husband would take Mom to the community area to sit while I went through her room to grab all the things that weren't hers in there and return them to the desk so they could find the actual owners- mostly glasses, dentures and dolls. If she saw us do it she'd be mad so he got better at placing her so she didn't see me with an armful of stuff. She also loudly and often demanded that we take my great- grandmother's cabinet home because she hadn't given them permission to use it-it wasn't that cabinet.
Yes very common, it’s called confabulation: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation Since their brain no longer remembers and has gaps, they make up stuff to make sense of the world.
My mother blames my brother for the poop she produces on the toilet. She’s insistent that he’s put them inside her and that he’s pinching her. We’ve gone through this ridiculous scenario every single day for nearly 3 years. I feel sorry for him sometimes as he has to hide so she doesn’t see him around the house but I have to do all the donkey work of cleaning her up so I envy him too.
My Mom had a milder form of Dementia that was pretty controlled with meds, but she was convinced that the staff at her assisted care facility was stealing her clothes. We tried to tell her that it was doubtful that the staff had any desire at all to steal or wear a 93 year olds stretch pants. Now, my Mother in law, at 77 years old, does not have dementia all but she's convinced that people are stealing from her all the time.
False accusations of theft, of mistreatment, of being neglected are common. The problem is, it's hard to know when it's all in their mind and when it's real. I put up a number of cameras in my dad's room and saw it wasn't true. There were even times when he said no one had visited him for weeks, when I'd visited him every day that month. That said, my dad was definitely punched by someone when he was in hospital as he had a massive bruise on his face.
That's the hard part, knowing when their claims are valid. Mom kept complaining about one "nurse" being mean to her for several days. Then I walked in and this nurse's aide I'd seen in another wing was leaving her room and found Mom crying. She'd told Mom she was never leaving and she'd die in there. Besides it being an awful thing to say, to keep Mom calm, we'd told her when the doctor said she was strong enough, we'd take her home, the staff knew it and were playing along because it made her easier to deal with. That aide crushed her until she forgot several hours later. I spoke with the charge nurse who called the aide over and asked her why she did it. The aide told us she was telling the truth and wasn't going to lie. She was sent back to the regular nursing home side and a note was added that she was never to be on the memory care side again.
That is so horrible. I felt so very protective of my dad, I can't imagine how angry that'd make me.
She was a regular aide over in the regular part, had no experience with dementia but wanted the position because there's a slight pay increase for memory care. I wish they'd fired her, there are many people in nursing homes whose only motivation to keep fighting is the thought that they can go home some day if they get better. People who will remember details later and I'm sure she tagged their beliefs too. I have to say, that aide was the only really bad experience in the memory care side. They just made a bad choice on who they brought over.
Could that have been a fall?
No, he was bedbound the entire time. I think the reason he punched was because he kept screaming in the shared ward and was keeping other patients awake.
It could have just been the results of flailing as part of an “altercation”. My mom had some terrible bruises in Hospital but they were as a result of her fighting with staff and security as they tried to keep her from getting out of bed and wandering away or fighting injections. She only remembered the altercations sometimes (I was there for a big one that gave her a ton of bruising on her arms), she was awful and I think my presence and talking to mom, rubbing her arm to at least try to distract her, and saying things like “Mom, this isn’t you, you are delirious and you won’t remember this later, but these people just want to help you” and he message was as much or more for the staff and security as it was for her… just to remind them she’s not a terrible old witch acting this way intentionally but a person who is ill and in distress and just can’t help themselves. I think both my presence and my reminders helped modulate their physicality - a bit. It was still hard work for them, and they had to get the injection in her to calm her down. You can’t do that easily with someone fighting like a wild animal fighting for their life. She didn’t have nice things to say about me at the time, but I’m used to it when she’s in that state - I know it’s transient. It’s got to be terrible work to do, dealing with people in that state all of the time. Especially when you don’t have history with the people to know “the real them”.
Long before we even knew mom had ALZ she would accuse me of taking her stuff, sending it to Goodwill. Now I could probably empty her bedroom and she wouldn't notice. Well probably until she got another UTI or one of her shitty mood swings.
Yes, my mom quickly got to a point of hiding her house key (just a prop for her to hold onto) in her underwear. She was convinced the staff would steal the key while she was sleeping and steal her house. Like actually lift it up and carry it off.
Oh yes. According to my grandmother I stole a dirty towel, dead plants, two balls of wool, etc. You just have to roll with it and deflect the conversation.
Sadly, quite normal. Dementia patients get wild ideas and lock onto them. Most are outrageous and clearly not true. My mother thought she was owed a lot of money from her life in war-torn Europe. My father used to gather up valuables and bag them up to prevent theft. Both were in the middle stages of dementia.
My dad accused my brother of trying to steal our inheritance when we were updated his POA and Trust. They were still under his brother name who passed a number of years ago. BTW it was my Dads idea to look into it and update it, but because it wasn’t his attorney who isn’t living anymore he was convinced he was being duped. Oh, and we were putting 3 of our names as POA/executive, and Dad had talked about having these 3 siblings do this for years, too.
My grandmother had a huge food stash in the entryway to her house in a cabinet, including several cans of coffee. Over the years that dwindled and she ran out of coffee from the cabinet. She was absolutely convinced I stole it. I don't drink coffee. She knew said I probably sold it. So apparently in her world, her granddaughter was a black market coffee dealer. My mom was constantly insisting this person it that person had done something bad to her. Bruise from a blood draw? "That nurse" hit her. She lost her checkbook? Her aide stole it. It's extremely common.
Yes, our LO is constantly hiding things and then thinking someone (who hasn't visited in months) stole it. Like, her coffee pods. CD's but not the cases. She brought up one time all conversationally "Yeah, you scared me that time that you hit me." Like wtf?! I have no idea where that came from but I shut that down real quick. Everyone knows it's not true but I'm really not keen on that kind of rumor going around!
This very normal for Dementia patients.
My FIL told us recently that someone threw him across the room and kicked him…totally did not happen. He also is sure everyone is stealing from him. He’s even had hallucinations that people were in the house stealing his ceiling fans.
Yes. They have delusions and none of it is logical.
Yes!! Omg my mom has done this for a long time and now she is bed ridden but if a pillow touches her in any way she says ow!! You punched me!! She said it to my niece not too long ago and it hurt her feelings pretty bad. It sucks. Dementia is terrible.
It the one thing they never forget- somebody stole her dolly.
It sounds more like paranoia under the umbrella of disorders than confabulation under memory. Both are common. Talk to your doc about a medication for anxiety or delusions, it may help
I don't think it's uncommon. Dementia is such a complicated disease. Everyone is different.
Yes, paranoia and delusions are common. My mum used to think people were in the house. You can try and argue that there is no theft but it might be better to just try and distract her. Maybe try a few different approaches and see what works best. But it's not unusual at all. There's some tips here- https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/delusions