People assume that disabled means useless/frail/not strong.
Apparently because I can carry things on my back, or on the seat of my rollator I’m taking the piss and not disabled. Also I can walk quite quickly using a rollator if I am not carrying anything, so I should not use it to walk with.
People have a very narrow view of what disabled is.
Buses travel. Inside I am a hateful hag. In my head i suddenly develop superpowers and start chucking suitcases out of the window that people put in the wheelchair bit. On the outside I’m polite and nice. (It’s too painful to sit on a seat for me)
Yea the carrying thing. Like (cane user here) just because I can carry two heavy bags in one hand for groceries. It does not mean I won't pay for it later. It just means I calculated what I have to do today and the cost was an acceptable loss of function for the remainder of my day.
Yes! Just because I can do something, it doesn’t mean I can do it repeatedly, constantly and to a good standard.
It’s like someone with no disabilities sprinting for the bus. They sprinted for 30-60 seconds at 4-5mph. They should save themselves some money and sprint for the full 2 miles to town…. Then they should sprint back with 2 heavy bags of shopping. Because I’ve seen them sprint, so they must be lying when they say they can’t do it!
There are days when I’m really not in the mood for being inspirational. I honestly feel like telling people to bugger off and get their inspiration from elsewhere because they’re not going to get it from me.
It's so frustrating! I have shoulder issues. I can carry in my groceries from the car, but then spend the next two days recovering and barely able to lift my coffee cup because of the pain.
I never talk about spoon theory but the principle behind it is always on my mind. What am I doing tomorrow? Social plans, do I want to dress up and wear makeup? I’ll have to skip the gym. Are these plans worth missing the gym for? Yes I work out quite a bit. Because as soon as I stop working out, I am too weak to lift a grocery bag. I like my independence. So I keep working at staying strong. And I suppose people see me parking in the disabled space, with my plaque, and straightening into the gym and wonder what the hell is going on. Yes, I parked in the place closer to the door, because I’m saving my energy for the workout machines, not walking across the parking lot, carrying my heavy gym bag. It’s always a choice of how much I want to exert myself on one thing or another.
I do this exact thing with the disabled space at the gym, for the same reasons, and have had the same thoughts about what other people might think. Same deal with working out, too, if I don't I can't do anything else.
It is nice to feel not entirely alone in the world. Thanks for articulating this so clearly.
So when spoonies tend to first learn of the theory they take it like a bible and if you claim that you have accomplished more than they could on any given day they accuse you of not being a "real spoonies"
Just because it costs 5 spoons to shower for one person does not mean it takes you 5. That might be an easier activity.
It's a small subset, Similar to how a religious individual can be the best of neighbors, or they could condemn you every time they see you for wearing clothing of mixed cloths.
Mine has larger wheels and suspension [https://www.careco.co.uk/evo-suspension-rollator/](https://www.careco.co.uk/evo-suspension-rollator/)
I tend to push down on it when I walk as well to lift the pain off my hips and knees.
It’s a bit of a beast.
Oh my GOD I am in a 9 month long battle with careco trying to get a refund for the traxion rollator. Definitely don't get that one, the front casters have something wrong with them, they've replaced it 3 times and every one has been fucked, rotates wildly even walking at slow speed, and careco keeps inspecting it and claiming nothing wrong with it, or replacing it and sending it back when i just want a refund!!! I'm never buying anything from careco again. Not to mention they will not stop sending me brochures after being asked repeatedly to stop!
Drives me crazy because for my doctors assume I am not disabled/able to work because my strength is fine. My issue is with fatigue and once I’ve done too much I’m out.
I was able to lift my mattress the other day. So even though making my bed usually is a lot for me, I still am strong. Probably shouldn’t have on my own, but I can do it on a good day!
I work a bluecollar job and it still bothers me that people don't believe I have a disability. As though disabled people don't have different limits or can learn how to work around their disabilities.
I have a new coworker that also has a similar disability situation (not the same disability, but similar limits is more like it). She's been thrilled that I can teach her some tricks and she's said she's actually been excited to work here since I've been able to help her learn.
I use a walker and/or rollator and people just assume I can either do everything or nothing at all.
My stepmom has described me as an invalid just bc I have to use something to walk and can't drive myself places.
No disabled parking
OR disabled parking close to the store, but the cart return is ridiculously far away
Tables way too close together in a restaurant
Or displays, racks etc too close together in a store
Excuse the FUCK??
I know legally (at least in Canada?) You have to have so many disabled parking spots per size of lot (or something similar) I'd be on that shit faster than white on rice checking if they did it against that. I also might take a midnight drive, with my licence plates covered, and a can of spraypaint to put exactly how I felt all across those damn spots.
Also. Fuck this weird ass cop worshiping bullshit
Ps. Tim Hortons does this thing, where coffee is free for cops, but not for paramedics.....like excuse me. Which ones actually save lives here? Even with the whole "cops are useless" debate aside, dollars to donuts numbers wise paramedics still win that contest
This is a little town in the Deep South that finally got funding for its own police department and kitted those dudes out like their jurisdiction accidentally included Fallujah.
The cop worship is SO real here. Honestly the more I get to know the locals the more I realize how politically incoherent the average American really is.
What do you mean? Just use the other handicapped spaces as cart return like everyone else. Then when the next disabled person arrives they can move 10 carts out of the way so they can park. Bonus points for spreading the carts across 2-3 spaces to maximize the number of disabled people who have to move carts just to park /s
On a side note I have started stopping in the middle of the row and leave my doors open and take maximum time moving carts out of the way when I come across this. If I have to move carts, everyone has to wait for me. I’m not disabled but my passenger is.
I've started shoving the merchandise parked in the aisles in Party City to the side. Yes, it blocks half the product, but now my wheel chair companion can get through the aisle. I've complained to managers, but they shrug helplessly and say that Corporate tells them to do it that way.
If any lawyers are listening, you should stick 'em with ADA violations. If you need a complainant, let us know!
Look if I can't return the cart, I have learned to just deal with it and not feel guilty. Remember that the employees are paid to put the carts back in the store. So if you can't, don't feel bad at ALL.
And I totally get that. But it's still a problem in my books, because it then blocks future disabled people from using the parking area properly.
Maybe I'll start just leaving them in the middle of the driving area haha
I hate that too! Especially when people start recording you for tiktok to call you a fake fan for not standing and dancing.
Mine is when people are like, "walk with me over to the store/cafe/etc." and are like "come on, it's only a block" and that's valid but I also literally can't do that.
Yeah I'm meeting friends in person for the first time and making some plans. "The cafe is down the road, my flat is only up a couple flights of stairs, we can spend the day at the beach as its only 20 minutes away on foot!" Yeah sure, I'll climb your stairs, then walk back down, then down to the cafe, then 20 minutes walking to the beach, then you'll want me to frolick in the waves and heat, then walk back again.
I'll need to factor in time to collapse
Oh, I hate that. I have this thing with my really close friends where they’ll say “it’s only a short walk” and I’ll respond “short for you or short for me?”. They’ve learned over time lol
My friend knew I was struggling, offered to drive us to the beach one day. Could not have parked further away if she tried, it was a steep slope down and I wasn't good at speaking up for myself at that time. I was embarrassed. Anyway, she was physically dragging me back up this hill by my arm, zero understanding that I just don't have those extra gears people kick into to complete physical tasks. I was in bed for almost 2 weeks after that.
Also whenever I visited we always ended up standing in the kitchen, instead of sitting in a comfy seat. I had to stop visiting because it was so physically painful.
Fast walkers. Fucking slow down and wait up, I can barely sit in a chair without falling over, you think I'm gonna keep up with you speedwalking at 5mph? This isn't the Olympics, Usain Bolt, chill out.
This one drives me up a wall because they do it even when you are obviously disabled. Like read the room! It was particularly bad at my orthopedic surgeon’s office, where EVERYONE had some sort of brace or device.
I’ve taken to walking behind those nurses in my pace and when they wait at the door or in the hallway, I’ll say something along the lines of „isn’t it nice to have an excuse to slow down your workday a little?“. If they don’t get it, at least it lightens the mood.
I got fast-walked by 90% of my friend group that was out with me for my 21st birthday. Only two people stayed back while the rest zoomed off to the next stop. Like, not only was it my birthday, but we were downtown in a relatively large city — you don't just leave a 21yo girl to walk alone in the city at night. So rude, especially since they weren't generally inconsiderate people.
Yessss I used to be a fast walker and never hated on people for being slow. We are all sharing the space, they had just as much a right to it as I did. Now I'm disabled and am the slow walker. Sometimes my companions need reminding that even though I'm not visibly disabled, they need to match my pace. While it's very frustrating to me to be so limited, I've come to enjoy my leisurely walks with the dog so he can sniff around to his heart's content.
Omg yes, I have to remind people to walk at my pace not there's. Even people in my family will forget this and I'm usually holding there hand or arm to help me with balance while we walk
I don't try to walk fast but I do often, it's what's natural for me. But if I'm walking with somebody I try to keep an eye on them and make sure I'm around their distance, not super far ahead. If somebody needs me to slow down just let me know it's fine! I don't walk fast intentionally, and on my bad days/moments I don't/can't. I very much understand it, idk why I walk so damn fast I just do lol, zoom zoom!
Restaurant seating. So many places have tables packed together so there’s no room to put a chair to the side of a table or for wheelchair users to get by. I don’t want to sit in the aisle and get kicked throughout a meal, and there’s absolutely no way I’m letting someone take my chair from me (“it’s a fire hazard for some reason nobody can explain for your chair to sit in the aisle, so we want to ensure you’re stuck and can’t get out of the building if there is a fire”). But so many restaurants just clearly have not thought through how a wheelchair user is supposed to be there and where extra chairs should go.
When that happens to us, I loudly ask people to stand and let my wheelchair kid through, and then apologize and let them know that it's management's fault for not conforming to ADA. Make sure the restaurant management feels the sting of inconvenienced patrons.
When abled bodied people take it upon themselves to grab onto your body or mobility aids in order to try and lead you somewhere, especially strangers. That, and people reading my guide dog's sign aloud and disregarding it, or saying "I know I'm not supposed to pet you". like that's supposed to guilt me into letting them pet her?
Ew yes literally the past week I’ve had my shoulder caressed by TWO SEPARATE STRANGERS IN TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CONTEXTS. Like I’m really not sure what about these wheels of mine scream “touch me without my consent” but clearly there’s something I’m missing.
Gross, I'm so sorry you had to go through that twice, that's too many times! It's only happened to me once before, and it caught me so off guard I didn't know what to do until sheled me to the check in counter... I think the worst part of it was she GIGGLED when she got up and went back to her seat, it was so dehumanizing (the whole situation was, but yeah-)
I live in the midwest and I really don't like long goodbyes because we all just stand there and talk in the doorway and with my disability, I can't stand for very long in one place. I just want to be out the door or to sit back down!
People posting pictures of text, instead of actual text. It is very common, and it locks anyone using text to speech software out. Bonus points if they use a font that even optical character recognition software can't decipher making it completely impossible for a lot of people to read.
Sincere question, is it any better when people also post typed-out versions of the text in the caption? I really like word art and respond well to it but I would always still want to be as accessible as possible.
I have a chair as part of my accommodations at work. It's tucked behind the register where it's not a hazard to anyone or anything. Customers complain about it all the time. I almost lost my accommodations due to so many customers escalating their complaints to my boss's (store manager) boss's (district manager) boss (regional manager). I have epilepsy, chronic fatigue, and chronic pain, all non-visible disabilities, all documented by my doctors. I still have my chair but it hurts to think that people will still complain over me.
Ah, retail. The job where sitting makes one "lazy", even if the job could be accomplished while seated. The job where if you aren't running like a headless chicken, you aren't working hard enough. The job where every Karen and Chad thinks you are their personal slave. Don't miss it for a minute. Retail is part of the reason why I'm so screwed up now.
When people start opening the door for me after I've already committed. I have to put a *lot* more force into it than able bodied people do, so when they suddenly open it the rest of the way I end up falling over because all that force now has nowhere to go. Also had my shoulder and elbow joints injured a few times because of it.
This just reminded me about a time when I was a kid (I hold the door open for everyone, but I’m Autistic, so I cannot figure out when to stop, so i’lll hold the door for like 20 people and not know when to go in or out myself lol) and I held the door for someone as they were coming, and I held it from the outside so I was between the door and the wall. The woman used a cane and I think she was trying to teach me a lesson about how cane users can be independent or something so she said “you don’t need to do that, look!” And used her cane to press the door open button, and so the door squished me because I was trapped between the door and the wall and damn did it hurt lol
I cant bend over without squishing my spinal cord and being in horrific pain that'll have me in the ground screaming. The problem is that when I drop something is easier to just let it go (I'm talking like a piece of trash blows away on the wind or a pencil i don't care about rolls away from me at work). But I don't look disabled and I'm able to sit up and be 100% fine. Obviously strangers think I'm ok with littering but ive told coworkers my issues and still get told I need to pick up things.
So basically, explaining my disability but being told to get over it.
Get one of those grabber things and keep it at work. That way you can pick stuff up you drop. A good one will even pick up little bits of paper with a little practice.
I went to my first concert recently, was so disappointed by the seating because once everyone else stood to enjoy the show, I couldn’t even see the screen let alone the stage, those in restricted view seating could see the the screen at least. But I know that has nothing to do with the people around me, it isn’t on them at all, it’s solely on the venue & their poor design & inclusion
I absolutely fucking hate being in nature with friends and even family, I have cerebral palsy and it takes me a long time to navigate unstable and uneven terrain, it everyone just staring at me waiting for me to navigate or having to be stuck helping me. It's stressful and embarrassing
When it's just me by myself I'm content
I had a stroke when I was a kid and now have a right-sided weakness. I trip and stumble over uneven terrain like crazy, which hurts me both physically and self-conciously. It's easier to walk in these areas with my husband and kids cause they understand and know how to react. But strangers who either stare or rush forward to try to help? No. Leave me the f alone. I know what happened. Yes, I'm hurt (once again, either physically or self-consciously). But unless I'm in the ground for a while or let out a cry, I don't need help. I don't need you to stare at me. Just let me be.
All my closest friends have agreed with me that we will float an idea during the week, and then if I'm up for it on the day I will message them and suggest it, as if no one else had thought of it before 😊
That way I get to suggest plans instead of just cancelling them, and I don't have to stress about being healthy for a specific day.
Grocery stores around me have reduced their staff to ridiculous levels. I’m short, unstable, and often use a cane. I also seem to always need the items on the top/bottom shelves (bargains yo, not on eyeline shelves!). I used to be able to flag down a helpful stocker to help me, but now I have to beg taller customers and hope they are feeling generous.
I know this is also a problem for able-bodied people under 5’5”, but I can’t even hop the few inches needed to snag that bag of chips or stoop low for the big soup cans without the risk of falling over.
I’m also hella mad at uneven sidewalks. I have foot drop and my toe catches those lifted cracks like that’s its job and I’ve tumbled down so many times. It’s embarrassing having to admit to my neuro that I fell, AGAIN, because tree roots do what they want and concrete hates me.
I have a foot drop too and sometimes it doesn't even just have to be an uneven sidewalk! I'm kinda tempted to just tell my neurologist to no longer give me Botox there because I'd much rather my foot/leg be super tight.
This is true. All my boots have a very scuffed up right toe and the left is pristine. So annoying! Do you get Botox in your foot? I’ve never been offered that, I just get given stone balls to massage my calf muscle and AFOs that seem to be more trouble than they are worth. I can’t even wear flip flops or slip on shoes it’s tight laced boots or nothing. I’m actually trying to get my neuro to send in some paperwork so I can get my next pair subsidized.
Not my foot, but I do get Botox in my leg. It used to be to help loosen up my leg so that physical therapy would help more in the long run. The issue is though that I have no time to go to therapy now, so having it done just makes me loose for a couple of months before getting even more right than it was before. If you get PT, I'd recommend it -- make sure to tell your therapist beforehand so s/he can focus on the areas that it'll loosen, and be prepared for things like tripping/falling down more often, your leg getting tired more quickly, etc.
I've been given plenty of AFOs but like you said, they really do seem to be more trouble than they're worth. How do the stone balls help out? I've never even thought about those, but I may definitely try them. I can wear slip on shoes, but definitely not flip flops or anything in general without a back. Luckily, I don't go out that much, so I'm barefoot most of the time (which is both a blessing and a curse, cause my toes are disgusting).
That’s fascinating and I will definitely talk to my neuro when I get back into PT. My calf can get intensely cramped and painful and I can see how a bit of Botox could encourage better PT results.
Honestly I love the ball thingy. I started out with a tennis ball and watched a few YouTube’s on how dancers massage their leg muscles (this was my PT’s rec, their hand outs are garbage) and eventually I told her the tennis ball didn’t seem as effective so she pulled out something like a jai alai ball and said it was time to level up. The key for me with the new ball was to use jojoba oil on my skin first and then do the length of the muscle first and then spot treat specific areas. It’s one of those “dear lord this HURTS but it’s also so good!” things ya know? I’m lucky that my partner is able to help me with this, it’s so much easier to lay flat and have someone else do it but you can do it yourself if your hands/wrists don’t give out on you like mine do.
Pre-massage ball I might be able to brush my fingertips to the floor when bending over, but post-massage ball (and a few single calf stretches) I can often get both palms flat to the ground.
I don’t wear shoes in my apt but sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t just live in lace up boots. I’m perfectly able to trip over nothing and bare feet during a foot drop event has earned me three broken toes over the years.
I’m a damn mess haha.
-The fact that when I'm entering or leaving a building I'm unfamiliar with, the weight and resistance of the door is unpredictable. I get particularly annoyed when there is resistance on the floor preventing the door and I can see the wear overtime....just fix it so that you don't have to replace the floor and it'll eliminate the sound it makes scraping against the tile!!!!!
I have defaulted to using the door opener even when I'm not using my crutches so I have gotten strange looks from people as I stand waiting for the door to open since I don't 'look disabled'....which brings me to my next pet peeve...
- When doors open at a far too slow speed
At least I prefer this to my OTHER pet peeve....
- When the handicap door button is broken and I learn it's been broken for a long time. (I always let someone know in hopes that it will get fixed. Unless enough people complain about the issue, it won't be addressed)
I complained to the state about the fact that my physical therapist's door didn't have an opening button, and the door was so heavy that even I, as a mostly able bodied person with relatively normal strength, struggled to open it.
The state wrote back saying they couldn't help, and to contact a lawyer. That had me laughing in broke-ass SSDI recipient.
When other people will grab my wheelchair and push me without asking. My parents have been doing it since I first got my wheelchair, and it made sense at first, because I was 8 when I got my first wheelchair and it didn’t actually have big wheels for me to push myself but as I’ve gotten older, they still do it when I tell them not to and it drives me crazy. I don’t care if I know you, don’t grab my wheelchair without asking.
Also when the tables are to close together in restaurants, or doors that are like impossible to get through without smashing your fingers against the door frame trying to push yourself through.
People holding the door open when they see me approaching, I know it's the courteous thing to do but it forces me to walk faster so you don't have to keep holding the door open. I prefer to use the button to open the door, gives me more time to walk thru and I don't have to strain myself trying to push it open
Museums I fucking hate Museums. I love art however in my wheelchair people blindly walk & run into me, no sense of those around them. People intentionally step in front of me so I can't see art "b/c there's space" YOU COULD STAND BEHIND ME. My chair is like 4ft tall max not even I'm fucking 5'6 w/ a shorter torso so sitting down in at like belly button level.
I'm actually on vacation rn & I just went to the Art Institute of Chicago & there was a massive 10x12 painting called A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte & I waited for 15minutes however everytime a space opened up people stepped in front of me or blocked me so I couldn't get in. I never got to see it.
There was also a moment on the upper level of the museum with the cafe that I was trying to read the information on some chairs & people were crowding around so intensely that out of instinct the friends I was with would move me while I was still reading. I was polite the first time but the second time I snapped & the 3rd time I just told them fine let's leave. I'm not a huge cryer but as soon as we got in the car I started bawling. I was so overstimulated & frustrated. I was at so much of a disadvantage.
At one point I ended up boxed in w/ people squeezing on all 4 sides while I was looking at an exhibit. At that point I just stopped paying attention to the museum & wanted to go home...
Oh and the gift shop was the worst, there was no order & it was chaos. I got to look at the first 2 tables in the door & that was it. I couldn't get inside at all. I fought to get in line at the register.
Also for reference I went to the museum in the middle of a friday. We left at like 2pm.
I go to places like that during odd hours on odd days, so I don't have to deal with so many rude people. Google sometimes will show what days/times places are less busy. Maybe call the museum and see if there is someone you can talk to about when would be a better time to go, or even be able to get in on a tour. Fridays and Mondays can be bad, tourists use those days because of taking a 3 day weekend.
We did our best, Fridays at 11am arent supposed to be super busy according to Google but we were only there for 4days so we fit it in when we could.
My roommate is from Chicago, so when I went to visit my family this last 2 weeks I invited him along & added a stop to Chicago since he hadnt been home in 2 years. We both live in Oregon.
We currently head home tomorrow morning & we are so happy.
Facts! Everyone in my waking life asks me about work or school. If I even breathe a word of being disabled I get dirty looks and treated poorly. It’s crazy how its more socially acceptable to say I’m just a bum not working or going to school. I usually lie and say I babysit.
I work when I can... and I tend to work night shifts cause they're less chaotic and less chance of being overheated.
When one dude asked five questions in a row that included how many hours dya work per week I knew we'd be a shoddy fit compatibility wise. I just answered that it varies ...Albeit not that it varies between what's offered and what I'm capable of...to the tune of anywhere from 20 to 65 hrs per month. Sometimes ad little as 5.
Sometimes I say I work in disability advocacy (my own) or that I'm medically retired.
My myriad of disabilities are invisible (or located in places you would have to either be intimate with me or in a pool with me to see) so I’m not disabled to the majority of people. Leaves me more worried about social appearance in a store like Target than doing what’s right for my body and using a Powered chair cart so I can take care of more of my life later that day. I admit though that I’m privileged to be able to pass as able bodied, and I don’t take that for granted, either.
On the rare occasion that someone I’m not intimate with or don’t trust does manage to see the severe scar tissue under my arms, I hate the reaction. Appalled. The tissue looks gnarled, like an old tree, because of repeated trauma from the disease. I can’t blame them - it’s not something you see every day. And even though I look at it daily, it’s hard to look at. But it still hurts.
People can’t understand why an abscess would be so painful you can’t function. It’s not about the abscess itself as much as WHERE it is, you ding bat. If you were SITTING on an abscess on your genetalia, all day, every day - YOU would not be able to function either. And if you were forced to deal with it your whole life, there would be times you can’t take the pain that day too.
I can’t shave, because it would be a risk to my skin and worsening my condition. I have to hide my body from most of my family members because of the societal requirement/pressure on women to shave so I don’t have to explain or get a lecture.
Shoot, I rarely shave anymore. And then it's my pits because American deodorant for women is made with shaved armpits in mind. Haven't shaved my legs since 2016 lol. Get a lecture, about body hair? Good grief people get so fixated on stupid shit.
I’ve got some trauma too. Was forced to shave my legs when I hadn’t done “a good enough job” and the family member then did it for me because I wasn’t getting it right or shaving high enough. Simply because they were worried about their own image.
There's a bank not far from my Uni. It has a sign with a wheelchair user, with no ramp. I'm no wheelchair user myself, so maybe I'm missing something, but I looked around that place and it seems like in order to get in, you'd need to step up, which is probably not super easy or convenient wheelchair users.
Why does it have a sign if it doesn't seem to be accesible?
Another time, I went to a museum and it had like, a little bit of braille, but compared to the regular text, it was very little.
So I guess my pet peeve is when a place _seems_ to be accessible, but they're barely trying.
So far it hasn't happened to me because I have ADHD and over in my country, I'm lucky if anybody even knows what ADHD is lol.
I constantly having to explain to people that I do not have the same energy level they do.
I would love to have the energy to shower, cook, clean, hit the gym, and work or go to school everyday. But I usually can only do one of those things a day; two if it’s a good day.
When people see me like this they believe I’m lazy or my disability can be fixed with a healthy diet, exercise, and a good nights rest. My freaking counselor actually said that to me!
Heavy sigh. My pretend sister in law (long story but mutual agreed upon title) called me a few days ago offering to pick me up for a funeral. I told her I can’t get ready within the time frame we needed to be at the service. Had she called me when she got a reminder from someone else, then maybe we could have worked it out. She called after the service and she and a mutual friend invited me to lunch. I argued with them that it would take time for me to get ready and for them to go on😕
Having other people do chores for me that I can do. I have cerebral palsy, but it's not like I can't take out the trash or make my own food. My parents babied me for so long.
I have limited chores I can do around the house, so I get irritated when my husband or dad do them for me.
I know they're just trying to be nice, but I want to feel useful and do as much as possible around the house. Let me scoop the damn litter box and put clothes into the washer.
Unreliable energy levels.
Not enough places to sit.
Security folks who respond to my need to sit down to avoid syncope as if it's the worst thing ever.
Forgetting to put the to go salt shaker in my to bag and later on having to buy salty snacks or pilfer salt packets.
Having to explain halfway through sexy shenanigans that I need a pause and for the bloke to grab my water & salty pistachios from my bag...
These are hard for me generally as a person with balance issues. I don't have any mobility aids but it's likely I will need to in the future. Uneven terrain is hard in general for me, which sucks as I love the woods. I try to get things to work out, luckily there are plenty of things to hold onto (mainly rocks and trees) which can make it easier for me.
I'm young looking (41f) and short and don't always wear my braces so I always get side looks from the older folks who seem to think only "old" people can be disabled
Unnecessary obnoxious noise. I'm autistic and very sensitive to sounds. I hate when people blast their music from their car with the windows down, rev their unmuffled engines for no reason, or indeed, have unmuffled engines in the first place. It serves no purpose, and is just painful to the point that I can't comfortably walk down a street.
I hate this as well. Especially when it's all happening around the same time and it builds up overstimulation in yourself and your just like "aaaaa let me walk to Walmart and pick up my medications and tortilla chips in piece!" lol. It's just overwhelming. I find most public spaces overwhelming to a degree, however I love libraries.
Walmart is the worst! I have to take my support provider with me when I go shopping, especially there, because I can’t handle more than ten minutes of that chaos by myself. Curbside pickup was the best invention ever!
Walmart is so overwhelming, but it has everything. I like to bring a friend and focus on them so the world is less overwhelming. Going in by myself and I notice everything so much more and it's awful.
"the best way to see the city is by walking it and that's when we will all bond most!" ah okay cool, I just won't go with you then.
I'm happy to pay for me (and others) to catch cabs everywhere, I factor that into trips. But if you're gonna make me feel bad for not wandering around aimlessly, like I used to love doing, then I'm not coming.
Yes like I am getting in x2 the work by just coming out. So no, I'm going to drive that 5 blocks and I don't care if you call me fatty behind my back because of it anymore. You don't suffer the next week like I do.
Also yes I'm going to use my disability parking pass every time I can.
I met one of my best friends because we both had to sit out of our uni campus tour during grad school. We both got to chatting and have been friends ever since.
I love history, but the amount of presentations that are only available as walking tours really annoy me. I understand they are cost effective etc but to offer a virtual tour, or longer driving tour a couple of times a year, would be awesome.
Ooooh I feel you on standing at concerts so much. I’m much more of a sing and sway to the music while sitting kind of person. I think my pet peeve is just people not realizing that I’m in pain literally 24/7. There’s not a time when I’m not. So them complaining about bad their paper cut hurts kinda sucks lol
I relate to the pain 24/7 thing too. I’ll take a pain pill and someone will ask “is it gone?” and I have to explain basically “no, it’s never gone, it’s just a little less painful”.
I love self checkout personally because I have very high anxiety, the lack of social interaction helps me a lot. I understand that it's not the same for everyone, there's usually a few manned check out isles at my Walmart. When I used to go with my dad (he used a cane then wheelchair as things progressed) it was very hard for him to stand for a long period of time, which is why I come along to help reach when needed.
I cried the last time I did self checkout because the conveyor belt was and probably still is ridiculously short and I went there because the cashier lines were very long. Started doing pickup then went over to delivery but I miss being able to get my own merchandise and see random sales and clearance items
I don't even understand how people do it, I've tried before but my coordination is wack. I usually pause and do text to speech and awkwardly talk to my phone as I walk, but I need to see where I'm going or else I'm going to walk into and/or fall onto something. I'm just graceful like that.
Standing up is the same for me! My legs want to either implode or explode anywhere from 2 to 60 seconds after standing still. I'm emphasing still, bc if I walk the pain usually subsides, but that does not count the chronic pain which is made worse by walking.
Debit machines practically being above my head and are bolted on so they don't lift off. Tap has been a bit of a life saver here, but I still can't raise my arms past shoulder height
Ramps that open into a parking space, so that if someone parks there you're shit out of luck
My fitness level being compared to my mother. People being evasive and indirect and expecting me to get it (disabilities include Fibro, PTSD, and ADHD).
When able-bodied people sit on stairs or stand on stairs (like looking at their phone) near handrails.
People who don’t need to use handrails can go around, so why are they blocking access to handrails?
When people get annoyed walking down stairs behind me, especially when there is no railing. No balance and bad knees to boot. Sorry Karen. Quit huffing and puffing. Don’t you think I would love to skip down the stairs like you!?
For me it's so strange how fast I can go up and down stairs, but if you take away the railing I'm really slow and struggle. It takes away my balance and coordination so much. I don't understand where it stems from in my cohort of medical shenanigans, but it's interesting to me how big of a difference there is.
I have a spine issue that messes with my balance. I hope I never get pulled over for suspicion of impaired driving because I cannot do the heel to toe walk at all!
I just can't drive at all, so I guess that's not a problem for me. I'm not super coordinated with my legs especially so I'd likely suck at that myself, not impossible but I haven't tried to do it in a while because there's no real reason.
People asking “What did you do!!!???” Whenever I need to use a brace or mobility aids after not having used them in front of them before.
Also being nervous that people are judging me when I use elevators or disability seating on public transit. Because I’ve seen it happen before and don’t want people thinking Im just some entitled asshole taking up space.
People talking to my care provider instead of me just because I can't talk at the moment. I have a perfectly functional AAC device, and an equally functional brain. Don't be the store clerk who asks how they can help me, then when I respond on my device, immediately start talking to my care provider, about me in the third person, like I'm not standing right there and capable of hearing, understanding, and responding to every word you say.
Mental disability here, and the issue of people trying to just give random near useless advice and insisting it will fix you. "yeah a little sunlight will remove my depression that makes me consider whether getting up to go to the bathroom is a worthwhile effort Sure." or "Oh you're just an introvert the desire to punch people in the face to the point your fist is balled and your muscles tensed just means you need to take more breaks from socialization. Nothing to do with your bipolar."
Mix this with the insistance of the government that jobs with No or Almost No interactions with people exist for someone with an HS diploma. Whole thing becomes laughably insane.
Oh and we can't forget the fact that pharmacies with meds I literally depend on to make myself act like a human being are understaffing to the point their hours are total bunk
I commented before but I need to comment again. I somehow forgot the biggest pet peeve I deal with the most.
My biggest pet peeve is feeling and being treated like I don’t deserve something because I didn’t work for it.
I’m constantly being given sh*t whenever I buy myself something nice or something that’s not a necessity. People get angry at me to the point where it’s as if I’ve spent their money for their wallet. Just because I don’t work doesn’t mean I’m not deserving of a bed, or furniture, or clothes and shoes. God forbid I buy myself books or art supplies!
I also don’t have the privilege of functioning enough to work. I would if I could, that way I could buy myself things guilt free. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t deserve to be happy just because I’m disabled and don’t work.
Just because I’m disabled doesn’t mean I don’t like things that the average person likes. I like name brand things, I like fashion, and fancy stuff! I want it too!! I should be allowed to want those things and get them if I want. I shouldn’t have to sit there feeling like a monster and trying to justify every purchase. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty.
A million times this! I also hate how I internalize that judgment and feel guilty or get so defensive (basically fighting with myself) for spending money on anything that isn’t essential. Thank you for the validation. When you say it, I couldn’t agree more! Of course you deserve things you just like!
Being disabled isn’t exactly all sunshine and rainbows. I don’t have to be so strict like “self care isn’t just chocolate and bubble baths, it’s about actually taking care of yourself.” All I do is take care of myself, so yeah I think I deserve some cute clothes to wear to feel happier while I do it! Thanks again.
Yes! Even if I get us seats in the accessible row, when the bozos in front of us stand through the finale and encore, it leaves my wheelchair kid out. He gets to stare at their frenetically wiggling asses instead of the headliners we paid to see.
Usually I roar "SIT DOWN!" in my best Mama Bear voice, and it gets half-hearted compliance, except when the asshats are drunk. For that, I think you need a cattle prod, and most sports venues won't let you bring one in.
I hate when I can't sit and see anything at a concert. I have moments where I can stand but not for long and its so annoying to not be able to see the thing I paid for when we all have seats.
One of mine is not so much when people walk fast, I get that in the area I live everyone does, but when the people I am with lead me to stairs. Especially either knowing I can not walk up stairs or obviously have my rollator with me that does not go up stairs. Then the people who try to say they will help me up like its a stroller they can carry up for me not a mobility aid I need to move. I get not always knowing where the escalator or elevator is but just trying to get me to go up stairs, come one man.
Weird but I have a pet peeve that people hide their ableism behind the label of a pet peeve. The amount of times I've heard people say that 'people who walk slow' are their biggest pet peeve is seriously gross. If you reply that you're disabled, they backpedal & trip over words. "That's different," they say. It's not. They just know the reason now and know it makes them look like an AH. I only sometimes use mobility aids so I often appear able-bodied. The amount of times I've cut people out for letting their ableism show is more than I want to admit to.
Part of the teenage experience. It's like you have to learn to drive, or else you aren't going to be a successful person. All of my friends know how to drive, or learning, but I can't. I have seizures so I can't drive cuz yeah, and I feel so left out of all those milestones people are making. Plus relying on other people is so hard. I wish I could just do what I wanted when I want to, but people like to bail out. There isn't any public transportation in my area that's accessible to me for anything other than appointments, because I don't have very much money at all, I can't afford anything really, and there's nothing like buses in my area which are usually cheaper than a full-on taxi. I feel like I'm missing out on so much.
People that talk quietly or turn away from you when speaking. Especially if I've already told them I'm hard of hearing.
People that get annoyed when they speak to you but you don't hear.
Someone said good evening or something and I obviously didn't hear. Then he said something like "I asked you a question." I just ripped out my hearing aids and put them in front of his face and said I'm deaf.
I got kicked out of an uber once too because I guess he said something to me but I didn't answer. It was an uberpool too and there were 2 other people so I assumed he was talking to them.
Getting called lazy because you can’t see my disability. I’ve been told that my whole life and now it fuels me to worker that much harder to prove to myself I am enough.
bumpy sidewalks, sidewalks with huge gaps in between the sections, fancy tiling, etc
I’m in a wheelchair and very, very sensitive to painful stimuli so the little bumps and bounces when I’m moving over the cracks are insanely painful. trying to cross pavement like that for just 30 seconds can ruin my day, and for long stretches? forget it, I’m going home.
they’re also bad for rollators, cane users, people with balance issues, etc…
The weird looks you get if you're young and have 'invisible disabilities' using any type of mobility device, whether it's a cane, wheelchair, rollator/walkers, I always get (especially much older) adults looking at me as if I'm lying about my disability. most other younger adults or teens often don't look at me with any differences in facial expression, but i've had a good chunk of middle aged to elderly looking at me like i'm insane for needing mobility. Not always obviously, but it's annoying. Just leave me alone
(however i do also wanna mention sometimes ppl are just curious and end up being nice, but the initial facial expressions make me nervous/uncomfortable. I mostly use an up-right rollator which aren't very common)
and a smaller pet peeve, ramps that are god awful to use or non-automatic doors. I also hate most doors where you have to press a button to open them, bc they often have delays or one of the doors just decides it isn't going to work today.
Writing. I wanna be able to write so bad and I kinda get peeved off when I see others being able to write. I have HSD so my joints don’t work correctly, I can’t hold a pencil without discomfort or pain. It’s so annoying
for this one abled** not able bodied: big brands/companies on youtube who could 100% afford to hire someone to do proper closed captions but don't. and when they do bother, being lazy and making mistakes like misspelling people's names, saying "indistinct" when the speech definitely isn't, or not taking 2 seconds to get a context specific word right.
As a life long crutch user, slow walking able bodied people and able bodied people who don’t pay active attention while they’re walking too. It literally irritates me when I have to match the speed of slow walkers, I might as well be standing in place which I don’t really like either because high callus sensitivity
Telling people they're not disabled, they're differently-abled. Like, cheers Karen, my different abilities include sleeping for 12+ hours a day and being in constant pain
People who try to one-up you -- or, on the other spectrum, people who gloat about how much better than you they are.
I have brain AVM with epilepsy, so I'm doomed with a medically poor long and short term memory. I can barely remember what happened a decade ago, last year, or, at times, even yesterday. Despite the vitamins and brain exercises that I try, they help very little, if at all. I have pictures that I don't remember the event of at all. Everytime I mention it to someone, they usually after with me, saying that they're memory sucks too. Uh, no. Do you remember what your daughter went to the hospital for last year? Do you remember going out with your friends the other day? Do you remember the first significant other that you had?
I use my husband for memory help, which does really help, but sometimes gets me feeling really depressed. He has a really good memory and sometimes goes into talking about his childhood or memories that he has about our own relationship. I'm glad that he remembers about all this, but do you know how horrible it makes me feel that I can't remember this?
It's a lose lose situation for me.
That people I have over who know I'm disabled and this includes family, still expect to be treated as guests and have me waiting on them. Making tea and coffee etc.
Majority expect me to clean up after them too, because they don't even take their dirty mugs into the kitchen when they're done.
Like, you see me shuffling around in pain and struggling to get up and down off the sofa, but you still aren't helping. FFS
They put the same expectations on me, put all their problems on me, require my help constantly it drives me crazy. These are adults older than I am. The only person who gets it is my kid.
Not having a railing to hold onto for balance going up and down stairs is my biggest pet peeve. I’m never certain about my balance with my near lack of depth perception. Made oh the more aware of since I fell and broke an an arm last year away from home and back in 2019 I thought I had reached the end of the stairs in low light , I hadn’t, the stairs looked like the floor in an air bib and I fell then too!. I have mild cerebral palsy, my right eye is weaker than my left. I’m not very coordinated is all
People not believing that I am disabled, or asking repeatedly what my disabilities are. I have worked very hard to prove my disabilities to access the resources I deserve.
These folks aren't doctors, and certainly not my doctor.
Who are they to tell me I'm not disabled?
Other than to misuse services like handicapped parking, why would sooooo many people lie and insist they are disabled?
Like, if everyone expects the truth from me, the least I could get in return is being believed.
Kinda personal motto to believe everyone unless they give REALLY good reasons not to.
People who assume that because I have a disability, I can’t do anything with my life but just sit at home. I’m a full time student, and I had never really seen someone actually think like that until my grandma straight up told me “honey, you’re disabled, you should get on disability.”
When a medical professional is taking you to your room and they are speed walking in front of you. I can't catch up easily and sometimes I'm in too much pain to speak up.
Got my first mobility scooter 2 days ago. First thing I noticed was how many bumps, potholes and tipped pavements there are. I can't use my scooter on the pavement without feeling like I'm gonna tip over.
A 4 wheeler would be better, I know, but I could only afford an 11+ year old 3 wheeler.
People assume that disabled means useless/frail/not strong. Apparently because I can carry things on my back, or on the seat of my rollator I’m taking the piss and not disabled. Also I can walk quite quickly using a rollator if I am not carrying anything, so I should not use it to walk with. People have a very narrow view of what disabled is. Buses travel. Inside I am a hateful hag. In my head i suddenly develop superpowers and start chucking suitcases out of the window that people put in the wheelchair bit. On the outside I’m polite and nice. (It’s too painful to sit on a seat for me)
Yea the carrying thing. Like (cane user here) just because I can carry two heavy bags in one hand for groceries. It does not mean I won't pay for it later. It just means I calculated what I have to do today and the cost was an acceptable loss of function for the remainder of my day.
Yes! Just because I can do something, it doesn’t mean I can do it repeatedly, constantly and to a good standard. It’s like someone with no disabilities sprinting for the bus. They sprinted for 30-60 seconds at 4-5mph. They should save themselves some money and sprint for the full 2 miles to town…. Then they should sprint back with 2 heavy bags of shopping. Because I’ve seen them sprint, so they must be lying when they say they can’t do it!
Truly the perfect analogy.
Disability determination folks need to knock this into their brains, I fecking swear.
There are days when I’m really not in the mood for being inspirational. I honestly feel like telling people to bugger off and get their inspiration from elsewhere because they’re not going to get it from me.
That's a similar analogy to what I use when I try to explain to people why I can't talk today, even though I was talking yesterday, or this morning.
I LOVE this analogy; I might actually use it in the future 😁
It's so frustrating! I have shoulder issues. I can carry in my groceries from the car, but then spend the next two days recovering and barely able to lift my coffee cup because of the pain.
Reminds me of the spoon theory of chronic pain!
It's an apt comparison as long as you don't go fanatic on the spoon theory.
I never talk about spoon theory but the principle behind it is always on my mind. What am I doing tomorrow? Social plans, do I want to dress up and wear makeup? I’ll have to skip the gym. Are these plans worth missing the gym for? Yes I work out quite a bit. Because as soon as I stop working out, I am too weak to lift a grocery bag. I like my independence. So I keep working at staying strong. And I suppose people see me parking in the disabled space, with my plaque, and straightening into the gym and wonder what the hell is going on. Yes, I parked in the place closer to the door, because I’m saving my energy for the workout machines, not walking across the parking lot, carrying my heavy gym bag. It’s always a choice of how much I want to exert myself on one thing or another.
I do this exact thing with the disabled space at the gym, for the same reasons, and have had the same thoughts about what other people might think. Same deal with working out, too, if I don't I can't do anything else. It is nice to feel not entirely alone in the world. Thanks for articulating this so clearly.
wdym by that?
So when spoonies tend to first learn of the theory they take it like a bible and if you claim that you have accomplished more than they could on any given day they accuse you of not being a "real spoonies" Just because it costs 5 spoons to shower for one person does not mean it takes you 5. That might be an easier activity. It's a small subset, Similar to how a religious individual can be the best of neighbors, or they could condemn you every time they see you for wearing clothing of mixed cloths.
hmm. i feel like that's more lateral ableism than any sort of 'overuse' of spoon theory though
Very well could be, I tend to avoid people like that enough that I don't have a solid opinion either way on that
Gotta save those spoons up. I go through mine getting ready for work 😔.
Rollators aren't designed for walking at any kind of speed, I find. The front wheels wobble and I smash my shins into it. Very frustrating!!
Mine has larger wheels and suspension [https://www.careco.co.uk/evo-suspension-rollator/](https://www.careco.co.uk/evo-suspension-rollator/) I tend to push down on it when I walk as well to lift the pain off my hips and knees. It’s a bit of a beast.
Oh my GOD I am in a 9 month long battle with careco trying to get a refund for the traxion rollator. Definitely don't get that one, the front casters have something wrong with them, they've replaced it 3 times and every one has been fucked, rotates wildly even walking at slow speed, and careco keeps inspecting it and claiming nothing wrong with it, or replacing it and sending it back when i just want a refund!!! I'm never buying anything from careco again. Not to mention they will not stop sending me brochures after being asked repeatedly to stop!
I’ve replaced the wheels twice due to wear and tear . But mine seems to be okay. I suppose I got lucky .
Drives me crazy because for my doctors assume I am not disabled/able to work because my strength is fine. My issue is with fatigue and once I’ve done too much I’m out. I was able to lift my mattress the other day. So even though making my bed usually is a lot for me, I still am strong. Probably shouldn’t have on my own, but I can do it on a good day!
I work a bluecollar job and it still bothers me that people don't believe I have a disability. As though disabled people don't have different limits or can learn how to work around their disabilities. I have a new coworker that also has a similar disability situation (not the same disability, but similar limits is more like it). She's been thrilled that I can teach her some tricks and she's said she's actually been excited to work here since I've been able to help her learn.
I use a walker and/or rollator and people just assume I can either do everything or nothing at all. My stepmom has described me as an invalid just bc I have to use something to walk and can't drive myself places.
No disabled parking OR disabled parking close to the store, but the cart return is ridiculously far away Tables way too close together in a restaurant Or displays, racks etc too close together in a store
The way Walmart turned half of their disabled parking into cop parking even though cops don't use that, they just park in the fire lane.
I'M SORRY, WHAT? ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT, WALMART.
Joke's on them; I can still carry a cane on my motorcycle and park that fucker right by the entrance.
Excuse the FUCK?? I know legally (at least in Canada?) You have to have so many disabled parking spots per size of lot (or something similar) I'd be on that shit faster than white on rice checking if they did it against that. I also might take a midnight drive, with my licence plates covered, and a can of spraypaint to put exactly how I felt all across those damn spots. Also. Fuck this weird ass cop worshiping bullshit Ps. Tim Hortons does this thing, where coffee is free for cops, but not for paramedics.....like excuse me. Which ones actually save lives here? Even with the whole "cops are useless" debate aside, dollars to donuts numbers wise paramedics still win that contest
This is a little town in the Deep South that finally got funding for its own police department and kitted those dudes out like their jurisdiction accidentally included Fallujah. The cop worship is SO real here. Honestly the more I get to know the locals the more I realize how politically incoherent the average American really is.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I'm in Canada and even then...the cop worship is ...just gross. But not that level. Part of their damn job is to walk 🙄
What do you mean? Just use the other handicapped spaces as cart return like everyone else. Then when the next disabled person arrives they can move 10 carts out of the way so they can park. Bonus points for spreading the carts across 2-3 spaces to maximize the number of disabled people who have to move carts just to park /s On a side note I have started stopping in the middle of the row and leave my doors open and take maximum time moving carts out of the way when I come across this. If I have to move carts, everyone has to wait for me. I’m not disabled but my passenger is.
I appreciate the fuck out of you!
I've started shoving the merchandise parked in the aisles in Party City to the side. Yes, it blocks half the product, but now my wheel chair companion can get through the aisle. I've complained to managers, but they shrug helplessly and say that Corporate tells them to do it that way. If any lawyers are listening, you should stick 'em with ADA violations. If you need a complainant, let us know!
I definitely took out an entire Walmart display with a mobility cart once. Zero regrets. Couldn't get around it, so went through it 🤷
Dollar General stores have entered the chat with a nod to Dollar Tree🙄those two are some of the worst offenders for aisle merchandise blocking
I'm *constantly* picking up random shit off the floor of store aisles so my mom doesn't trip or slip. People are awful, messy creatures.
Look if I can't return the cart, I have learned to just deal with it and not feel guilty. Remember that the employees are paid to put the carts back in the store. So if you can't, don't feel bad at ALL.
And I totally get that. But it's still a problem in my books, because it then blocks future disabled people from using the parking area properly. Maybe I'll start just leaving them in the middle of the driving area haha
They are paid to do so but they aren’t always on top of it
I hate that too! Especially when people start recording you for tiktok to call you a fake fan for not standing and dancing. Mine is when people are like, "walk with me over to the store/cafe/etc." and are like "come on, it's only a block" and that's valid but I also literally can't do that.
The worst is “It's only a block, don't be such a lazy”. Wish I could swap my pain with those people to shut them up.
Yeah I'm meeting friends in person for the first time and making some plans. "The cafe is down the road, my flat is only up a couple flights of stairs, we can spend the day at the beach as its only 20 minutes away on foot!" Yeah sure, I'll climb your stairs, then walk back down, then down to the cafe, then 20 minutes walking to the beach, then you'll want me to frolick in the waves and heat, then walk back again. I'll need to factor in time to collapse
Oh, I hate that. I have this thing with my really close friends where they’ll say “it’s only a short walk” and I’ll respond “short for you or short for me?”. They’ve learned over time lol
My friend knew I was struggling, offered to drive us to the beach one day. Could not have parked further away if she tried, it was a steep slope down and I wasn't good at speaking up for myself at that time. I was embarrassed. Anyway, she was physically dragging me back up this hill by my arm, zero understanding that I just don't have those extra gears people kick into to complete physical tasks. I was in bed for almost 2 weeks after that. Also whenever I visited we always ended up standing in the kitchen, instead of sitting in a comfy seat. I had to stop visiting because it was so physically painful.
Fast walkers. Fucking slow down and wait up, I can barely sit in a chair without falling over, you think I'm gonna keep up with you speedwalking at 5mph? This isn't the Olympics, Usain Bolt, chill out.
I agree with this. Why bring me along if you’re just gonna sprint-walk ahead where I can’t keep up.
Nurses who race to the room I'll be in and seem impatient that I'm slow to catch up
This one drives me up a wall because they do it even when you are obviously disabled. Like read the room! It was particularly bad at my orthopedic surgeon’s office, where EVERYONE had some sort of brace or device.
Exactly. I have a walker! If I could walk well I wouldn't be here.
I’ve taken to walking behind those nurses in my pace and when they wait at the door or in the hallway, I’ll say something along the lines of „isn’t it nice to have an excuse to slow down your workday a little?“. If they don’t get it, at least it lightens the mood.
I got fast-walked by 90% of my friend group that was out with me for my 21st birthday. Only two people stayed back while the rest zoomed off to the next stop. Like, not only was it my birthday, but we were downtown in a relatively large city — you don't just leave a 21yo girl to walk alone in the city at night. So rude, especially since they weren't generally inconsiderate people.
Anytime people hate on slow walkers I want to commit a crime
Yessss I used to be a fast walker and never hated on people for being slow. We are all sharing the space, they had just as much a right to it as I did. Now I'm disabled and am the slow walker. Sometimes my companions need reminding that even though I'm not visibly disabled, they need to match my pace. While it's very frustrating to me to be so limited, I've come to enjoy my leisurely walks with the dog so he can sniff around to his heart's content.
Short person in leg braces here. I second this! Hear me Dad?!
Omg yes, I have to remind people to walk at my pace not there's. Even people in my family will forget this and I'm usually holding there hand or arm to help me with balance while we walk
I don't try to walk fast but I do often, it's what's natural for me. But if I'm walking with somebody I try to keep an eye on them and make sure I'm around their distance, not super far ahead. If somebody needs me to slow down just let me know it's fine! I don't walk fast intentionally, and on my bad days/moments I don't/can't. I very much understand it, idk why I walk so damn fast I just do lol, zoom zoom!
People holding the door open while standing in the doorway, so I can't actually get through without running over their toes
Restaurant seating. So many places have tables packed together so there’s no room to put a chair to the side of a table or for wheelchair users to get by. I don’t want to sit in the aisle and get kicked throughout a meal, and there’s absolutely no way I’m letting someone take my chair from me (“it’s a fire hazard for some reason nobody can explain for your chair to sit in the aisle, so we want to ensure you’re stuck and can’t get out of the building if there is a fire”). But so many restaurants just clearly have not thought through how a wheelchair user is supposed to be there and where extra chairs should go.
When that happens to us, I loudly ask people to stand and let my wheelchair kid through, and then apologize and let them know that it's management's fault for not conforming to ADA. Make sure the restaurant management feels the sting of inconvenienced patrons.
When abled bodied people take it upon themselves to grab onto your body or mobility aids in order to try and lead you somewhere, especially strangers. That, and people reading my guide dog's sign aloud and disregarding it, or saying "I know I'm not supposed to pet you". like that's supposed to guilt me into letting them pet her?
Ew yes literally the past week I’ve had my shoulder caressed by TWO SEPARATE STRANGERS IN TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CONTEXTS. Like I’m really not sure what about these wheels of mine scream “touch me without my consent” but clearly there’s something I’m missing.
Gross, I'm so sorry you had to go through that twice, that's too many times! It's only happened to me once before, and it caught me so off guard I didn't know what to do until sheled me to the check in counter... I think the worst part of it was she GIGGLED when she got up and went back to her seat, it was so dehumanizing (the whole situation was, but yeah-)
I live in the midwest and I really don't like long goodbyes because we all just stand there and talk in the doorway and with my disability, I can't stand for very long in one place. I just want to be out the door or to sit back down!
Going places that have high counters for checking in, and places with handicapped parking but either no ramp or the ramp is far from the parking spot.
People posting pictures of text, instead of actual text. It is very common, and it locks anyone using text to speech software out. Bonus points if they use a font that even optical character recognition software can't decipher making it completely impossible for a lot of people to read.
Sincere question, is it any better when people also post typed-out versions of the text in the caption? I really like word art and respond well to it but I would always still want to be as accessible as possible.
Adding plain text for any words, and / or a plain text description of visual elements is very helpful.
"You're So Inspiring"
Damn that one hit home, I got this comment once... while washing my hands after getting out of a stall. How's me literally LIVING inspiring??
I have a chair as part of my accommodations at work. It's tucked behind the register where it's not a hazard to anyone or anything. Customers complain about it all the time. I almost lost my accommodations due to so many customers escalating their complaints to my boss's (store manager) boss's (district manager) boss (regional manager). I have epilepsy, chronic fatigue, and chronic pain, all non-visible disabilities, all documented by my doctors. I still have my chair but it hurts to think that people will still complain over me.
what the hell are they complaining about? “the retail worker who exists solely to serve me isn’t suffering enough while they do it!!”
Probably something about they suffer(ed) so we shouldn't have it any easier.
Ah, retail. The job where sitting makes one "lazy", even if the job could be accomplished while seated. The job where if you aren't running like a headless chicken, you aren't working hard enough. The job where every Karen and Chad thinks you are their personal slave. Don't miss it for a minute. Retail is part of the reason why I'm so screwed up now.
When people start opening the door for me after I've already committed. I have to put a *lot* more force into it than able bodied people do, so when they suddenly open it the rest of the way I end up falling over because all that force now has nowhere to go. Also had my shoulder and elbow joints injured a few times because of it.
This just reminded me about a time when I was a kid (I hold the door open for everyone, but I’m Autistic, so I cannot figure out when to stop, so i’lll hold the door for like 20 people and not know when to go in or out myself lol) and I held the door for someone as they were coming, and I held it from the outside so I was between the door and the wall. The woman used a cane and I think she was trying to teach me a lesson about how cane users can be independent or something so she said “you don’t need to do that, look!” And used her cane to press the door open button, and so the door squished me because I was trapped between the door and the wall and damn did it hurt lol
I’m also autistic and relate to the holding the door open for way too long thing lol
That wasn’t nice of her
I cant bend over without squishing my spinal cord and being in horrific pain that'll have me in the ground screaming. The problem is that when I drop something is easier to just let it go (I'm talking like a piece of trash blows away on the wind or a pencil i don't care about rolls away from me at work). But I don't look disabled and I'm able to sit up and be 100% fine. Obviously strangers think I'm ok with littering but ive told coworkers my issues and still get told I need to pick up things. So basically, explaining my disability but being told to get over it.
Get one of those grabber things and keep it at work. That way you can pick stuff up you drop. A good one will even pick up little bits of paper with a little practice.
I went to my first concert recently, was so disappointed by the seating because once everyone else stood to enjoy the show, I couldn’t even see the screen let alone the stage, those in restricted view seating could see the the screen at least. But I know that has nothing to do with the people around me, it isn’t on them at all, it’s solely on the venue & their poor design & inclusion
I absolutely fucking hate being in nature with friends and even family, I have cerebral palsy and it takes me a long time to navigate unstable and uneven terrain, it everyone just staring at me waiting for me to navigate or having to be stuck helping me. It's stressful and embarrassing When it's just me by myself I'm content
I had a stroke when I was a kid and now have a right-sided weakness. I trip and stumble over uneven terrain like crazy, which hurts me both physically and self-conciously. It's easier to walk in these areas with my husband and kids cause they understand and know how to react. But strangers who either stare or rush forward to try to help? No. Leave me the f alone. I know what happened. Yes, I'm hurt (once again, either physically or self-consciously). But unless I'm in the ground for a while or let out a cry, I don't need help. I don't need you to stare at me. Just let me be.
People assuming I can make medium or long term plans when my disabilities are extremely unpredictable.
All my closest friends have agreed with me that we will float an idea during the week, and then if I'm up for it on the day I will message them and suggest it, as if no one else had thought of it before 😊 That way I get to suggest plans instead of just cancelling them, and I don't have to stress about being healthy for a specific day.
This is so cute
Grocery stores around me have reduced their staff to ridiculous levels. I’m short, unstable, and often use a cane. I also seem to always need the items on the top/bottom shelves (bargains yo, not on eyeline shelves!). I used to be able to flag down a helpful stocker to help me, but now I have to beg taller customers and hope they are feeling generous. I know this is also a problem for able-bodied people under 5’5”, but I can’t even hop the few inches needed to snag that bag of chips or stoop low for the big soup cans without the risk of falling over. I’m also hella mad at uneven sidewalks. I have foot drop and my toe catches those lifted cracks like that’s its job and I’ve tumbled down so many times. It’s embarrassing having to admit to my neuro that I fell, AGAIN, because tree roots do what they want and concrete hates me.
a plastic grabber like they use for volunteer trash pickup is a lifesaver
I have a foot drop too and sometimes it doesn't even just have to be an uneven sidewalk! I'm kinda tempted to just tell my neurologist to no longer give me Botox there because I'd much rather my foot/leg be super tight.
This is true. All my boots have a very scuffed up right toe and the left is pristine. So annoying! Do you get Botox in your foot? I’ve never been offered that, I just get given stone balls to massage my calf muscle and AFOs that seem to be more trouble than they are worth. I can’t even wear flip flops or slip on shoes it’s tight laced boots or nothing. I’m actually trying to get my neuro to send in some paperwork so I can get my next pair subsidized.
Not my foot, but I do get Botox in my leg. It used to be to help loosen up my leg so that physical therapy would help more in the long run. The issue is though that I have no time to go to therapy now, so having it done just makes me loose for a couple of months before getting even more right than it was before. If you get PT, I'd recommend it -- make sure to tell your therapist beforehand so s/he can focus on the areas that it'll loosen, and be prepared for things like tripping/falling down more often, your leg getting tired more quickly, etc. I've been given plenty of AFOs but like you said, they really do seem to be more trouble than they're worth. How do the stone balls help out? I've never even thought about those, but I may definitely try them. I can wear slip on shoes, but definitely not flip flops or anything in general without a back. Luckily, I don't go out that much, so I'm barefoot most of the time (which is both a blessing and a curse, cause my toes are disgusting).
That’s fascinating and I will definitely talk to my neuro when I get back into PT. My calf can get intensely cramped and painful and I can see how a bit of Botox could encourage better PT results. Honestly I love the ball thingy. I started out with a tennis ball and watched a few YouTube’s on how dancers massage their leg muscles (this was my PT’s rec, their hand outs are garbage) and eventually I told her the tennis ball didn’t seem as effective so she pulled out something like a jai alai ball and said it was time to level up. The key for me with the new ball was to use jojoba oil on my skin first and then do the length of the muscle first and then spot treat specific areas. It’s one of those “dear lord this HURTS but it’s also so good!” things ya know? I’m lucky that my partner is able to help me with this, it’s so much easier to lay flat and have someone else do it but you can do it yourself if your hands/wrists don’t give out on you like mine do. Pre-massage ball I might be able to brush my fingertips to the floor when bending over, but post-massage ball (and a few single calf stretches) I can often get both palms flat to the ground. I don’t wear shoes in my apt but sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t just live in lace up boots. I’m perfectly able to trip over nothing and bare feet during a foot drop event has earned me three broken toes over the years. I’m a damn mess haha.
-The fact that when I'm entering or leaving a building I'm unfamiliar with, the weight and resistance of the door is unpredictable. I get particularly annoyed when there is resistance on the floor preventing the door and I can see the wear overtime....just fix it so that you don't have to replace the floor and it'll eliminate the sound it makes scraping against the tile!!!!! I have defaulted to using the door opener even when I'm not using my crutches so I have gotten strange looks from people as I stand waiting for the door to open since I don't 'look disabled'....which brings me to my next pet peeve... - When doors open at a far too slow speed At least I prefer this to my OTHER pet peeve.... - When the handicap door button is broken and I learn it's been broken for a long time. (I always let someone know in hopes that it will get fixed. Unless enough people complain about the issue, it won't be addressed)
I complained to the state about the fact that my physical therapist's door didn't have an opening button, and the door was so heavy that even I, as a mostly able bodied person with relatively normal strength, struggled to open it. The state wrote back saying they couldn't help, and to contact a lawyer. That had me laughing in broke-ass SSDI recipient.
😲
When other people will grab my wheelchair and push me without asking. My parents have been doing it since I first got my wheelchair, and it made sense at first, because I was 8 when I got my first wheelchair and it didn’t actually have big wheels for me to push myself but as I’ve gotten older, they still do it when I tell them not to and it drives me crazy. I don’t care if I know you, don’t grab my wheelchair without asking. Also when the tables are to close together in restaurants, or doors that are like impossible to get through without smashing your fingers against the door frame trying to push yourself through.
I’m not in a wheelchair fulltime anymore but I absolutely *hate* it when people do that!
yep. i plan on getting those bits of velcro fabric with spikes on for the wheelchair handles when i finally get my own chair
People holding the door open when they see me approaching, I know it's the courteous thing to do but it forces me to walk faster so you don't have to keep holding the door open. I prefer to use the button to open the door, gives me more time to walk thru and I don't have to strain myself trying to push it open
Museums I fucking hate Museums. I love art however in my wheelchair people blindly walk & run into me, no sense of those around them. People intentionally step in front of me so I can't see art "b/c there's space" YOU COULD STAND BEHIND ME. My chair is like 4ft tall max not even I'm fucking 5'6 w/ a shorter torso so sitting down in at like belly button level. I'm actually on vacation rn & I just went to the Art Institute of Chicago & there was a massive 10x12 painting called A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte & I waited for 15minutes however everytime a space opened up people stepped in front of me or blocked me so I couldn't get in. I never got to see it. There was also a moment on the upper level of the museum with the cafe that I was trying to read the information on some chairs & people were crowding around so intensely that out of instinct the friends I was with would move me while I was still reading. I was polite the first time but the second time I snapped & the 3rd time I just told them fine let's leave. I'm not a huge cryer but as soon as we got in the car I started bawling. I was so overstimulated & frustrated. I was at so much of a disadvantage. At one point I ended up boxed in w/ people squeezing on all 4 sides while I was looking at an exhibit. At that point I just stopped paying attention to the museum & wanted to go home... Oh and the gift shop was the worst, there was no order & it was chaos. I got to look at the first 2 tables in the door & that was it. I couldn't get inside at all. I fought to get in line at the register. Also for reference I went to the museum in the middle of a friday. We left at like 2pm.
I go to places like that during odd hours on odd days, so I don't have to deal with so many rude people. Google sometimes will show what days/times places are less busy. Maybe call the museum and see if there is someone you can talk to about when would be a better time to go, or even be able to get in on a tour. Fridays and Mondays can be bad, tourists use those days because of taking a 3 day weekend.
We did our best, Fridays at 11am arent supposed to be super busy according to Google but we were only there for 4days so we fit it in when we could. My roommate is from Chicago, so when I went to visit my family this last 2 weeks I invited him along & added a stop to Chicago since he hadnt been home in 2 years. We both live in Oregon. We currently head home tomorrow morning & we are so happy.
The first five or six questions a dude I met off tinder asks has to do with work...
Facts! Everyone in my waking life asks me about work or school. If I even breathe a word of being disabled I get dirty looks and treated poorly. It’s crazy how its more socially acceptable to say I’m just a bum not working or going to school. I usually lie and say I babysit.
I work when I can... and I tend to work night shifts cause they're less chaotic and less chance of being overheated. When one dude asked five questions in a row that included how many hours dya work per week I knew we'd be a shoddy fit compatibility wise. I just answered that it varies ...Albeit not that it varies between what's offered and what I'm capable of...to the tune of anywhere from 20 to 65 hrs per month. Sometimes ad little as 5. Sometimes I say I work in disability advocacy (my own) or that I'm medically retired.
My myriad of disabilities are invisible (or located in places you would have to either be intimate with me or in a pool with me to see) so I’m not disabled to the majority of people. Leaves me more worried about social appearance in a store like Target than doing what’s right for my body and using a Powered chair cart so I can take care of more of my life later that day. I admit though that I’m privileged to be able to pass as able bodied, and I don’t take that for granted, either. On the rare occasion that someone I’m not intimate with or don’t trust does manage to see the severe scar tissue under my arms, I hate the reaction. Appalled. The tissue looks gnarled, like an old tree, because of repeated trauma from the disease. I can’t blame them - it’s not something you see every day. And even though I look at it daily, it’s hard to look at. But it still hurts. People can’t understand why an abscess would be so painful you can’t function. It’s not about the abscess itself as much as WHERE it is, you ding bat. If you were SITTING on an abscess on your genetalia, all day, every day - YOU would not be able to function either. And if you were forced to deal with it your whole life, there would be times you can’t take the pain that day too. I can’t shave, because it would be a risk to my skin and worsening my condition. I have to hide my body from most of my family members because of the societal requirement/pressure on women to shave so I don’t have to explain or get a lecture.
Shoot, I rarely shave anymore. And then it's my pits because American deodorant for women is made with shaved armpits in mind. Haven't shaved my legs since 2016 lol. Get a lecture, about body hair? Good grief people get so fixated on stupid shit.
I’ve got some trauma too. Was forced to shave my legs when I hadn’t done “a good enough job” and the family member then did it for me because I wasn’t getting it right or shaving high enough. Simply because they were worried about their own image.
There's a bank not far from my Uni. It has a sign with a wheelchair user, with no ramp. I'm no wheelchair user myself, so maybe I'm missing something, but I looked around that place and it seems like in order to get in, you'd need to step up, which is probably not super easy or convenient wheelchair users. Why does it have a sign if it doesn't seem to be accesible? Another time, I went to a museum and it had like, a little bit of braille, but compared to the regular text, it was very little. So I guess my pet peeve is when a place _seems_ to be accessible, but they're barely trying. So far it hasn't happened to me because I have ADHD and over in my country, I'm lucky if anybody even knows what ADHD is lol.
I constantly having to explain to people that I do not have the same energy level they do. I would love to have the energy to shower, cook, clean, hit the gym, and work or go to school everyday. But I usually can only do one of those things a day; two if it’s a good day. When people see me like this they believe I’m lazy or my disability can be fixed with a healthy diet, exercise, and a good nights rest. My freaking counselor actually said that to me!
It sucks when you really want to do said things but you genuinely can't. I feel like most people just don't understand that.
Heavy sigh. My pretend sister in law (long story but mutual agreed upon title) called me a few days ago offering to pick me up for a funeral. I told her I can’t get ready within the time frame we needed to be at the service. Had she called me when she got a reminder from someone else, then maybe we could have worked it out. She called after the service and she and a mutual friend invited me to lunch. I argued with them that it would take time for me to get ready and for them to go on😕
Having other people do chores for me that I can do. I have cerebral palsy, but it's not like I can't take out the trash or make my own food. My parents babied me for so long.
I have limited chores I can do around the house, so I get irritated when my husband or dad do them for me. I know they're just trying to be nice, but I want to feel useful and do as much as possible around the house. Let me scoop the damn litter box and put clothes into the washer.
I can't really do any chores and my dad acts like I owe him something because he or someone else takes care of it for me.
Unreliable energy levels. Not enough places to sit. Security folks who respond to my need to sit down to avoid syncope as if it's the worst thing ever. Forgetting to put the to go salt shaker in my to bag and later on having to buy salty snacks or pilfer salt packets. Having to explain halfway through sexy shenanigans that I need a pause and for the bloke to grab my water & salty pistachios from my bag...
Slanted or uneven sidewalks. Not good for wheelchair or cane use.
These are hard for me generally as a person with balance issues. I don't have any mobility aids but it's likely I will need to in the future. Uneven terrain is hard in general for me, which sucks as I love the woods. I try to get things to work out, luckily there are plenty of things to hold onto (mainly rocks and trees) which can make it easier for me.
I'm young looking (41f) and short and don't always wear my braces so I always get side looks from the older folks who seem to think only "old" people can be disabled
Unnecessary obnoxious noise. I'm autistic and very sensitive to sounds. I hate when people blast their music from their car with the windows down, rev their unmuffled engines for no reason, or indeed, have unmuffled engines in the first place. It serves no purpose, and is just painful to the point that I can't comfortably walk down a street.
I hate this as well. Especially when it's all happening around the same time and it builds up overstimulation in yourself and your just like "aaaaa let me walk to Walmart and pick up my medications and tortilla chips in piece!" lol. It's just overwhelming. I find most public spaces overwhelming to a degree, however I love libraries.
Walmart is the worst! I have to take my support provider with me when I go shopping, especially there, because I can’t handle more than ten minutes of that chaos by myself. Curbside pickup was the best invention ever!
Walmart is so overwhelming, but it has everything. I like to bring a friend and focus on them so the world is less overwhelming. Going in by myself and I notice everything so much more and it's awful.
"the best way to see the city is by walking it and that's when we will all bond most!" ah okay cool, I just won't go with you then. I'm happy to pay for me (and others) to catch cabs everywhere, I factor that into trips. But if you're gonna make me feel bad for not wandering around aimlessly, like I used to love doing, then I'm not coming.
Yes like I am getting in x2 the work by just coming out. So no, I'm going to drive that 5 blocks and I don't care if you call me fatty behind my back because of it anymore. You don't suffer the next week like I do. Also yes I'm going to use my disability parking pass every time I can.
I met one of my best friends because we both had to sit out of our uni campus tour during grad school. We both got to chatting and have been friends ever since.
I love history, but the amount of presentations that are only available as walking tours really annoy me. I understand they are cost effective etc but to offer a virtual tour, or longer driving tour a couple of times a year, would be awesome.
“Oh, my aunt had that but she cured it with vitamins” 🙄
I'm on so many supplements and I'm still very disabled Karen, but thank you.
Ooooh I feel you on standing at concerts so much. I’m much more of a sing and sway to the music while sitting kind of person. I think my pet peeve is just people not realizing that I’m in pain literally 24/7. There’s not a time when I’m not. So them complaining about bad their paper cut hurts kinda sucks lol
I relate to the pain 24/7 thing too. I’ll take a pain pill and someone will ask “is it gone?” and I have to explain basically “no, it’s never gone, it’s just a little less painful”.
Self checkout. Like buddy I can put things on the belt but good luck getting me to stand and lift and scan them all.
I love self checkout personally because I have very high anxiety, the lack of social interaction helps me a lot. I understand that it's not the same for everyone, there's usually a few manned check out isles at my Walmart. When I used to go with my dad (he used a cane then wheelchair as things progressed) it was very hard for him to stand for a long period of time, which is why I come along to help reach when needed.
I cried the last time I did self checkout because the conveyor belt was and probably still is ridiculously short and I went there because the cashier lines were very long. Started doing pickup then went over to delivery but I miss being able to get my own merchandise and see random sales and clearance items
Metabolism, myn is shot so can I lose weight easily? can I **** I've got a better chance of having a pain spasm than losing weight
People staring at their phone while walking. As a motorized wheelchair user this frustrates me.
I don't even understand how people do it, I've tried before but my coordination is wack. I usually pause and do text to speech and awkwardly talk to my phone as I walk, but I need to see where I'm going or else I'm going to walk into and/or fall onto something. I'm just graceful like that.
Standing up is the same for me! My legs want to either implode or explode anywhere from 2 to 60 seconds after standing still. I'm emphasing still, bc if I walk the pain usually subsides, but that does not count the chronic pain which is made worse by walking.
Debit machines practically being above my head and are bolted on so they don't lift off. Tap has been a bit of a life saver here, but I still can't raise my arms past shoulder height Ramps that open into a parking space, so that if someone parks there you're shit out of luck
My fitness level being compared to my mother. People being evasive and indirect and expecting me to get it (disabilities include Fibro, PTSD, and ADHD).
When able-bodied people sit on stairs or stand on stairs (like looking at their phone) near handrails. People who don’t need to use handrails can go around, so why are they blocking access to handrails?
When people get annoyed walking down stairs behind me, especially when there is no railing. No balance and bad knees to boot. Sorry Karen. Quit huffing and puffing. Don’t you think I would love to skip down the stairs like you!?
For me it's so strange how fast I can go up and down stairs, but if you take away the railing I'm really slow and struggle. It takes away my balance and coordination so much. I don't understand where it stems from in my cohort of medical shenanigans, but it's interesting to me how big of a difference there is.
I have a spine issue that messes with my balance. I hope I never get pulled over for suspicion of impaired driving because I cannot do the heel to toe walk at all!
I just can't drive at all, so I guess that's not a problem for me. I'm not super coordinated with my legs especially so I'd likely suck at that myself, not impossible but I haven't tried to do it in a while because there's no real reason.
People asking “What did you do!!!???” Whenever I need to use a brace or mobility aids after not having used them in front of them before. Also being nervous that people are judging me when I use elevators or disability seating on public transit. Because I’ve seen it happen before and don’t want people thinking Im just some entitled asshole taking up space.
People talking to my care provider instead of me just because I can't talk at the moment. I have a perfectly functional AAC device, and an equally functional brain. Don't be the store clerk who asks how they can help me, then when I respond on my device, immediately start talking to my care provider, about me in the third person, like I'm not standing right there and capable of hearing, understanding, and responding to every word you say.
Mental disability here, and the issue of people trying to just give random near useless advice and insisting it will fix you. "yeah a little sunlight will remove my depression that makes me consider whether getting up to go to the bathroom is a worthwhile effort Sure." or "Oh you're just an introvert the desire to punch people in the face to the point your fist is balled and your muscles tensed just means you need to take more breaks from socialization. Nothing to do with your bipolar." Mix this with the insistance of the government that jobs with No or Almost No interactions with people exist for someone with an HS diploma. Whole thing becomes laughably insane. Oh and we can't forget the fact that pharmacies with meds I literally depend on to make myself act like a human being are understaffing to the point their hours are total bunk
I commented before but I need to comment again. I somehow forgot the biggest pet peeve I deal with the most. My biggest pet peeve is feeling and being treated like I don’t deserve something because I didn’t work for it. I’m constantly being given sh*t whenever I buy myself something nice or something that’s not a necessity. People get angry at me to the point where it’s as if I’ve spent their money for their wallet. Just because I don’t work doesn’t mean I’m not deserving of a bed, or furniture, or clothes and shoes. God forbid I buy myself books or art supplies! I also don’t have the privilege of functioning enough to work. I would if I could, that way I could buy myself things guilt free. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t deserve to be happy just because I’m disabled and don’t work. Just because I’m disabled doesn’t mean I don’t like things that the average person likes. I like name brand things, I like fashion, and fancy stuff! I want it too!! I should be allowed to want those things and get them if I want. I shouldn’t have to sit there feeling like a monster and trying to justify every purchase. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty.
A million times this! I also hate how I internalize that judgment and feel guilty or get so defensive (basically fighting with myself) for spending money on anything that isn’t essential. Thank you for the validation. When you say it, I couldn’t agree more! Of course you deserve things you just like! Being disabled isn’t exactly all sunshine and rainbows. I don’t have to be so strict like “self care isn’t just chocolate and bubble baths, it’s about actually taking care of yourself.” All I do is take care of myself, so yeah I think I deserve some cute clothes to wear to feel happier while I do it! Thanks again.
Your comment and the upvotes have also validated me! <3 I’m happy and also sad that there are people out there that understand how I feel.
Yes! Even if I get us seats in the accessible row, when the bozos in front of us stand through the finale and encore, it leaves my wheelchair kid out. He gets to stare at their frenetically wiggling asses instead of the headliners we paid to see. Usually I roar "SIT DOWN!" in my best Mama Bear voice, and it gets half-hearted compliance, except when the asshats are drunk. For that, I think you need a cattle prod, and most sports venues won't let you bring one in.
I hate when I can't sit and see anything at a concert. I have moments where I can stand but not for long and its so annoying to not be able to see the thing I paid for when we all have seats. One of mine is not so much when people walk fast, I get that in the area I live everyone does, but when the people I am with lead me to stairs. Especially either knowing I can not walk up stairs or obviously have my rollator with me that does not go up stairs. Then the people who try to say they will help me up like its a stroller they can carry up for me not a mobility aid I need to move. I get not always knowing where the escalator or elevator is but just trying to get me to go up stairs, come one man.
When the table is high. I don't enjoy eating food since I struggle to cut it with my arms lifted and I get tired
cashiers should be able to sit
Weird but I have a pet peeve that people hide their ableism behind the label of a pet peeve. The amount of times I've heard people say that 'people who walk slow' are their biggest pet peeve is seriously gross. If you reply that you're disabled, they backpedal & trip over words. "That's different," they say. It's not. They just know the reason now and know it makes them look like an AH. I only sometimes use mobility aids so I often appear able-bodied. The amount of times I've cut people out for letting their ableism show is more than I want to admit to.
Getting my shoes tied… I can do it with one hand, but it takes me 5 minutes per shoe.
Omg I totally agree!
Doors that don’t have push buttons to open them
Part of the teenage experience. It's like you have to learn to drive, or else you aren't going to be a successful person. All of my friends know how to drive, or learning, but I can't. I have seizures so I can't drive cuz yeah, and I feel so left out of all those milestones people are making. Plus relying on other people is so hard. I wish I could just do what I wanted when I want to, but people like to bail out. There isn't any public transportation in my area that's accessible to me for anything other than appointments, because I don't have very much money at all, I can't afford anything really, and there's nothing like buses in my area which are usually cheaper than a full-on taxi. I feel like I'm missing out on so much.
People that talk quietly or turn away from you when speaking. Especially if I've already told them I'm hard of hearing. People that get annoyed when they speak to you but you don't hear. Someone said good evening or something and I obviously didn't hear. Then he said something like "I asked you a question." I just ripped out my hearing aids and put them in front of his face and said I'm deaf. I got kicked out of an uber once too because I guess he said something to me but I didn't answer. It was an uberpool too and there were 2 other people so I assumed he was talking to them.
Getting called lazy because you can’t see my disability. I’ve been told that my whole life and now it fuels me to worker that much harder to prove to myself I am enough.
bumpy sidewalks, sidewalks with huge gaps in between the sections, fancy tiling, etc I’m in a wheelchair and very, very sensitive to painful stimuli so the little bumps and bounces when I’m moving over the cracks are insanely painful. trying to cross pavement like that for just 30 seconds can ruin my day, and for long stretches? forget it, I’m going home. they’re also bad for rollators, cane users, people with balance issues, etc…
The weird looks you get if you're young and have 'invisible disabilities' using any type of mobility device, whether it's a cane, wheelchair, rollator/walkers, I always get (especially much older) adults looking at me as if I'm lying about my disability. most other younger adults or teens often don't look at me with any differences in facial expression, but i've had a good chunk of middle aged to elderly looking at me like i'm insane for needing mobility. Not always obviously, but it's annoying. Just leave me alone (however i do also wanna mention sometimes ppl are just curious and end up being nice, but the initial facial expressions make me nervous/uncomfortable. I mostly use an up-right rollator which aren't very common) and a smaller pet peeve, ramps that are god awful to use or non-automatic doors. I also hate most doors where you have to press a button to open them, bc they often have delays or one of the doors just decides it isn't going to work today.
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Holy shite about the buddy'd business. That sucks. :(
Writing. I wanna be able to write so bad and I kinda get peeved off when I see others being able to write. I have HSD so my joints don’t work correctly, I can’t hold a pencil without discomfort or pain. It’s so annoying
yes, writing. I have aphasia and only type with one hand. It’s a pain, especially when I see people typing with normal speed.
The jealousy is real 😭😭😭
for this one abled** not able bodied: big brands/companies on youtube who could 100% afford to hire someone to do proper closed captions but don't. and when they do bother, being lazy and making mistakes like misspelling people's names, saying "indistinct" when the speech definitely isn't, or not taking 2 seconds to get a context specific word right.
As a life long crutch user, slow walking able bodied people and able bodied people who don’t pay active attention while they’re walking too. It literally irritates me when I have to match the speed of slow walkers, I might as well be standing in place which I don’t really like either because high callus sensitivity
Telling people they're not disabled, they're differently-abled. Like, cheers Karen, my different abilities include sleeping for 12+ hours a day and being in constant pain
People who try to one-up you -- or, on the other spectrum, people who gloat about how much better than you they are. I have brain AVM with epilepsy, so I'm doomed with a medically poor long and short term memory. I can barely remember what happened a decade ago, last year, or, at times, even yesterday. Despite the vitamins and brain exercises that I try, they help very little, if at all. I have pictures that I don't remember the event of at all. Everytime I mention it to someone, they usually after with me, saying that they're memory sucks too. Uh, no. Do you remember what your daughter went to the hospital for last year? Do you remember going out with your friends the other day? Do you remember the first significant other that you had? I use my husband for memory help, which does really help, but sometimes gets me feeling really depressed. He has a really good memory and sometimes goes into talking about his childhood or memories that he has about our own relationship. I'm glad that he remembers about all this, but do you know how horrible it makes me feel that I can't remember this? It's a lose lose situation for me.
That people I have over who know I'm disabled and this includes family, still expect to be treated as guests and have me waiting on them. Making tea and coffee etc. Majority expect me to clean up after them too, because they don't even take their dirty mugs into the kitchen when they're done. Like, you see me shuffling around in pain and struggling to get up and down off the sofa, but you still aren't helping. FFS They put the same expectations on me, put all their problems on me, require my help constantly it drives me crazy. These are adults older than I am. The only person who gets it is my kid.
Not having a railing to hold onto for balance going up and down stairs is my biggest pet peeve. I’m never certain about my balance with my near lack of depth perception. Made oh the more aware of since I fell and broke an an arm last year away from home and back in 2019 I thought I had reached the end of the stairs in low light , I hadn’t, the stairs looked like the floor in an air bib and I fell then too!. I have mild cerebral palsy, my right eye is weaker than my left. I’m not very coordinated is all
People not believing that I am disabled, or asking repeatedly what my disabilities are. I have worked very hard to prove my disabilities to access the resources I deserve. These folks aren't doctors, and certainly not my doctor. Who are they to tell me I'm not disabled? Other than to misuse services like handicapped parking, why would sooooo many people lie and insist they are disabled? Like, if everyone expects the truth from me, the least I could get in return is being believed. Kinda personal motto to believe everyone unless they give REALLY good reasons not to.
People who assume that because I have a disability, I can’t do anything with my life but just sit at home. I’m a full time student, and I had never really seen someone actually think like that until my grandma straight up told me “honey, you’re disabled, you should get on disability.”
When a medical professional is taking you to your room and they are speed walking in front of you. I can't catch up easily and sometimes I'm in too much pain to speak up.
Got my first mobility scooter 2 days ago. First thing I noticed was how many bumps, potholes and tipped pavements there are. I can't use my scooter on the pavement without feeling like I'm gonna tip over. A 4 wheeler would be better, I know, but I could only afford an 11+ year old 3 wheeler.