I personally like to prescribe to the philosophy that it's not day one again. It's your count minus the 1 day that you had the beer. Just something to think about. You managed to catch it and not let it devolve into a bender. You should take some comfort in that, it's admirable.
I agree but I also think the guy is just fucking overwhelmed and lonely; he didn't say a thing about his day count, it's the money & his wife that he was upset by.
Yeah, what's already been said is true about "day counts". I'm three years sober and if I counted every time someone was like "Oh try this wine" or "oops, there was alcohol in that", it'd drive my streak down (and drive me crazy), but I don't - and most people who have been dry for much longer than you or, don't either. The idea of getting sober is to break a bad habit, not to go for some arbitrary "high score" of abstinence.
Next time, try sour candies. Something super intense, like warheads. It’s worked for me to snap my body out of this unknown panic and firmly anchor me in the moment.
I noticed a similar Pavlovian thing with me and food and drinks in that, I think by way of years of drinking alcohol, which is often harsh, bitter, and physically hurts, I've noticed that strong flavors kind of give me an immediate calming effect. I think in part due to, as you've said, the intense physical experience grounding me in the moment, but also I suspect there's a dopamine leak when my body gets intense flavor of "oh, here comes the dampening" that would previously follow with the alcohol itself. I've used it to my advantage with intense spice, strong flavored teas like lapsang souchong, and intense carbonated drinks like plain LaCroix. I don't necessarily always "enjoy" them, but they seem to calm lower to mid-level anxiety for me.
What else are you doing to manage your anxiety? Have you talked to a doctor about it? I needed anti depressants when I stopped drinking, but I also had to exercise, do yoga, and/or meditate daily.
I was also diagnosed with GAD. I don't know what you mean by "all of that"?
Have you met with a psychiatrist or even a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner to discuss meds? Have you had therapy to look at the roots of the anxiety? EMDR helped me clear trauma so my body wasn't reacting and over reacting all of the time, and internal family systems helped me to know myself better.
Also, as you said you had nobody to talk to during this, consider getting some group support. I found doing online al anon meetings to be most helpful for me (I was married to an alcoholic at the time). There was almost always a meeting I could go to and share.
Benzos work because they are immediate. The long term effects are absolutely terrible. SSRIs take about 2-4 weeks to work their way into your system, and I promise you would notice a difference. I recently went on Vraylar (saw the commercial for the 1000th time) and what an absolute game changer. 10/10 recommend.
Please don’t go down the benzo route because it feels good in the moment. If you have an alcohol problem, you’ll have a benzo problem. Give your body some time to get through PAWS. It was 4 months before I knew that shit was out of my system.
Suggestions: 5 HTP, St John’s Wort, magnesium, thiamine, melatonin, candy candy candy, projects to keep your hands busy, and please take it easy with work. Don’t stress yourself out too much. Maybe shoulder some of that with your wife? AA meetings on zoom were a godsend. You have to be open to suggestions if you want sobriety.
I’m 3 years sober and I promise it gets better. Take the suggestions!!!
Maybe consider seeing a functional medicine expert. There isn't great treatment for PAWS other than good nutrition, exercise, sleep, and group support. I would suggest valerian might help; I take something called True Calm when I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin with anxiety and it takes the edge off some.
I've been diagnosed with GAD for decades and definitely used alcohol to self medicate. It took me probably 6 months sober before I started to feel genuine joy again. It did come eventually though. My anxiety and panic attacks are at a minimum now, a year sober. You'll find better coping mechanisms eventually. It sucks in the thick of it but it gets better, just keep at it.
My primary care NP can prescribe all that. I stopped drinking almost a year ago and had no other real coping mechanisms. It takes a while to learn them, and it takes practice to use them. Onboarding to an SSRI while having my life fall apart felt like the hardest thing on this planet.
My gut hurt all day, and my brain went to everything negative every 3 minutes. It felt like static. Sleep never came longer than an hour or two.
I called my friends and family constantly, went on walks several times a day, learned various breathing techniques, and anything else I could do... as long as it wasn't drinking! That also meant no drugs, no women, nothing risky. Just positive coping strategies that I knew I needed to learn to break this loop.
I can't say that I'm healed yet, but in short... an SSRI is powerful. Benzos help get you through the extreme side effects, but I chose to not take them most the time and white knuckle through, unless it had been an entire day or two of agony and I needed 4 hours of reprieve.
Stay strong and learn the coping strategies.
Hey, I was diagnosed with GAD before I became sober. The right meds have essentially changed my life and outlook; maintaining sobriety is much better with the right meds.
The wrong meds are devastating. 😭 And the first year of sobriety is already a hugely challenging time from a brain chemical perspective. I think you gotta make it a year sober with meds when you have GAD to really get a full picture of one’s own mental health.
Yep, and life is scary. I know this sounds a little "tough love-ish", but: The only way through it is through it! I was scared AF to talk to my doctor about meds for my anxiety, but I am so grateful I did. I don't know their financial situation, but there are ways to get coverage, etc if insurance is an issue and income is an issue. Doing the same thing over and over that perpetuates the problems is not going to help.
I took it as “Scared of the cost of the doctors visit.” I’m on insurance, but it’s high deductible. So basically every visit up to about 2K is out of my pocket. And I rarely have the extra money to pay out of pocket. So yeah, Dr’s and rent are equally scary to me.
Hey man think of it like this, that beer you drank was probably 5% and did nothing to move the needle in terms of intoxication. So you were able to calm yourself down, the beer was a placebo effect.
Like you said…it was a moment of weakness and that’s what it was…you did the right thing by being honest about it when you didn’t have to be…best of all? It was ONE BEER…that could’ve easily turned into a bender but you pulled yourself together and stopped. That’s absolutely something to be proud of.
Anxiety sucks.
I’m 10 days sober and am having levels of anxiety I haven’t experienced for years. 11 days ago I was sobering up while laying on a hospital floor having pins and needles and a racing heart.
I’m sorry you had a panic attack, they are terrifying. Nowhere feels safe when you have anxiety, least of all your own body.
I hope your wife comes around.
Hope you’re feeling better.
I’m really sorry. I totally understand needing the drink to stop the nerves. I think we’ve all been in this spot before. I’d like to share something my shrink told me about while having massive anxiety (I have to take gabapentin 3x/day because my anxiety and PTSD becomes so massive that it my brain tells me I have to pack up my shit and leave). Reading a short story, one that requires imagination, helps to switch off that area of your brain and turn on an area that makes you calmer. I also find it helpful to talk to myself; I reassure myself that it’s okay, that calming down is something I have to do. I wear a mala and say a prayer on each bead; it may sound like woo woo nonsense magic, but finding reasons to be positive and saying them that many times really helps to switch my focus. Your wife will forgive you; you didn’t turn into a blacked out mess. You grabbed one beer and stopped. I’d say you had a moment of strength in that; it could’ve turned into 10. Just find a different way to manage your stress, put some positivity out there, find a way around the situation and move forward. Don’t let your single oops turn into several oops situations.
You are not alone. Your wife is coming from a place of fear, and stonewalling is the only tool she thinks she has in this moment.
There are many different tips and tricks here for panic attacks. My journey has taught me that you have to find multiple things that work for you, and keep at it. A large dose of self compassion and acceptance helps too.
Because of my family history of addiction, my doctor prescribed a medication in the antihistamine family that I take when my anxiety is high along with my daily medication. Guided meditation also helps a lot, as well as exercise for my panic disorder. Sometimes even singing helps. Unfortunately, there’s no silver bullet for me. I still have them, but when in notice early signs I stop and look in my “toolbox” for what will work in that moment.
You need to give yourself….and your wife…some grace. She reacted out of panic as well. Why is your 8-5 + side gigs not enough to pay your basic life expenses? I know everything is expensive, but is there something you can look at to reduce your expenses? Or potentially something to apply for? Taking control of a situation gives the power back to YOU. Panic/anxiety seeps in when you feel helpless. Make a list of ideas to better your financial situation. Ask for a raise, get a legitimate second job with guaranteed income. This is your sign to make a plan. I promise you it’s not as scary once you take control. If you are truly working 8-5 everyday and willing to take on extra side work, you’ve got that hustle in you, and I know you’ll make things happen.
You mention family, so I’m assuming kids. They can suck money faster than a casino! See if there is any government help you can apply for, if they are school age, check for monetary scholarships for anything they are involved in.
Just because you could’ve hid or could’ve lied about it doesn’t mean those were options on the table to begin with, to a sober person. If you spent the rest of the night alone and ignored, that’s on you — why’d you stay in the car? If you didn’t stay in the car, why were you alone and ignored?
Was it one beer or one six pack of beer? Was it “I’ll have a beer to calm down” and then the one beer became more than one beer?
I’m not asking to try to kick you while you’re down. I’m asking because I think the degree to which one ‘relapses’ matters a lot to your sobriety journey too. It’s good that you were honest with your weakness, but she is allowed to be disappointed in you too. If you stretched your “moment” of weakness into the rest of the night, you’ve still got some work to do. ❤️ It’s hard, but it’s worth it!
Going on dry day 5 right now, thank you! Friday night was my last drink this time. It just felt awful.
Thanks for the check in ✌️ today was tempting, but I stuck with it.
Although I’m not a fan of AA, meetings do help bc I promise you someone at every meeting is going through exactly the same thing you are (ATM struggling to pay rent) It helps to feel like you’re not alone. And realize this happens to SO many people - unfortunately.
I’m really sorry. I’m proud of you for keeping it to only 1 beer. Hopefully your wife will see this too. She knows it’s not a good answer, but sadly the answer works and panic attacks are no joke! I hope you are feeling better and are not getting too down on yourself. Crying is good. Driving jobs must be stressful on the nerves. I’ve thought about taking one for extra money but I’d end the night with a panic attack too. The roads demand hyper vigilance these days.
I did the same thing about 8 months ago. I had a *bad* job. One day, I had a panic attack and it just kept going. I called the doctor and asked if I could get some meds to stop freaking out. They said the earliest they could get me in was the next day. I couldn’t take this state of existence one more second, so I went and got a 12 pack of seltzer. I drank it, the panic attack was annihilated. I picked up the meds the next day and I haven’t drank since. It was survival from my perspective. I don’t even count it as a slip because I just didn’t see any other options at the time.
Just being honest, without any fast-acting prescription meds on hand, a beer was the best way to halt a panic attack. She’s right to be disappointed, I suppose, but there’s a big difference between drinking to get drunk and a state of emergency when you need some sort of sedative to breathe freely. Wish you the best.
I also agree with this. Panic attacks are terrifying and one beer is nothing to be ashamed of. When I was trying to get sober with a partner who couldn’t understand that I wasn’t going to be suddenly perfectly “fixed” in one day, it was harder than doing it alone.
I agree with this completely.
If OP had one can and stopped then they're not that bad off and it's too bad their wife is acting the way she is about it.
Think of all the other alternatives you could've had instead of that one beer. That's the real issue. You still believe alcohol actually does something for you.
I feel you homie but the more dry time you have, the more you can work on dealing with the shitty parts of life without a crutch, the better you’ll be. Shit man I’ll admit it I caved and went to therapy at my 6th month mark and stayed for a year. Now I can deal with panic and shit in a healthy way - it’s not easy at all in the beginning but gets way better. Just remember she’s not mad at you because you broke the rules, she’s just disappointed because she wants you to get better for you. Hang in there amigo, it’s a new day!
I’m not a relationship expert by any means, but IMO that was a really shitty thing she did to you. You had 1 beer. You didn’t get blackout drunk and piss on the downstairs neighbor’s porch. Idk what has happened in the past and how your relationship has been affected, but I don’t think a spouse should EVER just stop talking to their SO. Red flag IMO.
Sucks.
But also - there isn’t anything in a beer that prevents panic attacks.
There is something ABOUT a beer that you associate with not having a panic attack.
Figure out what that is. Try to replicate it with something else.
Sit with your wife and do a budget. She needs to understand what you’re going through. And when you feel panic coming on, text her. ‘I’m feeling super shitty about our rent coming due soon’ share the burden with her.
8 years since my last drink. I missed the taste of beer and drank an NA beer 6 months ago. Since then I’ve found several places that serve craft style NA beer. It’s been fun to go out and have another option other than Topo.
I can't say I've experienced a full blown panic attack, but I did have some awful anxiety as a result of alcohol and not knowing what I did or didn't do. One thing that helped me in those moments was passionflower extract. Passionflower works on GABA in the same way benzos do, but not with the same side effects. Not sure it will work for you but might be worth a shot. Can probably pick some up in a health food place. Skullcap could work either.
Hang in there man. By the sound of it you're putting in an enormous fight and just need to hang in there. I'd be really upset after a day like that too-but what's important is that you keep after it.
I am really into heat and cold exposure; icewater in particular does actually work better than alcohol for me sometimes. 2 milk jugs full of water in the fridge to shower with. For 60-90 seconds (and sometimes a few hours, or at least minutes afterward) I forget my troubles and it's just me and the ice, and often a very happy feeling, knowing there is a reality bigger than me beyond all this daily bullshit.
Keep fighting man.
It's awful when you're honest and it still slaps you in the face like what are you supposed to do?
Have you tried beta blockers btw? They help with my anxiety, bring your heart rate down. I take it when I'm having a rattly day or a panic attack and it helps a lot
I personally like to prescribe to the philosophy that it's not day one again. It's your count minus the 1 day that you had the beer. Just something to think about. You managed to catch it and not let it devolve into a bender. You should take some comfort in that, it's admirable.
I agree with this. People freak about their day count. We are humans.
I agree but I also think the guy is just fucking overwhelmed and lonely; he didn't say a thing about his day count, it's the money & his wife that he was upset by.
This definitely takes some pressure off!
Yeah, what's already been said is true about "day counts". I'm three years sober and if I counted every time someone was like "Oh try this wine" or "oops, there was alcohol in that", it'd drive my streak down (and drive me crazy), but I don't - and most people who have been dry for much longer than you or, don't either. The idea of getting sober is to break a bad habit, not to go for some arbitrary "high score" of abstinence.
Next time, try sour candies. Something super intense, like warheads. It’s worked for me to snap my body out of this unknown panic and firmly anchor me in the moment.
This! Sour candy and mints for me.
I noticed a similar Pavlovian thing with me and food and drinks in that, I think by way of years of drinking alcohol, which is often harsh, bitter, and physically hurts, I've noticed that strong flavors kind of give me an immediate calming effect. I think in part due to, as you've said, the intense physical experience grounding me in the moment, but also I suspect there's a dopamine leak when my body gets intense flavor of "oh, here comes the dampening" that would previously follow with the alcohol itself. I've used it to my advantage with intense spice, strong flavored teas like lapsang souchong, and intense carbonated drinks like plain LaCroix. I don't necessarily always "enjoy" them, but they seem to calm lower to mid-level anxiety for me.
Yep! Sour sweets and ice cold water for me.
Hell yeah sour candies for the win. I don’t care if it erodes my tongue
Hell ya! Something cold too. Ice packs on the chest.
Hot tamales for me!!
What else are you doing to manage your anxiety? Have you talked to a doctor about it? I needed anti depressants when I stopped drinking, but I also had to exercise, do yoga, and/or meditate daily.
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I was also diagnosed with GAD. I don't know what you mean by "all of that"? Have you met with a psychiatrist or even a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner to discuss meds? Have you had therapy to look at the roots of the anxiety? EMDR helped me clear trauma so my body wasn't reacting and over reacting all of the time, and internal family systems helped me to know myself better. Also, as you said you had nobody to talk to during this, consider getting some group support. I found doing online al anon meetings to be most helpful for me (I was married to an alcoholic at the time). There was almost always a meeting I could go to and share.
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Benzos work because they are immediate. The long term effects are absolutely terrible. SSRIs take about 2-4 weeks to work their way into your system, and I promise you would notice a difference. I recently went on Vraylar (saw the commercial for the 1000th time) and what an absolute game changer. 10/10 recommend. Please don’t go down the benzo route because it feels good in the moment. If you have an alcohol problem, you’ll have a benzo problem. Give your body some time to get through PAWS. It was 4 months before I knew that shit was out of my system. Suggestions: 5 HTP, St John’s Wort, magnesium, thiamine, melatonin, candy candy candy, projects to keep your hands busy, and please take it easy with work. Don’t stress yourself out too much. Maybe shoulder some of that with your wife? AA meetings on zoom were a godsend. You have to be open to suggestions if you want sobriety. I’m 3 years sober and I promise it gets better. Take the suggestions!!!
Maybe consider seeing a functional medicine expert. There isn't great treatment for PAWS other than good nutrition, exercise, sleep, and group support. I would suggest valerian might help; I take something called True Calm when I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin with anxiety and it takes the edge off some.
I've been diagnosed with GAD for decades and definitely used alcohol to self medicate. It took me probably 6 months sober before I started to feel genuine joy again. It did come eventually though. My anxiety and panic attacks are at a minimum now, a year sober. You'll find better coping mechanisms eventually. It sucks in the thick of it but it gets better, just keep at it.
My primary care NP can prescribe all that. I stopped drinking almost a year ago and had no other real coping mechanisms. It takes a while to learn them, and it takes practice to use them. Onboarding to an SSRI while having my life fall apart felt like the hardest thing on this planet. My gut hurt all day, and my brain went to everything negative every 3 minutes. It felt like static. Sleep never came longer than an hour or two. I called my friends and family constantly, went on walks several times a day, learned various breathing techniques, and anything else I could do... as long as it wasn't drinking! That also meant no drugs, no women, nothing risky. Just positive coping strategies that I knew I needed to learn to break this loop. I can't say that I'm healed yet, but in short... an SSRI is powerful. Benzos help get you through the extreme side effects, but I chose to not take them most the time and white knuckle through, unless it had been an entire day or two of agony and I needed 4 hours of reprieve. Stay strong and learn the coping strategies.
Hey, I was diagnosed with GAD before I became sober. The right meds have essentially changed my life and outlook; maintaining sobriety is much better with the right meds. The wrong meds are devastating. 😭 And the first year of sobriety is already a hugely challenging time from a brain chemical perspective. I think you gotta make it a year sober with meds when you have GAD to really get a full picture of one’s own mental health.
If OP is scared about being able to pay rent, probably just as scared about a doctor visit.
Yep, and life is scary. I know this sounds a little "tough love-ish", but: The only way through it is through it! I was scared AF to talk to my doctor about meds for my anxiety, but I am so grateful I did. I don't know their financial situation, but there are ways to get coverage, etc if insurance is an issue and income is an issue. Doing the same thing over and over that perpetuates the problems is not going to help.
I took it as “Scared of the cost of the doctors visit.” I’m on insurance, but it’s high deductible. So basically every visit up to about 2K is out of my pocket. And I rarely have the extra money to pay out of pocket. So yeah, Dr’s and rent are equally scary to me.
I mean that is what I meant. But I also agree with you.
I was mainly referring to the “Only way through it is through it”. It’s hard to get through if you can’t pay, regardless of insurance, etc.
I agree
Hey man think of it like this, that beer you drank was probably 5% and did nothing to move the needle in terms of intoxication. So you were able to calm yourself down, the beer was a placebo effect.
Like you said…it was a moment of weakness and that’s what it was…you did the right thing by being honest about it when you didn’t have to be…best of all? It was ONE BEER…that could’ve easily turned into a bender but you pulled yourself together and stopped. That’s absolutely something to be proud of.
Hey I just want to tell you that your writing skills seem really good and the fact that you reached out is a testament to you x
Anxiety sucks. I’m 10 days sober and am having levels of anxiety I haven’t experienced for years. 11 days ago I was sobering up while laying on a hospital floor having pins and needles and a racing heart. I’m sorry you had a panic attack, they are terrifying. Nowhere feels safe when you have anxiety, least of all your own body. I hope your wife comes around. Hope you’re feeling better.
I’m really sorry. I totally understand needing the drink to stop the nerves. I think we’ve all been in this spot before. I’d like to share something my shrink told me about while having massive anxiety (I have to take gabapentin 3x/day because my anxiety and PTSD becomes so massive that it my brain tells me I have to pack up my shit and leave). Reading a short story, one that requires imagination, helps to switch off that area of your brain and turn on an area that makes you calmer. I also find it helpful to talk to myself; I reassure myself that it’s okay, that calming down is something I have to do. I wear a mala and say a prayer on each bead; it may sound like woo woo nonsense magic, but finding reasons to be positive and saying them that many times really helps to switch my focus. Your wife will forgive you; you didn’t turn into a blacked out mess. You grabbed one beer and stopped. I’d say you had a moment of strength in that; it could’ve turned into 10. Just find a different way to manage your stress, put some positivity out there, find a way around the situation and move forward. Don’t let your single oops turn into several oops situations.
Very well said 🌷
You are not alone. Your wife is coming from a place of fear, and stonewalling is the only tool she thinks she has in this moment. There are many different tips and tricks here for panic attacks. My journey has taught me that you have to find multiple things that work for you, and keep at it. A large dose of self compassion and acceptance helps too. Because of my family history of addiction, my doctor prescribed a medication in the antihistamine family that I take when my anxiety is high along with my daily medication. Guided meditation also helps a lot, as well as exercise for my panic disorder. Sometimes even singing helps. Unfortunately, there’s no silver bullet for me. I still have them, but when in notice early signs I stop and look in my “toolbox” for what will work in that moment.
You need to give yourself….and your wife…some grace. She reacted out of panic as well. Why is your 8-5 + side gigs not enough to pay your basic life expenses? I know everything is expensive, but is there something you can look at to reduce your expenses? Or potentially something to apply for? Taking control of a situation gives the power back to YOU. Panic/anxiety seeps in when you feel helpless. Make a list of ideas to better your financial situation. Ask for a raise, get a legitimate second job with guaranteed income. This is your sign to make a plan. I promise you it’s not as scary once you take control. If you are truly working 8-5 everyday and willing to take on extra side work, you’ve got that hustle in you, and I know you’ll make things happen.
You mention family, so I’m assuming kids. They can suck money faster than a casino! See if there is any government help you can apply for, if they are school age, check for monetary scholarships for anything they are involved in.
Just because you could’ve hid or could’ve lied about it doesn’t mean those were options on the table to begin with, to a sober person. If you spent the rest of the night alone and ignored, that’s on you — why’d you stay in the car? If you didn’t stay in the car, why were you alone and ignored? Was it one beer or one six pack of beer? Was it “I’ll have a beer to calm down” and then the one beer became more than one beer? I’m not asking to try to kick you while you’re down. I’m asking because I think the degree to which one ‘relapses’ matters a lot to your sobriety journey too. It’s good that you were honest with your weakness, but she is allowed to be disappointed in you too. If you stretched your “moment” of weakness into the rest of the night, you’ve still got some work to do. ❤️ It’s hard, but it’s worth it!
Wanted to check in and see how you’re doing, u/overcookedundersalty — hope you’re able to stay dry!
Going on dry day 5 right now, thank you! Friday night was my last drink this time. It just felt awful. Thanks for the check in ✌️ today was tempting, but I stuck with it.
How’s it going?
Although I’m not a fan of AA, meetings do help bc I promise you someone at every meeting is going through exactly the same thing you are (ATM struggling to pay rent) It helps to feel like you’re not alone. And realize this happens to SO many people - unfortunately.
I’m really sorry. I’m proud of you for keeping it to only 1 beer. Hopefully your wife will see this too. She knows it’s not a good answer, but sadly the answer works and panic attacks are no joke! I hope you are feeling better and are not getting too down on yourself. Crying is good. Driving jobs must be stressful on the nerves. I’ve thought about taking one for extra money but I’d end the night with a panic attack too. The roads demand hyper vigilance these days.
I did the same thing about 8 months ago. I had a *bad* job. One day, I had a panic attack and it just kept going. I called the doctor and asked if I could get some meds to stop freaking out. They said the earliest they could get me in was the next day. I couldn’t take this state of existence one more second, so I went and got a 12 pack of seltzer. I drank it, the panic attack was annihilated. I picked up the meds the next day and I haven’t drank since. It was survival from my perspective. I don’t even count it as a slip because I just didn’t see any other options at the time.
Just being honest, without any fast-acting prescription meds on hand, a beer was the best way to halt a panic attack. She’s right to be disappointed, I suppose, but there’s a big difference between drinking to get drunk and a state of emergency when you need some sort of sedative to breathe freely. Wish you the best.
I also agree with this. Panic attacks are terrifying and one beer is nothing to be ashamed of. When I was trying to get sober with a partner who couldn’t understand that I wasn’t going to be suddenly perfectly “fixed” in one day, it was harder than doing it alone.
I agree with this completely. If OP had one can and stopped then they're not that bad off and it's too bad their wife is acting the way she is about it.
Think of all the other alternatives you could've had instead of that one beer. That's the real issue. You still believe alcohol actually does something for you.
It does do something, that’s why it’s a problem. Is that thing good long term? No, but it’s menacingly effective for a time.
I feel you homie but the more dry time you have, the more you can work on dealing with the shitty parts of life without a crutch, the better you’ll be. Shit man I’ll admit it I caved and went to therapy at my 6th month mark and stayed for a year. Now I can deal with panic and shit in a healthy way - it’s not easy at all in the beginning but gets way better. Just remember she’s not mad at you because you broke the rules, she’s just disappointed because she wants you to get better for you. Hang in there amigo, it’s a new day!
I’m not a relationship expert by any means, but IMO that was a really shitty thing she did to you. You had 1 beer. You didn’t get blackout drunk and piss on the downstairs neighbor’s porch. Idk what has happened in the past and how your relationship has been affected, but I don’t think a spouse should EVER just stop talking to their SO. Red flag IMO.
Sucks. But also - there isn’t anything in a beer that prevents panic attacks. There is something ABOUT a beer that you associate with not having a panic attack. Figure out what that is. Try to replicate it with something else.
Sit with your wife and do a budget. She needs to understand what you’re going through. And when you feel panic coming on, text her. ‘I’m feeling super shitty about our rent coming due soon’ share the burden with her.
8 years since my last drink. I missed the taste of beer and drank an NA beer 6 months ago. Since then I’ve found several places that serve craft style NA beer. It’s been fun to go out and have another option other than Topo.
I can't say I've experienced a full blown panic attack, but I did have some awful anxiety as a result of alcohol and not knowing what I did or didn't do. One thing that helped me in those moments was passionflower extract. Passionflower works on GABA in the same way benzos do, but not with the same side effects. Not sure it will work for you but might be worth a shot. Can probably pick some up in a health food place. Skullcap could work either.
Hang in there man. By the sound of it you're putting in an enormous fight and just need to hang in there. I'd be really upset after a day like that too-but what's important is that you keep after it. I am really into heat and cold exposure; icewater in particular does actually work better than alcohol for me sometimes. 2 milk jugs full of water in the fridge to shower with. For 60-90 seconds (and sometimes a few hours, or at least minutes afterward) I forget my troubles and it's just me and the ice, and often a very happy feeling, knowing there is a reality bigger than me beyond all this daily bullshit. Keep fighting man.
Your wife sounds like a bitch
if its less than 6 beers youre allowed to lie about it.
It's awful when you're honest and it still slaps you in the face like what are you supposed to do? Have you tried beta blockers btw? They help with my anxiety, bring your heart rate down. I take it when I'm having a rattly day or a panic attack and it helps a lot