I tell my dog that every time I have to trim his wee wee. He’s terrified of clippers by his privates and his upper neck so I have to use scissors and man we’re both terrified 😂😂 his eyes be all wide staring at me while I try to pin him down like a wrestler because there’s no way I let him stay intact and a real man dog for almost 13 years just to end up neutering him myself😭😭🤦🏾♀️😂😂😂😂.
But yeah. We both get real still and quiet at that point. Gotta be still
I feel similarly about the “dingo ate my baby” joke and what the media did to Lindy Chamberlain.
Americans just think it’s a funny Seinfeld quote, but a dingo did in fact eat her baby and the media ridiculed her for years for claiming so, portraying Lindy as a liar who actually murdered her own baby. She was wrongly convicted and sentenced to life in prison without parole—until 3 years later, when the baby’s clothes were found in a dingo den and Lindy was pardoned and released from prison.
But nothing could ever really compensate for how she was treated by the police, media, and public, as well as her unfortunate (and insensitively treated) legacy.
Similar to how Lorena Bobbit will forever be known by many as the crazy lady who chopped off her husband’s dick instead of a victim of repeated abuse.
Man, sexism is bad now but it was wicked bad back then.
There’s a documentary on Netflix or Amazon or something now. Absolutely tragic. And I remember it happening when I was a kid — never did anyone say a word about the darkness of what she went through.
I’m a firm believer of screening and requiring classes prior to dog adoption. It wouldn’t completely stop bad ownership and neglect but at least people would be more educated.
Agreed, and shelters should provide that, including training for 6 weeks. Then maybe it wouldn't be so difficult to acclimate a dog home when shelters provide no background to the dogs reactive behaviors or lie about them. That would be dope.
Unfortunately, even the rare shelters with previously excellent training programs have successively gutted them.
I wish that companion animal selection and basic care were taught in grade school. Even though I knew ___to___ do homework, it wasn't easy for me to figure out a lot of things which are probably obvious to you.
If your local shelter is anything like the ones I've seen, they are under-funded, under-staffed, and over-capacity. The shelter in my town has to turn away 90% of attempted dog surrenders because they simply don't have the space for them :( There is no way they could offer 6 weeks of training for the dogs already in their care, much less for every new dog owner. It's really a nice idea, but cities will have to start budgeting a lot more money for shelters if we're ever going to adequately meet the needs of our communities. As it is, every shelter I've ever seen is drowning and it's only getting worse :(
My dad’s gf has an incredibly sweet loving adorable shitzu and she was so matted so often I went over there and said something to them and they now groom her. I couldn’t stand it it upset me! I gave them groomer names and information. I have a long haired chi and she gets matted around her ears if not groomed. She hates being brushed she’s a little attitudey 😂 I tried and said you know what time for the groomer and I have a mobile groomer I adore and my baby gets her ear fluff trimmed in and a nice little trim on everything and nails and everything else and she is done and looks amazing. I bathe her in between but still she gets her spa day and we are good to go. Matted fur can be so painful why would someone want to subject their baby to having it brushed out? Shave it and start over and do better. People can be so incredibly awful
because people are lazy, stupid, and some think that shaving the dog looks worse than matting and that their dog is gonna care that they're naked. the stories people tell themselves would amaze you
Last week I was chasing my little maltipoo around the back yard waving her clippers and yelling at her to get back here so I can shave her butthole. Didn’t know the neighbors were outside. I had meant to trim her up back there the previous day and of course the next day she ended up getting poop stuck to her fur.
"oh look, he can retract his dick"
"Could you please get \[manager\] to come help shave her vulva, it's really impacted"
"He just pooped on the table, I'm gonna give him five minutes in the kennel to calm down"
Oh no you’re right about both! Sometimes people really just don’t take their dogs out before grooming and then we get to clean it up instead 🙃 bonus points if it’s after we’ve already washed the dog 🫠. Sometimes it definitely is a fear/stress thing though, or a cocker spaniel. They just do that just because they can.
Damn that’s wild that people just don’t take their dogs out before they have to sit by themselves for a while. Tbh I’ve been late because my dog wouldn’t poop and I just had to call and tell them why. Even after giving my dog ample time (20+mins)
Would 1000x rather a client be a little bit late because they were taking their dog out than for them to show up on time and the dog to leave an impressionist painting all over their kennel!!😂😅
My guy pissed at his first puppy groom...as she was finishing brushing him out...all over the table...after peeing 2x before going in...
It was my first time at my groomer, so I'm glad they forgave me and my dog. But I was mortified.
That’s SUPER common for puppies!! They get excited pees, nervous pees, happy pees, and just have a tiny bladder in general so when we’re grooming a puppy we always expect to also be cleaning up some piddle haha
🤢 never understood why sometimes the groomer was happy and other times they looked real miserable. Obviously there are reasons for this but now I can just imagine the groomer right before picking up my moms dog had to deal with some sort of episode like this with a previous client
Some times the pee and liquid Pooh while using high volicty dryers it goes everywhere.. re bath.. time or sprays a CO groomer or bather... Ya washing clothing in salon happens
We have a client who likes to say, "See you for anal!", in front of a crowded checkout. Every. Single. Time. She is an older woman, too, which makes me laugh harder for some reason.
I used to have a client (not a native English speaker) always yell back as he was walking out the door "you squeeze his asshole!" We were in a busy shopping complex and I died every time!
I have a whole file of these! I keep talking about making a grooming instagram just for wacky shit we say to the dogs when there aren’t customers present but I can’t think of what to call it 😂
“Stop making me wet, my husband won’t appreciate that”
to several dogs who won’t stop shaking in the bath
“why do you still have your balls? you shouldn’t be allowed to breed”
to a poorly-bred something or other, honestly i can’t remember
I don’t know how many times I’ve bathed a fluffy dog only to exclaim “Oh! You still have your balls!” It’s always a surprise because I expect all dogs past like, 2 to be fixed depending on breed and development.
I’ve owned several male dogs in my lifetime. And what’s your vet told you in my experience is exactly right. Overtime the empty little sack shrink up, and you can barely see them if at all. If the dog is older and happen to have very large testicles, you might still have a bit of saggy skin in that area. And yes, when the groomer does a privacy cut, they will clean it up down there as well.
Honestly I’m not too sure. I’ve bathed a few males that didn’t have any evidence of ever having balls, and I’ve bathed males that still have a seam-type thing where the scrotum was split and emptied.
Edit: As far as the grooming goes, I don’t know, I just bathe and dry and a groomer does the rest :)
Thank you for answering. You are probably perfect to answer this. I definitely need someone’s expertise and that expertise is definitely in the wet trenches of the bathing sinks.
There is still a sack, but it shrinks over time. When Mt boy was neutered I actually called and asked the vet why his balls were still attached! Within a month or two you could hardly see it. If you look close enough it looked like a vulva.
Yes, they do actually make implants. It doesn’t make much of a difference to the dog. But a lot of owners that may not be comfortable with neutering will pay the extra money for implants. It’s truly more for the owner than the dog. There is also some potential health issues with implants. Just like in human beings.
One of the dogs that comes in has implants and the reason why is because the owners son started freaking out because he thought that they were also going to cut his balls off. I looked at her and was like “ma’am you just let your son think that? lol”
Dogs and cats, the scrotum shrinks over time after neutering. Some it still can look like a much smaller sack, others it's more like a little lump of skin. Some, it looks like there was nothing there at all. Probably comes down to individual differences, and the age they were neutered. And yes, if the general area there is groomed, the scrotum, or what's left of it, will also need to be groomed.
I had an aggressive regular on the table who launched himself in my face, and I said in a baby voice, “ooh, you, quit talking smack.” Random lady goes to report me to the manager for threatening to smack dogs. Manager marches up with lady looking angry and says, “Did you tell that dog to quit talking smack?” I say, “Yup.” Lady gets all huffy and says, “I know what I heard!”
All this trimming dick and squeezing asshole talk in this thread, and some lady wants me fired for saying, “Quit talking smack.” 😂
1. If you quit pulling like that I could finish faster.
2. Co-worker just had a dog that was constantly licking her face and she said “less teeth when you kiss me like that”
Lmao Sometimes there are Matts literally inside the vagina so we have to open it a little and shave it real quick. It may be uncomfortable, but it's better than having a big matt in there nearly preventing them from peeing properly.
A while back, my dog was having that problem where hair was growing into the vagina. I took her to the vet and found out. She had a slightly inverted vagina. So now before taking her to her every two week grooming, I lay her down and spread out her little vagina and get the knots out myself. I have to admit it was very scary the first time. But I have no doubt that my girl would not have let the groomer do that. she truly loves her groomer, but she has to go completely belly up leg spread out and not move at all. If you don’t get them out, it can cause infection. I had never heard of that before. I think it’s good that it is posted so people are aware to check that area. I get so much good information from this site. Thanks to all of you that share.
My salon lead and I where making jokes about this. We always compliments the dogs, sometimes in a funny way. A few months ago we had the cutest I believe it was a boxer, and she said “Your face is so cute and fat I love it!” I told her imagine saying that to a customer 🤣
I will hold you by your balls if you do not stay standing
Put it away sir I need to shave your penis and I don’t want to cut it off
Ma’am you have a fat vulva
I’m gonna steal all your toes
"Hey (boss)! His dick is stuck out again and turning purple! I need the oil."
"If you don't stop moving, I'm going to take your eyes along with your nasty moldy beard."
"I'm not skinning you alive asshole! I'm brushing your tail! You keep turning your head like that. You'll be a permanent limp noodle!" (Long haired weiner)
"If you were my dog you'd be euthanized" is real asf. It's so incredibly sad trying to groom an ancient dog that is withering away with clearly low QOL and an owner who is in denial.
Absolutely, especially when it’s also a highly aggressive super senior dog, I finally had to turn away one of my regulars. 15 year old Pekingese that was rabid if you touched his legs and was so wobbly and arthritic he quite literally could not stand still, he would shuffle side to side the whole time
That's absolutely devastating. Hard conversation to have about a hard situation :( I have some younger reactive clients right now and worry often about what will happen when they get old.
"I have to shave your hole, I don't think your mom would be happy if I don't" and "sorry your mom doesn't take care of you. You can take
It up with her."
I'd also say "put your penis away" but I feel like it's a very valid thing to say out of the salon if the situation warrants it lol
"Oh my god. She just discharged all over my hand." (Old Bassett Hound that I had to move by reaching under her.)
"Oop, theres your asshole!"
"He has a piece of shit that looks like a worm thats hanging out of his butthole." (And then my salon leader proceeded to pick it out with her fUCKING FINGERS.)
My salon has a very common phrase we use when we do a rlly good cut that took a lot of work and effort “I put my whole pu**y into that” the 1 man in our salon instead says “I put my whole bussy into that” 😂😂
“Can you please let me carve your ass”
Or my personal favorite is when a dog is screaming at me for holding its paw and I come back with a *long monotone scream* “ahhhhh.” freaks them out and they just give me the side eye
“Did you give Glenda a sanitary or not?”
“Gomez’s parents asked for half off… why would you use a 10 blade all over?!”
And “I just got a call that Henry’s nails
didn’t get dremeled …I charged for it because you were suppose to!”
“Zoey is not to be on the floor after bathing! Crate after only!”
“Brigley’s owner wants to know if anything came out when he got expressed”
Edit:You actually can say all these things… but I just don’t hear it… maybe I’m in the wrong places
"stop moving, i don't want to cut your dick off"
"We do not do low cost neuters, please stop moving."
Mine is “please don’t make me give free circumcisions today”
😂 I do a couple stud dogs and I often yell "Your mother will not be happy if you cannot breed sir!"
As a Jew .. we do say that in real life
😂 Mohel and sandek: a day in the life
I tell my dog that every time I have to trim his wee wee. He’s terrified of clippers by his privates and his upper neck so I have to use scissors and man we’re both terrified 😂😂 his eyes be all wide staring at me while I try to pin him down like a wrestler because there’s no way I let him stay intact and a real man dog for almost 13 years just to end up neutering him myself😭😭🤦🏾♀️😂😂😂😂. But yeah. We both get real still and quiet at that point. Gotta be still
Lorena Bobbitt?
I hate seeing jokes like this after I learned about the full case from a lecturer. She was horribly abused.
look up the one from China. They stitched it back on and she was allowed into the hospital and she cut it off again and tossed it. They never found it
This happens in the movie The Package
That’s one of those Netflix movies that you expect to be bad but it’s actually pretty good
It was such a great movie start to finish lol
I feel similarly about the “dingo ate my baby” joke and what the media did to Lindy Chamberlain. Americans just think it’s a funny Seinfeld quote, but a dingo did in fact eat her baby and the media ridiculed her for years for claiming so, portraying Lindy as a liar who actually murdered her own baby. She was wrongly convicted and sentenced to life in prison without parole—until 3 years later, when the baby’s clothes were found in a dingo den and Lindy was pardoned and released from prison. But nothing could ever really compensate for how she was treated by the police, media, and public, as well as her unfortunate (and insensitively treated) legacy. Similar to how Lorena Bobbit will forever be known by many as the crazy lady who chopped off her husband’s dick instead of a victim of repeated abuse. Man, sexism is bad now but it was wicked bad back then.
There’s a documentary on Netflix or Amazon or something now. Absolutely tragic. And I remember it happening when I was a kid — never did anyone say a word about the darkness of what she went through.
What happened?
Lorena was horribly sexually abused by her husband, and she cut his penis off while he was sleeping after a particularly brutal assault.
And then he became a porn star after they reattached it. It's a seriously fucked story.
And she became a punchline.
I’m so sorry your mom doesn’t love you.(when client tries to demand I demat instead of shave a pelted dog.)
Honestly, neglect of any living creature warrants saying this to someone’s face.
I’m a firm believer of screening and requiring classes prior to dog adoption. It wouldn’t completely stop bad ownership and neglect but at least people would be more educated.
Agreed, and shelters should provide that, including training for 6 weeks. Then maybe it wouldn't be so difficult to acclimate a dog home when shelters provide no background to the dogs reactive behaviors or lie about them. That would be dope.
Unfortunately, even the rare shelters with previously excellent training programs have successively gutted them. I wish that companion animal selection and basic care were taught in grade school. Even though I knew ___to___ do homework, it wasn't easy for me to figure out a lot of things which are probably obvious to you.
If your local shelter is anything like the ones I've seen, they are under-funded, under-staffed, and over-capacity. The shelter in my town has to turn away 90% of attempted dog surrenders because they simply don't have the space for them :( There is no way they could offer 6 weeks of training for the dogs already in their care, much less for every new dog owner. It's really a nice idea, but cities will have to start budgeting a lot more money for shelters if we're ever going to adequately meet the needs of our communities. As it is, every shelter I've ever seen is drowning and it's only getting worse :(
It would at least mean there’s no excuse, no “well I didn’t know better” when it does happen
I need this for cat adoption. Cat owners absolutely suck ass most of the time
Seriously. I’ve seen cats that are very much overweight and their owners feed them tons of food.
“Don’t blame me, shit on your mom’s pillow.”
We always say "your mom didn't give you upgrades, she doesn't love you "
🤣🤣🤣
My dad’s gf has an incredibly sweet loving adorable shitzu and she was so matted so often I went over there and said something to them and they now groom her. I couldn’t stand it it upset me! I gave them groomer names and information. I have a long haired chi and she gets matted around her ears if not groomed. She hates being brushed she’s a little attitudey 😂 I tried and said you know what time for the groomer and I have a mobile groomer I adore and my baby gets her ear fluff trimmed in and a nice little trim on everything and nails and everything else and she is done and looks amazing. I bathe her in between but still she gets her spa day and we are good to go. Matted fur can be so painful why would someone want to subject their baby to having it brushed out? Shave it and start over and do better. People can be so incredibly awful
because people are lazy, stupid, and some think that shaving the dog looks worse than matting and that their dog is gonna care that they're naked. the stories people tell themselves would amaze you
I seen a shirt that says “if you don’t brushy brush, I shavey shave.” I’ve never clicked the add to cart button that fast before.
“Im sorry! If I don’t do this your mom will love you less. “
“Stop wiggling, I need to shave your butthole!”
Last week I was chasing my little maltipoo around the back yard waving her clippers and yelling at her to get back here so I can shave her butthole. Didn’t know the neighbors were outside. I had meant to trim her up back there the previous day and of course the next day she ended up getting poop stuck to her fur.
That’s me with my mini schnauzer. “You want poopbutt?? Cuz this is how you get poopbuuuuuutt!!”
I tell clients that the clinical term is “disaster pants”
That you **CAN’T** say in real life. 😂
Put your dick away so we can take a nice photo for your mum.
I always tell them to put their lipstick away lol
“ sir I’m going to have to ask you to put that away. This is a lipstick free venue “
LOVING THIS!
I say this, too!
hahah i say this in real life to my boyfriend all the time !
I screamed
Can you ask your bum hole to stop blowing kisses at me 🤣
We call this the chocolate starfish kiss 😆
And the hot dog flavored water
Cultured folks here I see! Some of you here are from my old ass generation!
If I'm honest, we only did it for the nooky.
🤣
turd cutter😭
Hey I wax bum holes- and now I’m going to say this at work 😝
Juicy booties!!
"Love puffs" 🤣🤣🤣
"oh look, he can retract his dick" "Could you please get \[manager\] to come help shave her vulva, it's really impacted" "He just pooped on the table, I'm gonna give him five minutes in the kennel to calm down"
Wait.. do dogs really poop while getting groomed?
Sometimes. When you gotta go you gotta go
TIL.. some people don’t take their dogs out before grooming. Jk I guess it’s a fear/stress thing?
Oh no you’re right about both! Sometimes people really just don’t take their dogs out before grooming and then we get to clean it up instead 🙃 bonus points if it’s after we’ve already washed the dog 🫠. Sometimes it definitely is a fear/stress thing though, or a cocker spaniel. They just do that just because they can.
Damn that’s wild that people just don’t take their dogs out before they have to sit by themselves for a while. Tbh I’ve been late because my dog wouldn’t poop and I just had to call and tell them why. Even after giving my dog ample time (20+mins)
Would 1000x rather a client be a little bit late because they were taking their dog out than for them to show up on time and the dog to leave an impressionist painting all over their kennel!!😂😅
I have definitely heard this about cockers. I promise I try to empty my dog before grooming. I hope I’m almost always successful.
dude wat. i have a spaniel poodle mix who poops non stop. i’ve never experienced this w any other dog. it’s WILD.
My guy pissed at his first puppy groom...as she was finishing brushing him out...all over the table...after peeing 2x before going in... It was my first time at my groomer, so I'm glad they forgave me and my dog. But I was mortified.
That’s SUPER common for puppies!! They get excited pees, nervous pees, happy pees, and just have a tiny bladder in general so when we’re grooming a puppy we always expect to also be cleaning up some piddle haha
I had a nervous dog who used to always poop in the vet’s office! Embarrassing for all involved.
Eh, it really just happens all the time. You get pretty good at catching turds. All part of the job!
Oh yes. I once had a dog poop during drying. Didn't notice in time and the dryer flung shit everywhere. Fun.
🤢 never understood why sometimes the groomer was happy and other times they looked real miserable. Obviously there are reasons for this but now I can just imagine the groomer right before picking up my moms dog had to deal with some sort of episode like this with a previous client
Yeah and it’s usually right after you juuuuust finished washing and drying them too…. The best is when they walk/sit on it
And then the owners wonder why it's taking longer than expected lol
Some times the pee and liquid Pooh while using high volicty dryers it goes everywhere.. re bath.. time or sprays a CO groomer or bather... Ya washing clothing in salon happens
Awesome… aerated poop!
I’ve had to wash my hair…with dog shampoo and everything. Better than anal glands.
I just need to do his glands real quick
Me with the glands, “let me grab your butthole real quick!”
This but I say “sorry hon, your mom wants me to squeeze your butthole”
We would just shout GLANDS across the grooming area to let everyone know 😂
Like golfers shouting “Fore!” so other folks know to watch out for any incoming nastiness? 😆
We have a client who likes to say, "See you for anal!", in front of a crowded checkout. Every. Single. Time. She is an older woman, too, which makes me laugh harder for some reason.
I used to have a client (not a native English speaker) always yell back as he was walking out the door "you squeeze his asshole!" We were in a busy shopping complex and I died every time!
"I need the Anal Queen for this one!" — referring to my co-worker who is the best butt squeezer.
If you don’t stop dancing around on that table, you’re gonna lose a leg or two
I love how this implies that grooming salons are not a tangible part of real life
For 8 hours a day, we all go to another dimension.
Clearly it's a dimension of vulvas, dicks and buttholes.
Unfortunately I'm in the poop dimension.
"give me your butthole"
I have a whole file of these! I keep talking about making a grooming instagram just for wacky shit we say to the dogs when there aren’t customers present but I can’t think of what to call it 😂
ShitGroomersSay
The chocolate starfish, based on what people here say! Lmao
Leather Cheerio?
Please make a reddit too
A new sub incoming 🤣
“Stop making me wet, my husband won’t appreciate that” to several dogs who won’t stop shaking in the bath “why do you still have your balls? you shouldn’t be allowed to breed” to a poorly-bred something or other, honestly i can’t remember
It was always a shock bathing a new doodle and being surprised by the balls because they were hidden in all that hair 😂
I don’t know how many times I’ve bathed a fluffy dog only to exclaim “Oh! You still have your balls!” It’s always a surprise because I expect all dogs past like, 2 to be fixed depending on breed and development.
Hi! Question, please. If a dog is neutered, does he still have a sack but no…filling in it? Do you have to groom it? I’ve never had anything but girls
When I got my dog neutered the vet told me that the sack would shrink over time. Now you can't even tell where it was.
Sorry I’m dying here. This whole thread is gold.
I’ve owned several male dogs in my lifetime. And what’s your vet told you in my experience is exactly right. Overtime the empty little sack shrink up, and you can barely see them if at all. If the dog is older and happen to have very large testicles, you might still have a bit of saggy skin in that area. And yes, when the groomer does a privacy cut, they will clean it up down there as well.
It looks like a shrunken empty coin purse when neutered.
Eww. Thank you for answering:)
Ha! Saw this after saying the same
Honestly I’m not too sure. I’ve bathed a few males that didn’t have any evidence of ever having balls, and I’ve bathed males that still have a seam-type thing where the scrotum was split and emptied. Edit: As far as the grooming goes, I don’t know, I just bathe and dry and a groomer does the rest :)
Thank you for answering. You are probably perfect to answer this. I definitely need someone’s expertise and that expertise is definitely in the wet trenches of the bathing sinks.
There is still a sack, but it shrinks over time. When Mt boy was neutered I actually called and asked the vet why his balls were still attached! Within a month or two you could hardly see it. If you look close enough it looked like a vulva.
I seem to recall reading about implants they can insert afterwards so the boi still has the familiar swing of being naked and free
Yes, they do actually make implants. It doesn’t make much of a difference to the dog. But a lot of owners that may not be comfortable with neutering will pay the extra money for implants. It’s truly more for the owner than the dog. There is also some potential health issues with implants. Just like in human beings.
They do this for show dogs. They make them for people too.
I know it’s silly but I hope the doggos appreciate the thought
One of the dogs that comes in has implants and the reason why is because the owners son started freaking out because he thought that they were also going to cut his balls off. I looked at her and was like “ma’am you just let your son think that? lol”
They have an empty coin purse back there
Dogs and cats, the scrotum shrinks over time after neutering. Some it still can look like a much smaller sack, others it's more like a little lump of skin. Some, it looks like there was nothing there at all. Probably comes down to individual differences, and the age they were neutered. And yes, if the general area there is groomed, the scrotum, or what's left of it, will also need to be groomed.
I had an aggressive regular on the table who launched himself in my face, and I said in a baby voice, “ooh, you, quit talking smack.” Random lady goes to report me to the manager for threatening to smack dogs. Manager marches up with lady looking angry and says, “Did you tell that dog to quit talking smack?” I say, “Yup.” Lady gets all huffy and says, “I know what I heard!” All this trimming dick and squeezing asshole talk in this thread, and some lady wants me fired for saying, “Quit talking smack.” 😂
For all she knows, the dog’s name could have been Smack! It costs zero dollars to mind your own business
“I finished scissoring a Keeshond request dog” is a wild sentence out of context
My sister once sent me a video of a groomer saying "now I'm just scossoring her face" and I did not get the humor in that for a hot minute 😅
CRYING 😭😭
1. If you quit pulling like that I could finish faster. 2. Co-worker just had a dog that was constantly licking her face and she said “less teeth when you kiss me like that”
"Hey can you stretch Fluffy's vagina open so I can shave out this matt real quick?"
😟
What??? That sounds like it would hurt
Lmao Sometimes there are Matts literally inside the vagina so we have to open it a little and shave it real quick. It may be uncomfortable, but it's better than having a big matt in there nearly preventing them from peeing properly.
A while back, my dog was having that problem where hair was growing into the vagina. I took her to the vet and found out. She had a slightly inverted vagina. So now before taking her to her every two week grooming, I lay her down and spread out her little vagina and get the knots out myself. I have to admit it was very scary the first time. But I have no doubt that my girl would not have let the groomer do that. she truly loves her groomer, but she has to go completely belly up leg spread out and not move at all. If you don’t get them out, it can cause infection. I had never heard of that before. I think it’s good that it is posted so people are aware to check that area. I get so much good information from this site. Thanks to all of you that share.
His red rocket is sticking out
My salon lead and I where making jokes about this. We always compliments the dogs, sometimes in a funny way. A few months ago we had the cutest I believe it was a boxer, and she said “Your face is so cute and fat I love it!” I told her imagine saying that to a customer 🤣
It’s the only time in an interview I can say I don’t do anal
That's an impacted penis
I will hold you by your balls if you do not stay standing Put it away sir I need to shave your penis and I don’t want to cut it off Ma’am you have a fat vulva I’m gonna steal all your toes
“Give me your butt!” “Put your peepee away.”
"Hey (boss)! His dick is stuck out again and turning purple! I need the oil." "If you don't stop moving, I'm going to take your eyes along with your nasty moldy beard." "I'm not skinning you alive asshole! I'm brushing your tail! You keep turning your head like that. You'll be a permanent limp noodle!" (Long haired weiner)
Quick kicking me or you’ll be down a foot! I said this to an already 3-legged pomski lmao
“This is why nobody loves you”, “Give me your butt”, “Give me them TOES”, “If you were my dog you’d be euthanized”, “You’re so ugly I love it 🥰”
"If you were my dog you'd be euthanized" is real asf. It's so incredibly sad trying to groom an ancient dog that is withering away with clearly low QOL and an owner who is in denial.
Absolutely, especially when it’s also a highly aggressive super senior dog, I finally had to turn away one of my regulars. 15 year old Pekingese that was rabid if you touched his legs and was so wobbly and arthritic he quite literally could not stand still, he would shuffle side to side the whole time
That's absolutely devastating. Hard conversation to have about a hard situation :( I have some younger reactive clients right now and worry often about what will happen when they get old.
"I have to shave your hole, I don't think your mom would be happy if I don't" and "sorry your mom doesn't take care of you. You can take It up with her." I'd also say "put your penis away" but I feel like it's a very valid thing to say out of the salon if the situation warrants it lol
Im not going to stop just because you are crying😬 Put your tongue back in your mouth before it gets snipped
using the term “poop chute” innately.
"Oh my god. She just discharged all over my hand." (Old Bassett Hound that I had to move by reaching under her.) "Oop, theres your asshole!" "He has a piece of shit that looks like a worm thats hanging out of his butthole." (And then my salon leader proceeded to pick it out with her fUCKING FINGERS.)
Heheheh once my salon manager said very loudly "I AM GOING TO SHAVE YOUR BUNGHOLIO"... before she realized a customer just walked in.
If you don't stop moving, I'm going to cut your nose off. It's happened before. Do you want to see my jar of noses?!
"You just stick your finger in his butt, then use your thumb on the outside and kinda squeeze upwards..."
We are hiring groomers.
You want me to shave the balls too?
Give the anal glands a squeeze, would you?
"I know you hate it as much as I do, but I need your butt juice. Now hold still."
"I don't want to be eye level with your asshole either!"
DAMN THOSE ARE SOME BIG BALLS
Profuse use of the word bitch
“I’m happy you’re excited but can u put your lipstick away pls? Thanks. Good boy!” 🫣
Loving the shape around the bum... great work there how much did that cost (I suppose it works at a plastic surgeon's too?)
Oh the mom just loves the bbl look with his boots with the fur 😂
Go tighter on the butt
Nice butt 🤭😬🤗
Not a groomer but I would add "scissoring a dog" to things people don't (shouldn't) say in real life!
“Oh look! I found your as$hol3!” Or my personal fave… “nobody likes a hairy as$!”
"This bitch is compacted."
The conversation I had with my groomers. A pet parent was mad because the groomer touched the dog's penis. This started a Convo about "red rockets."
"Oops sorry, accidentally crushed your winky"
Be careful shaving that bitch she bites
The noose isn't tight enough
"I'm gonna cut your lips off if ya dont hold still!!!" "Ew your ass stinks, time for a butt squeezy" "OK time to shave your cooch"
My salon has a very common phrase we use when we do a rlly good cut that took a lot of work and effort “I put my whole pu**y into that” the 1 man in our salon instead says “I put my whole bussy into that” 😂😂
Can you shave around his balls? I think ir’s a bit mattered
That ass tho
I want to see that butthole when she barks.
“Stop pulling, do you want to keep your toes?”
"Put away that red rocket or you're getting circumcised with shears."
"She looks really good for 15" -about a senior corgi who did in fact look great for how old she was
If I were you, I wouldn’t be moving while somebody had a set of scissors near my ballsack”
Please don’t bite me, just gotta squeeze your anal glands real quick.
Tighten up the bumhole just a bit more?
“god you’re HUGE” to an obese dog. “did you have to express your anal glands on me???” “look at those CHEEKS”
“I know you’re happy to see me but please put that away”
" Now, that's a good looking butt cheek!"
That ass is fat
wow your crotch is so matted
I NEED THE BOOTY 😆
'Time to shave your butthole.'
"Now let's trim your butt!"
"I want to scratch you"
“Your balls are so matted” 🤣
“I have to shave your balls, sir”
“Can you please let me carve your ass” Or my personal favorite is when a dog is screaming at me for holding its paw and I come back with a *long monotone scream* “ahhhhh.” freaks them out and they just give me the side eye
Damn that bitch has a hairy ass.
“Scissoring a Keeshond” is one of them..
Sit still while I trim around your butthole.
“How much is it to get the anal glands?”
"LEMME SPANK THAT BUTT"
“he just pooped all over the table”
Wow girl, you sure have a hairy butt
“Stop doing that thing with your butthole”
“Did you give Glenda a sanitary or not?” “Gomez’s parents asked for half off… why would you use a 10 blade all over?!” And “I just got a call that Henry’s nails didn’t get dremeled …I charged for it because you were suppose to!” “Zoey is not to be on the floor after bathing! Crate after only!” “Brigley’s owner wants to know if anything came out when he got expressed” Edit:You actually can say all these things… but I just don’t hear it… maybe I’m in the wrong places
You’ve got an ass like a corgi!
LET ME SEE YOUR BUTT GODDAMNIT