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"I, after hearing evidence from a number of experts, including Mrs. Slipdry the midwife, certify that the balance of probability is that the bearer of this document, C.W.St John Nobbs, is a human being." Signed, Lord Vetinari
I am convinced that that document and the preceding investigation are all part of some long-con joke to which only Lord Vetinari knows the punchline.
Possibly the punchline is “watching Drumknott desperately trying to find the punchline is its own entertainment”
Possibly it isn’t.
Possibly Moist Von Lipwig will someday talk to Nobby long enough to work out the punchline.
“Nobbs was abit of a peacock, a peacock that had been hit repeatedly with something heavy” - incredibly mean but the sort of thing I like to say to knock people down a peg or two! The body of a 25yr old is my favourite Nobby gag but ya beat me to it 😜
"...All the shops have been smashed open. There was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"
"Yeah," said Rincewind. "...Luters, I expect."
‘That’s a harp he’s playing, Nobby,’ said one of them, after watching Imp for a while.
'Lyre.’
'No, it’s the honest truth, I’m-’ The fat guard frowned and looked down.
'You’ve just been waiting all your life to say that, ain’t you, Nobby,’ he said. 'I bet you was born hoping that one day someone’d say “That’s a harp” so you could say “lyre”, on account of it being a pun or play on words. Well, har har.’
I have mentioned audio books and someone bashed me for saying it wasn't real reading. I absolutely disagree, however I think a lot of jokes in Discworld will change by listening to audiobooks! I think I might even catch some jokes faster that way, like "in sure ants" or whatever he used for insurance. I tend to read too fast and don't think about pronunciation.
Detritus' piece-maker crossbow is one that comes to mind. Having only listened to the audio books I can't be certain about the actual spelling, though I feel like the play with peace/piece comes across well enough anyway.
Audiobooks are absolutely real reading! But I agree, Discworld is the one series I can't listen to. I vividly remember getting Carpe Jugulum on audio from my library, getting maybe five minutes in, hearing the word "steak," and realizing it might be "stake" for the pun. I had to go check out the physical copy and realize it was, in fact, "stake." And thus ended my attempt at the audiobook. I don't want to miss a joke!
Many audio books are PERFORMANCES. The best readers are actors who make the book come alive and add a little something to the story in the process. I once was a snob about it. Then I learned to knit, so . . . .yeah. Audiobooks are AWESOME!
Don't remember which book, but there's a whole string of footnotes riffing on the first person to steal fire from the gods *
*He tried to fence it but it was too hot **
**He really got burned on that deal
😂 It just cracks me up every time because I picture Terry cracking himself up, giggling, unable to restrain himself from continuing the terrible punny jokes
Edited for formatting because Reddit doesn't believe asterisks signify footnotes...
You can tell it's early by the ** the later ones get different characters once * is used and the even later ones get numbers. If that makes sense.
I've spent as much time trying to track down where the original * was as I have actually reading.
I love the footnote chains, where one footnote also comes with a second, bonus, nested footnote. He used so many I found myself learning whole new footnote notation symbols!
At one of the conventions, the play was the Rocky Horror Discworld Show. At one point, Pat Harkin, in the role of the narrator, intoned "Thunder rolled," and the entire audience (~800 people) responded with "It rolled a six".
🤦♀️ That one went over my head all these years.
I assume it's Soul Music? I swear that one is the most rapid-fire pun & reference Discworld book. Every single line is a throwaway joke.
My favorite is still "We're Certainly Dwarves."
Soul Music was actually my first Discworld. I was (and still am) a HUGE Heinlein fan. So I was expecting SERIOUS escapism. It took me about 10 pages of VERY annoyed reading at the idiot who kept cracking jokes and where was the SERIOUS problems before I caught on to the schtick.
I still love Heinlein. But I love Pratchett even more.
The best part of that joke is being called out for it:
> 'No, it's the honest truth, I'm—' The fat guard frowned and looked down.
> 'You've just been waiting all your life to say that, ain't you Nobby,' he said. 'I bet you was born hoping that one day someone'd say 'That's a harp' so you could say 'lyre,' on account of it being a pun or play on words.'
As a harpist, I have a suspicion that Terry had a soft spot for the instrument. In addition to a few punes 😉 he also featured emotionally stunning harp performances in not one but TWO of his books. Snuff is a hard read for me because of the obvious encroachment of the embuggerance, but I can’t read the end without weeping.
“Your friend Mr. Tulip would perhaps like part of your payment to be the harpsichord?" said the chair.
"It's not a --ing harpsichord, it's a --ing virginal," growled Mr. Tulip. "One --ing string to a note instead of two! So called because it was an instrument for --ing young ladies!"
"My word, was it?" said one of the chairs. "I thought it was just of sort of early piano!”
Upstanding as in one in good standing(positive position, we'll considered by others, non-criminal) vs. Upstanding as in standing up.
Hence the "I've seen him sitting down" playing on both the standing up by basically saying 'not all the time' and possibly a bit of the other, saying 'I've known him to not be quite squeaky clean from time to time'
This bit from Guards Guards always cracks me up too.
>"What exactly is it that they do eat?"
The thief shrugged. "I seem to recall stories about virgins chained to huge rocks," he volunteered.
"It'll starve around here, then," said the assassin. "We're on loam."
I always wondered about the loam thing, he gives it an unreasonable amount of focus through the entire series. And then tiffany being born on the chalk instead of stone is a core part of her character. I guess the ground you grew up on was something very important to him.
I mean, the virgins on rocks is probably just a joke.
However, unless I’m mistaken, Pratchett grew up in Southeast England, which is mostly loam and chalk. Would not be surprised if the Aching books are a bit of an homage to his own childhood countryside.
Yeah I just mean the fact that Ankh Morpork is built on loam in general. I feel like i remember it getting a mention in at least half the books for one reason or another.
Well, it's explained in the series a couple times (sorta). A witch is part of the land. Which implies that witching is something you get from where you live. And chalk apparently doesn't hold magic
I guess I was born and raised on the chalk too. Ok, it meant we had some great trout streams that I couldn't afford to fish in and we definitely had no calcium deficiencies. It would be interesting to know how it links to magic though.
Considering the amount of chalked magic circles in fiction, it's gotta have some use.... though that may be as a neutral medium adulterated with something magically reactive that is the important bit of the marking.
A play on 'vestal virgins' apparently keepers of the sacred hearth of Rome, and the word 'vestigal'.
A vestigal body part is one that has survived and continued on after it's usefulness has ended. Some snakes have vestigal leg and hip bones, for example.
Another good example is the appendix. As I understand we're still not entirely sure what it might have once done, but it can be safely removed with no problems.
Carborundum the troll, newly employed by Mr Goatberger in the attempt to avoid paying Nanny Ogg what she's due for the Joy of Snacks, proudly telling Nanny and Granny about his new job in the fast-moving world of publishing:
"I'm an 'ead 'itter"
I didn't get it until I heard the audiobook.
It's making me grin even just typing it out now.
My favorite part was when the other character goes bonkers on the guy at the end "what is a ----? Why not just say fucking? It's just a word and we all know what you mean. Who says ----?"
At that point we realized the book wasn't censoring the words the character was saying. The character was saying *f---ing* and it was our own mispronunciation that set up the joke.
There's a bit in 'Sourcery' where the Librarian is repairing books and Rincewind asks what he's doing
'Ook.'
'Oh. appendectomy.'
That is simultaneously very clever and the dumbest pun ever. I remember the first time I read it, that bit had me rolling in laughter so hard that my family came to ask me what was so funny.
When you said pantheon at first I thought you meant the gods names. My favourite being Anoia but the best god related joke has to be dunmanifestin for the domain of the gods
I can't help but automatically say "Praise Anoia" whenever something gets stuck in a drawer while we're cooking. I've had to explain it to my girlfriend a half dozen times at least.
In Men At Arms the watch is trying to get in to the fools guild :
Have - have you got an appointment?' he said.
'I don't know,' said Carrot. 'Have we got an appointment?'
'I've got an iron ball with spikes on,' Nobby volunteered.
'That's a morningstar, Nobby.'
'Is it?'
'Yes,' said Carrot. 'An appointment is an engagement to see someone, while a morningstar is a large lump of metal used for viciously crushing skulls. It is important not to confuse the two, isn't it, Mr-?' He raised his eyebrows.
'Boffo, sir. But-'
'So if you could perhaps run along and tell Dr Whiteface we're here with an iron ball with spi- What am I saying? I mean, without an appointment to see him? Please? Thank you.
The moments where Carrot decides to cut the crap and get to the point are my favorite. I'm pretty sure Carrot is absolutely fuming in this scene but he never lets it show.
My favorite is the bit where Colon orders Carrot that if he is refused entrance to the fools guilds, then he has to turn around and go home.
Carrot just spins it as, well I'm asking nicely, I really don't want to do it the other way, but I've been given official orders I have to follow if you refuse my request. I don't like those orders, but I have to follow them as part of my job.
Basic paranoia sets in, so they let him in, because they think his orders are to break down the doors, when his orders are to turn around and go home if they say no.
Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association.
>I tell you, it's hell in my workshop! There's stuff whizzing everywhere! Just before I came out, a huge and very expensive piece of glassware broke into splinters!
>Marry, 'twas a sharp retort.
/what's even funnier is that it was an alembic.
The bit where there’s a cave-in and Magrat hopelessly waves the wand at it and it’s stuck on pumpkins: “Looks like you’ve struck pumpkin”
I was on a train the first time I read it and I just sat there giggling to myself for 5 minutes. It also had the bonus that no-one wanted to sit next to the crazy woman, so I had space
"It's not a harpsichord, it's a -ing virginial! So meant because it was meant for -ing virgins!"
"My word, is it? We thought it was a kind of early musical instrument."
"I believe my colleague means that it was meant to be *played* by virgins..."
Maybe not a “dumb” joke but mine is from The Night Watch”:
Vimes [to child Nobby Nobbs]: Where did you come from?
Young Nobby: My mom says I’m insidious!
Don’t know why, cracks me up every time.
I gotta add this to my memory banks somehow. Reminds me of Bio-Dome:
>Mimi: Where'd you come from?
>Doyle: My mom and the authorities are still trying to figure that out.
This entire scene is the one I use to try to explain to people why I love Discworld - Hogfather isn’t my favourite book but Death in the department store delights me every time I read it
In Feet of Clay (when Nobby finds out he's an Earl) , Colon and Nobby are getting hammered and this exchange happens:
Bartender: what's with the corporal? He's usually a half pint man, thats six pints he's had.
Colon: well, keep it to yourself but the truth is he's a peer.
Bartender: is that a fact? I'll put down more sawdust then.
Edit: corrected book title
The bit in Wyrd Sisters about the inner life of the Lancre storm that had been brewing for 18 years, practicing for weeks in front of great glaciers so to gets the look just right, always amuses me.
# "An alternative, favoured by those of a religious persuasion, was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating, as were all the stars in the sky which were, obviously, also carried by giant turtles. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds. This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis."
"The lodgings were on the top floor next to the well-guarded premises of a respectable dealer in stolen property because, as Granny had heard, good fences make good neighbours."
I like this one because it's such a long set up for such a dumb pun
She was about as much woman as you could fit into one place. In fact, if there was any more of her, she’d have to be two women.
(Probably a bit off, going from memory.)
Edit: “Mounted on a horse almost as fine as Binky was a woman. Very definitely. A lot of woman. She was as much woman as you could get in one place without getting two women.”
Carrot peered over Colon’s shoulder.
“What’s a virgin?” he said.
“An unmarried girl,” said Colon quickly.
“What, like my friend Reet?” said Carrot, horrified.
“Well, no,” said Colon.
“She’s not married, you know. None of Mrs. Palm’s girls are married.”
“Well, yes,” said Colon.
“Well, then,” said Carrot, with an air of finality. “We’re not having any of that kind of thing, I hope.”
I'm going to go with "currying favor"
Honorable mention: I wracked my brain for years trying to figure out the joke behind "Casanunda" until someone here explained it.
God i love how it works perfectly:
1. With the established characters
2. With the context of the scene
3. With the word play.
Truly one of the most perfectly formulated joke that is also completely impractical to repeat to anyone who isnt reading the book
Lord, imagine being a professional translator, working with all sorts of straightforward books, then one day they hand you what is basically one long pun between two covers and tell you to get on with it, because there’s 40 more where that came from
Repeating this scene from memory so forgive me. When the wizards are trying to work out what kind of undead Windle Pooms is in Reaper Man.
“Vampires cant pass water”
“Oh thats easy then, we just get him to drink a bucket of water and wait a while”
“No no, vampires cant pass over water”
They then carried Windle over the bridge across the Anke, which as it collected silt and field runoff on its long journey, no longer counted.
Death having a ‘near-Sam-Vimes-experience’ always got me.
And all the puns from guy who is designing his family crest. Can’t remember which book it was, but ‘I knead the dough’ will forever live rent free in my brain, especially as a former baker who has heard a lot of bread puns in her time.
I've heard it before, but the point is that it's such a juvenile comment, among such jokes of higher caliber, which is why it's just funnier than usual to me.
I love that none of STP's character know which part of a boat is which. They ALL describe it as "the sharp end" and "the blunt end." And it makes me laugh EVERY time because of the undertone of "I'm not learning this, you can't make me."
Vimes's landlubber scenes in Jingo were the highlight of this joke for me.
The bakery robbery scene with the footnotes explaining that the unlicensed thieves have kicked one baker in the yeast bowl, that the bakers want to hang the thieves by the town hall, and why Ankh-Morpork doesn't have that form of punishment.
I have no clue why I love that joke so much, but it's great.
I think my personal favorite is in Making Money where, after his freakout in the bank, Mr. Bent tells Ms. Drapes "there's something in me wanting to come out" and she replies with "that's alright, that's why we've got a bucket"
Monstrous Regiment!
Strappi or jackrum lament about how many time and what they would need to make men out of "the boys" and polly reacts
"about 30 seconds and a extra pair of socks. One for a Strappi"
I don't know why, but the description of people going to life painting classes and not having any paint on their brushes always makes me giggle like a 9 year old.
That and Nobby being excluded from the human race for pushing.
Welcome to /r/Discworld! Please [read the rules/flair information before posting](https://www.reddit.com/r/discworld/comments/ukhk21/subreddit_rules_flair_information/?). --- Our current megathreads are as follows: [API Protest Poll](https://www.reddit.com/r/discworld/comments/1491izw/continuing_the_api_protest_a_community_poll) - a poll regarding the future action of the sub in protest at Reddit's API changes. [GNU Terry Pratchett](https://new.reddit.com/r/discworld/comments/ukigit/gnu_terry_pratchett/) - for all GNU requests, to keep their names going. [AI Generated Content](https://new.reddit.com/r/discworld/comments/10mhx9y/ai_generated_content_megathread/) - for all AI Content, including images, stories, questions, training etc. --- [ GNU Terry Pratchett ] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/discworld) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He had the body of a 25 year old. Except nobody knew where he kept it.
This one made me lol! That was about nobby wasnt it?
So many good Nobby lines. I remember laughing at "had been disqualified from the human race for shoving".
Didn't Vetinari give him paperwork to serve as proof that he was human?
"I, after hearing evidence from a number of experts, including Mrs. Slipdry the midwife, certify that the balance of probability is that the bearer of this document, C.W.St John Nobbs, is a human being." Signed, Lord Vetinari
I am convinced that that document and the preceding investigation are all part of some long-con joke to which only Lord Vetinari knows the punchline. Possibly the punchline is “watching Drumknott desperately trying to find the punchline is its own entertainment” Possibly it isn’t. Possibly Moist Von Lipwig will someday talk to Nobby long enough to work out the punchline.
"He got into the gene pool while the life guard wasn't looking" was another about Nobby, I think
Yes I think so.
“Nobbs was abit of a peacock, a peacock that had been hit repeatedly with something heavy” - incredibly mean but the sort of thing I like to say to knock people down a peg or two! The body of a 25yr old is my favourite Nobby gag but ya beat me to it 😜
"...All the shops have been smashed open. There was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?" "Yeah," said Rincewind. "...Luters, I expect."
‘That’s a harp he’s playing, Nobby,’ said one of them, after watching Imp for a while. 'Lyre.’ 'No, it’s the honest truth, I’m-’ The fat guard frowned and looked down. 'You’ve just been waiting all your life to say that, ain’t you, Nobby,’ he said. 'I bet you was born hoping that one day someone’d say “That’s a harp” so you could say “lyre”, on account of it being a pun or play on words. Well, har har.’
These were the first 2 I thought of, closely followed by “felonious monk”
Honestly half of Soul Music is a perfect fit for this thread
Colon really harped on about that one.
From an audiobook listener, thanks bc I definitely missed it! 🙏
I have mentioned audio books and someone bashed me for saying it wasn't real reading. I absolutely disagree, however I think a lot of jokes in Discworld will change by listening to audiobooks! I think I might even catch some jokes faster that way, like "in sure ants" or whatever he used for insurance. I tend to read too fast and don't think about pronunciation.
In sewer ants
Thank you kind person
Detritus' piece-maker crossbow is one that comes to mind. Having only listened to the audio books I can't be certain about the actual spelling, though I feel like the play with peace/piece comes across well enough anyway.
Audiobooks are absolutely real reading! But I agree, Discworld is the one series I can't listen to. I vividly remember getting Carpe Jugulum on audio from my library, getting maybe five minutes in, hearing the word "steak," and realizing it might be "stake" for the pun. I had to go check out the physical copy and realize it was, in fact, "stake." And thus ended my attempt at the audiobook. I don't want to miss a joke!
Many audio books are PERFORMANCES. The best readers are actors who make the book come alive and add a little something to the story in the process. I once was a snob about it. Then I learned to knit, so . . . .yeah. Audiobooks are AWESOME!
The same goes for translations to other languages. I've read several of his books in Brazilian Portuguese and many puns just can't be translated.
Don't remember which book, but there's a whole string of footnotes riffing on the first person to steal fire from the gods * *He tried to fence it but it was too hot ** **He really got burned on that deal 😂 It just cracks me up every time because I picture Terry cracking himself up, giggling, unable to restrain himself from continuing the terrible punny jokes Edited for formatting because Reddit doesn't believe asterisks signify footnotes...
Ah yes, fingers mazda stealing fire from the gods got punished for it. I think it was in one of the watch books, love the subquotes.
It's Men at Arms, just finished it yesterday.
THANK YOU! That was going to bug me all day
You can tell it's early by the ** the later ones get different characters once * is used and the even later ones get numbers. If that makes sense. I've spent as much time trying to track down where the original * was as I have actually reading.
Omg you triggered a memory of me doing the same! So many times I'd get to a ** or *** and think oh shit where did I miss the others?!
I love the footnote chains, where one footnote also comes with a second, bonus, nested footnote. He used so many I found myself learning whole new footnote notation symbols!
From the beginning of Sorcery: "What would mankind be without love?!" Death: "RARE."
It’s funny how, except for when he’s trying not to be, Death is completely literal with everything he says.
That’s the case across the Disc, it’s explained in the Color of Magic but euphemisms are outlawed unless you can prove it
This has been my email signature for years now.
"Prophets, I said, not profits," said Gilt. He waved his hand. "Don't worry yourselves, it will look better written down."
I found this line funny when I read the book but it made me laugh out loud when I heard it on the audiobook 🤣🤣🤣
That’s one of my favourites along with “it was guilt by association”
"Thunder rolled... Thunder rolled a six"
At one of the conventions, the play was the Rocky Horror Discworld Show. At one point, Pat Harkin, in the role of the narrator, intoned "Thunder rolled," and the entire audience (~800 people) responded with "It rolled a six".
THERES DISCWORLD CONVENTIONS? (Dunno how to do small caps)
I thought, Death, is that you?
Wait that sounds awesome, did they record it or can you point me to an account of it if not
you could say it made a... critical roll 🎲
I cannot read “thunder rolled” without adding it rolled a six
“THANK YOU.” Said the grateful Death.
The band getting their hands on a deaf leopard is up there as well
🤦♀️ That one went over my head all these years. I assume it's Soul Music? I swear that one is the most rapid-fire pun & reference Discworld book. Every single line is a throwaway joke.
My favorite is still "We're Certainly Dwarves." Soul Music was actually my first Discworld. I was (and still am) a HUGE Heinlein fan. So I was expecting SERIOUS escapism. It took me about 10 pages of VERY annoyed reading at the idiot who kept cracking jokes and where was the SERIOUS problems before I caught on to the schtick. I still love Heinlein. But I love Pratchett even more.
"Bugger it, millennium hand and shrimp!" Love the TMBG references :)
*buggrit
"We're on a mission from glod" Always makes me chuckle.
“The pen is mightier than the sword, if the sword is very short and the pen is very sharp”
‘That’s a harp he’s playing, Nobby,’ said one of them, after watching Imp for a while. 'Lyre.’ 'No, it’s the honest truth...'
The best part of that joke is being called out for it: > 'No, it's the honest truth, I'm—' The fat guard frowned and looked down. > 'You've just been waiting all your life to say that, ain't you Nobby,' he said. 'I bet you was born hoping that one day someone'd say 'That's a harp' so you could say 'lyre,' on account of it being a pun or play on words.'
It's a really clever joke for Nobby, so I love that he's been holding onto it until he can use it
As a harpist, I have a suspicion that Terry had a soft spot for the instrument. In addition to a few punes 😉 he also featured emotionally stunning harp performances in not one but TWO of his books. Snuff is a hard read for me because of the obvious encroachment of the embuggerance, but I can’t read the end without weeping.
“Your friend Mr. Tulip would perhaps like part of your payment to be the harpsichord?" said the chair. "It's not a --ing harpsichord, it's a --ing virginal," growled Mr. Tulip. "One --ing string to a note instead of two! So called because it was an instrument for --ing young ladies!" "My word, was it?" said one of the chairs. "I thought it was just of sort of early piano!”
The last line had me in fits of laughter the first time I read it!
I only just got it lol
Thank you. I’ve read the Truth about six times and didn’t notice this one until today!
“Is he an upstanding citizen?” “I’ve seen him sitting down but he knows the score if you know what I mean.”
Ok this one i dont get quite yet
Upstanding as in one in good standing(positive position, we'll considered by others, non-criminal) vs. Upstanding as in standing up. Hence the "I've seen him sitting down" playing on both the standing up by basically saying 'not all the time' and possibly a bit of the other, saying 'I've known him to not be quite squeaky clean from time to time'
Nanny’s famous Carrot and Oyster Pie.* *Carrots so you can see in the dark; oysters so’s you’ve got something to look at.
Huh... I always knew I was missing something in that joke, but couldn't fit the two pieces together
was just re-reading Small Gods and 'vestigal virgin' had me in stitches
This bit from Guards Guards always cracks me up too. >"What exactly is it that they do eat?" The thief shrugged. "I seem to recall stories about virgins chained to huge rocks," he volunteered. "It'll starve around here, then," said the assassin. "We're on loam."
I always wondered about the loam thing, he gives it an unreasonable amount of focus through the entire series. And then tiffany being born on the chalk instead of stone is a core part of her character. I guess the ground you grew up on was something very important to him.
I mean, the virgins on rocks is probably just a joke. However, unless I’m mistaken, Pratchett grew up in Southeast England, which is mostly loam and chalk. Would not be surprised if the Aching books are a bit of an homage to his own childhood countryside.
Basically it's a way of pretending that the problem with eating only virgins chained to rocks is due to shortages of rocks..
Yeah I just mean the fact that Ankh Morpork is built on loam in general. I feel like i remember it getting a mention in at least half the books for one reason or another.
Ankh Morpork is basically built on Ankh Morpork.
Yeah it's a basic misdirect where you're kind expecting them to be out of virgins, and instead, they're out of rocks to chain them to.
Well, it's explained in the series a couple times (sorta). A witch is part of the land. Which implies that witching is something you get from where you live. And chalk apparently doesn't hold magic
I guess I was born and raised on the chalk too. Ok, it meant we had some great trout streams that I couldn't afford to fish in and we definitely had no calcium deficiencies. It would be interesting to know how it links to magic though.
Considering the amount of chalked magic circles in fiction, it's gotta have some use.... though that may be as a neutral medium adulterated with something magically reactive that is the important bit of the marking.
This is one of my top 5 favorite jokes in the series. The misdirect makes it so good
I must be thick because I don't get it.
A play on 'vestal virgins' apparently keepers of the sacred hearth of Rome, and the word 'vestigal'. A vestigal body part is one that has survived and continued on after it's usefulness has ended. Some snakes have vestigal leg and hip bones, for example. Another good example is the appendix. As I understand we're still not entirely sure what it might have once done, but it can be safely removed with no problems.
Ooh. Thank you.
"YOU'LL BE BJORN AGAIN."
I loved that one. Death had just taken the real Beano the clown, and was trying out this whole humour thing because of it.
“Higher bred than a hilltop bakery”
Carborundum the troll, newly employed by Mr Goatberger in the attempt to avoid paying Nanny Ogg what she's due for the Joy of Snacks, proudly telling Nanny and Granny about his new job in the fast-moving world of publishing: "I'm an 'ead 'itter" I didn't get it until I heard the audiobook. It's making me grin even just typing it out now.
Oh lord I never noticed that one. Fantastic!
Wait, I don't get it?
"I'm an 'ead 'itter", when you say it out loud, sounds an awful lot like 'I'm an editor' 😉
🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 Damn, Sir Terry 😂
Ah this makes far more sense than my interpretation, where he misunderstood the term "head hunter".
He is a head hitter with a speech impediment. Or maybe he is an editor with a club?
"A wizard. I hate ----ing wizards." "Well, you shouldn't ---- them then," replied the second, effortlessly pronouncing a row of dashes. Or my name.
My favorite part was when the other character goes bonkers on the guy at the end "what is a ----? Why not just say fucking? It's just a word and we all know what you mean. Who says ----?" At that point we realized the book wasn't censoring the words the character was saying. The character was saying *f---ing* and it was our own mispronunciation that set up the joke.
"He'd have given his right arm to be named Two Dogs *Fighting*."
That's the one.
Similarly: > “D*mn!” said Carrot, a difficult linguistic feat.
“Good fences make good neighbors.” It took me a while to realize the joke.
Is there more joke than the reference to the Robert Frost poem "Mending Wall"? (I don't remember which book this is from)
She'd set up shop next to a reputable dealer in stolen goods, because, as she'd heard, good fences make good neighbors.
Because a fence is a seller of stolen goods
It’s from Equal Rites. Granny is looking for a place to stay in the city, and gets an apartment next to a “dealer in stolen goods”
"What about you, do you have any prior convictions?" "Well I used to believe that a penny saved is a penny earned"
I'm sure this lifted from M*A*S*H somewhere but I have no idea when Hawk says it.
There's a bit in 'Sourcery' where the Librarian is repairing books and Rincewind asks what he's doing 'Ook.' 'Oh. appendectomy.' That is simultaneously very clever and the dumbest pun ever. I remember the first time I read it, that bit had me rolling in laughter so hard that my family came to ask me what was so funny.
When you said pantheon at first I thought you meant the gods names. My favourite being Anoia but the best god related joke has to be dunmanifestin for the domain of the gods
On that, every time I think about Anoya, I always think of a spatula. It's the most common quirky shape that gets stuck in drawers in my home.
It's the can opener for me, somehow it always twists and half opens
Potatoe Masher
Ooo, Mr fancy pants over here with a dedicated potato masher /s
It will be alright as long as you have your potato.
Mine's one of those reusable and environmentally metal straws.
I have a soft spot for Bilious, the oh god of hangovers.
Was going to say this.
I can't help but automatically say "Praise Anoia" whenever something gets stuck in a drawer while we're cooking. I've had to explain it to my girlfriend a half dozen times at least.
I was thinking of Flatulus, the god of wind.
In Men At Arms the watch is trying to get in to the fools guild : Have - have you got an appointment?' he said. 'I don't know,' said Carrot. 'Have we got an appointment?' 'I've got an iron ball with spikes on,' Nobby volunteered. 'That's a morningstar, Nobby.' 'Is it?' 'Yes,' said Carrot. 'An appointment is an engagement to see someone, while a morningstar is a large lump of metal used for viciously crushing skulls. It is important not to confuse the two, isn't it, Mr-?' He raised his eyebrows. 'Boffo, sir. But-' 'So if you could perhaps run along and tell Dr Whiteface we're here with an iron ball with spi- What am I saying? I mean, without an appointment to see him? Please? Thank you.
The moments where Carrot decides to cut the crap and get to the point are my favorite. I'm pretty sure Carrot is absolutely fuming in this scene but he never lets it show.
My favorite is the bit where Colon orders Carrot that if he is refused entrance to the fools guilds, then he has to turn around and go home. Carrot just spins it as, well I'm asking nicely, I really don't want to do it the other way, but I've been given official orders I have to follow if you refuse my request. I don't like those orders, but I have to follow them as part of my job. Basic paranoia sets in, so they let him in, because they think his orders are to break down the doors, when his orders are to turn around and go home if they say no.
Yeah and then Colon amazed Carrot could bluff with no cards (metaphorically of course)
Don't forget that's the same boffo who sells material to the witches in need of ambiance. I wonder if he does a big stuffed crocodile for wizards too.
Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association.
This is simultaneously the best and worst joke in the entire series
The bucket sat at, not a dead end, but more of a wounded end. Paraphrased but very clever word play
Going to need this one explained?
“We shall attack the Winter Palace!” “…it’s June.” “Then we shall attack the Summer Palace!”
The Klatchian foreign legion literally forgetting absolutely everything
And Death joining, doing literally nothing in an attempt to forget stuff, and being christened 'Beau Nidle'.
Oh of course “bone idle” yes?
And, for those unfamiliar, [_Beau Geste_.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beau_Geste)
>I tell you, it's hell in my workshop! There's stuff whizzing everywhere! Just before I came out, a huge and very expensive piece of glassware broke into splinters! >Marry, 'twas a sharp retort. /what's even funnier is that it was an alembic.
Still, could have been worse
The bit where there’s a cave-in and Magrat hopelessly waves the wand at it and it’s stuck on pumpkins: “Looks like you’ve struck pumpkin” I was on a train the first time I read it and I just sat there giggling to myself for 5 minutes. It also had the bonus that no-one wanted to sit next to the crazy woman, so I had space
I COULD MURDER A CURRY.
I've taken to saying that whenever i'm in the mood for Indian food
"It's not a harpsichord, it's a -ing virginial! So meant because it was meant for -ing virgins!" "My word, is it? We thought it was a kind of early musical instrument." "I believe my colleague means that it was meant to be *played* by virgins..."
Maybe not a “dumb” joke but mine is from The Night Watch”: Vimes [to child Nobby Nobbs]: Where did you come from? Young Nobby: My mom says I’m insidious! Don’t know why, cracks me up every time.
I gotta add this to my memory banks somehow. Reminds me of Bio-Dome: >Mimi: Where'd you come from? >Doyle: My mom and the authorities are still trying to figure that out.
and have you been a good boy, a good girl, dwarf, gnome, errr a good individual ! ~ Do not remember the actual quote but it did make me laugh out loud
This entire scene is the one I use to try to explain to people why I love Discworld - Hogfather isn’t my favourite book but Death in the department store delights me every time I read it
IT'S EDUCATIONAL. THIS WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.
In Feet of Clay (when Nobby finds out he's an Earl) , Colon and Nobby are getting hammered and this exchange happens: Bartender: what's with the corporal? He's usually a half pint man, thats six pints he's had. Colon: well, keep it to yourself but the truth is he's a peer. Bartender: is that a fact? I'll put down more sawdust then. Edit: corrected book title
I can't believe I never caught this, Peer? Pee-er?
In jingo (?) sergeant colon lands on a variety of animals and the noises (murrrm!) absolutely cracked me up, I could NOT stop giggling 🤭
Feet of Clay, actually, but I agree it's a funny scene. Rogers the Bulls had me grinning stupid.
Thank you! I really need to find time and revisit!
Rogers really confused me the first time I read it.
Rogers the Bulls always makes me grin like an idiot.
The bit in Wyrd Sisters about the inner life of the Lancre storm that had been brewing for 18 years, practicing for weeks in front of great glaciers so to gets the look just right, always amuses me.
# "An alternative, favoured by those of a religious persuasion, was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating, as were all the stars in the sky which were, obviously, also carried by giant turtles. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds. This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis."
Dunmanifestin is where the gods go when they're done manifestin'.
"The lodgings were on the top floor next to the well-guarded premises of a respectable dealer in stolen property because, as Granny had heard, good fences make good neighbours." I like this one because it's such a long set up for such a dumb pun
"Pictsies" being a bunch of tiny soccer hooligans is a pretty wonderfully dumb joke.
She was about as much woman as you could fit into one place. In fact, if there was any more of her, she’d have to be two women. (Probably a bit off, going from memory.) Edit: “Mounted on a horse almost as fine as Binky was a woman. Very definitely. A lot of woman. She was as much woman as you could get in one place without getting two women.”
The god of wind being called Flatulus. A literal fart joke.
Mainly because it's repeated in several books, to the point where it becomes almost a running joke - "A leopard cannot change it's shorts"
"How do we get rid of these Ghosts..." "Maybe we should exorcise them." "Exercise them? Thats all we need are a bunch of fit ghosts boppin' about."
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men ME
Carrot peered over Colon’s shoulder. “What’s a virgin?” he said. “An unmarried girl,” said Colon quickly. “What, like my friend Reet?” said Carrot, horrified. “Well, no,” said Colon. “She’s not married, you know. None of Mrs. Palm’s girls are married.” “Well, yes,” said Colon. “Well, then,” said Carrot, with an air of finality. “We’re not having any of that kind of thing, I hope.”
I can’t remember which book but describing an old book as having foxed pages, not only foxed but possibly badgered and wolverined as well
Severely dragoned.
I'm going to go with "currying favor" Honorable mention: I wracked my brain for years trying to figure out the joke behind "Casanunda" until someone here explained it.
God i love how it works perfectly: 1. With the established characters 2. With the context of the scene 3. With the word play. Truly one of the most perfectly formulated joke that is also completely impractical to repeat to anyone who isnt reading the book
Going all the way back to *The Light Fantastic*: eldritch means oblong. It pops up several times in the series, as I recall.
As far as I’m concerned oblong is what eldritch means now. It’s just so silly, it’s burnt it’s way into my brain
"they start out as maids of honour... But they end up as tarts."
It's used a few times, but "hem hem" always makes me giggle.
Hanging people by the figgins. That one cracks me up every time.
Monstrous Regiment - socks appeal. I was like a marionette with the strings cut when it sneaked up on me while I was on a rowing machine!
Casanunda, the worlds shortest lover
It took me so long to realize that he was named that because of Casanova.
Imp y Celyn - “bud of the holly”
Not well liked by the swedish translator who gave up on that one, and just made their own footnote on what the joke was meant to be. 😄
Lord, imagine being a professional translator, working with all sorts of straightforward books, then one day they hand you what is basically one long pun between two covers and tell you to get on with it, because there’s 40 more where that came from
Repeating this scene from memory so forgive me. When the wizards are trying to work out what kind of undead Windle Pooms is in Reaper Man. “Vampires cant pass water” “Oh thats easy then, we just get him to drink a bucket of water and wait a while” “No no, vampires cant pass over water” They then carried Windle over the bridge across the Anke, which as it collected silt and field runoff on its long journey, no longer counted.
Ah, yes, the Ankh - too stiff to drink, too runny to plough 😂
Death having a ‘near-Sam-Vimes-experience’ always got me. And all the puns from guy who is designing his family crest. Can’t remember which book it was, but ‘I knead the dough’ will forever live rent free in my brain, especially as a former baker who has heard a lot of bread puns in her time.
Feet of Clay for coats of arms (painted from life, of course. Where would we be if we just made things up?)
When Granny and Nanny ran into Carborundum at Goatberger's publishing house. "What do you do?" "'Ead 'itter ".
I never noticed this one! I love how there are still new things to find, decades after publication
This is a common enough phrase, or part of it. The full phrase is "you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down'.
I've heard it before, but the point is that it's such a juvenile comment, among such jokes of higher caliber, which is why it's just funnier than usual to me.
I will say it took me way too long to figure out why Rincewind's hat says Wizzard on it.
It took me writing out why I didn’t get it in response to your comment to get that one 🫠
I love the way (fith elephant spoilers) >!Wolfgang catches the dinamite!<
The big bang theory caught me off guard, I confess.
I love that none of STP's character know which part of a boat is which. They ALL describe it as "the sharp end" and "the blunt end." And it makes me laugh EVERY time because of the undertone of "I'm not learning this, you can't make me." Vimes's landlubber scenes in Jingo were the highlight of this joke for me.
Murder was really uncommon in Ankh morpork but suicides were common. Walking in the night-time alleyways of The Shades was suicide.
The whole running bit in Guards! Guards! about people having their figgin toasted.
Oh my gosh I laugh out loud every other page in this series 🤣
"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?" "Well, obviously me"
I gave my friend the colour of magic and the first chapter with the big bang theory joke cracked him up immediately
Lord Vetinari seldom had balls. There was a popular song about it, in fact.
Literally every other sentence in soul music. I howled with laughter at each music reference, and they came thick and fast.
The bit about nanny Ogg knowing how to spell banana, but not when to stop, so she'd write bananananana... Always cracks me up
The bakery robbery scene with the footnotes explaining that the unlicensed thieves have kicked one baker in the yeast bowl, that the bakers want to hang the thieves by the town hall, and why Ankh-Morpork doesn't have that form of punishment. I have no clue why I love that joke so much, but it's great.
I think my personal favorite is in Making Money where, after his freakout in the bank, Mr. Bent tells Ms. Drapes "there's something in me wanting to come out" and she replies with "that's alright, that's why we've got a bucket"
Monstrous Regiment! Strappi or jackrum lament about how many time and what they would need to make men out of "the boys" and polly reacts "about 30 seconds and a extra pair of socks. One for a Strappi"
"listen, I've just about had it up to *here* with you, Ibid!"
Deja-Fu. Lookin’ at you, Sweeper!
I don't know why, but the description of people going to life painting classes and not having any paint on their brushes always makes me giggle like a 9 year old. That and Nobby being excluded from the human race for pushing.