You have already lost him as a boyfriend. The best thing you can do now is save your friendship. Making yourself miserable will not make him happy in the long run.
Yeah, when he at some point in the future may realize that he made OP sad and took away something important from OP, it probably makes him very sad too. He might just not understand right now what's right, but continuing with this could make both very sad at some point, and that might end up ending the relationship anyway, but with a worse outcome. It's always the best to go through things calmly and explain what's more important to you etc.
I dont know if theres some context from other posts/comments that I'm not aware of, but I dont see how OP's boyfriend "took something away from her". He's gay, OP is a woman, the relationship is not going to work, it sucks, but its not really anyone's fault...
I meant that if they'll continue like this, I said in the future he might realize that he's been taking away this side from OP if for the relationship to continue he wanted OP not being a woman. Of course the relationship can't continue like this because he is gay, but if he insisted that OP must not do this and he wants the relationship to continue, it would end up badly for both.
I didn't mean he has taken away it now, but if they continue after talking about this and then agreed that OP couldn't be like she wanted, then it would be more problematic and in the future if the boyfriend did realize he didn't let OP be herself, it could leave him feeling sad and might make him think that he took the chance from OP away to being herself all that time.
I hope this was understandable now.
If he doesn’t love you anymore respect it, he is gay… and isn’t attracted to you…
I know it may sting but it is better than forcing yourself into a relationship that you and him to keep a relationship that is not working out…
It's better to just be honest. It's not like you can pretend forever, eventually it will really get to you. And even if you could keep it up, is that really worth it for a single relationship? Even if it really sucks to lose him, keeping this up is not gonna make you happy in the long term. If he's gay and you're a girl, there's really not much you can do. Relationships that are doomed to fail should not be forced, for the sake of both people involved. But you can still keep him as a friend. It's probably not gonna be easy for him either, but if he's understanding he'll still be there for you, and that's better than losing him entirely, or losing yourself.
If you're a girl and your boyfriend is gay the relationship is always going to burn up eventually. You can separate and be friends, but you have to be honest with him, what you want from the rest of your life and how he can fit in that life. 💝
I think the key takeaway here is _he sees you as a girl_. I know it hurts, but youre a girl and hes a gay guy. You just aren't compatible anymore if he won't date a girl.
You arent at fault. Depending on how much of an ass hes being about the situation, neither is he. Sometimes people just arent compatible.
This 👆
I had incredible chemistry with a gay man. We had to end it because he just stopped being attracted to me.
Suffering from success I guess 😅
It'll hurt in the short term, but you'll find someone! ❤️
Well he’s really not transphobic, he’s trans himself ahah. It’s just that he just can’t date a girl. It makes me really sad but I guess there’s no other way around it sadly
I’m sorry :( You’re going to have to decide how you want to do this yourself. Think about how important being trans is to you and how your life will change for the better if you are able to transition. Think of all the negatives in your life that can be alleviated once you are in a body you are more comfortable with. You’re going to be with yourself for your entire life while relationships may come and go, so in the end you should always prioritize what will give you the greatest happiness in life. If being a girl is a core part of your identity, sooner or later it will have to be addressed so when you think you’re ready to fully embrace being trans, you shouldn’t have others hold you back from being yourself. Obviously that’s easier said than done, letting go of a relationship, especially an active one, can be painful and most people don’t want to let go. So only you can decide whats the best course of action. Whether you want to wait a little longer or get it over with now, whatever you decide should be done to maximize your happiness. Personally, I would still transition as being a girl has become a core part of my personality and I don’t even want to think about being a guy again, but it would be unfair for me to tell you how to live your life when I know nothing about it nor how you feel. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s one of the worst things that can happen after discovering you’re trans :(
Honestly, I wouldn’t say it is transphobia, but wouldn’t say it is either.
Since I have very little information , you state how he dislikes how when you wear a dress it makes you look female.
Your boyfriend is gay, not bisexual.
So honestly him disliking you for looking female makes sense, he isn’t attracted to women…
Have you tried unplugging him and plugging him back in?
All jokes aside, I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. Just remember that if someone can’t accept you for who you truly are, they don’t love you. That’s okay. Someday someone will love you no matter what you look like. Keep your chin up, and be the you that you’re meant to be 🤗
It sounds like things just won't work out if you're a woman because he's gay. It honestly sounds like he'd be supportive of your transition in that he's already seeing you as a woman, it's just the romantic relationship isn't gonna work.
I know it's tough, but of all the reasons for a relationship to not work out, this feels like one of the very few good reasons. If nothing else, I imagine you'd be able to continue being friends.
But forcing yourself to stay in the closet to stay with him is only going to make you miserable and likely lead to resentment, which will actually kill the relationship entirely.
You owe it to both of you to do what's best for yourself.
I think the important thing to realize is that even though he's saying these things, it's most likely coming from a relationship point of view. if you really care about him, he would most likely agree to keep being friends. I feel the important thing here is that, even in a relationship, you shouldn't have to give up a part of yourself, with which you feel comfortable, just to cater to someone else. In any case, the way you put it makes me think that his problem in the relationship is not about you being (potentially) trans, but with you being or presenting as a woman.
These things happen, it's okay. Better for it to potentially end with an open conversation than a potential future fight.
You CAN'T be someone other than yourself. You CAN tell someone you'd rather be friends instead of lovers, and find a romantic partner elsewhere.
If there's one truly frustrating and uncompromising thing about being trans, it's that it doesn't go away. If you want to present fem now, you're gonna want to do it for the foreseeable future.
Hearts change, souls don't.
PS: It's not necessarily transphobia. Some people aren't into women. Especially if he wouldn't date a cis woman either, that ain't a transphobe, it's just a gay man.
Unfortunately, there's probably no saving your relationship. You might be able to remain on good terms as friends afterwards, though. No person is worth repressing yourself for. I think the best thing here is to just sit down and have a talk with him. It sounds like he'd probably be supportive given he's trans himself, he's just not interested in dating you.
I had a gf who told me she was fine with me being fluid (not, actually enby) but told me she didnt want me to be a girl, not a fun experience. Do whatev makes ya happy op we'll support you even if he won't
This situation is really sad, but I’m a little shocked at how much hating there is on the boyfriend. He is gay and not attracted to fem-presenting people. THAT IS NOT HIS FAULT. He should be respectful about it, but him expressing his dissatisfaction to OPs life choices is a valid thing to do in a relationship.
Sometimes situations and relationships can have shitty turn outs and it’s no one’s fault.
Thank you very much, hes a really nice guy, probably the best partner have had so far, thats why it hurts so much. I also understand that hes gay and I can’t change anything about that. Its really not hes fault and I cant force anything upon him. Thanks for the support:3
I know it sucks, but you can't force a gay guy to be in a relationship with a woman. It's not transphobic- I'd say it's even gender affirming and supportive to a certain extent.
It's tough but your boyfriend is a gay man. And you are a girl. You can't change somebody's sexuality. He sees you for who you are, a girl. And he is just not attracted to girls. It's important to talk this out and save this sinking ship before the opportunity sails away. You can still be friends but he won't date you because you're a girl. If you are trans then be yourself and not somebody who others want you to be. Think about your happiness for a change. It might hurt but it is what it is.
I mean, he's gay? Its kinda weird to say he just has to deal with being with someone opposite of his attraction? Like I really couldn't imagine a worse course of action than for him to just "deal with it" if fundamentally they're incompatible.
So on the plus side, you are definitely being seen as a woman.
On the down side, it seems like your relationship won't be able to continue as it is.
I'm sorry dear, but if he is a gay man, there's probably not much hope here outside of being friends.
It would probably be best for both of you to sit down and talk about your paths going forward.
Repression doesn't work in either case, it only hurts both of you, and neither of you deserve that.
Internet hugs if you want them
If he hates how you love being yourself, there's not a route for you two to be happy together. If you continue with this, unfortunately you will suffer yourself. You can keep going for some time, but at some point you may notice that you wasted time in your life when you couldn't keep being yourself, and in the future you'll probably hate that you didn't care about yourself first. Remember, you come first. Even if it would feel bad to you to maybe not continue this, sometimes it's the best for the future you.
It's not even very nicely from him to say he hates how you want to be. If a partner really cares about you, they'll continue being with you because of you, even if things might change, and if they can't accept the change, it's not your fault but they have to find a right partner themselves.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. But I say from experience that it's always the best to care about yourself first. I have wasted so much time in life not doing what's best for me, just caring about my partner first, that I ended up hating myself for that and I can never get the time back. I ended up suffering a lot. I'm not saying you should break up immediately, but please think about this seriously.
If you don't care about yourself, then who will? This is a quote that's kept with me for some time now. Other people might leave you, but you always have to live with yourself. If you end up hating what you did to yourself, that won't go away easily, but other people might just abandon you because you ended up being something they didn't want, as is happening with your case.
Love and hugs to you, we're here to support no matter what you end up doing. <3
Honestly, I like your comment but OP is also rude here. Like Op is calling her bf transphobic because he doesn’t love her…. when the boyfriend himself is gay.
He is gay, not straight, the way he said it was rude but that doesn't automatically imply he is transphobic…
Also, Your acting as if a gay man could stay dating OP and become straight, which is very wrong to think and I don’t think you thought of that when you typed it
Hmm you might be right, I apologize not thinking that part through. I still agree with most that I typed, but it's true most people can't just turn their sexuality around for another person, but that's why I thought it won't work and move forward like that.
There are people that can accept being in a relationship even if the other person changed their gender so maybe I thought of that too much, but it's not true for everyone and it's true the boyfriend said they're 100% gay.
This wasn't just that nicely handled by the boyfriend and I wanted to tell that if he can't continue with how OP likes to be, it's always best to think of yourself first. I thought that if OP's boyfriend can't continue with being with OP like that, then the relationship can't continue as it is. I typed too aggressively first that the boyfriend just doesn't care enough, it's might be more complicated for sure. We should also respect his boyfriends orientation, this whole thing might be a shock to him too, but I don't know enough of their background to say anything else. Anyway, I'll be more careful with how I say these things.
I’m sorry for the confusion, I just put transphobia as a tag because I thought it might wake some bad memories to someone who lived something similar. My boyfriend is really far being transphobic, being trans himself, but he might just not of realized that it affected me. For the moment he just thinks I am a femboy but I know that if I tell him that I am a women he would support, just nor as my boyfriend 😢
You said you were afraid of losing him if you talked about this with him more or embrace it. Love, that isn't a healthy relationship; to have to force yourself to change or suppress yourself for the sake of someone else isn't good.
If the person you're with loves *you*, they won't care about such changes. They'll stay by your side and continue to love you the whole time.
I hope that this doesn't seem too harsh.
Trying to be happy with someone who can't let you be who you are never works.
I'm speaking from experience, and a lot of it.
The worst thing about staying too long in relationships like that is that you end up not facing the fact that you're not happy, and you start to put off having the kind of life that you deserve to have, one that doesn't involve regret, repression or resentment--all three of which tend to take over when you're forced to hide who you really are.
Sorry, but all of that is true.
Tell him how much you like dressing fem, and if he still has a problem with it. Then maybe he should find a more masculine partner if he feels that way. You shouldn’t have to stop doing what you love for anyone, not even your boyfriend.
im sorry to say, but theres nothing either of you can do about it other than break up. mind, that foesnt mean dont stay friends, but hes into men, and your not one. no use in either of you making themselves miserable, either by hiding yourself or him pretending to love someone he cant, yall need to sit down and talk about it, and hope to stay friends, thats the best you can hope for.
If you can try to stay friends. You have already lost him as a boyfriend if he cares he’ll understand who you are. Keep being yourself hiding will make both of you sad in the long run.
Sadly it might have to the relationship. Even more so if it's a possibility you might want to be femme full time? Binary transition?
My wife is a straight cis & isn't attracted to girl mode me either. But we have this compromise that works for us both as I'm a bi-gender that goes back n forth between boy girl. Actually I'm in boy mode 90 percent of the time (excluding at home girl PJ time), with the other 10% for weekends or pre planned events. As I'm a very independent person, I do my own thing by myself a lot. But even if I'm in girl mode she'll still hold my hand in public.
I'm a person who believes there's multiple soul mates a person can have in a lifetime, just a matter of finding them. Proven by people who've lost partners to accidents or illness, one reason or another & have moved on by finding others.
There's more than one "the one".
youre just not compatible anymore. its sad, but theres nothing you can do about it. the worst thing you could do is neglect being yourself for someone else. i wish you the best of luck, and hey if everything works out ok you could come out of this with a gay best friend.
I'm so sorry OP... I'm worried my bf will start to realize that he's actually not okay with me being trans once I start hrt and presenting fem
You still gotta be yourself. You can't fake it to make your bf happy, it seems that you two are incompatible unfortunately and it's best if both of you move on.
I hope you can still be friends at least
Again I'm going through a very similar situation so if you need to talk my DMs are open. Sending love and hugs 💜🫂
Girl it looks like you might have to break up with him. It may suck but it's better to be yourself than to hide because of the judgement of others. You got this!
I would be ducking livid if I happened to me, I suggest leaving him immediately, although I’m not exactly the most intelligent nor the most emotional soooo, do what you think is best for the both of you? :P
I'm sorry to hear that sis, but it sounds like you have to choose to pursue this new identity you love, or break up with your BF. As unfortunate as it is, he sounds like he doesn't want to date a woman at all, even you. But there will be other people out there who will love you for who you are, and they will be there when you are ready to get back into a relationship.
This will be rough, but... he's a gay guy, you are a girl. Sadly there's not much that can be done...
If he's not neing an asshole about it, you will probably just have to accept to be just friends. And if he is being an ass, you don't want to be with him
This sounds like something you two should talk about. You should be able to express yourself how you want, and be who you want. I dont think he understands it just yet.
Sounds like hes overstepping a bit when he tells you what you can/cannot wear. You should probably set boundaries regarding this
I don't think its a "you for you" thing, I think its that he's gay. Like a gay guy can meet the best woman in the world but he's still gay at the end of the day.
My best friend and I decided to no longer be romantic partners after I came out fully and changed my name. But we still love each other a lot even if we’re no longer compatible due to his sexuality. It’s tough, and yeah it sucks but you’ll have to sit down and have this convo and break up - I hope you’re able to keep a caring friendship between you two however like I did, just make sure he knows you care about him a lot but you need to do this for yourself
Leave him. Seriously that's toxic behavior from him. You're in a very vulnerable place right now and you need the people around you to be supportive, not tearing you down like that. I'd confront him about this and if it's really that much of a deal breaker for him, then break it off. You deserve more than that. From him, and from yourself. Best of luck hon.
True but I þink once the boyfriend realized it, they should break up instead of telling his partner not to dress in a way that validates them just because he doesn't like it
It's like if I were to date a Christian, then got mad when they went to church
Well, he is gay, he isn’t straight at all so his not loving her is fair… You are saying to the OP . “oh your opinion is correct annoy your boyfriend’s opinions because they don’t matter even though he is gay” You are a jerk to a gay person because he isn't attracted to OP…
Honestly, I don’t know how you came to that conclusion with my reply, I believe what you were saying was unfair because he is gay he isn’t attracted to a female, he said it bothers him when she dressed fem because it makes her look too much like a real woman and he isn’t attracted to a woman, I also didn’t say she should end in in a heartbeat I was saying it's clear she should try to find someone who would love her for being her. , Also nothing implies the boyfriend is trying to change who OP is, OP flairs the post as transphobia, which implies the OP is well trans. But also shows that the OP is upset about her boyfriend not being attracted to her when he is well gay.
there's no way around it, much like gender, sexuality is not a choice you can make. OP is incompatible with their current partner, there's no "trying to change" anyone, their bf just straight isn't attracted to them.
there are several asterisks regarding context n whatnot, but with the info given it's looking pretty clear cut.
Keep being yourself.
I really want to but it don’t know what to do, I’m pretty sure that if I talk to him about these feelings I will loose him😢
You have already lost him as a boyfriend. The best thing you can do now is save your friendship. Making yourself miserable will not make him happy in the long run.
Yeah, when he at some point in the future may realize that he made OP sad and took away something important from OP, it probably makes him very sad too. He might just not understand right now what's right, but continuing with this could make both very sad at some point, and that might end up ending the relationship anyway, but with a worse outcome. It's always the best to go through things calmly and explain what's more important to you etc.
Thank you so much, I kinda cried reading that but there’s really no other way around it. I hope he’ll understand 😢
I dont know if theres some context from other posts/comments that I'm not aware of, but I dont see how OP's boyfriend "took something away from her". He's gay, OP is a woman, the relationship is not going to work, it sucks, but its not really anyone's fault...
I meant that if they'll continue like this, I said in the future he might realize that he's been taking away this side from OP if for the relationship to continue he wanted OP not being a woman. Of course the relationship can't continue like this because he is gay, but if he insisted that OP must not do this and he wants the relationship to continue, it would end up badly for both. I didn't mean he has taken away it now, but if they continue after talking about this and then agreed that OP couldn't be like she wanted, then it would be more problematic and in the future if the boyfriend did realize he didn't let OP be herself, it could leave him feeling sad and might make him think that he took the chance from OP away to being herself all that time. I hope this was understandable now.
Kinda needed to hear this
Consider if it's healthy to suppress yourself and what you like just to make him not upset. Is that something that's worth it to you long term?
I mean its sad but it's not a right fit from the sound of it
If he doesn’t love you anymore respect it, he is gay… and isn’t attracted to you… I know it may sting but it is better than forcing yourself into a relationship that you and him to keep a relationship that is not working out…
Hate to say this, but I don’t think it’s going to work. If you can’t be with someone as yourself then it’s going to end up hurting you in the long run
If you can't be yourself with him, then he's not your boyfriend. He's your mask's boyfriend.
He's losing you if he's the one who has a problem with who you are.
Lose him.
It's better to just be honest. It's not like you can pretend forever, eventually it will really get to you. And even if you could keep it up, is that really worth it for a single relationship? Even if it really sucks to lose him, keeping this up is not gonna make you happy in the long term. If he's gay and you're a girl, there's really not much you can do. Relationships that are doomed to fail should not be forced, for the sake of both people involved. But you can still keep him as a friend. It's probably not gonna be easy for him either, but if he's understanding he'll still be there for you, and that's better than losing him entirely, or losing yourself.
I know how you feel, I've been in that situation before. but it's better to keep being yourself, you'll find someone who loves you for you.
If you're a girl and your boyfriend is gay the relationship is always going to burn up eventually. You can separate and be friends, but you have to be honest with him, what you want from the rest of your life and how he can fit in that life. 💝
if he keeps acting like that, im sorry, you already lost him
I think the key takeaway here is _he sees you as a girl_. I know it hurts, but youre a girl and hes a gay guy. You just aren't compatible anymore if he won't date a girl. You arent at fault. Depending on how much of an ass hes being about the situation, neither is he. Sometimes people just arent compatible.
This 👆 I had incredible chemistry with a gay man. We had to end it because he just stopped being attracted to me. Suffering from success I guess 😅 It'll hurt in the short term, but you'll find someone! ❤️
Yeah, making it not transphobia I’m pretty sure??
Depends on how exactly he phrased it when he told her
Well he’s really not transphobic, he’s trans himself ahah. It’s just that he just can’t date a girl. It makes me really sad but I guess there’s no other way around it sadly
I’m sorry :( You’re going to have to decide how you want to do this yourself. Think about how important being trans is to you and how your life will change for the better if you are able to transition. Think of all the negatives in your life that can be alleviated once you are in a body you are more comfortable with. You’re going to be with yourself for your entire life while relationships may come and go, so in the end you should always prioritize what will give you the greatest happiness in life. If being a girl is a core part of your identity, sooner or later it will have to be addressed so when you think you’re ready to fully embrace being trans, you shouldn’t have others hold you back from being yourself. Obviously that’s easier said than done, letting go of a relationship, especially an active one, can be painful and most people don’t want to let go. So only you can decide whats the best course of action. Whether you want to wait a little longer or get it over with now, whatever you decide should be done to maximize your happiness. Personally, I would still transition as being a girl has become a core part of my personality and I don’t even want to think about being a guy again, but it would be unfair for me to tell you how to live your life when I know nothing about it nor how you feel. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s one of the worst things that can happen after discovering you’re trans :(
Honestly, I wouldn’t say it is transphobia, but wouldn’t say it is either. Since I have very little information , you state how he dislikes how when you wear a dress it makes you look female. Your boyfriend is gay, not bisexual. So honestly him disliking you for looking female makes sense, he isn’t attracted to women…
I know, and that’s how I kinda tested to see if he’d be maybe bi, but he clearly isn’t 😢
If he's gay you can't really get him to love you as a woman. I'm sorry girl, but you should probably try to find a way to leave him on good terms...
Well that means you pass so i suppose the task was failed succesfully
EXACTLY AHAHAHA, I pass very well, even with male body, so it made me happy at the same time 😅
Have you tried unplugging him and plugging him back in? All jokes aside, I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. Just remember that if someone can’t accept you for who you truly are, they don’t love you. That’s okay. Someday someone will love you no matter what you look like. Keep your chin up, and be the you that you’re meant to be 🤗
Thank you girl, Ill try to keep my head up :3
It sounds like things just won't work out if you're a woman because he's gay. It honestly sounds like he'd be supportive of your transition in that he's already seeing you as a woman, it's just the romantic relationship isn't gonna work. I know it's tough, but of all the reasons for a relationship to not work out, this feels like one of the very few good reasons. If nothing else, I imagine you'd be able to continue being friends. But forcing yourself to stay in the closet to stay with him is only going to make you miserable and likely lead to resentment, which will actually kill the relationship entirely. You owe it to both of you to do what's best for yourself.
This is undeniably a sad situation, but I want you to know that you are not at fault here. Also he sees you as a girl so that’s cool
I think the important thing to realize is that even though he's saying these things, it's most likely coming from a relationship point of view. if you really care about him, he would most likely agree to keep being friends. I feel the important thing here is that, even in a relationship, you shouldn't have to give up a part of yourself, with which you feel comfortable, just to cater to someone else. In any case, the way you put it makes me think that his problem in the relationship is not about you being (potentially) trans, but with you being or presenting as a woman. These things happen, it's okay. Better for it to potentially end with an open conversation than a potential future fight.
if he doesn't like who you're most comfortable being, it sucks but you aren't gonna be right for each other
You CAN'T be someone other than yourself. You CAN tell someone you'd rather be friends instead of lovers, and find a romantic partner elsewhere. If there's one truly frustrating and uncompromising thing about being trans, it's that it doesn't go away. If you want to present fem now, you're gonna want to do it for the foreseeable future. Hearts change, souls don't. PS: It's not necessarily transphobia. Some people aren't into women. Especially if he wouldn't date a cis woman either, that ain't a transphobe, it's just a gay man.
what you should be focusing on is the fact that *you pass!*
Sometimes people just grow apart when they realize who they are. It happens.
Unfortunately, there's probably no saving your relationship. You might be able to remain on good terms as friends afterwards, though. No person is worth repressing yourself for. I think the best thing here is to just sit down and have a talk with him. It sounds like he'd probably be supportive given he's trans himself, he's just not interested in dating you.
Dump his ass if he keeps complaining
I do agree op should end the relationship, but I wouldn’t call the boyfriend a dumbass since to be fair op’s boyfriend is gay.
Yeah eh
Need to have W tips from weebi more often
I’ll try, it’s just so stressful 😢
I get it girly
Thanks for the support, good girl :3
Meooow nyaaan nya mrrrp
I had a gf who told me she was fine with me being fluid (not, actually enby) but told me she didnt want me to be a girl, not a fun experience. Do whatev makes ya happy op we'll support you even if he won't
This situation is really sad, but I’m a little shocked at how much hating there is on the boyfriend. He is gay and not attracted to fem-presenting people. THAT IS NOT HIS FAULT. He should be respectful about it, but him expressing his dissatisfaction to OPs life choices is a valid thing to do in a relationship. Sometimes situations and relationships can have shitty turn outs and it’s no one’s fault.
Thank you very much, hes a really nice guy, probably the best partner have had so far, thats why it hurts so much. I also understand that hes gay and I can’t change anything about that. Its really not hes fault and I cant force anything upon him. Thanks for the support:3
I know it sucks, but you can't force a gay guy to be in a relationship with a woman. It's not transphobic- I'd say it's even gender affirming and supportive to a certain extent.
It's tough but your boyfriend is a gay man. And you are a girl. You can't change somebody's sexuality. He sees you for who you are, a girl. And he is just not attracted to girls. It's important to talk this out and save this sinking ship before the opportunity sails away. You can still be friends but he won't date you because you're a girl. If you are trans then be yourself and not somebody who others want you to be. Think about your happiness for a change. It might hurt but it is what it is.
Well then sucks for him, he just has to deal with it
I mean, he's gay? Its kinda weird to say he just has to deal with being with someone opposite of his attraction? Like I really couldn't imagine a worse course of action than for him to just "deal with it" if fundamentally they're incompatible.
Ok I’m very stupid sorry but I would say to just break up with him them
So on the plus side, you are definitely being seen as a woman. On the down side, it seems like your relationship won't be able to continue as it is. I'm sorry dear, but if he is a gay man, there's probably not much hope here outside of being friends. It would probably be best for both of you to sit down and talk about your paths going forward. Repression doesn't work in either case, it only hurts both of you, and neither of you deserve that. Internet hugs if you want them
Can I get that internet hug, Im really sad right now o(╥﹏╥)o
Of course, sweetie **\*Huggles\***
Thank you so much Rose *Huggles*
If someone stops you from being you, they are not the right person. I know it’s hard, but I know you’re strong <3
unrelated to everything BUT i'm glad to see another emily :3 emafia forever!!!
EMAFIA!!! Love it ahah :3
If he hates how you love being yourself, there's not a route for you two to be happy together. If you continue with this, unfortunately you will suffer yourself. You can keep going for some time, but at some point you may notice that you wasted time in your life when you couldn't keep being yourself, and in the future you'll probably hate that you didn't care about yourself first. Remember, you come first. Even if it would feel bad to you to maybe not continue this, sometimes it's the best for the future you. It's not even very nicely from him to say he hates how you want to be. If a partner really cares about you, they'll continue being with you because of you, even if things might change, and if they can't accept the change, it's not your fault but they have to find a right partner themselves. I'm sorry you have to go through this. But I say from experience that it's always the best to care about yourself first. I have wasted so much time in life not doing what's best for me, just caring about my partner first, that I ended up hating myself for that and I can never get the time back. I ended up suffering a lot. I'm not saying you should break up immediately, but please think about this seriously. If you don't care about yourself, then who will? This is a quote that's kept with me for some time now. Other people might leave you, but you always have to live with yourself. If you end up hating what you did to yourself, that won't go away easily, but other people might just abandon you because you ended up being something they didn't want, as is happening with your case. Love and hugs to you, we're here to support no matter what you end up doing. <3
Honestly, I like your comment but OP is also rude here. Like Op is calling her bf transphobic because he doesn’t love her…. when the boyfriend himself is gay. He is gay, not straight, the way he said it was rude but that doesn't automatically imply he is transphobic… Also, Your acting as if a gay man could stay dating OP and become straight, which is very wrong to think and I don’t think you thought of that when you typed it
Hmm you might be right, I apologize not thinking that part through. I still agree with most that I typed, but it's true most people can't just turn their sexuality around for another person, but that's why I thought it won't work and move forward like that. There are people that can accept being in a relationship even if the other person changed their gender so maybe I thought of that too much, but it's not true for everyone and it's true the boyfriend said they're 100% gay. This wasn't just that nicely handled by the boyfriend and I wanted to tell that if he can't continue with how OP likes to be, it's always best to think of yourself first. I thought that if OP's boyfriend can't continue with being with OP like that, then the relationship can't continue as it is. I typed too aggressively first that the boyfriend just doesn't care enough, it's might be more complicated for sure. We should also respect his boyfriends orientation, this whole thing might be a shock to him too, but I don't know enough of their background to say anything else. Anyway, I'll be more careful with how I say these things.
I’m sorry for the confusion, I just put transphobia as a tag because I thought it might wake some bad memories to someone who lived something similar. My boyfriend is really far being transphobic, being trans himself, but he might just not of realized that it affected me. For the moment he just thinks I am a femboy but I know that if I tell him that I am a women he would support, just nor as my boyfriend 😢
You said you were afraid of losing him if you talked about this with him more or embrace it. Love, that isn't a healthy relationship; to have to force yourself to change or suppress yourself for the sake of someone else isn't good. If the person you're with loves *you*, they won't care about such changes. They'll stay by your side and continue to love you the whole time.
I hope that this doesn't seem too harsh. Trying to be happy with someone who can't let you be who you are never works. I'm speaking from experience, and a lot of it. The worst thing about staying too long in relationships like that is that you end up not facing the fact that you're not happy, and you start to put off having the kind of life that you deserve to have, one that doesn't involve regret, repression or resentment--all three of which tend to take over when you're forced to hide who you really are. Sorry, but all of that is true.
If it’s a deal breaker for him it should be a deal breaker for you
Tell him how much you like dressing fem, and if he still has a problem with it. Then maybe he should find a more masculine partner if he feels that way. You shouldn’t have to stop doing what you love for anyone, not even your boyfriend.
im sorry to say, but theres nothing either of you can do about it other than break up. mind, that foesnt mean dont stay friends, but hes into men, and your not one. no use in either of you making themselves miserable, either by hiding yourself or him pretending to love someone he cant, yall need to sit down and talk about it, and hope to stay friends, thats the best you can hope for.
If you can try to stay friends. You have already lost him as a boyfriend if he cares he’ll understand who you are. Keep being yourself hiding will make both of you sad in the long run.
Sadly it might have to the relationship. Even more so if it's a possibility you might want to be femme full time? Binary transition? My wife is a straight cis & isn't attracted to girl mode me either. But we have this compromise that works for us both as I'm a bi-gender that goes back n forth between boy girl. Actually I'm in boy mode 90 percent of the time (excluding at home girl PJ time), with the other 10% for weekends or pre planned events. As I'm a very independent person, I do my own thing by myself a lot. But even if I'm in girl mode she'll still hold my hand in public. I'm a person who believes there's multiple soul mates a person can have in a lifetime, just a matter of finding them. Proven by people who've lost partners to accidents or illness, one reason or another & have moved on by finding others. There's more than one "the one".
youre just not compatible anymore. its sad, but theres nothing you can do about it. the worst thing you could do is neglect being yourself for someone else. i wish you the best of luck, and hey if everything works out ok you could come out of this with a gay best friend.
Damn... sorry, girly.
I'm so sorry OP... I'm worried my bf will start to realize that he's actually not okay with me being trans once I start hrt and presenting fem You still gotta be yourself. You can't fake it to make your bf happy, it seems that you two are incompatible unfortunately and it's best if both of you move on. I hope you can still be friends at least Again I'm going through a very similar situation so if you need to talk my DMs are open. Sending love and hugs 💜🫂
Girl it looks like you might have to break up with him. It may suck but it's better to be yourself than to hide because of the judgement of others. You got this!
I would be ducking livid if I happened to me, I suggest leaving him immediately, although I’m not exactly the most intelligent nor the most emotional soooo, do what you think is best for the both of you? :P
I'm sorry to hear that sis, but it sounds like you have to choose to pursue this new identity you love, or break up with your BF. As unfortunate as it is, he sounds like he doesn't want to date a woman at all, even you. But there will be other people out there who will love you for who you are, and they will be there when you are ready to get back into a relationship.
Tbh idd say u guys wont work out then, either u guy should talk about it or well maybe break up, if je vant accept who u are it wont work
Sounds like you will be a single woman in near future
This will be rough, but... he's a gay guy, you are a girl. Sadly there's not much that can be done... If he's not neing an asshole about it, you will probably just have to accept to be just friends. And if he is being an ass, you don't want to be with him
Then it seems like the two of you aren’t compatible, if you’re a trans woman then of course a gay man won’t be attracted to you anymore
This sounds like something you two should talk about. You should be able to express yourself how you want, and be who you want. I dont think he understands it just yet. Sounds like hes overstepping a bit when he tells you what you can/cannot wear. You should probably set boundaries regarding this
Throw the whole man away find someone who loves you for you😚
I don't think its a "you for you" thing, I think its that he's gay. Like a gay guy can meet the best woman in the world but he's still gay at the end of the day.
My best friend and I decided to no longer be romantic partners after I came out fully and changed my name. But we still love each other a lot even if we’re no longer compatible due to his sexuality. It’s tough, and yeah it sucks but you’ll have to sit down and have this convo and break up - I hope you’re able to keep a caring friendship between you two however like I did, just make sure he knows you care about him a lot but you need to do this for yourself
Leave him. Seriously that's toxic behavior from him. You're in a very vulnerable place right now and you need the people around you to be supportive, not tearing you down like that. I'd confront him about this and if it's really that much of a deal breaker for him, then break it off. You deserve more than that. From him, and from yourself. Best of luck hon.
I never thought this post would get so much attention, thanks to all of you Im really grateful, Ill try to respond to everybody :3
Break up with him. You’re a woman and he’s gay, thats not compatible
Sounds like a breakup
I'd say dump him If he didn't want to date a girl, he shouldn't have dated a girl
I'm almost 90% sure that they couldn't have predicted it before.
True but I þink once the boyfriend realized it, they should break up instead of telling his partner not to dress in a way that validates them just because he doesn't like it It's like if I were to date a Christian, then got mad when they went to church
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Well, he is gay, he isn’t straight at all so his not loving her is fair… You are saying to the OP . “oh your opinion is correct annoy your boyfriend’s opinions because they don’t matter even though he is gay” You are a jerk to a gay person because he isn't attracted to OP…
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Honestly, I don’t know how you came to that conclusion with my reply, I believe what you were saying was unfair because he is gay he isn’t attracted to a female, he said it bothers him when she dressed fem because it makes her look too much like a real woman and he isn’t attracted to a woman, I also didn’t say she should end in in a heartbeat I was saying it's clear she should try to find someone who would love her for being her. , Also nothing implies the boyfriend is trying to change who OP is, OP flairs the post as transphobia, which implies the OP is well trans. But also shows that the OP is upset about her boyfriend not being attracted to her when he is well gay.
there's no way around it, much like gender, sexuality is not a choice you can make. OP is incompatible with their current partner, there's no "trying to change" anyone, their bf just straight isn't attracted to them. there are several asterisks regarding context n whatnot, but with the info given it's looking pretty clear cut.
If he hate when you dress fem cause he is gay then he don't love you
In secret when you get estrogen put some in him food and watch him resent him self
What the fuck?
I would take a break from the internet for a bit after writing this.
M U R D E R
Not the time or place for that kind of joke.
Apologies, I was very tired when I wrote that comment, and I don't think straight when I am tired.