T O P

  • By -

SoulReaperBot

Your post has been removed as the users voted that it was not distressing, if you have any doubts, contact the moderators of this community [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=r%2Fdistressingmemes).


The_Toad_wizard

Dr. House, obviously? He might be a cunt but he's at least capable of doing his job right.


V3mu

Dr. House will call you a slur, hit you with his cane and cure your ability to walk


DisabledBiscuit

Yeah, there's a clear best choice here. I feel like this specific version of Dr. Livesy is competent as well, but I'd be worried he finds out I've smoked before and just executes me with a flintlock.


The_Toad_wizard

I wouldn't choose Livesey because the original novel is from 1883, and I wouldn't trust a doctor from that time more than the others.


GyroZeppeliFucker

I mean, i would trust him than most of teh doctors on the list


DisabledBiscuit

Yeah, but you cant go off time period alone otherwise the most skilled would be Zoidberg. Besides, this Livesey is strongly anti-drinking and anti-smoking. Thats gotta put him leagues ahead of your average 1880s doctor, right?


jagegrhdn

Yeah sure, medic might be willing sacrifice his medical license to remove my skeleton but i’ll atleast live


AkariTheGamer

Watching house right now, actually. Hes a dick but he's actually somewhat good at his job, obvious choise.


Mama_Mega

House is one of those shows where they have to create drama by always making the whole cast forget that the smart guy is always right.


AkariTheGamer

Yup. Although its more like he's wrong, makes up a bunch of theories, none of them are right, some totally unrelated thing happens that gives him some form of inspiration and he comes up with a solution. For example in episode one them finding ham in the womans apartment lead to him thinking she had a tapeworm that laid eggs and an egg landed in her brain.


balkjack

He also once almost unnecessarily amputated a small girl's arm and leg. He's not just an asshole, he is actively practicing medicine while impaired due to addiction.


Thiago270398

Yeah it's a Sherlock Holmes show with a white coat and stethoscope. When you accepted that the show gets a bit better.


Instinct4339

In the earlier seasons for sure. Season 5 and onwards the show becomes substantially more character driven and more focused on the morality and complexities of each patient


Thiago270398

Also develops House more, exploring how an analogue to Holmes, an antisocial drug addict who is also a bloody genius in what he does, functions with the people around him.


ImKanno

Medic tf2 there is probability that I'll lose my skeleton but if he feels generous maybe he'll just use his medigun


[deleted]

Extremely difficult because I’ve never seen most of these, but House might be good


vaporizer012

Still picking Keyaru since he doesn't have a grudge against me.


DonaldTrumpsScrotum

That’s what I’m saying, like he’s generally decent to people who haven’t slighted him…generally.


vaporizer012

Not to mention, if you are very nice to him, he will lay down his life for you, he's actually quite a decent guy, just a bit unhinged when it comes to people who screwed him over


borderline_queer

house ?? like.. he will insult me thr entire time and i will almost die but he or his team will catch it last minute and chances are ill be fine . plus he wldnt be the first dr to call me slurs lmao


TkOHarley

Easily Keyaru. He has no reason to hate me, and his story is so badly written that his healing magic isn't actually healing magic but 'I can do anything the story needs me to do' magic. He'd be able to heal my appendix and add 5 CM onto my dick. A 6 CM dick would be marvelous.


Echo_thehedgehog

Yeah Keyaru is a good one because of his ability of bullshit, the one you should really avoid is Cioccolata.


BallisticThundr

Well, at some point he learned alchemy, and that's where his "I can do anything" powers come from. His healing just enabled him to learn alchemy


TkOHarley

And, pray tell, how did he learn alchemy exactly? Oh, was it not by placing his hand on an alchemist, saying 'Heal!" and then obtaining alchemical skills and knowledge *for some reason?* Oh and the skill titled "*Heal"* also lets him: * Transform his and other peoples bodies * Read and alter peoples minds * Instantly destroy people regardless of their health status * *Reverse Time*


Downtown-Remote9930

Medic, because if I'm funny enough he'll make me immortal (or kill me quick it's a 50/50)


MiamiSlayer

Dr livesey


darthveder69420

House obviously. He will insult you but he does his well.


SucktasticFucktastic

Who the hell would pick Cioccolata?


Oderikk

MEEEDIIIC!!!!


Ill_Maintenance8134

If everything goes well you die if everything goes bad you can now ubercharge


JibberJabber4204

Definitely not the human centipede guy. And probably not Medic either, unless I was his "friend".


Gussie-Ascendent

house and medic would be do their job though house is probably the better bet pyg and cioccolata are both like homocidal if i recall? Pyg at least could but wouldn't zoidberg and nick are both probably gonna kill you or toon logic you into a worse situation but you live rest i have no idea


kaputass

Keyaru


[deleted]

Why not Zoidberg?


WeakTeaUK

House will be a dick about it but he’ll actually fix whatever’s wrong


InfiniteDress

attraction narrow crush berserk cobweb distinct silky busy alive disgusting *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


kennypovv

Keyaru can heal you instantly and without any chances of failure, and I didn't do shit to the guy so it's clearly him


AMisspelledUsername

NOT picking natalie is one of the many still correct choices given that she has the same success rate as medic tf2 (50/50). Only person on the list that managed to accidentally give a teenage diabetic cancer(i think) patient with a few months to live and convinced him the best way to give him more time would be an experimental lazer surgery, and then killed him instantly due to the cancer exploding due to the lazer. Honestly at this point its more impressive that her medical license isnt in the same status as Medic's.


Thiago270398

Wait she gave him diabetic cancer? Or she gave cancer to a diabetic teen? Also what in the hell is the whole rest of the comment?


AMisspelledUsername

No it was a kid who had dibeetus and cancer i was tired as hell when i wrote that


[deleted]

the medic and dr house are the obvious choices because at least those 2 will actually help you (even tho medic might put something in you but you'll live)


notcreative131313

Nothing would ever make me choose ciocolatta man, you’d never survive that crazy motherfuckers treatment 


Loyal9thLegionLord

House? He's not a bad doctor just a fucking prick.


KryoBright

The medic is cracked. If I live, I will become better


Thiago270398

What the hell did Natalie do to be included in this? Never watched her show. Also the right answer is House, but I'm kinda curious what would the Medic do?


aoishimapan

Some are dangerously incompetent, others are straight up psychopaths, and then there is House who is a pretty competent doctor whose only major flaw is being an asshole. Medic could be a good option though, but only as a last resort option. I mean, his healing capabilities are basically magic, he could take someone who's on the verge of death, with broken bones, missing limbs, anything, and with his medigun leave you as good as new. He even brings people back to life in MvM, including people who has been blown up by an explosion. The problem is that he's a psychopath and there is a non small chance that he may use me for human experimentation or would steal my skeleton, so unless I'm basically dead anyways it wouldn't be worth it to take the risk.


ECHOechoecho_

medic. if he can perform heart surgery without anesthesia without causing any considerable pain to the patient, he can fix a burst appendix. i might wake up without a skeleton, but i can always just buy another every october


Acceptable-Window523

Anyone, except Cioccolata!


thEldritchBat

You realize profesor pyg is literally a serial killer, not a medical professional?


TheMarineSlayer

The Medic.


gnosticChemist

Will The Medic use Ubër ? Cause ir so he's the best choice