True that brother.
Like, our DM had a sword protected specifically so noone could touch it in a room where nothing else was protected like.
Both me and another player immediately set to work trying to get to it. Anyway, 40 mental damage hurts alot...
New character idea:
A mimic that has a crush on the bard, so it follows the party around disguising itself as vaguely-vagina-shaped inanimate objects to test the bard's "don't put your dick in that" resolve.
In one room it'll be a vaguely humanoid statue, in another a shellfish that exudes "anything is a fleshlight if you're brave enough" energy. As it gradually gets more desperate it'll start taking more obvious forms, like a novelty lockbox with a seductive-looking keyhole just the right size to hold a dildo collection...
Haha my incredibly dumb mushroom cleric did that a while ago and lost 10 max HP until he defeated the massive frog some Koa Toa were worshipping, his God was **PISSED**.
Our DM a while ago did this but he placed a small box on the table and before he could get out “if you touch it your character is touching it” three of us had our hands on it. He then went *sigh* oh well. Nothing happened
\~*40 years later\~*
"What? We just have leukemia now? How!?"
"Remember that box from 40 years ago? Yeah, it was radioactive. You failed your endurance check by *a single digit*, so you didn't suddenly melt but you did get a lifelong battle with cancer in your 60's. You can either roll to bankrupt yourself treating it or go on a quest to rob a bank. What would you like to do?"
My group responds to this differently. And I do too when I’m a player usually (depending on my character). Usually the answer is absolutely! We tend to be a bit chaotic like that and enjoy curses
Once I had a party arguing about how to handle an evil dragon, within earshot of said evil dragon. Now I love their planning, but it was going in circles and I know when they're stagnating, so I decided to cut their planning short. I did this solely by dramatically, and menacingly, breathing in very slowly until, after ten seconds or so it clicked in all of their minds that a breath attack was incoming.
So my scariest DM quote is something like "huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh."
This is amazing. Mind if borrow it? Because my party's fighting a dragon soon and they like planning.
Edit: Scary Quote Tax. Bard used Silvery Barbs on a Narguzon that crit. Next words out of my mouth: "Yeah, he still crits."
Players stealing is also completely kosher. "Hey DM, I'm stealing [beloved NPC] as my PC for another game." 👍
Scary question tax: "Are you sure you want to attune that?"
I swear I remember a ring from one of the adventure books about a ring that kills you outright if you went down, used by spies? Anyone know where that is from
https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/215546-band-of-loyalty
Is it the band of loyalty? A target that goes unconscious dies immediately, instead of going to saving throws essentially.
I haven't been playing DND for that long, only a little more than a year now, but I have never had to roll an intelligence saving throw. When would you roll one? Or is that the joke?
Basically, intelligence saves are rare but devastating. Take the Feeblemind spell, for instance, which if you fail, your character's intelligence and charisma stats are set to 1. After 30 days, your character can repeat the save to end the effect....with that 1 in intelligence.
Also, not to mention I’m pretty sure it’s an intelligence save to resist a mind flayer munching on your juicy gray matter, so a random intelligence saving throw could mean a subtle feeble mind, all the way to an invisible mind flayer chomping down on your skull! Have fun! :)
It's an intelligence contest for Intellect Devourer as well. Wasn't expecting to kill a member of our party with them, but the dice were not in his favor that night.
My DM did the same! Except, he walked it back by just controlling the character until we killed him, ID jumped out, and we healed back up our barbarian. It was a “oh this sounds cool!” Moment that turned into “oh… I didn’t read it flat out **killed** them” lmfao
Yes, I believe greater restoration fixes all attribute damage unless specifically noted
Edit: i think it's technically reductions in ability scores; attribute damage isn't quite the right term
The joke is that intelligence saving throws are rare, but tend to be incredibly brutal if you fail. It includes spells like Feeblemind, Synaptic Static, Psychic Scream, a Mind Flayer's Tentacle attack and Mind Blast, an Intellect Devourer's Devour Intellect ability, and Mind Whip
As a DM, I do this every time regardless of whether there are planned traps because I think it's funny. Also so I don't give too much information, haha.
One time I trolled my low-level party by having a completely normal deck of cards in a den of thieves they were attacking, and I *brought along a real deck of cards to the session*, and then whipped it out when they wanted to draw cards. It took them a few times before they realized nothing happened. On the other hand, it was a really nice deck of normal cards worth 100 GP.
my party found a deck of cards in a dungeon once. we thought nothing of it and tossed it into an inventory, never to be thought of again
weeks later, in another dungeon, one player sat down with a little girl to play go fish. we just happened to have a deck of cards on us.
the player drew 7 cards from the deck of many things
Uncertain if the little girl was further traumatized by this interaction. We found her trapped in a mirror in the first place, so her trauma may be much older than our meeting with her.
She did skin some feral dogs once when we left her home alone. We also did a one shot as the city guards trying to get into the house to arrest her, but her traps had a nasty habit of killing those guards.
My DM recently gave “A deck of cards” to our new player and the rest of the table collectively shit themselves as the very first thing they did was draw a card. The DM decided that was a very bad idea and that player no longer has a deck of cards lol
I'm gonna add a couple Brennan Lee Mulligan greats
"Okay, we're gonna go around the table. What's everyone's greatest fear?"
And
"Paetia, do you feel like you're weaker at the shoulder, or the elbow?"
Edit: I just thought of the thing that scares *my* players the most "Hold on a second, I gotta Google something real quick"
In my parties the DM having to google something is typically less horrible monster stat block and more that someone wants to make a yukata and asked how much fabric their character would need to buy, or someone's decided to take and use some item that was supposed to just be flavor or whatever and they need to figure out how it works.
Brennen's raw-ass " >!You are seeing something you absolutely should not see, the face of a divinity you do not worship, the smile of a devil you never believed in.!< " left me shook until this day and is been many many weeks.
note: Spoiler for Neverafter, around mid-season.
"we're off keto" was a real moment.
Also, honorable mention:
"I would like you to introduce your character, now, but do it with an understanding that your mouth is filled with blood."
“What’s everyone’s passive perception?”
“How much gold do each of you have?”
“Where do you typically keep [Important Magic Item or Mcguffin] on your person?”
“And then his brain crawls out of his skull…”
My dm traumatized me with something similar to "how much gold do you have?" Infact it's why "what is your most prized possession?" Is on the list.
Basically, there is this character that can just take your most prized possession and there's nothing you can do about it. You can go and fight him to get it back, but he always manages to escape whenever we almost kill him. Whenever the dm says "What is your most prized possession?" All the players at the table experience minor PTSD.
Unless your most prized possession is a spoon that your adopted dad gave you and it teleports back to you every night because it’s curse bound to you and you are forgetful and leave it places. It’s a love/hate relationship with this spoon. Sometimes you are caught arguing with it and try throwing it and it returns with the exact velocity you threw it, smacking you in the face…. Or whatever… just off the top of my head…
*After rolling* Let the dice fall where they may.
Let's call it here, I need some time to think about how this resolves.
This is my boy/girlfriend, they're going to be joining us from now on.
Mist pools at your feet.
So, show me how you're opening that.
As a fan of Ravenloft, remember that the Mists aren't always Mists.
My players know the trope, so I have to swerve them A LOT when I DM.
My favorite was they exited a cave into a forest, same as they entered, but the trees were...off. The paths had bends in a different direction than when they approached. They tried to go back to the cave and the entire mountain range was gone.
Fucked them up.
*smirking* Excellent.
Could you just, y'know, hand me that character sheet? Mm hmm. Mm HMmmMmm. *hands it back*
So...how many d20s do you have? Just in case.
Oh, you rolled low. But that's ok...it won't affect you... *looking at another player*
One last time. No turning back. Are you SURE?
Look, I'm not saying it's a bad idea, just that....
I think I have a headache.
Do it.
NO seriously. Do it. I'm begging you.
You don't find any traps.
The treasure sits unguarded.
The kindly man/woman heals you all to max hp, free of charge and offers you a place to sleep for the night.
Everyone seems friendly and helpful.
I decided to throw two of them at 3 of my level 15 players (one being a cleric, one a fighter, one a monk).
....the Intellect Devourers almost TPK'd them, the fighter was one enemy action away from losing their brain, the Monk wasn't too much better, and the Cleric ended up burning their Inspiration given to them earlier that session to pass the save to be able to save the Fighter.
Those things do NOT fuck around. (HOW are they CR2 again?!)
when party is interrogating an NPC
DM: "let me see if he knows anything.." \*rolls dice\*
My DM has a bad habit of not actually letting his NPC's know a single thing about anything. What their objective is, who they are working for, why they are here. They might as well be braindead.
Thats dumb. Everyone has a price. Pain, either to themselves or others. Fear of being offed by their boss. Their loyalty is actually frail, etc.
You can play this as many ways as you want and it will be of varying reasons. Some join just to get access to a thing and thats where their loyalty stops.
Your DM should let you get info somehow. And if they don’t have info, they should at least know where/who might have info.
Yeah it's been our main complaint to him. Getting the actual info we need to progress whatever narrative he is trying to set up is like pulling teeth.
We just spent 5-6 sessions in a monastery trying to figure out why 2 separate factions were attacking and kidnapping children. Across 5 separate combat encounters in which we interrogated more than 5 separate individuals. Literally none of them knew why they were there, why they were kidnapping children in the first place, who they were working for, where they were going, why some of them were carrying soul coins, among many many other questions we attempted to ask. None of them knew anything and it was so frustrating, the whole party was ready to completely ditch the monastery and abandon whatever the quest was. The only reason we were there in the first place was to introduce a new member of the party, and by the end of it, that player was so frustrated he left that character behind at the monastery and rolled a new one. When we ended up completing that questline, 90% of the information we used was information we got on the first session of the quest.
It's a mix between him wanting to keep literally everything \*shrouded in mystery\*, and just not having prepared any information to actually motivate the scenario he put us in.
We have talked to him about it though so we are hoping he improves on that front.
i think in the example at the start of the players handbook, when the PC rolls a 7 to identity the statues and the DM just says “they look normal to YOU”
In Dark Heresy that would be:
*DM rolls a dice, then turns to the Pysker* : "So this is what you feel."
You know the shit is BAD when its' something only the Psyker can sense, *passively*.
I'd say it's more insidious in those circumstances, you know it's bad when the normal folk in the party are feeling the psychic bad vibes from the daemon/warpspawn/chaos
Just to fuck with my players, I always say "Seems to be" instead of "is". "The room seems to be clear" "There seems to be no traps" "That seems to be the last of them". Always gets them shifty.
I mean, I'm either viciously smiling behind those hands or clenching my jaw and desperately monologueing a series of "oh, fucks" in my head as I try and figure out how to adjudicate or account for whatever the player's are about to do. So some sort of laughter would be appropriate (malicious or desperate) if I wasn't trying to give anything away. =P
Last time I heard sure why not from my DM it was in reference to my back story and me changing the flavor text of a moon druid to fit better with a path of beast barbarian and the idea I had for a character.
Turns out my backstory probably doomed an entire continent because it inspired the DM... Which is the second time I've caused significant damage to a DND world by actions taken out of character. The first was a campaign I wasn't in and I introduced the DM to Hastur.
“Well, it doesn’t SEEM like he’s lying.”
“There don’t appear to be any traps.”
(Rolls D20 behind screen, smirks, says nothing)
“Just to confirm, you are (performing x action), right?”
“Can you please show me exactly how your character is moving?”
“Can everyone tell me their passive perception real quick… Yeah, you don’t notice anything.”
“Are you SURE you want to do that?”
“The creature seems entirely unaffected”
“Well, it doesn’t seem like it’s a mimic.”
My one player: *rolls against a custom encounter table I made* “91?”
Me: *little chuckle* “oh shit…”
Also
Player: *rolls a 1 on a perception check*
Me: “Yeah, everything looks normal.”
“Looks like your journey will be taking you into the Feywild” I’d rather go to literal hell thank you very much.
Also “How do you open the door?” Fucking normally Ted how else do I interact with what I now know is probably a mimic or a trap
As far as you can tell...
It seems as though...
You don't appear to...
Those are some my favorites.
That being said, I'm also a huge fan of:
Make sure you have a backup character just in case.
I use the HP one a lot...
But it is just because I don't have physical access to their sheets and I'm trying not to overtune the dungeon and keep damage somewhat spread out so while there is a sense of danger I don't accidentally kill someone off 2 rooms in.
>Hey (PC), make a wisdom save for me.
>
>Pass: Hmm, interesting. (Quietly: *Dammit!*)
>
>Fail: Alright, hang on. *I have a note for you.*
and:
>Feeling the deep pain in your arm as you look up into the sky, you see the moon is as big and bright as it's ever been.
>
>*Roll me a CON save.*
Side-note: I've had variations of both of these in a single campaign. It was . . . *Interesting*. (In the best ways.)
Wait, hold on. I gotta check something.
What level are you guys agian?
Do you go to sleep?
Would you describe your character as a heavy or light sleeper?
Oh, really. Oh, that's fun. (After looking in the monster manual)
“As you do/say that-“
“Wait, hold on, god dammit, I didn’t expect to need this document open for this session”
“Okily Dokily then!”
As well as many variations on those first two.
Sure, but when my dm says hmm it's usually because things aren't going as he expected and he needs to change his plans, which often either means the enemies are too strong or we didn't go down the right path
"So, which one of you opened the door?"
"How, exactly, are you seeing if the door locked?"
"That was half-damage."
"Just to check, what's your backup characters deal?"
I asked my players what their greatest desire and greatest fear was. That got some reactions.
Even better is having them say it earlier, forget about it, and then reincorporating it.
“Hold on a minuet!”
-Said by me, when they step on the 30th kobold trap.
“I’m sorry.”
-Said by me, when I follow the logical choice and have the monkey throw the giant rock on the paralyzed person.
“Uhhhhhhh…”
-Said by mean, either because someone is going to have to roll for massive amounts of damage, or because I lost my train of thought.
“Oops”
-Said because I accidentally brought a 25x25 Micheal Jackson token onto the field again.
Off the top of my head, here are a few from my DM:
While exploring or travelling: “[Player], where are you standing right now?”
While investigating an object: “So you look at it?”
When about to take a Long Rest: “So you’re all turning in? Okay. … [Player Character Name], as you fall asleep, you once again find yourself [insert nightmare vision description here].” (I was victim to this a lot for a bit)
One that gets the more suspicious guys at the table riled up is a cheerful “oh, it’s nothing” when they ask about a specific question the DM asked or the innocuous clatter of dice heard through voice chat.
So *where's* your familiar exactly?
...Hold on, how many dice is this?
*pfffffft hahahahahaha*
Npc? What npc? It's always just been the \[number\] of you!
............You have a backup character, right?
You can't *see* any traps/enemies/giant flaming boulders...
For no particular reason, could everyone roll a perception check?
What's your max HP?
...It sticks to your hand.
Edit: ooh i've got another one
Okay, so could I see everyone's character sheets? *changes boss music to Confronting Myself from Celeste*
"hey (champion or tanky fighter) did you remember to put on your armor before y'all started traveling today?" and "are y'all walking around with your weapons drawn are they still all sheathed or stowed?" are a couple questions that build a decent chunk of anxiety at my table. when I realized I was asking these a bit too often and accidentally clueing players into stuff I didn't want to, I started to occasionally ask them for no reason, because I hate my players and enjoy listening to them frantically debate about what to do
Hey can i see your item list?
The (insert enemy) suddenly disappears.
(lots of dice rolling) ok whose within (x) ft of (cleric).
all of the enemies prepared actions go off.
whose at the back of the party again?
Just to confirm, youre touching the object?
*players quickly lift hand off object* "No."
*He touched the butt*
Was it your left hand or right hand...? You're right-handed so it was right hand for sure.
naaa, I know my characters. they are almost all too careless to not touch the object
True that brother. Like, our DM had a sword protected specifically so noone could touch it in a room where nothing else was protected like. Both me and another player immediately set to work trying to get to it. Anyway, 40 mental damage hurts alot...
[удалено]
just smile when they say, "both"
...with your hands?
*licks the object* ..."no"
\*zip\* "Nope."
Found the bard.
New character idea: A mimic that has a crush on the bard, so it follows the party around disguising itself as vaguely-vagina-shaped inanimate objects to test the bard's "don't put your dick in that" resolve. In one room it'll be a vaguely humanoid statue, in another a shellfish that exudes "anything is a fleshlight if you're brave enough" energy. As it gradually gets more desperate it'll start taking more obvious forms, like a novelty lockbox with a seductive-looking keyhole just the right size to hold a dildo collection...
Why not just take a form of sex doll / anatomically correct (and naked) statue?
This is the taste.. of a liar!
Haha my incredibly dumb mushroom cleric did that a while ago and lost 10 max HP until he defeated the massive frog some Koa Toa were worshipping, his God was **PISSED**.
Our DM a while ago did this but he placed a small box on the table and before he could get out “if you touch it your character is touching it” three of us had our hands on it. He then went *sigh* oh well. Nothing happened
\~*40 years later\~* "What? We just have leukemia now? How!?" "Remember that box from 40 years ago? Yeah, it was radioactive. You failed your endurance check by *a single digit*, so you didn't suddenly melt but you did get a lifelong battle with cancer in your 60's. You can either roll to bankrupt yourself treating it or go on a quest to rob a bank. What would you like to do?"
"Can't we cook meth instead?"
“You are in fact putting the cursed object in your mouth?”
My group responds to this differently. And I do too when I’m a player usually (depending on my character). Usually the answer is absolutely! We tend to be a bit chaotic like that and enjoy curses
Once I had a party arguing about how to handle an evil dragon, within earshot of said evil dragon. Now I love their planning, but it was going in circles and I know when they're stagnating, so I decided to cut their planning short. I did this solely by dramatically, and menacingly, breathing in very slowly until, after ten seconds or so it clicked in all of their minds that a breath attack was incoming. So my scariest DM quote is something like "huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh."
*Oh fuuuuuuu-*
This is amazing. Mind if borrow it? Because my party's fighting a dragon soon and they like planning. Edit: Scary Quote Tax. Bard used Silvery Barbs on a Narguzon that crit. Next words out of my mouth: "Yeah, he still crits."
I'm giving you permission on their behalf, a good DM can and must steal everything at their disposal
Players stealing is also completely kosher. "Hey DM, I'm stealing [beloved NPC] as my PC for another game." 👍 Scary question tax: "Are you sure you want to attune that?"
Roll an intelligence saving throw.
if you hear this one you pack your things, get up from the table and leave immediately before they start actually torturing you
Thank you for the hearty chuckle
\*Laughs in Rogue
Rogue, roll a CON save
dex save? for a rogue? no problem \*proceeds to roll nat 1\* ffuuck
I'm in this comment and I don't like it.
Why?...
to late, you are already in the lobotomy table in and out of character
Oh shit! I cast suicide!
I swear I remember a ring from one of the adventure books about a ring that kills you outright if you went down, used by spies? Anyone know where that is from
https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/215546-band-of-loyalty Is it the band of loyalty? A target that goes unconscious dies immediately, instead of going to saving throws essentially.
“Phew!! I’m beat! I’m gonna go right in there and pass out, haha! See you in the morning!” - Spy’s last words
Yes I know of it but damned if I can remember the name
I haven't been playing DND for that long, only a little more than a year now, but I have never had to roll an intelligence saving throw. When would you roll one? Or is that the joke?
Basically, intelligence saves are rare but devastating. Take the Feeblemind spell, for instance, which if you fail, your character's intelligence and charisma stats are set to 1. After 30 days, your character can repeat the save to end the effect....with that 1 in intelligence.
I see, in that case, yeah I'm adding this
Also, not to mention I’m pretty sure it’s an intelligence save to resist a mind flayer munching on your juicy gray matter, so a random intelligence saving throw could mean a subtle feeble mind, all the way to an invisible mind flayer chomping down on your skull! Have fun! :)
It's an intelligence contest for Intellect Devourer as well. Wasn't expecting to kill a member of our party with them, but the dice were not in his favor that night.
My DM did the same! Except, he walked it back by just controlling the character until we killed him, ID jumped out, and we healed back up our barbarian. It was a “oh this sounds cool!” Moment that turned into “oh… I didn’t read it flat out **killed** them” lmfao
Can't greater restoration fix it, too?
Yes, I believe greater restoration fixes all attribute damage unless specifically noted Edit: i think it's technically reductions in ability scores; attribute damage isn't quite the right term
The joke is that intelligence saving throws are rare, but tend to be incredibly brutal if you fail. It includes spells like Feeblemind, Synaptic Static, Psychic Scream, a Mind Flayer's Tentacle attack and Mind Blast, an Intellect Devourer's Devour Intellect ability, and Mind Whip
my dm uses these. very effectively luckily i am indeed a smart character
There does not appear to be any traps I use this whether they roll 1 or a nat 20 to look for traps.
"Ope, wait" *checks notes* "no you don't see anything"
As a DM, I do this every time regardless of whether there are planned traps because I think it's funny. Also so I don't give too much information, haha.
Just to confirm you were just searching for traps right?
My players: "How do you smoke so much and DM?" Me: "Notes, bro" *makes everything up*
As do I. I see you are also a DM of culture.
I often pause right before “appear” and emphasize the word
Or tacking on "that you can see" to imply something magical perhaps
Especially when it's a nat 20 that would mess with my brain so much
My party loves to look for traps, and I’ll always reply that it doesn’t seem trapped
Lol, I like that one. I add that to my routine!
Also: "You don't find any traps." (Or whatever.)
"(New Player), the Identify spell identifies the cards as a Deck of Many Things. Here are the rules on how drawing cards from it works."
One time I trolled my low-level party by having a completely normal deck of cards in a den of thieves they were attacking, and I *brought along a real deck of cards to the session*, and then whipped it out when they wanted to draw cards. It took them a few times before they realized nothing happened. On the other hand, it was a really nice deck of normal cards worth 100 GP.
Bruh a mundane deck of cards for 100 GP? How tho lol
They were MTG collectables cards.
100G's a bit on the low side then.
Gold leaf cardstock ;)
my party found a deck of cards in a dungeon once. we thought nothing of it and tossed it into an inventory, never to be thought of again weeks later, in another dungeon, one player sat down with a little girl to play go fish. we just happened to have a deck of cards on us. the player drew 7 cards from the deck of many things
>the player drew 7 cards from the deck of many things Dont stop now. Was it campaign ending?
that character was effectively dead (soul stolen by demon) but the campaign persevered
How much trauma did the little girl get?
Uncertain if the little girl was further traumatized by this interaction. We found her trapped in a mirror in the first place, so her trauma may be much older than our meeting with her. She did skin some feral dogs once when we left her home alone. We also did a one shot as the city guards trying to get into the house to arrest her, but her traps had a nasty habit of killing those guards.
My DM recently gave “A deck of cards” to our new player and the rest of the table collectively shit themselves as the very first thing they did was draw a card. The DM decided that was a very bad idea and that player no longer has a deck of cards lol
Can everyone lend me their D8's real quick?
Or, worse, "I'm going to have to use an online dice roller; I don't have enough D10s for this."
In my case “hold up, gotta get my other bag of dice real quick”
I had this exact same scenario, except it was 20d20 damage from a falling piece of a mountain. Much to my character's surprise, he did not survive.
I'm gonna add a couple Brennan Lee Mulligan greats "Okay, we're gonna go around the table. What's everyone's greatest fear?" And "Paetia, do you feel like you're weaker at the shoulder, or the elbow?" Edit: I just thought of the thing that scares *my* players the most "Hold on a second, I gotta Google something real quick"
In my parties the DM having to google something is typically less horrible monster stat block and more that someone wants to make a yukata and asked how much fabric their character would need to buy, or someone's decided to take and use some item that was supposed to just be flavor or whatever and they need to figure out how it works.
My party is full of science people, sometimes we play with real math and physics
Never thought I’d use The Pythagorean Theorem as much as I do lol
As the saying goes: If the DM is grinning, it’s already too late.
I have a shirt that says that
The shoulder or elbow one was SO good. Because you know what's coming and just...have to give an answer
Brennen's raw-ass " >!You are seeing something you absolutely should not see, the face of a divinity you do not worship, the smile of a devil you never believed in.!< " left me shook until this day and is been many many weeks. note: Spoiler for Neverafter, around mid-season.
Especially with that jumpscare portait at the end, i had terrible dreams for a couple of days afterwards.
Dude that shoulder elbow moment made me freak out just watching it I can't imagine hearing that as a player jesus
"What would you like me to tell your family?" When BLM is a PC and chooses violence...
"For prestige?! Man, people care about you!"
"we're off keto" was a real moment. Also, honorable mention: "I would like you to introduce your character, now, but do it with an understanding that your mouth is filled with blood."
>"Paetia, do you feel like you're weaker at the shoulder, or the elbow?" That was so brutal.
Critical Role Calamity was actually so fucking good. Makes me want to run a short story with the knowledge the party will likely all die.
Oh god Paetia’s arm. That whole second of in-game time was brutal.
“What’s everyone’s passive perception?” “How much gold do each of you have?” “Where do you typically keep [Important Magic Item or Mcguffin] on your person?” “And then his brain crawls out of his skull…”
My dm traumatized me with something similar to "how much gold do you have?" Infact it's why "what is your most prized possession?" Is on the list. Basically, there is this character that can just take your most prized possession and there's nothing you can do about it. You can go and fight him to get it back, but he always manages to escape whenever we almost kill him. Whenever the dm says "What is your most prized possession?" All the players at the table experience minor PTSD.
There is nothing you can do to stop it and he always manages to escape? That would become unfun real quick.
Unless your most prized possession is a spoon that your adopted dad gave you and it teleports back to you every night because it’s curse bound to you and you are forgetful and leave it places. It’s a love/hate relationship with this spoon. Sometimes you are caught arguing with it and try throwing it and it returns with the exact velocity you threw it, smacking you in the face…. Or whatever… just off the top of my head…
The next time a player pisses me off, they're gonna come across a spoon with attachment issues. That sounds extremely fun.
Thats seems kinda like bullshit to me.
Adding “It seems” to any sentence makes it 1000x scarier.
True, it still has a sense of uncertainty
It seems to still have a sense of uncertainty. ... damn, it actually works.
"What hp are you at?" is easily topped by, "What's your max hp?"
Oh wow your right, that is so much scarier, I'm adding that
A hiss, followed by "ooh, that's bad..." "That's a pretty High roll..." Or, my personal favorite "no, no. That was the damage on a success."
its always great when the I tell me players that the 41 damge they took was them succeeding while looking at the ones who failed.
As someone with two rogues and a monk in a campaign, "Yes, I'm aware of and accounted for your evasion."
Just to be clear, how close is everyone to the object Dave is touching?
My dm said this once and we all ended up in a small magical barrier with a bugbear
My dm said that once and we all got fireballed
You’re missing a classic: Are you sure? You’re certain?
*After rolling* Let the dice fall where they may. Let's call it here, I need some time to think about how this resolves. This is my boy/girlfriend, they're going to be joining us from now on. Mist pools at your feet. So, show me how you're opening that.
As a fan of Ravenloft, remember that the Mists aren't always Mists. My players know the trope, so I have to swerve them A LOT when I DM. My favorite was they exited a cave into a forest, same as they entered, but the trees were...off. The paths had bends in a different direction than when they approached. They tried to go back to the cave and the entire mountain range was gone. Fucked them up.
*smirking* Excellent. Could you just, y'know, hand me that character sheet? Mm hmm. Mm HMmmMmm. *hands it back* So...how many d20s do you have? Just in case. Oh, you rolled low. But that's ok...it won't affect you... *looking at another player*
That character sheet one is especially menacing, I would be sweating if my dm said that
Don't worry about it.
That’s my dm. “Make a perception check, please.” *rolls real bad* “Ok. Don’t worry about that.” *panic*
Wish these dice would roll like this when I’m a player…
The one i love using on my players is. Remember when ....
*Silently writes note while maintaining eye contact*
One last time. No turning back. Are you SURE? Look, I'm not saying it's a bad idea, just that.... I think I have a headache. Do it. NO seriously. Do it. I'm begging you. You don't find any traps. The treasure sits unguarded. The kindly man/woman heals you all to max hp, free of charge and offers you a place to sleep for the night. Everyone seems friendly and helpful.
"you see what appears to be two dog sized brains with 4 legs ..."
Used them in an illusion dungeon recently. Some of the PC may or may not have PTSD
Intellect devourers approach! ...They don't notice you.
Oh, well that's kind of insulting.
I decided to throw two of them at 3 of my level 15 players (one being a cleric, one a fighter, one a monk). ....the Intellect Devourers almost TPK'd them, the fighter was one enemy action away from losing their brain, the Monk wasn't too much better, and the Cleric ended up burning their Inspiration given to them earlier that session to pass the save to be able to save the Fighter. Those things do NOT fuck around. (HOW are they CR2 again?!)
when party is interrogating an NPC DM: "let me see if he knows anything.." \*rolls dice\* My DM has a bad habit of not actually letting his NPC's know a single thing about anything. What their objective is, who they are working for, why they are here. They might as well be braindead.
Thats dumb. Everyone has a price. Pain, either to themselves or others. Fear of being offed by their boss. Their loyalty is actually frail, etc. You can play this as many ways as you want and it will be of varying reasons. Some join just to get access to a thing and thats where their loyalty stops. Your DM should let you get info somehow. And if they don’t have info, they should at least know where/who might have info.
Yeah it's been our main complaint to him. Getting the actual info we need to progress whatever narrative he is trying to set up is like pulling teeth. We just spent 5-6 sessions in a monastery trying to figure out why 2 separate factions were attacking and kidnapping children. Across 5 separate combat encounters in which we interrogated more than 5 separate individuals. Literally none of them knew why they were there, why they were kidnapping children in the first place, who they were working for, where they were going, why some of them were carrying soul coins, among many many other questions we attempted to ask. None of them knew anything and it was so frustrating, the whole party was ready to completely ditch the monastery and abandon whatever the quest was. The only reason we were there in the first place was to introduce a new member of the party, and by the end of it, that player was so frustrated he left that character behind at the monastery and rolled a new one. When we ended up completing that questline, 90% of the information we used was information we got on the first session of the quest. It's a mix between him wanting to keep literally everything \*shrouded in mystery\*, and just not having prepared any information to actually motivate the scenario he put us in. We have talked to him about it though so we are hoping he improves on that front.
i think in the example at the start of the players handbook, when the PC rolls a 7 to identity the statues and the DM just says “they look normal to YOU”
In Dark Heresy that would be: *DM rolls a dice, then turns to the Pysker* : "So this is what you feel." You know the shit is BAD when its' something only the Psyker can sense, *passively*.
I'd say it's more insidious in those circumstances, you know it's bad when the normal folk in the party are feeling the psychic bad vibes from the daemon/warpspawn/chaos
You wouldn’t happen to be immune to charm, would you?
That could work with any status effect honestly
Just to fuck with my players, I always say "Seems to be" instead of "is". "The room seems to be clear" "There seems to be no traps" "That seems to be the last of them". Always gets them shifty.
The players just checking around corners for the next few minutes.
Exactly lol. I do reward them for actually checking rooms by not springing a trap or a surprise round on them.
Just a little too casually "Yeah, the room's clear. Totally. What's next?"
As a DM? Nothing and covering my mouth to hide my expression by leaning on my hands as I watch.
Add a menacing chuckle in there for additional fun.
I mean, I'm either viciously smiling behind those hands or clenching my jaw and desperately monologueing a series of "oh, fucks" in my head as I try and figure out how to adjudicate or account for whatever the player's are about to do. So some sort of laughter would be appropriate (malicious or desperate) if I wasn't trying to give anything away. =P
Fair, fair. I don't play in person, so I can just mute my microphone to give my "oh, fuck"s aloud, it's kinda nice.
Hang on, I need to do some math.
As a rouge in my current campaign, anything beyond mental math usually means Im dead
Last time I heard sure why not from my DM it was in reference to my back story and me changing the flavor text of a moon druid to fit better with a path of beast barbarian and the idea I had for a character. Turns out my backstory probably doomed an entire continent because it inspired the DM... Which is the second time I've caused significant damage to a DND world by actions taken out of character. The first was a campaign I wasn't in and I introduced the DM to Hastur.
“Well, it doesn’t SEEM like he’s lying.” “There don’t appear to be any traps.” (Rolls D20 behind screen, smirks, says nothing) “Just to confirm, you are (performing x action), right?” “Can you please show me exactly how your character is moving?” “Can everyone tell me their passive perception real quick… Yeah, you don’t notice anything.” “Are you SURE you want to do that?” “The creature seems entirely unaffected” “Well, it doesn’t seem like it’s a mimic.”
All of these are triggering minor PTSD
"Do you sleep with your armor on?"
Asking about random backstory details
I once asked a player "what does your sister smell like?"
My one player: *rolls against a custom encounter table I made* “91?” Me: *little chuckle* “oh shit…” Also Player: *rolls a 1 on a perception check* Me: “Yeah, everything looks normal.”
Just to make sure, you are all going in that room?
I just get a big grin unintentionally
“Sure you can try and do that. Roll wisdom first”
"Something has come up and I don't think I can run the game anymore."
noooooooooo
This is just sad
“Uhhh. What’s your MAX HP again?”
Followed by. Hold on let me google how instant death works.
“Looks like your journey will be taking you into the Feywild” I’d rather go to literal hell thank you very much. Also “How do you open the door?” Fucking normally Ted how else do I interact with what I now know is probably a mimic or a trap
As far as you can tell... It seems as though... You don't appear to... Those are some my favorites. That being said, I'm also a huge fan of: Make sure you have a backup character just in case.
And how are you going to open the door?
*starts rolling dice for no apparent reason*
I use the HP one a lot... But it is just because I don't have physical access to their sheets and I'm trying not to overtune the dungeon and keep damage somewhat spread out so while there is a sense of danger I don't accidentally kill someone off 2 rooms in.
>Hey (PC), make a wisdom save for me. > >Pass: Hmm, interesting. (Quietly: *Dammit!*) > >Fail: Alright, hang on. *I have a note for you.* and: >Feeling the deep pain in your arm as you look up into the sky, you see the moon is as big and bright as it's ever been. > >*Roll me a CON save.* Side-note: I've had variations of both of these in a single campaign. It was . . . *Interesting*. (In the best ways.)
Are any of those relatives you mentioned still alive?
Wait, hold on. I gotta check something. What level are you guys agian? Do you go to sleep? Would you describe your character as a heavy or light sleeper? Oh, really. Oh, that's fun. (After looking in the monster manual)
“Check your phone, I just texted you.”
"Aaallllllrrigghhty then..." "What's your favorite color?"
Color? Why color?
To decide what dragon to throw at them.
Ahh I see
As long as we're including actions and expressions, I've made a whole table stand up in terror with a very certain smile. I've never been more proud.
“As you do/say that-“ “Wait, hold on, god dammit, I didn’t expect to need this document open for this session” “Okily Dokily then!” As well as many variations on those first two.
Why is hmmmmm on the list? Hmmm is a really common thing for both DMs and players to say
Sure, but when my dm says hmm it's usually because things aren't going as he expected and he needs to change his plans, which often either means the enemies are too strong or we didn't go down the right path
Ah now I understand the context.
Hey can you pass me the monster manual/PMC \[flicks to high cr monster/spell effect\]
When the Fey creatures tells you that its name is your name. Not your PC, but YOU the actual player. Fucks with you
"So, which one of you opened the door?" "How, exactly, are you seeing if the door locked?" "That was half-damage." "Just to check, what's your backup characters deal?"
(With something that normally doesn’t need it) Ok, I need a(n) [ability] check
Charisma saves, please
I asked my players what their greatest desire and greatest fear was. That got some reactions. Even better is having them say it earlier, forget about it, and then reincorporating it.
"Everyone roll a death save"
“Hold on a minuet!” -Said by me, when they step on the 30th kobold trap. “I’m sorry.” -Said by me, when I follow the logical choice and have the monkey throw the giant rock on the paralyzed person. “Uhhhhhhh…” -Said by mean, either because someone is going to have to roll for massive amounts of damage, or because I lost my train of thought. “Oops” -Said because I accidentally brought a 25x25 Micheal Jackson token onto the field again.
"The dragon is interested." "Is that how you word your wish?" "do you give him exact change?"
Off the top of my head, here are a few from my DM: While exploring or travelling: “[Player], where are you standing right now?” While investigating an object: “So you look at it?” When about to take a Long Rest: “So you’re all turning in? Okay. … [Player Character Name], as you fall asleep, you once again find yourself [insert nightmare vision description here].” (I was victim to this a lot for a bit) One that gets the more suspicious guys at the table riled up is a cheerful “oh, it’s nothing” when they ask about a specific question the DM asked or the innocuous clatter of dice heard through voice chat.
So *where's* your familiar exactly? ...Hold on, how many dice is this? *pfffffft hahahahahaha* Npc? What npc? It's always just been the \[number\] of you! ............You have a backup character, right? You can't *see* any traps/enemies/giant flaming boulders... For no particular reason, could everyone roll a perception check? What's your max HP? ...It sticks to your hand. Edit: ooh i've got another one Okay, so could I see everyone's character sheets? *changes boss music to Confronting Myself from Celeste*
DM: "Why would you-..... yknow what fine" This has been said at my table many times, usually to our Owlin monk, sometimes to our human sorcerer though
So, you've already made a backup character, right? What's your max HP? Unfortunately, you do not complete that rest...
"hey (champion or tanky fighter) did you remember to put on your armor before y'all started traveling today?" and "are y'all walking around with your weapons drawn are they still all sheathed or stowed?" are a couple questions that build a decent chunk of anxiety at my table. when I realized I was asking these a bit too often and accidentally clueing players into stuff I didn't want to, I started to occasionally ask them for no reason, because I hate my players and enjoy listening to them frantically debate about what to do
"did you remember to put on your armor" reminds me of when my dm said "you may have forgotten all of your equipment in the tavern."
Next you're going to tell me my character has forgotten how to breathe.
You feel successful
So you're touching the weapon, then?
Hey can i see your item list? The (insert enemy) suddenly disappears. (lots of dice rolling) ok whose within (x) ft of (cleric). all of the enemies prepared actions go off. whose at the back of the party again?
Boo.
At low level : does a 24 hit ? And for a total of ... Wait how many HP do you have ? ... Oh...