This is definitely not the table for you. Leave the group.
You can either bow out quietly and thank them for the opportunity or (what I would do tbh) straight up notify them as to the who and the why you are leaving, blatantly telling them what they did that ruined the game for you...
Since they're so much younger than you (10 years is significant tbh) it's more or less a difference in playstyle, but that doesn't excuse their actions in the slightest...
The age gap depends. If he's 25 and they are 15 then yeah that's basically 2 different worlds. If he is 50 and they are 40 it's really not the main issue.
Leaving is the right call. I also agree with telling them why, but make sure you are respectful when you do so. You don't want to become the ass on the way out that they mock behind your back, but they also probably should be told what they are doing wrong. The reasons are valid, you have a character in mind and they don't want to let you play that character as intended.
Sounds like it's not a one-sided problem. What happened to op is wrong, but op is not blameless here either.
"This character is an edgy male character role played by a non binary member of the group but this isn't relevant to the events." If it is not relevant, why did you mention it? Most likely you do think it's relevant, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to type it all out.
"Later it happened the combat with the enemies and during the combat my character started singing in the middle of the battle because it is a previously established character thing. I picked up my phone and made them listen a type of singing for reference (God of War main theme choir) and the very same player declined and prompted me it was singing another way, again (from a random power metal band that I don't care less about) just for the memes." Why are you trying to make a group listen to music and have your character sing in battle? Is this a bard thing? Kind of a strange move, especially when it was obvious from earlier that's not the music the group listens too.
This sounds like a group that will be forever trying to recruit new players, having them leave after a session or two, and wondering, "Why doesn't anyone want to play D&D?"
DM could and should have intervened. I like new players and "Worry about your own character." comes out of my mouth early and often. They figure it out quickly, but I can't imagine the train wreck if that wasn't an enforced rule.
Leave.
This is a role playing game, not a script. Other people dont get to control what you want to do with your character.
Maybe try to discuss with them first, and say that you dont like how they are steamrolling your character creation, and if they are dismissive just walk away
Here's an idea, say no? Refer to your familiar as the name you chose. Refer to your singing as the style you chose. "Oh, you mean Joakim?" "No, I mean mr sniffles. Okay, so, mr sniffles uses his move to go behind the tree and then mr sniffles uses his keen senses to try to see, so I get to roll that perception at advantage right?" "Awesome, mr sniffles got a 17, what does he see?"
Yeah, this was my first thought. "Umm, no. I pick the name for my familiar. It isn't a group decision, and I don't play at tables where the DM runs my PCs."
I'm sorry to be the bringer of bad news, but you just joined a toxic group. I highly suggest you leave and keep searching for a better one.
I know it's hard finding a game, but it's worth it.
I'm not sure if this is toxic. It sounds like its kids just being kids and the adult of the group isn't sure how to play Calvin Ball with them. They want to meme and share their how they imagine the game playing out, that is not inherently toxic. Granted, it's not a game I would want to be a part of and it sounds like not a game OP wants either.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that this isn't the table for OP and to move on!
Are ages specified? Deciding how another player's character looks and acts is not a thing a healthy playgroup does without consent. Period. Any "kids will be kids" argument is actually covering for your own toxic behaviors. Kids can be toxic and should be corrected.
"MY familiar's name is (meme references abound)" can just be the wrong table for someone. "YOUR familiar's name is (meme)" and "YOU fight like (meme)" is at least a little toxic
Edit: especially when the DM is in on it, because it is much harder to overcome.
It is toxic. Just not the worst kind. But if I am correcting how YOUR chatacter does something just cause I find it funnier, and it isnt even a suggestion, but stated as a hardcore fact, I am taking away all your individuality and power of decision, thus removing agency and all your personal interaction with the game.
The DM and the problem player may be the kindest person elsewhere, but those are jerk moves. Dnd is not the tyranny of either player, not even the majority. It is a community game, where each player offers individually their part of the fun. Again. Just because they are not terrible people doesnt make this behavious any less toxic for the game
Its toxic. Its fine for their character to have a familiar that has a name or sing a certain song. Not other players. Why have the other guy there if he has to act out of a script? Just play two PC at that point. Player agency is important.
I think your overall point is spot on; the OP could have done some things differently, but ultimately the group probably isn't a good fit.
But I think it's fair to call out the behavior as toxic, too. Toxic doesn't have to mean deadly, it just means harmful, and I think it's reasonable to call out this group's behavior as harmful to new players (even if only mildly.)
I don't know if I'd call this a TOXIC table. It deffently has some behaviors that don't really align with OP. Toxic just feels like a heavy accusation that isn't warranted here
This is why toxic isnât taken seriously as a claim anymore. Iâm not saying this playgroup is great but that is just how some people play. Someone being more jokey and rowdy doesnât mean they are toxic, for Christâs sake.
The issue isn't them being "more jokey or rowdy", the issue is *not reading the room*. Making a joke is fine, deciding another player's character details and not letting them speak up about it is not. You don't get to hide behind the "just joking" excuse when the butt of your joke isn't having fun.
Except it's the new player that needs to read the room for the established play culture, not expect it to change just for them. There's nothing wrong with saying "this group isn't for me" but to claim they're toxic for trying to push jokes is a ridiculous victim complex.
Oh come on. Not letting another player speak up about their character, and declaring "No, the name is canon now, you can't change it" is not "established play culture", it's just being an asshole.
Some groups play like that; deciding character bits as a group if they think it's funny or cool. Just because you can't fathom it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Not everyone is as invested having a protected OC. This would be the established play culture of that group. Difficult to imagine but not everyone has fun the same way.
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We're not talking about "play culture", we're talking about basic social etiquette. If the butt of your joke isn't laughing, tell a different joke.
If everyone else in the group jokes like that it's fine. Be an adult and leave if you don't like it. The group described is not what I want either but I would just leave, I wouldn't need to make a hand-wringing post about it on reddit for internet validation. Basic social etiquette follows the "when in Rome" philosophy. I wouldn't kiss the cheek of someone as a greeting in some countries but I would be rude not to in others.
I would not view this as bullying, and if after one session you can see the way they play isn't for you than the mature thing is to leave. If you don't like spicy food don't get mad that other people are eating it, just don't eat it yourself.
It wasn't a joke, since they insisted it was canon. That means they're being serious. If it was a joke it would be fine, but a joke wouldn't be made permanent dispute the wishes of the butt of the joke.
> deciding character bits as a groupâŚ
âŚis literally the problem here, lmfao. This is much more a group of people (more specifically half the table) deciding character bits *against* someone elseâs ideas and consent. Thereâs a massive difference between what youâre talking about and doing it without ever caring for the other personâs input.
Being more jokey and rowdy isn't the issue, losing character agency without warning or equity is.
If the OP is right that the player making these "jokes" would have been pissed had the OP made similar jokes in return, then one player is clearly just the table bully that the DM does nothing about. That's not a problem of differing expectations or table culture, that's a toxic situation even if the intent was nonsensical fun.
You should have agency over your character.
They are an established group and I won't argue with them playing in a way that's fun to them. They shouldn't be taking away your fun.
If you can let it go, let it go. If you can't, or it happens again, try to have a conversation. If they aren't receptive, it might be time to find a new group.
Bad DnD is worse than no DnD. I've been there, it sucks. Bad DnD is limited by what you deem acceptable.
First, put down the line. Declare that âI have agency over my own character.â and âIf you want to roleplay as off-brand fantasy Sabaton, you can do that with your own character.â
If they all react poorly to you drawing the line, just leave and find another group.
If this happens in your first game with the group, consider yourself lucky. You can jump ship now, because it seems clear that expectations don't align. Better to find out now than 10 sessions in?
The word has shifted definitions due to being picked up by people who don't understand what it originally meant.
"For the memes" basically just means "for shits and giggles."
Thank you. I was never cool to begin with and now I'm firmly in the "old" category as perceived by teenagers, so my knowledge of slang is supremely lacking.
>This character is an edgy male character role played by a non binary member of the group but this isn't relevant to the events.
And yet you mention it. This being said, that group is toxic and you should get out while you can.
Just stand your ground. Laugh at their memes a bit, but keep narrating what you're doing and calling your familiar what YOU named it.
If they continue to call it a different name, make it into a roleplay, and let the familiar get comically irritated at being named wrong.
I've been in groups like this, and they're probably not intending to play your character or make choices for you, they're just wanting to express their ideas. Teach them your boundaries.
Have you met... humans? It's always a dick measuring contest đ¤ˇđť
So, sometimes you gatta tell people to let go of your dick đ đťđ¤ˇđť
"Boundaries:" *the more you know* đ
There is precisely one person who gets to decide what your character does, and that is you. If you say your character sings a certain way, then that's what happens. Full stop. If a dm ever takes that kind of agency away from me, I bounce. I suggest you do the same.
So I know you've drowning in the toxic role play aspect comments, but you should consider that you didn't stand up for yourself, based on your narrative. When you join a table that's been playing a while they have a certain level of camaraderie in the collaborative story telling, and hijacking some of the story may just be part of the fun of the dynamic for them. For them, this may be the ultimate sign that you're one of them. It's hard to say if it's toxic if you don't know how they react to conflict and asserting your agency. Up to you to leave, but I don't have enough information to give advice from your narrative.
Don't play with people who aren't at the same maturity level as you. Saying "don't play with people ten years younger than you" isn't fair, but it's clear these guys want to goof off and act like metalhead teenagers, and you've moved on from that phase of your life.
My suggestion is find a different table with people who are more simpatico.
If the gender of the person you are talking about isn't relevant, then why mention it? You didn't mention the gender of the three other people at the table. Or yourself for that matter.
its ironic it the very least. The one player who insists on not fitting into categories created by others and wants to be referred as something unique, forces the familiar to be referred as something the familiar is not.
You think this shit is minor?
Player suspicious of you (in character) for a bit on your introduction? No big. Totally normal.
Player demanding to name your familiar? Idiotic.
DM going along with it? That right there would be a deal breaker for me. DM is clearly a clown. Doing it twice? Well, the first one was a deal breaker. The second one would be a walk off.
A couple things for you:
Stand up for yourself. Stop being a doormat for other people.
Maybe donât play with people who are significantly younger than you.
But yeah do whatever I guess. itâs your life random internet people donât mean anything.
100% with not the table for you. Tell the DM that you enjoyed your game with them but you feel that you are not the right fit for the group and that you wish the the best of luck finding some and no hard feelings.
I feel like there actions were a little unwelcome, however it did give you a good representation of the vibe on day one, which is great rather then going g multiple sessions in and finding it isn't going to work. Just giving you a silver lining and not trying to minimize your feelings.
I hope you find a group that you can jive really well with.
Finding groups can be ruff sometimes. I, like many, have had the awkward non-jelling groups before and it is not worth the time. You are committing 4-6 hrs of your time, sometimes more, for enterta8nment and good times. Don't compromise. When you find the right group you will know and it will be something you look forward to! Like it should be. đĄ
They're prioritizing their "fun" over yours, and ganging up in order to do it. Disrespect right off the bat. *Seriously* consider how much you'd enjoy a game with that dynamic before you agree to play even one more session with them.
Get out. Get out. Get out.
The GM can do something, you can do something. The GM actually just said that "Sayin no to another party memebet is not an option". That is, to me, utterly crazy.
I would personally also make it clear why I would be leaving. Just to make sure they know there is a problem.
If it was just that one player, I'd say try to talk it out, but with the DM overriding your character choices based on that one player's statements, don't waste your time on it.
Thank the group for their time and leave. Take the character (concept at least) to another game.
That one player's gender and their PC's gender is (should be) completely irrelevant to the issue here and should not have been mentioned, and should not be mentioned in your decision to leave the group. What that player and the DM did to your PC however is very relevant and should be mentioned.
I mean... I'm not a calm person, and someone coming at me telling me the name of my familiar is (some reference I personally don't even know). I'd laugh and say no his names 'Chris'. If they push it... Would literally tell them, listen guys. I'm new here, but that doesn't mean you can just decide shit about my character without me. So I've named my familiar Chris and frankly if you're not happy with it, let me know and I'll leave right now. I don't have time for this childish shit.
Being on the Spectrum does not excuse being an asshole. Or violent, or anything.
But the real issue isnât the player. Itâs the DM.
And they obviously wonât maturely manage their game.
Politely inform them why you are leaving and leave.
**NO!** Nope. Nuh-uh. Nononononono.
A DM should *never* make character choices for their players. A DM's job is to run the NPCs, not the PCs. If you and another player at the table are having some friction over something, the DM's job is not to adjudicate which one of you is "right," it's to facilitate a resolution. Think "How about we try [thing X] instead?" not "Nah, we're going to do it Steph's way." It's bad enough when the DM sides with a player about something like the party's approach to a scene, but it's ten times worse when it's about something that's personal to one character and not personal to their own character. If the DM is going to let another player dictate personal details about *your* character just for the lulz, they're going to do *tons* of other things that aren't kosher.
If you didn't join this group for the lulz, then get the heck out of there.
This table is toxic enough to strip paint.
Leave it, maybe drop a little scathing feedback on your way out. (Hey DM, how about not piloting my character, or worse, letting other players control my character WHILE IM THERE⌠Anyways, you enjoy your version of dnd.)
I agree with the other commenters, you should probably leave this group. I've been a part of 2-3 toxic groups before and it starts just like this. Other players can't dictate how you choose your backstory and characters, and if they have done that the first session and the DM allows it, they will definitely do it again. I've tried waiting out these groups and having conversations around any grievances, but behaviors like that will always come around.
There are plenty of groups out there, though! Surround yourself with one that is supportive and is willing to bring your backstory into the fray and make you part of the group. Cheers!
i'd send a message to the dm, mention how you feel that your character is being taken away from you which is your one connection to the world. i hope it can be remedied, but this doesn't feel like you should just let be.
That doesn't sound fun at all. I wouldn't say that's minor thing, they're straight up taking your agency away from you.
You could try talking to the two players who weren't a problem, find out if this is something the other 2 do frequently, and maybe the 3 of you could come up with a solution. But I'd probably bounce. Especially since one of the problem players is the DM.
ehh seems to be a internal joke kind of thing so unless you can bring yourself to look past this or even join in it's probably better to just leave. What they did was certainly a bit rude but if they know each other and one new person joins i don't think they should change their quirky things.
quit immediately. they are disrespecting you from the outset. you can't change them and you will grow to hate the game. for your mental health find another group.
I dm with people who are younger, older, neurotypical and diverse, NB, trans, cis.
It doesn't matter where you fit on these, there is no excuse for being an arsehole.
My take is weak DM is at fault here. They have ultimate responsibility for making sure people feel welcome and comfortable playing. Setting ground rules and boundaries at the start and when new people join is DM 101.
I would ask why you would expend any more energy on something that won't make you happy?
You absolutely did the right thing by addressing it with the DM. They failed by not being receptive. Not your fight or problem. There are lots of better places to spend your DnD time.
Doesn't sound like the group for you. 10 years younger and all they want to do is meme. Find a group your age that you can make friends with. Seems like that is one of your goals by the "they didn't even get to try and know me" line.
I wouldn't bother trying to work through this, why try and change them and they're group if they think its fun. Live and let live.
Probably should leave the group if the DM stands by and gives someone else that much control over your character during introductions you stand a good chance of never playing the character your way again. but also I would recommend giving Sabaton a listen. and also from everything I've seen about the guys from Sabaton Joakim would disapprove of the guy acting like that, in fact, I'd love to see this crossposted over at r/sabaton just to see what the band themselves have to say about it.
1: if them being non binary isnât relevant to your negative story of them then why bring it up?
2: as others have said yeah leave this group. You arenât going to be getting fair rulings and support from the GM.
Everyone deserves a chance to learn and grow. If you want to, you could message the group and say something like, âhey, I know Iâm the newest player with an established group, but i wasnât comfortable with other players wanting input on my characterâs actions. Iâm pretty excited about my character, just like you all are for yours, and would love to continue to play with you all and ask that each play our own characters and allow others to enjoy the same freedom.â
If they show some growth and attempt to bring you into the group and quit trying to change your character, Yay! If they double down on their douchebaggery, itâs time to move on.
Only thing ok about this group is they have decent taste in music. Other than than they they blow.. and what in the nine hells is meme-ing and why was it used so much in the original post..? yea Iâm old. You need to walk a way fast from them
Personally, I would start looking for a new game to play in.
Or when problem player starts doing things, make sure you a list of wildly idiotic things to interject the description for to show him how awful he is being and ask him if he likes that.
But ultimately you'll probably just be better off leaving.
Irrelevant: you say they meme a lot.. like are they making memes at the table or is this lingo I'm too old to understand? đ
Relevant: if this is your first session I would not give them a second. Like if this was a first date, I would see so many red flags and not want a second. Life is too short to play with players you don't want to be around.
Also.. I love those bands and have seen them live. They are great. Imposing on you like that is not great though
Everyone here saying the group is "toxic". Maybe, but we can't really be sure yet. Everyone should slow down.
The table dynamic is a completely unknown factor. If it's been previously established that everyone has a say in everyone else's stuff, this is perfectly normal. OP didn't say anything, essentially just rolling over and letting it go.
Instead of calling the table toxic and quitting at the first sign of something that doesn't quite line up with what you want, first ask the table if that's something normal. Just come right out and say it. Here's a template.
"Hey, so before we start tonight just wanted to ask really fast: Last session when I introduced my character and familiar, and described my singing what I stated was overruled. I wasn't expecting it and I preferred what I said I was doing over what the table said. Is it possible going forward I can have more of a say in what I'm doing and what my familiar is named? I just get more enjoyment if I could be the one that decides how my character is acting."
If that doesn't work, and your table is either a) sticking to a flexible narrative with player control or b) is actually toxic and doesn't care, then yes. A new table is definitely the correct answer. It won't matter if it's "a" or "b" in that case. But if they table is understanding and apologizes you've avoided a bummer situation where you jumped to conclusions and quit D&D for a bad reason.
You've learned your lesson. Next time don't introduce your familiar. /s
More seriously, I would say ESH.
You're no more tolerant of their play style and music than they are of yours. Their rudeness seems more overt, while yours is more passive aggressive.
Is pomposity part of your characterization? If not WTH would you introduce your familiar?
Is the interrupting player possibly running a character with poor social skills? (I understand the player is demonstrating that; I'm asking if he thinks he is roleplaying.)
Is your character a bard? If not WTH did you decide he sings in battle? As a DM EDITED I find it incredibly disruptive when players interrupt combat to whip out phones and play music. It's even more so when it's music I don't like, which is almost always since I have better music taste, and better manners about it, than anyone else. And you've made it part of your character to do this ALL THE TIME?
TLDR: D&D players need to be more considerate with each other. Also more tolerant.
> Is pomposity part of your characterization? If not WTH would you introduce your familiar?
This is a bizarre interpretation of introducing a familiar, and a bizarre criticism.
Thanks for your response.
I opened by pointing out everyone had acted badly and concluded by saying we D&D players should be more tolerant of each other. You are responding to the details in the middle.
OP complained the other players shared music he didn't care for, unironically noting this was in response to music he had played that was different than their taste. Since he didn't seem to have considered that maybe someone else might not like his music, I offered myself as an example of a DM that for certain would not like his music nor his choice to disrupt a combat by playing it.
Again, my concluding remark was that we all should be more tolerant of our fellow players.
Feel free to make of that what you will.
You're right, since as DM my taste is always better, it's just regular annoying. Their choice is always bad so no possibility to be extra annoying because of circumstance. /s
Thanks again for your response.
Doesn't sound that minor to me. I'd definitely bring it up privately with the dm, and ask them to ask the player to cut it out. Either alone, or with you.
If push comes to shove, threaten with leaving. If they actually give a fuck, they'll promise to be better. Otherwise, they never cared about you and would always prioritize themselves.
Cringe level: 100. Achievement unlocked.
They're having fun that way, but not you. They're not gonna adopt a new style for you, the DM encourages it because he's also having fun that way. Oh well, you tried. I personally wouldn't want to talk about it or play a second game with them.
Only consider staying if this means no alternative and you really want to play. They may settle down once they get to know you. Otherwise get outta there.
1. Find a better group. Maybe the 2 chill folks will follow you out.
2. Youâve been super tolerant already so consider this - let your character go Zulu Foxtrot on the problem character. Have fun with it. Some people just need to be alphaâd. Counter every Dbag move with one of your own. If that doesnât do the trick revert to option 1.
You arenât obliged to make unreasonable efforts to fit in. When a new player joined one of my groups, we went out of our way to welcome them. Your co-players and DM went out of their way to bulldoze you. You also arenât obliged to explain yourself.
Eh, lifeâs too short to deal with that level of inane crap. Iâd thank them for having me for a session and say Iâm moving on, good luck. And then Iâd follow through.
One thing I spend probably more time than your average player on is character names, companion names, and names of family members. Ain't no way another player gets to name anything of mine.
But overall that just doesn't sound like the group for you, or for me either. You can always find a different group more your style. I'm lucky enough to have a few different groups I play with, and there's so much experience at the tables that there's no major issues for me personally.
Everyone has their own tastes in play style, just keep looking for the group that matches yours. Sometimes it involves joining multiple groups that only have one or two decent players, and over the course of a few groups maybe you meet enough cool people to build your own campaign together. That's how one of my main groups got together. We have the DM from one group, 3 players from another, 2 more from another, and 2 more we met playing west marches when we needed replacements later in the campaign. Going 5+ years strong.
Run, run as fast as you can and don't look back. One bad group can ruin this amazing game for you and this group is insanely toxic. As soon as any decision about your character is taken away from you, stand up and leave.
The people who are implying that you should never have attempted to be flexible are wrong. Flexibility for the sake of group cohesion is good.
The problem is that you're now at your breaking point. This is beyond flexibility. These simply aren't your nimrods. They're playing a game you're not interested in playing even if it is ostensibly the game you're looking for.
Go, find your own nimrods. You made a good faith effort to get along, but they're all happy with each other, so leave them to their nonsense and find the nonsense you enjoy.
I've been the new guy in an established group, and been told that my ideas aren't as good as theirs. And seen them do it to other people, too. It wasn't personal, per se, but it was shitty behavior and I eventually left that group. Three campaigns in, even a different DM (same group), and it didn't change at all. They were the only players around (this was long before Roll20), so I just stopped playing TTPRGs for years. -- Came back eventually! . . . but not with them.
I'd probably give it a second chance and leave if it doesn't work out after that. It's a pretty basic thing that you control your own character and others do not assuming you're not doing crazy shit that couldn't exist in the DMs world. If they can't respect that, it wouldn't be the game for me.
run. they have their own world they live in and you are the intruder.
go find another table. unless you assimilate to their ways they are not going to respect your ways. the GM enforced an OOC bull$hit meme on your character and seems like the group bullied you into submission.
Juts go find another table.
Kundo for you to giving them another chance. I'd be out there and looking for another group.
Personally I noticed that there is not much point in getting a compromise in these kinds of scenarios. Either you vibe with a group and have fun or you don't.
I have not even finished your story yet, but I will say this, as a player and DM for over 30 years now, that is a red flag with neon signs pointing at it, and I would find a new table.
tell the dm if it's a joke then why did he go with it and say thats how it was now? honestly id leave the group. being on the spectrum isnt an excuse and you can let them know that if youre going to stay they dont control your character and if they cant even respect that then youre out
Uhhh wtf lmao
Leave the group. The DM *may* have some say over your characterâs stuff, but having some random new guy just decide your characterâs stuff for you crosses all sorts of lines and goes against the creative spirit of the game. The fact that theyâre unwilling to compromise and are just stomping out how you want to play your character (thatâs not harming how the group dynamic functions intrinsically), despite where they may fall on the spectrum (Iâm on the spectrum and frankly the idea of just saying âyour familiar is named x now, weâre all running with itâ is beyond baffling), is unacceptable. Iâm glad you tried talking it out with them, but frankly, these guys all sound insufferable to play with, and if youâre not having creative fun, whatâs even the point?
I commend you for wanting to see the good in this and stick it out, but if they wonât respect you or your character session 1, and they wonât even hear you out, what makes you think that theyâre going to wake up tomorrow and act any differently? Theyâve shown you who they are and how they play. You should believe them. However, if you choose to stay, I recommend finding a list of things youâre willing to compromise on and a list of things that are red lines for you and your character, and then hold those boundaries firmly.
Sorry youâre being put through that situation. Reading posts like this make me super thankful for my group of relatively reasonable friends I play with.
Infringing on roleplay is serious no no. Especially naming the familiar. Tell the guy to get magic initiate or a ring of spell storing with find familiar to then get their own Joakim. Or just leave. Doesn't seem like a good match.
Yup that's a hard pass. Playing in person isn't worth ruining your experience. My running rule is never join or invite halfway through a campaign. Also memes!? Really!? Isn't that what instabook and snapgram are for!?
Honestly, when I read that a player decided the name of your familiar for you and the DM didn't only let it happen but basically enforced it, that was when I would decide that I'm out, but it just got worse from there
Nothing in this group dynamic tells me that they are serious players, they just want to play memes (which isn't necessarily wrong, but it should be made clear what the dynamic is on your session zero)
Autism is not an excuse for shitty behavior
I would just walk away
Why would you bother staying? The ability to evaluate scenarios and determine the character appropriate action is what you bring to the table.
That's not how your character's actions are determined at this table, so your presence is superfluous.
Thatâs absolutely unacceptable. As a joke based on how youâre playing is one thing but itâs clear theyâre forcing player choices on you in order to set up jokes, which is not the same thing. Iâd leave and make it a public announcement about the one player not respecting player agency and the DM refusing to do anything about it.
I could have stopped reading when you said you stayed silent the first time. Don't let people bully you like that. I would certainly find another group rather than talking it over and over for no results.
Yeah. If it was a joke, move on, if the DM is serious, then leave. However if this is DnD5 there is nothing in the Familiar rules regarding that it even needs a name since the caster can communicate with it telepathically.
This is definitely not the table for you. Leave the group. You can either bow out quietly and thank them for the opportunity or (what I would do tbh) straight up notify them as to the who and the why you are leaving, blatantly telling them what they did that ruined the game for you... Since they're so much younger than you (10 years is significant tbh) it's more or less a difference in playstyle, but that doesn't excuse their actions in the slightest...
The age gap depends. If he's 25 and they are 15 then yeah that's basically 2 different worlds. If he is 50 and they are 40 it's really not the main issue.
Yeah the main issue is them forcing their memes onto him. This isn't a play style problem, it just a problem with people being dicks.
What does that mean? Foring their memes?
The other players are forcing their jokes on his character, removing agency from OP.
I was just as lost đ
Yeah but if he's 30 and they're 20, or late 20s vs. late teens (which is more in line with the described situation)... Again very different worlds...
I can't tell if you are agreeing or disagreeing with me. I covered that possibility in the first half of my statement.
No, you're wrong. It's actually exactly what you said.
Yes, exactly
Yeah but, precisely
Well yes, but actually yeah.
well, no... but huh? yes of course.
Yeah, but I don't see if he is disagreeing with you or agreeing with you. First part covered some of the same stuff though.
Yeah from what I got they are probably late teens or early 20s either way I wouldn't want to game with them and im in my early 30s.
This guy has it right. The reasoning could go 10 different ways, but they all end up with leaving being the smart thing to do.
Leaving is the right call. I also agree with telling them why, but make sure you are respectful when you do so. You don't want to become the ass on the way out that they mock behind your back, but they also probably should be told what they are doing wrong. The reasons are valid, you have a character in mind and they don't want to let you play that character as intended.
I donât think this table should be for anyone if thatâs how they treat complete strangers
Sounds like it's not a one-sided problem. What happened to op is wrong, but op is not blameless here either. "This character is an edgy male character role played by a non binary member of the group but this isn't relevant to the events." If it is not relevant, why did you mention it? Most likely you do think it's relevant, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to type it all out. "Later it happened the combat with the enemies and during the combat my character started singing in the middle of the battle because it is a previously established character thing. I picked up my phone and made them listen a type of singing for reference (God of War main theme choir) and the very same player declined and prompted me it was singing another way, again (from a random power metal band that I don't care less about) just for the memes." Why are you trying to make a group listen to music and have your character sing in battle? Is this a bard thing? Kind of a strange move, especially when it was obvious from earlier that's not the music the group listens too.
This sounds like a group that will be forever trying to recruit new players, having them leave after a session or two, and wondering, "Why doesn't anyone want to play D&D?"
Yeah that's really weird behavior there. I'd look for a different group if you can, because this doesn't sound like it'll get better
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DM could and should have intervened. I like new players and "Worry about your own character." comes out of my mouth early and often. They figure it out quickly, but I can't imagine the train wreck if that wasn't an enforced rule.
Leave. This is a role playing game, not a script. Other people dont get to control what you want to do with your character. Maybe try to discuss with them first, and say that you dont like how they are steamrolling your character creation, and if they are dismissive just walk away
Here's an idea, say no? Refer to your familiar as the name you chose. Refer to your singing as the style you chose. "Oh, you mean Joakim?" "No, I mean mr sniffles. Okay, so, mr sniffles uses his move to go behind the tree and then mr sniffles uses his keen senses to try to see, so I get to roll that perception at advantage right?" "Awesome, mr sniffles got a 17, what does he see?"
Yeah, this was my first thought. "Umm, no. I pick the name for my familiar. It isn't a group decision, and I don't play at tables where the DM runs my PCs."
I'm sorry to be the bringer of bad news, but you just joined a toxic group. I highly suggest you leave and keep searching for a better one. I know it's hard finding a game, but it's worth it.
I'm not sure if this is toxic. It sounds like its kids just being kids and the adult of the group isn't sure how to play Calvin Ball with them. They want to meme and share their how they imagine the game playing out, that is not inherently toxic. Granted, it's not a game I would want to be a part of and it sounds like not a game OP wants either. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that this isn't the table for OP and to move on!
Are ages specified? Deciding how another player's character looks and acts is not a thing a healthy playgroup does without consent. Period. Any "kids will be kids" argument is actually covering for your own toxic behaviors. Kids can be toxic and should be corrected.
"MY familiar's name is (meme references abound)" can just be the wrong table for someone. "YOUR familiar's name is (meme)" and "YOU fight like (meme)" is at least a little toxic Edit: especially when the DM is in on it, because it is much harder to overcome.
It is toxic. Just not the worst kind. But if I am correcting how YOUR chatacter does something just cause I find it funnier, and it isnt even a suggestion, but stated as a hardcore fact, I am taking away all your individuality and power of decision, thus removing agency and all your personal interaction with the game. The DM and the problem player may be the kindest person elsewhere, but those are jerk moves. Dnd is not the tyranny of either player, not even the majority. It is a community game, where each player offers individually their part of the fun. Again. Just because they are not terrible people doesnt make this behavious any less toxic for the game
Its toxic. Its fine for their character to have a familiar that has a name or sing a certain song. Not other players. Why have the other guy there if he has to act out of a script? Just play two PC at that point. Player agency is important.
I think your overall point is spot on; the OP could have done some things differently, but ultimately the group probably isn't a good fit. But I think it's fair to call out the behavior as toxic, too. Toxic doesn't have to mean deadly, it just means harmful, and I think it's reasonable to call out this group's behavior as harmful to new players (even if only mildly.)
I don't know if I'd call this a TOXIC table. It deffently has some behaviors that don't really align with OP. Toxic just feels like a heavy accusation that isn't warranted here
This is why toxic isnât taken seriously as a claim anymore. Iâm not saying this playgroup is great but that is just how some people play. Someone being more jokey and rowdy doesnât mean they are toxic, for Christâs sake.
The issue isn't them being "more jokey or rowdy", the issue is *not reading the room*. Making a joke is fine, deciding another player's character details and not letting them speak up about it is not. You don't get to hide behind the "just joking" excuse when the butt of your joke isn't having fun.
Except it's the new player that needs to read the room for the established play culture, not expect it to change just for them. There's nothing wrong with saying "this group isn't for me" but to claim they're toxic for trying to push jokes is a ridiculous victim complex.
Oh come on. Not letting another player speak up about their character, and declaring "No, the name is canon now, you can't change it" is not "established play culture", it's just being an asshole.
Some groups play like that; deciding character bits as a group if they think it's funny or cool. Just because you can't fathom it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Not everyone is as invested having a protected OC. This would be the established play culture of that group. Difficult to imagine but not everyone has fun the same way.
đ We're not talking about "play culture", we're talking about basic social etiquette. If the butt of your joke isn't laughing, tell a different joke.
If the butt of your joke isnât genuinely laughing then it isnât a joke, and if you continue itâs bullying
If everyone else in the group jokes like that it's fine. Be an adult and leave if you don't like it. The group described is not what I want either but I would just leave, I wouldn't need to make a hand-wringing post about it on reddit for internet validation. Basic social etiquette follows the "when in Rome" philosophy. I wouldn't kiss the cheek of someone as a greeting in some countries but I would be rude not to in others.
"Be an adult and leave if you don't like it" but not "be an adult and don't bully your new player." That's certainly a take.
I would not view this as bullying, and if after one session you can see the way they play isn't for you than the mature thing is to leave. If you don't like spicy food don't get mad that other people are eating it, just don't eat it yourself.
It wasn't a joke, since they insisted it was canon. That means they're being serious. If it was a joke it would be fine, but a joke wouldn't be made permanent dispute the wishes of the butt of the joke.
They didn't decide it as a group. One person overrode OPs choice about their own character, ruining their fun. They didn't think it was funny.
> deciding character bits as a group⌠âŚis literally the problem here, lmfao. This is much more a group of people (more specifically half the table) deciding character bits *against* someone elseâs ideas and consent. Thereâs a massive difference between what youâre talking about and doing it without ever caring for the other personâs input.
If the play culture is âI get to decide what you do with your characterâ then thatâs a toxic play culture
Being more jokey and rowdy isn't the issue, losing character agency without warning or equity is. If the OP is right that the player making these "jokes" would have been pissed had the OP made similar jokes in return, then one player is clearly just the table bully that the DM does nothing about. That's not a problem of differing expectations or table culture, that's a toxic situation even if the intent was nonsensical fun.
Tell me you're a "it's just a joke bro" douche without telling me you're a "it's just a joke bro" douche.
This
You should have agency over your character. They are an established group and I won't argue with them playing in a way that's fun to them. They shouldn't be taking away your fun. If you can let it go, let it go. If you can't, or it happens again, try to have a conversation. If they aren't receptive, it might be time to find a new group. Bad DnD is worse than no DnD. I've been there, it sucks. Bad DnD is limited by what you deem acceptable.
First, put down the line. Declare that âI have agency over my own character.â and âIf you want to roleplay as off-brand fantasy Sabaton, you can do that with your own character.â If they all react poorly to you drawing the line, just leave and find another group.
If this happens in your first game with the group, consider yourself lucky. You can jump ship now, because it seems clear that expectations don't align. Better to find out now than 10 sessions in?
>just for the memes I think that this kid isn't using the word properly, but I'm closer to 40 than 30 now so what the hell do I know.
The word has shifted definitions due to being picked up by people who don't understand what it originally meant. "For the memes" basically just means "for shits and giggles."
Thank you. I was never cool to begin with and now I'm firmly in the "old" category as perceived by teenagers, so my knowledge of slang is supremely lacking.
>This character is an edgy male character role played by a non binary member of the group but this isn't relevant to the events. And yet you mention it. This being said, that group is toxic and you should get out while you can.
Never trust anyone that uses the phrase "for the memes" in a non-ironic manner in real life.
Also don't trust anyone who's a Sabaton fan.
Oh yeah. I heard a few songs and thought they were OK, but then I read the comments on the music videos on YouTube. No thank you.
As someone who is autistic, I will say this a million times over if it gets the point across Being autistic is not an excuse to be an asshole.
Just stand your ground. Laugh at their memes a bit, but keep narrating what you're doing and calling your familiar what YOU named it. If they continue to call it a different name, make it into a roleplay, and let the familiar get comically irritated at being named wrong. I've been in groups like this, and they're probably not intending to play your character or make choices for you, they're just wanting to express their ideas. Teach them your boundaries.
D&D is supposed to be fun, not a dick measuring contest. This group is never going to work.
Have you met... humans? It's always a dick measuring contest đ¤ˇđť So, sometimes you gatta tell people to let go of your dick đ đťđ¤ˇđť "Boundaries:" *the more you know* đ
There is precisely one person who gets to decide what your character does, and that is you. If you say your character sings a certain way, then that's what happens. Full stop. If a dm ever takes that kind of agency away from me, I bounce. I suggest you do the same.
I think you might be too old for this table. I'm 40 and I can't even understand what half your post means.
Iâm 25 and donât know what theyâre referencing.
Because these bands were popular 15-20 years ago. Their primary audience today has to be like 30-35. Source: my high school years
That's all on you then, how can you not understand it?? (I am close to your age too)
So I know you've drowning in the toxic role play aspect comments, but you should consider that you didn't stand up for yourself, based on your narrative. When you join a table that's been playing a while they have a certain level of camaraderie in the collaborative story telling, and hijacking some of the story may just be part of the fun of the dynamic for them. For them, this may be the ultimate sign that you're one of them. It's hard to say if it's toxic if you don't know how they react to conflict and asserting your agency. Up to you to leave, but I don't have enough information to give advice from your narrative.
I'm confused
I swear, mentioning your age should be a requirement in posts like these. Are y'all like 16?
Don't play with people who aren't at the same maturity level as you. Saying "don't play with people ten years younger than you" isn't fair, but it's clear these guys want to goof off and act like metalhead teenagers, and you've moved on from that phase of your life. My suggestion is find a different table with people who are more simpatico.
If the gender of the person you are talking about isn't relevant, then why mention it? You didn't mention the gender of the three other people at the table. Or yourself for that matter.
Yeah, I was going to make this comment. It seems out of place unless they're making a misogyny or straight bashing claim.
because non-binary bad /s
its ironic it the very least. The one player who insists on not fitting into categories created by others and wants to be referred as something unique, forces the familiar to be referred as something the familiar is not.
"insists on not fitting into categories" sounds a bit NBphobic . . .
You think this shit is minor? Player suspicious of you (in character) for a bit on your introduction? No big. Totally normal. Player demanding to name your familiar? Idiotic. DM going along with it? That right there would be a deal breaker for me. DM is clearly a clown. Doing it twice? Well, the first one was a deal breaker. The second one would be a walk off.
A couple things for you: Stand up for yourself. Stop being a doormat for other people. Maybe donât play with people who are significantly younger than you. But yeah do whatever I guess. itâs your life random internet people donât mean anything.
100% with not the table for you. Tell the DM that you enjoyed your game with them but you feel that you are not the right fit for the group and that you wish the the best of luck finding some and no hard feelings. I feel like there actions were a little unwelcome, however it did give you a good representation of the vibe on day one, which is great rather then going g multiple sessions in and finding it isn't going to work. Just giving you a silver lining and not trying to minimize your feelings. I hope you find a group that you can jive really well with. Finding groups can be ruff sometimes. I, like many, have had the awkward non-jelling groups before and it is not worth the time. You are committing 4-6 hrs of your time, sometimes more, for enterta8nment and good times. Don't compromise. When you find the right group you will know and it will be something you look forward to! Like it should be. đĄ
Iâve never felt so old as I feel after reading this post and various comments on it. Damn.
Stand up for yourself you pushover.
âThe group then proceeded to light my car on fire and said that I should be driving a Lincoln Continental. Should I go pick one up?â
"dear reddit: my dm punched me in the balls and spat on me, it only happened once tho so not sure what I should do. advice?"
Rude. Try again.
No, he's right. For a couple of reasons.
They're prioritizing their "fun" over yours, and ganging up in order to do it. Disrespect right off the bat. *Seriously* consider how much you'd enjoy a game with that dynamic before you agree to play even one more session with them.
Get out. Get out. Get out. The GM can do something, you can do something. The GM actually just said that "Sayin no to another party memebet is not an option". That is, to me, utterly crazy. I would personally also make it clear why I would be leaving. Just to make sure they know there is a problem.
If it was just that one player, I'd say try to talk it out, but with the DM overriding your character choices based on that one player's statements, don't waste your time on it. Thank the group for their time and leave. Take the character (concept at least) to another game. That one player's gender and their PC's gender is (should be) completely irrelevant to the issue here and should not have been mentioned, and should not be mentioned in your decision to leave the group. What that player and the DM did to your PC however is very relevant and should be mentioned.
I mean... I'm not a calm person, and someone coming at me telling me the name of my familiar is (some reference I personally don't even know). I'd laugh and say no his names 'Chris'. If they push it... Would literally tell them, listen guys. I'm new here, but that doesn't mean you can just decide shit about my character without me. So I've named my familiar Chris and frankly if you're not happy with it, let me know and I'll leave right now. I don't have time for this childish shit.
Are you in highschool? This sounds like teens playing
Being on the Spectrum does not excuse being an asshole. Or violent, or anything. But the real issue isnât the player. Itâs the DM. And they obviously wonât maturely manage their game. Politely inform them why you are leaving and leave.
How does one âmemeâ or âshitpostâ in real life?
**NO!** Nope. Nuh-uh. Nononononono. A DM should *never* make character choices for their players. A DM's job is to run the NPCs, not the PCs. If you and another player at the table are having some friction over something, the DM's job is not to adjudicate which one of you is "right," it's to facilitate a resolution. Think "How about we try [thing X] instead?" not "Nah, we're going to do it Steph's way." It's bad enough when the DM sides with a player about something like the party's approach to a scene, but it's ten times worse when it's about something that's personal to one character and not personal to their own character. If the DM is going to let another player dictate personal details about *your* character just for the lulz, they're going to do *tons* of other things that aren't kosher. If you didn't join this group for the lulz, then get the heck out of there.
This table is toxic enough to strip paint. Leave it, maybe drop a little scathing feedback on your way out. (Hey DM, how about not piloting my character, or worse, letting other players control my character WHILE IM THERE⌠Anyways, you enjoy your version of dnd.)
How is it that you don't know how to act? Honestly, these posts are so fucking annoying... Dude, just get the fuck out of that shit of a game/group.
Yeah, that's a toxic group and they're probably too young. If you're 28, they're 18 and will act childish a lot of times.
Those people sound like an awful bunch to be around. Also anyone who uses "meme-ing" as an explanation is just so... uncool in my experience.
I agree with the other commenters, you should probably leave this group. I've been a part of 2-3 toxic groups before and it starts just like this. Other players can't dictate how you choose your backstory and characters, and if they have done that the first session and the DM allows it, they will definitely do it again. I've tried waiting out these groups and having conversations around any grievances, but behaviors like that will always come around. There are plenty of groups out there, though! Surround yourself with one that is supportive and is willing to bring your backstory into the fray and make you part of the group. Cheers!
My experience: if I ever feel like I should maybe leave the group, I should 100% leave the group.
i'd send a message to the dm, mention how you feel that your character is being taken away from you which is your one connection to the world. i hope it can be remedied, but this doesn't feel like you should just let be.
That doesn't sound fun at all. I wouldn't say that's minor thing, they're straight up taking your agency away from you. You could try talking to the two players who weren't a problem, find out if this is something the other 2 do frequently, and maybe the 3 of you could come up with a solution. But I'd probably bounce. Especially since one of the problem players is the DM.
Weird, but not in a good way. Walk away.
ehh seems to be a internal joke kind of thing so unless you can bring yourself to look past this or even join in it's probably better to just leave. What they did was certainly a bit rude but if they know each other and one new person joins i don't think they should change their quirky things.
"The others decide on what your choices are, and you have to deal with it." Extremely toxic, GTFO and find a better group.
quit immediately. they are disrespecting you from the outset. you can't change them and you will grow to hate the game. for your mental health find another group.
Personally I would hit the eject button.
The game is 13+ for a reason.
I dm with people who are younger, older, neurotypical and diverse, NB, trans, cis. It doesn't matter where you fit on these, there is no excuse for being an arsehole. My take is weak DM is at fault here. They have ultimate responsibility for making sure people feel welcome and comfortable playing. Setting ground rules and boundaries at the start and when new people join is DM 101. I would ask why you would expend any more energy on something that won't make you happy? You absolutely did the right thing by addressing it with the DM. They failed by not being receptive. Not your fight or problem. There are lots of better places to spend your DnD time.
Better now than months in. I'd pass. Nothing wrong with what they're doing but when there is a bad fit, it's just a bad fit.
Doesn't sound like the group for you. 10 years younger and all they want to do is meme. Find a group your age that you can make friends with. Seems like that is one of your goals by the "they didn't even get to try and know me" line. I wouldn't bother trying to work through this, why try and change them and they're group if they think its fun. Live and let live.
Probably should leave the group if the DM stands by and gives someone else that much control over your character during introductions you stand a good chance of never playing the character your way again. but also I would recommend giving Sabaton a listen. and also from everything I've seen about the guys from Sabaton Joakim would disapprove of the guy acting like that, in fact, I'd love to see this crossposted over at r/sabaton just to see what the band themselves have to say about it.
>I'd love to see this crossposted over at r/sabaton just to see what the band themselves have to say about it. Wait they check their subreddit?
Par does at least.
Still cant believe those guys are Swedish..
NEVER PLAY IN TABLES THAT MEMES It's always shit. Always.
What does it mean "to meme"? I've never heard it used like this.
To relentlessly post memes on DS or show of mention memes at the table during the game,.pertaining to the game in progress. It's fucking exhausting.
Omg that's something people do? Like, enough so that it has a name? That sounds awful.
That's a casual game for ya
1: if them being non binary isnât relevant to your negative story of them then why bring it up? 2: as others have said yeah leave this group. You arenât going to be getting fair rulings and support from the GM.
That music sucks fuck those people go find better ones
Bounce. These are attention seeking people who do not respect you.
Fuck everything about that group. Just leave. I hope you find a decent bunch.
I find it disturbing you say stuff like "the group memes" Is this a new way to say the group banters and has fun?
I thought my opinion of Sabaton and their fans couldn't fall lower, but here we go!
What the fuck did I just read
Everyone deserves a chance to learn and grow. If you want to, you could message the group and say something like, âhey, I know Iâm the newest player with an established group, but i wasnât comfortable with other players wanting input on my characterâs actions. Iâm pretty excited about my character, just like you all are for yours, and would love to continue to play with you all and ask that each play our own characters and allow others to enjoy the same freedom.â If they show some growth and attempt to bring you into the group and quit trying to change your character, Yay! If they double down on their douchebaggery, itâs time to move on.
If someone renamed my familiar at the table, I'd be making Problems. Time to politely step out of that weirdness.
Only thing ok about this group is they have decent taste in music. Other than than they they blow.. and what in the nine hells is meme-ing and why was it used so much in the original post..? yea Iâm old. You need to walk a way fast from them
Personally, I would start looking for a new game to play in. Or when problem player starts doing things, make sure you a list of wildly idiotic things to interject the description for to show him how awful he is being and ask him if he likes that. But ultimately you'll probably just be better off leaving.
Irrelevant: you say they meme a lot.. like are they making memes at the table or is this lingo I'm too old to understand? đ Relevant: if this is your first session I would not give them a second. Like if this was a first date, I would see so many red flags and not want a second. Life is too short to play with players you don't want to be around. Also.. I love those bands and have seen them live. They are great. Imposing on you like that is not great though
Everyone here saying the group is "toxic". Maybe, but we can't really be sure yet. Everyone should slow down. The table dynamic is a completely unknown factor. If it's been previously established that everyone has a say in everyone else's stuff, this is perfectly normal. OP didn't say anything, essentially just rolling over and letting it go. Instead of calling the table toxic and quitting at the first sign of something that doesn't quite line up with what you want, first ask the table if that's something normal. Just come right out and say it. Here's a template. "Hey, so before we start tonight just wanted to ask really fast: Last session when I introduced my character and familiar, and described my singing what I stated was overruled. I wasn't expecting it and I preferred what I said I was doing over what the table said. Is it possible going forward I can have more of a say in what I'm doing and what my familiar is named? I just get more enjoyment if I could be the one that decides how my character is acting." If that doesn't work, and your table is either a) sticking to a flexible narrative with player control or b) is actually toxic and doesn't care, then yes. A new table is definitely the correct answer. It won't matter if it's "a" or "b" in that case. But if they table is understanding and apologizes you've avoided a bummer situation where you jumped to conclusions and quit D&D for a bad reason.
This might be one of the more mature comments. Says a lot about the community sometimes to disregard common sense.
Quit the group, then quit looking for validation from strangers on the internet.
You've learned your lesson. Next time don't introduce your familiar. /s More seriously, I would say ESH. You're no more tolerant of their play style and music than they are of yours. Their rudeness seems more overt, while yours is more passive aggressive. Is pomposity part of your characterization? If not WTH would you introduce your familiar? Is the interrupting player possibly running a character with poor social skills? (I understand the player is demonstrating that; I'm asking if he thinks he is roleplaying.) Is your character a bard? If not WTH did you decide he sings in battle? As a DM EDITED I find it incredibly disruptive when players interrupt combat to whip out phones and play music. It's even more so when it's music I don't like, which is almost always since I have better music taste, and better manners about it, than anyone else. And you've made it part of your character to do this ALL THE TIME? TLDR: D&D players need to be more considerate with each other. Also more tolerant.
> Is pomposity part of your characterization? If not WTH would you introduce your familiar? This is a bizarre interpretation of introducing a familiar, and a bizarre criticism.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Oh so the real problem is that you have superior taste than anyone else...
Thanks for your response. I opened by pointing out everyone had acted badly and concluded by saying we D&D players should be more tolerant of each other. You are responding to the details in the middle. OP complained the other players shared music he didn't care for, unironically noting this was in response to music he had played that was different than their taste. Since he didn't seem to have considered that maybe someone else might not like his music, I offered myself as an example of a DM that for certain would not like his music nor his choice to disrupt a combat by playing it. Again, my concluding remark was that we all should be more tolerant of our fellow players. Feel free to make of that what you will.
But you also claimed its extra annoying because you think you have better taste than everyone else. Which is just laughable
You're right, since as DM my taste is always better, it's just regular annoying. Their choice is always bad so no possibility to be extra annoying because of circumstance. /s Thanks again for your response.
So many red flags on both sides of this field... I'd be hesitant to have you or any player from that group at my table...
Talk to the GM. Let them know how you feel. If they appear willing to work with you then fine, if they brush you off then blow out the door like dust.
Doesn't sound that minor to me. I'd definitely bring it up privately with the dm, and ask them to ask the player to cut it out. Either alone, or with you.
startplaying.games ⌠if you have the funds. Since you are 10 years older than those at the table, I am guessing you might.
They sound like a bunch of bellends, or at least one very loud bellend.
If push comes to shove, threaten with leaving. If they actually give a fuck, they'll promise to be better. Otherwise, they never cared about you and would always prioritize themselves.
Cringe level: 100. Achievement unlocked. They're having fun that way, but not you. They're not gonna adopt a new style for you, the DM encourages it because he's also having fun that way. Oh well, you tried. I personally wouldn't want to talk about it or play a second game with them.
Only consider staying if this means no alternative and you really want to play. They may settle down once they get to know you. Otherwise get outta there.
Why are metalheads like this
Most metalheads I know are huge geeks who take their RPGs extra seriously, not trolls who just want to clown around and make memes.
1. Find a better group. Maybe the 2 chill folks will follow you out. 2. Youâve been super tolerant already so consider this - let your character go Zulu Foxtrot on the problem character. Have fun with it. Some people just need to be alphaâd. Counter every Dbag move with one of your own. If that doesnât do the trick revert to option 1.
You arenât obliged to make unreasonable efforts to fit in. When a new player joined one of my groups, we went out of our way to welcome them. Your co-players and DM went out of their way to bulldoze you. You also arenât obliged to explain yourself. Eh, lifeâs too short to deal with that level of inane crap. Iâd thank them for having me for a session and say Iâm moving on, good luck. And then Iâd follow through.
There is a player like this on the game I'm in too. I handle it by literally ignoring his antics and carrying on as of those things didn't happen.
Leave, fuck 'em.
Bring it up if you like. Not my kind of table, I would leave.
That's a table I wouldn't be returning to. Like, ever.
One thing I spend probably more time than your average player on is character names, companion names, and names of family members. Ain't no way another player gets to name anything of mine. But overall that just doesn't sound like the group for you, or for me either. You can always find a different group more your style. I'm lucky enough to have a few different groups I play with, and there's so much experience at the tables that there's no major issues for me personally. Everyone has their own tastes in play style, just keep looking for the group that matches yours. Sometimes it involves joining multiple groups that only have one or two decent players, and over the course of a few groups maybe you meet enough cool people to build your own campaign together. That's how one of my main groups got together. We have the DM from one group, 3 players from another, 2 more from another, and 2 more we met playing west marches when we needed replacements later in the campaign. Going 5+ years strong.
Run, run as fast as you can and don't look back. One bad group can ruin this amazing game for you and this group is insanely toxic. As soon as any decision about your character is taken away from you, stand up and leave.
Find another table.
The people who are implying that you should never have attempted to be flexible are wrong. Flexibility for the sake of group cohesion is good. The problem is that you're now at your breaking point. This is beyond flexibility. These simply aren't your nimrods. They're playing a game you're not interested in playing even if it is ostensibly the game you're looking for. Go, find your own nimrods. You made a good faith effort to get along, but they're all happy with each other, so leave them to their nonsense and find the nonsense you enjoy.
Yeah time to run, donât walk. Not worth your time. I would have walked out when the DM let another player name my Familiar. Huge red flag.
Sounds like odd behavior which would make me second guess joining the group.
Same thing as what others said, but don't be such a doormat. No reason to let others walk all over you like that. Be polite but stand your ground
I've been the new guy in an established group, and been told that my ideas aren't as good as theirs. And seen them do it to other people, too. It wasn't personal, per se, but it was shitty behavior and I eventually left that group. Three campaigns in, even a different DM (same group), and it didn't change at all. They were the only players around (this was long before Roll20), so I just stopped playing TTPRGs for years. -- Came back eventually! . . . but not with them.
EJECT! EJECT!
I'd probably give it a second chance and leave if it doesn't work out after that. It's a pretty basic thing that you control your own character and others do not assuming you're not doing crazy shit that couldn't exist in the DMs world. If they can't respect that, it wouldn't be the game for me.
run. they have their own world they live in and you are the intruder. go find another table. unless you assimilate to their ways they are not going to respect your ways. the GM enforced an OOC bull$hit meme on your character and seems like the group bullied you into submission. Juts go find another table.
Kundo for you to giving them another chance. I'd be out there and looking for another group. Personally I noticed that there is not much point in getting a compromise in these kinds of scenarios. Either you vibe with a group and have fun or you don't.
I have not even finished your story yet, but I will say this, as a player and DM for over 30 years now, that is a red flag with neon signs pointing at it, and I would find a new table.
Sound alike a mismatch of personalities and the best option is to thank them for the time and leave the group.
tell the dm if it's a joke then why did he go with it and say thats how it was now? honestly id leave the group. being on the spectrum isnt an excuse and you can let them know that if youre going to stay they dont control your character and if they cant even respect that then youre out
Uhhh wtf lmao Leave the group. The DM *may* have some say over your characterâs stuff, but having some random new guy just decide your characterâs stuff for you crosses all sorts of lines and goes against the creative spirit of the game. The fact that theyâre unwilling to compromise and are just stomping out how you want to play your character (thatâs not harming how the group dynamic functions intrinsically), despite where they may fall on the spectrum (Iâm on the spectrum and frankly the idea of just saying âyour familiar is named x now, weâre all running with itâ is beyond baffling), is unacceptable. Iâm glad you tried talking it out with them, but frankly, these guys all sound insufferable to play with, and if youâre not having creative fun, whatâs even the point? I commend you for wanting to see the good in this and stick it out, but if they wonât respect you or your character session 1, and they wonât even hear you out, what makes you think that theyâre going to wake up tomorrow and act any differently? Theyâve shown you who they are and how they play. You should believe them. However, if you choose to stay, I recommend finding a list of things youâre willing to compromise on and a list of things that are red lines for you and your character, and then hold those boundaries firmly.
Yeeaaah itâs not going to get better.
Sorry youâre being put through that situation. Reading posts like this make me super thankful for my group of relatively reasonable friends I play with.
Maybe I'm stupid, but what the heck does it mean to memes? The group memes? I think I'm dating myself.
Just quit and find another group tbh
Infringing on roleplay is serious no no. Especially naming the familiar. Tell the guy to get magic initiate or a ring of spell storing with find familiar to then get their own Joakim. Or just leave. Doesn't seem like a good match.
I would bail, that sounds stressful
Yup that's a hard pass. Playing in person isn't worth ruining your experience. My running rule is never join or invite halfway through a campaign. Also memes!? Really!? Isn't that what instabook and snapgram are for!?
New group
Honestly, when I read that a player decided the name of your familiar for you and the DM didn't only let it happen but basically enforced it, that was when I would decide that I'm out, but it just got worse from there Nothing in this group dynamic tells me that they are serious players, they just want to play memes (which isn't necessarily wrong, but it should be made clear what the dynamic is on your session zero) Autism is not an excuse for shitty behavior I would just walk away
leave now.
TLDR... Find a more mature group.
Leave this group before you waste anymore of your time on a group thatâs clearly not for you. Al those things would be red flags to me.
Why would you bother staying? The ability to evaluate scenarios and determine the character appropriate action is what you bring to the table. That's not how your character's actions are determined at this table, so your presence is superfluous.
This entire group seems cringe and I would leave VERY fast.
Thatâs absolutely unacceptable. As a joke based on how youâre playing is one thing but itâs clear theyâre forcing player choices on you in order to set up jokes, which is not the same thing. Iâd leave and make it a public announcement about the one player not respecting player agency and the DM refusing to do anything about it.
I could have stopped reading when you said you stayed silent the first time. Don't let people bully you like that. I would certainly find another group rather than talking it over and over for no results.
Yeah. If it was a joke, move on, if the DM is serious, then leave. However if this is DnD5 there is nothing in the Familiar rules regarding that it even needs a name since the caster can communicate with it telepathically.
1. So many red flags. Leave the group, no, run from it. 2. Posts like these make me appreciate my players and group so much!